Transcript
Speaker: Welcome to Enlighten Up the Hilarapy podcast with Lizzie Allen and Karina Lauren.
Speaker: We take hard topics, throw them up in the air and dissolve them with laughter.
Speaker: Each week we feature a comedian from the Hilarapy course and we discuss topics from their set.
Speaker: From sexual shame to getting older, we tackle it all with humor and heart.
Speaker: Our goal is to awaken the masses, promote love, and increase connection by dissolving shame, all while making you laugh until you pee your pants.
Speaker: So let's enlighten up and get started.
Speaker: Welcome to your season three, episode one, Tres y Uno, with your hosts Lizzie Allen and Karina Loren.
Speaker: Hello.
Speaker: Oats y Groats.
Speaker: AKA Oats and Groats ride again.
Speaker: So pack your saddlebags, folks.
Speaker: It's time for another Oaty episode.
Speaker: I'm laughing too because I'm like, yeah, in this season, Karina is going to inject Spanish every once in a while.
Speaker: You're going to have to stick to that now because I reckon you're going to forget.
Speaker: I'll forget.
Speaker: Next episode, I'll forget.
Speaker: So let's have a little think about this season and what makes it special and different from the last two seasons.
Speaker: Oh, well...
Speaker: Easy.
Speaker: Secret ingredient.
Speaker: Me.
Speaker: You.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I was in this group.
Speaker: You were in this group.
Speaker: So this is the HilariPy Recovery Project group.
Speaker: And there are 12 performers.
Speaker: 13.
Speaker: 12.
Speaker: 12.
Speaker: Because you weren't there that night.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Sorry, people.
Speaker: I didn't perform.
Speaker: Part of me thinks it was just like the secret ploy that you were never going to turn up on the night and you had some place that you just said, I'm not doing it because.
Speaker: Oh, I'm away.
Speaker: I'm away.
Speaker: I can't make it.
Speaker: But really, she was just sitting at home crying into a cup of warm oat milk.
Speaker: Hey, I had some good bits, okay?
Speaker: You did.
Speaker: You wrote some excellent stuff.
Speaker: So at the next show, maybe you can, you can.
Speaker: Slide in there.
Speaker: Do some of those jokes.
Speaker: Mono y mono.
Speaker: I'd like to hear some of those jokes.
Speaker: I bet you would.
Speaker: Can you remember any off the top of your head?
Speaker: I think I said, I'm a person in long-term recovery, which means for me, I haven't put anyone else's... No.
Speaker: See?
Speaker: This is the problem.
Speaker: Okay, guys?
Speaker: Start again.
Speaker: Start again.
Speaker: It's a story.
Speaker: Start again.
Speaker: I'm a person in long-term recovery, which means for me...
Speaker: I haven't put other people's husbands in my mouth for 13 years.
Speaker: I think that's how it went.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think that's how it went.
Speaker: I think we just have to change the structure of the sentence.
Speaker: It's too hard for me to say it's a mouthful.
Speaker: Speaking of a mouthful.
Speaker: Hey.
Speaker: It goes on.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: The joke goes on.
Speaker: That's not where it ends.
Speaker: But it is that.
Speaker: It is that she's in recovery from being a total slut.
Speaker: Total slut.
Speaker: Slot bag.
Speaker: Yeah, your husbands are safe now.
Speaker: Rest at ease.
Speaker: Hide your husbands.
Speaker: Hide your wives.
Speaker: Hide your... Because somebody's coming out here and stealing them at night.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Anyways, no, it was actually a very, very special group.
Speaker: I cannot believe the way people came together.
Speaker: I've just spoken about it before.
Speaker: Like going through the process was so incredible and such a beautiful thing.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Tell me.
Speaker: I just remembered I haven't seen you for a while, so I forgot.
Speaker: I haven't told you.
Speaker: Oh my God, you're going to die.
Speaker: Tell me.
Speaker: I'm going to tell you right now.
Speaker: You know, Gary, the filmmaker from thrive as one.ca.
Speaker: The one who came to film us.
Speaker: He came to film us.
Speaker: He filmed a session.
Speaker: Then he came to film the show.
Speaker: And he said to me at the show, he said, I'm so gutted.
Speaker: I didn't film this whole bloody course.
Speaker: It's amazing.
Speaker: The energy.
Speaker: He said, okay, can we?
Speaker: He said, Lizzie, please, can we do another HRP when you get back from India?
Speaker: And I'll film the whole thing.
Speaker: We'll make a web series right here in Canada before you go to America.
Speaker: And I said, well, absolutely we can, Gary.
Speaker: Absolutely, Gare Bear.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Get on board.
Speaker: So I was thinking, like, what do you want to do?
Speaker: Are you going to be a participant or are you going to support?
Speaker: Hmm.
Speaker: How do you feel?
Speaker: The support person seems to me like they have to hold a lot of space.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And I don't like holding space.
Speaker: Well, why don't you be a participant again?
Speaker: And this time, because you didn't do a process either.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: Do I look like I need to do a process?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, I'm going to paint a picture for you right now, listeners, of what she actually does look like.
