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Advocating for Your Needs at Work and at Home (Taking Care of Yourself #4)
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In the fourth episode of the Taking Care of Yourself series, Leanna continues with a focus on how executive moms can confidently advocate for their own needs, both at work and at home. High-achieving leaders often excel at championing others, yet find it difficult to speak up for themselves. Leanna explores the mindset shifts and strategies that make it possible to identify, communicate, and honor personal needs without guilt. She highlights why meeting those needs is not selfish but essential for effective leadership, sustainable success, and thriving both professionally and personally. If asking for more support, flexibility, or space feels uncomfortable, this episode offers practical tools to start building that confidence.
Catch up on the Taking Care of Yourself series:
#1 The Mindset Shifts Every Executive Mom Needs to Balance Ambition and Well-Being
#2 Empowering Executive Moms to Recognize Your Own Needs Without Guilt
Full transcript available here.
Connect with Leanna here.
Strong leadership starts with strong foundations. The Executive Mom Reset Foundations begins October 21. Join us to gain the tools, strategies, and support you need to thrive at work and at home without burning out.
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Transcript
Introduction to Executive Coach for Moms
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to the Executive Coach for Moms podcast, where we support women who are attempting to find balance and joy while simultaneously leading people at work and at home.
00:00:15
Speaker
I'm your host, Leanna Lasky-McGrath, former tech exec turned full-time mom, recovering perfectionist and workaholic, and certified executive coach.
00:00:27
Speaker
Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the show. Thank you so much for joining me today for this fourth installment of the Taking Care of Yourself series.
Why Recognize and Meet Personal Needs?
00:00:36
Speaker
If you've been following along, we've been on ah journey together.
00:00:40
Speaker
We started off talking about the simple but radical truth that you are worthy of having needs and of having those needs met. We looked at what gets in the way of recognizing our own needs and believing that we're allowed to have them and why so many of us and don't get our needs met, the beliefs, the conditioning, and the habits that hold us back.
00:01:02
Speaker
And I shared practical strategies for recognizing our own
Laura's Journey from Burnout to Self-Prioritization
00:01:06
Speaker
needs. And then last week, We heard from Laura, who so beautifully shared her story about how she shifted from always prioritizing everyone else's needs over her own and that leading her to burnout multiple times to actually moving more inward, getting to know herself, recognizing her own needs and starting to believe she was worthy of prioritizing them. And she talked about what her life looks like now.
00:01:35
Speaker
So I hope you enjoyed hearing that story. And today we are going to take it to the next level.
Signaling Self-Worth through Consistent Self-Care
00:01:42
Speaker
Because once you know what your needs are, and you've identified the mindsets that might be holding you back,
00:01:49
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What comes next? Well, naturally, it is figuring out how to actually meet our own needs and really learning to advocate for our needs at work and at home.
00:02:03
Speaker
And I think when it comes to needs that we can meet, ourselves that don't involve other people, such as I feel thirsty right now, so I'm going to get myself a glass of water.
00:02:17
Speaker
I need a break, so I'm going to go take a little walk outside and get some fresh air. Those kinds of needs that don't necessarily impact other people or that we don't need somebody else to do for us that we can just take care of on our own.
00:02:34
Speaker
I think doing those little things on a more regular basis, more consistently practicing it, is a really important step toward advocating for our needs. Because we have to become the kind of person who believes that our needs are important and who meets our needs.
00:02:55
Speaker
We have to signal that to ourselves by doing it. by meeting those needs on a regular basis. And when we do that and we signal to ourselves, we also signal to others that number one, that we're that kind of person, number two, that it's okay to meet
Leaders Modeling Self-Care for Teams
00:03:13
Speaker
our own needs. If you are a leader, as many of you are,
00:03:17
Speaker
That's an important precedent to set. I know everyone leads a little bit differently, but as a leader, I have always believed that while I want to always take care of my people, I also want to trust that they've got their own backs too and that they know what they need and that they know how to take care of themselves.
