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Being Grateful: the key to a Joy Filled Life a conversation with Bracha Goetz
23 Plays4 months ago
Bracha Goetz is the author of more than forty children’s books that help children's souls shine.
In this episode of Fit For My Age Bracha explains to host Michael Millward how being consciously grateful can be the key to achieving a life that is full of joy.
Bracha explains the first steps of the Pleasure Ladder, a model of joy that can be used to help you focus on adding more joyful activities to your day.
Fit For My Age is made on Zencastr.
Zencastr is the all-in-one podcasting platform, on which you can create your podcast in one place and then distribute it to the major platforms like Spotify, Apple, and Google. It really does make creating content so easy.
If you would like to try podcasting using Zencastr visit zencastr.com/pricing and use our offer code ABECEDER.
Travel to Baltimore
Bracha Goetz lives in Baltimore, Maryland, USA. If you would like to visit Maryland or elsewhere in the USA, the best way to make your travel arrangements is with The Ultimate Travel Club, because The Ultimate Travel Club is where you will get trade prices on travel including flights, and hotels.
Use this discount code ABEC79 at Ultimate Travel Club to receive a discount on your membership fee.
Find out more about both Michael Millward and Bracha Goetz at Abeceder.co.uk.
Matchmaker.fm
Thank you to the team at Matchmaker.fm the introduction to Bracha.
If you are a podcaster looking for interesting guests or if like Bracha, you have something very interesting to say Matchmaker.fm is where matches of great hosts and great guests are made. Use our offer code MILW10 for a discount on membership.
Three the network
If you are listening to The Independent Minds on your smart phone, you may like to know that Three has the UK’s Fastest 5G Network with Unlimited Data, so listening on Three means you can wave goodbye to buffering.
There is a link in the description that will take you to more information about business and personal telecom solutions from Three. And the special offers available when you quote my referral code.
Proactive Positive Ageing.
Knowing the risks early is an important part of maintaining good health, that is why we recommend The Annual Health Test from York Test.
York Test provides an Annual Health Test conducted by an experienced phlebotomist who will complete a Full blood draw at your home or workplace. Hospital standard tests covering 39 different health markers are carried out in a UKAS-accredited and CQC-compliant laboratory.
A Personal Wellness Hub gives access your easy-to-understand results and guidance to help you make effective lifestyle changes anytime via your secure, personal Wellness Hub account.
Access York Test and use this discount code ABECEDER1.
Being a Guest
If you would like to be a guest on Fit For My Age, please contact using the link at Abeceder.co.uk.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Promotion
00:00:05
Speaker
Made on Zencaster. Hello and welcome to Fit for My Age, the health and wellbeing podcast from Abisida. I am your host, Michael Millward, the managing director of Abisida. As the jingle at the start of this podcast says, Fit for My Age is made on Zencaster.
00:00:26
Speaker
Zencaster is the all-in-one podcasting platform on which you can make your podcast in one place and then distribute it to the major platforms like Spotify, Apple, Amazon and Google YouTube Music.
00:00:41
Speaker
Zencaster really does make making podcasts so easy. If you would like to try podcasting using Zencaster, visit zencaster dot.com forward slash pricing and use my offer code ABICEDA.
00:00:59
Speaker
All the details are in the description. Now that I have told you how wonderful Zencaster is for making podcasts, we should make one. One that will be well worth listening to, liking, downloading and subscribing to. Very importantly, on fit for my age, we don't tell you what to think, but we do hope to make you think. Today, my guest, who I met on matchmaker.fm, is And it is, I have to remember how to say this. Bracka gets. Yay.
00:01:39
Speaker
It's not your turn. Time to talk, Bracka. Not your time to talk.
Guest Introduction: Bracka, the Wellness Expert
00:01:44
Speaker
Bracca is a wellness expert and the Harvard-educated author of 40 books, count them, 40 books that help children's souls shine. Now, fit for my age is fortunate to have welcomed guests from all over the world, very often from places that I have never been and some sometimes from places that I have visited.
