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S2E2: Toxic Relationships & Toxic Patterns
33 Plays11 months ago
In today's episode, we dive into all things toxic patterns and relationships. From how to become aware of toxic patterns to how to move on from a toxic relationship, join us as we dive into this complex topic of love.
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Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to Spiritually Desperate, a podcast dedicated to easing our existential anxieties and helping us uncover the wisdom that lies within. Join spiritual enthusiasts Dani and Maya as we pose life's biggest questions to psychic medium Jimmy Bay.
00:00:15
Speaker
We are so grateful to have you here with us. Let's dive in.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hi everyone. Welcome to another episode of Spiritually Desperate. Tonight we are going to be talking about all things toxic relationships and toxic patterns.
00:00:35
Speaker
We also have our guest Stephen back on to help share any helpful tips. um But welcome and I will just give it right to Maya to take it away.
00:00:47
Speaker
Maya, how you doing? I'm good. I'm good. i think this is going to be a very interesting topic. I think everyone could see us on videos. We're all just kind of smiling and going, all right, where is this gonna go? Jimmy, how are you doing? Steven? How you doing?
00:01:01
Speaker
Amazing. I'm excited. I'm pretty excited too. This is a fun topic. It's fun because you see a lot of people are involved in these relationships and get involved in these patterns and really think it's like serious, serious love.
00:01:15
Speaker
It's like almost a hypnotic type of energy. So i'm and I'm curious to dive deep into it. I dive deep into it basically daily sometimes. But like I said, I think it'll be good for everyone to learn some things.
00:01:28
Speaker
yeah Yeah, I'm sure you see it come up as like a common theme in your reading. So let's kind of start with the basics of because you know me, I like the definition. So from a spiritual perspective, what constitutes a toxic pattern?
00:01:40
Speaker
A toxic pattern would be... something that's a very primal and base level of lustful kind of love, a sex oriented kind of love story where you keep going back abuse and trying to please people, please trying to hold onto things.
00:01:56
Speaker
um It's very base level. It's at the core of you. And sometimes it gets where it's like that breathless notion. And I always say that which takes our breath away kills us. You know, so real true, pure love is more so ah flow. It's an easy flow.
00:02:13
Speaker
It's kind of um a natural flow. You naturally want to be together. But like a toxin pattern is basically when you keep going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and getting nowhere. Now, there are some there are some relationship contracts where you are working things out with your partner.
00:02:31
Speaker
But for the most part, when it's down and dirty and you're just mean and or stagnant to the point where it's not moving and you're just using each other for sex and abusing each other and it's just not healing, you know, um or moving forward.
00:02:49
Speaker
And at a higher vibration ah progressing forward in the direction that both people want to go, that's where I would say it's a toxic pattern. becomes a negative karmic pattern. So what happens is because it's on a primal or base level, it starts going back and forth and back and forth instead of going forward.
00:03:06
Speaker
And it's just, it becomes petty, very much tit for tat, you know, very much ego driven.
00:03:14
Speaker
So it sounds like the toxic pattern and the toxic relationship feels more exhausting and more extreme on the emotions that you feel. And then like a healthy relationship or healthy patterns just might feel more, more calm and easygoing.
00:03:28
Speaker
Exactly. When you get in toxic relationships, you feel exhausted when you leave the person, if you're dating them and you're, You're not sharing space. You feel tired. You feel anxious. um It's an unsettling energy.
00:03:40
Speaker
When people truly love each other, and not that they don't have bumps in the road, arguments or disagreements, it's still healing or they're able to find that common ground and that compromise.
00:03:51
Speaker
I'm exhausted already. I'm just kidding.
00:03:57
Speaker
Steven, I see your head turning over there. There's a lot of thoughts going on in your mind. Yeah, he's smiling. There are because i I know that I have – here's my issue is I know that I have many examples.
00:04:11
Speaker
But since I'm in a non-toxic relationship now, I can't really remember what the fuck they were.
00:04:18
Speaker
Well, what's different with this relationship versus before and how you're feeling and you're showing up? how you're showing up So the first thing is what literally what Jimmy had just said. There's zero tension.
00:04:32
Speaker
It's calming. I'm the jealous type and I'm not one bit insecure or jealous. It's just extremely comfortable. And the conversation just flows where almost immediately we were open and comfortable enough to be open and vulnerable to talk about whatever was bothering us or whatever's on our mind.
00:04:53
Speaker
never felt judged. Conversely, and previous ones, like everybody's holding tight lip because they don't want to offend or insult or be rejected.
00:05:05
Speaker
And it caused resentment. I know within them ah and myself too, because you're not speaking.
00:05:11
Speaker
Right. He's right about that. What happens is the ego gets in the way or our fears and anxieties come up. So you start, you start a pattern because usually when things come up to make us uncomfortable, it's to dress them and clear the air.
00:05:23
Speaker
And a lot of times what you'll find and toxic relationships or the pattern, you know, you want partners to trigger things in you you want because it's helping us heal and grow. Right. But a lot of times it becomes very control oriented or a power struggle.
00:05:39
Speaker
There's an underlying power struggle. And like you were saying about being comfortable that with, love when it's somebody that's trying to love you or at least trying to meet you at that level, there's going to be an ease of where you can relax, where you can get to know each other and let that unveil naturally.
00:05:56
Speaker
You know, some people it moves quicker than others. Some people not so much, but there should be an open respect for each other. And one thing i always try to tell people is that you have, um we have lives before we meet people and we've done things before we've met people. Not, and there's none of us that are innocent or haven't done things.
00:06:15
Speaker
So you have to remember that. But what happens is you get people that, Oh, I don't like that. I don't like this. And usually like Steven was saying about the instant trust. If you're from the door, I always say that's from the gate, not trusting somebody don't date them.
00:06:31
Speaker
That's your inkling, your red flag, whatever you want to call it. There's something about that. Or if it's, if you can sit back from it for a minute and process it after you meet them and maybe you don't trust them right away.
00:06:43
Speaker
Really think if that's something you're working on or if it's something about the person that you just don't like.
