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Q&A: Jess And Scott Get Real About Anxiety, Disagreements, And Personal Struggles
8k Plays2 months ago
In this fun and casual Q&A episode, Jess and Scott answer listener questions and give you a peek behind the curtain of their lives and relationship.
Discover Scott's favourite quality about Jess, hear about their most rewarding parenting moments and learn how they handle disagreements. They share vulnerable insights about managing social anxiety as public figures and discuss mindset shifts that help them appreciate the challenges of parenting.
With plenty of laughs and a few deep moments, this episode offers a chance to get to know Jess and Scott on a more personal level. You'll come away with practical parenting tips and a renewed appreciation for savouring the small moments with your kids.
Listen to Jess on Samir’s podcast “Gent’s Talk” here.
Get 10% OFF parenting courses and kids' printable activities at Nurtured First using the code ROBOTUNICORN.
Learn more about the Solving Bedtime Battles course here.
We’d love to hear from you! Have questions you want us to answer on Robot Unicorn? Send us an email: [email protected].
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Theme
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to Robot Unicorn. We are so glad that you are here.
00:00:14
Speaker
Today we thought for the show that we would do something a little bit more fun and casual, that I'm sure somehow it will get deep and not casual very quickly. But we wanted to just do... Not because of me. Well...
00:00:29
Speaker
You never know. We'll see who makes it not deep or not casual. But we wanted to do a question and answer episode with your questions that you've sent in through Nurtured First.
Get to Know the Hosts
00:00:41
Speaker
And Scott has not seen any of the questions. He doesn't know what they are. Some of them are a little bit more serious and some of them are just lighter. And we'll try and see in the next 35 minutes or so how many questions we can get through. And our hope, my hope, but I don't know what Scott's hope is,
00:00:58
Speaker
To be honest. Uh, but my hope is that it'll help you get to like my hope with this podcast or my hope with life. That's my first question. What's your hope? I knew you would like that one. Like what are you trying to get to in life here? No, our hope with this episode is that it'll help you get to know us a little bit more and maybe laugh, maybe cry. We don't know where it'll go. You know what? I'm actually kind of nervous about this. Are you? Yeah, a little bit. Because the smile on your face does not make me feel comfortable at the moment. No, I was going to make a joke. That's why. I was going to say first question. How is your heart? Where do you get off? Oh, that's even better. I like that one actually.
Favorite Qualities Exchange
00:01:38
Speaker
It has your heart. No, I know you want to answer that question. Where do you get off? I might throw that one in. Why are you the way that you are? Yeah.
00:01:47
Speaker
Oh, this is why we can't do this type of episode, oh my goodness. Okay, this is a selfish one that I thought I'd choose first. Yeah, I'm not sure I like that you have all the editorial power here. I know, this is perfect for me. Scott, what's your favorite quality about Jess? Thank you to whoever sent that in because I thought that was perfect.
00:02:06
Speaker
Did you send in your own yeah questions into the question box? Yeah. Thanks to whoever sent that in. It was me. I don't know who it is. Yeah. You can't say, but what's my favorite quality? Yeah. It's tricky. It's tricky.
00:02:23
Speaker
Nothing comes to mind. It's really hard to pass. There's nothing. No, maybe I'm taking a long time because there's so many things. Oh, like okay. Aww. Aww. There we go. My favorite is probably your sense of humor. I feel like most people don't know how funny you are and how contagious your laugh tends to be, but I always enjoy watching shows and movies and stuff that make you laugh because it just ends up making me laugh. You have actually a pretty good sense of humor.
00:03:00
Speaker
I feel like I don't get to show it or on Instagram, I'll be trying to be funny, but it's not landing most of the time. People are like, why are you making that face? I don't get it. Like, oh, I was trying to make a joke, but yeah didn't land. and Didn't land. Didn't hit. No. I always tell the girls, if you remember one thing about me, said I was hilarious. And they specifically will say, you're not funny. And they'll specifically be like, you're not funny. Like just, if you could just remember one thing about me. Because they have my sense of humor.
