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The WORST Thing to Call a Wedding Planner | Episode 5
36 Plays4 months ago
In Episode 5 of Behind I Do, wedding planners Jaden and Allie pull back the curtain on what planners actually do and why the term “day-of coordination” needs to go. This episode dives into the real scope of wedding planning, how the industry got here, and why that label often misrepresents the work happening long before the wedding day ever arrives.
From early planning decisions and vendor coordination to behind-the-scenes problem solving, Jaden and Allie share candid insight from their combined years of experience—including how their own services and understanding have evolved over time. This is an honest, no-fluff conversation about expectations, education, and advocating for couples to truly understand the value of professional planning support.
Whether you’re a bride, groom, vendor, or just obsessed with weddings, this episode is your backstage pass to what really happens behind “I do.”
☕ Grab your coffee, your planning binder, or your confetti—and join us.
Episode Topics:
• Why “day-of coordination” is misleading
• What wedding planners actually do (before, during, and after)
• How industry terminology affects couples’ expectations
• Lessons learned from years in the wedding world
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Behind I Do'
00:00:00
Speaker
Planning a wedding comes with timelines, trends, expectations, and a whole lot that couples never see coming. We're two wedding planners pulling back the curtain on what really happens behind I do. Each week on Behind I Do, we bring you real talk about real weddings, timelines, trends, the wins, and the what ifs. From the smoothest silk celebrations to the did that actually just happen moments, we're sharing the stories, lessons, and insider knowledge that help couples plan with confidence and maybe even laugh along the way.
00:00:27
Speaker
Whether you're a bride, groom, vendor, or wedding lover at heart, this is your backstage pass to the world of weddings. Told candidly, graciously, and with the expertise only seasoned planners can offer. Grab your coffee, your planning binder, or your confetti, and join us behind I do.
Rethinking 'Day of Coordination'
00:00:44
Speaker
Episode 5. What we actually do, understanding why the term day of coordination should die. feel like that was very dramatic. but Very dramatic. Well, kind of wanted it to be.
00:00:57
Speaker
All right. I mean, and know be talked about this. I feel like a little in one of the other ones about hot takes and this is my hot take. So I don't know. I feel like we could talk about this forever.
00:01:08
Speaker
And I kind of just wanted to start like a where we started and kind of dive through like when we started seven years ago and like because, you know, we're not innocent. Like when we started seven years ago, like we called a day of coordination like that was what our base package was.
00:01:25
Speaker
And I just think through the last seven years now going into our eighth year, it's like we've learned so much. i think that's what makes me so angry about the term is because it just like does not justify truly what we do.
00:01:40
Speaker
so I think just through like education and trainings and I think experience, like I just that the term day of coordination is just a term that I just think should not be used in our industry.
Understanding Wedding Planning Costs
00:01:53
Speaker
So, um I don't know. And we can also dive into pricing. I think that's like a whole other thing, which, I don't know, kind of... Goes hand in hand. Yeah. Which it's hard because...
00:02:05
Speaker
Not that long ago, we got on a call, but with some planners who were like more luxury planners, you could say, which I shouldn't even say luxury because I think we can do luxury weddings for sure, but that they charge a lot more.
00:02:17
Speaker
They charge like $10,000, $18,000 just for their services. And we're like telling us what we should be charging. And i i think business to business, like that's not our place. Like you have to figure out what you're worth, I guess, in a way.
00:02:33
Speaker
So I just, like pricing is like a whole thing. I mean, with that being said, it is frustrating when there's planners out there that come and say they do exactly what we do and they charge $1,000. Like it does look kind of, then people are like, well, i'm confused. Why do you charge 3,500? And it's like, well, because we all have to start somewhere. This is what you get with experience. So I don't know I think just our wedding coach really helped open my eyes to like pricing.
00:03:01
Speaker
And so I think that's, again, education and training and like really knowing your numbers and like understanding like your value is like huge and everyone's going to have to go through that like growth of like figuring out what is this a hobby or
Benefits of All-Inclusive Pricing
00:03:14
Speaker
is this a career? Like do you actually want to make money or so i don't know. I think pricing as frustrating it as it is, I just think each company is going to have to figure out like realistically, do you want to do 100 weddings to even just like make a decent salary or do you want to actually like...
