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Episode 84: Ernest Saves Christmas
50 Plays1 day ago
Our Holiday Employee Picks continue and Greg’s pick is another with Christmas in peril; it’s Ernest Saves Christmas (1988). Jim Varney plays our titular character and he needs to help Santa find a replacement before we all lose Christmas FOREVER. Get ready to see Ernest rip the wiring out of a wall, Reindeer walk on the ceiling and Santa confront his own failing mind. It’s heartwarming, has just the right amount of that classic Ernest shtick, and has many pleasant surprises. Then everyone will propose a concept for a new Ernest film, so it is a Happy Holiday. Tune in!
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Transcript
Introduction to Hosts and Holiday Film Festival
00:00:27
Speaker
That you would, if you could And you know that you should Yes, you know that you should
00:00:41
Speaker
Hello, hello, and ho, ho, ho, and welcome to your favorite bad movie podcast as our holiday film festival of employee picks continues.
00:00:54
Speaker
We're your ho, ho hosts. My name is Chris Anderson, and with me as always, i have the Bobby to my Chuck. It's Mr. Greg Rossi.
00:01:04
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Glad to be Bobby. I didn't know who I was going to be, but I was so excited. i was so excited. Chris, it's good to see you. It's good to see you too.
00:01:15
Speaker
boy And I forgot that I was also going to make our next host the Bobby to my Chuck. It's my wonderful wife. Hannah Anderson.
00:01:26
Speaker
Yeah. They're really and an iconic duo. Honestly, I'm glad that I watched Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein for the first time before this movie because they're very much doing a spin on How interesting. It's interesting that you say that.
00:01:50
Speaker
That's going to come up later. ah But our movie this week is obviously Ernest Saves Christmas.
Introducing 'Ernest Saves Christmas'
00:01:58
Speaker
And listeners if you haven't seen Ernest Saves Christmas, here's just a ah quick summary of the film to hold in your mind. It might not surprise you.
00:02:16
Speaker
Santa Claus is hoping to retire but first he must find his replacement in order to do so he'll need the help of his very special new friend Enos Ernest P. Worrell know what I mean
00:02:33
Speaker
yeah I think I do I can't believe I just called him Enos. I love it. Enos saves Christmas. That would have been an amazing choice, Greg. But instead you chose Ernest saves Christmas. I sure did.
00:02:48
Speaker
Saving of Christmas. That's right. Christmas really needs it this year. You said a mouthful. ah What made Ernest saves Christmas your pick?
Childhood Experiences with Ernest and Comedy
00:03:01
Speaker
Okay. So if you recall, I was a little torn between Jingle All the Way and Ernest Saves Christmas. And the reason why these two kind of go together hand in hand for me, because in my household, I'll explain this kind of all together. In my household, it was very religious and kind of conservative household. And so when I was younger and people would bring media into the house for me, you know, like when you're seven, pick like I ran into a movie or whatever. You know, they were picking a lot of very family friendly, very nice ah comedians and things like that. My family loved like the SNL people. And that was like, if you were watching with a parent and they could cover your eyes or your ears at some point, but if like you were just going to be watching yourself or maybe they weren't going to be paying a lot of attention, i was most likely going to get something by Ernest or something Sinbad.
00:03:51
Speaker
And so those two are like the like family friendly comedians that were go to's in my house, which is why both of these were kind of in the mix. And I really loved Arnold Schwarzenegger as a comedian. So both Jingle All the Way and Batman and Robin.
00:04:06
Speaker
Those were like the first two movies that I saw on my own opening night. And those are two crazy choices. Yes. but Jingle All the Way is kind of a classic, and I feel like a lot of people have talked about it, and I saw that one about 10 or 15 years ago. It's still very good, as I recall. It's still worth seeing.
00:04:24
Speaker
But I hadn't seen Ernest Saves Christmas in, I don't remember the last time. I may have been like 12 or something. And so I know a lot of people who have come on the show and were like, I haven't watched this in 20 years. I just wanted to check it out again. And I was like, you know what? I kind of want to do that this time. I know what Jingle All the Way is going to be. i kind of can't fully remember what Ernest Saves Christmas is going to be. And so that one's just got my curiosity just that much more.
00:04:51
Speaker
Fair enough. Anna, had you seen this one before or did you have a relationship with Ernest at all? Yeah, I'm curious what the two of you, your relationship with Ernest is. Very curious. i was not I was not acquainted with Ernest Oeuvre growing up. And I would say that's because um my parents don't or don't like stupid comedy. Yeah.
00:05:19
Speaker
i they're Like they've softened as they've aged, as they have on like everything. But like I remember Ernest and the Three Stooges and just, you know, that was just kind of kind of too lowbrow. you were going to do zany physical comedy, it was going to be Fawlty Towers. you know okay So there were English accents involved.
00:05:49
Speaker
Um, so i had not seen this one. i did watch Ernest Scared Stupid, ah i think with a Discord group, um, a couple of years
Binge-Watching the Ernest Franchise
00:06:03
Speaker
ago. What did you think of that one?
00:06:06
Speaker
oh that was delightful. Okay. And I do i don't love this one too. my my entire Letterboxd review was perfect film. And I truly believe that. Okay.
00:06:20
Speaker
Nice. Well, I did not grow up with Ernest. at I mean, I knew who he was, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. yeah but ah You know, from his appearances in commercials or like each show, but like the MTV movie awards or some shit. And I, but I'd never seen any earnest films until this week. In the last week, I watched eight earnest movies. Jesus.
00:06:45
Speaker
You may, so you may have now seen more than me, but I thought I had definitely going be the one who's seen the most of them. Did you manage to see the show at all? The TV show? No, I didn't watch the TV show. It's all on YouTube.
00:06:58
Speaker
Okay. going to have to watch that because I definitely watched that as a child. I'm pretty sure I've seen all the episodes already. Here are the ones that that I watched. I watched Hey Vern, It's My Family Tree. Okay. which That was really early, right?
00:07:14
Speaker
Yeah, that was his first video. Okay. And then I watched the Ernest Film Festival, which is a collection of early Ernest commercials. Oh.
00:07:25
Speaker
That's actually surprisingly fun. ah Interesting. Then Goes to Camp. Yep. ah saves christmas o goes to jail goes to jail a classic yeah uh scared stupid and rides again yeah those and goes to school okay uh i yeah i could see the cracks starting to show by rides again yeah that's when it started going downhill Rides again is where I sort of stopped. I was looking through them and I watched trailers. I knew I had, so I hadn't seen the first two you talked about, but I'd seen all of them through rides again. and I watched trailers for the remaining ones. i think I've seen slam dunk earnest, but not um goes to school in the military or the unfortunate earnest goes to Africa.
00:08:20
Speaker
yeah o i do Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's on
Critique of Less Popular Ernest Movies
00:08:24
Speaker
the Plex, but I think I'm probably going to skip it. Yeah, think that's smart. Based on the trailer, I would say it's definitely very smart action. Yeah, i don't want I don't want to remember Ernest that way. It's a shame his last film was Ernest Goes to Africa.
00:08:38
Speaker
Yeah. Well, ah do you guys want to talk about the research that I put into Ernest Saves Christmas? Yes, very much. right. All right.
00:09:02
Speaker
I wish I had some context about the background of the film. Script director, actors on set. What was going on on screen? want to hear some details.
00:09:14
Speaker
Gossips can do all that shit. Can't imagine all the time.
00:09:32
Speaker
So, Ernest Saves Christmas came out November 11th, 1988. Wow. It directed by John R. Cherry III.
00:09:44
Speaker
Who basically just did, he just did Ernest movies, right? Yes, he did all but one of the Ernest movies. Yeah. It's crazy. Taglines. We got two of them. ah Number one, a holiday comedy unlike any other.
00:09:59
Speaker
Sure. Sure. This is the only one that has Ernest in it. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. That's the most notable difference. on it yeah Yeah. That's a big one though. You can't. No, it's a significant difference.
