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Pocahontas
11 Plays6 months ago
Disney's 1995 animated musical: Pocahontas!
Is it historically accurate? No.
Is it entertaining? Meh.
But, does it at least have great songs????? Also no. Or maybe. You decide -- we can't agree.
One thing we can all agree it has is Mel Gibson, to our complete surprise. And if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll find things you never knew you never knew.
- http://www.movielifecrisis.com <-- website
- http://www.patreon.com/movielifecrisis <-- bonus episodes + support the arts
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to the Show
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to Movie Life Crisis.
00:00:06
Speaker
Join us as we watch the best movies from 30 years ago.
Pocahontas Trailer Segment
00:00:14
Speaker
Walt Disney Pictures invites you to discover an incredible new world of adventure.
00:00:22
Speaker
Hang on, Thomas!
00:00:22
Speaker
Where there's danger every day.
00:00:26
Speaker
New thrills at every turn.
00:00:27
Speaker
He's missed!
00:00:28
Speaker
They got him!
00:00:30
Speaker
He!
00:00:31
Speaker
You idiot!
00:00:32
Speaker
And only a few have what it takes to become a hero.
00:00:35
Speaker
I'm not about to let you boys have all the fun.
00:00:37
Speaker
This summer, experience the excitement and feel the power of Pocahontas.
00:00:43
Speaker
Rated G. Starts Friday, June 23rd at a theater near you.
Character Pronunciation and Voice Discussion
00:00:48
Speaker
I forgot, uh, uh, uh, Coke, Coke, or however you say his name is.
00:00:53
Speaker
Coke.
00:00:54
Speaker
Oh, Coke.
00:00:55
Speaker
Oh, there you go.
00:00:56
Speaker
Uh, I forgot how much he sounds like ISIS when he yells and runs after Mel Gibson.
00:01:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:02
Speaker
Did you, did you feel the joy of Pocahontas when you did?
00:01:06
Speaker
I just saw, by the way, they, they timed the release of this movie with Pocahontas is 400th birthday.
Pocahontas Release Event
00:01:14
Speaker
So topical then what a dumb ass idea.
00:01:19
Speaker
Dude, they released it in Central Park to 100,000 people.
00:01:25
Speaker
Vanessa Williams is there doing Colors of the Wind.
00:01:27
Speaker
Michael Eisner's there.
00:01:28
Speaker
Rudy Giuliani's there touching kids.
00:01:30
Speaker
No, I don't know what he was doing, but he was there.
00:01:32
Speaker
Dude, I don't...
00:01:36
Speaker
I'm glad they made it, I guess.
00:01:38
Speaker
Yeah, whatever, I guess.
Cultural and Historical Commentary
00:01:40
Speaker
Dude, you know what my favorite thing about Indian people is?
00:01:43
Speaker
Is the naan bread that you get when you go eat Indian food.
00:01:46
Speaker
Because these are not Indians, these are Native Americans.
00:01:50
Speaker
That's more topical.
00:01:51
Speaker
We just passed Columbus Day.
00:01:52
Speaker
Indigenous People's Day?
00:01:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:55
Speaker
Well, I'm in Louisiana.
00:01:58
Speaker
Say Columbus, by God!
00:02:02
Speaker
That dirty immigrant who didn't even speak English.
00:02:07
Speaker
I don't know why we'd celebrate him.
00:02:09
Speaker
It's because he found America.
00:02:11
Speaker
coming over here discovering American jobs.
00:02:13
Speaker
Yeah, I was watching this.
00:02:16
Speaker
I was like, I don't think, I feel like this is, you could tell they took a lot of efforts in 95 to be like, we're going to be politically correct.
00:02:23
Speaker
We're going to call all these people by the right names.
00:02:25
Speaker
What do you mean you people?
00:02:26
Speaker
But they didn't, by the way.
00:02:28
Speaker
And they're going to have Native Americans voice a lot of the characters, and they're going to try to have the tribes people drawn the right way.
00:02:35
Speaker
And they still missed it by a lot.
00:02:37
Speaker
But they tried, at least, which is more than a lot of people in the 90s did.
00:02:40
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I know you have to call her Pocahontas because that's what everybody knows her as.
00:02:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:46
Speaker
Like, I just, hey, you want to have Todd Smith?
00:02:50
Speaker
You mean LL Cool J, you weirdo?
00:02:52
Speaker
Like, that's, nobody's going to say, you know what I'm saying?
00:02:55
Speaker
Like, you had to call her Pocahontas because that's what everybody knows her as, but that's not her name.
00:02:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:00
Speaker
What was her name?
00:03:02
Speaker
Her real name was Mattaoka.
00:03:07
Speaker
Well, but what I read about that was that she introduced herself as Pocahontas to the Jamestown settlers because the Native Americans of that day thought that if you told people your real name, they gained some power over you.
00:03:19
Speaker
Right.
00:03:20
Speaker
So that really was her rap name.
00:03:23
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:03:24
Speaker
No, that one, actually, matter what... She was like, don't call me Curtis, call me 50 Cent.
00:03:28
Speaker
Like, that's what I go by.
00:03:29
Speaker
Yeah, that was her... That's not her real name either.
00:03:32
Speaker
That's her government name.
00:03:34
Speaker
Amalante is her real name.
00:03:36
Speaker
Yeah, but nobody calls her that.
00:03:37
Speaker
And then she went by Rebecca.
00:03:39
Speaker
I was going to say, at some point they forced her to be baptized, and then she was like, you're Rebecca now.
00:03:44
Speaker
She's like, that seems... Okay, fine.
00:03:46
Speaker
I guess I'm in London.
00:03:47
Speaker
I guess I should go along with it.
00:03:49
Speaker
She accepted Jesus Christ as her own personal Lord and Savior and decided to change to Rebecca.
00:03:54
Speaker
Yeah, after being kidnapped and taken across the ocean in a wooden boat.
Review Regrets and Movie Length
00:03:59
Speaker
She was like, I'll do whatever.
00:04:00
Speaker
They can't make boats out of metal.
00:04:01
Speaker
They would sink.
00:04:03
Speaker
Idiots.
00:04:05
Speaker
I like that me and you both have a bunch of stuff going on and we're recording later than we should be and we're both texting each other like, why do we do this movie?
00:04:13
Speaker
He's like, I don't know.
00:04:13
Speaker
I thought it was your idea.
00:04:15
Speaker
This is the... Because we did this with Casino too because I was like, dude, I don't know.
00:04:19
Speaker
We haven't had time to talk about our schedule.
00:04:21
Speaker
You got a bunch of stuff going on.
00:04:22
Speaker
I'm like... And you're going like, dude, just pick the movie.
00:04:24
Speaker
I don't care.
00:04:25
Speaker
And I'm like, Pocahontas is fine.
00:04:27
Speaker
Let's do Pocahontas.
00:04:27
Speaker
But you said Pocahontas and I was like, oh, he really likes Pocahontas.
00:04:30
Speaker
I'll pretend also because I don't remember it.
00:04:33
Speaker
And then the whole time I'm watching it, I was like, JT's an idiot.
00:04:35
Speaker
I was picking from like Pocahontas and like seven and Apollo 13.
00:04:38
Speaker
I was like, I don't want to really, God, it's just Pocahontas.
00:04:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:41
Speaker
The positives.
00:04:43
Speaker
This movie's 80 minutes.
00:04:44
Speaker
That's what I'm talking about.
00:04:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:46
Speaker
There was a lot of credits at the end.
00:04:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:48
Speaker
I could have cut, I could have cut some, cut some out of there, but it's still 80 minutes is where I like to be.
00:04:52
Speaker
Uh, it was a quick, it only took me three days though to watch it.
00:04:58
Speaker
Cause I couldn't, I did it in three 30 minute chunks.
00:05:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:04
Speaker
Dude, honestly, the whole... I
Comparison to Other Disney Classics
00:05:06
Speaker
don't know, dude.
00:05:06
Speaker
I was trying to think about it.
00:05:07
Speaker
So they do Little Mermaid.
00:05:09
Speaker
They do Beauty and the Beast.
00:05:11
Speaker
They do Aladdin.
00:05:12
Speaker
They do Lion King.
00:05:13
Speaker
Every one of those is bigger and bigger and bigger.
00:05:15
Speaker
Beauty and the Beast Academy Award nominated.
00:05:18
Speaker
Aladdin and Lion King set every animated movie record ever.
00:05:22
Speaker
And they're like, what about Pocahontas?
