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Episode 36 - ADHD & Depression
110 Plays1 year ago
Paul and Martin (co-Mayors of ADHDville) talk about ADHD and it's common co-partner, depression. But as always the lads keep the tone helpfully light! Also, we get into listener questions about the pre-saint that lived in the room next to Paul.
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ADHD music from Martin (AKA Thinking Fish)
Theme music was written by Freddie Philips and played by Martin West. All other music by Martin West.
Please remember:
This is an entertainment podcast about ADHD and does not substitute for individualized advice from qualified health professionals.
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Transcript
Introduction and Humor
00:00:00
Speaker
and Back in the room. Back in the room. Back in the room of the 39th time. Blimey. 39 times back in the room. Right. Yeah. 39 episodes. Blimey. Well, when this comes out, this is going to be episode. I don't know what because we record. That's true. Yeah, we record and we put out in a different order. So yeah this is the ah this is ah this is a Wednesday after ah what we have in the States as Memorial Day, which I believe is Labor Day. or it's It's a bank holiday in the UK as well. OK, no, it's not here.
00:00:48
Speaker
um So that happened this week. So by the time this goes out, it's going to be way past that. um But um what um what the what Memorial Day means in the States is that it's the official start of summer. So we actually have like a date where we go summer's here.
Summer Traditions and Humor
00:01:11
Speaker
Okay, it's really interesting because I was away down in DC for my brother-in-law's funeral and when we came back to New York, everyone had changed their wardrobe. Like they got summers here, wardrobe change, everyone.
00:01:30
Speaker
And it was like that. So when the seasons change in New York, you tend to find that people will change ah roughly around the same time. They'll change their seasonal clothes. OK, yeah. ah So I kind of feel like um I have been wearing my little beanie hats or whatever all winter long, you know, for many episodes now. It's it's now time to to officially change my my um beanie hat so into My, my, my son. Nice. I know ah feel a song coming on. So now I'm, I'm in my baseball, my, my classic summer day baseball vibes now. I feel a song coming on. It's David Bowie changes.
00:02:20
Speaker
yes to to to chi Changes. And then the other thing that I wanted to quickly say was that, um as I said, I was down in DC for my brother-in-law's funeral. Now he was in the the military, so it was a military funeral, crike which is very different to any other funeral that I've been to. But there was kind of this one humorous
00:02:53
Speaker
Well, I ah thought was humorous. I may have been the only one in the room who thought it was funny. bat Right. But so I will tee it up by kind of saying, right. So my brother-in-law, he was a great guy um anyway. So he he was in the this was a military funeral. So you get the 21-gun salute. So you get the guns, right? They're going off. the ah Their funerals, that the the military funerals, there's no talking. It is is literally just silence, mostly. it let's say okay So it's the guns and they pop it off. And then you get the last call on the bugle.
00:03:43
Speaker
the yeah the
00:03:47
Speaker
And that goes on for a while. And that's bang on the note. That was bang on note wise. What's to my ears? Thank you. and Yeah. Take a bow. Oh, oh. Everyone outside in the inner square. Just broad appreciation. Yeah. Oh, that's very nice. um and And then they do the folding of the flag ceremony, right? So you get a huge flag. I don't know if you've seen it in the the movies or not. I've seen it. Because it gets folded into a triangle.
00:04:23
Speaker
that's That's right. So it gets it gets kind of slowly folded into a triangle. um And this takes a while, right? And yeah and and it's silence. There's no music. There's nothing. There's just the sound of this kind of cloth being kind of like folded. And then one person's phone goes off. Right.
00:04:47
Speaker
That was the ringtone. No. No way. No, that's hilarious. And then she was fumbling around in ah in in a bag like and then then turned it off. yeah And we went, ugh. And I thought, God, of all the ringtones, that one was just like, you know, like you could spend an hour trying to find yeah the ultimately wrong ringtone to play or whatever. ah But that's probably the worst I could think of.
00:05:24
Speaker
Yeah. It says it it reminds to me of a circus. Right. Right. it's just ah if it's if If that ringtone has a as a name, it'd be circus ringtone. boy Not open brackets, not funeral, close brackets. It actually does have a name. It's called By the Seaside, which you reach be kind of get when you hear it, right? Right. So anyway, so they they fold up the flag into the triangle and then ah the the guy hands it to the to ah to the warp wife Widow um Yeah, and says on behalf of the United States. Thank you for your service, which is a real tit here jerking
00:06:15
Speaker
kind of the moment. You know, my wife was crying. um I had a little tear of running running down. it was It was kind of it was kind of written emotional. and And then you hear... Again? Yeah, she hadn't turned it off. She didn't turn it off. No! She didn't even turn it off.
00:06:44
Speaker
Holy moly. Oh, so it' seen now I need a a kind of a description. which ah she Was she elderly? Does she have that excuse? Do you know what that would be like? My old man, he's like, he's terrible with WhatsApp and all that kind of stuff. He hasn't got a clue. I'm guessing he gets confused. and And the thing was, was at this time she didn't, I think she panicked and didn't even try to turn off. She just like shoved it in a bag and tried to close the bag, like if to kind of hide it. Right. But it was too loud. And then her husband was like, for fucks sake, you turn that off.
