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From Mental Tug-of-War to Forward Motion
27 Plays17 days ago
Ever find yourself stuck in your head, overthinking every decision, imagining worst-case scenarios—but never actually moving forward?
Chris Rodd, founder of Rodd’s Media and producer of this podcast, opens up about his journey from mental tug-of-war to meaningful action. From hesitating to ask someone out to making bold moves in his career, Chris shares how he finally broke free from the inner debate that was holding him back.
We talk about:
- The subconscious patterns that fuel overthinking and fear
- Why being “authentic” can sometimes keep us stuck
- How single-minded focus opens the door to growth and confidence
- What it really takes to get out of your own way—and into real life
Whether you're navigating self-doubt, fear of failure, or just tired of running the same patterns, this conversation will help you shift from being stuck to taking action.
Chris Rodd is the fabulous sound engineer for this podcast, and the owner of Rodd's Media. You can connect with him at rodds.media
We are getting many requests these days for help with managing stress and navigating all of the change happening around us. So, we are offering free Stress Management workshops, both in person at our training facility in Burlington, Ontario Canada, and online via Zoom. Learn more and register here: https://www.hypnosistrainingcanada.com/stress-management-workshop
Find out more about how Robbie Spier Miller’s coaching, training, consulting and speaking opportunities can help you enhance your personal and business performance here:
https://www.hypnosistrainingcanada.com
https://www.mindlinkconsulting.com
Social Media Handles:
@hypnosistrainingcanada
@robbiespiermiller
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast and Guest
00:00:00
Speaker
How do I want to show up in the world? What do I look like when I'm confident and I'm contributing and I'm and i'm having fun? I realize, oh, wow, I'm actually capable of doing this. I really can take on a role and not just in the context of acting. I was much more interested in in the idea of performing in my normal life.
00:00:24
Speaker
Welcome to the Habit of Possibility podcast, the show about turning obstacles into opportunities. I'm your host, Robbie Spear-Miller.
Overcoming Mental Obstacles
00:00:32
Speaker
Today, Chris Rod, the owner of Rod's Media and producer of this podcast, is joining us to share how he broke free from the mental tug of war that was holding him back, both in love and in work.
00:00:44
Speaker
His story is a powerful example of what's possible when we stop debating and start doing. Before we begin, we have a special announcement. We've been having many requests these days for help with managing stress and navigating all the change happening around us.
00:00:58
Speaker
So we are offering a free one hour stress management workshop, both in person at our training facility in Burlington, Ontario, Canada, and online via Zoom. Check the link in the show description for more info and to register.
Escaping Mental Traps and Patterns
00:01:12
Speaker
Now let's get started with the show. Hello everybody, this is Robby Spear-Miller and I'm the host of the Habit of Possibility podcast. Today we're going to explore the topic of how to escape your your own prison.
00:01:26
Speaker
So some of us really get caught up in old stories or excuses or running the same patterns over and over. And it seems more comfortable or safer, easier to keep doing them, even though they're hurting us, than it is to discover something new.
00:01:42
Speaker
And I have here today, Chris Rod, who's the owner of Rod's Media. So welcome, Chris. Thank you, Robbie. Thanks for coming. Yeah, it's my pleasure.
00:01:54
Speaker
So start by telling us the story of how you asked your wife to out on your first date. What happened? That's a great way to start.
00:02:05
Speaker
Yeah. ah Yeah, well, you know, our relationship had and been developing here. She works in my office in a different department.
00:02:16
Speaker
So things actually moved along quite quickly, but um it reached a point where I... It was easy for me. I guess what happened was we started working together.
00:02:26
Speaker
So I kind of needed that. I had been admiring her for several months without taking any action whatsoever. um There was a few small encounters that we had through projects that, you know, she ended up being involved with very briefly, just little conversations.
00:02:43
Speaker
And I experienced a lot of like, oh my gosh, I really, really like her, but I'm also feeling hopeless, like, oh, I'm just going to do the same thing again. I'm not going to take action. I don't know how to take action and a lot of fear related to that.
00:02:57
Speaker
And then fortunately, um we ended up working on the same project together, you know, 50-50. So I ended up having to spend a lot of time with her. um So through that, we actually got to know each other and and develop a rapport and and I got to be more comfortable with her and and over time I started realizing, i you know, I think I can be honest with myself. I think she actually likes me too.
00:03:23
Speaker
um But there was still a lot of fear to to finally make it official and say, hey, ah I really like you. Instead of just playing the game, you know, the next obvious step was to was to tell her, just to communicate that to her.