00:05:23
Speaker
That could be fun.
00:05:24
Speaker
And I was like, God, this movie freaking...
00:05:27
Speaker
sucks balls.
00:05:28
Speaker
And I looked at it and it made $340 million on a $55 million budget.
00:05:33
Speaker
So it actually was a freaking smash hit commercially.
00:05:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:36
Speaker
There's kids that I teach that this is one of the ones that they remember for some reason.
00:05:41
Speaker
I guess their parents are young?
00:05:43
Speaker
I don't know.
00:05:44
Speaker
Well, I was like, maybe I just didn't, maybe I was like a little too old when this came out.
00:05:48
Speaker
I wasn't really into Disney, but no, because Mulan comes out three years from now and Mulan, I freaking bumped in my Jeep with the windows down and
00:05:54
Speaker
and like watched a billion times.
00:05:56
Speaker
I was in college watching Mulan with my roommates, I remember it distinctly.
00:05:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:00
Speaker
But this one I just, I think I just watched and was like, I don't care about that, I guess.
00:06:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:04
Speaker
So
Historical Inaccuracies Discussion
00:06:05
Speaker
I don't know.
00:06:05
Speaker
Do the Bible, then we'll talk.
00:06:08
Speaker
I liked how David Ogden Steyer, mayor of Doc Hollywood, and also Cogsworth from Beauty and the Beast,
00:06:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:18
Speaker
Who's the governor of Jamestown.
00:06:20
Speaker
He does the Eddie Izzard bit like freaking spot on.
00:06:23
Speaker
He gets out and he stamps his flag into the ground.
00:06:25
Speaker
He's like, I claim this land in the name of King James.
00:06:28
Speaker
But do you have a flag?
00:06:30
Speaker
Ooh, a flag.
00:06:31
Speaker
By the way, that flag was the only wrong one.
00:06:35
Speaker
All of the British flags were right.
00:06:36
Speaker
They had the X in the back for Ireland on that one.
00:06:39
Speaker
And that doesn't happen until like the early 1800s, I think.
00:06:43
Speaker
Nice.
00:06:43
Speaker
So I was like, that's flags.
00:06:44
Speaker
Cause I saw the flag the first time as the thing was pulling out.
00:06:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:48
Speaker
Um, but I do, I love that colonialism bit of Eddie is ours.
00:06:52
Speaker
Like we conquered the entire world to the clever use of flags to show up somewhere where people already live.
00:06:57
Speaker
We can't claim us.
00:06:57
Speaker
We live here, but do you have a flag?
00:07:00
Speaker
Go ahead, give them back.
00:07:01
Speaker
No, no, we need the Falcons.
00:07:04
Speaker
That's a silent number of other countries.
00:07:10
Speaker
Ah, man.
00:07:10
Speaker
Eddie Izzard, fantastic.
00:07:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:13
Speaker
Should have watched Eddie Izzard dressed to kill instead of Pocahontas.
00:07:17
Speaker
I don't know what year that comes out.
00:07:20
Speaker
It had way more quotes.
00:07:21
Speaker
I don't know what year that comes out.
00:07:22
Speaker
But if you want to start doing comedy, stand-up comedy albums on here, we're going to get real crowded.
00:07:29
Speaker
But I'm into it.
00:07:29
Speaker
Oh, man.
D'Angelo's Music and Personal Reflections
00:07:31
Speaker
Dude, somebody was talking about D'Angelo because he just died.
00:07:34
Speaker
Yeah, he did.
00:07:35
Speaker
That stinks.
00:07:36
Speaker
R.I.P.
00:07:36
Speaker
But he was talking because he's maybe a year or two older than us, so maybe your age, a year or two older than me.
00:07:42
Speaker
But anyway, he was like, I remember being a kid, and Jason's lyric soundtrack came out, Black Men United, that song, You Will Know.
00:07:51
Speaker
I was learning all the parts.
00:07:54
Speaker
And then I found out later that D'Angelo memorized that.
00:07:56
Speaker
Dude, I was like...
00:07:58
Speaker
I was like recording it on a four track Tascam, like layering the harmonies.
00:08:01
Speaker
I was like, dude, I was like, we taped the like men's strike back strikes back VH1 on VHS and like ripped the D'Angelo left and right performance out of that.
00:08:11
Speaker
And like put it on big CDs.
00:08:13
Speaker
Remember it with Tom Jones.
00:08:14
Speaker
He did sex machine.
00:08:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:16
Speaker
Sex machine.
00:08:16
Speaker
Dude, what was the one that, what was the, um,
00:08:19
Speaker
What was the Marvin Green, Tammy Terrell song that he did later on?
00:08:23
Speaker
Oh, Marvin Gaye.
00:08:24
Speaker
He did Your Precious Love.
00:08:27
Speaker
What you giving me?
00:08:29
Speaker
Yeah, like that.
00:08:30
Speaker
We were recording it on VHS and then ripping it as an MP3 and then burning it on mixed CDs to ride around and listen to.
00:08:40
Speaker
Dude, I can remember Brown Sugar.
00:08:42
Speaker
Jonas sent me a text message when D'Angelo died.
00:08:45
Speaker
I was like, dude, I was just telling the story.
00:08:47
Speaker
We drove all the way to some random place in Alabama and decided to go to a record shop and I bought D'Angelo's Brown Sugar and made you listen to it the whole way home.
00:08:55
Speaker
And he was like, dude, I still have that CD.
00:08:57
Speaker
It's great.
00:08:59
Speaker
Ah, man.
00:09:00
Speaker
Dude, world's most unlikeliest D'Angelo fan by far, Jonas.
00:09:05
Speaker
Ah, man.
00:09:06
Speaker
I got him.
00:09:06
Speaker
I hooked him.
00:09:07
Speaker
Right in the beginning.
00:09:08
Speaker
Right in the beginning.
00:09:09
Speaker
Shout out, I'll tell you what I respect about Jonas is he's still rocking the same facial hair as he was when we were 19, and I appreciate that.
00:09:16
Speaker
Him and Craig still have the same full goatee all the way around.
00:09:19
Speaker
They've never varied at all.
00:09:22
Speaker
I got to respect for somebody who commits to a hairstyle or a facial hair and is like, this is it, this is how I do it.
00:09:27
Speaker
I'll see you guys in 70 years.
00:09:28
Speaker
I just can't grow anything else.
00:09:30
Speaker
Yeah, dude, I can't.
00:09:31
Speaker
It's not.
00:09:32
Speaker
The anti-Hitler?
00:09:33
Speaker
I still can't grow.
00:09:34
Speaker
The anti-Hitler?
00:09:35
Speaker
Well, dude, I would shave my beard except it's covering up stuff I don't want.
00:09:39
Speaker
I forget who the comedian was.
00:09:40
Speaker
He's like, if you see a guy with a beard, it's because the beard is covering stuff he doesn't want you to see.
00:09:44
Speaker
He doesn't want you to see.
00:09:45
Speaker
Yeah, that's exactly how that works.
00:09:47
Speaker
Yeah, for
Musical Critique of Pocahontas
00:09:48
Speaker
sure.
00:09:48
Speaker
So anyway, $55 million budget, $346 million gross.
00:09:53
Speaker
The number five movie on the year between Batman Forever and Ace Ventura when nature calls.
00:09:57
Speaker
That is...
00:09:59
Speaker
Redongueless.
00:10:00
Speaker
B-A-N-A-S.
00:10:01
Speaker
I don't, like, who, I guess, is it just riding the coattails of the ones before it?
00:10:08
Speaker
It had to, but dude, they put a, they did a huge marketing campaign.
00:10:12
Speaker
Like, they had displays in, like, malls in, like, 30-something states.
00:10:21
Speaker
They had, like, behind-the-scenes featurettes they played in primetime, like, television.
00:10:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:26
Speaker
I have no idea.
00:10:27
Speaker
It didn't get reviewed all that well, but I think everybody was like, I don't care, my kids are going to see this, so just shut up, LA Times music critic or whatever.
00:10:34
Speaker
You zip it.
00:10:35
Speaker
I'm going to eat some popcorn.
00:10:37
Speaker
But I was thinking, I was honest, I was thinking like, dude, like Little Mermaid, it's fine.
00:10:44
Speaker
But even Little Mermaid's got a couple of incredible songs.
00:10:47
Speaker
And this movie's got one really good song and one okay song and then a bunch of songs I don't care about.
00:10:53
Speaker
I don't even like the song that won the Oscar.
