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EP 105: Dealing with Burnout
2.3k Plays2 months ago
This week on Mom Group Chat, we’re getting real about burnout — the kind that sneaks in slowly until suddenly everything feels like too much. We’re sharing our personal experiences with burnout, what it looks and feels like for us, and the little “tells” we’ve learned to spot before we hit a full-blown wall. Whether it’s snapping over spilled snacks, fantasizing about solo hotel stays, or just feeling like you’re failing at everything, we see you — and we’ve been there too. We talk about common signs of burnout that working moms often ignore, plus simple shifts and mindset reframes that can help you climb out of the chaos. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or just off, this is your invitation to pause, listen, and remember: you’re not alone, and you don’t have to keep pushing through.
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Transcript
Meet Your Hosts
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it. Oh, we're going to get into it. What up, moms? I'm Whitney Williams, and I'm here with my best friend, Candice, and we are the Mom Group Chat Podcast.
00:00:21
Speaker
We are, in fact, the Mom Group Chat Podcast. Why are you holding up a peace sign? I don't know. Every time I do that, I feel so millennial, but I cannot help
Millennial Habits & Nostalgia
00:00:31
Speaker
it.
00:00:31
Speaker
No, no. My niece, my 13-year-old niece, throws the peace sign. She did it all weekend. Okay, makes me feel better. Yeah, I think it's like that's something universal that's going to travel through.
00:00:43
Speaker
The ages. That makes me feel good. I saw this um video yesterday and it was like fighting the millennial urge and it was like about cheersing at a restaurant.
00:00:55
Speaker
Oh. I was like, I'm sorry. are we trying to take away the joy of cheersing beverages? I feel like that is such a nice thing. I also like feel British when I do it. like I want to be like chin-chin little bit. like Why would we steal that joy from ourselves to just like celebrate together even if we're just having a Beveregino?
00:01:16
Speaker
You know what I think it is? This is me just speculating here, but I think that generation thinks of Boomerang on Instagram and how we all...
00:01:29
Speaker
did the boomerang phase of like cheersing. And so they're probably like, ick. And I bet that's what I think it is. I'm not even like, if I ever take a video of it, I'm not boomeranging any boomeranging.
00:01:41
Speaker
Why does that sound so weird? Boomeranging anymore. but like a little video of a cheers. I love that. Yeah, i bet. I bet that's what it is.
00:01:54
Speaker
That's so interesting. I don't know. I saw that and i was like, stop trying to steal our joy. Honestly, they don't realize that it goes way back, way before our time in prehistoric times, like dinosaurs were cheersing, you know, like they don't know.
00:02:08
Speaker
Yeah. ah Honestly, they probably were. their tails were like, what up, Yeah, they were like, chin chin.
00:02:18
Speaker
Oh my God. It makes me think of Land Before Time. don't know. They cheers their leaves with the dew drops. They were like, What did they call them? I know we've talked about that before. but Yeah, we have
Paranoia of Trash Smells
00:02:30
Speaker
talked about it. Tree stars. That's what it was.
00:02:32
Speaker
Delish. I just filled the... Wow. Okay, they dumped it. I just put a bunch of shit in our recycling that probably didn't belong there, but that'll probably get me canceled by the recycling mamas. but Can we talk about real quick about how paranoid I get about our trash stinking because we have diapers in it?
00:02:54
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Our diaper, our, our, it's stinky. It's stinky. I've watched before them raise the trash can and like wince.
00:03:05
Speaker
And I've been like scarred ever since. Do you feel though,
00:03:11
Speaker
when a garbage man just that turns his face away, you know it's bad. Yeah, but I personally feel like stinky food is worse than stinky diapers. Oh, like raw chicken.
00:03:23
Speaker
Yeah. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gross. But also, like, is it just that I'm immune to the smell of like our diaper pill? i sometimes worry about that. Yeah. I used to think whenever I walked into someone's house that had kids, it always smelled like a diaper. And I'm like, does my house smell like that?
00:03:40
Speaker
Or is it just I'm used to it? Actually, this is a good like pose to the audience because i feel like I need, like I want to step up how my house smells game. Like i do I, need a Pura? I thought about it during prime day, but I just kind of prime day, like overwhelmed me. I didn't buy like a single thing. And I thought about getting some of those like Pura plugins. The problem is my kids pull the plugins out of the wall. I don't know about you. I can't have the plugins.
00:04:11
Speaker
Do I need some like scent dispensers around my house? I love it. I'll one of my favorite scents. I'll send you. Have I taken you and Franklin to this place called Onyx and Alabaster? It's a home store slash coffee shop.
00:04:27
Speaker
Okay. That sounds fantastic. I'd like to go there immediately. But no, I don't think you have. You walk in and like the smell, it's almost like you're walking into Abercrombie and you're like, okay, that's Abercrombie. You walk into the store and you're like, that's Onyx and Alabaster.
00:04:44
Speaker
They finally started selling room spray and um my God, it kind of smells almost like a man a little bit, but it smells so good.
Managing Household Odors
00:04:55
Speaker
i need to send it to you because I like spritz everywhere. I also use like the gain fabric refreshener. I like spray it all on my couches like once a week. So it just like, okay.
