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From Fear to Freedom: Learning to Turst Instead of Control
19 Plays14 days ago
Tawnya Jacques — mother, wife, hypnotist, and teacher — shares how learning to let go of fear, control, and self-judgment has led her to a new kind of freedom. In this conversation, we explore how:
- Letting go of control helped her shift from tension to trust, especially in parenting teenage boys.
- Old patterns of fear, perfectionism, and people-pleasing were showing up in her relationships, her parenting, and even her intimacy.
- Learning hypnosis and NLP gave her tools to move from self-judgment to self-trust, and build healthier relationships.
- Embracing freedom, flexibility, and curiosity has become a way of life.
- This shift is helping her kids become more confident, independent, and emotionally resilient.
- She discovered the difference between having rules and embodying values (and why that matters more than we think).
- Finding her voice as an independent woman means she no longer has to earn love through control or overgiving. She can build connection from a place of confidence.
Tawnya Jacques is the heart behind Hamilton Hypnosis, where she helps people shift stuck patterns and find their way back to peace, purpose, and possibility. With a background in education and a deep love for helping others grow, she’s also a proud wife to Ben and mom to Caleb (16) and Callum (14), her daily reminders of love, laughter, and life’s sweetest moments.
Connect with Tawnya:
https://www.hamiltonhypnosis.com/
Join us for FREE Stress Management workshops, both in person at our training facility in Burlington, Ontario Canada, and online via Zoom. Learn more and register here: https://www.hypnosistrainingcanada.com/stress-management-workshop
Learn more about how Robbie Spier Miller’s coaching, training, consulting and speaking opportunities can help you enhance your personal and business performance here:
https://www.hypnosistrainingcanada.com
https://www.mindlinkconsulting.com
@hypnosistrainingcanada
@robbiespiermiller
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Transcript
Challenges of Parenting and Control
00:00:00
Speaker
As a mom, I think that's the number one area in my life that it seemed like it was just spinning more and more out of control as the kids, as the boys got older. The more I tried to hold on controlling situations, the control started just ramping up even more.
Introduction to The Habit of Possibility Podcast
00:00:21
Speaker
Welcome to the Habit of Possibility podcast, the show where we explore how to turn obstacles into opportunities to create a better life and career. I'm your host, Robbie Spear-Miller.
Tanya Jacques' Journey from Fear to Freedom
00:00:33
Speaker
In this episode, I'm talking with Tanya Jacques, a mom, teacher, and director of Hamilton Hypnosis, about something so many of us wrestle with, the need to control.
00:00:45
Speaker
Tanya shares how she moved from fear and perfectionism towards freedom, flexibility, and deeper connection, and how it has transformed her relationships, especially with her teenage sons.
00:00:57
Speaker
Hello, everybody. This is Robbie Spear-Miller, your host for the Habit of Possibility podcast. And today we're meeting with Tanya Jacques. who's been a student here at Hypnosis Training in Canada for a couple of years.
Managing Stress with Hypnosis
00:01:09
Speaker
And she's gonna share with us how learning hypnosis helped her not only build a hypnosis business, but also make her own life and relationships better by learning how to let go of a need to control and making it easier to manage stress and improve relationships.
00:01:27
Speaker
So welcome, Tanya. Thank you. Yeah, it's wonderful to be on your show, Robbie. Yeah, thanks for coming. So talk about before we met and when you were, you know, living the life you were living, what were the things that you were struggling with us around, you know, control and stress and how you did your relationships?
Parenting Challenges and Independence
00:01:48
Speaker
Yeah, sure. So um as a mom, I think that's the the number one area in my life that it seemed like it was just spinning more and more out of control as the kids, as the boys got older.
00:02:03
Speaker
um And it felt like, oh, I was doing a fairly decent job when they were little and they would listen to what they were told to do. And i could, you know, um navigate or or manipulate that in a way that was coming from a loving place and that I thought was best for them.
00:02:18
Speaker
um But as they got older and they got into, you know, their own feelings and their own thoughts and ideas, i was really having a hard time knowing how to navigate that um so that, you know, we could still have um a healthy relationship.
00:02:32
Speaker
um But so that we could have fun too. And and so that I could, um because I really desperately wanted them to become independent um and and stable, um you know, young adult men eventually.
00:02:47
Speaker
um But I felt like I was becoming like this ugly monster and ogre. Yeah. And it was like the more I tried to hold on to controlling situations or not letting go of um schedules a little bit, just becoming more relaxed, um more flexible, um it was like...
