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EP 34: Welcome Baby Evelyn!
2k Plays2 years ago
Baby Evelyn is here! This week, the moms celebrate the arrival of Candace’s second baby, Evelyn Shannon by hearing all about her birth story and how the first few days as a family of four have been going in the Donnelly household.
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Transcript
Introduction and Baby Arrival
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it. Oh, we're gonna get into it.
00:00:20
Speaker
And this is the mom group chat podcast. Hi, guys. We have a new second time mom here with us today. I have a new baby squish. She is so squishy. Evie's here. We're so excited.
00:00:40
Speaker
Yes. Baby Evelyn is here. She has made her earthly debut and I am tired. Yeah, I'm sure. I feel like Candice has been withholding for me a lot of things because she wants to talk about it on the pod. And I'm like, how are things going? What's going on? And she's like, I'll wait till we have Evelyn's episode. And I'm just like,
00:01:03
Speaker
dying to know what's happening over here. Well, I was just talking about how my hair looks so big right now, and it's because it's full of secrets. Well, I'm jealous because my hair is flat per usual.
Navigating Early Parenthood
00:01:18
Speaker
No, I have been withholding a little bit, and part of that is just being in the newborn time warp of you get sucked into just focusing on your routine and making sure and figuring everything out.
00:01:32
Speaker
So don't take it personally. It's not just you. It's everyone. Well, it's weird. It's like time is so fast, but so slow. You're just like, it slows down and you're like, Oh, now I can catch up on everything. But it's like 2 a.m. And you're like, Oh, no one else. Oh my God. I just said that to Vinnie. I was like, time is moving so fast, but so slow at the same time, like, especially the night times. Like, you know, I have her little hatch.
00:01:59
Speaker
noise machine in our room that has the time on it. And sometimes I'll look at it and be like, damn, it is already 4.30 AM. That's crazy. The night went by so fast. But also the night went by so slow. I'm like, oh my God. I still have three more hours of torture before we awake for the day. Yeah.
00:02:22
Speaker
I know. It's so hard. It is hard. And I'm sure we'll get into all of the nitty gritty of it all. But the bright spot here is that she is here. She's healthy. She is healthy, let me tell you. Yeah, tell us everything. My god, I was thinking about where to start on this because I feel like so much happened the week before she was born. I was just going to touch on that a little bit. My mom got admitted to the hospital.
00:02:51
Speaker
the Thursday before my induction. So it went from me praying that she came any day to me being like, wait a sec, I need you to hold on. My mom is all good now. She got diagnosed with a blood autoimmune disorder that's curable. She's going to be fine.
00:03:12
Speaker
But it was very scary there for a second. And she spent four days in the hospital and got literally discharged on Sunday at like 4 p.m., honestly. And then you went to the hospital. Yeah, I went to the hospital at 10 30 p.m. on Sunday. So that is like
00:03:32
Speaker
And I'm not kidding. Like she told every doctor, every nurse, like my daughter's giving birth on Monday. Like I have to be there. And everyone, when I came to visit her every time, they were like, we're going to try and get her out before you get birth. So anyways, the week before it was like a little crazy and I feel like.
00:03:52
Speaker
I'm so happy that she's okay and that it was all curable. This is just a note to everyone listening. Go and get your physicals and your blood work because this is something that they caught in normal blood work of hers that was done. Especially there's something with the boomers and our parents. They have such an issue taking care of themselves.
00:04:18
Speaker
So encourage your parents to go and get a checkup and get full blood work done because you never know. And this is something that could have been dangerous if not caught. So anyways, so we went into the hospital at 10 30 p.m. on Super Bowl Sunday. We missed the ending of the game because we were literally checking into the hospital and because I was asleep. I have no excuse.
00:04:47
Speaker
I'm kind of mad too. Apparently it was a great game. I know. Well, we were literally driving to the hospital and I had it on my phone and I was holding it up for Vinny and I to watch because it was over time. It was intense and a good game, but we got checked in. It was so smooth and easy, honestly. They took us right away.
00:05:11
Speaker
They, you know, we got me all situated in a room and a bed and all of that. And then I got a dose of CytoTech, which is the little, you know, pill they put in your hoo-ha. And pretty much we just chilled for four hours and tried to sleep. I would say sleep, but I didn't sleep very much, to be honest. And then I got another dose.
Labor and Delivery Experience
00:05:37
Speaker
And then, yeah, shit started to progress like morning time. Um, on Monday the 12th, I had amazing nurses. Like it was as smooth as it could have gone. Honestly, like I had such a good experience. I feel like there's, and Whitney, obviously you and I, all we know is induction. Cause I had to be induced with my person. I know you were induced.
00:06:02
Speaker
Both times. Yeah. I feel like there's a lot, there's sometimes like a negative stigma about induction that like, it can be like invasive or like, I don't know. Uh, I loved every second of it. I mean, first time was second time was even better. Yeah, that's exactly how I feel. I think people are negative about it because it can easily flip to a C section.
00:06:27
Speaker
Yeah, if things aren't progressing. I think having amazing nurses is major key to success. I had a nurse who's been a labor and delivery nurse for 35 years and she was like, we're going to get this baby out of you as quick as possible. She knew all the moves with the peanut ball and constantly had me switching positions. That's the best. They know their shit.
00:06:54
Speaker
Yeah. So by two o'clock, I was like, um, I think eight or nine centimeters, like we were getting close and I was definitely, I feel like my epidural was perfect this time. Like I, oh my gosh. Like I didn't, it took away like the pain, but I still felt like pressure. It was so much easier to push this time.
00:07:17
Speaker
Oh my gosh, it was amazing. I had like, and towards the end, it was pretty intense, but it wasn't like unbearable, but it was intense pressure. And so I was like looking at my nurse and I was like, I, we're going to be going soon. Like I.