00:07:26
Speaker
There we go. Were they elderly? Did they have at least that excuse? No, I mean, you know, a bit of age. Normal. Oh, God. middle Right. Well, with... Eddy is. Yeah. Well, with that fun story, welcome to ADHD Reel.
00:07:56
Speaker
I'm gonna have a sip of tea.
00:08:13
Speaker
and tos when you When you would buy ringtones for your phone, there'd be all those adverts in flags and stuff. Yeah. You could buy them. Anyway.
00:08:26
Speaker
Anyway, hello, I'm Paul Thompson and I was diagnosed with a combined ADH and the D eight months ago. And I'm Martin Weston, I was diagnosed in 2013, so that's a bunch of months ago. Bunch of months. Okay, so we're just two mates, who by coincidence, after 39 years, actually knocking on 40 years, knocking on 40 years, of friendships
Podcast Focus and Introduction
00:08:50
Speaker
together. Discover what the code ADHD is. It's really important to say this is an de entertainment podcast about adult ADHD and just so does not substitute for individualized advice from qualified health professionals. No, no, no.
00:09:06
Speaker
So do not take any advice from us, we're just here as a kind of all-inclusive ADHD park bench with room for everyone, including your doppelgangers, your alter egos, your buddy dublays, your chaperones, and your buddies. Still here, great. So grab your jet packs, your pedalos, your space hoppers, or any other transportation methods and letters taken to ADHD and imaginary town where we've created that we've created in our minds. no minds but We would like to explore different parts of the ADH and the day.
00:09:47
Speaker
oh hey paul Everyone in the town square. Loving it. nothing love And we start off as always at the Town Hall in the Mayor's office where we the joint mayors of ADHD take care of business. I'm just checking my notes here for the agenda for this week's meeting um and we have three
00:10:16
Speaker
What is that? Oh, that's why I like your ringtone going off. So your ringtone. That's my 10 a.m. OK. Alarm. ah So one thing yeah we are going to talk about is ah we've we've got ADHD and depression.
Appearance and Perception in Advertising
00:10:34
Speaker
That is our subject title for today. Right. im I'm just looking at Paul's face, just making sure sure that we are on the same page. Yeah, yeah absolutely. All right. um And then after that, we've got some, them ah you know what, i'm I'm going to do it first. ah Hair muse. Obviously, yes i i I've shaved off all my hair on my um my face and you've kind of gone pretty damn short yourself. I've got to buzz cut it.
00:11:08
Speaker
as we to say before we came on, um, my, I got to, it got to the point where it felt like my, the hair as it was, it was, it kind of like it was trying too hard to hang on to any kind of remnants of kind of virility. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. At at some point. like Yeah. You just have to kind of like accept. Right. Yeah. Because like we grew up like making fun of old men with the comb over and I suddenly realized that my my hair, it was just a comeback. It was just like it was it was like it was a comeback. All right.
00:11:51
Speaker
no come over it was come back Come back to where you weren't. Yeah, ah exactly. Come back. So yeah, it was just trying too hard. So it went, it went um down the toilet to be more precise. Oh Jesus. Hairy, hairy toilets. um Well because otherwise the scene would get blocked out with hair so I got you got scooped up and put down the pointless detail but I don't know. Pointless detail. ah Well I'm currently the the i'm currently doing in interviews so off went the beard because it it actually
00:12:26
Speaker
it takes my age down by a notch by a notch which in this game so i work at advertising i think the average age for someone working advertising is something like 28 or something really yeah it's like it's in the high 20s that's that's the average because they and they don't survive on the front line for that long do they not like us that did we're like knocking on 40 years of No, 35 years of being on the front line. Yeah. So, um, yeah, but I'm still there. um' um I'm still there. So, uh, yeah, so I, that's why I don't have a bid. Um, and then when I get a job, the bid will no doubt return. um Okay. We look forward to that then.
00:13:16
Speaker
I know. I know. All right. And then the third thing on the on the agenda, which will finish up is a little segment I call Saint Stuff by um okay which I'm just reading that now. Yeah, which I know because um I was I was around our friends um ah for Memorial Day. We got very into the saint that that lived or stroke died ah in your house right literally behind this wall that you're looking at now if you're um on on youtube is on the wall behind me right now yeah well she's a she's a saint in waiting right she died behind that wall
00:14:03
Speaker
right so we're going to get into that because this is fascinated by my my friends uh yesterday so uh we'll we'll get into that um okay uh then okay so where should we head for our out chat about ADHD and depression the the ringtone what was it called what was the ringtone called it was at the funeral by the seaside by the seaside let's go to the seaside then just like all right Yeah, because it's called that a sick way. It's called that a sick way. Shall we? Is on the beat is, is, is a coastal town, which I don't think that we've ever actually mentioned that have we? Yeah. No, but, uh, but we do have like a little beach area. So, uh, let's go and get the car around and, uh, it's not, it's not like Coney Island. Yeah. So it's not like Coney Island. That was it or Blackpool beach.
00:15:02
Speaker
No. It's a bit like, it's a bit of children. Yeah. I'm going to think of like, like it's, uh, it's somewhere in, it's like if you've ever ever been to Devon or Cornwall, I was thinking the same. It's kind of layer. so I was thinking the same. so St. Austell, I think. Or Willicum. Willicum Bay. Oh yeah. Yeah. So it's very much like that. Nice. Let's jump in.
