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399 — Presidential Hard-On (with Patrick)
41 Plays17 days ago
Ty & Eric are joined by Patrick, the retired host of the podcast How Original to discuss their Subway sobriety, the value proposition of Joey King, the most inches every consumed by a woman in 24 hours, the deranged plot of the movie Uglies, why Subway nachos are a bad idea, deleting the Subway series menu, giving the Subway CEO the Trump pardon, and whether Fauci did anything wrong?
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Appearance
00:00:04
Think Fresh
redheads, breadheads, breadheads, Ty and Eric back in the booth for another episode of Think Fresh. This isn't just any episode. This is a very special episode because this is episode 399.
00:00:17
Think Fresh
Isn't that right, Eric? You're so right, dude. And um if you're hearing any giggling in the background, it's because we have a guest today. We have a guest today. Yeah, that's right. I'm auditing this podcast. Wait, what are what are the episode stamps I've been on for? I've been on two, I think. yeah Yeah, this is a thrice guest. three p eight three p s You hold the yeah the personal best for most podcast appearances. Is that because you guys ate? We made everyone to right away. Somehow you stuck around and can't shake you off.
00:00:47
Think Fresh
The three timers club is small. Yeah. And you're the captain of it. Well, I'm very excited to be in this, uh, rarefied air to
Podcasting Experiences and Challenges
00:00:55
Think Fresh
be in this booth. right breadhead You are hearing the voice of Patrick from the now defunct how original I was going to say the retired podcaster, um, the canceled hard, canceled, dude, when I go to social events and people introduce me as like, Oh, this is the podcaster. I do the leg across the neck. Like don't do that shit.
00:01:15
Think Fresh
but uh this is a tell all exclusive episode we brought Patrick on here to clear the air share his side of the story tell us how him and his ghost George broke it off and well I was gonna say it's probably a disappointing narrative and that we just both we're traveling and kind of got busy with other creative endeavors and then we're like, oh no, two or three months have gone by. um So yeah, there's no like tell-all fallout. In fact, I'm hanging out with George tomorrow to do something other than podcasts. We're going to do some writing. Damn. That's a good time I hang out without a microphone. Yeah, now it's now it's all just monetized content.
00:01:53
Think Fresh
Well I was thinking recently, maybe I saw this as a Reddit comment, like there's no podcast that two friends have started where it like doesn't lead to some sort of animosity or falling out. yeah So I'm like be careful guys, be careful. If it hasn't happened by now, 400 episodes later, I don't think it will, to be honest.
Friendship and Business Dynamics
00:02:10
Think Fresh
You're not going to end up in some IP battle with Dave Portnoy, and then each have a different side of the story. yeah i mean It's only possible if we like get extremely rich, and then we can't decide how to split the millions. The only way we'll probably break up. But since they're not M's involved at the moment, things are smooth sailing. That's correct.
00:02:31
Think Fresh
It's kind of like the same philosophy as like, you don't want to dip your ladle in company soup, you know, you don't want to, you don't want to necessarily start a business with your bestie because it's gonna just lead to suffering. You don't want to blend work and personal. No, no, not at all. Definitely not. You got to have those discreet selves. Exactly.
00:02:50
Think Fresh
But i' unfortunately, we Eric and I don't have the same guest diligence that Nardwar does. So right this is about as far as we can go to quiz you on the skeletons in your closet regarding the retirement of your podcast. It would be funny if you're bringing out like insane artifacts from my childhood. Like, is this the cassette tape of like Paul Simon's Graceland you used to listen to as a child? Whoa. Whoa.
Critique of 'Uglies' Film
00:03:18
Think Fresh
yeah Yeah, that last time George was late, how did I make you feel? Made me go ballistic. Yeah, no, unfortunately, I really have nothing to promote unless people are interested in checking out a defunct podcast called How Original about Netflix originals. um I will say there have been a few things on Netflix recently that I've watched and been like somebody needs to speak about this. I don't know if it's me, but somebody needs to talk about Uglies starring Joey King, which is one of the worst fucking movies I've ever seen. too I don't know what that means. like what What kind of movie is this? Okay, so get this. It's based on a young adult sci-fi dystopia book, I think from like before 2010.
