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Episode 740 - I to X of Swords: Flamberge
1.1k Plays19 days ago
We rated some more swords on this week's episode! One we weren't familiar with from the source material, but the vibes were immaculate. The rest? Well, good and bad.
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Transcript
Introduction and Zencastr Discussion
00:00:00
Speaker
This show is recorded using Zencaster. If you are a podcaster or you want to be a podcaster and you want to be able to record remotely, you can do so using Zencaster.
00:00:12
Speaker
They also have hosting options and you can let them know that we sent you. Follow the link in our show notes or in the episode description and sign up for an account on Zencaster now to start recording your own podcast.
Hosts' Background and Friendship
00:00:28
Speaker
I just, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?
00:00:38
Speaker
got one rocket Ajax to bring back his body. Terminator X's
00:00:53
Speaker
Hello, everybody, and welcome to War Rocket Ajax. This is the Internet's most explosive comic book and pop culture podcast, and we are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims, and with me, as always, is Matt Wilson.
00:01:06
Speaker
And Matt, we've known each other for a long time. We sure have. We've been doing this show for a long time. what We've known each other for going on 20 years. Yes. We've been doing this show together for 15. Yeah, yeah.
00:01:21
Speaker
It's a very long time. So I would like to think that I know you pretty well. ah Likewise. So if I were to choose a a mascot for Matt Wilson as though you were a sports team, oh i think I think it would have to be Rocky the Ketchup Bottle.
Office Art and Mascot Humor
00:01:44
Speaker
That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Solid. A solid choice. I actually have... A piece of art that my wife got me years ago in my office that is just a drawing of a bottle of ketchup, and it says ketchup on everything. I know you love it.
00:02:02
Speaker
I know you love it. do love it. And here's the thing. It couldn't be like a sun drop bottle, because that's you know that's that's IP. It's got to be something kind of generic. yeah So i will I think Rocky the ketchup bottle.
00:02:15
Speaker
What's funny is, Chris... but I had two immediate thoughts for your mascots, and they are both copyrighted characters. Yeah, that's going to happen with me. i do. I love corporate art.
00:02:29
Speaker
They're just going to have to deal with it. So here's here's what it is. There's Chris, let's say, five years ago. Okay. Chris, let's say five years ago, that team would be the Chris Sim Sailor Moons.
00:02:43
Speaker
That's a good one. but Now, I think I think we could get around the copyright on that by making them not like magical girls, but like some kind of like like a sailboat at night.
00:02:57
Speaker
But we all know. That's a pretty depressing mascot, I gotta say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going be giving it my all on the field if that's... It's like it's just a sailboat.
00:03:11
Speaker
It's definitely the Sailor Moon Moon. And maybe the boat can be kind of in the shape of the hand gesture, like the you have the tattoo of? Matt, the Sailor Moon Moon is the moon.
00:03:24
Speaker
Like, that super moon to which it refers is is Earth's moon. It's a particular crescent moon. You know what I'm talking about. all right, all right, sure, sure. the Chris Sims now, that team is going to be the k Chris Sims Gokus.
00:03:40
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.
00:03:44
Speaker
I don't know way around that one. That's just going to be Goku. That's just going to be Goku. It's just got to be Goku. We have a Goku-rate show for you, everybody.
00:03:54
Speaker
Maybe it could just be the Saiyans. Although that's probably also still copyrighted. I mean, that's definitely still copyrighted. Because if it's not, I got some i got some indie comics to make.
00:04:06
Speaker
Yeah. ah But yes, Chris, you're right. We got a great show for everybody this
Patreon Support and Listener Engagement
00:04:10
Speaker
week. We're going to be rating some swords in our ongoing one to ten of swords segment, ah which should be a lot of fun when we get to it later in the show. But Chris, before we get to that, we do have some business to take care of.
00:04:26
Speaker
The first piece of business is thanking our newest supporters over on Patreon. That's right, Matt. Now, these are the people who want to help out the show. They want to help out you and me. They want to kick in as little as a dollar a month by going to patreon.com slash warrocketajax to support the show, to support all the stuff that we do, all the spinoff shows, movie fighters, snack situation, comics, ketchup, every story ever.
00:04:49
Speaker
They're like, that's worth at least $1 a month and possibly more. So they go to patreon.com slash warrocketajax and help us pay those gimmicks they keep sending in the mail called Bill's. That's right, Gris. And if you were at the $15 level or above on Patreon, you get to name something that is at an address on Gimmick Street.
00:05:14
Speaker
And we do have a submission for what is at 740 Gimmick Street. That's right. You could go all the way down to 740 Gimmick Street. This submission at 740 Gimmick Street is from Scott Medlock. Scott is a member of the Gimmick Street Preservation Society.
00:05:33
Speaker
Scott is an attorney with the ACLU. Oh, good good organization. So Scott wants at 740 Gimmick Street, he wants it to be the ACLU Gimmick Street Affiliates' offices.
00:05:46
Speaker
That's good. That's good. but Look, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash and... The 123 Kid, X-Pac, anderio and Mysterio, all of whom have whom have homes on Gimmick Street. And Dominic Mysterio, I think, also has ah house on Gimmick Street.
00:06:10
Speaker
I think that's right. They all need their rights to be defended vigorously. But buddy, do they? And so the ACLU is going to help them and every business on Gimmick Street, all the all the internet cafes.
00:06:26
Speaker
it's goingnna It's going to help out the religious freedom of the the First Church of of ah of the High Father and Orion and Darkseid, I think. That's right. It's on there. yeah Yep, yep. What are they going to do about the non-sexual petting zoo?
00:06:45
Speaker
The adult-only but non-sexual petting zoo. I don't see any – ACLU's going to defend their right to stay open and exist. Okay, good. because it's Because there's nothing wrong with it.
00:06:57
Speaker
There's nothing wrong with it. It's just nice. It's just a nice thing. It's just, you know, like I didn't stop thinking llamas were cute when I grew up. I do wonder if somebody's going to complain that kids aren't allowed.
00:07:12
Speaker
But a business can deny service to anyone. Thank you, Scott, for that submission. Thank you, Scott. we We do appreciate it. um If you would like to be like Scott and help us out, I don't have any new names to read this week. We are at, I think, a steady 430 patrons on Patreon, which is good.
00:07:33
Speaker
ah But we could always appreciate some more if you want to go over there and join. and um You could be like Scott and... Join the Gimmick Street Preservation Society at $15, or you can just donate $1 a month. That's all we ask.
00:07:49
Speaker
That's the minimum. And at $1 a month, you get every show. Chris listed them all off a minute ago. Every show that we do, completely ad-free. And you support those shows and make them help make them happen.
00:08:01
Speaker
At the $5 level, you get bonus audio, bonus content, bonus writing that we make specifically for ah the Patreon sometimes. Sometimes it's outtakes that I cut out of the show and put on Patreon.
00:08:12
Speaker
I have one from last week's show that I'm going to put up probably before this episode even come is posted. At the $10 level, you get line-stepping privileges for our segments, which currently include Every Story Ever and 1 to 10 of sorts, like this week's show.
00:08:29
Speaker
I mentioned the Gimmick Street Preservation Society at $15. At $20, you get a t-shirt. I have sent four additional t-shirts to people who are at the t-shirt level.
00:08:40
Speaker
um So they should be arriving to them soon. They should hopefully be there by the time this episode goes up. I got that done yesterday when when I had it the smallest amount of free time.
00:08:54
Speaker
If you're unable to help us monetarily, which we do understand, it happens. You can help us out in other ways. You can leave us a five-star review on the podcasting app that you use, whatever that is.
00:09:05
Speaker
Or you can just spread the word about the show, give us some good word of mouth, tell your friends and family to listen to the show, and then tell them to back our Patreon to help get those numbers up.
00:09:18
Speaker
Because wouldn't you love to see that? We would.
Halloween Segment and Listener Stories
00:09:24
Speaker
With that, Chris, it's time for some checks and recs. What do you say? Let's do it.
00:09:32
Speaker
Chris, it's almost time for Tricks and Treats, but we're not there quite yet. We're currently still in Checks and Wrecks, so what do you have to check in with? yeah it's ah It's about to get seasonal.
00:09:43
Speaker
it's mounting it's It's about to get seasonal up in here. And while we're talking about it, we're going to do every spooky ever for every story ever in October. Send those in. yeah Start sending in those every spooky ever lists.
00:09:57
Speaker
Now, Matt, I have two things that I want to talk about. and One of them, I know we try and keep things upbeat on the show. we we try not to We try to be oasis, an island in the river, oh like like the island underneath the bridge where Phil Collins watched that guy watch that guy drown.
00:10:17
Speaker
we We want to be your oasis. We want to be your Wonderwall. We want to be your champagne supernova. i don't You might need to check Urban Dictionary on that one before you really commit to saying it.
00:10:31
Speaker
But I think, you know, there's no getting around it. Matt, I'm here.
00:10:38
Speaker
Didn't get raptured. Nor did I. We're still both here. and I've been trying to get right with Christ since 2018. Man, I've read a lot of that book. You have read a lot of that book and associated books.
00:10:52
Speaker
And associated books. Maybe it's Benito's fault. for For making you read those associated books that aren't canon? Yeah. Maybe that's what it is. maybe that's what but But you're here, so... I mean, I i have not been reading that book ah for a podcast. No, you're a sinner.