00:10:12
Speaker
There should be another one that has Ernest as a minor character, but they never worked it out. Number two, he's back. And this time, dot, dot, dot.
00:10:24
Speaker
Ernest saves Christmas. Okay. Okay. yeah yeah both of Both of them. They're both functional, but I feel like they're not quite getting to the heart of the matter. Yeah. I mean, I feel like the title really says it all. You don't forget need a tagline. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:10:41
Speaker
I mean, it's also, i imagine that anybody who saw that was not just like, who's this earnest? You know what I mean? Like you either were just like, we got to see that or like, Oh, another one of those, you know, those are probably your reactions to that. If you're seeing the movie poster in the theater.
00:10:58
Speaker
So John R. Cherry III was an ad man living in Nashville, Tennessee in 1980 when he had landed an account with Beach Bend Park, an amusement park in Kentucky.
Ernest's Journey from Commercials to Cinema
00:11:13
Speaker
ah Now, Beach Bend Park was planning to have a promotional appearance by the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, and they wanted to advertise it. So his concept was simple.
00:11:24
Speaker
Have a goofy Southern guy tell his neighbor what was happening. Because an amusement park with the Dallas Cowgirls kind of sells itself. You don't need to make anything that complicated. The neighbor, Vernon, would be played by the camera, allowing the goofy Southerner to address the audience directly.
00:11:44
Speaker
That goofy neighbor was, of course, Ernest P. Worrell, played by Jim Varney. I tried to find this original Ernest commercial. I couldn't. It might be out there somewhere. Man, that's crazy, though. That's great.
00:11:56
Speaker
It just, it makes so much sense that the, not that the camera POV isn't cinematic, but it makes sense that in this case, it comes from advertising. Because that's, ah I think, fourth wall breaking like that is the most common, is most commonly experienced by most people in advertising. Yeah. Yes. not a doctor, but I play one on TV.
00:12:25
Speaker
Yeah. right Yeah. Someone coming out and giving you a testimonial. So Jim Varney grew up in Kentucky. And at this point, he was already a professional actor playing small roles on TV as a guest star here and there or a part of comedic ensembles on shows like Johnny Cash and Friends or in ah Pink Lady and Jeff.
00:12:49
Speaker
which was a variety show hosted by a Japanese pop duo and an an American comedian. It's very strange. That's interesting. Huh? I, I, there was a DVD put out of it at one point. I watched a couple of episodes.
00:13:04
Speaker
ah Pink lady were great. They were a great and pop duo. Yeah, it's cool. And he also acted in professional theater in sort of the Nashville, Tennessee area. Now, ah the Beach Bend Park campaign was a big hit.
00:13:19
Speaker
And it led him ah to appear in dozens of commercials, sort of Shaq style, just for like lots of different products. they were just like, yeah, we can put Ernest in your commercial. ah Now, mostly they were local auto dealerships.
00:13:35
Speaker
ah but I did in the earnest film festival. This is a great way to sample this material. And it really shows why it works and why he caught on as a character. It just interesting lets Jim Varney like step in front of a camera, do a little gag using like his talent and training as like a professional comedic actor. Like I think he did studied like Shakespearean comedy. Like he has that sort of precise physicality to himself. Oh yeah. Yeah.
00:14:02
Speaker
Yeah, and the theater background makes sense to that stage physicality, and um I'm making the gesture because I can't think of the words. Facial expressions.
00:14:14
Speaker
Yes.
00:14:18
Speaker
But he also, he did ads for Sprite and Mellow Yellow like a wide variety of local dairies. but you did. He made ah Wichita connection. He made ads for Brahms, ah which is ah like an ice cream and also burger joint headquartered in Oklahoma ah that that is dear to me because ah through elementary school my mom would take me and then you know my sister and brother as we grew up to Brahms on the first and last day of school every year. Nice.
00:14:58
Speaker
You know like back from the days when when i was little I think that those were probably like the only we could only afford to do that like twice a year and as time went on that was less of a big deal but it was always a treat.
00:15:14
Speaker
Oh yes. Well, Varney would ah record dozens of local auto dealership spots in a single day using the same script, but with different details instead of being like, head on down to Johnson's Ford, head on down to Samuel's Honda. You know, he would just do that over and over.
00:15:34
Speaker
So in 1985,
00:15:39
Speaker
Cherry and Varney teamed up for Vern, It's My Family Album, the first standalone Ernest product. It was a series of sketches where Ernest was telling Vern about his assorted ancestors, and then he would play the ancestor.
00:15:56
Speaker
It was released direct to VHS. It was less than an hour long, and yeah, was mostly just sort of ah a sketch comedy special. Hmm. uh, they then teamed up for, uh, Oh, this was ah very similar to what they did for their TV show. Hey Vern, it's the earnest TV series.
00:16:19
Speaker
Uh, or sorry. No, it's Hey Vern, it's earnest. Uh, and this one Varney, a daytime Emmy in 1988. Oh, wow. Yeah. wow yeah In 1987, Ernest made the leap to the big screen with Ernest Goes to Camp, also directed by John R. Cherry III, who, like we said, directed every Ernest movie except for Goes to School.
00:16:44
Speaker
I have a very distinct memory of going to see that in the theater and my dad being like, we'll take five for Ernest Goes to Camp. You know what I mean? And my sister was like, don't do that. yeah like This is great. I love in every every moment of what's happening.
00:16:58
Speaker
I wonder how many times the... so many. And so they must've been going there on the back of his popularity as an advertising character.
00:17:12
Speaker
If you're going to goes to camp. Yeah. And, and I, the only other advertising character I can think of that made the leap to the big screen was, uh, uh, Johnny English.
00:17:26
Speaker
The, uh, which we're called Rowan Atkinson character. He was originally, an Amex commercial. Oh, that's interesting.
00:17:37
Speaker
Somebody get a movie for the Jolly Green Giant. Yeah. Oh my God. oh There are more, but they're not in my head. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, probably like technically Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, maybe. Who knows? Yeah.
00:17:51
Speaker
Anyway, Ghost of Camp was a massive hit. It made $23.5 million dollars at the box office. I'm guessing at least 20 of that coming from Greg's family's pocket. Yeah.
00:18:03
Speaker
And it only had a $3.5 million dollars budget. So massive return on investment. Right. Yeah. ah rat ah Varney did get a Razzie nomination for worst new star. Once again, fuck you, the Razzies.
00:18:17
Speaker
ah He lost to David Mendenhall as Michael Hawk in Over the Top. They really didn't like Over the Top. I haven't seen Over the Top. I know the move.
00:18:28
Speaker
I was taught the move by Ternilla in my freshman dorm. ah It really makes you feel powerful like a truck. It does. It does.
00:18:43
Speaker
No, was sophomore year because it was before I was in the ladies arm wrestling contest. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah. i'm I beat a ah a tutor.
00:18:56
Speaker
You would call them professors at other um colleges. Yeah. Interesting. interesting
00:19:05
Speaker
Anyway, over the top, obviously directed by Menachem Golan. Check out our episode about Menachem Golan's The Apple. So production started on a sequel to Ernest Goes to Camp pretty quickly.
00:19:18
Speaker
It was shot in mostly in Orlando on the still being built Disney MGM Studios and locations of the greater Orlando area. This time it had a budget of $6.5 million and opened at number two at the box office behind Child's Play. Wow. It went on to pull down $28.2 million.
00:19:40
Speaker
This was the biggest of any earnest film. Wow. So, a success. Yeah. And it's understandable why. It feels sort of like the platonic ideal of an earnest movie to me, having watched all of these.
00:19:55
Speaker
i was just saying watching it, I was just like, this feels like just the perfect mix of Ernest and plot. And it's not too goofy, but it's not too serious. But it also has some, you know, some nice kind of schmaltzy fun family niceness to it in a way that doesn't, you know.
00:20:14
Speaker
Yeah, it still delivers on being a Christmas movie. Yes, exactly. It serves both masters. Other Christmas movies of 1988.