00:15:44
Speaker
Some of vibes. Some of vibes. Reverb tail. All right. Who wants to come in? Who wants to kick off? Well, I'm going to kick off like saying we do like a top of the
ADHD and Depression Comorbidity
00:16:03
Speaker
podcast. We do say this is a this is was very specific about it, this being an entertainment podcast, because, you know, but this theme is ADHD and depression. So it's it's muddy, it's it's potential, you know, hurdles and pitfalls, you know, talking about this stuff. This is just our personal, these are just about personal opinions. We're not saying we're not telling anyone that we've got like solutions or answers to any of this, just our
00:16:34
Speaker
our opinions this is an entertainment podcast and there's nothing more entertaining than depression deep exactly yeah so let's let's let's get into that then i've got if you've got a definition you're usually quite good at definitions ah i i Well, but i I kind of don't, only because I think we're we're fairly familiar with i depression. But it's interesting that it's very strongly linked to ADHD. It's like one of the kind of biggest comorbid conditions I've got written here. The depression and ADHD are distinct
00:17:20
Speaker
but they are sometimes connected yeah as in co-morded conditions. People who have ADHD are more likely to experience depression. People with ADHD sometimes experience low mood, poor self-esteem and other problems with self-image because their traits make it more challenging to manage the expectations of a neurotypical society for full state. but know I know. I would have to say say I've got here that more than half of people diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder will experience depression in their lifetime. Have you got wind, Barty? And for other people, um about 30 to 40 percent of individuals diagnosed with depression also have ADHD.
00:18:13
Speaker
So very much intertwined. intertwin and does she hide yeah um I think in terms of introducing a subject, I've always thought from a personal point of view, um emphasis on personal point of view, There's also been a hell of a deal, a hell of a lot of misdiagnosis with ADHDs. ADHD is right. And the older we get, so, you know, we're in our late fifties.
00:18:52
Speaker
I've had horrific stories about people in their late fifties and sixties who have been potentially diagnosed for years and years and years with um depression, bipolar disorder, or even have got written here, opposed oppositional defiant disorder as well. Right. Okay. And it's just that some of the stories you hear are just horrendous, horrendous. um because for me personally it it was much more about I was once offered um medication for depression um and I turned it away personally because I think instinctively I always knew that it that that wasn't it
00:19:40
Speaker
I just knew it wasn't me. I think my first therapist that I went to was pushing that. Okay. Was pushing a background, what she called a low level background depression. right but yeah like you i kind of felt like yeah this doesn't feel right yeah it's like oh quite jive with me yeah yeah it's like square pole a square pole square square peg round hole like yeah
00:20:15
Speaker
um because Because I think it was just a lot, to me it was more about, I think, when I look it back, the benefit of hindsight, it was it was and now of it was like frustration anger and just like pure mental exhaustion for me on my part. yeah Um, yeah again, to like a peak in that, you know, that kind of crossed all three of those, you know, frustration with not being, not feeling like I was part of a tribe, but not fitting in, just feeling different and weird and wanting to settle and like, Oh, why can't I settle? Why can't I just be like normal people that don't actually exist? But anyway, in my head, is lower kind just be like normal people and just like settle for something.
00:21:04
Speaker
um So, yeah, I mean, so, yeah, you get all these, um you know, ah yeah, it ah it so often gets misdiagnosed, right, that you think is it's depression, you get treated for that, but it's actually the underlying ADHD.
Gender Stereotypes in ADHD Diagnosis
00:21:23
Speaker
And that's especially true for ah women um who end up um because we have these outdated gender stereotypes. they yeah It leads to women being diagnosed with depression instead of ADHD, which is not great. No. Especially because, you know, um
00:21:48
Speaker
you know, when it comes to unaliving yourself, as it were. um So what we've got here is that, according to a recent, a recent decade long study, and the rates of depression and unaliving were much higher for women in all groups. The longest study of this kind found that 68% of women with ADHD were diagnosed with major depression as compared to 34%. 4% of women without ADHD. Disturbingly, the rate of unaliving among women with the ADHD was found to be three times higher than it was for neurotypical groups.
00:22:29
Speaker
yeah so Yeah. Well, I wonder if part part of that may be on an issue just talking out, so thinking out loud. um injures yeah Dangerous. Very dangerous today. really they are Very dangerous. Women suffered more during the the lockdowns. It's because women feel like they rightly or wrongly that they work they've been given the responsibility for looking after people generally, taking care of people. And the COVID and lockdowns took that away. They felt like they're just not able to do what they were kind of like supposed to do.
00:23:16
Speaker
So we can imagine the women, you double that up, you know, to increase that that, that kind of overload with also having ADHD. You can imagine that, it' like, blimey, you know, coping, in terms of coping for women, it's maybe be different. so because women generally are coping more with families and juggling families because they're generally given that I'm not going to say whether they're better or should be or any discussion like that just to generally are
00:23:47
Speaker
All right, so if you agree with that or you're out outraged by that, go yeah go and tell us in the comments. But does that make sense to you? it's just um you know i should have cho You know, in the mud in the mud bath with me on that one? No, I'm not jumping into that particular mud bath. um Right. Personally, um um I'm just going to skirt around it so somewhat. OK. Yeah, because i i i I actually don't know the cycle, all of sort of the psychological impacts that the lockdown had. I mean like it was a very weird time. So there was a lot going on and it's very messy. I think there's still, there's going to be unpacking it for years. They're going to be unpacking it for 20 years.