00:11:15
Speaker
but Yeah, like sad to say, ah I'm assuming... That no podcast host will ever see the light of heaven. And that is simply the burden we must bear.
00:11:28
Speaker
We do wear a mark. We are marked as podcast hosts due to association. and yeah i was I was thinking the other day about how like like there are all these jokes about men who host podcasts...
00:11:45
Speaker
And like, I want to be like, wait, hey, but like, you can't. yeah Yeah, it is you really you want to drop a not all men, brackets, who post and host podcasts on a map. Is that where you're going?
00:11:59
Speaker
No, you can't do it. You can't can't do it. Certainly can do it. But yeah, that's that's the first thing I wanted to get out of the way, ah listener. i hope ah I hope you were.
00:12:11
Speaker
I hope you're hearing this on an iPhone in the kingdom of heaven. Not on the cloud, but a cloud. A cloud. Matt, I do have some show business that I wanted to to bring up.
00:12:25
Speaker
Because I was having breakfast with ah Ted Anderson this week, as I as i do every week. A friend end of the show. Ted Anderson. And um he asked if, like, he was like, look, I know you just started, but do you know what you're going to do after Hitmania? And I texted this to you immediately because it popped into my head.
00:12:47
Speaker
Which is, did I want to Monch Squad? And my response was, that is such a narrow-casted joke. It is, but it's but I think it's a really funny, personally.
00:13:00
Speaker
Yeah. It is it is a joke about a sub-podcast on another podcast. Uh-huh. To be fair, that is more popular than ours.
00:13:11
Speaker
That is more popular than And we make a lot of jokes about the shit we talk about on this podcast. I talked about the year-round reindeer petting zoo, Matt.
00:13:23
Speaker
So I'm saying, it occurs to me that kind of by accident, we did do ah long run of Marvel books, a long run of Marvel books, and a long run of Marvel books. Right, yeah. And I was thinking maybe we should do something for DC, and the Doug Montron on Batman is one that I have been very upfront about not having read a lot of in the 90s. That interesting.
00:13:46
Speaker
That is interesting. Yeah. I'll tell you what i just immediately pops into my head for DC as a long run that I have – we've both read, but that I would love to read again and talk about. And that is basically just like all of Ostrander on Suicide Squad. Yeah.
00:14:13
Speaker
I mean, yeah, but that's like really good. It's really good and well-known. Yeah. that's That's fair enough. that is That is a book that that is one of the few books to ever get the critical appraisal and influence that it deserves.
00:14:31
Speaker
That it deserves, yeah. Yeah. But I think Munch Squad is hilarious. Now, there are two Doug Munch runs on Batman.
00:14:46
Speaker
So we would have to either do both or pick one or the other. something to Something to think about for for the people. look We've got a lot of Jonathan Hickman comics to get through. He wrote 40 issues starting with number 360.
00:15:00
Speaker
And then he came back with 481, and that run went like over 70 issues. Yeah. yeah so I mean, I think we would have to do them both.
00:15:11
Speaker
Probably, yeah. yeah he He also wrote Batman 1 Million. Yeah. ah so
00:15:21
Speaker
Interesting. Interesting. Much to think about. i want to munch. Squad.
00:15:30
Speaker
Matt, what have you been up to this week? Well, Chris, I also have show business to talk about. Mostly what I've done is just play Hollow Knight Silksong. in when Whenever I have a moment.
00:15:42
Speaker
um Still hard. Still fun. The thing I want to talk about here, though, in the in the check segment, though, is that we have an update on something we previously talked about.
00:15:55
Speaker
Okay. i i'm I'm hoping it's what I'm hoping it is. Well, if you're hoping it's Jen getting a sword... i am! it is happening.
00:16:08
Speaker
final chris Chris, Jen's partner, who quickly responded when we read Jen's email to us, has today sent the message onto to us on Blue Sky and our Discord to say that a sword is en route, or at least it will be in one to two business days.
00:16:35
Speaker
And what has been purchased for Jyn is a folded steel cane sword inspired by, inspired from, historical Jaune.
00:16:44
Speaker
Alright! A sword is on the way. i mean, that's pretty, a cane sword, that's pretty cool. Cane sword is cool. ah I responded on the War Rocket Ajax account to Chris with Aragorn smiling.
00:17:03
Speaker
so This is a good sword. we We have bestowed our blessing upon it, um but I wanted to close that loop. um but I mean, we'll know for sure when we when the sword is in hand, but it has at least been ordered.
00:17:19
Speaker
Yes. Now we can begin the campaign to get Jen a second sword.
00:17:26
Speaker
It needs a friend, Matt. Time to make some recommendations. What do you have to recommend, Chris? Matt, I'm going to do something. We're 740 episodes into this show. I'm to something I've never done before. You've got to keep it lively. You've got to spice it up sometimes.
00:17:41
Speaker
At least I think. I i've never done it before. I might have. but that's That's also true of a long-running relationship.
00:17:54
Speaker
You forget things. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to pre-recommend something.
Game Recommendations
00:18:01
Speaker
Okay. Because today, as we're recording this, the day that we are recording this very episode of War Rocket Ajax, Hades 2 came out.
00:18:14
Speaker
Yes. And I haven't gotten it yet. But if I talk about it on the show, I can use the company card. That's... the Can't deny it.
00:18:25
Speaker
So I'm talking about it on the show, and while I'm talking about it, Matt, I'm going to be purchasing it on the Valve Steam distribution platform.
00:18:39
Speaker
Because here we are talking about it on the show, and thus it is a justified expense. Yes. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Now, i did not I did not do the early access for this game because I figured I would want to to play it In as as complete a form as Supergiant Games wants to give to me. Yeah, I'm not going to beta test a game for you unless unless you pay me. Yeah, and look, I'm pretty sure that was probably good in early access.
00:19:17
Speaker
Because all that like they already have one, you know? Like, they already made Hades, so they could have just put Hades on there and been like, this is the early access for Hades, too. And it have been like, yeah, it's a great game.
00:19:33
Speaker
But I wanted to wait just because I want the completeness, I want all the stuff. I want to be able to get used to everything as it's going to be.
00:19:44
Speaker
Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm very excited about this. But ah i am I am hitting oh ah Add to Cart right now.
00:19:57
Speaker
It's not even on sale, Matt. I'm buying this game it's not on sale. There are times when you gotta just buy the game brand new. I did i did the same with Hollow Knight Silksong.
00:20:11
Speaker
I mean, it is $30, so it's not, you know... As expensive as ah some video games. That's that's reasonable. That's reasonable. Yeah, I think so.
00:20:23
Speaker
so So a quorum of the War Rocket Ajax Board of Directors believes this is a necessary purchase. Agreed, yeah. Alright, so I'm pre-recommending Hades 2. Hades 1 is legitimately like one of my favorite games of all time.
00:20:35
Speaker
So I hope that the magic continues from all... ah indications. I believe it will. I'm excited to see ah i was about to say the new gods, but that's not... like i don't I don't think they put Mr. Miracle in those.
00:20:54
Speaker
aye I just got the notification of the the purchase on the company card. so yeah so it is it is It is purchased. It will download. and i will be back next week with a post-recommendation, probably.
00:21:10
Speaker
For Hades 2, or Hey-Dos. As I like to call it. Matt, have you experienced the thing that you're going to recommend?
00:21:22
Speaker
um I have. i I am actually, as I said, I've spent almost all of my free time continuing to play Hollow Knight Silksong. So I'm just carrying over that recommendation from last week.
00:21:36
Speaker
Because i have...
00:21:40
Speaker
I don't think I've experienced anything else new
00:21:45
Speaker
ah in the in the time since. I clearly have neither. I did eat a candy bar from Trader Joe's that had cornflakes in it. How was that? That was pretty good.
00:21:57
Speaker
Yeah, that sounds good. Trader Joe's got some good stuff. Not a sponsor. it Could be. In addition to continuing to recommend Hollow Knight Silksong, which I got to act two,
00:22:09
Speaker
um It got even harder. um There are parts of it that are an absolute marathon of difficulty. um and And let me let me stress, i love that.
00:22:22
Speaker
um I also um tried a candy bar that Trader Joe's sells that has cornflakes in it. You know, like some candy bars have like crisped rice.
00:22:34
Speaker
This candy bar has cornflakes in it, and it's good. So... A holiday till song. And that candy bar, which I do not think has a name. Cause like it's Trader Joe's. So it's just like Trader Joe's cornflake candy bar.
00:22:50
Speaker
I mean, that is a name. i mean it's It's not a catchy name, but it is a name. That's fair. I would say that's more of a description. Maybe. Uh, I mean, names are descriptions, Matt. That's you're getting into a real linguistic, uh, debate here.
00:23:07
Speaker
Yeah. ah Anyway, that those are my two very simple recommendations. um Also, let me let me say just about Hollow Knight Silksong again.
00:23:20
Speaker
That game is chock full of I didn't know that was there.
00:23:27
Speaker
kind of outlet That sounds really good, but when you say like, oh, I really enjoyed this difficulty level, that that says Chris don't play this. Well, you've played some very difficult 2D Metroidvanias.
00:23:42
Speaker
well yeah I'm surprised you you you know played without being very upset about the difficulty. Well, Matt, I'm extremely good at Metroidvania. Well, so, it seems like Silksong is, for whatever reason, with the FromSoft games, I think the problem is the 3D.
00:23:59
Speaker
it It's tough to keep track of three whole dimensions. Yeah, Silksong, you know, it does feel like the meanness is still there. i found another prank save spot just recently, just like playing yesterday. i can't be doing that.