00:04:00
Think Fresh
And imagine, if you will, a world where everyone is ugly until they get government mandated, like, yassification surgery when they're, I think, 16 or 18. And then they go live in the utopia. So you can't go into this, like, ideal utopia until you get yassified. But I'm like, okay, so the The economics of this all really aren't addressed. Nobody seems to hold any sort of job or productive role in the society. Like they're truly just partying every night. It's like a nightclub that never ends. So I'm like, all these pretty people are just like perma-k-hold. But then there are some other people who are the outliers of society who are like, we're not going to get gasified. And they like live in secrecy in the woods and everything. i was like
00:04:44
Think Fresh
Why are you fighting against this seemingly perfect society? yeah dude it's just it's like it's a They don't address like the socialism aspect of it at all. I see. Socialism aside though, it's just, a they're holding a mirror to today's society, right? Because you are ugly until you hit puberty turn 21 and go to the bar for your first drink. You order a vodka soda. Yes, you are in. You are on the other side now. It is a lifetime party from there. Right, right. There's no going back.
00:05:15
Think Fresh
This movie is also crazy because when they show the effect of like the surgery, it looks like a bold glamour filter is like poorly attached to these actors and actresses. its Interesting. It's incredibly bad. It's so terrible. They just ran all of the film footage through Snapchat's filters. They truly did. And if you go to Letterbox, there's so many comments calling it out. like This just looks like a bold glamour filter. Damn. What's happening? Oh, no. I accidentally switched to the dog filter. Yeah.
Joey King's On-screen Presence
00:05:43
Think Fresh
Uh, Pat, ah you're a film expert. I gotta ask, what is the value proposition that Joey King brings to the film industry? I don't get it. Well, I don't get it. So I guess one of my more controversial takes is like, I'm very attracted to her and everybody hates me for this. Interesting. Well, they hate me for a lot of reasons, but.
00:06:01
Think Fresh
I don't know. It's like, I've never seen her be anything other than completely cringy on screen. But yet I'm very drawn to her. And maybe there is an element of like, I could fix her a bit. Yeah, you want a cringy girl. Yeah, my kink is just like a girl that I can barely bring to social functions. Where I have to like brief people beforehand. And I'm like, all right, she's gonna make some bad jokes. Because that way you look like the normal one. Right. It makes perfect sense.
00:06:27
Think Fresh
So, okay, I understand why you are into her. She was in the kissing booth. Well, I was gonna say, famously in three. The whole trilogy. Three was mentioned for some reason. But I think that's where a lot of people first became aware of her when she was doing very cringy stuff in the kissing booth. A king for my king. She was pretty cringy, I'll give you that. She is exceptionally cringy. I believe she's also now married to like a producer who is like 15 years older than her. So I need to break up their marriage. Did she delete her eyebrows like after the film or for the film? ah Probably after I think. Damn. I'm struggling to recall the eyebrows in this film. I think she had regular eyebrows in it. Oh wow. What's going on with that? like That's got to be a filter. why do we keep with know eyebrows um yeah why Why do girls feel the need to delete their eyebrows? like It's kind of a cry for help. yeah I would say, yeah, it's kind of alarming. I i feel as if very few people arrive at this decision when like things are going super well.
00:07:26
Think Fresh
you know it's a it It is a cry for help, for
Eyebrow Fashion and Identity
00:07:31
Think Fresh
sure. It's kind of like you have to be really fixated on your eyebrows to warrant just completely rip and replacing them. Yeah. you go Every time you look in the mirror, your eyes are going upwards. They're focusing on the brow. it's It's a very dramatic way to alter your appearance. and like I guess it's maybe kind of this high fashion look that's kind of trickled down to the general populace, but yeah I don't know. Shrimp dune two mode. Yeah.
Subway's Social Scene and Food Innovations
00:08:01
Think Fresh
We're like Rick Owens runway. We're all submersed in a big pool of oil right now doing style podcasting. Hell yeah. Oh, shit.
00:08:10
Think Fresh
So Patrick, it's been a while since we last talked to you. What has your subway journey been like since last episode? Great question. Honestly, I feel like I've consumed very little subway since the last time I was on this podcast. And I'm actually, I've been a subway sober as of, I don't know, I'm trying to go a whole calendar year without any subway, which you know might be a bit challenging because there's one literally 30 seconds outside my.
00:08:35
Think Fresh
my building. You are 30 seconds from one right now as well. We are recording outside of Subway. That's right. Yeah, it's it's the craziest vibe to just be posted up outside of Subway. I feel like I'm almost doing like a steak out. Steak and cheese out.
00:08:51
Think Fresh
its It's good though. Yeah, it is what one of those things. It's like I feel at home like subway is one of those places where you should be kind of staking out. There's always people outside the way. And I mean, there's one right now. Who's talking to nobody? It's usually just somebody talking to themselves or bullying someone. Usually the two things. that are Oh, so this is like a real bully space. It's really so. Yeah, there's a nice alleyway behind it.
00:09:14
Think Fresh
Okay. We've seen some crazy shit while recording here. We've seen actual fights break out. We saw someone rob a car the other day parked next to us. and but And obviously you didn't intervene. You just kept podcasting. We weren't sure if it was their car, but they were slum all the way down. So there's a good chance it wasn't their car. But for all, I don't think they could drive. Well, because they opened the car with such ease that it looked like they just unlocked it.
