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Moments with EMITT
62 Plays8 months ago
"What it means to be a man is having sexual independence."
Yes, we're talking about sex! Emitt Dubé shares his personal journey to understanding and balancing his own physical, sexual, emotional, mental and spiritual energy.
Raised by his single mother in a male-dominated, French-Canadian culture his route to becoming aware of his own "inner" life was not a normal one. These experiences gave Emitt a deep and enlightening perspective of the development and evolution of masculine and feminine energies over time and changing roles for men & women today.
Thank you for supporting my work with "Moments with MEN!"
Contact me with comments, insights or to continue the discussion with me on your own episode ...
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Focus
00:00:03
Speaker
Hi, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Moments with Men. I have the privilege today of speaking with Emmett Dubay. We're going to spend a few moments talking about expressions of masculinity and what it means to be a man from his perspective. Welcome, Emmett.
00:00:23
Speaker
Thank you so much. Thank you for that beautiful introduction. I forget to introduce myself. I'm going to forget that part. So let's just get that out of the way too.
Astrology and Masculinity Perspectives
00:00:37
Speaker
But I do know, Emmett, I've had the opportunity to speak with him before I've met him
00:00:44
Speaker
through the school that we're in. So I'll just reveal that part that we are both connected to the turning of the ages mystery school. So we both have a background in astrology, him from a different system than this one, but we're connecting here. So we won't make this all about astrology, but there is a perspective we bring because it shows us many different expressions of masculinity than what the culture provides for men generally.
Cultural and Familial Influences on Masculinity
00:01:13
Speaker
First, I'd like to just allow you to tell us a little bit about who you are, where you came from, those kind of demographic things that gives us some cultural context about what we're talking about. Yeah, gladly. So I grew up in a small town in Canada, in between Ottawa and Montreal. And it's very, I grew up in a French culture. And I grew up in a small town where kind of,
00:01:40
Speaker
you only go as far as your dad went kind of thing. So everyone asks, oh, who's your dad? Who's your father kind of thing? So it was very much a male kind of dominated society or just your reputation was based on the reputation of your father. In my case, my dad came to town, had a child and then left town. So for me, there was no reputation. So I was kind of a nobody or a
00:02:06
Speaker
a left child behind kind of thing. So then I'd have to say who my grandfather was kind of thing and my mother's father. So my reputation was kind of based on him. And whenever my mom goes around, she says, oh, hi, my name is blank. I am the daughter of my grandfather kind of thing. So it was very much a culture of association with what the masculine or the paternal side produced.
00:02:32
Speaker
So so just right away, that created a very strong like, oh, like, you have to have a name out there as a masculine presence in my society. And so, yes, I grew up with with a single mom. My dad was as around as he could be. He was he lived about an hour and a half away. So that I would see him every two weekends here and there. And eventually, when I got to high school and got a job, then I wouldn't see him as much anymore.
00:03:02
Speaker
And when my 20s started, he was kind of out of the picture. So yeah, so basically I really grew up with like a mom who did everything kind of thing and made sure that everything was taken care of. She did not necessarily teach me much in the sense that she was a single mom. So she had a lot to do of working and making sure to manage the side of finances of life where she hadn't done that herself. So she had a lot of,
00:03:31
Speaker
growing up to do while I was growing up too. So that made that we didn't really have much communication or interaction. She was upstairs and watched TV all the time. And I was downstairs and kind of always just did my own projects like computer work, TV work, video games, drawing, writing, things like that. So that's kind of the demographic I come from if that's enough to sum it up.
00:03:59
Speaker
Yeah, that's interesting. That is, I think, somewhat different already. So is that association with the masculine that area or is it a French kind of culture thing or what do you? Yeah, I would say very French, very French or very like old French in Eastern Canada kind of thing where like the males went to went to church, took care of the church, the mothers and they kind of took care of the
00:04:29
Speaker
of the kids. So what that would that kind of led to or my expression was with all my aunts and all my uncles, was that like
00:04:37
Speaker
whenever those family gatherings, the men just kind of sat there in silence and all the women talked all the time. So none of the men really formed any relationships. From what I saw, it was always kind of pretty based on the men going out with the women and letting the women talk was kind of the way I grew up and the way that I saw in my other families.
00:05:01
Speaker
The guys, like some of the dads or some of the males would come out and play sports with the kids sometimes. I only had cousins actually. So I only had male cousins, no females growing up around in that way. So I guess that would have probably impacted me in ways of like, oh, I didn't know how to talk with women or realize that they were any different in any way, shape or form because I didn't get that kind of exposure in that way.
00:05:31
Speaker
interesting. And even growing up with your mom, you said she was like, you didn't interact as much. So, yeah. Well, that just leads right into, you know, because it wasn't much different in the South in the US either, you know, the women had their, you know, we have our gossip groups or our coffee clutches, things like that. And men are, it seems like,
00:05:56
Speaker
they might have their men's group or their coffee groups, but it's still often discussion about, you know, surface topics and what we would describe as surface topics, not necessarily connecting over, you know, one of the men said, you know, I go out to have lunch with a guy and my wife wants to know, you know, what I know about him now. Well, nothing.
00:06:20
Speaker
Whereas women go to lunch with a woman first time, we know all the marital problems and we know where they're coming from and all that. So I wonder, and I'd lend your perspective on it, is that generational? Meaning the guys that haven't talked about it for generations, they were just the ones sitting in the circles not talking about it, or we don't know how. And so now guys are sitting in a circle and we don't know what else to talk about.
00:06:50
Speaker
There's a difference there. What would you say? Yeah, I guess when I'm my mother and aunts and her group of friends that I would kind of be a part of just by default because where else is a single child going to go? So I kind of followed her on this. And yeah, all they talked about was surface topics. So they would talk about who did what in town. It was gossip. It was never about like, oh, I feel this way or I feel that way. I feel dreams. It was more like, oh, he did that. She did that.
00:07:19
Speaker
he did that and there was a lot of kind of judging other people.
