Transcript
Speaker: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker: We back.
Speaker: Another episode, Beer Talks IG Live edition.
Speaker: And I'm so grateful.
Speaker: I'm so honored to be here with another discussion.
Speaker: And today is going to be phenomenal because we get to talk about empowering the youth, mental health, male vulnerability.
Speaker: And then we get to bring a real genuine, solid individual on this live today.
Speaker: Rasheed Coleman, he's a native of Philadelphia.
Speaker: He's a socialite.
Speaker: videographer, he's an entrepreneur.
Speaker: He's also the founder and CEO of Somebody's Son, which is a phenomenal organization.
Speaker: We'll talk more in details about that.
Speaker: But more importantly, you got to bring the guy on and he's a Pisces like me.
Speaker: So I kind of get him and it's going to be a powerful discussion.
Speaker: So any questions, let us know.
Speaker: Bring him on.
Speaker: What's going on?
Speaker: There you go.
Speaker: What's up, bro?
Speaker: I'm all right, man.
Speaker: How you feeling?
Speaker: How you feeling?
Speaker: I'm good.
Speaker: This is my first ever time doing this outside of gymnastics.
Speaker: So I'm doing it right.
Speaker: Let's talk about it.
Speaker: Where are you?
Speaker: We literally over in Jersey.
Speaker: So you know I live in Philly, but we're in Jersey waiting for her to get done, her practice.
Speaker: So I was like, you know what, I'm going to just post up outside, hope these noise canceling headphones work.
Speaker: and just tap in man that's it man what's up man well thank you for being here you know you got another life outside of the personal life of your father um welcome to bigger talks uh ig live discussion and let's get started man you know uh you know you're phenomenal individual let people know who you are what you about and just give us a quick you know rundown on what you do and who you are in general
Speaker: No, for sure.
Speaker: Rashid Coleman, like Eric has already said, man, again, first off, pleasure to be here.
Speaker: Like, I'm excited to be able to talk in this format with you.
Speaker: From Philly, born and raised, I say at this point, I'm just like a social entrepreneur and creative.
Speaker: I've done fundraising, working in a nonprofit space.
Speaker: My degree was in finance beforehand.
Speaker: And then I kind of stumbled into my passion.
Speaker: Never really ever thought that I would be doing creative work.
Speaker: Never thought that, um,
Speaker: this was even like, in my wheelhouse.
Speaker: I come from a family of musicians and honestly entrepreneurs.
Speaker: So I guess it was always there but never really saw how things kind of fit for myself.
Speaker: And here we are now.
Speaker: And so just getting into some of my son that was honestly started as a result of the fact that I was just really done with a lot of depression, I was dealing with anxiety, and I had nobody to turn to.
Speaker: Nobody that was really
Speaker: that could really give me any guidance in terms of like, yo, here's what I've been through because nobody talked about it.
Speaker: And it wasn't until I was actually dealing with my own issues and I finally told my grandma, and she was like, yo, I've been doing this for years.
Speaker: And I was like, why didn't anybody say anything?
Speaker: Like this whole time I'm thinking I'm in isolation and I had someone who was really near and dear to my heart
Speaker: um right there that was kind of able to talk me through and walk me through some of what i was experiencing so that's just kind of that's me in a nutshell i'm a dad of two amazing kids um hendrix and roomie man and um that's it man that's really it i mean that's they they consume the majority of my life at this point um we we both try to get in when we can some time to ourselves but
Speaker: is very few and far between so it's work it's kids and just trying to make sure i can maintain my own peace and sanity yeah man i mean i think it's true that you know as an individual you're juggling so many things you got to put your mental health first you got to put yourself first but in the world we live in
Speaker: We're all on autopilot, right?
Speaker: We're always doing to get.
Speaker: We don't know how to be present.
Speaker: And sometimes, you know, life takes us out of ourselves.
Speaker: So I want to take it back to your relationship with your grandmother.
Speaker: What was the steps or the tools she gave you to kind of get over or get through those mental health challenges or when you experienced depression?
Speaker: Like, what was her feedback and how did she assist you in those moments?
Speaker: Yeah, so we, me and my grandmother approached it very differently.
Speaker: My family, I told, we talked about this, but my family is very, very spiritual.
Speaker: They're very devout Christians.
Speaker: That is, you know, the life that we've all kind of adopted.
Speaker: And in that, her first, the first time we talked about it was like, look, just pray about it.
Speaker: And I was like, I've done that.
Speaker: Like, I have sat up at night reeling like, yo, I need something else.
Speaker: Like I prayed about it.
Speaker: I talked to people.
Speaker: And that was the advice she gave me.
Speaker: I think the best part about my relationship with her is
Speaker: we were able to just have honest conversation.
Speaker: And so in that just having someone who didn't think I was joking, wasn't just trying to dismiss me, wasn't sitting here saying like, look, I did it this way, you have to do it this way.
Speaker: She gave me the stuff that worked for her.
Speaker: And in that, it was like, all right, you still got to make a decision for yourself.
Speaker: And so for me, I ended up going to therapy.
Speaker: I ended up talking with other guys that have been through therapy.
Speaker: that was the way that I decided to go about it.
Speaker: But her advice was that, you know, find the tools that work for you, you know, maybe you need to go for a walk, maybe you need to, you know, meditate a little bit more.
Speaker: I mean, when I was meditating, when I first started, bro, I was doing the chants, I was doing everything.