Fear of Losing Connection with Children
00:03:11
Speaker
the control started just ramping up even more and and there was like a lot of um blaming um and like, well, if you only listen to me, then I wouldn't feel this way or I wouldn't respond this way.
00:03:23
Speaker
um So it was it was a really quite ah a messy um place um and and I was in a lot of fear because um i I didn't want to lose um that relationship that had initially started off, you know, and um But I could almost, it was like I was foreseeing like this this relationship that was non-existent um because I had pushed them away so much.
00:03:49
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. And so in in so this is a situation with your kids. Sometimes people experience this in a romantic relationship or with family members or friends where sometimes people feel compelled to and and it's it's often framed as you're trying to help them.
00:04:10
Speaker
right I'm sure with your kids, like your intentions were good and you believed that they needed to do things a certain way to learn what they need to learn or be okay or whatever, but it was like your very specific idea and it wasn't giving them space to kind of like breathe or letting the situation unfold so that other possibilities could happen because you were so set on it being a certain
Learning to Be Gracious
00:04:36
Speaker
way.
00:04:36
Speaker
Yeah, and you know, Robbie, like I was so scared of being a messy person because i it felt like um I was doing something wrong or like I was evil. um And so because I had these own, like my own fears, um without realizing it, I wasn't allowing my kids to be messy.
00:04:55
Speaker
you know, um and just to explore and to figure life out for themselves, you know? um And, and so being okay with making, you know, that, that even like I, I wasn't failing.
00:05:11
Speaker
I was, it's all feedback. Like every experience that you go through, you do learn something from it, you know? um and yeah, Being more gracious to myself, more kind to myself, forgiving myself has helped to turn the tables where there's grace for my kids, there's kindness there, there's putting my, you know, stepping into their shoes and seeing, okay, there's another perspective there. And and I remember, like, especially my oldest saying, like, Mom, like, we just never feel like we're ever doing anything right.
00:05:49
Speaker
i like, oh my goodness, like he's literally nearing back what I'm feeling about myself. ah yeah So by accident, you were projecting your own insecurities onto your kids or your need for things like you. You thought if things are a certain way, then it means I'm OK. And if they're not a certain way, I'm not OK.
00:06:12
Speaker
And then you were extending that to your kids like they were an extension of you a reflection on you. And this was totally subconscious. It wasn't on purpose. no And it was just reflecting your own fears. Yeah.
00:06:26
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Like I even remember, you know, like they'd be like, mom, can we have a sleepover? And it hadn't been planned. It was spur of the moment. And I would go, my nervous system would just like, it was like, whoa, like I can almost go there right now and and remember what that used to be like. And now it's like, oh, you know, and and sometimes that old trigger, like it fires off.
00:06:50
Speaker
but recognizing it and being like, oh, that's just the way it used to be, right? um and And saying, oh, I can choose to just be more freedom-minded. Like, um our youngest um is very freedom-minded.
00:07:04
Speaker
Our oldest has a lot of rules. So I can see you know, um all right, well, what's useful in this circumstance, right? Like, yeah. and And what's the outcome?
00:07:16
Speaker
And so like the the the, you know, having a sleepover, um it's like, okay, yeah, no, I can let go of that. I can just be freedom and yeah, cool. You know, they're connecting with friends. They're at our home.
00:07:28
Speaker
um We can have people. we We didn't have as many people over as what I wanted to and what I would have liked to because there was all this debate back and forth in my mind because I was so set on structure.
00:07:40
Speaker
um um and control, right? and And it was like this messy place again, right? um If I didn't have everything lined up, then I couldn't do it. And and so we just went to Ireland.
00:07:51
Speaker
um and And it was a very loose format as to kind of what the trip was going to even look like. And that is totally new for me. I was going into it with a totally different perspective. I was like, hey, guys, what kinds of things do you want to do when you're in Ireland? Like giving them voice, right? And, um and you know, seeing it from their perspective, they're 14 and 16. So what kinds of things would they like to do, not just all about, you know, what do I want to do?
00:08:19
Speaker
um And then if something didn't work out for that day, it's like, okay, well, how can we pivot and go over here? um And so being in that environment, when we first got there, there was a lot of, but what are we doing, mom? like what Like, what's going on? Like, they were like...