00:10:57
Speaker
Colors of the Wind?
00:10:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:59
Speaker
Dude, I like that song.
00:11:00
Speaker
Nah.
00:11:01
Speaker
That song's... That frickin'... That bridge... What does that even mean?
00:11:06
Speaker
That bridge is friggin'... How high does the sycamore grow?
00:11:10
Speaker
That shit is... And the lyrics for that one are really good, and all the rest, I'm like, this... It's weird, because... You could burn this into a mixed CD called Songs I Don't Give a Shit About.
00:11:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:21
Speaker
Now that's what I call songs I don't care.
00:11:24
Speaker
Dude, one of my quotes is actually from the song because that I was... All of my quotes are from the song.
00:11:31
Speaker
Nothing else in the whole movie was worth quoting for me.
00:11:36
Speaker
All right.
00:11:37
Speaker
Anyway, give us a synopsis.
00:11:39
Speaker
Oh, I thought we skipped.
00:11:40
Speaker
Okay.
Humorous Plot Summary and Colonial Themes
00:11:41
Speaker
Or we could skip that.
00:11:42
Speaker
No, a woman hears wind, meets a blonde tourist with a gun.
00:11:47
Speaker
Learns English really fast.
00:11:49
Speaker
Well, she hears with her heart.
00:11:51
Speaker
And then she solves colonialism with a song.
00:11:55
Speaker
Yes.
00:11:56
Speaker
Barefoot the whole time.
00:11:57
Speaker
Like Britney Spears back in the day.
00:11:59
Speaker
I'm out.
00:12:01
Speaker
I'm out.
00:12:02
Speaker
Joss Stone just walking around barefoot.
00:12:04
Speaker
I'm out.
00:12:05
Speaker
Grocery store feet just up in the...
00:12:08
Speaker
with her raccoon friend.
00:12:09
Speaker
Oh, man.
00:12:11
Speaker
Yeah, the raccoon didn't even talk.
00:12:12
Speaker
At the end of the last one, I was like, only part I remember is the talking raccoon.
00:12:16
Speaker
The raccoon didn't even talk.
00:12:18
Speaker
He communicated, though, non-verbally.
00:12:20
Speaker
Yeah, I know.
00:12:20
Speaker
I was like, dude,
00:12:22
Speaker
Haven't we learned through the Disney animated movies that if you're going to have a cartoon sidekick, he should be hilarious.
00:12:28
Speaker
Like God, God, yeah.
00:12:31
Speaker
Or like, or Mooshu.
00:12:32
Speaker
Like, yeah, you can't, yeah.
00:12:34
Speaker
But the real size, your cow would have died of fright.
00:12:39
Speaker
Like get the, have the sidekick animal talk.
00:12:42
Speaker
That's the key.
00:12:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:44
Speaker
You can't just have the raccoon making raccoon noises.
00:12:45
Speaker
That shit doesn't do it.
00:12:46
Speaker
Just squeaking.
00:12:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:48
Speaker
That's no good.
00:12:49
Speaker
Um,
00:12:51
Speaker
Sequels, there was a Pocahontas 2 direct-to-video.
Awards Despite Historical Criticisms
00:12:54
Speaker
Yeah, direct-to-video.
00:12:56
Speaker
What they did is they just... They had thrown the history book out of the window for the first movie, and then the second one they... Said, we don't need this.
00:13:05
Speaker
Like Catholics with the Bible, we won't be needing this...
00:13:09
Speaker
Sure we can't take stuff from work?
00:13:10
Speaker
I don't know.
00:13:10
Speaker
Let's check the Bible.
00:13:11
Speaker
No, it says no.
00:13:12
Speaker
It says no.
00:13:15
Speaker
Yeah, so Pocahontas 2, it tries to finish the part that you're supposed to know where Pocahontas goes back to Europe, but it doesn't tell the story correctly there either, apparently.
00:13:30
Speaker
Yeah, this thing did win Oscars for original music or comedy score.
00:13:35
Speaker
Alan Menken for the score.
00:13:37
Speaker
And then Best Original Song, Colors of the Wind, that also won.
00:13:39
Speaker
So two Oscars.
00:13:40
Speaker
So, I mean, all things considered, pretty good.
00:13:43
Speaker
They won a bunch.
00:13:43
Speaker
Also won a freaking Grammy for the best song written for a motion picture.
00:13:48
Speaker
So from Alan Menken's standpoint, this was a very successful movie.
00:13:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:51
Speaker
And from Disney's standpoint, it printed money.
00:13:54
Speaker
Dude, Alan Menken is a G. Yeah.
00:13:57
Speaker
Like he's, that's why I was trying to research the music from the other movies because he did.
00:14:01
Speaker
Right.
00:14:02
Speaker
He did The Lion King with Howard.
00:14:04
Speaker
Oh, God, dude.
00:14:05
Speaker
Why did I forget that guy's name?
00:14:06
Speaker
What?
00:14:08
Speaker
Howard the Duck.
00:14:11
Speaker
Howard Ashman.
00:14:13
Speaker
Oh, yeah, Howard Ashman.
00:14:13
Speaker
Howard Ashman, they did Aladdin, they did Beauty and the Beast.
00:14:16
Speaker
Howard Ashman died of HIV, and then Alan Minkin and Tim Rice worked on The Lion King, but Tim Rice was based in London.
00:14:22
Speaker
Alan Minkin was based in New York.
00:14:24
Speaker
So when this movie came around...
00:14:26
Speaker
Because this is friggin' 95, there's no internet, there's no this, like we're in separate states recording this shit.
00:14:32
Speaker
They had to mail each other cassette tapes across the friggin' sea.
00:14:36
Speaker
And he was like, dude, I can't write with the guy in London, that's not gonna work.
00:14:38
Speaker
So they found Stephen Schwartz, who was a Broadway writer, and they worked on this.
00:14:44
Speaker
He did a book or the lyrics, and then Mencken did that.
00:14:46
Speaker
You can tell because the next one he does together with him is Hunchback of Notre Dame, and that one feels super Broadway theater type stuff.
00:14:55
Speaker
Yeah, very Broadway.
00:14:57
Speaker
He also writes the Life with Mikey theme, and I love that movie.
00:15:01
Speaker
I love that song.
00:15:02
Speaker
Me too.
00:15:03
Speaker
What were you playing?
00:15:06
Speaker
Ah, man.
00:15:07
Speaker
What a great movie that nobody knows.
00:15:10
Speaker
Dude, we skipped it for the podcast.
00:15:13
Speaker
I think we did the other people's... What's the...
00:15:17
Speaker
Oh, other people's money?
00:15:20
Speaker
That's not right.
00:15:20
Speaker
Yeah, no, because it was 93.
00:15:22
Speaker
Now you got me saying that.
00:15:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:23
Speaker
I know.
00:15:24
Speaker
It's not other people's money.
00:15:26
Speaker
It's love in the time of cholera.
00:15:28
Speaker
No.
00:15:30
Speaker
For love or money?
00:15:31
Speaker
For love or money.
00:15:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:34
Speaker
For love or money.
00:15:35
Speaker
Yeah, because those both came out in 93, and we picked that for Love or Money.
00:15:40
Speaker
They're both fine.
00:15:41
Speaker
Give me some things.
00:15:42
Speaker
Get some of them things on the pillow.
00:15:44
Speaker
Hairs?
00:15:45
Speaker
What?
00:15:45
Speaker
I don't... But yeah, I also love Life with Mikey.
00:15:52
Speaker
All right, so where'd you see it first?
00:15:55
Speaker
I know I saw this in theaters.
00:15:56
Speaker
I have no recollection of it, but I'm sure, because by this point in time, I've already worn out the Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin and freaking, I've worn out the tapes.
00:16:06
Speaker
So I'm sure when this came out, I was like in line, right at rock and roll.
00:16:09
Speaker
Yeah, this is 95.
00:16:10
Speaker
I'm a junior in high school.
00:16:12
Speaker
I think I might have been too cool to see Pocahontas.
00:16:14
Speaker
Yeah, this seems like a prime movie for me and you two have seen together because you could drive and I couldn't and we were going to swim practice all the time singing songs in the gold van.
00:16:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:24
Speaker
But I don't remember.
00:16:26
Speaker
Yeah, I don't remember seeing this one.
00:16:28
Speaker
I don't think I saw it in the theater.
00:16:30
Speaker
I don't even remember seeing it all the way through.
00:16:33
Speaker
Until these past three days.
00:16:37
Speaker
So I finally made it through, and I count that.
