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Episode 77 Conquest featuring Merritt K
61 Plays1 month ago
Our final episode of Spoooooky Season is here and writer/editor/gamer Merritt K is back to throw open the doors of the haunted house that is Conquest (1983). Not a typical horror film, but a gory, phantasmagorical, fantasy epic directed by famed Italian director Lucio Fulci. A gauzy, meandering yarn of young demi-god(?) who brings the mind-boggling tech of a bow and arrow to a “primitive” people, which really freaks out the nude, mask-wearing woman who has dominion over therm. It’s a lot of people in prosthetics, fog and arresting imagery and a pretty solid time with others, so tune in!
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Transcript
Introduction and Hosts' Return
00:00:41
Speaker
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to your favorite bad movie podcast's final episode of Spooky Season.
00:00:57
Speaker
um i a
00:01:11
Speaker
I'm your host, one of your hosts. I'm Chris Anderson. you You know me, it's Chris Anderson. And ah with me, as always, I have the alias to my mace, Mr. Greg Vossi.
00:01:24
Speaker
Yes, hello, how are you? now that I've entered, I'm going to leave. All right. It was nice to see you. Thank you for all your help. Yes.
Merit's Movie Adventures
00:01:32
Speaker
and And of course, I'm very excited. Back from a long hiatus.
00:01:37
Speaker
My wonderful wife, the Zora to my Akron, Mrs. Anna Anderson. Hello. Yes, it's my triumphant return.
00:01:48
Speaker
i i finally don't have bronchitis. Knock, knock. Hello. Yes. Yeah. And of course, with us, we have a very special guest.
00:02:00
Speaker
I would say the only remaining named character for the film. So she must be our own personal Fado. It's Merit Merit, how are you? how I forget what that character is. hu I'm assuming it's the old man.
00:02:15
Speaker
is it the the guy who gets killed for no reason? no and I think the the beard old man, that Ilias' father. i think Right, okay, yes. Oh, that guy. um Yeah, hey, it's good to be back.
00:02:27
Speaker
It's good to see you. How have you been? I'm good, yeah. um I mean, considering the entire nature of everything in the world. mean, reality is bad.
00:02:38
Speaker
but Yeah. um yeah you know We carve our little niches for ourselves. Yeah, my mind palace is secure. so Yeah. um So that's something. and Yeah, yeah. Just been watching a ton of movies lately. It was fun to revisit this one, which I hadn't seen in, God, like five or six years, I think.
00:02:56
Speaker
And I found there's a repertory theater in the city I live in now, which is something I really miss from New York. Oh, yeah. Well, that's great. You've been getting local. All kinds of stuff. I saw that new Toxic Avengers movie, which I guess is kind of new, but um not many places are showing it.
00:03:12
Speaker
ah That's great. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, I've seen some older stuff. So, yeah, I'm just really enjoying the movies right now. Fantastic. You've come to the right place and you chose a fantastic movie.
Introducing 'Conquest'
00:03:26
Speaker
Our listeners, our movie this week is Conquest. If you haven't seen Conquest, here's just a short summary of the film to hold in your mind as we proceed.
00:03:44
Speaker
An evil nude sorceress has visions of a warrior killing her and dispatches her minions to kill him first. But he and his best friend aren't going down without a fight.
00:03:58
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's a pretty accurate way to describe it So I have, um I was trying to come up with how to explain this movie. It's, this is a very generous take, i feel. If you'll indulge me, i have a sort of explanation of what this is for people who haven't seen it.
00:04:14
Speaker
ah So Conquest is Star Wars. If it all took place on Fog Planet, Lightsabers were bows. C-3PO was a sexy lady who is also the villain. Stormtroopers were Wookiees.
00:04:25
Speaker
The soundtrack was for an educational video about computers. They cut Luke's head off 10 minutes before the end of the movie. Han Solo saved the day and Darth Vader turned into a wolf and ran away. Okay. musically Yeah, that feels better. That feels right, actually. Yeah.
00:04:40
Speaker
I was also thinking it was kind of like a ah swords and sandal roadhouse, but if Wade Garrett lived and Dalton died. Yeah. So better roadhouse is what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. The roadhouse that we all wanted to see.
00:04:56
Speaker
How did you come across Conquest? You remember year and where how you ran into it? God, I feel like back, so I think I got into using Letterboxd in like 2019 or something. um And I think I was just maybe following a few people. And then I was just adding movies just with like insanely sweet posters, just with like the choicest posters I could find. Yeah, that's a strong instinct. Conquest poster very good.
00:05:25
Speaker
very good Yes. It's like, look it up. it's It kicks ass. And so was like, oh, this looks good. And then um my friend, Danielle Riendo, and I, ah who sort of got me into movies generally. I don't know. I wasn't a movie person. I forget if I said this last time I was on, but until like the late 2010s, I just wasn't someone who watched a lot of movies.
00:05:46
Speaker
Fair enough. You know, you fall in and out of it sometimes. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I just never like... I was a big gamer up until that point and I was like I feel like my attention span was so bad that I couldn't sit and watch a movie I had to be like doing something like you know yeah but yeah and it was around then I think that we were sort of just like doing this weekly movie night and we'd done some giallo movies I think and then so Fulci obviously did a lot of giallo and yeah We were like, oh, what's this Conquest? This looks weird.
00:06:18
Speaker
So let's watch it. And it's like, oh, it is weird. It's extremely weird. It's an Aliens beamed a movie to our dimension through Vaseline filter.
00:06:28
Speaker
like Yes. It has a very gauzy, painterly look. Yes. ah Anna, had you seen this one before? No.
00:06:39
Speaker
No, didn't know this one. What about... um yeah I'm not sure if I've seen any other... lu I know we watched the beyonds together. Okay. Is that the one is that we watched together? and Yeah. Yeah. yeah Yeah.
00:06:52
Speaker
And beyond is, is very intense and very much. I want to say a horror movie equivalent of this. You can see that they're from the same artist. Greg, have you seen this or any full cheese?
00:07:04
Speaker
So as far as Fulci goes, I have seen this before. okay And I don't think I've seen other Fulcis before, but in my brain, the big Fulci is don't torture a duckling.
00:07:16
Speaker
Not that I've seen that, but that's the one when I looked at the list, i was like, I've seen other Fulcis. Right. And I looked at it. I don't think I have. i was like, Oh, he did. Don't torture duckling. Okay. Um, And yeah, so this is very much in my wheelhouse of film. I really love these Italian knockoffs, uh, a great deal, especially, any like post-apocalyptic slash sword and sorcery or sword and sandal film when they oddly enough do run together more often than you'd think.
00:07:45
Speaker
Um, so I had seen this one before i I convinced it was like Amazon had been like constantly recommending it to me for a long time. Cause, uh, I mean, it just makes sense if you know what I watched that you'd be like, you should watch Conquest, actually.
00:08:00
Speaker
And I remember finding it a little boring. And so I was very excited to watch it again and see if my opinion changed and take it in a second time.
00:08:10
Speaker
Because I do remember there being some pretty great stuff. Yeah, I had a similar experience where I had watched it as one of my, like, Saturday morning movies, just based on the the poster image when I was, like, scrolling through Tubi something. Because an extremely good image.
00:08:26
Speaker
Yeah, it really sells the movie fantastically. ah But I hadn't slept enough the previous night, so I had fallen asleep somewhere in the middle. yeah And I woke up just in time to watch ah Ilias die.
00:08:39
Speaker
And I was like, wow, that's a crazy thing that happened in the And then the movie ends like 10 minutes later. It was like, well, it seemed good, but I can't honestly say I had a a full impression of it. yeah And I was very excited to go back to it. I'm always excited when we get an Italian genre picture on the show that always like, it's like, okay, we're going to have a treat this time.
00:09:02
Speaker
yeah And this, this definitely delivers for, for fans of
Lucio Fulci and Italian Cinema
00:09:06
Speaker
Italian genre film. I think, uh, um Well, do you guys want to hear the the context research I did on Conquest?
00:09:16
Speaker
Sure do. Okay, then let me play the bumper.
00:09:34
Speaker
I wish I had some context about the background of the film. Script director, actors on set. What was going on on screen?
00:09:44
Speaker
I wanna hear some details. Gossip scandal, all that shit. Can't imagine all the time.
