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The Art of Listening and Diversity in Reality TV
168 Plays6 years ago
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Transcript
Using Media for Personal Goals
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Speaker
I want to help people.
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Speaker
If I can sit down and talk to people and spend time with them, I don't need to be on the cameras and the front screen.
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Speaker
But if the cameras and the TV stuff is going to get me to the point where I can do that, I'm going to surrender to that because I surrendered to that too.
00:00:15
Speaker
Because I wanted to do things my way before the show.
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Speaker
It didn't work.
Introducing the Almost 30 Podcast
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Speaker
You're listening to the Almost 30 Podcast, a lifestyle podcast hosted by Krista Williams and Lindsay Simczyk.
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Speaker
Tune in for a new episode every Tuesday to hear our honest conversations about topics like wellness, entrepreneurship, spirituality, and self-development with guests who are really smart, really inspirational,
00:00:45
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And really fucking funny.
00:00:46
Speaker
It's real, it's raw, and it's unfiltered.
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Speaker
Inspired by our transition from our 20s to our 30s, we realized it's so much more than that.
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Our mission is to provide you with the tools, guidance, and motivation to help you navigate any transitions in your life and propel your personal growth.
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Speaker
Thanks so much for tuning in to the Almost 30 podcast.
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Speaker
Here we go.
The Art of Listening and Digital Detox
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Speaker
Hello.
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Speaker
Hello.
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Greetings.
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Speaker
It's us.
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Speaker
It's us.
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We've been recording quite a bit.
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Speaker
We have been on the mic quite a bit.
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Speaker
Have you guys ever like talked so much, maybe in a meeting or maybe you're talking a lot to like your family because you're home visiting and you just like get to the point where you're like blank.
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Yeah.
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A little bit.
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Speaker
I've been feeling like that.
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But you're like, I'm not blank.
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I'm just like... I've been feeling blank.
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Speaker
Right?
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Speaker
Yeah.
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Speaker
Just a little blank.
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Speaker
Yeah.
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Speaker
I just feel like I need like to be around someone that's like really talkative so I can just be a listener.
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Speaker
Yeah.
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It's actually my dream.
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Speaker
But I guess that's what we do in our interviews is listen.
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Yeah.
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We talk though.
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But yeah.
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Yeah.
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I totally agree.
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I enjoy listening more than talking I think.
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To be honest.
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Which is why I became a podcast host.
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Welcome to the podcast.
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Speaker
If this is your first time listening to Almost 30, welcome.
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Speaker
We're so glad you're here.
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If you haven't already, we're always going to plug it.
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Speaker
The Secret Almost 30 podcast group on Facebook is such a supportive, loving, fun, vibrant community who just like... We're talking about being sick of our phones right now in the group.
00:02:24
Speaker
Oh, really?
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Speaker
Yeah.
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Speaker
I love that.
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Yeah, because I posted about it.
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I'm just so sick of my phone.
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Speaker
I'm so sick of like always having a podcast on or music or always looking at it or just always like I was taking a shower yesterday.
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Speaker
I was like, oh, I should put on a podcast before I get in the shower.
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Like just take a shower and be quiet.
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Speaker
I know.
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Speaker
I'm kind of like an empty, not empty in a negative way, but I'm just kind of an empty person unless I have an input normally.
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Speaker
Maybe it's because I force myself to be.
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Speaker
So I was like seeking input to kind of like make me think or something like that just because I like to be stimulated in some way.
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So I've just been really sick of it.
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Speaker
I'm sick of always looking at my phone.
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Speaker
Yeah.
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Speaker
There's nothing there.
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Completely.
Anxiety and Everyday Incidents
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Completely.
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I've been just noticing more now that I don't have my phone in my bedroom when I sleep.
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Yeah.
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I've just been noticing, like being almost hyper aware of like when I grab my phone.
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Yeah, man.
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Like why?
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And then I'm like, wait, I don't know why I'm grabbing it.
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Yeah.
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Honestly.
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I haven't told anyone this yet.
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So the other day when we were working together with Aubrey, so we were like working for a few hours down in downtown Santa Monica and I had to leave to go to class.
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And I was parked in the parking garage across the street and
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And in those parking garages, I normally wait until I like I'm pulling out to pay.
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You can pay in the little machines before, but I don't.
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So I pulled up to the gate and I was paying.
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I owed $5 because we were there for a while.
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And then I leaned over to... I was rummaging through my bag to find my wallet.
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And for some reason, my foot came off the brake and I was just kind of gliding forward.
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I didn't realize I was because it was kind of slow.
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But it's like the end of my day.
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I'm a fucking moron.
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And yeah, I just snapped the gate right off.
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Speaker
I snapped the entire gate off.
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I like that.
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I'm glad it wasn't a car.
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I snapped the entire car.
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Speaker
Did you piece off?
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Speaker
Did you piece off?
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So I pressed the call button.
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No one answered.
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And I was like, I got to get to class.
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So when the gate snapped off, there was this guy that was like, oh, shit.
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Shut up.
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He's like, oh, shit.
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He's like, I won't tell anyone.
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Free parking.
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Fuck yeah.
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I was like, oh.
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Oh my God.
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And so I like, I just kind of crept over the gate, like with my car and just left.
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I had so much anxiety.
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I literally thought eight cop cars were going to come out of nowhere and just be like, and like, go on me down.
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Of course it's filmed somewhere.
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Speaker
But I'm like, this has had to have happened before.
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By the way, I'm like a criminal.
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Speaker
I left the scene.
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Speaker
I left the scene of a crime.
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Speaker
This could be your last podcast.
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Speaker
Well, I'm just wondering, I'm like waiting for something in the mail to come.
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Speaker
Like a picture of me that was like, well,
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Speaker
you know, I like that.
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Speaker
I've like let it go.
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Speaker
I had so much anxiety for the first 24 hours.
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Speaker
Sure.
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I was like, Oh my God, like I'm going to get a call.
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But I called the parking structure place like five minutes after it happened.
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No one was there because it was like 530.
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I guess they were gone.
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And like, and then the next day I called again, no one answered.
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And so I'm, I'm done.
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Speaker
Damn.
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Speaker
You gotta let it go.
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Speaker
Yeah.
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Free parking.
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I was like, yeah, man.
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But I completely broke it.
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I completely just snapped it off.
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I wish that they knew that you didn't mean to.
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Speaker
I think they did.
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Of course.
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Speaker
I hope.
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Speaker
Like it was so dumb.
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Speaker
It was just like... Yeah.
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Anyway.
Public Behavior and Law Enforcement
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Speaker
Fuck.
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Speaker
So dumb.
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Speaker
Rebel Without a Cause.
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Speaker
All right.
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Speaker
Well, Santa Monica Police, I know that you're listening.
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Speaker
So Lindsay, I can give you her address.
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Speaker
All the poes are listening.
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I know that they really enjoy our podcast.
00:05:57
Speaker
It's weird.
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Speaker
Like we had a woman in SoulCycle, not in SoulCycle.
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Speaker
She like walked into the studio.
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Speaker
Long story short, she was...
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Speaker
walked into the bathroom, went into the shower and was talking to herself and had a bottle of champagne and was just cuckoo crazy and was like drinking a bottle of champagne.
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Speaker
Yeah.
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Speaker
She was like cuckoo.
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Speaker
Yeah.
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I think, I don't know if she was homeless, but she was definitely wasted and just a little mentally unstable.
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Speaker
Yeah.
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Speaker
It was really sad.
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Speaker
She walked into Seoul in Brentwood and then went into the shower and went into the shower.
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Speaker
So yeah.
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Speaker
So our staff had to like wait outside the shower until she was done.
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Speaker
Oh, did she take a shower?
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Speaker
She took a shower, but she was wasted and she dropped the bottle, cut herself and there was blood everywhere.
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Speaker
And then she was running around the studio lobby like naked.
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Speaker
Naked.
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Speaker
I'm laughing.
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Speaker
That's not funny at all.
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Speaker
No, I mean, it is kind of funny, but they called the cops.
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Speaker
The cops never came.
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Speaker
Dude, cops don't give a fuck.
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Speaker
That's why I was like, yo, if you come and get me for breaking the gate.
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Speaker
Actually, I'm surprised in Bremwood, though.
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Speaker
Fuck you.
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Speaker
Yeah, I know.
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Speaker
Dude, because, you know, cops are very picky and choosy about where they fucking go.
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Speaker
It's weird.
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Speaker
They go to the evening.
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Speaker
They should have been like, hey, there's a naked woman running around the lobby.
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Speaker
And they'll be like, right, I'll be right there.
00:07:10
Speaker
Pulled over Justin for not having a helmet on his bird.
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Speaker
Oh, come on.
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Speaker
My eyes are rolling in the back of my head.
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Speaker
That's fucking heartbreaking.
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Speaker
Wait, Justin's over 18.
00:07:18
Speaker
I thought it was under 18.
00:07:20
Speaker
You have to have a helmet.
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Speaker
You always have to have a helmet.
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Speaker
No one wears a helmet.
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Speaker
He literally told him to fuck off and they didn't give him a ticket.
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Speaker
He was like, I actually walk outside of my door every single day and see people shooting up in my driveway.
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Speaker
And you're going to pull me over for a helmet on a bird.
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Speaker
And I'm going like, good for Jay.
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Speaker
I know.
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Speaker
I was like, that's hot.
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Speaker
That's hot.
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Speaker
Literally sticking to the man to me is, is hot.
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Speaker
It is.
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Speaker
Cause.
00:07:47
Speaker
Oh, that's heartbreaking for that.
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Speaker
Mm-hmm.
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Speaker
But I can't be running around.
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Speaker
This is all.
00:07:59
Speaker
I don't know, but when I was on my way to class, I was driving and I just saw this woman flipping the bird to the world.
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Speaker
And she was like, ah!
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Speaker
And I was like, oh, that's weird.
00:08:08
Speaker
It's Brentwood.
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Speaker
You normally don't really see.
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Speaker
You see crazies, but you don't see that type of crazy.
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Speaker
And I was like, oh, that's weird.
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Speaker
And she was dressed kind of normal.
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Speaker
So I was like, oh, okay.
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And then she came in.
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Speaker
Fuck.
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Speaker
Fuck.
00:08:24
Speaker
I know.
00:08:24
Speaker
It's kind of heartbreaking because you do want, you know, them to have access to like showers and shit, but I don't want to be running around naked flicking everyone off.
00:08:31
Speaker
It's kind of where we draw the line.
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Speaker
Yeah, totally.
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Speaker
It's kind of where I draw the fucking lines.
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Speaker
I'm dropping off all of my, I have five bags of clothes and makeup and stuff.
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Speaker
I'm going to the women's shelter tomorrow to drop it off.
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Speaker
I cannot wait.
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Speaker
I need to get out of my car.
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Speaker
So good.
00:08:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:44
Speaker
So good.
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Speaker
It's so much shit for my move, but all right, y'all, I'm fucking excited about the episode this week.
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Speaker
So excited.
00:08:49
Speaker
So we were talking in the secret Facebook group about, um,
Reality TV: Authenticity and Diversity
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Speaker
Fucking Bachelor Nation.
00:08:54
Speaker
Bachelor Nation.
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Speaker
And we were talking about, I mean, so many people love The Bachelor, Bachelorette in the group.
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Speaker
So many people that I know.
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Speaker
I've watched it with friends.
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Speaker
Can I be honest with you?
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Speaker
I don't like it.
00:09:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:08
Speaker
And I'm not saying that because I was really excited to have Eric on because he's fucking awesome.
00:09:11
Speaker
Yeah, he's the best.
00:09:12
Speaker
He's so much more than just The Bachelor.
00:09:13
Speaker
But like, I'm just like, that's why this conversation is great because I'm just, I'm so curious.
00:09:20
Speaker
And it's like, I almost like don't judge the people that are on there.
00:09:23
Speaker
I'm almost judging the production company.
00:09:25
Speaker
I'm like, so what is this that you're trying to create?
00:09:28
Speaker
Because we've spoken to Brooks Forrester before and now Eric.
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Speaker
And like, it's not very real.
00:09:36
Speaker
Yeah, that's the thing.
00:09:37
Speaker
So that's kind of what I'm like a little weirded out about, you know?
00:09:39
Speaker
I mean, they know the formula and they rock it.
00:09:43
Speaker
But it's interesting because the people that are from the Bachelor or Bachelorette usually afterwards are very honest about the process.
00:09:48
Speaker
Yeah, I love it.
00:09:49
Speaker
So I always find that very interesting.
00:09:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:52
Speaker
In a way.
00:09:53
Speaker
I mean, I have no, I think it's interesting and I do when I'm with friends and they're watching it, I do enjoy watching it because it's like something to talk about and it's very interesting.
00:10:02
Speaker
My dad watches it.
00:10:03
Speaker
It's more fun to watch with people because then you're like, oh God.
00:10:06
Speaker
Yeah, you're like, yeah, honestly, you're like, that's so fake or everyone kind of knows it's fake.
00:10:11
Speaker
But I mean, now it's kind of,
00:10:14
Speaker
I think it's kind of taken the shift where people are on it to start their careers in something else.
00:10:19
Speaker
Hey, power to you.
00:10:20
Speaker
Power to you.
00:10:20
Speaker
Do your thing.
00:10:21
Speaker
I mean, I could imagine that if they were doing the casting, how would they differentiate people that are doing that and people that aren't?
00:10:30
Speaker
Um, sometimes it's so obvious.
00:10:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:33
Speaker
But yeah, you're right.
00:10:34
Speaker
I mean, I guess they don't know.
00:10:36
Speaker
They don't know.
00:10:36
Speaker
And it's almost better for the bachelor, bachelorette, if those people go off and do some stuff too.
00:10:44
Speaker
Like, I don't know.
00:10:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:46
Speaker
It's interesting.
00:10:47
Speaker
I know.
00:10:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:48
Speaker
But Eric's super cool.
00:10:49
Speaker
We actually were connected to him by Tiffany.
00:10:53
Speaker
So Tiffany is our sweet, sweet angel.
00:10:55
Speaker
And Eric has been on the show.
00:10:57
Speaker
He's been on some of the other shows related to that before he is a trainer and public speaker.
00:11:03
Speaker
And I also really wanted to talk about, and this is what we touched on too, is like the lack of diversity on those shows.
00:11:09
Speaker
So I think that's really important for us to just recognize.
00:11:12
Speaker
And I've always...
00:11:13
Speaker
thought about that too is that it's such an interesting dynamic that it's like it like I could imagine if I was someone of color or you know just someone that had diverse I guess was diverse or like Asian or Indian American whatever
00:11:31
Speaker
to look at that show and you're not seeing people that are like you, that look and feel and act like you, that are part of the formula.
00:11:38
Speaker
So it's interesting to kind of talk about that with him and see his perspective and then just hear his story and kind of get behind the scenes of what goes on in the show.
00:11:47
Speaker
So we have a lot of fun chatting with him about all of those things, all of the dirt.
00:11:52
Speaker
And you could find Eric on Instagram at Eric Bigger, E-R-I-C-B-I-G-G-E-R, Eric Bigger.
00:11:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:59
Speaker
And we also answer all of your questions from the group.
00:12:02
Speaker
So stay tuned for that.
00:12:04
Speaker
Thanks so much for listening, guys.
00:12:06
Speaker
If you haven't already, subscribe, rate and review on iTunes,
Community Engagement and Sponsorships
00:12:09
Speaker
send episodes to your friends.
00:12:10
Speaker
People have been like prescribing episodes to friends for whatever they're going through.
00:12:15
Speaker
It's so sweet.
00:12:16
Speaker
So tag us on Instagram.
00:12:18
Speaker
We always repost.
00:12:19
Speaker
We always reply.
00:12:21
Speaker
Um, we're just excited to meet you on tour almost 30 podcast.com slash tour.
00:12:25
Speaker
We are in the middle of traveling and we just are obsessed with meeting you.
00:12:30
Speaker
So if you are close to a city, please come or tell your friends and we're adding cities as we go.
00:12:35
Speaker
Someone in the group, maybe it was a group.
00:12:37
Speaker
Keep hearing Charleston.
00:12:39
Speaker
Charleston and there was like Minnesota, St.
00:12:43
Speaker
Paul, because the girls were like, you know, I think if we can get a group together that's big enough, Lindsay and Crystal will come.
00:12:48
Speaker
I was like, I'm ready.
00:12:50
Speaker
We can come.
00:12:51
Speaker
Yeah, honestly, we'll come.
00:12:52
Speaker
We'll come.
00:12:52
Speaker
Just let us stay with you.
00:12:53
Speaker
Yeah, we'll have a sleepover.
00:12:55
Speaker
That'll be our event.
00:12:56
Speaker
All right, guys.
00:12:57
Speaker
Enjoy this episode.
00:12:58
Speaker
We'll catch you on the other side.
00:13:01
Speaker
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00:14:30
Speaker
It automatically spritzes your toilet with the wave of your hand.
00:14:35
Speaker
How cool.
00:14:36
Speaker
Such a good idea.
00:14:38
Speaker
She's just bevy with good ideas.
00:14:39
Speaker
So visit PooPourri.com, P-O-O-P-O-U-R-R-I.com.
00:14:46
Speaker
You can use our code almost30 for 15% off.
00:14:51
Speaker
And just so you know, my favorite PooPourri scent, get this, it's a special one.
00:14:58
Speaker
It's the Woo of Poo scent.
00:15:01
Speaker
So it has ginger, neroli, and magic.
00:15:04
Speaker
It's
00:15:07
Speaker
So let us know what your favorite scent is.
