Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
AMEC 2025 RTL Live! Q&A Edition
52 Plays1 month ago
AMEC 2025 was one for the books! Whether you were able to join The Lounge team's events in St. Louis this Easter weekend, or you had to take a rain check, we're happy to share some of the fun conversations we had with SNMA members during such an exciting weekend! Take a listen to our Run The List live recording, as our hosts discuss topics ranging from financial management to finding love as a Black medical professional. We hope to catch you all again next year in Pittsburgh!
Click this link to access the SNMA Anti-DEI Survey!
To share your thoughts on our discussions or if you have any questions to ask our hosts, email podcast@snma.org for a chance to be featured on the show!
Disclaimer: The opinions and views expressed on our podcast do not reflect the official stance of the Student National Medical Association.
Recommended
Transcript
Podcast Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
The views expressed on this podcast represent only those of the hosts and do not represent the views of the Student National Medical Association. What's going on, SNMA family? Right now, the SNMA needs your help.
00:00:12
Speaker
The SNMA will be conducting a brief survey among all pre-medical students, medical students, residents, fellows, and attending physicians. Our objective is to gather insight on how your journey in medicine has been affected by anti-diversity, equity, and inclusion legislation, as well as the current sociopolitical climate.
00:00:30
Speaker
Your thoughts, experiences, and opinions. This survey is your chance to be heard and help shape the conversation. It's quick, anonymous, and every response counts. If anti-DI has been plaguing your mind or affecting your medical school experience in any way, we want to know.
00:00:47
Speaker
Please complete the survey using the provided link in our description. ah The survey closes May 7th at 11.59 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
Host and Podcast Intro
00:01:11
Speaker
Okay, good morning, everybody.
00:01:14
Speaker
Welcome to SMA Presents The Lounges, run the list live Q&A. My name is Jared Jeffrey. I am one of the hosts of the podcast.
00:01:32
Speaker
like itll
00:01:35
Speaker
Yeah. right Hello everyone, I'm um Isabella. I'm ah one of the hosts of the Lounge, SMA Presents the Lounge podcast, M4 at Penn, matched EM.
00:01:49
Speaker
ah you're already present Hi everyone, my name is Chinesa and I'm an MS3 at the University of Houston.
00:02:02
Speaker
Hi everybody, my name is Samiza. I'm an M4 at Drexel and I just matched Gen Surge at LSU.
00:02:12
Speaker
All right, so basically, like this is our Run the List live session. So pretty much, we do our own recorded, course, podcast. And one of the shows is Run the List. So this is kind of supposed to be like our live edition of Run the List. So we're going to treat it like that. So um we're going to start off with our icebreaker.
Black Sitcom Universes
00:02:29
Speaker
And so we have a couple prompts. And we are letting anybody who like has you know any ideas to join in or chip in You can also come up and take the mic. and you know ah say what you need because this is all being recorded.
00:02:43
Speaker
So afterwards, you guys can listen back to yourselves if you if you'd like. um Okay, so we'll start off with the first one All right, if you gets I'm gonna ask my hosts, but also the audience as well, you guys can chime in um If you get to be in any black sitcom universe, which show are you gonna be in?
00:03:03
Speaker
For me, it'll be blackish. I really, really love blackish. I love the role that Tracy Elliott Ross plays as well. I think I just see myself a lot in her. um Just thinking about being ah female, you know, black female doctor, navigating career, navigating home life and all of that. So, and I mean, it's a really funny show too that just s warms my heart. So, yeah.
00:03:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:03:34
Speaker
Yeah, I should have waited to take the mic. But um I think if I had to pick, I'm still going to give you two choices. um I'm between all of us.
00:03:45
Speaker
All right, we know it here. Okay, good. Or one-on-one. Yeah, one of those two. I don't know. One-on-one, Brianna loved her down. Arnaz, yeah. well Spirit, was that her name? The other girl?
00:04:01
Speaker
Yeah, just amazing. Love black teenage commentary. And then All of Us, i just thought that was so interesting, that blended family that they gave, lovely Saray, Dwayne Martin, all that.
00:04:15
Speaker
Chris Rock's brother, forgot his name.
00:04:19
Speaker
ah Those are both good answers. For me, I would think I want to be in the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. um Will Smith is one of my favorite actors. I really like the ah the family dynamic they had, you know, the big house, lots of people living in it.