Emotional Awareness and Therapy
00:07:24
Speaker
This is what I got from those conversations and as I grew into my 20s eventually I suffered from a heartbreak because I like was with a partner and like we were following the ropes like we both got full-time jobs after college
00:07:40
Speaker
And then it was like, okay, now we buy a house together. But I wasn't like, I wasn't a nice person necessarily, not that I was mean, but it was just like, no, we just do what we're supposed to do and we follow that line. Like there was no questions. And that's kind of what my grandmothers went through and my mom went through as well. Well, there was never any sense of ambition or emotional awareness that was developed in the women around me. So anyways,
00:08:08
Speaker
After dealing with the heartbreak, or not dealing with it, but not knowing what to do with it, my mom tricked me into going to go see a psychologist. And that's when I started learning about emotions and feelings and emotional awareness and being like, oh, well, how does this make you feel? Because those were never questions that I was asked, or whenever I told my mom, oh, I feel this way, she would find a way to convince me that I didn't feel that way based on what was logical in the situation.
00:08:38
Speaker
Um, so like she, my mom and my grandmother weren't allowed necessarily to have dreams. Uh, like they were told like, Nope, like if you want to do something, you don't do it. Your job is to get married, have kids. And, and then the rest of the time you just kind of suppress and watch TV or eat food kind of thing. I got lucky that there was not alcohol in my family or drug use or anything like that, but.
00:09:04
Speaker
for my family, the addiction was television, I guess, and suppressing your mind through just watching TV all the time and just kind of plugging into that. So that kind of led me that, okay, my job as a male is to provide a house for a woman to kind of sit in and watch TV. And like, they are not supposed to have dreams, not that I stopped them from having dreams, but I picked women that,
00:09:31
Speaker
didn't necessarily have emotional awareness or emotional knowledge or want to have emotional conversations, but I was doing work with a psychologist. So I ended up being the manager of my women's emotional side kind of thing. So that's how my experience kind of happened that way. So I was always like,
00:09:53
Speaker
the breadwinner, the emotional support, and the mental support at the same time. And this led to being like, well, all I really want from my relationships is sex. But I didn't, I did like the women I was with in the way that I thought I was supposed to. But at the end of the day, I didn't see the function of a relationship as if the point was just to have intercourse. I was like, why am I going to put up with managing this other person's emotions?
00:10:20
Speaker
while I'm trying to build a life for both of us at the same time. So it just kind of got overwhelming with time. And then, yeah, so that's kind of, that's kind of how that happened. It was just so that that's kind of been what my experience was. And then as I got older, I started becoming more aware of, okay, who, who can meet me mentally. So then I would pick women that were good
00:10:45
Speaker
mentally, but not necessarily in tune with their emotions or their bodies. So then I, me having gone through a lot of psychology throughout like, seven, eight years of becoming aware of those things, I'd end up kind of coaching them. But that's not how emotions work. You know, you can't control them or put
00:11:10
Speaker
put parameters on them. So yeah, so with time, it was just learning about, okay, well, I'm picking all these women that have no emotional awareness and are very emotional. And at the end of the day, that was to teach me to accept my emotions, feel my emotions and express my emotions rather than bring them into the mental plane kind of thing. So yeah, so that's kind of what that experience kind of led to for me is how I was raised. Yeah.
00:11:39
Speaker
Well, that's so interesting because again, we're so easy just in our normal everyday society to say, all women are this way and all men are that
Generational Norms and Emotional Expression
00:11:51
Speaker
way. I told you before the call, I just heard it the other night. Well, men don't express their emotions. And it's therefore so easy to dismiss someone when they are actually trying to express their emotions. But you really just told the story of what I try to say is that
00:12:09
Speaker
Even the women you were around weren't adept at expressing their emotions. They were talking about the happenings of people, judging what people did and didn't do, instead of, wow, that really makes me feel a certain way. Or why am I triggered by what they did? Why am I even bringing this part up and not the other part? That's a looking at the self.
00:12:35
Speaker
So, so, but you experienced women not doing that too. And this is what I'm saying. We're so easy to go. No, women are the emotional ones. And you know, and I, I do, you know, your chart a little bit. So I know that that Piscean energy does look to it, you know, express or, you know, and so really so lucky for you that you had an introduction to a psychologist at that time. Yeah, a hundred percent. No.
00:13:04
Speaker
so that you could at least learn and break the chain of both the men and the women. You haven't really spoken about how your dad expressed. I mean, I know you were around him very little, but yeah. And maybe how that was different. What was your experience with that? My dad was the emotional one. My dad was the one who expressed emotion and my mom shunned that. She did not like that he expressed emotion. She did not like that he had anger.
00:13:32
Speaker
But instead of realizing why he had anger and what was going on, she just shunned him for it and then would shut down and then not provide safe space or understanding on why he was going through that anger. So my dad was an emotional person. Again, not a drinker, no drugs, none of that stuff. But he was a very passionate and loving guy. Like I never doubted my dad's love for me or that he was going to be there for me if I needed him.
00:14:00
Speaker
But he wasn't there. So that led to a different thing. But for him, he was very emotional and very loud. And that's because he couldn't find a woman to hold space for him. His mom didn't. My mom was the person that got the closest to, but upon further reveal, my mom was just kind of
00:14:22
Speaker
fake about it where she said oh yeah oh yeah like that that kind of listening that people do sometimes like oh yeah oh okay yeah okay and then you think they understand but then when you have a reflection on the conversation after you see that they heard or understood nothing of it so my mom was kind of tricky that way and then kind of like
00:14:42
Speaker
I don't want to say the word duped my dad because it wasn't conscious of her. Her job was to not be emotional. Her job was to just take care of the house and not express emotions and to have a man that also doesn't express emotions. Very practical, matter-of-fact relationship all the time. This is just what we do. We don't express emotions. We don't feel. We suppress with TV and food.
00:15:07
Speaker
But my dad saw beyond that. And he's like, no, we have emotions, we can connect them. My dad was seeking that sense of connection with others. And he couldn't find that. So he had a lot of compassion for him and the challenges he had, because obviously I inherited that karma, I inherited that path from him, I have Saturn conjunct my son. So that's the way that the dad is always, the father is always looking over me and in
00:15:36
Speaker
my own ego or sense of self is intertwined with the father, with Saturn. So my dad was my great teacher and he taught me to always ask, why? Why? Why am I feeling this way? Why is this person feeling that way? Why is that? Why is this happening? So my dad was really like my angel kind of thing. And my dad's name is Michael. So I really relate him with the Archangel Michael for those of you who follow that kind of thing.