Speaker: Anything I could get my hands on, I was eating it up because I really needed
Speaker: I needed something.
Speaker: And so that was the best part about that.
Speaker: My experience with her was really just having somebody to talk to that wasn't that didn't want anything, didn't need anything that had been through it.
Speaker: And although we chose different routes in terms of dealing with it, it was just great to have a listener near and not be force fed information that
Speaker: Honestly, we're dealing with mental health in general is not a one size fits all.
Speaker: So being able to listen to her, hear what she had to say, and then put my own twist on it was perfect for me.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I always say feedback is motivation, good or bad.
Speaker: But the fact that your grandmother, they're giving you feedback from her lens, from her perspective, you was able to use what you needed to benefit your soul and your persona.
Speaker: And let's give a shout out to Grandma.
Speaker: What's Grandma's name?
Speaker: Yeah, nah.
Speaker: Debbie, Debbie, man.
Speaker: That's my mama.
Speaker: Debbie, man.
Speaker: Thank you for pouring in to your grandson, man.
Speaker: He's an amazing guy.
Speaker: You know?
Speaker: Prayer, meditation.
Speaker: She said walking.
Speaker: So people listening, you know, take notes.
Speaker: You know, prayer does work.
Speaker: Prayer does help.
Speaker: I pray a lot.
Speaker: I pray before we got on this live.
Speaker: You know, I'm putting prayers in the universe.
Speaker: Meditation.
Speaker: Meditation works.
Speaker: walking works, all these little things that we take for granted because we don't believe it will work or we just don't trust that it's work because we can't see the outcome of it, right?
Speaker: Because in the 3D world, we only believe the things we see.
Speaker: I can see the car, I can see the girl, I can see the food, so therefore I have it.
Speaker: But a lot of the most important things in life is things you can't see.
Speaker: right right so you know i just think that's a beautiful story and that should be you know more people should talk about their grandparents and how much value they've created within their lives um so moving forward um when it comes to mental health what do you think as far as a man or men in general what do you feel like our most common challenge is right now in the world that we're living
Speaker: I would say one, the big, we just actually talked about it.
Speaker: I was talking about it with some of my homies yesterday, is really just having space to talk about it.
Speaker: I mean, I think that men, we walk around a lot of times not even wanting to admit that we got something going on or admit that something is bothering us because we feel like we have to have it all together.
Speaker: We feel like we can't show any vulnerability, no chinks in the armor, because if we do, somebody's going to take advantage of that.
Speaker: And so I think that's the biggest misnomer is that, you know, these are all happening in isolation.
Speaker: It's like, all right, because I'm dealing with it, there's no way these dudes are dealing with the same thing.
Speaker: And so you have a conversation with them and you're like,
Speaker: we're going through the exact same thing, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker: So it's, I think that's the biggest thing is just, we don't have any safe spaces, and I'm using that word intentionally, to really just be ourselves and let our guard down.
Speaker: Because it's hard, it's hard to do that.
Speaker: It's hard to
Speaker: I mean, even now with, you know, my girl, we're talking about certain things that I'm still learning how to still be the most vulnerable version of myself I can be.
Speaker: Why do you think it's a challenge for us in general?
Speaker: Like I know, but I want to know from your lens.
Speaker: Yeah, for me, I mean, there's no modeling in terms of that, right?
Speaker: There's no, there was no one that was like, you know what?
Speaker: this is what my experience was.
Speaker: And this is how you can navigate these spaces.
Speaker: So for me, I didn't have my pop growing up.
Speaker: Thank shout out to James.
Speaker: I don't know if he'll hop on here.
Speaker: He's my stepdad.
Speaker: He's who I call my dad.
Speaker: Incredible guy to me.
Speaker: And then things didn't work out for him and my mom, but another story from today.
Speaker: But even with my uncle, when I had my kids, I was like, man, like, I don't know what to do.
Speaker: I don't have any.
Speaker: I have no idea.
Speaker: Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Speaker: You got to say that word again.
Speaker: Yeah, no, literally, I didn't know what to do.
Speaker: I was lost completely.
Speaker: And I'm like, I'm calling my mom, I'm calling my grandma, I'm calling people.
Speaker: I'm just like,
Speaker: yo, my uncle, my uncle's been through this, my grandpapa's been through this, but no one hit me to be like, yo, you good?
Speaker: You need like, it was never there because they felt like I had it all together.
Speaker: So for me, I think that that's the biggest part is there's no modeling in terms of like, look, this is what this looks like.
Speaker: So even with my kids, I make it a point to I feel like I did something wrong.
Speaker: Yeah, let me make sure I apologize.
Speaker: Let me make sure that I'm modeling the behavior that I want them to also
Speaker: take on because you can't do it without anyone showing giving you the tools to do so it's like trying to go out and garden and you don't got no you you got nothing to to you got none of it you're trying to make sauce you ain't got the right ingredients you're going to mess up so i think that for me i just didn't have i was always vocal i was always willing to speak my mind and have an opinion
Speaker: But when it came to really doing the work, I didn't know what to do first.
Speaker: I knew I was messed up or I felt like I was messed up.
Speaker: You know, I had my own things I was dealing with, but I didn't have the slightest clue as to what the first thing is.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: So being able to then find that on the back end, monumental, man.
Speaker: Monumental.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I think it's important and imperative for people to listen, who's listening, who will listen, is that you said something that stood out.