00:06:49
Speaker
Yeah, I think what's hard maybe sometimes is how to identify between what are just relationship struggles that you feel like you're growing from or and needing to just move through to grow as a couple versus kind of that push pull you were telling about where it's just repeating patterns.
00:07:05
Speaker
does' um I think sometimes people have a hard time distinguishing, oh, is this just us trying to work through and grow through this push pull? Or is it a toxic pattern. I think it's probably hard when you're in it to distinguish, like what can kind of people, like, do they listen to their body and their nervous system? Is it about feeling safe or not? Like what can people start to pay attention to as potential flags to go, Hey, is this healthy for me or not?
00:07:31
Speaker
Where the, uh, where you don't have a breakdown to the ego and you really don't start to try and understand each other, or find the compromise or the common ground or respect that like you're just different people.
00:07:42
Speaker
you know And it is exactly what you're saying, Amaya. You've got to pay attention to your body. I've been in bad relationships where my body has been talking left and right. um yeah It's your body, it's your heart, it's your mind.
00:07:56
Speaker
But the thing is, the most important thing is to know yourself and know your insecurities and be aware that somebody is going to activate them or bring them to light when you're dating. and theyre And like I said, though, where it doesn't get competitive and it does and it really gets heard and really seen and just at least respected, even if they don't understand it or or even if they're having a hard time trying to navigate it.
00:08:24
Speaker
It's like I said, Your own inner struggle, you're going to know because it's something that's a pattern where you're, it's a pattern you've already repeated. It's what feels safe for you. That's why you repeat the pattern.
00:08:36
Speaker
So you'll know those areas already. When it gets into a toxic relationship, it's people throwing things in your face. ah People keep bringing it up. you know, or it triggers the lack of trust in them, jealousy in them, envy in them. And there's all kinds of them toxic patterns, right? It's not just one like, oh, well, they might cheat, they might not cheat, but it's all these other things. You know, I've dated people that are jealous um of my money and my time.
00:09:03
Speaker
And I'm by no means wealthy, but they're jealous of little things. You know, your my time is with a lot of people. Oh, well, you'll have time for them, but you won't have time for me. And instead of acknowledging that that's something for them, it goes back and forth where they attack.
00:09:17
Speaker
That's the difference. It's an attack that comes after you're vulnerable, you know that triggers the back and forth. Dani, you had a question or comment? I did. So it's a little bit of a different direction. But so let's say you listen to your body and you cut ties or they cut ties you know because you couldn't do it, for example.
00:09:39
Speaker
The spirit kind of go, oh, that was the midterm. And they give you another kind of toxic relationship for the final exam. Is that kind of what happens? you learned your lesson that first time, you know, like then they'll send you a nice relationship. That could go a little bit either way.
00:09:59
Speaker
But if you're if you're changing the pattern and you're cutting the ties and knowing that it's not where not going to work for you and it's not healthy for you, they move you forward regardless.
00:10:10
Speaker
The thing is what happens is Danny, you start to notice that type of energy again. So you'll know not to repeat it. Or if it starts with you, cause people, we don't know people right away, right? The the mask falls and then you see who they are Then you'll know like, I gotta to get out of this. This isn't healthy for me. This is what I want.
00:10:29
Speaker
It's where they say the repeat lesson, like you're saying is more so when you haven't learned the lesson, when you're still repeating the pattern, Or i don't even want to say that because you don't approach everything at one time, but the same way each time I mean.
00:10:45
Speaker
But like I said, or like I said, you're not aware of it. You're not aware that it was a pattern for you. You're not aware of what you're drawn to because we are human. We tend to take away our humanness when we talk to spirituality and that drives me in insane.
00:11:00
Speaker
Like we're on the planet learning and growing growing and going. But like I said, it's really, if you're not aware of it, that's where you'll tend to repeat or they'll send another lesson that's similar. But you will handle it differently because you've had a prior lesson like that.
00:11:15
Speaker
and But like I said, once you've learned the lesson, you'll be able to read it like the back of your hand. And I'll be like, I got to get out of this. And it's it's not necessarily that they send you a good relationship, but you start to move forward towards a more positive relationship.
00:11:30
Speaker
and get clarity on what you're willing to work with, what you're willing in to tolerate, what you're willing to accept, and where you're willing to grow. I think too, with toxic patterns, because let's be real, we all can show up in toxic ways.
00:11:43
Speaker
And i think before, you know, people might ask you, you know, what's your red flag or what's your toxic trait? And don't know if it's necessarily a fair question, because I feel like depending on who you're with, different sides can come out, right? Because different people might trigger you differently. Compatibility can be different.
00:11:59
Speaker
yeah. I feel, is it the awareness that we just have to hold in each like relationship or connection that we come to going, okay, what insecurities are getting triggered in me? How am I moving through and how am I showing up through that? Because we're we're all going to have different ways that we can express and we can express it maybe in a toxic way or maybe in a healthy way. Does that question make sense?
00:12:19
Speaker
It makes total sense. And awareness is a great word because you want to be aware of yourself in a relationship, in every relationship, whether it's a friendship, family, whether it's work, work business, anything like that, you want to be aware of yourself, you know, and, but it's, it's being aware and being aware of how you can present yourself. And even if you change that on a minute level, Maya, it will really change what you start to attract.
00:12:44
Speaker
You're getting it sometimes in pieces, not always in lump sums. So, you know, that's a spiritual myth. People think that you get your lessons back to back and you get them right away and you get everything about the lesson.
00:12:55
Speaker
It's about a progression. And sometimes certain relationships will work on one area along with an old area that maybe you didn't do so well in, you know, so they kind of blend things.
00:13:07
Speaker
Yeah. Well, maybe maybe that cut that's kind of nice to hear for some people who might be going, I can't believe I repeated a pattern again, and they're feeling down on yourself, but you're saying, but look at the different things that you've like learned from those, even if it was a quote unquote repeated pattern, like you're taking bits and pieces and learning,
00:13:25
Speaker
And integrating that. So I think people can maybe feel a little bit less hard on themselves when maybe they do back to back have a date, a certain kind of person. Yes. And the biggest thing is to be really kind of compassionate with yourself, right?