00:07:35
Speaker
I feel a lot of pressure. She checked me again. I was like nine, 10 centimeters. So my doctor came in who is I love and I'm obsessed with her. She was so there for me after Shannon passed. Like I obviously was pregnant and had so much anxiety. I went in and like she sat with me for like an hour and answered all my questions. And like she was truly there for me after Shannon passed.
00:08:01
Speaker
So I was so excited when she was the doctor on call. So anyways, she came to me. I was like, I'm ready to push. And she was like, I have to go do an emergency C-section. Can you wait? And I go, I don't know. Like I literally looked at her and was like, I don't know if I can. And she was like, and I asked how long does a C-section take? And she was like 45 minutes to an hour. And I was like,
00:08:25
Speaker
I'll try but like I don't know like I'm already feeling urges to push you know so we made it like 40 minutes and I looked at my nurse and I was like I gotta have this baby like I cannot wait another second and she checked me and she was like oh shit yeah like the head is
00:08:45
Speaker
coming out of you. And so they got another doctor on call. She was so nice. And she was like, Dr. Bhardy and I literally were in residency together. Like we've worked together forever. Like you're in great care. And I was like, truly don't give a shit. I have to push this baby out.
00:09:03
Speaker
So I probably did like two pushes and then Dr. Bajardi ran in the room and was like, I'm here. I'm here. And it was so she was so sweet. And she like they like swapped places so quickly. Like they got her ready, like in her little gloves and gown. And she and I literally I pushed for 10 minutes and just so crazy. She was out and yeah, she.
00:09:30
Speaker
So as soon as she was born, everyone was like, oh, she's a big girl. And I was like, I kind of knew she was going to be bigger, but you know, they don't weigh them for like an hour, you know? So she was out. They put her on my chest, obviously. To me, she felt kind of like Alice did, honestly. Like I was like, she's maybe a little bigger, but like she's like Alice's size, you know?
00:09:55
Speaker
And then they weighed her and they, so they took her and weighed her and they were like, Oh my gosh, eight pounds, 11 ounces. And I was shocked. She also had a 14 inch head, which they said was pretty big. They were like, Oh, she's got a large head. I was like, cool.
00:10:14
Speaker
love that for me. So, yeah, but I mean, it was such an amazing experience. I read Shannon's birth email that she had sent me before I gave birth, which I knew was going to give me some strength. And I really feel like I had a magical experience in that, you know,
00:10:36
Speaker
she was there with me I'm trying to think oh and then after I did have a I guess I did have a like a little bit of complication afterwards they were having trouble like controlling my bleeding a little bit nothing like scary like it wasn't like I was hemorrhaging or anything like that but they were having issues like controlling my bleeding
00:10:55
Speaker
Um, but they were great and got it under control. I felt a little, um, I actually didn't get to hold Alice for the whole hour because I started to feel kind of faint and, um, the medicine they gave me to clot the bleeding, I guess, which is by the way, a pill in your butthole. Okay. Um,
00:11:15
Speaker
Yeah, what a delight after birth literally literally just push out a baby. I ripped my vagina and now they're like, by the way, we're going to stick this pill in your rectum. So.
00:11:28
Speaker
I'm so sorry. It's so invasive. Everything is like, all right. Yeah. It's just crazy. So, um, the medicine and they had warned me that the medicine might make me feel icky. Like it could give me a fever, they said, and could make me feel super nauseous. And I hadn't eaten anything in 24 hours base or almost 24 hours. And, um,
00:11:53
Speaker
They it did it made me feel kind of icky and there was a point where I was like someone's got to take this baby like I'm scared that I Can't hold her right now So they obviously Vinnie took her and all was fine after that like I've been fine since you know I
00:12:09
Speaker
So, um, but yeah, it was beautiful and amazing. My mom was there. She made it. And, uh, Vinny was a champ. Oh, the cord was wrapped around her neck, which I, Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. I, I like. So did she come out crying or no? Yeah, she did. She came out crying and they said, when they said, Oh, the court, and I saw the cord, which
00:12:34
Speaker
It's still crazy. Can we talk about that? It's weird. It looked so crazy and hers was like super curly. Yeah, that's it. It's curly. It's disgusting. Oh my God. I don't know. It's so weird. I hate it at all. So they said it was pretty like, I was shocked that it was around her neck and it like kind of scared me. I was like, Oh my God, is she okay? And they were like, Oh, it's she's good. It's loose. Like they, they kept saying it was like a necklace.
00:13:01
Speaker
Oh, like it was like hanging down like a. She's a material girl. She's a material girl. So they didn't seem concerned. So I was like, I guess I should be concerned because she's fine, I guess. Yeah.
00:13:16
Speaker
But yeah, they weight her and they said 11 or eight pounds, 11 ounces. And I was like, good God. I know that when they're little, it doesn't seem like they're that big. No, it's weird. And you're like, oh, they just look like a tiny little baby. But then they tell you the weight and you're like, oh, my God. I mean, that's I mean, over here. Yeah. It's crazy.
00:13:39
Speaker
I know, but... I mean, Alice was 7'5", so she was like a whole pound plus more. I think Graydon was 8'4", so he was still like on the juicy side too, but not nearly as big. And I mean, I like a bigger baby though, just because they're squishy.
00:13:59
Speaker
I was going to say, I have said for the longest time that I wanted a big chunky baby this time because Alice is a little green bean. So we, I got my chunky
Family and Sibling Dynamics
00:14:09
Speaker
baby. She's got arm rolls and cheeks. And she is, I've been, so since when Alice was born, like I, she, she has always been chicken noodle. Like that's just her name. She's just a chicken noodle. And this one is a dumpling. Like she's my dumpling. I call her little dump, which is probably not a good nickname.