Speaker: you didn't know what to do.
Speaker: And I think as men, we fight with, we should know what to do, we should have the plan, we should know how to do it, we should know how to execute it.
Speaker: And this is who we are, we're men, this is what men do.
Speaker: We get it done no matter how we feel.
Speaker: Great.
Speaker: But the reality of it is you can't know something you have no blueprint for.
Speaker: Like you literally just said, you don't have a blueprint or you didn't have a blueprint to be the man, the father of the person.
Speaker: So you learn from trial and error.
Speaker: Maybe you got a little bit of feedback from your uncle or your stepdad, but you still got to live your life for you.
Speaker: And also you said something earlier about
Speaker: creating safe space to let the garden, to be vulnerable with your woman, to be vulnerable with your kids, to be vulnerable with yourself.
Speaker: Like sometimes we don't even know how to be vulnerable with ourselves.
Speaker: Like I realized in the past because of the abandonment wound, what it did to me was made me abandon myself.
Speaker: right man when it comes to like looking out for everybody else then i realized like hold on i'm not even connecting with me but i'm connecting with everybody else so let's learn behavior because that's a survival mechanism to keep the ego the pattern alive but this is so important and that's why i think you're chosen you're the chosen one when you say true safe space for many or people of color minorities black or brown people
Speaker: Let's dig into somebody's son and what's the intentions behind it and how that space and that environment, the intentionality behind it is going to help not only men, but just all people, you know, get feel better about being their most vulnerable self.
Speaker: Yeah, no, we're going to dig into that.
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: I don't know why this is, it's popping my head while you're talking.
Speaker: That self-sacrificing is going to leave you depleted, bro.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I think that's the biggest part now is like, yo, there's no one giving you no award for being self-sacrificing.
Speaker: So I hope that people do find a way to make sure that, you know, they tap in with themselves and find out, actually, we were talking about it earlier, find out what they need and being okay and being
Speaker: understanding that they're worthy enough to have exactly what they need to especially men especially but somebody's son man yeah it's been a passion project for the last
Speaker: Oh, man, passion project for the last like three years.
Speaker: Started off doing events.
Speaker: The events went well.
Speaker: But for whatever reason, I just like the timing wasn't there for me.
Speaker: I knew it was a great idea.
Speaker: Always had the idea always had everything mapped out to them like this is what I want to do this I want to do it.
Speaker: But I find the time has been so perfect now because I'm ready to go all in and I feel like
Speaker: going through my own therapeutic journey, going through the stuff that I was going through is, you know, family, friends, relationships.
Speaker: I think that there was a lot that needed to take place first in my own life to kind of clear the path for me to be able to lean into it and show up as my most vulnerable and authentic self.
Speaker: I mean, and in full transparency, this is the hardest period of my life ever.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: Like ever.
Speaker: But the conversation that we had, bro,
Speaker: where you told me provide value daily.
Speaker: That resonated with me so much, man, and it's been in my spirit ever since I was like, yo.
Speaker: Say that again, what you say?
Speaker: Providing value daily, man.
Speaker: Like what value can I add daily?
Speaker: I wrote it down.
Speaker: I literally think about it every day.
Speaker: And so with somebody's son, I want to make sure that we create a safe space for men of color and eventually for men and women.
Speaker: But I want to start with the fellas, and I feel like there's so much work that men need to do to hold each other accountable.
Speaker: and make sure that one, we're getting what we need, but that the people that are around us are also filling our cups in a way to where we can show up and be best for everybody around us.
Speaker: So that's why it's been very intentional about making sure that I focus on us, the fellas, my brothers, my friends, my little cousins, my like, hopefully some nephews soon.
Speaker: I hope my siblings hear this because I'm tired of being the one with all the kids.
Speaker: But I just really like wanted to make sure that men had a space to go where
Speaker: We didn't have to worry about who was in the room.
Speaker: We didn't have to worry about their background was.
Speaker: And I don't know how it is in Baltimore, but I feel like Philly is much like this.
Speaker: Like Philly is more of a, it's not about what you do, it's about who you are.
Speaker: And I wanted somebody's son to embody that fully.
Speaker: Like, no matter what walk of life you come from, no matter what you've been through, what you've done, you come here,
Speaker: you good.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I'm saying like we can we get real honest conversation and we can talk about things that nobody talks about.
Speaker: We can talk about failed relationships.
Speaker: We can talk about parenting, lack thereof.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: Like our own trauma stuff, you know, growing up in single parent homes.
Speaker: I wanted that all to be able to come out because it was all stuff that I had to navigate and deal with.
Speaker: And
Speaker: again I felt like I'm not the only one so right and it's important because to to throw acknowledgement on the truth of the environments we grew up in like you said you're from Philadelphia I'm from Baltimore and so I was the only man in the house right like it was just my mom and my sister so
Speaker: my dad was around but he was a provider he wasn't a guider right he bought me things but he didn't teach me anything so i had to literally grow up and become the man i wanted to look up to because i didn't have my dad around to kind of see like that what do you do how you do it and so when you're raised by a single mother who's trying her best who's you know consistently in her masculine energy right and she's doing it
Speaker: That creates a barrier and a block with the kids, but also that keeps a block and barrier with yourself where I don't remember having a childhood, right?
Speaker: I remember just taking care of everybody emotionally, mentally, being a leader, you know, taking care of everything the best way I knew how.