00:05:08
Speaker
I feel like I don't do very much. I like will light a volcano candle here and there, but I don't do very much. And I have two dogs and two babies and honestly a smelly husband. Like, I don't know. My husband is constantly working outside. The man will just like forget deodorant. Like I actually get mad at him because will let his – Oh my God.
00:05:31
Speaker
He'll literally lay his stinky ass armpit on our couch and then our couch will smell like fucking B.O. and I have to pull all the cushions and wash them. You know what's annoying is that Chris doesn't smell. It is probably the most annoying thing about him. Honestly, I'm going to steal your husband because mine is so smelly. I'm the smelly one.
00:05:53
Speaker
wow Well, we always say that you and Vinny are like alike. Are we the onions? And me and Chris are alike. Because I feel like I don't smell, really. ah Great. Vinny and I are the onions, and you and Chris are the princesses. Like, what the hell?
00:06:10
Speaker
No, I need to. Yeah, okay. That's good. If you could send me that room spray, I'll Venmo you. Just tell me how much. Oh, my You're going to love it. You're going love it. feel like you would like Yeah.
00:06:21
Speaker
I need a we need like a girly swirly day in your neighborhoods. How times have we talked about this? take me to all your places. No, like I'm going to look at flights today. I just need to pick a weekend and come.
00:06:32
Speaker
Wait. I know. Do I, oh, I was going to say, do I come for Margo's birthday? But I think we're in Tahoe. Yeah, going be in Tahoe. Damn it. I know. I just sent out the invites for that, which I'm like, oh my god I have too much to do right now.
00:06:49
Speaker
Well, lucky for you. We're going to lay it all out in this episode. it's i always feel like these are our best episodes. Like when we had other things planned or other topics and then in the morning in our normal group chat, we are just like venting about what's going on in our lives. And we're like, you know what?
00:07:09
Speaker
Let's just bring this to the pod this morning because... This is truly what's happening in our lives.
Overwhelmed by Chores
00:07:16
Speaker
And i will start by just telling ah you guys what i the reason this started in the group chat is i have been feeling so overwhelmed with a lot of things, but specifically with housework.
00:07:31
Speaker
And specifically laundry okay like I don't know about you guys but keeping up with laundry is a full-time job like and I don't is anyone else's child like in a phase of changing outfits like a hundred times a day or is it just my it's just just Alice I don't know actually break it down they're in pajamas and And then they're in their school clothes.
00:07:54
Speaker
And then he comes home, strips and either wears a bathing suit or goes naked. So that's three. And then they put on more clothes, which potentially could not be pajamas, and then back into pajamas. So that's five changes a day.
00:08:11
Speaker
And I'm not kidding. We at least do three to four typically changes a day. So yes, there's a lot of laundry. If you wash your pajamas every night, sometimes I just throw it in the pile because yeah whatever. I just want it off the floor. so Me too.
00:08:28
Speaker
So then I end up washing it. Yeah. That's oneway exactly how I feel. Also, Alice is like very picky about pajamas. i don't know. Alice is like very picky about a lot of things they say. She just got a lot of opinions, but I was just feeling so overwhelmed with the like laundry and specifically the girls laundry.
00:08:47
Speaker
And I had been thinking, I'm like, okay, how can I like, what can I take off my plate to just like make my life feel a little bit lighter And then I got a text from our laundry service that I have used in the past when our laund washer and dryer like weren't working for a month.
00:09:04
Speaker
And it was like, $10 off your laundry pickup today. And I was like, literally easiest decision I've ever made in my life. And their booking system is amazing. it's like It's like reply one for pickup options. And then it's like it'll send me all the options. And it's like, I just send a number based on their pickup options. Yeah.
00:09:21
Speaker
So i I scheduled the laundry pickup. Such a customer service. Like I love when it's easy. Dude, it's good. It's so easy. And like you – like this is not an ad, okay? I have no idea if this is like a national brand. I don't know if it's just Tampa. I don't know. It's called To You Laundry. but um And it's outside for pickup now. I came home. I bagged it all up. It's out there. And it will be delivered to me clean and perfectly folded by tomorrow at like 3 That's so nice. See, i just wish someone would come pick up my house every morning.
00:09:54
Speaker
ah I know. Or every night. I think that is my issue is like I'm a morning person, right? And so by the end of the night, I'm done. You're tapped, yeah. I don't like to – like I will like sometimes reopen my laptop, but like I don't like to. I really – don't I'm not night I like being in the bed by nine so the nighttime is just like I'm done and then in the morning I'm always overwhelmed because my house is a bomb because I was yeah too tired to do anything the night before and just wish it's more like that for me I do laundry every single day I'm not me too yeah
00:10:35
Speaker
And i don't mind like laundry for me isn't terrible. It's everything else. Yeah. I'm just feeling overwhelmed with it all.