00:24:35
Speaker
Oh, did it it's already had such a huge yeah impact and will continue to for, yeah. safe and um' I've seen it in my kids, as my students at school. um I was listening to a BBC documentary on the radio last week about it. It's been a huge and increase in in deep anxiety and depression um since COVID. And I can see it in with the children at school massively. that They had a whole chunk where they weren't whether so where they would be socialising with their friends and they kind of weren't. There's a kind of a pattern amongst the the students. They've come by their own admissions because they've told me they've become kind of control freaks.
00:25:25
Speaker
And and um my interpretation is that, you know, the COVID, the lockdown just was so destabilizing that, you know, they felt like they weren't in control or something. So now they become, when they can control something, they kind of exaggerate somewhat, kind of their need for control has being become um exaggerated. so um But yeah, going back to the research, you were talking about numbers, percentages, Martin. Is that amongst, because ah there's a lot of information about that, about children and teenagers and adolescents with depression, you know, and um just of figures and percentages and young young adults, but I couldn't find anything
00:26:15
Speaker
to do with mature adults at all. Other than, I've got here, there's an estimated 6.5 fold increase in the risk for depression within the first year after ADHD diagnosis.
00:26:37
Speaker
right Well, this was, this just to say, this was a 2020 study under depression and suicide behaviour in young adult men and women with ADHD. So young women I'm yeah referring to, so I'm not entirely, I mean, without going into the whole thing, I don't know what that age range was, but I felt like it it it crossed over into the world of adults, so I felt I felt good about saying it out loud. Okay.
00:27:16
Speaker
okay ah got I've got some ADHD and depression, are some key distinctions, some things are where we can prize them apart. Right. As it twer. Go pricing. Go for it. Well, so what one of them is is um one of the reasons why they get tangled up so much is that ADHD, as we know, it is ah there is part of it which is a um a emotional dysregulation.
00:27:51
Speaker
part of it, which which a lot of the but which a lot of clinicians you know and the medical people are not looking for that to be part of ADHD when it actually is pretty much a hallmark. So we have to look at it as a sort of a mood disorder, right? So the differences between ADHD and depression, one of them is that um ADHD is not triggered by events. So if you have like something sad or bad or you lose your job, that would be an an event and then that would trigger depression, but ADHD kind of like runs 24-7, right?
00:28:38
Speaker
um With with the depression, you have like a ah gradual onset over several weeks or months, which ah can persist uninterrupted for several weeks or months and have a gradual resolution over many weeks or months. Whereas ADHD again is like much more Okay. Right. Yeah. Cause I've got here, there's like definitions of dep depressed of what would be called, well, this, I've got a definition of if it goes beyond two weeks, because it's actually called major depressive disorder. So it goes on from, hang on a second. I've got i've got really real, really weird clicky all audio.
00:29:22
Speaker
so So yeah, back in the room, bit of a technical glitch there. So back in the room, so yeah I've got, there's actually like depression is is is kind of um defined, ah you know, go to Wikipedia or anything like, defined in a general kind of mental state of low mood and aversion to activity, et cetera, et cetera. um affects more than 280 million people of all ages, which represents about up to 4% of the global population. And then there's major depressive disorder, which is generally just defined as anything any kind of formative of depression that lasts more than about two weeks.
00:30:04
Speaker
I have roughly 6 to 7% of Americans will have a depressive episode in any given year, the highest rate 12% or one in every seven women every year. Right. I think it's 40 to 60. I think it's way more than that, actually.
COVID-19 and Mental Health Stigma
00:30:26
Speaker
be I think if if there's any good thing, we're going back to the COVID thing again, and actually I had this conversation with a colleague of mine today at work. ah its if there If there is something good that came out of COVID, it's that there's less stigma involved around people being able to say, yeah, I suffer from depression every now and again.
00:30:48
Speaker
less stigma. Everyone seems to be given permission to say, yeah, me too. Yeah, absolutely. You know what? I was just reading here, it says, you know, mood this disorders of which, you know, depression can be, I guess, one of those is that they are very painful. It says here, a study done in the mid 70s At the National Cancer Institute asked people living with end-stage cancer and who had previously had a depressive episode which one was more painful. 98% said that depression was more painful than terminal cancer.
00:31:34
Speaker
Blimey. Mind's blown. Mic drop. Mind officially blown. Okay. All right. Yeah. Well, I remember when I, the my my main, ah um probably only chair. I had like I only started having like major depressive kind of like uh kind of uh episodes or periods um in my mid 40s I suppose that some will some people call her um midlife crisis which I actually really hate that expression anyway um I remember physiologically I remember just like having a really tight chest all the time
00:32:25
Speaker
And just like feeling like my breathing was, was incapacitated. My legs were They were tight. They were like, yeah, they were tight as, um, and just like constant feeling of just, um, I don't know, like, I don't know. It kind of like, oh, it's really hard to describe, evidently. Yeah, I remember a pain, physical physical pain, I remember. oh Yeah, yeah no i yeah i've yeah it it definitely comes at me in the form of pain. Yeah, for sure. Like like a physical part, has a definite physical part to it as well.