00:24:21
Speaker
You can't be doing that. It's mean. um And it's in an area... I'll tell you straight up, the worst area of the game, I made it to an area of the game where you know there's a lot of platforms over water.
00:24:38
Speaker
But this particular water, in the vein of FromSoft games, you know there's like a lot of poison swamps in FromSoft games. This isn't a poison swamp.
00:24:50
Speaker
But it is like a swamp where if you fall into the water...
00:24:56
Speaker
It constrains your healing where you have to fill up your heating ah healing gauge all the way up. And when you press heal, it just gets rid of the constraint so you can heal again.
00:25:12
Speaker
i don't know that I'm describing it really well. ah I have to describe some mechanics of the game to also explain what this is, but it's a huge headache. And like every time you fall in the water, you're like, fuck, fuck.
00:25:26
Speaker
um But maybe there's an item that prevents that from happening. There they is also an area that's very cold that if you reach the top of that, you get an item that where the cold doesn't hurt you anymore. so ah There's some stuff like that in there. i certainly hope there's another area where it's cold.
00:25:47
Speaker
Because if all it is is like, here's what you would have needed to get here, oh, that would make me mad. It's that and a double jump. So it's it's all okay it's both things in one item.
00:26:00
Speaker
but You know, i I do love a double jump. Yes. they They do not make the double jump easy to get.
00:26:08
Speaker
I think you could probably finish the game without ever having it. Because... It's got to be optional, it feels like. Anyway, those are my recommendations.
00:26:20
Speaker
Chris, with that, it's time to talk about some comics. Let's do it.
Comics Discussion
00:26:26
Speaker
The Texture's Choice winner for this week is Mortal Thor 2. number two Now, Chris, I talked about the first issue of this when it came out, and I described how Thor – thor or Sigurd Jarlson, as he is in this book now, just hit a bunch of guys with hammers.
00:26:51
Speaker
Uh-huh. Or with a hammer. And somehow in this issue, this is by Al Ewing and Pasquale Ferry again, by the way. Those guys didn't die.
00:27:03
Speaker
they One of them is said to be on life support. Yes. they They're in in not good shape. Yeah. One has a cracked skull and one is on life support. But they are not dead.
00:27:17
Speaker
This issue has Sigurd Jarlson throwing his hammer and smashing a guy's whole mouth off.
00:27:29
Speaker
Like, to his teeth are coming out.
00:27:32
Speaker
And then, later, he throws the hammer... And at a bullet that someone has shot at him, and it knocks the bullet back at that guy. Yeah, that guy dead as hell.
00:27:44
Speaker
That guy is definitely dead. Like, I'm pretty sure all the guys in this scene are dead as hell. but see But see, it seemed like those guys were dead last issue, too, and they weren't. So I don't know, but...
00:27:58
Speaker
There's one guy for sure who's dead. Here's what I... I caught up on both these issues today, and like the only thought I had after reading them, and they're very good. ah I mean, you know, it's it's the continuation of Al Ewing on Thor. So it's going to be pretty good.
00:28:16
Speaker
But like I read it, and I just went, man, Thor fucked those dudes up and Yeah, he sure did. I feel like what's happening here, Matt, is not Thor being mortal.
00:28:29
Speaker
It is that Thor is fighting people who are mortal? And so this book's like, yeah, this is what happens when you hit like a mortal guy with a hammer, they die. Or, he is killing guys, and thus...
00:28:46
Speaker
it's like It's like when you get like a mortal injury. Yeah, it's like the thor like mortal damage Thor. Yeah.
00:28:55
Speaker
ah But he is also mortal. there's There's a long scene in this issue where he um unaware that he has doctor knowledge, stitches up his own wounds.
00:29:09
Speaker
And he's like, I don't know how I know that I could do this. I just know. Yeah, man. It was pretty badass. I just like that this comic is it's operating on the premise of, hey, what would happen if a guy who was like 6'7 and super jacked hit you in the head with a hammer?
00:29:31
Speaker
It would fuck you up real bad. And also tied that hammer to a rope and started swinging it around on the rope and hitting you with it. That shit that's your rules. That shit's great. the There's also the thing in here where... like so In the Dan Juergens run, there was that whole thing about the Church of Thor and how like maybe they were doing some bad stuff, but Thor liked them because they were worshipping him.
00:29:58
Speaker
In this, the Church of Thor is like absolutely bad and absolutely misrepresenting who Thor is. or This is like Norse mythology Thor that they're worshipping, and the other Thor is Marvel Comics Thor.
00:30:15
Speaker
ah So Marvel Comics Thor is like, that's not what I'm about.
00:30:21
Speaker
ah This is something that ah I feel like i run into on oh ah a fairly regular basis, living where I do here in beautiful Minneapolis, Minnesota, where you'll see someone who has like a Mjolnir necklace or a tattoo or something or like runes or something and you'll be like cool are you a Norse pagan are you just from Norway or are you a white supremacist and you kind of gotta like feel people out you can't just be like oh man i love the Walt Simonson run yeah cause they might just be like I love the purity of the races could be any of the above yeah could be any of the above
00:31:06
Speaker
But this book rules, yeah. it's And it has a very interesting last page reveal.
00:31:12
Speaker
That I don't even know what to make of it yet. It's pretty bananas. Yeah. Good shit. Good shit. ah Next up, I haven't read this yet, um but Chris, you said you wanted to talk about it. um Battleworld number one.
00:31:28
Speaker
Yeah, you know who else runs into a similar problem, Matt? Tell me. James Buchanan Barnes. Oh, Bucky himself. ah This book is ah by Christos Gage and Marcus To, with colors by Rochelle Rosenberg and Letterer.
00:31:47
Speaker
That's right. VC's own Travis Lanham. And it is it's Battleworld, right? Y'all know how Battleworld works. You're going to Battleworld works by the end Higmania. oh But ah old Michael Korvac, you all know about Michael Korvac, has gathered a bunch of timelines, put them all on the same planet, and told them to fight each other.
00:32:08
Speaker
And so you've got like an old Hank Pym, a Warbird-era Carol Danvers, a Storm from like Days of Future Past, King Thor, the Maestro, a like an Old West ghostwriter, 70s Luke Cage, who talks about how Dr. Doom owes him money.
00:32:27
Speaker
and And Spider-Man two months after he got bitten by a radioactive spider. like that's That's the gang. yeah oh very Very early career Spider-Man is what this looks like. Yeah. And at one point, like Baron Zemo shows up and he's getting ready to ah shoot ah Hank Pym and kill him, as he has in another timeline that we hear about.
00:32:49
Speaker
And um Bucky just rocks up and shoots that dude in the head.
00:32:55
Speaker
And, uh, which is pretty great. This World War II Bucky. This is World War II Bucky. And, uh, he says, this character was pointing some Buck Rogers gun at you.
00:33:05
Speaker
He's a Nazi, so I killed him.
00:33:09
Speaker
Yep. That's how you do it. Good call, Buck.
00:33:16
Speaker
Good call. This, this is, look, uh, I'm not going to pile on to a comic that a lot of people have, been upset about that hasn't even come out yet.
00:33:26
Speaker
um But this is not... debating and then deciding to not kill the Nazi superheroes. This is... That's a Nazi, so I killed him.
00:33:38
Speaker
Yeah. The funniest thing about this is that later in the book, um the Wasp, ah who's also on the team, um goes inside the Maestro's ear canal, and ah like she and Hank shrink down to fight the Maestro, because he's trying to kill everybody.
00:33:55
Speaker
And ah she like explodes his brain, and then... Everybody's like, oh man, is he dead? And Hank Pym's like, no. ah The Hulk is basically immortal, but you were trying to kill him.
00:34:08
Speaker
And there's like a whole thing where he's like, we could have done this a different way, but nobody gives a fuck about Baron Timo. Five minutes before this big debate of like, Jen, we had options. Bucky just rolls up with a literal smoking gun in his hand and goes, hey, that guy was a Nazi, so I killed him.
00:34:26
Speaker
And everybody's like, all right. Everybody's like, hell yeah. Good call, Buck. yeah ah one last but One last book we're going to talk about is Absolute Wonder Woman number 12.
00:34:39
Speaker
Confirmed, this comic continues to rule. Agreed. ah Yeah, this is the the end of our second story arc. it's it's It's funny because l Collins texted me yesterday and said, hey, which Absolute book should I read first? Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman? And I was like, oh, you've got to read Wonder Woman.
00:34:58
Speaker
Yeah. And then they came me back today and they were like, you you are correct. I was like, yeah, big sword. mean, all three are good, but yeah. yeah No, all three are great. and Plus, Flash is great and Green Lantern's been great.
00:35:12
Speaker
Yeah. And Martian Manhunter's been great. The whole line is is phenomenal. The whole line's surprisingly consistently good. Yeah. Yeah.
00:35:23
Speaker
It's shocking. It's shocking how good they all are. ah This is by Kelly Thompson and Hayden Sherman, the the regular creative team. um Hayden Sherman has impressed me on this book so much.
00:35:37
Speaker
I love the style of this. Yeah. ah and And it is yeah it is the the end of the story arc with the prison maze and Clea, who is revealed to be an Atlantean.
00:35:52
Speaker
Which I guess means we're we're rolling up to Aquaman. Maybe. But I don't know. ah you Even with like seven out of seven, ah solid as they are, i don't know what they would have to do to get me into Absolute Aquaman.
