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Episode 83: The Boy Who Saved Christmas
60 Plays9 days ago
It’s that time of year again and Chris is kicking off our Holiday Employee Picks with The Boy Who Saved Christmas (1998). Despite the title, it’s actually about Santa’s adventures in LA dealing with amnesia all while trying to get back to the North Pole to save his wife from the clutches of his evil brother. That’s correct: we’ve got a love triangle involving the Clauses. There’s also henchmen that aren’t elves, email and lasers. It’s not a stretch to say that this movie is kind of nuts. In other words, it’s the perfect holiday treat, so get some cocoa and a blanket and tune in!
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Transcript
00:00:27
Speaker
That you would, if you could And you know that you should Yes, you know that you should be good
00:00:41
Speaker
Hello, hello, hello, and ho, ho, ho.
Introduction to Podcast Series
00:00:45
Speaker
Welcome to your favorite bad movie podcast. The only podcast that's brave enough to ask, if this movie's so bad, why do you like it so much? Welcome to our series of employee picks for Christmas.
00:01:02
Speaker
We're your hosts. My name is Chris Anderson. With me, as always, I have the Brontos to my squeal, Mr. Greg Bossie. Ho, ho, ho, Chris. Hello. It's good to see you.
00:01:15
Speaker
Tis the season. I wish I had a big mug of cocoa here. we Yeah, would be nice. Brontus? Brontus and Squeal. like I can't say that I remember those two characters from this specifically, though I have a feeling I know within what group that they exist. Oh, wait, no. the Villains? Villains?
00:01:36
Speaker
They are within the villains. Okay, so I was thinking elves. No, no, no. way No, no, okay, okay. So am I the tall guy or the other one? i don't know which one is which. Okay, perfect.
00:01:49
Speaker
And, of course, we have the Noel to my Santa Claus, or perhaps more accurately, the Noel to my Atnis, my wonderful wife, Mrs. Anna Anderson.
00:02:02
Speaker
Hello. How are you doing, my dove? I'm doing all right. Feeling jolly. Yes, you've come to the right place.
Plot Overview: Santa's Evil Brother Atnis
00:02:13
Speaker
You've come to the right episode, listeners, if you're looking for holiday fun, because this week we're talking about the movie The Boy Who Saved Christmas. Listeners, if if you haven't seen The Boy Who Saved Christmas, you should.
00:02:28
Speaker
yeah i can't imagine many people. Yeah.
00:02:32
Speaker
Here's a brief summary of The Boy Who Saved Christmas, just to hold in your mind.
00:02:44
Speaker
Okay, so Santa Claus has an evil brother named Atnos, and Atnos wants to fuck his wife. And so he...
00:02:56
Speaker
Rocket ships Santa Claus out of the North Pole on a magical sphere. And when Santa Claus lands in Los Angeles, he has amnesia and he's stranded there three days before Christmas. And it's going to take a very special boy to get his memory back, return him to the North Pole, and oust Atness.
00:03:20
Speaker
So I feel like many would say that that's too long of a description, but I would, I would say that that's a very much all that you need.
00:03:30
Speaker
Like you need all of that information to eliminate from that. Yeah. I tried, I a wrote a shorter one and then I realized I can't just start with Santa Claus gets amnesia. That leaves that. Yeah. Yeah. No. Cause every time you're just like, so no, so he doesn't end there like, no, but then I would need to explain that actually. But that doesn't make sense. so I'd actually have to explain that too.
00:03:52
Speaker
um It's, yeah, it's a wild film. It really is. It has lot of ups and downs. I did not expect this when I heard the title and saw the cover.
00:04:04
Speaker
No, the title and the key art are both very anodyne. And this film is out there. It's, yeah. So ah listeners, we wanted to do a series of Christmas films.
Memorable Scene: 'Atnis Shrugged'
00:04:19
Speaker
Anna and I always have a tradition, as you might guess, of watching bad Christmas movies every Christmas. We'll watch like three or four a week for, you know, all of December. And this was one that I remembered watching.
00:04:34
Speaker
At some point, and the only thing that I remembered specifically was that Santa had an evil brother named Atnis. And at one point, Atnis holds up his autobiography and it's called Atnis Shrugged.
00:04:51
Speaker
Yep. And that just tickling me beyond reason and just stuck in my brain. And that was literally the only thing I remember about this movie. And so I wanted to revisit it.
00:05:05
Speaker
um Had either of you guys seen this one before? I must have watched it with one of you when I watched it. No. If I did, I don't remember it. Which is odd, because it is... ah Well, I mean, it's kind of memorable. Parts of it are memorable. Parts of it are not memorable at all.
Exploring Santa as a Character
00:05:24
Speaker
Parts of it I've already forgotten after watching it yesterday. fair Yeah, it it seems like the kind of thing where if you aren't really paying attention, you might, it could just sort of wash over you and you think it's just like another movie about Santa Claus, you know, and like, oh, there's ah this weird guy in it, is's some sort of wizard, I don't know. But when you really focus up, it is out there.
00:05:47
Speaker
No, no, i really ah I really paid attention to this one and I really had quite a journey while watching this thing. Uh, I, though I, I did want to ask you, Chris, had you not like, is this like the second time you'd seen this movie?
00:06:01
Speaker
Yes, this was a, so and boy, wow this is going to be a regular in my rotation. i have, yeah, I know this was a delight on all honesty. Yeah. This was a nice little gem to find.
00:06:14
Speaker
ah and part of what I like about it is that I like when a movie, a Christmas movie is about Santa Claus.
00:06:25
Speaker
I like when Santa Claus is a major character in a Christmas movie, because that means they're always going to have to somehow expand on or define their Santa canon and like choose their Santa rules. It offers the same sort of pleasure that you had talked about with vampire movies. Yep. Yep. Yep.
00:06:44
Speaker
And so it's always fun to see like what kind of tweaks they have, you know, and this one has just a ton of tweaks. It's such a fine example of that genre.
00:06:57
Speaker
It's this is, uh, I feel like I've seen a number of unique Santas, but this is one of the most unique Santas that I have ever seen portrayed.
00:07:08
Speaker
Yeah. It's one of the few times where I really genuinely like, my favorite character is Santa. Like, Santa is what I'm in the seats for.
00:07:20
Speaker
Every time. He's very funny. He has a lot of lines that are all just very funny lines
Director John Putsch's Background
00:07:28
Speaker
for Santa to be saying. yeah Yes. Specifically, the one that really made me bust a gut. I wrote it down. i hope it's nobody's batty award. ah It was almost mine. It's when Santa says, i don't know why you're so sure I'm Santa Claus. And he's clearly fucking Santa Claus. Yeah. He's in the outfit, and he's doing the voice. And he's just...
00:07:57
Speaker
It's so funny. Yeah. yeah And yeah, he was played by this guy named Colin McLean, who looks like underneath the beard and wig. He's probably like 28 years old. I was going to say he looks so young. Like, I feel like there's no way. Like, i don't know how they thought he was going to look like a Santa Claus person.
00:08:20
Speaker
yeah He has no crow's feet. He has the eyes of an 18 year old and all you can see are his eyes. Yeah. But he does a great job. He's really. it's evocative.
00:08:32
Speaker
He's a great Xander. Yeah. he's I mean, he's very strange, but a lot of that's the script. Yes. And he is handling that concept in a way that I don't, I just wouldn't have guessed somebody would be able to, frankly.
00:08:48
Speaker
Just, I feel like he's understanding it on a level that is frightening, but is also exactly what's needed. I mean, everybody in this movie is really committed.
00:08:58
Speaker
you know I think the cast all does a really good job on this. I, well, I think it's just a bizarre ask. Yeah. Yeah. But do you guys want to hear about the makers of, uh, of this film?
00:09:14
Speaker
Yes. I'm very interested. i can't even imagine. what Well, it's, I think you're going to be surprised.