Speaker: She's dressed all in black like she's been in mourning for the last five years.
Speaker: She has her head in a toque.
Speaker: Is that a toque?
Speaker: It's a toque, yeah.
Speaker: Toque with long hair flowing out of either side.
Speaker: Her eyes are wild and wide like she's just run off the moors and escaped some sort of mental institute.
Speaker: No offense to anyone in a mental institute.
Speaker: It's just that sometimes people in mental institutions don't take as much care over their personal experience.
Speaker: That's what we're getting at here.
Speaker: I've taken no care over my personal appearance.
Speaker: And for those who don't know, a process in the hilarity course means that you have something that is, you know, maybe a fear or a doubt or something that's weighing heavy on you, shame, something.
Speaker: And it comes to the surface and then we do an experiential group process, which is,
Speaker: Which is an invitation to show up vulnerably in a way that you may never have ever, ever, ever in public or even in private with another person.
Speaker: So it is an invitation for growth and it not only helps the person doing the process, but it also helps those that witness the process.
Speaker: So what's beautiful about that is if it's a web series, people get right into and behind the scenes of what we actually do in HilariP.
Speaker: It's going to be in common.
Speaker: Incredible.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So you don't have to do a process only if something comes up in your heart, but let's just pop you back in and this time you do perform.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because I know that that's a vulnerability for you.
Speaker: Is it?
Speaker: Performing.
Speaker: I think so.
Speaker: Performing something that you've written.
Speaker: Yes, you're right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Performing, no.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: But performing in that I'll have bullet points and I'll maybe even have some stuff lightly written, but never...
Speaker: practiced.
Speaker: So that was one thing during the hilaropy course that did feel like a vulnerability is going up to the mic, having to have something to say, but not necessarily feeling like what I was going to say was good enough.
Speaker: You don't see, I think there's a process to the back of that, right?
Speaker: Because that isn't about you being good enough or not being good enough.
Speaker: And I think that there in that holds you in a prison because to me,
Speaker: to me, and I need you to really hear this because I'm staring deep into your soul right now.
Speaker: To me, you are a superstar.
Speaker: And I never see, I have never seen you anything other than that.
Speaker: But that voice that's telling you, what if I'm not funny enough?
Speaker: What if I don't get blah, blah, blah, that is a prison of limited thinking.
Speaker: And that's creating a block for the life force to move through.
Speaker: So in the next course that we do, if you're
Speaker: willing to walk straight into that piece that's that that makes you small that's where we'll get freedom on the other side of that i'm not saying it'll be easy it'll be scary as as i'm gonna say it flippity gibbets whoa whoa under your seats chitty chitty bang bang just arrived excuse the french yeah no it's it's
Speaker: truly scrumptious in the house.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, I love it.
Speaker: Okay, cool.
Speaker: Well, and that's covered.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: You're in.
Speaker: Check.
Speaker: Starts in March.
Speaker: We did that.
Speaker: You all witnessed it here.
Speaker: I said I was going to do it.
Speaker: The other thing too is I wanted to touch on your Insta fame.
Speaker: Oh my gosh.
Speaker: I'm an influencer now.
Speaker: She is legit an influencer.
Speaker: Guys, she has people sending her stuff.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: Like that's what influencers get.
Speaker: Next thing you know, Tim Hortons is going to be calling you up and they're going to say, hey, we'll give you free coffee forever if you talk about how you went into Timmy's and you drank her coffee.
Speaker: I'm not going to do that though.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Well, folks, we know she has her limits.
Speaker: I'm not going to do that.
Speaker: There's a line.
Speaker: There is a line.
Speaker: And Timmy, you crossed it.
Speaker: Tim Hortons, don't bother.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: If you're listening to this at headquarters.
Speaker: You know what to do with your Tim bits.
Speaker: Don't freaking bother.
Speaker: She's not popping them out.
Speaker: But this isn't Pat Pong in Thailand.
Speaker: Exactly where my mind was at.
Speaker: Oh, I'll use your Timbits.
Speaker: I'll use some.
Speaker: Pop your Timbits out.
Speaker: That's what you want.
Speaker: Is that the kind of messaging you want on your Tim Hortons campaign?
Speaker: Me...
Speaker: tie style popping them out i can just see you though i can see you pretending to like take a dump in the forest but it's it's timbits and you're like i promoted them and then i'm firing them out as like a sort of weapon of it's the end of the world everybody but you've got your timbits you'll be all right yeah let them get a little stale first okay
Speaker: Oh, your ring covered in, your ring covered in, oh, what's that?
Speaker: Icing sugar.
Speaker: Oh, the worst.
Speaker: The powdered donut.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: So anyways, this, now you know why she's Insta-famous.
Speaker: Pretty soon, Timmy's is going to be knocking down the door.
Speaker: Yeah, but somebody named a star after me.
Speaker: Yeah, guys, people are naming stars in the sky, by the way.
Speaker: I should give a shout out to Mandy from Rockport for the star.
Speaker: She's a wonderful, beautiful soul who just felt really moved by some of my posts.
Speaker: She said to me, what did she say?
Speaker: She wrote this lovely note and it said, thank you for helping me to not feel like a piece of shit.