00:16:41
Speaker
Yes, absolutely.
00:16:42
Speaker
All right, well, how do you rate it?
00:16:49
Speaker
The Disney fan in me wants to give it a good score.
00:16:53
Speaker
It made a lot of money.
00:16:54
Speaker
Apparently people like the song.
00:16:57
Speaker
But, dude, I just think I speak for everybody when I say it.
00:17:03
Speaker
It is not that good.
00:17:05
Speaker
The songs to me are meh, and the historical part of it is not good, so I gave it a four and a half.
00:17:14
Speaker
I'm not sugarcoating it at all.
00:17:17
Speaker
I was shocked that this thing made $346 million and won two Oscars because I gave it a five out of ten, and I felt like that was being generous because I was like, surely people really like this, and they're going to be mad, but I think it's boring as hell, and the songs are lame.
00:17:32
Speaker
There's no way people are going to, nobody's writing angry letters about Pocahontas.
00:17:37
Speaker
I'm a fire off an angry missile.
00:17:39
Speaker
Dude, I don't know about all the historical stuff.
00:17:41
Speaker
Although, truthfully, when I went and read about the historical stuff, they actually were closer than I would have thought.
00:17:48
Speaker
They just used the John Smith account, which everyone says is like he kind of made up to make himself look cool.
00:17:55
Speaker
But if you think that that's true, they kind of did stay close to that.
00:18:00
Speaker
If you look at some of the other accounts where he's like, well, the hottest woman in the entire tribe came up to me with 30 other women and asked for sex.
00:18:09
Speaker
Like, he was just writing it like a letter to Playboy the whole time he was writing it.
00:18:13
Speaker
He's like, they were holding me down there about to bash my head in with a rock, and she threw her body on top of me to save me.
00:18:19
Speaker
I mean, that is what he claimed happened.
00:18:21
Speaker
I wasn't there, but I'm saying, like, they didn't just make it up.
00:18:23
Speaker
They just used an account that we now think is probably not how it really went down.
00:18:27
Speaker
The soul is willing, but the body is bruised and spongy.
00:18:31
Speaker
Death by snoo snoo.
00:18:33
Speaker
But dude, Pocahontas is freaking 10, maybe 12 when they meet.
00:18:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:38
Speaker
So he never actually gets married to John Smith.
00:18:43
Speaker
She marries John Rolfe.
00:18:44
Speaker
So that's a completely different dude.
00:18:46
Speaker
Totally different guy.
00:18:47
Speaker
I don't.
00:18:48
Speaker
I mean, the whole civilized savage thing is the trope that's always been for Native Americans throughout film in the United States, and that's kind of crappy.
00:19:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:01
Speaker
Dude, all of those things.
00:19:03
Speaker
Even the main antagonist, frigging the governor.
00:19:06
Speaker
Like, everybody in the whole Jamestown was starving.
00:19:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:11
Speaker
Like...
00:19:13
Speaker
it's not just one greedy dude, but they used him as a scapegoat in this whole thing.
00:19:17
Speaker
He was a real dude, but like, I don't know.
00:19:20
Speaker
Just the whole thing and the...
00:19:22
Speaker
stereotypes of the tree talking and the freaking, all the Disney animals showing up.
00:19:28
Speaker
I just felt like they could have done it better.
00:19:30
Speaker
And I, I dude, I know.
00:19:31
Speaker
And like, she looks like a supermodel and that's not really a thing for 10 year olds.
00:19:39
Speaker
Plus by the time she's 12, she probably has multiple face tattoos.
00:19:43
Speaker
Cause that's a thing that her, uh, tribe used to do.
00:19:48
Speaker
So like, but you can't do that in a Disney movie.
00:19:51
Speaker
I get that.
00:19:52
Speaker
I don't think she's supposed to be 10 in the movie.
00:19:53
Speaker
I think she's supposed to be like 16 and he's supposed to be 20 or whatever.
00:19:57
Speaker
Right, right, right.
00:19:58
Speaker
Like however old he claims they were when they met.
00:20:01
Speaker
Right.
00:20:02
Speaker
Yeah, dude.
00:20:03
Speaker
I mean, this kind of seemed like Disney was like, we should get another movie out there.
00:20:08
Speaker
It's been a little while.
00:20:09
Speaker
And they just kind of did like a paint by numbers.
00:20:11
Speaker
So like the Disney production people, the people who wrote the movie, um...
00:20:20
Speaker
Gabriel and Goldberg.
00:20:21
Speaker
The thing is so long, it takes me like nine minutes to scroll up.
00:20:24
Speaker
Carl Binder, Bender, Susanna Grant, and Philip LeBzebnik.
00:20:32
Speaker
Yeah, but the directors, Mike Gabriel and Eric Goldberg, are both Disney animators who've written other stuff, and they were the ones who came up with the idea for this project, and they had pitched it, and they pitched some other stuff, and Disney's like, one was like an American West Disney musical, and they're like, we don't really like that, and they're like, Pocahontas, and
00:20:50
Speaker
I'm like, sure, that should be fine.
00:20:51
Speaker
But then the head of the Disney animation was like, make it kind of Beauty and the Beast, like a love story, you know, like Star-Crossed Lovers type of thing.
00:20:59
Speaker
I got to pick a different person because this is filled with engines.
00:21:03
Speaker
Yeah, that sounds great.
00:21:05
Speaker
That's how the story goes.
00:21:06
Speaker
That's totally fine.
00:21:07
Speaker
But you could tell there's a bunch of Beauty and the Beast characters
00:21:10
Speaker
because like David Ogden Starrs was Cogsworth.
00:21:12
Speaker
The guy that was originally going to voice the governor was the guy that voiced Gaston.
00:21:17
Speaker
Oh, nice.
00:21:17
Speaker
And then David Ogden Starrs was going to voice just his assistant.
00:21:21
Speaker
And they're like, Gaston's going to sound too much like Gaston.
00:21:23
Speaker
He's out of here.
00:21:23
Speaker
And he's like, you just do both voices.
00:21:25
Speaker
Get in there and knock it out.
00:21:28
Speaker
We're not giving any lunch today.
00:21:30
Speaker
But it just seemed like a kind of Beauty and the Beast, paint by numbers, but set with Native Americans.
00:21:35
Speaker
And they're like...
00:21:36
Speaker
Tell them I'm going to get a couple songs out there.
00:21:38
Speaker
We've got to launch this thing real quick, and then we're on to the next thing.
00:21:40
Speaker
I don't like those, though.
00:21:43
Speaker
I think anything worth doing is worth doing right.
00:21:46
Speaker
I'm sure they – but they animated this at the same time as they were animating The Lion King.
00:21:50
Speaker
So they said all the A-plus animators are working on The Lion King.
00:21:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:55
Speaker
And they're like, whoever's left over is like, you guys go work on that, which sometimes is how you get something really great made.
00:22:00
Speaker
But in this case, it's like, I don't.
00:22:03
Speaker
Well, my thing is, is the animation is fine.
00:22:05
Speaker
Yeah, I don't like I don't have a problem with like that.
00:22:10
Speaker
But when you say animators, you're not only talking about like, did they freaking did it look right when she ran?
00:22:15
Speaker
The animators are also the in an animated movie.
00:22:17
Speaker
They're the ones who do the whole plot.
00:22:19
Speaker
Like that's the they're deciding all the stuff.
00:22:22
Speaker
Yeah, like, you know, all the characterizations and stuff.
00:22:27
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know.
00:22:28
Speaker
Do women just not have noses in Native American?
00:22:32
Speaker
It was just two holes.
00:22:33
Speaker
Like, there was no nose the whole time.
00:22:35
Speaker
That was bothering me.
00:22:36
Speaker
That's the only animation thing I put in my worst.
00:22:39
Speaker
The thing that I thought was awesome is the thing opens and the boat is sailing over to the New World and they're going to find gold and they're singing, they're like, we're going to sail and make money song.
00:22:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:51
Speaker
And the whole ship is full of people who speak with an English accent, as you would expect, except for John Smith, who's voiced by Mel Gibson, who's doing an American accent, even though he's Australian and could absolutely do an English accent or a Scottish accent.
00:23:08
Speaker
We just saw him do it in Braveheart.
00:23:10
Speaker
And he's instead opted for an American accent.
00:23:13
Speaker
Hundreds of years before there is an American accent.
00:23:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:17
Speaker
Um, this is, this movie is set 200 years before there is an America and Mel Gibson, an Australian who could do an English accent has done an American accent.