00:14:29
Speaker
But she is just a dumpling and my like now my most used emoji online like How old am I? Yeah, my is is a dumpling emoji now because of her well whenever I was little they called me Winnie the poo and then it just turned into poo so I get that and
00:14:54
Speaker
I've always been... It couldn't have been Winnie? So I've been called poo my whole life, so I get it. Evie, I got you dump. It's all good.
00:15:05
Speaker
Oh, so there's a couple other like crazy things that happened. So I mean, if you saw my Instagram post, you know this already, but so we got, you know, they do everything in the labor and delivery. We're getting like ready to be moved to the postpartum room. I talked to my nurse. So one of my nurses was 20 weeks pregnant.
00:15:26
Speaker
And so we were talking, I told her about the podcast and I was like, you should listen. Shameless plug. Yeah. She was like a first, she's a first time mom. I was like, oh, this is perfect for you. Like join us over on mom group chat, blah, blah, blah, whatever.
00:15:43
Speaker
Um, she was like, all right, let me go. Just make sure your room is ready and I'll be right back. So she came back and she was like, amazing. All right. We're ready to go. I just talked to your nurse upstairs. She's amazing. Her name is Shannon and I Vinnie and I both gasps. We were like,
00:16:02
Speaker
I am a huge believer in little signs. I feel like that is what gives me peace. I see signs from my dad all the time. And I think life is a lot sadder if you don't believe in those signs or don't believe in those little coincidences. So I think that that happening and having our nurse be Shannon, it was a little sign from her that she was here with us.
00:16:31
Speaker
You told me that I, after we got off the phone, I started crying. I was like, that is out of the millions of names people in the world. Like, what are the coincidences? I was like, I just started crying. I was like, that was so nice of you, Shannon, to come and say hi to Candace. Oh my God.
00:16:54
Speaker
I can't get over it. I'm never gonna do it. I cried. Vinny just couldn't believe it. He was like, that is so crazy. Of all the people, of all the nurses, how crazy is that? So we got up there and we told obviously the nurse and she was so touched and she was amazing. I bet y'all were like, and she was like, okay, y'all are crazy.
00:17:18
Speaker
I was like, literally, she hadn't been in our room for like 30 seconds. I was like, by the way, I have to tell you. And she was like, OK, you're crazy. This is a lot. Yeah, no, she was so sweet and was so touched that we like, you know.
00:17:40
Speaker
Yeah, I mean she'll probably remember that forever too. Yeah, she is she actually like asked a lot about her like our whole stay there because I had her two nights in a row that nurse and she like asked a lot about her and like really took an interest in like
00:17:57
Speaker
who she was, which I really loved, you know, like it's always nice to kind of talk about her and share her with anyone who will listen. So, yeah, it was really sweet. And I really appreciated the sign, Shannon. And I shared obviously that with Shannon's family, too. And they were like, oh, my. You didn't tell me what did they say?
00:18:24
Speaker
I mean, they all were like, oh my God, like, how wild is that? And then her mom said, well, of course it was Shannon. Like, I think that's what she said. She was like, of course your nurse's name was Shannon. Like, of course she would be there for you. So it was really sweet. And I'll never get over that. That's so wild. I know. It's so crazy.
00:18:47
Speaker
So that happened. Um, and you know, we were only in the hospital for two days this time. My baby was still John this don't get it twisted. We were still John. Okay. I learned a lot about John this this time around, and I'm going to drop some knowledge on all of you here so that you can prepare yourself. Okay.
00:19:10
Speaker
So jaundice is very dependent on blood type, which I did not know. So if you have a negative blood type, you're almost guaranteed to not be jaundice. Like it's very rare. It's like positive. Yeah. Almost always is it positive. I have a negative blood. So we were kind of waiting to see what Evie's blood type was because Vinnie's O positive and Alice's O positive.
00:19:37
Speaker
So we were like, okay, if, if Evie got my blood, like she's not, she's most likely not going to be jaundice. It's also O positive is the most jaundice prone blood type there is that almost always babies that are born with O positive blood, like have some sort of jaundice.
00:19:58
Speaker
Didn't know that. So, um, and there's a bunch of like predisposition things they talked about us. And one of them is that if you had a sibling that was jaundice and I'm like, well, Alice was super jaundice. So here we go. And literally after she, like 12 hours later, after she was born and they were like, by the way, her blood types O positive. And I was like, fuck.
00:20:18
Speaker
Damn it. And as you see her get more and more tan, you're like, no. Literally, I could see it happening. I was like, yep. She looks like she's put on some self-tanner, so. I know. They get such a pretty complexion. You're like, all right, I like it, but don't, OK? I know. People are like, oh my gosh, her complexion's so beautiful. I'm like, thank you. It's the jaundice. Yes, exactly.
00:20:41
Speaker
A lot has changed since we had Alice in the jaundice world. The threshold for lightbeds is like higher now. So you actually don't get admitted to the lightbeds until like
00:20:55
Speaker
it's pretty intense now. They just really tell you to focus on feeding and flushing it out and monitoring it rather than going straight to the light beds. And they gave us the option to stay one more day to possibly. And they were like, or you could monitor from home and see the pediatrician within 24 hours. And we're like,
00:21:17
Speaker
that one, we want to go home. So we did have to go to the pediatrician three times, like three days. But by the third day, her levels went down and we're in the clear with that and we got to manage it from home. My biggest advice, and it's funny because I said last time that I would switch to formula, just cold turkey, just to kick the jaundice and then go back to breast milk.
00:21:44
Speaker
We did supplement a little bit with formula until my milk came in, but once my milk came in, she, like Evie's such a good eater that I didn't need to do the just formula. Really, she was chugging my milk, like wanting two to three ounces per feeding as a newborn, which is kind of crazy. And we were able to kick it with my breast milk, which is awesome. So yeah, amazing.