Speaker: Garbage.
Speaker: Garbage.
Speaker: Whoops.
Speaker: Worse, actually.
Speaker: Garbage is worse than shit.
Speaker: Shit is compostable.
Speaker: And that is the marker of what's valuable in this world is compost.
Speaker: At least with shit, you can grow something.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yeah, you can grow vegetables with it.
Speaker: Anyways, the point is, Mandy, you are a love.
Speaker: And please, anyone listening...
Speaker: Everyone, you are not a piece of garbage.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: And then somebody else wrote on, was anyone else expecting that star to be named ladies?
Speaker: Because that's another bit of a tagline I say.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Spelled L-A-Y-D-E-E-S.
Speaker: So if you do want to name that star.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Or if you want to name a donut after her.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Am I hungry?
Speaker: What is wrong with me?
Speaker: Let's talk about donuts again.
Speaker: Also, Lizzie likes hoodies.
Speaker: So if anyone's looking to sponsor that, you know, she wears hoodies a lot.
Speaker: She's wearing one right now.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Super dry.
Speaker: Super dry.
Speaker: Stop advertising.
Speaker: Stop product placing things in our podcast.
Speaker: By the way, we are not sponsored.
Speaker: But if you're thinking about sponsoring us, we can and will mention your product as long as it doesn't cross the line with Lizzie's beliefs.
Speaker: Because I have none.
Speaker: I don't care.
Speaker: That is true.
Speaker: So yeah, if you do have something... No, we shouldn't say that.
Speaker: But yeah, if you do, get in touch with us because if they're in alignment with Awakening the Masses...
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: That's what we do here through love and heart.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: But you know what?
Speaker: None of this matters because we have a PR person now.
Speaker: That's so cool.
Speaker: It's me.
Speaker: It's you.
Speaker: And do you know what, everybody, if you are following along on Instagram at our podcast, the handle is EnlightenUp.
Speaker: underscore podcast.
Speaker: They simplified it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I just want you to know that now Karina is manning that ship.
Speaker: And of course it is taking off over there.
Speaker: So it's quite the fun place to go and get a bit of lighthearted,
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I mean, I don't have your hair.
Speaker: I wish, you know what?
Speaker: I think 90% of your followers are there for your hair.
Speaker: It is true.
Speaker: I think my hair should have its own Instagram account.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Actually that could fly because your hair is like the top of an iceberg, right?
Speaker: It's what people see and everything below it is the below the ice, the water level.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: I'm just like an ice cream cone, aren't I?
Speaker: Like Mr. Whippy.
Speaker: Yeah, or like a troll with the troll hair.
Speaker: You're like a troll with a great wide ecstasy eyes.
Speaker: So by the time this podcast drops, I can't even imagine how many followers you're going to have.
Speaker: The world, maybe?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Will the whole world be following you?
Speaker: Like, what is happening?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Well, we're only, well, at this point when we're recording, I'm at 17.9 thousand followers.
Speaker: But let's just bear in mind about, let me just try, about five weeks ago, I was at 4,000.
Speaker: This is what I'm saying.
Speaker: And we made that brilliant reel in the bath.
Speaker: Do you remember?
Speaker: How could I forget?
Speaker: So we need to think, we need to figure out, like we've got to do something exciting at 20,000.
Speaker: Mind you,
Speaker: Who knows where you'll be?
Speaker: England.
Speaker: So you're going to have to do something cool in England.
Speaker: And then by the time everyone listens to this, we'll already be at like a million.
Speaker: Forget about it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: One, two million.
Speaker: Once you're at one million, it's just like, when's the next million coming, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's just like, it's exponential.
Speaker: You know, it's exponential.
Speaker: Because you're going to have to imagine you can see my hand going along horizontally and then starting to hit a curve.
Speaker: And then exponential growth then happens, you just turn upwards and then it just goes fast.
Speaker: Like once you get to, well, I'm imagining, but once you get to 100,000, it's very quick and easy to get to 200,000 and 300,000, 400,000 because of the speed at which it doubles.
Speaker: Well, I'm just cresting the first corner.
Speaker: That's how I feel at the moment.
Speaker: But I have to say energetically, a lot of opening has been happening in my heart chakra because
Speaker: And I've been sharing a lot about joy vibes and vibe tribe.
Speaker: I mean, that's really what we're doing with all the work that we do with Hilaropy is the community, the shared identification.
Speaker: It doesn't matter where you've been, where you're from, what you've done.
Speaker: We're all from that one place.
Speaker: life force.
Speaker: There is one animating principle giving life to all.
Speaker: Yes, we're all individuals.
Speaker: Yes, we express that life force differently, but we're all rooted in the one life force, which really means we're one.
Speaker: And that whole vibe tribe, high vibrational stuff, this awakening, the masses that we do
Speaker: through this podcast, but also on the Instagram and all the other things that we do out there in the world.
Speaker: Seminars is what we're on to now, isn't it?
Speaker: Seminars.
Speaker: 2024, expect seminars.
Speaker: They're going to just take off.
Speaker: It's going to be so much fun.