00:03:30
Speaker
Yeah, we have, there's a lot of jokes flying around our house. I was gonna flip the question around and ask you, what is your favorite quality about
Audience Feedback Request
00:03:39
Speaker
me? Am I allowed to change their questions so that you're asking me? You can, you can. It's supposed to be casual today, yes. That's way too much freedom. I don't know if you're gonna like this. You guys will have to tell us if you ever want us to do this kind of episode again. If you're like, you know what, stick to your normal topics. My favorite quality about you,
00:04:00
Speaker
I think it's pretty clear. I find you to be a very calming presence for me. I think my favorite quality about you is like, I can be stressing out about something, whether it's the kids or work or something going on. And when I just talk to you about what I'm going through for the most part, you're very good at being like, okay, let's talk it through what's going on. And I just feel like. we're just such friends. Like we just truly outside of being business partners or running this podcast together, like just friends. Like we just like to be together. We enjoy each other's company. Yeah, that's kind of true. And when I talk to you about hard things I'm going through, I feel like you're just, you're very steady and stable and you don't join into my chaos or whatever it might be going on for me. And I always really appreciate that about you.
00:04:47
Speaker
But I think, like, kind of to your point about the humor, I think we're just good friends. We just really enjoy being with each other, even though we're together. Too much, almost? Too much. I mean, sometimes I don't enjoy being with you. You heard it here first. It's true. And I'll always tell them, like, i yeah I need a break. But that's why I'm saying, like, we're such good friends that I can be like, okay, I think we've spent like 12 hours together today. I might need 30 minutes alone tonight and we can just talk about everything.
00:05:15
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, there's a reason our offices are at the opposite ends of our building. Yeah. We have an office space and Scott and I make sure that our offices are opposite sides because we just do these a little bit of separation every once in a while. All right. Next question. You're not going to like it. Are you choosing all the serious ones? but This isn't serious. Oh, okay. Well, actually it might be favorite F1 driver.
F1 and Personal Recognition
00:05:38
Speaker
And why for those that don't watch F1 Formula one racing, Scott's a big fan.
00:05:46
Speaker
Did it say anything about currents? It just said best F1 driver and Y. That was it. I mean, truthfully, i I don't have like a favorite current driver. Basically, I like all of them, mostly. There are certain ones that I prefer more than others, but of the current like Max and Lewis and Lando and all that, they kind of like them all.
00:06:07
Speaker
I don't know, I like all of them. And even some of the rookies this year too that are coming up, I think it's going to be ah fun to see them drive. But my all time favorite driver, I would say is probably Sebastian Vettel. I would love to meet him and even have him on the podcast.
00:06:23
Speaker
manifesting that Sebastian Vettel comes on our podcast. I just think he is a genuinely great human being and I respect how great of a driver he was and how much effort he put into it and I also think he's a good person and he's a father as well and I think he it seems I mean I don't know him personally so I don't know any of this for real but it just seems like he definitely cares about his family a lot so for someone who was in a pretty intense sport that takes up essentially your entire year you're away from family now that he's retired I think he's spending a lot of time with them and also doing important things so yeah I would say Seb
00:07:04
Speaker
Seb, I think that's a good answer. I feel like the people that you look up to most, whether it's Formula One or other people, are people who can do difficult things, let's say like F1, and still show up for their family and still be a genuine human being. So it makes sense that that's who you like and look up to.
00:07:21
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I'm not naive to the fact that when you're driving in F1, you're gone most of the year. So that is why I feel like it'd be interesting to have him on the podcast and talk about that, like family life when you are away so much. Yeah. Like an F1 driver is. Yeah. I would love to have him on. I think we could have some good conversation about that. So.
00:07:42
Speaker
on
00:07:45
Speaker
Okay, another question for you. How do you feel about Jess having so many followers on Instagram? Is it comfortable for you or do you not like it? I don't know. I don't think it's comfortable or uncomfortable for me. What is uncomfortable is maybe more so me getting recognized. And that's maybe just something I have to get used to, but that happens now, right? So Jess will go anywhere and basically get recognized. And we, we notice it often happening and some people will message after. We definitely love it when people come up to us and say hi, but that's something that I'm still very much getting used to. Yeah. It's new for you.