Speaker: However, like you said, the self-sacrificing will be depleted.
Speaker: Not talking about or speaking on your feelings will have you injured inside.
Speaker: And so with somebody's son, it sparked my interest because I'm so fulfilled that it's somebody like you who wants to do the work.
Speaker: Like a lot of people talk about it, bro.
Speaker: Like everybody talk what they're going to do.
Speaker: Like, no, no, no, no.
Speaker: Who's really doing the work?
Speaker: Like mental health is real.
Speaker: I'm a real mental health advocate.
Speaker: I know people who contemplated suicide this year.
Speaker: i know people who are survivors of suicide like it's a real thing i don't want to just get in because look at me so i feel like i'm sure energy my energy and anyone the collective who wants to be involved we really can make an impact we can really shift the paradigm we can get men to really look at their feelings and emotions to understand them because if they don't what they say hurt people
Speaker: hurt people and in the violence we grew up in we all killing each other because we can't regulate our emotions we don't have no emotional intelligence so i think it's so important that you're doing this and that more people should come and we should talk about it more man absolutely man i mean like you said i was one of those people i remember like right home and i'm just like yo i've done everything i possibly can at least i felt like i did in the moment
Speaker: And that's always subjective.
Speaker: But I was like, yo, I'm cool.
Speaker: Like, if this is it, and this is how it's got to be, I don't want to do this no more.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: And now, I'm just like, man, I'm glad I just didn't give up.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: Like, I'm glad I kept pushing because there's so many people that can benefit from hearing not just my story, your story, but everyone else who's also been apart, been on the same journey to just understand like, yo,
Speaker: there's a million ways to go about this and at the end of the day i i really just want dudes to know like it's cool you gonna be all right we gonna get through this and man it's a we were talking about i i don't want to see i don't want to continue to put you know i put
Speaker: uh my partner through some stuff in relationship and i really just don't want men to have to keep being the reason that these women got to be so hard by it like that's not even who they need to be you know that's not how they need to be living their life and i don't want to be that type of example for my own daughter my own son you know so it's like yo at some point you got to grab the bull by the horn to do something and so that's where i'm at my life currently man i'm really glad that we was able to connect because i feel like we would be under
Speaker: really makes the magic happen as a result of focusing on the things that are really resonating with us in a much deeper way.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know, speaking on that, let's talk about the youth for a minute because you've got two young kids.
Speaker: I met your son.
Speaker: He's amazing.
Speaker: He's way beyond his years.
Speaker: Very cool, smooth, smart kid.
Speaker: what is your intentions what is your idea about empowering the youth because i know from you know people that's in the school district or the education field that there's not a lot of black leaders or role models right a lot of men of color there's not a lot of men of color as advisors teachers educators and so a lot of times like it's about reliability but what what is your your intentions or what is your thought around that how can we empower more
Speaker: men of color to be role models and be leaders.
Speaker: I mean, of course, we've got to start with ourselves, but I really want to start getting into the school district because in the education field, because these kids, these young men and boys and girls are the future.
Speaker: No, look, that's a great segue, man.
Speaker: So I think the first thing, not so shameless plug, Summerhouse Institute is also the work that I do.
Speaker: We're just focused on getting more men of color into education.
Speaker: We're looking to also tap into the creative space as well as technology.
Speaker: our work there is critically important because we always say you can't be what you can't see and so if you want if you want these kids to grow up and be and do something different they got to see people being and doing something different every day you know you can't sit there and want and tell them that they can be a teacher or they could be a lawyer or a doctor but everybody they see in their neighborhood doesn't even represent that in any shape or
Speaker: So I think it's about exposure.
Speaker: It's exposure, not just the education, but other ways and walks of life.
Speaker: So when it comes to my kids and what I want for them, we've been very intentional about making sure that they have exposure and opportunities while still letting them understand the privilege that they have to be in those spaces and places because
Speaker: where they're going, the things they're doing is much different than the way that I grew up.
Speaker: But that's how it should be.
Speaker: You know, like they should be having different experiences, they should be, they should be able to go and meet different people and travel and see the world.
Speaker: And I think that that
Speaker: changes their perspective and it changes the fabric of who they are because they're able to see be and do more and so they get to see people like you they get to see people like holta they get to see some of my all the people that i know that are doing amazing things my kids have access to them relationship with them and they get the benefit from the things that we've done i think that it's a shame that in this country with all the resources that we have that people have to do things
Speaker: to get their kids into better schools.
Speaker: If they don't have access to certain funds, if they don't have access to certain resources, they don't have access to just the space, their kids are left out.
Speaker: And we saw it be I used to teach and then I was an administrator and then being a nonprofit space, watching the difference in where my kids were able to go to school.
Speaker: And then the people that they were around the things they were able to do is criminal.
Speaker: It's criminal.
Speaker: And so
Speaker: That is what I want them to do.
Speaker: I want them to feel like they have an opinion.
Speaker: I want them to feel like their voices are heard.
Speaker: I want them to feel like they belong any and everywhere on this planet because we've done what's necessary for them to have those opportunities.
Speaker: And that's the biggest thing for me is I want to make sure that they know that we've literally done everything we could to give them the best shot they can.
Speaker: Yeah, and it's important, like you said something, visibility, right?