00:22:12
Speaker
But yeah, I just thought that was so interesting about the blood type thing. I did not know that. I just thought any baby could really be like Jaundice. So crazy that they both got Vinny's blood type. I know. Mine, I think both of them got mine. In the same vein as like what they got from Vinny, what they got from me. I think this baby looks more like Vinny. She's a little bit more of a mix, I think.
00:22:37
Speaker
Yeah, Alice came out looking like he was. Yeah, which I do. I see similarities, but she is a little different. She's a little different, but in a good way, I think, like, I think it's like they look like sisters already, but they're different. Exactly. I mean, the jeans be working. They're siblings. That's how I feel like Margo and Gray and are like, I'll look back at pictures. I'm like, should
00:23:00
Speaker
They look just alike. And then they also look so different to me. Maybe just because it's a boy girl thing, but they share DNA. I think Margot looks so much like you. I appreciate it. For sure. And Graydon looks more like Chris, I think. Yeah. Well, I mean, I would hope it was that way. But there's a mix. But there's a mix there, too, of all of you. But yeah.
00:23:26
Speaker
I want to hear all about coming home, Alice meeting Evelyn. You have not told me any of this, so I'm just dying to know.
00:23:36
Speaker
So we were always on the, like we were very firm in the beginning with, we did not want Alice to come to the hospital. We wanted to introduce her at home. And then lo and behold, we were in the hospital and we were like, we can't wait to see her. And also our room was ginormous. Like we could have had a full ass party in our postpartum room.
00:24:03
Speaker
And it wasn't like scary in there. Like I was nervous about the hospital because we've been in hospital situations with Alice before. Not like serious, but you know what I mean? Like visiting family members or even she came with me once when we did our 3D ultrasound for Evie and she was like freaked out by me laying on the table and like them doing the thing to my belly. She was like, mama, get up, mama, stop, mama, get up.
00:24:29
Speaker
So we were like, I don't know if we really want that. We decided to have her come anyway, but we were very clear with family that we just want it to be her and not in-laws and parents. We wanted to do it with just the four of us.
00:24:47
Speaker
Um, and that meeting went great. She was so sweet. She like gave her kisses and I have a video of it. I look so bad in the video, but for the memes, it's good to have. Um, and she is so sweet. Uh,
00:25:04
Speaker
However, like 20 minutes, 30 minutes after that, my mother-in-law came, Gigi came, and you know, she wanted to hold the baby, and like, ooh and aah over Evie, and that's where things took a turn.
00:25:21
Speaker
As it does. Yeah, I'm going to be really honest on here about how I felt that first, like during this moment and that first night, because I hope it will. I don't know. Maybe some people have had a similar experience, but as soon as Gigi got there, like things took a turn. She started to like act out and she was saying like, stop, no, like about the baby and.
00:25:48
Speaker
But it was also nap time that so in the hospital, it was like fully nap time. And I was like, okay, she's just tired. Like they need to go. Gigi was picking her up from the hospital. So that's like where she was going. And once they left, I was like, that was she's just tired. It was a weird situation.
00:26:06
Speaker
Yeah, but then but the night that we got home, you know, my in-laws came to drop her off. And so we had family here. They were all oohing and awwing over the baby. My sister-in-law was here. There was a lot going on. It was late at night, so it was like also bedtime. And Alice was acting like a different toddler. Like, I cannot tell you she was. I'm sorry, I'm just going to say she was acting like a little brat.
00:26:35
Speaker
She was being so different. She was not her sweet self. She was saying stop and being bossy and fighting for attention. Part of this was definitely my postpartum hormones.
00:26:54
Speaker
And probably just feeling overwhelmed about it being our first night at home. My anxiety was kicking in for the first night and I just burst into tears in front of my in-laws.
00:27:09
Speaker
I, there was truly a moment where I was like, did we make the wrong decision? Like having another baby? Like genuinely, I was like, even though I love, I love Evie so much and I already like see that she is going to be so great for our family. In that moment, I was like, oh no, I'm changing my toddler forever. Like my sweet toddler girl is, oh my God, I'm going to cry.
00:27:35
Speaker
No, I mean, I think it's so common, like they become attention seeking like Graydon didn't do it initially and then he like started to change over time where he was attention seeking seeing where he could push the boundaries and get away with things and
00:27:53
Speaker
It's so hard, especially like you said with the hormones and the anxiety for the night. It's like, I'm overwhelmed. I was. I was so overwhelmed. And when you have expectations and you see others' videos of the perfect meeting and you want that and you have that in your head and when your expectations aren't met, you're like,
00:28:15
Speaker
What did I do? Yeah. Yeah. It's so hard. But I mean, it changes over time. Like now Graydon just ignores her and she is so obsessed with him and he'll just look at her and she'll smile and he's like, all right, see ya toots once again. I'm not into you. So I think it just it's a learning curve for sure. It's so hard.
00:28:37
Speaker
Yeah and so I went to bed that night like sobbing like I was like not well yeah part of it like I said was hormones and everything but I was just like oh no like she's gonna hate me like or she hate she's mad at us that we brought this baby home
00:28:56
Speaker
And so I like, I'm not kidding. The next morning, like when we woke up, I was like scared to get her out of bed. I was like, Oh no, we're going to have a hard day. Like this, our first full day. And we had made it a point for that next day to like truly just be like a family of four day. Like we didn't want help around or family around. We wanted it to be like Alice and Evie and the two of us. And my God, I was so wrong.
00:29:21
Speaker
She was so good. She was so good. She had some interest in Evie. She wanted to see her. But we made a point to also have one-on-one time with her and focus on her. And we took her to the park. So she got it with Evie, too. All four of us went to the park.
