Transcript
Speaker: It changes your entire body's chemistry and your brain chemistry, doesn't it? And your reaction is different because you can process it now in a different way. It can strengthen our relationships with people around us.
Speaker: Welcome to the Habit of Possibility podcast, the show where we explore how to turn obstacles into opportunities to create a better life and career. I'm your host, Robbie Spear-Miller.
Speaker: In this episode, we welcome Deborah Knight, communication strategist, media expert and founder of DKPR Public Relations. known for her resilience, reinvention, and signature question, why aren't we talking about this stuff?
Speaker: Debra inspires others to step boldly into their own second chapters.
Speaker: Hello, everybody. This is Robbie Spearmiller, your host for the Habit of Possibility podcast. And today we're going to be exploring an interesting scenario around a health challenge with Debra Knight.
Speaker: who is a marketing and PR expert and owner of DKPR. So welcome, Debra. Hi, Robby. Thanks for having me. I'm really looking forward to today. Yeah, me too. Thank you for joining us.
Speaker: So tell us about the challenges that you have gone through and, you know, what what tell us your story. What happened? Well, back in January of 2020, I had a cancer diagnosis, which turned into a surgery, and it became a radical hysterectomy surgery.
Speaker: That basically changed my life because I was not in menopause yet. I was only 54, which may seem rather old not to be in menopause. But as you may know, women have menopause at various ages, and my mother was 54 when she got ah natural menopause. So it for me, I didn't expect it.
Speaker: So what I wasn't expecting was that I was launched into surgical menopause called Cermeno for short in January of 2020. And it basically changed the trajectory of my life from my health perspective, mental health, emotional, relationship, work,
Speaker: Sexual health, those six things all of a sudden that I didn't really think about too much because I was just living my life all became front and center challenges for me that I had to navigate each and every one of them ah seemingly at the same time.
Speaker: and And your whole career, from what I know of you, Debra, you were out there doing all kinds of cool things, right? And living the life and just taking for granted what your body could do for you so it could be in the background.
Speaker: And this changed everything because you weren't as free to do those things anymore or maybe exactly getting to know yourself all over again. Exactly. Exactly. i i joke around with my husband and say, I wonder which woman I am this morning, you know, because some days I don't even feel like myself. So i started naming the various women that were, you know, coming and going in my life who had these, you know, challenges that they had overcome that gave me some kind of levity to kind of deal with the seriousness that I was feeling, which I wasn't feeling myself, like you mentioned. and
Speaker: And so when you're not feeling yourself, you know, you sort of wonder, well, how am I going to navigate this? Because I was and am still an extrovert, very outgoing. And I was in the midst of, of as you all know, COVID.
Speaker: So COVID hit just at this time that I was then recovering and ready to go out and greet the world. And so by March 2020, my recovery was supposed to be finished.
Speaker: So I could go out and work out at the gym and do all the things I'm supposed to do physically. And of course, all I did was get to walk... You know, the trails of Toronto. By yourself.
Speaker: By myself and my husband. um Luckily for me, though, there was a cancellation. I was supposed to have my surgery in March of 2020 on March the 21st, right after the world really shut down on March 13th.
Speaker: And so I had called and called and called. around November, December, when I first got my cancer diagnosis for cancellation, because I just wanted it over with, you know, that feeling where you just don't want to carry this around till March.
Speaker: And I had endometrial cancer. So there was a significant amount of bleeding that I thought was just an irregular period, but it was much more than that. So that's draining, you know, when you're having a period, so you think, every two weeks, but it's really endometrial shed from your uterine.
Speaker: lining, which was incredibly uncomfortable, right? So I got this cancellation, got in there, and when I had my six-month cancer update in July, my doctor said to me, you know, this is the only bit of good news I'm giving you today.
Speaker: You're the only person whose cancer was caught during the pandemic that I'm seeing us at St. Michael's Hospital, and Everyone else had to go had had to be canceled. So their cancer elevated to stage two and stage three and stage four.
Speaker: So for me, my cancer was cured by the surgery, which is a 98% chance. You still have to go every six months for five years.
Speaker: I can happily say I'm now cancer free at my five year anniversary came up this May. But that just shows you that my doctor after that, she took a leave of absence for one year.
