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Episode 742 - I to X of Swords: Shortsword
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Sword rating time once again, and we're taking some that glow, some that break, and some from, yes, fine art.
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Transcript
Introduction and Show Setup
00:00:00
Speaker
This show is recorded using Zencaster. If you are a podcaster or you want to be a podcaster and you want to be able to record remotely, you can do so using Zencaster.
00:00:12
Speaker
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00:00:28
Speaker
Lightus, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?
00:00:39
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got War Rocket Ajax to bring back his body. Terminate! Exit! Yo! Yo!
00:00:53
Speaker
Hello, everybody, and welcome to War Rocket Ajax. This is the Internet's Most Explosive Comic Book and Pop Culture Podcast, and we are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims. With me, as always, is Matt
Hypothetical Comic Scenarios
00:01:06
Speaker
Wilson.
00:01:06
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And Matt, if I was Curse, a mischievous imp from the fifth dimension, I think the superhero that I would most want to vex...
00:01:20
Speaker
is probably... i mean, i I guess not even superhero, but comic book character. I feel like Usagi Yojimbo would be fun to vex as a 5th dimensional imp. He would absolutely stab you, though.
00:01:34
Speaker
Yeah, but I mean, I'm i'm a 5th dimensional imp, so... It's like, it's
00:01:42
Speaker
So who would you vex, and what would you do? What would Nthu do? First thought is... Mthuizen. Yeah.
00:01:57
Speaker
Mthuizen. ah but First thought is that I would vex um Hal Jordan because he would be the most easily vexed.
00:02:10
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And i would get him with just like old school pranks. Like, tying his shoelaces together and giving him a hot foot and putting down a whoopee cushion when he sits down.
00:02:25
Speaker
Did he not have a guy? i feel like he had a guy. He may have had a guy. Like, in the Silver Age. Yeah, because Aquaman had a guy.
Supporting the Show on Patreon
00:02:37
Speaker
but like, modern kind of shithead hal Jordan... Like, his more modern characterization, i think, is even more conducive to imp-bothering.
00:02:57
Speaker
Hijinx. Hijinx. Yeah, doing hijinx upon him. Yeah. i I like that you're doing old-school pranks, which mostly, i feel like, are cruel.
00:03:11
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I don't mind, because it's Hal Jordan.
00:03:16
Speaker
Well, I'm not talking about like like anything really bad. I'm talking about, like you know. i mean, Matt, a hot foot is essentially setting someone's feet on fire.
00:03:28
Speaker
Yeah, that's the worst one. That is that is that was is actually causing physical pain, yes. I guess the the one where it's like um you try to give somebody a or you you you say you want a piece of gum and then it's like a mousetrap.
00:03:43
Speaker
That one's actually caus of causing physical pain as well. but yeah The whoopee cushion, I think, is solid. yeah Do you think Hal Jordan being totally honest and totally without fear would lead him to not... like He would sit on a whoopee cushion and he'd be like, what's up?
00:04:02
Speaker
That wasn't a fart. And I'm not afraid of farting in front of people, even if it was. Yeah, this is these reactions are why he's who I chose. Okay. ah it It's, you know, All-Star Batman and Robin is not not a good comic by many metrics, but that shit where they fuck with Hal Jordan by painting the room yellow and then trying to give him lemonade, that shit is pretty funny. That, you know, you don't under any circumstances have to give it to him.
00:04:35
Speaker
But... That shit in particular was pretty funny. Until it got all weird and like Robin almost murdered Hal Jordan. Well, yeah, it always gets weird. But... yeah ah We got a great show for everybody this week. We're back to sword ranking. Or rating. Not ranking.
00:04:54
Speaker
Rating. On 1 to 10 of swords. ah So we're going to be doing that during the interview segment of the show this week. But before we do that, Chris...
00:05:05
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We have some business to take care of. The first piece of business is thank you to our supporters over on Patreon. That's right, Matt. These are the people who want to support the show. They want to help us out.
00:05:17
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They want to keep this show going. Keep us keep us here every week. Because, buddy, sometimes it's tough. Sometimes it's tough.
00:05:28
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And you know what you know what gets me to show up every week? It's my friend matt
00:05:37
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It's talking to my
Personal Stories and Promotions
00:05:38
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friend Matt. That's all I ever want to do But it certainly doesn't hurt that we have a financial interest in it. And that financial interest comes from listeners like you, who go to patreon.com slash war rocket Ajax and kick in as little as a dollar a month to help us keep doing the show, help us keep doing spinoffs and side projects, all the fun stuff that we do.
00:06:03
Speaker
They're the people who help save Gimmick Street. And most importantly, as you'll hear in a moment, they help us pay those gimmicks they keep sending in the mail called bills. That's right, Chris. And as you said, there are people joining the Patreon on the Patreon who are members of the Gimmick Street Preservation Society.
00:06:23
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If you're at the $15 per month level or higher, you can... Name and address. You can put whatever you wish at an address on Gimmick Street.
00:06:34
Speaker
And our newest location, the location at 742 Gimmick Street, comes to us from Charles Arthur, who says that at 742 Gimmick Street is the Kamurocho Hills construction site managed by Majima Construction.
00:06:56
Speaker
I mean, that's a good thing to be there. I guess they finally got they they finally got that empty lot deal settled. I guess so. I guess so. To get Kamurocho Hills built.
00:07:08
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I guess it's not entirely surprising that Gimmick Street does go through both Greensboro, North Carolina, and a fictional district of Tokyo.
00:07:25
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Yes. Yes. ah It's all there. It's all there. It's all there. It's, hey, Gimmick Street. It's all there. it's Also, Danny the Street is there. There's lots of stuff. Or it intersects with Danny Street.
00:07:41
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ah It's all things at once. Chris, here are our newest Patreon supporters. Brad Elmore.
00:07:52
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ah Thank you, Brad. Chris Connors. That's my name. Robert Cummings. Thank you, Robert. And and thank you, Chris Connors. And John Seiler.
00:08:04
Speaker
Thank you, John. If you would like to be like any of those good people, then you can head over to patreon.com slash 4rocketajax and, like Chris said, ah kick in.
00:08:16
Speaker
As little as $1 per month to help us do this show every single week, to help us do ah Comics Catch-Up and Every Story Ever, and currently Movie Fighters and Snack Situation.
00:08:33
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And as a backer on Patreon, you get every single one of those shows that I just listed completely ad-free. You get your own feed just for you.
00:08:44
Speaker
that has every episode of every show that we do with no ads of any kind. ah So I think that sounds pretty good. And you can get all of that for just a dollar a month. If you are at higher levels, the $5 month level, you can get bonus content.
00:09:02
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um All the bonus content we have made over the years, which is all over there on Patreon. ah The whole shebang is there. If you... want to If you haven't been at the $5 level, but you joined at the $5 level, it's all there for you to listen to.
00:09:18
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and There's a pretty good bit of it.
Entertainment and Recommendations
00:09:20
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um It includes stuff we record especially for Patreon, outtakes that I cut out of the show, and writing that Chris and I have done on Patreon as well.
00:09:31
Speaker
At the $10 level, you get line-stepping privileges for our segments, which currently include Every Story Ever and One to Ten of Swords. At the $15 level, as I mentioned, you join the Gimmick Street Preservation Society. And at the $20 level, you get our annual t-shirt.
00:09:48
Speaker
Everyone who got this year's t-shirt should have it by now. And it is it is a true delight full of jokes, references to jokes that even we forgot.
00:10:00
Speaker
I would say maybe memorable jokes.
00:10:04
Speaker
We have none of those. I i i mean, I guess those become bits. Those do become bits. And I will say, there were a lot of jokes and in the in the sequence that inspired the shirt.
00:10:16
Speaker
Yes. there were There were a lot of them. so If you're unable to help us monetarily, you can help us in other ways. You can leave us a five-star review on the podcasting app that you use, whatever it may be.
00:10:30
Speaker
Or you can just spread the word about the show. Let your friends and family know to listen to this show, War Rocket Ajax. That would help us out a whole bunch, too. And you can also tell your friends and family to back our Patreon.
00:10:46
Speaker
That would help us out. That would be great. Tell Grandma about it. Tell Grandma about it, and then say, Grandma... How about you you give a a little bit of my inheritance to those Ajax boys?
00:10:59
Speaker
What was it Mongo used to say?
00:11:03
Speaker
Like when he was on commentary? Get Grandma out of the bathroom. Get Grandma out of the bathroom. And tell her to listen to War Rocket Ajax and all the good bits.
00:11:17
Speaker
With that, Chris, it's time for some tricks and treats.
00:11:26
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Chris House Tricks.
00:11:29
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Matt, it's... ah The world has done played a trick on me. That's for sure. Now, I know that you do not like to use copyrighted music on this show.