Speaker: Diversity, you know, culture, like taking them all over places where, you know, they go to the suburbs, they go to the inner city, they can go downtown, let them see homeless people, let them see wealthy people, take them in nice restaurants, take them in, like, you want them to be diverse, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Also, like you said something as well, you can't be what you can't see, right?
Speaker: Like, where I'm from, I'm supposed to sell drugs and be a kingpin, right?
Speaker: Like, I'm supposed to sell dope, I'm supposed to play a sport, whatever.
Speaker: Like, why is that the only narrative for black men, for men of color, right?
Speaker: Like, why can't we be doctors?
Speaker: Why can't we be lawyers?
Speaker: Why can't we be professionals?
Speaker: We can.
Speaker: But it's not that we're not, it's just that we don't see it, right?
Speaker: So think about it, right?
Speaker: If your son sees more black men on TV that were, let's just say a shirt top.
Speaker: or you see more black men where there's doctors, right?
Speaker: Whatever he see the most of, he's going to feel like he can become because he's like, oh, this guy is relatable.
Speaker: Like, oh, I can be that.
Speaker: And so my goal for my nephew's, I got four nephews, bro.
Speaker: Like, I'm writing books.
Speaker: I'm creating curriculums.
Speaker: I'm in the health and wellness space.
Speaker: I'm in the mental health space.
Speaker: Because even if I can't get with them every day, they're going to feel my energy.
Speaker: They're going to see me.
Speaker: right absolutely and when they can see you they can believe they can see themselves in you and say i can do that just like your kids look up to you they go off what they see not what they know so i think it's just very important for us to continue to put out the content like you do with uh somebody's son continue to be a great role model for yourself or for your kids but also to be authentic you know to not be perfect right to be
Speaker: And you know, I want to go back and talk about the relationship factor for men when they're in a committed relationship and partnership.
Speaker: I feel like we failed women because we even didn't get the nurturing and the love we deserve or we don't know how to nurture
Speaker: and give us the knowledge we need ourselves, right?
Speaker: So unconsciously we're failing people who love us because we don't know how to love ourselves from a weak place.
Speaker: Only if we got the money, we got the fame, we got the fortune, we got, you know, we got the looks, whatever it is material, we feel like we can do.
Speaker: But if we don't have that, some of us don't feel like we're enough.
Speaker: What do you think we drop the ball when it comes to relationship in our community or in our environment?
Speaker: I will speak from my own experience.
Speaker: I think that when I started to look back around me and look at the healthy relationships and the relationships that I wanted to emulate, there were none.
Speaker: were none there were none to look around and say hey you know what i actually want this and so kind of like with parents it was like i had to build this for myself and i also started to realize that i wasn't spending enough time around the type of people that i wanted to be so if i wanted to be someone who's married i probably should have started hanging with some of my homies that was married a little earlier you know what i'm saying or people that were in relationships and actually making it work or just starting to emulate some of those practices because
Speaker: I mean, even now I am petrified of being married and not because I'm scared or think that I can't do it.
Speaker: It's simply because I sometimes wonder like, dang, do I have the tools necessary to be able to show up and be the person, not just that I say I am, but that the person my partner also needs.
Speaker: And so for me, I think there
Speaker: the way that I grew up, it wasn't about being in a long term relationship.
Speaker: It was, you know, we know what Wayne said.
Speaker: It was never it was about it was more womanizing was put in front of us more than being a good guy was you know, I'm saying it was never about it was never about yo,
Speaker: this is what you need to be looking for if you want a wife.
Speaker: Or this is how you show up and show that you're going to be a partner that is going to be one that shows up for their partner.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: So I won't put it all on everybody else.
Speaker: I also think that just a lot of, I was about to do this.
Speaker: I was about to get real comfortable.
Speaker: A lot of men are just not ready.
Speaker: And instead of just being honest about not being ready, we string people along.
Speaker: We string people along for the ride, hoping that they'll rock out and deal with our bullshit until they get tired of it or until we get tired of it.
Speaker: And it's unfair to everybody involved.
Speaker: And so I think now at 35, I can't believe I'm even saying that, I don't regret myself.
Speaker: much but I definitely wish I could go back and do some things over.
Speaker: I wish I didn't say certain things or have done certain things because I know in my mind, in my heart that that's not who I wanted to be but I still just allow the, I don't even know how to really say this, right?
Speaker: I wasn't regulating my emotions in the right capacity and I was allowing myself to just react from an emotional place instead of thinking about all the different ways that
Speaker: we're going to be beneficial to myself and my partner in the long run.
Speaker: And so it's kind of like you're taking that temporary, temporary gain or a temporary success for instead of, you know, the long play.
Speaker: And so a lot of guys just don't have those conversations.
Speaker: And for real, for real, bro, we don't hold our friends accountable all the time.
Speaker: We allow people to be on BS.
Speaker: And so we keep doing that and keep allowing it to happen.
Speaker: It just continues going.
Speaker: Then we kick the ball further and further down the road.
Speaker: Listen, I'll give you a quick story.
Speaker: Everybody listen, really listen in.
Speaker: So I got a good friend of mine, love him to death, right?
Speaker: Been friend for more than 10 years.
Speaker: And at some point in his life, he was married, right?
Speaker: I knew his wife, right?
Speaker: She knew me.
Speaker: She looked out for me at times and supported whatever I had.
Speaker: And so when we would go out, I would see him like, I had to check him.
Speaker: I'm like, bro, what you doing, bro?
Speaker: No, I said, yo, you around me, bro, we ain't doing that.