00:36:10
Speaker
It does look like we're we're coming up on our first Absolute crossover. Yeah, the Absolute Evil. Absolute Evil is is being advertised, um which is written by Al Ewing, so I bet it's going to be good. but Yeah, and i've ah drawn by Giuseppe Camincoli, I bet it's going to kick ass.
00:36:28
Speaker
I really wonder how all of these characters are going to interact. you know it's It's going to be interesting. um Because like it it does feel like these books are so different from each other.
00:36:45
Speaker
ah i don't know. I don't know. it has a really There's a really, really mythic quality it. Absolute Wonder Woman, even beyond the mythic quality of regular Wonder Woman comics.
00:36:58
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, i think I think the art sells that really well, too. It's got like a... it's It has a style that is evocative of mythology, like and yeah really does a great job.
00:37:20
Speaker
Yeah, good book. Good line. If you haven't read Absolute Wonder Woman, you should. All right, Chris, that is going to do it for our comic segment, which means we've got ample time to rate some swords.
Fictional Swords: Analysis and Ratings
00:37:37
Speaker
Let's do it. but when i swing my sores the ya cho up Chris, before we get started, i do need to note um Gmail has been doing a very annoying thing lately where when I search for something, it does not present...
00:37:51
Speaker
the results of that search to me in chronological order. That's annoying. Yes. I think these are in chronological order, but like also, i don't know. It's weird.
00:38:05
Speaker
Things are, there's stuff on here that I know we've rated that I'm going to skip, but also like things here that we definitely haven't rated. So I'm just going to do my best.
00:38:16
Speaker
And um I apologize to everybody. um Gmail started doing this out of nowhere. That said, again, I will do my very best. If you think I skipped over a submission of yours, please get in touch.
00:38:32
Speaker
All right. All right. right Our first submission is from Ian Zelstra.
00:38:39
Speaker
And first, Ian submitted just Excalibur. And I said, i think we're going to need a specific depiction of Excalibur. And so Ian responded, um the one that is depicted in Thomas Mallory's Le Morte d'Arthur, which is given to Arthur by the Lady of the Lake.
00:39:02
Speaker
Okay. It is the original Excalibur from the original text. um It is said to have shown like 30 torches when brandished, and its scabbard would prevent wounds from bleeding.
00:39:16
Speaker
Nice. Nice. Nice. and Now, the... When we became sword brothers, you and i ah it was because i I gifted you and Benito swords.
00:39:36
Speaker
Replica swords, yes. Replica swords, not real swords, because I knew that that honestly, your wives... Rightfully, wanted to live in a house with swords less than mine does, even.
00:39:53
Speaker
And i you got the Dragon Slayer, which is already on the list. And there's a great picture of you holding the Dragon Slayer looking bemused. Which is, by Matt Wilson picture standards, kind of the best you get.
00:40:10
Speaker
Pretty much, yeah. yeah And I got Benito, Excalibur. From an anime?
00:40:19
Speaker
But I did make sure to get him the version of Excalibur that came with a scabbard. Because that's that's the that's where the real money is.
00:40:34
Speaker
You gotta have the scabbard to to not get killed. Correct. Yeah. So, uh, Excalibur?
00:40:45
Speaker
Good sword. if you If you've got it, you're the rightful ah ruler of England. So there's that.
00:40:53
Speaker
By giving us the Excalibur from Le Morte d'Arthur, it is a little more difficult because we don't have a visual.
00:41:06
Speaker
I am just going to use the one from the anime that I bought from Benito. And if it comes up again, we will... Well, well I have not... I don't know anything about this anime other than that it has a sword in it. So, you should watch it.
00:41:20
Speaker
There are illustrated versions of Lamort d'Arthur that have have drawings of Excalibur. um They're not great. It looks like weirdly small.
00:41:33
Speaker
and People were smaller back then. People were smaller back then. I think Excalibur is like... It is definitely one of the first good examples of a cool sword.
00:41:48
Speaker
Like a cool fictional sword. You know? I mean, it's certainly kind of the sword. Like, i don I don't know if it's if it's the first, but it is.
00:42:01
Speaker
it's It's the Sailor Moon of Swords. It might not have been the first Magical Girl, but it did yeah kind of codify what a magic sword is. Yes. it it ah If it didn't create it it perfected it.
00:42:14
Speaker
Well, perfected. I don't know if perfected is right word either. but mean, it's pretty good. It's a sword that makes you unbeatable that shines like 30 torches. Weirdly specific number. um let Let's say popularized.
00:42:27
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, Excalibur. That's a cool ass name. It's got an X in it. Good name. Very good name. um Are there cooler and better fictional swords?
00:42:42
Speaker
Probably so. I mean, yeah, but by the same token, when Excalibur shows up in a roster of swords...
00:42:55
Speaker
Because there's Excaliburs in your Finals Fantasy, in your Castlevania. ah Excalibur shows up.
00:43:06
Speaker
It's always like... The designer's always like, well we gotta make this one pretty good. It's Excalibur. yeah like it is It is a known thing that Excalibur is a good sword.
00:43:20
Speaker
My gut says 9. I was also thinking 9. Yeah. yeah I mean, if if I could have any of them, if I could have any of the ones on the list, I think the one I would want the least is Stormbringer.
00:43:39
Speaker
That sort is extremely cursed. It's cursed, yeah. It is a nine on the list. It's also extremely cursed. Yeah. I think the one I would want the most is Excalibur, because again, it does make you, like, immortal.
00:43:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:56
Speaker
I Durandal is also pretty cool cool in that regard. it doesn't make you immortal, but it is very powerful. Yeah. ah So yeah maybe, it's maybe it's between those two. Well, actually, no, I want the master sword.
00:44:10
Speaker
Master sword pretty good. Master sword shoots laser beams. I mean, so does, so does the moonlight sword, which that's pretty good one too. Yeah. I I'm thinking i'll tell you what, I would not want the sort of actuation.
00:44:24
Speaker
No, um you gotta keep that in your throat. Yeah, that's that's a hard pass for me, man. but I'll tell you where I don't want to go. The intersist. If I can help it.
00:44:37
Speaker
If I can help it. Yeah, man. I got i got struggles enough. Struggler? i thinking I'm thinking nine is where it's at. I think both of us are first instinct.
00:44:51
Speaker
Our first instinct was nine, and I believe it is correct, yes. Man, what a cool name, though. Excalibur. so So here's an interesting thing.
00:45:03
Speaker
Michael Francis also sent in ah version of Excalibur. Okay.
00:45:10
Speaker
Greetings, Swordmasters. A submission for your consideration. Not necessarily a Top Chopper, but not some run-of-the-mill mercenary blade. It's Kevin Matchstick's baseball bat.
00:45:23
Speaker
A manifestation of Excalibur.
00:45:32
Speaker
Okay.
00:45:35
Speaker
Alright.
00:45:37
Speaker
I'm not mad.
00:45:42
Speaker
because just this is Because you're correct. It's a manifestation of Excalibur.
00:45:52
Speaker
It is a fucking baseball bat. And not a sword. It is symbolically a sword.
00:46:01
Speaker
As Kevin Matchstick is the reincarnation of King Arthur and the baseball bat is his sword. But it's not. It's a bat, Matt. so so So here's the question. Is Michael going to get through on the technicality here?
00:46:15
Speaker
No!
00:46:17
Speaker
No! It's a baseball bat! Okay. Okay. It's a completely different kind of thing. Again, it is symbolically a sword. But if we start, Matt, we can't be ranking symbols.
00:46:33
Speaker
But if if we start ranking metaphorical swords, it's over.
00:46:41
Speaker
That's fair. and Somebody can send in the pen.
00:46:46
Speaker
is mighty. so Don't fucking start with me, Wilson.
00:46:54
Speaker
I thought it was 50-50 that that was going to be toward me or toward Biscuit. ah It's both of y'all. I'm going to stop muting my mic. you're go you're gonna If you want me to rank a baseball bat as though it's a sword, you're goingnna have to have deal with this dog.
00:47:12
Speaker
Alright. Yeah. Okay, so the next one I have is the Sword of the Winter Constellation, which we have ranked. We have ranked that one, yes.
00:47:23
Speaker
That was from Isabel M. Alright, I don't think we've ranked this one. This is from Brad Ellison.
00:47:31
Speaker
Brad has sent in the ivory dragon-hilted katana of Connor McCloud in Highland.
00:47:44
Speaker
and Oh, man. I'm just going to read this whole thing. Yeah, hell yeah. I'll do it, dude. red set Forged on the mystical slopes of Mount Neary five centuries before the birth of Christ, filled by the legendary bladesmith Masamune from differently-tempered steel folded over 200 times, given by Masamune to his son-in-law, the immortal Egyptian warrior originally named Taknei.
00:48:07
Speaker
who wielded it for many long centuries until at last he was slain by the Kurgan in Scotland during the 16th century, when he was called Juan Sanchez Villalobos Ramirez, chief metallurgist to King Charles V of Spain, the Holy Roman Emperor himself.
00:48:23
Speaker
rami Ramirez presumably learned something about alloys from his father-in-law. The sword passed down to Ramirez's first final pupil, the Highlander Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. Connor kept the sword with him for the next 400 years or more, using it to slay the Kurgan at the climax of the gathering in 1986. And there's a poem.