00:08:36
Speaker
Throw it under the bus because this isn't how I used to operate. Right? yeah So all of this was kind of scrambling my mind for like probably a good solid day and a half. And I'm like, oh, okay.
00:08:46
Speaker
Yeah.
Adapting to Change and Letting Go
00:08:50
Speaker
But at the same time, like seeing it, feeling it, knowing where this old nervous system stuff was going on and then choosing to be able to like breathe, let go of it and see well, what are some other possibilities that we could do and like roll with it? You know, that's like a new little thing is just like roll with it.
00:09:11
Speaker
So it's it's like my anchor, right? If I start getting into that, I just roll with it. And it's so much better. Yeah. If you're enjoying this podcast, please like and follow us and post a review so other people can find us too.
00:09:27
Speaker
This is a great example of how at some point in your life you chose this need for control and having lots of rules to protect yourself.
00:09:38
Speaker
Maybe it's when you were a little kid and and it was ah a routine that you started and you just kept doing it and doing it. And it's helped you in a lot of ways, but that your kids started to show you where it was in the way. I'm sure it was in the way in a lot of places you weren't perceiving, but they Kids have a way of throwing it in your face, right? It's very humbling to be a parent because, you know, you see everything under a microscope, all the things that, all the cracks.
00:10:08
Speaker
And so so that experience made you um start to see where that way of dealing with things was actually hurting you and your relationships. And I think it's very important to acknowledge that it was really from positive intention that you were just trying to protect yourself.
00:10:27
Speaker
Whatever that situation was when you started to do this way of coping is like totally over. It's probably been over for decades. Yeah, yeah. and And isn't it interesting how your your tendency, all of our tendency is to still like go back to the old way.
00:10:45
Speaker
Like we're just used to it, it's familiar and our subconscious believes it's in our best interest. So it's so easy to do that. So being able to realize, oh, this has nothing to do with now.
00:10:58
Speaker
Oh, I have new choices and then act on them is what creates the new opportunities.
Importance of Open Communication
00:11:05
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And the thing is, is that when you start seeing that um and then feeling those differences, um you know, like I would say overall, like our kids have always had we've we've had an open conversation.
00:11:21
Speaker
space and a safe space enough, um, in our home where they did feel comfortable to be able to come and ask us about things. But then there was this weird spot where they started like closing down. Right. And then again, it was like that control part where I wanted to know, I needed to know. And then I was trying to like enforce my ideas. I needed to be right about whatever it was. And then they didn't want to come to me. Right.
00:11:43
Speaker
So, um, and no wonder, um and And now that has really started to shift over, like, I would say the past year, where they're just seeing the difference.
00:11:57
Speaker
And they're hearing a difference, too, because I shut my mouth a lot more. i don't need to prove, you know? So... so Right. And so it's it's a better relationship because they they know that they can be themselves. And before they felt they needed to hide it or edit it or do it in secret or something.
00:12:19
Speaker
Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah. it You know, this this reminds me of when my when my older son was a baby, which by now, believe it or not, is 20 years ago. yeah um I come from a family where my parents were very careful about safety, right? Like physical safety was a huge deal.
00:12:37
Speaker
And my husband's family, yeah, not as much. And so i remember my son being little, maybe he was six months old, and and my mother-in-law would seat him on the counter of the kitchen, and there would be ceramic tile on the floor, right? and And it was like, you know, whatever, a hard countertop.
00:12:56
Speaker
And I remember thinking, oh my God, he could just like fall and crack his head open. How could you just leave him there? like Because she would sit him there and walk away and go do things and, you know, And he'd just happily be sitting there on the head to the counter.
00:13:08
Speaker
And then my husband would do the same thing. And he'd even let the kids play like on the roof of the car. Like they'd like to crawl around on the roof of the car. And I remember going like, oh my God, how could you let our child do that?
00:13:20
Speaker
And he just like laughed at me, right? He was like, oh, you know, it's fine. They're fine. And i i like in my family, you would just never do something like that. And it was interesting because my husband was like he just knew that he could handle it and the baby would be fine, which he was, and that there were different ways of doing things. And so he was like comfortable and confident enough in himself to set a boundary there, right? Because I was, at the time, I was looking at like, how could you do this? You're putting our child in danger.
00:13:55
Speaker
this is horrible, right? And and it to me, it seems so clear and obvious. So I was forced to adopt to the situation. i didn't have a choice. ah yeah yeah What am I going to do?
