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Should You Hire Friends For Your Wedding? | Episode 12
15 Plays1 month ago
Planning a wedding comes with big decisions… and one of the trickiest? Deciding whether to hire your friends as your vendors.
In this episode of Behind “I Do,” we’re diving into the real pros, cons, and hidden risks of mixing friendship with business on your wedding day. From DJs who double as weekend club performers to photographers who are also guests, we’ve seen it all—and we’re breaking it down so you can make the best decision for your day.
We cover:
- Why couples choose to hire friends (and when it actually works)
- The biggest red flags to watch for 🚩
- How blurred boundaries can create stress (and how to avoid it)
- Contracts, communication, and setting expectations early
- When it’s better to have your friend as a guest instead of a vendor
- Real stories from weddings where things went right… and very wrong
Hiring a friend can be amazing—but only if it’s handled the right way. This episode gives you the tools to protect your wedding, your investment, and your relationships.
🎧 Whether you're a bride, groom, vendor, or just love weddings—this is your backstage pass to what really happens behind “I Do.”
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'Behind I Do' Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Planning a wedding comes with timelines, trends, expectations, and a whole lot that couples never see coming. We're two wedding planners pulling back the curtain on what really happens behind I do. Each week on Behind I Do, we bring you real talk about real weddings, timelines, trends, the wins, and the what-ifs.
00:00:16
Speaker
From the smooth as silk celebrations to the did-that-actually-just-happen moments, we're sharing the stories, lessons, and insider knowledge that help couples plan with confidence and maybe even laugh along the way.
00:00:27
Speaker
Whether you're a bridegroom vendor or wedding lover at heart, this is your backstage pass to the world of weddings told candidly, graciously, and with the expertise only seasoned planners
Mixing Business and Friendship in Weddings
00:00:37
Speaker
can offer. Grab your coffee, your planning binder, and your confetti and join us behind I do. Okay, here we are.
00:00:44
Speaker
Here we are. Episode 12, mixing business and friendship. The risk of hiring friends as your vendors. One of our favorite yes hot topics is when we're meeting with our couples for the first time and we're going through their initial call and we're like, who did you hire for or have you hired ex-benders?
00:01:05
Speaker
They're like, one of our best friends is a DJ. We always panic a little bit inside. My heart always drops a little. Or maybe...
00:01:17
Speaker
Maybe not drops. Maybe it skyrockets my blood pressure. Just a slight panic. Or we have friends that are florists. Or we hear it all the time. And it's not always bad. Yes, it's not always bad. But it's not always good. It raises some concerns for us on the planning side, and it's definitely something we like to talk through with people and really make sure they understand what they got themselves into. We understand what type of vendor to expect. um Because we have everything from we're hiring our friend as a DJ and then we find out he's like one of our top recommended DJ friends. Yeah. And it's we're like, oh, yay. That's great. Or we're hiring our friend as a DJ and he's like a club DJ. And yeah, he DJs for Dirty Little Roddies on the weekend. You're like, OK. The dance party is going to be great. However, emceeing part is going to be very stressful. You know how to talk on a microphone. Yes. In a way that you want. So those are always questions that we have. it kind of just puts some red flags up that we want to make sure we walk through before we wedding day. So we wanted to talk about that today. Yeah. We'll just kind of dive through. I mean...
00:02:29
Speaker
Obviously, i think a lot of our couples and they like want to hire a friend. I mean, there's obviously good reasoning. It's like, you know, they trust them. They know them. They have a relationship with them. It already feels like comfortable. So like we get that or it could be like a budget constraint. So like because, you know, they can't afford like a super expensive photographer, but their friend does it and does a pretty good job and is going to do it for like a discount or whatever or a favor to their wedding. You know, I mean, I think those are like common reasons or like even like they really want to support their friend's business. And like that's like we totally understand all of those reasons, like they're valid reasons. There just can be a lot of like hidden risks within their And I think that's where it's like diving through those just to make sure, like Ali said, you're kind of aware of it and like think through it and just kind of have those like tough conversations with them in the beginning and make sure everything's like...