00:09:37
Think Fresh
oh And now I'm thinking like, do these people have technology that we don't have access to? Or is it just opportunistically like trying a bunch of car doors, seeing which one's unlocked? I don't know. It could be that. It's probably that. But who knows, maybe the Uglies have access to something that we don't.
00:09:53
Think Fresh
You know what? i We are kind of the same as them, though, Eric. Like, I am currently in a car that I don't own. and And I am talking to nobody, just like that guy that walked by. We're not so different. This is taking a bleak turn. Wow, dude. It's empathy, boys.
00:10:12
Think Fresh
Well, I'm proud of you for your sobriety. I as well have been restraining as much as I can. I think I've eaten a about 36 inches maybe this year. this yet yeah so okay it's wait we like three weeks into january maybe i i mean it's once a week almost yeah that's a foot a week what is a reasonable amount to count him a week high own zero I haven't had any this year. I haven't been since.
00:10:40
Think Fresh
probably mid-december so i'm doing pretty strong before that has been like months as well yeah i think when maybe mid or early december was my last night encounter with the way so you're gonna celebrate this christmas with a footlong is that the plan i think so yeah wow and like okay do you guys do you know what innovation subway is bringing like is there any chatter about like their upcoming deals or sandwiches or are you guys reacting in real time with everybody else we do not have insider information that we are okay you know we're doing any other
00:11:15
Think Fresh
Sorry, maybe I should rephrase. I didn't mean so much inside info as much as like, if you're a subway fan, do they put out a lot of stuff about like, Q2, we're dropping the, I don't know, Scotty Barnes version 2.0. Like the earnings call, like, yeah, or the quarterly earnings call, are they dropping, you know, yeah, we're focusing on Dude, I have not listened to an investor call from Subway ever. I would imagine it'd be very bleak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be weird though to just hear the voices of the employees there. Yeah, yeah. Very monotone, very hungry. Yeah, dude, if you couldn't even understand them. No. Like, I can't understand my artists, so why would I even understand each other? They're all mumblers. This is the whole company of mumblers. Through the sneeze guard. Yeah, the CFO is...
00:11:56
Think Fresh
It's not easy for them to get their ideas across. No, no one's communicating too much there. So it would be, it would be quite the experience. but So no, we have not really, we we don't look for it. We are.
00:12:09
Think Fresh
proper journalism on the ground, 30 feet from a subway. Live your life a quarter mile at a time. Exactly. On site. OK. But Ty, we did have some new stuff that we talked about last time, which was a nacho. Yes, that's um most most recently entered the chat is ah nacho cheese sauce is that some hit the menu and they're actually going to start building nachos, footlong nachos for sale in a collaboration with, you guessed it, Doritos. So.
00:12:40
Think Fresh
I mean, I can say negative things here, right, about the subway brand. Oh yeah, this is satire. This is... subway can't sue us because this is we follow satire law. Here's my here's my immediate knee-jerk reaction. If you are getting a foot of nachos at Subway, you have strayed so far from God, you need to evaluate everything that's happening in your life. You probably already bleached your eyebrows. um Holy shit.
00:13:06
Think Fresh
Yeah, this is it's not easy it a crazy item. Dude, it's not even a good deal. Nachos should be measured by their circumference and their height. Never length. Length has nothing to do with them. Yeah, you don't lay them out in a... Yeah, that's so bizarre. You're guaranteed getting not very many chips. And like under the best of circumstances, nachos are like,
00:13:28
Think Fresh
They could upset the system, you know? Dude, they're disruptors. I don't know if I would trust Subway to really store all the things in a... I don't trust Subway, but I trust the Dorito, you know, institution. I think, like, get the right base layer going, and there's very little room to fuck that up. Right.
00:13:48
Think Fresh
So because Doritos has now attached themselves to it, there's a level of standards that's going to be brought in. It's kind of like on Shark Tank. It's like, I don't trust the guy, but if Mark Cuban trusts him, then I trust him. Right. It's like the fundamental idea could be good, but that might not be the person to execute. Exactly.
00:14:04
Think Fresh
Yeah, but at the same time though, like Doritos made the perfect chip. What's one ingredient you'd actually like add to that to make it better? That's probably not Shreddess. It's not sweet onion sauce. us yeah None of the ingredients behind that wall over there are going to make Doritos better. Right. Yeah, that's the thing. You got to go with like the plain ones, like Cool Ranch. you know Yeah, like sweet chili heat. Something neutral. like Yeah, the most neutral chip on the planet, sweet chili heat. Damn the taste buds must be blitz. Because I feel like Doritos has already innovated so much to create the perfect thing that you would never find in nature. So it's like, do we then need to do further modifications on that? That's well said actually. Doritos feel more like than any other food, like they were made in a lab by proper scientists.