00:11:43
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ah I tend not to, yes. Okay, so what I'm going to need to do is either everyone can just imagine... this Or if you want to just like cut this and kind of loop it underneath as bed music for this bit, um the the music that plays when the Uruk-hai are getting made and in Isengard.
00:12:06
Speaker
They're clean, cut, loop it. but da um boom you know they clean cut loop
Comic Reviews and Pop Culture Discussions
00:12:19
Speaker
The age of the Kia is over.
00:12:23
Speaker
The time of a new car has come. That's right, Matt. I gotta to get a new car. ah It happens sometimes, yeah. It happens sometimes. Sometimes there is a low-speed collision that leaves the car drivable, but unfortunately not reparable in a financially prudent manner.
00:12:46
Speaker
Right. it it It is no longer financially viable to repair yes this vehicle. Yes. so ah So that is what has happened to me this week.
00:12:59
Speaker
Everyone's fine. ah but I would not... Well, I actually probably would be making Lord of the Rings soundtrack references if people weren't okay, but it's more of a coping thing.
00:13:11
Speaker
and i mean, look, we all know what happened to Boromir. We do know I have it before. That's right, he was in a low-speed collision in a Kia Soul. That's right. I am in the market for a new car, ah which means I'm going to have a car payment again, which is a bummer because because the the the old Kia was paid off.
00:13:32
Speaker
um So even though it got broken into three times last year and I had to buy a new engine for it, it was paid off.
00:13:41
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But alas, so now I am back on on the ah um the hunt for a new car. Hopefully by the time ah you are hearing this, I will at least be a few steps further in the process oh of acquiring a new automobile.
00:14:00
Speaker
But that is... It's... it like Again, everyone's fine. no one was hurt. The other car, not damaged at all.
00:14:11
Speaker
Why does it suck so bad? oh It's a real pain. But yes, everyone's safe. And I guess now I get to get a slightly newer car.
00:14:23
Speaker
So, you know, look on the bright side. Yeah, and if anybody listening has ah has a ah lead on a good deal... For a car. I'm sure Chris is listening.
00:14:37
Speaker
I'm not. unless um like Unless that deal is ah is free. Uh-huh. Yeah. and know And unless that car is literally the Batmobile.
00:14:52
Speaker
Wow. Okay. If you want to give me a the Batmobile, then I'll take it. I'll be listening to that. All right. So don't give Chris any...
00:15:03
Speaker
car buying deals. I mean, I guess if you got like a really good deal, but Matt, i'd like I feel like I know everybody who's local to me that listens to this show. And I don't think any of them are selling cars.
00:15:17
Speaker
Okay, fair enough. do Look, we don't we don't know. there might nobody don't recall thinking Robert J. Carmacks and and when we were ah thinking all of our Patreon backers, but I might have missed that one.
00:15:33
Speaker
i will say though I will say, though, I did look it up. And right here around the 15-minute mark of the show, I do want to point out there is a CarMax on Gimmick Street. Oh, wow. Okay. and There's a 66th Gimmick Street. There's a CarMax.
00:15:47
Speaker
Interesting. So maybe I need to take a ride down Gimmick Street
00:15:53
Speaker
from my house at 69 Gimmick Street. Matt, house tricks with you this week. Well, Chris, ah I have one of my patented ah checks slash tricks where I am promoting a thing that hasn't happened yet, but that will happen soon.
00:16:19
Speaker
And this is specifically for listeners who are in the Chicagoland area. Because um when I lived in Chicago... I did stand-up comedy there a few times, but I never did improv. I had not taken improv classes yet um when I lived there. Marlene was taking improv classes at The Second City, heard of it, or and ImprovOlympic, a.k.a. IO, which I don't think can call itself by its full name anymore.
00:16:49
Speaker
um It's just the two letters.
00:16:53
Speaker
You know why. Because of that litigious... IOC, interla International Olympic Committee. Anyway, a group of improvisers from here in beautiful Asheville, North Carolina, are going to be going up to Chicago, and specifically to I.O., to perform over the weekend of October 25th and 26th.
Swords in Pop Culture
00:17:20
Speaker
So, if you are in Chicago area, And you would like to see both Marlene and i perform improv. Here is your opportunity to go see us perform at I.O.
00:17:33
Speaker
in Chicago. I don't know how we did this, but somehow a group of Asheville improvisers like worked out a weekend to go perform at I.O.
00:17:44
Speaker
in Chicago. um Marlene will be performing in two shows on Saturday, October 25th. ah There's a musical improv troupe from the improv school where she teaches called Misfit.
00:17:58
Speaker
um They're going to be performing in the 5.30 p.m. show on October 25th. And then at the 9.30 p.m. show on October 25th, her group Family Dinner will be performing, which is a local troupe that is all ah women and femme-presenting people.
00:18:17
Speaker
um Very fun group. ah if you're If you're around, definitely go see them. I will be performing on Sunday, October 26th in a show at 5.30 PM.
00:18:31
Speaker
I am part of a group that has been thrown together, ah specifically for this show, which is called assembly required. Um, but I really like all three other people in that troupe.
00:18:42
Speaker
Uh, we're going to figure out what form we're doing this weekend, uh, in, ah in a little bit of a rehearsal and, uh, That that that is the only show of the bunch that I'm going to be performing in, but there are shows at both 5.30 and 9.30 on Saturday, October and Sunday, October And there's some Chicago troops along with the Asheville troops that are performing.
00:19:09
Speaker
um It is going to be very fun. I haven't been to Chicago in a long time. And I'm excited to kind of go back to some of the old stomping grounds in ah Chicago that I haven't been to in a while, including got to get that Pequot's pizza.
00:19:28
Speaker
Got to get that Pequot's pizza. um But I'm also very excited to be performing at IO, which I did not anticipate doing. ah So if, again, if you're in the Chicago area, um if you could come out to IO on October 25th to 26th, please do.
00:19:47
Speaker
Because I think it's going to be ah fun weekend of of improv in Chicago. So that's tricks with me, Chris. What's your treat?
00:20:01
Speaker
Matt, owing to circumstances, um including the circumstance being that I really like it, I have not really done anything but play Hades 2.
00:20:12
Speaker
Fair. This week. In fact, I believe on Saturday it was the only thing that I did.
00:20:21
Speaker
like i clocked in down at the Hades 2 factory and I put in a little OT. I see. ah It's very good.
00:20:31
Speaker
I still don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't played it, but I do think you and I need to sit down and do some some Boko. And you can you can maybe convince me that I should actually play Silksong.
00:20:46
Speaker
Okay. And and i will ah I will have the much easier job of convincing you to play 2. Okay. Yeah, that I will play Hades, too i just have to I'm just going to wait for it to go on sale, probably.
00:20:59
Speaker
but Yeah, I... As someone who really loved Hollow Knight, I too deeply am concerned that Silksong will frustrate me to the point of not enjoying it.
00:21:13
Speaker
Silksong is such a long game, dude. i'm not I'm still not finished with it. I... I got i rolled credits on it.
00:21:24
Speaker
But there is a post-credits game to play, and I'm still working my way through that. there's There's more bosses and more stuff to do.
00:21:36
Speaker
i haven't played it as much in the past week, but yeah i still I still got some Silksong to play. i mean I've said this before, and I think it applies to both Silksong and Hades 2.
00:21:47
Speaker
Stop putting the credits in the middle of the game.
00:21:52
Speaker
Put the credits at the end of the game. Because I need to know when to stop playing.
00:22:01
Speaker
They love to put more game after the credits. I told you, I missed 40 hours of Dragon Quest XI. Because they did that. Because I thought, well, I guess I'm done.
00:22:12
Speaker
yeah
00:22:15
Speaker
Matt, ah what is what is what is your treat this week? My treat? My Treat is a video that you can watch on YouTube right now that I just watched before starting this recording this episode.
00:22:29
Speaker
Because as of us recording this episode, it just went up. it It sincerely just went up on ah YouTube.
00:22:40
Speaker
It is on the Onions YouTube channel. It is their parody documentary. ah Which is called Jeffrey Epstein Bad Pedophile. Now, i well i invited you to come to Minneapolis.
00:22:59
Speaker
Yes. Because they were good they were going to do, this is one of the cities where they did the theatrical premiere. And they were also going to show all of Sex House. Yes. which Of which I know you are quite a fan.
00:23:14
Speaker
Yes, i that it was very tempting to to come watch Sex House on a big screen. Yes, but but I think the the main attraction was the the Jeffrey Epstein bad pedophile.
00:23:28
Speaker
Yeah, and so you might think that this mockumentary would be a lot of jokes about Jeffrey Epstein like being friends with Donald Trump and so on and so forth. And there is some of that in there.