Speaker: It was such a challenging summer for her emotionally that she told me she needed time off. you Yeah, yeah. Wow. And so um what I love about what you're sharing is that even though you went through this huge upheaval and a lot of things that you love and celebrate in your life taken away very suddenly, you found a way to make it fun and have a sense of humor about what was happening.
Speaker: And I think there's a huge learning in there for a lot of people, including me, um to, if if we can make that our default, to find a way to make it fun and humorous or comical, which you did, um by saying, who which which woman am I today?
Speaker: needs do you have for these women? Yeah. Well, you know, you learn a lot about yourself and then you also mourn and shed ourselves. Like if you think about the decades that we live in our life, like I'm now 60.
Speaker: So when this happened at 55, 45, sorry, years old when, you know, my birthday came around, I thought, wow, I was a different woman when I was 45. I was a different woman when I was 35. I was a different woman when I was 25.
Speaker: And this was now a new chapter of my life. And so I took it on and embraced it as such. So what does a radical hysterectomy make you feel like? Well, we celebrate fertility in our lives.
Speaker: And this was the end of fertility for me. Well, I could be sad for that. Or I could say, well, gee, I got a teenager. So I'm done. I'm not looking forward to having another child at that age. Would you even want to have a child at this point? ah You have freedom. You have the freedom to go, well, that's over with. I don't have to worry about getting pregnant.
Speaker: Yeah. and oh you know So I kind of looked at different aspects and recognized that, you know, my doctor had this conversation. She said, well, aren't you slowing down anyway?
Speaker: That got me a little bit upset. You know, I'm like, oh, no, I'm still walking five kilometers a day with my golden doodle teddy. Yeah. you know yeah But I wasn't doing it as energetically.
Speaker: And she said to me, well, at your age, I wouldn't want to be having sex as much or walking as much. I'd want to relax. My doctor's in her late 30s. And I said, wow, we should be having conversations more frequently about what it's like to be in your 50s because I felt vibrant.
Speaker: I still felt energetic. I knew I was... you know, taking a bit longer to get you know going perhaps, like my my you know my my joints were kind of feeling a little bit sore after a big workout or a walk.
Speaker: But I recognize that what people think is happening to women at this age is not necessarily what's really happening inside of us. And so it can make you go into some kind of, you know, depression or anxiety when you realize, wow, people see you as this older person that doesn't that's not as vibrant anymore.
Speaker: And then I realized I need to show myself that that perception is not true for me. And for her to say, well, you know, she's trying to be helpful.
Speaker: This is another doctor, not the surgeon that did the cancer the surgery. Well, don't you want to slow down anyway? i was maybe i and you Maybe she needs to discover the habit of possibility.
Speaker: If you're enjoying this podcast, please like and follow us and post a review so other people can find us too. A lot of women step into their power over 50 they're great.
Speaker: So I thought that was a really, really interesting observation. And I was determined to prove her wrong, you know, and to show her that I was ah vibrant 50 to 60 year old woman in that range because I you know had been in touch with her for five years looking back now.
Speaker: And now she sees me as that. And I think perhaps she has different conversations now. Yeah, and I wonder if it's, my experience has been, and I've observed in others, that when there's something that's inspiring you in life, or you're looking for that, then you are more vibrant yourself, because you're drawn to things, and you're excited for what you're going to do that day, or you're loving whatever challenges are ahead of you.
Speaker: And if you're not, if you're kind of in fear, or wishing you could just crawl up in a ball in your bed, then it you know it it cycles in one direction or another and it feeds off of itself. And it is true that health problems can feed this, right? Like let's say somebody is anemic, they might not have as much energy, um but that then they they they want to look into, ah talk to their doctor about resolving that problem.
Speaker: um But it's interesting how in the past, because we didn't know a lot about how women's bodies change, we just accepted that we would slow down. And now that there's this drive to discovering what helps people be vibrant, a lot more people are...
Speaker: staying vibrant a lot longer, which is awesome. Absolutely. And this is what i love about talking to you in particular, Robbie, is that your attitude is so positive. And you have had so much experience in dealing with all sorts of people in your career and in your life, and your own challenges to, you know, you just take it on and you rise above it. And you know how to handle these things. And it's quite it's quite astonishing and inspiring. So thank you for bringing that up again.