00:14:09
Speaker
And so... I think that was very interesting for me because like I come from a family where people look at things like yeah as if it's the way it is, not just this is an opinion of a choice I'm making, but it's like the way it is. Like you would never leave a child sitting on a counter by themselves. You just would never do that. Yeah, yeah. i So um I think a lot of things fall into that category. and as we're with romantic partners or friends or family or we're raising children, people sometimes have other ideas. and And who are we to say that's wrong or god or can't do that? There's a place for them to be free to explore.
00:14:54
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Yeah. And, and it's amazing to like, you know, looking at that big picture and noticing like the way that I was like, you know, so nitpicky or, or holding onto all these like rules and whatnot with, with my kids.
00:15:09
Speaker
And like you were saying as well, like in romantic relationships, well, I was doing the same thing all over the place between my spouse and i you know? um And it's amazing how much you can distort um your perception of that person and even what they think back of you. And it's not even real.
00:15:28
Speaker
It's not even real. It's not even there. And so I remember like there was a time period in our our life, you know, am I allowed to say sexually on here? Yes. I know.
00:15:41
Speaker
yeah okay where where I had all these rules. and And so even that was getting stifled, you know? And then it was like, well, um I didn't feel attractive because I felt like this big, mean ogre, you know? and And so then it just...
00:15:58
Speaker
it's it's yeah It's amazing when you start choosing to, for for myself anyway, to really allow for myself to really allow like that freedom part of like, who says that I have to finish the dishes before sex?
00:16:12
Speaker
Right. It doesn't make sense. Like, I can let go that, you know, they're gonna be there five hours or the next morning. Oh, well. Yeah.
00:16:22
Speaker
So even just being able to shut my head off, you know, so that I can be fully present in moments that are so beautiful, you know? Yeah. And also allowing yourself to be brought into somebody else's world yeah and joining them in how they do something can be a really magical thing. Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:42
Speaker
And I think when we fall in love, the tendency is to agree to that more. Because like, you know, we just are into the person and we want to enjoy it. And right. And our body wants us to make babies. And so we're willing to agree and less likely to enforce rules. And then when the, you know, when it becomes an everyday life long-term relationship, the rules start to come in. Right. And the other person's going, who who are you? are you?
00:17:11
Speaker
Yeah. And you know, Robbie, I love that part too, like, um like finding the adventure again in life. Like every day we had a friend over actually, she's part of hypnosis training Canada as well, Jessica.
00:17:23
Speaker
And she stayed with us for, um you know, a few nights while she was here for um a training. ah weekend. And um she's like, Tanya, it's such an adventure in your house. And it just clicked for me.
00:17:35
Speaker
ah was like, it is. It really is. And I had already been starting into that mood and attitude, which has been a huge shift for me as well as like, what mood and attitude do I want to choose that's going to be helpful for my outcome moment by moment, day by day, week by week, month by month, you know?
00:17:51
Speaker
um Do I want to look back over the year and say, it was such a hard year? no no, I don't. Oh, it was so boring. we really didn't do anything. No, like there's adventure every day going to Ireland and being like, Oh, food, cool.
00:18:04
Speaker
You know, music, cool. Like, yes, I went away somewhere. We hadn't been abroad for a very long time. And that was a big adventure for sure. But knowing that I can have adventure here too, and stepping into that mood and attitude is like,
Finding Adventure in Everyday Life
00:18:18
Speaker
it's great. Yeah. Yeah. And it is true. There's adventure everywhere. You don't have to go on a big fancy trip for it. You can. And that's awesome. Yeah.
00:18:25
Speaker
But I found I used to travel a lot in my life before I had kids. And what I found with this career is that there's adventure everywhere because people are fascinating and situations are changing all the time.
00:18:38
Speaker
i don't need to get on a plane. I don't need to go anywhere. i can. um And I can also really have fun with whatever's happening right in front of me. So, yeah. sure Yeah.
00:18:50
Speaker
So there is a theme in all of this that I see, which is that when people... aren't accepting of themselves or feeling safe enough in themselves, the tendency is to, one one tendency is to want to control what happens, right? So if we look at our theme for today, um what what's helped free you from this is that you've been discovering that you can just be okay and accepting of yourself. And um it ah it allows us, when we can do that, to
00:19:22
Speaker
trust what happens or and let other people be who they need to be or do what they need to do without thinking that it's on our shoulders or it's a reflection on us in some negative way or something like that.