00:04:31
Speaker
Yeah, that was real nice. And, you know, I like the strong parental figures that they had around them, you know. I like that they, ah even though they had money, they were still down to earth. And I think that's, like, the goal for all of us, you know, like, have a lot of money but still be down to earth, raise our kids the right way, and don't let the money change us, so. Yeah.
00:04:48
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Maybe I'm bringing the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air to my own life. How do you feel about the remake, Bel-Air? ain't even watch it. That's crazy. You know what? It's actually crazy. It's actually pretty good. i don't know. You should watch it. Give him give him a chance. Okay. Y'all hear it live on the pod. I'm going give it a chance. going to give it a chance. I'm going to y'all know in next month's episode.
00:05:05
Speaker
For me, it would definitely be a different world. Like, I just love, it's such a classic. And that was actually one of the biggest reasons why I went to Howard, because I just loved the way they depicted like at HBCU. I was like, oh wait, this is like really cool. So so was like, that was like my first introduction to HBCUs. But yeah, okay, cool. We'll do one more and then we can get into our topic. So the next one will be
00:05:29
Speaker
Oh, okay.
Trivial Opinions
00:05:30
Speaker
So what's a hill you will die on that absolutely does not matter? So an example would be like sugar does not go in grit. So like what is something that you are super like, oh, okay. So the video man said that is a very true statement.
00:05:46
Speaker
But before we go, do we have any any from the crowd first? and yeah Anybody from the crowd that has a hill that they will absolutely die on?
00:05:57
Speaker
So what we're talking about right now is what's a hill that you will absolutely die on that does not matter? Okay, okay. and the example was sugar does not go on grits. Be sure to introduce yourself.
00:06:09
Speaker
um My name is Onijah. I'm a third year medical student at the University of Louisville. camera, King. School of Medicine. Oh, hello. um Pineapple does not go on pizza. I like that. they don't i like that.
00:06:21
Speaker
Yes, sir.
00:06:24
Speaker
Okay. That's really crazy. Come to the face front. Come here. you got to tell You got to tell the crowd who you are, why you believe that's true, and then what's your hill that you'll die on. What's up? My name's Angel. I'm a fourth year at University of Virginia School Medicine.
00:06:38
Speaker
Look, you got the sweet and the savory, you know. yeah You got... No, because like... No, you got, yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, because you got the tomato sauce, you got the cheese, you got your salty, and then you put the pineapple it. And then fruit.
00:06:55
Speaker
you know you got you then you put the the pineapple on and and it and it and they yeah were like so like Oh, yes. And then fruit right right in that. Putting putting your the McDonald's fries in the milkshake.
00:07:06
Speaker
Like, y'all don't do that? Okay. It's the same. It's it's sweet and salty. so So your hill that you're dying on is that pineapple does go on pizza. Yes. Is that? Yes. that's Okay. yeah But I also have another one. Okay. Let's hear it. Okay, look.
00:07:21
Speaker
i I mean, coming from an African black household. Oh, yeah. Say this one right into the microphone. Say it right into the mic. Say They always say, you're cooking, get your chicken, you gotta wash the chicken.
00:07:34
Speaker
i don't think you need to wash the chicken. Personally, you don't have to wash the chicken. You don't have to wash the chicken. Why are you washing, you're cooking the chicken.
00:07:45
Speaker
any bacteria that was in there you're killing it what bacteria is going to survive like you put the the chicken in the oven 400 degrees what bacteria survive? none of the bacteria washing the chicken you're just transferring all the bacteria from your chicken into your sink and now your sink is dirty and you're gonna like you know stick stick all your cutlery in there look ah Okay. You don't got to wash your chicken. know. Sorry.
00:08:08
Speaker
I'm sorry. Sorry, not sorry. Okay. Angela's over here eating dairy chicken, y'all. I'm sorry. That's super crazy. don't know. Can we comment? we We listen and we don't judge. We listen and we don't judge. And we're judging today, okay? Because that's crazy.
00:08:23
Speaker
Not washing your chicken. but
00:08:27
Speaker
got somewhere we we We got another hill. Please introduce yourself. All right. ah Jocelyn Wenzel. I am the assistant EP for the podcast, and I am a third-year med student at International University of Health Sciences in St. Kitts.