00:33:12
Speaker
But i I must admit, I was really glad. I i wish I'd am um maybe I had to depressive depression, you know, in in earlier life. But I think I could have blocked it out in my mind. You know, I think I could have like in my way of masking and blocking, blocking these kinds of thoughts, I just like, you know, trudged on and, you know, you know, very British kind of mentality of like, okay, carry on, carry on. Right. Don't stop. Nothing happening here. Carry on in, you know, it's just like very British way.
Midlife Crises and ADHD
00:33:52
Speaker
And and until it wasn't okay, I got to my mid forties and it's like the wheels fell off.
00:34:01
Speaker
Cause I hadn't looked after, I hadn't looked after it, didn't give it space, didn't give it, you know, mental space at all. Uh, to think, okay, where, where are you going, Paul? What are you doing? You know, I typically came way too late to kind of i just like all came up in one go. Yeah. Yeah. But, um, yeah, they there definitely feels like there's a component of it, which is like, which is the, yeah, there's there's a sort of ap there's a sort of, you know, like when when you have ADHD for so long, and as you're saying, you you have anxiety for so long, and then that kind of gets you down because it's very draining, right? yeah And then it kind of builds up and builds up. And it is as you say, you you you get to your mid-40s or something, and and then then the wheels fall off.
00:34:56
Speaker
yeah and And you can see why that feels like to depression because it kind of is, right? you know Because it's this yay totally anxiety, this exhaustion that you the that you get from just trying to get up and go and do your thing every day. you know with undiagnosed adhd it's ah so and And as you were saying earlier on, it's like, why can't I just fit in with this, yeah with everyone else? why Why am I struggling so hard all the time?
00:35:34
Speaker
And then then what happens, give it a name and all of a sudden it's like, oh, like the world opens up. um for my I had a conversation with someone in my family recently because I hadn't really discussed my ADHD. Well, I haven't discussed it at all with anyone in my family yet. Um, but anyone who doesn't know this, I live in Italy and I'm from the UK. Um, so I don't get to see my family very often at, um, um, at the moment. Um, but I did have a conversation with someone in my family. Um, actually my sister, um, cause she, uh, has been on like antidepresss antidepressants, anti-depressants, anti-depressives for a very, very long time. And then she stopped and then she was,
00:36:26
Speaker
suggested to go back onto them again. And I said, really? you gene you know So I told her my story, recent story of being diagnosed with ADHD, and I've suggested to her that she get a diagnosis as well, because i ah because we talked about it on the phone. And, ah you know, in a way, like me and my sister, we've never had this discussion ever in our lives before. And the more that she talked about her personal traits, the more it was like, oh, hello, that's not depression. Well, it is, it is depression, but that's just the outcome. but
00:37:06
Speaker
right And so I'm hoping I had, she hasn't, she hasn't got back to me yet. So if she, if you're listening, Jane in Spain, um, get back to me, give me a call. Cause I want to know what's happening with that. I'd be really cool to find out. Um, because I, I think I could make a, make, be a serious benefit for her. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. cause Yeah. yeah because it's so hard like because depression is like part of it is this like
00:37:40
Speaker
you know, is that your outlook turns bleak and it's like, why bother? Why, why should I bother trying to help myself? And it's like so difficult to pull yourself up off the floor and, yeah you know, and sort yourself out. yeah It's it's ah is um so easy. From a guy's point of view, you know, if you're going back to midlife crisis thing, There is an element, I have to say, i in my personal experience, when um men were kind of like mocked a bit about a midlife crisis, mocked and and made fun of midlife crisis, I actually think it's a really serious thing that should not be mocked at all.
00:38:23
Speaker
You know, it's like, you know, the cliche stereotype. So going to go down by the border to see to sports car or Harley Davidson or, you know, all of a sudden he spent $10,000 on on kissing out your garage with gymnasium equipment. But by the way, I didn't do any of those things. But it's become a bit of a point of like mockery, you know, for middle aged men. And I I didn't know it at the time but looking back it really got on my, it really pissed me off, that kind of mockery.
00:39:00
Speaker
actually is actually a real thing. but Some people say that men experience what's called andropause. That actually shows up, you know, women as menopause is much more wildly widely widely known about um and talked about even, but there's actually some say that there's this thing called andropause, that there's a significant drop ah for middle aged men and in their 50s and above, significant drop in um testosterone, which can seriously affect all kinds of things. So you imagine mixing that up with, you know, if you have a late diagnosis with ADHD, um masking,
00:39:48
Speaker
dopamine, all of these kinds of things. And you also got in the mix there a significant drop of testosterone. Um, everything that comes with that, you know, yeah loss of hair, but my, my, my doctor, um, he prescribed testosterone okay at one point. He was like, but I think you should have ah a test run. It will give you some joie de vivre. I was going to say, was your doctor Charles de Gaulle or something? No, no. I mean, as I've said before, he was the doctor, if you've ever seen the ah so documentary Super Size Me, he's the doctor in that. and he kind speak like that know
00:40:36
Speaker
It's very, you need some testosterone. It'll give you some vavavoom. Yes. Yes. Really? He was like that. He was. He is exactly like like like that. He's a is ah character. Anyway. um And I went on that for a while. So I had some, i I went for the gel, right? So it comes in various ways and gel is, I think you can either inject it, which I didn't fancy, or you could put on this stuff, right? So I'd have to kind of go into the bathroom, put this stuff on me, make sure I really wash my hands really well. Cause I didn't want to transfer hormones around the place ah to my wife, right? Stinking of hormones.