Speaker: I can't even imagine how much fun we're going to do.
Speaker: I can't even imagine it either.
Speaker: You can't.
Speaker: I can't.
Speaker: Oliver.
Speaker: Oliver.
Speaker: Oliver.
Speaker: I just repeated it exactly how you said so.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It's all over twist.
Speaker: I'm so excited for you, the joy, the vibe tribe, everything.
Speaker: And speaking of all of that, we have an amazing Kickstarter to this season.
Speaker: Dear, precious, what a firecracker, Sherry.
Speaker: You want to get into Sherry?
Speaker: Let's do it.
Speaker: Let's do it.
Speaker: Put your hands together, open your hearts, and please welcome to the stage, Sherry!
Speaker: Wow, that should have been a lot easier.
Speaker: Probably not too graceful, but that's never something I've really had.
Speaker: So thank you guys, especially you guys coming out at 9 o'clock.
Speaker: I'm telling you, this used to be my go time.
Speaker: It is far more my bedtime.
Speaker: So try to keep me awake, would ya?
Speaker: Anyways, so they said my name is Sherry.
Speaker: I am far more widely known as the Shererist.
Speaker: So that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about me.
Speaker: I could just wrap it up now, but are you fucking kidding?
Speaker: I'm on a spotlight.
Speaker: I got a captive audience.
Speaker: This shit is going down.
Speaker: Firstly, though, we need to acknowledge the elephant in the room.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Stay fucked up.
Speaker: So, the elephant in the room, my breasts.
Speaker: Now that we have that out of the way, we will get back to these later.
Speaker: You're welcome.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I just want to say how blessed I feel to be a part of this recovery project.
Speaker: I'll have you guys know that this is not a class you just sign up for, pay your fee, and you're in.
Speaker: Uh-uh.
Speaker: You have to be accepted.
Speaker: You have to qualify.
Speaker: So when I got the call that said I was in, I was like, yes, oh yeah, I probably peed a little and I did again just now.
Speaker: But...
Speaker: Yeah, um, then I sat back and thought to myself, really, Sherry?
Speaker: Why are you so proud?
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: Because the criteria that I met was that I had fucking burned my life to the ground.
Speaker: alienated anybody who has ever cared about me.
Speaker: And oh, I wasn't on a psychiatric hold.
Speaker: Yeah, she caught me on a good day that day.
Speaker: Anyways, we also needed to have found recovery and I cannot believe I'm standing out here saying it out loud.
Speaker: I'm five and a half years sober.
Speaker: That was not a hashtag bucket list goal item for me at all.
Speaker: The mere idea of quitting drinking was as inconceivable as calling it a night when the bar closed or going home before sunrise alone.
Speaker: I mean, who does that?
Speaker: You see, it's because I have always identified as a party girl.
Speaker: And, yeah, I took that identity very seriously.
Speaker: So seriously that about ten years ago, when I was in peak debauchery mode, I had a friend start a slanderous rumor about me.
Speaker: He's all like, have you heard?
Speaker: Sherry's going to Alcoholics Anonymous.
Speaker: She's going to Alcoholics Anonymous.
Speaker: is a defamatory lie, Steve.
Speaker: Don't you know that that's my reputation you're fucking with?
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, think about it.
Speaker: That is what had me humiliated, that people might think I was getting sober.
Speaker: Cause it was clear to me that being the loudest, drunkest, nakedest, handcuffed mom in the neighborhood was far more respectable!
Speaker: Nothing fucking anonymous here, Steve!
Speaker: For those of you that are unfamiliar with the behavior that you just witnessed, that is called denial.
Speaker: And I was a 20-year Gold Star member of that fucking denial club, I'll tell you that.
Speaker: Anyways, lucky you guys, we're going to get back to my boobs.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Let's talk about these.
Speaker: I am a recovered flasher.
Speaker: No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker: I can't even say it with a straight face because I'm still recovering.
Speaker: Progress, not perfection.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker: You don't need to worry about it tonight.
Speaker: I'm not gonna unleash the beasts.
Speaker: We don't have time to try to wrestle them all back up into this harness.
Speaker: You see, the problem is, is that I'm not used to these.
Speaker: These are new in recovery.
Speaker: And I don't mean the good kind of new, the kind that don't flop into your armpits when you lay on your back.
Speaker: No, those are expensive.
Speaker: No, you see, I was told that if you join a 12-step program and put some work in, you can expect spiritual growth.
Speaker: Well, it has plainly presented as physical growth.
Speaker: See, because when I quit drinking, I took up eating.
Speaker: And that's predominantly ice cream.
Speaker: And I eat ice cream like I drank vodka.
Speaker: by the liter every six to eight hours.
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: So until they come up with a Chocolate Almond Crunch Ice Cream Anonymous, Ben and Jerry are hanging around.
Speaker: Anyways, I'm no dummy.
Speaker: I'm thinking, how can I monetize off this growth, right?
Speaker: So I'm thinking, hmm, I'm just not sure a 55-year-old with double chins, double Ds, and actual double hip replacements are trending on OnlyFans.
Speaker: maybe older fans, I mean really.