00:03:33
Speaker
But it really starts with me modeling that behavior for my teens and for my kids. We need to get in the practice of doing that. But what about when it comes to someone else being involved in meeting our needs, such as we need more money, more recognition at work?
The Vulnerability of Advocating for Needs
00:03:55
Speaker
or a promotion or a raise, or we need our partner to do something differently. We need our kids to do something, right? Whenever there are things that involve other people.
00:04:10
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So that's really what I wanna focus on today. So before we jump into the how, I just wanna acknowledge why this feels so uncomfortable. We've talked about why it feels so uncomfortable just to have needs in the first place.
00:04:24
Speaker
But I want to talk about why it feels uncomfortable for us to voice them, to put them out there to other people, because it's kind of a vulnerable place in many ways whenever we are asking someone else to help us meet our needs.
00:04:39
Speaker
Many of us carry the fear that advocating for our needs is selfish, that it's inconvenient, or that it makes us too much. And i think in some ways that may even feel true, right? Because like at work, you might really be asking your employer for more.
00:04:57
Speaker
At home, you might really be asking people your partner for more. But I think the thing we talked about in the first two episodes is so important that I i think applies here as well.
Meeting Needs Benefits Everyone, Not Just Self
00:05:10
Speaker
When your needs are met, it is better for everyone. And I think that is such an important thing for us to remember that when we have needs and we want to Advocate for them.
00:05:23
Speaker
That is not a selfish act. That is actually an act of service. When we have our needs met, that is helpful for everybody. Your team, your family, your company, your household, your community, all of them benefit when you are resourced and whole.
00:05:40
Speaker
So let's talk first about advocating at work because I think there's a slight nuance or difference between advocating at work and advocating at home.
Challenges of Self-Advocacy at Work
00:05:50
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This might sound familiar to you.
00:05:52
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You are amazing in advocating for your team. You go to bat for them for promotions and raises, for reducing workload or lighter quotas.
00:06:03
Speaker
You might not win every battle, but you always step into the conversation for them. You always go to bat. And I think that many of us can relate to that. We are really, really good at advocating for other people.
00:06:20
Speaker
But when it comes to ourselves, suddenly that feels a lot harder. Negotiating your own raise, asking for an assistant, requesting flexibility, all of that harder.
00:06:34
Speaker
different for some reason. Even though we can do it for our teams, we have a hard time doing it for ourselves. So why is that? Well, I think there are a few reasons.
Barriers to Advocating for Personal Needs
00:06:44
Speaker
One is, of course, socialization and workplace culture. As we've talked about before, workplaces were designed around men whose needs looked very different from women's needs and especially mom's needs.
00:06:55
Speaker
Often men with a wife or full-time caregiver at home. And so that kind of standard or baseline of what employers are set up for to meet the needs of their employees doesn't account for what mothers or parents or women might need today in 2025.
00:07:18
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And so anything beyond that feels like extra. The second... reason I think is because of validation. Because when your team asks for something, you believe them.
00:07:34
Speaker
You have social proof. There's another human that is saying like, this is real, this is a need. And you validate their need and stand behind it.
00:07:44
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But when it's your own need, you tend to second guess. And, you know, we often want someone else to validate it before we can believe that it's valid or true or worthy whenever we're just thinking about it on our own.
00:08:00
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And then the third I think is just fear. The fear of seeming needy or vulnerable. The fear of being told no and potential repercussions. The fear of being seen as a difficult woman.
00:08:13
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The fear of rocking the boat. So all of those are real things that And also we get to decide if we want them to be reasons why we don't advocate.
00:08:25
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And I think that a lot of times whenever we don't spend time sitting down and really examining what do I want here, then we will let our brain talk us out of advocating.