00:23:43
Speaker
But more than anything, it is just a parody, like a true parody of like modern documentaries. And a very good one, I feel like.
00:23:56
Speaker
like most I would say most of the humor in it, because it is very heightened, it is very silly, it is very jokey. And like I think it is operating under the assumption that... like you already know all this stuff about Jeffrey Epstein. So um they're not necessarily going to like try to inform you about anything.
00:24:21
Speaker
um So it's a lot of like talking head interviews, like fake talking head interviews where they they kind of may are nonsense or they're kind of like repetitive or or like it's, it's very much the kind of talking head interview you see in documentaries now.
00:24:40
Speaker
And there's one, swerve. There's one like big right turn it takes about 10 minutes in that I will not spoil because it may be it's probably the funniest joke in the whole thing that had me dying because it is such a like it's such a thing you see in documentaries now.
00:25:00
Speaker
And it's such a like a perfect pinpoint um skewering of that ah trope of how documentaries kind of present themselves ah in 2025. Or like I guess in kind of like the streaming era. Like, you know, true kind true crime documentaries and that kind of thing.
00:25:24
Speaker
um So I feel like it's it's not quite what I expected it to be. um But as a send-up of documentaries in general, I think it's really effective.
00:25:36
Speaker
ah So... I would say go check it out. It's on YouTube. ah And it's only it's only around 20 minutes long. So... um ah A fun watch about a not fun topic.
00:25:52
Speaker
For sure. Alright, Chris. Those are our tricks and treats. Which means it's time to talk about some of the comics of the week. Let's do it.
00:26:06
Speaker
There were really two Texture's Choice winners this week. But I'm going to award it to DCKO number one. who ah The Texture's Choice for the week. This is the new big DC Comics event for the fall ah by Scott Snyder and Javi Fernandez.
00:26:30
Speaker
And Chris, I think you described it pretty well by saying that this is all the DC heroes in Immortal Kombat. Yes. And it's like kind of the perfect premise for the DC heroes to be in a Mortal Kombat because they're like, all right, we're going to do a Mortal Kombat.
00:26:48
Speaker
But at the end of it, when one of us wins, we can fix everything. So yeah we have to do a Mortal Kombat.
00:26:59
Speaker
it It is a premise for bunch of heroes to fight each other. And somewhat spoiler alert, villains too.
00:27:13
Speaker
ah But but it's it's a premise for all of these characters to fight each other that, to me, makes a lot more sense than...
00:27:25
Speaker
what we've seen before, where it's like, oh, these are these are all the bad versions. these these these are They're fighting each other because these versions of the characters had bad things happen to them, to them and now they're mean and and want to kill.
00:27:41
Speaker
No. This is, oh, you all have to fight each other because there has to be one champion who will absorb all the alpha energy. Very funny. To... to Then fight Darkseid, the looming threat of Darkseid coming and conquering Earth.
00:27:59
Speaker
oh I will say to that, on that tip, Matt, I did get a text message from our buddy David Wolkin today that asked if I read this, and I said yes, and he said, Scott Snyder loves to make up new forms of energy.
00:28:14
Speaker
And I was like, damn, you you got him with that one. He does. Medals and energy. Medals, energy, he loves them. I also like that this book is playing, but like, there are there is no, it is textual in this book.
00:28:32
Speaker
Hey, all that none of this counts. It's literally saying in the book, hey, if if if one of the good guys wins, all this is going back to normal, it's fine. Don't worry about it.
00:28:44
Speaker
Let's just have some fun. Let's just do a fun fighting tournament. And I love the the little piece of it where all of the – everyone who goes into the, i don't know, fight arena, but whatever whatever you call it where they're all going to go do this tournament, um the Omega Nexus or whatever it's called, um but they can all take one weapon in there or one – one item that can be like, you know, it it feels very video gamey. It's super video gamey. That they have one accessory, you know?
00:29:20
Speaker
Yeah. But the the fact that it is very upfront about how none of it counts means that it's actually funny and doesn't make me mad when Billy Batson gets stepped on by a kaiju and that's the first thing that happens.
00:29:34
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:38
Speaker
like right I will say, I'm looking at the bracket that we get, because after, like, we we kind of start off with a Royal Rumble. Well, it's it's a... it' A casino battle royale.
00:29:52
Speaker
It's a qualifying Rambo. Because it's all these characters trying to get through a portal to go to the fight arena. And if you don't get through there, you don't...
00:30:06
Speaker
you're not You don't qualify. Yeah, and because it's a bracket, it's 32 people. It ends up being 32. At one point, Superman is looking at it, and he's like, I don't know how many people like i don't know how many people can go in there. And i want and look, I love Scott Snyder. You know this.
00:30:22
Speaker
But I do kind of want... like Man, if anybody in the DC Universe is going to know how a tournament bracket works... like Well, Superman, if it doesn't stop after 32, it's going to be 64.
00:30:36
Speaker
ye Buddy, that's just how it works. Yeah, Superman's from Kansas. He should be very familiar with how a tournament bracket works. oh But i'm looking at ah I'm looking at the brackets, and I can already tell some of them are going to be like pretty fun to see as DCKO goes on.
00:30:55
Speaker
And I can also already tell some of them are going to make me mad. Yeah. Yeah. Because one of them's Harley Quinn versus Metamorpho. And I know who should win that fight.
00:31:08
Speaker
But you know who's going to win. but I also know who's going to win that fight. Yeah. Yeah. ah But I am i am looking i forward to seeing Barda versus Zatanna. I think that one's going be fun.
00:31:21
Speaker
i'm I'm hoping for some Cinderella wins here. But I don't know. I don't know about that. thinking You thinking ah King Shark can go all the way?
00:31:34
Speaker
I think he can make it to the to the Elite Eight, maybe. No. i don't know about I don't know about King Shark. but One of the upcoming matchups is Connor Hawk versus Hawkman. And boy, I would love to see an upset in there, because we all know Hawkman sucks.
00:31:49
Speaker
Well, I feel like whoever wins that one is losing the next round. Well, yeah. Yeah.
00:31:57
Speaker
But yeah, it's ah it's i I do love that there's a bracket. And I love that ah the 32 were also presented before that in basically a character select screen.
00:32:08
Speaker
Yes. yes it's it's very like It's super video game-y. it's It's fun. It's goofy. It's got alpha and omega energy in it.
00:32:20
Speaker
ah we we love We love all new kinds of energy. Yeah. Do we want to go through the roster of who we're getting going forward, or should people just read the book?
00:32:32
Speaker
I think people should just read the book. okay it's It's a lot of who you would expect. and It's everybody you would expect except one. And a little bit of surprise. yeah yeah
00:32:44
Speaker
um and Yeah. the The one that you don't expect... like He's in the bracket, but he's not actually in it. He's been replaced. um bye By somebody else. By someone you would expect.
00:32:58
Speaker
By someone you would expect, yeah. ah good Yeah, good stuff. I'm excited to read the rest of this. I like the idea of an event that's like, hey, this isn't quote-unquote important. It's just fun.
00:33:13
Speaker
Yeah, and I will say, the most I've liked Ambushbug. Ambushbug, who acknowledges that he is in a in an event comic, yes. Yeah. um um Also, ah like...
00:33:29
Speaker
so Sort of the same idea as Contest of Champions, but presented in a much more DC Comics way. Yes. Yes. it's It's weird that this is so immediately – in my mind, I'm like, oh, this is a Mortal Kombat and not this is a Secret Wars or this is a Contest of Champions.
00:33:48
Speaker
yeah Because those books do feel uniquely Marvel Comics, and this book does feel extremely Detective Comics comics. Up next, we're going to talk about our other texture choice for this week, and that is gi Joe number 321, Secret Interlude 2.
00:34:06
Speaker
Is it Secret Interlude? Silent Interlude, not Secret Interlude. Yes, Silent Interlude 2. I'm hung up on on secret the word secret because we were just talking – yeah. Anyway, yes, it's Silent Interlude maybe 3, actually.
00:34:22
Speaker
um but I mean, there's a bunch of them, honestly, at this point. but But certainly this this is be this one is was marketed as like, you know, the direct follow-up to the original silent interlude.
00:34:35
Speaker
It says on the cover that this is a new silent interlude, 300 issues in the making. Like, important shit happens in this issue.
00:34:47
Speaker
And it doesn't. well It fully does not. It's still a very fun comic book. It's... oh it's a lot to live up to, to be the, to, to, to, you know, be the followup to one of the most well-regarded single issues of all time.
00:35:11
Speaker
And I don't think this quite does it like this is by Larry Hama and Chris Mooneyham. Chris Mooneyham does an incredible job on the art. Um, like the story, you can absolutely follow it.