00:02:09
Speaker
Braca is from Baltimore in Maryland, United States of America. I have not been to Baltimore, but I did once travel through a small part of Maryland on a journey whilst I was working in Washington. Well, I traveled through it twice, once on the way there and once on the way back.
00:02:29
Speaker
Now on the way there the driver announced we have just entered Maryland and a few minutes later he said we have now left Maryland. He didn't make any announcements on the return journey though so whether I should count it or not I do not know but it is a very interesting very beautiful place.
00:02:47
Speaker
If you would like to visit Maryland, hopefully for longer than I did, then do as I would do if I was arranging flights, hotels or holidays and visit the Ultimate Travel Club because that is where you can access trade prices on all sorts of travel purchases. You'll find a link and a membership discount code in the description. Now it's Bracka's turn.
The Joy and Beauty in Life's Imperfections
00:03:10
Speaker
Did I say it right? Yes! Brilliant. Hello Bracka. Hi! Really happy to be here.
00:03:17
Speaker
I am happy that you are here as well. I know we're going to have a lot of fun in this short half hour that we have, but please could we start by you telling our audience a little bit about you.
00:03:29
Speaker
Well, i right I'm the author of right now, 42 children's books. I call them books that help children children shine. That's what they all have in common. And and one memoir about my journey to joy. So yeah, and yeah that's that's what I want to share with everybody.
00:03:55
Speaker
So you you write children's books and you've also written a memoir as well about your journey to joy. So it's only a little word, joy. But what does it mean? Exactly. it's I love that. It's a little word. In fact, my books just contain little words about big ideas. And that's what joy is. It's so tiny and yet it changes our life completely. At any moment,
00:04:25
Speaker
that we can spend in joy is a moment that we're not being miserable. Hopefully we have more joy than miserable as well. Yes, hopefully. Hopefully we can keep adding those pearls to our necklace. Every single moment counts. Any moment of joy, that's how you create a whole necklace of a lifetime of of of joy and beauty. Just keep adding to it, pearl by pearl.
00:04:54
Speaker
Why pearls? Why not diamonds or sapphires? Why pearls? Why do you use the word? they're They're both really good examples because actually a diamond, what's the difference between a fake diamond and a real diamond? Well, not being an expert, I suspect that once it's on your finger, around your neck, hanging from your ear, most people can't tell.
00:05:22
Speaker
Right. right what makes ah What makes the difference are the flaws. A real diamond has flaws, like all of us. The fake diamonds don't have those flaws. The flaws are really what make the the diamond interesting, just like people. And with the pearls, it's the same thing. It's this annoying irritation inside of the clam. And from that irritation in life,
00:05:50
Speaker
That's how we get beautiful pearls. We we we learn from our irritations and we and the pressure. It's the pressure on the diamonds that creates the diamond. Otherwise, it's just a stone. And and we're making it into a diamond through the pressure. Through the challenges in our lives, we actually we have the potential to become greater, just like the pearls, just like the
The RAIN Method for Life's Challenges
00:06:17
Speaker
diamonds.
00:06:17
Speaker
It's an interesting way of looking at life. And I suppose, yeah, you are right. The the pearl is is the oysters ulcer type of thing. Yes. that's That's what it is. it It causes pain. The pressure that carbon is put under yes creates the diamond. If it's not a diamond, if it isn't put under that pressure, it's graphite and it ends up in a pencil.
00:06:42
Speaker
type of thing. The pressure, the pain causes the thing of beauty. I get that. So are you saying that we have to embrace all of our flaws, all of the problems and the pressures that we're under? Recognize them. we There's a beautiful thing that I learned from a psych, a therapist, a well-known therapist called Tara Brakh.
00:07:05
Speaker
She calls it rain. Recognize, allow, investigate, and then nurture. Recognize when you're feeling miserable about something. Hmm, what's bothering me right now? Like that little irritation in the clam. What's bothering me? I'm going to allow that feeling. I'm going to see that feeling. I'm going to accept that feeling. I'm going to investigate it somewhat. where is that neck Why am I suddenly feeling negative? And then you'll recognize,
00:07:35
Speaker
Oh, it's because this, because I'm focusing on that, I'm missing this. It's that I'm focusing on, I'm lacking that. Then once we have that clarity, we have the opportunity to nurture ourselves, to nourish ourselves, to focus on gratitude, focus on all the blessings that we do have in our life.