00:10:02
Speaker
All right, so Conquest came out June 2nd, 1983. Perfect summer movie, i want to say. ah Director, as we've mentioned, Lucio Fulci. And I found four taglines.
00:10:14
Speaker
Nope, sorry, five. Okay. All right, number one. In a place beyond time comes a terrifying challenge beyond imagination.
00:10:26
Speaker
Kind of a word soup. Yeah, I like it, but I don't really know what it means or if it applies to this. I think the phrase terrifying challenge is what yeah throws me off.
00:10:42
Speaker
so ah He is a hunter from a future world trapped in prehistoric times. What? Is that true? Wow, I didn't get that part.
00:10:54
Speaker
ah Yeah, I don't think that Accurate? I mean, sort in that the futuristic world that he's from is ancient Greece. And he was sort of trapped in pre-Greek area.
00:11:06
Speaker
Hmm. yeah I mean, I guess he goes from like a world to another world, it's kind of unclear. Yeah. There might be like little countries or like dimensions or... it made it seem like Greece was another dimension from like uncivilized Europe.
00:11:25
Speaker
I'm also confused as to how you know that it's Greece. He mentioned Greece. Did he? I'm pretty sure. He's like, you should come back with me to Greece. And... I did not get that. I didn't hear him say Greece.
00:11:40
Speaker
I... Listeners, you go through with a fine tooth comb. You let us know if you find grease in there. I don't want to get lost in the weeds. My reading very much involves this being he was from Greece.
00:11:53
Speaker
Interesting.
00:11:56
Speaker
All right. Tagline number three. A terrifying odyssey into the unreal. Okay. Okay.
00:12:07
Speaker
I think terrifying is a strange yeah adjective to put on this. Yeah. I mean, it's not a horror movie, really. It's very gory. It is. very Yeah.
00:12:18
Speaker
Extremely Grotesque. ah ah I would use, I don't know, grotesque or or but barbaric or violent, like those kinds of adjectives. I love finding gore in an action movie.
00:12:31
Speaker
I think my favorite example this is Deadbeat at Dawn. You know, it just makes it so much more like visceral and like gnarly. And you're like, yeah, you know, really brings out the bloodlust in me as an audience member.
00:12:45
Speaker
um Okay. Last one.
00:12:51
Speaker
He is the only hope for a dying race. He is beginning a journey which will destroy all but the boldest warrior.
00:13:02
Speaker
That's dumb. That's a dumb tagline. I'm not sure that's yeah accurate either. It's very confusing. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like their tagline's not quite, they're not quite doing it.
00:13:16
Speaker
No, yeah I think Conquest deserved a better tagline. I wish I had one on the tip of my tongue. Yeah, I'm trying to do the same. How about a battle for all time?
00:13:30
Speaker
Yeah, sure, sure. Now I'm, like yes, I'm psyched. Okay. So, Lucio Fulci. Let's talk about the man. is obviously a pillar of Italian horror, uh, for other, Italian horror episodes that we've done, check out our episodes on troll to contamination and Sinbad of the seven seas, which was, uh, swords and sorcery, uh, but also Italian. know Uh, so he was born in Rome on June 1927.
00:14:03
Speaker
He briefly attended ah no yeah but he attended the Naval College and then briefly attended medical school but dropped out. And I think this background in medical school might be how he got some of his ah taste or aesthetics for gore.
00:14:20
Speaker
Do you know what I mean? It would make sense. You know, becoming sort of desensitized a bit. ah But later on, he attended the Centro Experimentale di Cinematografia,
00:14:33
Speaker
huh No way of knowing what that means, but good accent. ah The Center for Experimental Cinematography. After graduating, he sort of worked his way up the ladder through the Italian studio system, ah first by directing documentary shorts then working as an assistant director and then a screenwriter. That was the the traditional career progression in their system.
00:14:59
Speaker
ah His directorial debut, Iladri, The Thieves, was in 1959. And it was a crime comedy starring a famous Italian a comic actor named Toto.
00:15:13
Speaker
Okay. Cool. Yeah. Toto. Yeah, that's Toto. Yeah. They'd line up around the block for the latest Toto. Mm-hmm. ah mostly he worked in comedy throughout the 60s, mostly with a comic duo named Franco Ichicio.
00:15:32
Speaker
They did films with titles like The Tricksters and The Two Escapees from Sing Sing. Okay. And How to Steal an Atomic Bomb.
00:15:45
Speaker
That's a good one. Nice. And yeah I think that's also the name of a U2 album.
00:15:54
Speaker
That sounds it. think it's How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. Thank you. No, that, okay, yeah. I was just, I was like, wait a second, wait a second. But maybe it's a record. Which is my favorite title, which is, oh, those most secret agents.
00:16:08
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. All the Franco and Chichio, and apparently Franco and Chichio worked with like other guys too. They made like over a hundred movies. they There were a lot of like like Italian guys like that in the 60s. I feel like just like yeah some doofus doing like comedy James Bond parodies.
00:16:26
Speaker
and Just sort of like the Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly of their age in Italy. You know, just getting work. Good for them. ah So then in 1969. Bummer alarm.
00:16:40
Speaker
Bummer alarm. This next bit kind of a bummer.
00:16:48
Speaker
Fulci's wife, Marina, died of suicide. She had apparently put her head in an oven after she had been diagnosed with cancer, and then it turned out that the diagnosis was false.
00:16:59
Speaker
oof Oh, God. And then I believe shortly after that, ah his daughter was also killed in a car accident, one of their three daughters. Dear God.
00:17:11
Speaker
So after that, Fulci stopped making comedies. wo And he's i switched mostly to horror and Westerns every now and then a Western mixed in.
00:17:24
Speaker
That's what he's doing through most of the seventies that he made. ah He had his basic biggest success at the towards the end of the seventies with zombie to AKA zombie.
00:17:36
Speaker
Oh God. The zombie series that the naming conventions in that series are incredibly confusing. Yes. What you have to realize is that ah Dawn of the Dead was released in Italy as Zombie.
00:17:50
Speaker
And so Fulci made Zombie 2 because in Italy, you don't, anybody can make a sequel to anything. That's how their copyright laws work. It rules. Okay. yeah That explains a lot about some of when, when we watch Contamination and I wrote the game about Goblin soundtracks, which this also has one by Claudio Samunetti, the keyboard player for um of Goblin.
00:18:18
Speaker
um It was really difficult to track the names of these movies. and Yeah. Yeah, because they get released as, ah Zombie 2 got released as zombie in English markets because there was no zombie for it to be a zombie 2 too. Right. And in English markets, you couldn't call it Dawn of the Dead 2.
00:18:40
Speaker
Right. my favorite example of that is there is an Italian movie that's sometimes called Terminator 2. Okay. Oh, is this Contaminator? It's sometimes called Terminator 2 and sometimes called Aliens 2. Yeah.
00:18:53
Speaker
Okay, that that might be contamination. it's ah It's Contaminator, and then it's also sometimes called Shocking Dark. Interesting. Yeah. The poster also it just says Terminator 2 and looks like Arnold.
00:19:07
Speaker
I think that might also be Contamination, because that might because we did an episode on Contamination that was very alien-influenced. yeah Yeah. And that the theme song or the closing credit themes on contamination is one of Goblin's like bangers. You gotta listen to it.
00:19:25
Speaker
Uh, so, uh, he also did the beyond in 1981 and those were like, uh, his stuff that broke out of Italy to international markets. And he sort of developed his name at that level.
00:19:38
Speaker
Uh, he also did a couple Westerns, but those are mostly forgotten. Um, But after that, was never really able to repeat that success. In 1982, Conan the Barbarian came out, which reignited or ignited the swords and sorcery genre.
00:19:55
Speaker
And Italian cinema obviously loves following trends. And it had a history with swords and sandals pictures. So they already had sort of like a filmmaking language that was ready to go for this.
00:20:07
Speaker
Plus a bunch of stats probably still like kicking around. Yeah. Oh, I bet you. Yeah. God, maybe I should try and find some 2025 swords and sandals pictures for best bad movie of the year. We're on the hunt for best bad movie the year, Merit. Have you seen anything good this year?
00:20:24
Speaker
Anything good? That's bad. Anything that's bad that's good? That came out this year? Yeah, War of the Worlds is our current frontrunner. mean, that's going to be like the obvious pick for most people. Yeah, but that's the problem. It's like an unbelievably bad movie. um No, I mean, I've mostly just seen good movies, unfortunately. Ah, yeah.