00:08:24
Speaker
actually one time, a couple years ago even, when Jess, we didn't have as many followers as we did. I was in Montreal at the F1, the Grand Prix there, and someone recognized me. And to this day, there are very few things I regret in life, but what I regret is just how awkward I was in that situation, because I was totally thrown off by it. I think that was the first time you were recognized, like without me there. First time I was recognized outside of like my home area. Yes. Yeah. Right. Like it's a little bit different if we get recognized around home, but it was like in a completely different setting. I'm getting off the train, going to the stadium and everything. And she was a wonderful person. She had her, her child there with ear muffs on and everything. It was, it was awesome, but I just was very awkward. Yeah. And if we're ever awkward, just know that's more about us just still learning how to talk to people when
00:09:19
Speaker
I feel like I'm pretty good about it. But for you, it's still very new. Yeah, I wouldn't say you are. You're awkward at all. No, and I love meeting. I love meeting followers. But that was what, two? Three years ago? Three almost. Two and a half years ago? Yeah. And I think that was just, it was a weird setting that that happened and I was just completely thrown off by it. She was very, very sweet and nice and like I think the interaction was fine. She probably doesn't even remember that that happened. But I was, I just remember thinking afterwards, wow, that was so awkward.
00:09:47
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Because of me. I think I would say because this person also asked me how I like having so many followers and how I feel about it. I would say for me the hardest part of growing the social page to this point is a social anxiety that sometimes I feel now that I never really had before. And what I mean is like now when I go in public, a lot of the times I'm like, who's watching me? Who's looking at me? And many of the times I later find out that someone was watching me.
00:10:16
Speaker
looking at me, because they'll send me a DM and be like, hey Jess, I saw you at Chopper's Drug Mart picking up prescription. And honestly, that's I think why we prefer when people come up to us. Yes. It's better that we know that like you know who we are rather than sometimes we've seen people just kind of like staring and then looking at their phone and then staring and then looking at their phone again and whispering. and Yeah and that for me is more uncomfortable and and I know that will happen and not everybody feels comfortable to come up and say hi or they're trying to respect our privacy with our kids.
00:10:46
Speaker
which I really do respect. And so that's fine. But I think a new thing for me in the last like five months has been going in public and seeing a lot of parents. We have a lot of people from this area who follow nurtured first and then wondering to myself, Ooh, do they hate my page? Do they not like me? Do they have a problem with me? And I don't know why, but my social anxiety will often go to they don't like me. Nobody here likes me. And then people will come up to me and be like, Oh, I love your page. And like, Oh, okay. So not everyone, it's not liking me. But I think because there is angry messages, I think sometimes my brain will just go to, Oh, they probably don't like me. They're angry at me. So that's been a struggle for me. I'd say in the last six months, specifically as the page has grown more and we get recognized more often, yeah but something I'm working through. I feel like the reality is though, people who don't care for our content or like what we're doing are probably not going to come up to us. No, exactly. But that's where I'm like, e are they like i was staring daggers into me? But to be honest, I haven't really had that many negative experiences with people who don't enjoy the page. right But anyway, that's kind of my own social anxiety that's come along with growing. And I've talked to a lot of other creators that have larger accounts and I think it's a really normal feeling as something that's just gonna take some adjusting to for me. But that being said, when you do see us in public and you come up and you say hi and how the page has touched you, know that we do really appreciate that. Yeah, we definitely do. Like those touch points actually help us remember what we're doing and who we're talking to. And like a goal for me in this next year is just to meet more and more of our audience and and our community here because I love what I get to actually meet you in person and hear your stories.
00:12:28
Speaker
All right. Next question. I'm trying to think of how deep I want to go with some of these questions here. All right, Scott, this is a quickie. I think I know what your answer is going to be. Favorite parenting book.
Book Recommendation
00:12:40
Speaker
Yeah, I think that is an easy one. ah Rest Play Grow by Dr. Deborah McNamara. Yeah. That's ah an amazing book. If you are looking for a parenting book to read that's very aligned with things that we teach at Nertrude First, you'll love Rest Play Grow. She's a wonderful human being. We also love Dr. Deb. yep She's great.
00:12:58
Speaker
I know her personally and everything she teaches is awesome. So there you go. Deb, there's a plug for your book. But truly before we knew Dr. Deb. So it wasn't until last year that you met her. And before that, and she was like a personal hero of ours. And like we followed her work and the work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld as well. And so when you finally got to meet them, I mean, it was one of those situations where I think, I don't know, the, what is that called? Where it's like a saying, like don't never meet your, you should never meet your heroes. yeah But that was a situation where,
00:13:33
Speaker
She lived up to what we thought of her. And yes. And it's been great to connect with her more now too, since yeah it's been about a year. It's been about a year of connecting with her. And she's had a big role to play in my work and for years years. So highly suggest that book. If you're looking for a parenting book that would align with what we teach here. Okay. It's got, if you could meet one person or talk to one person dead or alive, who would you want to talk to?