00:29:44
Speaker
And she was so, she, we had the best day, like truly we had the best day. And I was like, oh my God, all of this was for nothing. Like she was fine. I think overarching theme is that
00:30:01
Speaker
she has the hardest time when other family members are around. She is the first, yeah, she is the first grandchild on both sides. She is queen of the motherfucking universe, okay? Like everyone is obsessed with her. She gets whatever she wants with everyone else, which is a problem. But so I think to see everyone else, like ooh and aah over this baby, that's the hardest part for her. And I still get emotional thinking about like,
00:30:31
Speaker
Oh my god. You're good. It makes me so emotional. Dude, the postpartum hormones are wild. Yeah. Oh my god. OK. I was crying for hormones. Get it together, girl. But it is such a big change in her little world, you know? Yeah.
00:30:51
Speaker
And I want, Vinny has said some things to her that I'm like, I don't want to say that. He said things like, oh well, Evie's a baby. You're not a baby anymore. You gotta be a big girl. I'm like, no, this is a big change for her too. She's allowed. She's allowed. Yeah, I always try and remind everyone.
00:31:16
Speaker
Please be sure to give Graydon your attention as well. Don't come in and just be like, Margot, Margot. And my parents always laugh. They're like, how can you not give Graydon attention? He demands it. Because he does. Alice is the same way, honestly. I feel like we are 80%.
00:31:36
Speaker
watching Graydon and thank God Margo is such a good, happy just to be their baby because if she wasn't like Chris and I probably would feel like we were all over the place, but it is a big change. And I feel like they're never going to remember a world without the baby in it though at some point. And any, I feel like Graydon feels that way now already. Um, anytime we're anywhere without her, he's like, where's Margo? I'm like, she's napping. And he's like, go get her, go get her mom.
00:32:05
Speaker
It's so funny. It's already gotten better. And she like, like in the morning she gets up and she's like, see Evie, see Evie. Yeah. And so it's already gotten better. And I think she's adjusting well overall. We of course have moments. Yeah. Most of the moments, like I said, are kind of around other family members, which like we're gonna we're navigating it. You know, to come over for a while.
00:32:31
Speaker
Yeah, for real. I mean, I wish I could enforce that, but I can't. It's hard. It's not all rainbow and butterflies. And I mean, it's not all the perfect videos. And what you capture isn't always what you see. Like, it's hard.
00:32:45
Speaker
It is so true. I feel, I definitely felt the pressure to capture this cute video of them meeting and it being perfect and it wasn't like that. And so for all of you out there who do bring home a sibling, just know that it could go differently than you think, but it doesn't mean that what's happening in that moment is gonna keep happening forever. Like I said, the next day was a completely different day.
00:33:15
Speaker
It kind of reminds me. I think you said something to me recently of like that. Maybe Olivia told you of like we're having a bad. Yeah. If one bad hour does not equate to a bad day.
00:33:29
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly it. Because that's how it was. Even that night when they brought her home, she was only awake for an hour and a half, and it was a horrible hour and a half. And now I associate that day with her coming home being this awful thing when it was literally just an hour and a half. And then the whole bedtime. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:50
Speaker
So I've been telling myself that so much lately and you guys will hear that on an episode with Olivia because she was quote master 3000 and had all the wonderful like insights and things to say that were working so perfectly for like any moment in your life. And I have been saying that to myself constantly ever since I talked to her because like sometimes the mornings are chaotic and I'm like, it's just one hour. He's going to come home this afternoon and we're going to change that around, you know? Yeah.
00:34:20
Speaker
So you just got to remember that yeah
00:34:24
Speaker
Well, it's been good and I've been trying to really like have pockets of time where I focus on Alice. I sit in the playroom with her, either Evie's with dad or in her little bouncer or whatever. And like today she's with, like my mother-in-law watches her every Wednesday. And so we're keeping that routine. She goes to Gigi's on Wednesdays and I'm here with Evie.
00:34:52
Speaker
And it's gonna be great. She's already turned it around and it's been great.
00:35:03
Speaker
I am so glad and I'm glad everything went well. And like I said, it's an adjustment. I mean, we're almost half a year in and I feel like, I don't know, she's been with us our whole life. Like I don't really remember the time before. I don't know. It's crazy to think that way.
00:35:23
Speaker
You're a weekend and you look amazing. You look well rested and glowy. That's all a facade. I've got a tricky little girl here.
Breastfeeding Challenges and Solutions
00:35:41
Speaker
We've had some good nights and then we've had some bad nights. So I know that it's not going to be like linear and that's just how it is with the newborn. Like we had the first night home actually was good. She gave me like two to three hour stretches, which is all I can ask for at this moment.
00:35:57
Speaker
She eats great. And then we had one night where it was not great. Like she was up every 45 minutes. Like I'm not kidding. It was like she couldn't settle. I don't know. I think actually it was that she has to poop. And I think that's what happened last night. She hasn't pooped in 24 hours and she's got like
00:36:17
Speaker
some constipation or gas happening, I don't know. So we've had like, I would say like 70% of our nights have been good, like two to three hour stretches. She is sleeping in the bassinet. And then 30% of our nights have been like, this is terrible. I hate it. It's so hard. It's so hard.
00:36:39
Speaker
And I love my husband so much, but he doesn't get up in the middle of the night. Like I do all of the nights. And I know are you breastfeeding at night or doing bottles, too? OK, yeah, this is a whole nother.
00:36:52
Speaker
saga here that you I haven't even like told you about at all. I am trying to breastfeed. We did do bottles for a little bit while I was waiting for my nipples to heal. So let's take a step back. I can't call Chloe and Dewey and she's falling apart on the insides.