00:48:45
Speaker
The Egyptian came from sand through blood through time. The steel from sand was salvaged grain by grain. so time it was refined Through time it was refined, refined, refined, and into blood the steel went to be quenched.
00:48:58
Speaker
The power of the quickening preserves perseveres. A chosen few down from the dawn of time, until the time the gathering shall come, to draw the last to battle for the prize.
00:49:09
Speaker
so kind of magic keeps us the gle No kind of magic keeps the gleaming steel. Its seen hard use swung hard through many necks. But Masamune's skill and swordsman's care.
00:49:21
Speaker
Preserve it well until Highlander 3. But who can say it might be a curse to live forever, Princess of the Verse?
00:49:31
Speaker
I love an included poem. Yes, yes. um Here's the thing. You heard me laugh.
00:49:43
Speaker
But that's not that's not a laugh of dismissal, because I'm not going to sit here and pretend like this sword didn't kick ass. It kicks ass. at The hilt looks like a dragon, man. The hilt looks like a dragon.
00:49:55
Speaker
a is It's a sword for killing immortals. yeah That's badass as hell.
00:50:05
Speaker
Yep. When I was but a teen, and I would watch Mystery Science Theater 3000 on the Sci-Fi Channel, as as you may recall, Matt, because I know that you were also fan,
00:50:21
Speaker
um list item swords for the the you get them ads for the Highlander sword catalog. Oh, let me tell you, buddy. I had an aunt. I still have an aunt who um was such a big fan of not Highlander the movie, but Highlander the TV show.
00:50:39
Speaker
Now that was with Duncan McCloud. That was with Duncan McCloud, who had a very similar sword. Yes. Also a katana. Yes.
00:50:50
Speaker
She was such a fan that she got that Highlander sword catalog. Yeah. Oh, so did I. and I looked through. They said call now for a free catalog. And I said, I'm sorry, I call you, what I call a number and you send me a little book of swords.
00:51:06
Speaker
I read, i looked through that catalog many times.
00:51:12
Speaker
Uh, and it, it didn't just have the katana. It had like the, the like clan McLeod broad sword. That's like, you know, on the poster and whatever.
00:51:23
Speaker
um But the katana is better than that broadsword is. mean, that broadsword is cool. It's cool. It's got the name on it. It's got his name on it, which is nice. Yeah. Because you can be like, that is my sword.
00:51:35
Speaker
Yeah. But think the katana is cooler. It's sword that teaches you how to read, which is nice. That's right. Your own name. It teaches you read your own name. Well, it's the first step, Matt.
00:51:47
Speaker
don't know what to tell you. Yeah. Fair. That katana is very cool, though. that can tell us cool as shit, man.
00:51:57
Speaker
Like, is it Highlander 1? It's Highlander 1 that that like literally opens with like Michael P.S. Hayes, right?
00:52:08
Speaker
I don't remember. I haven't seen Highlander in long time. It's like, they're they're it the opening of that movie is that they are like at Madison Square Garden watching the fucking Freebirds wrestle.
00:52:21
Speaker
And then dude goes to the parking lot and gets his head chopped off. By the Kurgan. By the Kurgan, yeah. yeah died Yeah, that's the first movie. yeah Well, i like the thing is, the the first Highlander movie is the only good one.
00:52:37
Speaker
Highlander 2... Sucks shit. My friend in high school's joke was, there should have only been one. Which, that's pretty funny. I remember when Highlander 3, The Final Dimension, ah came out.
00:52:52
Speaker
um And being excited for it because it was like concurrent with the TV show. But it ain't good either. does Now, does it have Duncan in it? Or is it just like... No, it just it just had it came out around the same time.
00:53:05
Speaker
Okay. But it's just ah just Christopher Lambert and Mario Van Peebles. what is Matt, what if we stopped reading comics?
00:53:17
Speaker
And just got into Highlander? and got and And just did a Highlander the series podcast. Maybe that's what we do after Hick Mania. We just watched Highlander the series. ah Joan Jett's on an episode.
00:53:30
Speaker
That's the only one I've ever seen. Joan Jett's a Highlander. She's an immortal. Yeah. I've seen multiple episodes of Highlander the series. I just don't and just don't remember it.
00:53:43
Speaker
Oh, ah here's the thing. um so high three Highlander the writers of Highlander 3 knew that Highlander 2 was bad and completely ignored it. Cool.
00:53:55
Speaker
Yeah. Now, is Highlander 3 good? No. Okay, yeah. I didn't think so. Yeah. ah but Hey, it's kind of wild that they cast Sean Connery, who's very famously from a place, as an Egyptian Spaniard.
00:54:19
Speaker
In a movie called Highlander. In a movie called Highlander! Where the...
00:54:28
Speaker
And the guy playing the Highlander is French. Oh!
00:54:35
Speaker
they They could not have fucked that one up more. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. This sword kicks ass, though. It's great, yeah. It's a great sword. um'm I mean, i like it's... eat I mean, it's cool, man.
00:54:54
Speaker
Like... It's cool as shit. Yeah, it's good. like but What's the number? Eight? Is it an eight? Yeah, like, I don't... what What else do we have ranked as an 8? We've got the Kirkhammer sword as a 7. Is it as cool as ah that?
00:55:10
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, maybe it's equally as good. The Soul Taker is an 8. And this is not a magic sword. It's just a cool sword. and And it's canonically a very well-made and good sword.
00:55:25
Speaker
Yeah, it's... it's It is, we have to take the canon as it is written, and the canon is this sword kicks ass. yeah So I think we've got to give it at least a 7.
00:55:36
Speaker
I think 7 is right, because that puts it one step below Soul Taker, which I think is better. Alright, that does put it on par with ah the Kirkhammer sword, which also kicks ass, and Squall's Gunblade. I think the sword from Highlander is exactly as good as Squall's Gunblade. That sounds right to me.
00:55:57
Speaker
Do you want to guess how many Highlander movies there are? Five. There are six, but there are only five that are live action.
00:56:13
Speaker
There is a Is there a Highland anime? There's a Highland anime from 2007 that was directed by the director of Vampire Hunter D. Bloodlust. Shit, that sounds good.
00:56:24
Speaker
That sounds good, actually, yeah. ah But the fifth live-action Highlander movie, which is called Highlander the Source, was a sci-fi channel original starring Adrian Paul.
00:56:39
Speaker
so like Adrian Paul was was Duncan MacLeod. Yes. So it's a TV movie sequel to the TV show. To Highlander the series.
00:56:51
Speaker
Yes. There was also a Highlander animated series that does not look like it was anime. We've talked about it on One to Ten of Swords already.
00:57:05
Speaker
Have we? Yes. Because I did not remember this existed. and Yeah, i I told you about it, and you were like, what? the The mind does go as as we continue on, Matt. That is true.
00:57:18
Speaker
All right, so it's a seven. The Highlander Sword... Is a seven. Matt, I think we should... I knew we were going to watch that movie a Glacier. Yeah. But I think we might have to watch Highlander The Search for Vengeance.
00:57:32
Speaker
Well... We're going to have I mean, it's already almost the end of September.
00:57:39
Speaker
And we've got to watch an October spooky movie. So I don't know. Well, I mean, don't know who he's fighting in Search for Vengeance. Maybe he's fighting Dracula. Maybe. maybe Okay, Steve Lee sent in Stormbringer.
00:57:56
Speaker
We've already rated Stormbringer. Have we rated Bladesword? i don't I don't believe we have.
00:58:08
Speaker
Okay, this then is from Rocket Witzel, who has submitted, The Blade of the Daywalker is wielded by Wesley Snipes' character Blade. It is deadly, elegantly understated, and has a built-in security system.
00:58:22
Speaker
It does chop off Donald Logue's entire hand. Yep. And I will say, understated, I think, is kind of the word for it. Because it does look... Like, there's no there's no guard to it, really. It's just handle and blade.
00:58:40
Speaker
to Handle and blade and blade. And blade.
00:58:46
Speaker
um I like it. I don't love it
00:58:51
Speaker
It is perfectly functional.
00:58:56
Speaker
Right? I mean, like it's certainly I have seen it chop off the heads of a ton of vampires, dude. Yes. i I don't love the handle.
00:59:10
Speaker
I gotta say. What do you not like about that? I think it looks i think it looks like a tool. It looks a little lightsabery. yeah The hilt. It's lightsabery for sure, yeah.
00:59:23
Speaker
um Which I don't love on a real sword all that much. um It's fine. The coolest thing about it is the like... blades that come down and...
00:59:37
Speaker
Like, cut off don't Donald Logue's hand. Like, it, like, explodes his hand. Yeah. Donald Logue is fucked up. Like, Donald Logue gets his hand cut off twice in that movie.
00:59:49
Speaker
He sure does, yeah. i I don't know. This might sound rude.
00:59:56
Speaker
But, like, and I'm at five or six with it. I mean, I would lean towards a six. I do like it. yeah Yeah, I think six is is about right. It's not as cool as the Highlander Sword.
01:00:09
Speaker
It's not as cool as the Highlander Sword, but Blade's are a better movie. wait Blade has better sequels, for sure. Blade definitely has better sequels.
01:00:19
Speaker
Yeah. Blade 2 is a better movie than the first Highlander. No doubt. I mean, Blade 3 might be a better movie than Highlander.
01:00:31
Speaker
No, it's not. No, it's not. It's not. That is where Matt Wilson draws the line. Yeah. did it's been You've had way too long since you've seen Blade 3.