00:20:40
Speaker
Well, yeah, I guess that's our job. I can't put that on your shoulders. So producer Giovanni Di Clemente hired Fulci to direct Conquest.
00:20:53
Speaker
Di Clemente had come up with the story and, you know, this was his idea from the get go. It was an Italian slash Mexican slash Spanish co-production filmed a little bit in Mexico, a little bit in Sardinia and a little bit in Rome.
00:21:10
Speaker
And now there must've been some issues during filming ah because Fulci ended up walking out on a two picture deal. so He's like, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to work with you, Giovanni DiClemente anymore.
00:21:22
Speaker
And DiClemente ended up suing him, but an Italian judge said that Fulci could not be compelled to work, which isn't it? I don't know what that contract is like. That's interesting to hear.
00:21:36
Speaker
Right. Like, oh, no, you don't have to do it. but I can't make you do it. I can't again make him. He's not a slave. i can't force you to stick to your contract.
00:21:49
Speaker
i mean, that just reminds me of the the Whoopi Goldberg thing from Theodore Rex. Oh God. Where they were, where they sued her to, to be, to continue to be in the movie after she had agreed.
00:22:02
Speaker
And I think she's, I forget if she settled or, or I think she was like, I'll do it, but you have to pay me like twice as much or something. I know there's God. Yeah. I've heard that story before. I know there was a lawsuit involved and obviously she stuck it through to see the movie, but I think she was not happy to be there from what I recall of Theodore Rick's.
00:22:23
Speaker
yeah
00:22:26
Speaker
let's see. It did not receive much international acclaim conquest.
Filming Challenges and Plot Overview
00:22:33
Speaker
And it's now largely forgotten to everyone except for genre fans and full sheet completists.
00:22:39
Speaker
I think that's how everybody here came across it to some extent. Yeah. Other fantasy films of 1983. Where else were we in the shadow of Conan?
00:22:49
Speaker
Yeah. You got Deathstalker, probably the movie with the most similar poster to this. Yeah. Probably. Is that the one they're remaking now? Yeah.
00:23:01
Speaker
Oh, shit. Okay. Now we're talking. I don't know. i wasn't a fan of Deathstalker, frankly. Yeah, that series is. Oh, wait. Okay. So the new Deathstalker has Daniel Bernhardt.
00:23:16
Speaker
I'm not sure I know who that is. He's, um, he was in all the blood sports sequels and, uh, he's been in a bunch of, act he's, uh, been in a bunch of action movies.
00:23:28
Speaker
Um, he's like a stunt performer. He's like an actual martial artist, but he's 16 years old. Oh, and that, okay. Hmm. Well, that's going to be, uh, that's not promising, but, uh, you know, maybe that'll keep it nice and low budget and it'll have its own charms.
00:23:43
Speaker
Yeah. Who can say? see. We'll see. Yeah, i'll I'll check it out. ah yeah Also, this year you had Krull. The very strange, divisive Krull.
00:23:54
Speaker
Yeah. You got ah Fire and Ice. The Bakshi? Yes, the Ralph Bakshi. Right, yeah, no, not the ski movie.
00:24:05
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. No, no, not the ski dancing ah film that Anna and I are the only two people on Earth that have seen it. but there is a movie about competitive ski dance. I feel like you've shown this to me. I feel like you've shown this. Okay, Greg has probably also seen it. Yeah.
00:24:20
Speaker
It's fantastic.
00:24:23
Speaker
God, I need to... Hang on, I've got to write that down. I've got to put that on the plex. Fire and ice. That's going to be... If I find that, I'm going to... shit my pants uh okay then also in the very low budget ah range of fantasy you got you're the hunter from the future oh my god ah these all came out the same year never heard of it yeah holy shit for the conqueror and also you have luigi cozy's hercules um nice oh yeah good year for fantasy yeah yeah i think there's a lot there to love
00:25:01
Speaker
Well, you guys want to talk ah the plot of Conquest? Yes. Yes. I am ready.
00:25:27
Speaker
Plot bumper, listen to me. I'm gonna give you the plot summary. Come on, baby. Here's the synopsis.
00:25:39
Speaker
Plot bumper, plot bumper.
00:25:56
Speaker
That's right. Hold on to your pants, fright fans. We open on a coastline, a very gauzy looking coastline. Very gauzy. I mean, way out of focus. I don't know.
00:26:09
Speaker
But then we fade in via double exposure, a crowd of people as if appearing from or in another dimension. I believe this to be Greece.
00:26:23
Speaker
ah don't I don't believe it to be great.
00:26:29
Speaker
Well, the debate rages on, listeners. An old man gives our hero, Ilias, a magic bow. And the dialogue at this point has a lot of reverb in it, and I found it very difficult to understand what they were saying.
00:26:46
Speaker
Me too. It was a bold choice to to start the movie with this much reverb, I found. Yes. And it translates to the visuals, too, because it's like, wait, is a beach?
00:26:59
Speaker
Are those people... Like it's a lot of, there's a lot of. Yeah. i this This time when I watched it, I, I watched like a really, really low res YouTube rip. And I think last time I might've watched it on Amazon or something, but yeah, the whole thing was like, it was very difficult to see.
00:27:17
Speaker
and the fog didn't help. And also, I feel like, I don't know where e everyone watched this, but I think the version I watched had some stuff cut out of it because I definitely remember scenes with the C-3PO lady, Okron, just sort of like kissing a snake a lot.
00:27:34
Speaker
but You didn't get the snake kissing in your car? No, that's unfortunate. Yeah, i but I had before. That's a lot of the movie. I know, I know. um i think it edited out every scene with her in it from the neck down.
00:27:49
Speaker
which is like, wow, oh that would make sense because she's just nude from the neck down and it's YouTube. And they're probably, yeah, cat you should have let mean you could have gotten on my plex. I could hooked you It's okay. mean, I've you never seen it before, so I know what I'm saying. You just needed a refresher.
00:28:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:07
Speaker
So although we missed the details on whatever this old man is saying, we get the idea that ah Ilias is going on some sort of adventure with his magical bow. One thing i do want to point out that the man actually says, he's like, there'll come a time at which you will choose to fight or you will choose to run away. And you've already decided which one of those it's going to be.
00:28:29
Speaker
e So. but Okay. Well then.
00:28:35
Speaker
I guess we'll see. We'll see what happens. The movie is going to go. That's right. So then we get our opening credits and we get our Claudio Simonetti score, which is going insanely hard. Very hard. Yeah, the keyboard is from Goblin. This is is a Goblin side project called Gypsy.
00:28:55
Speaker
And then we cut to some Clan of the Cave Bear style primitives. And they're lorded over by Okron, nude woman in a gold mask, a feathered cape, and a spiked loincloth.
00:29:13
Speaker
And boy, yeah what a striking image. Yeah. And ah you get to see a lot of Okron in this movie, and it's always great. And Fulci was very much a like great image-driven filmmaker. He was not a story guy. He was a set piece and image guy.
00:29:34
Speaker
So, Okron has a squad of loyal werewolf soldiers. That was tougher to say than I thought it was going to say. They're like Wookiees. I mean, they're Wookiee monsters.
00:29:46
Speaker
they like call them dogmen. They're dogmen. In my brain, you know? Yeah. They had sort of pronounced snouts, I want to say, that to me read wolfish.
00:29:58
Speaker
i I could go many ways with it. Yeah. Yeah. But that kind of vibe, but not very expressive. They, they looked better still than and when they don't, they don't have a lot of emotion and they don't move well, unfortunately.
00:30:13
Speaker
Uh,
00:30:15
Speaker
So Okron six, her, uh, soldier wolves on, uh, these brutals that are running around and they grab ah lady. and one of the werewolves says, Oh, Kron likes young flesh, uh, before they rip her into quarters with their bare hands and give her head to Okron who eats her brain. It's pretty wild. Yes.
00:30:40
Speaker
Yeah. It's a heck of an intro. Yeah. Yeah. Fulci fans are eating good tonight.
00:30:50
Speaker
They're eating brains. ah They all share some sort of snortable drug. And then Okron rubs a snake all over her nude body.
00:31:03
Speaker
This is cinema.