00:08:42
Speaker
The hill that I will die on is there are two things that make people extremely untrustworthy. It's liking black licorice and liking milk chocolate over dark chocolate. Those people need help. So those are my, yeah.
00:08:54
Speaker
The second one. Milk chocolate over dark chocolate. Here's the thing. Milk chocolate and white chocolate is all sugar. Dark chocolate's actually chocolate. That's why we like it, because it's sweet. It's a little treat. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
00:09:06
Speaker
Mm-mm.
00:09:09
Speaker
Yeah, licorice don't need to be nowhere near anybody's GI tract. However, however, cannot support you on on the milk chocolate. Does anyone eat fries with mayo?
00:09:24
Speaker
Okay, yeah, I don't know about that, you guys. Like, that one is a no-no for me. Like, mayo and fries, they don't go together. Just leave it at ketchup, okay?
00:09:35
Speaker
That's a calm one. That's a calm one. My quick hill, so I can also add some controversy to the moment. um I have not had a bowl of cereal in maybe three or four years, but milk definitely goes before the cereal. Samisa, why'd you take mine?
00:09:48
Speaker
Why'd you take mine? See, it's not even that controversial. Wait, what did you say? You said milk? Milk goes before. period. Yeah, that was going to be my own. Because some people save cereal before Don't nobody want soggy cereal. Oh, yeah. And I heat up my milk, too, actually.
00:10:01
Speaker
Because I like it warm. Like I grew up with my mom would pour the milk and she would heat it up. Yeah. Especially if you put frosted flakes, it slaps. Yo, you're real. I haven't had it in years. But no, seriously. Hot milk used to be the thing. But then stopped because i was my sister almost got super hurt um warming up milk for me one time.
00:10:21
Speaker
However, you know, great times. Hot milk and cereal. Yeah. Yeah. Wait. See, you guys said you put milk first so it's not soggy and then you're going to warm up the milk? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I like it being soggy.
00:10:34
Speaker
It's going to get soggy. you eat it quickly. You eat it before it doesn't get too soggy. that the The math ain't math ain't right now. What are you doing there? You're not saying that. don't need to take 20 minutes to eat a bowl of cereal. Please, guys. Can we end this icebreaker before I got to quit the podcast?
00:10:51
Speaker
This is very important work. This was, whew. Very important work. and and Interesting, yeah. I know who I'm working with now. We'll talk offline.
Medical Career Transitions
00:11:02
Speaker
um So like y'all know, the name of the session is Run the List for our preclinical students running the patient list on the wards. It helps the team address pressing matters of the day.
00:11:13
Speaker
And what we'll be doing today is addressing some topics that are prevalent to us as well as the communities that we serve. So um we're going to jump right into it. Transitions in medicine.
00:11:23
Speaker
um So, you know, for those of us, you know, maybe you went from pre-med to medical school. Maybe you're going from medical school to residency. What is something that nobody warned you about in your transition? Whatever that let us know what that transition was.
00:11:36
Speaker
And ah actually, before we get on to the next one. Yeah. What's just one thing that somebody has ah not warned you about in terms of a transition? We got two M4s up here, right? M4s? Yeah. yeah There's two of us who matched and then Sumizas and M3.
00:11:51
Speaker
So thank you guys. Yeah. um We're not in residency yet, but I guess we are ending the tail end of our medical school journey. I think what I would say in terms what nobody warned me about is like genuinely when you're going into medical school, when going through medical school like that is going to be a sub substantial it's gonna take up a substantial part of your life. like I think no one really warned me about like the time commitment. like I knew it was gonna be hard, but I didn't realize it's not just about like studying or just like those kinds of things, but it's more so having to incorporate all of the things like all of the things that happen both inside and outside of the classroom. So like you have those tests you have to study for that could take up time after you like get home.
00:12:34
Speaker
and then have the things you actually have to do while you're in the hospital. So I feel like maybe I just saw it as like, oh, college a little bit. Like maybe it's just like when you're in class, you deal with it in class. And if you have like free time, you can kind of just get the work done. But it was just, it ends up just taking up a lot of your time. So I would just say like, if you haven't done things that you care about, like traveling or whatever, I would suggest do that before you start. Because like you might have to pause that. Me personally, I still travel because like,
00:12:56
Speaker
Yeah, i'm I'm going to travel, but I think that was still difficult to do. like I feel like that I had to kind of make it work, but you know it's better to do it when you don't really have that time commitment that is like stopping you from doing it. So that's probably what I would say that no one potentially warned me about.