Speaker: Yeah, well, likewise, I've seen you do lots of that too. But yes, it's true. Here we teach people how to do this, because a lot of the people who come here for help or for training are are stuck, and they're coming in whatever you know in whatever category they need help in to learn how to find a way around the stuckness or find a new ah way of looking at things interacting with life.
Speaker: And when they do, it's like a whole new world. And I know, Deborah, you you've mentioned that you've had some training in NLP. So you have some background in in the work we do here where we learn how to use our senses and our minds, our subconscious minds to um change how we're perceiving the world and how we perceive the world changes our emotional reaction to it or we can learn how to match our emotional reaction to what we want instead of it being predetermined.
Speaker: um and advicely Yeah, it can make all the difference. I know when I started to learn this, it really changed my view on life. and It really does and I think it also changes your recovery Because, you know, during the pandemic, it was a slower recovery for me because we were all feeling kind of down and and lethargic and wearing our track pants and not getting dressed up. and It was not a normal like lifestyle, that's for sure. Yeah.
Speaker: um But just recently, i had my gallbladder removed in June. So after in May, I just celebrated my five years of being cancer free. I found myself in the hospital in emergency surgery in June for acute pancreatitis,
Speaker: gallbladder inflamed and seven gallstones in my body. i was in horrific pain and was in the hospital for seven days and they couldn't do surgery for five days because I wasn't healthy enough.
Speaker: And it was a complete shocker. And ah it took me three months to recover. And now we're in September and my anniversary for that was September six So when you just mentioned, like you then have all these different health challenges that can come up, I really needed to know the core in my core, in my depth, what was the root of this?
Speaker: Because they said it was hereditary, which I accept, but that's only partially what it is. Most of it came from, you ready for this? Stress.
Speaker: Stress. And I was like, oh my gosh, that's really surprising when you put it that way. I had no idea I had this.
Speaker: I had no clue. I was on a FODMAP diet. I was limiting sugars and carbs. I was trying to get back into shape. I put on a little bit of weight over the winter.
Speaker: And all of a sudden, you know, in the emergency room, they looked at me and said, You're getting that gallbladder out. Your pancreatitis is inflamed, which is very unhealthy, right? You know, you can't function. I was huffing and puffing all the time.
Speaker: I didn't realize what was happening to me. I thought it was diverticuli, which is in your colon you have... you know, holes in your colon. Whenever you ever you get a colostomy, sometimes have a doctor would say, you know, be careful what you eat because you're going to have diverticulitis and you might have some heartburn or some ask reflex.
Speaker: I thought that's what was happening. yeah And I just ignored it. And so when you ignore your body's telling you, which is another lesson I learned, you end up in emergency, right? With something entirely different.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, good thing you got checked out. So one thing to learn from that is if something's going on, definitely get checked out. Well, I had two colonoscopies in the past year, Robbie, so I thought I had it checked out. But, you know, you never know. the See, we put up with pain sometimes, and we don't realize the intensity and the difference and the fact that it was happening in a different part of your body than before. Yeah.
Speaker: Because we're so busy taking care of other people around us as women, which is me included, this is what was happening is that I was totally, totally clueless, you can say, about what was happening in my digestive system.
Speaker: Now, this is where I hold all my stress. It always has been. So again, I was thinking, oh, it's just this stress stuff that's gone. I had stress in my business. I had stress in my family. So that's where the stress came from.
Speaker: And then I realized, oh, we yeah, the gallbladder is coming out. So a friend of mine who's a mental health counselor said, when your gallbladder comes out like hers did, you'll feel a great weight lifted from you because this body part will be gone, but you'll also feel much better.
Speaker: And she was absolutely right. And so I had another kind of, you know, talk to myself. Okay, what does this mean? Now I have my gallbladder. What am I going to do differently? So I really started to go on a path of stress reduction and taking a conscious effort, not just talking about it and doing it occasionally, but really making that daily conscious effort to talk to myself, to subconsciously be thinking the right thoughts, right?
Speaker: et cetera, to try to reduce the stress in my life. you Yeah, yeah, good. And so you are a person of action where you find what you need to change and you go do it.