Work-Life Burnout
00:10:44
Speaker
I was going to say. And then so after I sent that voice note about the laundry and how overwhelmed I'm feeling, Whitney was like, hold my beer. Like I am feeling so burnt out and overwhelmed. And I was like, okay, we need to – we've never really done an episode on burnout and like just the intense feelings of that as moms because you are on –
00:11:07
Speaker
all the time, not to mention your plate is full with work, with housekeeping, with planning birthday parties and back to school is coming up. I need to make sure I have a backpack and a lunchbox. And like the list is just never ending. And you hit this point of being like, I don't want to do anything. And I'm paralyzed by it all.
00:11:30
Speaker
Which is exactly what I said. and I feel like it's it's, I don't know, maybe we don't talk about it because we do express how proud we are to be like full-time working moms. yeah And so it's like, I don't ever want to seem like ungrateful or that I don't deserve this workload or something. It's more like, I have so much to do at work and so many people like counting on me for things that i told Candice, was like, usually picking up my house and stuff like makes me Zen. And it's like, brings me joy actually. And I said, I, I've at this point, like these past two to three weeks where I am so paralyzed, like,
00:12:13
Speaker
I'm having a hard time wanting to start a project, but then more keep piling on. So then I'm even more overwhelmed. And then I don't even want to pick up my house.
00:12:24
Speaker
And then I'm also just sent out invitations for Margo's second birthday. So then I was telling her, I'm like, of course, I want to get her something special, like with her name on it. So then I was like, so then I have to think,
00:12:36
Speaker
oh my gosh, I have to buy her a present now. So that's here on time. i was like, I'm just feeling like I'm trying to do, trying to be fun Whitney. I'm trying to be boss bitch Whitney.
00:12:48
Speaker
I'm trying to keep my house beautiful. It's like the expectations are a lot right now. And I am having a big summer burnout. Big summer burnout.
00:12:59
Speaker
that's my favorite part of Frozen. Big summer burnout. Yeah. That's so funny. um i mean, not the burnout. That's not funny, but it's a lot. And then you had mentioned also in our voice notes, you had mentioned like your health.
00:13:15
Speaker
Oh, yes. and So that's another thing. I told her I've been taking like the easy way out and just like doing what's what's easy. I'm not like really concentrating on my body right now and I'm feeling it. I'm feeling bloated. I'm feeling kind of yucky. I'm like, I really don't want to turn in that direction again where yeah I'm feeling bad about myself. And I was like, I just feel myself doing that again.
00:13:42
Speaker
and I was like, I just, i'm there's so many things to do. Like, what do I concentrate on? Yeah. And as your best friend, like, I feel like sometimes like just today when we got on and I know that we just were in it right now, like talking about it, but I feel like you're just like a little heavier, like in the way that you're like showing up to life.
00:14:05
Speaker
And that sucks. And it makes me emotional, not like sorry not yeah because you're – whatever. But i when I think about myself being that way, it's like I don't want my kids to ever remember me being so overwhelmed and heavy feeling that like I can't be light and fun mom or I can't be – I can't just like transition from one thing to another without – an overwhelm meltdown. Cause that's like how I feel a lot of the time. Like, yeah.
00:14:40
Speaker
No, I feel on the verge of panicky. but Yeah. ah meantteb um I love minty B. Um, uh and i'm not gonna lie summer has been really fun like with the kids i feel like we have been in the best phase i'm not lying like i feel like we've been the best phase like the kids have been fun the the days have felt quick and easy and so nice like we are having dinners outside and there's days where they suck right like that like any any time but
00:15:15
Speaker
Yeah. Overall, this has been like my favorite phase with my kids so far right now in the summer. But it doesn't negate that I have a lot going on personally. hmm.
00:15:30
Speaker
Just with everyone, maybe, I mean, I'm totally putting the pressure on myself, but I have projects due. I'm having to speak at these events, which is not necessarily my favorite thing to do. I do not okay like being the center of attention, which probably doesn't make sense because I have a podcast, but I'm just talking to Candice, but it's like, I don't love, so it makes me nervous.
00:15:56
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, I, I can assume cause I have also been in this spot. It's like, you have this moment of being like, what's going to give like work can't give, like, how do I, I can't give less there.
00:16:11
Speaker
Like I, that there's so much pressure you mom life can't really give, like your kids are not going to stop needing you. Your house can't really, I mean, yes, it could stay messy, but like It also can't.
00:16:25
Speaker
yeah Like, is your marriage giving? Your health is giving? Like, what is going to give here? And it starts to feel like nothing can give, which leads to that, like, paralysis of... Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:39
Speaker
Yeah.
Corporate Life vs. Motherhood
00:16:40
Speaker
And really, it's just me needing to complete the projects. That's the only thing that's going to make me feel better is to get it over with. And then I'll be like on the other side.
00:16:52
Speaker
um It's just the build up. And I will say like chat GBT, like, thank God, like that helps. Shout out to chat GBT. It helps so much. And then just to like build the bones of a structure or something that I need. And I'm like, yeah, yeah that's what I was thinking. But I didn't have to do it. But then I also have to do the creative side um of some of this stuff, which I love.
00:17:16
Speaker
I typically love. That's where I shine. And I'm paralyzed. i i know. I'm just like, am I going to be a last minute Nancy on this stuff?