00:03:23
Speaker
out in the open, I think it can work. Totally can work. Just setting those expectations because I think it's easy to kind of assume a lot with friendships.
00:03:33
Speaker
And even, i feel like we did this with our poor officiant who's like one of our best friends. And I feel like it was like four weeks before the wedding and he was like, are we going to meet and like What am I supposed to do? and it's your wedding. Oh, yeah. with Yeah, my own wedding. Because I was like, oh, he's... I don't know. He'll figure it out. He'll figure it out. Or you just kind of assume that everything's going to work out, or I do as a person in general. Again, B-type. Very B-type. So I feel like that can happen really easily. And obviously with an officiant, it was a little easier to course correct four weeks prior. But if it's a florist and they haven't put in their wholesale like order for your flowers, right and you're now four weeks from the wedding, like you
00:04:11
Speaker
You're making all these changes or
Professionalism and Boundaries
00:04:13
Speaker
assumptions. Totally, yeah. Like, your budget probably isn't going to be, like, where it was supposed to be because now all these florals are so expensive. So there's just things that you want to be able to do before. Right. Yeah.
00:04:25
Speaker
So, yeah, I mean, some other, of like, the hidden risks, I think, that's, again, kind of like those blurred boundaries of, like... you know friend versus being professional. And I think it's hard because we've had people in our lives who have hired us that we've known, I mean, outside of our business. And so again, we under we appreciate all the reasons why they hired us, but there is that like, you have to like From our standpoint, you have to like treat them just like another couple. Obviously, there's going to be it's going to be slightly different, but like your professionalism should be the same, yeah in our opinion. It's like you are still a business. like You want to like work with your friend, but that's there should still have that... like
00:05:04
Speaker
boundary because I think too like Ali can attest to we both have had friends or people like like acquaintances that have hired us and that boundary has been blurred and it just like which is fine but it's just also like I mean we did so much like it almost was like again that expectation like that there wasn't a clear expectation it was like we just were doing so much for so little and it's Not that we regret doing it for that person, but I think that's just like having those clear expectations. You know, I'm a professional. This is how I do things.
00:05:40
Speaker
And not just like having like, again, those blurred boundaries of like, what are, what are you going to do for me? what are you not going to do for me? Just like lay it out there. Yeah. And like starting it off on the right foot with like a contract and still do the inquiry call, even though I know how you got engaged. Yeah.
00:05:57
Speaker
And I know that you've booked all these people because we're friends, obviously. And you've told me like in outside of work lines, like in your, in our lives. But I think it's good to hold everyone to the same standard, make sure everyone has the same, you know, we put everyone on aisle planner, we organize everyone that way. I even was thinking it's like best. We have a business line, like texting everything to the business line. If it's wedding related and then texting to my personal number, if it's personal, just to help kind of keep it clear.
00:06:27
Speaker
Yeah, I agree. um And just like, again, kind of like we said, having those hard conversations, because i think sometimes when it is your friend, you kind of do avoid some of those hard conversations just because you don't want to like offend your friend or whatever. But I think...
00:06:43
Speaker
As also as like the couple, like you should have those same conversations with your friend or as you would like any other vendor because you want to make sure that everything that you're like hiring these vendors for is going to get executed exactly how you want it. So like avoiding those um hard conversations is honestly only going like make it harder. Yeah. So it's like you in the long run. Right. But it can be kind of weird when you have this like passive like.
00:07:08
Speaker
you know like Or their you know your friend that you've hired to be your DJ or photographer or whatever isn't like meeting your expectations leading up to or like they haven't reached out and you haven't like you don't really know what's going on. You're just going to start getting frustrated, which is then going to cause more stress for the day of and then tension between you guys. So it's like just really trying to communicate as much as possible just like you would with any of your other vendors I think is important.
00:07:33
Speaker
But, I mean, again, there is that fear of, like, you don't want to like, ruffle feathers with your friend. Yeah, or ask too much. or I always feel like people say, like like, sorry to bother you. And it's like, no, you're not bothering me. Like, this is my job. This is what you hired me for. You can always reach out. Don't ever feel like...