01:00:44
Speaker
um How do you know? When's the last time saw Blade 3? Five years ago. Yeah.
01:00:53
Speaker
It's bad. It's it's bad. Alright, we're going with six for Blade Sword. For the Sword of the Daywalker. Like like said I said, like it, I don't love it. But i do think, like, I could see myself owning this sword.
01:01:08
Speaker
It's not the one I would choose for myself. Well, of... No. But if someone if so look if someone gave me the Sword of the Daywalker, I would be happy to receive it.
01:01:18
Speaker
Sure. I'm not hinting.
01:01:24
Speaker
I'll tell you what would be great about the sword of the daywalker is if it wasn't a fucking web pee. it's did Oh, we finally hit a web pee. God.
01:01:35
Speaker
We finally hit a web pee in this episode. Made me so mad I could spit, man.
01:01:41
Speaker
If only we could slice web pees out of the internet. You give me a sword that can do that, and it's a ten. That's a ten. That's a sword that's a ten.
01:01:51
Speaker
Alright, tell me when you're ready for the next sword. Tells a lot of vampires with a sword. I mean, it's it's functional. No doubt. It is a very functional sword.
01:02:08
Speaker
Can't take that away from it. What do you think the... like When Blade was getting that sword, he was like, and I want it so that if anybody but me picks it up, especially...
01:02:20
Speaker
Especially the Irish. Right. I want it just fuck their hands up so bad. I want it to like embed in their hands so it's going to be really hard to remove. Yeah,
01:02:35
Speaker
yeah I don't know. i How does it know who's who's holding it? well it's got like It's like a timer. It's like the the the okay yeah thing goes is like an egg timer.
01:02:47
Speaker
i've It's been a while since I saw the first Blade, so I did not remember if there was some kind of... Oh, well, now doesn't remember Blade?
01:02:57
Speaker
I've actually seen Blade 3 more recently than the first Blade, which I should probably remedy. i mean, you probably probably watched it about two hours after you last watched Blade, because that's about how long Blade 2 is.
01:03:10
Speaker
That's fair. Yeah,
01:03:14
Speaker
yeah I forgot if like Chris Christopherson put some kind of like... hand reader on the hilt or something. But Blade ain't that high tech.
01:03:27
Speaker
I mean, it's
01:03:31
Speaker
it's it's ah tech of a sort. Yeah. Alright, this is another one from Steve Lee, but we didn't do Steve Lee's other submissions, so... This is the Gokai Saber, specifically the red Gokai Saber, belonging to Captain Marvelous from Kaizoku Sentai Gokai-ger.
01:03:50
Speaker
ah That is a kick-ass Super Sentai series. i don't i don't is this This is not the red Power Ranger sword. This is a different sword. This is a different sword, Matt, because it's ah it's it's a cutlass.
01:04:04
Speaker
Oh, this sword is extremely... Toyetic. Yes. I mean, by design? Yes. like it is Oh, okay. So this is the Sentai series where they're kind of like pirates?
01:04:21
Speaker
That's why it's a server. They're pirates, and they pirate the powers and abilities of other Super Sentai teams because it was the 35th anniversary series.
01:04:33
Speaker
So they could change into like any of the previous... Power Rangers. Okay. But, they were also space pirates, and were kind of like... I mean, they were teenagers with attitude, I'll tell you that.
01:04:53
Speaker
I believe it. ah like Like, it has my favorite moment in any Super Sentai series, which is where um the first half of the season, they're fighting ah the son of the Emperor of the Universe.
01:05:10
Speaker
And they kill him. And so the second half of the series, the Emperor of the Universe shows up. And he's, you know, obviously larger and stronger and tougher. oh And in the last episode, the Emperor of the Universe is, like, threatening them. And Captain Marvelous, who is the leader, he's the Red Ranger, he goes, yeah, tell it to your dead son in hell.
01:05:32
Speaker
Wow. Wow. Which... they never They never did that on Power Rangers. i da I dare for Saban to make that happen.
01:05:47
Speaker
Now, unfortunately, um this was adapted for Super Megaforce, ah which sucks ass. ah And, like, the adaptation is straight trash.
01:06:01
Speaker
The cast is good. I actually quite like the cast of that series a lot. But, man, they are... The the story is... Woof. It's rough.
01:06:12
Speaker
I mean, just the biscuit said so. Motherfucker, you told me this was a JPEG and it's a WebP.
01:06:20
Speaker
why did See, that's the problem. People are always like oh, but the file compression. Okay, yeah, fine. But then why does it tell me it's a JPEG? Why the fuck would it tell me it's a JPEG when it's a WebP? Why would it lie to me?
01:06:30
Speaker
Other file types don't fucking lie to me. So i'm not I'm not super familiar with the sword. I'm looking at some images of it now. But I'm i'm not... i haven't seen it in action, and you have.
01:06:45
Speaker
So i'm I'm going to defer to you. It's fine. It's a toy. Yeah. like I think so the the the genius of Super Sentai was when they figured out, oh, if we just make the stuff they have look like toys, then the toys will look accurate.
01:07:03
Speaker
Right. Right. I feel like that has been true since the eighty s But they really like – because like the the Captain Power ship looked exactly like the toys. you know but But I see what you're saying. like they They have eschewed realism.
01:07:27
Speaker
Yeah. So as to make the toy that you can buy at the store look exactly like the prop from the TV show. Yeah. So in this case, I think – I don't – I love the wielder, but I do not really care about the sword.
01:07:45
Speaker
So what does that make it? Like a four or five? like I think it's probably like a four. like I would highly recommend Kaizuku Sentai Gokiger. yeah oh But it's a it's imagine a pirate cutlass and make it Power Rangers. you got it.
01:08:01
Speaker
Right. So four. Couldn't give it a four. Yeah. Okay. it's It's perfectly suited for For its milieu. Right.
01:08:11
Speaker
It's exactly what it means to be. Yeah. But that does not make it a great sword. It's certainly not a great sword, Matt. It's cutlass. It makes it great toy.
01:08:22
Speaker
Yes. Or a good toy.
01:08:27
Speaker
Alright. Here's our next submission. It's from Kevin J. Maroney. Ah. The sword that is death... Found by Humect in the Darkness, which slew Grandfather Mortal and slew the Son.
01:08:44
Speaker
From the Luranthan mythology, Greg Stanford, primary writer, first mentioned in Cults of Prax, 1978. Look, I'm going to tell you this right now.
01:08:58
Speaker
This is a Kevin Maroney-ass submission. yeah this This is from a tabletop role-playing game. Yeah. cults I mean, tell you, it sounds great. I have an image if you would like to see that.
01:09:11
Speaker
Yeah, i'll I'll take a look. um But we'll have to we'll have to just judge on vibes. So do do you want to just judge this one on vibes?
01:09:23
Speaker
Well, let me send it to you, and then we can decide. I'm i'm forwarding you the email from Kevin, which included an image. all right I'm awaiting the electronic transmission.
01:09:35
Speaker
um It is a big sword, I'll tell you that. I mean, I think this list will bear us out. We like big swords up to the point where they become too big, which so far has been like the size of a building.
01:09:49
Speaker
Okay, well, Humact, I think this guy in the image is Humact. Uh-huh. Who looks like a tough customer, let me tell you. Yeah, no, he looks like a like an absolute badass.
01:10:02
Speaker
Yeah. And this sword looks like an absolute badass sword. This sword is considerably taller than him. Yeah, man. Like, the blade is his height.
01:10:15
Speaker
And then the hilt extends much beyond that, well beyond his height. Yeah, this is ah this is ah this is ah a chopper, for sure. It's a chopper, yeah.
01:10:27
Speaker
It's got one of those blades that's kind of like... Like wavy, like a flambeige. Yeah, like a flambeige.
01:10:36
Speaker
I mean, on vibes, this sword kicks ass. on On vibes, it's very cool. It's got ah like a skull at the end of the hilt. That is also a fist.
01:10:47
Speaker
That is also a fist. The crossguard is like wings... um And it looks cool. And then, yeah, it's got the wavy blade in the style of a flambeerge.
01:10:59
Speaker
Which is now the title of this episode, obviously. um
01:11:04
Speaker
It's cool, yeah. And also, if its name is the sword that was death, that also kicks ass. Yeah, i'm going to say I'm going to go ahead and say that this sword is a flambeerge.
01:11:16
Speaker
Just a really big one. Just a really big one. um A Grand Flamberge. Grand Flamberge. Flamberge Grand. All right. all right i'm going to say I'm going to say we can rate it on vibes.
01:11:31
Speaker
The vibes are tight, dude. The vibes are tight. i' I'm going to say the vibes put this in like seven or eight. Yeah. like that I mean, that whole...
01:11:44
Speaker
That whole thing that you read, ah found by Whomacked in the Darkness, which slew Grandfather Mortal and then slew the sun, it looks like that. It does look like that, yeah.
01:11:55
Speaker
it It looks like a mythic sword. And it's it's definitely a two-hander, because it has two grips. Yeah, it I mean, it looks like it could fuck up somebody named Grandfather Mortal.
01:12:07
Speaker
Looks like it would really put the mortal in him, if you know what I mean. I would like to have a closer look, because those grips look like they're not comfortable.
01:12:17
Speaker
I mean, probably not, but at a certain point, Matt, like, they, you know, look at this guy's hands. This guy got big old metal hands.