00:03:31
Speaker
charge a little more and not have to do a wedding every Saturday. don't know. I'm able to provide like a really good experience for clients. I think when we were at like that point in the beginning of our careers, like we, there was two of us like on a wedding day. Mm-hmm.
00:03:47
Speaker
and We're now up to three to four and we have a labor team that helps with setting up and tearing down. And all of that is now wrapped into our package pricing. i think another thing that we really strongly believe in is like all inclusive pricing. Yeah. Which I think is another thing with pricing that's interesting to see. um You see like a lot of all the cart options in our industry where.
00:04:09
Speaker
We just hate that. We want it to be like an all-inclusive vacation when you hire us. So it's like when you hire us for what we said we were going to do, like it includes everything that we had listed. um And I think that just helps.
00:04:23
Speaker
There's no like hidden add-ons. Yeah. Because I think because that the again, I think it goes back to like why we changed from calling it day of coordination to not calling it that. And like why our pricing is increased because we've learned we want everything to be included. And we also realistically know like labor for set up and tear down a loan. Like that's something that we used to add on. It was an extra fee.
00:04:44
Speaker
And it's also just like that's not. Like Allie said, we want it to be like our couples hire us and they don't have to worry about any of the other aspects. Like it's just this is what it costs. This is what we do. But with that being said, having a team to be able to execute all that, like we actually have to be able to pay the people to do it.
00:05:01
Speaker
I think that comes with pricing too. And again, like learning and growing and education and like i just think it's – again, we all have to start somewhere. So it's like I try not to judge people too much on pricing, but it is – I just hope that the new planners and coordinators out there start to realize their value and like actually know your numbers and like understand like numbers wise, what do you need to make to make a living and like. And what it costs you to do wedding. Yes. And like actually calculating how many hours you actually put into every wedding and like dividing that hourly and how much you're making an hour and considering payroll tax and like all these things that are going to pull out of that.
00:05:36
Speaker
Because that's like when we, the first year we did, it was $800. And it's like when you divide that by three owners and then have payroll tax and then have like, it's just like you're, it's nothing. Yeah.
00:05:47
Speaker
So it's just not realistic. It's not
Defining Planning vs. Coordination
00:05:49
Speaker
realistic. The proper term that we want to be called would be wedding coordinators. If we are truly coordinating your wedding, which that is typically the option that people choose us for when they come to us and say,
00:06:03
Speaker
in our In their inquiry email, we're just looking for a day of coordinator and we always respond back. We don't do day of coordination, but we would love to coordinate your wedding, um which is multi-month process. We call it wedding management. Yeah. Yeah.
00:06:19
Speaker
And then that's when we're actually coordinating a wedding versus planning a wedding. So I think, too, when you go to look at planning packages, if you're a new bride or groom and you want to see what is out there, i think it's important to see what people call themselves and what that Like package includes. Yeah. And I think that's which, again, and we're not here to like dig on other people like
Choosing Wedding Services Wisely
00:06:41
Speaker
we've all been there. But I just think, again, i tell couples that like meet with us like a you should interview three, at least three coordinators or planners. Same with every vendor category.
00:06:52
Speaker
And it's like, I just be aware, like do your research. Like, yeah, like Ali said, look at what they call their package. Look what's included. Like, look at their reviews. Like actually do your research on all of it. And like, don't just like look at pricing and think, well I'm going pick that one because they're cheaper. Because like you really have to think about, like we always joke, you get what you pay for. Yeah. Like in a way. And it's not, you know, I just think.
00:07:15
Speaker
I don't know It's, it just like boils my blood a little. Like I just, I don't even like, cause we get people all the time that are like, I just need you there the day of. And the word just drives me nuts now because I'm like, it's like saying I'm just a mom. I'm just a teacher. I'm just a wedding planner. I think in so many ways that like belittles what you do.
00:07:35
Speaker
And so it's like, no, we are wedding planners. We are wedding coordinators. And I can't just show up the day of your wedding and like execute it. Like there's just no way. Like i always tell people like we've been in business. This is our eighth year. We've done well over 200 weddings.