00:07:50
Speaker
Which that, okay, it's total tangent, but if any, like, vendor makes you feel like you're bugging them, like, get rid of them. Like, that, like, when our brides ever say it to me, I'm like, absolutely not. Like, yeah even if I'm not, like, your full plan, I mean, granted, there's a line here, let's be clear on that, but I never want our brides to be like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for, like, reaching and asking you a question. It's like...
00:08:11
Speaker
Or like sometimes even brides on like Sundays, like I know you should, I don't want to make you work on a Sunday, but I just had a quick question. Like that to is twenty four so absolutely ridiculous. And on vacation, the same thing. theyre Like I know you got a town. It's like, I appreciate that you're so sweet and respectful because some people aren't, but we're always available and we're always working. like Especially as your planner, I feel like it should be someone that you feel safe going to all the time, no matter what time or day it is. Granted, I mean, like I said, there should be boundaries. And if you know your planner's on vacation, give them grace and be like, okay, like... Respond to this when you get back. Yeah, like I just wanted to send this out because it's in my brain. But like, I don't know, any vendor that makes you feel but you should be sorry for reaching out.
00:08:52
Speaker
I just, that bothers me. Anyway, sorry. Another thing that we kind of run into a lot, I think with this like friender line is expecting more for less. And...
00:09:04
Speaker
Kind of like booking your lowest package, but hoping you get but hi yeah high end deal. Or hoping that they'll give you a discount because they're your friend. It's just it's just kind of awkward. And i think from a vendor standpoint, it is awkward because, like like again, we've had people in our outside life hire us and it is awkward. Like you want to give them A discount, but at the same time, it's like I also hope that people who know us outside of wedding planning know that we are, so like, really good at what we do. So they – like, they should want to pay us for what, like, we're worth. You know what i mean? So it's like a – it's awkward. It is so awkward. And it's a hard line because i see both sides. Like, you know, we do have best friends that are vendors too. And it's like, yeah, I'd love to get that photography service for free. Totally. Like, yeah.
00:09:52
Speaker
But then at the same time, you want also want to pay them because you know that they're the best at what they do. And so you're also like so happy to just pay
Balancing Friendship and Professionalism
00:10:02
Speaker
for it. So i think it's hard. i think it's this is where it's like pain, like in your contract, like in your very beginning and you start with that like payment discussion, like especially is there what's a clear.
00:10:15
Speaker
Like, do you want full payment? Is there something you'd want to like maybe trade for? Like if you guys were both vendors or like as the vendor, yeah, like, yeah, would you be willing to services or, you know, but I think a couple, like you shouldn't go in expecting a discount.
00:10:29
Speaker
Yeah, I think it sets it off on a really awkward. Yeah, yeah. I mean, i yeah. And I think, too, it's hard, too, because I feel like then if your vendor friend chooses to not give you a discount, like, I don't feel like you should be upset about it. However, on the flip side of that, then I think you should maybe then consider looking at two to three other vendors in that area and, like, just look at price point and be like,
00:10:49
Speaker
You know, I mean, I don't think that's unfair, but I mean, yeah, it's just a hard, like I said, I see both sides. I understand we've given people a discounts. I mean, that was pre when we had a business coach, but because we've been told discounts are bad, but, you know, we still do it. Like, so I get like, and I think, too, it also depends on who it is.
00:11:11
Speaker
Like sometimes, you know, there's like. Family or something that it's like, obviously, we're going to work a little more or we usually throw our decor in for free because it's like an easier thing that you can use any of our decor. And that's kind of makes it a little easier. But yeah, just really have those.
00:11:28
Speaker
We had a lot of card conversations early. And I think, too, a little bit of a tangent, but also, like, there's a point in your planning where maybe before you interview them or even at that point where you're like, do I want them at my wedding as a friend or do I want them at my wedding as a vendor? Because it's hard to do both. And I think that's like an important distinction.