Speaker: Yes, yes!
Speaker: I'll take what I can get, seriously.
Speaker: Anyways, so it's quite common with addiction and alcoholism that
Speaker: It comes with some other diagnoses or neuroses and yeah, so I've got some trauma and depression and don't be shocked.
Speaker: I have an alarming case of ADHD.
Speaker: I am a walking, too much talking recipe for disaster.
Speaker: Yeah, because when a typical ADHD-er goes out, they might lose their keys or their purse.
Speaker: I will lose my entire dress and my dignity.
Speaker: A typical ADHD-er will likely interrupt your conversation.
Speaker: I will interrupt your entire fucking life.
Speaker: I will say, though, that taking liquor out of the equation has helped me with my lack of impulse control and my filter.
Speaker: Yeah, I hardly ever pee openly in the streets anymore.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: And it is pretty rare that I tell anyone in my vicinity how to live their life, do their job, or shave their pubic hair.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I actually did that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So the thing is, is a brain with ADHD finds it almost impossible to engage in any activity that isn't exciting or pleasurable.
Speaker: So that's pretty much all of adulting.
Speaker: That shit is boring, right?
Speaker: Like taxes, do you do your taxes?
Speaker: You do, yeah you do.
Speaker: Congratulations, you produce your own dopamine.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, not me.
Speaker: No, and for me the bane of my existence is laundry, fucking laundry.
Speaker: The only good thing about that heaping pile is it was a good place to hide my liquor bottles, cause who else was going in there?
Speaker: Nobody.
Speaker: Nobody.
Speaker: Think about it.
Speaker: Wash, rinse, repeat.
Speaker: Forever.
Speaker: Seriously, I did.
Speaker: I drank over that shit.
Speaker: And a dinner to cook and a house to clean.
Speaker: Seriously, like, that shit just about killed me.
Speaker: But you know, it's not like that anymore.
Speaker: Today, it is those exact things that I am grateful for, that I have them to do.
Speaker: But please do not get me wrong, I still don't do them because that shit is boring.
Speaker: It is so boring.
Speaker: Anyways, yeah, so back in my dark days, what used to get my adrenaline going was that 24-7 incessant plotting and scheming how I was going to get the money to buy booze and drink my booze and hide my booze and then try to convince my family that mommy had stayed sober today.
Speaker: It was exhausting probably.
Speaker: Way more for them.
Speaker: But you know what?
Speaker: Again, that's not what I am today.
Speaker: Today, what gets my motor running is murder.
Speaker: Shows, reality murder shows.
Speaker: I study that shit, Dateline.
Speaker: Oh, you know that Keith Morrison guy with the wrinkles and the white hair?
Speaker: Oh yeah, I love me some Keith Morrison.
Speaker: Yeah, you know what?
Speaker: He has me thinking.
Speaker: Just might be time to get back in touch with my sexuality.
Speaker: You know, really put myself back out there.
Speaker: I just don't think my husband would like it.
Speaker: But I mean, what's he going to do?
Speaker: He knows that I know where to hide his body.
Speaker: Thank you so much!
Speaker: Oh, Sherry, that's so funny.
Speaker: Oh, Sherry, baby.
Speaker: That's not a song.
Speaker: What a way to open up season three.
Speaker: That was just storming Anna Norman.
Speaker: The thing that I feel is missing for our listeners is the visual because she is such a physical comedian and she has the perfect facial expressions to go along with that
Speaker: intense energy.
Speaker: I loved it though because I could actually envision her facial expressions while I was listening to it.
Speaker: But there are some things I really loved how she really touched on identity.
Speaker: Like she actually said, my identity.
Speaker: And I thought, what a cool thing to talk about in a comedy set, because everyone can kind of, if you really think about it, relate to at some point in time, I identified as party girl.
Speaker: I identified as the cool, like for me, it was, I had to be cool with everything.
Speaker: That was who I was.
Speaker: And if I wasn't cool with everything, then who would I even be?
Speaker: So I really love that some of the stuff she was touching on, like her reputation, her identity, that party girl almost kept her out of recovery.
Speaker: Like it kept her out of something that would probably be very healthy for her because how dare you assume that
Speaker: that I, the party girl, would be doing something that would help me recover.
Speaker: Yeah, that's the irony of it, isn't it?
Speaker: It's just hilarious.
Speaker: And it's so true because I was totally identified as being a stoner.
Speaker: I always rolled my own spliffs and I always had such a sense of coolness about it.
Speaker: I thought I was pretty cool to...
Speaker: kind of just have my own thing going on and I felt very connected with it and everything.
Speaker: I mean, it was so illusory.
Speaker: I mean, it was an illusion.
Speaker: It wasn't real.
Speaker: It wasn't a true thing.
Speaker: And actually the amount it separated from me, I just did not know who I would be without my drugs, right?
Speaker: My drug of choice.
Speaker: And I did all sorts of crazy things because, you know, when I tried to put it down, I just, you know, I picked up all the other stuff and just went,
Speaker: held to leather with that but the point being is my identity was wrapped up in that who am I if I'm not using drugs right who yeah Dickens am I
Speaker: Because I'm somebody in my own head.
