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S2E5: Breakups and Residual Energy
33 Plays9 months ago
Join us in today's episode as Jimmie, Dani, Maya and Spirit discuss how to navigate breakups and clear residual energy from an ex. We talk about how to know if you still have residual energy from a past relationship, what to focus on post breakup, self reflection/growth from relationships and more.
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Transcript
Introduction & Episode Theme
00:00:01
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome to Spiritually Desperate with myself, psychic medium, Jimmy Bay, and my co-host, spiritual enthusiast, Danny and Maya. Please join us as we deep dive into the soul, connect with spirit to help answer some of life's challenges.
00:00:15
Speaker
We'll be discussing a variety of topics to help guide you and keep you in empowered. Let's begin.
00:00:21
Speaker
Hi, everyone. Welcome back to Spiritually Desperate. So today we are going to talk about breakups and energetic residue. And you know, when it comes on the topic of love, we don't know where it's going Jimmy loves talking about love, and I'm sure we'll intertwine lots of different layers onto this topic.
00:00:40
Speaker
But as always, joined by Jimmy and Dani. Dani, how are you doing today?
00:00:47
Speaker
I'm doing good. It's been a minute, so it's nice to see you guys. Jimmy, are you feeling? I'm doing all right. I'm a little low, but I'm a little high too, so it's good. As always, let's kind of bring it back to basics.
Energetic Residue in Relationships
00:01:00
Speaker
So I know we have had an episode on breakups, but I like this concept of energetic residue, and we touched upon this a little bit in a past topic, but Jimmy, when we break up with someone, whether that's, I mean, classically it's romantic, right? But let's say even a friendship.
00:01:17
Speaker
What's going on with the other person's energy and aura? And like, how do we know if it's still around? And then we'll talk about how we can cleanse it later on. Well, to feel it, to know if it's still around, it's the sliming of it. What I call sliming.
00:01:32
Speaker
ah You might feel physically sick. I don't know if I like that word right now. we open it up, right? You might feel physically sick. You might feel emotionally sick, depressed, anxious, extremely sad.
00:01:47
Speaker
You know, you might be weepy. You might be really emotional, um whether it's a bad breakup or a good breakup, even because there are better breakups. And I shouldn't say good breakups. I don't think, you know, everything's so wonderful, but they're not bad all the time either.
00:02:02
Speaker
But yeah, you might feel slimed. And energetically, you'll feel the other person's emotions and funk based on how the breakup went. Did they dump on you?
00:02:14
Speaker
do Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel angry? Do you feel angry at yourself? You know, it's that kind of um energy that sits around. Do you feel, um are you mourning are you mourning the past?
00:02:28
Speaker
Are you mourning would've, could've, should'ves? Like what could I have done differently? What did I do differently? And you know regret even for having been in relationships along with certain people.
00:02:39
Speaker
The one thing I will say about that with the regret process is I try not to regret my relationships, whether they're friendships or romantic ones, because I trust that I am where I need to be in the moment. And you know and there's lessons behind that, no matter how long it takes you to learn that lesson.
00:02:57
Speaker
So if that helps anybody, I try to encourage that. like Remember that you're constantly learning. And just because you might intuitively know better at times, you're in the moment, especially when it comes to romantic and interpersonal relationships.
Karma, Soul Ties & Lessons
00:03:12
Speaker
Because karma, there's karma there. There's soul ties there. There's ah trauma and trauma bonding, as we spoke about before. But um those those are the relationships that impact us emotionally.
00:03:25
Speaker
the deepest because we're learning them. So we can't always see things. We have to experience it. And that's part of the human yeah no experience to be here.
00:03:35
Speaker
Okay. Well, then when it comes to then energy and you're saying it depends on how things ended and I'm sure it depends on if a lot of old stuff is coming up once you've broken up and you're processing. And then I think also not talked about enough is you're grieving the what could have, right? And then your mind goes to all of a sudden these rose colored glasses that you're missing out on something.
00:03:56
Speaker
So then what if then in the breakup too, does it matter the energetic residue of, let's say the other person isn't really doing their self-reflection or awareness or, you know, trying to go, what did I learn from this?
00:04:10
Speaker
Would that X, person, then their lack of awareness and growth, would that further pile onto your energy, if that makes sense? Or really, are we just supposed to be focusing on ourselves post breakup?
00:04:25
Speaker
I think post breakup, we're supposed to focus on ourselves and do our own reflection. But you bring up a good point, Maya, because I think a lot of people, where they get into comparison, where they get into that, that and are, well, how did they just move on?
00:04:38
Speaker
and why am I still sitting in this and what's going on kind of energy? is because you're still trying to understand the lesson. And that's and a lesson is very ah a lesson is very difficult to process, so it takes a while.