00:23:27
Speaker
And I know he didn't come up with that idea.
00:23:29
Speaker
I know they told him to do that because Pocahontas who doesn't even speak English is also doing an American accent, but that I just thought I don't care.
00:23:37
Speaker
I just thought that was funny.
00:23:38
Speaker
I think you aren't listening with your heart.
00:23:41
Speaker
This is,
00:23:42
Speaker
He's like, go, it's John Smith.
00:23:43
Speaker
He's go, it's rifle.
00:23:44
Speaker
And John's like, I'm going to go into the woods.
00:23:46
Speaker
I'll find Pocahontas.
00:23:47
Speaker
See you guys later.
00:23:48
Speaker
And Pocahontas is like, hello, John.
00:23:49
Speaker
Great to see you.
00:23:50
Speaker
High five.
00:23:53
Speaker
Oh, man.
00:23:54
Speaker
Yeah, I'm with it.
00:23:55
Speaker
I don't understand why he did that.
00:23:58
Speaker
I don't care because she learned English and like she he was like Pocahontas and she pointed to herself and he's like John Smith and he pointed to himself and then cut to they're having a full conversation about whether or not she was a savage or he was a shavage while climbing a tree and I was like I think I missed the learning English montage because that was really fast.
00:24:17
Speaker
No, no.
00:24:18
Speaker
You've got to listen with your heart, man.
00:24:20
Speaker
I just spent four years teaching a small human how to speak English, and it was hard.
00:24:24
Speaker
Yeah, it is hard.
00:24:26
Speaker
He's still not done.
00:24:28
Speaker
He does, though.
00:24:29
Speaker
He does.
00:24:31
Speaker
So, yeah, let's do best.
00:24:32
Speaker
Four and a half.
00:24:33
Speaker
Yeah, I got five.
00:24:33
Speaker
What's your first best?
00:24:34
Speaker
My first best is Just Around the Riverbend, the song, Just Around the Riverbend.
00:24:38
Speaker
I like that bit.
00:24:39
Speaker
That's like a B-minus song for me.
00:24:45
Speaker
I loved it so much I don't think I know which one you're talking about.
00:24:49
Speaker
You know, it goes, just around the river bend, and then there's other words, and then they come back around to, just around the river bend.
00:24:56
Speaker
That's about all I like.
00:24:56
Speaker
It's like my mom when she's trying to tell me about some song.
00:24:59
Speaker
Don't you remember that song in church?
00:25:00
Speaker
It's God Loves Us For All The Ways.
00:25:02
Speaker
I'm like, how's it go?
00:25:03
Speaker
God loves us for all the ways.
00:25:05
Speaker
I'm like, you're just singing the title.
00:25:07
Speaker
Marge, you know who I'm talking about.
00:25:08
Speaker
You drove that blue car?
00:25:11
Speaker
Oh, man.
00:25:13
Speaker
Oh, I do know what song you're talking about.
00:25:15
Speaker
Why don't you start singing it?
00:25:16
Speaker
It really did come back.
00:25:18
Speaker
I don't know any other words, but if I'm picking from this movie, that was a bit that I, if I'm picking three, that's one of the bits that I picked.
00:25:25
Speaker
My first one is Colors of the Wind.
00:25:28
Speaker
That's my second.
00:25:32
Speaker
I think the whole idea of humanity in this movie, and even if it's kind of off historically, is...
00:25:43
Speaker
the whole thing.
00:25:44
Speaker
She tries to show him like, this is what we are all about.
00:25:48
Speaker
And you're all about something different.
00:25:50
Speaker
And we're all about the land and the animals.
00:25:52
Speaker
And she just walks over to a bear who doesn't maul her like Leonardo DiCaprio and takes the tub away.
00:25:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:59
Speaker
Bears love honey head kids.
00:26:01
Speaker
Just go and give them a big hug.
00:26:05
Speaker
First stop and play dead.
00:26:08
Speaker
Who wrote this?
00:26:08
Speaker
The bear?
00:26:10
Speaker
So we're depending on my acting ability.
00:26:15
Speaker
Oh, put them in a sleeping bag.
00:26:16
Speaker
I'll take him, wrap him up for a to-go order.
00:26:20
Speaker
Yeah, Colors of the Wind was my first one.
00:26:23
Speaker
Yeah, Colors of the Wind is my second one.
00:26:24
Speaker
I like that.
00:26:26
Speaker
I like that one.
00:26:26
Speaker
Dude, we were talking about the historical inaccuracy.
00:26:29
Speaker
Everyone, when it came out, was hammering the historical inaccuracy.
00:26:32
Speaker
But the guy who was the story supervisor for the script, Tom Cito, they said, and he said, he's like, I did all kind of research into what actually happened, but the Pocahontas marrying John Rolfe story was like, they just said it was too complicated and violent for the audience that you want to see a Disney movie.
00:26:51
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:26:51
Speaker
so they go like let's just take that bit and set it over here and let's just do this part with john smith like they did so they did it on purpose uh it just sucks because i know what actually happened like she's dead by 21 22 she doesn't even die in america she freaking dies in europe yeah doesn't even make it back no that's crappy
00:27:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:16
Speaker
So like the but one of the directors, Glenn Keane, he's like, we had the choice of being historically accurate or socially responsible.
00:27:23
Speaker
So we chose socially responsible.
00:27:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:26
Speaker
To make her not 12 when she meets her, you know, romantic partner to make her a young woman.
00:27:32
Speaker
Probably smart.
00:27:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:34
Speaker
It's funny that this movie is maybe less historically accurate than Casino, which we did on the last episode.
00:27:43
Speaker
But it's also probably more historically accurate than Braveheart, which we both really liked.
00:27:48
Speaker
Yes.
00:27:50
Speaker
That was different, though.
00:27:51
Speaker
That had a lot of killing and fornication.
00:27:53
Speaker
It kept the pace going.
00:27:56
Speaker
That shit was awesome.
00:27:57
Speaker
I don't care that much about historical inaccuracies.
00:27:59
Speaker
I mean, I think it's fun.
00:28:00
Speaker
But, dude, when's there ever been a Robin Hood movie that was historically accurate?
00:28:03
Speaker
Right.
00:28:04
Speaker
No, I get it.
00:28:05
Speaker
And I can appreciate that.
00:28:07
Speaker
But, like...
00:28:08
Speaker
This one is just like we took somebody who's absolutely in history books and has a storyline, and then we just said, we're going to trash that, and we're just going to make her fall in love with a different dude at a different age.
00:28:20
Speaker
Well, dude, that's what's great about history.
00:28:22
Speaker
It's whatever you want it to be, just like science, especially the Old Testament.
00:28:28
Speaker
uh it's great uh i this i didn't even know science book had an old testament um my second one is uh when he's on the cliff and he's about to kill john smith yeah and everybody's coming together and then she throws himself over the herself over the top of him yeah um i would just like to say in that part of virginia is very swampy
00:28:51
Speaker
and there are no cliffs.
00:28:52
Speaker
I don't know where she's diving off of that cliff to enter water.
00:28:55
Speaker
That's the low country of Virginia.
00:28:58
Speaker
There's like cypress trees, and like you could set crab pots there.
00:29:02
Speaker
There's no cliffs.
00:29:03
Speaker
I don't understand that.
00:29:04
Speaker
You would need to wear tall rubber boots to walk around.
00:29:07
Speaker
I don't... Why did they put cliffs?
00:29:09
Speaker
Because no one knows about where Native Americans live.
00:29:14
Speaker
What?
00:29:15
Speaker
Like, just be happy they weren't riding horses everywhere.
00:29:17
Speaker
Who, like...
00:29:20
Speaker
Should have put Robert Redford in this.
00:29:23
Speaker
He would have loved that.
00:29:25
Speaker
When they were lighting the muskets in this movie, did they actually have to strike a flint and then hit the wick to shoot the guns?
00:29:32
Speaker
Was that what they were doing?
00:29:33
Speaker
I was trying to figure that out.
00:29:34
Speaker
The guns at this point just have a fuse.
00:29:37
Speaker
Yeah, it's not a fuse.
00:29:38
Speaker
There is no hammer.
00:29:39
Speaker
No, you just pour the gunpowder in there with the ball in there and you light the fuse and then you just hold it in when the fuse gets there.
00:29:46
Speaker
Yeah, but what do they light the fuse with, though?
00:29:48
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, like a flint or something.