00:31:08
Speaker
it's nothing so uh this is a ritual that gives her visions of a faceless man shooting her with a bow and arrow made of light i love the faceless man much it's nice touch it also is like you could have shot it in another way to not have this like person have to wear this like like flesh mask over their face that makes them look like it's a horror movie, but I'm really glad that they did that.
00:31:39
Speaker
Yeah. it It's more, it's honestly more like shifting features in a dream, you know? Yeah. Cause you don't quite clock it at first. You're expecting to see a face there and you think it's obscured, but then as he gets closer and closer, it's more apparent that he's just a featureless, like the blank from Dick Tracy. It's like a thumb in a wig.
00:32:02
Speaker
Yeah. Remember that guy that made movies about his thumbs? Yeah, I do. Like thumb wars. Yeah. I bet those don't hold up. Probably not.
00:32:13
Speaker
But maybe they do. Maybe we'll have to check them
00:32:19
Speaker
out. I'm not going to write that down now right now. ah So, yeah, she gets shot with an arrow made out of light. Now, this must be doubly confusing to her because in the world of conquest, no one knows what a bow is.
00:32:35
Speaker
This is great touch. Because they've only invented them in Greece, in the surrounding lands. They don't have that invention. It's also very, this is somewhere between Dark Souls and Civilization VI.
00:32:47
Speaker
Do you what mean? Yeah. Yeah. yeah
00:32:52
Speaker
So ah meanwhile, out in the world, Ilias meets a beautiful cavewoman and ah saves her from being bit by a snake by shooting it with his wonderful bow.
00:33:05
Speaker
The gal runs off, flirtatiously giggling, and Ilias begins to give chase before getting attacked by a group of animal men. I do want to say that, that this girl is also fully tits out.
00:33:20
Speaker
Yes. Every woman in this movie, except for, I think the women in diaphanous robes and the double exposure are at the beginning, yeah everyone else is fully tits out.
00:33:32
Speaker
It's, that's not a criticism. It's very funny to me. Yeah. yeah It's just a fact. This is what's up. And, you can rate that on your own merit.
00:33:44
Speaker
Uh, Now, what was I saying? Flirtatiously giggling. Yes, that's it. Ilias gets attacked. He starts shooting animal men with his bow and arrow.
00:33:55
Speaker
And they're like, what? what is What is this? From a distance, you slay me, the animal men cry. Kill from further away? That's pretty weird. they fall?
00:34:06
Speaker
like these guys haven't invented the concept of throwing rocks yet. yeah like No, no. The idea. Yeah. They're super close. 201. What's going to happen is at some point, Mace, who's about to show up, Mace shows up with his stone nunchucks.
00:34:23
Speaker
At some point, the nunchucks are going to break and the rocket's going to fly away. He's like, wait a second. I just had an idea. What a do that ah but yes mace shows up he's the coolest guy in the movie yeah uh he has one glove with a very large spike coming out of the back a pair of stone nunchucks i always argue that nunchucks are the most cinematic of weapons i think although also the the weapon most likely to get your movie banned in england so
00:34:56
Speaker
o um Yeah, they have a big problem with nunchucks. In the 80s, they were very anti-nunchuck. Banning movies for having nunchucks in them. That's not a joke. That's just. No, that is 100% true.
00:35:07
Speaker
that That got you on the video and assies list. Right, right. That's wild. um He also ah Mace has a sigil tattooed on his forehead, which he says means every man is an enemy.
00:35:21
Speaker
Yeah, that's pretty. This guy's pretty badass. So he's like cane coated. ah Oh, that's an interesting take. I hadn't
Character Dynamics and Mystical Elements
00:35:30
Speaker
taken that that way. Well, he's been marked.
00:35:32
Speaker
feel like he's like a Han Solo. Like, yeah, I don't have yeah friends. I'm just a cool guy who wanders around on my own. i Loves animals.
00:35:44
Speaker
Yeah. he's And that's what made him... Oh, sorry. No, no, please, please. Oh, I was going to say he reminded me of mostly of Enkidu, classic friend of Gilgamesh, the sort of wild man stereotype. And this narrative has a very prehistory, before stories were invented style narrative.
00:36:03
Speaker
It does. Or it's just a bad plot, depending on how you want it. Tough to say. Although I... One thing i forgot about him that I remembered on the rewatch is that he's basically a free gun.
00:36:15
Speaker
Like, yeah, he's like, for like explicitly, he's like, i I love animals. I'm a friend of animals and oh, whenever men and animals meet, the animal always dies. So I'm on the side of the animal.
00:36:28
Speaker
And then i Luke Skywalker, I, sorry, I just refer to them as Luke and Han because I always, Luke is like, but you're eating an animal right now. And he's like, yeah, but I mean, it was already dead. So like, because they just kill a random hunter kind of for no reason.
00:36:43
Speaker
i This old man, they just, just drop him. And then ah he had hunted an animal and they're like, oh we might as well eat it. But yeah, he's freaking, he's like, oh, I don't eat things. I don't kill things to eat them. I just eat other people's stuff that I find.
00:36:57
Speaker
Yeah. And I just kill them. Yeah. Right.
00:37:02
Speaker
So if anything, I'm stopping animals from being killed. ah So Ilias asked Mace why he helped him out, why he saved him from this bru gang of animal men that attacked him. And Mace says, oh, I just wanted to check out this cool bow. I've never seen something like that before.
00:37:17
Speaker
And so the two of them start traveling together and hanging out. Mace helps a wounded hawk to demonstrate that he's a friend to animals. ah Meanwhile, the animal men report to Okron that they saw this so-called bow from her dreams.
00:37:33
Speaker
They've never seen anything like it, but Okron instantly recognizes it from their description. she's like, that's the thing that killed me in my dream. This book oh I will call it.
00:37:44
Speaker
Now, back with Mace and Ilias, Mace shoots a random old man and steals his food, like Merritt was just talking about. yeah and And he's getting good with the bow. They camp out in the cave only to be attacked by animal men who set the campground on fire.
00:38:01
Speaker
The boys retreat farther into the cave and then just go to sleep.
00:38:07
Speaker
Which seems strange to me. You know it. I would. You'd figure one would be on watch. They're animal men. i'm with you I'm with you. I'm with you there to me. Well, hey,
00:38:20
Speaker
I guess it ends up working out because they get woken up by a snake. And as ah Mace shoes the snake away, it leads them to a passage through which they can escape. The next day, they steal a slaughtered lamb from a shepherd and bring it to Mace's cave family.
00:38:40
Speaker
as as they approach a cave, Mace or er Ilias asks Mace, oh, is she your woman? And Mace is like, yes, so when I'm in the area, you can fuck her if you want to. And Ilias is like, no, no, no, that's all right.
00:38:54
Speaker
and he's like, well, then fuck her sister. She seems nice. And he's like, well, maybe. ah Which raises a question. Would you guys fuck a cave person?
00:39:05
Speaker
I'm going to need, I mean, it's going to depend on like a bunga. They've got a club, but they're wearing a fur loincloth. I mean, they have language?
00:39:17
Speaker
I mean, they have a primitive language that you can't understand.
00:39:23
Speaker
I mean, you know there's there's a language that transcends. That's fair. No, um i I think, yeah. But I think the smell would be difficult to get over. think smell would be very bad. Yeah, that is very true.
00:39:36
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, cave person. You got clean it up. Now, ah Ilias decides that, yes, he would fuck a cave person. And he almost does.
00:39:47
Speaker
ah But instead, an animal person smashes her head in right in front of him. It's unfortunate. Yeah. She is donezo. Yeah. I was very surprised. I thought she would stick around longer. Yeah.
00:40:02
Speaker
Yeah. No, this movie just kills people off. It does. yeah know not down Yep. They knock Mace unconscious and kill the remaining cave people.
00:40:14
Speaker
But some friendly hawks point Mace in the right direction as he tries to find where they took Elias. So he sneaks into the Animal Man camp and distracts them with some explosive gourds of some sort, and then busts Elias out of there.
00:40:32
Speaker
When Okron finds out that Elias has escaped along with Bo, she roasts a wolfman alive before calling out to her old evil friend zora Zora is some sort of ah wizard or warlock or death night or something. yeah He's got a very cool look where he's covered heads to toe in like three inch green plate mail.