00:35:23
Speaker
Um, but it But the original Silent Interlude is a very easy-to-follow and emotional story.
00:35:34
Speaker
This is just, like, Snake Eyes fucking people up. And look, that was the that was the content of the text message, is that I read this issue, and I was like, hey man, Snake Eyes is cutting people's heads in half like he's in Berserk.
00:35:50
Speaker
And that is that happens. He cuts dudes' faces in half. Accurate, yes. It's wild. um And and it's it's two Snake Eyes's.
00:36:01
Speaker
Yeah, it's yeah it Snake Eyes and Snake Eyes 3. yeah Snake Eyes 2, sadly, could not make it. at this timely Unfortunately. oh But I do like that there is a a conceit in this issue for it being...
00:36:18
Speaker
a silent issue that is, uh, like, that works in the context of the comic and is not just that it's about Snake Eye as a guy who doesn't talk. Uh, and it's, it's, you know. it He, he's, been he's been very chatty in this book lately. He's been real chatty.
00:36:39
Speaker
But, uh, but yeah, I think every comic is, but especially G.I. Joe. Anytime you get a 21, think you should do a silent issue.
00:36:53
Speaker
I think that is... That should be the legacy of G.I. Joe number 21. I think it's that good. That if you get 21 issues, number 21 is silent.
00:37:08
Speaker
And I think every comic should do that, but I especially think every 100 issues, G.I. Joe should do it. It's a it's a good I think that's a good policy. yeah now I do also think that they should go in and every 100 issues do the lesser known issue of G.I. Joe where it's all sound effects that also rules that no one ever talks about. But you know that's that's between me and Larry, I guess. yeah but yeah like Also, I want to point out
00:37:41
Speaker
This is a better silent issue than i think most people in comics could do. And it's like the fifth one that Larry's done and it's still good.
00:37:50
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, i you always think back to Nuff Said when marvel all of Marvel Comics did silent issues.
00:38:04
Speaker
And I feel like the only one of those anybody remembers is the new x all is ah the new X-Men one. Yeah. Yeah, I certainly do not remember any of them, and I know I read a ton of them at the time.
00:38:17
Speaker
i I could probably be reminded of some of them, but but the one i really remember but only I really remember vividly is is New X-Men. Yeah, like i I know for a fact there was a Punisher issue, but I i don't recall it.
00:38:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:37
Speaker
All right, the last book we're going to talk about is Supergirl number six, which I have not read yet, so tell me all about it, Chris. Well, Matt, the important thing that happens this issue is you see Kara's room at the ah at the the Danvers household, um and she does have a poster for Carly Rae Jepsen's seminal third album, Emotion, ah which is celebrating its 10th anniversary this year, ah featuring the hit single,
00:39:06
Speaker
run away with me with the iconic saxophone solo. And I feel like that's like, like, yeah, like there are things in this world that are worth saving and it's nice that Supergirl knows that.
00:39:24
Speaker
Yes. That's what real heroes do. Yeah. This is a comic that is, that could not be more for me.
00:39:33
Speaker
Like, once Carly Rae Jepsen shows up in this Supergirl comic, which also has Superdog in it, and and multiple new characters with LL initials, we get, uh, what is her name? oh Luna... She's from the Goth issue a couple of ah of issues ago.
00:39:56
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes, I remember a Luna Lustrum is her name. ah Which is extremely good. And she also has a friend whose name is Lucretia. And we don't know her last name yet.
00:40:08
Speaker
But this is a very fun spooky Halloween issue. But yes, the appearance of Carly Rae Jepsen. Carly Rae Jepsen and Crypto the Superdog have now been in the same comic. Comics are back, baby!
00:40:21
Speaker
They're good again. and i don't know what to tell you. This issue is by um written by Sophie Campbell. um But has art by both Sophie Campbell and Rosie Compe.
00:40:35
Speaker
And it's one of those things where like you can definitely tell who did which page. their styles are very different. which is Which is interesting to me. i i you know It would seem that, I don't know, Sophie Campbell just maybe needed a little help keeping on schedule.
00:40:55
Speaker
And so... ah Rosie Campy stu stepped in to just to do some of the pages. yeah There is a narrative conceit for it, which is that um all of the real-world pages are drawn by Sophie Campbell, and all of the ah up pages that take place in, I think it's called the Innerverse, which is depression.
00:41:19
Speaker
yeah yeah yeah Those are drawn by Campy. ah Okay, so maybe there is like a just like a narrative reason for it being two different artists. But whatever the case, I'm i'm looking forward to reading this issue. It looks like a great time. A great spooky Halloween issue where Kara remembers Krypton a little bit.
00:41:50
Speaker
Yeah, good stuff.
00:41:54
Speaker
All right, Chris, those are our comics reviews. So, it's time to rate some swords. Time to draw steel, baby. but when i swing my so is the yaw chop po Chris, our first sword submission for this episode is from Barry Kelly, who has submitted Batman's Utility Belt Lightsaber from the Brave and the Bold cartoon.
00:42:18
Speaker
Oh, man. I didn't think... we were going to have to do this this early in the episode, of Matt, but I mean, like I told you, like the car stuff and I've got some like home repair stuff, um, going on.
00:42:32
Speaker
I told you earlier that I'm like exhausted. Like I was in a real, like, I like crabby. I don't want to do the show mood earlier today. Yeah. And i knew i didn't think I was going to be able to like last the whole 90 minutes. Yeah.
00:42:53
Speaker
Just going straight through. So I knew we would have to use the machine at some point. Yeah. But I didn't know we were going to have to like start off with the machine. Right.
00:43:04
Speaker
And ah just to be clear, i want to be very clear about something. i don't know if we I don't know if we've clarified this before. The machine is not AI. No, the machine is not AI. Yeah.
00:43:17
Speaker
the The machine is is a very specific tool with a very specific job, and it is not it's not built on any kind of large language model. It doesn't do machine learning.
00:43:30
Speaker
it's It's not that. no yeah I mean, it's essentially like a complex mathematical process. Correct, yes. like Because there is a like There is a kind of objectivity to the kind of results that we're looking to get from the machine. like it's right It's a calculation.
00:43:50
Speaker
Right. it's it's It's a true computer. It is computing. Yes, exactly. exactly yeah yeah It is a machine.
00:44:02
Speaker
Yes, and not... like Here's the thing. AI, but what we keep calling AI isn't really AI either. It ain't fucking data. It ain't intelligent. It's not self-aware. It's it's just a thing that spits out what would be the most common reply. or or you know it's it's It is also computing. it's not like it It isn't actually intelligent.
00:44:30
Speaker
But... This isn't that. I want to be more than clear about that. yeah All it does, ah all that a generative quote-unquote AI thing does is do what is most likely to happen next based on the data set that it has absorbed.
00:44:48
Speaker
And I don't know why it takes like and and like an entire lake to do that. i don't like I literally don't understand. i didn't i didn't think computers used water.
00:45:01
Speaker
Like, I legitimately, I didn't know that was a thing. But that, like, it's basically, like, large-scale autocorrect. And how many times a day are you like, oh, that's not the word that I meant to send, you know?
00:45:15
Speaker
Oh, well, I mean, yes. ah AI could constantly ah proves that it is wrong. um But also, like, i don't know. Like, if the best we can get is ah is an actress that um looks like she's from a video game cutscene, and never looks the same,
00:45:36
Speaker
but maybe maybe it's time to abandon it. but But, all that said, that's not what the machine is. No, the machine does a... ah the First of all, machine is oh environmentally friendly.
00:45:51
Speaker
it's it's It's carbon negative, actually. Correct. Which is... ah lot of things like you know a lot of things can't say that. um And it is making millions of complex calculations based on variables measured with scientifically accurate instrumentation.
00:46:16
Speaker
i know I will admit, I'm not a machinist, so I don't really know how the machine works. I haven't, like, you know, gotten up in there, I know there's a crystal.
00:46:35
Speaker
Anyway, um so we want to put Batman's laser sword in there. Yeah, Batman's utility belt laser sword from Batman the Brave of the Bold, which if you don't know, um that Batman can take off his utility belt and like snap it so it's straight and then grab the buckle and then draw a laser sword out of it.
00:46:56
Speaker
Yes, I remember before that show premiered, there was like a trailer from Comic-Con that year. And that was like the first thing from it that they showed.
00:47:12
Speaker
i That Batman had a lightsaber. I asked the showrunners about that. I was like, who
00:47:21
Speaker
who decided that Batman should have laser sword? And can that person, like, what's ten levels higher than an Emmy?
00:47:34
Speaker
That that person can get. And they said, oh, um toy companies love it when you give characters swords, because kids like characters that have swords.
00:47:45
Speaker
I mean, of course, yeah. And, buddy, if anything has been borne out by this podcast...