00:04:50
Speaker
And you've got allow yourself that healing time and that grieving time. But also, you might still be trying to do their soul work. that That might be a little bit of residual energy. To give it an example, like you're holding on to the concept of what you had with them,
00:05:03
Speaker
So you don't understand why how they evolved either beyond you or how they stayed below you in the sense of their vibrational energy and their energetic realm.
Cleansing Energetic Residue
00:05:14
Speaker
Danny's like, this is really intense. it ah When we think it's going to be light, it's never light. if someone's going, okay, you know what? I'm sitting in it. It's heavy. i feel like I have this energy slime all around me.
00:05:29
Speaker
then what are the first steps we can take to start cleansing that energy when it feels like it's so overwhelming? Oh, this is going to sound a little bit shady.
00:05:41
Speaker
Not necessarily. Get around happy people. Get around your friends and energy, your animals. but Animals take a lot from us. We'll do a whole other topic on animals again, and maybe we'll bring Lauren back in for that because I've been doing a lot of research on animals. But um get around your friends, your animals.
00:05:57
Speaker
Disperse it. You know, disperse it, get it out of your system, stay busy, distract yourself. I'm not saying not to feel your feelings. I'm saying just don't wallow in them.
00:06:09
Speaker
It's the wallow and the sitting and that residual energy that we kind of just go, we start to attack ourselves, right? We start to go in on ourselves and that's not fair.
00:06:19
Speaker
Another good thing is hug happy people. I say this with grief and hug happy people, slime others. yeah that That's why I said it's going to sound shady. It's not.
00:06:31
Speaker
Well, think about a viewing in a funeral. I spoke about this before in our topics of grief. Whenever you're sad, and you know, ever notice at a funeral, we've all been to funerals, um that when people are coming up to you, hugging you, you don't feel bad.
00:06:47
Speaker
But they'll leave feeling funky because they're taking your energy. So hug people. I'll have you people, but not, but to really get through it, like I said, distract yourself, put yourself in a higher vibrational energy, the physical activities, like physical workouts, things like that are a nice release too, because it's moving.
00:07:05
Speaker
Journaling is good to kind of heal things and get things out of our head and out of our hearts and onto the page. and What you want to do with it after that is good. But I think a lot of it is just like going into your own reflection and see what you learned.
00:07:18
Speaker
You know, like I've, one of my, mainstays is how, what, do what am I learning here? How do I grow and try to get through that process? But like you said, when you're watching your exes and and people go on, like nothing's happening.
00:07:31
Speaker
The one thing I try to tell myself to kind of keep myself balanced is they're no longer where I am. I may no longer be where they are and they're no longer where I am. So one of us has raised a vibration or And trying to understand that I try not to get too, too deep, cause I gets a little heady on who's higher and below ah higher and below the other person.
00:07:53
Speaker
But usually that means you're no longer within sync and in that vibrational energy. And that's why the breakups happen. That's why I don't think breakups are horrible. You know, I think it's, you know, you gotta make space for upgrades and upgraded people to come into your life.
00:08:09
Speaker
And I think if we were taught this as young children, that people are meant to ebb and flow within, in and out of our lives, we would be much better off as people and much more understanding of ourselves.
00:08:21
Speaker
I think the greatest hindrance of healing when it comes to a breakup is we all go inward and internal on ourselves, thinking that we need to be nice We need to be better people. that you know We judge ourselves based on staying in relationships.
00:08:38
Speaker
We don't sit there and accept that we learned the lesson and that we do need to heal, you know especially really, don't want to say good, good people, but for a lack of words, good people, they really go in on themselves like, how could I stay in this? Why did I stay this? Why did I love that person? Why did I keep giving chances?
00:08:56
Speaker
Blah, blah, blah. when How come I didn't know better? You got to stop that energy. You're in the lesson. You know, school, this is the earth school. So we're in lessons all the time, especially with the people that we're closely bonded to.
00:09:09
Speaker
Whether it's romantic friends, families, animals, we're in those lessons. So that being said is to not go, not go hard on yourself, just literally kind of be kind and compassionate as you're navigating out of it.
00:09:26
Speaker
But yes, you're right. There's a lot of aftermath that comes with that because a lot of times when we're in love, especially the love relationships, we don't see people for who they really are because we tend to project our ideals upon them.
00:09:38
Speaker
And i think in this society where it's really difficult, um, people are, love starved and love sick. I think there's a ah ah toxic pattern where people are love sick lately and love starved.
00:09:54
Speaker
So you get people that cling on and then you get people that yeah are just going and slime everybody to come in contact with. You know, and so there's that energy and people don't really want to heal how what's what's going on or heal through the relationships.
00:10:08
Speaker
I don't think people take ample amount of time. However, with healing, it's a, It's a mind. It's a mind construct. It's a mental construct as well as emotional, don't get me wrong, and spiritual.