00:40:59
Speaker
um And yeah. And, uh, Oakron is apparently also feeling him because she offers herself up body and soul. If she could take care of Ilias and Zora responds, I shall make him suffer 1000 deaths.
00:41:14
Speaker
I'm really curious about their relationship and who they are and what their prior – their priors are. You know what i mean Because it just feels like – she's like, I'm going to get this Zora. Zora, I'll give you my body if you kill this guy. He's like, absolutely.
00:41:30
Speaker
I feel like this is maybe – They've been circling the drain for a couple of years something. Yeah, or like in hiding for her and she kind of knows. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. There's a whole detailed backstory. i'm going to write a graphic novel about it.
00:41:45
Speaker
Yes. love it. Yes. Killing Ilias is the dowry. Their metal faces just pressing against each other sensually. Yeah. Yeah.
00:41:56
Speaker
Boy, oh think about the tension. They can never kiss. Oh my God. you have to weld them. They want to so bad. ah So the boys continue to hang out.
00:42:08
Speaker
they're They're having fun. They're being friends. ah Ilias wants to get Okron, but Mace, he's not so interested. He's sort of got this like, yeah, Okron's evil, but she doesn't bother me, so I don't really care.
00:42:20
Speaker
ah But he agrees to lead Ilias halfway there. ah So he starts building a raft to take them down river. And Ilias talks about how cool things are back in Greece because they have agriculture and animal husbandry.
00:42:39
Speaker
I like that part. Yeah. Suddenly, ah nearby shrub starts shooting out volleys of poison darts. Yeah. of Drawn on poison darts. like crudely animated poison darts. One he hits Ilias in the leg.
00:42:57
Speaker
So they book it back to the raft and they start sailing downstream to a valley where Mace knows there is a secret healing herb. I also love how much he's like, we've got to do this. He's like, make it quick. He's like, we'll be there by sundown.
00:43:15
Speaker
Yeah. you have that and as quick as i can And then they get there by sundown and he's like, you've got to go quick. He's like, I'll be back by sunrise. like good, it's going to take like a 24 hours to get the healing items. um Great, perfect, we've got the time clock now.
00:43:30
Speaker
I love the sundown, sunrise, as time that also feels very like pre-historical story for me. yeah it That's very Beowulf. ah So... ah that that that Where was I?
00:43:43
Speaker
no Nobody's teleporting yet. There's lots of close-ups of boils at this point. Oh, yeah, and they keep cutting back to them, too. It's just like, look at the progress on his boils. Right, it's really gross. It really reminded me very much of when I poured a bunch of hot bacon grease on the back of my hand a couple of weeks. Yeah, it sounds about right.
00:44:07
Speaker
Yeah, it was like, they they really nailed it. That's what that looked like. Um, and then also, yeah, uh, Mace leaves him on the raft to go get the, uh, healing herb.
00:44:18
Speaker
And when, while he's gone, he also starts getting eaten by a bunch of ants. Yes. So Ilias is having a rough time.
00:44:27
Speaker
but Mace does find the plants pretty easy. On his way back, he gets jumped by some zombies, but he dispatches them. Once he gets back to the raft, he finds that ah there's a ah doppelganger there ready to smash Ilias' head in, and a doppelganger means... All my search for a worthy adversary.
00:44:49
Speaker
We've got a worthy adversary, folks. It's been so long. ah Unfortunately, they don't do too much to differentiate the good mace from the bad mace. I never liked when they did that in doppelganger movie. Yeah. yeah
00:45:05
Speaker
Because it makes you hard to be like emotionally invested in what's going on. Someone is winning. One of them is doing it.
00:45:14
Speaker
But eventually, the real mace wins, and the loser turns out to be Zora, who teleports a away back to Okron.
00:45:23
Speaker
Mace then applies some form of poultice or unguent made from the plant onto Ilias's wounds. It's leaves. He's sticking leaves on the boils. Yeah, yeah. Little individual.
00:45:36
Speaker
he He didn't chew them up into a paste. yeah I mean, it just looked like little, little. It was really funny. Yeah. Yeah. He like stands up and he's like, oh, let me brush these leaves off of my cheek.
00:45:48
Speaker
And it's just like, yeah, it's interesting that that's what physically did it. Yeah, well, I guess I got to say this is a great plant. This seems so it's very magical. It's very magical. Yeah. Probably grab some extra of that.
00:46:00
Speaker
Yeah. ah But he decides, Ilias, that he's just going to go back to Greece. This isn't worth it. yeah So he's already made up his mind. It's to run away.
00:46:11
Speaker
He figured it out. Yeah, he's got it. Uh, he invites Mace with him, but Mace is like, no, my heart belongs to this is wild lands. I'm not cut out for agriculture and animal husbandry.
00:46:24
Speaker
Uh, so then, Ilias offers Mace the bow, but Mace is like, no, bow is too dangerous for these lands. Uh,
00:46:35
Speaker
We are not ready as a people. You can't leave. It's like leaving a loaded handgun in medieval England. Like, yeah so okay, this is going to upend the entire continent.
00:46:47
Speaker
Yeah. The entire, yeah. Power levels of the DC universe has shifted. Right. As soon as you introduce Bo. h ah So Ilias then sails away on a gondola made out of grass.
00:47:03
Speaker
Mace is left by his lonesome and lets his guard down. Perhaps he's distracted and misses his friend. Who can say? ah But he is captured by a bunch of fish men. And the fish men want to know where Ilias is.
00:47:16
Speaker
I love the fish men lot. Okay, describe these as robot mummies. Okay, interesting. They kind of seem like mummies at first, but then they have robot voices. i They definitely have cobwebs on them. yeah I called them the cobweb men. I wrote, I can't understand the cobweb men.
00:47:33
Speaker
o Because they're very distorted. They do have a little bit of a fish face, though. Squidgey little muppy faces. Yeah, no, they're great. They're great. I wrote down, i said, if this movie were American, their noises would be made by Frank Welker.
00:47:47
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, he would also voice the horse. Yes. For sure. ah So Ilias remembers when his father gave him the bow and he promised to go forth bravely and fight evil.
00:48:01
Speaker
So he figures he should do that. And so he turns the boat around. So he did decide to fight. Yeah. it turns out he decided to fight back at home. He's already decided. Yep.
00:48:13
Speaker
So he gets back and he finds a mace tied to a St. Andrew's cross being held hostage by the robot fishmen mummies. And luckily, his newfound bravery unlocks the true power of his bow, which is that it can shoot arrows made out of light.
00:48:31
Speaker
And shoot goddamn lasers. Yeah. Yeah. she's kind of like hinted at in the opening. Yes. When it's like, oh, and this great hero had the bow. And when he ran out of arrows, the sun god himself like fired flaming arrows from the bow.
00:48:49
Speaker
Yeah, which is. Yeah, this is the prophecy as foretold by, I'm going to guess, Fado. So he takes out a bunch of the fishman, mummy, robot, dust monster zombies.
00:49:02
Speaker
But one knocks Mason to the ocean. Luckily, there are some friendly dolphins nearby very, very slowly decide to help him out. This is incredible footage.
00:49:14
Speaker
This is agonizing to watch. it Yeah, it's both incredible and agonizing. It feels like it's the cinematic equivalent of hearing the Sonic is drowning. music if you know what I'm talking about it seems like he has already drowned like it's yeah definitely he stops moving and it takes another like solid 90 seconds for the dolphins to actually get around to like chewing his his the stuff tying him down I love that Ilias is like shooting everybody sees him fall just like I just keep on shooting yeah that's my policy I can only climb one mountain at a time that's right
00:49:52
Speaker
I was so amazed that they had footage of Mace in full costume, tied to the St. Andrew's cross underwater with the dolphins in the same shot.
00:50:04
Speaker
Yeah, it was pretty wild, actually. To, like, just set that up to be like, okay, now we're now we're going to tie you to the cross and throw you in the ocean and cue the dolphins, you know, roll them.
00:50:18
Speaker
Like, that just seems like a wild day at work to me. Yeah, when you describe it, yeah. so So Ilias finds Mace passed out on the surf, but he's still alive, and they're reunited, the friends.
00:50:33
Speaker
They camp out that night, and then hands emerge from the earth and drag Ilias underground. Mace follows him. These guys, they keep on running into all these types of problems.