Speaker: So here's the thing.
Speaker: Like, I've done a lot of shadow work and the epitome to me of the light that I want to be is the magician.
Speaker: But the thing about the magician, which is an archetype in the light, is you have to be 100% comfortable with the unknown.
Speaker: Hmm.
Speaker: And so if you think about the, the opposite of being in the light for me was my addiction when I was in full darkness, you know, cause then you're in those lower vibration feelings of shame, guilt, remorse, resentment.
Speaker: Um, what's the opposite of hope?
Speaker: Despair, right?
Speaker: You're in, I was in that a lot.
Speaker: So you're in this darkness and, um,
Speaker: The thought of the unknown, like if I'm not this anymore and I don't know who I am and all I've known so far has been kind of crazy, so I can't even fathom.
Speaker: a bright future without this drug of these drugs of choices.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And so I just think it's really interesting how she was like, I'm the party girl.
Speaker: I'm cool.
Speaker: I'm the one who's, you know, being taken away in handcuffs.
Speaker: Like she brings in that reality piece to it.
Speaker: And it's, it's true because it's like, there's this lie that we, you said it's all illusion.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: oh no, I'm fun this way.
Speaker: I'm cool this way.
Speaker: I'm good.
Speaker: I can survive this way.
Speaker: But if you rewind it back and look at the...
Speaker: the illusion and all the hurt and the pain and the loneliness.
Speaker: It's like, whoa, to think how long we lived in this lie before the veil was taken up.
Speaker: It's the insanity, right?
Speaker: It's the complete insanity of believing that total dysfunction is fun.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And good.
Speaker: And, you know, and it's also speaks to that kind of addiction to chaos.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And the safety that we find in chaos.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Because when we grow up in chaos, we recreate chaos because it's familiar.
Speaker: Better the devil, you know, our own shit is warm.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then there's and that's the unknown, like stepping into.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: I've actually never heard that saying before.
Speaker: Our own shit is warm.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I've never heard that.
Speaker: Like someone else's shit is cold.
Speaker: No, when you, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, I get it.
Speaker: I won't break it down.
Speaker: I can't even remember where I was going with that.
Speaker: Stepping out of the devil you know is scary.
Speaker: Yeah, because it's a total unknown.
Speaker: When you have not been somewhere ever in your life, especially when you've spent a good majority of your time being inebriated or annihilated or whatever, then to live life without that unknown.
Speaker: Who am I?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And I'm stepping right into the unknown.
Speaker: Well, the mind has nothing to attach itself to because it's got no forward picture of that.
Speaker: So it goes back in time to a time that we felt totally out of control at not being drunk, at not having drugs and alcohol.
Speaker: Boom.
Speaker: I can see by your face you're having some sort of revelation.
Speaker: You did it.
Speaker: You hit the nail on the head.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I sort of dunked that, didn't I?
Speaker: You did.
Speaker: You slam.
Speaker: It was a slam dunk, a home run.
Speaker: And actually, that was my experience when I first got sober is I did go back to a trauma and a period in time and feeling that period in time that I use drugs and alcohol to get out of.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's kind of like, the fuck is this?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'm here now.
Speaker: It was really rough, but... Yeah, I mean, I really... My addiction really took off around the age of 13.
Speaker: I'd started to experiment early on, but my addiction really took off around the age of 13, and I had been, like, beaten up pretty badly in this situation after a club.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: And I had no connection with my mum who was going through her own kind of breakdown.
Speaker: She was having two more children at the time.
Speaker: She was in her own world and in her own trauma.
Speaker: And I had no outlet at all to manage how I was feeling at all.
Speaker: I couldn't talk to anyone, not even my friends, because I had no language.
Speaker: So I had only...
Speaker: to escape through alcohol and drugs.
Speaker: Well, drugs was really where I went.
Speaker: And alcohol is a drug, so I'm not gonna stop separating them because they're one and the same, but alcohol is legal, so that's why we keep calling it just something different.
Speaker: But anyway.
Speaker: But then early on in my recovery, I'd kind of crashed my whole life to the ground.
Speaker: I had to move back in with my mother.
Speaker: And I went straight back to that locked-in syndrome, that locked-in feeling of this is hell on earth.
Speaker: How I feel is hell on earth.
Speaker: And it had to get worse before it got better.
Speaker: And that's kind of a spiritual mantra that keeps me...
Speaker: on my part, that whenever we face anything that's challenging and that requires us to expand and grow and we have to face our own pain, it has to get worse before it gets better.
Speaker: It's like when you're going to vomit, you have to vomit up the bile.
Speaker: You have to get up that really horrible stuff first and then you can refill with health and wholeness.
Speaker: With food.
Speaker: Yeah, with food, right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, it's, yeah, it's true.
Speaker: I think it's almost like a rite of passage is feeling those feelings.
Speaker: Honestly, I think some people may or may not, may not get there in recovery.
Speaker: In other words, it's just too painful and they carry on.
Speaker: And I know people who are in recovery from drugs, alcohol, whatever.