00:08:38
Speaker
And we can always minimalize our needs. That's why our brain is does that our brain will tell us like yeah we don't really need that right because all of these other factors all of those fears are so big that it feels like yeah it's just easier to minimize my needs and to just keep on rolling without you know rocking the boat So I think now we're going to get a little bit more meta here because I think there are really two layers of needs
How to Define and Advocate for Your Needs
00:09:09
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here.
00:09:09
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The first is what is my need in the first place? Like what is the pure need that I am thinking about advocating for? Whether it's time off or more resources, whatever it might be.
00:09:24
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getting clear about what is that need. And then we need to go another layer deep and ask ourselves, what do I need in order to be able to advocate for that?
00:09:35
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And from the last few episodes, you've learned all about that first part of how to identify your needs. So I'm going to assume here that you've identified what your need is. If you haven't, then go back and listen to those and work on identifying the need.
00:09:49
Speaker
And then let's talk about the second part of what do I need in order to advocate. Here's what I recommend for a process of examining that and figuring out what it is.
Beliefs About Workplace Advocacy
00:10:00
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First, I think it's important to examine your beliefs, write them down. What do you believe is reasonable to ask for at work? So if you are thinking about advocating for a more flexible schedule so that you can get your kids off the bus and spend some time with them before they go to their after school activities and then working while they're at their activities.
00:10:25
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then you need to really sit down and ask yourself and write down, what do I believe is reasonable to ask for? And what do I believe is off limits? Just naming these beliefs really will help to show you what is present here.
00:10:42
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Because whether you choose to advocate or not, It's really important to get clear on all the factors at play. It might be something that your dad said when you were seven that you don't even realize is there.
00:10:59
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I remember my dad always said, you don't cry at work. Anytime I would feel that sting come in for tears, I would think of that and be like, no, I can't. It wasn't super conscious. I mean, I knew I was thinking it, but i didn't question it.
00:11:15
Speaker
I didn't spend time saying, what do I believe about that? And so until we lay it all out on the table, and take some time looking at those deep-seated beliefs that have been planted usually by other people, by our culture, by our society.
00:11:31
Speaker
We don't know what's at play here. We don't know what's at play when we walk into the room to advocate for ourselves. And so it's really, really important to get clear on that first.
00:11:42
Speaker
That's one thing I recommend doing. naming those beliefs so you understand what's shaping your behavior. And then also looking at what are you conflating or what are you putting onto others? What do you believe that then you are assuming everyone else believes?
Framing Advocacy as Organizational Benefit
00:11:58
Speaker
And is that true? Is it true that they believe it too? What have they actually said that they believe? Another thing is to seek validation where it's helpful. If we notice that we are great at advocating for something whenever we hear that somebody else needs it, that might tell us that validation before going into the conversation might be helpful. So talking with a trusted friend, a mentor, a coach, an advisor,
00:12:27
Speaker
I think sometimes just saying your need out loud and hearing someone respond with, yes, that is a completely valid need, is so important for whenever you walk into a conversation with your employer.
00:12:41
Speaker
And then the third thing is to write down why having your needs met will benefit the organization. Just like you do when you advocate for your team.
00:12:52
Speaker
Obviously, we always want to provide a business case. Spell out why this matters, not just for you, but for your effectiveness, for your impact, for your ability to contribute.
00:13:04
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You can present a business case for why having a more engaged employee is important and how that impacts the business. That framing makes it easier to believe in yourself and to communicate the value.
00:13:22
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And also it takes some of the emotional attachment out of it because it's more about, hey this this is a real business case. This is not just me asking for extra things.
00:13:35
Speaker
And yes, The 25-year-old single guy might not be asking for this, but he needs different things to be effective here.
00:13:47
Speaker
I need different things to be effective here. And so we want to make sure that all of our employees are effective. And then i think you have the opportunity... Whenever you go and have this conversation or however you decide you want to approach advocating for your needs, there's an opportunity to learn something about the organization and gather data. If you ask for something and are told no, that's data, that's information.