00:09:35
Speaker
I wish I had some context About the background of the film Script director, actors on set What was going on on screen I wanna hear some details Gossips can do all that shit Can't imagine all the time
00:10:05
Speaker
So the boy who saved Christmas came out November 1st, 1998.
Comparisons with Other 1998 Christmas Films
00:10:10
Speaker
It was directed by John Putsch. The tagline, i just found one.
00:10:19
Speaker
No job too big. no boy too small.
00:10:25
Speaker
Not good. He's not a particularly small boy. He's just a just a regular sized boy. Yeah. And also, I feel like both the title and this tagline failed to describe a lot of what this movie is about.
00:10:43
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. This should be called Santa's Evil Brother. Yes. I actually do not think that ah the boy is it is that instrumental in saving Christmas. No. You know, I feel like it's a group effort.
00:10:59
Speaker
Yeah. He's just one link in a powerful chain. Yeah.
00:11:06
Speaker
So John Putsch was born in 1961 and grew up in central Pennsylvania. His mother was Jean Stapleton, who played Edith on All in the Family.
00:11:19
Speaker
How about that? Oh!
00:11:24
Speaker
His father was William H. Putsch, who was the producer and director at the Totem Pole Playhouse, a professional theater in central Pennsylvania. Okay.
00:11:36
Speaker
He got his first professional role at age five in the theater. At age 12, his dad got him a Super 8 camera and started making movies with those neighborhood kids. Hey!
00:11:49
Speaker
Neighborhood kids. Yeah, they're the real MVPs in that era of film. Yeah, yeah. All-time members of ah the Batty Awards. Lifetime Batty Awards to Neighborhood Kids.
00:12:03
Speaker
Uh, so he worked mostly as an actor throughout the eighties and early nineties. Uh, he started off in a TV movie called angel dusted opposite his mother who played his mother. That's and I believe was a message movie about angel dust. Is that the one with like Helen hunting it?
00:12:22
Speaker
Or, um, I think it's how does anybody know what i'm talking about? No, no, this probably would have been before then. and Okay. I think he's a little bit older than Helen Hunt.
00:12:34
Speaker
Okay. One of his notable performances was as Sean Brody in Jaws 3D. o Okay. He was also two different characters on Star Trek The Next Generation.
00:12:49
Speaker
Ensign Mendon and Mordok, who were both Benzites. He was the definitive Benzite. So i was that this was one of the first episodes where I was able to get a decent amount of information from like the Trekopedia.
00:13:03
Speaker
um Like that was actually in a lot more than Wikipedia.
00:13:10
Speaker
He was also on one episode of Cop Rock. Oh, nice. For the cop rock fans out there. He started directing in the mid 90s. His first attempt was sort of a Home Alone knockoff called Alone in the Woods. Came out in 1996.
00:13:27
Speaker
He directed a couple episodes of Beetleborgs.
00:13:32
Speaker
In 1997, he directed My Magic Dog, a movie about a kid that befriends an invisible dog. Okay. All right. And then he directed his third feature, The Boy Who Saved Christmas in 1998. It was released direct to VHS to no great fanfare.
00:13:52
Speaker
From there, he continued his career as a middling director in television and film. His directing work went on the old sort of one for them, one for me philosophy, but with a slightly different ratio. He had to do a lot more for them than he could do for him.
00:14:08
Speaker
His commercial stuff that he did that people might have heard of. He did American Pie, The Book of Love, the seventh in the American Pie franchise. well He did Beethoven's Christmas Adventure.
00:14:25
Speaker
Possibly my favorite on the list. He did Atlas Shrugged 2, The Strike. Wow. Very curious about that one now.
00:14:36
Speaker
And also did holiday touchdown, a chief's love story. Wow. Go chiefs. We love the chiefs. Uh, for the personal stuff that he did, he liked to do micro budget comedies, which he said he was shooting in a modified dogma 95 style.
00:14:54
Speaker
Oh, good. Yeah. I'm sure they worked out great. Definitely. Titles like Mojave Phone Booth, Route 30 and its two sequels, which I think were called Route 31 and Route 32.
00:15:08
Speaker
ah The Father and the Bear. And he also did a documentary about his father called This Is My Father.
00:15:18
Speaker
So he somehow seems to be both a professional and amateur filmmaker at the same time. Yeah. Fascinating. Yeah. Just a guy out there doing his thing.
00:15:31
Speaker
Other Christmas films of 1998. That year gave us Jack Frost, the Michael Keaton. ah Also, I'll Be Home for Christmas.
00:15:46
Speaker
Okay. Anybody remember that one? that I mean, so I say it sounds familiar, but also like, you know. Yeah. I might be speaking of the song. Jennifer Aniston in that one?
00:15:57
Speaker
Yeah, who was...
00:16:00
Speaker
let's see here. That's not that important. Yes.
00:16:08
Speaker
Richie Rich's Christmas wish. I don't think Richie Rich should get wishes. He's already got all that fucking. Yeah. Yeah. He's doing a fucking wish for all dogs. Christmas Carol.
00:16:19
Speaker
Okay. and the veggie tales Christmas spectacular. Okay. So it was an interesting year for Christmas film. Yeah, it seems like Jack Frost was the winner of the season, which is strange. yeah That's a strange movie.
00:16:35
Speaker
I've not seen it, but I also don't like to view monstrosities. Understandable. i liked the horror one, as I recall. and I might be blending the two of them in my brain, but also I think that Michael Keaton as a snowman is probably looking pretty gross at this point.
00:16:52
Speaker
I think I heard originally it was supposed to be like Jim Carrey and that that would have made more sense. Yeah. ah But I still don't think it would have worked.
00:17:03
Speaker
Anyway, you guys want to talk about the plot? Yeah. boy saved Christmas. Yeah. Let's get into this. Yeah, I do. Yes.
Jeremy's Wish and Santa's Cyber Office
00:17:29
Speaker
So we open on some very cheap looking credits.
00:17:54
Speaker
so we open on some very cheap looking credits
00:18:01
Speaker
And then we cut to our hero, the titular boy, Jeremy. And he's writing an email to the North Pole. As you do. Yeah. I believe he's writing to like n.pole.net. Yeah.
00:18:16
Speaker
Yeah. It's a great email address. Yes. Santa at n.pole.net. And he's writing for his special Christmas wish for his parents to love each other again.
00:18:28
Speaker
That'd be great. Very maudlin start to this film. Yeah.
00:18:36
Speaker
Santa gets email, you ask? Yes, he does. He does now, that is. Now that he has a new cyber office that's been built for him by his assistant cyber elf, Pointer.
00:18:50
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And he's being taught all about it, and he keeps on making jokes about how if it doesn't work, Pointer is going to be fired. And you can't tell whether or not Santa's serious because he has a very strange affect.
00:19:01
Speaker
Yeah. And we don't we haven't established our Santa yet. So it's like, is this a like Santa's kind of a slave driver kind of ah as a joke or maybe not as a joke? Maybe he's going to learn his lesson. What's our Santa, you know?
00:19:13
Speaker
Yeah, it seems like our Santa is ultimately wise. and so Yeah, no, I felt like he was the sage character, as I would say, in like a sitcom or an HBO drama.
00:19:26
Speaker
He was a bit of a holy fool in this, I want to say. Yes. ah It's just three days till Christmas, we learn. And to top it off, Mrs. Claus comes in and she brings in cookies to encourage the boys.
00:19:42
Speaker
It's a typical busy but happy North Pole scene that you see in a lot of these movies that'll have Santa Claus in them. It's always three days till Christmas, and he's always like, it's the busy season. We gotta to get ready for the big night, boss. Every time, it's always great.
00:19:55
Speaker
And of course, anytime Mrs. Claus is there, I'm happy as a clam. yeah Mrs. Claus is always a great character. We're going to talk more about Mrs. Claus later, but I'm a big sucker for Mrs. Claus.