00:14:54
Think Fresh
yeah They're not made by a business or like a company that's even greedy to like sell things and they're not made by people that have restaurateur and experience. It comes from this third party, which is like the scientist. Yeah, not not the entrepreneur nor the artist. No Michelin-starred hands have ever touched a Dorito. but No, it is like constructed to be the perfect flavor profile.
Skepticism Over Adult Film Records
00:15:19
Think Fresh
Yeah. Yeah. Hey, there's this guy again He's doing another lap same guy that's still talking to nobody just like us don't make eye contact Eric Maybe he's got like a left air pod in that we just can't see he's like number nine on the Spotify charts for like all comedy podcasts. Yeah That's crazy, you know speaking of getting blitzed guys there's some
00:15:42
Think Fresh
There's a civil war going on that we should talk about. Oh, sure. ty are I have no idea where this is going. There is a ah corn star civil war. Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about now. We all know what you're talking about. Guys, I don't fucking believe for a second that Bonnie Blue slept with 1,047 or 57 guys in quote unquote 12 hours. That doesn't add up at all to me. I want somebody from the Guinness Book of World Records being there to count each dick in the gangbang. Dude, imagine one of those nerds sitting there in the cuck chair. Just like, check, check for 1,000. Losing your mind. Okay, I'm actually so proud of myself because I got super drunk on my birthday while you guys were both there that I didn't bring up the Lily Fellows tape. Because like have you guys seen the YouTube documentary? Yes, I watched it for research.
00:16:33
Think Fresh
Okay, it's so funny on the documentary seeing all the comments of people who are like extremely disturbed by it. They're feeling all these emotions. I watch it and I'm like, I don't feel anything about this. I don't care one way or the other. I don't think it was meant for you to feel anything. But a lot of people, it like really moved them and they needed to speak out about it. I'm like, I'm completely indifferent to all of this. Are you talking about the audience of the documentaries felt like they were like feeling bad for the girl or Yeah, like the people leaving comments like on the YouTube video we're talking about, you know, all sorts of armchair psychology she is deeply disturbed that's for sure Oh, she is deeply disturbed but again, it's like I watch this and it's like
00:17:13
Think Fresh
I just don't care. Like if she wants to do this, that's fine. yeah um So one of my buddies and I, we keep joking that like, you know how fantasy football leagues will have creative punishments for whoever comes in last place. It's like whoever comes in last in a fantasy league should have to sign up to be the 1000th guy specifically in the 1000th guy. dude You got to be the 1000th guy and you and you got to go down on it. Yeah. Oh my gosh. This is a huge podcast online boy. This one might be NC-17. Also, it was crazy in the documentary when she's like, yeah, it just became such a logistical challenge to get 100 guys will actually show up. that like We gave, quote unquote, preference to guys with clean STD tests, but we couldn't do that for everyone. It's like, yikes. Yeah, because how can you find 1,000 guys who would do that, that are like check all the boxes? Yeah.
00:18:05
Think Fresh
And some of the people, do you remember in the documentary, also like traveled from different countries to do this? I mean, they flew in. It was people from like Sweden flying into London. Wow, a global affair. Bring the world together, honestly. Imagine talking to like a customs person about like purpose of visit. Well, pleasure sure I'm Guy 87, so you know pretty pumped. I have a commitment I cannot miss. Yeah.
00:18:31
Think Fresh
Damn. But I mean, I think she she should be rewarded because she's really bringing together the world. mean True. All guys from different countries, no matter your political background. No, no, it's like it's a level playing field in that sense. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah. OK, so here's my main question about it, though delving into it. So I've heard all this stuff about Lily Phillips. And obviously, I think a lot of people probably signed up for her OnlyFans after hearing about all this.
00:18:59
Think Fresh
But is there a full tape that exists where it's 24 hours of... like I don't understand what kind of product is being put out from this. I think it's all just social media quips. They're doing it for the quips. so There was probably no cameras. Yeah, because my original assumption was there's going to be a massive piece of film that gets dropped that you know shows all of this. And then I'm like, well, you can't just have 24 hours. like I don't think OF could even support a file size that big.
00:19:27
Think Fresh
Kind of like the we live in public documentary. It's like, we fucking public. yeah It's just like 100, 100 blokes. Yeah, going in. Also, though, like, not all 1000 dudes are gonna deliver a performance worthy of the camera. Well, yeah. And if you don't, or are you really gonna write?