00:29:50
Speaker
that's what i was trying to figure out like i think these are flintlock rifles but did that actually mean you have to like try to freaking smash rocks together to i'm gonna shoot you in just a minute you better hope i don't but here's the thing like he's like that part under the that's my third scene by the way he's under the waterfall yeah and he's glowing with just the little wick that's burning then he first of all then he jumps through the water and the wick's still burning which is great
00:30:13
Speaker
And then he's standing there and he's holding it.
00:30:15
Speaker
And I'm like, well, he better turn away because that wick's slowly burning.
00:30:18
Speaker
And as soon as it gets down there, it's going to shoot.
00:30:21
Speaker
So you just got to, it's like taking a picture.
00:30:23
Speaker
You got to just hold it there.
00:30:25
Speaker
Well, the rifles at this point in time, and actually I don't know if they were even rifled.
00:30:29
Speaker
They might've even just been smooth bore, but they were basically cannons that you could hold.
00:30:33
Speaker
Like you just, in a minute when this thing goes off, if you're standing in front of it, it's going to be a bad time for you.
00:30:39
Speaker
Yeah, there's no trigger.
00:30:40
Speaker
There's no trigger.
00:30:41
Speaker
You're just holding a stick.
00:30:41
Speaker
Dude, Christian Bale did the same thing later on, and I was kind of wondering, like, seems like it'd be hard to time that out.
00:30:46
Speaker
Christian Bale played one of the characters in this movie.
00:30:48
Speaker
Yeah, he played Thomas.
00:30:51
Speaker
Thomas.
00:30:51
Speaker
Thomas.
00:30:52
Speaker
And my third one is when John Smith finally leaves at the end of the movie.
00:30:57
Speaker
So all the, like, second act buildup where the Native Americans are going to fight the invaders, all of that I hated and thought was terribly boring.
00:31:08
Speaker
But then I like the last 10 minutes after she throws herself on him on the cliff that isn't there to save him.
00:31:13
Speaker
And everyone goes, Pocahontas is wise.
00:31:14
Speaker
We don't need to kill them with rocks.
00:31:16
Speaker
They'll just probably leave.
00:31:17
Speaker
Don't let them get off the boat.
00:31:18
Speaker
Here's a little corn.
00:31:19
Speaker
See you next Thanksgiving.
00:31:23
Speaker
But I like the last... Hold on to the rope.
00:31:25
Speaker
Hold on to the rope.
00:31:30
Speaker
But I like the last 10 minutes there.
00:31:31
Speaker
He's going to, he's like, has a gunshot wound or whatever.
00:31:35
Speaker
And he's sick.
00:31:36
Speaker
And she's like, I'll stay here with you.
00:31:37
Speaker
He got shot in the belly.
00:31:38
Speaker
Like that's, he's not making it back to him.
00:31:40
Speaker
Yeah, dude, he's dead.
00:31:41
Speaker
No.
00:31:43
Speaker
And I like how Christian Bale's like, we got to get him home so that in a year, this doctors can look at him.
00:31:49
Speaker
No, she sends him with the wind, so it probably only took him like three months.
00:31:54
Speaker
If I had a magic carpet, I could be there in like eight hours.
00:31:59
Speaker
Oh, would you have a layover in Dallas?
00:32:04
Speaker
Just sit down on the curb.
00:32:05
Speaker
I will come around.
00:32:09
Speaker
Um, dude, did you know that John Smith actually did go back to England after he was wounded?
00:32:16
Speaker
Yes.
00:32:16
Speaker
I saw that.
00:32:17
Speaker
You know how he got wounded?
00:32:18
Speaker
No.
00:32:20
Speaker
He was lighting his pipe near some gunpowder and it exploded.
00:32:25
Speaker
It exploded.
00:32:27
Speaker
So he was definitely injured and had to go back.
00:32:30
Speaker
But then he got better and was able to write his memoirs.
00:32:34
Speaker
Thank goodness.
00:32:35
Speaker
Otherwise, where would we get?
00:32:37
Speaker
His very accurate memoirs.
00:32:42
Speaker
His memoirs, like all four touchdowns in one game Bundy.
00:32:48
Speaker
Oh, man.
00:32:49
Speaker
Yes, I had a girlfriend.
00:32:50
Speaker
She lives in Canada.
00:32:51
Speaker
All right, let's do quotes.
00:32:54
Speaker
My first quote is, you think the only people who are people are people who look and think like you.
00:32:59
Speaker
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll find things you never knew you never knew.
00:33:04
Speaker
I only have the first half.
00:33:05
Speaker
You think the only people who are people are people that look like you.
00:33:09
Speaker
That's a good line.
00:33:11
Speaker
Dude, it's a great line.
00:33:12
Speaker
It's pertinent even today.
00:33:13
Speaker
From a great song.
00:33:14
Speaker
Yeah, I guess.
00:33:16
Speaker
But it's the only quote that I had, to be completely honest.
00:33:20
Speaker
My second quote is, you think you own whatever land you land on.
00:33:23
Speaker
The earth is just a dead thing you can claim.
00:33:25
Speaker
But I know every rock and tree and creature has a life, has a spirit, has a name.
00:33:30
Speaker
Yes.
00:33:32
Speaker
Are you just going to read the next verse now?
00:33:35
Speaker
Third quote, mix it up.
00:33:39
Speaker
Just around the bend.
00:33:42
Speaker
I go to, I go to the preamble to colors of the wind.
00:33:46
Speaker
You think I'm an ignorant savage and you've been so many places.
00:33:49
Speaker
I guess it must be so, but still I cannot see if the savage one is me.
00:33:52
Speaker
How can there be so much that you don't know?
00:33:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:57
Speaker
So they're all from, that's, that's well-written.
00:33:59
Speaker
They're all from Colors of the Wind, which I maintain is an excellent song.
00:34:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:04
Speaker
So let me ask you a question.
00:34:05
Speaker
I'll give you two choices.
00:34:06
Speaker
One is, for the rest of your life, anytime you feel like you can watch this entire movie, except Colors of the Wind, or alternatively, you can just watch Colors of the Wind, but never any of the rest of the movie.
00:34:19
Speaker
Well, that's easy.
00:34:20
Speaker
Yeah, of course it's easy.
00:34:22
Speaker
But try to do that with one of the other animated Disney movies.
00:34:27
Speaker
Yeah, no, I get it.
00:34:29
Speaker
There's no animated Disney movie of my lifetime.
00:34:32
Speaker
I mean, even like Princess and the Frog, I'm not taking the freaking Neo song over the whole movie as much as I like that song.
00:34:39
Speaker
Like I'm saying, this is the only Disney animated movie of my lifetime that I would go like, I just want the song.
00:34:45
Speaker
I don't care about the rest.
00:34:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:47
Speaker
Like every other one's like, dude, I want even the ones I don't like that much.
00:34:50
Speaker
Like Hunchback of Notre Dame.
00:34:51
Speaker
I'm like, I still want to, I probably take the movie over any one song.
00:34:56
Speaker
I don't remember seeing that movie either.
00:34:58
Speaker
I feel bad.
00:34:59
Speaker
I don't either, but it's got a couple good songs.
00:35:01
Speaker
We're slowly hitting that spot in Disney movies where I was like, dude, I'm a freshman in college.
00:35:07
Speaker
If I can't find somebody that wants to go see a Disney movie, I'm not going by myself to go watch it.
00:35:12
Speaker
And I just missed them.
00:35:13
Speaker
Mulan is the last Disney animated movie that I was for sure all the way in on.
00:35:18
Speaker
And I was in college when it came out.
00:35:20
Speaker
But after that, I was like, yeah, I think I saw part of it.
00:35:22
Speaker
Or I wasn't like, I got to be there.
00:35:24
Speaker
I'm going to own it on DVD.
00:35:25
Speaker
I'm going to watch a bunch.
00:35:27
Speaker
Right, right.
00:35:28
Speaker
And then when you have kids, you get back into it again.
00:35:31
Speaker
Isn't it like Hunchback and then Hercules and then Mulan and then Tarzan?
00:35:35
Speaker
Those are the next few, right?
00:35:37
Speaker
I don't know if that's the order.
00:35:38
Speaker
Something like that.
00:35:39
Speaker
But dude, I haven't seen Tarzan a bunch of times, but I know that Phil Collins soundtrack freaking goes hard.
00:35:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:45
Speaker
Yeah, there's a couple of good songs in that.
00:35:48
Speaker
But then Emperor's New Groove is only five years away.