Speaker: And your story is very interesting to me because my dad was dermatologist for over 50 years. And one of the things he said is that just about every skin problem, the root of it is stress.
Speaker: And so imagine all the problems we have with our bodies, if we were more relaxed, it would probably prevent a lot of things that maybe we can't quite connect the dots about, but there's so many impacts.
Speaker: And so it's really, i get what you're saying about going, yeah, I need to manage my stress or Life happens, like you're in certain life situations, and you can't make them go away necessarily. So how do you interact with them in a way that's healthier and where you can keep those stress levels down?
Speaker: Yeah, we have many people come here for help with this. And we're actually having a free workshop in a couple weeks on stress management. Maybe be you'll come, you can come online if you want or in person.
Speaker: where we're teaching people ways to manage stress. So, yes. Fantastic. Sounds like a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. Tell us more about, you know, lately you've been a media rock star. So tell us about the work you've been doing around these health challenges you've moved through and, you know, tell everybody about that.
Speaker: Right. So during the pandemic, when I was thinking a lot about what I had been through, a yeah ah friend of mine who is a publisher and editor, writer of books about family and ah about talking about things that people don't want to talk about in families.
Speaker: She wrote several books about that. She encouraged me to write a book called Menopause Speaks, which is about asking the uncomfortable questions to your doctor that we don't normally ask. And it's kind of like a book that's similar to the pregnancy book, What to Expect When You're Not Expecting It, and that it has got some humor in it. Like the entire thing is really...
Speaker: to bring in some laughter and some interesting conversation with courageous women and to let them know about the things that happened to me and some of those things and how funny they ended up being, especially things around my sex life, you know, which was not going too well. And then I had to come up with some creative ways to use my brain, use NLP, you know, and have conversations with my husband about what was really going on.
Speaker: And so um as a result of these conversations, I spoke to my doctor at Mount Sinai Health in Toronto. And my doctor is a menopause specialist. Her name is Dr. Marie Christakis. She's fantastic.
Speaker: She's a cancer surgeon and OBGYN. and menopause specialist. And she's been very involved in my book from the and helping me with the medical side of the conversation.
Speaker: And Mount Sinai Health will eventually sell this online once we get that going and raise some money for their Women's Health Center, which is now called the Mature Women's Health Initiative.
Speaker: And so lately, I've been involved in this program launching in the fall of 2025, in social media and advertising to basically ask donors to give money to this program because their sister, their mother, their daughter, every yeah every woman, you know, there's like 50% of the population almost, think, are female, you know, millions and millions of women in the world all going to go through some kind of menopause, perimenopause or surgical menopause perhaps in their life.
Speaker: And so I'm involved now as a spokesperson and patient advocate for this campaign. Yeah, amazing. Yeah. And so when you give that example of your doctor saying, well, you're in your 50s, don't you want to slow down? Sometimes we go to a doctor who can't see the whole picture of what we need or we're not diagnosed properly.
Speaker: My husband, has he he actually has a digestive issue and he's in the process of getting diagnosed. And he already went through some testing before COVID, um before the shutdown. And when he went to the doctor now with those test results, the doctor said, this is weird. You have three different diagnoses.
Speaker: We better find out which one it is because there was nothing clear about what he had been given. So sometimes we need to keep going and looking to find the real answers for what we need.
Speaker: And a book like the one you're writing helps people even know what questions to ask or how to start having a conversation or how to know if the doctor they're seeing is actually a good fit for them or not.
Speaker: because they have some other point of view that they they can look to. You're absolutely right. And I think there's a real difference between specialists and general practitioners when we talk about this stuff.
Speaker: And family doctors are not the ones that have the menopause training. They get 15 minutes. That's a ah generally well-known and statistic of menopause-related training, usually in a lecture hall or a workshop.
Speaker: environment. That's it. And then, you you know, if you don't go to a menopause specials or you don't have one in your area because you live in a small town or city that doesn't have the facilities, what are women supposed to do, right?
Speaker: And so there is ways that people can have these conversations, but a lot of misinformation is also out there, Robbie, about what people can do and what's happening in perimenopause.
Speaker: Remember, this can all last 10 years from perimenopause through menopause. And we don't go through menopause. We're in it for our entire lives. When you hear other women say, oh, I've been through it and it was okay.