00:41:18
Speaker
Right, no. She's re-king testosterone in her life. Yes, I did that that for a while. ah didn't It didn't didn't really do a thing for me. I don't i don't remember. But what did you need it? What did you think you needed it? Well, because I was talking about all this stuff to me doctor and he was like, oh, yeah, perhaps, perhaps what this is is a lack of testosterone. So that may fix your problems. But i'm right at that point, I didn't I didn't know I had ADHD. This is pre done. OK, so many moves ago.
00:41:58
Speaker
Many moons ago. So it okay because I've personally only noticed the drop in my kind of energy in the last three four years We are now what 50 coming up to 57. So I didn't I didn't you know in I didn't have any sense of co-loss of Drive or energy at all until quite recently my But so yeah, I think it's, you know, it's effort, you know, often these things are better sorted out with, you know, exercise and things like that, eating properly.
00:42:38
Speaker
Yeah. All right. And on that, I've got healthy living, some things that might help.
Seeking Help for Depression
00:42:44
Speaker
um the So basically, if you are feeling like you are in an unaliving place, go and seek help. ah There are plenty of other little doggy. Yeah. ah Yeah. Go and seek help in your own country um from wherever you are. Just just go and speak to someone. um yeah so there are so add on to that you know if you can
00:43:12
Speaker
try and try not Try to avoid just picking someone randomly. Maybe be you know talk to some friends. you know maybe Hopefully you're already having healthy conversations with close friends about depression and ah this kind of thing. um and so Maybe get a referral by someone who's like, oh, this guy is really good. or um That helps. That helps a lot. Right. Yeah. Find the right person for sure. And there is certainly um and there's also psychological therapies for ADHD and depression. I can't kind of go into them because ah that would require too much time. But there is like cognitive behavioral therapy. That's quite a common one um for for treatment. There's also and acceptance and commitment therapy therapy, which is a little bit like
00:44:07
Speaker
a little bit like CBT, but there's also interpersonal therapy, IPT, and dialect behavior therapy. There's also far more, there's meds as well that can help. There's a whole bunch of them, which I won't go into, but there is help. There is a lot of help out there, whether it's meds or whether it's therapy. Sometimes you can just start by putting your hand up and saying, uh, you need help. Right. Yeah. Cause that's, cause that's the hardest thing when you're in a depressive state is that you just kind of go, I can't be bothered. I'm just going to buy, why, why it's, there's no point in helping myself. but And then you, yeah then you end up just ramping up the masking, which I did a lot. I think I think I'm mask depression, a hell of a lot suppressed it.
00:45:05
Speaker
until it like, that's a really bad thing to do is suppressing depression. Really, really bad. One thing you can do, which actually is more than what you actually something you can avoid doing, avoid alcohol. That's really bad. Just, it's just like a good place to start or at least reducing it. Right. Yeah. All right. So I think there is I think is there and anything else that that that you want to add? I don't think so. I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think so. I'll just add to the comment about the advice about finding the right psychologist. I've had three psychologists in my in my life. ah Actually, the best one I found was she was a low cost psychologist.
00:45:56
Speaker
And she was freaking amazing. She was amazing. She was low cost because I had a lot of people don't go for, um, consultancy, um, go to see psychologists because of money. you think I just don't have the money. I don't have the money to, to, you know, for like a hundred yeah dollars or 80 or a hundred pounds a week. that's 400 pounds or dollars a month. um for a psychologist. Actually, I found a a low cost and because I needed to um at that time, a low cost psychologist. And she was amazing. Amazing. So yeah, there's also online options as as well. So you don't even, and they can be very reasonable and you don't and you can do it from your own home. You don't have to kind of go to the office or anything. So there's
00:46:51
Speaker
Yeah. There's, there's some nice options. There's options out there. And actually sometimes, you know, if you can find that money, if you, money is tight, it, it can be a massive investment, you know, investing, investing in self care. All right. Never a bad thing. Cool. Let's jump into the calm. We're going to head off to the post office. Um, so let's just get that, get that old beast around and head off.
00:47:22
Speaker
Crank her up again. All right. In the post office, um I do actually have, um because I was talking to my sister-in-law over the weekend, who listens to our pod, so holy moly. Oh, nice. Yeah, that was a shock. um So why was it a shock? Well, because like you don't expect people that you know to listen, right? So I have, I have a few friends who, who will say, Oh yeah, I've, yeah, like, um, uh, like my friends at Seth, he'll be like, yeah, I, I, I think I've caught up with all of the podcasts. Really? Yeah. Cool. Well, it's great. listen I've not had that because my friends are Italian.