Meeting Anthony Bourdain
00:14:02
Speaker
That's a hard one. I don't know. I hate those kinds of questions. I mean, you can choose four. It doesn't matter to me if you have a few people that you'd want to talk to. If I could talk to any one person, I think it would be Anthony Bourdain. Oh yeah? Yeah.
00:14:16
Speaker
I feel like he had so much experience in, like I love cooking. I don't get enough time to do it now, but I love cooking. I used to, it was between engineering or becoming a chef for me, but I think what he was able to do, like he was so creative.
00:14:33
Speaker
and intelligent and just the way he viewed life. I mean, obviously he was dealing with a lot of mental health issues. I don't know, I just feel like he is like one person that I would actually very much would have liked to speak with. Yeah, you can say that. And I feel like there's not that many people that I feel that way about, but just for whatever reason, the creativity that he had and like the way he viewed the world, I just think it was quite unique and I would have liked to have met him.
00:15:00
Speaker
Yeah, I can totally see that. We love watching Parts Unknown and his books as well. My Kitchen Confidential was an amazing book and I don't know, it just the way he viewed everything was, I feel like he was very straightforward, but there was a very, there was a deep curiosity and a deep creativity that he had that is uncommon. Yeah, I think so. And then I think the struggles that he faced you know, being such a deep thinker and yeah reflective person and then having those struggles with addiction and and all the struggles he have, which eventually, if you don't know the story of Anthony Bourdain, he eventually took his own life. I mean, I feel like there'd be, that would be an interesting conversation, I think. And I can see why that would be the person that you chose. yeah That's who I would have thought if you were going to choose someone, I would have thought you would have said him. And there's very few people that I would say I would be desperate to meet. I don't know. I'm not really, I don't follow celebrities. I don't really. Scott and I are like, we are like that. Like even on Nurtured First, like I feel like I talk sometimes all DM with some of the biggest celebrities out there and they're just people to me. Yeah. We don't look up or put celebrities on like this huge pedestal or I don't know. I feel like I just see everyone as a person. So when he died, I don't know, like other celebrities. I mean, it's sad. Yeah. Obviously when there's shows that you've watched and whatever things they were in that you experienced, but for whatever reason, he in particular, that actually affected me, which is not a normal thing. And I just think because he is someone that I actually looked up to. Yeah. You like genuinely looked up to him. And then, I mean, I don't know how deep we want to get here.
00:16:44
Speaker
But the fact that he died by suicide yeah and suicide is a theme of another person in your life who you looked up to dying. I'm sure that that impacted you obviously um at a deeper level. I think when any One, like even when Robin Williams committed suicide, like I remember that also. Like it's just a big conversation when you've had someone in your life that you look up to commit suicide, right? So I think that that makes sense too. And also maybe gives you even more of a curiosity for like how you you get to that point is such a like intelligent, curious, deep thinking person. yeahp yeah Who do you think I'd want to meet?
00:17:21
Speaker
I feel like you've already met the people that you want to meet. I have had a unique privilege in this position, again, to talk about the amount of followers. There is something that has been a privilege to me that it has allowed me to talk to a lot of the people that I would probably want to talk to. Yeah. Specifically, I think people that you have looked up to in the academic field. Yeah. Most of the people I look up to are in the academic field, but that's actually not who I'd want to meet.
00:17:49
Speaker
Oh really? Okay. I think if I could choose anyone to meet, it would probably be like a ancestor of mine. And so okay I think about my mom's dad who died when I was very young, probably five. And everyone talks, like anyone I meet who talks about my mom's dad is like best person ever. ye Right? My dad talks about him. My mom talks about him. Best person ever. Anyone I meet who's like, Oh, that's your grandfather. He was the nicest guy.
00:18:18
Speaker
And so like I feel like I would love to get to know how he got to be that way, where that came from, especially as an immigrant, and learn more about his story. And he died at a very young age. yep Yeah, I would just love to get to talk to him and understand how, even though he had all these things going on in his life and factors working against him, he was still such a kind-hearted person that was passed down. Like if you look at my mom's family, it is uncommon how close we all are, how little drama we have in the family. And so I think his legacy has been passed on even to me, even though I never really got to know him. So that's who I'd want to meet. That's a good answer. I like that. Ready for the next question?
00:19:02
Speaker
Yes. Actually, this is for both of us.