00:47:55
Speaker
The kids do love swords. And by the kids, that's right, I mean Chris Simpson and Matt Wilson. Two men in their early 40s, that's right. Yes. But look, didt Matt, when did you start loving swords?
00:48:11
Speaker
I mean, pretty young. Pretty young. Yeah. Yeah. Day one, baby. Down since that day one-ish.
00:48:23
Speaker
So yes, I have fed i fed the ah both of the in Batman's utility belt laser sword into the machine, as well as references from the... um I did connect it briefly to Homebox Office Maximum.
00:48:40
Speaker
That makes sense. Just so it could get in there and and confirm its findings. Yeah. so I don't know how long this is going to take, though. Again, it's it's billions of complex calculations.
00:48:53
Speaker
Yeah. yeah
00:48:57
Speaker
Billions.
00:49:00
Speaker
Oh, there it goes. there goes oh great yeah We got it? ah Oh, it rules. Yeah, of course. yeah It rules. it it's what What word does not completely own in this sentence, Matt?
00:49:16
Speaker
Batman's laser sword.
00:49:23
Speaker
Every word makes that better. i i i do have to admit that when i saw that trailer however many years ago, like when did that show start? 2012, maybe?
00:49:39
Speaker
ah was before that, because I was still working at ah at at Comics Alliance when it was on.
00:49:48
Speaker
Oh, no, wait, I would been reading Comics Alliance in 2012. Oh, no, it was it was earlier than that. It was 2008. Yeah. um i I sort of had a thought of like it maybe being a little bit of a hat on a hat. like I was like, Batman's already got lots of gadgets that he uses, and and why does he need to do one, and why does it need to be a lightsaber? But, in hindsight, a great addition.
00:50:10
Speaker
And, like, in the show, put to great use. Yeah, because it's not like he has it all the time. It's not like he uses it all the time. It's used very sparingly. And it's kind of perfect.
00:50:25
Speaker
Yeah. Like, they use it just enough that you're like, fuck yeah, Batman's got a laser sword.
00:50:33
Speaker
I feel like an important thing about Batman, Matt, is that
00:50:39
Speaker
but batman In a lot of ways, Bruce Wayne is like frozen in time at the moment that his parents get shot, right? True.
00:50:50
Speaker
So Batman is what like an eight-year-old thinks the coolest adult in the world is like. Very, very much correct, yes.
00:51:01
Speaker
Like, he has a cool car with 13 gears. Yeah.
00:51:07
Speaker
Which Jay Konzo, a friend of the show, a friend of ours, did send me a cropped, the cropped close-up of the Batmobile's gear shift and was like, tattoo?
00:51:20
Speaker
I mean... And now I'm like, damn, maybe! i i Someone did observe that of those 13 gears, there was no reverse. Nah, man.
00:51:32
Speaker
He goes forward.
00:51:36
Speaker
Crime ain't behind you. That's fair. That's fair. gears at the mobile. But Batman is the is a child's idea of the the greatest possible man.
00:51:54
Speaker
And so obviously he's going to have a laser sword. Yeah. I mean, when when do you when you frame Batman that way, Then absolutely, yes, he's got to have a laser sword.
00:52:07
Speaker
Yeah. i I mean, again, Batman. Hell yeah. Batman's laser. Hell yeah. Batman's laser sword. Now we're fucking cooking.
00:52:19
Speaker
and And the fact that it is his utility belt. I think that's the thing that really puts it over. Yes. yeah because it's because they Because nothing was added to Batman. Yeah.
00:52:31
Speaker
Correct. it's It's been there the whole time. It's but it's just part of his... it's it was Yeah, it was there the whole time. It's just another thing that his utility belt can do.
00:52:42
Speaker
um and Another utility.
00:52:47
Speaker
With that in mind, what are we thinking for the rating? Like 8 or 9? How much...
00:52:58
Speaker
how my
00:53:02
Speaker
are we considering that this is Batman's sword? I mean, I am considering it. I think it's part of the consideration.
00:53:15
Speaker
Okay. Because I do feel like, on the balance, it's a pretty cool laser sword that you can wear as a belt. Yeah. That also has a bunch of cool stuff on it.
00:53:26
Speaker
You know? Yeah. But the fact that it belongs to Batman... is worth like at least three points on this list to me. I hesitate to put this in a full ten.
00:53:43
Speaker
i Yeah, ah same. i hesitate to put it in a full ten, but it is Batman's laser sword. There's an element of... You know, when you ask the creators of the show, the showrunner, straight up, like, why do the sword? And his answer is, toys.
00:54:02
Speaker
like that makes me feel like it's got to be below a 10. I'm sorry, Matt. should we should we Should we penalize it for an honest answer?
00:54:14
Speaker
ah No. i' I'm not saying the honesty is the problem. I'm saying like i mean i several of the swords on this list are toyetic for good reason.
00:54:28
Speaker
and and i don't you know I don't have any problem with that. um But i think it I think that makes it a 9 instead of a 10. um um I would be fine with it being a 9. A 9 would put it on the level of Excalibur.
00:54:43
Speaker
Yes. Or Durandal, which cuts through men, horses, and boulders in a single stroke. Or the Sword of Omens, or Sokka's Sword.
00:54:57
Speaker
Or Stormbringer. I don't know if it's actually as cool as all those, but it is Batman's sword. I would be fine with it being an 8.
00:55:11
Speaker
An 8 puts it on the level of the sword that was Death and Soul Taker. Another Batman-adjacent sword. Yeah, definitely Batman-adjacent.
00:55:24
Speaker
And the Emperor's Flaming Sword, which we also did like quite a bit. Yes. And ah Twilight the Sword of Surtur. I wish we were doing halves.
00:55:35
Speaker
Because I could put this as a VIII point V. For sure. Uh-huh. Yeah. VIII point V. VIII point V. Yeah, did I say VIII?
00:55:48
Speaker
Yes, you did. Okay. i I think maybe we've got to go 8 on this. Okay. I can accept that. I do love it. It it does rule.
00:55:59
Speaker
Yeah, it's great. But it's – there are reasons why I think it's not quite up to the level of the nines we have.
00:56:10
Speaker
So i'm i'm happy with I'm happy with it as an 8. Okay. All right. Here's our next submission. It's from Patrick O'Duffy.
00:56:22
Speaker
The boss dog. Yes. Patrick says that his submission this time is not a specific sword, but a class of swords. Okay. So, um of you know, we'll see.
00:56:35
Speaker
It's the Valinar Double Scimitar from Dungeons & Dragons Eberron setting. a and Now, see, Patrick knows that I am a ah noted fan of Eberron.
00:56:53
Speaker
one of my favorite settings. um And I am quite fond of all of its goofy little quirks, ah including the existence of the Valinard double scimitar, which is two swords.
00:57:08
Speaker
It's it's that one of those swords where it's like joined together at the handles. So it's like dual-bladed...
00:57:22
Speaker
Like, on either end. Yeah, it's it's like it's like Darth Maul's lightsaber. but But a sword. But a sword. Yeah. um Patrick does have some background information for us.
00:57:35
Speaker
Okay. Hit me, Patrick. The double scimitar is the signature weapon of the Ternadol, a society of elves who live in the Valinor region of Corvair.
00:57:46
Speaker
Don't worry about it. None of these terms are actually important. i Patrick, you know I'm following. These elves have a few major passions. That's Corvair with a K-H, by the way.
00:57:56
Speaker
That's right. Not like the Chevrolet car. It's a ah K-H. These elves have a few major passions. Ancestor worship, glorious battle, good horses, and appropriating historical Arabic cultures and tropes.
00:58:10
Speaker
So they're like Klingons?
00:58:14
Speaker
Oh! They're not... dissimilar to Klingons. They're elfier than Klingons. Okay. The double scimitar is exactly what it sounds like. A single handle with two scimitar blades extending from either side, forming something like the propeller of a biplane, but curved.
00:58:30
Speaker
The handle is short except when it's long. The blades curve in different directions except when they don't. The scimitars are pretty traditional except when they're huge, weirdly shaped, or have random spikes. Divers are crenellations making them a danger to use.
00:58:45
Speaker
As you can see from the attached images, wizards don't bother. Asking artists to conform to a consistent vision. So here's my question, then. Yes. With such variation in the design of one of these, can we rate this as just a single sword?
00:59:09
Speaker
Is there a predict is there specific... one of these Valinars that we could... The Valinar the People, Matt. Okay.
00:59:20
Speaker
Valinar of the People. Okay, so what's this what is their name for the sword? It's a Valinar Double Scimitar. ah Okay, it's just... Okay. So is there a specific one of these we could rate?