00:13:39
Speaker
You would hold that compassion for somebody else, but we're all kind of growing and learning and error rate and pace. And I think a lot of times when you're repeating patterns and you, and you feel like you didn't get it. right. You feel like you really, you, you bombed the whole test exam, whatever you want to call it.
00:13:54
Speaker
It's having that compassion that you're still at it, that at least you had the opportunity.
00:14:00
Speaker
All right. So plot twist. us Here's a question. You have... Classic. So, spirit, let's say you have two people. They're aware that they're in a toxic relationship. They're repeating these patterns, but they are two stubborn people individuals.
00:14:18
Speaker
And they don't leave. They don't leave each other. They stay in this toxic relationship and pattern. What happens then? spirit intervene? Do you still learn lessons in a different way? Will they force the relationship to end?
00:14:34
Speaker
There's a couple of things. like It depends depends on the individual yeah and what they're meant to, how they're tied to somebody and what they're trying to learn with them. But usually, and me go here.
00:14:45
Speaker
free will. So it has to play itself out because it's free will, because now you're so ingrained in it. And the reason they're staying is because now it's a primal level, meaning ego driven, sex driven. It's very primal, like the basic needs, you know, do you ever have, Oh, I don't know why I stay with them, but the sex is really good. Or I don't know why i stay with her, but she, you know, she blows my doors off every night, whatever. It's that type of energy.
00:15:10
Speaker
But what spirit does is they will, They will keep the relationship going because it's your free will and your choice. And the thing is when you've been, if you've gotten red or if you know better, it's when you know better that that you'll so usually see couples like that that'll stay.
00:15:28
Speaker
One of them or both of them know better for themselves. I find it very interesting because usually in and that type of dynamic, Danny, people just don't like to hear their truth.
00:15:42
Speaker
So, but a lot of people, when I read them, when I get clients in front of me, they know better. They know the guy is a scumbag. They know they're cheating on him. They know that, you know, the girl's an alcoholic.
00:15:54
Speaker
They know that they're dating a narcissist. It's just, they don't want to see it. And that's where spirit can't intervene. Sometimes though, like I've said before, they throw you a bone, a little catalyst, something that's catalytic. Sometimes,
00:16:09
Speaker
When you're at the end of the rope and they're like, okay, we really need to move this the fuck along. and We got to get the fuck out of here. we got to you know We got to pull them out because you're not going to leave a good soul that's saturated in shit the whole time.
00:16:21
Speaker
It doesn't work like that. However, some people, yes, because they're they're both in it and they're both wanting to stay. That goes back to what I say when it says 90% intention, 10% work.
00:16:33
Speaker
If their intention is to stay together, they got it, baby. You ride it all the way out. But if you're trying to find a way out of things, sometimes it will throw you bone, somebody or something that's catalytic to bring change into your life, to make you move forward.
00:16:47
Speaker
You'll see this with women that get pregnant. unexpected pregnancies, because then that baby becomes part of their life. So they start to put that child in front of them to move them forward. You'll see it sometimes in affairs.
00:16:59
Speaker
That's why ah tell people, try not to judge affairs on things, you know, because we don't know, we don't know the reason to be behind things. So, and it's all free will and how you're learning and growing.
00:17:11
Speaker
um Sometimes it's a job change. It's things like that. Health, your health will be, your health will be, um your health will decrease, you'll have an illness or something come on you to make you aware.
00:17:24
Speaker
It's about the awareness that comes through that relationship or to move you forward. And you'll see those kinds of things even in your own personal growth and on your own personal path as well.
00:17:35
Speaker
So they can't just like throw nice bone. They can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can. i They can. That's what Danny got first on. Like a nice friend put you in. Now it's illness.
00:17:47
Speaker
No, no, no, no, no. Wait. No, no, no, no. you're reading too much. You went down. You went down. You went toxic. Tony, you went toxic.
00:18:00
Speaker
Yes, your vibrational level went right down. but um No, they can throw you good people. You'll see people. That's where sometimes you'll see people that have affairs and relationships and end up married to the person.
00:18:15
Speaker
You know, they do throw people in to move you out because what happens is in that case, that person then becomes a brighter light, which pulls them to you. Remember, we attract the light that we are, the vibration, or we go after higher vibration.
00:18:29
Speaker
That's why you're getting involved in the toxic bullshit relationships from the get-go because darkness is drawn to light and light is drawn to darkness. It's a yin and yang kind of thing. But what happens is once you raise your vibration,
00:18:43
Speaker
If there's somebody that's at your vibrational energy level or brighter than you, you're going to go towards that.
00:18:50
Speaker
Is there then a spectrum of toxicity, right? Where... you know, if you're truly, ah i don't know how to phrase this question. Do truly toxic people, if that exists, are they the types of people that are just, they cannot be aware of their own toxicity and they live in kind of a delusional reality? Like that's a scary thing to come across, right? Yes, to a degree, but also, let me go here. This is the nice ah explanation for this. If I could talk today, let me start it.
00:19:21
Speaker
Yes, there's truth to that. That's usually the soul's evolution. The universe expects more when you have higher wisdom, when you're not wise. And it's look at wisdom, too, as a spectrum of areas, not so much that it's spiritual wisdom.
00:19:38
Speaker
and As a spectrum, ah you know you might be wise in mathematics, but not great in grammar. It's that kind of thing. So look at it as a spectrum of different areas.
00:19:49
Speaker
um Usually... I don't want want to say delusional, but it's not the most evolved soul. So they don't get the message right away. They're not at that stage. They're learning at their own rate. They're learning at their own pace.
00:20:03
Speaker
Some souls, if you get into old souls and new souls, and you know, that's a topic that's crazy for me. um But it's the evolution of the soul and the wisdom that goes with the soul. So what you're saying, Maya, has truth to it, that they stay together or they stay in that relationship because they really, truly don't know better.
00:20:20
Speaker
So part of the dynamic, and this goes back to what Danny was asking, they can stay in things because that's the level that they're at. I would try to say like, we don't all stay in kindergarten forever, but some people do stay in kindergarten forever.
00:20:35
Speaker
So you want to look at the person a 3D way in a dimensional way, but usually with those relationships, it's not necessarily delusion, but that's the level that vibrational energy is at.