00:07:52
Speaker
I could do weddings in my sleep to a certain extent. But like if I don't do the pre-work, like I can't. It'd be a disaster. Like I would just show up and have so many questions. Yeah. Like. It would really take away from your day. And even if you aren't doing all of that prep work.
00:08:08
Speaker
With someone knowing that the day of your wedding is going to be stressful because they are going to come to you with 60 questions that should have been answered in the months leading up to it. And without like having that included in your package, it just...
00:08:24
Speaker
It's not realistic. Yeah. It will make your day a very different experience. yeah If you hire someone who manages the time leading up to your wedding, coordinates your wedding exactly the way that you hired them versus someone who truly shows up the day of your wedding and...
00:08:40
Speaker
Is trying to follow a map. Right. that you hand drew or something. And that's what I think, too. I just I realistically like want all wedding coordinators to like think about it. Do you actually just show up the day of the wedding?
00:08:52
Speaker
Like truly like I want everybody out there to think about that. Like because I can guarantee most of you will say no. Yeah. So it's like that's why we're so passionate about like educating people and like stop using the term like so just stop like and other vendors like we still get people that like photographers venues that were first and like, yeah, they do day of coordination. And I'm like venues. Stop saying that photographers stop saying it. DJ stop saying it because it's just it's making it so confusing, I think, for couples.
Evolving Industry Norms
00:09:22
Speaker
Because then they come to us and they see our pricing and our package and they're like, okay, that's great, but do you have anything less? And I'm like, there is nothing less. Like there's nothing, there's like we just said, there's nothing less. I can't. So I think that's like just people, writ like other coordinators actually thinking about it. Like realistically, you don't just show up the day of.
00:09:41
Speaker
So like, why would we call it day of coordination? So I don't know It's just that part. I think just like really people, again, thinking about what you do and your process and like understanding. And again, i mean, it was actually really eye opening to us because we go to the wedding MBA in Vegas every year. And I think we've gone like four years now in a row.
00:10:01
Speaker
And I remember the first year, that's where we really learned like these high end planners who have been doing it for 20 years, literally telling all of us exactly what we're saying right now. they're like they have coordination but They're like, stop using this term. Like, and it's, I just laugh. We always laugh because we're like, Idaho's always 10 years behind everything, which is true. But it's like, that's where I'm like, we aren't just making this up. This isn't like something that we've,
00:10:26
Speaker
just decided is a dumb thing. It's just like, it's high end planners that are in other countries that have been countries. I mean, maybe other States that have been doing it longer than us that are literally like educating, like actually have educational like platforms that are like telling, like stop using this term.
00:10:42
Speaker
So we're just trying to spread the word. I feel like, so I don't know. That's just like our thing there. And I think we thought we would just kind of dive into like our process a little more and kind of helping couples understand like,
00:10:57
Speaker
why we need to meet with you before the day of because kind of like Allie said, if we aren't doing all these things, it's, I mean, it's not going to make your day stress-free. It's going make it worse because we're going to have to ask so many questions. You're not going be able to enjoy your champagne because we're going to have to be like, hey, wait, where is this table going? What is this decor for? Because even like we'll still get brides and inquiries. They're like, I'm very A-type, like I'm going have everything in a box.
00:11:23
Speaker
I'm going to label it. Like it's gonna I'm going pictures. It's going fine. Like we don't need to meet. Like it'll be so simple. And I'm like, I hear you, but like, it isn't that easy. Like it's, I need to know what is in things. I need to know, like, I need to have a big picture of like what's going on the table so that when we arrive, it's not like this guessing game of like, wonder what's in box a Like, I mean, yes, the pictures are helpful. And I love when brides do that in a list of like, what's in every tub.
00:11:48
Speaker
Like it's super helpful for us, but we still need to have like a pre-meeting to, Yeah.
Tools and Processes in Planning
00:11:55
Speaker
yeah and that takes a lot of time yeah it does so with us um i'm not going to go through everything obviously because i don't want to reveal like all of our nuggets that we do but once you book with us you get assigned like your lead person whether it's a planner or coordinator and obviously that determines what package you pick Wedding management, we coordinate planning. We plan, obviously. So in those first meetings, a you get to meet your coordinator in person. And like, I i know that's important to like see them face to face, get to know who they are.