00:35:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:52
Speaker
Five years?
00:35:52
Speaker
Five years.
00:35:53
Speaker
But not musical.
00:35:56
Speaker
But I will have an absolute shit ton of quotes if we make it that far.
00:36:02
Speaker
Yes.
00:36:03
Speaker
Why do we even have that liver?
00:36:04
Speaker
The poison.
00:36:07
Speaker
The poison for Kuzco.
00:36:08
Speaker
Poison for Kuzco.
00:36:09
Speaker
Poison specifically for Kuzco.
00:36:10
Speaker
That poison.
00:36:16
Speaker
characters Rebecca John Smythe I dude I gotta be honest I didn't have a problem with I mean the character Pocahontas again I didn't like this at all really yeah
00:36:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:34
Speaker
So I liked Miko.
00:36:38
Speaker
The raccoon.
00:36:39
Speaker
The pet raccoon.
00:36:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:41
Speaker
You know, the nighttime, what's it called when they only come out at night?
00:36:46
Speaker
Nocturnal.
00:36:47
Speaker
Nocturnal, thank you.
00:36:48
Speaker
It's a nocturnal animal that's out during the day running around.
00:36:52
Speaker
Hanging out.
00:36:53
Speaker
Causing mischief.
00:36:54
Speaker
Yeah, I like Miko.
00:36:57
Speaker
I liked Pocahontas.
00:36:58
Speaker
Irene Bedard voices her, and I thought that was like, she's actually a, well, I thought she was part Native American, but no, I'm not 100% sure.
00:37:09
Speaker
Yeah, she is.
00:37:10
Speaker
She's Native American, so she's like, they legit casted someone who, if you look at a picture of her from when she's 20, it's like, oh yeah, she's
00:37:17
Speaker
looks vaguely Pocahontas-ish.
00:37:20
Speaker
How many facial tattoos does she have?
00:37:23
Speaker
Let's see, one, two, none.
00:37:27
Speaker
Dude, I don't have any more characters.
00:37:32
Speaker
And I like Mel Gibson as John Smith because I like Mel Gibson even though its American accent is weird.
00:37:37
Speaker
He insisted on doing the singing voice of John Smith which is why there aren't any good duo songs because he can't sing that well.
00:37:44
Speaker
He's like, I can do this singing.
00:37:45
Speaker
I'm Mel Gibson.
00:37:46
Speaker
Shut up.
00:37:47
Speaker
He's not good at singing.
00:37:48
Speaker
What do we do now?
00:37:50
Speaker
Don't tell him.
00:37:51
Speaker
He'll take his arm out of the socket.
00:37:52
Speaker
Just cut all the duets.
00:37:55
Speaker
We'll be fine.
00:37:58
Speaker
I do like how Sir Billy Conley, William Conley, played a bunch of other parts.
00:38:04
Speaker
All the rest of the people almost were him.
00:38:08
Speaker
Like all of those.
00:38:09
Speaker
I love that guy.
00:38:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:11
Speaker
And Christian Bale plays Thomas, the kid who Mel Gibson saves in the very beginning.
00:38:18
Speaker
It's kind of weird to hear Mel Gibson's voice coming out of a blonde-haired guy.
00:38:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:23
Speaker
It's kind of weird because I didn't know he was in this.
00:38:25
Speaker
And then I was like, no, right on.
00:38:27
Speaker
I'll give him some of this.
00:38:32
Speaker
For reals.
00:38:33
Speaker
I was like, ah, damn it, Riggs.
00:38:37
Speaker
I was shocked.
00:38:37
Speaker
I didn't do all of this shit.
00:38:39
Speaker
I still didn't know it was, what's his name?
00:38:42
Speaker
Christian Bale.
00:38:43
Speaker
I didn't know that until I pulled up the notes.
00:38:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:46
Speaker
So that's good.
00:38:48
Speaker
Dude, if we liked this movie more and had more time, I'd be curious to talk to the voice actors who voiced... Like, there was a guy, Frank Welker, who voiced Flit, who's the Pocahontas' hummingbird, who first of all had a name.
00:39:00
Speaker
I didn't know that.
00:39:01
Speaker
And second of all, they had someone voice it?
00:39:03
Speaker
What was he doing?
00:39:04
Speaker
What kind of noises did he make and how did he do that?
00:39:07
Speaker
But here's the thing.
00:39:08
Speaker
That is Frank Welker, who is...
00:39:13
Speaker
That's Scooby-Doo.
00:39:14
Speaker
Yeah, dude, he voices freaking everything.
00:39:16
Speaker
All the things.
00:39:17
Speaker
All the things.
00:39:19
Speaker
Transformers.
00:39:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:22
Speaker
He does all kinds of stuff.
00:39:24
Speaker
So we let him do whatever he wants.
00:39:26
Speaker
He just whistled, didn't he?
00:39:28
Speaker
Like, it was just... I don't know.
00:39:29
Speaker
Did he make the hummingbird wing noises?
00:39:31
Speaker
Or, like, did he make the facial expressions?
00:39:32
Speaker
Or did he just, like...
00:39:35
Speaker
Would he even remember having done this since he did Scooby-Doo in the Transformers?
00:39:38
Speaker
He's like, I did what?
00:39:39
Speaker
Are you sure?
00:39:40
Speaker
I was the Humminbird?
00:39:41
Speaker
I don't know.
00:39:42
Speaker
That doesn't sound right.
00:39:43
Speaker
Face tattoos?
00:39:44
Speaker
That doesn't ring a bell.
00:39:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:49
Speaker
All right.
00:39:49
Speaker
I don't have any more characters.
00:39:51
Speaker
Writer, director.
00:39:52
Speaker
I think the directors for animated movies are kind of the most important people because there's typically two directors.
00:39:57
Speaker
One directs the kind of animation and one directs the voice acting.
00:40:01
Speaker
And they both kind of work together on the whole thing.
00:40:03
Speaker
And in this case, it's Mike Gabriel and it's Eric Goldberg, both of whom were Disney animators originally.
00:40:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:09
Speaker
And like came together.
00:40:10
Speaker
They worked on some other stuff before this.
00:40:11
Speaker
I think Rescuers Down Under maybe they worked on together.
00:40:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:15
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know about together.
00:40:17
Speaker
Let me see.
00:40:18
Speaker
I can't remember.
00:40:19
Speaker
I started looking at that.
00:40:21
Speaker
Some of them, like Goldberg, dude, he has animated a ton of stuff from this time frame.
00:40:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:28
Speaker
Like he was all about it.
00:40:30
Speaker
The other guy.
00:40:31
Speaker
Yeah, Mike Gabriel did too.
00:40:32
Speaker
Mike Gabriel.
00:40:33
Speaker
Fox and, yeah, but Fox and the Hound and like Oliver and Company and Great Mouse, all those in the 80s that like weren't that great, but also I remember that he worked on those.
00:40:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:45
Speaker
Yeah, but if you look at their filmography, they don't really direct anything again after this, which is weird because it made a bunch of money, so you'd think they'd give them another shot.
00:40:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:57
Speaker
I guess Eric Goldberg does direct Fantasia 2000.
00:40:59
Speaker
You remember that?
00:41:01
Speaker
But like, vaguely.
00:41:07
Speaker
He directs a couch gag for The Simpsons.
00:41:10
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, they're directing stuff.
00:41:11
Speaker
They're not directing Disney animated features.
00:41:13
Speaker
Yeah, not big ones, right.
00:41:15
Speaker
But they're working as animators still, and not like that.
00:41:17
Speaker
That's cool.
00:41:17
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
00:41:19
Speaker
And then there's three people that write the story.
00:41:23
Speaker
Well, a story by credit is like 15 people.
00:41:28
Speaker
But the actual credited writers, Carl Binder, Susanna Grant, and Philip Lezebnik.
00:41:36
Speaker
A story by credit just means they just...
00:41:38
Speaker
Hey, maybe don't make her have face tattoos.
00:41:41
Speaker
Yeah, what if the raccoon steals the compass?
00:41:43
Speaker
That could be important later on.
00:41:45
Speaker
What if the tree talks?
00:41:47
Speaker
Right?
00:41:47
Speaker
That could be a thing.
00:41:48
Speaker
Story by credit.
00:41:50
Speaker
Philip Lezevnik writes Mulan, Prince of Egypt, Road to El Dorado.
00:41:56
Speaker
Dude, Road to El Dorado is the jam.
00:41:58
Speaker
I don't remember that that well.
00:42:00
Speaker
I don't know.