00:59:31
Speaker
I mean, I think we can rate it as a sword category. Like, you know, we have talked about... ah ah you know, I said back at the beginning, like... You don't have to send in like like Luke skywalker iss lightsavr and and anean Skywalker's and lightsaber. You can just send lightsabers.
00:59:52
Speaker
and open We've said the opposite. You said it needs to be a specific sword. Well, yes, it does need to be a specific sword, but like a lightsaber is the same thing.
01:00:03
Speaker
But if it is a distinct lightsaber... But if it's a distinct one, like, obviously... Obviously, you don't need to send in Luke's and Anakin's and Obi-Wan's, but you would need to send in Darth Maul's separately.
01:00:16
Speaker
That's the only one I guess is, like, really different. mean, Kylo Ren's. Kylo Ren's, yeah. I would say Count Dooku's, you could probably just say, was in the same category as the others. Yeah, the the two that I guess are, like, really specific are...
01:00:31
Speaker
Darth Maul's and Kylo Ren's. Yeah. Now if somebody starts sending the fucking Darksaber... Okay, that is that is a different... That's different! That is a distinct lightsaber as well. Which has actually appeared not just in video games.
01:00:46
Speaker
Or books. um its It's in like actual shows and stuff now. I'm going to say that what we're going to do is we're going to base our ranking on the illustration that's in the Eberron book, which is what I have included in the spreadsheet.
01:01:02
Speaker
Okay. um Patrick also has some information about what one of these scimitars... The differences between different editions of D&D. Okay.
01:01:13
Speaker
The third edition double scimitar is decent. A 1d6-1d6 double weapon with an eighteen to twenty crit range. That's a great crit range. It's only x2 crit.
01:01:25
Speaker
Its biggest weakness is that you have to enchant each blade separately. Yes. That's how it worked back then. yeah The fourth edition version is better. It's 1d6-1d6 again, but with a plus 2 to hit, and the defensive high crit, and offhand properties.
01:01:42
Speaker
I did not play 4th edition because it was incomprehensible, so I'm not really sure. This is probably because four e is the best edition of D&D, and Chris knows where to find me if he wants to fight about that.
01:01:53
Speaker
I sure do. ah And then Patrick says, the 5th edition version just sucks. It's a 2d4 weapon that lets you use a bonus action to roll another attack for 1d4 damage. That does suck, actually. That's a bummer.
01:02:06
Speaker
I would house rule that bad boy in a heartbeat. And then Patrick says, anyway, that's the double scimitar. Is it good? No. Is it awesome? Occasionally. Is it better than the Klingon thingy?
01:02:18
Speaker
ah he's He's talking about a batleth. um That's for you to decide. I mean, the thing about... It seems like a more usable sword than a batleth.
01:02:33
Speaker
Yeah, but barely. Barely.
01:02:38
Speaker
like about the swords that are just two swords stuck together at the end, is that like,
01:02:47
Speaker
that's not, that's not as good as just having one good sword. it is I feel like. It is now kind of a different sort of weapon. Yeah. it It has to be handled and used differently.
01:03:02
Speaker
Yes. and it like And when you get to the point where it's going to be useful, the the handle needs to but become much longer.
01:03:16
Speaker
Right, because... And at that point, you're in like quarterstaff spear territory. Right, you're not really using sword techniques. Right. you're using like quarter yeah you're using it like a quarterstaff. It's just a belated quarterstaff at that point. i feel like there's no world in which the Valinar double scimitar is not just directly in the grand tradition of Dungeons & Dragons, just the elven swords from that one scene in Lord of the Rings, like where they're fighting the at the battle at the end of the Second Age.
01:03:55
Speaker
Like, in the beginning. And you have that line of elves, and they just do the, like, frrrr thing. You know? Like, there's no world in which that's not, like, directly... Like, that's just what that is.
01:04:10
Speaker
So you say it's just barely better than a Bat'leth. We have the Bat'leth at a three. Does that make this, like, a four? Yeah. I wish for poetry we could call it a two, but I think it's better than that.
01:04:25
Speaker
Yeah. I will i will say, i would not purchase this.
01:04:34
Speaker
It looks kind of cool. I'll give it that. It does have a kind of cool look, but like if you just cut this image in half...
01:04:45
Speaker
It would still look exactly as cool as a sword. And then it would be a sword, yeah. yeah Or, yeah you know, usable as a in a sort in ah the the typical way that a sword is used.
01:04:59
Speaker
um I'm going to say four. i We could give it a V for Valinar. Valinar. if you If you want to buff it up to a five, sure.
01:05:12
Speaker
What do we have at four currently? The Sword of Protection? The Kaizo Saber. The Kaizo Saber? the um The big sword that it takes three dudes to swing from Fist of the North Star.
01:05:25
Speaker
Damn, I kind of feel like it's not that good. Exor is a four. I think it's a four. I think you're right. I think you're right. ah The Sword of Protection from She-Ra?
01:05:41
Speaker
Brotherhood from Final Fantasy X. You fucking hate it. I really do. ah I mean, I hate Tidus. And I hate him even more than i now that I know that his name is Tidus.
01:05:54
Speaker
That's awfully judgmental of you, Matt. Ugh.
01:05:59
Speaker
he's He's a sea-themed hero. It looks like his name is Titus. like I don't know, man. Okay, here is ah submission from Rocket Witzel.
01:06:14
Speaker
ah Rocket says, hey boys, this is going to be a bottom chopper and is easily the worst sword I've come across. Okay. It's the Sword of Sealing from episode 34 of Sailor Stars, the 200th and final episode of Sailor Moon.
01:06:32
Speaker
Chris, did you forget that Chibiusa? Chibiusa. Chibiusa. she you sir Matt, I've watched every single episode Sailor Moon. Yep.
01:06:45
Speaker
it not only feels to se ah fails to seal away the co chaos galaxia it also shatters and turns back into chibi yusa if there's one sword that just sucks it's this one
01:06:58
Speaker
matt every single episode of sailorm moon yeah I have no memory of this happening. It's in the last episode. It's in the final episode. I remember really liking that final episode, too.
01:07:13
Speaker
Rocket included an animated GIF ah where Sailor Moon is holding the sword, and...
01:07:25
Speaker
I have to admit that I do not know the name of this winged enemy that she's facing down here. Probably Galaxia. it's I assume it's Galaxia, yeah. um But Galaxia swings down a sword and hits this sword with it, the Sword of Sealing, and it just instantly shatters.
01:07:44
Speaker
Like glass. Yeah.
01:07:47
Speaker
um And becomes Chibiusa again. Send me this GIF. I gotta see this. Okay. here I mean, look, I was very emotional when I watched the last episode of Sailor Moon. Because I was also recording the 200th episode of a podcast about Sailor Moon that I had done since 2014.
01:08:02
Speaker
Yes. i I just forwarded you the email that has the GIF in it.
01:08:08
Speaker
Okay. Looks like... Looks like Asagi's getting wrecked. It's weird how sometimes people will turn into things in Sailor Moon. And it never seems to stick.
01:08:20
Speaker
Yeah. And it's never something that makes sense. And I say that as a noted Sailor Moon fan. I'll tell you what.
01:08:32
Speaker
ah Sailor Uranus has a sword. that shit kicks ass. I mean, much like um the sword, I think one of the very first swords we ranked or raided.
01:08:47
Speaker
gotta stop doing that. The Z-Sword. This reminds me of the Z-Sword. In that it is made to suck. it is It is intended to and put in the story to break and be bad.
01:09:07
Speaker
Yeah, but I feel like this was maybe not meant to be
01:09:14
Speaker
meant I don't know if it was meant to be bad.
01:09:22
Speaker
Because it feels like it should be a big deal, and then maybe Naoko Takeuchi just got bored. It was like, actually, i don't feel like drawing swords. I'm not about that.
01:09:33
Speaker
I'm not about that life. It's just a red herring. It's a thing where it's like, oh, this enemy can't be defeated with yeah weaponry. you know like it's It's one of those kind of things, what it feels like to me.
01:09:46
Speaker
Yeah. Again, I remember really liking that episode.
01:09:54
Speaker
But... Yeah, man. Sailor Star is a wild ride.
01:10:01
Speaker
Sailor Star's got a lot going on. yeah Sailor Moon does not fight Galaxia with a sword. She... Like...
01:10:13
Speaker
uses the power of love. She uses the power of goodness. Yeah, that's that's why I think it's kind of made you know it it goes from being a character to a sword back to a character because i feel like the point of the story ultimately is that
01:10:37
Speaker
this enemy is not going to be defeated by typical martial
01:10:46
Speaker
fighting. Sailor Moon has a lot of stuff that's like almost swords. ah Okay. Like she's got like like one of her scepters that has like her coolest attack in ah in supers.