00:03:39
Speaker
um it Actually, I remember it There was one one day where I can't even remember the details of what happened exactly, but she... It was some sort of miscommunication and i you know i reacted very fearfully and I was like, oh my gosh, I blew it, it's over. like you know I had all these kinds of thoughts.
00:03:59
Speaker
um So what happened, yeah, I reached out to her and I apologized because I thought my behavior was a little bit strange or extreme. I think I was getting excited. That's what it was. I was starting to get excited. I really felt like she liked me. So I said something that I thought she might have thought was inappropriate.
00:04:15
Speaker
Nothing extreme by any means, but just I think it was more my energy. I felt, oh, my gosh, I think I've gone too far. And I i think... for whatever reason, maybe she wasn't able to reply right away or maybe she didn't know what to say.
00:04:30
Speaker
So that, you know, sent me on a spiral. um So then I reached out to her and I apologized and I said, could you please come to my office and and, you know, I just want to explain something to you. So I It was in that moment where I was like, I really like you and and I'm really excited by that.
00:04:47
Speaker
And i feel like I've kind of got a little carried away and I'm sorry. So that was the official moment. That was what and brought me, that's what gave me the courage to to finally communicate that with her, you know, through more than just flirting.
00:05:04
Speaker
um And then her response was, i like you too. So, um, You know, that's that's sort of it in a nutshell. And then we we continued to build from there.
Influence of Past Coping Mechanisms
00:05:15
Speaker
Yeah. And you got married, was it a about six months ago that the wedding happened?
00:05:19
Speaker
It was August last year, and it was six months after our first official date. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So romantic.
00:05:30
Speaker
ah Yeah.
00:05:33
Speaker
So if we stand back from this, Chris, I think this is a great example of a pattern a lot of people go through, including you and me, I've done this as well, where we're very um we're we're very fearful of boldly taking action because we're afraid of what that might mean about us, or we're afraid of losing something and never getting it back.
00:05:56
Speaker
Can you relate to that? Yeah. Yeah. And so we'll make up all these stories in our heads and we'll deb debate back and forth and we'll kind of like, I remember when I was a little kid, I i was in this camp and we went to swim at the swimming pool that had a high diving board.
00:06:11
Speaker
And so I said, okay, I'm going to jump off the high diving board. And I climbed up to the top and went to the edge. And then I looked down and i was like, oh my God. I don't think I can do that. So I stood there debating for a few minutes and other people wanted to go off the diving board, right? So, come on.
00:06:27
Speaker
So finally, I decided that I was going to just come back down the ladder and not jump off. So I do. And then on the way down the ladder, I fell. And the next thing I knew, I was in the first aid clinic. I had to scrape my nose. So that whole summer, I had like this totally, you know, deformed nose.
00:06:51
Speaker
It would have been a lot safer to jump off. Yeah. Right. Even if you belly flopped. Yeah. Yes, that's right. Even a belly flop would have been better. um So the the story you told about starting to date your wife is very similar to that, where, you know, you're kind of um back and forth debating yourself about it or fearful about what might happen instead of being in real life and doing something and then responding to what actually happens. And And eventually when you did ask her out, you were in real life and you did something, right? And you responded to what actually happens.
00:07:28
Speaker
And it wasn't such a big deal and the end. No, you're right. It wasn't. I mean, there was a big release on the other side of that, for sure. ah You know, was like, okay, I did it, you know, that's a huge milestone, especially because I'm, you know, 44 the time.
00:07:46
Speaker
You know, a lot of years have gone by, there's been some relationships and all of, you know water under the bridge kind of stuff. um So to to face that and and to make that decision despite all of that, despite the stories, despite the overwhelming emotions, um but yeah, it was a it was a big leap and I think I was able to let a lot go. But I do, I still remember the...
00:08:09
Speaker
I was in shock because she said, I like you too. And it was like, there was a part of me that wasn't willing to accept that. And it wasn't until after she left the room, where I was like, did she say she likes me?
00:08:22
Speaker
Did that really happen? Yeah, it was like this, I was watching from the third person and then I, ah then I had to go back in afterwards and and own it. Yeah.
00:08:33
Speaker
And she might've said she wasn't interested. Could have, that could have happened too. And I remember saying, it's okay, because this feeling for me is so real and and so valuable.
00:08:45
Speaker
um and And the experience that I had had with her up to that point to me was was worth all of it. i was willing I felt willing to take the risk. um yeah Although at the same time, I i still felt confident that it wasn't as risky as it felt, you know based on her behavior. yeah Yeah.
