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EP 30: Unsolicited Opinions
2.5k Plays2 years ago
This episode was prerecorded before Shannon’s passing. Shannon had so much to offer the world and this community and although it’s heartbreaking to hear her talk about the future, we also want as much of her insight, humor, wit, and love to be out in the world as possible. After talking with her family, we made the decision to release these episodes. We hope that this episode makes you smile, laugh, and remember just how incredible Shannon was. We love her and miss her so much everyday.
In today’s episode, Shannon and Candace discuss the wild and unsolicited opinions you get while both pregnant and in motherhood. Whether about how your body looks, how your parenting, or how your toddler is behaving…one thing is for certain: everyone should just keep their mouths shut.
Shannon and Candace also talk AT LENGTH about their take on Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. Spoiler alert: WE SHIP.
Keep up with the Moms and join the conversation on our socials:
Instagram: @momgroupchat
TikTok: @momgroupchat
Questions/comments/need to vent? Email us at momgroupchat@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Tribute to Shannon
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi moms! The episode you're about to hear was pre-recorded before Shannon's passing. Shannon had so much to offer the world and this community, and although it's heartbreaking to hear her talk about the future, we also want as much of her insight, humor, wit, and love to be out in the world as possible.
00:00:17
Speaker
After talking with her family, we've made the decision to release these episodes. We hope that this episode makes you smile, laugh, and remember just how incredible Shannon was. We love her and miss her so much every day. Enjoy the episode. There's no right way to do it.
00:00:44
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get into it.
Navigating Unsolicited Comments on Motherhood
00:00:47
Speaker
Salutations moms. I'm Shannon and I'm here with my best friend Candice and this is the mom group chat and Candice, you look tired.
00:00:57
Speaker
I actually don't look tired today, though. No, you don't. I just wanted to set the tone really quick for our episode and then you bitch say, actually, you look amazing today. I said that before we even started recording. But today's episode is talking about unsolicited comments, unsolicited feedback.
00:01:20
Speaker
and general, like un, un welcomed comments from friends, family, strangers, and how it's like, did we even get those before we were moms? It's like all of a sudden you become pregnant and it's like the world is just like, Oh, here's how you're going to do it. There's just like so much coming at you all of a sudden you look tired as one of my least favorite things. Um,
00:01:48
Speaker
And I always look tired to like, I get that one a lot, but you look amazing. You are glowing today. Thank you so much. It's like you get pregnant and everyone has like diarrhea of the mouth. It's like all of a sudden everyone is just thinks they can say anything to you. And like, it's it's okay. I will say the only thing I did experience these kinds of comments before pregnancy, but only from my Latina family, like only from the Cubans.
00:02:17
Speaker
But I've definitely had some, like, Maya Weller would just come up to me if I came home from college and put on five pounds. She would be like, you look fat.
00:02:25
Speaker
And she would just tell me that. So I am used to that, but only from my Oella and Theos. That's it. So getting it from the general population and especially strangers is a whole new experience. Yeah. I feel like it is a double-edged sword because we've talked about it on here before how
00:02:47
Speaker
being pregnant and having kids does open the door to positive relationships as well. It's a bit of an icebreaker. People feel connected to you. There's like a nice, easy way to kind of slide in and talk to somebody if you're wanting to do that. But I would prefer if it was like, Oh my God, I love your toddler's outfit or like, yeah,
00:03:14
Speaker
you are doing amazing and you look beautiful, you know, but oftentimes it's not. So, um, I think we can all laugh at it, but some days it's just, it hits at the wrong time. So I think it'll be a funny episode, a bit of like event sesh. Um, and I also want to talk about, cause I had an experience this week where I got a unsolicited like positive comment that like totally
00:03:41
Speaker
turned my day around. So I feel like there's positive things as well. Yeah. So yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited too. I also just wanted to say obviously Whitney is not here. She is still on maternity leave and with baby Margo and surviving newborn land. So she will be back on.
00:04:04
Speaker
as much as possible, but we're also just giving each other the space to lean into the newborn life and to spend time with our new babies. There will definitely be episodes where Shannon and or I are missing in the future. So guaranteed. We love you. And we miss her always. But she's still in our text group, obviously. Obviously. Yeah. We get the real rundown there.
00:04:32
Speaker
We know, yeah. And she's doing well, but it's definitely been a struggle. I mean, the newborn life is a struggle. There's no other way around it. It's freaking hard. And Whitney, I think...
00:04:48
Speaker
has gotten some unsolicited opinions in dealing with this new life with new kids. She got all new kids, everyone. She did a swap program.
00:05:05
Speaker
No, she what I meant was in this new life with a whole new being and like that dynamic. So we definitely have some feedback from her to share, too, of some stuff she's heard. So, yeah, one of my favorite things is like the intergenerational. Like feedback that happens around newborns, especially because like the the advice changes generation to generation and the stuff you hear from like your
00:05:35
Speaker
your parents, but then like your grandparents, I'm just like, what in the hell was happening back then? Like what? But it's, it's funny. And I feel like, yeah, having a newborn is, it's all amplified because you're like tired and you're just trying to survive. And then someone's like talking to, talking to you about how you're living your life.