00:17:28
Speaker
I don't know. ah Yeah, I know. I think that's something with corporate, though. I was going to say, it definitely is. And there's also this phase of life we're in, right? Like, we don't have, like, little tiny babies.
00:17:44
Speaker
And, I mean, I don't know. It depends how you look at it. I feel like older moms would look at us and say, you still have tiny babies. Yeah. but like they're not like We're not like in the newborn phase anymore. like We have toddlers and you know they're running around, whatever.
00:18:00
Speaker
And I feel like we've hit this phase of like, okay, we are back into like focusing a little bit on our careers or focusing a little bit on ourselves. And it's like you want to feel good in that area because we spent – months or years really leaning into like, okay, this is a slower pace of work.
00:18:20
Speaker
Like, you know, and now we're back in this place of like, I want to succeed. Like I want to, sh I want to shine in work. I want to shine in my career, but still all the other, like we still do have tiny babies, you know?
00:18:35
Speaker
i know. And i feel like I play like a comparative game too, that, maybe I just don't have as much time as other people at work because they don't have kids and yeah i could totally that's like all in my head like I'm sure whatever they're doing like maybe they have so much on their plate and I just don't know it but it's like i have to turn into mom mode and like they never have to turn off like some work stuff which is also a caveat caveat like I want to turn off work. but right Right. Right. Right. I just I don't know. I'm like actually having to work all day. And then the time that I do have to focus on the project is when the kids come home and I'm like, yeah, like yeah. When am I going to get all this done?
00:19:22
Speaker
Yeah. I feel that way. i mean, different, obviously, because like I don't work in a corporate setting. But sometimes I feel like if my calendar is too filled with calls, I don't actually don't have any time to do any of the work. I just have calls. That's how my life feels. Like it's all and it's like planning. It's all meetings. It's all brainstorming. And i'm like, when am I actually going to...
00:19:44
Speaker
do Right. And then, right. And you're like looking around and you're like, are all these other people doing the work like at, in the evenings or at different times when like, you don't necessarily have that same, like, you know, availability.
00:20:01
Speaker
ah God. It's a lot. I'm sorry, Whit. That's a lot. I'm hoping like almost like that January episode of I can't mom today, like, maybe I'll look back on this in six months and be like, man, was struggling there for a bit. Look at me now. I'm promoted. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, don't.
00:20:21
Speaker
Yeah. You're like, please. not yet. Yeah. yeah Oh, it's just the mom burnout is so real and you can never turn it off. Like it's because there's always going to be something new that needs taken care of. Like always it's, it's, it's yeah.
00:20:41
Speaker
Like I, someone mentioned, maybe was a family member. I can't remember who it was. Someone mentioned, they were like already asking about Christmas time. And i was like, Hold your horses right there.
00:20:53
Speaker
Absolutely not. Like, don't get wrong. I love Christmas time, but like, can we just chill for a second?
00:21:03
Speaker
Like I'm burnt out just where I am in summertime. Okay. I don't need to be thinking about all the holidays and all of that. And i cannot, i you know how I know I'm like, yeah you know, the way I know I'm burnt out is that Margo was sick on Sunday.
00:21:20
Speaker
And so kept her home. Yes. Or Monday whatever. And, um, um, I know that I'm burnt out because my mom kept texting me saying, how's Margo?
00:21:31
Speaker
How is she? How's she doing? How is she? Can you please respond? How's Margo? And I was getting, i felt like I, like something was tightening in my chest. Like,
00:21:44
Speaker
Leave me alone. like Okay. That is such an interesting point because that is one of my personal tellers of burnout. And it is the feeling overwhelmed by a simple text or a question.
00:22:00
Speaker
like in just communication in general, my email inbox, like I feel paralyzed. I cannot open a single thing. Like I cannot. And same with texts, like yesterday at the end of the day, and granted I was in a book club chat. So like, that's what's going on there. But I had 48 unread text messages and I was like,
00:22:21
Speaker
I cannot. Yeah. We have a new acronym in our our group chat and it's so funny. And it's know that I read it and know that I care.
00:22:32
Speaker
Like, sorry, I'm not going to respond. I'm not going to respond. So K. Yeah. It's like K T I r yeah R K T I C. So it's like.
00:22:45
Speaker
just know that I read it and know that I care, but I do not have the capacity to like individually say, love that. Yeah. Your kid's so cute. Like, oh my God, so proud of you over here. Just know that I read it. It's so true. oh my God. Honestly, I'm going to bring that to my mom group. Brittany said it and I was like, that's sticking because there's just some days where it's like, I love you girls. I just, I don't have it in me.
00:23:11
Speaker
Yeah. And that's okay. Like, yeah you know, you have a, you know that you have a great mom group if they're like, we get it. Like, you're fine. Come back when you're ready. You know? Literally.
00:23:22
Speaker
I don't even know where was going with that. But yeah, so just my mom, like, and now meanwhile, like, I'm also like trying to work, Chris was home, but like was still having to like mess with, mess with, take care of Margo. She needed like consoling. She wanted me.