Speaker: I know your wife.
Speaker: You got me looking crazy.
Speaker: Don't do better around me.
Speaker: Boom, fast forward three years.
Speaker: You know, I had an opportunity, you know, to do some things and they had like a big place.
Speaker: They let me stay with them.
Speaker: I was Airbnb in my spot.
Speaker: And I started to sit in a relationship, right?
Speaker: Like from my view.
Speaker: And I'm like, damn.
Speaker: In that moment, I said, I will never judge someone that's in a relationship because I don't know the truth.
Speaker: but they were married and then I didn't realize it looked great on the outside, but inside, oh, it was bad.
Speaker: So not only that we don't hold each other accountable as men and as friends, the friend that's in the pain, we don't be vulnerable with our friends.
Speaker: We like, no, we do, she's good.
Speaker: She like, well, whole time you eating shit every day when you go home, right?
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: You going through so much, but you not letting nothing out.
Speaker: So we thinking everything fine.
Speaker: And I think at the end of the day, man, you know, you get what you get, right?
Speaker: Like I was raised where my dad, my people's were in the streets.
Speaker: My dad always had multiple women, never seen them, married since later years in life.
Speaker: So that was my IP.
Speaker: That was my blueprint.
Speaker: So I started to get older, like, hold on, man.
Speaker: Like, I don't know, it's not even who I am.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And you have your fun and you do your thing, but at the end of the day, you feel empty, right?
Speaker: Because it ain't really, it ain't real, it's just for sure.
Speaker: And then also we got to hope these rappers and these artists and these entertainers, you know, campers, the stuff they talk about and the music.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Unconsciously is programming us as men, right?
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: It's manipulating us unconsciously.
Speaker: So we can say like this and that and this and that, but it's like, bro, you said something, but you ain't being accountable for it.
Speaker: So what we talking about?
Speaker: You got all this power, we got all this money, but you ain't standing on what you say you stand on.
Speaker: So what you doing?
Speaker: And I feel like accountability, vulnerability, and transparency, bro.
Speaker: Like, we gonna do something, do it.
Speaker: I'm not saying it's easy.
Speaker: I'm not saying that everything be insane.
Speaker: 100%.
Speaker: Mr. Nice guy, but I'm saying be real with yourself.
Speaker: Don't bring that around me.
Speaker: I got homies that's in the streets, bro.
Speaker: When I come in town, huh?
Speaker: No, stay away, bro.
Speaker: I can see you on FaceTime.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So I think, like I said, that authenticity, that transparency, and just saying like you're not ready for a relationship, you're not ready for commitment.
Speaker: But at some point, you got to commit to something or you ain't going to have no commitments, right?
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: No, man, I think, too, I think there's also a space in all of this to still allow yourself to have that grace, too.
Speaker: I mean, we all make mistakes.
Speaker: We all go on.
Speaker: We all go on mess up from time to time.
Speaker: None of us are perfect.
Speaker: As long as you're not, if you're intentionally doing stuff over and over again, you know what the deal is.
Speaker: But if you really are putting your best foot forward and you're really trying your best and then, you know, something happens, that's different.
Speaker: But, I mean, I do want to make sure that we still allow,
Speaker: everybody just still my bad i thought it was my brother still had the opportunity to just you know we all we all fumble so i just i just think you know no one's no way like if if you see it happen five times and you never say anything it's like you just as guilty as the person doing that thing
Speaker: Like certain things like for me, I don't like people who like to bully people because I want to bully the bully.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But if you could don't get right then what are you saying?
Speaker: So I just think like you said, the most important thing just to have a dialogue around it, right?
Speaker: I forgive you.
Speaker: I get it.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: It's like to be in a home with your spouse.
Speaker: I get why you did that.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I'm not saying that you should always do it, but there's another way because you still damaging yourself.
Speaker: And that's why I'm looking forward to, you know, the launch of Somebody's Son when you have your next event.
Speaker: Do you kind of got like a whereabouts or a date in mind when you're going to do your first or maybe not your first or just the next event?
Speaker: Yeah, this is the, this will be the third one, third in person.
Speaker: I'm leaning towards end of the year, like December.
Speaker: Got it.
Speaker: Would love to get some off in December.
Speaker: If we can't do it in December, then definitely top of the year, start the year off on the right foot or the right foot for me.
Speaker: I think that that's going to be critically important.
Speaker: And hopefully, you know, we can do something in person, man.
Speaker: I just really, there's nothing like that space, like that being in that space together with everybody, having people, so many people came up to me afterwards like, yo, I never had anything like this before.
Speaker: I never felt even comfortable enough to talk about this with somebody else before.
Speaker: And so I'm just like, man, like,
Speaker: being in it and experiencing it, it really is what makes this work.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: It makes all the nights where it's like, man, what is is what is I did land?
Speaker: What is you know what people resonate with this information?
Speaker: It makes it all work when you get to see everybody in real time.
Speaker: So in this year, top of 2024 is what I'm shooting for.
Speaker: and it's gonna happen yeah i'm not even gonna say it we're gonna stick it into existence um i know you probably gotta grab your daughter no we can we get up i got a few minutes so okay what else do you got going on and you know how can people connect with you and get in tune to what you got going on because you mean you do so many amazing things you're not just you know a father that has you know different things but let's let's talk about it
Speaker: Yeah, no.