00:19:47
Think Fresh
yeah If you like blow it, are you gonna actually even sign the release papers? Or are you just gonna withhold? I'm sure a couple withhold. got out a sign for You first. You gotta sign first, I think, yeah. yeah But I think, at least in the documentary, they censored out all the IDs of the guys. Which, I feel like if you're a guy who's doing this... You should be able to put your name behind it. You should have to. You ever have to live your trip? Yeah, 100%. I don't know.
00:20:14
Think Fresh
Man, that's wild. It makes me realize though, like we just need general cleanliness in society.
Cleanliness and Social Privileges
00:20:18
Think Fresh
you know like If you go to a potluck, people with the cleanest hands should get to serve the themselves first. you know Right. like there's just a There should be a cleanliness ranking system that ah gives you special privileges in the society. you know like If you can show proof of when you last showered, you should have first dibs on like accessing a business or ah performing an action. Maybe you get proceeding at a restaurant because you are the cleanest person.
00:20:45
Think Fresh
I was trying to find a screenshot and then I look up 10 seconds later and Ty's like, eugenics are actually good and here's why. damn was i blame that i didn't read dog whistle real quick i did some quick math ah in twenty four hours there are 86,000 seconds. So that means, divided by 1,000 people, every user gets 86 seconds. Assuming that this is completely uninterrupted for a whole day of string. I'm in a 25 without transfer and swaps. Yeah, exactly. That's crazy. It's like tag team the homie, tap them in, and then, you know, next. It's like a relay. Yeah, it's a one pump relay. That's all you're getting. Yeah. That just seems not worth it, really.
00:21:31
Think Fresh
but to be a part of it I don't think that was the point. To be a part of history. But to these people, like I said, don't be part of history. These men want to be a part of something bigger than them. Yeah. It's like, you know, some people were part of like NASA projects. Some people were part of stuff like this. Do you think there's like a weigh in before you start? Like they they measure you up, check your dimensions.
00:21:53
Think Fresh
wait and then they like quantify how big your load was afterwards like they re-weight you well it's more just like like we talk a lot about like how many footlongs are consumed annually at subway so just like how many inches right oh yeah dude we gotta look that up No, we don't have to look that up. Yes, we do. we this is nothing I can't believe I'm still entertaining this as an episode topic. This is nothing if not a rigorous scientific podcast. Surely there's something else today. just Googled average dick size in the UK. Nice. 5.63 inches. Okay. So of that times 1000. How many blokes? Yeah.
00:22:34
Think Fresh
big five thousand 5630 inches. Wow. How many howy inches is like one story of a building? Is it nine feet? Yeah, I think a floor is nine feet. Yeah. Depends, are you in the artist style loft or are you in the basement suite? So it's 52 floors. Wow. Of dick. Holy moly. That's crazy. That's a lot. Taller than most buildings here in Vancouver. Yeah, it is. Yeah, I was going to say maybe you could go to like, you know, the new developments around SkyTrain hubs and find something of that that size. but
00:23:09
Think Fresh
Holy shit. And just for the boys, we're going to look up what a 52-story building looks like. Yeah. Oh, nice. Redheads, you won't be able to see the visual, but this thing is tall. That's crazy. It's always good to get into like visual stuff on a podcast. Yeah. Okay. Just, I'll describe what we're looking at. We're looking at a 52 story building. Oh, the, uh, wait, how tall is the U S bank tower in LA? Is that 52 stories? It's probably pretty close. 73. Oh, okay. That's a big one. That's a big one. It's got some growth too.
00:23:41
Think Fresh
Okay, I was trying to find a screenshot of my phone, which I think is lost in the sands of time, but basically I was looking up, like, what is the previous record that Bonnie blew? Again, I think she's fucking lying about all this, but what does she claim to have broken? So in the early 2000s, there's a woman who claimed to have slept with like 900 and something guys within the span of a day.
00:24:02
Think Fresh
And then later, if you go to her Wikipedia page, there's a drop down that's like gang bang controversy. And it was found out that she only slept only quote unquote, it was like less than 150. Oh, so it's like this number was dramatically inflated. But then it also made me think like, even if this number was true from the early 2000s, there really was no innovation in the space for like 20 years until recently.
00:24:26
Think Fresh
And again, it seems like these claims are not super credible, and there's some stats inflation. So much like the LeBron scoring title, like it won't be touched for many years. Yeah. Rightfully so. Yeah. I feel like Western culture wants to forget all history before it, too. Right? Like, think about Genghis Khan. Right. Like that guy. That was his body count. His body count is crazy.
00:24:54
Think Fresh
um destroy multiple ways the way phils destroyer
00:25:00
Think Fresh
you i don't I don't think anyone's catching con.