00:20:47
Speaker
That's why you'll see people that do stay in that arena when they stay together. And again, it goes down to choice. Does darkness ever date darkness?
00:20:59
Speaker
Oh, absolutely.
00:21:02
Speaker
Absolutely. That's where you get the codependency of, addictions and all kinds of stuff. You get all that lower level energy, you know, and you know, that's darker primal energy. So you're going to find people that are drawn to that.
00:21:17
Speaker
So, because they're at your level, that goes back to what we were saying there at that soul level, you know, it's, you will find, and you will see people climb out of that too, because sometimes usually when we're young, we walk on broken ground with broken people.
00:21:32
Speaker
But as we start to get our wisdom about us, it's like, oh, I can't stay here. I got to get away from that. I got to make a better choice for myself. But there are people that stay there because addictions are for real.
00:21:44
Speaker
You know, choices are for real. Those are lower level, primal, ego driven, very basic, raw energies. And like attracts like.
00:21:56
Speaker
So we're going to attract who we are.
00:21:59
Speaker
I think I find too, ah a common thing I've seen not only in my past, but also in like friends past is where sometimes the hardest, quote unquote, toxic relationship to leave is when one person is, they don't take responsibility, they're not aware. And then the other person is always defaulting to like, what am I doing wrong? What's going on? How can I do better? I think like that's a hard push pull, right? Because the one that's always blaming the other person or having them take responsibility doesn't take their own responsibility. But the one that's going, I'm questioning myself, how can I grow? How can I be better? Is taking that in and going, you're right. Like i need to
00:22:37
Speaker
I need to do do better. So in that dynamic then, it's it's because it's probably not about you growing and becoming aware or would that person that's growing and become aware finally just go, oh like I maybe also deserve someone that also wants to be aware and grow at my level or not at my level yeah because that sounds comparative, but more like i if I'm going to take the effort to grow and be aware of my shortcomings and how I can grow, i also deserve someone that will also put that effort in.
00:23:07
Speaker
I would say be mindful of the time you're spending invested in that. If it's going for a period of time where there's not a lot of soul growth, because what happens with that is people that are not accountable, a lot of times there's not a lot of soul depth or growth with it.
00:23:26
Speaker
So you want to be mindful of that. And that's where you want to ask yourself, am I outgrowing them? Cause usually that means you're outgrowing them or you've outgrown them. Like am i am I growing here? How am I growing as a person?
00:23:39
Speaker
And you have to turn it inward. To your other about people coming together and they deserve better. Rule of thumb in any relationship equal to you or higher.
00:23:52
Speaker
You want to strive even friendships, family, everything. Somebody that meets you with this level at your own level or raises the higher raises the bar higher for you to attain to because you want to evolve.
00:24:07
Speaker
And sometimes when we meet people and relationships and mo you'll see this with a lot of our friendships is we tend to, um we attract who we are.
00:24:18
Speaker
So they're really meeting us at our level. So that's why they stay in our lives. But the minute that they ascend, or we ascend, we want to go higher. it's how you grow together. So you're building and growing higher. But like I said, somebody that's at a higher vibration than you is somebody that's really trying to pull you up.
00:24:34
Speaker
And you will see that dynamic in some toxic relationships because they're trying to be the light. Remember, like if you've got somebody that's really toxic and really primal, you're going to be that light at times.
00:24:46
Speaker
So it's all we're all here to help walk each other home, so to speak. But the thing is, You can't stay where people aren't trying to grow and evolve and change. ah Did that answer your question?
00:24:57
Speaker
Did that give you some clarity? Yeah. No, it about did. Thank you. Steven, there's no way you're staying quiet in this right now.
00:25:07
Speaker
Steven's like, I'm just really happy now, so I'm okay.
00:25:11
Speaker
He's so late. That's a Leo. ah I'm happy. What do you mean? There was a bad time before all that? No. Okay, okay, okay, okay. So if we go back to what Danny had said a little bit ago about identifying those things, I think we talked about last season where I felt I was doing pretty good because I saw those types of people that I was interacting with and it took, you know, that the relationship, whatever that that connection was, you know, maybe a month.
00:25:39
Speaker
But the next time it was the immediate thing, it was like two weeks. And then the third time was only like a week. It was the exact same pattern. Same toxicity, same over, but I was just identifying it sooner and going through it.
00:25:53
Speaker
But with that is the second part of what you guys talked about was re-evaluating what I wanted and how I responded, what I was looking for, in addition to was I actually living how I said I was.
00:26:10
Speaker
that make sense? That makes total sense. And that's what you want to pay attention to. How am I growing? Because sometimes when you, when you recognize those patterns, that means you're growing because now you have that awareness, right?
00:26:22
Speaker
So what do I want to do with this? Do I still want date the same, the same type of girl or do i need more for myself? Do I want more for myself? Do I want to respond the same way? most likely you don't because you don't, you start not to feed it and you realize that, um,
00:26:41
Speaker
your soul's maturing. That's why you're starting to see it. So it's your soul maturity starting to kick in and be like, oh, not only do I deserve more, but my soul craves more.
00:26:52
Speaker
I crave more knowledge for somebody that, like I said, that really gives more of themselves to me that can share and go deep with me. You know, you're very deep. So it's like trying to find that level.
00:27:03
Speaker
But yes, you're going to have those. And it's just like you said, I've been through that too, where I've dated I'm like, no, no, no. Oh. It's a different, like, oh, this is different. It's nice. It's comfortable.
00:27:15
Speaker
Yeah. and It took a little bit of time, but then the the people I was interacting with were on a higher level, however you want to say, were of a higher caliber. But the amount of the negative or toxic people significantly reduced.
00:27:29
Speaker
Not they went away, because I think the universe still every now and then pokes and prods. Oh, they totally do. they tend They got to make sure you stay in line. Yeah.
00:27:39
Speaker
That's why you get Xs that come back around during retrogrades and all kinds of fun shit. like It's like they got to make sure you're staying in line. Right now, by the way, we're in a Venus retrograde. Do not text that X. Do not answer that X text.
00:27:52
Speaker
Do not do it. Go ahead. can say we just talked about this the other day because that situation happened and I responded differently and it was instant.