Atnis' Plot to Take Over the North Pole
00:20:07
Speaker
So we cut to Atnis, Santa's evil brother.
00:20:15
Speaker
Santa has an evil brother. That's our first new, I mean, Mrs. C, she'll pop in, she'll pop out. So this is a Mrs. C movie. That's a good sign. Yeah. Cyber elves. Great addition to the canon. It's keeping up with the time. This is a Santa Claus movie for today's kids. That's right.
00:20:33
Speaker
Atnis to me is a real throwback. It's a major, major ah twist on the canon. Yeah, this is a big swing to give Santa Claus an evil brother named Atnos.
00:20:48
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And he's wearing this sort of long metallic robe. looks so strange. Yes, he's very odd looking. He's a very craggly faced old man and he's wearing big like Alice Cooper raccoon eye makeup and a a skin tight black cowl over his head. He's very intense and the actor is really vamping it up.
00:21:17
Speaker
Mm hmm. ah in a way that reminded me almost of like the Paul Lind Halloween special. It seems seems like a character ripped from that. Yes, that makes sense.
00:21:29
Speaker
And to me, this very much feels like this ought to be an animated special from the 70s, and it would make more sense. Like a claymation thing, yeah. As something made live action in 1998, it's very strange.
00:21:43
Speaker
Yes. Mm-hmm. So, Agnes tells his two minions, Brontos and Squeal. I loved Brontos and Squeal, by the way. Yeah. They did a great job. They also look really crazy, too.
00:21:57
Speaker
Yeah, they look like cartoon sidekicks. They're wearing, like, fur-lined Tay-Bards and have the same makeup. oh But he he tells them that he's finally figured out the perfect plan to take over the North Pole and to marry Mrs. C, his brother's wife.
00:22:14
Speaker
It's such a strange goal for the main villain to have. Yes. The main villain wants to fuck Mrs. Claus, his brother's wife. It's Shakespearean. Yep. It is. Yeah.
00:22:28
Speaker
ah So he's going to have them all hop in a large crate where they can be mailed to the North Pole Trojan horse style. He's like, they'll never expect that. I'm in the box.
00:22:41
Speaker
At this. ah back at Jeremy's house, it's time for family breakfast. We meet Jeremy's family. Jeremy is just a sincere young boy with feathered hair.
00:22:53
Speaker
His older brother, Butch, is a an asshole. He's a sociopath. Yeah. yeah He'll routinely torment Jeremy needlessly.
00:23:06
Speaker
Jeremy's father, Bob, is disengaged. He has yet to buy the family a Christmas tree. He seems to be very worried about something. We will learn it's because he got laid off from his job last week. Listen, we don't need to learn that. It's pretty obvious yes from the moment this conversation begins. When he's just like, let's postpone Christmas this year. It's like, you've been fired, haven't you, Bob?
00:23:30
Speaker
Come on. Yeah. And also having this discussion three days before Christmas, Bob. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Like. No wonder your whole family's freaking out. Usually the presents would be bought.
00:23:43
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, Bob, he likes to get those last minute deals. What's on clearance on Christmas Eve? this There's also a mom, Winona, who mostly just seems to be trying to hold the family together.
00:23:58
Speaker
Doesn't really have much going on. Hmm. Back at the North Pole, an elf brings Santa a very large crate. A present for Santa. How nice, he says, which is true.
00:24:11
Speaker
yeah Nobody ever gives Santa presents. It's true. So Santa pops it open, and it's Atnis and his whole crew. And Atnis has a real weird vibe. He's like, oh, I've come to apologize, my brother, Santa Claus. Like...
00:24:31
Speaker
and Santa Claus is just like, can you please leave? ah But he tells Santa that he has a present for him. And ah it's an office chair.
00:24:46
Speaker
And Santa's like, oh, this looks like a nice chair. And it does look like it's a pretty nice chair.
00:24:52
Speaker
So Santa sits in it and he's instantly shackled by magic. And then Atnis pushes a large red button, which is confusedly located between the chair's front legs. Very strange place to put a button on a chair. Very weird touch. And it was literally the first thing I noticed when he revealed that chair. He's like, look at this chair. He's like, what's with that button down there? Yeah, that was Chekhov's button for a good three minutes. Definitely. Yep.
00:25:20
Speaker
You don't introduce a button in shot three of a scene. Yeah. You don't want pay off in shot 27. That's right. ah So the button changes Santa Claus into a ball of light that flies out into outer space. This is bonkers.
00:25:36
Speaker
It's very weird. Yeah. Yeah. He bounces off the moon. That part was even weirder. It would have made a lot more sense if it changed into a rocket, but I feel like they just didn't have the effects for that.
00:25:50
Speaker
Yeah. Or it just didn't occur to them. That's possible. This is a... Okay.
00:26:00
Speaker
Atnos and his lackeys quickly take over the workshop and imprison all the elves and Mrs. C. Mrs. C in this film is also the same height as the elves. Yeah. Implying that she is perhaps an elf and that Santa Claus has married a comely lady elf.
00:26:16
Speaker
That would be something. so I think that could be. yeah We never see her ears. That's true. She might just be a short lady. Yeah. yeah and ah the elves in this film are played by ah little people. but they seem to have They all seem to be relatively tall little people. like they They have that that sort of less severe type of dwarfism. The name that I don't know what it is.
00:26:40
Speaker
But that's the vibe amongst the elves in this film. okay Okay. Now... but but but but by Back in Los Angeles, this movie keeps on switching back and forth. It'll have one scene in the North Pole, one scene in Los Angeles. Back and forth, back and forth the whole time. It's very, that's one of the reasons why it's so difficult to summarize.
00:27:04
Speaker
It makes it difficult to um to get up momentum, too. Yes. Yeah.
00:27:13
Speaker
But it does always sort of hold your interest. You never feel like anything wears out its welcome, at the very least. I would agree. Back in Los Angeles, Jeremy sends another email to his best friend, Santa Claus, only to see a mysterious flying object whiz past his bedroom window.
00:27:32
Speaker
He goes outside to investigate, only to find a man lying face down in a Santa-shaped crater in his backyard. It's great. Yeah. Reminded me of Lady in the Water.
00:27:45
Speaker
Yes. Good point. I like that they did actually take the time to dig out a Santa shaped hole. Yeah. And that it persists through the rest of the film, which I really like because it's just like this guy fell into the backyard and it's just like, yeah, sure. And then you got out in the backyard, like there's this man shaped hole.
00:28:09
Speaker
Who knows? um So Jeremy, he gets butch to check it out. But when they come back, Santa is gone. Back in the North Pole, the elves and Mrs. C realize they have Santa's magic hat.
00:28:24
Speaker
Santa has a magic hat. New addition to Santa canon. Yes. The hat is what grants Santa a lot of his magical powers. So they just need to get it to him, and then Santa will be able to take care of this problem.
00:28:35
Speaker
It got knocked off in the fracas when- And I gotta tell you, it's a great shot when the hat flies off his head, because it doesn't make any sense. And you're just like, that that was weird.
00:28:47
Speaker
And then the other pointer is just like, I'm going to grab this and like hold it. I'm going to caress it. It's like, what is going on with the hat? Yeah. It was Chekhov's hat. Exactly.
00:28:59
Speaker
ah Back in LA, things are looking bad at the Bukowski house. That's right. Their name is the Bukowski's. Okay. Butch blows nerds as spitballs at Jeremy through a straw.
00:29:14
Speaker
just looks like they hurt. Yeah, that sounds unpleasant. Dad is deeply in debt to the paper boy, and Jeremy wants to know why his father's been sleeping on the couch lately. That's a great question.
00:29:28
Speaker
Yeah. Dad, why have you been sleeping on the couch? Oh, uh... Yeah, well... Uh, ooh... His dad is also looking at self-employed magazine on December Back at the North Pole, Atnis reveals his plan now that he's taken over Santa's workshop.