00:42:00
Speaker
That one was way better than this one for colonizers.
00:42:06
Speaker
Well, in the year 2000, we can check that out.
00:42:09
Speaker
Right.
00:42:10
Speaker
But yeah, man.
00:42:11
Speaker
So I didn't really have any worse.
00:42:13
Speaker
80 minutes long and I still could have had it be shorter.
00:42:15
Speaker
I wanted more songs and better songs and the whole like all the colonized, all the colonist stuff I hated.
00:42:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:24
Speaker
I didn't really like the Indian stuff either, though.
00:42:28
Speaker
True.
00:42:30
Speaker
The Native American stuff I liked more.
00:42:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:34
Speaker
But yeah, I don't know, dude.
00:42:35
Speaker
Just not that.
00:42:36
Speaker
This music's not that good.
00:42:37
Speaker
The plot's not that good.
00:42:38
Speaker
Historically, it makes no sense.
00:42:39
Speaker
The whole thing's just like, what?
00:42:40
Speaker
I don't know why.
00:42:41
Speaker
It's just because I teach history and geography.
00:42:43
Speaker
But the whole time I'm like, nope, she's too old.
00:42:46
Speaker
Nope, no face tattoos.
00:42:48
Speaker
This is the tidewater.
00:42:49
Speaker
This isn't Yosemite.
00:42:50
Speaker
No cliffs.
00:42:51
Speaker
What are we doing?
00:42:52
Speaker
Like, I'm just mad the whole time.
00:42:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:55
Speaker
Which I shouldn't be.
00:42:56
Speaker
It's stupid.
00:42:56
Speaker
But it took me out of it and I was out.
00:43:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:01
Speaker
Meanwhile, in Braveheart, I was like, I don't care at all that none of this actually happened.
00:43:05
Speaker
I'm freaking super into it.
00:43:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:10
Speaker
Old tech alert, the only thing I put is the matchlock boomsticks.
00:43:15
Speaker
They were using them like they were muskets, but they weren't.
00:43:17
Speaker
Right.
00:43:18
Speaker
They were not.
00:43:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:19
Speaker
And then political incorrectness.
00:43:21
Speaker
Dude, seriously credit to Disney for being as politically correct with this as they were in 95.
00:43:28
Speaker
This isn't Song of the South.
00:43:29
Speaker
They don't have to vault this.
00:43:30
Speaker
It's just like we know that there's more story here than what they did.
00:43:33
Speaker
They actually were pretty respectful of the native people in this movie.
00:43:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:37
Speaker
Yeah, they did a good job there.
00:43:39
Speaker
All right, dude, five questions.
00:43:40
Speaker
Is it okay for kids?
00:43:42
Speaker
It's not okay for anybody, but I guess kids can watch it.
00:43:47
Speaker
It's maybe the worst Disney animated movie of our lifetime, but kids could totally watch it.
00:43:53
Speaker
I don't know.
00:43:54
Speaker
There's some other stinkers, but this one, I would say seven, they would understand what's going on, maybe?
00:44:02
Speaker
I did not have my four-year-old watch this because I was like, I don't think he's going to like it.
00:44:05
Speaker
I don't really like it.
00:44:06
Speaker
And the last thing I need is for him to get obsessed with it and have to watch it a bunch.
00:44:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:10
Speaker
Then you're stuck.
00:44:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:11
Speaker
All of a sudden you're watching every little thing.
00:44:13
Speaker
Huh.
00:44:14
Speaker
They do say his name.
00:44:14
Speaker
It is Flick.
00:44:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:16
Speaker
Whatever his name is.
00:44:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:19
Speaker
Would this movie get made if it were pitched now?
00:44:20
Speaker
I don't, dude.
00:44:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:22
Speaker
They made, they, they adxed their money.
00:44:25
Speaker
They spent 55 million.
00:44:27
Speaker
They made 346 million and they won two Oscars.
00:44:29
Speaker
I don't know.
00:44:30
Speaker
Like we're dogging on it, but they printed money with this thing and it's super easy to watch.
00:44:34
Speaker
I think, uh, do you make it more like more realistic this time without being, it's hard.
00:44:42
Speaker
I know to make it realistic without like now all of a sudden it's rated PG 13.
00:44:47
Speaker
Well, my zag for it was like Disney wouldn't do it, but like people love a period drama.
00:44:51
Speaker
Downton Abbey was like everybody's wearing puffy coats the whole time and staying boring shit.
00:44:55
Speaker
Like Jane Eyre.
00:44:57
Speaker
Like why couldn't we do that with this where it actually is the real people with the ignorant savages over in London talking about like that?
00:45:04
Speaker
People would probably watch that.
00:45:05
Speaker
I wouldn't, but it seems like those shows do well.
00:45:08
Speaker
yeah let's just call it yellowstone and see what happens um i'm sure they could make it a limited series not a movie again right you make it a tv series you can cover her whole life in four seasons because all 20 years of it right right um yeah so i didn't recast this because i don't care yeah and uh
00:45:33
Speaker
And dude, you can definitely still watch this because it's Disney, so it's on Disney+.
00:45:37
Speaker
I didn't enjoy it that much.
00:45:38
Speaker
Although, again, credit to it being 80 minutes long.
00:45:40
Speaker
I appreciate that.
00:45:43
Speaker
did you know you know they meant for it to be longer than that that means they cut stuff that they had already animated and probably songs they'd already recorded to get the final like they definitely cut songs they definitely cut songs because they wrote like four extra songs that got cut out of there so i'm like that's what i'm saying like this product that they delivered was after they cut out stuff that's even worse yeah that's that's not good
00:46:10
Speaker
That's not really good for them.
00:46:14
Speaker
So I guess you can watch and enjoy it if you're into this sort of thing.
00:46:17
Speaker
It's definitely possible to watch it.
00:46:19
Speaker
We've watched the worst stuff for the podcast, but this particular one, especially this week that you and I are doing this, we've got a bunch of stuff going on.
00:46:26
Speaker
We were both like, this is so stupid.
00:46:29
Speaker
I can't believe we did this.
00:46:33
Speaker
I can't believe the whole time I was like, he sounded really excited about it.
00:46:36
Speaker
I think he likes this one.
00:46:37
Speaker
Dude, you were like, just pick the movie.
00:46:38
Speaker
Just say whatever you want.
00:46:39
Speaker
I was like, I don't know, Pocahontas, it's fine.
00:46:41
Speaker
Yeah, in my head, I pictured you liking it, and the whole time I'm like, God, I'm going to feel bad trashing this, because he's going to be like...
00:46:49
Speaker
Best movie!
00:46:50
Speaker
I mean, they just... Just around the river bend!
00:46:53
Speaker
They went on a dare!
00:46:54
Speaker
Hold on, let me get into the second verse.
00:46:56
Speaker
No, I... No, I nothing.
00:47:01
Speaker
I nothing this.
00:47:02
Speaker
But anyway, we haven't picked our next movie.
00:47:04
Speaker
Do you want to do... The top rated movies that we have not done are Seven and Apollo 13.
00:47:09
Speaker
Do you care about any of those?
00:47:10
Speaker
Do you want to do Seven?
00:47:10
Speaker
Seven is the one we need to do.
00:47:12
Speaker
It's Halloween.
00:47:12
Speaker
Let's do Seven, dude.
00:47:13
Speaker
It's Halloween.
00:47:13
Speaker
All right, so that's S-E and then the numeral seven.
00:47:18
Speaker
Lucky number seven.
00:47:19
Speaker
And then EN.
00:47:24
Speaker
Cool.
00:47:25
Speaker
Oh, man.
00:47:26
Speaker
All right.
00:47:27
Speaker
Pitney's not outside.
00:47:28
Speaker
I like it.
00:47:29
Speaker
He's not going to ride horses.
00:47:31
Speaker
He's got short hair.
00:47:32
Speaker
It's freaking terrifying.
00:47:33
Speaker
Redford.
00:47:34
Speaker
Watch it during the daytime.
00:47:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:36
Speaker
All the lights.
00:47:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:37
Speaker
All right.
00:47:37
Speaker
Thank you guys for listening.
00:47:39
Speaker
We'll see you in two weeks for SE, the number seven EN.
00:47:44
Speaker
Bye, Candios.
00:47:45
Speaker
Bye, Candios.
00:47:53
Speaker
Thanks for listening to Movie Life Crisis.
00:47:55
Speaker
Please subscribe, rate, and review, and remember, don't drive angry.