00:14:15
Speaker
If the culture labels you as too needy for a reasonable request, that's also information. I think that sometimes it might reveal that maybe this company isn't the right fit for you in this season and you can decide what to do about that.
00:14:33
Speaker
For example, if your request to have a more flexible work schedule is denied, then you have the opportunity to step back and say, okay, Do I want to continue working this schedule?
00:14:46
Speaker
Is this working for me? Can I make this work? Maybe there are other things that I want to change that would make me feel better about this situation. Or maybe there's another company that might be a better fit for me or another position at this company that might be a better fit so that I can make sure that all of my needs are being met.
00:15:07
Speaker
But again, i think when we are told no, that does not mean that the organization doesn't value us. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with us.
00:15:18
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It simply gives us some information that we can decide what we want to do with. Okay, so that is advocating at work.
Traditional Expectations at Home
00:15:27
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want to talk about advocating at home.
00:15:30
Speaker
The dynamics are a little bit different. I think culturally, women are in many cases still expected to do it all, to work like we don't have kids and to parent like we don't work.
00:15:41
Speaker
Even in households where chores and responsibilities are split, old expectations often linger. I know for myself, If my mother-in-law comes to visit and the house is a mess, my first instinct is to feel like it's a poor reflection on me, not on my husband, even though we're both responsible for the household. and But I think those deep-seated beliefs that I know she has and that I've been raised with, that it is my responsibility to keep a clean house,
00:16:16
Speaker
come up. And those are still strong. So I think the first step at home is the same as at work, examining your expectations. What did you absorb growing up about what moms, wives, or women should do?
00:16:30
Speaker
What expectations do you hold of yourself now? Even if you don't agree with them, even if whenever you spell it out, you're like, I know that As an executive woman, I do not need to make sure that my house is constantly clean and the laundry is always done and that the floors are always spotless. But somewhere in me still believes that.
00:16:57
Speaker
Do the same with your partner if you have one. Have conversations about expectations. What are their expectations of you? What are your expectations of them?
00:17:08
Speaker
And what do each of you expect of yourselves? I think, especially if you have a male partner, there are often gender dynamics at play of what he believes is his work versus your work.
00:17:21
Speaker
And they may not even be conscious beliefs that he's thought about or examined in a very long time. These assumptions run deep and until they're surfaced and talked about,
00:17:33
Speaker
they shape how the household functions. Even if you have things divided equally, if there's still some unspoken expectation, speak it, bring it out, have a conversation about it.
00:17:49
Speaker
And just like at work, clarity helps. So writing down your need, why is this important? Why does it benefit the family if it's met?
Communicating Needs at Home
00:17:59
Speaker
And then communicating it directly. So I think it's really important that whenever we have a need, that we share it with our partner, not just as a complaint or as a passive aggressive comment, like we might tend to do. I don't know why, because we can be such amazing communicators at work and then sometimes at home That all goes out the window.
00:18:19
Speaker
But have a grown-up conversation and be clear and direct about what needs do you have that are not being met without placing blame and then strategize together how to meet that need.
00:18:34
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So maybe when you get home from work, you just feel like you're on all night and you don't have a break. and maybe your partner feels similarly.
00:18:44
Speaker
And so if you sit down and talk about it and clearly communicate like, hey, I have a need here that's not being met. I need some downtime or I need some more time with you where we can just connect.
00:18:58
Speaker
Or I need some one-on-one time with each kid because it's just too overwhelming with all of them at one time. Whatever it might be, Get clear about it and talk about it together. Understand when you can be clear about your needs and then your partner can also be thinking about and communicating their needs.
00:19:18
Speaker
You can work together to figure out how to meet those needs. So I think whether we are advocating for our needs at work or at home, the most important piece is that we believe ourselves, that we believe that we are worthy of having our needs.
00:19:34
Speaker
And I think it's a very common thing where we don't fully trust our own needs in the first place. If you think about it from childhood on, we're taught to doubt ourselves.