Parenting Experiences
00:19:05
Speaker
What are your most rewarding experiences in parenting when you feel like this is all worth it? You know what? I think the most rewarding is a good example is this summer. So my favorite thing is when our girls do something that they're afraid of or like very nervous about, but they push through and do it kind of anyway. Not because we're forcing them to do it, but because they desperately want to see what they're capable of.
00:19:31
Speaker
So this summer, for instance, we go to a campground with a bunch of family and there's boats there like that family members have, and they can go knee boarding, skiing, tubing, whatever, all that different stuff. And our oldest and middle daughter, they're not really around water that often. They've had some swimming lessons and all that, but at first they were very nervous and didn't want to get anywhere near the lake. And then within a day or two, they were like,
00:20:00
Speaker
We want to go, we want to try tubing. And you can see they're like shaking because they're so nervous. Both of them. They're so cute, yeah. They're shaking because they're so nervous. But they decide this is something we want to do. And it's not because we're forcing them. Because in fact, I would almost prefer that they don't. Because I, to to be honest, the lake that we go to is filled with like seaweed.
00:20:19
Speaker
Yeah, we're both like, ugh, grossed out, we have to get in there. And I just, that grossed me out. So it's not because anyone's forcing them to do it. It's them overcoming that discomfort and trying for themselves. And by the end of the week, they were on the tube a whole bunch of times.
00:20:37
Speaker
which seems like a small thing but they were very nervous at the beginning of the week and then our oldest daughter was desperate to go knee boarding and so she did that as well and then she saw other kids like older kids trying water skiing so then she tried that and she It's like the knee boarding she succeeded in, but the the skiing she didn't. And it's just, she didn't really give up though. She just kept trying. And she would get up for a second and then fall. And then we'd try again. And she would she probably did it 15, maybe 20 times. And none of those times when she was skiing, did she actually get up. But she was still determined to try it.
00:21:14
Speaker
And then we're like, okay, next year we'll try it again and maybe next year we'll start from the beginning of the week and we'll see by the end of the week if you can go ski around the lake. But that is a situation or those are situations where I'm very proud of them and like it's the most satisfying to me because they are of their own volition. Their own their own mind is pushing them to try something that's a little bit uncomfortable just to see what they're capable of themselves. And I think that's a testament to how like we have tried to raise them.
00:21:44
Speaker
that it's worth being a little bit uncomfortable to push yourself just a little bit further and see what you can, you can do rather than kind of shut down and be in a shell and not actually go out and do anything that's uncomfortable. I don't know. I feel like I'm seeing a bit of resilience already in them just based on that one week even. And we see it all the time. Yeah. I feel like they have this incredible ability to have resilience that didn't come from like we pushed you so hard and you have to please us in order to do this. It comes from like, I genuinely want to try this hard thing to prove to myself I can or cannot do it. And then they keep trying, but it's not to please us or to like be cool or whatever. Like it's genuinely because they want to. It's this internal motivation. And I think that that's really cool for both of us to witness. And definitely a testament to raising kids who have resilience without having to like beat the resilience into them. So it's pretty cool to watch. On even like specifically that water skiing situation, she failed every single time. Yeah. But that didn't stop her from being like, okay, let's try it again. yeah It was basically just her arms were hurting. So then she had to stop because she, yeah yeah, her arms were hurting from getting pulled by the boat. It was even me now. I'd be like, all right, I'm done. if If I didn't get it like twice, I'd be like, yeah, I mean I'm old. So, but no, that was incredible.
00:23:05
Speaker
I would say for me, the most rewarding parts of parenting come in, and I know, eye roll, the tiny moments. For example, I told you that the other day I was at the mall. I had to do some shopping. I had the two younger girls with me. They wanted ice cream. I was like, no. And then they were like, mom, come on, get us an ice cream. So finally I was like, okay, yeah, we'll have ice cream in the mall. I'm a pushover. And then I guess- Is that what you want to be teaching parents right now? Okay, this is my real parenting.
00:23:35
Speaker
I didn't hold the boundary, okay? Yeah. Anyway. Well, sometimes there are logical and illogical boundaries, so... And you know what? I was like, I'm going on a trip soon. I just want to have a nice moment. So I got them both these tiny, kitty ice cream cones. And we're sitting in the mall and they're giggling. They have this blue, like, of course they have to get birthday cake ice cream, so it's like... Gross. This blue ice cream dripping off their faces.