00:15:10
Speaker
You can also get the Shoe-Pourri for deodorizing, can't say it, deodorizing your shoes, which I use on the regular.
00:15:18
Speaker
Poopourri.com, use our code almost30 for 15% off your first order.
00:15:25
Speaker
This episode is also brought to you by Kopari Beauty.
00:15:29
Speaker
Oh, just discovered that they have a skincare system.
00:15:32
Speaker
Had no idea.
00:15:33
Speaker
Well, I did, but I didn't necessarily know because I've just love a lot of their products so much.
00:15:38
Speaker
So I'm just kind of like working through.
00:15:40
Speaker
But I am really, really loving their system.
00:15:43
Speaker
It's all natural, all clean and simple ingredients and is making my skin feel amazing.
00:15:50
Speaker
Well, it's interesting is I was always like kind of hesitant about the oil.
00:15:54
Speaker
Oil pulls oil out.
00:15:56
Speaker
So if you're worried like, oh, I already have oily skin, it's actually what you want to be using.
00:16:01
Speaker
I know.
00:16:01
Speaker
I didn't know that.
00:16:02
Speaker
So they have the cleansing oil, which really helps to clear your complexion, get rid of irritations, help soothe blemishes if you have them, which I do from moving.
00:16:12
Speaker
Oh, yes.
00:16:13
Speaker
And then they have the toner and then the Save Face oil.
00:16:15
Speaker
And then I use the face cream after at night.
00:16:18
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:16:19
Speaker
And I am really loving, and I've told a lot of you about this, the deodorant.
00:16:26
Speaker
So there's no aluminum, no baking soda, no parabens, no silicone, no phthalates.
00:16:32
Speaker
This deodorant is my fave.
00:16:34
Speaker
I'm loving it.
00:16:34
Speaker
It smells delicious.
00:16:36
Speaker
It goes on smooth and clear.
00:16:39
Speaker
And just, you know, we've had a lot of questions about natural deodorant in the group.
00:16:43
Speaker
And the thing about natural is like the one sacrifice you kind of have to make is that...
00:16:48
Speaker
You might have to apply it more than once a day and that's okay because it is healthy for your body and safe.
00:16:53
Speaker
So I'm down with that.
00:16:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:55
Speaker
And we just want to give you options with it too.
00:16:57
Speaker
Totally.
00:16:57
Speaker
So that's what we talk about a lot in the secret Facebook group is natural deodorants and what options there are out there.
00:17:03
Speaker
Coparty has always been Lindsay's fave.
00:17:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:05
Speaker
I love it so much.
00:17:06
Speaker
They use pure in all of their products, pure organic coconut oil sourced from the Philippines,
00:17:11
Speaker
All the products are made as natural as possible, the safest ingredients.
00:17:15
Speaker
So you just don't have to worry.
00:17:17
Speaker
And they're totally transparent about their formulas and they stand by every ingredient.
00:17:22
Speaker
So if you want to try Kopari, you can go to koparibauty.com, K-O-P-A-R-I-beauty.com and use our code ALMOST30ALMOST30 for 15% off.
00:17:30
Speaker
Enjoy.
Spiritual and Personal Growth
00:17:41
Speaker
Eric and I have the same fucking birthday.
00:17:44
Speaker
That's the weirdest.
00:17:45
Speaker
That's the craziest thing.
00:17:46
Speaker
That's so real though.
00:17:48
Speaker
What do you know about being born on that day, you two?
00:17:50
Speaker
Dude, there's something... Can I say?
00:17:52
Speaker
Yes.
00:17:52
Speaker
Whenever I look it up in birthday books or there... I have this one card too.
00:17:56
Speaker
There's like...
00:17:58
Speaker
I don't know what it is, but it's like cards.
00:18:00
Speaker
So it correlates your birthday to a specific card in a normal deck.
00:18:05
Speaker
And ours is Ace of Spade.
00:18:07
Speaker
And like the Ace of Spade is like, literally I have it saved in my house.
00:18:10
Speaker
Hold up.
00:18:11
Speaker
What?
00:18:11
Speaker
I'll have to send it to you.
00:18:12
Speaker
So that's your birth card too, huh?
00:18:13
Speaker
Yes.
00:18:14
Speaker
We're the same.
00:18:14
Speaker
Yes, it's yours.
00:18:15
Speaker
Ace of Spade.
00:18:15
Speaker
Yes.
00:18:16
Speaker
That's the most spiritual card in the deck.
00:18:18
Speaker
So we fight between the material and the spiritual.
00:18:19
Speaker
It's the best card in the deck.
00:18:21
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:18:21
Speaker
It's like basically like you're the best and life is like- And we try to master life.
00:18:25
Speaker
Yes.
00:18:26
Speaker
It's like life in like you're all about transformation and like all of that stuff.
00:18:30
Speaker
It is like, do you feel like you're like a Pisces?
00:18:34
Speaker
I am.
00:18:34
Speaker
I'm very emotional, but I'm so like, I'm all about evolving.
00:18:39
Speaker
Like my moon is a Sag.
00:18:40
Speaker
Like I'm all about growth.
00:18:41
Speaker
Like, and sometimes I think that I might get in the way of like relationships or people because...
00:18:46
Speaker
It's not that I don't spend time there.
00:18:48
Speaker
It's just like my mind is always on what's next.
00:18:50
Speaker
Let's evolve.
00:18:51
Speaker
Like, okay, I don't like stagnation.
00:18:52
Speaker
I don't want to stay the same.
00:18:54
Speaker
What do I need to do?
00:18:54
Speaker
Challenge.
00:18:55
Speaker
Like, don't spare me.
00:18:56
Speaker
Tell me what I need to do.
00:18:57
Speaker
You know, like, I need feedback because feedback is motivation.
00:19:01
Speaker
And constructive criticism is important if you want to transform.
00:19:04
Speaker
What have you found in like kind of dating, whether on shows or in the real world where like you're having these conversations or getting to know these women?
00:19:12
Speaker
Like what is kind of the block?
00:19:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:15
Speaker
Well, I think the block for me is that, and I challenged this on a previous show I was on, but anyway, is I'm always on and I'm always giving.
00:19:25
Speaker
So when I'm having a conversation, I seek to understand and not to be understood.
00:19:31
Speaker
But most people...
00:19:33
Speaker
And when they talk, they want to be understood.
00:19:35
Speaker
So I think my challenge is, you're like, you're not listening.
00:19:38
Speaker
I'm like, I am listening.
00:19:39
Speaker
The only thing is I'm not listening to be understood.
00:19:42
Speaker
So I'm all like, oh, yeah, your birthday is March 9th.
00:19:45
Speaker
What day?
00:19:45
Speaker
What year?
00:19:46
Speaker
How did you feel about that?
00:19:47
Speaker
So I'm always in this interview therapist type of vibe.
00:19:50
Speaker
And when you're dating someone, that's not good.
00:19:52
Speaker
So I don't know how sometimes now I'm aware of it to chime in and relate like, oh, you know, I grew up, you know, tough childhood or whatever.
00:20:00
Speaker
I'm like, oh, you know what?
00:20:01
Speaker
Me as well.
00:20:02
Speaker
So it's like, I have to learn how to let people confide in me.
00:20:06
Speaker
I got confided in them so they can have the same benefit I get from helping them.
00:20:11
Speaker
Right.
00:20:11
Speaker
Because we all need each other.
00:20:13
Speaker
It's funny.
00:20:14
Speaker
You do the same because you don't share a lot, but you'll be very inquisitive.
00:20:19
Speaker
And I don't like when people ask me stuff about myself.
00:20:21
Speaker
And I'm not fucking kidding when I say that.
00:20:23
Speaker
Like that's a problem.
00:20:25
Speaker
And it's actually something I've had to work on too, is that people don't feel as close to me because I don't share a lot.
00:20:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:30
Speaker
And I don't,
00:20:31
Speaker
I'm always asking people like, you know, I met a girl one time at a grocery store and she was like, oh.
00:20:37
Speaker
You meet a lot of chicks at grocery stores.
00:20:39
Speaker
Well, it's LA.
00:20:40
Speaker
Irwan.
00:20:41
Speaker
Dude, Irwan.
00:20:42
Speaker
It's just Whole Foods.
00:20:43
Speaker
So she was like, oh, what do you do?
00:20:45
Speaker
I was like, what do you think?
00:20:48
Speaker
So this one, I told y'all before we got on air about another one.
00:20:50
Speaker
I'm going to tell you about this other one.
00:20:51
Speaker
She's like, oh, you play ball?
00:20:53
Speaker
So I lied to her like, yeah, I play ball.
00:20:56
Speaker
So she goes deep into the conversation.
00:20:58
Speaker
Oh, yeah, we're teen.
00:20:59
Speaker
Right?
00:20:59
Speaker
So I'm like, oh, I play in Turkey.
00:21:01
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:21:02
Speaker
That's a good one.
00:21:02
Speaker
And then she got to a point like, oh, where's your car?
00:21:05
Speaker
So my whole thing is, I'm like, what are you really asking?
00:21:08
Speaker
What do you really want to know?
00:21:10
Speaker
Because why are you asking that question?
00:21:12
Speaker
So I think what happens is in life, people ask questions, but they don't even know why they're asking the question.
00:21:18
Speaker
Like, I just want to have a conversation, but you're asking me a personal question.
00:21:22
Speaker
So what happens is if I ask you, oh, what do you do?
00:21:24
Speaker
I'm a nurse.
00:21:24
Speaker
So automatically you tell me you're a nurse, I'm automatically going to put that perception of what a nurse is to me and put you in that category.
00:21:29
Speaker
And that's not right because I'm not what I do.
00:21:33
Speaker
Just because I'm a trainer or a speaker, that's not who I am.
00:21:36
Speaker
So your perception of me like, oh my God, but that's not all of who I am.
00:21:40
Speaker
And that's what people mess up in the world because we're perceiving people based on what they do.
00:21:46
Speaker
But people based on what they do, they make that their identity.
00:21:49
Speaker
This is who I am.
00:21:50
Speaker
I'm an athlete.
00:21:51
Speaker
I'm a singer.
00:21:52
Speaker
It's like, no, you're more than that.
00:21:54
Speaker
And I always tell people, you don't get things in life because what you do, you get things in life because who you are.
00:21:59
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:22:00
Speaker
you know, and that's, but it's hard because no one's thinking that deep.
Career Identity vs. True Self
00:22:05
Speaker
But it's hard for you, like, or it's interesting because you essentially chose, like, you were on The Bachelor.
00:22:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:11
Speaker
Is it Bachelor or Bachelorette?
00:22:13
Speaker
Bachelorette.
00:22:14
Speaker
And, like, that is, like, a number one opportunity to be judged on something.
00:22:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:20
Speaker
So don't you feel like that's, do you feel like that's challenging for you?
00:22:25
Speaker
Because just like that girl at the grocery store where she has a perception of you and she's asking you these questions,
00:22:30
Speaker
Don't you feel like people have a perception of you based on that?
00:22:33
Speaker
I think people are going to have a perception based on anything because people are always going to think, they're always going to feel, and they're always going to judge.
00:22:38
Speaker
So I know I can't control that.
00:22:40
Speaker
But when I'm talking to people, I like to understand like, because people are like, tell me about yourself.
00:22:45
Speaker
What does that mean?
00:22:46
Speaker
What do you want to know?
00:22:47
Speaker
Like, just say it.
00:22:48
Speaker
Like with me, you can just say,
00:22:51
Speaker
I think you're full of shit or you're just too positive.
00:22:54
Speaker
I don't think you're real or whatever.
00:22:56
Speaker
So we can have a real conversation because I like to get to the root so you can, I don't like to give you a bunch of information and you just, you don't understand, you know?
00:23:03
Speaker
And so it's hard sometimes because like this past weekend, I went to EPLP, got a new show about to come out and I love people.
00:23:12
Speaker
I'm a people's person.
00:23:14
Speaker
But sometimes when I'm embracing that love that I have for people, but they have this perception of me,
00:23:21
Speaker
they take advantage of that.
00:23:23
Speaker
Oh yeah, it's cool.
00:23:24
Speaker
Let's get a photo, which I don't mind.
00:23:26
Speaker
But then it's like, give me your number.
00:23:28
Speaker
Let's hang out.
00:23:29
Speaker
Like it just becomes more and more because the perception of, oh, you're on TV.
00:23:34
Speaker
So you're this person to me in my mind because how I see you, but I don't even know you.
00:23:40
Speaker
And I'm being me trying to connect and be genuine, which is great.
00:23:44
Speaker
But then it can also backfire on you.
00:23:46
Speaker
Right.
00:23:47
Speaker
Because then it's like, oh my God.
00:23:48
Speaker
And it's like, ah.
00:23:50
Speaker
I know.
00:23:51
Speaker
Because then there's a point where- You need a boundary.
00:23:54
Speaker
Yeah, where you create a boundary and then those who are not conscious are going to take that as, well, this guy's a dick.
00:24:00
Speaker
Right.
00:24:01
Speaker
You know, when they could really say, oh, okay.
00:24:04
Speaker
Like, I get it.
00:24:05
Speaker
Like he kind of has a life in the public eye.
00:24:08
Speaker
I'm sure he just needs his time to like, you know, whatever.
00:24:11
Speaker
But yeah, that's hard because you do want to be yourself and you do want to be loving and you do want to be welcoming and treat everyone equally.
00:24:17
Speaker
We kind of experienced that.
00:24:18
Speaker
We're not at that level, but like, you know, cause we do want to interact with when we're on tour, we want to meet everyone and we want to give everyone time and love and our attention.
00:24:28
Speaker
you know, but sometimes just because of the run of show of our event, we kind of have to create a little boundary at sometimes because we need to like, all right, we got to get centered and grounded before we go on.
00:24:39
Speaker
So we got to like end this conversation, you know, it's a little bit of a dance.
00:24:43
Speaker
That's been my challenge too.
00:24:44
Speaker
Like even though I was on a bachelorette,
00:24:47
Speaker
It was like, damn if I do, damn if I don't.
00:24:49
Speaker
If Eric is not full of energy, happy, dancing, something's wrong.
00:24:55
Speaker
And if he's not saying anything, something's wrong.
00:24:57
Speaker
Like, no, I'm just zenned out today.
00:24:59
Speaker
It's early in the morning.
00:25:01
Speaker
I just woke up.
00:25:01
Speaker
I just meditated.
00:25:02
Speaker
I prayed.
00:25:04
Speaker
I'm not giving you everything you think you should give.
00:25:05
Speaker
And I think that's where...
00:25:08
Speaker
Was that like producers?
00:25:09
Speaker
Well, it's just people in general.
00:25:10
Speaker
I mean, if you see, you and I hang out all the time and I'm like, what up, baby?
00:25:14
Speaker
What's going on?
00:25:15
Speaker
How you doing?
00:25:16
Speaker
And you always see that side and then you see this other side.
00:25:18
Speaker
You're like, what's wrong with him?
00:25:20
Speaker
Nothing is wrong with me.
00:25:21
Speaker
I just have another side where I'm turned off and I just need to be inner.
00:25:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:25
Speaker
connected to me.
00:25:27
Speaker
Sometimes when I come home off the road from traveling or doing press or just in LA, I could just sit home in my AC, read, watch Netflix, just be by myself.
00:25:36
Speaker
I don't want to go out.
00:25:37
Speaker
I don't want to be, I don't want to have coffee.
00:25:40
Speaker
I don't want to go to a cafe.
00:25:41
Speaker
I just want to just be with myself because I'm giving so much.
00:25:46
Speaker
And I think that's also my challenge is how do I set these boundaries?
00:25:50
Speaker
You know, and how do I know?
00:25:53
Speaker
So it becomes a lot because it's overwhelming at times, especially when everybody wants your time.
00:25:57
Speaker
Everybody wants your energy.
00:25:59
Speaker
Everybody's looking.
00:26:00
Speaker
And then, you know, I get people DM me for advice all the time.
00:26:03
Speaker
Relationship advice, life advice, positivity, which is great.
00:26:08
Speaker
But me, I'm so cheney.
00:26:10
Speaker
I'm that guy.
00:26:11
Speaker
I got it.
00:26:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:12
Speaker
I'm like, all right, I got to take a step back.
00:26:14
Speaker
Like on my phone, none of my notifications on my social media is on at all.
00:26:18
Speaker
So I don't even know.
00:26:19
Speaker
I don't want to know.
00:26:21
Speaker
But it's part of the journey.
00:26:23
Speaker
It's part of my story.
00:26:24
Speaker
It's part of me talking about.
00:26:27
Speaker
And the funny thing is when I told you about the two young ladies that I met at Erwan before the other story, one of the girls said she wanted to be famous.
00:26:35
Speaker
Not famous, but she talked about it.
00:26:37
Speaker
And I'm like,
00:26:39
Speaker
But she didn't know what I did.
00:26:40
Speaker
But the thing is, I'm like, be careful what you wish for.
00:26:43
Speaker
It's not what you think it is.
00:26:45
Speaker
Nothing is what it seems.
00:26:46
Speaker
But people don't know.
00:26:48
Speaker
Because what they see, oh my God, this is nice.
00:26:50
Speaker
Like, it is nice.
00:26:52
Speaker
But it's different things that come with it that you would never think of.
00:26:54
Speaker
Yeah, I'd love to get into that in a moment, but I'm really curious about, have you always been so spiritual?
00:27:01
Speaker
Have you always been so conscious and like a seeker?
00:27:05
Speaker
Or was there a moment?
00:27:07
Speaker
My whole life.
00:27:08
Speaker
I was just like, you know what?