00:28:02
Speaker
Moving on. Not even a second thought about it.
00:28:06
Speaker
Yeah, you just learned, it you learn to cut it off, you learn to cut it loose. what What are your insights or advice for people? Because we talked in the beginning how toxic relationships and repeating patterns on that push pull can be so exhausting and mentally draining. And I feel you question ah your own reality, you question your own worth, etc.
00:28:25
Speaker
how to How should people, let's say, okay, i they left it. They left the toxic relationship. How do we then start to rebuild that energy and that self-worth and that trust again? Like what's that look like for people?
00:28:40
Speaker
You want to, I've said this before, you want to give people chance, but you more so want to work on yourself. You know, you really want to work on yourself and look at, reflect on how you've grown and lu literally set new parameters for yourself, you know, of what you're willing to tolerate, what you're willing to accept and what you're willing to work with.
00:29:00
Speaker
But you want to give everybody a chance still, right? Because we don't know who we're meeting and why we're meeting them and what's going on. And, you know, but like I said, more so to heal that and get through it is to be there for yourself, to be compassionate for yourself.
00:29:14
Speaker
You know, I don't care if it takes you 20 years to leave somebody that's toxic. You still left them. You know, you still left them. It's like you made the choice to move forward. And that's what's important.
00:29:25
Speaker
You know, it's not about like, you know, to judge yourself in that. Try not to judge yourself. but The hardest thing with human beings too. And when they are spiritually woke in a way or whatever term you want to use, they really hyper critique themselves on their own lessons when they are open to things.
00:29:43
Speaker
You want to not do that because we're not here to know everything and we're a work in progress always.
00:29:51
Speaker
So even if you left the relationship going, whoa, I was the toxic one, then it's about how can you stop the pattern and grow as well? so Yes. Even with that, you can stop the pattern. It's more so, again, being aware, but also learning that spirit's going to eventually, this kind goes back to a little bit what Danny was saying, through time, spirit is eventually going to present somebody that's going to give you the opportunity to grow and change.
00:30:19
Speaker
They're going to, and, and y'all know it's time. However, however, when you get in those very lower levels, like we were talking about, that's where I'm like, I don't know.
00:30:30
Speaker
Sometimes you're meant to be with who you're meant to be with. Cause this is what you're working on. But, but like I said, if you're aware of things and you, and you get out of it and you break it and you realize you have some toxic patterns to work through time, healing, and allowing people to come into your life that you're not,
00:30:50
Speaker
You're not trauma responding to. That you're not just going at them 100% like with your triggers, which I don't like that word whatsoever, or sliming them.
00:31:01
Speaker
You want to be mindful not to slime everybody and really take some take some moments to reflect and go inward and think about who of you are as you're getting to know people. The biggest thing is that people meet people and they think they're the be all end all or that they have to be better than what they are to be with a someone.
00:31:18
Speaker
and And to really meet them at that level. No. And Steven, you might have been experienceing experiencing this lately where people kind of just meet you. It's not about what you got to be.
00:31:29
Speaker
It's not about where they are and you attaining that. As it is, you kind of start off at the same, in the same energy, in the same place. Danny? Correct me if I'm wrong, but do you think that, let's say you get out of a toxic relationship and you're like, I just don't want to date um right now.
00:31:48
Speaker
Throughout that healing, do you think spirit kind of gives you not just dating, but different experiences, um health, work, career, anything that kind of allows you to evolve as a person? yeah.
00:32:02
Speaker
When you do decide to date or you're, you know, kind of in communication with someone that's toxic, you're just like, no, I don't want that energy anymore. Like I went through all shit in a different way. I'm not that same person. I don't have that. Like, I don't have that.
00:32:17
Speaker
I have self-worth now. like Exactly. Because, yes, because they'll push you they'll push you forward in other aspects of your life to help you mature. okay said to help you grow and mature.
00:32:29
Speaker
and you will get in those modes where you don't want to date and you don't want this and you know and you start to really know yourself. The key to dating and key to loving someone is really knowing who you are and being aware of how you're evolving as a person when you're involved with someone else and how you affect each other, to be mindful of how you affect each other.
00:32:48
Speaker
You know, I tell a lot of couples when they're dating and a lot of my clients when they're dating people they're uncertain about to really like... How do they light you up? What are they activating within you? But more so, is this something you need?
00:33:02
Speaker
Is this somebody that's really giving you what you need? And not that it needs to be your way or the highway, but are they really trying as a person to meet you and nurture you? How are they nurturing you?
00:33:15
Speaker
That was really well said.
00:33:17
Speaker
I'm not sure if it's a question or how... ah that It's a topic, I know. So how do you what do you deal with the people that are drawn to the drama? like that that Because that's adrenaline, that's excitement, and that's the ups and downs.
00:33:36
Speaker
What do I think about those people? Or what do I what do i gather from those people? Well, don't even know what the real question in there is. It's why are people drawn to that drama?
00:33:48
Speaker
Yeah, like how do you deal with that? How do you deal? Wait, I have a question ah for your question.
00:33:56
Speaker
Are you asking how to navigate people to have drama if you're in a dramatic relationship? Are you asking? If we're talking about the the toxic traits, okay, what about a person that's seeking?
00:34:09
Speaker
Drama. Yeah, right, because there's a lot of emotions that come up with that. So they need that ah high, you know, the dopamine and the adrenaline. up and down. And especially when it's two people that do that, you know I mean? Well, that's the energy and the level that they're at. That's their soul maturity. They're not mature people.
00:34:26
Speaker
They're not mature. They're not trying to mature, but they are maturing through being involved and with each other. You know, it's that kind of vibe. They are maturing through being together. So that's why they're both entangled in that.
00:34:38
Speaker
that Does that answer what you're asking? Oh, that was just a topic I was bringing up. I don't remember. Oh. I'm not in that. No, I know what you mean. It's like, what do you do with people that just are fueled by drama?
00:34:52
Speaker
Well, that's an immaturity and that's a soul energy. And if you got two people that are stuck in that drama, that's where they are. And that's why both people are that way because we attract people who reflect us, right? Who I would say there's a little bit of you and somebody, whoever you're dating, friends, family, everything.