00:07:57
Speaker
So that that which is irritating us doesn't overpower us. It's not seen as us. it We can objectify it and look at, oh, ah having a negative feeling right now, analyzing it, and then we can choose to come back to a place of gratitude.
00:08:16
Speaker
very interesting that what you're saying is like we're having a bad day yeah instead of wallowing in self-pity. Yes. The thing to do is to investigate and understand the reasons why we're having a bad day and or why we're doing something that we don't enjoy and then try I suppose to eliminate those we don't If something goes wrong, they say any fool can make a mistake, but only an idiot makes the same mistake twice. Yes, exactly. What you're saying is like, you're having a bad day. Well, there is a reason for having a bad day. Work out what that reason is and don't allow that reason to happen again. Yes, exactly. And it's not even a whole day. You're having a bad moment. like Analyze why write this moment am I suddenly feeling sad? That person didn't smile at me when I smiled.
00:09:11
Speaker
I smiled at them, they didn't smile back, analyze these things. And instead of getting down about that, you're like, oh my goodness, I gave that person a smile. They really needed it because they couldn't even smile back. Suddenly you're in a better mood. Like you can you can change it all around into a place of gratitude.
00:09:31
Speaker
That is so interesting. When you're walking along the pavement and somebody's walking towards you, the the natural thing I think to do is to smile at them. You don't always get a smile back, but you then have to, like you say, think that person isn't having a good day. But they got at least one smile during the day. yeah really nice way of looking at things, really nice.
Building a Habit of Gratitude
00:09:54
Speaker
But you also mentioned this thing about gratitude as well. Tell me more about gratitude. It's it's really the secret to happiness. It's so simple. we We have made our lives really complicated, but what I finally found out in life and what changed my life is that secret to happiness, that our whole purpose for being here
00:10:20
Speaker
is to experience gratitude. That's really our entire job. That sort of rolls off your tongue. But what do you mean? We exist. We are here. Our existence is to experience gratitude. What does that mean? He said throwing his hands up in the air, sort of like waving them around. What does that mean? We have the opportunity every moment to choose to be grateful. Well, what's the difference between a happy life and a miserable life? oh It's how grateful you are. It's really that's it. And we all
00:10:58
Speaker
We all have the same voice in our heads. It's a little bit different, but there the voice is saying to each person in an own individual way, custom customized to each person, there but there's a voice trying to get you miserable all day long. It's working on you from morning till night saying, you are missing this. You are lacking that. You shouldn't be happy. You should be miserable.
00:11:28
Speaker
and And what I finally discovered is we all think we're the only ones hearing this, but every single person is hearing this, and it comes in all different disguises. I just wrote a children's book about this, because the earlier we could learn this in life, the better. Otherwise, we have to play catch up later on in life whenever we learn it. But I'm teaching this to really young children. If you get these happiness skills early on in life,
00:11:57
Speaker
then you have such a more empowered life to be able to choose joy. So yes basically this voice and our job, we why do we have this voice? It's really a gift. It's a personal trainer being given to each of us. All we have to do is exercise our gratitude muscles, pushing it off, push off that the recognize It's not you, it's this, it's this personal trainer that you've been given to become a more grateful person. Yeah, I can appreciate what you say when we get these, this voice inside our head telling us that we should be miserable because we haven't got, we haven't done all these sorts of things. You'll see ah things on social media saying like, how many of these cities have you visited? And you're thinking like,
00:12:46
Speaker
Well, maybe I have, maybe I haven't, ah but somebody else has always scored more. It's you haven't got the right design of trainers. You haven't got the right design of what this, that, the other, all these various yeah things. And you could develop this fear of missing out. And what you're saying is that we need to turn down the volume on that voice saying you're missing out on something and turn up the volume on the voice that says, well, actually you've got that and no one else has that. Or what you've got is really special.