00:11:49
Speaker
And potentially, if you get to this point where you're like, well, they're not really giving me a discount. Like, I also like so-and-so's work and they're $2,000 cheaper. Like, it actually maybe be more fun to have them and have my friend photographer just be at the wedding and like get to be present at a wedding for the summer. Yeah. So I think, too, there's room for all of it. And like we've been guests at weddings and it's so fun and we're so grateful that we just got to be a guest. Yeah. And we didn't have to. Which I'd rather. You know, do it all. Or like even we had a ah a couple that did like they had one photographer that was like a friend, like photographer like photograph, I can't talk. They're like rehearsal dinner.
00:12:31
Speaker
Like so they still were like using them like their services and getting photos from. them But then on the wedding day, they hired, like like I always said, another photographer that they liked so that their friend could actually be present and not be working at the wedding. So there are some fun things, ways to kind of incorporate them. Or we've even had some where that same friend like then isn't the main photographer for the day, but brought her phone, brought her camera and got some like candids or like, you know, still did things. So i think there's some ways to kind of. Marry the two together. Yeah. So it's not like all or nothing. And yeah don't feel like that awkward. Like, well, I didn't hire you. Yeah.
00:13:04
Speaker
um Because that can be kind of weird, too. So, yeah. And I think, I don't know. Again, things that can make it kind of weird is just like if things do kind of go wrong.
00:13:16
Speaker
it's like between you and this said friender is like, it's, it is more personal because you know them so well and it's going to make personal life awkward. So like, let's say like they're late on delivering your photos or, you know, they were your florist, but they like didn't bring, you know, the boutonnieres because there was that miscommunication like, or something like it's going to feel a lot more, going to have more impact on you. I feel like because you have that personal connection. And then like the next time you see them after your wedding, it's like,
00:13:46
Speaker
There's going to that you won't forget. Yeah. Like you're like like it's just going to be awkward. So, i mean, that's just things to like, again, think about and having that like lingering, you know, resentment now with this friend and it could affect your friendship and.
00:14:00
Speaker
So again, I mean, they don't all go bad like that, but I just think those are things to like really think about. Again, kind of, I think, and making sure you're doing all these things can kind of having this conversations before can help eliminate some of that. But again, those are just things that can go wrong that we've seen go wrong.
00:14:17
Speaker
And, you know, you just should be aware of it, I suppose. Yeah. Some of our, and like we said, kind of at the beginning, we mostly see it with DJs. Like sometimes it um is like a lack of like a DJ having enough equipment or like the confidence of a DJ to like speak throughout your event. And we've had to step in and speak and be the MC for the night, which gives us anxiety. Yeah.
00:14:44
Speaker
and then And it just leads to like a weird, ah like for your guests, because they're like, oh Like, was that like what what went wrong? Right. Or if their equipment like fails and like it's like glitching out.
00:14:59
Speaker
and just happened. They haven't. Yeah. They didn't practice with it because it's just your friend. And like they just have these like microphones that they use. They went and rented speakers from somewhere. and or I mean, the other big thing we see a lot, too, is they then like because they're your friend, they're drinking, which again, that could be a whole other tangent. Like we are very pro like against drinking at a wedding like.
00:15:20
Speaker
i I mean, there's been one, I will admit, but it was like a good friend of a friend and they would not leave me alone. And it was end of night like took one shot with them. But it's like, we are very like hardcore. Like we do not drink like some, like if the police get called or something happens, like we have to be. Responsible, like sober people that knew what happened the entire night. Right. And can can account for your property and your belongings at the end of the night when you guys have left and right left your $2,000 wedding dress at the venue. Which has happened. We are in charge that. have to make sure getting it to you. Which, again, I mean, some of that pressure that we have on us isn't every vendor doesn't have, which we totally understand that. Like, the DJ and the photographer and the florist, like, they're not in charge of all of that. so we understand that. But I just think, again, that...