00:19:47
Speaker
You see a child fall and is crying and the adult says, you're fine. right? We've probably maybe done that ourselves or seen it done. When we tell a child that, we're basically saying your experience is wrong, even though you feel hurt, you're fine.
00:20:03
Speaker
If a preschooler feels scared and the parent keeps insisting, you're brave, you can do this, it's not with any malintent, but the kiddo is kind of like, wait a minute, am I brave? Can I do this? That doesn't match my experience. I feel really, really scared right now.
00:20:22
Speaker
I think over time, we start to internalize that other people know better than we do how we feel. what we need, and whether or not our needs are valid.
00:20:33
Speaker
So of course as adults we question ourselves. Of course it feels easier to believe someone else's needs than our own. And I think with societal messages telling women what we should need in terms of diets or beauty products or quick fixes, it's No wonder that we feel kind of disconnected from our inner compass. So I just want to validate that and call that out because i think it's really important to recognize that whenever we don't believe that we have a need, when we don't believe ourselves, that makes it so much harder to advocate.
00:21:13
Speaker
Whenever we advocate for our teams, we are only going to advocate if we believe that their need is valid reason for asking for it. And so that is the most important part, really believing ourselves whenever we have a need.
00:21:28
Speaker
And the work then is to come back to ourselves, to listen and to check in and to honor what we actually need. And we'll be talking about that more next week in my conversation with Melissa.
00:21:41
Speaker
So here are the core ideas I want to leave you with.
The Necessity and Benefit of Self-Advocacy
00:21:46
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Meeting your needs is the foundation. Advocating for them is the practice and believing you're worthy of having those needs met is the mindset that makes it possible.
00:21:57
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Believing yourself when you have a need and when you have that conviction, when you truly believe that your need is valid and that it will help others around you, Advocating feels a lot easier.
00:22:09
Speaker
Whether it's at work or at home, you have the skills. You've advocated for others before. Now it's about extending that same belief and commitment to yourself. And if this feels hard, that's okay. Just start small.
00:22:23
Speaker
Build the habit. And remember, it's a choice. Is it more uncomfortable to advocate or to keep living with unmet needs? You get to decide. It might feel really uncomfortable to advocate. You might feel that there's risk there.
00:22:38
Speaker
But also recognize that there's risk to not meeting your needs. There's risk to not honoring yourself.
Introduction to Executive Moms Reset Program
00:22:45
Speaker
This is exactly what we will be practicing in the Executive Moms Reset.
00:22:49
Speaker
learning to meet your own needs and building the confidence to advocate for them. As a reminder, the foundation's course is open for enrollment now through October 21st. Head on over to coachleanna.com to get signed up. I would love to see you there. We're going to take this work a step further and go a lot deeper and really work with what's holding us back from meeting our needs so that we can start really making sure that we are meeting our needs and living the lives that we want to live.
00:23:20
Speaker
Thank you so much for tuning in everybody. And i will see you back next week for another amazing conversation all about taking care of yourself. Have a great week, everyone. Bye-bye. If you're loving what you're learning on this podcast, I want to invite you to come join me for the Executive Mom Reset.
00:23:38
Speaker
We offer both one-on-one and group coaching formats and our next group is starting in October, 2025. I created the Executive Mom Reset to help high-achieving moms feel less anxious,
00:23:49
Speaker
more confident and more in control of their lives. Instead of feeling like you're being pulled in a hundred different directions, you'll learn how to pause, reset and approach challenges with clarity and confidence.
00:24:02
Speaker
You'll stop running on autopilot, stop second guessing yourself all the time and stop letting stress, guilt and overwhelm dictate your day. You'll walk away with the tools and the confidence that you can use every day to feel stronger, more empowered and more in alignment with the life you want to be living.
00:24:20
Speaker
head on over to coachleana.com to learn more and to get signed up. I really hope to see you there.