Other Christmas Movies of 1988
00:20:25
Speaker
You got Bill Murray and Scrooged. Oh, I've always liked Scrooged. I like Scrooged. I don't think I've seen it. oh Oh, it's fun. Bill Murray is Scrooged.
00:20:39
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. ah What's her face from ah ah Indiana Jones and the Raiders the Lost Ark in there? Karen Allen. Karen Allen's in it.
00:20:50
Speaker
Oh, you got a very Brady Christmas. Okay. You got the Pee Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special. And watching these Ernest movies, Ernest mostly reminded me of a southern fried Pee Wee.
00:21:05
Speaker
That would make sense. And I never watched Pee Wee as a child because the puppets freaked me out. That's understandable.
00:21:15
Speaker
Yeah. You got something called The Christmas Wife. All right. ah ah And a lot of people would say this should count. So I'm putting on the list. You got Die Hard.
00:21:31
Speaker
Okay. Sure. Why not? As soon as you said that, I was like, yeah, this is probably Die Hard. Yeah. I mean, it's 1988. I don't want anybody. Listen, if you want to get in the comments and say, oh hey, Die Hard is a Christmas movie. That's fine. We'll take the engagement. Trancers was a Christmas movie.
00:21:51
Speaker
Yes, trance is because Jack Death learned the true meaning of Christmas.
00:22:00
Speaker
Do you guys want to talk about the plot of Ernest Saves Christmas?
Plot Summary of 'Ernest Saves Christmas'
00:22:03
Speaker
Oh, hell yeah, I do All right, let's just hit it.
00:22:24
Speaker
Plot bumper, listen to me. I'm gonna give you the plot summary. Come on, baby. Here's the synopsis.
00:22:36
Speaker
Plot bumper, plot bumper.
00:22:52
Speaker
So we open on Norman Rockwell paintings of Santa Claus. And for some reason, two Christmas carols back to back. yeah I'll be playing one of them as our closing credits. Nice. ah Because that's the really the only music in the entire film.
00:23:11
Speaker
We cut to an airport. A plane is landing. And it's December 23rd. And we're in Orlando. Orlando. And we see Santa Claus played by Douglas Seal. do you guys know where else you might have seen Douglas Seal?
00:23:26
Speaker
Or should I say heard Douglas Seal? Ooh. No. He was the voice of the Sultan in Aladdin. Oh.
00:23:41
Speaker
That's not going to come out simultaneous because of recording. Don't worry. So it does. Yes.
00:23:50
Speaker
The magic of podcasting. And I thought he was great in this, other than the fact that he wasn't fat and he never said, ho, ho, ho. I thought he was a great Santa Claus. I think he did a very good job with it. And I loved his attitude in this opening section where he's like, oh, where are you from? He's like, well I'm up north.
00:24:08
Speaker
It's just like, he's very like this kind of naive Santa, just like, yeah, from the North Palm Santa Claus. But is that weird? People are like, yeah, he's a real fish out of water in this movie. really works yesness Yes. Yes.
00:24:22
Speaker
ah And he's wearing like a three piece brown suit with a red pocket square. So he's sort of like Santa closet cosplay kind of situation. He's like Santa moding.
00:24:35
Speaker
yeah It's a great looking suit. yeah. oh yeah Uh, now, uh, he talks to a ah Canadian businessman slowly revealing like, Oh yes, I, I am Santa Claus. And the Canadian businessman is like, get a load of this guy.
00:24:51
Speaker
Uh, and then, ah we cut to a cab cab number 69.
00:25:02
Speaker
And it's being driven by Ernest P. Worrell. Hell yes. Yes. Yes. sir And he's he's driving like a maniac to drop somebody off the airport. And his passenger is very frightened. And we get a great comedic car chase sequence.
00:25:17
Speaker
And he's singing o Christmas tree, but with just those words. It's beautiful. God, that's what I should have gotten for the closing credits.
00:25:29
Speaker
And then, yeah, he drops off his passenger and he gets chased through the airport by some angry tourists that he almost ran over. And then he picks up Santa Claus. Uh, Santa wants to go to the Orlando children's museum.
00:25:43
Speaker
This is another one of these children's movies. This has happens almost any time when we're doing a children's movie where it's only 90 minutes, but it's so plot forward that yeah surprisingly long to, uh, to sum up.
00:25:55
Speaker
The way this one is constructed is a little unlike most other things, because I feel like it's like when you have three side dishes as a meal and you're just like a taste of this one and then a taste of that one and a taste of this one and then back to the first one and then to the second and then to the third. And it's just doing that the whole time.
00:26:15
Speaker
Now I want to order appetizers for dinner. yeah We'll talk about that later, sweetie. um it It's interesting, I think, actually, now that you put it that way.
00:26:27
Speaker
You know, because people complain about children's attention spans, and they've been complaining about children's short attention spans since we were kids. But, you know, i think that maybe children might just have short attention spans because they're children.
00:26:44
Speaker
That might be Entirely possible. As someone who has spent very little time with children, I can't say. um That could be true. Back at the airport, we meet Chuck and Bobby, the classic comedy duo who will pop up in a couple of other earnest films. Goes to school only had Bobby, but both of them were in goes to jail.
00:27:07
Speaker
Mm hmm. they had a Chuck and Bobby type and scared stupid, or they might've both been scared stupid. I think they are. I feel like they're pretty, they're staples throughout most of the movies as I recall. yeah or At least that's what it felt like. Were you, had you seen them before when you, like, did you know about Chuck and Bobby when you guys came into this?
00:27:26
Speaker
Because I feel like they're there and it's just kind of accepted that you know that we're going to be seeing Chuck and Bobby and they're not going to explain them. But in this one, it's just kind of like, who are these two guards? They're kind of funny, but you don't I don't know if you necessarily realize that their main characters, quote unquote.
00:27:43
Speaker
No, but i obviously the way that they're sort of shot and the amount of time that we spend with them in that first scene does set them up as being like, okay, this is going to be sort of ah ah a B plot that will tie back in at some point or another. Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:58
Speaker
But also on the subject of Chuck and Bobby, One of the few films that John Cherry directed that wasn't an Ernest movie, possibly the only one. There might have been another one.
00:28:09
Speaker
ah But he tried to reboot Abbott and Costello with the actor that plays Chuck in the Costello role and Bronson Pinchot in the Abbott role.
00:28:23
Speaker
What? Oh! Well, okay, so my instincts were... we're right on then. Yes. This is, you can definitely see the DNA of Abbott and Costello. Yeah. Chuck and Bobby. And I'm, I am curious about that movie. I forgot what it was called. Hang on. I'm going to look it up real quick.
00:28:44
Speaker
I really want to, I probably, but just hello, something, something. I think it's like the new adventures of Abbott and Costello or something like that.
00:28:58
Speaker
The all-new adventures. Oh, no, not Abba and Costello. The all-new adventures of Laurel and Hardy in For Love Mummy. Okay. I don't know those gentlemen.
00:29:09
Speaker
I feel like they're relatively similar. think there's a reason why I thought Laurel and Hardy were Abba and Costello. Yeah. But I don't want to, you know, I'm sure that there are distinct differences in there. You don't want to be reductive, no.
00:29:26
Speaker
There are, what, manzai would be the Japanese equivalent. Yeah, possibly. So... En route to the children's museum, Santa introduces himself to Ernest. Ernest at this point doesn't actually think that he is Santa Claus, but he does explain that he's a big Christmas fan. He's like, oh, well, that's cool. Your name's just Santa Claus, And you look like him. That's crazy.
00:29:50
Speaker
While they're driving through Orlando. They really are the opposite of ah Santa Claus and the boy whose name I've already forgotten from the boy who saved Christmas. in My number one email pal.
00:30:06
Speaker
Yes. My number one email pal.
00:30:11
Speaker
Alright. So while they're driving through Orlando, a teen girl named Harmony Star hops in the cab while escaping from a dine and ditch situation.