00:27:10
Speaker
I used to pray so much.
00:27:12
Speaker
What'd you pray for?
00:27:14
Speaker
You know, so growing up, I wasn't forced to go to church.
00:27:17
Speaker
You know, my family was Christians and you talk about the Bible.
00:27:20
Speaker
We never went to church every Sunday or was forced to.
00:27:24
Speaker
But I was just so curious about praying.
00:27:26
Speaker
Just like, I would just have something come over me, like pray.
00:27:29
Speaker
I think I was like 16 or 17.
00:27:31
Speaker
I would pray like whatever I needed, like protect me, you know, guidance, wisdom.
00:27:37
Speaker
As I got older, it would be different things.
00:27:39
Speaker
And honestly, everything I ever prayed for, I got...
00:27:44
Speaker
It was to a point when I was in junior college, before I would go to college, damn, I forgot to pray.
00:27:49
Speaker
As if somebody was holding me accountable.
00:27:52
Speaker
Like I had to, like you had no choice.
00:27:55
Speaker
And so that became a part of my journey.
00:27:57
Speaker
And then when I moved to LA, 22, fresh out of college, 2010, eight years ago,
00:28:03
Speaker
I was curious.
00:28:03
Speaker
So what did I do?
00:28:04
Speaker
Dove right into books.
00:28:06
Speaker
Think and Grow Rich.
00:28:07
Speaker
The Secret.
00:28:09
Speaker
And then I just started manifesting things and realizing how powerful prayer is for me and how it connects with who I am.
00:28:17
Speaker
And it's just, that's just been, I've always been curious.
00:28:20
Speaker
And I always knew it was something greater than Baltimore City because Baltimore City is a tough city.
00:28:25
Speaker
If anyone who watched The Wire, it's tough.
00:28:28
Speaker
And I played basketball.
00:28:29
Speaker
Basketball was my weapon because it kept me focused.
00:28:33
Speaker
It got me out of trouble.
00:28:34
Speaker
I made friends.
00:28:36
Speaker
And that was the vehicle that got me to, but I also did well in school.
00:28:40
Speaker
I was a nerd.
00:28:42
Speaker
Probably got one C my whole college career.
00:28:44
Speaker
So I love learning.
00:28:46
Speaker
And that just came everything else, the information, the books, going to seminars.
00:28:51
Speaker
I remember I went to a Bob Proctor seminar when I was like 23, make a million look smart.
00:28:55
Speaker
I met a guy who does numbers.
00:28:57
Speaker
I'm like,
00:28:58
Speaker
22 is my basketball number and I see 11-11 all the time.
00:29:00
Speaker
And he sent me like this whole chart about numerology.
00:29:03
Speaker
And then like three years after that, I just tap back into it.
00:29:06
Speaker
I'm like, I know like the back of my hand.
00:29:09
Speaker
So I'm just very, very hungry for information and knowledge.
00:29:13
Speaker
But to talk about astrology, my Sag, I'm Mona Sag, and it's in a second house.
00:29:20
Speaker
So in your second house, second house meaning like security, money, like, so basically it shows you that's how you're going to make your money is teaching people, giving information.
00:29:29
Speaker
And me, I have, the way people see material things is how my information is.
00:29:35
Speaker
So say if you got Rolex, you got Mercedes Benz, you got a nice house, that's material.
00:29:39
Speaker
But to me, that comes in my information.
00:29:43
Speaker
Like the more information I have.
00:29:45
Speaker
Does that make sense?
00:29:45
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:29:46
Speaker
Expand upon it a little more.
00:29:49
Speaker
So you know how people like material things like watches, clothes, jewelry.
00:29:52
Speaker
Like I guess you see wealth.
00:29:53
Speaker
He sees wealth and knowledge and information.
00:29:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:55
Speaker
So I'm like that about information.
00:29:57
Speaker
Oh, got it, got it, got it.
00:29:57
Speaker
So you know how people work hard to make money to buy things?
00:29:59
Speaker
I work hard to go get information.
00:30:01
Speaker
Got it, got it, got it.
00:30:02
Speaker
That's what I correlate my possessions to.
00:30:05
Speaker
So I have so much of it.
00:30:07
Speaker
Sometimes it's a lot.
00:30:08
Speaker
You're rich as hell.
00:30:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:10
Speaker
And I call it emotionally rich, you know, and that's, you know, not only information, but joy, peace, love, fulfillment, and finding that.
00:30:19
Speaker
And I think that's what everybody wants is emotional riches.
00:30:21
Speaker
They just don't know it because, you know, we're looking at wealth and opportunity like, yeah, I want these things, but that doesn't really make you emotionally rich if you're low or empty inside.
00:30:31
Speaker
And it's hard.
00:30:33
Speaker
Because everyone's living what the world thinks we should do.
00:30:35
Speaker
Call it conformity.
00:30:37
Speaker
Get a job with benefits, get married, go to school, graduate, be in this type of relationship.
00:30:44
Speaker
But when you learn to live from you, outside of you, it's scary because it doesn't make sense.
00:30:48
Speaker
But I tell people, follow your intuition.
00:30:51
Speaker
That's the highest form of intelligence.
00:30:53
Speaker
And that's why I moved to LA, because of my intuition.
00:30:56
Speaker
What did it say?
00:30:57
Speaker
Well, graduated college.
00:30:59
Speaker
Where's your school?
00:31:00
Speaker
Hampton University, MBA.
00:31:02
Speaker
My dad sat me down.
00:31:04
Speaker
Son, I want you to go to LA.
00:31:06
Speaker
My dad never sits me down to have conversations.
00:31:08
Speaker
Wow.
00:31:09
Speaker
Okay, that's one sign.
00:31:11
Speaker
I had a friend's mom who was giving me a graduation gift.
00:31:14
Speaker
Eric, I don't think you should be in Baltimore.
00:31:15
Speaker
I think you should go to LA, get on a career builder or something.
00:31:19
Speaker
They don't know each other.
00:31:21
Speaker
Odd.
00:31:21
Speaker
That's weird.
00:31:22
Speaker
I go back to school at Hampton.
00:31:23
Speaker
I apply for a job, LA Sports Marketing.
00:31:27
Speaker
Two months after that, I mean two months, I'm sorry, two hours after the application submits, you want to bring in for an interview.
00:31:35
Speaker
Third time's a charm.
00:31:36
Speaker
I had a graduation party.
00:31:38
Speaker
I booked a one-way ticket and I left.
00:31:40
Speaker
Wow.
00:31:41
Speaker
That was enough to leave.
00:31:43
Speaker
And it was the signs of life and my intuition telling me, like, go.
00:31:47
Speaker
But I didn't see that decision as a risk.
00:31:50
Speaker
It was just a decision as if I was going to college on the West Coast.
00:31:54
Speaker
But people are like, you're not ready to come home?
00:31:56
Speaker
No, for what?
00:31:57
Speaker
But they saw it as a risk.
00:31:58
Speaker
To me, it wasn't.
00:31:59
Speaker
But eight years later, I'm like, yeah, that was a risk.
00:32:02
Speaker
That's how everything else has happened.
00:32:04
Speaker
If I didn't take that and make that decision,
00:32:06
Speaker
we wouldn't be on almost 30 podcasts.
00:32:12
Speaker
I always think about that.
00:32:13
Speaker
I mean, if we always say like, if we knew how much work it was going to be these last two or three years, you know, like I wonder, we probably would have done it anyway, but you know, if you knew kind of like the risk you were taking, the work that it involved, the focus it took, it might spook you.
00:32:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:29
Speaker
Wow.
00:32:30
Speaker
I always say LA is like the bougie girlfriend.
00:32:32
Speaker
She's high maintenance.
00:32:33
Speaker
And back home, Baltimore is like the down to earth girlfriend who will never leave you.
00:32:37
Speaker
Because she's always so real.
00:32:38
Speaker
You can cheat on her all the time.
00:32:39
Speaker
She can always be there.
00:32:41
Speaker
She can always be home.
00:32:42
Speaker
You can use her car.
00:32:43
Speaker
You can cheat on her.
00:32:45
Speaker
She can always be there.
00:32:47
Speaker
How do y'all feel about cheating?
00:32:49
Speaker
Have y'all watched the documentary on Netflix?
00:32:52
Speaker
No.
00:32:52
Speaker
Which one?
00:32:52
Speaker
What is it?
00:32:53
Speaker
Monogamy.
00:32:54
Speaker
Cool.
00:32:55
Speaker
What do you believe in?
00:32:56
Speaker
So on a documentary, the name of it is Explained, I think.
00:33:00
Speaker
But it's an episode that talks about monogamy.
00:33:03
Speaker
Oh, I saw that series.
00:33:04
Speaker
Oh, you saw it.
00:33:06
Speaker
I didn't see that episode.
00:33:07
Speaker
But isn't it a series?
00:33:08
Speaker
Yeah, it's a series.
00:33:09
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:09
Speaker
So it's very intriguing on how as animals, apes, and all those things from beginning time, take you back to the BC era and how we…
00:33:20
Speaker
men were not to just one woman.
00:33:23
Speaker
It was just everywhere.
00:33:24
Speaker
And it was basically telling you how men operate, how they are, and what marriage was stemmed from.
00:33:30
Speaker
And the benefits of it was really to create like, you know, power, money,
00:33:35
Speaker
And then what they say in the video is that people make love and monogamy the same thing and it's not.
00:33:41
Speaker
So that's where it gets off because you're thinking love and monogamy is the same thing.
00:33:46
Speaker
And they said love is a feeling and monogamy is a practice.
00:33:51
Speaker
So it's not natural.
00:33:53
Speaker
And so that's where the information comes in.
00:33:57
Speaker
I think it's relative, but it's not for everybody.
00:34:02
Speaker
And I think this is what I believe.
00:34:04
Speaker
If you and I are dating, she's your best friend, right?
00:34:08
Speaker
She should join.
00:34:09
Speaker
No, but she sees me out talking to someone.
00:34:13
Speaker
And she say, girl, I saw Eric over there.
00:34:17
Speaker
That's fine, right?
00:34:18
Speaker
But if you and I have an understanding of what our relationship is, that shouldn't be her business.
00:34:25
Speaker
But in the media, the way the world wants it, you cheat, you commit, you're like... I feel like that's the foundation of people's relationship is cheating.
00:34:34
Speaker
Cheating, sex, and all those things is not the only gist of a relationship.
00:34:38
Speaker
But I think people put that... And so what I realized over this year...
Societal Norms in Love and Relationships
00:34:44
Speaker
People don't love unconditionally.
00:34:45
Speaker
They love on conditions.
00:34:47
Speaker
Because the minute you go against what they believe is right, they don't love you the same.
00:34:52
Speaker
So it's not unconditional.
00:34:54
Speaker
And I don't think people, it's not that they don't want to love unconditionally.
00:34:57
Speaker
I think we're not trained how to do it.
00:35:00
Speaker
Do you love a person when they're at their worst?
00:35:03
Speaker
When they lie to you in your face?
00:35:05
Speaker
If they cheat on you, like more times than not, it's hard, but the feelings are there.
00:35:10
Speaker
So I just think,
00:35:13
Speaker
I think it depends on the person and how you were raised.
00:35:16
Speaker
Because I have friends who grew up, mom and dad still together to this day, 40 years, and they tried it, didn't work.
00:35:22
Speaker
Because they're trying to live up to the image of what they saw.
00:35:25
Speaker
And it's different for everybody.
00:35:29
Speaker
And men and women think different.
00:35:31
Speaker
And I think too, like when you've been doing the work that you've been doing and we've done some work with a friend of ours, John Wineland, who's been on the podcast, but to understand why people would cheat, you know, kind of lifts the veil or lifts the shame a little bit because it's,
00:35:48
Speaker
It's really like this opportunity, if you catch it before or if you catch it after, I do think either way, it's an opportunity for growth within the relationship or just growth individually.
00:36:00
Speaker
And hopefully then you can take it to your next relationship and
00:36:03
Speaker
and do better.
00:36:04
Speaker
But I mean, I've talked about it on the podcast before.
00:36:06
Speaker
I cheated on my boyfriend, a long-term boyfriend.
00:36:09
Speaker
Why do you cheat on him?
00:36:11
Speaker
Yeah, she's cheated on everyone.
00:36:13
Speaker
I cheat on everyone I've dated except for Justin.
00:36:16
Speaker
Why?
00:36:17
Speaker
I was no longer happy.
00:36:20
Speaker
He wasn't... I couldn't...
00:36:22
Speaker
feel us five years down the line.
00:36:25
Speaker
Like I was given no indication or energy that that's what he wanted.
00:36:30
Speaker
Granted, I was 23, like no emotional maturity whatsoever.
00:36:38
Speaker
So, um, would I do it again?
00:36:39
Speaker
No, because now I have the tools, you know?
00:36:41
Speaker
So I, I wouldn't have gone there, but I do know it was like definitely something inside of me pushing me to do this fucked up thing.
00:36:49
Speaker
But see, that's the thing is like,
00:36:52
Speaker
It's only fucked up if you don't address the situation because remember, it's all perception, right?
00:36:57
Speaker
Oh, that's such a bad thing.
00:36:59
Speaker
But if you look at the number like 69, right?
00:37:03
Speaker
Like the six is one way to nine.
00:37:04
Speaker
But if you flip it, it's kind of the same.
00:37:07
Speaker
But basically what I'm saying is that it's all perspective.
00:37:10
Speaker
Yes, in your situation, maybe it was a bad thing because based on your commitment, because what's commitment?
00:37:15
Speaker
Because I don't believe commitment is just one thing for everybody.
00:37:18
Speaker
And I think that's where it gets messed up because, but if our commitment is, listen,
00:37:23
Speaker
do what you do, I do what I do, but no sexual activity.
00:37:27
Speaker
Oh, you can flirt, you can do that.
00:37:28
Speaker
What if that's our commitment?
00:37:30
Speaker
Or, you have situations where people are not having the sexual part in their relationship, but the person is bringing home the money, is paying the bills, maybe that's their commitment.
00:37:41
Speaker
And so,
00:37:43
Speaker
I think I always ask people, so when you did that, how did that make you feel when you cheated?
00:37:47
Speaker
Did you feel good?
00:37:48
Speaker
Do you feel guilty?
00:37:49
Speaker
Like, are you glad you did it?
00:37:50
Speaker
Because it's like, oh my God, I needed that.
00:37:53
Speaker
In the moment, it's a high.
00:37:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:56
Speaker
But like when he found out, I wanted to die.
00:38:00
Speaker
I wanted to actually die.
00:38:02
Speaker
You want to crawl out of your fucking skin.
00:38:05
Speaker
I was thinking about, who was I talking to?
00:38:06
Speaker
I was talking to my friend the other day.
00:38:07
Speaker
And I was like, the feeling when you get caught is like, oh my God.
00:38:15
Speaker
But, but in that moment, I got quote unquote caught.
00:38:19
Speaker
Or when you catch.
00:38:20
Speaker
He, it was like twice and he took me back, but there was no work.
00:38:26
Speaker
Like neither of us went in and we're like, okay, okay.
00:38:30
Speaker
Something's wrong.
00:38:31
Speaker
So tell me why he did that.
00:38:33
Speaker
He was just like, all right, let's just like get back in it.
00:38:35
Speaker
Like, you know, I love you at the core of it.
00:38:39
Speaker
And I was like, thank you so much for taking me back.
00:38:41
Speaker
You know, you don't even know why I was just like grateful that he took me back.
00:38:45
Speaker
And I wasn't like, oh, wait, like he doesn't even want to take the next steps to like evolve and learn what I was lacking or maybe what he was lacking.
00:38:53
Speaker
You know, there's something there too that it's like,
00:38:56
Speaker
you're being bad.
00:38:58
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:38:59
Speaker
It's like, I'm bad.
00:38:59
Speaker
I got caught.
00:39:00
Speaker
And then the person that caught you and like thinks you're being bad wants to take you back.
00:39:04
Speaker
So you're like, okay.
00:39:05
Speaker
And like, you don't even, you know, process it that you like want to be taken back.
00:39:09
Speaker
Exactly.
00:39:10
Speaker
But it's funny, like with polyamory and like, or like my perception and belief on like cheating is so different now.
00:39:17
Speaker
And like love, it's like, I just see that for like,
00:39:22
Speaker
I guess just from a different perspective where with cheating, I would totally like, I'm saying this now and I probably would burn the fucking house down, but like, I feel so much more open about it than I did before.
00:39:34
Speaker
And I can kind of see how you could have one experience with someone and still have years and years of love for someone.
00:39:42
Speaker
That's like a different type of love than just like a physical experience that you had.
00:39:46
Speaker
And with like having more than one lover, lover or something like that too, like,
00:39:51
Speaker
if you see love like a currency or being with someone like a bunch of people, like a currency, like you could fall in love with tons of different people.
00:39:59
Speaker
And like the capacity to love could be more than one person rather than just one person.
00:40:04
Speaker
So it's like, I could see why you could have multiple lovers or you could be dating a lot of different people.
00:40:10
Speaker
I do think it is hard.
00:40:11
Speaker
Like if you were with someone and you did have a committed relationship and like as a female, like you are,
00:40:20
Speaker
Facts are facts.
00:40:21
Speaker
Like if I'm pregnant and I'm having a baby, that baby, that's essentially, and I don't know this to be true, but I believe it to be true.
00:40:27
Speaker
That's essentially like a year and a half, two years of your life that you're for the most part, probably out of commission of like fucking around.
00:40:36
Speaker
I would assume like, I don't know.