00:23:59
Speaker
And I had pulled my little one from junior kindergarten for the day because she just was having a hard week. I'm like, you know what? I'm off anyway today. Stay home with mommy. So we're having a stay home day. We got ice cream at the mall instead of going to kindergarten. She has this blue ice cream dripping from her face and she just looks at me and as she's like spinning ice cream to my face, she goes, this is the best day I've ever had mommy and like to me it's those moments when it's just it's the smallest thing is having ice cream in the mall and not going to school but our kids are just so delightfully happy about them those are the moments that are really rewarding to me
00:24:35
Speaker
And when I'm prompted to just slow down and be like, okay, I don't have to rush out of the mall. We can take a minute. We can sit here and we can have an ice cream together. And just, I really, for me, I'm someone who does move fast and it's always like onto the next thing and has, I have a hard time pausing sometimes. So to just pause and I really tried to savor it. Like this is the cutest thing. And to me, those are the most special moments when I feel that's true it's the most rewarding.
00:25:01
Speaker
That actually brings up a recent memory for me last night. I went on a bike ride with her oldest daughter. Yep. And you know what? She, I didn't know this, but she said her favorite part of the entire bike ride, because we do a little loop around our town. It's like a six kilometer loop or seven kilometer loop or something.
00:25:19
Speaker
Her favorite part of that entire bike ride is when we stop and there's a specific park bench that we stop at. Yeah. And I thought she just liked it because... She wants a break. She wants a break. But she actually explained to me that her favorite part of the bike ride is sitting on this bench with me and it's right on this, there's like vineyards across, like an open field kind of thing, but it has vineyard a vineyard in there and a little ravine and all that.
00:25:44
Speaker
And she just likes sitting there with me and pointing out all the things that are in the vineyard and the clouds and looking at, we have an escarpment in our area. So there's this, we call it the mountain, but it's like, I don't know, 150 feet tall yeah and looking at all the trees on there. And right now it's starting to change colors. And she just, she said she enjoys looking at all of these different things from this park bench with me. And that's not, I thought it was always just to take a break. Yeah. But she actually tries to savor these little moments with me and yeah, she was saying yesterday that that is her favorite part of our entire bike ride because we sit there and we just kind of are quiet and we talk about the birds and things that we see and it's, I don't know. ah So that is very special. That was very special for me. That's beautiful.
00:26:37
Speaker
I found in parenting, it might sound woo woo to you. But one thing that has helped me, this is another question, I'm just gonna jump ahead to it.
Managing Toddler Challenges
00:26:45
Speaker
It's like, what's something that helps you when you're triggered? One thing that has helped me when we have really hard moments of parenting is I really do try and savor the good moments. And whether that's in parenting or like even in our relationship, like I will try and pause and just take a mental picture of how I feel and how the kids are doing and all of these things so that on the hardest moments when it's like,
00:27:06
Speaker
Ah, everyone's sick and the house is a disaster. I can try and pull and remember these peaceful, beautiful moments that we have. And savoring, like actually intentionally slowing down and being like, I want to savor this moment so I can come back to it on a rainy day, has for me been one of the most helpful things. I've been doing it for years and years. And I will. Like ah even the other day, things were tough in the house and Everything was chaotic and I literally pulled a picture into my own mind of when we were at the beach this summer and our oldest and I went for a walk at sunset and we were just like running and splashing each other at the beach. Literally pulled that memory out and just to like calm myself. So I find that s savoring the good, the tiny moments helps me in the hard moments.
00:27:51
Speaker
I think recently, especially with our toddler, she's full blown toddler mode. She's having a lot of hard moments. Yeah. She's full blown toddler mode now. yeah I think the perspective of like seeing her in our kitchen or next to the kitchen table and seeing how short she is and how tiny she is. And now that we've had, she's our third toddler that we've been able to experience, I feel like my perspective has changed even outside of like you explaining that things are developmentally normal because in the moment that's hard to sometimes hard to remember that does help but it's sometimes hard to remember but me seeing her next to like the kitchen island and I can just see her little tuft of hair above and hearing her cry it's it almost becomes a little bit more comical i like you just kind of smile at the fact that little she's having a full-blown meltdown over the most ridiculous thing
00:28:42
Speaker
Yeah. Like I'll clean up her cereal bowl from the day before that's still sitting there from the night before. And she won't let me clean up her cereal bowl. Cause she might want more, even though it's been sitting there overnight. Right. And she's now she's laying on the floor on the full blown tantrum. And sometimes you just have to smile at it. Like it's not so serious, you know, it is to her. So we.