00:48:13
Speaker
Most of my friends, at least obviously in Italy, most of my friends are Italian. So they they would, and I know of a couple of my friends who speak fluent English, they speak for English very well and they do listen to the podcast. Yeah. Nice. Anyway, she was describing our pod to um ah her brother must say, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like two chilled English english guys. And that's, that's chill. i but I've just kind of, you know, just laid back and just, just being chit chatty. I'll take that. I'll take that. Nice. All right. On the downside, she, uh, you know, that episode, we did an episode on stimming a while back. yes Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there's Paul died. No. Oh, no. He's coming back. He's coming back gradually. I can hear the audio. Hello. Yes.
00:49:10
Speaker
I've not died. so yeah She said that, uh, that, hello. She said that she had to stop listening to the stimming episode because, ah because she was starting to stim too much. Right. Wow. and we weve We triggered, we're triggering people. Yes. We were, we were triggering. OK, so yeah, there we go. There we go. So, we're yeah, if you have any comments, oh, yeah, no, this is this is your bit where you say, yeah, it says ah your feedback is vital to us. So we we read all the comments and we might read out yours on a future out of future podcast. Right. So come on, get those. Come on. Feedback in words.
00:50:02
Speaker
those questions. All right. So for our last segment, which I promised, which was called, um which we called a saint saint stuff, yes we're going to head back ah to the mayor's
Historical Mystery in Host's House
00:50:16
Speaker
office. ah And we're going to talk about the saint that lives behind in the room behind you. Okay. It's a bit of a surprise for me. Okay.
00:50:30
Speaker
all right i did um i did uh warn you that I was going to have a couple of questions. yeah So just to recap, I spent the the day with Seth and Michelle, our friends, and and we're all there, my um my wife, and the subject of the saint but lives that lived in the room next to you. Well, she's the the saint in waiting. i say to but She's been waiting, to be fair, she's been waiting for about 300 years.
00:51:06
Speaker
right so this is um hang on i feel like i should have some some some satan music going on in the background um so her name was what was her name? Stefana Stefana Quinsani All right. She, she lived until about something. It was about the 14 seventies, right? Which is bang in the middle of like medieval period.
00:51:41
Speaker
Right, so so you're your you're hanging out in a house that is at least as, is as as I mean, how old's the house that that that you live in? I think it was built, and well, given that she lived here, and well, it from the 1400s. Right. so Yeah, we go. All right. So these people had some questions.
00:52:16
Speaker
that they wrote out on a piece of paper. yoga cry This is a piece of paper of questions for you, our saint, in waiting. So okay if you if you don't know, there is a bit of a process to becoming a saint. And one of those is called beautification or something. yeah where the church kind of recognises all the your amazing life. So that's like a a step in the right in the right direction. Exactly. Well, the literally the road that I live in is called Biate Stefana Equinsani. Oh, OK. So the the whole road the whole road is named after her pre-sainthood.
00:53:04
Speaker
Right. Okay. So here's a couple of random questions because they are, their minds were blown about this. Question number one. Yes. Far away. Who has the key to the saint's room? Oh, okay. The vicar. The vicar has the key. The local priest. Yeah. All right. And so he opens it up like every... On her birthday. on a birthday. Yeah. Okay. And then, uh, which is the fourth of January, I think. Right. So, and then, well, actually, actually, if it's only if someone actually makes a request, they feel obliged. If someone wants to make a pilgrimage, literally a pilgrimage to, um, to visit her, pay their respects to her.
00:54:04
Speaker
All right. On her birthday, he they can they could call the priest, the local vicar, the priest and say, can we go? Can we go? Can we walk through Paul's a house into his courtyard, go up the stairs, up the onto the balcony and enter into the room where she died? Which is the only room and in the house that we're not allowed to use or live in. Right. So this so that's question number four. um What happens when people are coming round your house? Well, I haven't seen anyone yet. It hasn't happened yet in my experience.
00:54:45
Speaker
All right. Yeah. Question number two, then, is have you ever been in that room? No, but I was thinking about this and because I knew that you were going to ask me some questions and I had a suspicion that you would ask me this. I might I might um put this on a on a TikTok um video, me opening the door to her house. Fantastic. Yeah. we we We want to see that room. I've never even tried the handle of the door to see if it is locked. You are so uncurious. i i um just out of Out of disrespect. oh no There's another reason. It's usually full of pigeons.
00:55:32
Speaker
and just like so boom more okay And it's like, I don't know, out in my mind, in my mind. It's just full of pigeons and pigeon crap and stuff. And I think it's very well looked after, unfortunately. i think that To the shame of the priest. You should definitely try that handle. oh Next question. Do you get a discount on the rent because of because you don't have access to that that room? What do you think? Wow. do Okay. ah right Okay. Well, and it's really cheap.
00:56:10
Speaker
and It's a beautiful house and it's but know it's about 200 square meters. It's an entire house um and it's ridiculously cheap. I mean ridiculously cheap um just because the priest is really nice. um But I don't think that's the reason. and don't that I don't think the fact that we have to have an open day where on her birthday that we have to allow people through I think he's just, the priest is just really charitable. He's really just a nice guy. All right. So ah next question, which I think ah refers to you going into the room. This is this is the question, right? Yes. Do you become a were werewolf if you enter the room? Oh, well, I'll let you know.