00:23:41
Speaker
So I was like having to hold her while trying to listen in on calls. So her like texting me, I felt like, oh my God, i'd like, i don't know how she's feeling. I'm trying to do this over here. I'm like, and I, I told my mom, I called her this morning. I was like, i just want you to know this is how I'm feeling. I'm a little burnt out. And I was like, I know you were texting like out of the goodness of your heart. And i was like, it just overwhelmed me. I'm feeling so burnt out right now. And I was like, i almost felt like for no reason other than my own, like you were putting pressure on me that I had to know how Margo was feeling every
00:24:17
Speaker
hour of the day and I didn't. And so then I was like, am I doing enough? So I don't know. I just, I told her, I was like, I appreciate you, but please yeah stop.
00:24:29
Speaker
Yeah.
Family Dynamics & Support
00:24:30
Speaker
My mom will sometimes send a passive aggressive text. And whenever I call her out on it being passive aggressive, she says I'm too sensitive, but I just need to bring this to the group and see what you guys say.
00:24:42
Speaker
um She will text me and be like, like if, for example, like if they, they, I bought this membership to this like little play place that's over by my mom's house and I bought it specifically because it's very hot outside. It's hard to like, you know, be outside in the summertime.
00:24:59
Speaker
And it's over by her house. It's not close to us. So I was like, I'll buy you this membership. That way you can take the girls to this little play place like whenever you want. Yeah. Whatever. So she'll send me pictures of them at this little play place.
00:25:10
Speaker
And then if I don't respond to the pictures because like I'm fucking busy and on calls and whatever, she'll be like, i guess you're too busy to see the pictures of your children. Sounds like my mom too.
00:25:22
Speaker
Yeah. Like, I'm sorry. do you need to say it like that? ah You could simply just say, like, did you see the pictures I sent? If I haven't responded in a couple hours.
00:25:34
Speaker
But to say, like, I guess you're too busy to. That is passive aggressive. And also, yes, I am too busy to look at the pictures. Honestly. Yeah.
00:25:45
Speaker
That's what happened. She, um, cause she spent the night like two nights in a row and like sent the the nicest text to me and Chris and was like, i really appreciate you like asking me to stay over an extra night.
00:25:58
Speaker
And I had so much fun, like watching your dance party. And she's like, I just really appreciate it. And like Chris and I hadn't responded because he was home taking care of Margo. I was on calls and then she calls me, you know, and to check on Margo. And she's like, well, did you get my texts? I'm like,
00:26:14
Speaker
Yes, I did. So nice. You know? Yeah. Oh my God. I was like, I want to scream. like i know. every I'm like trying to take care of everyone's feelings. and i know. can't even take care of my own.
00:26:31
Speaker
I know. Well, that was going to be my next question to you is where is Chris's head in all of this? Like, is he can he sense it? Is he supportive?
00:26:42
Speaker
Does he like, what does that look like? I don't know, actually. Like, i I mean, I've told him that I'm feeling overwhelmed with work, but it's like, I mean, what is he supposed to do about it? Like, I don't know.
00:26:59
Speaker
Yeah. What do you think? i Well, I just – Vinny and I struggle with this specifically, and it's something we talk about in couples therapy a lot because he has a tendency to default to like almost being competitive with me about who has more going on Like he'll sometimes be like if I ever express to him that like maybe I'm a little overwhelmed or – Like I will list some things that are ah currently overwhelming me.
00:27:34
Speaker
He will instantly be like, yeah, well my test is on Friday and I still haven't studied. And like, he'll like, it's almost like he's trying to compete with me about why he's more overwhelmed.
00:27:45
Speaker
And it's like, can't you just listen to me and be like, yeah, I see that. I see everything you're doing. I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. like Even if he were to be like, just say that and be like, my test is on Friday. But after Friday, i let's talk about what I can help you with. Because it if let's say there is a moment where I'm like feeling okay about everything and he were to come to me and be like, I'm really stressed and overwhelmed, which by the way, happens a lot. Okay? Yeah. And I will almost always be like, what can I do to help you? like
00:28:19
Speaker
what can Do you want me to take the girls for the afternoon and get out of the house? or like Yeah. Whatever. And sometimes I just don't feel like I get the same support or response. we'd have to tell them. Well, i do in therapy.
00:28:33
Speaker
oh well. We're the mediator. You're like, see, they agree with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't talk about work a ton, to be honest. I mean, like he kind of like has the same day. He lives way more of a stressful
Finding Focused Work Time
00:28:50
Speaker
life. Like he's literally dealing with life life and death than me. Yeah. So I don't and he doesn't completely understand like my world and I don't completely understand his. So yeah, really don't talk about work a lot. But I think if I express the need to.
00:29:08
Speaker
hey, I need like two hours after work to finish something, he totally would be like, that's cool. But like, would have to get the fuck out of the house. If with the kids here, there there ain't no way. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's how I am too.
00:29:22
Speaker
We either have to like, we have to remove the kids or we have to remove me because Evie is stuck to me like a fucking barnacle these days. I don't know what happened there. Honestly, i never thought about like Chris taking the kids somewhere because I don't feel like he would want to. He'd be like, I'll stay home and you go somewhere.