00:40:38
Speaker
That's why in the documentary, they said when, uh, in each tribe, I think it was an Indian tribe when females are pregnant,
00:40:47
Speaker
all the men who have sex with her at the time when she's pregnant is considered the father.
00:40:55
Speaker
But the person is like, of course.
00:40:56
Speaker
Is it consensual?
00:40:58
Speaker
Yeah, but it's a tribe.
00:40:59
Speaker
It's like, in their way, you know, it just accepted.
00:41:03
Speaker
So basically they're saying they don't see a parent as one person.
00:41:06
Speaker
Everybody who's around is a parent at that time.
00:41:10
Speaker
So it was different.
00:41:11
Speaker
But I also believe that just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be with them.
00:41:17
Speaker
And to get back to the whole thing, what you were saying with your ex, I don't know if you still will, but I'm sorry.
00:41:23
Speaker
Cheating and then he took you back.
00:41:25
Speaker
But I think the challenge for men is that we don't know how to be vulnerable.
00:41:28
Speaker
We don't know how to talk.
00:41:28
Speaker
Because for me, men don't like when their girls cheat.
00:41:32
Speaker
But I'm like, they're messing around all day.
00:41:35
Speaker
I'm just saying they will.
00:41:37
Speaker
They will.
00:41:38
Speaker
And your girls sleep with one guy, oh, they go crazy.
00:41:42
Speaker
So what I learned is that I'm a type of person like, okay,
00:41:45
Speaker
My girl cheated on me.
00:41:46
Speaker
I'm going to like, I got to look at what did I do?
00:41:49
Speaker
Why did she cheat on me?
00:41:50
Speaker
I want to have that conversation.
00:41:52
Speaker
Babe, like, so was it because I'm emotionally not there with you or because I'm working so much?
00:41:59
Speaker
Is our sex not the same?
00:42:00
Speaker
Like, I'm going to really ask some real questions just to get to the root of what's going on.
00:42:05
Speaker
Or maybe we're just not there no more.
00:42:07
Speaker
Well, I love you, but maybe you don't love me the same.
00:42:09
Speaker
And for people on the other side that say, that's okay.
00:42:13
Speaker
As long as I know that, we can move forward.
00:42:17
Speaker
That's why any breakup or any relationship that didn't last, I know how to clean it up and deal with it because I get to the truth of it.
00:42:23
Speaker
I don't fight it.
00:42:24
Speaker
Like, man, your girl cheated on you.
00:42:27
Speaker
Yeah, man, I wasn't giving her what she needed.
00:42:29
Speaker
And not saying she deserved, I deserved to cheat him, but there was something I wasn't given.
00:42:34
Speaker
And I think that's what we got to do as people in all things is take responsibility.
00:42:39
Speaker
What didn't you do?
00:42:41
Speaker
Well, how could you make this better?
00:42:43
Speaker
Why is it not working out?
00:42:45
Speaker
And we fight it instead of just surrendering to the process.
00:42:49
Speaker
Like, oh, babe, you cheated.
00:42:50
Speaker
How does it make you feel?
00:42:51
Speaker
I feel great.
00:42:53
Speaker
You know what?
00:42:53
Speaker
I've been thinking about cheating too.
00:42:55
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:42:56
Speaker
Then we come to a grieving like, well, maybe we need to be in an open relationship.
00:43:01
Speaker
Maybe.
00:43:01
Speaker
I don't know.
00:43:02
Speaker
Have you ever been in one?
00:43:04
Speaker
No, I don't really.
00:43:06
Speaker
I mean, I dated a lot, but I don't open relationship.
00:43:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:09
Speaker
You wouldn't want it.
00:43:11
Speaker
No, I'll be open to it.
00:43:13
Speaker
Yeah, because it's like, I understand people so much that I get that we're flawed.
00:43:21
Speaker
We're not perfect individuals.
00:43:24
Speaker
So I have to look at it from both angles.
00:43:26
Speaker
I always put myself on the other person's foot.
00:43:28
Speaker
What are they dealing with?
00:43:29
Speaker
What are they lacking?
00:43:30
Speaker
What happened in that moment?
00:43:32
Speaker
And so being in the position I am in, I can see how women and guys can make decisions that go against what they have.
00:43:40
Speaker
And when it comes to energy, you can't deny energy.
00:43:45
Speaker
Like you can, I could be with someone, a relationship can be great, everything from, but in my mind, if I see someone who energy, intellect is like, oh my God, I can still feel like,
00:43:58
Speaker
man, I would want to, not saying I will do it, but for a man, I think, a man can go do that and not feel anything and still, that's, I think that's the difference between men and women and not saying women are not like that.
00:44:11
Speaker
But, you know, but it's all about communication, man.
00:44:16
Speaker
I know.
00:44:16
Speaker
And just being honest and just like, listen, you know, I'm not used to being with just one person.
00:44:25
Speaker
And I love you so much.
00:44:26
Speaker
Can I give y'all the story on my aunt?
00:44:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:28
Speaker
I'll give you the story.
00:44:29
Speaker
So it was on my podcast.
00:44:31
Speaker
So my aunt, she's the breadwinner in the family.
00:44:33
Speaker
Went to Columbia undergrad.
00:44:36
Speaker
Went to Harvard Law School.
00:44:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:38
Speaker
She's a lawyer.
00:44:38
Speaker
She consults for big companies.
00:44:39
Speaker
She's known to Obama's, but she was married for 25 years.
Honesty and Vulnerability in Growth
00:44:44
Speaker
You know, her husband went to John Hopkins undergrad and then went to Harvard Medical School.
00:44:51
Speaker
So he became a doctor.
00:44:52
Speaker
She became a lawyer.
00:44:53
Speaker
They got these big degrees, right?
00:44:55
Speaker
Had a kid, whatever.
00:44:56
Speaker
Live in Newton, Massachusetts, in a big old house.
00:44:59
Speaker
One of the nicest cities in America.
00:45:01
Speaker
Safe.
00:45:04
Speaker
25 years, right?
00:45:06
Speaker
So when I first met my uncle, this was when I was in the ninth grade.
00:45:09
Speaker
They flew me up, I visited.
00:45:11
Speaker
I was like, man, my Uncle Mike is a little different, you know?
00:45:15
Speaker
Is Uncle Mike gay?
00:45:16
Speaker
Like, I would talk to my cousin about that, you know, not her son, but my other cousin.
00:45:21
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:45:22
Speaker
He's like, I don't know, man.
00:45:23
Speaker
I thought the same thing or whatever.
00:45:26
Speaker
Four years later, they split.
00:45:28
Speaker
So she gave the story on my podcast and she said, my husband was such a great individual, a great husband to me, a great person to me, that he was so good.
00:45:42
Speaker
One day he came to her and said, I love you.
00:45:45
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:45:46
Speaker
I love our relationships.
00:45:48
Speaker
I love our life.
00:45:49
Speaker
I love what we have, but I love myself more.
00:45:54
Speaker
And,
00:45:54
Speaker
Right?
00:45:55
Speaker
So he decided to go and he was dating the guy.
00:45:59
Speaker
So that has to crush someone.
00:46:02
Speaker
For your husband or wife at the time to go and cheat with the same-sex person, right?
00:46:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:07
Speaker
Same, different.
00:46:08
Speaker
Or gay guy, right?
00:46:09
Speaker
Yeah, gay guy.
00:46:10
Speaker
Okay, sorry.
00:46:10
Speaker
So, and he's married to the guy now.
00:46:14
Speaker
So the thing is, what she said was,
00:46:17
Speaker
His deposits in a relationship was so good that that one withdrawal didn't make him a bad guy.
00:46:26
Speaker
Because he came clean.
00:46:27
Speaker
He was honest.
00:46:28
Speaker
Wow.
00:46:29
Speaker
And it was like, it just gave you a different perspective on how communication and how life works.
00:46:35
Speaker
And she said, and so I asked her, how did you get over it?
00:46:37
Speaker
She said, well, I went to therapy and I weaved and I cried.
00:46:40
Speaker
She said, I didn't want to be a bitter woman about it.
00:46:42
Speaker
And she got to a point where she's like, well, I'm going to stop crying.
00:46:46
Speaker
You know?
00:46:46
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:46:48
Speaker
But it just shows you that the compassion she had for him, not judging him, just accepting him for what he felt or whatever.
00:46:56
Speaker
And they're great friends to this day.
00:46:59
Speaker
They talk and they have a son who's a grown man and they're doing fine in both their careers.
00:47:04
Speaker
But that's a situation that that sounds like to me that will be in a movie.
00:47:09
Speaker
I'm pretty sure there are things out there like that that you don't know about.
00:47:12
Speaker
But that just shows you like if you communicate effectively to your partner and have those deep, crucial, intimate conversations, things might change.
00:47:22
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:47:23
Speaker
Or if you come and say, babe, I think the bedroom, let me just spice it up.
00:47:28
Speaker
And I say, I don't know.
00:47:29
Speaker
I'm not into that.
00:47:30
Speaker
And then you go and cheat.
00:47:32
Speaker
Well, you had a conversation with me.
00:47:34
Speaker
So I'm not saying it's okay to go do that, but you made me aware as a partner.
00:47:40
Speaker
Yeah, I think a lot of times women assume that you should know.
00:47:46
Speaker
That's a very big generalization, but I'm going to speak for myself.
00:47:49
Speaker
Test.
00:47:49
Speaker
Yeah, we kind of test.
00:47:50
Speaker
So like, you know, like he should know that I need this.
00:47:56
Speaker
He should know I got my hair cut.
00:47:58
Speaker
You know, he should know that like this feels good to me and why isn't he, you know what I mean?
00:48:02
Speaker
So...
00:48:03
Speaker
I think, yeah, to your point, it's all about the communication, over communicate, especially, and I'm learning this too, like in the beginning of the relationship, like I don't give a fuck if I freak someone out anymore.
00:48:15
Speaker
I'm just like, I just want to express to you exactly how I'm feeling or what I need or want because then we can start a conversation.
00:48:22
Speaker
Otherwise I'm in my head thinking like, well, is he ever going to do this?
00:48:26
Speaker
Like, I just, well, I'm going to give him a week and then
00:48:28
Speaker
Send him on his way.
00:48:29
Speaker
Like, I just, I don't care anymore.
00:48:31
Speaker
It's just overly communicate and you're going to attract the people that are going to have that conversation with you.
00:48:38
Speaker
I don't play no games.
00:48:39
Speaker
Yeah, just be direct.
00:48:40
Speaker
I don't spare.
00:48:41
Speaker
I mean, it's so simple where people, you'll be looking at someone, they might have a boogie in their nose or a booger and they won't say anything.
00:48:48
Speaker
And I'm like, I'm that person like, yo, you got a boogie there.
00:48:51
Speaker
No, thank you.
00:48:52
Speaker
Like, I'm not going to be sitting in your face and not tell you.
00:48:55
Speaker
But people won't because I don't want to say that.
00:48:57
Speaker
I don't want to be.
00:48:59
Speaker
Well, why not?
00:49:00
Speaker
How do you move forward from that if you don't talk about it?
00:49:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:03
Speaker
That's why I feel about cheating, too, is like the same as your aunt.
00:49:05
Speaker
Like if you were with someone for five years or something and they cheated, it's like that two hours of cheating or however much.
00:49:12
Speaker
time of cheating can't negate five years of happiness if you guys were experiencing happiness.
00:49:17
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:49:17
Speaker
You can't look at it that way.
00:49:20
Speaker
But it's hard.
00:49:21
Speaker
Like, I mean, I've been cheated on too.
00:49:24
Speaker
Like, I think I've been cheated on like a zillion times and it's like,
00:49:28
Speaker
It is like when you find out, you know, it's like a dog with a bone.
00:49:32
Speaker
Like you spend the rest of your months like looking like I just would look all day.
00:49:36
Speaker
Like I would wake up, look, wonder, like go talk to my friends about it.
00:49:42
Speaker
Look, wonder like it's the most like heart wrenching thing because you don't really understand it.
00:49:47
Speaker
So I think having the ability and opportunity now for people to understand why it happens and
00:49:53
Speaker
what to do about it and like how to process it is such a gift because I wish I would have had that too, to understand that like I was only hurting myself by looking and by like creeping or like grabbing the phone or you know what I mean?
00:50:08
Speaker
Like doing all that kind of like snooping thing because you want to find out more information and you want to like better understand and you want to kind of like victimize yourself or whatever.
00:50:18
Speaker
How does that like translate or did you, did you have this sense of relationships and communication?
00:50:25
Speaker
I assume before you were on the bachelorette, like what was the, what was like the lessons happening?
00:50:31
Speaker
Like when you were on there, I can imagine that, you know, I think, I think for me on a show, cause I fell in love for the first time on TV.
00:50:38
Speaker
Shut up.
00:50:39
Speaker
For real.
00:50:40
Speaker
First time.
00:50:41
Speaker
Wow.
00:50:41
Speaker
So, I'm very, very in tune with myself.
00:50:46
Speaker
So, it was a point in the show.
00:50:47
Speaker
We have a therapist on the show, right?
00:50:49
Speaker
Oh, you do?
00:50:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:50
Speaker
So, they like, they do.
00:50:51
Speaker
Are they on camera?
00:50:52
Speaker
No, you don't ever see them.
00:50:53
Speaker
Okay, okay.
00:50:54
Speaker
So, you go see them if you're dealing with something because it's a lot.
00:50:56
Speaker
You know, we take a- It's a lot.
00:50:57
Speaker
Like a 600 question test, like just to make sure no one's bipolar.
00:51:01
Speaker
It's a lot.
00:51:01
Speaker
They do a lot.
00:51:02
Speaker
You take drug tests.
00:51:02
Speaker
You get tested.
00:51:03
Speaker
Like, they do their thing.
00:51:05
Speaker
But-
00:51:06
Speaker
It was a moment where it was hometowns and I was telling Rachel, I love her.
00:51:12
Speaker
Right.
00:51:13
Speaker
But when I said, I love you, I would back it up.
00:51:15
Speaker
We're like, yeah, I love you.
00:51:16
Speaker
And I care about you so much.
00:51:18
Speaker
I kept making it.
00:51:19
Speaker
So dropping it.
00:51:20
Speaker
I love you.
00:51:21
Speaker
Right.
00:51:21
Speaker
And so that was like, listen, females, women, if they need a question about something, they will actually don't have to explain to them.
00:51:29
Speaker
So I was so afraid.
00:51:30
Speaker
And so I was like, why do you think I'm that way?
00:51:34
Speaker
She was like, yeah, because you're afraid of rejection.
00:51:37
Speaker
And also you talk a lot because when you were young, you stopped talking.
00:51:42
Speaker
There was no one to talk to.
00:51:44
Speaker
You were lonely.
00:51:45
Speaker
I was like, oh, wow.
00:51:47
Speaker
So I don't like when there's space.
00:51:49
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:51:51
Speaker
I don't like the... Like, even in my podcast, like, I don't know how to take a pause and, like, just... There was almost a second and you asked a question.
00:51:58
Speaker
It was... I noticed that.
00:52:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:00
Speaker
I was like, no, not... Not, like, in a bad way.
00:52:02
Speaker
I was like, oh, that was interesting, like... Yeah.
00:52:04
Speaker
Because that could have been a pause, but you, like, caught it.
00:52:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:07
Speaker
And so then what happened was I sat with myself and my intuition...
00:52:13
Speaker
It's like, because in my mind, I was like, I'm here.
00:52:15
Speaker
I'm even going to go all the way on that at all.
00:52:17
Speaker
I'm all in on that.
00:52:18
Speaker
I don't have to tell anything.
00:52:19
Speaker
Same.
00:52:20
Speaker
So I would tell the producers, listen, you see me bullshitting or you see me BSing?
00:52:25
Speaker
Check me.
00:52:25
Speaker
Don't spare me.
00:52:27
Speaker
You see me running from love?
00:52:28
Speaker
Check me.
00:52:29
Speaker
So it was to a point where I had to come to myself and say, listen, E, you got to surrender to love, bud.
00:52:35
Speaker
You got to surrender to it.
00:52:36
Speaker
Stop fighting it.
00:52:38
Speaker
So he was in Spain.
00:52:39
Speaker
It was like two in the morning.
00:52:41
Speaker
We in an alley.
00:52:41
Speaker
And I'm talking to the producer, Louis.
00:52:43
Speaker
And I'm like.
00:52:44
Speaker
You like cool with him?
00:52:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:46
Speaker
This is my guy.
00:52:46
Speaker
He actually is the reason of it's miracle season.
00:52:48
Speaker
Oh, cool.
00:52:49
Speaker
He was the one who told me like I kept standing in the trailer before I went on the after final row.
00:52:52
Speaker
He's like, you should drop it.
00:52:54
Speaker
He's like, listen, man, you're making strides, my boy.
00:52:56
Speaker
It's miracle season.
00:52:57
Speaker
You made it.
00:52:58
Speaker
And I'm like, man, this is so surreal.
00:53:00
Speaker
Like what's going on?
00:53:01
Speaker
How am I in a trench coat with a suit on in the middle of Spain too in the morning?
00:53:06
Speaker
He said, man, all you, buddy.
00:53:08
Speaker
So we go.
00:53:09
Speaker
And this is the moment where I'm like, I got to confess my love without the extra stuff, you know?
00:53:15
Speaker
So, you know, this is fantasy suite night.
00:53:17
Speaker
I'm talking.
00:53:19
Speaker
And then I said, Rachel Lindsay, I love you.
00:53:22
Speaker
And then I paused.
00:53:24
Speaker
And I literally felt something leave my body.