00:09:06
Speaker
So Chris, what you're describing here is is what Dr. Edgar Barnett called crime of existence. And Dr. Barnett happened to be from Kingston, Ontario. And what he identified was that there we tend to have a judge and a jury in our minds passing judgment on ourselves over and over and over. And one of the things that we put ourselves on trial for is the right to exist or feeling worthy of being here.
00:09:34
Speaker
So
Forming New Patterns with Hypnosis
00:09:35
Speaker
the way you coped with life in the past was probably when you were younger, maybe as a kid, you imagined that your presence put so much stress on the people around you that you felt like you had to make up for it or help them or do things for other people to feel worthy. And you weren't feeling like you were good enough just because you're here. Does that make sense?
00:10:00
Speaker
It does. You know, it's hard to look that far into the past and make a direct association, but I i mean, the the concept certainly makes sense. Yeah. And it doesn't have to be direct. For example, when my older son was a baby, my husband and I both had the stomach flu at the same time.
00:10:19
Speaker
And we were so sick and he was little. he was probably like 10 months old. And hes he's the kind of baby who needs a lot of attention. And he couldn't understand that we had the stomach flu. Right. So um You know, it's possible that he developed a way to cope with that type of scenario when he wasn't getting what he needed.
00:10:40
Speaker
And it was totally innocent, right? We're just parents who happen to be sick. And so sometimes it happens that way, or sometimes parents are immature or in in their own pain,
00:10:51
Speaker
or they're having mental illness or various challenges, right, addiction problems. So there are various circumstances where a child might be in a situation where they're not getting what they need.
00:11:03
Speaker
And one response to this is to feel like you need to help or make up for things or prove that it's that you're okay by doing things for other people. It's one way of coping.
00:11:17
Speaker
hey Not everybody responds that way. But that was definitely a response that you have had in your life. So my son for sure does not remember this happening, right? And I have no idea what impact it had on him.
00:11:33
Speaker
But you see how it's just an example of of the influences we have over time and the role that our parents play. can we We have to cope with that at various stages of our life.
00:11:46
Speaker
And we don't necessarily remember what happened. And we don't have to remember what happened. All we need to do is say, yes, I see this pattern in myself. And yes, that's no longer true.
00:11:58
Speaker
As a baby or a little kid, you're relying on your parents for survival. It's not true anymore. yeah are you So even if even if the way we've coped played a role or was useful at a certain time when we started doing it, it doesn't mean it's still useful today.
Roles, Authenticity, and Personal Development
00:12:17
Speaker
And so you aim to become single-minded about... moving forward, I guess. So so the key to this, Chris, is is if this comes up for you, you want to thank your subconscious mind for helping you, right? So you want to imagine, hey, there was this time in your life, whenever you started doing this, where there was a challenge for you, you weren't getting what you needed and you needed to cope in some way.
00:12:43
Speaker
And this was the choice you made at that time. And then you did survive, so your subconscious takes things very literally, and your subconscious believes because you survived, it's a good thing to do, right? Because it keeps you safe.
00:12:59
Speaker
yeah So that's why we keep doing these behaviors over and over and over. and that's why people end up in this kind of frustrating debate with themselves, where they realize they're hurting themselves, but they are making a different choice.
00:13:13
Speaker
Right? So this is a really good power move is to thank your subconscious mind for helping you and be very gracious about it. Because notice that before what you were doing is going, i can't believe I'm still doing this.
00:13:28
Speaker
I'm totally hurting myself. Why can't I just make a decision? Right? Or you were rationalizing rationalizing all kinds of excuses to not do it. And you believed your stories.
00:13:40
Speaker
Yeah, it's just part of the pattern. So you're suggesting to, I mean, it's more of an opening. it's you know I'm picturing like, okay, thank you. you know You've helped me. You've done your job.
00:13:53
Speaker
I can take it from here. When you approach it that way, emotionally, you are much more open to other options because you don't feel attacked.
00:14:03
Speaker
Okay, so before you were attacking yourself and getting upset with yourself. And our natural reaction is to defend or to escape that kind of thing.
00:14:15
Speaker
That's really interesting is that, you know, i'm I'm used to being able to identify larger patterns in my mind, thoughts, um But this this to me, anyway, this idea of the way you you way you just framed it, it seems like such a small thing, like a little micro pattern in there, but you know very powerful.
00:14:38
Speaker
if If I continue to let it be, if I continue to let it run. So agreeing to do it and also agreeing to see it as a pattern, like you've done this pattern over and over again in your life.