00:30:23
Speaker
ah Santa Claus doesn't seem to judge, perhaps because St. Nicholas is the patron saint of thieves. Little known fact. Interesting. ah So Ernest drops Santa off at the museum. Santa doesn't have cab fare, but Ernest's like, hey, it's Christmas, buddy.
00:30:40
Speaker
You have a good one. ha ha Can I say I did look up ah what $32.50 in 1988 is today. and it is about $85. So Ernest really was like letting him off. Yeah.
00:30:59
Speaker
Yeah. He's got a big heart then, Ernest. He sure does. ah So Santa goes inside the children's museum past a museum curator. Who's like a little old lady to go find a storytelling volunteer, Joe, who has recently been laid off from his job as the host of a kid's show.
00:31:22
Speaker
Now, before Santa can tell Joe that he wants him to become the new Santa Claus and take his place, he's interrupted by Joe's agent, Marty Brock. who rolled up driving a Mercedes with a license plate big time, if I remember right.
00:31:39
Speaker
Big deals. Big deals. yeah Yeah. Marty's a real piece of shit. He sure is. Immediately reads as real piece of shit. Yeah. He communicates that. I wish Marty had been a little funnier. I feel like Marty was a weak link. Yeah.
00:31:57
Speaker
just a missed opportunity, but no no real problems with Marty there. ah Marty has landed Joe an audition for a movie called Christmas Sleigh, ah which means Joe doesn't really have time to talk to Santa. He sort of gives Santa the brush off.
00:32:13
Speaker
And as if that weren't enough, Santa realizes that he left his magic sack of presents in Ernest's cab. This is why he needs to retire. He's getting forgetful in his old age. Yeah.
00:32:25
Speaker
That was kind of heartbreaking. Like, that was yeah real. Yeah. Honestly, that Santa was like, I'm just I'm legitimately getting too old for this. I can't remember. I can't do my job that well anymore.
00:32:38
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. like It was rough to have to struggle with Santa's mortality. That was a yes surprisingly hard thing. Yes. Not what you'd expect. No, no.
00:32:50
Speaker
But it's just a little, you know, sprinkling of it in there. Just a gentle tugging at the heartstrings to give it some weight. Right. But back at the cab depot, Ernest gets fired for not getting Santa's fare.
00:33:04
Speaker
Showing up short 80 bucks, your boss is going pissed off. Understandable. Right. But ernest Ernest's boss does toss the sack out to him.
00:33:15
Speaker
Ernest doesn't dwell on this. Instead, he grabs Harmony, who's still hanging out because she seems to be a team runaway with not much else to do. And they're going to deliver a Christmas tree that Ernest found to his neighbor, Vern.
00:33:30
Speaker
Yeah. Finally, we get some Vern on screen. All of these. He goes to Vern's house and it's all shot POV, classic Ernest and Vern style.
00:33:41
Speaker
And obviously instantly starts creating chaos in ert Vern's clean, beautiful house. Set up for a party. Yeah, he's messing up the party. He starts ripping the wiring out of the wall while Harmony starts dumping hors d'oeuvres into her purse.
00:33:59
Speaker
ah I also really like that when he like knocks on the door, he's like, it's me, Vern. And then Vern immediately closes the door because I feel like that's more of an admission of what Vern's relationship is to Ernest than I've ever really experienced before. I recall experiencing Yeah, you can see a little bit of Vern's annoyance in the commercials.
00:34:19
Speaker
Okay. I think most of the films don't actually include Vern for some reason. Right. He's almost entirely from the commercials. So it's nice to add a little bit to the Vern canon here. Mm-hmm.
00:34:32
Speaker
Now, meanwhile, Marty convinces Joe to let him give Santa the brush off. So Joe heads home and Marty calls the cops on Santa Claus and the cops take Santa Claus in presumably for vagrancy.
00:34:54
Speaker
They take him in for booking and his fingerprints are snowflakes. That's that's a great touch. I also like that they're calling him Santos because like my name Santa like what's that Santos? Because also I believe that means Saint in Spanish. So it like actually works pretty well.
00:35:10
Speaker
Yeah, I did really like it when Marty leaned over to the cops. It's like his name is Santos.
00:35:19
Speaker
So Joe goes on auditions for the movie with a couple of kids and it goes great because he has great chemistry with these kids. You know, i am i didn't write down the name of the actor playing Joe.
00:35:32
Speaker
um Oliver Clark. Okay. Oliver Clark. I wanted to mention him. mostly in the in the Mostly in the context that if they made a movie like this today, Santa would be hunk, you know? or at least Santa would be, like, in his 40s tops and good-looking. And Oliver Clark is, like, a schlubby man in his 50s. And I really, really love that about him. I love him in this role. Yeah.
00:36:09
Speaker
it was weird for me at first when they were like, he's a children's entertainer who recently got fired for no apparent reason. And I was like, what did he do? Right. right you do Right. Well, like I kept him on expecting there to be a twist in the tail with Joe, but he was just like, no, I'm just a good guy. Who's an actor who likes kids.
00:36:30
Speaker
Oh, okay. Um, So after getting kicked out by Vern, Ernest decides to check out the sack that Santa left in his cab. Because he's like, oh, maybe I'll find out like where he is. It'll have like a contact information inside, something like that. Right. So maybe I'll just have a, you know, the luggage tag.
00:36:52
Speaker
Luggage tag. Yeah. So he opens it up and then light starts pouring out. And he realizes this must be Santa's actual magic sack. And that means that guy was actually Santa Claus.
00:37:05
Speaker
And he's so psyched. What's also weird, though, is it's like shoot children's laughter also comes out of it, which was a little creepy. i was like, oh, I do not want to open up a bag and hear like echoey children's laughter coming out of it. I'm going to immediately cinch that tight.
00:37:22
Speaker
Yeah, understandable. So Ernest and Harmony, they drive to the museum to look for Santa, but the museum is closed by the time they get there. Harmony is still expressing some skepticism, but then Ernest starts producing morphological glowing orbs from the sack that transmogrify themselves into a sordid presence, but none of the presents are good. So she's like, this is stupid. That's not Sandy Claus's sack. It's a weird moment to just see him produce this glowing ball of light and then poof, it's like a shitty horse.
00:37:53
Speaker
It's just like, what are we doing here? Ernest saves Christmas. It's really strange. It's metaphysical, which is not what I was expecting. So meanwhile, Santa gets processed and put into gen pop in the jail, but he quickly makes friends because everybody loves Santa Claus.
00:38:12
Speaker
I love that that's the result of it. I'm so happy that it's not just like this comedic thing where they're tough. It's just everyone's just like, we fucking love this guy He's so cool. It's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:38:23
Speaker
No one's going to meet a nice old man like Santa Claus. ah Now, data da data the next day, it's Christmas Eve.
Santa's Role Transition and Comedy Hijinks
00:38:35
Speaker
Ernest and Harmony head back to the museum where the curator tells them that Santa Claus is in the pokey. Ernest says Santa Claus got busted, which is such a good line.
00:38:51
Speaker
Yeah. So they go to the jail disguised as a governor's aide and the governor's niece. And they use that to sneak in and gets out of jail by claiming that he's clearly dangerously insane.
00:39:07
Speaker
And you get to see Ernest in ah character. he He puts on a couple of characters in the course of this movie. and That's always great stuff. And it's great that they took the time to justify it. In Scared Stupid, he just sort of does like a Bugs Bunny thing where he's just suddenly a different character. And I don't think it's as good as this.
00:39:26
Speaker
I think that was, I mean, you watched them all. I feel like that was just kind of common where it's just like, we're going to cut to Ernest as Auntie Nelda, or we're going to cut to Ernest as the drill sergeant and just kind of have it unexplained. Was that not really the case earlier on?
00:39:40
Speaker
Not as much as they did it in in Scared Stupid. Like they would cut to him being like six different characters in a Yes. Yeah, I remember that pretty specifically.
00:39:52
Speaker
ah But they get Santa Claus out. Harmony still doesn't buy that he's Santa Claus, even though Santa knows her real name and everything about her.