00:19:38
Speaker
yeah so So I think that sometimes if we're not feeling safe enough that way, we And I know I've done this in my past where all I used to um have some rigidity around what could and couldn't happen because I felt like it's a reflection on me as a person.
00:19:56
Speaker
Even if it was somebody else doing it, there was a lot of judgment around that or intensity around that, that now that I look back on it is ridiculous.
00:20:07
Speaker
yeah But but i at the time, i I did not feel safe enough
Overcoming Judgment and Feeling Worthy
00:20:12
Speaker
or... um worthy enough, we'll say, to be okay with letting things happen, right? Letting life unfold, knowing it's not all up to you.
00:20:23
Speaker
And that that part too that you talked about i was is the judgment part. and And there was so much self-judgment. And again, then it was being projected, you know, how I was perceiving myself as being projected on other people. And I didn't realize how how much in judgment I was of other people. And then there was that rigidity, right? And it was like this expectation of, well, you should be or you shouldn't be, you know, responding or reacting to life that way. That's not what I do.
00:20:49
Speaker
words Or this is what I do. Because I know. Let me show you. Thank God you met me. Let me teach you. yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then no wonder, like people feel that, they sense that. Yeah.
00:21:11
Speaker
Oh yeah, and they want to get far away from that. Yes, yeah. And it's so interesting because as I mentioned, I grew up in this very overprotective, physically overprotective household.
00:21:24
Speaker
And so as I became an adult, I started making choices that my parents, sometimes they didn't know or they knew, but they didn't like it. There were things they they didn't think were safe, right? But I kind of was having experiences with other people in the world around me and making decisions for myself that were different from how they thought it it was a good idea to handle things.
00:21:48
Speaker
And so I got to discover for myself about that. And what was interesting was it was actually more dangerous that I did that from my experiences because I had been so overprotected that looking back on it, I actually did some things that now I see were really not a good idea.
00:22:08
Speaker
Because there were other things where I went, really? This isn't such a big deal. i don't know why they think this was unsafe. And yeah so I would kind of apply that to things where it really was unsafe. And thank God i got away with things, but I realize now that I might not have.
00:22:25
Speaker
um So it's interesting how if you look at growing up, let's say in a gated community or growing up in an iter inner city area, the the person who grows up in an inner city is going to be much more street smart about things, right? They're going to have their fingers on the pulse of what's actually happening. They're going to have...
00:22:44
Speaker
the tools to know how to respond. Whereas if somebody grows up in a bubble, they haven't been able to cultivate those tools or that that ah able to make a distinction between what is actually a reasonable risk and what is really not a good idea.
00:23:01
Speaker
and and so I think it's really important to age appropriately, let kids discover that stuff for themselves because they in the long run, they will be safer and their life will be better.
00:23:14
Speaker
than if they have to wait too long until, you know, if they're overprotected and then they need to either stay totally overprotected and fearful or go too far the other direction. Right.
00:23:26
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
Trusting Life through Hypnosis
00:23:27
Speaker
Yeah. yeah yeah Right. And so what are some examples of where you've realized, like through your experience here and learning hypnosis, you've had a lot of discoveries about how to, to, uh,
00:23:41
Speaker
ah view yourself differently or feel differently about you, right? And be more accepting and kind of more trusting of life as it unfolds. So what are some examples of how you had those realizations or what you've noticed has changed because of them?
00:23:59
Speaker
Yeah, I think one of the biggest things for me was, um ah you know, starting starting a business. um And, you know, I had done a lot of like MLM kind of businesses and things like that.
00:24:15
Speaker
ah This was a whole different ballgame. um And in doing that and with the guidance of yourself and tree and then other, you know, hypnotist colleagues, like like stepping into and discovering what it is to be an independent woman, um you know, and noticing how much that has played into my role as a mother, as a wife, as a person, as a teacher, um you know, within the church community, um as a daughter, in life in general.
00:24:51
Speaker
um And to know you know, um you know, a big part of that safety piece that was, that wasn't there for me before was I didn't feel confident in myself as an individual. Like even to have my own ideas about something, I had to push and push and drive and drive and drive, but that wasn't actually security.
00:25:14
Speaker
Um, And it wasn't actually safety. It was, well, I have to try to prove this to you so that I can get you on my side so that you like me. But then if I say too much or I'm too boisterous, it was like, well, don't want to offend you. Or maybe I said something too wrong. Like, it was never just like with single-minded people.