00:53:27
Speaker
I was like, oh, shit.
00:53:29
Speaker
Like, I did it.
00:53:32
Speaker
I got my miracle.
00:53:33
Speaker
Like, it was just like...
00:53:37
Speaker
That was the whole purpose.
00:53:39
Speaker
So it wasn't about me ending up with her.
00:53:42
Speaker
I served my purpose.
00:53:44
Speaker
She allowed me to open up and be vulnerable with women because I couldn't with my mom because my mom was never there emotionally.
00:53:53
Speaker
So I never knew how to.
00:53:55
Speaker
So the show forced me to open up and just be more vulnerable about what I really feel.
00:53:59
Speaker
Instead of hiding behind it or acting like I don't feel that way.
00:54:02
Speaker
Totally.
00:54:03
Speaker
And it was just so beautiful.
00:54:05
Speaker
And so we had a fantasy suite.
00:54:07
Speaker
The next day, we were just like, oh, we got to do B-Roll.
00:54:09
Speaker
I was like, man, I don't care what we got to do.
00:54:11
Speaker
I was just like, and I think in my mind, I thought I knew what success was, love was.
00:54:16
Speaker
I had this ideal of what love was.
00:54:18
Speaker
It's this big, massive.
00:54:20
Speaker
And when I got that love, I was so happy, but it was so subtle.
00:54:25
Speaker
It was like priceless.
00:54:26
Speaker
It's like,
00:54:27
Speaker
Even when I went home, it was such a beautiful moment.
00:54:30
Speaker
I can remember it like it was today.
00:54:33
Speaker
But it was like, it's hard just playing.
00:54:35
Speaker
It's like, how?
00:54:35
Speaker
I was like, if you only knew.
00:54:37
Speaker
Like my whole body, everything transformed.
00:54:40
Speaker
Like I changed, like completely my eyes.
00:54:42
Speaker
Like I knew I fell in love.
00:54:45
Speaker
It was just like, but I allowed myself to because I surrendered to just letting it come into my life.
00:54:52
Speaker
Just let it in.
00:54:53
Speaker
Don't fight it.
00:54:57
Speaker
We interrupt this episode to bring you a word from our sponsor, Chosen Foods.
00:55:02
Speaker
Just had some Chosen Foods mayo.
00:55:05
Speaker
I went and got some vegan sushi or like just brown rice sushi and avocado and vegetables.
00:55:10
Speaker
And it's just kind of bland.
00:55:12
Speaker
So I had to slice it up.
00:55:13
Speaker
Did you use the wasabi mayo?
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Speaker
Yeah.
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Speaker
It's so bomb.
00:55:16
Speaker
You just put like a little bit of wasabi mayo and because it's the full fat, like you're getting healthy fats made with avocado oil, which is one of the chosen food staples, it fills you up for hours.
00:55:27
Speaker
It fills you up.
00:55:28
Speaker
It's so clean.
00:55:29
Speaker
And I didn't know this.
00:55:31
Speaker
I was talking about this last time we talked about chosen foods, but like avocado oil...
00:55:35
Speaker
is the safest to use because most oils, which I grew up using like olive oil, all that stuff, their smoke point is only 350.
00:55:43
Speaker
So avocado oils is 500.
00:55:44
Speaker
So you can use that to cook and not worry about basically toxins being burned off in your oil.
00:55:52
Speaker
Wow.
00:55:53
Speaker
I didn't even think about that.
00:55:54
Speaker
I've been using their avocado oil for a long time, but I didn't really understand the full benefits of it.
00:56:00
Speaker
But really it is that it's the one ingredient.
00:56:04
Speaker
The sprays have no emulsifiers or anything like that.
00:56:07
Speaker
And including or incorporating more avocado of any type into my diet has been really great for my hormone health, really great for my skin, and just really keeps you full.
00:56:17
Speaker
So huge fans of Chosen Foods.
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Speaker
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Speaker
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Speaker
Me and Lindsay are down with that.
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Speaker
Down with that.
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Speaker
And it's vegan mayo.
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Speaker
I mean... Honey.
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Speaker
I thought the day would never come to be honest.
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Speaker
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Speaker
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Speaker
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Speaker
This episode is also brought to you by Simple Contacts.
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Speaker
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00:59:18
Speaker
Love ya.
00:59:23
Speaker
You physically allowed yourself and gave yourself the opportunity to love.
00:59:28
Speaker
You were the one that created the feeling of love and that allowed yourself to love and that saw that person in that way.
00:59:34
Speaker
And if we're all connected and we all are one, you are essentially loving yourself enough to like love someone else.
00:59:41
Speaker
So your capacity to love is only expanded by finding another person or seeing yourself in another person.
00:59:48
Speaker
So that is like, I mean, were you able to process that yourself?
00:59:51
Speaker
Because that's like next level.
00:59:52
Speaker
Because, yeah, so for me, a lot of people are like, are you heartbroken?
00:59:55
Speaker
I was like, I really wasn't.
00:59:56
Speaker
That's crazy.
00:59:57
Speaker
I think before the show, my heart was broken.
00:59:59
Speaker
Because when I wanted my mother to love me the way I thought, she didn't give it to me.
01:00:05
Speaker
So you know what?
01:00:06
Speaker
I became everything I wanted.
01:00:07
Speaker
I knew how to listen to people.
01:00:08
Speaker
I knew how to love the people.
01:00:09
Speaker
I knew how to give people.
01:00:10
Speaker
So I knew how to give love.
01:00:12
Speaker
I was afraid to receive it.
01:00:13
Speaker
Like, no.
01:00:13
Speaker
So when I would date women, they were like, you don't need anything.
01:00:16
Speaker
Because I would never ask women to do anything for me.
01:00:19
Speaker
And you would never give like space or pause.
01:00:21
Speaker
No, I would control everything.
01:00:22
Speaker
I would just do.
01:00:23
Speaker
And I was cutting the middleman.
01:00:25
Speaker
I like, let them do that.
01:00:27
Speaker
And I was like, I don't want a woman to feel like she's doing more than I am for me.
01:00:31
Speaker
And it's just mentality I had because of what I didn't get.
01:00:35
Speaker
And then once I opened myself up and allowed that love in, I'm like, oh, wow, this is beautiful.
01:00:42
Speaker
I feel great.
01:00:43
Speaker
But it was so hard because of my mentality and my perception of what love was.
01:00:47
Speaker
I didn't understand love before.
01:00:48
Speaker
That's why I didn't, was open to receive it.
01:00:51
Speaker
You know, I was like, eh.
01:00:53
Speaker
But I could have been in a relationship so many times, but I knew I was selling if I was in that relationship.
01:00:58
Speaker
People are like, how do you know?
01:00:59
Speaker
I was like, I just know.
01:01:01
Speaker
Because it goes back to me, I'm always about growing.
01:01:05
Speaker
And I think some people, it's not that they don't want to grow.
01:01:08
Speaker
They're not going to grow as rapid as I am.
01:01:10
Speaker
If I get some information that I need to grow, oh, I'm going to apply right now.
01:01:15
Speaker
What did you say I did wrong?
01:01:16
Speaker
Okay, we're going to put that to use right away.
01:01:21
Speaker
And so I don't know.
01:01:22
Speaker
I just, like, I'm just a different person.
01:01:24
Speaker
Like, when I think about stuff like you just said, I process it all.
01:01:28
Speaker
I put myself in a scenario.
01:01:29
Speaker
I think about it.
01:01:30
Speaker
And I really get to that root.
01:01:33
Speaker
Like, oh, wow.
01:01:35
Speaker
That's, okay.
01:01:38
Speaker
You know, then I'm understanding my energy and how I come off the people and what the impact it's making.
01:01:43
Speaker
And, oh, okay.
01:01:45
Speaker
Okay.
01:01:45
Speaker
That's why.
01:01:47
Speaker
So when you were on the show, like, was it hard to, like, connect with the dudes?
01:01:51
Speaker
Because were the dudes like you?
01:01:53
Speaker
Like... You know, see, that's the thing.
01:01:55
Speaker
Like, you know, I get along with everybody.
01:01:57
Speaker
Yeah.
01:01:57
Speaker
So I know how to adjust and deal with any and everybody, even if they're, like, negative, bad, bad energy.
01:02:03
Speaker
I got along with everybody.
01:02:04
Speaker
I mean, me and Lee had a moment, but I forgave him.
01:02:07
Speaker
I didn't really care after that.
01:02:08
Speaker
Like, you know, I just told him, keep my name out your mouth and we'll be fine.
01:02:12
Speaker
But, I was cool with everybody.
01:02:14
Speaker
Because my whole, my intention with people is to seek to understand.
01:02:19
Speaker
I'm always about understanding you.
01:02:20
Speaker
So if,
01:02:22
Speaker
a Donald Trump or someone who's just whatever, say whatever you want.
01:02:25
Speaker
I'm like, okay, where's that behavior coming from?
01:02:27
Speaker
I'm asking questions to get to the root of where's all that?
01:02:30
Speaker
How was you raised?
01:02:30
Speaker
What did you believe growing up?
01:02:32
Speaker
Or they give me information.
01:02:34
Speaker
Oh, he don't know better.
01:02:34
Speaker
And if he does, he's just so caught up in that vibration that he can't even break it.
01:02:39
Speaker
So let me just have a little bit of compassion for him and just...
01:02:43
Speaker
He's cool.
01:02:43
Speaker
As long as you don't endanger me or affect what I got going, I just try to love everybody unconditionally.
01:02:49
Speaker
Even if they mean and nasty to me because that's not really them.
01:02:53
Speaker
That's coming from a fearful place, not a loving place.
01:02:57
Speaker
But I love people and I want to help people.
01:02:58
Speaker
So if I can only help people who are in a good state and who are positive, but I can't help a person who's wounded and negative and drama, then I can't do what I really want to do.
01:03:07
Speaker
Because how do you deal with someone who doesn't believe in anything?
01:03:11
Speaker
How do you deal with someone who doesn't care about living?
01:03:13
Speaker
How do you deal with someone who's wounded and got suicidal thoughts?
01:03:16
Speaker
Like, how do you deal with these people?
01:03:18
Speaker
So I'm the guy where I want to figure it out.
01:03:21
Speaker
Not for them, but so I can understand how to move in that space if someone needs my help.
01:03:28
Speaker
But if I'm just closed off, like, you know, there's some people I probably won't give much energy to because they're negative, but I still accept who they are as a person.
01:03:37
Speaker
and understand everybody has a story.
01:03:38
Speaker
That's why I try my best not to judge people.
Perceptions and Misunderstandings on The Bachelorette
01:03:43
Speaker
I love how you said you weren't heartbroken.
01:03:46
Speaker
I just think that takes so much, I don't know, lack of ego and also just like separation from like what you think the whole bachelorette thing is and like taking everything that's coming at you as for you and just, I love that.
01:04:04
Speaker
And before we began the podcast, I know you were saying, you know, sometimes the show would tell you to tone it down and not get too deep.
01:04:13
Speaker
Yeah.
01:04:13
Speaker
No.
01:04:14
Speaker
Like, when they were doing the interviews?
01:04:17
Speaker
Well, no.
01:04:17
Speaker
It's like, so, a lot of times when I was on a bachelorette, you know, several people were like, you're just too intense.
01:04:22
Speaker
I'm like, too intense.
01:04:23
Speaker
You need to relax.
01:04:23
Speaker
I'm like, what?
01:04:25
Speaker
Meanwhile, girls are like, it's funny because they'll pray for people like you, right?
01:04:30
Speaker
I want them to understand and communicate.
01:04:32
Speaker
And then when they get them, or even guys will encounter guys like you, and they just, it's a mirror.
01:04:39
Speaker
Because they're like, oh, I'm not like you.
01:04:40
Speaker
Because it's foreign to them, but it doesn't make sense.
01:04:43
Speaker
And so now having that information, I'm aware of it when I'm giving it what it's doing to them.
01:04:49
Speaker
So my whole thing is what I'm doing wrong that I think when I'm having conversations is that I get to the deep stuff too fast.
01:04:56
Speaker
So I might get to, hey, how's your heart?
01:04:58
Speaker
Feel that.
01:04:59
Speaker
Like, oh, damn.
01:05:01
Speaker
How about how are you today?
01:05:02
Speaker
What's going on?
01:05:02
Speaker
Like, relate.
01:05:04
Speaker
But if in my mind, I got a perspective of, okay, we're here to talk about this problem.
01:05:09
Speaker
I don't want to have no small talk because we only hear about the problem.
01:05:12
Speaker
But sometimes with some people, you got to massage that area and to get to the bottom.
01:05:18
Speaker
So that's where.
01:05:20
Speaker
And but in my mind, I'm not trying to not be deep or be deep.
01:05:23
Speaker
I'm just, this is me.
01:05:25
Speaker
And so that's when I realized like, oh, I am a deep person naturally.
01:05:29
Speaker
And for some people, they're not used to that.
01:05:33
Speaker
So it was all about just understanding, like I said, how I come off.
01:05:37
Speaker
And, you know, what I will say on the show, I realized that I was different.
01:05:42
Speaker
And I think, and misunderstood, and I felt that my whole life, I always try to fit in.
01:05:48
Speaker
But it's okay to stand out.
01:05:50
Speaker
And me getting the love on the show, that's how I know my heart was fulfilled.
01:05:54
Speaker
My dreams came true.
01:05:56
Speaker
Always wanted a podcast.
01:05:57
Speaker
People pay me to speak now.
01:05:59
Speaker
You know, I have more of a following.
01:06:01
Speaker
You know, I'm going to like children's hospital, giving back stuff I always wanted to do has came true.
01:06:07
Speaker
Like dreams do come true all because of love.
01:06:10
Speaker
That's what I was lacking in my heart.
01:06:11
Speaker
What was like, what brought you on the show?
01:06:13
Speaker
What was your original intention?
01:06:15
Speaker
It was just... Was it just curiosity?
01:06:18
Speaker
No, I mean, a friend of a friend who works in a production room.
01:06:22
Speaker
I was like, oh, they're casting for the show.
01:06:23
Speaker
What do you want to do?
01:06:24
Speaker
It was literally a screenshot text message of a Facebook page of casting for The Bachelorette.
01:06:30
Speaker
And I was like, sure.
01:06:31
Speaker
I went on an audition.
01:06:33
Speaker
Drew and I was dressed up and we had one and they moved me forward right away.
01:06:37
Speaker
We like you, you're going to move forward.
01:06:39
Speaker
They asked about, you know, relationship and whatever.
01:06:42
Speaker
And it just felt right.
01:06:43
Speaker
Intuition again.
01:06:44
Speaker
It was all about a feeling, but more so I had to realize I couldn't say no to it because it's like, why is this opportunity in my life?
01:06:51
Speaker
That's what I was curious about.
01:06:52
Speaker
How did I attract this and why?
01:06:54
Speaker
I never thought about I was going to fall in love.
01:06:56
Speaker
I never thought I would go to six countries.
01:06:59
Speaker
And I always wanted to travel.
01:07:00
Speaker
Never thought about fame, being on TV.
01:07:02
Speaker
Like, I was just like, why am I here?
01:07:04
Speaker
The first two hours in the mansion, I didn't even drink.
01:07:07
Speaker
Because I was just like in my head.
01:07:09
Speaker
So much.
01:07:10
Speaker
Then I was like, all right, you got to drink, brother.
01:07:12
Speaker
Because you're just thinking too much.
01:07:14
Speaker
But that curiosity got me to falling in love.
01:07:19
Speaker
Because I wasn't into Rachel when I first met her.
01:07:22
Speaker
I mean, she was cool, but I'm like,
01:07:24
Speaker
But over time, they also show me about dating.
01:07:27
Speaker
Yeah, that's interesting.
01:07:27
Speaker
If I was dating her outside of the show, after the first date, we wouldn't have went on the second date.
01:07:33
Speaker
Because we just didn't have that connect.
01:07:35
Speaker
It was just like she was cool, but she was like the homie.
01:07:39
Speaker
Yeah.
01:07:39
Speaker
You know?
01:07:40
Speaker
But I realized things take time.
01:07:43
Speaker
So if you're listening, it's okay.
01:07:44
Speaker
The first date is not no sparks there.
01:07:48
Speaker
Give it some time.
01:07:48
Speaker
Give it two or three more days.
01:07:50
Speaker
She's staring at me and I'm not going to look over.
01:07:53
Speaker
What do you think, lens?
01:07:55
Speaker
Yeah, I know.
01:07:55
Speaker
I've learned that too.
01:07:56
Speaker
Because everybody's different.
01:07:57
Speaker
Yeah, it's hard in this world because... It's hard when you know what you want outside of life.
01:08:02
Speaker
Like you are 100% confident in most of the decisions you make outside of life to not have that initial spark.
01:08:08
Speaker
Yeah.
01:08:08
Speaker
To know exactly what's... You know what I mean?
01:08:10
Speaker
Well, I think like you, I have this sense of, I just know.
01:08:16
Speaker
But I've definitely been surprised.
01:08:20
Speaker
Yeah, because here's the thing.
01:08:21
Speaker
I'll give you the flip, right?
01:08:23
Speaker
So me, when I'm really into women, like, y'all really like her.
01:08:26
Speaker
Oh my God.
01:08:27
Speaker
Like, it's like, yeah, yeah.
01:08:29
Speaker
And it's like, no.
01:08:31
Speaker
And then the women, I'm like, she's cool.
01:08:33
Speaker
I'm not really.
01:08:35
Speaker
Maybe the one to be like, damn, I actually like this girl.
01:08:39
Speaker
It's the reverse.