00:13:12
Speaker
Yeah, totally agree with you, Isabella. Crazy transition from undergrad, even grad school to med school, right? Like, just the workload is insane. You're not ready for it. But you then you get through it, and then you're like, OK, well, we got to add some fun to it. All work and no play makes Samisa a very dull girl, right?
00:13:32
Speaker
So, um but I think for me, my um transition that nobody really warned me about, I'm gonna talk about this period right now, post-match. Yo, they talk about the paperwork, but that paperwork we're doing is very, very serious. like did we doing oaths and like contracts and background checks and drug tests. And they're giving us a deadline of within like tomorrow. Exactly. And nothing's been done. yeah And you know, for my internationally born folks, shout out to London, not really, but it is very difficult. like I was at the social security office waiting, and I said...
00:14:15
Speaker
I have one. where My mom just took it somewhere. like i just need a replacement. They're like, we don't know if you're a citizen. That's not crazy. I have a passport. Especially under this administration, that's kind of crazy. No, it's very crazy. like I'm really holding on to that passport for dear life. like I promise. I have citizenship.
00:14:31
Speaker
um No, but I think that's the crazy thing about the transition of this period. It's such a time of joy and celebration, but there's so much prep that goes into this very short period that you have between matching and working at somebody hospital.
00:14:47
Speaker
um So I think that's one thing I wasn't
Financial Challenges in Medicine
00:14:50
Speaker
ready for. And then just like, sub eyes for fourth year, i don't think anybody talks about that transition from M3 to M4. They talk a lot about M2 to M3, right? yeah You gotta get ready for step one. You have to get ready to go into the hospital. but It's just it creeps up on you that M3 to M4 transition and you have vSlow and do you have just a bunch of apps that you're doing. yeah And then you are working in somebody's hospital and trying to show them that, hey, I want to be here next year or, hey, I can show that I have some knowledge clinically.
00:15:22
Speaker
And that is a very, very difficult transition because people are like, OK, like you say you want to be here, show up. Yeah, especially, you know, in surgery. they Yeah, it's a lot going on. Yeah, I definitely think we should also like hop into finances too because I want us to get to our last topics. I know time is, we had a little bit of a hiccup with setup, so yeah, let's hop into finances.
00:15:42
Speaker
Okay, my my so the transition I was going to talk about is very financial. Yeah, yes. oh The transition that I was going to talk about was going from working full-time back to medical school. So I'm currently working. um I have my master's. I'm working, and I'm preparing to you know begin medical school, and I think that it is going to be a very big transition going from being busy all the time with money to being busy all the time without money.
00:16:07
Speaker
um you know Just trying to prepare myself for that and you know, get ready my mentally, you know, put things in a place where like I'm, you know, ready to spend a little less and ready to like, you know, be in somebody's hospital all day and ah be able to mentally cope with the fact that I could be somewhere else making something, you know. But um yes, on the on the same, that same energy in the topic of finances, what is one financial lesson that you all wish that you've learned sooner?
00:16:40
Speaker
Well, I think for me, it was just, I think i would I would have really appreciated coming to medical school knowing that the budget that I have is probably not going to be enough and just having something a little bit more saved will help. Because even if you have a budget that you follow, there's just so many expenses that you don't budget for that just creeps up on you, whether that's paying for step exam and then maybe paying for whatever resource is gonna help you and you don't really think about that when you're making your monthly budget.
00:17:10
Speaker
So if you think your monthly budget is gonna be this tiny amount, then just really projected being even tinier than what what it is. So think that would have just really, really helped with not feeling like, oh my God,
00:17:24
Speaker
Am I going to eat ramen noodles tonight? Because a lot of lot of nights, a lot of nights. A lot of nights. And loan money is not monopoly money, too. Like, it's real. I'm seeing it now as they're telling me fill out the exit counseling for my loads.
00:17:38
Speaker
I'm like, oh, this is real, we actually have to pay it back? like I thought this was a suggestion, but yeah, it's crazy. like Literally, it's so everything does add up at the end the day. I would say that I personally don't really buy into like loans should deter you from pursuing the path because the of the day, we are gonna be in a position better than most to pay it off, but I still also think that like If there's the opportunity for you to maybe take out less or just, like, be a little bit more savvy with it, then that's still helpful as well. Because, I mean, the less loans you have, the long like the less time you have to, you know, spend paying it back. So that's something I would say. Yeah, I think the lesson I learned was um I saw somebody say the other day that Albert Einstein said, compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world.