00:40:02
Speaker
Yeah. She's in denial. Yeah. I mean, specifically says, Pamela's always been that way since the Christmas I gave her a doll instead of a, I think it's a baseball mat. Yeah, because she's a tomboy.
00:40:19
Speaker
Yeah. ah Ernest, though, he is psyched as hell.
00:40:26
Speaker
Now, Santa explains that he's been Santa for at least 100 years, and he needs to name Joe his successor by 7 p.m. tonight so that he can make the delivery run. It has to start at 7 on Christmas Eve, Florida time.
00:40:41
Speaker
Otherwise, he's not going to make it. So they need to find Joe. They need to find out where he is right now. So to do that, Ernest goes undercover, big mama style, as marty's Marty the agent's mother.
00:41:00
Speaker
ah And what I like is, you know, he's wearing a fat suit, and that's always kind of a bummer. And it's comedy drag, which is obviously kind of complicated. i do like that he took the extra time to put ah her in a neck brace. I think that specific character detail makes this character very good.
00:41:16
Speaker
ah So this is Auntie Nelda. I'm a fan of Auntie Nelda, despite some of the ah questionable aspects of it. It's just from my childhood. Very specifically, i remember from Scared Stupid, like, me a woman's work is never done, is just like stuck in my brain.
00:41:34
Speaker
And so Auntie Nelda is a very comforting character to me, for better or for worse. great character. Yeah. Yeah. I was hoping to see more of Auntie Nelda in Ernest's family album, but I don't think she made it. Yeah, I assumed she would be there, but must not. buy you Crazy.
00:41:51
Speaker
ah So while he's undercover, he gets the details from Marty's secretary. It turns out that Joe is down at ah the local film studio. Makes perfect sense.
00:42:03
Speaker
So Santa and Ernest leave Harmony at home to guard the sack while Ernest sneaks Santa onto set in the guise of a snake handler. Not a religious snake handler, but a guy that like breeds snakes and handles them for films.
00:42:17
Speaker
A snake farmer. That character was in the Ernest family realm. okay Oh, interesting. he This is like, if you think Ernest is a Southern hick, this is what Ernest thinks is a Southern hick.
00:42:30
Speaker
He's great. Keeps on saying, don't touch your snakes, they're poison! and music So Santa watches Joe act in Christmas sleigh, and his heart is warmed at first, but then he eventually learns that it's a slasher movie, and it's sleigh, S-L-A-Y. s l a y Uh...
00:42:52
Speaker
He's very distraught at this. And he actually punches the director in the face, which is a funny thing for Santa to do, but I like it. Shows he's still got passion. well Still, Santa offers Joe the gig and asks him if they can meet up later. And Joe's like, yeah, yeah,
00:43:09
Speaker
Okay.
00:43:12
Speaker
Meanwhile, Harmony has been messing with the sack. She grabs ah some, like, velvet, some red velvet that she pulled out of it at some point, a skein of fabric, and she makes a fake sack.
00:43:27
Speaker
And when Ernest and Santa come back to pick up the real sack, she does the old switcheroo. When Santa swings by Joe's place with a switched out sack, he ends up kind of looking like an asshole.
00:43:41
Speaker
And Joe's like, your magic sack is fake. And he's like, I know it's not the real sack. Yeah. That was an interesting response because it's like you can see he picks up the sack. He kind of knows it but Ernest is driving away. and it was like it's I mean, he must know. It's like he does, and he realizes that he can't do anything about it now, and he's got to go in there. So Santa's – it's so weird to see Santa just be like, well, this sucks, but here we go. It's like the entire movie.
00:44:09
Speaker
And he he was also he was had also told Ernest, he was like, you've got to trust people about Harmony specifically. so yeah like, the moment of Santa realizing, yeah oh wait a minute, I misjudged this little girl.
00:44:30
Speaker
yeah Yeah, and once again, this guy's acting chops show through that when he says, I know it's empty, it is sort of like the saddest moment in the movie. Yeah. Yeah.
00:44:42
Speaker
And he's also very sad Joe has shaved his beard that he had, and he's seeming to be much less interested in becoming Santa Claus at this point. Meanwhile, Harmony buys a train ticket for Miami, looking to skip town with a magic sack.
00:44:57
Speaker
The next train leaves 6.40
00:45:03
Speaker
In good news, Ernest shows up at the airport to grab the reindeers from Chuck and Bobby. Chuck and Bobby have been keeping an eye on the magic flying reindeers this entire time. ah That's what we've been coming back to them doing this entire B plot.
00:45:18
Speaker
Every time it's been great. Yeah. yeah It's a lot of them like watching reindeer go to the ceiling and then just kind of being like, well, I don't know what to do. Do you know what to do? And it feels oddly real.
00:45:29
Speaker
Yeah. ah At this point, we have, i think, my favorite exchange in the movie, ah which is Ernest asking Chuck, ah do you believe in Santa Claus?
00:45:42
Speaker
And Chuck just saying with a chuckle, ah somehow, I knew this question would come up. And then they cut away.
00:45:56
Speaker
But then ah a couple of elves have come in and landed in Orlando. They're here to help. They show up to claim the reindeer. Boom.
00:46:07
Speaker
The reindeer are out of hock. Unfortunately, on the way out, Ernest drives the box truck that they are carrying the reindeer in over a spike strip, flattening the tires. this is a sad moment too, where Ernest is just like, I did what I always do and I messed it up.
00:46:24
Speaker
And it's just like, yeah, sorry, man. You were trying to do a lot of things up. You do. You did rip that elect, that electrical wiring out of the wall and destroyed a man's home. Yeah. Yeah.
00:46:38
Speaker
And it's it's a real low point for Santa. He doesn't have a sack. He doesn't have a replacement. He doesn't even have his own sleigh and reindeer. so he can go out there and do it himself. he It's looking like Christmas is ruined, possibly forever.
00:46:51
Speaker
Yes, because if he doesn't make the switch by seven, none of us get Christmas ever again. no Yeah. I mean, certainly wild. Santa's magic will just dissipate into the universe.
00:47:04
Speaker
Yep. Yeah. Santa is waiting at the museum with the museum curator.
Climactic Sleigh Ride and Resolution
00:47:11
Speaker
Hopeful that maybe everyone will show up by seven o'clock. Maybe things will still come together. He's where he's supposed to be. That's all he can do.
00:47:20
Speaker
Meanwhile, over at the train station, Armony has been overhearing a family argue about ah the existence of Santa Claus. And she started feeling guilty for Santa Claus's sack.
00:47:33
Speaker
And she she goes and she yells at the older brother for being like, there is two with Santa Claus and I got his sack. And the little girl says, if that's Santa's sack, what are you doing with it?
00:47:47
Speaker
and Great moment. that's Yeah. um reason that's a That's a fair enough question. ah So she grabs the sack, slings it over her shoulder and starts running towards the museum.
00:48:01
Speaker
Back at the airport, Ernest has hooked up the reindeer to the sleigh. He's going to fly everything out to the museum. Luckily, with his experience of a cab driver, there's nothing this man can't drive.
00:48:12
Speaker
That's right.
00:48:15
Speaker
Unfortunately, the reindeer have a little too much horsepower for old Ernest, and he starts whipping around the globe with the elves in the backseat. Joe sees them fly by the office window where he's in the middle of contract negotiations and announces to everyone assembled, I'm him before racing off to the museum. okay He arrives at the museum at 6.57 PM.
00:48:45
Speaker
Santa passes on the Santa powers to Joe, which instantly changes them into a classic iconic Santa. Ernest and the elves plummet down to Orlando from near earth orbit, almost crashing into the ground before we get a classic air breaks gag in the style of bugs bunny.
00:49:03
Speaker
And it's like, that's the trailer moment. You know what I mean? Like when it was coming up, was like, they're going to do that. They're going to the trailer joke. They're going to the trailer joke. Here it comes. It's a classic visual gag. And you know, they say the good ones borrow and the great ones steal. If going to steal from anybody stealing from Looney Tunes is a smart play.