01:08:40
Speaker
Yeah.
01:08:41
Speaker
Because I don't know what that is or what you call that.
01:08:44
Speaker
But what I'm like, maybe it's infatuation.
01:08:45
Speaker
Maybe it's less.
01:08:46
Speaker
I don't know.
01:08:46
Speaker
But when I'm really into a girl, I'm like, she got the looks.
01:08:49
Speaker
I'm like, oh, she's perfect.
01:08:51
Speaker
And I'm excited.
01:08:52
Speaker
It never pans out.
01:08:53
Speaker
But when I'm not as excited about this.
01:08:55
Speaker
It fizzles on your end or her end?
01:08:56
Speaker
Yeah.
01:08:57
Speaker
I just think maybe both of mine for sure.
01:08:59
Speaker
But I feel like when I'm really not into the girl, but we cool, we get along, we hit it off.
01:09:04
Speaker
I don't know.
01:09:06
Speaker
Those be the ones like, yeah, she might.
01:09:10
Speaker
She got it.
01:09:11
Speaker
That's low reveal.
01:09:13
Speaker
Yeah.
01:09:13
Speaker
Interesting.
01:09:14
Speaker
It's funny you talk about the being deep thing and those deep conversations too because I feel like I've spent my whole life being like that.
01:09:21
Speaker
Being kind of like...
01:09:23
Speaker
finding the purpose of every interaction and the purpose of every conversation.
01:09:26
Speaker
And I remember having a really hard time in like high school and college because I always wanted to be deep and I felt like no one was.
01:09:33
Speaker
I always wanted to get really deep, but it's almost like,
01:09:37
Speaker
And I've realized now that like I kind of like shy more away from that.
01:09:41
Speaker
And I do enjoy like small talk conversations because it does like warm people up and massages them into like having a deeper conversation.
01:09:49
Speaker
And a lot of times like now I just try and like I have my deep side, but also I try and like focus on my playful side, which is like staying super light and kind of like making a joke and laughing of things.
01:10:01
Speaker
But I mean, I completely understand where you're coming from.
01:10:04
Speaker
Like I felt like I've been like that my whole life and like,
01:10:07
Speaker
I'm still like that where every interaction I feel like I need to find a purpose in, which is kind of like a problem sometimes because sometimes the purpose isn't directly for me.
01:10:18
Speaker
You know, obviously I'm getting something from it.
01:10:20
Speaker
You know, there's a exchange happening, but sometimes there's, I'm not, this isn't for me.
01:10:25
Speaker
Like a conversation or an interaction or learning isn't my learning.
01:10:29
Speaker
Might be someone else's and I might be facilitating that.
01:10:31
Speaker
So I often think about that.
01:10:33
Speaker
The one thing I want to talk about too.
Race and Universal Humanity
01:10:35
Speaker
So when you were doing the interview process and you're kind of going through this, like, what did, like, how did you think about being black in this process and like the lack of color and like the lack of diversity?
01:10:45
Speaker
Like what kind of conversation were you having in your head there?
01:10:50
Speaker
And then when you came on the show?
01:10:52
Speaker
That's a great question.
01:10:54
Speaker
That probably is, yeah, that's a great question.
01:10:56
Speaker
Because, so a few outlets asked post-show about it, but it's never in my mind been a black thing with me.
01:11:04
Speaker
Because growing up, I got along with everybody.
01:11:08
Speaker
And here's the thing, people who are African-American, black, whatever you want to call it, right?
01:11:12
Speaker
If you got personality, you can play a sport, you got talent, you accept it.
01:11:19
Speaker
So you don't deal with resistance.
01:11:21
Speaker
Damn.
01:11:22
Speaker
That's tough.
01:11:23
Speaker
That's true.
01:11:24
Speaker
So when I went to Colgate University, I shared a speech, right?
01:11:26
Speaker
Black Student Union flew me out, whatever.
01:11:29
Speaker
We did a boot camp of their speech and my topic of conversation was universal human.
01:11:34
Speaker
And so the school is 97% white, 3% black, if I'm correct.
01:11:37
Speaker
It's more... So the black kids there, they're not as talented or athletic or don't have the pizzazz or the charm or the personality or outgoing, maybe more introvert and just more intellectual, but...
01:11:50
Speaker
they don't get the same attention and they're not as accepted.
01:11:53
Speaker
That's the struggle.
01:11:54
Speaker
So I never had the resistance of those things.
01:11:56
Speaker
I never thought about it.
01:11:58
Speaker
But I will say when I moved to LA, there was a guy named Frank Crosby.
01:12:02
Speaker
He told me, don't get caught up in black Hollywood because you're a human being before you're anything.
01:12:08
Speaker
So I took that intention.
01:12:09
Speaker
Like I'm not black, I'm a human being.
01:12:11
Speaker
So when you have that intention in your mind, at least for me, when I go out in the world, I'm not going to attract just people.
01:12:17
Speaker
What, you know, someone black might think about it on a track or like, because my vibration, my vibe is not even sick.
01:12:23
Speaker
I'm not even putting that out.
01:12:24
Speaker
Oh, I'm this, I'm that.
01:12:25
Speaker
But I am aware of it, that I am black because you see the difference, you see the resistance.
01:12:33
Speaker
So it's just, but if we break down the stats, you know,
01:12:37
Speaker
You know, blacks are, if I'm not mistaken, 12 to 13% of the population.
01:12:43
Speaker
Whites are 31, 33%.
01:12:47
Speaker
So we're really not the majority.
01:12:48
Speaker
We are the minority.
01:12:49
Speaker
So you got to look at it as they're not a bunch of black people.
01:12:53
Speaker
Much as we want.
01:12:54
Speaker
And there's a difference and we don't like that.
01:12:56
Speaker
But that's the fact.
01:12:58
Speaker
But I also think I don't believe in dividing us.
01:13:01
Speaker
I don't know if you heard a guy, Gary Zukav.
01:13:03
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
01:13:04
Speaker
And he got a book called Seat of the Soul.
01:13:06
Speaker
Seat of the Soul.
01:13:08
Speaker
You know, girl.
01:13:09
Speaker
Okay, it's a great one.
01:13:10
Speaker
And he talks about community.
01:13:12
Speaker
He's like, just being in your community is not community.
01:13:15
Speaker
Being in a community is being in all communities.
01:13:17
Speaker
100%.
01:13:17
Speaker
And that's where I got Universal Human from.
01:13:20
Speaker
And that's what I believe in.
01:13:21
Speaker
Like, look at Drake, for instance.
01:13:23
Speaker
He's a great rapper.
01:13:24
Speaker
He was on the grassy.
01:13:25
Speaker
But people love him everywhere.
01:13:28
Speaker
But he's considered black, right?
01:13:29
Speaker
He's a universal human.
01:13:32
Speaker
And that's what I, not saying I want everybody to be, but just be aware of that people are different.
01:13:38
Speaker
People think different.
01:13:40
Speaker
How about you take what they have and use for your own?
01:13:43
Speaker
I know a Jewish girl.
01:13:45
Speaker
She's about 25.
01:13:46
Speaker
She said when she was young, her mom, her granddad, that for birthdays and holidays would buy her stocks and bonds.
01:13:54
Speaker
She have a stock portfolio for $50,000.
01:13:56
Speaker
Where I come from, that's unheard of.
01:13:59
Speaker
We're not even thinking about that.
01:14:01
Speaker
But now that I'm part of her vibe and what she got, I have that information now.
01:14:06
Speaker
That's why I read books and educate yourself is so important because now you have new information that you wouldn't have got in your community.
01:14:13
Speaker
You're open to different.
01:14:15
Speaker
And I think when you're open to different and accepting different makes you a better person and disposes you to, oh, this is your perspective growing up.
01:14:22
Speaker
This is my perspective.
01:14:24
Speaker
Oh, wow.
01:14:25
Speaker
I didn't look at it like that.
01:14:26
Speaker
Thank you.
01:14:27
Speaker
Then you can have more compassion for a person instead of saying they're wrong.
01:14:30
Speaker
You don't know what you're talking about.
01:14:32
Speaker
No, they actually do.
01:14:32
Speaker
That's just how they see it.
01:14:34
Speaker
And being okay that there's different to yours.
01:14:37
Speaker
And I think that's what people are afraid of is being different.
01:14:40
Speaker
And because I was afraid of being different.
01:14:43
Speaker
I wanted to fit in with my friends and I wanted to take them everywhere.
01:14:45
Speaker
And I just didn't have the capacity or the tenacity to do the things I was doing.
01:14:49
Speaker
So you know what the universe, you know what God did?
01:14:51
Speaker
You got to go to LA because I was such a friend.
01:14:54
Speaker
Like if my friends were incarcerated, who's coming to see them?
01:14:58
Speaker
Who's sending them money?
01:15:00
Speaker
So I was taking on everybody's burdens.
01:15:02
Speaker
I had to get away.
01:15:04
Speaker
So it's, but the answer to the black thing, I didn't think about it at the time, but no, a year and a half later, I see there, there is a divide and there is a difference based on contestants and myself.
01:15:17
Speaker
Oh, you would be the first black bachelor.
01:15:20
Speaker
Okay, cool.
01:15:22
Speaker
And how it's such this big thing, which I get.
01:15:25
Speaker
But I just think everything comes down to understanding, education, and having compassion for all people.
01:15:32
Speaker
Instead of pointing a finger, just understand who you're talking about and who you're talking to because you don't know their story.
01:15:38
Speaker
You don't know what they've been through.
01:15:39
Speaker
Why is this person that way?
01:15:41
Speaker
And maybe that's too much energy to go research and get, but I'm just curious.
01:15:47
Speaker
So I always try to catch myself.
01:15:49
Speaker
Why do you do that?
01:15:50
Speaker
Well, why?
01:15:51
Speaker
But people just, they don't do that because they're not trained to.
01:15:55
Speaker
Yeah, and that's why I feel like the public isn't trained to think that way.
01:15:58
Speaker
So they just go the easiest route.
01:16:00
Speaker
And the easiest route is to not have like a diverse of a cast or people on the show.
01:16:05
Speaker
Yeah, because it's like when you think of most people, what can I say most people?
01:16:09
Speaker
When I say some people look at black men, say, for instance, my type, athletic, tall, have a look or whatever.
01:16:15
Speaker
You're even an athlete, you're an entertainer, or you're a model or actor.
01:16:21
Speaker
Yeah.
01:16:23
Speaker
Those are the categories because that's what they show on.
01:16:25
Speaker
You don't never.
01:16:27
Speaker
There was a guy.
01:16:27
Speaker
I won't say his name.
01:16:29
Speaker
There was a guy on the Winter Games who was a friend of mine.
01:16:32
Speaker
He's black.
01:16:33
Speaker
He's a lawyer.
01:16:35
Speaker
One of the guys on the show was like, oh, man, you a lawyer?
01:16:38
Speaker
I didn't think you were a lawyer.
01:16:39
Speaker
I thought you was a football player.
01:16:41
Speaker
You know, it's like, do you hold the guy who said that accountable?
01:16:45
Speaker
He shouldn't have said that, but it's how the world is perceiving blacks.
01:16:49
Speaker
They don't perceive blacks as accountants, lawyers, doctors, surgeons.
01:16:54
Speaker
You don't see that.
01:16:55
Speaker
Even in movies, you know, Black Panther, great movie.
01:16:58
Speaker
But what are black people doing?
01:16:59
Speaker
Fighting each other for power.
01:17:01
Speaker
Why do we always got to be showed in a physical, dominant way?
01:17:05
Speaker
Look at LeBron James.
01:17:06
Speaker
He's more than an athlete.
01:17:06
Speaker
Look what he's doing.
01:17:08
Speaker
But they don't show that enough in the world.
01:17:11
Speaker
Why?
Media Representation and Stereotypes
01:17:12
Speaker
So all you have is that image of a black person.
01:17:15
Speaker
So is it really the white person or the other person's fault?
01:17:20
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
01:17:21
Speaker
it's just I feel like in the moment do you do you have that conversation with someone who does say oh I thought he was a football player like where are the opportunities to kind of show yeah not show is the wrong word educate educate or just like in a nice way it would just be like a question like why did you think that where did that perception come from
01:17:40
Speaker
But no one's in a moment going to think that fast to have that conversation.
01:17:44
Speaker
I just wonder what someone would think.
01:17:45
Speaker
Hey, what do you think I do?
01:17:46
Speaker
And they'd be like, marketing.
01:17:49
Speaker
Yeah, you should do that.
01:17:50
Speaker
That should be when you go out.
01:17:51
Speaker
That should just cold call it and just do it.
01:17:55
Speaker
Yeah, I think they'd have an assumption of what I do based on being blonde and blah, blah.
01:17:59
Speaker
So I kind of wonder that too.
01:18:01
Speaker
Yeah, and it's just like, why do you think that?
01:18:03
Speaker
Where are you getting those thoughts from?
01:18:04
Speaker
Right.
01:18:05
Speaker
And why do I have to just be that to you?
01:18:08
Speaker
And I just... What I see as is a control thing for people who are controlling the world.
01:18:14
Speaker
Yeah.
01:18:15
Speaker
And that's what I think the minorities, blacks are dealing with is that it's not that they don't have the money.
01:18:21
Speaker
It's not that they don't... It's just like they're not getting the same opportunities because of their perception.
01:18:25
Speaker
You know?
01:18:26
Speaker
Yeah.
01:18:26
Speaker
And that's why it's important that they would have more...
01:18:31
Speaker
Indian people on the show.
01:18:33
Speaker
Asian people.
01:18:34
Speaker
Asian.
01:18:35
Speaker
Like, has there been... Well, this is... John Graham.
01:18:37
Speaker
Shouts out to John Graham.
01:18:38
Speaker
The guy who helped create Venmo.
01:18:40
Speaker
He's on Paradise and he was on Becca's season.
01:18:43
Speaker
It's just... Damn.
01:18:44
Speaker
But he's one of... Thank you, but one.
01:18:46
Speaker
Yeah.
01:18:47
Speaker
One.
01:18:47
Speaker
I think it was Danielle L. I mean, I think she was like...
01:18:51
Speaker
Asian American.
01:18:52
Speaker
But that's how it starts to like break the stigma or whatever.
01:18:55
Speaker
You know, if you go on the show and say you are in software sales for Baltimore.
01:18:59
Speaker
Right.
01:18:59
Speaker
It's like, hey, I'm Eric.
01:19:01
Speaker
I'm in software sales like full blind.
01:19:02
Speaker
It's like, oh, I thought he was this, but he can also be this.
01:19:04
Speaker
You know, it's kind of like starting to break down the barriers there.
01:19:07
Speaker
But I think we know where it starts at is media.
01:19:09
Speaker
So have you seen Get Out and have you seen Sorry to Bother You?
01:19:14
Speaker
I haven't seen Sorry to Bother You.
01:19:16
Speaker
So these movies are very like...
01:19:18
Speaker
about discrimination, like, life, people, whatever.
01:19:21
Speaker
So, and those movies, you get out, those movies are great.
01:19:24
Speaker
but there's no solution in the movies.
01:19:26
Speaker
We're making people aware of what's going on, but what's the solution?
01:19:29
Speaker
It's true.
01:19:30
Speaker
So I think people should create movies and content showing minorities in a different light other than just, oh, he's an athlete.
01:19:39
Speaker
He jumps out the gym.
01:19:41
Speaker
Oh, he's an actor.
01:19:42
Speaker
Oh, he's a rapper.
01:19:42
Speaker
He's like, show them being lawyers.
01:19:46
Speaker
Show them.
01:19:47
Speaker
But so what happens in the community, like someone like Baltimore, reading books and education is not cool.
01:19:53
Speaker
Having a lot of money, having the girls, taking shots, getting drunk, smoking weed.
01:19:58
Speaker
That's cool.
01:19:59
Speaker
So no one's... Because your role models are... Yeah.
01:20:02
Speaker
Right.
01:20:03
Speaker
That.
01:20:03
Speaker
Yeah.
01:20:03
Speaker
So it's like, it's not cool to get information.
01:20:05
Speaker
That's why I think for me, for some people, it don't make sense because it's like, oh, where are they?
01:20:10
Speaker
Because I have a lot of information, but yet I can do the cool things too.
01:20:14
Speaker
Yeah.
01:20:14
Speaker
That's why I told Rich on the show, I'm a cool square.
01:20:16
Speaker
Yeah.
01:20:18
Speaker
I can be whatever I need to be for the moment because I have exposure and information.
01:20:24
Speaker
And I think that's where the neglect is, is that people don't have information, people are not aware, and it's just, that's wrong, this is not right, and no one's willing to be open to seeing a different side.
01:20:39
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
01:20:40
Speaker
But, you know, it's all information and awareness.
01:20:44
Speaker
But it doesn't have to be so, but it's so deep and so many layers.
01:20:49
Speaker
And if you go in these communities and you see this stuff people deal with.
01:20:52
Speaker
Girls like on a show, she's like, you should put on sunscreen.
01:20:56
Speaker
You should put on, you need, because you don't want to get skin cancer.
01:20:59
Speaker
I'm like, hmm, I hear you.
01:21:00
Speaker
I said, but check this out where I'm from.
01:21:03
Speaker
People are not worrying about sunscreen or skin cancer.
01:21:06
Speaker
They're trying to survive.
01:21:07
Speaker
When I was 15 to 16, I was shooting the basketball in 100 degree weather because I thought I was going to the NBA.
01:21:13
Speaker
My mindset is not even thinking about that stuff because it's for what?
01:21:17
Speaker
Like what?
