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EP 43: Milestones & Comparison
1.9k Plays2 years ago
Who knew that when we would become parents we would use the word milestones so much! In today’s episode, Candace and Whitney talk through the absolute mind boggling journey of making sure that your child hits developmental milestones. Plus, they discuss just how comparing your child’s developmental journey can quite literally suck the joy out of everything.
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Transcript
Introduction & Love for Oversized Sweaters
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it. Oh, we're going to get into it. What up moms? This is Whitney and I'm here with my best friend Candice and this is a mom group chat podcast. What's up? What's up? What's up my girl? I am in a cardigan and it is like summertime. Why am I?
00:00:29
Speaker
I love wearing sweaters around the house. I wear my sweatshirt every day. It has stains all over it, but man, it is my outfit.
The Cozy Effect of Sweaters
00:00:38
Speaker
That's what this cardigan is. It's just my go-to throw on. It's so comfy and oversized. I know. I feel so skinny in my sweatshirt. I'm like, I'm the smallest human on earth in this thing.
00:00:52
Speaker
I am so frail underneath this cardigan. No, but for real, it's funny that you say that I typically like until we started recording right now, I had this unbuttoned and open and I'll just be in a sports bra leggings and I'll wear it open. And even though like I am not skinny and nor should I be in just a sports bra, like having this cardigan on top of it makes me feel like I could, you know, enveloped you and you're like, oh, yeah, I'm just like so small in here. Can't believe it.
00:01:22
Speaker
I feel you on that.
Balancing Work and Makeup
00:01:25
Speaker
Yeah. So I'm back to work now officially. And I've been it's been a little bit of a shit show, but I've been trying to like get up and put on makeup and like some semblance of an outfit semblance. I just made that word up. I don't know for semblance of an outfit. And today this was that I have makeup on and my hair is done, but it was leggings and a cardigan.
00:01:49
Speaker
So it's real hard to put on makeup nowadays. Like I only do it when I'm talking to you or if I definitely have meetings. But if I'm just talking to people at my work, like I'm not I'm not putting it on.
00:02:03
Speaker
I don't want to take it off. Oh my God.
Challenges of Work-Life Balance
00:02:07
Speaker
Totally. That happened to me, happened to me last night. Last night I like worked late, like Vinny went to bed and I stayed out on the couch and worked until like 11 30 PM. And, and I was like, Oh yes, I get to crawl into bed. And then I remembered that I had makeup on and I was like, fuck my life. So I ended up doing a whole shower.
00:02:31
Speaker
Oh, how do you stay that late? It's hard, but I'm also just a night owl. I think like I'm bad at more like I try so hard to get up at 5 a.m. And when I do, I'm always happy I am. But like typically I'm rolling out of bed at 715 and feeding them and like getting everyone up right away. And I regret it every time. But it's just easier for me to stay up than it is for me to get up early.
00:02:56
Speaker
I just I was so tired when Margot was Evie's age like there's no way I could have stayed up till 1130. I was asleep by eight when she was like two or three months old.
00:03:11
Speaker
I don't know. I don't know. I think part of it is just that I don't really have a choice right now. I mean, I'm not going to go into the details, but my childcare is all over the place. So I haven't had consistent work days. And I'm just Frankenstein-ing my days together. And so in my week, so I am just like, okay,
00:03:33
Speaker
I have the stuff that I need to get done and the night time is like where it tends to
Entrepreneurial Pressures
00:03:39
Speaker
fall. I have noticed though, if I try to work in bed at night, done so. Literally, I'm nodding off at my computer. If I sit out on the couch and the lights are on, I actually can be quite productive at night. Going back to work is so hard and you're doing amazing by the way.
00:03:58
Speaker
It's just so hard, like, oh my gosh, you're literally still in newborn land. They haven't figured out sleep yet. You're trying to keep your business afloat. It's like the pressure is a lot. I feel the exact same way that I did last time when I came back to work. And it was me daydreaming about a corporate job again with a long maternity leave. Like, I would say 80% of the time,
00:04:26
Speaker
I love that I work for myself and I love that I own my own business and you know, I love the flexibility it offers me like right now with my childcare being kind of like all over the place and what my mom is going through. Like I'm so grateful that my work is flexible, but at the same time, like if I'm not working, I'm not making money. It's not like I'm on a salary that I can like skirt by and like,
00:04:51
Speaker
So do the bare minimum and just be like, right? Yeah. So it's like, I don't have a choice, but to come back to work and like full throttle it because I have to make money. So it's a lot and I appreciate you acknowledging it because sometimes I'm like, especially like I love my husband so
Support and Encouragement
00:05:11
Speaker
much, but sometimes I'm like, I don't think you get it. Like it's so much mental load on me to come back to work and so much harder than a lot of people think it's a lot.