00:16:04
Speaker
he passed away years ago and I could see that like he's still there watching over and stories and things have happened that have kind of come through for that that he's always been there even though he was never really physically there I knew he was always there in spirit and in love so my dad really showed me what it was to well thank you I didn't see this going this way but my dad showed me to be a man in the way that
00:16:30
Speaker
You have to do what you have to do as a man, even though it might hurt someone. So hurt me, hurt my mom. And my mom wasn't ready to receive that or hold that space or to respect what he had to do or to understand where he came from and what he had to do. But I'm really grateful for my father because if it wasn't for him, I would not be half the man that I am. I wouldn't be an understanding partner.
00:16:57
Speaker
I wouldn't be an understanding person. So, yeah. Oh, we're having a moment here. Thank you. That bypass that moment. Because, you know, there, I feel, I just got this the other day too, that there, that men in general, women too, but we're all perhaps missing out on the richness of the emotional life of
00:17:28
Speaker
the male in whatever way because we so simply and easily dismiss it. And this is a human thing. I don't think it's just a male and female thing that we as humans very easily dismiss the emotional expression because it makes us uncomfortable. If I'm uncomfortable with your emotional expression, I will want to shut it down, fix it, stop it.
00:17:55
Speaker
and tell you, you don't have that and you shouldn't have that. It's illogical. Right. It's illogical. And there's a mega trillion dollar machine to keep us from the neck up. I get it. It's not everybody's fault that they're doing that. We've all been doing it for millennia. However, this is, I hope, a chance. And you just gave another example of what we had. Daniel was actually here, our founder of the school room. And there was a couple here.
00:18:24
Speaker
who were exactly in this situation. She was the more Gemini logical mental type. I asked a question to answer it real fast. Come on, how long does it take you? Well, we discovered that he as much I think he has Pisces rising like you. He's more of the feeling function of the relationship. And so once this is the point is can we realize that about each other? Can we see that there are some
00:18:51
Speaker
males who are men, whatever you want to call this, or term that, who are more of the feeling function that we think women ought to be. And look at this, here's your own mother and aunts and people around who were not necessarily expressing at least that feeling function.
00:19:10
Speaker
And your father, the example of the feeling function. So here in this example, that one moment, they could realize, she could realize, oh, if I just give him a minute, he needs to feel into it. And then he'll answer me. It's not all quick, you know, logical firing. So thank you for bringing that up because, you know, we may not have, you know, other men may not recognize that in their fathers as well.
00:19:39
Speaker
you know, about the father really being the one that taught them about the feeling function, about expressing their emotions. And maybe women don't understand too that that's the role. This is what I'm trying to say. The roles aren't always what we have so easily. It's like it's the easy way out. It's an easy way out to say women feel men think. Yeah. You know, instead of asking ourselves or
00:20:08
Speaker
opening up to maybe in this situation with this person, they're not that way. And I think that I had my first astrology reading, and the astrologer told me, you're gay. And it's like, oh, OK, that doesn't feel right. But when you look at my chart, there's a lot of Aquarius in there, which is kind of like love at the humanitarian level.
00:20:35
Speaker
rather than love at the biological level kind of thing. So it's more about kind of the loving humans at the end of the day. So it's kind of like, I can see how I can love a man more than a woman, but it has nothing to do with their biology. It has everything to do with how they feel and how they approach being a decent, loving person. So I see why he said that now, but where was I going with this? Yeah, so for me, it's always been like, there's no gender role
00:21:06
Speaker
It's you're just you're just an individual and you have personal preferences and sometimes your personal preferences align with your biological body and sometimes your preferences don't. But at the end of the day, it's to realize that like.
00:21:21
Speaker
I've got a male body and it's there to take a beating in a way differently than from women. Women are there, not like this isn't the sole purpose of like a female soul or a female person, but at the biological level, a female has periods, has menstruations, right? And the purpose of that is to create life. To create life, to create passion, you need energy.
Biological and Societal Roles of Men
00:21:48
Speaker
And males have this too, except for us, it comes with ejaculation and using that part of our body. So a female will get angry when she's in that period of bleeding potentially sometimes, or maybe a little extra sensitive. And that's because the energy that would normally go into a child has to come out somehow. So if the woman doesn't have her own creative pursuit to pour into her soul and her sense of being, then anger is going to come out.
00:22:18
Speaker
And typically that anger is, is better aimed at men because it's our job biologically to impregnate the women. It's our job to put that seed in. So like, if you have a partner, they're having them at their, their cycle and then they get angry at you.
00:22:33
Speaker
That's because they're mad that you didn't impregnate them. But this is at the very like basic subconscious biological level. We don't really mean it, but anyway. Exactly. It's not personal at all. It's just that energy has to go somewhere. And if there's pain or the way I like to see anger is unexpressed love. If there's unexpressed love, that's coming out from either partner.
00:22:58
Speaker
then it might come out as anger. And it's to understand that, hey, like you're angry right now and it's okay because you're hurting somewhere because you want to express something. And in the case of the biological female body, the expression of creating a child with love. When it comes to a male, it's wanting to provide safe space for women as well, or to provide our seed to that woman. So if a male gets angry, it's usually because of one, they don't feel safe,
00:23:27
Speaker
So they feel like they need to attack. They need to use that anger, that passion to create a safe space. And if the male feels like they're in a war zone, and that's where I like to look at World War I and World War II, where men went away from their women that created and fought and saw war, and then didn't have a safe spot to come back to that women use their own sense of passion to create a better home as an example, or a safe home, or at least a direction
00:23:57
Speaker
on how to create a home for a child. So for men, we need direction from women in a way to create a safe home for them. But now what happens is greed and lust kind of take over where following women's direction that's been masculinized because the men came back damaged from the war. It's like they needed time to heal, but the women are like, yo, we just spent our time creating this country. And then that hurt the women because they had to go out in their masculine
00:24:27
Speaker
and create this world, but that's not biologically what's best wired at that time. Now we're evolving as a species and we're adapting. And now what I kind of see happening is there's an expectation to be the man and the woman per individual at this point. And that's very hard for a female biological body and for a male biological body because now you don't need our protection anymore.