01:21:19
Speaker
I'm trying to make it.
01:21:22
Speaker
perception.
01:21:24
Speaker
And you just living your life and being
Role Models and Giving Back
01:21:26
Speaker
you.
01:21:26
Speaker
And I think you're right.
01:21:27
Speaker
Like this is to be in the public eye and a part of your purpose, like is to be that new age role model for not only your community in Baltimore, but like the world community too, you know?
01:21:40
Speaker
That's what I want to do.
01:21:41
Speaker
In the back end of it all, that's what I want to do.
01:21:43
Speaker
I want to help people.
01:21:44
Speaker
If I can sit down and talk to people and spend time with them, I don't need to be on this camera and a front screen.
01:21:50
Speaker
But if the cameras and the TV stuff is going to get me to the point where I can do that, I'm going to surrender to that because I surrendered to that too.
01:21:57
Speaker
Because I wanted to do things my way before the show.
01:21:59
Speaker
It didn't work.
01:22:01
Speaker
So now I just let the universe bring you.
01:22:02
Speaker
Okay, cool.
01:22:04
Speaker
Almost 30 podcasts a day.
01:22:05
Speaker
I'm going there.
01:22:06
Speaker
They want me on it.
01:22:07
Speaker
Okay, I'll go there.
01:22:08
Speaker
I don't fight it.
01:22:09
Speaker
I say yes and progress.
01:22:13
Speaker
I think LA is just such a beautiful place for that.
01:22:15
Speaker
Because there's just a lot.
01:22:17
Speaker
It's so random.
01:22:18
Speaker
It's so like, I don't know.
01:22:20
Speaker
Everyone's kind of doing that in their own way, I think.
01:22:24
Speaker
Which is just so cool.
01:22:25
Speaker
It's almost like you have the permission to do it.
01:22:26
Speaker
There's not like this super judgment happening.
01:22:29
Speaker
You just kind of go and do it.
01:22:29
Speaker
You know, you got to just use what you have.
01:22:31
Speaker
Because sometimes you got to sit down and ask like, well, how many people doing this?
01:22:35
Speaker
You know, a friend of mine told me this the other day and it kind of hit me hard.
01:22:38
Speaker
He said, E, do you not know how people see you?
01:22:41
Speaker
I'm like, what do you mean?
01:22:42
Speaker
He said, well, let's look at it from a black person standpoint.
01:22:44
Speaker
You're probably the only black guy role model out there that people look at in a positive way who's African-American.
01:22:52
Speaker
that's pushing what you're pushing.
01:22:53
Speaker
No one's really pushing that.
01:22:55
Speaker
You're positive.
01:22:56
Speaker
You got a look going on.
01:22:57
Speaker
You're on a good show.
01:22:59
Speaker
You got this good persona about you.
01:23:01
Speaker
Like, it's not many black young men your age that's like that.
01:23:06
Speaker
So, people look for that.
01:23:08
Speaker
Especially in a, you know, a black guy, if that's what they, you know.
01:23:11
Speaker
I was like, damn, I never looked at it like that.
01:23:13
Speaker
I looked at it as this is who I am.
01:23:16
Speaker
But we don't have that.
01:23:17
Speaker
I mean, we have athletes.
01:23:19
Speaker
We have rappers and,
01:23:21
Speaker
But outside of the Eric Thomas, the Will Smiths, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, you know, bless their souls, but where's the leaders?
01:23:31
Speaker
Barak, baby.
01:23:32
Speaker
Barak, you know, I love Barak.
01:23:34
Speaker
So it's, it's tough, but it's life.
01:23:37
Speaker
You just figure it out.
01:23:38
Speaker
And I just think it don't have to be so hard and so harsh because the way we take it on as a community is like we take it on like, because it's always something, you know, or,
01:23:52
Speaker
it's just, it's hard to explain, but if you're in it, like sometimes I wish I had like a movie that I can like film so people can just see it from my lens.
01:23:59
Speaker
Like, look at this person, look at this person.
01:24:02
Speaker
Like I was in Westlake one time and I didn't have a haircut.
01:24:04
Speaker
Like my beard was like all like grown out and I was in Westlake and I came up to like, it was a bunch of kids and someone running a little kids camp.
01:24:14
Speaker
I said, you know, the funny thing about this, Westlake, I'm probably fine.
01:24:18
Speaker
But if I go in like a different neighborhood looking like that, you know, it probably won't be fine because of the environment.
01:24:24
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
01:24:25
Speaker
Imagine if that lady was in a tough community where it was violence and I came up on her and like, hey, she would be probably a little, but because I was in Westlake, it's nice.
01:24:36
Speaker
Oh, you out here?
01:24:38
Speaker
So that plays a role in life too, your environment, the energy you live in.
01:24:42
Speaker
It affects your mood, your thoughts, what you believe.
01:24:46
Speaker
It's tough, but other than that, man, we're here.
01:24:50
Speaker
Be more as low vibe or high vibe.
01:24:52
Speaker
Low, for sure.
01:24:52
Speaker
I'm from Cincinnati.
01:24:54
Speaker
Oh, Cincinnati's crazy.
01:24:56
Speaker
Yeah.
01:24:57
Speaker
And the thing is, people always say, Baltimore is bad.
01:25:00
Speaker
And I was like, well, it's not Baltimore.
01:25:01
Speaker
So it was the behavior there.
01:25:03
Speaker
Yeah.
01:25:03
Speaker
Where did that behavior come from?
01:25:05
Speaker
Who started that behavior?
01:25:07
Speaker
It came from somebody.
01:25:08
Speaker
Yeah.
01:25:08
Speaker
Yeah.
01:25:09
Speaker
That's why I was, when you talk about slavery, I like to get to
Society's Perceptions and Systems
01:25:11
Speaker
the root.
01:25:11
Speaker
Like, what was the turning point where someone said, I'm going to oppress someone and make them feel like they're nothing?
01:25:17
Speaker
Like, where did that start and why?
01:25:19
Speaker
Was it over money?
01:25:20
Speaker
Was it it was a power?
01:25:21
Speaker
What is inferior?
01:25:22
Speaker
But why?
01:25:23
Speaker
What was the turning point?
01:25:25
Speaker
Can we, is that a record book that's at this moment?
01:25:28
Speaker
Yeah.
01:25:28
Speaker
Because this person thought, that's what I be thinking about.
01:25:31
Speaker
I know I probably never get that answer.
01:25:32
Speaker
Like,
01:25:33
Speaker
And I'm like, okay, once you get the power, once you get the money, why still oppress someone?
01:25:37
Speaker
Make them feel like you see these police shooting and killing people.
01:25:40
Speaker
And it's just like, because they're in fear of the perception of the person and not even the truth of the person because of the stigma that was created about that thing.
01:25:52
Speaker
That's not all the way true.
01:25:53
Speaker
That's why they need more exposure to that.
01:25:55
Speaker
You know what I mean?
01:25:56
Speaker
Like it's heartbreaking.
01:25:58
Speaker
It's like,
01:26:01
Speaker
They just need more exposure to different people and different opinions and different situations.
01:26:07
Speaker
And that's why travel is so important.
01:26:09
Speaker
But travel is not accessible for so many people.
01:26:13
Speaker
So that's why sometimes TV becomes the outlet, you know, for people to experience other.
01:26:18
Speaker
But then the media is so crooked sometimes.
01:26:21
Speaker
Yes.
01:26:22
Speaker
You know.
01:26:23
Speaker
Look what they show on the news.
01:26:24
Speaker
I was listening to Oprah.
01:26:25
Speaker
She's like, I do not watch the news at night.
01:26:27
Speaker
I do not have that going on.
01:26:28
Speaker
No, no, I don't even watch it, which is maybe irresponsible, but I just can't even take it.
01:26:33
Speaker
Yeah.
01:26:36
Speaker
We interrupt this episode to bring you a word from our sponsor, Skinny Dipped Almonds.
01:26:41
Speaker
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01:26:49
Speaker
It was founded by a mother-daughter and her two best friends,
01:26:53
Speaker
And we are just inspired because they wanted to spend more time with one another.
01:26:58
Speaker
After losing a dear friend, they realized that they were all so scattered and so busy, they didn't really make the time for family and connection.
01:27:07
Speaker
So they decided to start a business together and thus Skinny Dipped was born.
01:27:11
Speaker
Skinny Dipped is changing the way we do snacking.
01:27:16
Speaker
It is healthy.
01:27:17
Speaker
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01:27:23
Speaker
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01:27:25
Speaker
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01:27:29
Speaker
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01:27:34
Speaker
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Speaker
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01:27:42
Speaker
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01:27:52
Speaker
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Speaker
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01:27:55
Speaker
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01:27:58
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01:28:01
Speaker
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01:28:09
Speaker
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01:28:13
Speaker
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01:28:28
Speaker
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01:28:29
Speaker
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01:28:32
Speaker
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Trusting Individuals vs. Systems
01:28:42
Speaker
My friend's boyfriend owns, he has a farm for weed.
01:28:48
Speaker
So he's in the weed business.
01:28:49
Speaker
He did medical marijuana and now he's moving into recreational marijuana.
01:28:54
Speaker
So he has a farm.
01:28:55
Speaker
It has like maybe $3 million worth of weed, which is kind of like not even that much for a weed farm, but that's how much his business was.
01:29:04
Speaker
Recently, he was raided by police.
01:29:07
Speaker
who like cited something, but basically took all of the weed and that's happening up and down the coast of California.
01:29:14
Speaker
And they're like, it's a conspiracy theory and take it as you will.
01:29:19
Speaker
But like it's of the belief that like police are taking it and either like selling it themselves or like using it as a way to like sabotage too.
01:29:25
Speaker
And I was like thinking, I mean, I was told one story and I didn't even like, I was thinking about it all night.
01:29:30
Speaker
You know how much police been killing, harassing just people in general like that?
01:29:37
Speaker
My dad was in the streets.
01:29:38
Speaker
He was like, son, that's been happening for years.
01:29:40
Speaker
100%.
01:29:40
Speaker
What was that one?
01:29:41
Speaker
There was one mafia documentary.
01:29:44
Speaker
It was really good.
01:29:45
Speaker
It was about the four mafias.
01:29:47
Speaker
I forget where they were.
01:29:49
Speaker
The four largest mafia gangs.
01:29:51
Speaker
And then it talked about the relationship that they had with cops and how they worked with cops and stuff.
01:29:55
Speaker
That stuff's fucking crazy.
01:29:56
Speaker
It was just like...
01:29:58
Speaker
Yeah.
01:29:59
Speaker
Like you can't trust anyone.
01:30:00
Speaker
I had a family member at one point.
01:30:02
Speaker
They were paying the police a thousand a week just to leave them alone.
01:30:04
Speaker
There you go.
01:30:06
Speaker
I mean, that's because at the end of the day, you got to trust people, not systems people.
01:30:10
Speaker
Yeah.
01:30:10
Speaker
That's a good one.
01:30:11
Speaker
If I got a hundred million on my account and you're my accountant or my banker, I got to trust that you're not going to go and tell your best friend, yo, I saw so-and-so's bank account.
01:30:19
Speaker
Look what they have.
01:30:20
Speaker
Yep.
01:30:21
Speaker
Right.
01:30:22
Speaker
So trust more times than not, which is weird, can be more important than love.
01:30:27
Speaker
Yep.
01:30:28
Speaker
You know?
01:30:29
Speaker
And that's the scary part, but that's the truth.
01:30:31
Speaker
You got to trust people.
01:30:32
Speaker
Should we get some of the questions?
01:30:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
01:30:34
Speaker
Our group has some questions.
01:30:36
Speaker
Our group has a lot of questions.
01:30:39
Speaker
Sorry.
01:30:41
Speaker
I kind of wanted to know what you did at the end of your day.
01:30:45
Speaker
On the show?
01:30:46
Speaker
No.
01:30:47
Speaker
Just here in life.
01:30:48
Speaker
Oh, I'm always like curious.
01:30:50
Speaker
Like, I'm sure you're running around all day, right?
01:30:52
Speaker
Yeah.
01:30:52
Speaker
But like when you get home, like kind of what is your...
01:30:56
Speaker
Because every day is so different for me.
01:30:58
Speaker
I might go home, be on Instagram.
01:31:01
Speaker
I might go home and watch a documentary, fall asleep.
01:31:05
Speaker
A lot of times I'd be so tired.
01:31:06
Speaker
I just knock out.
01:31:08
Speaker
Yeah.
01:31:08
Speaker
Or I might eat.
01:31:10
Speaker
You know, when I was younger and I didn't have so many responsibilities, I made sure every night I prayed.
01:31:14
Speaker
Like every night I had to pray.
01:31:16
Speaker
But sometimes throughout the day, I'm just very, my attitude is gratitude.
01:31:20
Speaker
I'm just so thankful.
01:31:21
Speaker
You're praying all day.
01:31:23
Speaker
I'm just praying throughout the day.
01:31:24
Speaker
And I'm just like, you know what?
01:31:26
Speaker
Wow, I'm here.
01:31:27
Speaker
How did I get here?
01:31:29
Speaker
And it's different every day, though.
01:31:33
Speaker
Do you guys know your personality type?
01:31:37
Speaker
no but someone was talking about what the 16 questions 16 personalities yeah so I'm an ENFP so I'm like extrovert intuitive feeling projecting so with these people yeah that's probably me we're very we can feel the energy of the room like when it comes to things like I can be scattered I can be everywhere like all over the place so I really need structure
01:31:58
Speaker
So every day is just, I'll be doing a podcast, maybe watching my phone.
01:32:05
Speaker
You know, I'll just be doing a lot of things at once.
01:32:07
Speaker
Totally.
01:32:08
Speaker
So I realized that about myself, but it's, every day is different.
01:32:11
Speaker
It's good to know your personality so that you're not judging.
01:32:15
Speaker
You know what I mean?
01:32:16
Speaker
Like sometimes I get frustrated with myself, but then I'm like, oh, that's just me.
01:32:19
Speaker
Yeah, that's just me.
01:32:20
Speaker
I get like days I get lazy sometimes.
01:32:22
Speaker
I'm like, I'm not like that.
01:32:24
Speaker
I'm like, it's just me.
01:32:25
Speaker
Or when I give speeches, I can't write a speech down and talk about it.
01:32:28
Speaker
Like I have to like bullet points.
01:32:31
Speaker
I speak off the cuff.
01:32:32
Speaker
Like once I know what I'm talking about, like, all right, cool.
01:32:34
Speaker
Yeah, I can't like write it and then no, it's just like, and I just go all in.
01:32:39
Speaker
Yeah.
Behind-the-Scenes of The Bachelorette
01:32:41
Speaker
Okay.
01:32:41
Speaker
This is from the group Fantasy Suite.
01:32:46
Speaker
Yay.
01:32:47
Speaker
First one.
01:32:47
Speaker
Hey, baby.
01:32:49
Speaker
Is it like, is it the first night you guys are able to spend together?
01:32:52
Speaker
Yeah, without cameras, yes.
01:32:53
Speaker
Oh, you're allowed to spend the night together with cameras?
01:32:56
Speaker
Without.
01:32:56
Speaker
Without.
01:32:57
Speaker
Yeah, without cameras.
01:32:58
Speaker
So anything goes.
01:32:59
Speaker
Okay, you can do whatever.
01:33:01
Speaker
Do whatever.
01:33:01
Speaker
Up to you and a person.
01:33:02
Speaker
Does it make you feel weird that she's been in with other guys?
01:33:05
Speaker
No, I'm not.
01:33:06
Speaker
That's another thing too.
01:33:07
Speaker
People, listen, there's no competition other than yourself because you can't be another person so you can't compare yourself to another person.
01:33:12
Speaker
Yep.
01:33:13
Speaker
Did you witness other guys crumble because they were?
01:33:16
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
01:33:16
Speaker
Yeah.
01:33:17
Speaker
Yeah.
01:33:17
Speaker
Yeah.
01:33:19
Speaker
You high-fived him when you left.
01:33:22
Speaker
How real is it?
01:33:23
Speaker
It's very real.
01:33:24
Speaker
But the thing is, that's what I tell people.
01:33:26
Speaker
I can't speak for others.
01:33:28
Speaker
I can speak for myself.
01:33:29
Speaker
My experience was very real and very impactful and emotional.
01:33:33
Speaker
Because you allowed it.
01:33:34
Speaker
Yeah.
01:33:35
Speaker
But when you get to the end, I mean, even if you try to run from it, it can catch you.
01:33:40
Speaker
You know, so it's real.
01:33:42
Speaker
Sure.
01:33:42
Speaker
Fucking love that.
01:33:43
Speaker
Did you get any Botox or anything before you went?
01:33:47
Speaker
Botox?
01:33:47
Speaker
Did you like, did you like work out a lot?
01:33:50
Speaker
Hilarious.
01:33:50
Speaker
I love them.
01:33:51
Speaker
I'm a fitness trainer by trade.
01:33:54
Speaker
So, I mean, my body was very important to me.
01:33:56
Speaker
So, my body is my business.
01:33:57
Speaker
I always worked out.
01:33:58
Speaker
What did you eat and stuff when you were there?
01:34:00
Speaker
Do they provide you with the... Oh, yeah.
01:34:02
Speaker
Great food.
01:34:02
Speaker
Steaks, mashed potatoes.
01:34:04
Speaker
When we're in the house, they bop.
01:34:06
Speaker
Whatever you eat.
01:34:07
Speaker
Put it on a list, we go get it.
01:34:08
Speaker
No.
01:34:09
Speaker
Yes.