00:49:23
Speaker
And i I do have to, I just want to take this moment to mention after he's like air breaks, he does this classic like earnest laugh, which is like, and it just tickles me.
00:49:34
Speaker
It just tickles. Yeah. Yeah. All the sort of earnest signature moves and catchphrases are all really good. There's a reason why he keeps doing all of them in every movie when he goes like, yeah.
00:49:45
Speaker
a Yeah, background that's a classic in everyone. Face pressed against the glass. Yeah, he's really good at getting pressed against the glass.
00:49:59
Speaker
I'm not in good voice right now, but the the pompous voice that he does is really good, too. Yeah. Ernest Peebler, savior yeah of the charisma.
00:50:11
Speaker
Like that kind of vibe. Here we go. so Harmony says she's going to go back to Indiana. And Joe is ready for his initial Christmas as Santa Claus.
00:50:25
Speaker
But first he asked the old Santa if he's a allowed to have a driver just this once. And also a bonus elf. And indeed Santa's like, yeah okay, I'll allow it.
00:50:40
Speaker
ah And also I'm just some guy now, and so you can do whatever you want. ah So Ernest and Harmony both hop aboard the sled with Ernest at the reins and they take off to deliver presents on Christmas Eve.
00:50:55
Speaker
leaving Santa to fall in love with the elderly museum curator, which was just such a little... Which is wonderful. Yes. And it's also really nice because he's like, well, well my name used to be Seth so-and-so, so I guess that's who I am. And it was just like, this is really cute, actually. This is really nice.
00:51:13
Speaker
Yeah. and Yeah, it's nice to know that Santa is still going to have something nice going on for him, too. And then we get one last little ah cutaway gag back to Chuck and Bobby.
00:51:27
Speaker
This time they get a ah big box and it's from the Easter Bunny. Get ready. Ernest is about to save Easter. What?
00:51:40
Speaker
Roll credits. Final thoughts. Five star ratings. Anna, why don't you kick us off in terms of watchability and weirdness. What do you think about Ernest Save School's? Oh, gosh. I would give this... um but might give this a five stars for watchability. i just thought it was very much like an actual family-friendly Christmas movie that is good and funny and, you know, had a couple of
00:52:18
Speaker
heart-touching moments, um but wasn't, you know... mawkish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. or Or, yeah, I loved it. I loved it. um Weirdness, I would say... Weirdness, I would say lower, more like 2...
00:52:42
Speaker
okay ah Just because um earnest earnest shenanigans and the the persona... which do have precedence in like what you said, Bugs Bunny. And you know i haven't actually watched a lot of Jerry Lewis, but I think there's some of that in the facial expressions. The rubber face. Again. yeah i want i forgot the word for facial expressions again. That's very interesting. i should write that down.
00:53:14
Speaker
Use it three times in a sentence and it will be yours forever. So you just need one more. ah I gave it a four and a half in watchability. I thought it was sort of a perfect use of earnest and fun for the whole family. Obviously, earnest isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea.
00:53:30
Speaker
But, you know, if you think you might like this, give it a chance. I can almost guarantee that you will. Uh, in terms of weirdness, I gave it a three.
00:53:41
Speaker
I think it has both the sort of wild, mild weirdness that you find in all earnest movies and the mild weirdness that you find in all Santa movies. You know, like last week we were talking about expanding the Santa Canon. It's interesting how this one fills in the Santa Canon. You know, we've got a replaceable Santa. There's no Mrs. Santa. There's no Rudolph. Uh,
00:54:03
Speaker
You know, so we see a little bit of that systemization, which I always think is fun in a Santa Claus movie. ah So you've got a little bit of that weirdness, but it's almost sort of like a a chocolate and peanut butter of weirdness where the two of them sort of make each other seem more normal and and tone it down.
00:54:23
Speaker
And it's like it it it all makes sense of of a piece. Santa Claus and Ernest are are and a great duo. i agree. Yeah. Greg, tell me, where did you land? This was your pick.
00:54:36
Speaker
Yeah. So for me, it's a five. But I think for everybody else, I'm going to say i'm going to call it a four and a half just because it's earnest. And there are definitely people that are going to bounce off that concept. And I can't argue against that.
00:54:50
Speaker
Yeah. um And it's it's a family movie, which sometimes we were just like, I just can't do it. I get it. I get it. But I mean, it's yeah it's yeah it's going to be a four. It's a four point five or a five, depending if you're going to watch it or maybe it's a zero. So maybe I should just keep it a five. Anyway, I'm going to move on. um But I do think that it was I was actually revisiting it. I was genuinely surprised. It felt a lot more competent and smarter than I remember it being. Yeah.
00:55:16
Speaker
And it is a little weird with how they keep, you know, it's just like one joke from these people, one joke from these people, one joke from these people. one That's a little strange, but at the same time, it keeps up the energy. It's balanced pretty well. It never really gets too boring or anything. It's like generally like it goes at a nice clip, real entertaining, I think. Even like the fact that it's an earnest movie, he's just in the right amount, I feel like.
00:55:41
Speaker
you yeah good You get a good helping of them, but you're not like, oh boy. um So, but as far as weirdness goes, i think I'm going to go three just because Ernest...
00:55:54
Speaker
Once you are accustomed to Ernest, it's not that weird like you expect it. But until you're accustomed to it, I think it's pretty strange. And then you've also got the like Santa being more like the whole morality of Santa and him just being like, listen, like literally we're going to lose Christmas if we don't get this stuff done by seven. And modern society is kind of messing this up for us. It's like this is a strange angle. Santa goes to jail, which is something you don't typically see. You know? know
00:56:24
Speaker
So theres is this there's some weirdness in here. So going to say five for watchability, three for weird. i think I think you're spot on. And I think it's time for us to move on to act three of the show where we're going to build our own cinematic universe. Yes.
00:56:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:56:53
Speaker
This movie was really cool. It had a lot of cool ideas. This rich setting would really work for a cinematic universe.
00:57:13
Speaker
dude. A cinematic universe.
00:57:22
Speaker
A cinematic universe.
00:57:36
Speaker
Hmm.
00:57:47
Speaker
That's right. There's already an earnest cinematic universe, but we thought we'd try our hands at it. Yeah. Who wants to start? Anybody want to start?
00:57:58
Speaker
i I can start. I kind of want to start. Okay. I will say ah that both of you had called your titles relatively early on. And I have not, and I didn't have an idea as of like yesterday morning and was nervous about it. So I wanted to really shout out um taking a shower for were the ideas. That makes sense, actually.
00:58:29
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. ah and And, you know, it is, I guess it is water themed. So so that that makes sense. If it turns out to be Ernest uses shampoo, I'll be upset. No, no it's Ernest Goes Fishing. And that's oh an an apostrophe. Yes, yes.
00:58:48
Speaker
Perfect. It's a beautiful summer day and Ernest is off to the old fishing hole. And there's, you know, some initial shenanigans as he's backing up. He probably has his own special bait and his own special...
00:59:04
Speaker
fish and rod that he's going to tell you about, blah, blah, blah. And then he goes down to the fish and hole. This particular one is home to general iron sides. It's a legendary gigantic catfish. Yes. A hundred years old.
00:59:20
Speaker
And general iron sides. It not only swallows Ernest hook, It swallows him, What? Yes.
00:59:31
Speaker
Then I'm seeing like a solid like at least 30 minutes of this movie takes place inside the fish. there's a okay you know It's bigger on the inside. It's got a whole like set up there. you know ah and there's other...
00:59:49
Speaker
other swallowed um characters. There's, the you know, like a gloomy old pirate and a talking dolphin and like a sexy half lobster lady.
01:00:01
Speaker
i yes yeah Half lobster. I love this. Yes. And like, uh,
01:00:09
Speaker
ah Eventually, you know he's he explores the fish, you know keeps getting lost in its guts, but he's finding all kinds of detritus that it's swallowed over the years. And eventually he realizes that General Ironsides It's almost literal that the the fish actually swallowed an iron pot-bellied stove long ago.