00:57:05
Speaker
all your hair will grow back. You'll be like, I just had all this cut off. ah Yeah, it's exactly. All right. And then as as as far as people coming around, and the next question is what happens if this woman becomes a saint? Right. I hope she doesn't. I hope she doesn't because if like, you know, the shroud of Turin, right? right the the house where that I, well, I'm joking, really ironically, I used to live opposite the house that contained the shroud of Turin in Turin, obviously, literally opposite
00:57:49
Speaker
All right. And so I didn't realise it. I was living there for about two years and I came out of my doorway. There's this beautiful historic palazzo in Turin and I looked straight ahead of me. It's like, oh, the trout of Turin is like right opposite my house. I didn't realise it for years. um right anyway yeah and you just and you just thought that it was a it was a place for rugs yeah or tea towels yeah i just like the tea towel kind of like thing no um so the court was your question oh yeah it was like so it it became yeah back because i think they'll be pilgrimages to the house so the catholic church the vatican church they would like oh let's cash in
00:58:35
Speaker
Right. And probably where I'm sitting now will be you know a museum shop full of trinkets and souvenirs. I was going to say, ah so my next question is, can you sell merch? No, but I have suggested to ah my girlfriend. So if we will do a deal with the priest to say, look, why don't you just on her birthday, just like get the queuing up and we'll so we'll sell, we could sell cake or something. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Right. And then we've also got, by the way, inside the house or above the front door, it's got a um ah sign written in Latin that this is the birthplace. um Literally, I mean, it's medieval, the plaque carved into stone um in Latin that this is the birthplace of of Stefana, Queen Sani. And inside the house, you walk through the front door.
00:59:34
Speaker
um towards the back and the doorway toward into the courtyard has a cast stone cast um portrait in profile of her oh okay there you that's how she can picture that so so was she born so did she was she born and died she died no she died here She was born um um about 10 kilometres away all right in ah in a place called Otsinwavi. Okay. And then the last question is, any so any spooky things happen?
01:00:14
Speaker
Uh, no, but usually my dog, my boy Rudy, he's really, uh, once the same house that I was talking to you about before in Turin, he wants a really spooked me out. He was barking like a mad dog cause he's a mad dog. um at nothing in the room. And it was clearly a ghost, a spirit that he could sense that I couldn't. It was just weird. So point being, if there was some spookiness going on, he would be on it. So nothing yet.
01:00:54
Speaker
Nothing yet. All right. Nothing yet. Okay. All right. Well, you have a, a mission to kind of like see if you can get your, get your, get your your little, it's probably, it's probably not even locked. It is weird. I would normally, I'm a very curious person by and normally I'm very curious. So, and it is strange that I haven't tried the door. Yeah. What's going on there? Why haven't I tried it? I don't know. You see, this is what my friends were commenting on. Do you want me to go try it right now? Well, no, no. You don't have to go. Well, I mean, how close is it? It would take me four minutes to go try the handle. No, two minutes to go try the handle. Two minutes. It's worth it.
01:01:47
Speaker
I'm going. It's worth it. Go on. All right. Well, that's Paul. um He's now going to try the handle. So I think I'm going to cut here. Let me make a note of that. I might not cut it. Who knows? Cut at 32 minutes of 44 on this particular episode. All right, I'm just left here on me, Todd.
01:02:17
Speaker
um So, yeah, if if you find this is as interesting as as ah I do, ah let me know, because, ah you know, I'm not a Catholic or anything, but but all of this kind of stuff is ah i I find really interesting. Now, I was looking at her life on Wikipedia, this saint. And one thing that stuck out was that she was regarded as ugly, um apparently, but she had gorgeous hair. And she was, oh, I pulled back. i've I've successfully filled in.
01:03:06
Speaker
Yeah, I could hear you all the time. I kept my headphones on. And because they're Bluetooth, I could hear you all the time. Oh, right. Yeah. is She had amazing hair, apparently. Yes. But she was ugly, but had beautiful hair. So she cut it off. yeah well i heard that she pulled it out oh yes pulled it out pulled it out yeah because of course you know just cutting it off is not is not exactly is not catholic enough she also claimed from the age of seven she had a calling from god from the age of seven to dedicate her life to uh to god all right anyway uh the door is is uh locked
01:03:49
Speaker
all right it's locked it's locked okay it didn't even have a little hole that i could look through to see something all right yeah no well okay well who knows maybe on a future eight episodes you'll you'll you'll have actually got your face in there who knows yeah okay All right. alreadyy Well, I think that just leaves me to say that ADHD value is delivered fresh every Tuesday day to all purveyors of fine podcasts. Please subscribe to the pod and rate us
01:04:23
Speaker
Most... Most safely. most mistakely yeah And feel free to correspond at will in the comments. But wait, there's more if you wish to see our beautiful, beautiful faces. Then you can sally forth to the YouTube. Or sally fields. And you could also pick up a quill and email us at adhdville at gmail.com. Visit us on YouTube, TikTok, a couple of friends, Facebook and Instagram. But in the meantime, be fucking kind to yourself. And I beseech you fellow ADHDers, know thyself, sons of the hounds, come hither and get the flesh. Lamb. Lamb is the flesh of choice, being the lamb of God, I guess. I love a lamb. sat Yeah, yeah, lamb. Ooh, yeah. There, says the mayor. yeah That's that.