00:29:02
Speaker
keep it serious to her, yeah right? But to us, we can look at each other and be like, she's just a toddler. She's going to grow out of it. It's not going to be this way forever. And we can see it in the older kids. Yeah, for sure. My thing is always looking at their little hands too. Like even our oldest, like even her hands are still little. I ain't just remembering.
00:29:20
Speaker
littleness of them. They're not tiny adults. They're little tiny children. yep so and I know. That has been lately especially the perspective that I've been taking because I'll hear her upstairs with you and you're getting ready and she's happy and then all of a sudden flick of a switch and she's just the most pissed off. She could ever be. And then like two minutes later she's happy and giggling and hearing that while you're getting ready with her is, I don't know, it's hilarious to me.
00:29:48
Speaker
Having a toddler is a ride. it's a It's quite the roller coaster sometimes. And I feel like because she is our third now, we both... I mean, there are other things that now, if our house wasn't messy before, it certainly is now.
00:30:02
Speaker
so So that causes maybe some stress, extra stress and having like clutter and stuff everywhere. But their behaviors and the way they act, I feel like doesn't really bother us. No. Nearly as much, or it doesn't trigger us nearly as quickly.
00:30:19
Speaker
I feel like when we just had the one, we were so worried. Like, oh, why is she having so many tantrums? Oh, this is so overwhelming. Well, that was more me than you. Like you. Yeah. But it's a lot. It's like, am I handling this right? And then with our third, it's like, okay, here we go again. We know this roller coaster. We've been on it before. And we can see in the older girls, the four-year-old, the seven-year-old, the progression. Well, even the difference in the four-year-old, I would say is huge, even compared to before the summer.
00:30:45
Speaker
like six months ago or less. Yeah. Two and a half months ago or three months ago when summer started for us here. Yeah. This is our sensitive daughter compared to year old now. It's, I don't know. It's kind of crazy how quickly that some of those skills have developed. And it's not like we're doing anything really differently with her. It's just, she's slowly kind of growing out of it and they still happen at times, but it's she's hitting, uh, becoming less. Yeah. Yeah. She's becoming less frequent in her meltdowns now.
00:31:14
Speaker
And we knew it, we knew it. Like, don okay, not to get researchy, but like the research says the five to seven shift, right? And she's approaching that five to seven shift and we're already seeing the change. yep Five to seven shift that happens with years of co-regulating and teaching them the skills. And I feel like when we have that in our head, it's like, oh, we can handle the toddler years. We know. Yeah. I mean, but the toddler years are long.
00:31:35
Speaker
They are long. It's a long period to handle. And I mean, yeah, we've definitely. Perspective that's made a big difference for me. And I mean, maybe there's fewer stressors in our life for a few months now. So like, we have more patients. Yeah. The capacity for patients is higher too. So I want to share, I think we can kind of end here, but I want to share one more mindset shift. That's really, let's do one more. You want to do one more? Okay, fine. Do you want to hear my mindset shift? I'll just say it quick. People are not going to want to know. Do you, do you want to share your mindset shift?
00:32:06
Speaker
My mindset shift has been reminding myself it's a gift, you know, Scott laughs at me, but I'm like, I'm making the girls lunches a gift gift. I'm making them dinner. I'm like, this is a gift. And just like trying to remind myself that it is a privilege to raise these children, even in the hardest moments that it's been helpful for me. I don't know that that would help me. Okay. Well, maybe you should try it. I'll try it next time. Okay. Let us know. Okay.
00:32:32
Speaker
We have a potty accident and I'm cleaning up shit from the carpet again. I'll try and remind myself that it's a gift. See, I would. What a gift that I get to teach my child how to use the potty. What? I would. It helps me.
00:32:47
Speaker
What a gift that I get to scrub shit out of my family room carpet. That is such a gift. That is really what you'd be thinking in that moment? That's what I'd be thinking to help myself not get mad. Okay. Okay. I have two questions. You choose which one that you want to answer. Okay. And then if you're listening and you want us to come back and do more Q and A's, then we can.