00:14:52
Speaker
So there's nothing more to learn about it. You can just say, yeah, wow, that had that was from a totally different time in my life. You know, Scott, my mentor gives a great way to describe this where when he was a kid, he was an actor and he acted in production after production after production. So they do one for six weeks.
00:15:12
Speaker
And, you know, let's say he was playing in the the play, Alice in Wonderland. And then six weeks later, he was in the play Annie. And so if he was still playing one of the characters in Alice in Wonderland, when it switched to the Annie play, that would not work.
00:15:31
Speaker
so yeah
00:15:35
Speaker
So you see how, you know, let's say he was the mad hatter in Alice in Wonderland and maybe in Annie he was Daddy Warbucks. So it really wouldn't work to play the mad hatter if he's supposed to be Daddy Warbucks. That would be, and just it wouldn't work at all, right? It would be very obviously off.
00:15:54
Speaker
Yes. So if you imagine this, like you're you're in a new play and this play is asking you to play a new role, then it can help a lot with that yeah the ah The idea of performance has really helped me in this process of coming to where I am at least today.
00:16:15
Speaker
ah Because, and I think I was quite fortunate, I was literally asked to perform. um Just small roles. I don't see myself as an actor, but I i work in film.
00:16:27
Speaker
um and and it just so happens they often need people to play small roles. so So i I found myself having to, okay, put on a ah different mask, perform a role.
00:16:39
Speaker
um And you spoke to me about, you know, concepts related to performance before. So I had this in my head. and But i I just basically in doing that, I was demonstrating to myself how I really can just make that choice, become single-minded about that role um I don't know if I'm, you know, correct me if I'm if i'm taking this out of context, but that's. No, this is, it it's exactly, exactly the context. Yeah. Yeah. And it it's, it was literally just like, you know, the same scenario with um' communicating to my wife that I like her, girlfriend at the time. um
00:17:17
Speaker
but Having to play this role, there was all these, this other story that accompanied it, you know, the shyness, the fear, whatever. It was the exact same thing.
Living with a Mission and Overcoming Fears
00:17:25
Speaker
um But yeah, anyway, you really do have to become single-minded. And i really and i made some progress. you know i'm I'm not a skilled actor by any means, but i just through that little process, I realized, oh, wow, I'm actually capable of doing this. I really can take on a role.
00:17:42
Speaker
Um, and not just in the context of acting, I was much more interested in, in the, the idea of performing in my, my normal life, but not in like, this is ah something I'm still working out and maybe I can share it with you. You can give me some insight into this. Cause so that leads me to this idea of, well, I want to be authentic. I don't want to perform and be inauthentic. Like, um,
00:18:08
Speaker
So this all of this work has brought me to a point where it's like, well, how do I how do i want to show up in the world? what do do What do I look like when I'm confident and I'm contributing and I'm and i'm having fun?
00:18:22
Speaker
um That happens quite naturally at different points in my life. um But, you know, finding myself at a period in my life where I feel I have felt stuck, I really feel like felt like I needed to...
00:18:37
Speaker
ah I wanted to be able to imagine the person I wanted to be and in different social situations, but I didn't know what that looked like because most of my experience when I chose to interact with people, even if I was having a little bit of fun, it was still quite uncomfortable. And I usually I didn't like who I was.
00:18:56
Speaker
um So it was it's hard to me it was like, what is my identity? You know, what what is this person that I'm going to perform? what like so and And so that in itself, I realized started to become kind of a trap.
00:19:08
Speaker
because I'm thinking too much about something that is actually like like I am. I carry my identity with me, but it only manifests when I talk to people, when I interact with people.
00:19:22
Speaker
um So I just need to get out of my own way to let that happen. um i You know, it shouldn't be contrived. I shouldn't be thinking too much about it. And then that way I can respond to different situations as they suddenly appear.
00:19:37
Speaker
I'm gonna suggest, Chris, that authentically torturing yourself is probably not a useful outcome for you. Authentically torturing myself. Yeah, because with all of this debate, you're like, but I need to be authentic. And then you're worried about all these things, right? And you're in the way of really participating in life.
00:19:59
Speaker
So when you learned how to be excellent as a sound person Do you call it a sound technician or what's the official title? Sound engineer. Okay.
00:20:10
Speaker
So when you learned how to be a sound engineer, there were experiences you needed to have to get good at that. Yes? Yes. So when you were having those experiences, you weren't going, well, I'm kind of faking this, right? I don't really know how to do this. Who am I to play with these knobs on this mixing board?