Speaker: And, but they haven't had that rate of passage of, I'm going to go in and look at all this junk, like all the garbage and all the fields and I'm going to feel them all and I'm going to have a meltdown.
Speaker: Well, here's the thing.
Speaker: When it comes to facing incredible trauma, and for some people and some of us, there is incredible trauma that is so big, it requires a huge support system to carry you through, to hold your hand.
Speaker: But when I say huge, I mean one person could be enough.
Speaker: If that person believes in you and sees you and loves you, whatever happens, whether you win or lose or fail or whatever, they are still loving you.
Speaker: Even in the mud, they'll get into the mud with you and hold on to you.
Speaker: You can do this.
Speaker: This is something you can do.
Speaker: But it requires faith.
Speaker: It doesn't matter how big your trauma is.
Speaker: If you have faith that there will be something on the other side of this very, very, very painful work, you will get there.
Speaker: You will get there.
Speaker: But that doesn't mean that it's easy.
Speaker: It's not easy to have faith, right?
Speaker: Faith requires faith.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Requires you to believe in something you can't see.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But what I was told in the beginning was
Speaker: a couple of things that really, really helped me was one is that I just, I would hear spiritual and I'd shut down.
Speaker: And when someone kind of pulled it out of me, I was like, Oh, I grew up with, you know, a family that made fun of religion.
Speaker: And fun of people who believed in God.
Speaker: And the person said to me, if you can't separate religion from spirituality, then I feel sorry for you.
Speaker: And of course, because I'm defiant.
Speaker: I was like, of course I can.
Speaker: And then I started to understand, oh, spirituality is different.
Speaker: It is different.
Speaker: And then the other thing too is someone just said, if you can just imagine, because I'm pretty visual, imagine that you're opening the door, a little creak.
Speaker: Like just a little, just a peek in to be willing to believe that there's something outside of you that is a power greater than you.
Speaker: Or even inside of you.
Speaker: Inside of you.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Which is what I've grown to know or believe.
Speaker: And then someone else said to me, our power as addicts is lack of power.
Speaker: Sorry, our problem is lack of power.
Speaker: And so we're looking for that power, but we're looking outside of ourselves.
Speaker: Whether that is, that's why I love the whole, like Sherry said that she got really angry, right?
Speaker: When someone started a rumor about her being an AA.
Speaker: I also felt that, but in recovery, when someone suggested I was codependent.
Speaker: I would rather be called an alcoholic, an addict, but codependent.
Speaker: I was like, how dare you?
Speaker: Oh, really?
Speaker: Oh, really?
Speaker: You're codependent.
Speaker: So it all ties up to identity though, all of it.
Speaker: And I've heard people in recovery saying, you know, in early recovery saying, I don't know who I am.
Speaker: And I wish I could take them and hold them and just say, you don't need to know who you are.
Speaker: right now, right?
Speaker: Like that's comes, right?
Speaker: Just, yeah, it just comes.
Speaker: Like eventually one day you're going to be like, Hey, you know what?
Speaker: I know what I don't want.
Speaker: And I know what I want.
Speaker: I know what I don't like.
Speaker: And I know what I do like, and it's just going to be, well, it's a process of, um, discovery.
Speaker: It's a process of self, you know, it's like, it's like when, when you start, when you get into recovery, what you're really doing is you're starting a relationship with yourself.
Speaker: Yeah, that's nice.
Speaker: And the higher part of yourself.
Speaker: So it's like dating someone.
Speaker: When you first get to know them, right, you have to ask them, what do you like?
Speaker: You know, what do you like to eat?
Speaker: If I cook for you tonight, what do you want to eat?
Speaker: And you have to be willing to listen and go, well, how would you like that cooked?
Speaker: Do you want me to just, do you want to try it like this and then try it like that?
Speaker: And then I'm being really like specific about like...
Speaker: This is how I am with my dates, sir, for anyone who's looking to date me.
Speaker: I will get really to the nitty-gritty of what it is you like to eat and how I can make it for you.
Speaker: But that's the nurturing aspect.
Speaker: Would you like a slice of meatloaf?
Speaker: Is it one finger thick or two fingers thick?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I mean, if I buy a loaf of bread, would you like it thinly sliced or would you like thickly sliced?
Speaker: I buy self-eat.
Speaker: Anyway, but the point is, right, is you're having this beautiful relationship and it's a process of discovery.
Speaker: In fact, a friend of ours who isn't new in recovery, we were at Whistler and she was saying, I don't know who I am.
Speaker: I don't know who I am.
Speaker: And I took her around this clothing shop and I just thought, I'll just try this out, right?
Speaker: It'd be fun.
Speaker: And I said, listen, I'm going to ask you questions about these items of clothing and I just want you to say yes or no, but I just want you to feel into your body.
Speaker: How do you feel about this?
Speaker: So I'd go and pick up some big purple coat and I'd go, is this you?
Speaker: And she'd go,
Speaker: Yes, I think so.
Speaker: And we went around the shop doing that.
Speaker: And it was just this little exercise, which was symbolic of you have an intuition.
Speaker: You have an intuition.
Speaker: You have access to your own internal compass and you must learn to listen.