01:11:02
Speaker
Like it looks like a sword. Except it's like a wand. But it has like a hilt and a a a like it Her attack involves her thrusting it like a sword, but it's not one.
01:11:18
Speaker
i feel like that is the that's the big oh oh flaw. It's the only flaw with Sailor Moon, is that the ah Eternal Moon kaleidoscope is not a sword.
01:11:34
Speaker
Well, Chris, I think going to leave it to you too to rate this. I mean, you're not wrong. It doesn't do what it's supposed to breaks immediately, and turns back into a useless human child.
01:11:48
Speaker
I mean, in that case, i you know I would make the case that it is exactly like the Z-Sword. think it looks cooler. Okay. But yes, I think it's i think it's a 2. And we gave the Z-Sword 2, so yeah. like I feel like it can't be a 1 because it does serve its narrative purpose.
01:12:10
Speaker
Which is to break. Yes. Like, it's it's not bad. It's not accidentally bad. It's on purpose bad. Like, the only one ones we have on the list so far are Kodan the Adventurer's sword. Which is not a sword, which does not work like a sword works.
01:12:31
Speaker
Which so And that ah that one from Dark Souls that you don't like. The broken. the broken Well, that is also a sword that is made to suck, I have to say. But um as a player, you actually have to try to use it.
01:12:49
Speaker
yeah and And it is better to punch than to use the sword.
01:12:56
Speaker
ah Tis better to punch. Tis better to punch, my dear boy. Alright, here's a submission from Steve Lee.
01:13:08
Speaker
Who says, here's something for the Apocrypals fans.
01:13:13
Speaker
The sword Judith used to cut cut off Holofernes' head from the Book of Judith as depicted by Artemisia Gentileschi. Okay. Or Gentileschi, I think is probably how the name is pronounced.
01:13:26
Speaker
I have seen that painting in person up close. It whips. Yes. Here's what I'll say about this. This one might be a 10 out of 10.
01:13:38
Speaker
it's How can it not be? It's pretty good. Like, go look at that painting and tell me that is not a noth classic sword.
01:13:49
Speaker
Like, it it's a cool looking, it's a, no, it is historically inaccurate. In the time of Judith, they would not have had an arming sword of this type.
01:14:02
Speaker
all right However, it does rule. And boy, is it getting the job done in that painting. It's really getting the job done in that painting. Yeah, it's I'm so glad we got this one instead of the Caravaggio ah version, because one, the sword is not as good in the Caravaggio painting.
01:14:24
Speaker
And two, Caravaggio was a real-life murderer. So we don't have to consider that. Because it as far as I know, Artemisia Jateleski didn't murder anybody, just painted it happening.
01:14:37
Speaker
Yeah, no, and and in fact, believe the i believe the story behind this is ah that ah the face of Holofernes is ah is someone who had wronged Artemisia Jateleski.
01:14:56
Speaker
Even better. In a fairly severe way. even better, ah that that this was her revenge. I will say, the Caravaggio painting, I do like that, I do like Judith's face in the Caravaggio painting, because she's like, damn!
01:15:13
Speaker
I have cut this dude's head off! This is weird! She's like, looking at you, like, yeah, that's right, I'm cutting his head off. oh What are you gonna say about it? Yeah, it in the, ah there is like,
01:15:28
Speaker
There is no hesitation in the Artemisia painting. No. She's just like, yep. You get what you get. I guess there are multiple versions multiple versions of Caravaggio's...
01:15:42
Speaker
Well, i get maybe in the most famous Caravaggio one, it's not even a sword. It's kind of a dagger. um But... Yeah.
01:15:53
Speaker
Let's stop talking about Caravaggio. Let's... Talk about the very good Artemisia Jateleski painting with a very good sword. The fucking blood spray.
01:16:06
Speaker
Yeah, man. It's so good. Like, that's the face of someone who's just getting it done. Yeah, man. ah ju Judith in that one.
01:16:17
Speaker
God, love Judith. The only problem with that sword the only problem with that sword is that it's kind of short.
01:16:27
Speaker
Yeah, but, you know, it's hey, it suits the job. It's doing it, yeah. You know what? It needs to be exactly one neck wide. And it's wider than that. And it is wider than that.
01:16:44
Speaker
I don't know. Judith, best book of the Bible. ah Judith, Isaiah, and Ecclesiastes. Those are my three. Those are my top three. ah What do you think? What do you think for the the rating on this?
01:16:58
Speaker
I mean but i again, i do feel like it's gotta be Like, the sword itself in the painting, i like.
01:17:10
Speaker
I would purchase this sword. It's got a cool look. It's got like a cool... like I like the way that it... like The tip... like it's it's it I don't know what you would call that, but it like comes to a... ah ah like The angle of the blade narrows at the tip.
01:17:32
Speaker
I really like that. yeah I think it is not over-designed, but it is perfectly designed. It's got an ornate hilt. ah But yeah, it's it's not it's not too much. Ornate, but also little bit understated.
01:17:47
Speaker
and state
01:17:50
Speaker
ah As you said, it is it is very much a sword from the time of the painting and not the time it is trying to depict. ah ah This was, what, 17th century, I think, that it was painted.
01:18:07
Speaker
um But yes, a cool looking sword, for sure. i don't know that it's up to a 10, but I'm fine with it being high.
01:18:22
Speaker
Boy, getting it done.
01:18:28
Speaker
i Matt, here's the thing.
01:18:35
Speaker
There aren't a lot of swords on this list that we have that were like...
01:18:44
Speaker
That are literally performing the the work of God. the world The work of God and the work of... Like, you see it in action doing what a sword does.
01:18:56
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Yeah. man'am
01:19:01
Speaker
Yeah, man. Like... the ah the but Their pride was broken by a woman's hand. Very much so. And they were delivered.
01:19:20
Speaker
Like, I kind of feel like I kind of feel like that's worth That's that's worth a lot I would happily
01:19:37
Speaker
make it a 9
01:19:41
Speaker
That puts it on the same level as Excalibur. When you get to the pearly gates, Matt, ah
01:19:53
Speaker
and you are called upon when when when St. Peter the Rock Johnson right says, why was it only a nine?
01:20:06
Speaker
hath not Hath not it earned an and x And I'll be like, yeah, but have you seen Guts kill a hundred men?
01:20:17
Speaker
so you're saying, um I know we have at least a couple of artists listening to this. So you're saying if Judah had the dragon slayer. Yeah. And and was chopping the heads off of like 10 guys at once instead of 10 holoferneses.
01:20:32
Speaker
Yeah.
01:20:36
Speaker
Hmm. Interesting. Interesting. That's all. That's all. That's the difference to me, the key difference.
01:20:47
Speaker
All right, then we'll put it at a nine. All right. A nine it is. and And St. Peter the Rock can can talk to me about it.
01:20:58
Speaker
I wouldn't want to be you.
01:21:02
Speaker
I'm just built different. Sorry.
01:21:07
Speaker
Alright, here's our next submission. It's from Chris Cole. This is the Thunder Saber, the sword used by the Thunder Megazord in Season 2 of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
01:21:19
Speaker
Oh boy. Alright, I gotta look this one up. i A lot of those dudes use a lot of swords. I can tell just by looking at it.
01:21:30
Speaker
I like it better than the Power Sword from the first season. Now, what what is it what is it called again? It's called the Thunder Saber.
01:21:42
Speaker
Okay. It's not coming up for me. ah
01:21:50
Speaker
I can forward you this email, which does have a ah photo in it. You would think I would remember, but again, there's ah there's a lot of them swords.
01:22:02
Speaker
Oh, is this the one that's like a katana? Yes. yes Yeah, that one does kind of own... it's It's definitely better than the power sword, I feel like, in design.
01:22:14
Speaker
um I think it has a very cool look. Yes. Yes, I would tend to agree. It sort of looks like hilt sort the the the hil is sort of
01:22:32
Speaker
Interestingly designed and has kind of like a a green gem in it. But then the actual handle looks like it is made of like machine parts.
01:22:43
Speaker
Yes. Which i I think is kind of kind of neat. Yeah, it definitely like it is a subtle and capturing of the idea that this is a sword that belongs to a robot. robot Yes, it it looks like a robot sword, for sure.
01:22:59
Speaker
But it is still a giant katana. Wow, this is the exact picture that I i just grabbed for this entry, too. so home i mean, it's pretty dope. It's also gigantic. you know Again, keep in mind, this is a sword that is probably 50 long? scale? Yes.
01:23:20
Speaker
yes incale
01:23:26
Speaker
conservatively, 50 feet long.
01:23:29
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, like, you know... I mean, i mean probably probably a lot more than that. if you think about how tall a Megazord is, it's like as tall as a building. Well, ah a Megazord, if um if a Megazord is 10 stories tall, ahha then it's 100 feet tall.