00:18:18
Speaker
And it can either work against you and ruin your life or work for you and, like, save your life. Yeah. And so just in like that regard, just making sure that we're not like you know taking out money um carelessly and trying not trying to live off of it in a like reckless kind of way. you know And you know just trying to see if we can maximize the possibilities for savings or whatever that case may be, like you know before or during medical school or scholarships. Wait, what savings are you all talking about? Because right now I'm just trying to get my hair done. That's what I'm saying. It's like...
00:18:50
Speaker
Yeah, i think I think finances, and another thing, too, is that they're not good at teaching us finances in med school. Like, it's just about passing the classes and taking steps. Like, they don't actually tell you how to be financially literate. So that's something, at least, like, in my school, now that we're graduating, they've plugged us in with different financial advisors and stuff like that. But it's like, I feel like you should have been done this. Like, this could have...
00:19:11
Speaker
been more helpful on the back end rather than trying to make up for, as I'm entering residency, I'm just trying to figure out how's salary that, I'm just hoping and praying that union contract goes through because right now is looking, the math you know what I'm trying to say? like, please start the union unique contract like tomorrow because currently budgeting for that is going to be difficult. Like residents don't get paid that much. Like, yeah.
00:19:32
Speaker
I mean, I don't want to be selfish was like or like sound out of touch. with Some people, that's their actual salary thrill and they have to make it work. exactly But like you know it's still hard to like navigate um Yeah, I'm not salary, but once again.
00:19:44
Speaker
Yeah, I just have... Oh, go ahead, Darren. Cut yourself some slack, you know? That salary is meant for someone that earns real high, you know what saying? Those people didn't go into, like, you know, multi-hundred thousand dollars of debt to get that salary, you know what i'm saying?
00:19:58
Speaker
um The only other thing that I was thinking was, um in since you brought up residency, like, would would you take a lower-paying residency if it meant that, you know, you had a little bit more peace of mind, like, better mental health at home?
00:20:13
Speaker
uh i'm gonna take that real quick yeah so one i feel like residency no matter which specialty like we just not getting paid that much like no for real i'm gonna be super
Financial Expectations in Relationships
00:20:24
Speaker
stressed out in surgery residency right they don't care right it's the salary is a salary yeah um so i think in terms of picking a specialty just pick your specialty right you got to find the thing that makes you want to go to that hospital that clinic every day Yeah. Like, no matter what.
00:20:38
Speaker
Yeah. If you're happy at the end of a long day, then that's probably where you want to be, right? um But i i I feel like Isabella also wanted to answer, and then I'll tell you guys my financial thing.
00:20:49
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I'm all about peace of mind and wellness. like Because if you can't get through it, then what's the point of the money? like People quit. Unfortunately, we've heard of physician suicide. This really messes people's heads up. like It's not a joke.
00:21:03
Speaker
um So personally, I'm always choosing wellness and peace of mind over money. um I'll just have to make it work. You know what I'm trying to say? Yeah, I don't... I would like both, but so you know it might not, it could be realistic, but it's not always gonna be you know the um the reality for some people, so I would definitely choose wellness.
00:21:21
Speaker
I think something that my dad has always told me that has followed me is that when you really cultivate your passion, the gold is always going to come. So even if you pick a specialty that seems like, oh, well, it's not the highest whatever on the ah highest paying specialty, when you think about it, there's a reason why we have like the $1 million paying pediatricians because they're the best and people want to go there. Like they they want your babies. Oh, no, like that's the doctor that I'm going to. So I think if you're the best at whatever it is that you do,
00:21:48
Speaker
With time, your value is going to increase. And as your value increases as well, your worth increases. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. But I guess my other money lesson that I think is important.
00:22:00
Speaker
So one, we actually do have a financial advisor at Drexel. Shout out Mike Clancy. He's never going to hear this. um And that man has been trying to save us since day one from debt.
00:22:11
Speaker
If you have any resources like that, don't run away from them just because you feel like your situation is too hard to deal with. Because I feel like if I had gone to him earlier, things would not be how they are. um And like those people that are there for you and those resources, like they're not there to judge you. like Literally no one cares about your financial situation, just how to make it better. yeah um And another thing, don't take out that max.