Speaker: And I like to call it a full body yes, a full body no.
Speaker: And if it's not either, then don't answer.
Speaker: You can't answer it at this time.
Speaker: Come back at a later time.
Speaker: So you can apply that, right?
Speaker: That's a skill.
Speaker: Are you going to set a- A challenge?
Speaker: Issue a challenge this week?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because actually, it's interesting what you're saying, because I'm thinking back to my early recovery, and I don't think I was in a position to even do that.
Speaker: Um, because when you said in a relationship with yourself, like dating yourself, mine was toxic for a while.
Speaker: But you, but the point is you just keep doing, I just kept doing the work that was laid out before me and watching what was unfolding.
Speaker: And it wasn't all bad.
Speaker: Like I have a friend who reminds me of that is that alcoholics addicts tend to be all or nothing thinking, right?
Speaker: So there's been times where I've said the first four years of my recovery was awful.
Speaker: That's not true.
Speaker: No, there was ups and downs.
Speaker: It was a roller coaster.
Speaker: The downs were really down.
Speaker: And some of the ups were really up, like where I was like, I'm going to change the world with this shit.
Speaker: I'm so excited.
Speaker: I wanted everyone to be in recovery.
Speaker: So, yeah, I kind of like the idea.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I'm thinking a challenge for our listeners over the next couple of weeks is
Speaker: is to maybe date yourself to do one night, do one day, pick a, go grocery shopping, do something where you actually.
Speaker: Grocery shopping.
Speaker: For goodness sakes.
Speaker: If I took my date grocery shopping, I would be, I would be humiliated with my choice of dates on
Speaker: Honestly, it could be to Whole Foods.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's a nice place.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I'm going to go on a date.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Can I please tidy up this issue to challenge?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Do go on a date with yourself, but preceding this date, have a conversation with your higher self and listen to the answers.
Speaker: So it might be, I would like to take you on a date.
Speaker: Will you come?
Speaker: And then listen to your higher self and see if you get a yes or a no.
Speaker: If you get a yes, say, what would you like to do with me?
Speaker: And see what the answer is.
Speaker: If you don't get an answer, why don't you try some suggestions?
Speaker: Would you like to go to a museum with me?
Speaker: Would you like to go and watch a movie?
Speaker: Would you like to go to a spa?
Speaker: Would you like a massage?
Speaker: What are you feeling?
Speaker: And then answer your own questions because this is your path to working with your own intuition.
Speaker: And your own intuition will take you everywhere in life.
Speaker: You can't go wrong.
Speaker: Your intuition will probably lead you one day to one of our award-winning seminars.
Speaker: Yeah, seminars.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: In 2024, you can mark our words that we will be doing seminars.
Speaker: Ask your intuition.
Speaker: Should I go?
Speaker: It's only $1 million.
Speaker: But there are some golden tickets.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Follow your intuition to a golden ticket.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I love that challenge.
Speaker: So please comment in Instagram.
Speaker: Send us a message.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Send us a message and, and, you know, and share some of our stuff in your story and we'll share your stuff in our story.
Speaker: We love it.
Speaker: We love that.
Speaker: Let's just get this beautiful community vibing, right?
Speaker: We're just high vibing.
Speaker: We're attracting the energies that are going to pull in world peace.
Speaker: So love, joy, peace, all of those things.
Speaker: Those are the vibes that we're manifesting en masse.
Speaker: Awakening the universe.
Speaker: I just want to sort of backpedal and just kind of say, because you were talking about, I just did the work in recovery.
Speaker: And I just want to say for all our listeners out there, when we're talking about recovery, we're not just talking about 12-step programs.
Speaker: We're not just talking about...
Speaker: the addictions of alcohol and drugs.
Speaker: We're talking about all of it.
Speaker: And whatever work that you need to do, whatever you are called to do on your healing journey, as we said in the last episode of the last season, ask for help.
Speaker: Help me, help me, help me.
Speaker: Wherever you are on your recovery journey, it doesn't matter if you're
Speaker: 10 minutes in, or you haven't even started yet, or you're 20 years down the line.
Speaker: We're always in recovery.
Speaker: That's why we say we're in long-term recovery.
Speaker: And just ask for help, ask for guidance, take whichever courses, read whichever books, speak to whichever friends and come to whichever seminars you're called to come to.
Speaker: And we're just really excited that you're here and we love you.
Speaker: And we really appreciate that you tuned in and listened to this whole episode.
Speaker: And thank you, Sherry.
Speaker: You're an amazing hilarapist and you have changed the world.
Speaker: And I don't doubt that your ripple effect will reach beyond this universe into several of the neighboring universes and beyond.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Universal love.
Speaker: Love you all.
Speaker: Ta-ta for now.
Speaker: Dear listeners, we are a two-woman shop here, and this is a little labor of love.
Speaker: So anything you can do to show us some love, our love language is subscribing, sharing on social media, and coming to one of our many shows.
Speaker: And if you're feeling really adventurous, take a course.
Speaker: Don't be afraid of a good time.
Speaker: We love you.
Speaker: We love you.
Speaker: We love you.
Speaker: We're out.
Speaker: We love you.