00:05:22
Speaker
Well, you're just trying to figure it out. Like that first month is really rocky. Like I haven't ever been in your
Impact of Family Health on Responsibilities
00:05:28
Speaker
shoes. Like I just went back to my corporate job, but it's like.
00:05:32
Speaker
I don't know if having that pressure of, well, I have to make this amount this month for us to be afloat or whatever, not that you're like drowning in debt or anything, but like, you have like goals or expectations. For sure. We got bills to pay. I mean, the economy right now is stuff. Everything is so fucking expensive.
00:05:52
Speaker
So yeah, I am trying to keep it afloat. Well, and then, you know, you've always had your family to lean on and for that, like a wrench to be thrown in the plans right when you start back, like.
00:06:04
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. And just just to be clear, you look great. Not doing great. Thank you. Just to be clear, not that anyone's like speculating about what's going on or whatever. It's not like it's not like me and my mom had a falling out or anything. My mom is just still dealing with health issues. And I've been trying to like give her the space to be healthy and get healthy. And so I and those you all know that my mom is typically who watches the girls full time. So
00:06:33
Speaker
I've been trying to do it all and split myself and it's hard. It's hard. You always do. You do it all. Thanks. It's a lot.
Parenting Milestones with Second Children
00:06:46
Speaker
Which kind of goes into like what we're going to talk about today is when we first got on behind me is the love every like play mat, which I love.
00:06:57
Speaker
I had it for Alice and obviously we're using it again for Evie. And I just got it out yesterday and put it together. And I was telling Whitney that, and I was going to ask if she feels the same way with Margo. Like, do you feel like you are doing a lot less with Margo milestone and like,
00:07:19
Speaker
development wise than you did with Grayden because like Evie is always in a bouncer or a swing. Like I remember I was like religious about doing tummy time and doing all these like stimulating things with Alice and I just simply don't have the time with Evie.
00:07:40
Speaker
I'm like, sorry, girl, I hope you pick up on something along the way, but I don't have time to sit here and like mouth out the ABCs to you like I did to Alice. I'm truly shocked that Margo didn't need a helmet. How much she sat in that chair. Oh, my God. That makes me feel so much better that you probably like morphed into the chair. She was in it so much like.
00:08:05
Speaker
She became one with chair. Oh, my God, they got it because the way that this child is just always in some sort of container is like, how else do how else do you make it work as a second or third time mom? You can't. I don't know how I feel.
Evie's Mobility Adventures
00:08:23
Speaker
Like with Margo, maybe it just, time was flying. And like, I just, all of a sudden you're at a milestone or what it's supposed to be. And you're like, whoa, I have not worked on like tummy time religiously. Like they say five minutes a day or whatever they suggest. And you're just like, whoa, okay. She's just doing it on her own. And like, you're just not as worried about it.
00:08:51
Speaker
Yeah. Because, yeah, definitely was just shifting her around to stations. She would go from the mat to the chair back to the mat or we would be holding her and it was just like a rotation. Yeah. OK, good. That makes me feel better because I'm like, I feel like this child is always in some sort of container and that's just the way it has to be. And, you know, unfortunately, that time for me has come to an end.
Family Dynamics with Pets
00:09:19
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Okay. Give us an update. Give us an update. She's freaking scooting around, which I am happy she is. Like that's great, but like, stop it. Sit down.
00:09:34
Speaker
If you are a first-time mom listening to this and your child is still immobile, I just want you to know how lucky you are, okay? Cherish it. Literally, cherish this time to where you could sit them somewhere and when you come back, they'll be sitting in the same spot.
00:09:53
Speaker
It's over my friends. It's over. I was like, Oh my gosh, I didn't realize how hard it's about to be. And who was I was talking to somebody. Oh, I was talking to my friend and she was saying, this is when it got hard. Like she was like, the two under two, like wasn't a big deal.