00:13:17
Speaker
yes exactly More, more easy to say than it is to do though, isn't it? It's more difficult to say, sorry, it is more, it is easier to say than it is to do. So how do we make it happen? Well, you'd be surprised how easy it is because what are the most, what's the easiest way to change a habit? By making it enjoyable. We we we find that it takes 400 repetitions to change a habit.
00:13:48
Speaker
But if 10 to 20 repetitions and we've got a new habit down, if it's done joyfully, if it's done playfully, and being grateful is joyful. So it's really not hard to develop a gratitude habit. we It feels awkward at first, but just start doing it and you'll see what happens to your mood.
00:14:14
Speaker
Now, it sounds as if developing a gratitude habit is something of a journey. he exactly Exactly. You know, when you get in a car,
00:14:28
Speaker
and And you try to travel on this rocky road that has never been traveled on, it's really hard to do. But once you create those grooves, it gets easier and easier. It's the same way with our neural pathways. When we create the neural pathways of gratitude, when we create gratitude pathways in our brain, it gets easier and easier to practice gratitude.
00:14:55
Speaker
But if you're going on a journey, you either look at a map or you get the computer in the car to tell you the way to go. What is the way to go in order to build this joyful life, this life based on gratitude? It's an evolution, I'm i'm sure, but what are the steps that people can take? I learned something that is from ancient mystical wisdom, but it's totally timeless. And it's called the pleasure ladder.
00:15:24
Speaker
there are five rungs on the pleasure ladder. And it corresponds to our five fingers. In other words, we have the ability to bring joy into our lives at any moment. it We have it right in our own hands, right in front of our eyes. So we these five levels of pleasure,
00:15:48
Speaker
they correspond to the five levels of the human soul. So it's universal. And the lowest level of the soul is the part that's attached to the body.
00:15:59
Speaker
And at this level so on this level, it's all the natural physical pleasures. The lowest level of pleasure is experiencing gratitude for all the natural physical pleasures in this world. It could be the natural foods we've been given, spending time in nature, exercising, dancing, swimming, gardening, music.
00:16:26
Speaker
All of these things are natural pleasures. When we experience them with gratitude, it nourishes both our bodies and our souls. How do we move up the ladder?
00:16:38
Speaker
So if you want to go up the ladder, can I get an example on that level of an orange? On that level, like we can't always eat natural things with mindful gratitude. But like if we did, just think of all the joy it could bring.
00:16:57
Speaker
I'm holding an orange in my hands right now. You know how the fruit are green when they are camouflaged in with the leaves? They're being protected till they get ready and then they get bright and beautiful and they call to us, we're ready. That means they're the most vivid color so we can get pleasure looking at them.
00:17:19
Speaker
smelling them and then they are packed in a, they're packed in a peel that keeps this sweet juiciness in for months. When we open this peel, we get to taste all that's been kept inside for us.
00:17:37
Speaker
We enjoy the taste, the pleasurable taste. And at the end, we're left with seeds, which are designed to become trees and infinite more oranges. It's an amazing experience, and that is just having gratitude for one little orange.
Exploring the Pleasure Ladder
00:17:54
Speaker
And meanwhile, in life,
00:17:56
Speaker
there are so many gifts that we have right this very minute in our lives, you know, if we open our eyes and see it. So that's just an example on the lowest level of pleasure. So you're you're almost talking about there, instead of ah ah meeting an orange, it's thinking about the orange as really the miracle that it is and all the things that it does, you eat in a more conscious way. Yes. Which will highlight for you the things to be grateful about a meal. So the idea of eating on the go, you know, we should be taking time out of our day, like the French do when they drink coffee. You never see a French person walking down the street with a cardboard cup of coffee.
00:18:42
Speaker
They take time to enjoy their cup of coffee. Yes, but but here's the thing. Just be grateful whenever you do it. Plenty of times I don't eat mindfully. That's okay too.
00:18:56
Speaker
Don't be down on yourself. but But whenever you do get the opportunity, that is a gratitude moment. It's a gratitude exercise. So we have this we have this potential throughout the day, all day long, to be grateful for so many gifts in our lives that are filled, just like this orange, with loving compassion and infinite intelligence to bring us so much joy.