00:24:54
Speaker
You know, you don't need us to go out and build you a house. So where's our sense of purpose for men? So we get angrier. We drink more. We do drugs and suppress with sex because we don't know where to send that energy anymore because we're not a male. Biological body isn't needed as much anymore.
00:25:15
Speaker
Now, if you go through the cycles of society, whenever a civilization reaches such a peak of protection that the women can kind of take over again or reach that kind of society where it's female driven, the males, the masculine get weaker and eventually the barbarians or other tribes with their aggressive men, they take over and kind of beat up the men that have become weaker because they've been able
00:25:42
Speaker
to advance so hard to protect women that they don't need that sense of protection anymore. So and this is from a strong times creates hard times create strong men. And yeah, so anyways, I forget the rest of the reference. But this is this is really something I think is worth seeing and
00:26:03
Speaker
As guys, we have this energy to build, to put things together, to put a house, but it's to the standard of the female, but now the female can build her own. So the standard is higher to adhere to, but it's impossible to go any higher because we're safe in some ways, right?
00:26:23
Speaker
Well, wonderful explanation, because we were going to go into that. There has to be certain things inherent with having a body that has a penis and a body that has a giant. OK, so those things are inherent. And then there are the cultural things. OK, we need the men to build the buildings because they're just stronger. And we need the women to grow the garden, whatever, grow the gardens and raise children.
00:26:48
Speaker
Okay, so all that comes in. But yeah, now things are shifting because yeah, women can build and building isn't the same. However, you know, I saw a little video the other day and it's gone, I'm sure viral of the little 10 and 12 year old girls on the street being asked, do you need men? No. Do you need men? No. Do you need men?
00:27:14
Speaker
99% of our construction workers are still men. Yes, there might be one woman on the crew, yay, her. But they're just stronger. When something goes down with my well, I want the guy that can turn to whatever he's got to turn. So I respect I can't open a jar half the time, you know, so. So these things are still needed, but but we're telling men they're not.
00:27:39
Speaker
You know? And that's blowing up our minds kind of thing because it's like we're getting mixed messages and guys need the black or white in a way because it's like, tell us what to do. Like men are here to serve the body of the woman to preserve society, to preserve humanity as a whole. So it's like.
00:28:00
Speaker
Yeah, you can go in construction, but I don't want you going to construction hurting your body, hurting your vessel, you know? Like, it's my job to take that. Do you hear that? You're not the first one. This is what they say. Like, we love our women. We don't want our women to be going out to war and to clean septic tanks and to, you know, build the... We don't want you to do that.
00:28:22
Speaker
But we know you can, that's the thing. You don't need to prove that to us, you know? Like it's not, you're not weaker, you're not dumber, it's not at all that. It's like, I landed here in this male body and I'm trying to figure out how to use it, you know, as someone who like, I'd prefer be a householder and take care of the house, but I was raised by a single mother. That's what I learned. You know, I didn't learn to go out and be a man kind of thing, or I didn't learn to go out and be a fighter.
00:28:52
Speaker
you know so but then that that gives me a lot of challenges in this society because women are kind of more naturally turned on to the guy that is the fighter and don't want to help a guy manage his emotions they want him to go out and do stuff so that's that's been a challenge for me in the in the dating world well i want yeah i want you to speak more about that but isn't that interesting that you know we were attracted to the manly man kind of guy but then
00:29:18
Speaker
you know, we also want him to be very sensitive. We want to tell him how to be more spiritual because we know more. And then we want to tell him we don't really need him. And then he's not. And then whatever he is doing, he's not doing it right. Yeah. To the point, you know, if I did it, I was married to before I knew all this stuff. Okay, so I knew, I mean, I did it. But
00:29:45
Speaker
You know, to the point where if a man does try to express and we go, you're not doing that right. Well, they're not going to keep trying it. It's easier to be quiet. Yeah. It's easier to be quiet than be told we're wrong all the time. Like we need to be enabled. We need, we need to trust your intuition.
00:30:04
Speaker
And women need to trust that we're looking at the bigger picture. I think a reason women are more in tune with their bodies and their intuition is because women have a natural cycle of retuning back into their bodies and understanding their bodies. Men don't have that cycle. So for us, it's a lot harder to tune in because we're not as naturally programmed to follow our own bodies, like at 13, 14 when you first learned that.
00:30:30
Speaker
I bleed every month. I go through this, so you learn to feel your body and understand your body, but for guys, we don't get that. We don't get that cycle of reminding that we have a body kind of thing. So for us, well, maybe for me, I should say, not necessarily for us, because all guys are different,
00:30:52
Speaker
But a woman is way more attuned to knowing what's right in the moment. But a guy is like, we're programmed to think way further ahead to get ready to make sure that that protection is met. So the trust needs to go on both sides. Like we need to trust how you feel to guide us in the proper way. And the women then need to trust for the men to know what to go out and hunt for.
00:31:14
Speaker
Instead of the like it's it's a give and take, you know, of having that conversation and learning a language to be able to have that conversation back and forth. And I think that's where astrology is important because then you get to learn how you communicate yourself as an individual because I think right now what's important isn't
00:31:34
Speaker
And that's what religion tried to do. You're a male, you do this, you're a female, you do
Transitioning Gender Roles and Individual Expression
00:31:40
Speaker
this. That might work for 60% of the time, but now we're evolving into the age of the individual, the age of the unique expression of the self, the age of Aquarius.