00:29:55
Speaker
One, all presents are now going to be for him. Hell yeah, Atnis, get the bag. The gift bag. Number two, build a private army staffed with the world's naughty children.
00:30:11
Speaker
Use the army to take over the world. Mrs. Claus is still not impressed.
00:30:19
Speaker
In Los Angeles, Jeremy finds Santa sleeping in a tent in his backyard.
Santa's Amnesia and Jeremy's Backyard
00:30:25
Speaker
It appears that Santa has bonked his head and now has amnesia.
00:30:30
Speaker
This is incredible. Yeah, it's a nice touch for Santa. This sequence is so good. Because Jeremy's like, oh, you look like Santa Claus. Are you Santa Claus?
00:30:43
Speaker
And then Santa Claus is just like, I don't know why you would think I'm Santa Claus. Yeah. Oh, I don't know why you would think that I'm Santa Claus, Jeremy. Yeah.
00:30:56
Speaker
It's certainly a naughty thought.
00:31:02
Speaker
And man at one point, like he walks by a sliding glass door and looks at his reflection and he's like, hmm, long gray beard. Hmm. And you think he's about to put it together, but he doesn't. it's great.
00:31:18
Speaker
I can't imagine how much fun as an actor that would be to get to be like, I get to play Santa Claus with amnesia. yeah That is the goofiest shit I get to do today. That sounds so fun.
00:31:29
Speaker
So Jeremy wants him to stick around while he regains his memory and recalls that he is in fact Santa Claus. So he introduces Santa to his mom who freaks out and she's wearing like hair curlers and, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Classic clay mask.
00:31:49
Speaker
Yeah. And mom reluctantly agrees to let him sleep in the tent in the backyard. I love this like logic that's in a lot of like kids movies where it's just like there's this strange man that came into the yard. Can we keep him? It's like, well, if he stays outside, and it's just like this is bizarre.
00:32:10
Speaker
This is yeah it's the kids movie. So it's great. But it's also very strange. Yeah, you do just sort of have to roll with it. Back of the North Pole.
00:32:21
Speaker
Brontos and Squeal reveal that Santa was not rocketed into deep space, but bounced off the moon and landed in Los Angeles. Atna sends them out to find them.
00:32:33
Speaker
So they drive around l L.A. in a van with a Santa detector dish on the top. they eventually pull up to the Bukowski's house, just as a group of kids have successfully jogged Santa's memory by asking him for presents and offering him cookies.
00:32:48
Speaker
It's such a great sequence of all these kids just going up to the sky and sitting on his lap and being like, well, what would you like, Nicole? no I still don't feel anything. yet i don't know.
00:33:03
Speaker
oh oh i don't know. But then he finally eats a cookie and then he remembers his wife's cookies. He's like, oh, I love my wife's cookies. I'm Santa Claus. I am Santa's and like, I am Dracula.
00:33:21
Speaker
It's the yeah kind of line. And his mother just watches and smiles. like I guess he does think that he's Santa Claus. That's right. This crazy piece of shit.
00:33:35
Speaker
So just then, dad comes home, stressed out, and he sees a group of children skipping around his backyard with Santa Claus. And Winona catches him up with what's going on. I just told him that he could sleep in a tent in the yard. en being Just don't even worry about it.
00:33:55
Speaker
So Dad immediately tries to kick him out. But then Santa recalls a bunch of details from dad, a.k.a. Bobby's childhood. He's like, I'm sorry you didn't get a sled, but you were mean that year. It's such her touch like a brutal scene in a way. It was like, you put that little thing in it. It's just like taking him to task. Yes, yes. You were a little shit when you were five and you didn't deserve that sled.
00:34:26
Speaker
I'm sorry bad things happen to you, but it's because you deserve it.
00:34:34
Speaker
So he almost kicks Santa out, but then Jeremy gets him to change his mind. And like Dad allows Santa to sleep on a cot in the garage. Very accommodating.
00:34:45
Speaker
It's very nice. ah Santa tries to call the North Pole, but he gets Atness on the answering machine. So Santa Cannon, he has a telephone line. He has an answering machine. He's got an email, and it goes directly to him.
00:35:00
Speaker
He is connected. Yeah, he is there. if You just got look him up. That night, Dad tells the family that he's been laid off.
00:35:11
Speaker
Jeremy suggests that Santa could help him find a new job. And so when dad goes to talk to him later that night, Santa's like, well, don't you just take a look at the world around you and see what he needs? And then dad looks at his pool cleaning supplies and he says, they need clean pools.
00:35:31
Speaker
Yep. I'm going to start a pool cleaning business. And then he says, good night. Gets excited to go start this pool cleaning business.
00:35:43
Speaker
For some reason. Yeah, it turns out Santa's a pretty smart guy. Outside, Brontos and Squeal use their magic watches to disguise themselves as power company technicians.
00:35:58
Speaker
They then chase Santa around the house in a sort of Scooby-Doo hallway gag before being tricked into being sent outside. I'd also just like to point out that it's interesting that not only does Santa have an evil brother, but the evil brother has henchmen. And not only does he have henchmen, but they've also got secret technology.
00:36:17
Speaker
Yes. Like gadgets. They're doing a lot of like illusory walls and bridges that disappear. It's just like these guys have technology.
00:36:28
Speaker
Yeah, they're on another level. Yeah, they're dumb. They're all dumb. Yeah, and their whole purpose seems to have been f Santa Claus, which is a hell of a goal to have all this technology for.
00:36:43
Speaker
Later, Winona comes to say goodnight to Santa, and he asks her to take it easy on old Bob. He's trying his best. He's under a lot of stress. And that's when I commented to Anna, this movie has big divorce dad energy. I think a divorce dad wrote this movie.
00:37:01
Speaker
It makes some sense. Back in the North Pole, Atnis wants to talk to Mrs. Claus. i Bring her to me. And we learned about their backstory, which is that Atnis wanted to hook up with Mrs. Claus, but only after she got with Santa Claus.
00:37:22
Speaker
And also, he used to just sleep around with everybody. He was a floozy. He was a skirt chaser. Yeah. So more Santa Claus canon. Oh, wait, Santa was?
00:37:35
Speaker
No, at well, I guess Santa had a brother that was a skirt chaser. yeah I didn't catch this wrinkle. So this is, then at first I was like, you wait, are you saying that Santa settled down for Mrs. Claus?
00:37:48
Speaker
That would be something. That that would be great. Well, I used to be a player. I had my pick back in the day.
00:37:59
Speaker
Two girls on each arm. ah
00:38:05
Speaker
Yeah, Mrs. C is like, yeah, I'm sorry, but I'm very happily married to Santa Claus. And they're a great couple. And so Atnis chases her around the office a little bit, the cyber office.
00:38:21
Speaker
And while they're in the chase, she takes that opportunity to send out an email to all of the the kids who have ever written to Santa Claus. Say, if you see Santa Claus, let them know.
00:38:35
Speaker
Help is on the way. So I love the way that she is like talking him and like, ah like looking at him and also typing at the same time. And he's somehow not understanding what's happening. So I appreciate yeah that. But then also just the idea that like all kids everywhere, just like, Oh shit, Santa emailed me. What the fuck's happened? You know, just like yeah this concept is so spectacular to me.
00:39:02
Speaker
I would love to get an email from Santa Claus. It would be the most like like vindicating and exciting moment of my life. to like Santa emailed me and he's in trouble.
00:39:16
Speaker
I got to keep my eyes prepped. I got to get on top of it. da du da da da da Then Brontos and Squeal kidnap Santa Claus in his sleep.
00:39:31
Speaker
Yep. So that was pretty easy. They take him to a hidden cave somewhere. The next morning, Jeremy notices that Santa is missing. Mom does not give a shit.