00:22:37
Speaker
be Be afraid of the max on the Grad Plus loan. I'm not a good example because I always take out the max, but yeah, I probably would have done that. This was a i do as I say, don't do as I do. Yeah. Y'all apply for scholarships though.
00:22:49
Speaker
I know it takes a lot of work, but apply. yeah, because everyone is saying it takes a lot of work. So imagine if you actually apply you get money. Yeah. So please do apply. That's fair.
00:23:00
Speaker
That's fair. So we're gonna pivot quickly because um we don't have too much time, but I do want us to get to, this is I guess the part the part three of Pop the Balloon After Hours.
00:23:13
Speaker
But more, you know. If had to see another balloon. Yeah, I don't want to see another balloon. I don't want to. um So we're going to get into like our dating topics because I think that for a lot of people in medicine, um it's not we have the conversations, but they're not really productive. It ends up being like a back and forth guy versus girl kind of thing. And it's never really like a safe space for people to really say how they feel.
00:23:34
Speaker
Is this space safe? this the The space is safe from my end. Is it safe on your end? i don't know. You got to tell me. I'm i'm just making sure. Y'all go see. Watch. Don't, no, no. Don't. Listen. I haven't even started yet. Keep going.
00:23:47
Speaker
going. So um let's start off with this question. And this we're going pose this question to the audience. So I hope that you guys can and take the thought you pose it to the men. I mean, it's not only men, there's also, we have, you know, our women in the back.
00:24:03
Speaker
um Okay, so is dating someone who makes less money deal breaker?
00:24:10
Speaker
no okay, so you wanna come up to the mic and explain? We're recording, so you can, yeah, we can you can have our answer broadcast. And you can introduce yourself, say hi to the camera too. You Oh, okay, what you're pass Okay, Jared wants to give a disclaimer first and foremost.
00:24:30
Speaker
Everything that we're saying is being recorded for the pod. You'll be in our next episode that gets published. Okay. So for me personally, dating someone that makes less than me isn't a deal breaker. I think what's more of a deal breaker is dating someone that's less motivated than me.
Teamwork in Relationships
00:24:45
Speaker
I feel like as long as you're doing passion work and you're happy about it, at the end of the day, like we're all going to be doctors. We're going to make enough to make ourselves financially stable. yeah So I think that's the biggest thing for me because I feel like when one person is working hard and the other person isn't, that's what creates tension in a relationship because you feel like you're outworking your partner.
00:25:05
Speaker
So yeah. That's really solid answer. Thank you. Anyone else in the crowd? I mean, I feel like for guys, don't you guys want women to make less money? Right?
00:25:17
Speaker
No, I mean... not You staring in the pot! But yeah, ah but I feel like that's what it is. What? like Well, so it makes, like, I would expect a woman... And I told you how she was to start? No, no, no. I'm like... I'm going to see if the space is safe still. We should put the stereotype out. I mean, most of the time women, like...
00:25:35
Speaker
The young lady who literally who just said her answer, like that is not always the norm for people to be okay with that. From a guy's perspective, I'm expecting you guys to want that. Is that true? Okay, so you're thinking that men are afraid of their women earning more than them. Correct.
00:25:50
Speaker
Okay, so call a spade a spade. Yeah. um So I'm going to put it like this. There are gender norms, there are like you know traditional values that a lot of people have, right? In a household, in a marriage, in a relationship, we, and you know, regardless of however much we make, um we still think it's the man's position to pay for a date, it's the man's position to protect and provide, right?
00:26:13
Speaker
And so if he is going to be able to... ah provide at a lower level, I think that there should be a little bit of scaling. I think that making less is no problem.
00:26:25
Speaker
Making too much less opens the door for ah
00:26:31
Speaker
misgivings. And what I mean by that is if she makes $300,000 and he makes $80,000, she is going to be providing more for the household. you know She is going to be providing more. And you know at this stage in the game where we're all hoping to make money,
00:26:48
Speaker
It's easy to say the altruistic thing. It's easy to say the... ah Yeah, you can come back up and rebut me. And I also want the men in the audience to answer because don't know if they agree with what you're saying, but I mean, yeah. it's It's easy to say the altruistic thing, but five years down the line, ten years down the line where...