00:29:44
Speaker
Yeah. But the problem, or at least for me, sometimes I'm like, I need two hours and I need 45 minutes of those two hours to clean up to, in order for my mental health. Me too. Do we have ADHD? Like, what is that? Oh, I think about that all the time. I wish I would love to be tested.
00:30:01
Speaker
Like, I don't know if I do. i don't know. And then if I ever see content about it, there are times where like I'm like, that's me. And then there are times where I'm like, oh wait, I don't know that I resonate with that. So I actually have no idea. but I feel like I have something that blocks me from like, I do have to have a clean area before I can concentrate.
00:30:21
Speaker
Is it, it's like, yeah I've always, Chris has Yeah, you've always been that way. I've always procrastinated though. Like he's like, you've done that since college. And I don't like living life on the edge.
00:30:31
Speaker
I literally have a ball of anxiety in my stomach until I finish something. but Yeah. Yeah. And, but no, I would, would ask Chris if like, could you take them like plan something, go to the park, like a go-to for us, even if I just need an hour is like, this is so silly and stupid, but Alice loves it. And I honestly, Graydon probably would too.
00:30:54
Speaker
They go and get ice cream and then they take it to the airport and they go to the top of the parking garage at the airport and they watch planes take off. And guess what?
00:31:05
Speaker
Alice loves it. Oh, my God. They probably would. It's just far traffic. Oh, yeah. See, the airport's like kind of. Chris would kill me. Okay, okay.
00:31:16
Speaker
Well, he's going to pick something. We're only like 15 minutes from the airport. And if depending on the time of day you go, it's like very chill to get in and out of there. It's not far. We're 20 minutes, but.
00:31:29
Speaker
My God, Nashville traffic. Like we just don't go into town very often anymore. I go in once a week for work, but like we're fighting for our life to get down there and get home. Like I have to leave work early most on most Thursdays because if you wait till four o'clock, you're sitting in 45 to an hour on the way home.
00:31:51
Speaker
It sucks. And we live 18 minutes from downtown. We're not far. Damn, that's crazy. It's not that far. No, we are so close to downtown. Like I just, it could take forever. you never know what you're going to get here.
00:32:08
Speaker
Yeah.
Stay-at-Home Mom Burnout
00:32:10
Speaker
um I also just wanted to like make a quick disclaimer because obviously we are talking a lot about like work on this and like being working moms. But I just want to say that like stay-at-home moms, we know that the burnout there is like so intense too. It's like you're being touched all day long.
00:32:27
Speaker
You've got a bajillion things. You're managing it on your plate. So I just wanted to like say that of – Like we see you burnout. Well, I think it's all so hard. I mean, I felt that way when I was just at home or too. I'm like, am I not just good at either?
00:32:45
Speaker
I think both are hard. No, for sure. It's like, what if I'm not cut out for either? Like, what if I'm not meant to be a working mom and I'm also not meant to be a stay at home mom? What does that make me just not meant to be a mom?
00:32:59
Speaker
I was like, and I've done the part time thing with being a mom. And I thought that was probably the hardest that. Yeah. yeah That was way harder than full time work.
00:33:11
Speaker
personally interesting yeah because i feel like we need to having to stop at a certain time of the day because i wasn't getting paid and then i went to mom mode but then it's like the work pile is still happening yeah like everyone else is working working full-time so that's still happening yeah that to me was harder than full-time yeah and damn Okay.
00:33:37
Speaker
Well, I looked up some signs of burnout. I mean, I feel like we know them. Just tell me like, I mean, I feel like i already know what I need to do. And like, for me, it's typically just like concentrating on one task at a time. Like even taking it one day at a time. Like I have three projects lined up, work on one a day, build it out.
00:34:02
Speaker
Why am I not doing it? I'm paralyzed. Tell me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel that way too. For me, it's like blocking my calendar and I have to stick to it. Like I actually did it today. Like I, there's something I need to do for work and I, for some reason, cannot bring myself to fricking do it.
00:34:22
Speaker
But I'm like getting to the point where I'm like, I need to do this or I'm, it's going to be bad news bears. And I blocked three to five today to be like, this is my moment. Like,
00:34:34
Speaker
Like to get it done and it just has to happen. But also for me, a brain dump, like it's like I need to see a physical inventory of everything I'm that's in my brain. And it can be as little as like I need to order more.
00:34:55
Speaker
like what's up coffee this morning. I used my last coffee pot and I'm like, oh shit, I got to order coffee. And I just need to sit down and like brain dump everything. And then I typically will try to like category off things and highlight just three things to focus on today.
00:35:13
Speaker
That's like one of my go-to's. And then also, yeah, to also look at that list and be like, what can be delegated, aka laundry? And what can i hand to my husband? Like, what can i hand to my mom if she has the girls? Like so something like that.
00:35:33
Speaker
No, I agree. And I think that's one of my issues at work is I don't I am. I mean, I'm a manager, but I don't have anyone under me. Well, everyone on my team has like three members on their team. I'm like, oh, I have no one to pass things off to.