01:12:30
Speaker
Yeah. I like this guy, because he's wearing like a full helmet and a chainmail skirt and no shirt. And gauntlets. He's wearing... like He's got like a pectoral piece, too, so he's kind of wearing like Red Sonja's outfit.
01:12:51
Speaker
Sort of. Like with the bottom half of a like a wizard robe. Yeah, there's ah there's a lot of exposed skin. And I feel like that that's a tough look. You might get near that dude with the sword.
01:13:04
Speaker
You know what it looks like to me? What's that? Like... when a pro wrestler makes an entrance with like a mask on, um you know, like, you know, like how Vader had that, like the Macedon mask.
01:13:21
Speaker
It's kind of like that where like, they have all this stuff on that they come out in and then all that stuff comes off when they're ready to fight. Don't, know what i mean don't make me think about that. Karrion cross entrance gear.
01:13:37
Speaker
but he had because that's gonna knock this one down to like a four
01:13:44
Speaker
that helmet that leather helmet that weird lord humongous look he had for a minute yeah that was rough stuff buddy this is ah this is kind of in lord a humongous territory um Yeah, like, it I mean, it does it does not not look like that carry-in cross entrance gear, but like a better version. but Okay, so you're not talking about the worst carry-in cross entrance gear. I thought you were talking about that leather leather helmet.
01:14:16
Speaker
Oh, yeah, no, that's, yeah, you got it. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about i'm about this guy right here. Okay. Oh, yeah, that sucks. God. ha ha!
01:14:28
Speaker
Yeah, bad, man. I mean, part of the problem is it doesn't fit very well. No, it doesn't. um which is Which is unfortunate. If you want to look it up, just just good go to an internet image search and type in Carrion Cross. That's with a K. Carrion Cross. ah New look.
01:14:50
Speaker
and And you'll get it. Seven or eight.
01:14:55
Speaker
I'm leaving it to you. The vibes are very strong. The vibes are strong, yeah. He killed the sun? It's unfortunate that you can't Google the sword that is death and find this.
01:15:09
Speaker
um I guess I could Google the sword that is death. um Gloranthin. And maybe that'll that'll get it for me. It's, I mean, if it killed the sun, I think it's an eight.
01:15:26
Speaker
Alright, I can abide that. Because, like, we got a lot of swords that have killed a lot of stuff. The only one that's killed suns is Twilight, and that's an 8.
01:15:38
Speaker
Yeah. Fair. 8 it is. 8 it is. The vibes are strong. The vibes are incredibly strong with this incredible sword.
01:15:52
Speaker
yeah Alright, here's our next submission, Chris. It's from Jason Ledoux. And this is the three-bladed sword from the Sword and Sorcerer movie.
01:16:06
Speaker
Three-bladed? Have you seen the movie Sword and Sorcerer? No. The 1982 film? um The Sword and the Sorcerer? Yes. Jason has included a video clip.
01:16:21
Speaker
ah So... I mean, Matt, I'm looking at the poster of it, and I'll tell you, that's just got three blades. It is a three-bladed sword. That that is without question.
01:16:32
Speaker
All right. First thing this dude does is drop the sword.
01:16:38
Speaker
Yeah, it it gets knocked out of his hand i mean immediately. oh shit! He just shot this dude with a sword. Yes, it it shoots. It it fires.
01:16:52
Speaker
but it's It's really kind of maybe ah more like a crossbow.
01:16:58
Speaker
I mean... He's not swinging it like a sword. He's shooting blades out of it. No, he is aiming it and shooting it. Yes. But it is a sword with three blades that are arranged side by side like Shatterstar's sword.
01:17:13
Speaker
Except he can shoot them like a gun.
01:17:18
Speaker
And... I mean, that's... That's a step beyond Rob.
01:17:25
Speaker
They should have called this movie The Sword and the Sorcerer, colon, beyond Rob. i think it was I think this predates that. Yes. ah here's here's Here's what I'm going to say.
01:17:39
Speaker
And you can disagree. And and we can we can be civil. Yeah. It's stupid.
01:17:51
Speaker
Matt, I have a counterpoint for you. Okay. The counterpoint is this. Of course it's fucking stupid. yeah That's the point, yeah.
01:18:02
Speaker
Yes. here now Here's what I will say. If we are ranking the sword that we saw in the video clip that was sent, yeah that's...
01:18:14
Speaker
That's like a four. If we are ranking the sword as it is depicted on this kick-ass poster, then that's like a ten.
01:18:26
Speaker
I think we probably have to find the middle ground. Like, okay, yeah, so there's like there's like the concept of the sword, and then there's the execution of the sword, right? Yes.
01:18:42
Speaker
The concept, as it is depicted on the poster, pretty cool. The execution... looks good on the poster. The execution in the movie itself, dumb as shit.
01:18:54
Speaker
So I'm going to say it's a five. i i I will... I can't agree with you on that. You can agree with me. I can't agree with you.
01:19:06
Speaker
But Matt... Look at the swords. Of course they're stupid.
01:19:14
Speaker
One of them is nine feet long, and we love it. I mean, but that's not stupid. That's great. thats If you can wield that, you're doing good.
01:19:26
Speaker
only Only one guy can, Madden. He's in the interstice. Yeah. Sword's got three blades. Does he ever hit anybody with all three blades on it? Because it does look like it would fall apart.
01:19:38
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it's not very functional. It's only functional to fire blades out of. like In that clip, it's it's quite functional because he does immediately murder two dudes with But he doesn't swing it like a sword. He doesn't swing like a sword.
01:19:53
Speaker
yeah Now, okay, here's our what what I think is going to be our last submission. Although, we got a little extra time. It may not be our last submission, but we have to determine if we can rank this.
01:20:07
Speaker
Oh my god. This is from Matthew Schultz. Okay.
01:20:13
Speaker
Matthew has submitted the energy sword from the Halo series. Okay. Here's what I will say. That does count as a sword.
01:20:27
Speaker
I did say specifically when we were inviting submissions for 1 10 of swords. Okay. I said that like a lightsaber is a sword.
01:20:38
Speaker
Yeah. Right? Yeah. there is ah There is a blade that performs a sword function.
01:20:48
Speaker
It's not a blunt instrument like a baseball bat. Or claws.
01:20:56
Speaker
But it is kind of claw-like. Well, here's the problem, is that I've never played Halo. Ha, ha.
01:21:06
Speaker
It... Let me see. i was it it I'm passingly familiar with the design. It's definitely... ah i would say it's functionally more of a guitar or punching dagger.
01:21:24
Speaker
Yes, because you hold it... Instead of holding it vertically, the orientation is different from how you hold a sword typically.
01:21:35
Speaker
You're saying that a a sword, you would hold the handle and it would ah come out at the top. Yes. Whereas this, you hold like a bicycle handle.
01:21:47
Speaker
Yeah. I think this would count as a sword, because thrusting swords do exist.
01:21:54
Speaker
Okay. Fair. So I think, you know, i mean, it's... it's It is to a Katar what a sword is to a dagger. And i think I think that... See, this is what made me so mad, Matt, is that these are debates we can have.
01:22:16
Speaker
not Not somebody like sending in the Bible and saying that's sword of the spirit.
01:22:23
Speaker
Or whatever people have been doing. ah but Point being, i I think this one could count sword. I've not played Halo, and I'm not going to play Halo, so don't know.
01:22:38
Speaker
It's alright. If it counts as a sword, then I'll say this. I kind of hate it. Why's that? I don't like the design of it. I don't like the like two blades.
01:22:50
Speaker
What do you have against two blades? What do you have against something having multiple blades, Matt?
01:22:58
Speaker
Did fucking Darth Maul come out in 1999 and you were like, fuck this. No, actually, I... were like that was cool That dual-bladed lightsaber I did like.
01:23:10
Speaker
I had a toy of that. um But it was like two two blades on either end instead of stacked together. I just don't think it's a very functional weapon.
01:23:21
Speaker
um Especially in a game that's all about shooting. I mean, i that is going to be the problem. is that if the game is If the game is primarily gun, sword has some limitations.
01:23:39
Speaker
like I know people like like to use it and and will especially use it in like like PvP kind of stuff.
01:23:49
Speaker
But I've never thought it looked especially cool, and I... don't see a lot of use for it in the game for me personally. And so, ah yeah, i don't love I just don't love it.
01:24:03
Speaker
I never have. I
01:24:09
Speaker
i think it's, I can see why you would think it was cool. I can also see why you would maybe not like it. Yeah.
01:24:19
Speaker
I mean, I think, you know,
01:24:22
Speaker
A sword that you punch somebody with. That's pretty cool. Sure. that's I like punching. I like swording.
01:24:33
Speaker
ah I like all the stuff. Oh. that's That's a big web pee. I just don't think... like you know It's a way to get a melee weapon into a game.
01:24:47
Speaker
That's really what it's there for. And to make it future-y. Without making it a lightsaber. It is so not a lightsaber. That's why those blades can't come out of the top like a sword.
01:25:01
Speaker
Yep. They gotta to come out the front ways. They were like, we wanna make a laser sword, but it can't be a lightsaber. So here's what is. Make me a laser sword, but it cannot be the most famous laser sword.
01:25:14
Speaker
Yep. And and like it sort of reeks of that, too. And so that's another reason why I'm just not a huge fan of it. So...
01:25:27
Speaker
Okay. So you're your problem with it would be both functional and aesthetic. Yeah. Is what you're saying? Okay. like I'm thinking like a three.