00:16:06
Speaker
Blurring that line of like professional versus like friend. And if they're drinking again, like the things that you've committed to or like agreed to with each other and then your DJ friend starts drinking and then things get missed or like, you know, and then as a vendor, it's hard because then you're trying to communicate and like make sure all these things are happening. But your DJ's had five drinks and you're just like,
00:16:30
Speaker
you know So it can maybe not necessarily cause issues that the couple sees, but it can like cause issues with like your vendors who are kind of getting frustrated because your DJ is hammered. Yeah. Or you can't find your photographer because she's at the bar talking to Aunt Susie and you're like, no, like I need you over here so we can get this candid moment or whatever it is. yeah And this goes back to kind of like, do you want them at your wedding as a guest or do you want them at your wedding as a vendor? And like kind of drawing that line in the sand or like making it super clear. um Kind of like Jane said, like if it's a photographer, that's a friend, like maybe they're shooting the ceremony because like that was super important to you. But like after that, you're just like, i don't really care about the shots for this tonight. Let's have her second shooter. take over and then she can like drink and dance and eat dinner with us and have fun. So like there's ways to divide it. Or like, I think it's really nice if you can, if you want to, like Jane said, support someone's business, involve them in your wedding, like hiring them for like,
00:17:28
Speaker
tasks that aren't like specifically at the wedding. So they could make all your signage or your, they could make your wedding cake and bring it to the wedding. Like that's great. They can, then they can drink and have as much fun as they want. Like your wedding cakes done. Yeah. So using them for hair and makeup or just something that's earlier in the day yeah that doesn't impact the actual, I guess, flow of events and yeah all of your, like Jen said, like if, if you wanted to have a first dance with your dad and like your DJ gets so busy,
00:17:57
Speaker
Like, and he forgets that. Like, you can never get that back. Yeah. It's true. So making sure you, like, use it yeah sparingly and figure out a good game plan going into it.
00:18:09
Speaker
Yeah. so I mean, I think all in all, when it can work, it can be, like I said, we've, I mean, we've had experiences where it's a good experience. It's not all. over Yeah. It's not all negative. But again, it's like both parties are treating it like a true, like, business transaction. Like, yes, we are friends. But, like.
00:18:26
Speaker
You know, we have clear contracts and expectation. Like this is our contract. Like Ali said, like we go through the same process of this is how I book my clients and just like really communicating and just like.
00:18:37
Speaker
You know, you can still have that friendship and those communication styles you guys have, but just really making it clear that this is like a business thing. This is professional. You know, we can still have conversations outside of like our planning conversations. But like when we're talking about your shot list or the songs you want to play at your wedding like that, we need to try to be as like professional as possible. I think that.
00:18:59
Speaker
really makes it work a lot easier Yeah. yeah and having dozenated times to plan or to meet with people yeah that aren't like oh yeah we're going to see our dja this weekend ah with this concert you know yeah the concert we're going to on saturday night so we'll ask him about it then or and we like back to the efficient thing i think that is probably the most common Friend. Friend, which truly that I mean, we recommend that like that is like the vendor that should know you the best. Yeah, that should know you the best and makes the ceremony just feel very like safe. And so like that one that vendor usually is like a family friend or.
00:19:34
Speaker
family or whatever. So, but just like, again, they'll be like, yeah, we're all having like family dinner at a restaurant. We'll kind of chit chat. And it's like, I always am like, no, you need to call grandpa Ted and like actually sit down just the three of you, like an old pen. Yes. And actually go through like what you want and like stay focused and just get through it and then go out to family dinner or whatever it is. Like, Just like really trying to make it as, again, professional as possible. Yeah. I think just makes it go smoother. Yeah.
00:20:05
Speaker
Like we said, setting it up like a real, just as any other inquiry that came in, like have the initial, for us, it's an initial call. It's setting you up with your planner and introducing you to your planner, having an initial meeting with your planner and like going through all the steps, collecting payment, like all the things that we do, just treating it 100% like,
00:20:27
Speaker
you would any other client defined process. Like this is what we do with everybody. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Which people love. And I feel like it's more so your friends that always like, wow, you're so organized. or Like, thank you so much like for doing that. And like, you're welcome. but like, this is, this is my job. This is what we do, but this is how we do it. It definitely always helps. I think people feel more comfortable too. When you're, when you show the professionalism above the friendship, they're like, oh my gosh, you actually know what you're doing. Right. Yeah. Cause then they're not going to regret I mean, yeah, exactly. Totally. So, yeah. And I think, again, just having those hard conversations early, like, you know, I value your our friendship, but like, you know, I am a professional and like and I think, too, on both sides, like couple and the vendor, like giving each other permission to have like honest feedback with each other, or you know, be like, I haven't heard from you in a couple of weeks and I would really love to like me and like.