00:19:23
Speaker
And it's okay if you don't feel grateful. That's okay too. Don't don't worry about that. Just be grateful for the moments when you are grateful. This is a win-win-win-win-win situation. What what's the second run on the ladder? then The next rung up is love. Now this is interesting because you what we said that everything on this is empowering. We have it in our hands. How could we have love in our hands? We need somebody else to to give us love, right? But here we are going by an ancient definition of love.
00:20:01
Speaker
which is to focus on the virtues of another. We all have that ability, even if we're in prison, in solitary confinement.
00:20:13
Speaker
A person could focus on, let's say, a grandmother that once did a kindness for them. In that moment, they are filled with this warm emotional feeling of love that could inspire them. In other words, we can bring love into our lives at any moment, focusing on what we appreciate about another person.
00:20:36
Speaker
It's been grateful, isn't it? It's been grateful for the person that smiled us as we walked down the road. It's been grateful for the ah person who helped us with a bag or you know gave but the parking space in the parking lot. Just the small little things that someone does for us to to be grateful for those. ah yeah What's number three?
00:21:00
Speaker
And then going up, the third level up is doing something good and meaningful. So like I was on another show when I got to this level, the host said he was he was eat he was feeling miserable and lonely.
00:21:17
Speaker
And he was eating ah a big box of pizza all by himself. He finished two slices and he's about to plow through the whole rest of the box when there's a knock on his door. He helps his neighbor for two minutes. He comes back into his apartment and he no longer wants the pizza. What changed?
00:21:39
Speaker
That's an interesting question because food for many people is a is a solution to loneliness or being unhappy. yeah We eat when we're unhappy. We have our favorite comfort foods. So what yeah changed? What changed? I suppose he's um he's he's filled his appetite or satisfied his appetite by doing something for someone else. He no longer feels empty.
00:22:07
Speaker
Yes. Yes, exactly. He felt grateful to be able to help somebody else. He created connection. Why do we overeat? Or why do we have other addictions? We feel alienated, estranged, cut off alone. We feel a sense of scarcity of pleasure in our life. So we keep stuffing our faces because it brings immediate pleasure. And we want the pleasure to keep lasting. That's what we're all after.
00:22:38
Speaker
lasting pleasure in life and what brings lasting pleasure? Gratitude. That is what really fills us up. So we we go for all these external things, hoping that we'll fill the hunger, but it's not that kind of hunger. It's a spiritual hunger that only gratitude can really fill. Yes. You mentioned the word spiritual there. It's a strange word to use in many ways, because for some people it will evoke the religion, but you're not talking about religion, are you?
00:23:10
Speaker
I'm talking about that we are more than our bodies. and There is a divine spark in all of us. It's something beyond, way beyond our bodies that I think we all can relate to. And it's about nourishing that divine spark in all of us. That's a genuine hunger that needs to be filled. and Again, we we think when we mistake that we're only bodies, we try to fill it with these external things and that won't fill the hall. So recognizing that the whole container of ice cream will never fill us up.
00:23:49
Speaker
The whole bag of potato chips won't do it because in fact we'll get, and we'll feel even emptier after we finish those things. yeah But gratitude will work. And and going up this pleasure ladder, any rung on this pleasure ladder will work to fill us up. That's the amazing thing.
00:24:09
Speaker
Yeah, you've got me thinking now
Reframing Negativity with Gratitude
00:24:11
Speaker
that actually when you've had a bad day or you're in a bad mood, whatever it is, you've got to almost stand still for a moment and reframe the situation. Think about it differently and then take a different course of action. don't Don't lose your temper. Don't swear. Don't swear it yourself. Just think about the situation in a different way and you almost need to have an arsenal, so to speak.
00:24:42
Speaker
here of ways to or an arsenal of things to think about that will change your mood. So think about something that makes you happy, something that, like you say, you can remember something that you enjoyed some an occasion when somebody made you happy, somebody did something for you. And what you're saying is that that then will help you to be grateful for the situation that you're in at that time.