00:31:50
Speaker
So now it's learning like the last three years I've mostly dated women that are more in their masculine, women that are like planned better than me and then I feel if it feels right or not and I've had to come comfortable with that role as the feeler in the relationship and then it's women learning to trust that hey I have feelings too and then for us it kind of creates a balance to
00:32:16
Speaker
relationship in that way because then we're both feeling and we're both planning because I prefer the masculine woman and the one that that talks more than feels more kind of thing. So you've got the feeling like down pat right you've got that side that's really understand that about each other and to trust that each can handle that you just said a big word where we're all
00:32:40
Speaker
all of us living under the wounded masculine. So we don't trust really, you know, that masculine energy to where we'll make all of it toxic. If you're expressing any of it, it's toxic, other than fixing things and building things and being quiet. And so, you know, we listen, I know it men are hurting, you know, because of this, both sides,
00:33:06
Speaker
on both sides are hurting, but we've just been trained not to express except in certain ways. And, you know, you said it to that that expression of even anger or any of that, you know, I know you've probably learned too and somatic work that that expression that emotional reaction really only lasts about 90 seconds and then something else. But my gosh, we can't handle that for 90 seconds, we got to shut it down, stop it.
00:33:35
Speaker
You know, how long could we just practice just let that person have this expression? That's both of us. Because if we don't, we won't be able to trust each other or ourselves. Meaning, it's okay for me to have this expression for 90 seconds. Hold on. You know, you don't have to fix me, change me. Just let me get through it here.
00:33:54
Speaker
And then we can get to know each other. Oh, she just has a response for 90 seconds. Okay, and then she'll come back out of it. And then we can trust each other. That's the Aquarian age to me, is how can we be so sure of who we are individually that now I know you know that, I know that, and now we can move together, forward, to me. I don't know, you've been in astrology a little longer than I have, so you can add to that. But you also mentioned too about
00:34:21
Speaker
There was a few minutes ago, I wanted you to go back and talk about how difficult it has been for you or your own challenges with really learning, you know, you've come luckily from a way that you can, you've learned to express your emotions by, you know, your, your experience with a psychologist and all that. Okay. And now I got this male body. Um, and we spoke about that too, a little bit, just, you know, your challenges with learning how to,
00:34:49
Speaker
Take care of both of those sides of yourself. Yeah, so one of the lines of thought I've explored is Buddhism. And I've had intimate connections with monks. And I see how out of tune they are with their body and how much nurturing their body needs. Just as an example, anyways, he was no longer a monk at this point. But giving this person a hug
00:35:18
Speaker
and after they didn't want to let go because their their their body is so starving for that nurturing that it was like I had to peel the hands off kind of thing because then having gone Buddhism it's like I can kind of I can escape the body all that I'm an Aquarius moon 12th house I can escape my body whenever I want but
00:35:40
Speaker
then when that happens, my body gets angry, it gets tense. It's like, it wants to go, it wants to impregnate, it wants to create, it wants to do something. Like there's a masculine energy here. And I've experienced with like, you know, no ejaculation, having sex, no ejaculation. And then I see the energy that I get from that and the power that I kind of get from that. But there does still need to be a Shakti to the Shiva.
00:36:07
Speaker
know, there needs to be a container where I can let that go. And this is from a think and grow rich, where like most men only hit their peaks when they're in their late 30s, because that's when they become less appealing to other partners. So they're able to actually manifest their their testosterone into creative pursuits into building a business and empire or their career or their life's work.
00:36:33
Speaker
So right now, it's learning to not let that energy control me at the biological level, but learning to funnel it into ways that actually support me. However, it is still like having gone no ejaculation for multiple months, it's like,
00:36:56
Speaker
I get tense, like the body gets tense. It's an energy that needs to be released. And this is just my experience. There are other lines of thought that say, oh, if you keep it in there, it just dissipates everywhere. And I'm sure that depends on the male, but I like, I've got a Mars in Sagittarius on the cusp of the eighth nine house. So there is that drive for that deeper intimacy kind of all the time.
00:37:18
Speaker
And now I can translate that into talking about emotions, exploring trauma, exploring experiences. However, there's still the male body that wants to physically impregnate a female that's there. So it's being like, okay, I have this energy, but be aware that it's there for that, but that you can rechannel it and move it. So like doing meditations and focusing on trying to bring that energy up to my heart is something that I've done because
00:37:48
Speaker
And this is a tantric principle, where women want to bring their energy from their heart down to their sexual organs, and men it's from their sexual organs up to the heart. And then whenever you're making love or being intimate, it's learning to cycle those energies between the two people. And that's how you can really reach some peak sexual experiences when both partners
00:38:11
Speaker
are consciously practicing that during that act. So as a male, it's learning to move that energy in other places of my body rather than having two heads, if that makes sense, but knowing which head is in control, but it's not letting the mind be in control, it's going through the heart first and bringing that focus back on the heart rather than the primal man as an example.
00:38:36
Speaker
Does that answer the question or? Yes, and there are so many more. I love doing this because this is my session too, I guess. So, okay. I've been in relationships where I've heard men say, no, I just have to. A man's body is different and we have to have that release. My dog may bark in a minute. I hear him getting ready. So that's a function of having these things at home.
00:39:05
Speaker
So, okay, so I've heard that. And, you know, depending on how receptive you are at the moment, you either like that statement or don't, you know, exactly. You want to go, Oh, bullshit. I don't believe that. Um, but, but I'm not
Responsibility and Expression of Male Sexuality
00:39:23
Speaker
in that relationship with you. So I trust what you're saying and your experience in that, you know, no, this is part of, and that you have really explored it beyond the cultural messaging.
00:39:34
Speaker
I'd like to add something real quick there. And this is from just some quick research on what it means to being a man is having sexual independence. What that means is not expecting your partner or depending on your partner to provide that service. So men that need that release, but it's to not build the expectation on the opposite gender to create that release.
00:40:00
Speaker
It's on us to nurture and care for our own bodies in what we were dealt with. So whenever you're in a relationship, you cannot expect your partner to satisfy that. It is your job as a man to satisfy that. And that's been a recent lesson for me, but that's, a man does need to, but he needs to love himself enough to give it to himself before he can expect anyone else to give it to them.
00:40:28
Speaker
I'm going to make a clip of that one, and we're going to share that far and wide, because that's what sets up the thing, right? That's exactly it. Where the woman feels used, and I'm not going to, and I'm not just your piece. If they both have the same level of energy, then, you know, okay.