00:37:15
Speaker
Literally, my nipples are unwell. If you are in our Facebook group, you saw my post pleading for help. So, OK, if you've listened to the show, I've been very clear. I really wanted to try to breastfeed more. I pretty much exclusively pumped with Alice because she never really latched. She wasn't a great eater this time around.
00:37:42
Speaker
The pump life is hard. There's no other way to... I mean, it's all hard. Let's be honest. Breastfeeding is hard. Pump life is hard. It's all fucking hard. Picking formula and hoping it works and doesn't give them some issues is hard. It's all hard. It's all hard. Psychologically draining. 100%. It's like choose your heart. For this time around, I really wanted to try to choose the breastfeed hard because
00:38:07
Speaker
We're going to Europe. I know I've said this like a million times. We're going to France for my brother's wedding. The thought of having to pump and like bring pump parts and store milk while we're in Europe just sounds impossible to me.
00:38:23
Speaker
Yeah. And, you know, I've seen other women. I've seen my cousins and all those people who just like so nice. They just like whip out their boob and feed and the baby eats and it's. And you're like, I can do that easy. Yeah. I'm like, God gave me boobs. I can do that.
00:38:40
Speaker
I was really lucky in the beginning. Evie latched amazingly. She seemed to be eating well. At that point, your milk isn't like fully in, but I was definitely getting, I definitely had like colostrum coming in, but around like probably the second day. And again, we're feeding every two hours. Okay. Like it's a lot like the, it was like the day we went home. So on Valentine's day, my nipples started to deteriorate. Okay.
00:39:08
Speaker
Everything started to go downhill. I was thinking of like wet paper just dissolving. It was so bad. Like I was in so much pain. Every time she latched, I was like, like I could cry. And but I still like kind of tried to push through it. I was using nipple cream. That was when I like started asking people what should I do? What do I need to order? Like
00:39:34
Speaker
And this goes back to even our second time mom episode that just came out last week or whatever, ordering things on demand. You can get things in 24 hours. That's how this was. I was like, what do I need for these nipples to help them heal? A lot of people told me the Silverette's cups, which
00:39:54
Speaker
are as good as everyone says they are. So if you're listening to this and you start breastfeeding or are breastfeeding and are having lots of nipple pain and bleeding, cracking, all those things, the silverheads, I swear to God, healed me in a day and a half. So I took a break from nursing just to like let my nipples heal because, Alice, oh my God.
00:40:18
Speaker
Evie had a spit up situation that was pink, like pink from blood. Like she was ingesting my blood, which a lot of people, you know, and I talked to a pediatrician about it. She was like, it's not that big of a deal. Like you could keep breastfeeding.
00:40:36
Speaker
But for your own sanity, maybe you want to let yourself heal a little bit. So I went to pump, pretty much exclusively pumping for a day and a half, or two days, probably two full days, to let my nipples heal. I was diligent about the nipple cream and the silverette's cups whenever I wasn't pumping. And they healed pretty quickly. I was pretty shocked.
00:41:03
Speaker
But there was some concern about what was causing the nipple pain a lot of the time. Everyone says, nursing shouldn't be painful. If it's painful, it's incorrect. And so I'm not going to lie. There was a day there where I was like, I just want to say fuck it. I do. I want to just either just exclusively pump because I'm comfortable with that.
00:41:29
Speaker
And or there was a there's a part of me that's like, do I even want to do this at all? Like, no, I love the late night text that I get and I wake up to where you're like, help, I don't want to do this anymore. And I'm like, well, and then by the morning you're like, I'm fine.
00:41:45
Speaker
Yeah, it's just the late night like mind fuck of pumping and like you're so tired. You're sitting feeling I'm feeling like a milk cow. Like it's just so hard. So.
00:42:01
Speaker
After talking to my cousin who, I talk about her a lot on here. She's on her fifth baby. She was like, if you really want to do it, if you really want to try to nurse and not be like an exclusive pumper or switch to formula, she was like, I would meet with a lactation consultant or an OT, like an occupational therapist who can evaluate the latch, evaluate her mouth, make sure she doesn't have a
00:42:28
Speaker
lip tie or tongue tie or all of that. And she sent me someone's information here in Tampa. I believe their name is Madden. Let me, I want to say it correctly because they were so amazing. Yeah. Madden Therapy Solutions. She is an occupational therapist, a lactation consultant. She's also a speech therapist. So she can kind of do all sorts of like in-home consultations. She also does them virtual if you wanted.
00:42:57
Speaker
It was really important for me for her to come to my house. I wanted my pillows, my nursing pillows in the environment that I nurse. You know what I mean? Yeah. So she came yesterday and it was such a good experience. Yay. And I'm so happy I did it. And I highly encourage you if you want to nurse, which by the way, whatever route you choose, do it to a girl.
00:43:25
Speaker
I wanted to really try and make it work. It was just an amazing experience. So they evaluated all of her mechanics, like lip tie, tongue tie, her suck, everything. Everything looked perfect. No lip tie, no tongue tie, all of that. My boobs are huge in case you didn't know. I sent Whitney a video of me from two days ago that
00:43:52
Speaker
They're as big as my head, I'm not gonna lie. They are unbelievable. Even my husband. I know we talk about them a lot. I should just post a titty pick at this point. I don't think people realize how... I don't even know the word otherworldly that they are. I've just never seen anything like them in my life, so they're shocking to me.
00:44:19
Speaker
Even my husband was like, damn, like, and he's seen them a lot, but big before you give birth, like after it's like shocking when the milk comes in, it's it's pretty shocking. It's crazy. So because my boobs are so big and my nipples are big, it's.