Subway Brand Image and Transparency
00:25:04
Think Fresh
Do you guys think Lily Phillips would ever come on this podcast? We can send her a DM, but I think a lot of dudes are doing that, right? Yeah, it might get lost in the jungle. Yeah. That is how we showed up to this thing and brought our mic. We were just like, we just want to ask you some questions. Do you mean, like, man on the street? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, listen, we have 86 seconds. Let's get to the, let's get to the climax here. No pun intended. We need the Foley for our intro. 86 seconds is like a a quick time event in a video game. Yeah, exactly. It's a full time out in the NBA. It's most of a minor penalty in the NHL. 1,000 long form reels. Except unlike the NHL, you're not even in the box for two minutes. What other topics do we have, Ty?
00:25:57
Think Fresh
Yeah, this is about sandwiches. I regrettably brought none today, or I would have shifted off that top. It's a long... and so You would have pulled the ramp core. Yeah, it's okay. We talked about roast beef for a good half an hour. Yeah, that's true. What do you guys... Like, if you could change anything about the Subway franchise or brand in 2025, what would that be? Ooh, great question Patrick.
00:26:21
Think Fresh
You go first. Yeah. I've been saying this for a long time. I will want the option to bring my own veggies. Okay. Yeah. I'm tired of what they're offering. It's low grade and there's not enough variety. I want to show up with at least a couple of my own, hand to the sandwich artists and let them get to work. Are these like being passed over in a Tupperware? Yeah, Tupperware, brown baguette, maybe depends on the material, you know? yeah Yeah. So I just want them to like become more open source in that regard. Right.
00:26:48
Think Fresh
Interesting. Yeah, what about you, Eric? I think I would delete the menu and have it just be like veggie buckets. Yes. And like ingredients only, like no suggestion on how to pair them. ah And it's up to the customer to have to like put their cra cap on or ask the sandwich artist to finally do their job and, you know, create something for the customer. Right. I mean, I think I think that's a reasonable ask.
00:27:13
Think Fresh
Yeah, 100%. Also, like the Subway series menu is garbage because it disregards the core clientele to begin with. Because for you to use the Subway menu and see all one dozen and go through all of the different sandwiches, you need to be able to read and count. And I think that's asking too much of the customers. I think it's actually kind of rude to assume that much.
00:27:41
Think Fresh
I mean, the biggest fuck you in the subway menu is how, like, everything is numbered, but in a completely random, jumbled order. Dude, yeah. You have to have a PhD to get through that. Yeah, dude. The beauty of Subway is you don't even have to be able to speak. You can just point and get order across. You can be a non-verbal entity and still still get a Subway order through. So, in a way, it's the most accessible fast food restaurant.
00:28:05
Think Fresh
Right, okay. Yeah, there's nothing ableist of about Subway. Right, right. Yeah, what about you? What would you switch to? I think, I mean, I feel like I've even talked about this on this podcast before, but having a consistent mascot, or a kind of like spokesperson. They're not bringing back Fogle. No, not nor am I saying they should go into their back we catalog. So you're saying Trump should pardon Fogle? No, no, no, no.
00:28:30
Think Fresh
Well, they went out the fucking Silk Road guys, so anything goes um No, I just think you know Subway will do all these promos with like certain athletes I was just like give me something kind of fixed and constant I'd like yeah a consistent spokesperson or mascot where there's kind of like narratives around dude. They can't though They've been burnt before they can't all of their that's true eggs egg salad sandwiches in one basket I mean statistically though. What are the odds of hiring two folks?
00:29:00
Think Fresh
If they hired another pedo by accident, I'd be crazy. like It's like, give these guys a break. It's, you know, very unfortunate and obviously he was a monster, but the odds of getting that when you hire a spokesperson, fairly low. One would hope. One would hope. I feel like the open casting call might bring out the freaks. True.
00:29:21
Think Fresh
Yeah, they'd have to be very strict about like, we're not looking to replicate that. You have to have something like a little loose in the brain, though, to like go to that casting call and be like, I want to represent footlong sandwiches. Not good sandwiches. I want to be the face of that. Right. You know? Yeah, yeah you got to have screws for sure. Yeah, you got to be hiding something. I feel like you guys could be in a subway ad.
00:29:45
Think Fresh
We are the closest Subway has to consistent representatives. Five years of recording, how many? Scotty Barnes has been representing them for like seven months. I was going to say you pre-date anything they're doing with Scotty Barnes, I think. Yeah dude, Scotty Barnes was 15 years old when we started.
00:30:03
Think Fresh
Wasn't even a man yet. um But if I had to think of another one, I think I would declassify the sandwich files. I think everything that Subway has needs to have the ingredients published online and like updated like quarterly. So like I need to know what's in the tuna salad. I need to know what's in the bread.