Speaker: Okay, great. Good for you. But you don't go through it. You may feel okay, but you don't go through it. It's always going to change and be a part of your life. And so it's a big long part of our lives if we start to go through it when we're 40-ish or 45 or 50. You know, it's a big part of your lives that you're in menopause. So why can't we have the kind of expertise that's necessary, particularly for women who don't have a high education, women of different ethnicities.
Speaker: There are many women that are in communities that are underserved, in Ontario and Canada who actually don't even talk about menopause because it's taboo. It's not something to be discussed even among other women.
Speaker: I know my own mother never ever mentioned it. Yeah. You know I mean she went through a lot of emotional upheavals and I think that they were attributed to menopause. Right. we We never talked about it.
Speaker: Yeah yeah and ah and you know sometimes If your doctor says, this is all I can do for you, you think it's it's your own problem or or you give up hope when there really is something you can do. And I definitely had that experience myself. And I have a wonderful family doctor, like amazing, but she did not know about how to handle perimenopause. And so I sought out a specialist, but most people won't go that far or maybe they just you know don't see the possibilities the same way.
Speaker: So i think that what I've observed is over the last number of years, things are getting better. I think more family doctors are getting trained somehow because I i talked to a lot of people going through this.
Speaker: And my impression is that there is more help than there used to be through a family doctor, but it can always be better. um But I think that, you know, you I thank God I'm in this generation because you think about what our mothers went through or our grandmothers, they really had no help.
Speaker: And so That's right. It impacted their life in huge ways. So for you, Deborah, you had your impacts. I've had, you know, thank God there are solutions because if I didn't have solutions, it would have changed my whole life too. And I, you know, just with regular everyday things.
Speaker: oh You're right. And there's a lot of private practices now that are opening up that are specializing in menopause and perimenopause and We are losing doctors to those practices. So is yeah it's in a change of transition right now, where there is a gap and and more, more doctors are seeking it.
Speaker: But you know, it really doesn't pay to be a menopause doctor, you don't actually get to bill OHIP for that in ah in the province of Ontario. So you actually have to be something else as well.
Speaker: and So that probably should changes in the future. I agree. And I and i think theres there's enough pressure now and enough education that I think it's kind of a wave that's building. and I believe it will change. I mean, we're like half a population.
Speaker: but So something's got to be done. We're not like a little small random minority group. um So yes, I i am very optimistic about that. Yeah.
Speaker: You know, there I just want to switch gears a little bit here because, you know, years ago, i remember I went to this makeup ah like studio and they were offering free makeovers where you can try out the different products they had. And I remember this woman saying to me, one air one area what are your areas of concern about my skin? And And I said to her, i don't have any areas of concern. Like, I didn't know what she was talking about because I've always been a natural girl, right? I don't really do a lot of in terms of skincare and things like that.
Speaker: And so she was pointing out, you know, the wrinkles around my eyes and making it a problem and making, you know, implying that I should be worried about it. And there's ah there are all these industries established around that, about making women insecure about aging or making it a problem.
Speaker: And over time, and and I'll admit I had moments where I was insecure about things along those lines, but I've kind of come to a place to really embrace the stage of life because you realize, wow, look at all the wisdom I have and the life experience and the freedom at this chapter of life.
Speaker: And to be healthy at this stage and and have all these future opportunities is a huge gift. And so you can look at every wrinkle and every, you know, change in your body as evidence that you've had life experience and you've been using your life and your body for that experience. And I find that a very inspiring way to look at things. And and I think it builds confidence, right? Because I'm sure, Deborah, you've seen and I've seen as well, a lot of older women who are you know, really owning it in a beautiful way.
Speaker: And I think that this generation is is leading the way that way. So I was wondering about your thoughts about that. Well, I agree with you wholeheartedly, but I you know i have two separate lives when this conversation you know comes up and I hear you talk about it because I have been a publicist for 25 years and I help women with their personal branding and I help women with their image at when they're in the entertainment industry, when they're entrepreneurs and help them with their public speaking.
Speaker: And so lot of those women need some help to feel more confident and some of that comes in the form of fashion, makeup, matt light plastic surgery, Botox, those kinds of things do help for the camera.