01:34:09
Speaker
Gummy bears, Oreo cookies, tea, eggs, salmon, whatever you want.
01:34:13
Speaker
We will get it.
01:34:14
Speaker
So we ate good.
01:34:15
Speaker
Champagne.
01:34:16
Speaker
Would they make you drink?
01:34:17
Speaker
Not make you, but whatever.
01:34:18
Speaker
I mean, you want to.
01:34:19
Speaker
Why are you just sitting there talking about your feelings all day?
01:34:21
Speaker
Yeah, dude.
01:34:22
Speaker
That's the thing that would be… So like, did you and her ever like laugh and shit?
01:34:26
Speaker
Yeah, all the time.
01:34:26
Speaker
Okay.
01:34:28
Speaker
You know, there's so much… But it wasn't on TV?
01:34:30
Speaker
I mean, you got to edit.
01:34:31
Speaker
Yeah.
01:34:31
Speaker
So it was only, you got to fit 30 or 20 people in the fin.
01:34:35
Speaker
So it was a lot of great stuff that didn't come on the show.
01:34:37
Speaker
Like, I did her Life Path number.
01:34:40
Speaker
They didn't show that.
01:34:41
Speaker
Oh, cool.
01:34:41
Speaker
I did a joke on her.
01:34:42
Speaker
So there's a joke I have.
01:34:44
Speaker
And I asked a person, I was like, do you speak a different language?
01:34:50
Speaker
And they say, no, do you?
01:34:52
Speaker
And I said, I actually do.
01:34:55
Speaker
she said, what is it?
01:34:56
Speaker
I said, I'm bilingual.
01:34:57
Speaker
I said, what is that?
01:34:58
Speaker
She said, what do you speak?
01:34:59
Speaker
I was like, body language.
01:35:00
Speaker
And then she started flipping like, oh, that was a good one.
01:35:03
Speaker
But they didn't put that in there, you know?
01:35:06
Speaker
It would have been cool, but you know, they got to make the show.
01:35:08
Speaker
I get it.
01:35:08
Speaker
That's what I always like think.
01:35:10
Speaker
I'm like, oh, like he's the deep one.
01:35:11
Speaker
Don't, don't let him be funny.
01:35:13
Speaker
Yeah.
01:35:14
Speaker
I always just, I'm like, they're not laughing.
01:35:16
Speaker
Like laughing is just like, that's all I want is to like laugh all day.
01:35:21
Speaker
What's it really like in the house on a day-to-day basis?
01:35:25
Speaker
Just you talking about your feelings, you drinking, playing cards.
01:35:28
Speaker
Yeah, it's just all of us.
01:35:29
Speaker
It's all the guys.
01:35:29
Speaker
Did you like work out?
01:35:30
Speaker
Yeah, work out.
01:35:30
Speaker
You got the pool, got the jacuzzi, playing cards.
01:35:33
Speaker
But you can't leave the house?
01:35:33
Speaker
No.
01:35:34
Speaker
Damn.
01:35:35
Speaker
Can you look at your phone?
01:35:36
Speaker
You don't have a phone the whole time.
01:35:37
Speaker
Damn.
01:35:37
Speaker
That's what I miss.
01:35:39
Speaker
Oh, wow.
01:35:40
Speaker
Because when you get a phone, oh, something distracts.
01:35:42
Speaker
Like right now, look at my phone.
01:35:44
Speaker
Yeah.
01:35:45
Speaker
That's what I miss because you can only focus on the person and your emotion.
01:35:50
Speaker
That'd be kind of nice to not look at my phone like that.
01:35:52
Speaker
And then so STDs.
01:35:55
Speaker
So everyone's tested.
01:35:56
Speaker
Yeah.
01:35:57
Speaker
And if you have an STD, you're allowed to come.
01:35:59
Speaker
I believe so.
01:36:00
Speaker
You can't come.
01:36:01
Speaker
Wow.
01:36:01
Speaker
If you don't pass that part, you can't be on the show.
01:36:05
Speaker
How long did it take you to fill out the 600 question thing?
01:36:08
Speaker
Oh my God.
01:36:10
Speaker
At least two hours.
01:36:10
Speaker
Wow.
01:36:12
Speaker
Because you got to really think.
01:36:12
Speaker
These are not like, you love yourself.
01:36:15
Speaker
How was your day?
01:36:15
Speaker
These are like... There's like... You know how they... Word questions and make you think.
01:36:20
Speaker
You might pick an answer that's not really what you mean.
01:36:22
Speaker
Totally.
01:36:22
Speaker
So it's like... It's a lot.
01:36:24
Speaker
I want to pass.
01:36:25
Speaker
Yeah.
01:36:26
Speaker
Chris Harrison.
01:36:27
Speaker
Is he cool?
01:36:27
Speaker
He's awesome.
01:36:28
Speaker
That's my guy.
01:36:28
Speaker
I call him the miracle man now.
01:36:30
Speaker
He should be the next Bachelor.
01:36:32
Speaker
Is he single?
01:36:33
Speaker
Yeah.
01:36:34
Speaker
Really?
01:36:34
Speaker
From what I know.
01:36:35
Speaker
From what I know.
01:36:35
Speaker
I thought he was married for that reason.
01:36:38
Speaker
I think he was at one time.
01:36:39
Speaker
But he does never wear a ring.
01:36:40
Speaker
That's a great idea.
01:36:42
Speaker
And then did you trust the producers...
01:36:44
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
01:36:45
Speaker
I mean, I trust myself.
01:36:46
Speaker
I trust the producers because I know them.
01:36:48
Speaker
But when you first come in, you don't trust nobody.
01:36:50
Speaker
Yeah, I was going to say.
01:36:51
Speaker
What are you doing?
01:36:52
Speaker
Yeah.
01:36:53
Speaker
Yeah.
01:36:54
Speaker
Damn.
01:36:55
Speaker
And your family was excited for you.
01:36:57
Speaker
Yeah, the thing about family is I was the gray sheep, not the black sheep.
01:37:03
Speaker
I was the one who did things different and went for it.
01:37:05
Speaker
So I don't know.
01:37:08
Speaker
Anything I did, I was going to do regardless.
01:37:10
Speaker
I was that kid.
01:37:12
Speaker
I think they were excited, but the support like that wasn't like, they're just like, oh, that's E. He's doing his thing.
01:37:19
Speaker
Because I've always been that way.
01:37:21
Speaker
So I think I'm bad to myself because, and where I'm from, when you do bad, you get the attention.
01:37:28
Speaker
Because I was so good, doing well, they were like, oh, he's fine.
01:37:31
Speaker
Leave him alone.
01:37:32
Speaker
He's good.
01:37:33
Speaker
I'm like, yo, hey, guys, I'm over here.
01:37:35
Speaker
He's good.
01:37:36
Speaker
He's in good grades.
01:37:37
Speaker
He's never in trouble.
01:37:39
Speaker
He's respectful.
01:37:40
Speaker
And so I always had this, oh, that's just him doing him.
01:37:44
Speaker
He's doing his thing.
01:37:45
Speaker
Cool.
01:37:45
Speaker
That's what you like.
01:37:46
Speaker
It was never, no, I couldn't do that because everything else I did was so what they wanted or needed or good.
01:37:52
Speaker
Yeah.
01:37:54
Speaker
They're good in school.
01:37:55
Speaker
You can't be out late.
01:37:57
Speaker
What?
01:37:57
Speaker
Like, I got straight A's.
01:37:59
Speaker
And I'm responsible.
01:38:00
Speaker
I'm not making a mess.
01:38:02
Speaker
So, you know.
01:38:04
Speaker
Have you, last question from me, but have you had to
01:38:10
Speaker
Has The Bachelorette changed your dating life post-show?
01:38:13
Speaker
And I know it has definitely because you opened yourself up to love.
01:38:17
Speaker
But have you had to explain perhaps a little more?
01:38:21
Speaker
Like, I don't know what girls' perceptions are of someone who was on The Bachelorette.
Post-Show Challenges and Influence of Fame
01:38:26
Speaker
Yeah, I just, it's tough because that's what I learned when you have status as a man, what do you do to women?
01:38:33
Speaker
Like some women, they can't even help it.
01:38:36
Speaker
And they don't even know.
01:38:37
Speaker
Like, they just want to be around you.
01:38:39
Speaker
They want to date you.
01:38:40
Speaker
And then sometimes if I find someone who's like a big fan of the show and attempt to date him a hangout, it gets kind of odd because then it's always talking about the show, which I don't mind, but it just gets old.
01:38:51
Speaker
Like, I don't want to talk about that.
01:38:52
Speaker
I would probably like, that would be the last thing I would talk about.
01:38:54
Speaker
But I get it.
01:38:55
Speaker
But I mean, if I met… Because of principle.
01:38:57
Speaker
But if I met LeBron James, I'm talking about basketball.
01:39:00
Speaker
That's my guy.
01:39:00
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
01:39:01
Speaker
I was like to go to Miami, had all the hate.
01:39:03
Speaker
How did you deal with the hate?
01:39:04
Speaker
Like, you know, like, bro, what are you talking about?
01:39:06
Speaker
I'm like the, your dad's girlfriend.
01:39:10
Speaker
Leave me alone.
01:39:12
Speaker
But it's tough because you don't know who is who and what is what and who's real.
01:39:15
Speaker
Like, you didn't even, like, I look at someone, I'm like, you didn't even know me a year ago.
01:39:19
Speaker
You didn't even know who I was.
01:39:21
Speaker
Yeah.
01:39:22
Speaker
I was on Uber and training people.
01:39:23
Speaker
Does that fuck you up a little bit?
01:39:25
Speaker
Yeah, like.
01:39:25
Speaker
It doesn't mess me up.
01:39:26
Speaker
It's just that, that's just how the world works.
01:39:28
Speaker
I know.
01:39:28
Speaker
People don't know better.
01:39:30
Speaker
I've been kicking knowledge and information and wisdom, but no one knew me.
01:39:32
Speaker
Like, now, oh, you're listening now because, and that's the thing that's hard about America.
01:39:36
Speaker
You have to be somewhat of somebody for people to listen to you.
01:39:40
Speaker
Or you have a lot of money or you have material things for people to believe you.
01:39:45
Speaker
Like, you can be a homeless guy and you can give me all the wisdom I need to help my life, but I might not listen to you because you're homeless.
01:39:51
Speaker
But he had dreams and ambitions.
01:39:53
Speaker
You never know what his life was like.
01:39:54
Speaker
Why not listen to him?
01:39:56
Speaker
Oh, because look at him.
01:39:59
Speaker
We're quick to judge based on what we see.
01:40:01
Speaker
And that's what we know.
01:40:02
Speaker
That's a good one.
01:40:04
Speaker
Mic drop.
01:40:05
Speaker
That was real good.
01:40:07
Speaker
How can our listeners find you and what can they expect from you coming up?
01:40:11
Speaker
Like, what's happening?
01:40:12
Speaker
Where do you train going?
01:40:14
Speaker
Muscle Mechanics in West Hollywood.
01:40:15
Speaker
Okay.
01:40:16
Speaker
Right across from the Beverly City.
01:40:18
Speaker
At One Fitness in North Hollywood as well.
01:40:20
Speaker
What kind of classes?
01:40:20
Speaker
Or like, what kind of style?
01:40:22
Speaker
Oh, just one-on-one.
01:40:22
Speaker
One-on-one.
01:40:23
Speaker
Yeah.
01:40:23
Speaker
More HIIT.
01:40:24
Speaker
You know, I send people to do numerous workouts at once, but...
01:40:27
Speaker
It depends on the person, honestly.
01:40:28
Speaker
There's no one way.
01:40:30
Speaker
Instagram, it's my first and last name, Eric Bigger, E-R-I-C, B-I-G-G-E-R.
01:40:35
Speaker
Twitter, Eric underscore Bigger.
01:40:37
Speaker
I am on Snapchat, eBigs, E-B-I-G-G-S-S.
01:40:42
Speaker
And don't miss Paradise.
01:40:44
Speaker
Oh yeah, when is it?
01:40:45
Speaker
It airs tomorrow.
01:40:46
Speaker
Really?
01:40:46
Speaker
On his seventh.
01:40:48
Speaker
Yes.
01:40:48
Speaker
Tuesday.
01:40:50
Speaker
Tuesday.
01:40:50
Speaker
Every Monday and Tuesday.
01:40:52
Speaker
ABM, ABC.
01:40:54
Speaker
Check me out.
01:40:54
Speaker
It's a miracle season.
01:40:55
Speaker
There's going to be a lot of love and a lot of things going on over there.
01:40:59
Speaker
Look, Trouble in Paradise.
01:41:00
Speaker
Uh-oh.
01:41:01
Speaker
Uh-oh.
01:41:02
Speaker
But no, it's going to be good.
01:41:03
Speaker
So you can catch me on ABC.
01:41:04
Speaker
What's the stat?
01:41:05
Speaker
What's the premise of that show?
01:41:06
Speaker
It's just a dating show.
01:41:07
Speaker
But the thing is, it's a bunch of people.
01:41:09
Speaker
You know, so imagine like the Bachelor world.
01:41:11
Speaker
Okay.
01:41:12
Speaker
Everybody from Bachelorette and Ashley get together and they just go on the beach and try to find love.
01:41:17
Speaker
And you spend time.
01:41:18
Speaker
Did you find love?
01:41:18
Speaker
Is it fuckery or what?
01:41:20
Speaker
Oh, man.
01:41:21
Speaker
You got to watch.
01:41:22
Speaker
I found love for sure, baby.
01:41:24
Speaker
It's a miracle season.
01:41:25
Speaker
You did?
01:41:25
Speaker
I'm so excited.
01:41:28
Speaker
Bigger Talks podcast.
01:41:29
Speaker
You can download it on Apple iTunes.
01:41:31
Speaker
Yes.
01:41:32
Speaker
Yes.
01:41:32
Speaker
Yes.
01:41:32
Speaker
Download it.
01:41:33
Speaker
Get those episodes.
01:41:33
Speaker
Got some good ones.
01:41:34
Speaker
Mental.
01:41:35
Speaker
You know, talk about depression.
01:41:36
Speaker
We talk about the Me Too.
01:41:38
Speaker
Time's up.
01:41:39
Speaker
Got some good actors on there.
01:41:40
Speaker
And yeah.
01:41:41
Speaker
Wow.
01:41:42
Speaker
Doing it all.
01:41:43
Speaker
Cool.
01:41:44
Speaker
Thanks so much for making the time.
01:41:45
Speaker
Thanks for having me.
01:41:46
Speaker
I love it over here.
01:41:47
Speaker
I love this conversation.
01:41:48
Speaker
I got to spend more time with the Almost 30 crew.
01:41:50
Speaker
Come on.
01:41:51
Speaker
We're going to go on meditation.
01:41:52
Speaker
Meditate.
01:41:53
Speaker
Meditate.
01:41:54
Speaker
Meditate.
01:41:55
Speaker
Elevate.
01:41:56
Speaker
When you elevate, celebrate.
01:41:57
Speaker
Downstairs, my neighbors are huge Bachelor and Bachelorette fans.
01:42:01
Speaker
Yeah.
01:42:02
Speaker
I didn't tell them you were coming at all, but I was wondering, I'm like, I wonder if they saw him coming.
01:42:07
Speaker
Literally.
01:42:08
Speaker
They freak the fuck.
01:42:09
Speaker
They literally, every Monday, they have like a powwow and they always invite me.
01:42:13
Speaker
I'm like, I'm busy.
01:42:14
Speaker
Yeah.
01:42:14
Speaker
But it's amazing.
01:42:17
Speaker
So I can't even imagine.
01:42:18
Speaker
I mean, Bachelor and Bachelorette Nation, fuck.
01:42:20
Speaker
How many DMs do you get a day?
01:42:22
Speaker
Yeah.
01:42:22
Speaker
Do you get a lot of tips?
01:42:23
Speaker
Or what?
01:42:24
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:42:27
Speaker
I get a lot of DMs.
01:42:29
Speaker
I'll just say that.
01:42:30
Speaker
No, no, no, no.
01:42:31
Speaker
I had a lot of DMs.
01:42:33
Speaker
I'll say less on that.
01:42:34
Speaker
But people, people, yeah.
01:42:37
Speaker
People are people.
01:42:38
Speaker
I love it.
01:42:40
Speaker
People are people and, you know.
01:42:43
Speaker
All right.
01:42:43
Speaker
Love y'all.
01:42:44
Speaker
Love y'all.
01:42:45
Speaker
Thanks so much for being here.
01:42:47
Speaker
See you next week.
01:42:52
Speaker
What a cutie, right?
01:42:53
Speaker
So fun.
01:42:54
Speaker
He's the coolest.
01:42:54
Speaker
Yeah, he's so cool.
01:42:55
Speaker
Just love meeting people.
01:42:56
Speaker
Thanks for coming, Obioic.
01:42:59
Speaker
Thanks for coming.
01:43:01
Speaker
Okay, guys.
01:43:02
Speaker
Well, super excited to see you on tour.
01:43:04
Speaker
We have a few more of the I Am Enough necklaces available on our website, almost30podcast.com.
01:43:10
Speaker
Tickets for tour, almost30podcast.com slash tour.
01:43:14
Speaker
Find us on Instagram at almost30podcast.
01:43:16
Speaker
It's pretty ratch.
01:43:17
Speaker
And then as we always mentioned, the secret Almost 30 Podcast Facebook group is super welcoming, super loving, and we always connect in there.
01:43:24
Speaker
So super excited to get a little bit deeper with you, talk about this episode, and thank you so much for joining.
01:43:29
Speaker
We love you.