00:21:18
Speaker
have a conversation about stuff. So I think, and again, yeah, being comfortable on both sides of getting that feedback and not trying not to take it personal. Yeah. Letting them know like, Hey, and if this isn't what you like, I feel like too, this comes into play with us. Like when you send out a mood board or you're recommending a certain color of linen or this, and you're like I think this would look really great. Or I feel like you'd love this.
00:21:40
Speaker
It's harder at that point for client to be like, that's not really what I want because they think that you love it. And it's like, it's like offending your family. And yeah so it's harder, I think in that situation. And again, I think that's, I mean, tangents all day long, but again, especially like planner wise, know,
00:22:00
Speaker
It's like nice. Like I think we've talked about it many times before, like not having your planner be a friend because again, like you can give your honest, like, no, I don't like, i don't like that mood board you you just sent over. And it's like, it's not going to hurt my feelings. Like yeah this is your wedding. Like if you don't like it, like let's change it. And I think vendors were like really keen on being like, tell up, please tell us you're not going to hurt our feelings. yeah We won't take it personally. Like we need to know yeah what you want. But if it's like, you know, like say was, yeah, like my,
00:22:30
Speaker
my sister, or my best friend or whatever. And they're like, I don't like what you just put together. Like I could see where it could get a little personal. Yeah. And again, depending on again, cause like the way my sister and Ari with each other, the way she would tell me, I would probably like, well bite me. Like, do you know how hard I worked on that? Like, it's just, so I think again, depending on who it is, but like for us, it is so important. And I feel like it should be with your planner or coordinator that you are able to be honest and be like, no, I don't like that. And not,
00:23:00
Speaker
get offended in your plan or not get offended. Like it should be like an open door thing. So I think just really making sure that those hard conversations are had. And, and again, another big thing I think that can like do it the right way and make it work is like, again, we said, don't assume discounts, like go in just saying like,
00:23:20
Speaker
Like, this is like, I want to work with you. Like, you know, what's it going to look like? Send me a contract, that kind of thing. And just like respecting their pricing, just like you would anybody else. Like, and again, if you, if they're pricing, you really, I guess we're hoping for a discount and they don't give it to you. Like being okay with telling them like, well, really like you're
Final Advice on Hiring Friends as Vendors
00:23:39
Speaker
a little out of budget. So I think unfortunately we're going to go with yeah whatever. I'm like being okay with that. Totally. Yeah.
00:23:47
Speaker
But, um yeah, and I think just, again, at which Ali kind of touched about it, like the communication channels, like, Like, are you texting as friends or are you emailing? Like, how, like, what's the most professional, like, way to keep it separate? Like, if you guys normally text all the time as friends, maybe I'd just email each other. Maybe decide, let's keep wedding stuff in email. We'll only talk about wedding stuff in email. yeah And so then it's just, like, separate. Or like Allie said, like, we have a business line.
00:24:18
Speaker
So, like, we only text our couples with our business line. And then if you want to talk about personal stuff, text my personal one. I think just helps... Keep it clean. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And like there's so many times i go back and look at previous conversations to figure out what we had said about what time we're starting or, you know. Where we're meeting today. Where we're meeting. Totally. Like so many things. So it's helpful to have that like always be business related and then be like, oh, OK, I know I can look in this other app. And I think for us, which it's a little different for us, but because.