00:39:43
Speaker
Probably happy to have that strange man out of her house. All right. Thank God that chapter is closed. Yeah, we'll look for Santa tomorrow. We're busy today. Yeah, yeah. we got to go to mass uh at the north pole mrs claus and the elves use another exciting piece of technology another exciting piece of santa claus lore they use the friends of santa teleportation celestial globe yeah
00:40:15
Speaker
Earlier, there's there's a Chekhov's Globe. There's a lot of Chekhov's things in this, but he's just like the little boy is just like, ooh, FOS, interesting. And I just remember thinking, like what the hell is this kid talking about? yeah Why would bring that up?
00:40:29
Speaker
What the fuck? Turns out this this movie is like a switch watch. it it it It pays off in spades when we find out about the Friends of Santa, a secret society of Santa's human associates around the world ah who all have small celestial globes. At first I thought they were astrolabes, but they're in fact celestial globes.
00:40:53
Speaker
And they ah can teleport from one to the other. Or also to random places. They're powerful teleportation devices. Yeah, yeah.
00:41:05
Speaker
It works. one allows Pointer to teleport to Los Angeles with Santa's hat into Jeremy's closet. Jeremy finds him there and Pointer catches him up with what's been going on in the North Pole.
00:41:20
Speaker
Unfortunately, Santa Claus isn't there anymore.
00:41:25
Speaker
They realize they need to find another friend of Santa, so they have access to another friend of Santa teleportation celestial globe. Mm-hmm. And that's when Jeremy remembers the FOS that he saw at Earl's Card Shop, a.k.a. Top Card Collectibles. Everyone calls it Earl's Card Shop, but they clearly pan up to a sign that says Top Card Collectibles. Yeah. This shop has a branding problem.
00:41:49
Speaker
Yeah. So Earl is a friend of Santa. He knows the secret handshake and everything. And he takes Pointer and Jeremy to his magical celestial globe, and it teleports them to the woods outside the cave where Santa's being held prisoner.
00:42:05
Speaker
Before he sends them off, he gives them the sage advice. Remember, be yourselves.
00:42:14
Speaker
Baffling. Yeah. Like they're going on a date with each other.
00:42:20
Speaker
ah Meanwhile, in the cave, Atnos has, I want to say, astrally projected himself there to try to convince Santa to sign a contract over to him.
00:42:30
Speaker
This is, i love this as just a concept of just like Santa's evil brother being like, I need Santa to sign this contract, sign these papers, sign them.
00:42:41
Speaker
Yes, Santa is bound by contractual law. That's another piece of the puzzle. New Santa canon. yeah Also, his brother can astral project. But we're just going to throw that into his general magicness.
00:42:56
Speaker
ah So Santa refuses. So instead, Atnis leaves to go deliver a televised broadcast declaring that Christmas has been canceled.
00:43:08
Speaker
It airs on the news. They're like, well, Santa's brother, Atnis, has declared Christmas has been canceled. I got a question at this point.
00:43:20
Speaker
Yeah. Do you think that within the world of the movie that people think that Santa is real?
00:43:30
Speaker
Well, no, several people do not. Dad doesn't believe in Santa. Yeah. Okay. So I bet he watches that and he thinks, oh, this is just something cute that the news is doing for kids. Yeah. They're making a weird choice this year by introducing. I feel like the news anchors reaction to this news is like very grave. There's just like, can you believe that?
00:43:53
Speaker
And it's just like, I don't really know if I can. They say calls are coming into the White House from all over the globe. Yeah. But obviously, fake news would say. No. yeah And also, why would someone in Siberia be calling the White House because Santa's evil brothers?
00:44:13
Speaker
Right. Yeah. On the TV. Well, you know. I mean, it's something to do. You're absolutely right. It's something to do, I suppose. Yeah. I mean, they're also calling the Kremlin, I'm sure. Yeah.
00:44:28
Speaker
Now, where was I?
00:44:33
Speaker
Yes. At this point, the family has noticed that Jeremy is missing. Bob puts away his pool cleaning supplies and goes to look for him. The pool cleaning business is already really hitting the ground running. is What I love is like, this is really the only other mention of the pool cleaning business whatsoever. And it's like not really even mentioned.
00:44:53
Speaker
Well, they did talk. There was like one scene with his friend, Bob, where he was like, I'm going to get a bunch of pool cleaning supplies. I'm going to put them over here. The character of Bob was very strange. Yeah. Bob is the father. Yeah, you're absolutely right.
00:45:07
Speaker
Yes. Bob is also a strange character, but yes, in a different way. So meanwhile, Jeremy and Pointer work their way past rope bridges and assorted illusions to find the cave where Santa's being held.
00:45:25
Speaker
Once inside, they find Santa bound, and they are pretty instantly captured and bound themselves.
00:45:33
Speaker
Meanwhile, the police have been unable to locate Jeremy, probably because they haven't checked any sort of magical caves. Yep. They did question Earl at the card shop, but he just told them that Jeremy is on a hero's journey and they left.
00:45:49
Speaker
Yep. We can't hold them. Dad comes home and while he didn't find his missing son, he did find a Christmas tree. Which is genuinely pretty surprising.
00:46:01
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. A Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. Yeah, that's... And he's already making enough money from this pool cleaning business to be able to go and buy one. That's fair.
00:46:13
Speaker
I mean, they're probably marked down. My family once waited till it may have been the 23rd, but it was very, very late to get a Christmas tree. And the lot had just like marked everything down to like 10 bucks. and they were little scrawny trees. So we just got two.
00:46:33
Speaker
And that year we had two trees in the living room. It was it was great. That sounds fantastic. Yeah.
00:46:43
Speaker
Back in the cave, Jeremy is able to slip out of his loosely tied bonds and toss Santa his magic hat. Santa instantly uses it to transform Brontos and Squeal into a toilet and a plunger.
00:46:58
Speaker
it's an interesting choice. Very strange. Yeah. Maybe he didn't choose it. Maybe it revealed what was in their souls. Maybe they were meant to be together like a toilet and a plunger.
00:47:11
Speaker
They then use his hat to teleport to the card shop where they use the FOS celestial globe to teleport to the North Pole. I'm assuming that the hat doesn't have as good a range as a specialty yeah device like the celestial globe.
00:47:23
Speaker
Well, also, that that specialty device is probably like locked in right on that location. in the hand Yeah. Maybe get them anywhere in the North Pole. I don't know. Yeah, it's ah it's on a ley line.
00:47:34
Speaker
Yeah. ah So the clauses, they reunite. And Jeremy has a plan on how they can defeat Atlas. He and Pointer sneak into the cyber office under Mrs. C's petticoat, where she goes in claiming to want to reconcile with Atnos and bringing him a plate of cookies.
00:47:56
Speaker
ah But then, once they're in position, Santa Claus busts through the door, and now they've got Atnos and his goons in a classic pincer, and a big fracas breaks out.
00:48:09
Speaker
It ends with Atnis being pushed into his own evil chair. And then Jeremy throws a perfect strike at the red button down between his ankles. And ah it activates the chair, sending Atnis into outer space. Okay. Perhaps to Los Angeles. Hold on one second here.
00:48:29
Speaker
You're just going to breeze past the fact that Santa Claus is literally shooting lasers out of his face by twinkling his nose. That's absolutely true. That is a thing that happens.
00:48:40
Speaker
We're just going to breeze past that? Yeah. Well, I mean, i i was i was happy about that because yeah um all along I was like, well, why does Atnis have electricity powers and Santa does not?
00:48:55
Speaker
Because, you know, they're the same family. But it's it's it's because Santa needed his hat. yeah And now he has the electricity powers that he needs. which he Which he uses by twinkling his nose.
00:49:08
Speaker
Yeah. yeah get a little bit And shooting lasers out of his head. And one of the greatest displays I've ever seen in my life. And then also, Atnis accidentally hits his two minions and turns them into trading cards.
00:49:24
Speaker
and That was also very strange. I don't want to gloss over that either. ah But yeah, Atnis ends up being rocketed into outer space.