00:25:35
Speaker
decisions or or choices or feelings, I guess, just about who i was as an individual. Like I felt like I had to people please all over the place.
00:25:48
Speaker
um So you were playing certain roles like the role daughter or the role of wife or the role of mom or the role of teacher. And so you you were looking at what are the rules for this role and how do I need to prove I'm good at this?
00:26:04
Speaker
And really digging in to prove that because your i evidence procedure being okay was following those rules in that role.
00:26:15
Speaker
Is that yeah accurate? Yeah, yeah. I would say that's accurate. Yeah. yeah Yeah. And so one of the things about being a mature adult who's not in not stuck in those rules. We all play those rules, but what we want is to be fluid about them so that we can go from one to the other. and And so as we are free of that or we have choices, what really makes us a mature adult is that we accept the consequences of our choices.
00:26:42
Speaker
And we trust the learning from them so that we can make a confident decision. And it might go great and it might not. Maybe we learn from the tough things that happen. But to be able to like own that and be confident in that and wrap it into building our future, because every time there's learning, it helps us do things better in the future.
00:27:07
Speaker
yeah And so i i that's what I'm getting from you in terms of what you're describing is like really um realizing that that's what it's about and embracing that and living from that place.
00:27:21
Speaker
yeah Hey, I'm making this decision and I'm going to learn from it. And doesn't matter how it turns out, like that you don't need to defend how it turns out.
00:27:31
Speaker
Yeah. and And there was a big part of me that when something did turn out a certain way, it meant that I was doing a good job or a bad job.
00:27:42
Speaker
There was a judgment about you related to how it turned out instead of saying, oh, I'm doing this and let's see what happens. Right. And let's learn from it. you you You felt like you as a person was really associated very closely with the here or the. Right. It was like my identity.
00:28:01
Speaker
that Yeah, wow yeah. So like, whatever the result, that's how i identified myself with. Was this pendulum of like, good, bad, right, wrong.
00:28:13
Speaker
ah right yeah And it doesn't end. I mean, if yeah for people who need that, and it's a very common thing that people struggle with, you can have so many things happen that do go well and that affirm that you're a good person or you can do a good job.
00:28:29
Speaker
And it just takes like one thing that's off and people fixate on that and the and they think that they're a terrible person or they're terrible at doing something. And so it's interesting how we can be very extreme, right? We as humans can be very extreme that way and really sabotage ourselves and um yeah have things connected in ways that that don't really exist.
00:28:54
Speaker
Like with your kids when they were little babies. if they needed something, there was no judgment around it. You know, they need their diaper changed, right?
00:29:05
Speaker
There's this beautiful, cute little baby and they need their diaper changed and you love the baby, right? and And yeah, they're screaming because they need their diaper changed, but you're not going, you horrible baby, how dare you scream, right?
00:29:17
Speaker
So when we talk about it in terms of a baby, we it looks ridiculous. And we're like, oh, of course. But it's interesting how we don't extend that to ourselves as kids or teenagers or adults, where we can have those, the whatever life experiences need to happen and feel safe and accepted and loved and all that.
00:29:41
Speaker
so yeah And I think the other thing that really shifted for me as well was learning about like stepping into other people's energy and then knowing how to get back out of it. um and Because I would stay in that energy and then it was almost like I would become undone and and and to go back to not knowing who that independent mature adult woman version of myself was.
00:30:06
Speaker
We talk a lot here about being outcome oriented, meaning that we're clear about what outcome matters the most and what actions are we going to take or how are we going to look at things so that we can get that outcome somehow, right? And there can be lots of ways to get an outcome.
00:30:22
Speaker
And so if your outcome in a situation is to enjoy some social time with people, you might agree to things you wouldn't do if you were on your own because, you know, you just want to have a good social time. And so you might go, sure, I'll do that with you, even though it may not be your first choice.
00:30:37
Speaker
um But then if you come back to yourself, you might go, yeah, it's not my favorite thing. And I really prefer to do this or, right? Or, oh, I learned from that. and And so there's that, you know,
00:30:51
Speaker
And ease with which you can enter ensure somebody else's world, be outcome oriented, and and then come back to yourself and be outcome oriented as well. yeah Yeah. And when that outcome is like, okay, I want to connect with this person.
00:31:06
Speaker
You know, then it's no longer about what what I have to say or or what I think I should say um or how to appease the situation. Right. It's not to do with that at all. It's I want to connect with this person. I want them like I love them. I want them to know that they love you know, that I love them um and and that, you know, they can just they can just do their thing, be their own person.