00:20:32
Speaker
You were just doing it. And by doing it over and over again, now you are a really excellent sound engineer and you are good with that. Like you're not going, well, I don't know. Am I really a sound engineer? you just are, yes.
00:20:46
Speaker
The challenges of life are where the juice is. Yeah. it So, yeah, there's maybe a better way to articulate that. Yes. Yeah. Because, yes, we want to look at it like if we were all, sometimes I have clients who are retired and they've been looking forward to the retirement for their whole career, right? And finally they made it.
00:21:07
Speaker
And often what happens is they end up not knowing what to do with themselves or they feel entitled to sit on the couch and eat chips all day long and then they hurt themselves. And so when this happens, they're having a temper tantrum because their mind and body are going, hey, go do something.
00:21:27
Speaker
And they're resisting it. Yes. And so... my experience has shown me that we all need another mountain to climb. And if you've climbed the final mountain, well, you know, the saying that idle hands makes the devil's work.
00:21:45
Speaker
Right. So we want to keep our hands busy with a challenge, right. With our mission that we we always need a mission. And Chris, when you have the mission in mind, it's a lot easier for you to to go to that place of taking action.
00:22:03
Speaker
Yeah. But if the mission isn't clear, there's no accountability about it. That's where you used to cause all this pain for yourself. Yeah. I'm going to, you know, resenting the challenge that's in front of me rather than being able to see beyond it.
00:22:18
Speaker
or stepping up to meet it the way that I need to to stay on track toward the goal. That's right. Yeah. So if we if we go back to that example of me on that high diving board, if I if i was at a place where the diving board would just like i move so that i I had to jump off and I didn't have a choice, I would just jump.
00:22:41
Speaker
And you have situations in your life where that is happening. That is happening. And you just jump and you're okay. and right so so ah So you want to start realizing, hey, I can do this by choice.
00:22:54
Speaker
I don't have to be forced to do it. yeah But when you wait until it's so painful or so boring that you that's the only option, it's unnecessary to wait until that point.
00:23:06
Speaker
Well, and it, I'm, you know, I believe that the world, there's a reflection always. um The world is reflecting ourselves back to us and in all of these subtle and big ways.
00:23:19
Speaker
and And unfortunately for me right now, there's some people who are close to me that are you know It seems as though the universe is sending me a message like it's time to to make the choice. like you know Anyway, yeah i've I think my biggest motivator is that I've realized how many people are relying on me and how much better I could be doing if I made that choice, if I if i just became single-minded about who I am and how I want to show up.
00:23:50
Speaker
I could be serving so on such a higher level. and changing lives rather than always looking for help from other people. So what you're describing is your mission, right? Now you you have this clear sense of mission and you when you are clear that way and you see that people are relying on you and there's a purpose, then you just do it There's no room for this.
00:24:15
Speaker
Yeah. Back and forth. Otherwise i'm I'm looking at myself and I had become strangely comfortable you know, living that way and living out that pattern, not comfortable. Anyway, we don't need to go into that, but it was, if the world was all about me, i could just stay there.
00:24:33
Speaker
But you know, the world is not all about me. So. And that's a good thing. and We need that, right? We do, we need that, yes. So every person in the world has some sort of mission. People may or may not know what it is.
00:24:49
Speaker
If you live your life assuming you have a mission and sometimes our path reveals it to us, sometimes we have no idea what our mission is, but if we trust that that's there, it's a lot easier to simply agree to this.
00:25:03
Speaker
Yes, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I need that. I need that mission. And I know it can be many things for for different people, but yeah um my mission is clear and now it's just a choice.
00:25:16
Speaker
Yeah. So even without fully embracing this, you you've made so many great changes in your life, right? Like you you you're you you're in this beautiful relationship now, you've built your business.
00:25:32
Speaker
You're making more money, right? You're helping more people, having more opportunities. And so just imagine when you do embrace those, you're freed up to do so much more.
00:25:44
Speaker
All that energy that was wasted before and all that debating can now be channeled to being on your mission. Oh, yes. And ah I mean, take those words literally so much energy.
00:25:56
Speaker
You know, I can't see it. I can't hold it in my hand and show it to you, but I know that that It's there. there's a There's a big transaction there to be made. Right, yes. And Chris, I've done this too, so I really get it, right?
00:26:12
Speaker
And there was a point where I was really upset with myself about it. And I went like, how could I have done that? And when I started learning hypnosis and NLP, which we teach here, I remembered going like, why didn't I know this earlier?