01:00:32
Speaker
um And he also finds... A CB radio. He connects that CB radio to the whiskers of the catfish to, to extended range and radios for help. And they rescue him because of the stove in the fish. with a giant magnet on a crane, and pull the fish out of the water, and, you know, Ernest and a whole bunch of other stuff come out of it its mouth, and this is a big, this is a big old puppet, you know, just a very big puppet. And it's hanging there, looking morose, and Ernest makes eye contact with it, and then makes an aw shucks face, and they let him go. b Yes! Yes!
01:01:22
Speaker
I love this. That sounds fantastic. Instant green light. Well, I'll go next. We'll save Greg for last since he's our our our movie picker this week.
01:01:37
Speaker
I went for Ernest versus Vern. I love this concept. Yes. We open on Ernest complaining to camera about a blind date last night that went poorly.
01:01:51
Speaker
And this is obviously it's from Vern's POV. Then we zoom out. And for the first time ever, we see Vern and he's played by a young Bruce Campbell.
01:02:03
Speaker
Oh, perfect to match Varney's physicality and energy, but still being able to provide a distinct character that can be just as large, just as funny. I think these two would be a slam dunk together.
01:02:18
Speaker
I agree. So Vern tells Ernest that he doesn't have time for this nonsense and he has to finish cleaning his house because his sister Verna is coming to stay with them for a week and she's arriving any minute.
01:02:32
Speaker
And indeed she does arrive and she's played by Holly Hunter. Nice. Okay. And yeah, Verna is traveling through town because she's a traveling nurse and she has an assignment down in Miami that she has to go to in, you know, a week, something like that.
01:02:47
Speaker
And she has a week to spare. So she's going to visit her, her brother, Vern. So much to Vern's chagrin, Verna quickly warms to Ernest's goofy charms as he helps unload her luggage.
01:03:00
Speaker
He invites her to join him at the high school football game that night for a taste of small town living. And Verna agrees and Vern invites himself along. Vern pulls Ernest aside and explains that his family is very traditional and it wouldn't do for a sister to be seen in the company of a single man on escorted.
01:03:16
Speaker
And while they're on dates, you see Ernest pulling that sort of like upper crust voice that Ernest does a lot like, Oh, let me get your chair for you, madam, like doing stuff like that. But he's he's very nice and very goofy. And Vernon seems to genuinely think like, Oh, this is just a fun guy for me to be spending a week with, you know?
01:03:34
Speaker
Hmm. Uh, from there, we get a series of dates where Vern either embarrasses or injures himself, uh, due to the sort of chaos that follows Ernest around. He gets hit in the nuts with a golf ball at mini golf. He gets set on fire by some flambéed bananas, foster at a restaurant, things like that.
01:03:53
Speaker
Uh, eventually Verna tells Vern to stop butting in on the dates and announces that she and Ernest will be going on their last date before she has to leave alone. Vern is not invited.
01:04:05
Speaker
The final date is a hike through the nearby woods. Vern can't stop thinking about them together, though. Let me get maybe a little montage of them like smooching and like Bruce Campbell tugging his hair.
01:04:17
Speaker
yeah So he follows them at a distance. And when they sit down to eat, Vern pulls out a peanut butter, banana and honey sandwich, which he brought, which lures a nearby bear.
01:04:30
Speaker
Nice. Soon, Verna and Ernest see Vern sprinting past them, yelling, bear, bear, bear. And they all run into a small cave where the bear can't follow, ah but it doesn't leave. They're trapped in the cave.
01:04:43
Speaker
So Ernest steps up to lure the bear away. And when it tries to follow him over a downed tree that's lagging over like a a river, the tree breaks and the bear falls in and is swept away by the river's current.
01:04:57
Speaker
Reunited, Verna gives Ernest a kiss for bravery, and Vern begrudgingly admits that Ernest has earned his respect. That night, though, Verna tells Ernest that it's time for her to be moving on.
01:05:10
Speaker
And Ernest accepts this with, ah you know, a sort of reasonable, he and he knew what this was. He knew they would just be hanging out for a week. It was lovely to be able to spend time with you, Verna, and I hope that you have a look me up if you're ever back around this way.
01:05:25
Speaker
ah as Vern and Ernest wave goodbye to Verna and she drives off into the sunset. Vern tells Ernest that he hopes he isn't too heartbroken by Verna's love them and leave them ways.
01:05:37
Speaker
And Ernest says, nah, I don't think I'll miss her all that much. She talks in her sleep. Know what I mean? Roar credits.
01:05:50
Speaker
Fantastic. For mine, um I know that this existed and I saw like a little brief description of it, but it's just like, it's the first thing that I thought of immediately. And it's just Ernest goes to space. I mean, it just feels, it's right there. It's right there. So this is my, have like a three act structure kind of built up here. So basically what it is, is there's a group of kids.
01:06:14
Speaker
That have somehow ah they're going to be taken up to the ISS. They get to go. It's very exciting for all the for these seven kids or whatever they are. They have two chaperones, but they get to pick in their school. They get to pick their third chaperone that they want to bring with them. And all the kids pick the janitor Vernis or Ernest because they love the guy.
01:06:35
Speaker
And the school is just like, ooh, I don't know if this is it. But they're like, well, what can we do? The kids want, you know. So then in the first act, we get Ernest going through space camp, you know, where he's got the like the the centripetal thing and going through all that. sure we'll have the military guy talk about spacesuits and rockets and things like this. You know, there's plenty of opportunity. I want to see anti na Auntie there, you know.
01:07:00
Speaker
Yes. or to it all Then they get up into space ah where Ernest is now dealing with like the toilet. I want to see Ernest try to drink a liquid.
01:07:12
Speaker
i want to see Ernest go on a spacewalk. um And then in the third act, something happens where it's like Ernest is like locked in the capsule and he's the only one that can man it.
01:07:25
Speaker
And we have characters that we, somebody has to help him. And that the characters we've been seeing the whole time, which is Chuck and Bobby down at ground control. Okay. And so they're on the other end. Bobby, Bobby, what are the retrograde thrusters at? You know, and just like this kind of thing. ah um Eventually, he's, of course, able to get everything sorted through his own earnest ways and get everybody back on the ground. And everybody's just really happy that Ernest not only went to space, but he also saved the ISS.
01:07:57
Speaker
Wow. What a tale. I love it. Those were three absolute bangers. I'm upset they don't exist, frankly. Yeah, I would watch any of those immediately after we finished recording.
01:08:08
Speaker
I think the only remaining earnest movie that I might watch is Slam Dunk. I'm going to skip Army and Africa, probably. I think you're probably fine. Yeah, this would be just be depressing. Yes. No. Instead, how about we play a little game?
01:08:22
Speaker
Yeah. I love games. Yes. We're going to play. When's going on.
01:08:41
Speaker
Hey.
01:08:51
Speaker
When's going on? And I said, hey, hey, hey, hey
01:09:24
Speaker
That's right. we got a little wins going on. We're doing it with the films of Billy Bird, who played Mary Morrissey, the museum curator. Okay.
01:09:35
Speaker
Hooray. Listeners might know her from roles in 16 Candles, Home Alone, or Police Academy 4, Citizens on Patrol. None of those will be questions in this.
01:09:48
Speaker
ah She was active from 1921 to 1997. That's our range. So what to I'm going to give you a title and a description. Yeah. Real good innings.
01:10:01
Speaker
So I'm going give you a title and a description of a film. And I want you to guess a year. If you get it within five years, you get one point. Within one year, either direction, two points. If you get it right on the button, you get three points.
01:10:13
Speaker
Everybody ready? Yes. Yep. Question number one. Las Vegas hillbillies. A hillbilly hits the big time in Las Vegas.
01:10:26
Speaker
Pretty straightforward. Yeah. Yeah. Greg, when do you think that one came out? Yeah, both of you guys will answer. But, Anna, if you've got an answer first. Yeah, if you want to go, Anna, go for it. 1967. Okay. going 73, just counterpoint. right. Anna gets two points. That was 1966. Wow. Good call. Nice. Nice.