00:10:13
Speaker
until the second one becomes mobile and then you're just darting around, chasing one, chasing the other. And I said, I better motherfucking get skinny from this. I was literally about to say, you're going to be so skinny. Well, if I'm not, something's wrong with me because I have not sat down since she started moving.
00:10:32
Speaker
First of all, cause she's whining. Like she's, she's not crawling yet. She's like army pulling. So she's getting like stuck or she can't like fully frustrated. Yeah. She's really frustrated and whining. And so like, I'm just having to like find her like, where'd you go? And she's like cornering the dog, which my dog is a biter. And I'm like, I know that you guys love this dog so much, but she does not like you. Okay. So let's back away from the dog.
00:11:01
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Rami's just my old crotchety dachshund. Yes, she is. She's old and crotchety. She's like 10 and a half. Literally, when Margot started scooting towards her, she goes, frick, another mobile one. Not this again.
00:11:19
Speaker
because then Margo is like going to grab fistfuls of her back hair and I'll never forget when I came to visit you and this is before you had Margo, I think you were like early pregnant. It was when I was traveling a lot for work early 2023 and Graydon, I was at your house. You were early pregnant and Graydon Graydon had a
00:11:46
Speaker
He had like a plastic, I want to say it was like a golf club or something, like a plastic golf club from like that Fisher price golf set. And Remy sitting there, maybe I was eating something. So Remy was like at my feet, like looking at me, like wanting food, but
00:12:03
Speaker
Graydon is behind her and just goes bonk and hit her so hard over the back with his plastic golf club. Remy looked back and I'm like, fuck you, dude. Then she looked back at me because it seemed like she cared more about food than she did about what Graydon did.
00:12:25
Speaker
I remember we had a conversation about like, what is Remy going to do when you come home with the second baby? And you were like, she's just going to pass away. She's just going to say goodbye, cruel world. And she's going to fall over and be like,
00:12:40
Speaker
I'm done here. So I'm happy to hear that she's still alive. Well, yeah, I mean, it's when they start moving when she's piecing out. She's going to be like, I'm out. But Remy is like very food driven. Like she will take food out of your hands. Like so she has a love hate relationship with the kids. Loves that they throw food. Loves that they give her the plates. But then
00:13:06
Speaker
God forbid they get near her and snap. I swear she bit Graydon probably once a month there for like three or four months and once on the face. So we had to get antibiotics. It's like a freaking dog.
00:13:20
Speaker
We'll have to do a whole episode on dogs. Your relationship with dogs after baby.
Pressure of Parenting Milestones
00:13:27
Speaker
Yeah. I could do a whole. Very lady in the tramp. Like that is so sad in that movie when they say that dog and it hurts ladies feelings. And I'm like, that's me. And I am sorry, but.
00:13:44
Speaker
Our dog has just, one of them has just started to be, not aggressive, that's the wrong, she just likes her space. We have two dogs, one of them is like chill and she's normally chill about everything but now Alice is up in her grill and wants to like give her huggies and kisses and Josie bit her for the first time last week.
00:14:11
Speaker
in the face actually, just like it didn't break skin though. And this is, I don't know if this is gonna make me sound like a bad mom. I mean, it's not like we're getting rid of our dogs. Most of the time she is good, but we have just recently started to teach Alice that Josie likes privacy and like space and that we don't hug Josie the same way we hug Finn. And she actually is learning quite well with that. Like she knows she'll say, Josie needs space. And I'm like, yeah, Josie needs space.
00:14:39
Speaker
Graydon's learned not to fucks with Remy anymore. He'll chase her around here and there and you know he'll feed her but like he knows like she's a scary little little nug so yeah which sucks I'm like oh well Remy's only got a few
00:14:57
Speaker
years left in her which makes me sound horrible like Remy was my life before I know kids so well today I feel like this is a topic that is so prevalent in our lives as moms like
00:15:12
Speaker
And something I'm shocked that we haven't really touched on yet. I mean, we've touched about it in a lot of different episodes of, and that is milestones, hitting milestones and like the comparison game when it comes to
00:15:27
Speaker
Hitting those milestones. So yeah, I think it was kind of hard to talk about once like we were when we started recording our kids were like one and a half fish or one So it's like you kind of already passed all that and you forget how important it is or how you feel about it unless you're in that moment yeah, so I remember us being like let's wait till we have our second and Then everything comes back to the forefront and you're like, oh, yeah
00:15:54
Speaker
Yeah. Shit's important. But I thought maybe we could walk through what some of the milestones are since we are in the thick of it. And it just flies by a year's fast. Like, OK. So zero to three months. They're like, do tummy time. See how long their neck can stay up. And they should learn to roll right within the first four-ish, five months. Is that? Yeah.