00:10:22
Speaker
But it's more a mental construct of, am I going to sit and wallow in this or am I going to just know that this is done and I've accomplished all I need to accomplish here? That's why in certain relationships, you'll see you get through them easier and other ones you
Navigating Breakups & Self-Kindness
00:10:36
Speaker
don't.
00:10:37
Speaker
Yeah. You can't just shower the slime off.
00:10:43
Speaker
but you What's so stupid? You can. i mean, you can. ah hot bath, a hot shower, steam, whatever you want might help for a little while. that was way too much work, Jimmy.
00:10:55
Speaker
yeah that was way too much work jimmy
00:11:01
Speaker
Because I also think, right, you know, because right now I feel like the societal narrative is you got to feel it to heal it, right? And I totally respect and understand that because you're not ignoring and letting, right, if emotions are energy in motion, you have to move it through.
00:11:16
Speaker
But I think the line that people maybe are having a hard time with is how much feeling do I do and how much crying and sitting? And then when does it cross over into wallowing? When does it cross over into, i cannot get out of this and having a hard time distinguishing the balance, right? If that makes sense.
00:11:33
Speaker
When it makes you lovesick, when it makes, when it impedes upon your life and and daily life and moving ahead within your life. And really, really when you're, when you're no longer, when you're no longer in a state of self-preservation,
00:11:50
Speaker
Because what happens in that energy where it gets into wallowing, you'll really hate yourself. You'll hate everything about your life, who you are, what you're doing. You'll second guess everything you're doing. If you did move on a little bit, there's theres things that come up and breakups like that. But it's literally when it impedes upon your life and it's just going on too long.
00:12:11
Speaker
I had one really bad breakup in about, I think it was 97, 98. I cried for a year and I was lovesick for a year. And it was horrible. And I didn't get closure with it or and resolution. And you don't usually see things all the time right away or have that kind of energetic oh closure. It was like, I got to find closure.
00:12:32
Speaker
Sometimes you don't get that right up front. Sometimes it's you making your closure and getting the answers of understanding why later. You know, but I literally had a bad breakup and I cried over this guy for a year.
00:12:44
Speaker
It was about a year where I was just lovesick and I just couldn't get him out of my head. I couldn't get out of my life. I couldn't get out. And it was just impeding me from putting myself first. So when whenever you're putting something else or somebody else before you, the breakup or the person before yourself, that's when it's going to start to get into wallowing.
00:13:03
Speaker
I want to give that Jimmy a hug, but also then looking back now, Jimmy. want to fight the other guy. yeah Would you say what? You said I want to fight the other guy. No, no, no. It was a bittersweet breakup. It wasn't even a bad breakup.
00:13:16
Speaker
It was a bittersweet breakup. that To be clear, it wasn't a bad, like, oh it was just a bittersweet where both people, we had to go in different ways. He was foreign. What would you differently...
00:13:27
Speaker
do differently grieving the breakup versus crying for the year and kind of having it like impede your life? Or would you that same thing again? and With wisdom and age, I would have been um a little more practical. I think when we're young, we're a little hormonal and we get, I do. I always think when young, we're hormonal, just a little sad.
00:13:47
Speaker
And like I said, not having the experience that I have now um to change what, I don't know that I could change what I did. But um I would have been kinder to myself. I think I was horrible with myself.
00:14:00
Speaker
That being said, I would have been nicer to myself because I thought that I missed something or I messed up the lesson. And that brings up a very good point, Maya, because I think that's what most people do. I think they judge themselves and and think that when they are spiritually aware,
00:14:17
Speaker
or spiritually desperate, as we plug our podcast, I think they start reaching, like, what did they miss and how did they get here and and what happened and what what could I have done differently?
00:14:28
Speaker
Well, you can only do with what you know and the moment. Well, you were telling us that you would do your grief differently in in the sense of being a little bit more practical. And I think, you know, when you go through a breakup, is essentially you it's a death of a relationship, right? Whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship.
00:14:45
Speaker
And so you're going through the stages of grief. And then I feel like stages of grief, you can go in and out of it's not linear. Right. And so it's feels really overwhelming and you can't, you know, not, not to knock down of course, actual deaths, but with an actual death, it's kind of a finite, they're no longer here on this earth.
00:15:02
Speaker
And then, and that's a whole nother grieving and processing, right? Because that's something you can't change. But what we're talking about now is you're grieving something, the death of something, but they're still around
Growth from Missed Opportunities
00:15:12
Speaker
and.
00:15:14
Speaker
You know, that like you mentioning with that energetic residue, we're learning to cleanse that and you gave us some insights on that, but you mentioned something with the word missing, like how do people then go, okay.
00:15:26
Speaker
Because think of the reason why a lot of times people have a hard time post-breakup is what if what if I missed out on something, right? That's exactly what I was dealing with my own situation.