00:49:36
Speaker
Good for him. and then it's Christmas Eve. Time for Santa Claus to get to work. it's It's the day of days for old Sany. So he drops Jeremy back at home.
00:49:49
Speaker
Everyone's very happy to see both of them. And also to find out that that guy who was claiming to be a hobo that befriended their son right before their son disappeared actually turned out to be Santa Claus. Yeah.
00:50:02
Speaker
Best case scenario, really. Yeah. and yeah ah So Santa gives Bob and Winona some mistletoe. And earlier on, Bob and Winona had a talk. They were like...
00:50:13
Speaker
We need to, I'm sorry that I haven't been connected in our marriage. And Winona's like, I love you, Bob. ah And also our son has been kidnapped by a hobo dressed as Santa Claus.
00:50:28
Speaker
he Then Santa gives Butch a full ride at a military academy. Which he's into. Yeah, because he likes violence. Yeah. And then he gives Jeremy the title, The Boy Who Saved Christmas.
00:50:47
Speaker
To which Butch responds, Square biz, Jeremy. Yeah. What was that about? Never heard that phrase. Ever.
00:50:58
Speaker
Anywhere. So Pennsylvania regionalism. We'll have to ask Manolo about it. definitely like wrote that down and underlined it. Cause I, and just looking at it and I was like, why did square biz? What was the context of that?
00:51:12
Speaker
Turns out that doesn't really even help you. No, no. Just square biz, Jeremy. Square biz, Jeremy.
00:51:20
Speaker
So that night, Jeremy's parents go to sleep in the same bedroom, and Jeremy writes another email to his best friend Santa Claus and signs it, Jeremy, the boy who saved Christmas.
00:51:34
Speaker
Good for you, Jeremy. Now and forever, he shall be known as the boy who saved Christmas, a new addition to the Santa Claus canon. Yep, yep. Final thoughts, five-star ratings, watchability of weirdness. Greg, why don't you kick us off?
00:51:49
Speaker
Well, I got to tell you, I don't think there's a lot of movies like this one. And that is definitely a compliment. ah like ah My favorite moment in this movie is when Santa gets his memory back and he's talking to Bob and Santa has the realization that Bob thinks he's crazy. And so then Santa's like, okay,
00:52:13
Speaker
So then he like completely changes his attitude and his tactics. And he just like gets a place to sleep for the night. And it's just like, that's enough. And I love this moment for Santa. Just realizing it's just like, I'm out of the North Pole. I got my memory back. I'm feeling pretty good. But I recognize that this man doesn't believe in me, which only makes sense.
00:52:32
Speaker
But I do need a place to sleep and I have to kind of sort out my situation. So i'm going to play it a little cool. Yeah. and You know, I'm going to step back and I'm going to say, i understand that this is weird and you're probably freaked out.
00:52:46
Speaker
And so if you just let me sleep in your garage, that'd be great. This is such a weird thing for Santa to be doing. And yeah i absolutely adore it. um I think this is a pretty watchable movie. I'm going to give it four stars. I could go higher. was going to.
00:53:03
Speaker
It's a children's movie. So that's obviously going to make some people just not want to get into it. I think this is definitely one that transcends that concept. And it's like, if you've got any misgivings about watching a children's movie, put that away. um Well, there's some people who just won't be able to truck with it, you know.
00:53:20
Speaker
Uh, and I think that there's that bit where Santa gets tied up during that. You can really feel Santa's, uh, Santa is such a driving force in this movie that when they tie him to a chair, I feel like I kind of lose some of the momentum in this movie. And that was a point at which I just like, wow, this movie feels kind of long, maybe. And then he got out of the chair again and was active. And then I forgot all of that. And so there's just like a little 15 or 20 minute section where it just kind of loses me a little bit because it's more about the boy. Yeah. it's about And even the scenes where Santa's not in him, somehow that propulsion is still just running through it all the time, even if he's not there. So when he gets tied down, it loses some of that momentum. But I think it's generally just a really good bonkers time. As far as weirdness goes for for that as well. It's it's unlike most movies that I've seen.
00:54:18
Speaker
I feel like in its own mundane way. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely a unique object. Yeah. It's like it takes a bunch of standard things that make sense and then just puts them in the Santa Claus context and they immediately become that much crazier.
00:54:35
Speaker
Anna, where did you land in terms of watchability and weirdness? Let's see. I would put it ah watchability about a four because it is it's wild but not not inaccessible in any way. as much it has...
00:54:53
Speaker
you know and as much as it as much as it has like twists on the, the kind of a standard Santa is a guy, uh, film. Um, it does have a lot of the standard, um,
00:55:13
Speaker
tropes and especially the family like the family's arc you know that he's going to get what he wants for Christmas and his parents are going to reconcile even though they have no reason to reconcile well they're talking about what they're feeling for once you know Santa got them to open up yeah yeah I don't know I'm hopeful for Bob and Winona. But anyway. Well, that's very sweet. um
00:55:47
Speaker
As for weirdness, I would give this also a four. That it does take some some big swings. Yeah, for sure.
00:55:58
Speaker
I also gave it a four in watchability. I think there's something always happening. There's something new and unexpected always happening. This is a classic case of a bad movie, finding new ways to be bad as it goes through it.
00:56:13
Speaker
Definitely. And the cast is all, I think, actually... pretty good. They all turn in a pretty solid performance.
00:56:24
Speaker
Uh, Oh, there's one guy, this didn't come work up organically, but I'm just going to mention it as a final thought. Uh, one actor in here who played Harold elf, Michael Munoz. He is Danny DeVito's stunt double in 19 episodes of always sunny in Philadelphia.
00:56:42
Speaker
but ah Uh, so yeah, that's pretty muchable. Uh, yeah. Four stars for that. Uh, I, I knocked it down a little bit just because Jeremy, I think can be a little bit like grading child actor. Sometimes, uh, butch can be a little bit like, God, this guy's kind of aggressive, you know, but,
00:57:05
Speaker
Other than that... I did... i will say that wrote down at one point, i hope Butch dies. Yeah. i really did not like him. No, he's not. There's nothing likable about Butch. Yeah.
00:57:18
Speaker
Yeah. ah For weirdness, I gave it four and a half. Just because i It was so strange to have Santa's brother and his motivation was that he felt he was in sexual competition with Santa. yeah I nearly gave this a four and a half. It's a pretty weird movie.
00:57:41
Speaker
it I mean, it's it it's a blast. If you like bad movies and if you're looking for something to watch, and we will be, ah we haven't quite discussed yet our Christmas ah Discord movie plans, but I'm go say this is a very strong contender.
00:57:57
Speaker
Well, with that, do you guys want to talk about ah the third act of the show? My wife has prepared us a tangent. Yeah, have. It's exciting.
00:58:12
Speaker
Sure, the movie's the main event. But that's not the case with this segment. No need to be sad lament.
00:58:25
Speaker
Cause we're going on a tangent.
00:58:31
Speaker
Yeah, that's the name of this segment. going on a tangent
00:58:58
Speaker
Chris and I were both so charmed by ah the Mrs. Claus in this movie that I thought I would look up when When Santa Claus first acquired a wife, basically, and, you know, where she's appeared. um And it seems that the first the first time the three words Mrs. Santa Claus appear in in print around 1850. And she does have some appearances ah
00:59:33
Speaker
in like eat like New England magazines, but she's not she's not much of a character in ah her 19th century appearances. yeah In the 1878 children's book, Lil in Santa Claus Land and Other Stories, there's a woman who might be Mrs. Claus who's taking notes for Santa in the Naughty or Nice Ledger, but it doesn't say, like, it's it actually later in the book, another character besides Lil... It's like, I wish Lil had, you know, had ah found out whether that was Mrs. Santa Claus or not, because I want to know. There is 1887, there's a good housekeeping article in which she appears to the author in a dream and describes the ideal kitchens.