Speaker: Well, first off, Somebody's Son, I will drop it in the comments so everybody can follow.
Speaker: I need everybody to follow the Somebody's Son page.
Speaker: It's S-M-B-D-Y, I mean S-O-N, so Somebody's Son.
Speaker: Other things I have going on, I mean, like you said, I do photography and videography.
Speaker: So I actually be in Atlanta this weekend at the Unlocked World Forum Conference shooting.
Speaker: I get to see one of my homegirls down there, Tanika, who's going to be speaking.
Speaker: And it's going to be a good opportunity to be my second time hearing Rich Paul speak.
Speaker: So that's all pretty dope.
Speaker: And then, yeah, man, all my information is on my personal page at Rasheemarshell.
Speaker: If people need work, please hit me up.
Speaker: I'm out here.
Speaker: But that's it, man.
Speaker: I got some children's books coming out.
Speaker: There's some books that I'll talk about, celebrate some of the differences between kids.
Speaker: Got some coming out, both my kids in it.
Speaker: So really just trying to stay in the lab, man.
Speaker: We got some good work coming out with Summer House.
Speaker: We're doing a college tour starting next year, too.
Speaker: So a lot of irons in the fire, man.
Speaker: Really, really.
Speaker: hopeful and prayerful that this stuff is going well will play play out the way that i see it in my mind um but it's been a long time coming man it's been a long time coming so there'll be a bunch of new content coming down to somebody's homepage they're interviewing some uh some black guys older younger just getting their perspective on mental health masculinity um words just words of wisdom that i feel like everybody could benefit from so a lot of exciting content in my eyes
Speaker: I'm coming down the pipe.
Speaker: I'm just really excited for people to just get to see all the things that have been in my head for so long.
Speaker: I feel like a mad scientist right now, just like cooking up in the lab.
Speaker: I'm really excited for everybody to see what's coming up.
Speaker: Yeah, man.
Speaker: I think also, you know, I want to give you your flowers, you know, for now.
Speaker: I'm only one being a man of color, but, you know, being a father, you know, being a thought leader.
Speaker: and put energy behind something that's meaningful to you and to other men that can come along because sometimes we always gravitate to the cool shit.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: Like life ain't always cool.
Speaker: Life gets real.
Speaker: And I think with somebody's son and everything else you got going on, it's very,
Speaker: It's important for us to know that we have these things out here in the community that can help one another without spending some money or getting bottle servos or spending money on dinner.
Speaker: We can all come connect and talk about these topics, these things, relationships, love, vulnerability, fear, authenticity, mental health, all these things that we don't get to talk about because we're so in our masks and we don't want to show nobody our fears or insecurities.
Speaker: I got a few more questions, but one question I want to ask you, like, what does Rashid want from himself moving forward?
Speaker: And what does he want from his family?
Speaker: Like, with him?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, honestly, it's crazy to react to that.
Speaker: It's pretty simple for me.
Speaker: I just want, I literally mean, a place in my life, I'm like, yo, what if I just gave my absolute best effort to everything?
Speaker: Like, what would that look like?
Speaker: And I'm like,
Speaker: why am I scared to go after that?
Speaker: Why have I been scared to go after that?
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: So that's what I want for myself.
Speaker: It's really just to get the best I have to give to the time that I'm here.
Speaker: Because I'm like, yo, I'm 35.
Speaker: This flew by.
Speaker: 35 more is going by dumb fast.
Speaker: So I wanted to make sure that I'm living my life the most authentic way I possibly can.
Speaker: that I'm doing more good than harming the spaces and places that I'm in.
Speaker: And for my family, the same thing, man.
Speaker: I really just want them to see that I did everything that I said I was going to do.
Speaker: And so it almost made me shed a little tear, man, another day with my daughter.
Speaker: I'm sitting there talking to Rue, Rumi, my son.
Speaker: And she's like, well, listen, Daddy promised you, so you know he's going to do it.
Speaker: Like, it's already ingrained in their minds that if I promise that we're going to do something,
Speaker: it's going to happen.
Speaker: And so that's the biggest thing for me to be able to hang my hat on is like, they know that if I say it, I'm gonna do it come out of the hot water, whether I want to or not, whatever space I was, and I said, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna find a way to get it done.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And so that's something that I want for my family, man, just for them to be able to live their lives in their in their most authentic way.
Speaker: I don't want them to live a life where they feel like they got to make me happy or do things that I want them to do.
Speaker: I would much rather than feel fulfilled and
Speaker: I wouldn't allow them to leave it.
Speaker: And that's really it, man.
Speaker: I just really want to put my best work out here.
Speaker: And that's from a personal level, professional level, as a dad, as a partner.
Speaker: I just really want to be my best.
Speaker: And that's what I'm working for.
Speaker: just add value every day you know every day man i'm telling you every day what do you think you say you know you ask yourself like you want to put your best self forward why do you think there's a challenge there or a lot for you just in general i don't think it's a block or a challenge i think it's just doing things with the same excitement that i said i was going to do it so like
Speaker: getting up at five in the morning.
Speaker: I do not want to get up at five in the morning, most likely because I'm up till one, two o'clock.
Speaker: But it's like, yo, I want to, that's something I'm like, I have to get up earlier.
Speaker: I was like, this morning, I think I woke up at 6.50.
Speaker: I was like, okay, I'm getting closer.
Speaker: Because I'm not a morning person because I'm up all night.