00:16:23
Speaker
Right? Yeah, I keep saying that, like, it's funny because I'm like in this phase right now, obviously, Evie is about two months, two and a half months. And I keep saying like, oh, they'll roll around three. And I'm like, we're not even close because I haven't worked on it. Like, I don't know.
00:16:41
Speaker
Well, and I just, I remember, I don't know, I, I'm comparing things to Graydon. So I'm like, didn't Graydon start rolling at this time? And so then I like had these expectations for Margo at that point. Like I remember thinking, Oh, Graydon was sitting up at six months, like in Margo wasn't even close. So I just, I was comparing even to my own fricking kid, but yeah.
00:17:06
Speaker
Yeah, the I just know that the rolling coincided with the four month sleep regression. So that's right. Yeah, because they roll over and then they're pissed and then they're like, they're just practicing that news. That's like probably one of the biggest skills they learn. And so they're that. Oh, God, I never want to go back to that dark hole of the sleep. I know.
00:17:34
Speaker
Okay. So what's next? What's after rolling? Okay. So then, you know, it's the four to six months time when they're learning to really roll both backwards or either side, and you can learn sitting up. So Margo learned like maybe at the end of six months to finally set up. I feel like Evie has a big old head. I feel like it's going to be hard for her.
00:18:02
Speaker
Well, and they say bigger babies, it takes them even like longer to crawl, which obviously is not the case. Like Margot's on the bigger side and she's fricking pulling herself around the house, but she might not ever crawl, crawl. Graydon never crawled. He always like army. We would call him like the army man. He was just scooting around and then
00:18:24
Speaker
It's like the six to eight months is like the, um, when they're on their tummy, but they can get on their side and put stiff in their arm and sit up and also start the indication of crawling. So just where we are, Margot can't, she can get on her side, but can't sit up yet.
00:18:46
Speaker
This is so good for me as someone who doesn't have the energy or brain space to look these up for the second time.
Dealing with Societal Pressure on Child Development
00:18:53
Speaker
Like, honestly, Whitney, this is so helpful. I'll tell you where you at. Yeah. And then it's like from there, once they're crawling, you're on to walking when you're 12 months plus, which isn't that just crazy?
00:19:13
Speaker
Like we're almost eight months. We're like literally this week, Mario will be eight months. I'm like, where did the time go? I feel also walking is another one that's like, I feel like that's one of the big ones. I feel like it's talking. Yeah. It's like talking and walking are the big ones. Like when you see other kids like getting up and walking around and it's also one of those things that like
00:19:35
Speaker
As a parent, I feel like I dreamed about my child taking their first steps. You know that home video that you dream about? I feel like it was one of those that I was so excited for it to happen. Alice took a little bit of time with that one. I don't think we walked really until she was like,
00:19:57
Speaker
like 15 months, maybe really. And so I feel like that's a big one that people really put a lot of pressure on and can feel like daunting, I guess, or what's the word I'm looking for? It can feel
00:20:16
Speaker
You can feel like you're behind when you're not because also the range for walking is quite wide. It's like 10 months to 18 months, you know? So it's a long time. Praying Margo takes her time.
00:20:32
Speaker
Please. Yeah. Just just sit. Honestly, just sit and chill. Just stop it. Great. And I remember his birthday's October 1st and he was he was taking steps on Halloween. So he was like right at 13 months.
00:20:48
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. And I just, I have a video of him in his Elton John outfit, like walking by the piano to Chris and I'll just never forget. Oh, I love that video. I've seen it. Yeah. And I was just like, Oh my gosh, this is so cool. Like he's doing it by Halloween and kid has not stopped since, but that's amazing.
00:21:09
Speaker
Yeah. And then not to include like in all of that mix, you're teaching them how to sleep, good sleep habits. You're teaching them how to eat. So there's feeding milestones and it's just like, and then they learn to talk.
00:21:24
Speaker
There's so many opportunities for comparison in motherhood. And I think this is something that we're gonna deal with literally their whole lives. Like even when they're 25 and someone else's son is engaged and yours doesn't even have a girlfriend. Do you know what I mean? It's literally going to continue for the rest of our lives, which is actually kind of mind blowing to think about.