00:24:50
Speaker
there's three of us owners and we have a team. It's nice. I mean, a two things. It's nice. Like, for example, if I go on vacation for two weeks and like, you know, because I'm actually going here in a couple of weeks and the bride is are like, well, like when you're gone, like who do I get ahold of? And I was like, well, luckily when you text the business line, it goes to all three of us owners. So there is that little bit of like, say I got sick or like I'm out of town and the bride can't get ahold of me. At least like our business line, somebody could pick up and like,
00:25:18
Speaker
Answer people's questions easily. And I think, too, for us also, it's kind of nice that we can like our employees, like we can see when they're like texting couples and just kind of being on top of it. But it's also a different little tangent again. but Super helpful. So, yeah, things we want to watch out for when we're booking frienders are like if people don't want to do a contract. and They're just like, yeah, no, we'll be there. We'll be there on your wedding day. like Don't worry about it.
00:25:42
Speaker
Worst nightmare. Yeah. Vendors, like real vendors. Like we have couples all the time like, yeah, like I hired this here and make a gal, but she doesn't have a contract. And I'm like, what do you mean she doesn't have a contract?
00:25:54
Speaker
Like that should be a red flag across the board. If they don't have a contract, I don't know about that. And even say it's your...
00:26:05
Speaker
Great aunt who like really wants to make your wedding cake. Yeah. Even having a written email that you can screenshot to me and I can put into aisle planner that says like, hey, Aunt Mary, we really want a vanilla cream to tear wedding cake with red raspberries on it. Right. Just like something that's like, and she responds back and she's like, oh my gosh, yes, what time should I bring it? And you say, my planner wants you to have it at the venue by 1 p.m. Like that is like contractually fine with a family member, like something that just is clear and concise communication. And that way we we're not like, oh, wait, did you tell her what yeah flavor you wanted or when to bring it? or is she going to just bring it at four when all the guests arrive and we've already done all the photos? Like,
00:26:47
Speaker
yeah So just it doesn't have to be the most like legally binding contract. Yeah. With some of those like situations for sure. It's like but just you have some sort of written documentation. i mean, the other vendors, i I don't know. That just makes me. Other vendors, I would totally like hair and makeup, photography, DJ catering. Like the like if they don't show up like I mean, coordinator planner like that is a huge thing.
00:27:16
Speaker
I don't know. That's where it would just be a little sticky. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, again, as I guess if you decided to hire your friend who's a DJ again, as long as they had like written emails that shows that like, yes, I'm going to be there. Yes, I'm going to do all these things.
00:27:31
Speaker
And like, especially with a DJ, too. Almost all like professional DJs basically have like a DJ form that you fill out, and it's either a Google Doc or something similar yeah that goes through, like, what's your processional song? What's the lineup? like All of that kind of stuff.
00:27:45
Speaker
Something like that you need with any DJ, professional or not, because they need to know what cues they're going to start playing songs on and like yeah all of that. So even even if it's not Even if it's your best friend, you still need that written document that explains what they're going to be doing. With songs and all the things. Yeah, shows them all that. So, yeah, I don't know if it has to be like a total contract. Like we have legally binding contract that our lawyer has written for you to sign. That's the best case scenario. But if it's not that good, least make sure it's something written. Yes. That we can follow through. Yes. And make sure it's good. Yes. Other red flags like vague pricing and like what they're actually delivering or giving you. So I think that can be like, again, just having that clear expectation of like, what is the cost?
00:28:37
Speaker
What are they doing for you Having it just be like clear. And if it's not clear, I mean, I just that's like a can cause like so many issues. Yeah. Like even if they're giving you a $2,000 discount, but they're still giving you money.
00:28:51
Speaker
whatever they call it, tier one package, like make sure that's like very clear. Like you're only paying for my lowest package, but I am giving you the highest level of service. Like that's what to expect from me. Yes. Which, and that's like, again, like we've done that with friends or family or whatever in the past. And it's like, they, we still have them sign like our full plan contract, but then like, it's clear that their pricing is like different than normal. Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:16
Speaker
um Just feeling—if they're feeling very hesitant to speak up, like—or just, like—I think the big thing here is, like, if they feel very, like, hesitant on, like, their capabilities. I think that is, like—would make me nervous. It's like, sure, I want to support my friend, but she doesn't seem very confident in, like, what she does, like— Or she's not that organized, but I hope it all works out.