00:15:37
Speaker
And what I realized is that's where you have to have blind faith and trust spirit in the universe. You have to trust whatever they remove from your life, they're going to put something... I want almost want to say bigger and better. And I don't mean like bigger and better. Like, wow, like the sound all social media, like, cause everybody's if they're not doing, if they want to do, they would, which I can't stand that quote.
00:15:57
Speaker
I just think that's, I can't stand that quote. I had just think it's a shitty quote. Why? Why? you know' Because I don't necessarily see it like that.
00:16:09
Speaker
I think people, i think you have to, that to look at other people. I think we're all growing and learning. And I think it's, Like, I don't think some people recognize what they need to do.
00:16:22
Speaker
Or you have to remember, it's all like on an energetic field that we're on. So maybe they're not on your field. Maybe somebody's not on the level you're on where they're thinking something like that. or that's an assumption and expectation on someone.
00:16:38
Speaker
Yeah, you really ran with it. i i Yeah, I went to... He's like giving a girl flowers that he never gave you. That's like, if he wanted to, he would.
00:16:51
Speaker
Well, if you're good and we're going to talk about on a very external level, I agree to some some degree. I'll say I'll agree i'll agree out to it to some degree. But I think people that have that mindset... have an expectation for people and partners and friendships.
00:17:05
Speaker
And we all do this even in our interpersonal relationships, but that's not necessarily unconditional love. Yeah. I think most people are more thinking about it. It's not as deep. I know. I know. I go deep with the quote, please social media quotes get on my nerves.
00:17:20
Speaker
They really do. They just, dont hairs like I can only go deep, please.
00:17:27
Speaker
I am a deep guy. I will tell you I'm passionate. And the cat over here is like, I need you to be more logical, Jimmy. I need you to not put all this in emotion in right now. As you were speaking on, when you were speaking on Maya about um missing something, it's that's a cornerstone to feel like that, you know, or if you're missing out or missing something, we're not.
00:17:48
Speaker
We're learning. And there's always an opportunity to learn. And this is where spirit gets kind of fun. and could be a little bit of pain in the butt for people that aren't very involved in the sense of um how do you want to learn it?
00:18:04
Speaker
Remember we talked about that? How do you want, do you want it the hard way? do you want it the easy way? Because until we get our lessons, they keep repeating. That's why people go back and forth in friendships and relationships that are no longer serving them because they haven't gotten the message that it's time to move forward.
00:18:20
Speaker
And that's where things become carming. There's a karmic lesson there at the core.
00:18:27
Speaker
have a question. Rewind real quick. Back where you said you don't miss anything, but i see I thought, not I think, I thought you had said before during like one of our sessions that you can miss the partner and then you'll get a substitute.
00:18:46
Speaker
Well, that's still not missing. They give you the runner up. they give you They give you the person in a different body. but you missed the first one. you're Not necessarily. Wait, wait, wait. Let me add clarity to this.
00:19:01
Speaker
yeah and' ila it I love your spiciness. I've missed this, Dani. Now let me add clarity to this. You don't miss the partner. What happens is they give you another person.
00:19:14
Speaker
You miss the opportunity with that one person. For instance, if you're with someone and they don't step up, then it's your responsibility to be accountable for the lessons learned and the other person's not where you're at.
00:19:29
Speaker
So they will send the next person with the same energy, the same that same energy and upgraded energy and similar soul lessons, almost like the same soul lessons you're supposed to learn.
00:19:42
Speaker
So you don't really miss it. You might miss an opportunity. and let me be clear. So it's more of the opportunity you miss. the to add to what I was saying, because I have said in your readings certain things.
00:19:53
Speaker
yes yes in this Yeah, but then then then that pushes your timeline back. Not necessarily. it depends on It depends on how you're healing and where you're at.
00:20:04
Speaker
If you can stay detached from things, that's the big issue. You want to talk about an issue, Maya, when it comes to relationships and karma and... it Unhealthy attachments. Yes. It's the attachment to the energy of the person.
00:20:17
Speaker
It's the attachment... of the love that you have for them. It's attachment of the abuse that you settled for. It's that energy. Well, the nervous system is rewiring when you're going through a withdrawal, essentially, from energy and this person. And I think that's the hardest part, which is why people run back. And then the worst is when you think you've grown and learned, and then you didn't.
00:20:42
Speaker
And so you get another person that comes in teaching you the but the same lesson in a harder fucking way. And you're like, great. Here I am again. final exam, bitch.
00:20:55
Speaker
Well, the thing is with the lesson, let me be graceful with yourselves. That's the biggest thing. We're not graceful with ourselves. I mean, give yourself grace because the thing is, this is why it's called earth school because if we knew the lesson right for the first time around, we wouldn't always,
00:21:11
Speaker
You know, we won't get it. And you're going to find with your soul lessons, it's interesting, I said this before, you're going to get some of them. Some of them are going to a shot in the dark. Others are going like, you did awesome. You graduated top of your class. like But like I said, with certain lessons, be graceful with yourself.