00:21:50
Speaker
If I think about the amount of energy that I have spent comparing my child to someone else's child or comparing like my parenting to someone else's or someone else's parenting in regards to milestones and like where they're at, like for what? You know what I mean? Like it's literally and one of my favorite quotes of all time is comparison is the thief of joy.
00:22:16
Speaker
And I need to literally hang that here in my house. It's over Evie's crib. Literally, I need some new art for there. And I think it might just be that quote. Because it's so true. Comparing my child and what they're doing to other children and what they're doing is truly taking out the joy of what's actually happening. In the moment. Yeah. Yeah. And what's going on.
00:22:44
Speaker
that was so sweet and so true it is I think one of the things that I see happen all the time and is like a pro and a con at the same time is you know I feel like this show was built off of the idea of like that our mom group chat was like such a
00:23:05
Speaker
Like, what's the word I'm looking for? Like such a positive thing in our life, which it is for sure. But like one downside to the mom groups, and I'm talking any, if you're in like a due date group or the mom Facebook groups, this is something I find myself going down rabbit holes in is like the comparison to other kids in your mom, like in your mom's group.
00:23:30
Speaker
Yeah, and it's so it's such a positive place these mom groups like I couldn't have gotten through all these things without it but at the same time it opens up the door for comparison and for you to look at other what other kids are doing and being like oh shit they already did that like
00:23:49
Speaker
My child hasn't even like super insecure and you're like, oh my gosh, is it my fault that I'm not working on these things or like what's wrong? And so then you go down the Google rabbit hole. It's just a spiral. Also on the flip side of that, it can sometimes be comforting to like be in that group and have one mom mentioned a struggle they're having being like, my child still isn't sitting up yet and she's seven months or whatever.
00:24:17
Speaker
And then it's sometimes like if your child's on that timeline to be like, okay, good. Someone else is like, I'm not alone. My child's also not sitting up and I'm like, okay, it's fine. We're fine. But it's a little bit of that like mental gymnastics that we talk about all the time on this podcast of like, it's fine. It's not fine. It's fine. It's not fine. It's fine. It's not fine. Like,
00:24:41
Speaker
Is my child doing what they need to be doing or are they behind? It's a mind fuck. It all rolls into like, I always try and keep the perspective when they're like in fourth grade and it's like, you're talking to another mom and the other mom's not gonna be like, so did you breastfeed your kid?
00:25:00
Speaker
kids did like weird like who cares at this point you know totally there's i saw this tiktok of a teacher i think she was a kindergarten teacher and she was talking about like developmental milestones and or and breastfeeding honestly
00:25:17
Speaker
And she was like, when my kids in of a new class walk into my room, I'm not asking when they walked or when they said their first word or when they rolled over or if they were breastfed or formula fed because it doesn't fucking matter. Honestly, it doesn't. And your child is on their own timeline. They march to the beat of their own drum and they're going to do things when it's ready to. And something that's important to remember is.
00:25:47
Speaker
All of these developmental milestone timelines, a lot of them are so wide. It'll be like, this can happen between eight months and 17 months. Do you realize how big of a range that is? It's huge.
00:26:06
Speaker
I know I feel like you always did a good job on the talking front because that's probably like the it was like probably the most important I don't know piece was just like when are they start talking and you were like literally they could be three and not talking and it's still fine yeah it totally is like the range for talking especially is so wide like
00:26:29
Speaker
And I feel, at least I feel this way with our pediatrician, my pediatrician has always been like so unconcerned with milestones. If I go to an appointment and I'm like, they haven't even like, she's not sitting up yet or like, whatever. They're always like, she's going to do it when she's ready. Like, and I feel like that is,
00:26:52
Speaker
so comforting to hear a medical professional say that. If we get to a point where they are concerned, they're going to tell you. You know what I mean? Exactly. So going down this mental spiral on Facebook groups or in your mom group is serving no one. It's just giving you anxiety and causing you distress. It's not worth it. Enjoy your child and where they are at now.
00:27:18
Speaker
Which is easier said than done. Well, and I think that's why it's kind of funny. Like with the second kid, we both were like, eh, they're fine. They'll figure it out. And they have like, honestly, like Graydon's probably Margot's biggest. What's the word? Inspiration, maybe. Yeah, totally. She's learning from him every day. Yeah, I mean.