00:50:44
Speaker
Yep. Yep. Underground Mace fights some like shadow monsters that have like glowing eyes and hands. They're pretty cool. And he's using his stone nunchucks.
00:50:55
Speaker
And then a friendly bat leads him to Ilias, who has been killed off camera and dismembered. Yeah. He's just dead. The main character of the movie is dead.
00:51:08
Speaker
They just killed Luke Skywalker. They just cut off Luke Skywalker's head. yeah It's also really good that they're presenting it. It's like, by the way, here's his head. It's like, wait, wait, right wait, he's dead. know this That was his body. He is dead.
00:51:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:24
Speaker
Off camera, they killed him. The main character of the movie. Truly incredible.
00:51:33
Speaker
Obviously, Mace is upset.
00:51:36
Speaker
Zora presents Ilias' head and the bow to Okron, and she's pretty excited. You know, this is this is great. Now she's going to get to marry Zora. This guy isn't going to shoot and kill her.
00:51:49
Speaker
Everything's coming up Okron. ah But then she has another vision. It turns out that Ilias' spirit lives on, and the prophecy can be fulfilled.
00:52:01
Speaker
Meanwhile, Mace has led a funeral pyre for Elias, which really should take like a very long time to burn someone down to ashes. Just if you put them on a fire, I feel. Yes, it would. Yes, it would.
00:52:12
Speaker
A lot of water. Yeah. Yeah. ah But I guess Mace just hangs out that whole time because he's he loves his buddy. And then he ends up ah rubbing his friend's ashes all over himself.
00:52:25
Speaker
Very normal. Classic Mace. More normal than than dropping them at Disney World, I think. No, that's. Yeah. Which is the thing people do. I found out. Yeah, that is true. You got to sneak them in.
00:52:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:40
Speaker
so he attacks Okron's lair.
Climactic Battle and Conclusion
00:52:44
Speaker
He summons the bow to his hand. Now that he has Ilias's spirit inside of him. And then he starts shooting everybody with arrows. And it's great.
00:52:54
Speaker
It's awesome. It rolls. Okron runs in fear, calling out to Zora for help. ah Mace shoots an arrow through a mountain and hits her in the face, shattering her mask, revealing that she is straight up busted.
00:53:10
Speaker
Oh, yes. This is wild. Just this nude woman with this insane face standing in a foggy cage, just going, ah, ah, ah. It's like, this is so crazy.
00:53:23
Speaker
Yes. Another wonderful image from Fulci. ah truly confronting. She's got like a melted ghoul face, like an eye out of its socket type of vibe.
00:53:34
Speaker
Um, another shot drops her. And when she dies, she turns into a wolf and runs off with Zora, who also became a wolf at some point. Mm-hmm. Mace then walks off into the sunset and it rolls credits. And our very first credit is any resemblance any person living or dead is strictly coincidental. And then they did that one first because the entire time I was like, this seems really familiar to a real life situation. All of these things in this movie I feel like I've seen in reality for sure. Are you sure this is about creating this person?
00:54:11
Speaker
yeah They based this on my fucking life, didn't they? Well, final thoughts, five star ratings on our unique watchability and weirdness scale. Greg, why don't you hit us off?
00:54:24
Speaker
All right. So um there's a lot to like about this movie. There's a lot of good times in this movie. There's a lot of interesting imagery. Again, if you like Italian genre pictures where loincloth men encounter groups of masked figures and they like kind of throw them around the room a lot.
00:54:43
Speaker
You know, there's a lot of that in this. Unfortunately, a lot of it is shot at night and is difficult to see. A lot of it is in fog and is sometimes little difficult to decipher.
00:54:56
Speaker
I feel like it is like there's a lot of like downtime. It's a little confusing as to who the main character is sometimes. Because kind of like it kind of is Mace realistically. Because it's like at one point, like.
00:55:11
Speaker
Helios is stolen and you're just with Mace and then next he's like poisoned and you're with Mace. And so it's like, I don't know if Helios is the main character. And so the movie is a little confused and in some ways, which is all very interesting, but I'm going to give it, I'm going to give it three and a half for watchability just because it's very easy to drift off and lose Gotta lose what's going on just because of some of the downtime in it. I think for like a Saturday vibe in afternoon, or if you're in for just like a vibe style movie, it's probably closer to a four.
00:55:44
Speaker
But I think if you're like Tuesday night getting together with a friend, you gotta to have a particular friend who could get into it. Someone you could talk to through it, I think. I think so. And then weirdness, it's it's it's pretty weird.
00:55:56
Speaker
ah Even the parts that are normal somehow get made weirder somehow. So I'm going to go three and a half for that as well. Fair enough. Anna, what about you, my dove?
00:56:08
Speaker
Oh, I'm going give it a four for both, actually. Okay. ah Even though I have some of the same feelings as Greg, um i just... ah Yeah, I liked the vibe.
00:56:21
Speaker
I found it very... um
00:56:26
Speaker
I don't know. I liked the pacing. Stuff kept happening. did keep happening. And it was really weird stuff, so... Yeah.
00:56:36
Speaker
Yeah, i can't complain about that. I gave it a three and a half in watchability. I thought it was structured really strangely. That made it a little bit hard to clock story-wise. But it does have just like an abundance of incredible images and music and set pieces that just keep you being like, okay, like once you find its rhythm, then it's very easy to go with. I think you just need to to meet it halfway. Yeah.
00:57:02
Speaker
ah For weirdness, I gave it a four. I think sort of all narrative logic is sort of cast aside in this movie. it yeah The narrative is completely bonkers, but it's all just there in service of creating like a live action Boris Vallejo painting.
00:57:19
Speaker
Like it's just a very... It's just something you can sort of luxuriate in And honestly, if they released a cut that had no dialogue and just the soundtrack cranked to 10, that would be that for me the ideal. kind No, that would be incredible. Actually, that would be incredible.
00:57:38
Speaker
What about you, Merit, in terms of watchability and weirdness out of five? ah I would say. on at like a baseline of consciousness of like being completely unaffected by any substances, i would give it a three for watchability. I think that can go up as high as a four.
00:57:59
Speaker
um That's fair. I think that's fair. If you're, yeah you know, um yeah because I feel like I was smoking a lot more weed when I watched this the first time and I was just like, this is wild.
00:58:10
Speaker
Like I was like, this is cool as hell. And this time I was like, yeah, it's like a little meandering and I don't know. but doesn't hold your attention throughout some of the the scenes. But ah for weirdness, I would give it four.
00:58:23
Speaker
ah it just It does feel like a movie from... like It feels like... Far future aliens tried to make a Conan movie based on what they knew about human civilization. And this is what they came up with.
00:58:35
Speaker
yeah It's just not really like the laser bow stuff, the like weird, like snake, the it's like almost like there's this technological element to it.
00:58:48
Speaker
You're wondering what is this world? Like how, cause most sword and sorcery or like sword and sandal movies, it's just like, Oh, okay. There's like medieval kingdoms and, you don't yeah wonder like how this world comes to be.
00:59:00
Speaker
and this it's like, yeah, is this like dark souls? Like, is there kind some kind of time travel going on Like evil who are any of these people? Where do they come from? yeah It's hard to tell if you're watching clash of the Titans or star night at any given. Yeah. Yeah. so It's pretty weird.
00:59:19
Speaker
It's a pretty weird movie. And it doesn't like go as hard in the paint in terms of like, yeah, being about something. I mean, it's not really about anything. It's not like a Zardoz, which is also a deeply weird movie and has some similarities in terms of like being set partly in like foggy landscapes with like weird dudes running around.
00:59:39
Speaker
But, um but yeah, it's pretty weird and it's like fairly watchable and it's just very strange. And I think there's not really anything else like it. That is true. That is 100% true.
00:59:49
Speaker
Well, well With that, I have some very exciting news. We've got a new segment this week. Ooh. And bumper heads, you know that means a new bumper.
01:00:15
Speaker
Mini Film School. It's going to be great.
01:00:21
Speaker
It's Mini Film School. We're gonna teach you a lesson. In our Mini Film School now. And classes in session.
01:00:35
Speaker
Mini Film School.
01:00:42
Speaker
Very nice. Thank you. This week we're going to Mini Film School. I figured a new segment we could just talk about film techniques... And things like that nature. And I want to talk specifically about adr this week, automated dialogue replacement, obviously a, a staple of Italian genre filmmaking.