01:25:42
Speaker
i just I just don't know... why you don't like, why you think one blade is cool, but not two blades.
01:25:52
Speaker
And I'm in the middle and fine with three. um No, it's not that that it's impossible to have a two-bladed sword that ah but i that i like.
01:26:06
Speaker
um I just don't like any that we've gotten so far. I'm not even going to download this as a PNG, because I know that's a lie. I know that's I know it's a lie. All the two-bladed swords we've gotten so far, I do not i do not enjoy.
01:26:20
Speaker
ah you ah You were wrong about Shatterstars. ah Agree to disagree. ah For the sake of our friendship, I i will let it slide.
01:26:32
Speaker
But I'm just saying you are factually incorrect about that sword. All Black the Necro sword. Don't love it either. Uh... I guess those are the only two-bladed ones, other two-bladed ones we've had.
01:26:47
Speaker
Okay, so so I'm going to defer to you on this, so we're going to give the energy sword a three. Three.
01:26:54
Speaker
i do I think we have time for one more. We can take one more, and then we've got to wrap up. All right, all right. Give me a sharp one.
01:27:04
Speaker
This is from Ryan Bielek.
01:27:08
Speaker
And Ryan says, I'm going to submit what I think is the largest sword submitted so far. Go on This really is a raw heap of iron. The power sword wielded by the Megazord from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
01:27:24
Speaker
Okay, I don't think that's the largest sword. We have some big... Well, I mean, this was this was sent, like, in May. so I think Twilight...
01:27:38
Speaker
Twilight is huge. Yeah. It's the largest one. And I think Exor is the second largest. This might be the third largest, because it's like really like so pretty big step between Exor and the Dragon Slayer, which I think would be next on the list.
01:27:55
Speaker
It's around the same size as the Voltron Blazing Sword. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, functionally, it's the same thing. Functionally, it is the same thing. But better. it is It is, again, another sword that is highly toyetic.
01:28:09
Speaker
Yes. ah Weird that we've gotten two Super Sentai swords on this episode. You know what, though? It it looks pretty cool. Yeah.
01:28:21
Speaker
Yeah, man. I like the like gold filigree down at the bottom. On the blade. That's like a nice little design-y element of it. i I like the shape of it, that it's kind of like the the like a like a delta.
01:28:39
Speaker
I mean, it's approaching He-Man sword shape, but yes. Yeah. But I feel like that you know the kind of flaring out at the base is pretty cool. Also, it's like if you think about how big the Megazord is, the sword is as tall as the Megazord.
01:28:55
Speaker
Yes. So it is a big fucker, even for him. Or them. Or it. Yeah, I don't know what the Megazord's pronouns are. Well, I mean, like it's it's a Gestalt.
01:29:08
Speaker
Correct. It, i guess, probably makes the most sense. it's I mean, it's a non-autonomous robot. Yes. it's ah it's It's a vehicle. It's a vehicle. Really. Yeah. um Here's the thing, though.
01:29:25
Speaker
And we've we've brought this up before. It's a sword that can't really be used as a sword. Because it's on show for children. mean, it does kind of, like... Like, occasionally, like, they'll swing it and hit a monster, but it'll just kind of go... It'll just make an explosion. Yeah, I mean... Yeah, Matt, that's cool.
01:29:50
Speaker
You're not gonna run any monsters through with it. The thing that always destroys the monster is, like, a big energy blast. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, okay. on the one On the one hand, I get what you're saying, and I don't disagree.
01:30:06
Speaker
On the other hand, the hand with the giant sword in it. Right. i Not the one holding like a mastodon-shaped shield.
01:30:16
Speaker
Yeah, that like never gets used. like That thing goes away immediately. But... ah but Like, hitting something with a sword and then explodes is cool as hell.
01:30:36
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I don't disagree. I don't disagree. And also, swords that shoot out energy beams are also cool. We have the the Master Sword's a 10.
01:30:49
Speaker
Killing enemies with a sword that shoots energy beams is cool. Oh, yes. I i mean... tip Same with the Moonlight Greatsword. ah It also shoots energy beams.
01:31:02
Speaker
I'm just saying it would also be cool if you could stab with it. Now, here's what's weird about this sword. I don't think it's as cool as the Red Ranger's sword. But not the one from... Not the pirate one. Not the saber. No, no, no.
01:31:16
Speaker
The one that the Red Mighty Morphin Ranger has. Yeah, yeah. We haven't ranked that, though, have we? No. No, we have not. But feel like if there is a sword in the conversation with a sword, with but another sword I think you kind of have to consider them both. Because I think the Red Ranger sword is actually low-key, extremely cool.
01:31:44
Speaker
it's It's an elegant design, actually. yeah I really like the kind of like the the wings yeah at the at the guard, and the way that it like it looks simultaneously classic and futuristic. I think it's a really cool design. ah yeah like the If the blade didn't look like it was made of plastic, it would be great.
01:32:08
Speaker
It would be like almost perfect. Yes.
01:32:12
Speaker
But I think the the Mega... ah what Do we have a name of this? Is it just the Mega Sword? I think it's just the Mega Zord Sword. yeah that The Mega Power Sword?
01:32:24
Speaker
It's called The Power Sword. It's just called The Power Sword. Okay. I think it's cool. I like it. Yeah. I think it's like maybe... I think it's better than average, but I think it's probably like a six.
01:32:39
Speaker
I think six is right on the money, yeah. But again, i it's still a sword. It's cool. it's and And it's got some nice design going on.
01:32:51
Speaker
Yeah. But I think you're right to... I think you're right to leave room for the Red Ranger's sword, which is better. I agree with you that it's better.
01:33:03
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Because there's ah there's an elegance to that Red Ranger's sword. Hard to find a clean image of this sword. Weirdly difficult.
01:33:14
Speaker
yeah I mean, it's probably going to have to be a picture of the Megazord holding it, I would guess. Yeah. I guess. And not the not the sword itself. By itself. Because, like, why would It it never exists without the Megazord.
01:33:32
Speaker
No, but and it does, like, come down from the sky, which is... That actually might put it up to a seven, because it when it comes down from the sky, that is fucking rad. So where is it coming from? is is is god
01:33:50
Speaker
Is Zordon sending it down every time? Shit, I guess. Yeah, I guess so. i guess I guess, Matt. Zordon.
01:34:01
Speaker
Who the fuck is he? He's a wizard.
01:34:07
Speaker
Like... Dude, Matt, before you say one more word, hu do you want to get into the lore? no Because I can do it. Not especially.
01:34:18
Speaker
Okay. Just saying, that you can't take it back once you've said it. it' just i was always so like ah frustrated. I guess he does appear not on the screen in the movie, which I forgot about.
01:34:35
Speaker
Yes. But he fucking dies. Yeah. I was always annoyed that he was just kind of like a a wavy face. That you never got a clear look at.
01:34:46
Speaker
Yeah, man, he's fucking trapped in there. is he he's like he trap He's trapped in that tube? Yeah, man, he's in the fucking Phantom Zone. Man. Zordon.
01:34:58
Speaker
I can't believe you're mocking his sacrifice. he's You're laughing. He's trapped in a tube and you're laughing.
01:35:07
Speaker
My Sacrifice Creed. That's his favorite song. It is. All right. That is all we can rate on this episode.
01:35:18
Speaker
Did you find an image or you still find one? I'll find one. I'll get it eventually. I'm going to, I'm going to go ahead and and say that it's a five. Okay. Cause I think it, or no, it's a six, we six, a six, six.
01:35:32
Speaker
We said six. Cause it is cool. I do like this. It is a giant sword for a giant robot. Yes. It's, it's good. It's solidly good. Um,
01:35:43
Speaker
If you would like to send a sword for us to rate in this segment, you can do it at our email address, which is warrocketpodcast at gmail.com.
01:35:54
Speaker
You can also get in touch with us in other ways. you can We're on Tumblr. You can send questions and comments there at warrocketpodcast.tumblr.com. We're on bluesky at warrocketajax.com there.
01:36:09
Speaker
ah We have a Discord, which you can join if you ask nicely to join over there. um On any of the places I just mentioned, our email, our Patreon, or on Blue Sky, you can ask for an invitation to the Discord, and we'll send you one.
Closing and Social Causes
01:36:30
Speaker
If you're nice, our website is warrocketajax.com, and as every episode of the show we've ever done, WarRocketWiki.com is the fan-run repository of information, all you could ever want, about this show, WarRocket Ajax.
01:36:48
Speaker
If you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net to find links to my comics, my books, my other podcasts, and my social medias. Chris, where can people find you? Everybody can find me by going to the-isp.com. That is my website, and it has links to all the things that I do.
01:37:04
Speaker
On the internet. That's going to do it for this week's episode. Thank you for joining us while we talked about swords. ah wasn Wasn't it fun? From me and Matt and Biscuit.
01:37:15
Speaker
thanks Thanks for joining us. That's right. Sometimes it's nice to have Biscuit on the show. Sometimes. She makes her voice heard. She is vocal.
01:37:27
Speaker
Listen, she's a very good dog. She's a great dog. She is vocal. but she's But she's a good dog. Yes.
01:37:37
Speaker
ah Bye, everybody. And she'll probably be back next week. Until then, folks, do not forget that Black Lives Matter. Trans rights are human rights. As are abortion rights.
01:37:48
Speaker
Drag is not a crime. Cops are not your friends. Free Palestine, we love you. We love you. Yeah!