00:21:27
Speaker
That's why they repeat. Because the lesson, you're trying to navigate it. And even with the first person, okay, let's go, if we're having two people, the same soul lesson. Similar, that keeps creating a pattern, which then becomes a karmic pattern for you to work on.
00:21:41
Speaker
that you signed up for. thats Let's all agree we all signed up for this life. I mean i want to like spiritually slap some of my soul sometimes when I sign up. No, I'm just kidding. My life is really, really great, but okay. I know I made addendums.
00:22:02
Speaker
Well, that's what you do at night when you communicate with your guides and you're sleeping, whether you remember the dreams or not. you're you're at You're changing things around. But anyway... I mean, Maya and I have whiteout and
00:22:19
Speaker
Well, that's what's interesting too. you know This is where it gets, this could get deep and very heavy. Let me stay on topic. But with the first person, you would change it with the second person. So the outcome's not completely the same.
00:22:33
Speaker
You're never repeating the same lesson. You might be repeating a different, um it's like a, it was It would be like taking the test again, but a different set of questions. The different flavor of lesson.
00:22:44
Speaker
Yes, yes. Because you did learn and what's going to happen with what you learned from the first person, you're going then use on the second person.
00:22:53
Speaker
You know, for instance, I've had friendships where I've berated people and gotten rid of them. And then I've had friendships where I should have gotten rid of them and I were i was kinder to them.
00:23:04
Speaker
The kindness that came through that was because I didn't want to be nasty and angry and really because I do have a temper, whether people know it or not, I do have a bad temper.
00:23:16
Speaker
But Scorpio moon. Anyway. yeah relaxed with that scorpal moon I'm telling you. But like I said, for the next the next lesson, when I had similar topics come up with this and a new person, an upgraded version of the lesson, if you want to say that that way, it's an upgraded version of the lesson.
00:23:35
Speaker
um I handled it differently.
00:23:40
Speaker
And so when I've been trying to let go of people in my life, and I have let go of other people in my life, and I'm continuing to let go of some people in my life, I'm trying to be kinder and more loving to them, but also more loving to me and more matter-of-fact and detach from it.
00:23:53
Speaker
Instead of getting so innately angry and furious and emotionally tied into that, because there comes a wisdom through the lessons where you mature and you're like, oh, this isn't me, this is that.
00:24:07
Speaker
This isn't my energy. That's that. Although you will have to be held accountable for how you feel and your own part in the lesson. I don't know if that came across clear. Yeah, that makes sense. And then I'm sure some people don't do the what did I learn? Don't do the holding themselves accountable. And those people kind of just repeat patterns.
00:24:26
Speaker
Yes, yes. For the rest of their life. And that in turn, the reason they leave your life is because now you're outgrown. yeah You know, you're outgrowing them and you're, and you no longer have the tolerance level for that kind of behavior.
00:24:42
Speaker
Question. Yes. So talking to my girlfriends this week and in general, I feel like a lot of people I'm in my um almost mid thirties.
Societal Norms on Love
00:24:53
Speaker
And so I'm still considered young, but I feel like already at this age, a lot of people, because of what they've been through in their hearts, they're really jaded by love.
00:25:04
Speaker
And so a lot of people are going, why even try? Or they almost have this preconceived notion that it's probably not going to work out anyway. And so they go, I'm just going to be single. I don't even want to do this. And that's, I'm sure their choice as well.
00:25:18
Speaker
But what insights do you have on the people? Cause it seems like so many people are just jaded by love right now. no I agree. Um, The biggest insight I would have for people that are jaded by love or in that lull of feeling hopelessness.
00:25:35
Speaker
That's a lesson of hopelessness. And feeling like they're so afraid to get hurt again, right? Because that's all they've ever learned or known. Right. Well, that that in turn requires some reflection.
00:25:47
Speaker
Because if you get, like I said, that's a a lesson of hopelessness, feeling hopeless. It's not going to happen. It's worthiness. It's kind of ah an assumption that nobody's out there.
00:25:58
Speaker
i always try to tell by myself, and I will share this with clients. Like if I'm a good person and I'm online or I'm not online or whatever I'm doing, there's other good people out there. To give them some insight so that they can move forward, that they are in the driver's seat of what they would like for their love story and their life.
00:26:16
Speaker
And it's not about somebody coming in, completing us, and not about somebody coming in and sharing our life. It's about building a life with someone that we are compatible with, that challenges us to grow in good ways and some working on our little negative areas or our darker areas, don't like the word negative, but our darker spots, but it's really making a conscious choice.
00:26:38
Speaker
I think we've become a society where it's like, you know, wherefore art thou Romeo? It's like that kind of energy towards love and and sex in the city type love.