01:00:24
Speaker
Okay. that's I would say that the first Mrs. Santa Claus, who I recognize as being kind of the character she became, who who is, I would say, i would say that the character she eventually became is someone who is very competent, who has a lot of duties at ah at the North Pole and takes care of a lot of things. But she's often... um She often wants more credit than she gets. Like that's a consistent thing in her appearances. um I would say starting with the 80, 1889 poem, goodie claws on a sleigh ride, which is by Catherine Lee Bates, a poet best known for writing America, the beautiful.
01:01:14
Speaker
It's absolutely delightful. I'm just going to read the first stanza or two. So you can see what we're working with here. Please do.
01:01:26
Speaker
Santa, must I tease in vain, dear? Let me go and hold the reindeer while you clamber down the chimneys. Don't look savage as a Turk. Why should you have all the glory of the joyous Christmas story? And poor little goody Santa Claus have nothing but the work.
01:01:43
Speaker
It would be so very cozy, you and I all round and rosy, looking like two loving snowballs in our fuzzy Arctic furs, tucked in warm and snug together, whisking through the winter weather, where the tinkle of the sleigh bells is the only sound that stirs.
01:01:58
Speaker
Et cetera, et cetera. So it's the same... Lovely. ah what am i calling What am I saying? same form as the Raven. no Okay.
01:02:11
Speaker
I made a list of some other notable appearances of ah Mrs. Santa Claus um on film, TV, other ah media. In 1914, there was a one-act play by Belle Elliot Palmer called Mrs. Santa Claus Militant, a Christmas Comedy, In which Mrs. Santa Claus steals the sleigh while Santa is napping and you know shenanigans ensue. There's a Nat King Cole song from 1953 called Mrs. Santa Claus.
01:02:50
Speaker
Okay, bet that's good. A children's book from 1963 by Phyllis McGinley called How Mrs. Santa Claus Saved Christmas. Oh, I bet you crushed it.
01:03:02
Speaker
Yes, a variation on the, she also steals the sleigh in this one while Santa is naffming, but she gives all the kids like the opposite of the presents that they think they want, and they're all like, this is so cool. This is like, they're, and yeah, and the kids are all really into it, which I think is kind of thing.
01:03:26
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Wrinkle. She surprised them all this year. Yeah, exactly. Cheech and Chong's first single in 1971 was a sketch about Santa Claus and his old lady. okay. That was the A side. Dave's Not Here was the B side.
01:03:40
Speaker
Okay. ah The first known Mrs. Claus on film and her first TV appearance were both in 1964. Okay. ok So it took a while.
01:03:52
Speaker
Yeah. um The for first TV appearance is in ru Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, where she's voiced by Peg Dixon. The first film she's in, she's played by Doris Rich in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
01:04:09
Speaker
That classic tale. Classic. Yeah. That's some great addition to the Santa Claus canon. He one time fought Martians. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In 1996, Angela Lansbury played Anna Claus in Mrs. Santa Claus. A classic. Oh, you've seen that one?
01:04:31
Speaker
Oh, yeah. i love it. Yeah, she crash lands in 1910 New York and ends up oreggan helping to organize a suffragette mark and like a child labor strike.
01:04:44
Speaker
That one sounds great. It is. 2007, Miranda Richardson is Annette Claus, wife to Paul Giamatti Santa in Fred Claus. Okay. Okay.
01:04:59
Speaker
In 2012, a Lifetime Christmas movie, Finding Mrs. Claus, starred Mira Sorvino as Jessica Claus with Will Sasso as Santa.
01:05:10
Speaker
I saw that one. That one's good. She goes to Las Vegas. Yeah, I think we watched that one together. That's interesting. Yeah, that one's good. That was on my list. In 2018, there has also been a sequel to this one, it a Netflix movie called The Christmas Chronicles with Kurt Russell as Santa and Goldie Hawn as Mrs. Santa.
01:05:32
Speaker
i like that. That's Yeah, that sounds cute. ah In real life, in 2023, Cheryl Lee Ralph from Abbott Elementary and other stuff, but that's the most for most recent thing, was the first Black Mrs. Santa in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
01:05:51
Speaker
Awesome. Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome. And I just have one last thing, and that's just a list of some other first names Mrs. Claus has had in other specials. ah Mm-hmm.
01:06:05
Speaker
Anya, Carol, Rebecca, Christine, Martha, Gretchen, Nancy, Victoria, and Margaret.
01:06:18
Speaker
so All great choices. I do like that they keep coming up with names. I guess Santa Claus's first name is Santa. they as They say they keep coming up with names for Mrs. Claus, but not Santa. But yeah, that's his that's his first name. is It's Santa Space Claus.
01:06:35
Speaker
That's what they call him. Yeah. I think he's often Chris. Actually. Yes. if Yeah. That's not fair. Chris. Yeah. I want to shout out real quick. One of my favorite Mrs. Claus movies, which was also something else I almost chose for this, which is hot girl winter.
01:06:53
Speaker
ah where Mrs. Claus needs a break from her workaholic husband. So she goes down to Atlanta with her friend from college and they go out like to a strip club at one point. What? And the stripper that's stripping for them has a Heath Ledger Joker tattoo on his eye.
01:07:10
Speaker
Interesting. yeah It's a Tubi original. It's really fun. There's one scene where Mrs. Claus gets high on pot brownies while her friend gets eaten out in a bathroom. What? What?
01:07:24
Speaker
Check out our girl winter. you guys want to play? Oh no. Before we play the game, I just want to talk about what I like about Mrs. Claus personally, i always as a character is that she and Santa Claus are always a really good couple. Yeah. Always. There's always so nice to see them together. It's like a guy that like loves being married and is like a big,
01:07:46
Speaker
You know, I take a lot of joy in my marriage to always see that couple on screen is always great. And I do want to shout out the Mrs. Claus in this movie who is not credited. Her name has been lost to history.
01:07:58
Speaker
Wow. That's unfortunate. She was great in this. Yeah. She really like delivered the great, nice little cartoony performance, just hitting the right note for the tone. And she was just a super cutie in her little like huge bonnet and little Mrs. Claus glasses. yeah She was great.
01:08:20
Speaker
So shout out to you, whoever it was that played Mrs. Claus. If you're listening to this, email us at favorite bad movie pod at gmail.com. We'll make sure you get the credit that you do, or we'll try our best.
01:08:33
Speaker
Do you guys want to play a game? Yes. All right, let's play a little This Guy Played That Guy. Ooh.
01:08:47
Speaker
This guy played that guy. Yeah! This guy played that guy. This guy played that guy. a fair...
01:09:07
Speaker
That's right. We're playing a little this guy played that guy. And we're playing it with the films of Dana Michael Woods, the actor that played Pointer. Okay.
01:09:20
Speaker
Just to give you ah an idea, the type of roles that could be found by a sort of working black little person actor at around the turn of the millennium.
01:09:33
Speaker
Question number one. Oh, this is obviously, you guys know the rules. Buzz in game, buzz in by saying your own name. You're pros. I don't need to explain to you. Question number one.
01:09:46
Speaker
The Helix loaded. When the one dies, Orpheum must find the other one in this parody of the Matrix. Okay, that makes more sense.
01:10:01
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. ah Did Dana Michael Woods play Theo, Orpheum, or Nuvo? Greg? Greg?
01:10:12
Speaker
Orpheum.
01:10:15
Speaker
Correct. Theo was, of course, played by Vanilla Ice. Ah. Yep. The comparable. Question comparable, I mean. Yeah.
01:10:26
Speaker
I mean, check out our episode about Cool as Ice. Question number two. The minis. A talented team of basketball players made up of little people enters a tournament to help a teammate's son pay for college.
01:10:43
Speaker
Did Dana Michael Woods play Chevy, Roger, or George? Anna. Anna? George. You're correct. Wow.
01:10:57
Speaker
Good call. All tied up. Question number three.