00:27:42
Speaker
she took after him and I was like, okey dokey. I don't know. I just know with like the milestone things, I've gotten a little more relaxed.
Relaxed Parenting with Second Child
00:27:53
Speaker
I was kind of like ready for her to sit up a little bit just because that's so nice. And you want them to feel safe when you walk away. You don't want to be like, oh my God, is she going to fall backwards? And now I think she has like the core or can like soften the blow if she falls, but
00:28:12
Speaker
I'll tell you the food thing which I've mentioned on here was and still is like more of a trigger for me and I think it's from me like not putting as much effort into it this time as I did with Graydon and so it's really my own doing or my
00:28:33
Speaker
my own insecurity of her trying different things. And I'm just, I'm like, oh my God, I'm not gonna fricking cook this because I know Graydon won't even eat it. So now I'm just wasting my time cooking it, to be honest. I made eggs this morning and he ate it.
00:28:53
Speaker
And she had a little bit of it, but it's just like, wow, all that effort of, which really isn't a lot. Cooking eggs is not a lot of effort. No, but it's, I dirtied up a pan and this like all before breakfast and I'm trying to get out the door.
00:29:10
Speaker
It also just goes into the mental load that we've talked about so many times on this show. Is my husband thinking about whether Margot needs to eat eggs or try them, or if she needs to try a new food today, or if Evie needs to work on rolling over and I need to hold this toy on this side of her head so that she'll look this way and start to turn her body? No. Vinny's never had that thought in his life. I can tell you that.
00:29:40
Speaker
I know it's where like I just hand her like I'll hand her a little waffle or Eggo waffle of like grains eating that and Chris was like, should she like be eating that? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm just trying stuff. Like I really have no thought process behind it. I'm just handing out food. Like before it would have been a,
00:29:59
Speaker
banana pancake with the little dash of cinnamon and spinach blended in.
Ongoing Mental Load of Motherhood
00:30:05
Speaker
Here's a freaking Eggo. I'm sorry. Seriously. Honestly, it's so true. It's just another thing to beat ourselves up over as moms.
00:30:20
Speaker
Whitney, you're doing a great job. And honestly, Eggo Waffles are bomb.com. So I would love an Eggo Waffle. Okay. It's fricking good. It's got flavor in it without the syrup. There's fruit. Okay. Fricking kidding me. This is healthy. It's healthy as can be.
00:30:41
Speaker
It's just so hard. And the second time around, it's definitely harder of like, I just don't have the mental capacity to like do all of the things. And it's if you're a second time mom, send us a DM with a encouraging note.
00:30:57
Speaker
You know, like, did your second child, are they okay? Are they eating okay? Yeah. Did they roll over? Eventually, you know? You know, it's crazy. You know, when we talked to Beth Ann about feeding toddlers and how, like, Raiden was only into chicken nuggets, it's like all of a sudden,
00:31:17
Speaker
he's trying things so it's like oh was that just another freaking milestone i was worried about that like he went from eating all the things to wanting certain things and now he's like all right i'll try this squash ravioli or like he'll eat things again i'm like oh
00:31:36
Speaker
I had always heard that like around two is when they get picky but then they'll it they'll like come out as you like you have to keep offering during that time and they'll come out of it. They'll come out on the other side. It's like the boomerang came back and it's like yeah I remember a time when we didn't go out to eat and now we can go out to eat and I'm like oh
00:32:00
Speaker
things aren't, I don't know, you just feel at a loss at some point. And then you're like, my life will never be the same. And then it's like all coming back. But now Mario's about to be the kid I chase into the kitchen. So gosh, dang it.
00:32:16
Speaker
obviously we're going to Europe in like three weeks. And that's right around three months. And I had read that they roll over around like three months and I was like, well, shit, do I have to make sure to bring a sleep sack with us even though she's not even in that yet just in case she rolls over in Europe? Do you know what I mean? The mental look, do you think my husband's ever thought of that? No.
00:32:45
Speaker
I mean, never. And you gotta bring the transition swaddle just in case I should literally. Oh, yeah. I mean, Marco is closer to four months. I'd say like, yeah, I really don't think that's happening anytime soon. To be honest, she's not anywhere close to bringing her like in Europe. Literally. Oh, God. She's still young enough, though. She's malleable. Like it'll be OK.