00:40:49
Speaker
And that can wax and wane with time. Like sometimes like, like for me, I could go, like I've had partners and I'm the one that cuts off sex, you know, or I'm just, I'm not interested in sex right now. I don't want to put that energy into that right now. And that's pissed off my partners because then they feel that they're not useful anymore. You know, and that's a cultural thing. That leads me into right into what I want to talk about. What about that is cultural messaging?
00:41:16
Speaker
You know, because, again, we've been trained too. We must always be desired, you know, in that way. Instead, you know, all the other things. But also men, you know, having that messaging that, no, you must always be, excuse the crudity of this, getting your rocks off. Or, you know, because that proves that you're a man. If you can, you know, get the woman to be submissive and just give you what you need.
00:41:45
Speaker
in a way, right? And so I wonder too though, so you're telling me this is like, we're kind of splitting hairs here a little bit, but you're telling me, no, there is a function of the male body, right? Okay. And I understand even the energy behind that. Okay. But then how much, and that may all be different at different levels for different men, or is it part of, you know,
00:42:14
Speaker
all humans that are in this male body, but how much of it is cultural conditioning? I really actually feel sorry for some men who say they like certain types of women, but I can tell that part of them is like, eh, I just say that so I can fit in. Because that's what everybody's expecting me to like, that certain type.
00:42:43
Speaker
You know, the type I'm kind of referring to. And I just wonder how, you know, how much of this is cultural messaging that we must always be doing these things. You just said it, but you're a rare bird, right? You're one that's able to step back and go, yeah, I'm going to like take a break right now. And you're young. I'm taking a break because who cares anymore at a certain point. And it is hormonal.
00:43:11
Speaker
But you've made these decisions at a time when most males wouldn't. So what have you kind of, yeah, speak to that. What's cultural, what's actual? Yeah, so I've been to the States often enough and you guys have it a lot harder than we do in Canada when it comes to that culturalization. Like I've dated a couple American women and that is significantly more wired to respond to the, and like women do,
00:43:38
Speaker
And I don't know the scientific terms here, but women also do crave and get off on semen.
00:43:44
Speaker
at the end of the day, like your body will respond properly to those pheromones. So there is a biological craving that is there and the infrastructures in culture are really there to enforce that biological thing and really try to bring that really forward in the subconscious without it being conscious kind of thing, you know, like, like burgers and boobs, you know, like those are the two things that really get pushed all the time, like hand in hand together, you know,
00:44:12
Speaker
So, no, I think a lot of it is is cultural and that's part of my pain is I'm seeing like my guy friends, and how guys are like we've been programmed since we were young and my work right now is literally deprogramming that is getting that out of my system it's being
00:44:33
Speaker
And I'm lucky enough, I'm generally very trusted by women, like I've been to girls nights and like invited and like, oh yeah, Emmett can come to a girls night, no problem, you know, kind of thing. So, so I've kind of been lucky to have an in there and, and yeah, and it's the point.
00:44:48
Speaker
The point is at the end of the day to I think like de-sexualizing breasts, de-sexualizing a naked woman to just see it as a body and to rely on that emotional soul connection rather than just being two horny bodies and animals. And this is a school of thought that's Aquarian. I can see the other side as well, which is, yeah, we're animals. Let's just do it and have fun all the time.
00:45:14
Speaker
I'm here for spiritual enlightenment. I'm here for right action, right truth. So these are my perspectives and I don't think it is the ultimate truth, but when it comes to really finding satisfaction in life, you need to, like you said earlier, it's, I forget how you said it, but it's like having that control or awareness of self is so important to know what's actually satisfying rather than what you've been programmed to do.
00:45:45
Speaker
And that's what I like to do as an astrologer is to help people be like, yo, like, this is your programming. This is you. Does your programming sound better or does this as you sound better? And people generally like the what I have to say rather than what the cultural programming is. And it's not what I say. It's obviously just a reflection of what every astrologer before me has said with my own words kind of mashed into it.
00:46:10
Speaker
So yeah, it's very, very cultural right now. And they use that to control us, to distract us because the more we're using our genitals, the less we're using our hearts and our brains. Amen. So, okay. So in kind of a two part question here, a little bit of a commentary because you work with men, you know, like around this, this broad topic.
00:46:38
Speaker
What are you seeing? Like you said, you see your, you know, other men really hurting from this and like in a general way, what are you seeing? So you can tell us from the inside. And then what would you say is an action point for men? You know, I have an idea, but what would, what would you say like, all right, men, we need to, you know, two things. I mean, in general, obviously everybody's different and we're talking generalities here, so.
00:47:17
Speaker
We need to stop having the desire to just engage sexually. We need to separate ourselves from having inauthentic sexual experiences. In other words, cut out porn, cut out magazines, cut out saying something to get laid.
00:47:41
Speaker
These are all tough, tough asks. Like I don't see this as something that's going to happen over the next 10 years. Like it's going to take 20, 30 years kind of thing. I'm a Scorpio and Pluto generation. So like sex is going to be there. Intimacy is going to be there, but it's my generation's job to point out the shit. And then it's going to be, sorry if I'm not allowed to say that now.
00:48:10
Speaker
Uh, and then it's going to be this Pluto and Sagittarius's job to establish what the actual optimistic truth is around this. And I think that revolves around Aquarian and bringing that humanitarian love at the end of in the love of seeing the other person as an individual. Like as an example, like my partner, um, like I just appreciate witnessing her. I don't want anything from her. I don't want her to give me anything. I just want her to be authentically herself.