01:10:47
Speaker
just as as a counterpoint all right anna gets two points that was nineteen sixty six wow good call nice There was a real vogue for hillbillies. Yeah, i was trying to figure out when that would have been. Mid-60s.
01:11:07
Speaker
Question number two. I just saw the trailer for this one the other day for the first time. Rat Boy.
01:11:15
Speaker
Several shady and shallow people try to profit one after another from a physically deformed teenager whose face looks like the snout of a rodent and who has lives hidden in a city garbage dump, alone and miserable.
01:11:30
Speaker
When did Rat Boy come out? lie ah Yeah. I'm going to say 85. Okay. Anna? It was a viscerally unpleasant trailer. I'm go to say 95. Rat Boy looks very gross.
01:11:45
Speaker
95? All right. Greg gets two points. That was 1986. Okay. okay
01:11:53
Speaker
All tied up. Question number three. Getting straight. A Vietnam vet and former social radical is conflicted by his desire to become a teacher and his sympathy with the anti-establishment student protests.
01:12:08
Speaker
He was played by Elliot Gould. Oh. When do you think getting straight came out?
01:12:20
Speaker
I'm going to say 77. Sorry, guys. That was 1970. points. no Okay. Okay.
01:12:30
Speaker
Question number four. That's adequate. Wow. Love the title. Yeah. It's a fake documentary about a fictional Hollywood film studio. So I imagine like a that's entertainment.
01:12:44
Speaker
Oh, okay. So when did that's adequate to come out? 1965. Okay. movie weird. Question number five.
01:12:58
Speaker
nineteen eighty nine yeah that's weird yeah i bet this movie is weird
01:13:08
Speaker
nineteen or question number five
01:13:13
Speaker
Teens Arthur and Janet find their lives turned upside down when Janet gets pregnant and they turn to a back alley abortionist for help. What's the name of the movie?
01:13:24
Speaker
Blue Denim. Blue Denim. Wow. 84? Okay. Anna? 71. This was 1959. Wow. okay anna seventy one this was nineteen fifty nine Oh, wow.
01:13:42
Speaker
little ahead of its time, maybe. Maybe, but also one year later, she was in the movie Too Soon to Love, which was also about teen abortion. It might have just been a hot topic in the late Might have been, yeah.
01:13:55
Speaker
Question number six. The Lemon Drop Kid. Ooh. A New York City swindler has until Christmas to come up with the $10,000 he owes a gangster, prompting him to go into scamming overdrive.
01:14:11
Speaker
When did the Lemon Drop Kid come out?
01:14:21
Speaker
all right Anna gets a point. That was 1951. Wow. Okay. wow Okay. okay we got The next three, we got some chances to put some big points on the board.
01:14:34
Speaker
Okay. This is exciting. Question number seven. Dennis the Menace. Oh, okay. When his parents go out of town on business, Dennis stays with Mr. and Mrs. Wilson.
01:14:45
Speaker
He drives Mr. Wilson crazy, but he's just trying to be helpful, even to the thief who has just arrived in town. When did Dennis the Menace come out? 1995.
01:14:57
Speaker
Okay. Anna? ah Trivia note, Dennis the Menace is... um
01:15:09
Speaker
traditionally supposed to take place in Wichita. um
01:15:16
Speaker
I don't know this one though. 1990. All right. You both get a point. That was 1993. Okay. Very close. Anna's still on the lead by one point.
01:15:29
Speaker
Question number eight. Rhubarb. Rhubarb. A rich eccentric dies and bequeaths his entire fortune and his professional baseball team to his pet cat rhubarb.
01:15:43
Speaker
What? It happened. Yeah. And what do you think rhubarb came at?
01:15:52
Speaker
It does. 57. Okay. Greg, what do you think? 87. 1951. No points. Okay.
01:16:00
Speaker
nineteen fifty one no points Last question.
01:16:08
Speaker
Jury duty. A jobless loser is sequestered to be a juror for the murder trial of an alleged serial killer. He does everything he can to prolong the trial to take advantage of the free room and board.
01:16:22
Speaker
ye When did Pauly Shore's jury do? okay. Greg. Greg. 1998. 1998. Anna? ah ninety eight anna
01:16:35
Speaker
91. You both get one point. That was 1995. Okay. okay Split the diff. Anna, you are our big winner this week. Congratulations, my dog. Congrats, Anna.
01:16:49
Speaker
Well fought. Uh-oh, it's the Batty Awards.
01:17:01
Speaker
Now you're messing with a Now you're messing with the Batty Awards. Now you're messing with the Batty Awards.
01:17:11
Speaker
Now you're messing with the Batty Awards.
01:17:17
Speaker
Congratulations to all the nominees.
01:17:26
Speaker
That's right. Congratulations to all our nominees. It's the Batty Awards. The only awards that we give out. Anna, why don't you kick us off? What's your Batty Award?
01:17:39
Speaker
um I'm going to give it to an element of Harmony's costuming. um That is an 80s, late 80s fashion that I had not thought about in many years. which was which is wearing layering two pairs of different colored slouch socks and so so that your slouch... A slouch sock...
01:18:11
Speaker
uh, children and adults is just a, a sock that had a decorative part on the top that was designed to like, it was gathered. So you would slouch it down. so you'd have a, a gathered cuff and you put on two different pairs of socks. Hers are orange and yellow and slouch them both down. So you'd have a double cuff on your, uh, And I didn't quite check. Like, Hertz might be layered, like like, opposite on both feet.
01:18:44
Speaker
You know, so one has yellow on top and one has orange. But I didn't quite catch that. But nice that's my baddie of orange. Yeah. Nice. I love it.
01:18:56
Speaker
I'm going to give my baddie word to one specific line that Santa Claus had that really made me learn something about myself. Oh. Which is when Harmony hopped into the cab and Santa Claus said, that's Ernest and I'm Santa Claus. And i was like, Ernest?
01:19:14
Speaker
i I did not know that I'd be more excited to meet Ernest than had gotten in the cab with the two of them. But that was my gut instinct the second that happened. Wonderful.
01:19:26
Speaker
Greg, do you have a Batty Award? I do. My Batty Award is going to go to the other much more subtle break joke that's in the film. ah When they're like the the ah the sleigh starts plummeting, Ernest grabs the like the handle thing for the break and literally rips it out. And you can see the elves just be like, oh, and shake their heads in the back.
01:19:48
Speaker
But then, like, kind of quietly, you just see Ernest then, like, try to squeeze the break and see if that will still work, despite the fact that it's not attached to anything. it' Just a really quiet moment that kind of happens that you may not notice, but it just killed me when I saw it. So shout out to the other break joke.
01:20:07
Speaker
Shout out to the other break joke. Shout out to you, Greg, for choosing such a fun movie and getting me to finally take the plunge into the world artists. Yes. It's been more rewarding than I could have imagined, by which I mean, i found most movies to me not bad. Yeah, which I'm shocked by.
01:20:24
Speaker
Been totally remiss in in mentioning this, but like Jim Varney, very hot. i am I remember somebody on a prior podcast mentioned that and I like had to Google it. And then I saw like older photos. was like, I guess, yeah, when he's not trying to look.
01:20:41
Speaker
like a silly yeah he's making silly face yeah he looks like but he's not controlling himself yeah yeah it's a whole different ballgame yeah uh well listeners we hope that you enjoyed this second in our christmas marathon next week it's going to be anna's pick dear santa not the one with jack black but the one directed by jason priestly Yes. i will This one, despite being called Dear Santa, does not have Santa in it.
01:21:14
Speaker
I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Santa haters will be feasting. You don't want to miss it. oh Meanwhile, you got your phone in your hands. Give us that like and subscribe. Find us on Instagram. Find us on Blue Sky. Come join our Discord. We're watching all of these movies all through December.
01:21:35
Speaker
And yeah it's just a ton of fun. And until next week, be good. Goodbye. Goodbye.
01:21:45
Speaker
Goodbye.