Speaker: Depending on the industry that you're in, it's important and critical even. I've helped politicians you know look the best they can look. However, they also need to look good for the cameras because the cameras are sometimes not very ah forgiving.
Speaker: Yes. So you know and we live in a society where people judge you ah They judge women far more than men, especially when it comes to politics and, you know, business and all sorts of areas in the entertainment industry.
Speaker: You probably know that many women in Hollywood say after 40, you know, the roles that come to you might be grandmother, ah older woman, etc.
Speaker: ah They're not giving you the leading women's roles. And, you know, people who read the news are often younger women and with older men. And so in that case, professionally, I say you do what you need to do to your work in the profession you're in.
Speaker: Knowing that, you know, it is an act is a mask to the world. Yeah. And if you take it that way, and you just do it because you are on show, you're on stage, then I think that's healthy.
Speaker: When you come at it from the point of view that you're not good enough, then that's just a slippery slope. right no I'm totally with you and I agree and i do that. right like I do things to look younger or look better in various ways and it changes as you get older and I guess it's separating how you feel about yourself from the the mask you're putting on or um getting into costume for the show or or honoring the creating the best image you need to do the job.
Speaker: Right, exactly. And so I do really believe it when I said earlier that women like like me often come into their power in their when they turn 50. You know, there's that saying, I turn 50 and I don't give a blank, blank, blank anymore because I just say how I feel.
Speaker: and now where did that come from? You know, did we say that at 40? No, not so much. I think we were still navigating who we really were, and even though we all could have been very powerful business women or powerful, you know, and confident mothers and and girlfriends and wives, I really truly believe that the some of the most interesting, powerful women, and I don't mean powerful like they're going to, you know, cut you up for dinner and and and like take over, um but I mean powerful women in that silent confidence and wisdom that they have are generally women over 50.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. And I think that's universally happening now and and as women are are embracing it. Yeah, I agree with you. and And I think what it is, is that it it took us that long to let go of all the societal stuff that got put on us when we were younger. And yeah Yeah, I think by the time you're in your 50s, you have enough life experience and perspective to be able to separate the, you know, whatever views other people have from what you see.
Speaker: And what I see in the younger generations is that they're better at that that than we are. Like when I know some younger people and I see some really good things happening in terms of their self-image and their confidence.
Speaker: You know, it's not universal, but I think there is definitely healthier view that way, which is great. It's great to see. so So the question is, you know, what would happen in terms of a possibility if um women could be celebrated throughout their lives and we could focus on all the wonderful things about women instead of on all the the things we should be afraid of or the fear of scrutiny or ah the Exactly.
Speaker: I agree with you. And I think that that's a really interesting point about younger women. So we're talking women who are millennials, ah who I think because they were raised by Gen X and boomer women, if you know the um saying that there they are trying to raise their daughters in a way that they weren't raised. And so we're seeing the result of that now, even with the Gen Zs, there are women who are saying, I know what I want, I know what I don't want, and I'm going to communicate that instead of doing what ah I was told to do a few times in my life, which is to suck it up by men.
Speaker: The men tell me to just suck it up. hu And listen, there's certain areas where there might be a place for that, but sometimes it's taken too far.
Speaker: Yeah. You know, there was a recent ex-message from Arlene Dickinson, who is a very well-known entrepreneur, and she said, I'm so tired of the fact that women...
Speaker: are labeled differently than men when they step into their power. yeah So using terms like self-confidence for men is aggressive with women. or you know that i'm not I'm not quoting here directly, but like those kinds of words where you know a woman is ah perhaps too bossy where a man would be outspoken.
Speaker: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And I think those those views are changing, but it does require people to reveal it because if we don't reveal it, we don't know. and I think there are a lot of well-meaning people who are just doing what they've always done. They don't realize the impact it's having on other people. and Right. So I think that's something important. And, you know, it reminds me of when I was pregnant with my first child, I i was consulting to the IBM lab in Mercom.
Speaker: I was working in IT at that time. And so there I was like seven months pregnant. And I was put on this project with this guy who was a a sales guy from IBM. And he came up from Rochester, New York to Toronto to work on this project.