00:12:26
Speaker
And we kind of dive in a little bit of like, where are you at in the planning process? Like, do you have vendors booked? Like... You know, if you don't have a caterer and a DJ, like these are really important things that we would really recommend getting on. Like, what are your colors? Like, what are things that weddings that you've really loved just to kind of get to know you two a little better and get a better idea of kind of what you're planning.
00:12:47
Speaker
And then we kind of give you next steps of like, these are things that I would do. Here's your access to aisle planner. We give every couple that like dive in You got this kind of a thing.
00:12:58
Speaker
Yeah, and give them all the tools that even if they didn't choose us for planning, that will help them plan a really smooth wedding on their own. Yeah. Which I think is a big difference of something that would be really helpful if you're comparing different planners. Yeah. Like, do they leave you kind of on your own to figure it out? Or is there... Do they give you lot of hand-holding and resources? Yeah. Which that's, I think, because I know some planners don't give all their couples access to aisle planner because it is a fee that we have to pay for. Like, each couple...
00:13:28
Speaker
But that's something we've also learned too is it's, again, we want this to be like an all-inclusive experience and like we want you to feel supported. And I feel like Isle Planner is so beneficial. Like it gives like a 12-month-out checklist. It's like a budget Excel sheet, like a spot to keep track of all your vendors and contracts. Like i think it's so important and it makes our life easier when the couple has access to it and is like – has all these tools that we've built into aisle planner for them. Yeah. It just makes it a lot easier. So I, I personally think it's important to give everybody access to it.
00:14:01
Speaker
Um, but again, that's, you know, each person's own prerogative. But then after we meet, after that, we then meet about six weeks out and do a final walkthrough. And this is like the big meeting where we like dive into like where is ceremony? How are the chairs getting set up? Like what decor is going where?
00:14:18
Speaker
After the ceremony, where are your guests going? Like where is cocktail hour? Like all the way down to like send off. Like just so we have a good visual of like what you're wanting to happen that day. And so we don't miss anything, which I think is another thing that gets – Like as you're walking through this six weeks before your wedding, you get to think ah through out loud everything that you've planned in your head and maybe haven't told us yet. Yeah. We usually find out a lot of yeah new things that we'd never heard of during these final walkthroughs. And even like things that you might have thought were a great idea, but us talking through it, then it's like...
00:14:54
Speaker
they're like, Oh wait, I get now that really doesn't make sense. Or we can kind of be like, I really like you that idea. I understand where you're trying to go with it. However, like, you know, all, a lot of the weddings we've done here, like that hasn't worked because of X, Y, and Z or what, like we can kind of talk, problem solve some of that stuff.
00:15:09
Speaker
And even like, think of things that you might not have thought of. Like, do you have like, sure you might have a welcome sign by like the gift table, but are you wanting one at the entrance of the ceremony? Like just like problem solving some of that stuff.
00:15:23
Speaker
It's just like helpful. And I think, you know, again, those A-type brides who are like, I can do all this myself. And it's like, you probably can, but it's just, there's things that you don't know. You don't know what you don't know. And it's like, you haven't done weddings at these venues before. So to have somebody there who can like give you some insight isn't a bad thing. It's not like we're taking it away from you. We're just like offering suggestions.
00:15:45
Speaker
So, and then after that, we do like a timeline call. So we will draft up your timeline and with you, with the couple and go line by line, like go through it all together, make sure it's exactly how you want.
00:15:57
Speaker
Then two weeks out, we send that to the, all the vendors. So everyone's on the same page. Not that half of them read it anyway, but we still send it. And then, um and then we also do the rehearsal, whether that's at the venue or whatever. And then obviously day of where they're start to finish.
00:16:15
Speaker
First people in, last people out. exactly And something else we actually newly have started that I kind of forgot about is even with our wedding management couples, we do tablescape meetings. And so with planning couples, we call it more of like a design meeting because we're actually helping you design and pull things and figure out what you want to do. But...
Preparation for Wedding Day
00:16:34
Speaker
With wedding management, um and yes, this might be an extra step that's too that some coordinators are like, I'm not doing that, which is fine, but we just have see so much value in it. But we will meet with you at Event Rents, any of the rental companies around here, and actually set up a table of what you're wanting it to look like.