00:31:31
Speaker
And and not that's great, you know, and not have to worry about trying to fix them or trying to have so an input or anything. it's It's not about that at all. It's just connection. Like, it's so simple.
00:31:43
Speaker
Yeah, really. Yeah. When you're raising kids, the parents are the biggest hypnotist in the kids' lives. So when I first started to learn hypnosis and NLP, one of my main motivators was that at the time I didn't have kids yet.
00:31:58
Speaker
I knew i had learned things from my parents that were not useful and I did not know how to change them. And so some of my attraction to this was that I wanted to learn how, right? I was really feeling stuck about that because I understood what was happening that wasn't healthy.
00:32:16
Speaker
I didn't know how to change it. And and it was a big driver for me to to keep in mind that I knew I wanted to have kids and I didn't want to pass this on to them. yeah And so it's really cool to see them grow up in a totally different way where they they have no idea, right? It's like not part of their world at all.
00:32:36
Speaker
um So I think it's it's very um inspiring to see what's possible as parents or people in general as we heal ourselves.
Parents as 'Hypnotists'
00:32:46
Speaker
We pass that on to other people just through our example or through our way of life or through them being in some kind of relationship with us. It could be at work. It could be home. It could be anywhere. There are negative impacts everywhere if we're not healed up and there are positive impacts everywhere if we are.
00:33:09
Speaker
yeah And so it's very, um it's it's definitely something that makes this a very compelling thing to teach people because you see how much of improvement in people's lives it makes.
00:33:26
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And it's so cool too because it's like, you know, um when when our kids, you know,
00:33:36
Speaker
when we first started hypnosis and we just even just little things, you know, in NLP changing the way that we would have conversations with them. So instead of telling them, you know, I find myself asking more questions, being more curious, you know, um even, and and it helps me get into, like you were saying, like the, the, um, um,
00:33:57
Speaker
the pulse, you know, seeing where they're at with something. and um And then it it just opens up, um you know, what's going on, um you know, at that point in time in their life, what they're in fear about, um you know, and and instead of trying to fix things,
00:34:17
Speaker
they come to realizations, they come to discoveries on their own. And then it's like, oh, right. So it's really cool that way um to be able to like guide them instead of tell them, you know, um and it's so much more cool to see them having those discoveries themselves, you know,
00:34:43
Speaker
um And then to see that shift and that change, and it's a permanent change. Once they've had that, it sticks and they move on from there. And then something else comes up and then you, you know, approach it the same way.
00:34:55
Speaker
um and And then they have that shift again and then they keep like, it's just, it's a really cool ebb and flow. I don't know about you, Tanya, but if I could go back in time and like relive my life based on what I know now. And I know in general, people would say that, right? Like as we get older and we have life experience, we have wisdom, we can see perspective.
00:35:15
Speaker
All of us would go back and do things differently. But with the the work we do and the discoveries we have with hypnosis and NLP, that's like, you know, it's multiplied many, many, many times where, you you You go like, wow, if I could just deliver this to myself when I was, you know, seven years old or 14 or whatever age, how different life would be. It's pretty cool.
00:35:41
Speaker
Yeah. And to be able to step into the experience, the action part quicker than before living in my head about everything, right?
00:35:51
Speaker
um where i didn't realize like i thought i was living life okay right um and there were definitely things where i was like i desperately trying to change things i didn't know how tried a billion and one different things you know that might be exaggerating a little but um um but learning like these tools and these techniques um to be able to get into the experience that much more quickly um and and the mood and the attitude really and and and choosing it.
00:36:20
Speaker
um And you know one of the other things that's opened up um that i i don't know if i I don't know if I would have, I don't know if I would have, um is that both Caleb and I are now part of our um church's worship team.
00:36:34
Speaker
And I had had, from the time I was little wee growing up, performance anxiety, if you will, um where something happened. And because that happened, the next time going on stage, I'm like, what if that happens again?
00:36:48
Speaker
you know, um and even even in my, um you know, as far as like rules, like even in my um ah schooling or teachings as far as like piano lessons was Royal Conservatory. And it's very strict. It's like note for note and, and you know, beat by beat and nuance and dynamic and all of these things um in order to get like that grade, you know, and then having to have it memorized. And if you made a mistake, well, you know, there's some points docked, you already knew.