01:01:03
Speaker
Uh, so very relevant to this week's show. Uh, ADR stands for automated dialogue replacement. It's a recording the dialogue in post-production. Instead of on location sound.
01:01:15
Speaker
It's also known as dubbing, especially when you're talking about doing it in a foreign language or a different language and that was spoken on set. Well, it's also known as looping sort of an older term.
The Role of ADR in Italian Films
01:01:25
Speaker
Back when they started doing this, they would actually cut films and tape them into a loop and have the act, have it just play on a loop. And the actor could say the line over and over again. They could get it a bunch of takes banged down and like hone in on it.
01:01:38
Speaker
So why would you do this? Why would anybody do ah You could have problems with on location sound, obviously, you know, you got a police car driving by plane overhead, who knows what.
01:01:50
Speaker
There also might be for censorship reasons or for rewrites. um Or in the case of Italian genre films, it just allows you to skip on location sound recording entirely.
01:02:04
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. This allows you to work faster and cheaper. and allows you to have an international cast that don't even speak the same language. No problem. Who cares? ah It's one less thing to worry about on set. One less, you know, yeah where am I going to hide the microphone? do Are we going to have a boom mic? What's the line?
01:02:23
Speaker
All of that out the window. Don't have to worry about it. And you know that all at the end of the day, all of your dialogue is going to be cleanly and consistently recorded.
01:02:35
Speaker
Now, when used with location sound, it can be edited together seamlessly, especially with the use of what they call room tone. You'd have somebody on location just record silence for about a minute and have that as the background as sort of have things edit together smoothly.
01:02:51
Speaker
But when all of your diegetic sound is coming from ah ADR and from Foley work doing sound effects in post-production, everything can sort of sound very artificial.
01:03:02
Speaker
which I think is true in a lot of Italian genre films. ah There's very little modulation in volume. ah There's no room slap and you'll have actors that occasionally won't be the same actor. And you can, you can tell you get the vibe.
01:03:18
Speaker
I think this this fakeness lends an air of surreality,
01:03:24
Speaker
in my opinion. And I think the pervasiveness of ADR in Italian genre movies from the 50s through the 80s primed genre audiences for more surreal genre films. I think...
01:03:36
Speaker
They're already like accepting that what they're seeing isn't real on one level. And so it's a lot easier to sort of expand that. Now, the sound is also sort of literally an afterthought in Italian filmmaking. So this pushes a genre of films to work more visually and less dialogue forward.
01:03:53
Speaker
This also helps with international appeal. When language isn't really your focus, it doesn't matter as much what they're saying as long as you're focusing on your strong visuals. And that's, I think, part of why Italian genre films broke out of their home country a lot more than a lot of other places.
01:04:08
Speaker
ah So with that, I'm going to say that Italian genre films would not be what they are today without ADR. And that was my mini film school. Any other thoughts on ADR before we get to the game?
01:04:24
Speaker
um So I, because I've done captioning and stuff, I've actually done a little ADR. so Oh, interesting. If you go to Netflix and you watch, I think it is Hotel Beaussejour, and you put on the English dub, you will hear me play the voice of the father throughout the entire season of that, at least the first season. I don't know if there's more seasons or not. It's a very weird experience because you don't record with other people.
01:04:53
Speaker
Okay. So you go into a room and you're watching it and you've got the microphone and your headset on and you're watching it. And then you like speak at the same time because you're hearing all the other dialogue.
01:05:04
Speaker
It was interesting too, because eventually they were able to get other people in because at at one point I had to like pretend to fight somebody. and they're like So we have the other guys recording, so that'll help you. So that was pretty intriguing me.
01:05:17
Speaker
To then hear like one of my coworkers in my ears, I'm watching a tell it's, it's a just, it's a really surreal experience to be in that studio and try to mimic what someone else is doing.
01:05:29
Speaker
Oh, che I bet. Also because of what I've done, we've had to do a lot of foreign film and stuff. So I do know that in other countries they do adr in markets where they're going to have to put it in multiple languages, such as in India and China as well.
01:05:43
Speaker
Yeah, that makes sense. I think with a lot of Chinese productions too, a lot of the places where they shoot are like located in cities. So they do a lot of ADR just to prevent the city noise and stuff, which makes sense.
01:05:54
Speaker
But it does make it easier to then put it in multiple languages. And you can, and in some countries, I know that there are certain like voice actors who get known for being the dub of various characters. They're like, oh that guy's doing the dub. Great. I like that guy. So that that's just going interesting to me.
01:06:14
Speaker
yeah Yeah, or like being associated with a specific actor, I think. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Wow. Fascinating stuff. You guys want to play a little game of guess the title?
01:06:26
Speaker
Sure. Yes.
Fun with 'Guess the Title' Game
01:06:36
Speaker
Let me tell you about this brand new game. Where you guess the movie's name. You just tell me what the title is prove you know about showbiz.
01:06:52
Speaker
Guess the title. Whipper, whipper, whipper, whipper. Guess the title. Gooby, gooby, gooby, gooby. Guess the title. Guess the title.
01:07:02
Speaker
Come on, honey. the title. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:07:14
Speaker
So, as I mentioned, Conquest was produced by Giovanni Di Clemente. So, he actually produced a bunch of sort of Italian B pictures.
01:07:25
Speaker
So, I thought we'd ah go through ah his filmography. ah Just to get an idea of, you know, what were they watching in Italy that was produced by just some random guy.
01:07:36
Speaker
He did like a lot of comedies, a couple of dramas, nothing that broke out of Italy. Near as I can tell. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to read you the plot description of a Giovanni DiClemente produced film.
01:07:51
Speaker
And then I'm going to read you three titles. And I want you to buzz in with your own name and guess the title. And if you get it wrong, your opponents can steal.
01:08:03
Speaker
Does anybody have any questions? No. I'm good. Fantastic. All right, here we go. Question number one, hands on buzzers. A young nobleman plots and schemes to seduce a nun, but the last thing he expected was to fall in love.
01:08:21
Speaker
Is this Sacred Heart, The Devils of Monza, or Forgive Me Sister? Greg? Anna. Greg.
01:08:32
Speaker
The Devils of Monza.
01:08:35
Speaker
You're correct. Greg is on the board.
01:08:39
Speaker
That was also La Monica Di Monza. Question number two. Elena lives in a villa in Tuscany with multiple female relatives. But when her ex-husband comes to visit, it threatens to destabilize her happy home.
01:08:56
Speaker
Is that let's hope it's female? When an elephant meets a rhino or a home of women? Greg.
01:09:07
Speaker
Greg. When an elephant meets a rhino. a No, I'm sorry. It's not when an elephant meets a rhino. Anna or Merit? Merit. Merit?
01:09:18
Speaker
Is it? i I would have thought it was that one, too. Is it the last one? A home of women? Yes.
01:09:27
Speaker
Wow. No, I'm sorry. It's let's hope it's female. Speriamo che si femina. Question number three. a U S army unit finds itself on the opposite side of a 2000 year old Roman bridge from the Italian army.
01:09:46
Speaker
They both want to destroy the bridge or do they? Is that bridge of iron hold the bridge or hello enemy.
01:10:00
Speaker
Anna. Anna. Hold the bridge.
01:10:06
Speaker
No, I'm sorry. Merit. Merit? ah Hello, enemy. Yeah. Yeah. Correct. Ciao, Namico.
01:10:18
Speaker
It's all tied up. Question number four. Renato throws a party in the holiday resort that he built with his father-in-law's money. When his church-going wife finds out, she gives Renato an ultimatum.
01:10:32
Speaker
Find the money to buy the place or leave.
01:10:37
Speaker
Is that the unreliable ones? My father-in-law's resort or party's over? Anna. Anna?
01:10:49
Speaker
Party's over. I'm i'm sorry, my dove. Greg? My father-in-law's resort.
01:11:01
Speaker
Nope. I'm sorry. Merit gets the point. That was the unreliable ones. Glee ineffibli.
01:11:09
Speaker
Possibly.
01:11:13
Speaker
Question number five. A young king of the dance halls dreams of becoming a movie star. Unfortunately, there are those who exploit his ambitions and his generous character.
01:11:27
Speaker
Is that Dance Dance Dance, The Disco Soul, or American Fever?