00:35:11
Speaker
If there's a little piece of you in there. So if there's a piece of you and them, That's what you want to be aware of too. If you got somebody, that if you're sneaky and conniving, you're going to attract somebody sneaking and conniving.
00:35:22
Speaker
If you're dramatic, you're going to attract somebody dramatic. I know a lot of, some of my friends have those relationships. I know a lot of people that have those relationships and it's the soul growth of, of the P of those, the people involved.
00:35:39
Speaker
And, but how do you hand, are you asking how to break it or how to be, or why that is?
00:35:46
Speaker
What can the individual do if they notice that they're but that's the type of relationship that they're in? They could just cut it all cut it loose. It's true. Cut it loose. But also be aware of... Oh, this is interesting.
00:36:00
Speaker
Be aware that their their needs aren't being met. So you're going to have a dramatic outburst because your needs are not being met. And that's at an immaturity on a soul level.
00:36:12
Speaker
And to be mindful that this is somebody that's not on your level. And this is why it keeps saying, staying in a place of drama or immaturity or pettiness.
00:36:21
Speaker
Jimmy, does spirit have anything they want to say about this topic?
00:36:29
Speaker
Do they just have anything that they're just hitting you with? Well, they just hit me with that. literally That's why I said this is interesting. I was like, my mind was going.
00:36:42
Speaker
Do they have anything that they, any advice, like anything that they want everyone to know? to really stay mindful in your relationships, to be really aware of who you are in your relationships, your flaws and all your humanity and all that, you know, that you've got to give a little bit and take a little bit and learn a little bit of the compromise or what I talk about the symbiotic flow in each other, how the energy flows in and out that you're not all going to be at the same place in the same space at all times, because we have not only individually, but together to be very much a
00:37:17
Speaker
very much mindful in your relationships and of the karma you ensue and the karma you inflict upon other people. Now this goes back to what Maya was saying about, oh, some people feel guilty. Some people take on all that responsibility.
00:37:34
Speaker
As long as you're honest, as long as you're upfront from the door, from the gate, it's the other person's responsibility karmically. You do want to be mindful to have some type of tact on some level and try to be kind when you're expressing yourself.
00:37:53
Speaker
But that doesn't always happen because we are human and we have human emotions. But you as you're honest and straightforward. The karma is the other person's responsibility.
00:38:05
Speaker
The other thing is you do have to be mindful when you make a commitment to be committed to someone that what you do affects the other person.
00:38:14
Speaker
So what you say, think, what you do, what you build together, what you build alone affects other person. You'll see this a lot in younger relationships where somebody will be, the guys will go out they'll the clubs and the strip bars and everything. And the the woman's home with their baby.
00:38:30
Speaker
You know, it's that kind of energy. you want to be so You want to be mindful that what you do affects other people. And once you start to understand that aspect, that helps propel you forward to start picking better partners and really understand who you are.
00:38:46
Speaker
Once you become consciously aware of your own karma, and karma is such a layered topic and word, and we could go back another down another spiral with that topic again too, but it's really being aware of yourself and being mindful of how you affect other people.
00:39:02
Speaker
And, oh, I love this, your intention behind everything. What is your intention? Is it to manipulate? Is it to stir anger?
00:39:13
Speaker
Is it to stir drama? Or are you being pure of heart, pure of intention? A pure of heart, pure of intention motive is a win-win. You know, you want everything to play out for the highest good of God, everything to play out so that everybody wins and we find the common ground. doesn't mean that people going to like the outcome, but it does mean that you're trying to get the highest and best outcome you can.
00:39:37
Speaker
You want to be aware ah be well aware of your intention and self-aware of who you are, how you're evolving. Yeah, the biggest thing is about your intention. What is your intention? you know what's your touch and if you become more aware of your intentions, plural, throughout the the growth of your relationship, that's how you get closer to connecting with somebody on your level, finding the life partner, finding the soulmate, really trying to meet and understand each other,
00:40:06
Speaker
And that's how you evolve naturally. Keep your intentions pure. If they can give you one word of wisdom with dating, anything, keep your intentions pure. What happens is where feelings get hurt, we want revenge.
00:40:18
Speaker
You know, if you don't want to be there, why do you have to continue on attacking each other? You could be angry and separate, but be mindful that you're just fucking angry. Like, you know, however, there are some things spirit does kind of weigh the scale on karma.
00:40:33
Speaker
ah You know, you can't do dirt on somebody so long and then get out of it scot-free, like just because you're honest. yeah You got to kind of pay some dues. But the thing is, it's it's being mindful of your intentions.
00:40:45
Speaker
It's being mindful that, you know, of your humanity and how you want to grow. You know, the whole part of soul evolution with yourself and with other people is who am I becoming? How am I growing? What am I learning?
00:40:59
Speaker
And how could I do better? If you can answer yourself those questions, you're set. What are my intentions? ah Are my intentions pure? How do I feel about this?
00:41:11
Speaker
You know, when you're at each other and you're going back in that toxicity, it's not a pure intention. Because what happens is people like to trigger other people. Then people feel like they want to get retaliation.
00:41:23
Speaker
And it just becomes a cycle or a mess. And it becomes a power struggle, you know, because when you get power struggles or ultimatums in relationships, you always lose.
00:41:33
Speaker
You will lose out because people really will stand their ground things. What do, how does spirit for, you know, again, toxicity is a spectrum. And I think we, as we've talked about, we can all show up in toxic ways and we've all had toxic patterns, but for those ones that we talked about a little bit more extreme where they're don't want to be aware, they don't really want to grow, et cetera.
00:41:58
Speaker
how do their guides try to help them grow? Will they just put opportunities or people in their path so that hopefully with free will they will choose to grow and evolve? Or like I always wonder like what, what do the guides of the people who are perpetuating this toxicity, maybe to a really intense level, how are they viewing their human?
00:42:19
Speaker
Are they just facepalming or are they just, they're trying different things? They, they try a lot of things. They will close all your doors. all your doors. People will hate you. This is where the friends leave you. You'll see this in narcissistic relationships where people get isolated and all of a sudden the friends aren't there and addictions will be there and people will leave you when you're dark.