00:25:15
Speaker
Exactly. And you are not distracting yourself from the negative situation. That's what people think. It's not a distraction. You are doing exactly what you will put here to do. You are going back to being a grateful soul. That's it. You are recognizing the abundance of ways to bring proud pleasure into your life in this amazing garden that we've been given.
00:25:41
Speaker
That's great. So, you know, we've talked about three of these five runs on the ladder, three of the five fingers you talked about on your hands. People will be sitting here listening to us and thinking, like, when is it going to say number four, number four, number four, number five, number five. But actually, I'm not going to tell people I want people to.
00:26:07
Speaker
Where can people find out about finger four and finger five? Oh, yeah. So on my website, we actually you can actually download a free chart of the Pleasure Letter. I encourage people to print it out and put it on their fridge or their cupboard to remind them there is no scarcity of pleasure in your life. That's an illusion.
00:26:33
Speaker
The reality is that there's an ah abundance of ways right this very minute for you to fill yourself up with gratitude. So I hope people will check that out on my website, which is getsbookshop.com. And gets is spelled which way?
00:26:50
Speaker
Very funny. G-O-E-T-Z. You don't pronounce the O, but it's getsbookshop dot.com. Yeah. Sorry. I'm feeling very grateful today because you have used the American description of what we in the UK call crisps. You talked about a bag of potato chips. A bag of potato chips is something that we get from the fish and chip shop and they're hot and straight. And we get crisps, which are round and... Yeah.
00:27:19
Speaker
They're crisp. That's why we call them crisp. And we get those from the shop in a bag and they're cold. Thank you. Thank you for explaining that. yeah you You have um made me grateful for that site.
Conclusion: Gratitude in Aging and Podcasting
00:27:32
Speaker
Like people have said, want people separated by a common language, which is huge. But it's been absolutely fantastic having a conversation with you today. Baraka gets. Thank you. Thank you very much.
00:27:48
Speaker
Thank you. I am Michael Millboard, the grateful managing director of Abacida. And in this episode of Fit for My Age, I have been having a conversation with a Braca Goetz, the Harvard educated author of Now We Know, not 40, but 42 books that help children's souls shine. You can find out more about both of us at abacida.co.uk. There's a link in the description.
00:28:15
Speaker
I must remember to thank the team at matchmaker.fm for introducing me to BRCA. If you are a podcast looking for interesting guests or if like BRCA you have something very interesting to say, matchmaker is where matches of great hosts and great guests are made. There is a link to matchmaker.fm and an offer code in the description.
00:28:40
Speaker
If you are listening to Fit For My Age on your smartphone in the UK, you may like to know, or maybe I should say you might be grateful to know, that 3 has the UK's fastest 5G network with unlimited data. So listening on 3 means you can wave goodbye to buffering.
00:29:00
Speaker
There is a link in the description that will take you to more information about business and personal telecom solutions from three and the special offers available when you quote my referral code. At fit for my age, our aim is proactive, positive aging. Knowing the risks early is an important part of maintaining good health. That is why we recommend the annual health test from York test.
00:29:26
Speaker
York tests provide an assessment of 39 different health markers including cholesterol, diabetes, vitamin B, vitamin B12, liver function, iron deficiency, inflammation and a full blood count.
00:29:41
Speaker
The annual health test is conducted by an experienced phlebotomist. I am always grateful when I can say that word correctly. The phlebotomist will complete a full blood draw at your home or workplace. Hospital standard tests are carried out in UKAS accredited and CQC compliant laboratories.
00:30:05
Speaker
You can access your easy to understand results and guidance to help you make effective lifestyle changes anytime via your secure personal wellness hub account. There is a link and a discount code in the description.
00:30:20
Speaker
The description, just like Bracka's 42 children's books, is well worth it reading. If you have liked this episode of Fit for My Age, please give it a like and download it so that you can listen anytime, anywhere. To make sure you don't miss out on future episodes, please subscribe. Remember the aim of all the podcasts produced by Abecedah is not to tell you what to think, but we do hope to make you think.
00:30:50
Speaker
All that it remains for me to say is until the next episode of Fit For My Age, a genuine thank you for listening and goodbye.