00:27:04
Speaker
You've contributed, you know, a significant amount more. It takes true love to be okay with. What if somebody says, oh, well, you're you're supporting this. You're supporting this man. you're You're literally, like, supporting this man. Like, this this man wouldn't have his house if if if it wasn't for your doctor's salary.
00:27:20
Speaker
Some people would, you know, try to insert that into a marriage, but a strong marriage wouldn't care about that. But, um... like Jared, hold on, hold on. Wait, weren't we talking about true love before? Because you said it takes true love. So kind of confused about the, you know, what kind of love are we talking about here in the first place? My fault, my fault, fault.
00:27:38
Speaker
So when I think about my partner's money making, I automatically think about a marriage because I'm not thinking about how much you're making if we date in or if we're, even if we're like serious dating, maybe it'll come up or something like that. But like,
00:27:50
Speaker
It's not really on my mind. If I'm marrying you, if I you know am building a life with you, then that's when we're opening bank accounts and we're looking and we're like, okay, who's contributing to what? How are we divvying this up? You know what i'm saying?
00:28:01
Speaker
And our guest from before is going to come up and give another piece of her mind.
00:28:08
Speaker
I will preface this by saying I'm engaged. um And my fiance does currently make more than me, but once I become a doctor, I'll probably be making a little bit more. But I will say providing looks way different than just financially.
00:28:21
Speaker
So I think providing guidance, providing stability, like I don't think you have to do more, but I have to be able to depend on you. So if we set up our bills a certain way, I think it's more important that I know you're always going to have your half than if you're going have more than me.
00:28:36
Speaker
And I think another thing about providing is, like, I'm more so looking for you to provide direction for our household and not necessarily financial support. That's a big one. Because sometimes just because ah if a guy makes more money doesn't mean that he has a good head on his shoulders or he knows how to lead the room. So I think that's a really ah big point that you made.
00:28:54
Speaker
um Any... any My friend Edmund over here, oh has something to say. He said, let me get but let me get from behind the camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. ah My name is Edmund Broden. own an operator of Made by Broden. Me and my wife has been married for 20 years. We'll be married 21 in November.
00:29:12
Speaker
And the worst thing you can do is sit up here and try to keep score. When you're on a team, you got a scorer, you got a rebounder, you got a blocker, you got somebody that's going set the pick, you got somebody that's coaching, you got somebody that's sitting there cheering, you got all of that.
00:29:24
Speaker
Right? We're a team. It's about the end goal, not how we get there. Right? Right? So with you have to set those goals with the person that you're with, and you have to understand, okay, this is where I want to go in life.
00:29:36
Speaker
Where do you want to go in life? And how does that trajectory meet at the at the mountaintop, right? It doesn't matter who brings what to the table as long as everything is being fulfilled and everybody is okay, everybody is good. Communication is the best thing you can have before you start keeping school.
00:29:52
Speaker
Yeah, keeping score. That's what leads to a lot of issues when you keep score. did this, you did that, you know. Okay, so let's get into our next question.
Prenups and Protection
00:30:04
Speaker
Would you sign a prenup? Why or why not? Yes.
00:30:12
Speaker
Unequivocally. No, honestly, i think, you know, when you're younger, you always see, like, on the shows, like, why would he ask me for a prenup? Blah, blah, blah. But... I have no assets right now, but I will.
00:30:24
Speaker
Let's protect ourselves because I think the biggest thing I, the biggest like, I guess eye opening thing I ever heard in terms of a quote was the person that you marry is not the same person you divorce.
00:30:37
Speaker
ooh And we need to protect me before the marriage, right? Definitely. And I want you to protect yourself too, right? Like we don't know how we're going to be six months, one year, five years from now, right? Like I don't know if you're going to be the guy that I loved and was so happy to see on my wedding day, right?
00:30:57
Speaker
you might be my worst enemy by the end of this. So let's not put ourselves in a position where you know our enemies are deciding our futures. I like that. I like that a lot. And real quick, I just think that um that my answer to the question is yes.
00:31:11
Speaker
um And ah yeah, it's it's very simple. ah Marriage is a contract and divorce is governed by It's governed by the state you live in. It's either you have a prenup and you decide the rules of your divorce or you allow the state that you live in to decide the rules of your divorce.