00:26:51
Speaker
That's a myth. That's a myth. And that's also externally based. So I would really encourage people that are in that lull, not to go in and judge themselves, but to really sit down with themselves and think about what they would like in their love story, but for themselves, what kind of love story works for you?
00:27:13
Speaker
We talked a little bit about this before. What works for me might be completely different than what works for you. So it's about going inward and saying, you know what would balance me out as a person?
00:27:25
Speaker
What do I need as a person? And knowing and trusting that with each experience you have dating, whether it's a long-term, short-term fling thing, if even if it's for the ring, um that you're growing and you're navigating it as you're in it.
00:27:41
Speaker
I think we forget, we think we need somebody and it's going to be the be all end all. And maybe that's just the beginning. That's where we're getting started and things are starting to cook and you get to challenge yourself.
00:27:51
Speaker
and and and And like I said, activate parts of ourselves that we didn't even know were dormant or existed within us. I'm experiencing a little bit of that right now with dating and things like that as well.
00:28:03
Speaker
That I was like, oh, I didn't know this could feel this way. And I really got you know, sort through some things with myself and people. You know, I think we think when we're going to meet somebody, it's, it's all comes together.
00:28:15
Speaker
Yes. I do say it's going to be light and easy and it should be smooth in the beginning, but as things start to deepen, and grow, we start to deepen and grow. So remembering that with our and ourselves and for the other person, communicate, express yourself and say all that you need to say and learn to say part of my mouth, fuck it.
00:28:37
Speaker
Because people are going to look at you. If you're dating, they're either going to accept you or they're not. And when it comes to the life partner, they really have to accept you on your terms. but it's learning where you also can navigate some things. But like I said, for people that are stuck in that, that bitterness, it's more so yeah get out of the mode of hopelessness, you know, and start taking, sitting in the, sit in the driver's seat of your life.
00:29:01
Speaker
You're in charge of your life and who comes in and how they come in. And maybe it's learning to be slower. Maybe it's learning to be be more vulnerable. Maybe it's learning to, um,
00:29:14
Speaker
express There's like, go inward and look at how you can grow as a person with people that you're meeting. I think we really have to diminish to the concept of dating and the sense of I'm dating romantically to meet somebody.
00:29:32
Speaker
i think it it reminds me of, um, where you say it's not that you're going to find your happily ever after, you create your happily ever after. you build it. Big shift in perspective. And then that brings the power back to yourself, right? of Okay, so I don't have to worry about is this person right for me, I get to decide depending on how we're both growing and changing. And it's not that preset thing all the time.
00:29:56
Speaker
Yes, it's it's navigating as you're in it, too. I think what happens is I think, you know, first of all, let's be real. It takes a lot to meet people you like. It really does.
00:30:07
Speaker
Especially in the superficial fucking world that we live the society with all the injections, and then i hate all people with injections, but they're all plasticky and they all use 10,000 filters and they all put fake profiles online and what they expect of somebody and who they really are online.
00:30:24
Speaker
And I'm like, So find somebody you like and navigate. And if it doesn't work, it's not the end of your story. I think what happens is the disappointment comes in and yeah, we all got get there. I've gotten in there. I'm sure both of you have gotten there with people.
00:30:41
Speaker
It's, but it's not the end of your story unless you want it to be. That is an act of choice. If you want it to be, you know, that's like when I and meet men and women that tell me they're going to be alone forever. They don't want anybody. They don't want anybody, but yet they'll sit in front of me and tell me how,
00:30:56
Speaker
much they wish they could find a partner. Well, you can't tell the universe two different things. It's like, you know, consistency and alignment are one thing. You can say you don't know what exactly you would need or would like.
00:31:10
Speaker
you kids I don't like the word need. they would What you would like for yourself. But um when I read it, it's about, it's not the end of your story. you You had a bad date and a bad relationship. It's not, you know, your life isn't over.
00:31:23
Speaker
And the thing is, That's a lot of expectation, if I can go here, to put on yourself. Who are you? You know, relationships are two-way street. So let go.
00:31:35
Speaker
Give yourself some grace and ease and compassion, self-compassion, if you're that hard on yourself and bitter. You know? And like you said, Maya, it's a shame because you do see that a lot with younger people.
00:31:47
Speaker
You know? Like I said, I'll be 50 this year. And seeing it in younger people, it's it's hard because you want to give that man encouragement. But, you know, to stay hopeful and really get acquainted with themselves is what I would say.
00:31:59
Speaker
And to give people a chance. You know, it's like trying on shirts and shoes and everything. Does it fit or doesn't it fit? Does it look nice on me? Does it compliment me or doesn't does it not?
00:32:11
Speaker
You know, or how much does it compliment me? Is this something we can work through? Is the other person also committed to what I'm committed to in this? It's a lot of being vocal.
00:32:22
Speaker
and understanding, a lot of self understanding. Yeah. I think as a society, we've lost hope in so many different aspects and because, and I wonder why it seems like humans are so set, almost really, we're hyper focused on love, right? We're just hyper focused on finding the love, finding the life partner.