00:48:37
Speaker
and learning to appreciate watching her be authentically herself, and then the rest just happens. But she has to give me that as well, right? And then it's accepting whatever emotion goes through, and that's her. Her ears were ringing, she's a magic being. Perfect timing, yeah. But anyways, it's learning to,
00:49:02
Speaker
not have expectations of others and to take care of your own needs as an individual and accept your own individuality. And earlier, one thing I wanted to add is, like you're saying the anger, like it lasts 90 seconds tops. And I remember like, if I get angry and I'm in a relationship, the first like three, four lines are like, I'm angry right now. This has nothing to do with you. I just need to get it out. Just let me say what I need to say. Don't take any of this personally. I just need to like, let it all out right now. So,
00:49:30
Speaker
that messes with their minds a little because they see the anger and they're like, I need to fix this, but then my words like kind of confuses them because I'm showing awareness and an expression of it. So it's just, I think seeing anger as a healthy emotion and to let it out is useful because I had a couple like sessions of reflexology and that stuff's crazy. Because for me, like when I felt going through it was like,
00:49:59
Speaker
The anger I have isn't mine. It's the anger that when I was a two year old, a one year old of my mom and my dad fighting in my dad's anger in the situation. And like, that's where I learned my expression of anger. It wasn't really mine, but now it's learning to accept and let that out rather than it's staying inside, inside me, you know, and it's learning that it's okay for me to let, let this out. And yeah, I can go into the woods and let it out alone.
00:50:25
Speaker
And that is good, but then I don't necessarily learn to trust anyone with that perspective. I don't learn to necessarily connect emotionally with someone because I'm always handling with my own emotions alone and that emotional independence can be important, but it's finding the right balance because if you're always alone in the woods, you can have whatever emotions you want, but then you won't connect with anyone. And we're here to have a human experience.
00:50:49
Speaker
not an experience alone in the woods kind of thing. So I think it's learning to accept anger on both sides and let that anger slide and not take it personal because it's usually anger comes from a condition that we tell ourself that needs to be met or an unexpressed love that we're trying to give that the other person isn't willing to receive. Right. And I believe you just spoke it to not all of the,
00:51:17
Speaker
the emotions we have or our reactions to emotions that we witness are ours, meaning, well, this is because my mother did this or my father did that. It's cellular. It's been coming for generations. We've been doing this so long. And I will, again, speak a little bit. The Piscean age is all of us like, this is the way it should be. And so we all have to get in line and kind of be all together in that way.
00:51:46
Speaker
causes us to not know our individual
Collective Identities and Emotional Challenges
00:51:49
Speaker
self. So here we are, right? In the Aquarian age, which is like, nope, you got to know your individual self, but there's a leak over. There's still all of this, you know, this theme that says it's all about caring for the other. It's better to give than receive. It's better to, you know, all these things. If you think about yourself too much, you're selfish, you know, or if you do your own self exploration, then you're like leaving me, you know, or whatever.
00:52:17
Speaker
Um, so I think what you're saying in general is like, we need to allow emotions, but also realize that there's so much gold in that emotion. Look, I'm aware that I'm having an emotion. Can you please not try to change it? I want to get what's coming from this. Please. You're like stealing my gold. Change all of this, but we're also afraid of our own emotions, right? We're taught that we're taught that. Yeah.
00:52:44
Speaker
that we will lose, we will lose love, we will lose relationships, we will lose people, we will lose jobs, we will lose status, if we express an emotion that's not accepted and especially missing. There is a balance there, there is a balance there for sure, like don't always be angry exuberantly. I think this is the Bible, no one it's like,
00:53:09
Speaker
rightful anger or righteous anger, you know, like, like, you know, if you're seeing a dog get beat up on the street, you're supposed to get angry and stop that, you know, kind of thing, unless the dog's the one starting it, but you kind of know what I'm saying, like that. Yeah. There's no reason. He did throw the tax tables over, you know, so yeah. So at least the story goes.
00:53:33
Speaker
Um, so yeah, can we just allow that with each other? Because what that's going to do is set up safe space so that when we start needing to express, especially men, and this is what I've heard over and over is that right now, because men's groups are usually, you know, when men gather, it's still not that safe space to go, man, I'm really going through something right now. And if you do is still dismissed. Oh man, that's really tough. Okay. Let's go.
00:54:04
Speaker
distract you from that. So right now, women are it. Right now, in general, women are the place that men have to express their emotions, right? It seems, I mean, again, in general. So, but when women are doing the same thing, dismissing, trying to change, trying to fix, trying to tell you your response isn't right, because I don't like it. Exactly.
00:54:30
Speaker
Because it makes me feel like I need to nurture you and I don't want to nurture you kind of. Or manipulate you. Meaning your response means something to me. If you're mad about that, then what does that mean to me? And now I have to control that. So I guess maybe what you're saying, so what are you saying for men? We need to like, you know, that we've been, I think, programmed and conditioned to thinking sex and that whole pursuit.
00:54:57
Speaker
is what we should be doing. And you're saying we have to kind of back off from that, guys, you know, it's also setting up a distrust with women, which means we're not going to offer a safe space for you to do anything but that. And yeah, and I say like, I've experienced, like, women have lied to me for to have sex with me kind of thing, like, I've experienced that. And I've called them out on it. Yeah, yeah. They get lied to to have sex with, huh?
00:55:24
Speaker
Oh, so so that's so yeah, so it's really important to be honest with yourself about why you're saying why didn't why you're talking with who I think it's important. You're saying like, why am I talking with this person right now? Do I find them visually attractive? Yes. Well, then ask yourself the next question. Why do I want to keep engaging with them? Is it and I've caught my I'm a Capricorn. So for me, it's always like I'm like this, this question from Peaky Blinders show.
00:55:53
Speaker
And the guy asks right away when he meets a woman, are we fucking or are we doing business? And I'm like, I wish I could ask that every time because I want, I just, I, I'm happy with it just being business kind of thing. But then there is that sexual ego that comes in as well. That's going to leave it open for interpretation. And that was past me. Right. But now it's just like now.
00:56:18
Speaker
I don't want it to be sexually based kind of ever, which leads me to some problems with women because they're like, no, you need to want me. You need to show me that I want you. And for you to show me that you need authenticity and for males, it's about being truly honest about why we're engaging, but it's honest to ourselves about why we're engaging.
00:56:41
Speaker
And yeah, make sure to take care of yourself sexually because then you'll be able to trust yourself more. If you're not taking care of yourself sexually and pleasuring yourself in the ways that resonate with you, then you might be inauthentic. And that's really what's, I think what's important for guys is to make sure that we're not looking to women for sexual pleasure. We need to be looking for friendship, companionship, and nurturing, not on the sexual level, but on the acceptance of emotional level.