01:23:49
Speaker
Right.
01:23:52
Speaker
So then this is probably like 60 70. sixty or seventy eight is Is it that long? Okay. Yeah. Okay. I mean, you know, that's about how long a katana would be relative to a person, right?
01:24:04
Speaker
All right. am i Am I wrong about this? Do I have... I mean, ah let's see. How long is a katana?
01:24:15
Speaker
Okay, so let's Six divided by 100. All right. According to battlewares.com... The average length of a katana is 35 to 43 inches. 35 to 43 inches. So that's that's about, we'll say, three and a half feet.
01:24:39
Speaker
Yeah. So if we're talking about a person being six feet tall, that's... It's a little over half their height. little over half their height. So we'll say 60 feet.
01:24:50
Speaker
We'll say 60 feet. 60 feet sounds about right, yeah.
01:24:55
Speaker
Point being that's a big sword. It's a big sword, yeah. I like it, and it's big. i i I know that it's going to rate higher than the power sword, which we put it at six.
01:25:15
Speaker
so At first blush, i mean ah my first thought is... This is a 7. This is a 7. This is a 7 for sure. Because it's certainly not as cool as Batman's laser sword.
01:25:27
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. and And it's... I don't even know if it's as cool as Connor McCloud's katana.
01:25:35
Speaker
Because that katana cools hell. Yeah, it is a cool katana. But this is a giant katana and that ah seems to be about right. Alright, done. The Mega Thunder Saber...
01:25:49
Speaker
is a seven. We crushed that one, dog. Next is a submission from Philip Neff, which I guess... I don't know if we have already done this submission, or it is a duplicate, um but Philip sent the Broken Straight Sword from Dark Souls. We've done that one. It got a one.
01:26:08
Speaker
Alright, this will be our last one for this episode.
01:26:13
Speaker
And it's it's pretty... Well, actually... We got a submission from Josh, who also, I think, sent us two that we've already done.
01:26:26
Speaker
Okay. Which is Connor McCloud's Ivory handleled Handled Katana, which was fored by ah by so Master Swordsmith Masamune.
01:26:39
Speaker
So we've done that one. So this, okay, we got a backup. Okay. Which is the Nail from Hollow Knight. If specificity is required, the fully upgraded version.
01:26:55
Speaker
Alright.
01:26:58
Speaker
No, we have not ranked that. No, we have not rated that. I think the Nail from Hollow Knight is like the definition of a purely
01:27:09
Speaker
utilitarian sword with no frills.
01:27:18
Speaker
You know? Like, it's it's just it's a sword. It is a video game weapon. it is. It is. But it is cool.
01:27:29
Speaker
Yes, for sure. um I mean, once it once it is fully upgraded and becomes the pure nail, um you're you're doing some good some good damage with that thing. Top of that dream nail?
01:27:42
Speaker
but Yeah. Yeah.
01:27:47
Speaker
Yeah, it's like, I think it is... I like that all of the swords in the entire game are of a specific but also very simple design.
01:28:08
Speaker
And they are
01:28:14
Speaker
very clearly swords.
01:28:18
Speaker
But there is a uniqueness to them in their simplicity that I think goes really well with the atmosphere of that game. Like, I mean, it, it, Sean, to surprise you, I think Hollow Knight is great.
01:28:33
Speaker
Yeah. ah Like, like you've read my essay about it, Matt. I have indeed, yes. yes oh Where I really exhaustively added to the but Hollow Knight conversation in the only way that I could.
01:28:50
Speaker
i mean, it's really good. And it's like... and there's... Once you get to the pure nail, and it's...
Video Game Weapons Analysis
01:29:03
Speaker
the The detail that's added to it makes it so different. And still recognizably what it is? don't know, man. like it's It's hard to explain. It's great.
01:29:14
Speaker
I really like it. Yeah. i I do think like there's something to be said for like
01:29:26
Speaker
going so simple that it's like... I don't want to say that it's not distinct, because it is.
01:29:36
Speaker
But it's like, there's no there's no there' there are no frills to it, you know, in in any depiction. ah Which is both good and bad, you know? Like like i said, I feel like like in terms of like a video game weapon, it is
01:29:57
Speaker
very much... Utility is is valued above all things with it. Mm-hmm. um I think that makes it kind of like the Chrysagram.
01:30:11
Speaker
ah In that... Like... You don't really see it while you're playing. You see... The ah motion of it.
01:30:24
Speaker
More so. It is cool that you can like... Bounce off of... stuff on the screen using it. Are we considering it that to be a property of the sword?
01:30:37
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. and Interesting. you You use the nail to do it.
01:30:44
Speaker
um I mean, it's it's also a property of Hornet's sword in Silksong. I mean, it it is, i think...
01:30:56
Speaker
i do I think you're right. I think we do have to consider that it is both a sword and also a a mobility tool. i It's a traversal tool. yeah it's That's even more true in Silksong than in um the original Hollow Knight. In Silksong, it's called a needle rather than a nail.
01:31:21
Speaker
It's pretty good. i What number are you thinking of for it? I like the understatedness of the design. And I like the the way the understatedness gives way to filigree as it is upgraded.
01:31:39
Speaker
And how each of the steps of the upgrade process are distinct. Yes, I do like all of those things about it. I mean, I think it's pretty good.
01:31:50
Speaker
um It is not as a weapon. It's not the Chrysagram. No. And it's not the Master Sword.
01:32:02
Speaker
By design, it's not the Chrysagram. like it's yeah it's It is not overpowered. they At no point in the process of playing Hollow Knight do you become overpowered.
01:32:12
Speaker
Yeah, i would I would say that is a core element of that game. Yeah. In fact. oh
01:32:22
Speaker
So it's like an 8 or 9? oh I don't think it's a 9. I think...
01:32:34
Speaker
think... Man, we might need to go back and bump up Batman's laser sword to a 9. i want to I would say it's better than a 7. Yeah, I think this is an 8.
01:32:46
Speaker
I think this is an 8, yeah. But that makes me feel like Batman's utility belt laser sword is a 9.
01:32:54
Speaker
Alright, I think this is our one chance to do that if we're going to do that. what Same episode. Same episode. i'm i'm I'm solid on that sword also being an 8. But I can be talked up into it being a 9.
01:33:07
Speaker
Well, Matt, I asked the machine. Okay, fair. Yes, the the the machine did say outright that it ruled. So, we have bumped up Batman's laser sword to a 9.
01:33:20
Speaker
And the nail from Hollow Knight is an 8.
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
01:33:25
Speaker
Specifically the pure nail. That's right. And that will ah wrap us up here for this edition of one to 10 of swords. If you'd like to send us a sword to rate here on the show, you can do that by emailing us at war rocket podcast at gmail.com.
01:33:47
Speaker
That is also where you can send listener questions or, Let us know if you want to sponsor the show or get in touch about any old other thing that you want to get in touch about. You can also contact us on Tumblr.
01:34:03
Speaker
We're there at warrocketpodcast.tumblr.com. You can follow us and get in touch with us on BlueSky at warrocketajax.com. That is our BlueSky handle.
01:34:20
Speaker
Or you can join our Discord. If you want to be a member of our Discord, all you have to do is ask us for an invitation on any of the places I just mentioned. Or if you're on our Patreon, you can ask us for an invitation there.
01:34:31
Speaker
And we will send you one, and you can join ah and be part of that community of War Rocket Ajax listeners. it is It is a cool place, and you should you should go join over there.
01:34:44
Speaker
Our website is warrocketajax.com. It has every episode of the show that we've ever done. WarRocketWiki.com has all the information you could want or need about this show, WarRocket Ajax. I actually referenced it earlier in this episode, or before we started recording, ah to remember what rating we gave the Megazord's sword, because we but did not actually add it to the spreadsheet.
01:35:10
Speaker
It was a six.
01:35:14
Speaker
If you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net to find links to my comics, my books, my other podcasts. and my social medias. Chris, where can people find you? Hey, everybody can find me by going to the-isb.com.
01:35:26
Speaker
ah That is my website. It's got links to things. I also used the War Rocket Wiki today to remember where that CarMax was down on Gimmick Street. It's a great resource.
01:35:38
Speaker
See you next week, everybody. We'll be back with a guest next week. and we' hope we hope you come back for it. Classic format. Classic Ajax format. Oh,
01:35:49
Speaker
Oh, the old format. Get ready for it.
01:35:54
Speaker
It's happening once again. Until then, everybody, do not forget that Black Lives Matter. Trans rights are human rights. As are abortion rights. Drag is not a crime.
01:36:05
Speaker
And cops aren't your friends. Free Palestine, we love you. We love you. Yes!