00:44:38
Speaker
When when the baby is so little like it it is hard for them to get for my nipple to be deep enough in her mouth without literally choking her Like I in order for her to get the correct latch like I have to be deep enough to where she's like Literally gagging on it. Okay? So your boobs are overwhelming your child. No like for real
00:45:06
Speaker
for real. Um, so yeah. So the lactation or, you know, the occupational therapist slash lactation consultant was like, listen, your boobs are huge, but that doesn't mean like you, we can't make it work. It's just, we got to like figure out what works. So we tried some different positions. We learned that, um, her lat, her latch is good, which is what I thought.
00:45:31
Speaker
Um, it does need to be a little bit deeper, but that my boobs are just too big and as she gets bigger, it will get better. Yeah. So I just kind of, I have to like break through this threshold of dealing with it a little bit. We also learned that the pain.
00:45:50
Speaker
It's actually not necessarily while she's like actively drinking. What's happening is not a latch issue. It is what they call an endurance issue. So she will drink. I also have a pretty heavy letdown and flow. So what's happening is, oh my God, it's so crazy. Like I just said that out loud and I can feel the letdown happening. Do you, does that ever happen to you? It was like a tingle or something. Yeah. Yeah.
00:46:20
Speaker
Oh, my God, that's so crazy. Well, that doesn't happen to me anymore. They dried up so quick. I mean, OK, well, I'm going to wish that for me when the time comes. But we learned that she eats and she can because my supply and my flow is so good, she can get like a full feed in like seven to 10 minutes. Oh, that's great. Which is great. But what's because I don't know how much she's getting and I was
00:46:45
Speaker
anxious about it. I was just letting her sit on my boob. But how would you know that though? I learned that what was happening here is she was basically done eating, but she was using my boob as basically a pacifier. She's pacifying herself, which is a shallower latch because she's not having to actively eat. So she's just basically sucking.
00:47:10
Speaker
which that is what was causing my pain and not the actual feeding. So I learned that I have to unlatch her, burp her. That's so useful. Oh my God, thank God they came. I know.
00:47:25
Speaker
Cause that was the part that was discouraging you and it was such an easy fix. Like it was such an easy fix. So I just unlatch her. I burp her. If, if I feel like she needs more flip, flip her to the other side or relatch her after I do some things to like kind of wake her up and get her out of that, like pacifying 50.
00:47:45
Speaker
phase. And so last night was my, so like I said, this, she came yesterday and last night was my first night of exclusively nursing all night instead of like doing some bottles or, and it was great. She latched amazingly every time she ate. I would get her off. She would
00:48:04
Speaker
Well, last night wasn't a great sleep night, but it was latch wise and nursing wise was great. And I do still have to pump a little bit just to like relieve myself because my supply is so good. But I'm so, so happy with my choice to have that in-home consultation. I learned so much.
00:48:30
Speaker
it is so helpful to do it in your own home with like your own supplies in your own environment. And I highly recommend, it also just gave me peace of mind that like she doesn't have a tongue tie or a lip tie. And you know, so, yeah. How do you feel mentally being like the main food supply, like not having Vinnie like help with bottles and all that?
00:48:58
Speaker
It's a little scary. I'm not going to lie. Um, it is a little bit overwhelming. And I will say, I think moving forward, and I know I just said, I do want to try and exclusively nurse. I'm going to be flexible with myself on that. Like I want to be able to leave the house for four hours if needed or whatever, like, and have someone give her a bottle. So she is taking a bottle or she has taken a bottle obviously in the past week and has been still fine. Like.
00:49:29
Speaker
latching. So I'm not too concerned about mixing in bottles every now and then. The lactation consultant did tell me that I should definitely be using a preemie nipple or definitely no higher than a size one nipple so that she's not getting used to like an open flow. The fast flow because then she'll like it. It's so much easier. Yeah.
00:49:54
Speaker
So mentally, I'm feeling I'm just feeling like I'm still giving myself grace with the feeding thing. Like if in a month I'm I'm. So not like if I'm not loving the nurse life, like I'm going to change. I'm going to I'm going to focus on what feels good for my life. You know what I mean? And my mental health. And if that, you know, hopefully it's nursing, but if it's not like I'm not, there's no shame for me to change it. Yeah.
00:50:25
Speaker
And I feel like you've put in a lot of effort to try and make it work. And if it just isn't, then it isn't. So no, that's amazing. And such a good idea to have them come to your house and do it with all of your things and you're where you want to sit. That makes a big difference. Because when the lactation consultant in the hospital comes to you, I don't know what your experience has been. They talk so fucking fast. And they're like. Well, they just squish it like a hamburger and they're like.
00:50:52
Speaker
here and you're like, okay. They're always like, all right, let's gather the pillows. Like the one that came to visit us this time in the hospital, she was like rolling towels from the bathroom and sticking them under. And I was just like, I'm not going to do this. Like I'm not going to be rolling a towel. Like I don't really know.
00:51:11
Speaker
Like I don't really know how to like do this whole setup. You've like built this like throne of towel towels and pillows around me. Like I don't really know how to recreate this at home. So I don't live in a hotel miss like we're not doing animals and.
00:51:28
Speaker
Yeah, I just find it so helpful. And to be honest, I didn't think it was that expensive. It was worth it, in my opinion, to like get peace of mind that she doesn't have a tongue tie, lip tie, that the latch for her to come to my house and like help me worth every penny, in my
Postpartum Recovery and Reflections
00:51:48
Speaker
opinion. There also might be some resources like from the hospital of people who will come that are maybe like covered by insurance. I don't know. I didn't look at that route. I just was like, let's get someone here.
00:51:58
Speaker
Yeah, but yeah, I mean, I've been feeling good recovery wise this time. I definitely have done. Did you feel this way? I I've done too much this time around like I didn't feel I felt better this time. I had more of a tear last time. Oh, OK.