Speaker: So I'm like, all right, if I can get my stuff done, but I'm still getting everything I want to get done in the day,
Speaker: I'm cool with that.
Speaker: I'm starting to get more comfortable with doing things in a way that Rashid functions best.
Speaker: And not with someone said they get up at five o'clock, so I need to get up at five.
Speaker: No, I'm up till two.
Speaker: So I'm going to wake up at seven, bust all my stuff out, and then, you know what I mean, get it in the way I need to.
Speaker: So I think that's the biggest part, just really doing things in a way that makes me feel good and being OK with that.
Speaker: Like, my journey has been different.
Speaker: Why would it be any different?
Speaker: Why would it be any different now?
Speaker: Yeah, you gotta follow your flow and your soul's assignment.
Speaker: Everybody's on different platforms.
Speaker: We chose it in different ways.
Speaker: And I always tell people like, I want to be like you.
Speaker: You don't want to be like me.
Speaker: You don't want my problems and I don't want your problems.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: And I tell my...
Speaker: I tell my younger, they're not even really my siblings, but Jalil is a little younger than me.
Speaker: He's always telling me like, yo, I want to be just like you.
Speaker: I was like, be better.
Speaker: Be better.
Speaker: Be better, bro.
Speaker: I want you to be one yourself, but I also want you to be way better than I ever was.
Speaker: Because what are we doing?
Speaker: If you're just like me, we're not getting nowhere.
Speaker: I need you to take it a step further.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying?
Speaker: So that's what I want for them all the time.
Speaker: oh man let everybody know we can follow you on you know i follow you in all accounts you got somebody's son now which somebody's son for somebody oh it's sm i'm about to type it in right now smbby that's all right i couldn't get the regular one somebody somebody took that but yeah it's down there and then my personal page is just rashid.marcel um
Speaker: It's just my name, man.
Speaker: I was going to change it.
Speaker: I was like, you know what?
Speaker: I want.
Speaker: Marcel, what's that about?
Speaker: It's a middle name?
Speaker: It's my middle name.
Speaker: I was just telling Sean we was in the car.
Speaker: OK, Marcel.
Speaker: My mom made all of our middle names rhyme.
Speaker: It's crazy.
Speaker: So I'm like, my mom is Nina Rochelle, my brother Julian Terrell, and then, yeah, Rasheed Marcel.
Speaker: I love it though, man.
Speaker: Makes me feel like more of an artist.
Speaker: There you go.
Speaker: I sound like a singer.
Speaker: Can you leave us with some words of wisdom, man?
Speaker: Like, you know, give me some words of wisdom.
Speaker: Man, words of wisdom.
Speaker: Do it afraid, man.
Speaker: I think that that's something that like if you ask my kids what's the one thing you got to tell them all the time is I'm scared when I do just about anything.
Speaker: Like even when I used to hoop, before I made that first basket, before I touched the ball after tip off,
Speaker: I never felt comfortable.
Speaker: Once you do something, and once I started to get into that motion, whether I was scared or not, it didn't matter.
Speaker: I was on.
Speaker: The lights was on, I'm locked in.
Speaker: So I think that's the biggest thing for me is we're all going to feel something.
Speaker: We all going to feel nervous.
Speaker: We all going to feel like people might not be receptive to it.
Speaker: But whatever it is, whatever your thing is, do it.
Speaker: Do it scared.
Speaker: Do it happy.
Speaker: Do it sad.
Speaker: But do it.
Speaker: Just do it like night.
Speaker: Like night.
Speaker: Just do it, man.
Speaker: Man, that's what's up.
Speaker: Well, look, we got to do something together sooner than later.
Speaker: God will make that happen because I'm definitely on board for somebody's son.
Speaker: And I just want to build conversations and relationships around that so we can get to the real healing and we can provide humanity with more value.
Speaker: So I just want to say thank you for your time.
Speaker: Thank you for your energy and your authenticity.
Speaker: man have a beautiful night get your young lady and uh we'll connect soon man and um it's miracle season man somebody's son follow him on all accounts hit him up he's a videographer photographer he got the eye of a tiger he's he got it and um he's an incredible person so um rashid thank you brother we'll talk soon it's been amazing interview and uh
Speaker: Thank you, bro.
Speaker: Now I got to give you your flowers too, man.
Speaker: Yo, we met, we talked that one time and it's been up ever since, bro.
Speaker: So just want to tell you, man, I really appreciate you.
Speaker: Yeah, your energy is comfortable, man.
Speaker: And honestly, I mean it sincerely, bro.
Speaker: I wouldn't be going as hard as I was if it wasn't for that conversation you had.
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: I'm grateful for you, man.
Speaker: And I just want you to know that.
Speaker: Thank you, man.
Speaker: I got you, bro, because I see you.
Speaker: When I say see you, I see you like I'm your brother, but I don't even know you.
Speaker: We got different mothers, but you got something.
Speaker: You got that it, right?
Speaker: With somebody's son and everything else you're doing.
Speaker: It's just motivating.
Speaker: So I just want to empower more black men, you know, because I feel like we got to do that.
Speaker: It ain't about who got more or who got less.
Speaker: It's about I see what you got.
Speaker: Let me see how I can add and help them out.
Speaker: I appreciate you, man.
Speaker: For real, bro.
Speaker: All right, we'll talk soon, man.
Speaker: All right, man.
Speaker: Be great.
Speaker: All right.