00:29:38
Speaker
Yeah. Don't. It's not worth— Don't, like— Because, again, you think you're going to ruin the friendship in the beginning, but it's it's really what's going to ruin the friendship is the process. and like A year of stressing out if they're going to show up on your wedding day or not. That will ruin And, again, that built-up resentment of, like, now every time I see you, I'm just going to be pissed that, you know, you didn't do X, Y, and Z or you were so unorganized. It made me so stressed out. So i think those are just, like, super big red flags.
00:30:07
Speaker
Yeah. And just again, I mean, we've kind of talked a lot. Another one is just those blurred boundaries, like just really making sure it's clear of what they're providing, what they're not providing. This is professional, but then we can still go to lunch together and be friends, but just trying to keep it as.
00:30:23
Speaker
Clear and concise. as Yeah. As possible. Business as possible. Yeah. And just remember that like it's such a hiring your vendors. We've talked how many vendor conversations have we had already on this podcast? It's such a huge it makes or breaks your wedding day truly. And if you want to have that like dreamy, ideal you know, stress-free, smooth, whatever you want to call it, wedding day, where you're on cloud nine, like this is where it starts, like hiring the right vendors that you feel 100% confident about. And so it it's super important to start your wedding off there and hire a vendor that you love, trust, respect, like fully. And if you're not feeling that with your friend or,
00:31:11
Speaker
Like, don't start it off on a bad foot. Right. In the beginning. It's not going to any better. And honestly, if you don't feel confident, and you just decide not to hire them. And then let's say they get upset. That friend that's a vendor gets upset with you. Well, maybe that's a red flag of them being a friend. Like, yeah, I just don't. I mean, i think that's like we say yeah about all our vendors. Like you should have conversations with all your vendors, like Ali was saying, and trust all of them. And it's like if you don't feel that, like.
00:31:38
Speaker
It's just it's not going to be an enjoyable experience for you and truthfully and selfishly for your vendors. Your other vendors who are like actual professionals who are just like, oh, here we go. Yeah. Like it's just. And it puts more weight on. I think we kind of touched on that earlier, but it does. If you just have a.
00:31:56
Speaker
friend who's DJ, that's our easiest example, that doesn't really know what he's doing, like it puts a lot of pressure on the rest of the wedding team the whole day because we are now not only doing our jobs, but we're also doing the job of a full-time DJ and like queuing them and emceeing for them and helping them transition and helping them move their equipment sometimes, like doing things that we typically wouldn't do. So it's best to not Agreed. Do that to your other yes your other vendors. Yeah.
00:32:27
Speaker
So, yeah, I mean, just final takeaways. I just think really, like we said, try to go through these steps of keeping it as professional as possible, having these hard conversations, and just if it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
00:32:38
Speaker
Like there's other things that you could do for your friends. Like say it's a photographer. Like maybe instead of hiring them for your wedding, they do your engagement photos. Like I think there's other things. routes or like say your friend's a planner but she just you know you're very a type and she's kind of b type and you just it stresses you out or you want her to be at your wedding and not planning it so then have her plan like your engagement party or your rehearsal dinner and then hire someone for the day like there are other options to still support your friend in their business yeah but not actually have to have that stress on the day your wedding yeah
00:33:13
Speaker
And like we said, it can be so much more fun to have them at your wedding. And like that's like a compliment to us too. Like when I don't have to work a wedding. Yeah, when I don't have to work a wedding. It's like, oh, that was I get to dance. Yeah. So it's not bad and we don't take Like personally, if you choose a different yeah planning route. But again, that depends on the friendship and or having those actual hard conversations of like deciding what's going to be best for both parties. So again, it can be great. We've had vendors that are friends to couples and it's a great situation. It works out great.
00:33:49
Speaker
And then we've had some that are absolutely terrible. So I think it's just, again, going through it, being very, having those open communication conversations with each other and just doing what feels right, I think will help you.
00:34:03
Speaker
Good luck. Good luck. Booking those frienders. yeah All right. Cheers.