00:33:12
Speaker
Yeah. Your sleep's going to get messed up anyway because. Right. Yeah. We're screwed either way. So you just got to like, you're about to do, you know, it's like, well, yeah.
00:33:25
Speaker
We're going to be tired on it coming up. I have, I've thoughts, I have lots of thoughts and I've done lots of planning. So we'll, we'll get to that. Were there any moments like in either of your child's life where you were concerned about a milestone that they were hitting or weren't hitting or just comparing your kid to other kids in general and being like, shit, something's different or you know what I mean?
00:33:52
Speaker
I don't think I did with milestones. I felt like he was pretty on par and I wasn't in any groups before with Graydon. I was out of sight, out of mind to be honest. I didn't know and he was hitting them pretty good.
00:34:10
Speaker
I I compare his behavior more than anything to other kids. And I'm thinking, man, that kid's so well behaved. Like, what am I doing wrong at home that he won't just sit still or whatever? And he's I'm chasing him all over Timbuktu and he's talking over me and I'm like, oh, my God, I swear I'm a normal person. Like, what's up? He's just a wild, wild thing. So, yeah, I mostly compare behavior.
00:34:40
Speaker
Yeah, but he's also just a toddler boy, you know, like, um, I'm trying to think back to Alice. Like there were definitely, I think, I think I was spiraled a tiny bit about the walking thing. Like I said, I don't think she walked until 15 months and there were babies in my, in my Q1 mom's group that were walking like.
00:35:03
Speaker
11 months or, you know what I mean? And it's easy, like I said, to long for that special moment. I remember at her first birthday party, when I had pictured her first birthday party, I had pictured her walking. I don't know why. And so when we had her first birthday and she wasn't really... She would stand and maybe hold a standing position, but she wasn't walking at her first birthday. And I remember being like, damn, I wish she was walking.
00:35:30
Speaker
But now she's running circles around me and when she decided it was time to walk, it was like, literally, I feel like that's another thing that happens is if your child is stalling, not stalling, because it's not even, if they're just taking their own time to get to the milestone, most of the time it happens like that and it's like they go from zero to 100 of
00:35:52
Speaker
I didn't, I didn't do this yesterday. Yeah. Like I didn't do this yesterday, but now I do this all day. You know, she went from just learning to sit up. Like she kind of was a little later.
Rapid Milestones
00:36:02
Speaker
I'd say like, I thought it'd be like at six months on the dot she'd be sitting up, but it was closer to seven.
00:36:08
Speaker
finally set up to scooting and a tooth popping through. And I'm like, Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're getting wrecked over here. She's like all over the place and everything's happening at once. And I was just like, that was so fast. Like you just learned to sit up. Why are you moving? Yeah. Why are you doing that? Why you do that? Oh, my gosh. I sound like I'm trying to delay my child, but
00:36:34
Speaker
No, they're going to do it. Whether like, yeah, whether you're working on it or not, they're going to do it anyway, which is such an interesting like shift in your mind is like, even if I'm not working on this thing religiously, like I did with Alice, like I'm not working on her rolling over. I'm not working on her sitting up. Guess what? She's still going to do it. Yeah. Like, so I don't know. I also thought maybe we could.
00:36:58
Speaker
I want to shout out some of the Instagram creators that I find are really helpful with milestone things.
Social Media Advice for Parenting
00:37:07
Speaker
There's one girl in particular that I really followed and she gives great activities to do. If you're worried about milestone things, she's called the PT parent.
00:37:19
Speaker
which I've mentioned her in a past episode of like, she's just a great follow for moms and parents. Like she not only like will give you comfort about milestones and like it's okay if you're not hitting them, but it'll also, she gives you like constructive things to do if you're trying to work towards a specific milestone.
00:37:40
Speaker
She also has great toy recommendations for hitting those milestones. So highly recommend her if you are spiraling about it. But my overall advice is to try not to spiral about it.
00:37:55
Speaker
Stressing about it is just going to lead to anxiety and frustration and fear and stress. You want to focus on the joy that your child is bringing. Is there a milestone that you're looking forward to in the future?
Excitement for Future Milestones
00:38:11
Speaker
Talking is my favorite.
00:38:13
Speaker
It's so, I remember when Alice started to babble and I kept being like, oh my gosh, I can't wait to hear what her little voice sounds like. And now I love her little voice. I know. They're so funny and I love like learning their personality and yesterday.