Humor and New Perspectives
00:26:25
Speaker
And I was upset about it. And then I realized i was just wasting more time. So this graciousness, this thanking your subconscious mind for helping you, right This being gentle about the past and kind of letting it go is the thing that frees you for your future. And we have lots of ways in hypnosis to help people's subconscious learn how to do this.
00:26:49
Speaker
And you do have to be willing to agree to learn, right? Because if you fight it and have a temper tantrum about it, it's not going to work the same way. No, I mean. It's basically choosing to not agree.
00:27:03
Speaker
Yes, that's right. It's like saying, nope. Yeah. Sometimes it's choosing to do the opposite, even if it's hurting you. right? So when people are willing to like see this and agree that they want to change it, there are many ways that we can help with hypnosis training to make that doable and accessible to people. And and it's it's a structure.
00:27:28
Speaker
Sometimes we don't know what that is because we haven't experienced it before. I know it was new to me when I learned it. Well, just like those old patterns form, new ones can form, you know, isn't that that what you're doing?
00:27:44
Speaker
Yes. The hypnosis process is is choosing to form new patterns. That's right. So from a neuroscience point of view, we have these neural pathways in our minds, kind of like you know a super highway in your mind if you've done something over and over again, like driving your car, where it's so automatic that you just do it, muscle memory.
00:28:06
Speaker
And then if we stop doing whatever that activity is and start doing other things, then that old highway will become eventually a dirt road or might disappear altogether.
00:28:18
Speaker
And then we're we're building this new pathway or this new highway to how we want things to be. So that's that's what we're doing in neuroscience terms, right?
00:28:28
Speaker
But we do need to be willing to agree to let go of that old old sabotaging superhighway and build the new one that works better. And the temper tantrum we're describing here is so common.
00:28:42
Speaker
Most people don't change simply by agreeing. Often it happens against their will. So Chris, what you're describing in these situations is the circumstances were such that you realized that it was better to just do it.
00:28:57
Speaker
So in a way, your decision was taken away from you, right? Your your debate was taken away and there was just ah one clear decision. And you waited until the life circumstances created that.
00:29:12
Speaker
So what I'm suggesting here is that now that you can see that pattern, you can choose to do it without going through all that pain and hustle and waiting and wasting time.
00:29:23
Speaker
Yes? Yes, you can. Yeah, I know that. Yeah. so teach me what you've gotten from this. Like, what are your takeaways? The single-mindedness really stands out. um you know We can play all kinds of tricks on ourselves.
00:29:42
Speaker
These patterns will do that. They're designed to do that.
00:29:48
Speaker
so um But especially, you know you you talk about how we can, you know I left this until I had no choice, but you can get a head start.
00:30:00
Speaker
um But you really have to believe Yeah, you really you really have to believe that you can form new patterns. And you have to believe in the mission, right? That the mission matters and that you can form new patterns. And so you've had real life evidence that you can.
00:30:19
Speaker
Yeah, it wasn't enough to just say, I want to be happy. And I, you know, to just say, I don't want to i don't want to repeat this pattern. You know, that wasn't enough. i needed and needed a bigger context. I needed something...
00:30:33
Speaker
more to step into other than just not repeating the same thing over and over again. I mean, that's a good goal, but you know why do i why do I want to live a better life? Why do I um wanna to leave those patterns behind? So I think it's important to have that for sure. And and yeah again, you know mission needs to be whatever makes sense for a person in their life.
00:30:55
Speaker
So mission trumps temper tantrums. Yes. It's a good way to sum it up. Yeah, another thing I heard before was don't take counsel from your emotions, I think, is something along those lines anyway.
00:31:10
Speaker
Well, how we put that in a very elegant way is that emotions are kind of like having a pee and that's where they belong. You want them to flow through you and you got to let them go, but there's nothing more to them than that.
00:31:26
Speaker
So you used to believe your emotions and tell yourself stories about them. And then those stories would make you feel more emotions and you'd be in this cycle. Yeah, it's such a, you can go so deep into those emotions if you want to. You can get so lost in them if you let yourself. It's strange.
00:31:42
Speaker
Yeah. I like this analogy of just peeing them away. What emotions do you associate with your mission? Emotions. no A lot of joy, a lot of happiness, laughter.
00:31:56
Speaker
courage. It takes courage. um But not the, oh, it takes courage, I don't know if I have that kind. I mean, like, the feeling of embodying courage or or the will to face your fears, I guess.
00:32:10
Speaker
um There's a fullness to it, you know? my the the weight that I carry in my chest won't be there. my My chest is going to be open. I'll breathe deeper. um You know, I i know the the feeling of presence where you can feel my body, my skin becomes more sensitive. I don't know if that's a very personal experience, but I've just felt before where are these moments where I'm like, wow, I feel so present right now. I feel really like I'm here.