00:16:52
Speaker
Again, to kind of problem solve some of this stuff. And also it makes our life so much easier because in the day of we have such a great visual of like this is how she wanted the tables. This is how it's supposed to be set up.
00:17:04
Speaker
It just is nice. Yeah. And even if you don't have a plan or whatever, it's such a good idea to do that step because people don't realize how thin or like narrow, I guess, yeah banquet tables are, and you see these beautiful Pinterest photos with all this decor and three glasses and chargers and all six silverware or, you know, forks and knives and multiples and everything. And you don't realize how quickly a table like that becomes full and like impossible to eat at. yeah So we always recommend at least practicing a table table
00:17:40
Speaker
In like a real setting where it's and the actual table size that your venue offers you um and trying to kind of mock up what your table will look like. Yeah, it's super helpful. Save your day.
00:17:52
Speaker
It's so true. And I just I mean, and then like all that process against some people, which honestly, once we explain that process to people, i don't think we've ever had couples who are like, no, I don't need that.
Building Client Relationships
00:18:03
Speaker
They're like, oh, that totally makes sense. But I just think the importance, again, for like couples to understand, like, again, why it's not a day of coordination, because we've done all these things. I mean, that's at least 12 hours that we've spent prior to your wedding.
00:18:18
Speaker
Doing all these things, meetings, writing your timeline, creating your mood board based on your tablescape, like all these things that we've done and put in place to then be able to execute your day.
00:18:29
Speaker
And the importance of that, I think, is that like we can then show up to your day and that's why we get to be so calm. And like because we're like we know we know all the little details. We know that grandma is the flower girl. We know that like table four is supposed to have a special little treat on Sarah's seat or whatever it is like we know all these things. So we're not stressing about the little things because we have a plan.
00:18:52
Speaker
So that then when those like hiccups occur that will, we're able to like calmly be like, I got this. Like we're fine. It's not a big deal. We'll solve it because we're not worrying about all the little details. Like if we just showed up on the day and then something like bad happened, I mean, it would just...
00:19:10
Speaker
Be terrible. Like I'd probably cry because like you're just like I don't even know what's going on the tables. And now, you know, the grandma's 30 minutes late or whatever. Yeah. It doesn't give you time to be set up. And I think another nice thing about like the way that we do it is you really get to know your couple. And that's one of our biggest things.
00:19:31
Speaker
And our company and one of our values is making it feel like family. And so when I go to do Amber's wedding, I know Amber so well yeah that I will know exactly what she wants to be done, even if it's not what we had planned or if something occurs. Right.
00:19:47
Speaker
And it rains or... You have to go to plan B. Yeah. Something gets ruined. It's like I've met with her so many times that I know exactly what she wants and we can handle it so much better than if it was essentially a stranger. Right. But...
00:20:01
Speaker
I met on their wedding day, like in a high stress situation. So I think it helps a lot. Also building that relationship and comfort everyone's more comfortable and more calm when they know each other. And I think even vice versa, the trust for the couple. Like, I feel like they trust us more because...
00:20:18
Speaker
They've got to meet with us at least those three times and like get to know our personalities and feel like I trust Allie. And I know, and that's like a big thing. We want our couples to trust us the day of the wedding. Be like, our goal is
Consistency in Industry Terminology
00:20:29
Speaker
to do exactly what you want.
00:20:31
Speaker
However, things happen. And like, I think if couples trust you, they can breathe a little more because they know even if there's a hiccup, like Allie is going to do what I would want to do. Totally. Like there's not going to be this, like, I don't even really know her. And now she's out there like...
00:20:48
Speaker
you know making Making decisions for me. Changing everything last minute. So yeah, I just think it's super important like to build, like I said, build those relationships. And like without any of that prior you know work, you wouldn't be able to do that. Yeah.
00:21:03
Speaker
It just would be so hard. And like Allie, were talking about it earlier. Allie said, too, like at the rehearsal, like you will get to like meet a lot of the people. You get to like meet the grandparents. you get to meet the parents, like the wedding party and get like a good vibe of everybody.