00:37:18
Speaker
So while you're in that experience, you make a mistake and it's like, oh no, I know I'm going to be docked. And you're still trying to play by memory as you're going. So then leading up to, I was asked by um our our pastor's wife if Caleb and I would be part of the worship team.
00:37:32
Speaker
And I was like, I don't know. i don't know if I can do that. You know? So this old nervous system thing. And it's interesting because as you learn what we what we learn um and life comes at you and maybe you haven't addressed that part of life, you know? young oh wait, what's happening here? And you can recognize it for just what it is. It's an old fear. And and then be able to step into the new.
00:37:57
Speaker
it's you go right into, it it's so much easier and quicker. It happens faster and it's easier because you've had all these other experiences where you've let go of the old fears and then you're like, whoa, this is a blast from the past. This has nothing to do with now.
00:38:11
Speaker
so it's very easy to let it go because you yeah have that track record already. Yes. And like even like going up, um we had um um a missions night last night. I've never done that before in my life. And they asked me spur the moment, hey, can you do this going up in front of, you know, 30 plus people?
00:38:28
Speaker
And before I would have been like, well, no, I need a script, you know? um And instead it was like, yeah, OK, cool. And so I just went up and I improvised and we had a lot of good laughs and a lot of great connections. And it was awesome.
00:38:43
Speaker
It was amazing. um So like that fear part is gone. um And just to enjoy because what's the outcome? I want to connect with people. And it's it's so much easier now.
00:38:56
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. You're much freer to do that now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. Is there anything else you want to share with people on this theme? um Not that's coming to mind right now.
00:39:07
Speaker
um But man, like if I just think the biggest takeaway is like if you want to really truly learn how to live a life that's in freedom, you know,
00:39:21
Speaker
then like get really curious about what hypnosis and NLP can do for you because it is, it's wild. It's the best adventure you'll ever be on. It's great. um and and And the world just opens up to you in so many different ways that you didn't even think possible. Like when I first came to one of the trainings, I think it was basic hypnosis training.
00:39:41
Speaker
um I went because, you know, um I had these ideas that I was going to become like big grandiose MLM entrepreneur right and nothing wrong with that like totally i could totally use it um but the way that it's impacted me um you know in in life everywhere um and and especially like in the theme of connections and relationships when we were in um ireland there was ah a complete stranger in a store and she was having a hard time she was new there people couldn't pronounce her name
00:40:17
Speaker
um different language um and um all of these different things and feeling very alone and isolated. And just because of, you know, just being able to get into her shoes and her view of the world um and see a few things, like she was like,
00:40:33
Speaker
how did you do that? and And she's like, can I give you a hug? And I said, yeah. And it was just like that connection piece to people for me has been like valuable above any sort of monetary means or or things,
Connecting with Tanya Jacques
00:40:48
Speaker
material things. So um yeah, I can't, I wouldn't give it back for the world.
00:40:54
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Awesome. Yeah, it is amazing how there are opportunities to use this everywhere, even in little ways or easy to learn ways like seeing somebody in a store.
00:41:06
Speaker
And it's just being able to read the situation and know how to connect so that they can have that discovery. Yeah, yeah, it's very cool. Yeah, great. All right, well, tell people how they can connect with you.
00:41:20
Speaker
Yeah, sure. So um they can go on to my website, www.hamiltonhypnosis.com, um or they can book a free screening. I give free screening consultations, um and they can do that by either going on the website and finding the link there or calling directly 647-799-9977. And I'm also on social media um platforms, so you can find me that way too.
00:41:46
Speaker
Awesome. Great. Well, thanks so much, Tanya. I think this is a really great exploration and I hope people who are listening find this helpful. Yeah. Thank you very much for having me on the show, Robbie. Appreciate it.
00:41:58
Speaker
Feeling stressed and need a reset? Click the link in the show notes to join one of our free stress management workshops offered both online and in person at the Hypnosis Training Canada facility in Burlington, Ontario.
00:42:12
Speaker
And if you're curious about personal or business coaching or want to explore training or consulting opportunities with us, visit mindlinkconsulting.com or hypnosistrainingcanada.com to book your free consultation.
00:42:28
Speaker
We'd love to hear your thoughts on the show. Reach out to us through the website. And if you enjoyed this show, please rate and review us. It helps others discover the habit of possibility.
00:42:39
Speaker
I'm Robbie Spearmiller. Thanks for tuning in. Join us next time to keep discovering how to turn obstacles into opportunities and create a life and a career you love.