00:30:22
Think Fresh
and just list it all out. I think we've got to ask Trump to just do that with the JFK files, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did. When you said declassify the sandwich files, I'm like, did I miss some sort of major conspiracy around the brand? Well, yes. Did Subway kill JFK?
00:30:37
Think Fresh
it might have dude it could have like it could have taken there's a lot of unexplained deaths natural causes more like unnatural bread yeah exactly you think it was because JFK's head got blown off or he had like a pre-existing condition with eating the tuna yeah whenever you find subway tuna in the autopsy it's like you have to wonder it shows that more than we think flatre in the autops They got the money. They can pay off the autopsy.
00:31:04
Think Fresh
you know
00:31:07
Think Fresh
lobbyering a Lobbying a different government agency to keep things quiet.
Presidential Pardons and Policing Stories
00:31:12
Think Fresh
So I want to bring up one more thing. Yeah close out. I was paying attention to the Inauguration the first few days of Trump presidency. Mm-hmm. like no notes 10 out of 10 stuff you'd say Honestly, he was kind of spitting. I'll be honest, but there was something that stood out to me. He pardoned Fauci and Right and um Yeah, and I was just kind of thinking like, okay, there's probably a few cases where a preemptive pardon makes sense. But I'm not sure why you would pardon some guy who we were supposed to be trusting this whole time. Yeah, no, I mean, his
00:31:47
Think Fresh
Like his brain's completely melted. He'll say anything for attention. Seems like he's really spinning out of control. So yeah, I know. That's possible. But also now I'm thinking like, what did what did he do that I need to know about? i i got I got the vaccine. What do I need to know?
00:32:04
Think Fresh
but yeah I wouldn't be too concerned about that. yeah I'd be more concerned about eating Subway at this point. That is such a 40 chest level troll move to imply someone did something wrong by giving them a presidential pardon. That is so i mean it's nice so funny. like If you accept the pardon, and you guilty. That's also very weird to even like dignify that by being like, I accept it.
00:32:29
Think Fresh
yeah Yeah. Okay. So I hadn't heard anything about this, but the preemptive, very bizarre, dude, that's insane. if if killed right Okay. Like if Trump came to you and said, Eric, I want to give you a preemptive pardon, you'd probably take it too, right? Cause you'd be like, I don't know what dirt they got on me, but 399 episodes. Yeah, that's true. It would definitely wipe this like clean no matter what. Um, and it would be cool story to be like, yeah, I've got the presidential party. Do you have that? i'm I'm not taking it. I don't think it's a good look to take it.
00:33:00
Think Fresh
It isn't kind of incriminating, isn't it? It kind of implies a lot. Yeah. That's why it's such a funny move. Yeah. Expert level move from Trump. His base is like, yeah, we knew we shouldn't have got the ouchy. We knew that guy was a crook. Of course, he took the pardon. Also, I should clarify, Biden pardoned him. Oh, Biden? Yeah. Oh, OK. To protect him. To protect him. Because that's a different story. Oh, that makes a lot more sense. Yeah. I think it's the same story, because the libs were pushing the vaccine so hard. But. And so Biden's probably incriminated as well.
00:33:29
Think Fresh
I think you can look at Trump as being so erratic and again, fucking brain melted. That's like, who knows what's going to happen. I'm going to accept this part of him just to protect myself che myself from Trump. Yes. Because ah that was my interpretation of events that he's accepting the pardon under the assumption like Trump is out of his fucking mind. Like who knows what will happen to me once Trump is in power. So yeah.
00:33:52
Think Fresh
But is the present presidential part in like a get out of jail free card that you can just pocket until later? Because if so, what you could just go commit tax fraud or I think it's murder somebody. You can do anything. Well, I think it's only for the shit you've done up until it's issued. But like didn't Trump pardon all the fucking January sex people? The patriots. Yes.
00:34:12
Think Fresh
The cream of the crop, the brain geniuses. Yeah, I think it only works retroactively. I don't think it's like a trap card in Yu-Gi-Oh, where you decide to play it later. I'm going to redeem my one crime. As you're getting pulled out, the clock pulls out his badge. You pull out your pardon. The Uno reverse card. It's like, fuck you, please.
00:34:34
Think Fresh
That is very funny, the idea of having like immunity that you can choose when to use it. Yeah, that's kind of handy for sure. yeah And it's like, I don't know, have you guys ever heard heard stories from like older family members about like run-ins with the cops in small communities and stuff? It's very much like, ah oh yeah, all the time. Yeah. out The other way. Yeah. i Hope you are friends with the c cops family. Or it's like, it was the 60s. I had like a cocktail between my legs in the car and the cops like,
00:35:02
Think Fresh
Well, your home's just over there, so get home safe. Wait, what? Dude, all all sorts of stories. I'll hear from my family friends. They'll be like, yeah, I drunk drove into a ditch. the Cops showed up. They said, okay, well, we we won't tell your dad. but like Just walk home. We defunded them. That's crazy. They used to be like our friends. Yeah. How do we get the police back on our side? Yeah.