00:21:15
Speaker
and I think, too, it also helps us on the day of because then they're like, oh, that's the planner. That's the coordinator. And that's like who I need to go to. Like, again, we kind of build that relationship with them also. Yeah. So that if there's like issues or hiccups, they like.
00:21:29
Speaker
In a way, also trust us to to be like, yeah, she's the boss lady who like ran us to the rehearsal. Like, that's who I go to. I think it helps give people like a point person where, again, if we just showed up the day of the wedding, everyone would be like, who is that?
00:21:43
Speaker
Do we? So, again, I don't know. I feel like we could talk about this forever, but like the biggest things that I just like want to recap is like. We're not trying to like bamboozle anybody, and I know sometimes it's hard for couples or even other vendors to like compare pricing, and like there's a new person that's charging $900, and we are very transparent about our pricing, and we charge $3,500. I understand that there's like a big discrepancy there, but again, it's like what I...
00:22:10
Speaker
Tell everyone, like, do your research. Don't just look at pricing and decide a vendor based off that. Like, honestly, even with any vendor, like, don't just let pricing instantly deter you.
00:22:21
Speaker
i understand we all have budgets and that is important and not everyone can afford us. And I get that, but just... Like I said, we're not bamboozling you. We have, we're going into our eighth season. Like we have a lot of experience, a lot of expertise. Like what you're paying for is like the knowledge that we have and all these things that we've learned and all these things that we're building into our packages that allow you to have a smoother process.
00:22:44
Speaker
Which, again, there's nothing against these newer coordinators. They just they will eventually hopefully get there. But, they're you know, it's just we're just in a different place. And um I also just think we know the value of what we do.
00:22:57
Speaker
And so I think that's just, again, pricing is hard. And again, we're not here to tell people what to charge. But as far as like the coordinators go, like think about what you do. Like. Actually know your numbers. That was what our business coach always told us. Like she's like, Jaden, at any point, you should know your numbers.
00:23:12
Speaker
should know how much money you're making right now, like how much money every wedding is costing you. Like you should know all this. And I think that was like a big eye opener for me. Like. understanding your numbers and not just being like, Oh, I want to do 50 weddings this year. And my, our coach would always be like, it's not the number of weddings. It's like the dollar amount, like really understanding your numbers and understanding your value and like what you're charging and how much you want to make an hour and all those things. I just think that's the important thing with pricing And also, like, i mean, Ali said, too, we are a team. Like, we are able to have three to four of us at a wedding, which costs more money.
00:23:48
Speaker
But it also is way less stress on everybody else and the bride and groom or the couple because we have the ability to, like, execute. Like, Saturday, we had 204-person event, and it's like we had four of us there, and we were able to execute it and had zero stress because it was just, like...
00:24:05
Speaker
We got it. Budgeted. Yeah. So that's like a big thing to just think about in closing. And then, i mean, the other big thing is like vendors, just please stop referring to it as day of coordination. Like.
00:24:20
Speaker
Start using the terms, like we said, like wedding management is a really big one that a lot of people, some do month of. And I know that's the hard part is then everyone kind of calls it something different. But again, coordinators, that's where I would think about like, do you really only support them the month of their wedding? Like, do you like kind of how we kind of, you know, trickle in some other things, like just thinking about like what you actually do, but just vendors like, please stop using the term day of coordination. Cause I think that's, what's confusing couples. Yeah.
00:24:47
Speaker
And if we're all using the same terminology, it's just going to make it a lot easier for couples. So like photographers, venues, DJs. Don't say, yeah, Capital Occasions are a great day of coordinators. Just like, please, please stop doing it.
00:25:04
Speaker
So, yeah, I mean, those are like the big things, I
Episode Summary and Closing Remarks
00:25:06
Speaker
think. I don't know if there's anything missed that's like the big recap of day of coordination. I know. i think, yeah, just do your research, like we said, and um know what you're getting and just know that if you want the full experience,
00:25:22
Speaker
all-inclusive, what that includes and what to be looking for to find that. Yeah, I agree. All right. Well. We did it. We did it. Episode five. Thanks for listening.
00:25:35
Speaker
Cheers. Cheers.