01:11:04
Speaker
Ass clowns constipated. o
01:11:10
Speaker
this i was This is just verbatim what the IMDB description was. I could not really parse it very well in terms of understanding it as a film. Froggy is a larger than life individual with an open heart and no ill intentions.
01:11:26
Speaker
He's distraught at the loss of his one true love. As Froggy wanders the streets of L.A., Muta, a 40-something man-child, follows in the shadows.
01:11:39
Speaker
Did Dana Michael Woods play Bruce, Jimmy the Pirate, or Biff? Greg? Greg.
01:11:50
Speaker
Jimmy the Pirate.
01:11:54
Speaker
I'm sorry, he wasn't Jimmy the Pirate. Anna, can you steal? Uh, Biff.
01:12:02
Speaker
No, I'm sorry, he played Bruce in that Question number four. Opposite Day. The world goes backwards on Opposite Day. The kids become adults, and the adults become kids.
01:12:17
Speaker
Did Dana Michael Woods play Robert Benson? baby carrier or Chaz? Anna.
01:12:29
Speaker
Anna? Chaz.
01:12:34
Speaker
I'm sorry, he didn't play Chaz, my dove. Greg King, you steal. Baby carrier? That's right, he played the person carrying a baby. How about that? Robert Benson, of course, played was played by Pauly Shore.
01:12:48
Speaker
Ah, the weasel. Yes, he was still working in the mid-aughts, apparently. Question number five. Who's your caddy?
01:13:01
Speaker
When a rap mogul from Atlanta tries to join a conservative country club in the Carolinas, he runs into fierce opposition from the board president. But it's nothing he and his entourage can't handle.
01:13:16
Speaker
Did Dana Michael Woods play Lil Wayne? Lil Rod or C-Note?
01:13:26
Speaker
Greg. Greg? C-Note. No, I'm sorry. C-Note was played by Big Boy. Anna, can you steal? Lil Rod.
01:13:40
Speaker
Correct. Lil Wayne was, of course, played by Lil Wayne. It's all tied up. Question number six, the dark dancer.
01:13:52
Speaker
Ooh. A psychologist decides to try life as a stripper to gain insight into the psyche of a stripper. but She finds that she likes it, but then murders start occurring.
01:14:06
Speaker
Did Dana Michael Woods play survey subject, boat captain, or boat officer?
01:14:16
Speaker
Wow. Greg. Greg? Boat captain.
01:14:25
Speaker
No, I'm sorry. He didn't play the boat captain. Anna, can you steal? Survey subject. You've taken the lead, my heart. I'm going to get that lead.
01:14:36
Speaker
I believe in you, Greg. There's still plenty of game left to play. Question number seven. Hercules saves Christmas. Okay. Okay. Max, an adorable yet mischievous 12-year-old boy, meets a talking dog named Hercules, who takes him to the North Pole to meet Santa.
01:14:56
Speaker
Did Dana Michael Woods play Elf Joseph, Elf Mickey, or Evil Elf Rocky?
01:15:06
Speaker
Greg. Greg? Evil Elf Rocky.
01:15:12
Speaker
No, I'm sorry, he didn't play Evil Elf Rocky. Just wanted to say it. Understandable. Was one of them Elf Joseph?
01:15:21
Speaker
One was, but he was Elf Mickey. um Elf Mickey. Question number eight. Girl in progress. Single mom Grace juggles work, bills, and her affair with a married doctor while her daughter...
01:15:40
Speaker
ansiedad plots the shortcut to adulthood inspired by YA fiction did Dana Michael Woods play Emile Trevor or Gilliam Greg
01:16:00
Speaker
Greg Emile
01:16:05
Speaker
I'm sorry. I didn't play a meal. Anna, can you steal? Walk it up. Um, what were the other two? Sorry. Trevor or Gilliam?
01:16:17
Speaker
Uh, Gilliam. Yeah. You've got it. It was Gilliam. All right. Last question. Maybe I'll get it. Maybe you will. You've, you've got a great opportunity here.
01:16:32
Speaker
Super buddies. A new breed of superhero is born. Dog breed, that is. ah Did Dana Michael Woods play suit performer Megasus, suit performer Jorala, or suit performer Drex?
01:16:55
Speaker
Ah, Greg. Greg? Suit performer Drex.
01:17:01
Speaker
No, I'm sorry. It wasn't suit performer tracks. Was it Galala? Jorala? Jorala.
01:17:12
Speaker
No, it wasn't suit performer Jorala. He was obviously suit performer Megasus. You can see it. It was right on the tip of my tongue. Megasus.
01:17:25
Speaker
Anna, you're the big winner this week with five big points. Congratulations. Nice. Uh-oh, it's the Batty Awards.
01:17:40
Speaker
Now you're messing with the Batty Awards. Now you're messing with the Batty Awards. Congratulations to all the nominees.
01:18:04
Speaker
That's right. Congratulations to all our nominees and Merry Christmas nominees. And happy holidays. ah I'm sorry that this is going to be a very Christmas dominated schedule.
01:18:19
Speaker
There just aren't as many bad holiday movies for other faiths. ah But in any case, who wants to kick us off with batty ward? Greg? I mean, i can guarantee that Jesus does not appear in any of the three movies that we've chosen. That's absolutely true. These are very secular Christmas movies. It's very true.
01:18:42
Speaker
and yes, I can begin. ah my Betty award is going to go to my favorite, uh, piece of dialogue from this film, in which Atnis is revealing how much he,
01:18:58
Speaker
He's explaining his want for Mrs. Claus. And he says to her, he gets real close to her and he says, I itch for you. And that's not what I would have expected from this film.
01:19:13
Speaker
So that one really got That one really got me. I could see that hitting the button. Yeah. So hats off. it And I just, I want to take a moment to just talk about how strange it is.
01:19:25
Speaker
not Not just to see this in a children's movie, but just the idea of like someone being like, you know who's a fucking hot? Is Mrs. Claus. And I have to have her. like It's a weird... It's a weird movie. It's a weird movie. It's a very it's a very weird movie. Delightful. I loved it.
01:19:47
Speaker
Yeah. Anna, do you have a Batty Award? I do. um I'll go back to the beginning, and you were talking about how cheap the credits look. And yes, if there's one thing about a cheap Christmas movie, it's going to have cheap looking credits. But a thing about a 1998 cheap credits is, gosh, that clip art looks so charming compared to AI bullshit.
01:20:15
Speaker
Yes, that's true. I'm just going to give it a big thumbs up to Clipart.
01:20:23
Speaker
Fantastic Batty Award. The unsung hero of bad movie credits everywhere, Clipart. I'm going to give my Batty Award to the best way to sign an email. How I hope to be signing emails going forward, which is how Jeremy signs his email to Santa Claus at the beginning of the film. Your number one email pal. Yeah.
01:20:48
Speaker
My God, that is sick as hell. I am definitely going to be people's number one email pal going forward. I like it. And I hope that you listeners will be our number one show pals going forward for the rest of the month. We're going to be doing Christmas movies all month.
01:21:06
Speaker
Next week we'll be doing Greg's pick. Ernest saves Christmas. Yeah. Very excited for this one. I not super familiar with the world of Ernest. So I'm very excited to dig in. We are going to get into it.
01:21:23
Speaker
All right. All right. I'll have to go to school this week. It's going to be fun. Well, listeners, we hope that you'll join us then. We'll hope that in the meantime, you'll give us that five stars or you'll find us on Instagram. You'll find us on blue sky. If you want to reach out to us, you can email us at favorite bad movie pod at gmail.com. You can find links to all that in the link tree, which is in the show notes.
01:21:47
Speaker
And ah until next time, be good and goodbye. Merry Christmas. Merry holidays. Goodbye. Sometimes takes courage to believe in stuff even when nobody else does.
01:22:04
Speaker
I believe in you, Santa, and you help me to believe in myself. Thank you for everything. Your pal, Jeremy, the boy who saved Christmas.
01:22:30
Speaker
Thank you.