00:57:11
Speaker
Yeah, I tell you that would come so much more if that were the focus, you know? Because it's back to that trust piece, trusting each other. Because when you're asking yourself that, and you're sure of that within yourself, then I can trust that more than what you're just telling me. And I'm trying to read, what does he really mean? But I can also trust myself as well. Because if I feel like I'm being manipulated, then I would question myself. Am I making the right decision?
00:57:42
Speaker
And some women want that validation of being chased. And those women that approach me for that, it's like, you're not getting it from me because I am content with myself and you're not going to manipulate me into making you feel wanted, making you feel loved.
Advice on Self-Awareness and Emotional Courage
00:57:57
Speaker
You need to love yourself before I'm going to open up a conversation with you kind of thing.
00:58:04
Speaker
And then the labels come, right? I mean, I'm kind of at that point in my life too. I'm like, no, no, if you want to come be my friend, and that's fine. But I have no interest in this other thing. Oh, well, then, you know, you're just cold and bitter and or whatever. But it's just a time to really get to know myself and you too. So all right. So okay, that's what men can do. What can women do? In general? What can women do? How can we, you know, love yourself?
00:58:32
Speaker
Know yourself, understand yourself, know that you have emotions and be okay with that. And that's at a human level, not a pure woman level, but know your emotion, understand your psychology, understand why there's responses there and don't feel guilty about it.
00:58:55
Speaker
You know, like, like be like in ancient times when women were on their period demonstration example that they would isolate, they would use that energy for themselves stay in their own zone. And that's because it's an awareness of being like, I'm going to be more vulnerable in this state, and it's okay.
00:59:10
Speaker
You know, and it's to have that compassion and self-love to give yourself what you need in that time, instead of lashing out and trying to get it somewhere else. And for guys, it's to hold that space. Like, I want my partners to tell me, like, tell me when you're going through that. That way I can bring more compassion into the situation. So I think letting your partner know what you're going through emotionally. So that's where self-love can only come from self-understanding. Self-understanding can only come from
00:59:40
Speaker
self-awareness. Yeah. So I think the self-awareness piece is for both sides, the biggest key to having successful relationships. Yeah. And it's interesting when you did mention that you made me think of, you know, it's also something that women bond over, you know, their monthly return to their bodies is something they bond with each other over. And so it's kind of the red tint, right? The red tint while the guys were left out.
01:00:09
Speaker
So I think that, you know, Joe spoke about it too in one of the interviews was, you know, women kind of already have this built in support system, you know, kind of for that, you know, maybe as a function of that, you just maybe realize maybe as a function of that, it just kind of comes inherent that we do gather in a circle in the tent, you know, and men are left out.
01:00:32
Speaker
I don't know, I kind of have this feeling that as we're starting to not make it either a matrilineal culture or a patrilineal culture, how are we going to come together? You know, Guy Lanek, as Daniel said, how are we going to come together and cooperate? I'm kind of admonishing women and all of this, you know, feminine rising and women only stuff, you know, start, I think we both need to have some courage.
01:00:56
Speaker
You know, this is my, my take on it. That guys need to have men or anyone that hasn't been able to express or all felt they couldn't or shouldn't have some courage to try it. Like I'm just going to try it. And then if it doesn't well received, well, you might have to try it again. And you might have to find that space where you can do it. But for women to also be patient to stop them, you know, we're the manipulators too. Oh, if he needs to desire me, then I'm going to always look. Desirous, right? I'm always going to play that part.
01:01:26
Speaker
You know, maybe by backing that down a bit too, we can actually start meeting at some different levels and trusting that maybe men, that isn't all that's on men's minds. And that's where when you bring in the self-love, you're not going to dress in those ways. You're not going to act in those ways because you're already full. You're not going to crave it from elsewhere and in physical ways, you know? So that's why the self-love is really the biggest part in my opinion.
01:01:55
Speaker
Yeah, so well, thank you for all of this. You've really given me different ways of well, a broader explanation of kind of masculine feminine energies, because I think that's a question for for some people, like what do you mean by that? And then also relating it to physiology, as well as psychology, you know, you can't separate it out.
01:02:22
Speaker
I'll use whatever system, you know, there's like, which one works better with you and then find a partner that can talk that system with you. Yeah. And then add some astrology in there because we can't help it. Yeah, that's right. It works. So is there anything else that you want to say about this whole topic that, you know, maybe the wraps it up or another experience that is an example for you? Just you have the floor here for a minute or two.
01:02:51
Speaker
Yeah, no, I think you've done a great job. I felt very comfortable to say whatever I've had to say. I was able to bring the emotion that I had through it and all of that. And yeah, just hold this platform. But yeah, it's do your work to understand yourself, male and females. Like it doesn't matter what gender you are, just realize that you have a body and that it's male or female.
01:03:16
Speaker
And you have an emotional self and that can be the opposite of your body. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it's just learn to accept your body, love your body and see it as its own entity. And your emotional self can be whatever gender you want it to be. Like that's, that's not what's important here. What's important is to realize you have what you have and love that and learn, learn to understand that. And that's all an individual journey for each of us. I think that's how I would end.
01:03:47
Speaker
Close it up. That's wonderful. And I believe conversations like this are helping bridge that gap and allowing others to hear, you know, expressions, meaning that, well, if he could talk like that and say those things, then I got to start trying it, too. Whether they ever come on moments with men or not, although I hope they do. And then maybe, like you said, in 20 or 30 years, we'll have more of that gigantic relationship.
01:04:17
Speaker
between men and women and real cooperation and bring the heaven to earth, right? Exactly. So thank you so much, Emmett. I so appreciate spending moments with you today. Every time. And I hope, you know, we'll think more about this. And I know some of the
01:04:36
Speaker
the thoughts or the things we discussed today will settle in and you'll come back. We'll have a further exploration of this one day. Any time with Lizzie is a good time. Oh, that's going to be my mantra. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Bye.