00:33:09
Speaker
Or if you're like, guys, don't. yeah This is too chaotic for me. Then we hear that too. Okay. Does Jess's work on IG ever feel too heavy for her? She gets a lot of angry messages and hate. There's one question for you. Okay. Yes. And next question do guys you guys ever disagree? Second question. Which one do you want to answer? I already answered the other one. Oh, does my work on IG ever feel too heavy? Yes, absolutely. But the positive typically outweighs the negative. So.
00:33:39
Speaker
The positive always outweighs the negative, but in your mind, that is not the case necessarily. Sometimes the negative does weigh me down and then you'll see me be on a little bit less maybe for a couple of days. But I think my mission of what I want to do and what we are hoping to do and giving children safe and loving homes and helping parents actually enjoy parenting and find it a gift. Dare I say, I think that outweighs any negative. Like I've just feel so passionate about what we're doing. Okay. Next question. Last question. Do you ever disagree on anything?
Handling Disagreements
00:34:11
Speaker
I mean, I want to say yes, but I can't think of an example.
00:34:14
Speaker
of that. Let's like disagree so much, but we are very different people. But yeah core values wise, I think we're pretty on the same page. yeah But in terms of like the things that you like to do and the things that I like to do. But is that just that's not really disagreeing. I'm thinking, I would imagine what they're asking is do we have like arguments and disagreements with each other? Yeah. I mean, yes, but I can't think of a specific example right now.
00:34:45
Speaker
I feel like if there's one thing we disagree on is I'm like, I want to do this right now. oh Yeah, I feel like if there's anything we disagree on it's the cadence in which we do things because I'll be like I want to do this right now I have this genius idea it has to happen and there's no waiting and you'll be like Jess let's slow your pace and Take some time to think about it. So I feel like that's our biggest maybe difference. Yeah, I don't know Yeah, we do have we would have disagreements on that and like even running this podcast we had a
00:35:16
Speaker
a minor disagreement yesterday, but it wasn't even really a dis- nah, not really a disagreement. Did we? No. I don't even remember that. I must have blacked out during that conversation. Maybe that's the problem. The key is- Because we do have disagreement, but you just dissociate during the disagreement and then- Oh, it's a running joke with our friends because Scott will tease me a lot or he'll go on tangents and then the running joke is that I just dissociate and just don't listen, which- It's very healthy. It's very healthy, but only minorly true.
00:35:44
Speaker
I'm sure if you have a husband that has a lot of hobbies and likes to bug you about a lot of things that you get, what I'm saying or partner, but I think for the most part, I will say, I think we are quite aligned, which is once again, such a gift. It is. And, and, and, and, and, and we were not always that way. No, that is true. Yeah. So that's important. We've come a long, long, long. Yeah. We've been together for a long time. So we've, we can't really compare early on in our relationship and marriage and parenting to now.
00:36:13
Speaker
It's totally different. So now we're in a good spot, but we weren't always here. Dot the dot. Leave that for another episode. I mean, we've been together for a long time, right? So I feel like we've, we both like to talk like this or even more deeply about things, philosophical things. So I think it's, uh, all this time has allowed us to hash out any disagreements that we have had, major ones at least. Yeah. All right, Scott, any final words? Nope.
00:36:39
Speaker
Well, he's never had nothing to say before.
00:36:44
Speaker
Is that true? Well, I don't know. Okay. Well, thank you for listening to this show.
Closing and Appreciation
00:36:51
Speaker
If you actually made it this far. And if you would like us to do more Q and A episodes like this. Yeah. I mean, we can do more serious ones too. We can do more serious ones today. We kind of thought we had a lot of serious topics in a row that we might just try and lighten it up a little bit and help you get to know us a little bit better, but we could also do a more serious Q and A. If you're interested in that, send us an email. We actually do read them and we love reading them. We can't necessarily respond to all of them because we get quite a few, but we do appreciate them and we definitely do read through every single one.
00:37:22
Speaker
Yep. I just read one like right before we started the show and they truly do mean a lot to us. So thank you for that. And what a gift. I did want to end on that. It is truly a gift to be here with you. and All right. We'll talk to you next time. See ya.
00:37:46
Speaker
Hey friends, thank you so much for listening to today's episode. We are glad that you are here. If you enjoyed today's episode and found it interesting, we'd really appreciate it if you'd leave a rating and a review. Scott and I actually sit down together and read them all. A five star rating helps us share our podcast and get these important messages out there. Thank you so much for listening and we can't wait to talk to you again next time.