00:42:42
Speaker
When you're low, the light can't get in. The lower you are, I've been low. ah I started out low. I've raised my vibration. But I had a moment there where... um A lot of my friends when I was in my twenties left me because I was going through a lot of growth and finding myself and finding my voice and things like that. And I was a little toxic in the sense where I was emotional because the twenties are emotional commotion, the roaring.
00:43:06
Speaker
um But like I'm saying, they'll either close doors around you or they'll keep presenting people with the same pattern until that person starts to get some growth. You can have repeat. That's why I'll say, that's why I tell people you can repeat a pattern until you start to make changes with that pattern. And you start, like Stephen was saying earlier, you start to recognize, oh, I don't need this.
00:43:29
Speaker
Oh, I know this one. I had this one before. It's not so, it can be that quick when you're ready. And as you get older, the messages come through quicker. So hopefully you're making better choices.
00:43:41
Speaker
The thing is, um sometimes they'll let you sit in your shit because you know better and you don't want to move and you kind of like playing the victim and the martyr.
00:43:52
Speaker
in all kinds of situations. and you know And you have to remember people on that level are choosing to stay on that level sometimes. They're choosing to sit in. You know people that know better.
00:44:03
Speaker
We all know people that know better should be out of relationships. But they're because they're making that choice, the conscious awareness to sit in that, they'll let you sit in it and it'll just get worse and worse and worse and worse and worse and worse and worse.
00:44:15
Speaker
It does not get better. it gets worse. you know and that's really then becomes... a more independent level of self-worth, self-value, self-respect, self-empowerment.
00:44:28
Speaker
But they don't judge. They don't judge you. What happens with us, and I'm going to go back to that, what happens to us is that's our own ego. We're all here with our, we choose our ego. I talked about this before. We bring it in.
00:44:41
Speaker
We're like, hey, we got an ego. Yeah. Can I get my back? Can I get my back? I want a different ego.
00:44:49
Speaker
I think you have a good ego. i do. I think you have a healthy ego. You're not like domineering where you're like, you know, you know, i don't even go there. Hold on. But they give me examples.
00:45:04
Speaker
But when I read it, you want to be where was I? Wait, let me start over. I lost my train of thought. Maya's ego just never took that thought. They don't judge. That's our own human ego that we bring in with us that judges ourselves.
00:45:19
Speaker
We think they're judging us. They're not a judgment. We judge ourselves here. We judge ourselves in spirit. And we really judge ourselves in spirit in our life and review and really experience life on a collective conscious level because we no longer have the ego to hide behind.
00:45:36
Speaker
Our egos are what give us protection, but they also give us selection of what we want to be aware of and our own bullshit. Our egos are your protection from your own. You think we, I know we all have an ego.
00:45:50
Speaker
That's why Danny, everybody thinks they're right about everything that they say and do. That's why Steven and I could disagree, but he'll think he's right. I think I'm right. You know, Maya and I could disagree.
00:46:02
Speaker
She'll think she's right. I think I'm right. That's our own protection, but it's also, part of the human experience. Oh, you need to know this. It's part of the human experience so that we can learn to work together and be different.
00:46:16
Speaker
Why was that directed to me? You were like, Danny. um Because you asked the question. Oh, I was like, shit. You made the comment. Danny's like, I feel personally victimized. Yeah. No, no, I wasn't trying to victimize. You would you made the comment. No, it's because you you made the comment, so they're trying to give you the clarity.
00:46:35
Speaker
oh i was like, dang. That's why i went to Jupiter back. I completely lost my train. and I was just running thoughts. but yeah I don't believe that like Sorry spirit Well whatever like i But so like if we're If like an ex walks into the room I don't believe spirit's like Oh my god don't do it girl don't do it Like I don't believe they're up there like we're not gonna judge Either way you know No it's not a judge They don't judge The thing is you're Wait you're missing the whole hot This is a whole different thing It's your free fucking will What
00:47:11
Speaker
I know. It's your free will. They can't judge your free will. You're choosing it It'll just basically lead to different outcomes. love your, wait, I love the wink. Oh my God. You're a hard cookie. It's going to be a consequence. That's where I'm like, it's the consequence that the basically, you consequence but that there's a consequence no matter what you choose. So why is it a big deal when you think the thing is, wait, I love, ah they they're talking.
00:47:38
Speaker
Hold on. You triggered them. The thing when you,
00:47:43
Speaker
the thing is when you don't feel it's right for you and you still go for it. That's still your free will. And if you feel you don't go right, don't you, if you feel it's not right, don't blame them.
00:47:56
Speaker
Cause that's what they're doing. You're like, well, the ex walked in, I shouldn't do it, but you're blaming spirit. If you did do it, or they're going to judge you either way. You're already blaming them and they have nothing to do with it.
00:48:08
Speaker
He just showed up. any are you and Are you in a toxic relationship with spirit? Is this a question? I know. No, we were better now. Well, I thought we were. Well, you're better.
00:48:19
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no judgment on you. But no, what I was saying oh my God, i can't even think of what I'm saying.
00:48:28
Speaker
wait I do love these questions because you do think and that's what I love about them. They don't judge you whatsoever. I was just kidding. I was just being sassy. I know. I know. I like your sassy. We like her sass. I love her sass.
00:48:42
Speaker
I was just giving them a hard time. Sorry. So as we kind of went down here, and basically some of the big intentions or things I'm taking away is – well, yeah actually I just said the word. it's Intention is a big reasoning or intention is a big thing to pay attention to when it comes to our actions, awareness, and then the self-compassion to help rebuild.
00:49:05
Speaker
And then but as inevitably probably everyone listening has had – been in a toxic relationship, whether they were the more toxic one or as a little bit of both, or they weren't the toxic one and going, okay, instead of going, why did I have to go through that experience? Just looking back and going, okay, well, what did I learn from that experience? How did I grow? What will I tolerate? What will I not?
00:49:26
Speaker
And how can i grow so that I can, if I do end up in a next relationship or something down the line, it would be healthier for me and feel safer, feel calmer and feel more at ease.