00:31:27
Speaker
And, you know, I think I'd just personally rather pick the rules. You know what Real simple. Good questions. Let's come up with our last question. So this one's a little bit, I
Dating Challenges for Black Professionals
00:31:40
Speaker
don't know. lets Hopefully this doesn't divide the room.
00:31:43
Speaker
um What is... The worst city for a black single person in medicine. Atlanta, I'm just kidding.
00:31:55
Speaker
Big up to LA. LA, there's nothing in LA for anybody. Philadelphia not doing much. Philly's doing zero, but negative zero. It's doing negative zero, but I don't know if that's a me thing. It's an anomaly.
00:32:07
Speaker
Nah, because we're both in Philly. Yeah. And yeah, I think we're having some... Well, let me know. I don't know. Yeah. Let me speak for myself. It has not been light. It has been quite dark.
00:32:19
Speaker
I've been in Philadelphia for 11 years since undergrad.
00:32:25
Speaker
Yeah. You didn't hear me say I'm engaged. this This is a fake gold ring. Okay.
00:32:34
Speaker
Might anybody in the crowd have a city that um is not doing black medical students well? Because I'm from New York. It's great here. oh Did move to New York then? Wait, let me add a caveat, though, because we talked about this on the podcast. Remember, the perspective of a male and his prospects versus the woman. I told y'all it wasn't safe. I told y'all.
00:32:56
Speaker
So it might be great for you, but someone in a black woman in New York could be suffering. You know what I'm trying to say? so That's actually true. i agree. i agree, Bella. so A black woman in New York not to be suffering. you know why? Because there is nothing but New York manfare there.
00:33:10
Speaker
I don't know. Get you a... You know what? I'm not too short. Yeah, you don't need to touch this mic again. Anyways, as I was about to say, um like, yeah, I think me and my friends talk about this constantly. Being a black woman in medicine and being a black man in medicine are very different experiences, right?
00:33:29
Speaker
Like my good sister, Caitlin, how you say name? Was saying, like, Honestly, a Rarity, I'm so glad that you found that for yourself, especially before a residency. But like trying to tell somebody, hey, I'm in a lot of debt. Hey, i um you know won't have time for you. Hey, I don't know when I'm going to have kids. i think I want them, but you know it's kind of busy, especially if you try to pick a specialty where you know you're going to be dedicating, what, four plus years to it. it is very difficult to explain to somebody the traditional gender roles that we have
00:34:02
Speaker
I'm to to fulfill them potentially, but I don't know in what time going to be able to do that. I think saying that to somebody is, it kind of takes away from you in the dating market, right? And it you know with our counterparts, they understand very intimately what we're going to do, and they're like, um really want that.
00:34:19
Speaker
And then with our counterparts that are outside of that, they're like, that's really quite crazy. You want me to wait for you? So I think saying that to somebody, especially if you're taking on the child um bearing responsibilities, is a very hard thing to say versus a man.
00:34:33
Speaker
Literally, there's so many men in medicine with kids. Obviously, it's not a problem, right? You're not carrying it. You don't have to take time off to go to OB b appointments and do the thing. So I think it is a very different experience being a woman in medicine and trying to date than a black man in medicine. Obviously, yeah, girl, he a doctor.
00:34:52
Speaker
No man has ever really said, oh my God, she's going to be a physician one day. Nobody cares. It's like two different worlds. Okay, closing. Dating and medicine, three words, go.
Closing Remarks
00:35:06
Speaker
i will say stressful, unpredictable, sad. but's
00:35:15
Speaker
Trying, perseverance, rewarding.
00:35:21
Speaker
Hopeful? Empty? fit over
00:35:31
Speaker
Happy baby? think I'll give y'all a sentence. Hinge is trash. yeah
00:35:43
Speaker
that that's going to be it for us today. Thank you all for coming to run the list live Q and a session um presented by SNMA presents the lounge.
00:35:54
Speaker
That's a wrap. And please scan our business card here, and we want you guys to listen to the lounge. You saw how we operate yesterday. Like, this is us in true form. This is how we dialogue.
00:36:06
Speaker
We host large events like Pop Loon, but we also do these kinds of events as well where we're just talking and we're chatting and we're letting you guys, you know, fill in the blanks with us. So, yeah, make sure to keep in touch with us. Thank you, guys. anybody is interested in becoming a team member for the lounge, please come up and speak to any one of us up here.
00:36:23
Speaker
Thank you all.
00:36:26
Speaker
Thank you coming!