Speaker: And he was totally old school, right? Like totally. Totally, you know, and he would like make comments on my body and, you know, all these weird things happen. And I remember feeling so angry at him for it, but I didn't know how to express it, which wasn't useful because I think this guy, you know, he grew up in a certain era and people looked at things a certain way and he was just doing what everybody around and him did.
Speaker: He wasn't going, I'm going to make this person feel uncomfortable or criticized you know, scrutinized or something. And so I think learning how to take it in stride and and i have a useful reaction instead of an angry reaction definitely was a lesson for me. My my old reaction as a younger person was definitely. Yeah.
Speaker: ah some anger Well, I had something similar happen to me. i was I was seven months pregnant, maybe seven and a half, and my boss would walk by my desk. He was the CEO, so the boss's boss.
Speaker: And occasionally he'd say, what are you doing here still? Why are you still here? Don't you need to go home and relax? had like, I think six more weeks left before I was going on maternity leave.
Speaker: yeah And it made me feel really uncomfortable because ah He was looking at me that way, ah it turned out that his own experience was that his wife was bedridden from five months pregnant, and we were due around the same time.
Speaker: Right. And he kept seeing me and, you know, kind of putting his own, um you know, lens on how he thought I should be in my latter, you know stage of pregnancy. And you then I eventually was laid off from that job during my my maternity leave.
Speaker: Right. Oh, wow. These days, yeah, these days you wouldn't get away with that. I don't think a company would dare to do that hot in these days. Well, they did have to pay a hefty sum as a result of my lawsuit, but so it was still upsetting nevertheless because I wanted to go back to that job.
Speaker: and There can be real consequences to these ways of looking at people and situations. And so, yeah, anyway, I think it's very interesting to see how it's all unfolding and to consider how can we be really resourceful in response to it where i think if we're if we see it in perspective and look for opportunities to communicate better or help somebody learn something in a useful way, we're where we have more power to change it.
Speaker: And so i think women are learning how to get better and better at that than we used to be. i think we used to be, I know I was just angry in silence. Yeah.
Speaker: You know, shifting like the conversation from women to people in general, i think that there is a lot of talk about resilience and that we all can learn lessons about that. And how, as you mentioned earlier, you know, take one foot in front of the other and be positive about what that next step is and how you can learn from ah the results that happen when you you really do change your way of processing and thinking about the situation from reactive to proactive.
Speaker: ah or even from a reframing that, you know, how you see something that's just occurred. It changes your entire body's chemistry and your brain chemistry, doesn't it? And your reaction is different because you can, you know process it now in a different way.
Speaker: And I think that it can strengthen our relationships with people around us as well when we think about that. And it's not just a female, ah you know, solution, is it? It's for everyone.
Speaker: For sure, yeah. My neighbor, when his wife had a baby, he wanted to go on paternity leave, and he worked at a small company, and it was a company of men. And they were looking at him like, really? And he was convinced that if he did, he would get laid off, and he wanted to keep the job.
Speaker: But what it did was it made him see that he wanted to make a career change, so he started to look for other options that fit his lifestyle better. Right. And so I think that it's really seeing beyond the immediate situation and looking for how can I navigate this for myself in a useful way that helps people. Because if you feel helpless, then the brain chemistry of that is stress.
Speaker: And that, you know, that just makes you even more stuck. Yeah, I would agree with that. Absolutely. And also it's multiple things, right? Like, you know, one of the things that we talked about is, you know, i know you had some deaths in your family with your mom and dad, and so and so did i And then you're still juggling, you know, your teenager leaving um home and maybe going to university, and you're still juggling, you know maybe another teenager going into high school, and then your job or your building of a business and your husband and your relationship.
Speaker: And then, you know, things that come up like lawsuits or ah financial stress, yeah health challenge problems. Yeah. Yeah. And then you're dealing with all these multiple factors.
Speaker: And so I think, you know, the juggling of it has been the the biggest stress for me. And then having to navigate. Well, yeah. Here's an idea. So you know that thought, if you push things through and you keep pushing, pushing, pushing, it doesn't mean it's going to work any faster. And sometimes you're meant to just not push, like just to yeah sit back and say, things will unfold.
Speaker: What's the phrase? Things will unfold the way they're meant to unfold. And it will be a positive outcome for me. Trusting it. Really difficult. I can barely say over my words, right?