00:32:39
Speaker
I hear, I smell, I see more clearly, and you can feel the the air moving on your skin kind of thing. So it's it's just a much more full human experience. um And I always like the analogy of dancing, to be able to just dance with whatever's happening in the moment and dance with myself, I suppose.
00:32:58
Speaker
Great. And so you're describing this role that you can play to be on your mission, and that role works so much better for you. and you're much more in reality in that role than anything else you did before.
00:33:13
Speaker
yeah So I think that counts as more authentic. What do you think? Yeah, it just it just is how I am. Yeah.
00:33:24
Speaker
So it's kind of boring to know how the book ends. And you used to be obsessed with, oh my God, what if the book ends this way or that way or that way? And this is embracing like the the mystery of who knows how the book ends.
00:33:39
Speaker
Cool. That's fun. That's interesting. It's true. yeah I don't often think of where it's all going. Maybe subconsciously I'm aware that I don't know where it's going.
00:33:51
Speaker
And, uh, And anyway, so yeah, it's it's it's good to stare that down, stare down the unknown and be willing to step into it. And go in the direction of the mission because you are going in that direction.
00:34:05
Speaker
yeah Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it is my mission. That's my direction
Conclusion and Contact Information
00:34:08
Speaker
for sure. Yeah. i So when we talk about emotions, the the useful thing to do is associate the emotions of being on the mission.
00:34:17
Speaker
to your outcomes. So you just described how you feel and how your body looks and feels and moves when you're on the mission. And if you simply agree to to to step into that role like an actor, then it will serve you really, really well.
00:34:36
Speaker
Okay, yeah, that's, I mean, that's what it comes down to, whether you look at it with the actor analogy or not, it's, you know, you're stepping into that role and there's no, there doesn't need to be some sort of like process.
00:34:50
Speaker
It's just, I know what I need to do today and just do it. Yeah, there's something to be said for simplicity. Yes, I think the the highest truths are always the most simple.
00:35:04
Speaker
Yes. So one way, Chris, I've found that has helped me because sometimes this this old pattern can be kind of like getting lost in a maze or like being kidnapped into a situation.
00:35:16
Speaker
I've definitely been ah done that to myself. And what really helps me is to to kind of float up above it and see the pattern of it so that if it does happen again, which it might, and you know, for me, sometimes it does.
00:35:30
Speaker
i I see it, right? Because I see the pattern of it and then I know what it is. And then i because I know, oh, this is just that old way, then it's a lot easier to have choices, right? But before I used to believe it and then i created more reality from it because I believed it. And when you stay in it, it's like this movie, this world that you've created in your mind and But that this, as you said, floating above it, that was very useful to me.
00:36:01
Speaker
I heard you say that once before. um And just such a simple thing inside your mind, as long as you know you don't get immediately carried away by this story and you have a moment to say, hey, this this is happening.
00:36:14
Speaker
If you can pull yourself away from it, just just believing in the idea of doing that. It's it's nothing complicated. It's just saying, I'm going to pull myself away from this right now and and look at it from afar.
00:36:27
Speaker
That's enough to separate yourself from it and at least give yourself a buffer to to take back some control. Yes. So standing back, having perspective, seeing the pattern of it instead of the details or the story, right? So you're looking at, hey, where have I seen this pattern before?
00:36:45
Speaker
Right? yeah What's really going on here? And then you start to see it. It's a lot easier to have a choice. So looking at the the pattern and not the details or the story.
00:36:59
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. So when I told you the story about my son when he was a baby and us having the stomach flu, right, if we take that as an example, so many people, who like if we take your response to challenge as a child, there are many, many people in the world who would have your type of response.
00:37:19
Speaker
Right. But there are a lot of people who would have a different response. And I would suggest my son's response probably was more to dissociate and go do his own thing.
00:37:29
Speaker
Right. To kind of say, oh, well, I'll just go take care of myself. In general, I would. That's probably his response from observing him. Right. That's a very different response to the exact same situation. Right. Right.
00:37:43
Speaker
And somebody could have been in in a situation with the same coping response as you who was in a genuinely traumatic situation. Maybe their life was actually threatened, right? Or they were neglected or whatever.
00:37:58
Speaker
and But the response could be the exact same as my son having parents with the stomach flu. Yes. So you see how this makes it so much easier because we don't need to know the story. We don't need tell the story. If we tell the story, we're we're actually activating the negative neural pathways of the story, which is the opposite of what we want to do.