00:32:42
Speaker
I think in the US, we kind of overly focus on it instead of, you know, also building your community and your friendships and finding intimacy in different ways. I'm not going to say that there's a very unique type of intimacy and love you have with a life partner or a relationship, right? Like you can't, I'm not going to say you can completely replicate that similarity with just your friends. But I think sometimes we also don't go, okay, well, how can I build connection and intimacy in my community?
00:33:08
Speaker
What I do for work? Well, you know, what I do for my passions and my hobbies. And we kind of put a lot of our worth on if my relationship worked out or not.
00:33:19
Speaker
Yes, I agree. I think, but we're fed that by societal norms. That's why I like, I love the trans community. I love, you know, people with disabilities, autism, that energy, because it's teaching us that there's different humans.
00:33:33
Speaker
I've been saying this for years. There's different humans, different types of love, different energies of love, you know polyamorous, whatever you want to do, do The thing is, try not to hurt people when you're doing it.
00:33:45
Speaker
And the other thing is, with society, I think we're hyper-focused on heterosexual love. I think we're hyper-focused on romantic love. and like you know And not looking at people as multidimensional human beings and our relationships multidimensional.
00:34:02
Speaker
like to have that we're complex people, you know? Oh, well, this is what we should do versus what we what they really want. That's why you'll see a lot of them what I like to call straight man syndrome end up with women that have 10,000 babies together that don't really love the women they're with, but they had a baby together, so they think they should stay together.
00:34:21
Speaker
That's that energy. It's a very low, not a low energy, but it's a very um antiquated. And we're in the age where things are breaking apart. So you're going to see things shift.
00:34:34
Speaker
And that's something to be very excited about. Yeah. Love can come in many forms and ways in not just the traditional ways you're thinking. And then so then, Jimmy, how do we how do we restore the hope? How do we build that hope for those who are going, I'm jaded, I'm nervous, I'm scared?
00:34:51
Speaker
and So, like I said, really focus on who they are, what they would like in a relationship, but to be hopeful that who to know thyself, to really know who they are.
00:35:02
Speaker
So when they're starting to choose people, to stand in stand a conviction of what you want. I think a lot of times we waver. We settle for less. Or we we get rigid to where we don't want to be vulnerable or flexible or understanding with other people and ourselves. We have a lot of, you know, I've talked about this before. When you have the checklist, you end up alone because they have a checklist of what they think they deserve and want.
00:35:26
Speaker
And what you deserve and want may not be what you need. you know So you want to be, like I said, really understanding with of yourself, standing conviction of what you would like and don't like.
00:35:38
Speaker
Learn what you're willing to like and not like as well, too. I don't think people go outside their boxes when you're talking about romance, when you're talking about people. I don't think they date other than themselves or they try to find a cookie cutter that looks nice on the outside.
00:35:56
Speaker
It looks good, so therefore it should be good. Oh, I want a hot woman. I want a hot guy. And I'm like, okay, well, did you ever look at who those people are? There's a lot of people, and I'm not hating on people because I have beautiful friends beautiful men and women in my life, but there's a lot of people in beautiful bodies that I wouldn't go anywhere near because they're ugly inside.
00:36:17
Speaker
And it doesn't mean they're bad people. The energy level that goes with that body type is horrible. LAUGHTER then They think they're wonderful people and they they might for certain people, but they're not really that nice.
00:36:31
Speaker
And so when you sit there and think about things, you know, it's like when I talked about face reading, you know, Maya, you and i Danny, have talked about sharper features and rounder features. I will tell people to go for a rounder featured face more than I will tell them to go for a more chiseled face.
00:36:47
Speaker
You want kindness? Round features will give you kindness. The thing is with the round features, you got to watch for overindulgence. it's It's interesting, but like I said, not hating on everybody and anybody.
00:36:59
Speaker
It's really looking at yourself, looking deeper than the physical appearance. This is a shell. It gets old. I don't care how much fucking filler you use. I don't care what you get cut off, what you get added on, what you fill up inside, your butt lift, your breast lift, your balls injected, whatever you got.
00:37:19
Speaker
It gets old. We're here to age, and this is a shell. I did not need that visual today. I know men have gotten ball implants.
00:37:31
Speaker
one yeah i know man i know men have gotten ball inlans Testicular implants. Wow. I mean, to each their own, of course, whatever makes you feel good. So you're saying um that, on that.
00:37:45
Speaker
I didn't mean to shock you. Learn yourself, know yours, get to know yourself. I mean, Danny, do you feel like you know yourself? I mean, is it a lifelong thing? How do we do? It's a lifelong thing.
00:37:58
Speaker
It is a lifelong thing because even with the partner, that's how you navigate your relationship. And that's also, Two, to go back to what you were saying about residual energy and breaking up real quick, so to circle back to that for a minute.