Speaker: This is what I've been trying to think about because I was pushing ah you know this estate matter that had to do with financial ah stress and you know me losing money for a variety of fees I had to pay and and and considerations for other family members that were going to stress me financially.
Speaker: And I kept pushing for solutions. I was writing email after email and making phone call after phone call to my lawyer. And I was creating a hurricane.
Speaker: okay Sometimes we lose perspective. My solution and not ever thinking that maybe the solution is coming. right And maybe it will work for me if I just stop and go zip it.
Speaker: actually when And when you stop, it's easier to get perspective and solutions. But I think I'm with you, Deborah, because I've also been through like death of both my parents, other things at home, health challenges.
Speaker: um you know, building a business and and it can become a perfect storm because there's so many changes happening at once. And sometimes we're we're so caught up in it, we don't realize how exhausted or stressed we are because we just adapt and adapt and keep going and keep going. Right. And the pushing.
Speaker: Like, have you noticed, like, the push and the grind of all of that? It doesn't get you any further. ah It creates the stress that and landed me in hospital, I think, and had my gallbladder removed, which was a big sign, like, to stop, slow down, and listen.
Speaker: Yes. And so I did with this estate situation. I stopped calling. i stopped emailing. I just waited. And I got to tell you, it was someone like me. Like my hands were behind my back. I was just so, so frustrated, but you know. Yeah.
Speaker: like And I kept having to like tell myself this is going to be for the best. So earlier today, I did have another conversation with that lawyer, which she instigated this time. And it went so much more smoothly because she was able to have the space to come up with some solutions that benefited me, even though I didn't think that she ever would.
Speaker: Yeah. Right? Like I was talking myself out of a solution because I had no confidence that anybody but me was going to make this happen. Right. it can be like It can be like a dog with a bone, right? And you feel like you got ah like you're fixated on it. And you know there are all kinds of hypnotic impacts on our subconscious minds when we do that because hypnosis is repetition and fixation.
Speaker: But we're looking for what would the useful one be so it can help people really settle their nervous system down and stand back and see the big picture which which you did and then it's amazing how solutions come up and so and I think and it wasn't you're right you're absolutely right and it wasn't me just like pulling back because you know we can just say like intellectually oh she pulled back oh she stopped it was a conscious effort like a subconscious reality that I said wait a second There has to be someone in the universe who has my back or whatever you want to, you know, my hypnosis training is going to have my back.
Speaker: And I'm going to just like have trust. Oh, that was it. Trust and faith, right? That this is going to go the way it's supposed to. yeah And it's going to benefit me. And it was a really, really difficult conversation I had to have with myself over the summer, right?
Speaker: um But I feel more confident now we're getting to a resolution because I changed the way aye I framed it and the way I thought about it coming to an end. Yeah, yeah. that's ah I think this this is a great place to wrap this up because if every every person listens, looks at their life and says, hey, what if I stand back and trust that somehow the answers will come or what needs to happen will be become clear um i and and just settle down.
Speaker: Things will be better. And so I think that's a really great step for people to take to create right possibilities for themselves. So that's right. And you're going to show them the way. Yeah, that's exciting.
Speaker: It is exciting. Tell us more about how people can reach you. Oh, okay. So dkpr.ca, that's my website. And ah you can also phone me.
Speaker: ah My phone number is 416-200-3577. And you can email me at dknight at dkpr.ca. Great. All right. Well, thank you so much, Debra. There were so many great themes that came up today, so I really appreciate it.
Speaker: I hope our audience finds it valuable. I definitely did. And thanks so much for being here. Feeling stressed and need a reset? Click the link in the show notes to join one of our free stress management workshops offered both online and in person at the Hypnosis Training Canada facility in Burlington, Ontario.
Speaker: And if you're curious about personal or business coaching or want to explore training or consulting opportunities with us, visit mindlinkconsulting.com or hypnosistrainingcanada.com to book your free consultation.
Speaker: We'd love to hear your thoughts about the show. Reach out to us through the website. And if you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review us. It really helps others discover the habit of possibility. I'm Robbie Spearmiller. Thanks for tuning in.
Speaker: Join us next time to keep discovering how to turn obstacles into opportunities and create a life and a career you love.