00:38:21
Speaker
Right. So we can acknowledge that and it's OK. Right. We can pee out the feelings. um But if we see the pattern, then we can go, oh, that was just one choice. Right.
00:38:32
Speaker
And when we're little children or babies, we don't know what the other choices are. yeah So and now you do now you have lots of possibilities. And a big part of what we do here is what's called modeling, where we're looking at the whole range of human existence and we're looking for models of people who are really good ah whatever we wanna be good at.
00:38:57
Speaker
So instead of just being able to model our family of origin or react and rebel against our family of origin or choose whatever we we've coped over time with our family of origin,
00:39:09
Speaker
Instead we're going, hey, this person would respond this way and that person would respond that way and that person, right? And then we can say, oh, I can play that role. Yes?
00:39:20
Speaker
Yeah. So there's a lot of juicy power in doing that. And it all starts with being very gracious with yourself, right? Very accepting.
00:39:33
Speaker
Yeah, that is a key part of it, isn't it? to Otherwise, you could very easily fall back into another pattern if you're not being careful. Yeah. When people come for weight loss, often if they're you know eating a lot and snacking a lot, go they'll be good all day. And then at four o'clock, they'll have a chocolate bar. And then they'll go, oh, well, I already messed it up. so And then they'll feel bad about it. And so they'll go and just eat more because they're escaping that feel that feeling of guilt or shame around having the chocolate bar, right?
00:40:06
Speaker
So this pattern is very common in all kinds of scenarios. And as long as they're mad at themselves about it they're probably going to keep eating the chocolate. and For me, it was telling myself I don't care, you know, when something happened or somebody, when I saw that I didn't show up for somebody the way that I needed to show up for them, I let somebody down or let myself down or whatever. It was just like, I don't care.
00:40:30
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Yeah. I bet a lot of people do that. And it's that's actually very inauthentic because doing that, it's ah you're doing it because you actually do care, but it hurts too much to care.
00:40:43
Speaker
Yeah. Right? Yeah. Well, and you yeah, you hear and anyway, what you do in one part of your life is probably showing up in all parts of your life is something I've come to believe. So if we pay a little attention to the words that we use in different situations, then we might discover a lot about our ah patterns.
00:41:00
Speaker
Yes, yeah. yeah And let's summarize that. We don't usually, we don't have a lot of patterns. We might have a handful of them. Each person might have a handful of routines.
00:41:14
Speaker
And so... when we simplify it and realize that that's true, it's a lot easier for us to see, oh, yes, I do this pattern and oh, there it is again and there it is again and there it is again. and he and And oh, I already know how to get out of this pattern and here's the new pattern so that we can do it in all those different places.
00:41:34
Speaker
So all of a sudden, everything just drops away and it becomes easy. So Chris, for you, if you're willing to fully embrace that, this whole thing will be super easy for you. Yeah, I can see it.
00:41:49
Speaker
And I can believe in it more than I ever have before. So in terms of growing your business or moving forward with your relationship in a beautiful way or building new friendships or being there for people who you're on this mission to be there for,
00:42:05
Speaker
Embracing this will help you do all of that so much faster and easier and better and all of that. And that's exciting. It is pretty exciting. Yeah.
00:42:17
Speaker
All right. Well, do you want to share with people how to get in touch with you if they need help with their audio? Yeah, absolutely. um So the website is rods.media.
00:42:29
Speaker
Just punch that in and you should see the website, which will motivate me to um make some changes to it in the next couple of days. And you can also email me at Chris at rods.media.
00:42:43
Speaker
All right. Well, thank you so much for coming, Chris, and being so willing to share your experience with other people and to learn so that others can learn. Yes, thanks for the opportunity.
00:42:56
Speaker
I like to think this is first of many times that I'll appear on someone's screen and that I'll be able to serve them. You can reach out to Chris Rod at rods.media.
00:43:10
Speaker
That's R-O-D-D-S dot media. Join us for our free one hour stress management workshops. Go to the link in the show description to register. And if you're interested in connecting with me and learning more about personal and business coaching, consulting and training opportunities,
00:43:27
Speaker
Go to mindlinkconsulting.com or hypnosistrainingcanada.com and schedule your free consultation. Let us know what you think of this show. Reach out to us at mindlinkconsulting.com.
00:43:41
Speaker
And if you like this show, please rate and review us so other people can find us too. Thanks so much for tuning in. I'm Robbie Spearmiller, the host of the Habit of Possibility podcast. Tune in next time to learn more about how you can turn obstacles into opportunities and make the most of your life and career.