00:35:54
Speaker
Okay. Well, one of the things on this list of things to do if you're burnt out and it says to get radically honest, burnout often builds from silently pushing through. So talk to your partner, talk to a friend, talk to a boss, even if it feels vulnerable. So maybe you need to talk to your boss and be like, I, I deserve an admin too.
00:36:14
Speaker
Like if everyone else has one, it's my time. Yeah, I mean, and I've talked to her about that, and it's basically just building out the case.
00:36:27
Speaker
So. What is your list? I need someone to ah build out my case for me. Okay, if you would like to ah build out a case for Whitney having an admin, let us know. Lord have mercy.
00:36:43
Speaker
Oh, man. Okay. I'm going to do the signs of burnout first. Okay. It says you're emotionally drained by 9 a.m. Even before the workday or your day officially starts, you're already feeling done.
00:36:58
Speaker
Check. Snapping at your kids and partner over tiny things. Your patience feels like it's permanently on empty. Check.
00:37:12
Speaker
Do you feel that way or no? ah Yeah, I've ebb and flow on that for sure. i mean i mean, we kind of just talked about it with our moms. like Yeah, i sense is I snapped at someone I love and I didn't really snap at her. It was more like I was internalizing how I was feeling about it.
00:37:30
Speaker
Yeah. She didn't know she was making me feel that way and she was trying to just be nice. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The next one is you dread everything, work, dinner, laundry, even the things you used to love.
00:37:46
Speaker
I feel like maybe I'm on like the brink of burnout because I'm not, I'm not yelling at everyone. I'm not dreading work. I love work. It's more like I'm having like ah hit the go button issue.
00:38:01
Speaker
okay. Okay. okay Because like I'm reading this list and I feel like I check every box. I mean, there's times where I have like popped off.
00:38:13
Speaker
For sure. Like any mom does. I don't think anyone should feel guilty for having those days where you... hit a breaking point like when grade and it's it's superhero week at school and for some reason he wants to wear his how to train a dragon outfit to school which is not a superhero and okay wednesday is costume day and i'm like pushing you have a spider-man outfit wear that he's like i want dragon
00:38:43
Speaker
Today, he wanted to wear dragon and I have to like be the bad guy and be like, it's not costume day. So I'm the worst parent in the world. and He starts crying. I don't like regular clothes. So we were fighting at 6 a.m.
00:38:56
Speaker
I was just like, Graydon, please just don't push it. Like, I'm not. was like, please, I can't do this this morning. Like, be no, no, no, no. no and Just put yeah on regular clothes. Please don't put up a fight. If I have to ask you again, i will scream.
00:39:15
Speaker
I thought in my head three times a day, don't do it, Whitney. Don't do it. I know. It's like, I have a lot of that of being like, take a deep breath, Candace. This is not that serious. Like talk yourself off the ledge.
00:39:27
Speaker
I mean, we were halfway down the stairs to my car. he's like, oh, I forgot my balloon. Like he blew up a balloon. So he runs back upstairs. Then Margo follows him. And I almost was like,
00:39:38
Speaker
like i finally had them out the door and he turns around and then margo's like such a little copycat she followed him and i was just like don't scream do not scream he just wants his balloon he's a happy balloon happy he's a happy balloon and margo's just a copycat just let it go yeah it's not that big of a deal my god i was just a psycho Yeah.
00:40:03
Speaker
I mean, that is also relatable. Like I have been there. Exactly. i i have a lot of moments where I have to literally say to myself, like, it's fine. It's not that serious. Like if she wants to go back in, like I should show you this picture of Alice today in the car because she has to bring her baby in a car seat everywhere.
00:40:25
Speaker
Like her baby doll has its own car seat. I try and always think of the the quote of, is it an inconvenience so or is it life threatening? Like, okay, him grabbing the balloon, it's just an inconvenience. Like, I'm not, I don't have to be anywhere this morning. Like, it's fine. Don't freak out. I also started my period, hence my spiral.
00:40:52
Speaker
okay, wait, this is all making sense. i'm I'm spiraling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, this all makes sense. Because you specifically are like very panic, anxiety, like hormonally driven. giggy Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:10
Speaker
Wow. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Is there anything you could like plan around your cycle? Be like, sorry, I'm not doing meetings today because I'm getting my period.
00:41:22
Speaker
Literally. Honestly. I mean, I know we just did the postpartum episode, but it's to the point where I'm like, I'm ah unwell around my period. Do you need to, do you think maybe you need to be put on some sort of birth control to like help control the hormones?
00:41:37
Speaker
That's like such a touchy subject because I know you are hormone induced. Oh, that's right. Because of your blood clot. Yeah. Yeah. do Okay. I can't do the typical yeah swing. Maybe I should take my dog.
00:41:53
Speaker
Does that help? that I don't think so. I think that's just for physical symptoms, unfortunately. Fine. Well, speaking of physical symptoms, one of the things on this list is like headaches, tight chest, gut issues, like tummy aches, exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix. Like those are some physical symptoms.
00:42:09
Speaker
I had a migraine. Check.
00:42:14
Speaker
Okay. The next one is you feel like you're failing everywhere. Mom guilt, work guilt, friend guilt. It's all loud. yes check all that the next one is me to a t and it is you fantasize about running away to a hotel alone like just for a night or three and that is me to a t i want that's me during the newborn stage yeah ah you're going through the motions checking boxes but feeling numb or resentful Me.