00:49:39
Speaker
Yes, you're right on track. You said that beautifully. Right on track. That's ah that's a good closing thought. Because they want us just to be aware and to really not judge ourselves, to really let go of judging ourselves. We really are hard on ourselves and think we should know everything. And I've been saying this a lot lately as I'm seeing it develop more and more with people, as they become spiritually aware, we really act like we're supposed to know everything.
00:50:04
Speaker
And we're not. That's why we're here. yeah You know, if you knew everything, you wouldn't be on the planet, right? But like I said, to really have that compassion, kind of humble your ego a little bit. You could do that a little bit to add to that, to really go for go reflect. you know and like you said, be very self-aware. Be aware of how you affect people. Be aware how people affect you.
00:50:27
Speaker
A lot of times with say toxic relationships is you'll get your messages right up front. if somebody like I know people that have been on first dates and come home crying and still are dating.
00:50:42
Speaker
I don't understand that. That to me is a message. That to me is a red flag. Be mindful of your messages. you know They say love is blind, and I agree with that. I see that, and they understand that. They understand that concept.
00:50:56
Speaker
But when I see it, it's it doesn't have to be done blindly. They want us to look eyes open. They want us to see. You do have to fall in love blindly. We fall in love. That's how we free fall.
00:51:08
Speaker
That's part of that. But they want us to really look at who we are and look at the people that are in our lives, whether, like I said, no matter what relationship you're in whether it's romantic, not romantic,
00:51:18
Speaker
ah family dynamics, and really be mindful of what's going on. Be clear with yourself and understand that not everybody's going to gain that clarity at the same time. You might not get that clarity right away. It takes a while.
00:51:30
Speaker
And that's your soul growing. And to be okay with the discovery and process of it. Part of that understanding or seeing the person for who they really are versus what you're imagining they are,
00:51:43
Speaker
Right. You don't want to romanticize everybody. We romanticize everybody. oh And then you get people, i don't want to say out of desperation, but because their pattern may be they romanticize every person they date.
00:51:57
Speaker
Stephen and I know this one very well. the Every person they date is like, oh the love of their life, then their story, and they're so wonderful, and they're so great, and they brought me coffee, and they brought me flowers, and everything is so cute.
00:52:08
Speaker
And you're not really seeing who they are. And it doesn't, not to discredit that, if you've got somebody that's a sugar daddy or sugar mama, take it. But aside from that, um you want to really look at that person as a whole person, but be mindful of the relationship as a whole.
00:52:25
Speaker
And you're right, Stephen, you can't go, you you want to be aware of that. You don't want to romanticize everything. You kind of want to be mindful. Those things are beautiful things. Like I said, if you got them and you got somebody like that, or There's an or in this.
00:52:40
Speaker
Maybe that's really who you are. If you're that superficial on that surface, maybe it's owning you're that superficial on that surface. If you're primal and raw and you like the dirty and the gritty, then own that that's who you are.
00:52:55
Speaker
You know, a lot of times people won't own who they are. You know, they won't own up. And that's where it goes back to what you were saying, Stephen, about at some point you get those messages. Well, sometimes those messages are, you know, this is who I am and this is what I like in the direction i want to go in.
00:53:13
Speaker
And that's the level you're at and that's the level where you're choosing to stay. So in conclusion, if you come across a sugar mama, sugar daddy taken is what I got from that entire coffee. There's going to be a lot of coffee. Okay. but oh Please. You can bring me coffee any day. It's the way to my heart.
00:53:36
Speaker
You mentioned Jimmy about free falling. Just kind of as a final thought here, free falling into love. And we've talked about that in past relationships. Uh, So then how, especially if you've been in toxic patterns or relationships, how do you trust or rebuild that trust that, that you'll come across love or grow into a love that won't end up being that way again?
00:54:02
Speaker
I mean, is that just personal responsibility and growth or we just have to also a little bit, have a little bit of blind faith in that? It's blind faith. It's, but it's believing in yourself.
00:54:14
Speaker
that you're going to grow and evolve and that you're worthy and deserving of love and deserving such a harsh word at times. Cause I feel like that's like deserving of it, you know, but um to be we be aware of the love that you are within yourself and that you're loving at the core of you and that you're pure at the core of you and to free fall into other people is to give people the opportunity and let them finesse you.
00:54:41
Speaker
Let them show you who they are and give you their graces. And that in turn will break down any damage corroded and heal that heart. That wall will drop. That vanity will drop. That ego will drop. That vulnerability will show itself.
00:54:54
Speaker
And that vulnerability will not only be respected, but it will be nurtured and nourished. Or, like I said, just accept it. It doesn't mean you have to. You have to end up with somebody that thinks the way you think, feels the way you feel, and understands you completely because a little bit of difference goes a long way in relationships because it keeps it balanced.
00:55:16
Speaker
But it's it's really just being observant, but really being aware of the love that's within you. Nurture that love within you. Allow that goodness in you to show and be mindful that you are love at the core of you. You are divine love. You are a divine spark.
00:55:34
Speaker
And you are pure at your heart. All of us are pure hearts. It's life that shifts us in different directions. And so when you fall in love, when you're free falling in love, it's giving yourself allowing yourself the opportunity to grow and to receive it, to have it reciprocated.
00:55:53
Speaker
I think that's a really beautiful message for us to end this episode on with a little bit more light and hope on, you know, arguably ah pretty heavy topic and a topic that probably comes with a lot of hurt and emotions for people. So as always, thank you so much, Jimmy, Spirit, Danny, and Steven. Nice to have you back as well.
00:56:10
Speaker
Thank you so much, everyone who's listening. I'm sure we will revisit themes of this topic in future episodes on love because we all know Jimmy loves talk about love. But thank you for all the insights. I think it ended with a lot of hope and kind of action items that we can move forward into. And yeah, we'll see you all next time for the next episode.
00:56:31
Speaker
Bye, everyone. Take care, everyone. Thank you.
00:56:38
Speaker
All right, everybody. Thank you so much for joining us on today's episode of Spiritually Desperate. If you would like to hear more, please subscribe to the show and feel free to leave us a comment. We would all love to hear your thoughts.
00:56:50
Speaker
Have a great day and see you on the next one.