00:52:21
Speaker
I definitely feel good still, but I guess I was talking to Vinny about this. With Alice, we didn't come home until day five. I laid in a hospital bed for five days. Well, Candace, you went to the fucking zoo yesterday, okay?
00:52:37
Speaker
Oh, I don't know why I don't feel good. No, I didn't even tell you. Okay. So my bride told you the next day after Alice met her, this was like literally the day after we got home, we took her to the park with Evie and like the whole thing was like, I'm going to be with Evie, but we'll all be there together. You know?
00:52:56
Speaker
Well, of course Alice wants me to like walk around with her. She's like dragging me by the hand. My child likes to go to the tallest part of the fricking playground and risk her life, you know? So, and Vinny is talking to someone who I don't know who he's talking to, which is typical. So I'm.
00:53:15
Speaker
Suddenly, I'm up in the playground with Alice and she asked me to go down a slide and I have to send you a picture. This is the tallest fucking slide in the place. She wants to go down it. She can't go down it by herself. She's way too little. So I sit on the damn slide with her in my lap and I went down the slide literally three days after I had a baby. And as soon as I did it, Whitney, I looked at Vinny and I was like, we got to go like.
00:53:44
Speaker
I could feel my insides like they were not strong enough for me to do that. Like genuinely I was concerned. I started to have like stomach pain. I had done, I'd also done like house chores that morning and that night I did.
00:54:00
Speaker
Yeah. That night I had more bleeding. It wasn't anything worrisome. I talked to my doctor, like they say, if you're filling up a pad, like in an hour, that's when you should be concerned. It wasn't anything like that, but my bleeding got heavier and I, it was kind of a wake up call for me to be like,
00:54:18
Speaker
you're doing too much girl like you gotta chill and vinny and i were like yeah we gotta tone it down a little bit that part yeah that part was hard for me mentally like i would see chris because we had margot in august and i would see chris running around outside with grayden and i was stuck inside and i would get so sad like i know
00:54:41
Speaker
Like I would be jealous. I'd be like, I miss my old life where I could go and do that with, with my son and I'm having to stay inside and be behind. And now we're like at that point that we all can do that together now. So it's just like, it's always just a season and it's hard, but man, it's changed so quickly. Like within six months, like we're all able to do everything together and we all can go on walks and this and that. So you just got to give yourself some time.
00:55:10
Speaker
I know it's, um, and that's kind of like exactly what you're describing with like watching like Chris outside is exactly why I went to the zoo yesterday. Yeah. Cause I just was like, Hey, I was dying to get out of the house. I was starting to feel like a dark bed person. You know what I mean?
00:55:27
Speaker
Yes. I just felt so gross. I was like, I got to get out. The weather has been beautiful this week. It's in the 60s and not a cloud in the sky. It's so pretty. I was like, I got to get out of this house. Literally, we were at the zoo for an hour and 15 minutes. We have passes, so it's fine if we're there for just a little bit of time. Yeah.
00:55:50
Speaker
And it was the best thing for my mental health, honestly. And I took it easy the rest of the day, but that's exactly why I went to the zoo. I was watching Vinny do stuff with Alice, and I was like, I'm jealous. I know, it kind of makes you sad. You're like, wait for me. It's not fair that you get to go do all this, and I'm stuck. I know.
00:56:10
Speaker
Yeah. The one thing I will say is I have been trying really hard to be conscious of like not wishing away this time. I feel like it's so easy. The newborn life is so fucking hard. The sleep, the no sleep, the constant feeding, the cracked and bloody nipples. Like it is brutal. Like the recovery, the. That's why you black it out. Oh my God. Yeah. Like it is brutal.
00:56:39
Speaker
But I find myself and they're like, there are countless moments I can think of in the past week where I've been like, God, I just can't wait till we get to like three or four months when she's like sleeping and you know, think we're in more of a routine or whatever. And then there are moments where I like look at her little squish face on me and I'm like, I got to stop wishing forward. Like I got to stop wishing this time away because
00:57:05
Speaker
I don't know if I'm going to have another baby. I truly don't. Like, this could be my last time. I don't know. We're undecided. So I don't want to wish away. Oh, my God. I'm so fucking emotional. I love it. Oh, my God. I know. The clip for this episode is just going to be all the clips of me trying to cry. The compilations of you like having tears.
00:57:34
Speaker
but I just want to soak in every moment of her little squishy newborn self. I think about Shannon a lot during all of this. I would give anything for her to be here with her newborn.
00:57:51
Speaker
It's just, it's a good way to think of it. Like, yeah, there are hard parts, but to dive into the happy. And I was just the opposite. I couldn't wait. And I feel bad saying that, but I'm just not a newborn person. And I like now.
00:58:11
Speaker
So much better. That's fair though. And everyone, I do like the newborn phase. I do. But it also is brutal. It's savage. It really is. I don't do well without sleep. I'm not good.
00:58:32
Speaker
well I'm so happy she's here and y'all are thriving I can't wait for more updates as she like gets older and oh my gosh it just it gets better and better every day it's crazy I'm like no having a little family for is like a little slice of heaven on earth it's so fun so
00:58:51
Speaker
It is fun so far. I'm and I can't wait for all that is to come and to see her and Alice like really bond and play together. Like it's going to be so cute and so fun. So they're going to be amazing. The little Donnelly sisters, the Donnelly sisters.
00:59:10
Speaker
Oh, well, thanks for letting me talk your ear off for over an hour. This is your episode. And I am so glad to catch up on everything and stop withholding for me for these podcasts, because I want to I want to updates in real time. OK, from now on, I will give you updates in real time. Thank you. Thank you. All right. I love you. I love you so much. Thank you. Bye.
00:59:35
Speaker
Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right, gotta go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.