01:11:37
Speaker
Anna. Anna? American Fever. Correct. Yes. That was a Saturday Night Fever knockoff. Wow. Awesome. Question number six. I love the name American Fever. It's a knockoff of Saturday Night It's funny to think of Italians watching.
01:11:56
Speaker
I mean, I guess Italians don't think of Italian Americans as Italians, so they wouldn't be offended think of them as American. Yeah. Yeah, which they should.
01:12:07
Speaker
Question number six. Naples is overrun with con artists in this anthologized comedy about Neapolitan hustlers, schemers, and matchstick men. Is this the double double cross?
01:12:23
Speaker
Parcel, double parcel, and counter parcel? Or dirty tricks? Greg. Greg? but was the first one you said? The double double cross? Yes, the double double cross.
01:12:38
Speaker
Oh, I'm sorry. wasn't the double, double cross. Oh, merit. Merit. Is it the really stupid one? I'm going to assume that's parcel, double parcel and counter parcel. Correct.
01:12:52
Speaker
Poco, doppio, poco y contropocotto. Question number seven. An undercover cop infiltrates the world of motocross racing. oh Is this two wheels, one gun, motor cop, or speed cross?
01:13:11
Speaker
Greg. Greg? Speed cross. Correct. It's tied up again. the title in Italian for that one was also speed cross.
01:13:23
Speaker
Nice. All right. Just two questions left. Still anybody's game. That's what it all comes down to. Question number eight. Three intertwining tales of status and lust play out in a Venetian orchid house, a mysterious clinic wherein the members of most intimate sexual desires are revealed and fulfilled.
01:13:47
Speaker
Is this for members only? The orchid house or secret Venice?
01:13:56
Speaker
I know what I want to say. Greg. Greg. Secret Venice. Yeah, I wanted to say it. I said it and it wasn't it, but I still wanted to say it. Secret Venice.
01:14:08
Speaker
You did it. Fantastic. Anna or Merit? Anna? The Orchid House. the Merit gets the point. That was for members only.
01:14:22
Speaker
Solo para socios. Question number nine. Last one. On holiday with his son, ah father discovers he is not so timid.
01:14:33
Speaker
Is that the week at the beach? My father, the pervert or two generations of horny. Greg.
01:14:45
Speaker
Greg. Two generations of horny. No, I'm sorry. was It was a two generations of horny, Greg. Merit. wanted to hear that thing Merit. My father, the pervert.
01:14:58
Speaker
No, I'm sorry. It wasn't my father the pervert. It was the week at the beach. La settimana al mare. Those were tempting. Yeah, yeah. Those were my bait. But with that, I believe it's a three-way tie.
01:15:13
Speaker
Congratulations to everybody. Wow. This is beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. Put this one in the wiki, listeners. It's a record breaker.
01:15:23
Speaker
Uh-oh. It's the Batty Awards.
01:15:33
Speaker
Now you're messing with the Batty Awards. Now you're messing with the Batty Awards. Now you're messing with the Batty Awards.
01:15:44
Speaker
Now you're messing with the Batty Awards.
01:15:50
Speaker
Congratulations to all the nominees.
01:15:59
Speaker
That's right. Congratulations to all our nominees. It's the Batty Awards. Greg, do you have a Batty Award? Yes, I do. ah So I decided to change from a Batty Award, so I am going to give out one honorable mention. They're both for dialogue choices. The first one goes to when Mace was, he wakes up and he finds Elias isn't there. he's like, Elias?
01:16:20
Speaker
Elias, where are you, Elias? And then he steps out into the mouth of a cave and he just screams into the night. Ilias, answer me! And it just was really hilarious to me that he would scream at the end of the night. But that's not what's getting the award. What's getting the award for best piece of dialogue is in the beginning, in that gauzy beginning where you said you couldn't understand anything they said. Here's one thing that they did say.
01:16:42
Speaker
He's discussing what Kronos did with the bow and how magical it was, and he fired the light and everything. And Ilias goes, it was magic, wasn't it? And the old man goes...
01:16:52
Speaker
No, it was a sign that Kronos had become a man. Okay. Which I just think is just the weirdest response you could give to the to the statement. It was magic, wasn't It's like, no, it just meant that he was finally a man. It's like, what could they, I mean, I know what they're talking about, but what could they be talking about?
01:17:12
Speaker
You know what he's talking about. I do. I do. Yeah. i think. Anna, do you have a Betty award? oh Oh, yes.
01:17:23
Speaker
I'm going to give it to... Whoever... I couldn't find the credit, but da whoever's handling all the animal action in this movie, there' oh there's a lot of it, and it's all really good.
01:17:39
Speaker
theres yeah i just want to mention in particular the the wounded hawk covered in what seems to be pasta sauce. um It's doing a great job.
01:17:50
Speaker
And also the ah fluffy white dog in okren's lair is being a very good dog considering that there's a snake and like an owl and maybe either another owl or some other kind of big bird like on set with it and it's being very calm about there being other animals that it might want to eat so well good dog salute to the dog and it's handled I'm going to give out my baddie word this week. It's the unsung hero award, and that's going to Okron's butt.
01:18:30
Speaker
Everybody's talking about Okron's tits being out the whole movie, but every now and then you can see your butt and it looks great. yeah Salute to Okron's butt. Merit, do you have a baddie award?
01:18:44
Speaker
Uh, yeah. Whoever's job it was to, to just man the fog machine. oh yeah. Great work. Um, yeah. Just set it to max and sort of walked away to go smoke a hundred cigarettes.
01:18:58
Speaker
Um, and then never turned it off, but kept it fueled the entire time. Yeah. Periodically just filled it up. Yeah. Just every now and then run down to the wholesaler to get some more liquid smoke.
01:19:10
Speaker
Yeah. Great work. To the people listening to this who have not seen the movie, it is hard to express how much fog is in the movie. It's the Turok
Merit's Projects and Podcast Promotion
01:19:19
Speaker
dinosaur hunter of 1980s. Yeah, and absolutely absolutely. Absolutely. That's a reference that 35-year-olds are going to love.
01:19:26
Speaker
yeah Yes! Thank God we could use some listeners younger than i
01:19:33
Speaker
Merit, thank you so much for coming and hanging out with this week. It was great to see you. Thanks for having me again. It's nice to be back. I know that you've got a million things going on. You've got, ah if you're driving, close your eyes.
01:19:46
Speaker
If you're listening. No, hang on. yeah and You had it right the first time. Yes! Yeah, it's a really insane title. I didn't come up with it, but we're sticking with it. It's a podcast with me and two of my friends from my old job at Fanbyte.
01:20:03
Speaker
Nice. We work together at a video game website, but we don't talk about video games on the show. It's... uh it's kind of just nonsense and then we torture each other with like really horrible games that we invent um yeah so it's a lot of fun you guys have a great time uh people seem to like it and um yeah there's like if you go to patreon if you're driving close your eyes we're doing weekly bonus episodes now and um that's where the torture really happens so you want to get in on those for sure yes listeners you know you want to get in on that and if people want to follow you where should they track you down
01:20:40
Speaker
Uh, I'm mostly on blue sky lately. Uh, just merit K.com on there. Um, and, um, yeah, you know, I'm on some of, I'm on like Instagram sometimes and Mastodon because I'm afraid that blue sky is going to fall apart, but you know, I just, for whatever, know, you just search my name and I'm the only person who has my name. So just, you know, you'll, you'll find something.
01:21:04
Speaker
Absolutely. And everything you find will be fantastic. is there Is there anything else that you want to plug? Anything that i you want to mention? um that's i mean, you know, I'm always doing other stuff, but I don't want to like you know go on about it. So just follow me and you can find out what I'm up to.
01:21:21
Speaker
Yeah, Merit's always got a million cool things going on. And then thank you so much for coming and hanging out. Yeah, thanks for asking.
Episode Wrap-Up and Next Guest
01:21:28
Speaker
And ah listeners, come back next week when we'll be joined by Kennedy Cooper to talk about Evil Bong.
01:21:35
Speaker
All right. So in ah in an unofficial sense, Spookython will continue. um
01:21:50
Speaker
ah aa I'm doing a number on my throat. So I'm going to wrap it up. Listeners, don't forget to like and subscribe. but And here's a little ah gypsy to see you off with.
01:22:08
Speaker
Be good. Goodbye. Bye. Goodbye. Bye.
01:22:35
Speaker
you