00:35:24
Think Fresh
i three way god ah go get rid of these body cams Okay, I think what we're missing is a celebration of the third space because you only encounter a cop on the worst day of your life, right? So like you're old because it's like you did something wrong or the best day if you're in trouble But like nine times out of ten, you're having a shitty day when the
Community Building with Police
00:35:45
Think Fresh
cops show up. Tensions are high. You just need some time to like jam with them, develop some trust in a low-stakes environment. And I know one that the cops are always at and it is 30 feet from us boys. I think we need to have like cop meetups at Subway where customers and them can come together over a sandwich and just shoot the shit. Wouldn't it be cool to just be like, so like how many times you shoot your gun or like tell us some stories on the
00:36:08
Think Fresh
in the case, just kind of humanize them a little bit. Right. That's what we actually need to fix this. Masking a cop how many times you shot their gun is. Yeah, that's information we should have. Every time I see a cop, I'm like, I just want to ask them if they yeah killed anybody before. I feel like statistically the average amount would be zero times. You think so? Or okay, maybe if you look at a across the entire population, it would be like point something. I think most cops have not fired their weapon. but the conversation outside of training. Well, yes. Yeah, in a live fire. and vi Imagine them first time at a gunfight like, ah sha yeah, no, I'm sure they fire off plenty of rounds and preparations. But we fired some guns together. Yeah, we've shot more guns than some cops.
00:36:56
Think Fresh
Well, I guess in that environment, they probably still shot more than us. Yeah, it's hard to say. I mean, if we could shoot someone tonight, leave that out. Beep. Do not clip that. Shit. The conversation has made its way back to body counts. Yeah. Eric, do you think cops, most of the average cop has killed someone with their gun? The average cop. No.
00:37:19
Think Fresh
I don't know. In Trump's America, they're just shooting everywhere. If you count like dying on their watch, then yes. Because we're in the highest death toll postal code right now. That's true. So you think and the average- We're on O Block. Yeah, exactly. We're in Vancouver's O Block, which is V6A. Well, way to dox this. So the average copy's been a witness to death.
00:37:46
Think Fresh
That's what we're saying. I mean, shit, we've all been witnesses to death. We're all dying at various speeds. Imagine how many kids died on Lily Phillips face. Whoa. Damn. OK, we got a killer there. No, no, let's keep going. I have more thoughts about Lily Phillips. One last thought. It's so funny that her and Bonnie Blue look fucking identical. Like, they look so fucking similar. It's like that specific, like,
00:38:12
Think Fresh
type of British lass. I don't know what's going on. They definitely were like scouted together. Yeah. Like somebody is like pimping them both out, obviously. There's just someone out there that's like, I have a type and I'm going to push it on the world. Right, right. and um Thought experiment. What would happen if the CEO of Subway got pardoned?
00:38:41
Think Fresh
that wouldn't be a good look for them right that's what im say a bad look That's what I'm saying, wouldn't wouldn't you like, you know, raise an eyebrow to that? wait and be like What happens? Yeah, it's like I eat fucking so many subways. Yeah, I know I cook. It's like I probably eat a rat on flatbread by this point. I'm like, dude, there's so many crazy thoughts that go through my mind. Like, is tuna the new Teflon? Like, yeah what did this guy do?
00:39:05
Think Fresh
the The tuna all altered your mRNA. My brain chemistry's been completely tweaked from. Dude, the forever chemicals are deep in me. I like how the windows have gotten progressively more fogged. We got that tinted effect you were looking for. Yeah, exactly.
00:39:23
Think Fresh
Do you think anybody's looking at this car being like, why are those three guys having gay sex in here? It's definitely hot and steamy. Yeah dude, those guys have been talking with Luke for four minutes. Yeah, they're too steamed. Yeah. Well, breadheads, we'll leave you with that closing argument. But anyhow, do you guys want to add?
00:39:38
Think Fresh
ah Just have a safe weekend out there. you know If you're a breadhead, take care of yourself. Use protection. Please do not sign up for a Thousand Guy Gangbang. Yeah, that's really all I got. Breadheads, thank you for listening. Patrick, thank you for joining. A very altruistic of you to join just out of the goodness and your hope. Yeah, thank you for having me. Yeah, no, I truly have nothing. Yeah, watch the space. We'll leave you there then. Great. Ciao. Ciao.