00:38:13
Speaker
When you no longer can work with your partner and you know at the core of you, it's just not getting better and it becomes a negative karmic pattern, a toxic pattern where it goes really dark and you're at each other, that's time to leave because you're at the stage in that relationship, whether it's a friend, family member, I'm all about cutting family members off.
00:38:35
Speaker
whether it's a friend, family member, or romantic relationship, it's and it's no longer growing and it's become toxic. It's time to walk away because we're just not we're not seeing eye to eye, but it's beyond that.
00:38:49
Speaker
it's We're no longer able to work together and find the compromise. So it might be time to either step away, either for temporarily or permanently. Yeah, and we did do an episode on toxic patterns. So if that's a topic that interests people listening, I do highly recommend to listen to that.
00:39:06
Speaker
and Yeah. So basically, Danny, it always comes back to the responsibility is on us.
00:39:16
Speaker
It is. It is. Responsibility is on you. but um But yeah, the thing is, like I said, really stay learn yourself and navigate yourself and know that that's going to change. That's another thing, too, to add when you were talking about hope.
00:39:29
Speaker
Your likes and dislikes, your taste are going to evolve because we're all here to grow and evolve. So you want to pay attention to that when you're changing. That's why sometimes you'll see divorce and people get different types of partners that they never had.
00:39:45
Speaker
It's because you're changing and evolving. I think that's one thing to to add here, that we tend to forget that we're always evolving, growing and changing. And maybe this goes back to what you were saying about being in alignment with yourself, but being understanding that part of yourself when you need growth and change.
00:40:05
Speaker
And that you're not evolving. You know, a lot of times we'll wallow. You were asked about wallowing. We'll fall into that because we're not accepting that we're ah changing and we're growing.
00:40:15
Speaker
Interesting. I mean, I think this is... as always on the topic of love has gotten deep and layered. And i hope that people listening, no matter what experiences, whether it's currently or in the past or something they'll experience in the future to take it moving forward.
00:40:32
Speaker
Dani, as we kind of wind up, do you have any other questions or insights that you want to ask
00:40:39
Speaker
Hmm.
00:40:40
Speaker
I don't think so. I think that Jimmy did an amazing job of really, really breaking this down for us. But I still will be showering with like head and shoulders.
00:40:51
Speaker
Get thelima the off. Salt. Salt will protect you from slime. That's old school. yeah You can hydrate your hair. but Focus, focus.
00:41:02
Speaker
You were saying you all have to come to Hawaii and jump in the salty ocean. i love Hawaii water. Oh my God, I miss it. We have salt in Jersey. ah joseph buddhist Our ocean is brown.
00:41:16
Speaker
not We don't even go in it jersey Jersey water gives you more slime, apparently. And you two guys.
00:41:28
Speaker
Well, you know what? On that... super important. no umm not Very nice note, Jimmy and spirit, any last insights you have on this topic on the different angles we've talked about?
00:41:43
Speaker
Don't be afraid to elevate. Don't be afraid to upgrade your life and know that if anybody is leaving your life, it's for an upgrade or a challenge of oneself.
00:41:54
Speaker
We tend to forget that when spirit removes people, the universe removes people, or we let go of somebody, it's because we're growing and evolving. So it's an upgrade. Get excited about that.
00:42:05
Speaker
I don't think people are aware of how they grow. I really don't think we see how we evolve. You know, like I can't imagine. i don't think I'm getting anywhere with my legs and learning how to walk again, but I can't imagine myself four years ago when this happened.
00:42:20
Speaker
So it's like we don't see... the growth, even though it might be in small increments at times and trust that there's divine timing behind everything. But like I said, that if you're moving on or letting go of people, it's an upgrade and you're ready to challenge yourself. And that's the universe getting you ready for that and helping you.
00:42:38
Speaker
They're assisting us. Ask for assistance. Ask for your signs and your messages.
Conclusion & Listener Engagement
00:42:43
Speaker
The thing is, remember, it's not like a lightning bolt. Gone are the days where we had a vision of the blessed mother in the sky, you know, but it's, um,
00:42:52
Speaker
It's trusting your intuition and your heart to carry you through. that. All right. Well, I hope people listening got a little bit of peace and hope from the insights that Jimmy and Spirit shared.
00:43:06
Speaker
So as always, thank you so much to Danny, to Jimmy, of course, to Spirit and for everyone listening. And we'll see you all for the next episode. Bye, everyone. Thank you so much.
00:43:18
Speaker
It's been a pleasure tonight.
00:43:22
Speaker
All right, everybody. Thank you so much for joining us on today's episode of Spiritually Desperate. If you would like to hear more, please subscribe to the show and feel free to leave us a comment. We would all love to hear your thoughts.
00:43:34
Speaker
Have a great day and see you on the next one.