00:42:43
Speaker
That's true. Yeah. You've stopped doing anything just for you. Exercise, hobbies, rest. What are those? See, I love walking and even walking makes me feel guilty because I know I should be doing something else.
00:42:59
Speaker
But it's clear there. Sweetheart, you are burnt out. Check, check, check, check, check. Cool. Yeah. Okay. So here's what it says of things to do.
00:43:10
Speaker
Take inventory, which is kind write everything down. You're, you're responsible for it. brain down The brain dump, you know, what can be delegated, what can wait and what actually isn't your responsibility.
00:43:21
Speaker
okay Um, And then i already said, get radically honest, like have those conversations so you're not just pushing through. and then it says to create a bare minimum list.
00:43:34
Speaker
When you're in survival mode, lower the bar. What are three things that matter most today? And the rest go without guilt. That's literally what you said. Yeah.
00:43:45
Speaker
Okay. And then the next is protect your margins. Schedule buffer time between work and home, even if it's just 10 minutes in your car or a walk around the block. Transitioning roles takes energy.
Transition Time Importance
00:43:57
Speaker
And this is something that I seriously learned. Like,
00:44:00
Speaker
recently to if I scheduled myself 20 minutes of some sort of transition, even if it's like a taking a walk for 10 minutes or even just sitting down and like on the couch in silence, like chugging water before the girls get home. Like I know that sounds so stupid and little, but like that little transition time really does make a difference.
00:44:20
Speaker
No, that makes sense. And, and I think if you're stay at home mom and if you can ask your husband for, or your partner or whoever, ah for 10 minutes of transition time to where you get to like transition out of your quote work day as a stay at home mom.
00:44:39
Speaker
And also like they get home, like they should want to spend time with their kids too, you know? So, yeah, I mean, i definitely feel like the car ride to pick up the kids is my like transition. Yeah.
00:44:56
Speaker
And honestly, like recently it's been silence. Like I don't listen to music. I just like take the time to like zone out. Yeah. But really music is my mood booster.
00:45:08
Speaker
Like I, I feel that way recently too. Like I've been, Music that's not the Trolls soundtrack, although it still brings me joy, but, like, the Trolls soundtrack is infiltrated the deepest parts of my brain. Yeah. um yeah Well, I mean, I appreciate you, like, letting me, like,
00:45:29
Speaker
vent. I feel like, oh my God, of course. That's what this is Sometimes like when I talk about work, I'm like, no one cares about this kind of stuff, but it's just how feel. I care.
00:45:41
Speaker
I love you. I'm your friend and I love you. I've always cared about how you feel. And I know that so many people listening to this also feel this way. i think also the summer is like, it's a double-edged sword because it's like,
00:45:57
Speaker
I think there is a lot of like ripeness for overwhelm. Like there, the kids are maybe home a little bit more or there's like more activities going on or maybe you have, maybe you have to be inside a little bit more because it's so hot out in my case. Um,
00:46:19
Speaker
But then at the same time, it's like maybe there's a little more chill because you don't have like school going on and like school events and like whatever. But it's just. Maybe I felt like my expectation was like it's I don't know. I mean, it's planning for.
00:46:34
Speaker
next year that's what's going on and I thought like you think of summer as like when you're younger when there's like it's chill and my summer has been so wildly busy that I'm like whoa I was not expecting it to be like this where I am playing hard and I'm working hard and it's yeah I mean it's July and I'm like whoa I've been doing a lot a lot them yeah but Well, I think you're doing a fantastic job and you also have gotten feedback from work that you're doing a fantastic job. So you're killing it.
00:47:10
Speaker
and And not. Well, that's that's just someone being a hater. Yeah. And if the haters aren't hating, you're not doing a good job.
00:47:23
Speaker
They be thinking about me. Exactly. You live run free in their brain. Okay. Literally. um Well, I love you. And I hope this conversation made you feel a little bit better.
00:47:35
Speaker
Go do a brain dump. I'm going to do a brain dump. I'm excited to do it. And schedule a laundry pickup. Period. like I'm like, can the cleaners come every day?
00:47:47
Speaker
No, literally. It's like, okay, hold on. One last thing before we end is like, I always see people talking about like mothers, helpers in like young girls. I'm like, what if I just hire a 15 year old to come over here?
00:48:01
Speaker
But then I'm like, would they even know where everything goes? Like how- That's the problem. That's like one of those things that's like hard to delegate, you know, the babysitter situation sometimes is a little more stressful unless you have someone that you use constantly. Like you have to get on that cadence or you're teaching them every time, which is slightly annoying.
00:48:22
Speaker
Yeah, totally. Anyway, love you. Well, I love you so much and I can't wait to hear about your brain dump. Oh, I can't wait. Go take a dump girl.
00:48:33
Speaker
I love taking a dump. All right. Love you. by Bye. Bye. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. new episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there.
00:48:49
Speaker
All right.
Closing & Social Media Reminders
00:48:50
Speaker
Gotta to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.