00:38:32
Speaker
Chris was with Graydon outside and I had Margo, but I was downstairs in the kitchen or something making mashed potatoes. And Graydon, he can now open the doors, woo hoo. And he came in from the garage and he goes, hey, mama, you making my dinner? And I was just like, Graydon. I was like, I guess. Make me a sandwich, lady. He's like, mama, you making my dinner? I said, yes, Graydon. That's why I'm here to serve you.
00:39:02
Speaker
He's so funny. Oh my God. That is so funny. Alice is doing this weird thing right now. And like, do you, do they ever, does great never do something so strange that you're like, where did you learn that? Or why did you connect those two things? Like what she has, she has this like pretend makeup set she's like obsessed with. And there's like a little foundation bottle. Okay. So she likes to pretend, put the foundation like on her face and on her body, but, and then she'll come to me and she'll like.
00:39:29
Speaker
put the foundation on my arms, on my face. And she has started this new thing where she wants to put it on my back and she'll put it, like she has me lean forward and she'll put it on my back. But as she's rubbing it in, she says the same thing every time. And she says, a happy family.
00:39:49
Speaker
What? What does that have to do with anything? And every time she rubs it in my back... Yeah, every time she rubs it in my back, she says, a happy family. And I'm like, huh?
00:40:03
Speaker
Creeping me out, girl. I don't know where you learned that. I was thinking maybe she was doing sunscreen, but I can't connect the dots there. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It doesn't connect at all. It's so strange. What if I knew what she was talking about from a show and I was like, oh, that's good. Yeah, that would be so crazy. That's fun. I don't know. I'm looking forward.
00:40:30
Speaker
I'm looking forward to school, honestly, to her going to school because I feel like it'll be so fun for her to come home and tell me about her day. Actually, I'm gonna share this story from Shannon's mom, just to tie Shannon in to here. So we were talking about comparing kids, me and Shannon's mom, and Shannon's mom was saying how different Shannon and Hannah were.
00:40:58
Speaker
when they went to school. So Shannon was always like super outgoing and super talkative and friendly. And when she would get back in the car at the end of the day, her mom would say like, how was school? And she said Shannon would just spill the beans, like all of it, spill all the tea and be like, oh, well so-and-so said this and so-and-so like her entire school life.
00:41:23
Speaker
Like she told her mom everything that was going on in all of her classes. And she was like, I knew all the gossip from Shannon. Like she would get in the car every day and spill the beans. And then Hannah, Shannon's sister is just a little more like quiet and reserved. And she kept everything like super close to the chest. Like she didn't share anything. Like she would say, Hannah, how's school today? And Hannah would say, good.
00:41:50
Speaker
And that's it. And that's all she would get out of her all the time. And I thought that was so funny and it made me look forward to those times in the car when I picked the kids up from school. It's fun. I can't wait to hear what they say and to see if one of them will spill the beans. Tell me the hot goss. I want to know.
00:42:12
Speaker
Well, I feel like Alice will. Alice is a chatty little thing. We get like a report at the end of the day where you can see what they did during the day. And so I have to like pry it out of grade. And I'm like, so twinkle, twinkle little star today. And he's like, yeah. And then I'm like, so did you eat your hamburger? He's like, no. I'm like, I know. Like I have to like pry it out a little bit. But
Reassurance for New Moms
00:42:36
Speaker
it is fun. And he'll be like, oh, Jack and I played with the choo choo train.
00:42:42
Speaker
I'm definitely, definitely looking forward to that.
00:42:47
Speaker
Yeah, it's cute. Well, if you're listening to this and you are going to be a mom or a new mom, I want you to know overarchingly that your child is going to be on their own timeline and to march to the beat of their own drum. And they will hit those milestones and you are a good mom, whether your child hits them at the beginning of the threshold or the end of the threshold. It doesn't fucking matter. That's like.
00:43:16
Speaker
And as us being second time moms now, we can tell you that it doesn't matter as much as you feel like it does with your first. Yeah. It's not a reflection on you. It's like you said, it's going to come on their own time and to just cherish in the moment.
00:43:37
Speaker
Yeah. We'll share some other, um, maybe some other people who we love to follow. Cause there, there are other creators I like that talk about milestone things a lot. I just am blanking on them right now. So we'll share them on our Instagram stories for sure. Mom brain, always. All right. Well, I love you. I love you too. Go take care of your scoot and girl.
00:44:00
Speaker
All right. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.