Taylor Swift Concerts and Media Buzz
00:05:59
Speaker
When Whitney's away, the Swifties will play.
00:06:03
Speaker
We will. We sure will. And yeah, I just wanted to use this opportunity to talk a little bit about Taylor Swift. We both saw that. Well, you saw the heiress movie last week, right? I'm going this week. I did. I saw it the Sunday after it came out. And you guys, it was such.
00:06:24
Speaker
a fun experience. I feel like, don't get me wrong, I love anything Taylor releases. I was excited to see the show again. Both Shannon and I, you've seen it twice. I've seen it twice in person. I was excited to see the show again.
00:06:40
Speaker
I feel like I wasn't like, oh my God, I can't wait. Like I wanted to be comfy. I wasn't like going to dress up. It wasn't like a huge thing. I was just like, I'm excited to see it again. It was a much better experience than I thought it was going to be. Everyone in the theater loves her so much. And it was so fun to watch so many younger generations, like sing her songs and love her so much. And to like even hear, I mean, they're definitely like, it's not a normal movie. People are talking and singing.
00:07:10
Speaker
I was lucky that like not it wasn't crazy like people weren't standing in front of me or anything like that but it's it was kind of really interesting and funny to hear all of the whispers of like everyone's favorite songs or parts they loved it was just like it's a 50 experience.
00:07:29
Speaker
Also, there was a couple, so the people sitting next to us was like what seemed to me a newly dating couple, either late high school or college years maybe. And it was clear that the guy didn't know much about Taylor Swift or definitely hadn't seen the Aries tour, didn't know much of her music.
00:07:52
Speaker
And so I was kind of listening in on before every song or before every era, the girl was explaining the era and what was happening during that time. And she would explain the background of different songs. And it was just fun to eavesdrop on, honestly. They didn't ruin my experience. If anything, I was just like, some of the things she was saying was
00:08:19
Speaker
Did you ever fact check her on anything or was she legit? No, she was legit. She seemed like she knew she knew all the things. She knew exactly what she was talking about. I mean, I'm guessing she was legit if she was thought it was a good idea to bring a new date to the tourist tour movie. Which honestly, he must like her because that's not something. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's not something you bring a new date to. It's you know, I'm not even bringing Andrew. I.
00:08:46
Speaker
I've been really, like every time I've left the concert, I've been like, Andrew has to experience this with me. Like I need him to do this with me. And then I sit on it and I'm like, I don't think I actually want him to come because I don't want to be disappointed if he doesn't have the same experience I had. And he loves Taylor Swift.
00:09:08
Speaker
He's grown to love her like as we've been together, but he's not going to like cry. He's not going to dance and jump around for three hours. So I am going to wait for the movie to come to streaming wherever it ends up streaming.
00:09:24
Speaker
And we're gonna make like a thing of it and we're gonna like sit on the couch and I'm gonna be able to like pause and be like, okay, here's what's happening. Kind of like this girl was doing, but I need to be able to like pause and really explain. And that's the experience that he's gonna have. And I think that will be the correct shared experience. I think so too, because the theater is like, at least when I went last Sunday, there were lots of youngins, which again, I love to see
00:09:51
Speaker
Um, it also made me appreciate some of her songs that like, I would probably normally skip, like shake it off. Shake it off is so fun and so fun in a crowd. And so the way everyone was dancing and that was like one of the songs everyone got up for and not everyone, I, I did not. I was going to say like, do I need to plan to be dancing?
00:10:17
Speaker
Like, is that what's gonna happen? I think it depends where you're sitting and the crowd that's there. We definitely had a dance-y crowd. There were a lot of people up dancing, but not in the center. Like, if they were sitting on the outsides, people were up and dancing in the aisles and stuff. The only time I personally felt like I wanted to stand, which I didn't really, but I think I did definitely throw my hands in the air, was, of course, during reputation, the beginning of the reputation set.
00:10:47
Speaker
I am a reputation bitch through and through. Nothing gets me more hype than watching her walk down that runway in that jumpsuit. That's the part where I wanted to stand up and I always say this, I wanted to run around like a gorilla. It just gets me so hyped.
00:11:07
Speaker
And that was the one time I was like, I want to get up and run around, but I didn't. But OK, so you could. I think it depends how you're feeling, who you're with, where you're sitting. I think it could go both ways. I've seen some stuff on TikTok that I'm like.
00:11:25
Speaker
Absolutely not. Like people doing full on flashwobs at the bottom. I guess I don't care about that because just don't obscure my view. That's the main thing that I am nervous about. And I've already stood up for seven hours worth of the concert. I've paid my dues standing and I'm 32 weeks pregnant. So can we not? I want to dance with my hands.
00:11:54
Speaker
It's a Friday night movie, so I don't know. I don't know what the crowd will be like.
00:12:00
Speaker
I'll be interesting to hear. Yeah. I'll be interesting to hear because you're also a couple of weeks out to where I feel like the, like a lot of the real like party, party hardy Swifties have already gone. Yeah. I don't know. I think I might go one more time before, um, it leaves theaters just for funsies, but I will say it's long.
00:12:26
Speaker
It's three hours. Whatever reason, I thought it was cut down a lot more than that. Um, and so that means the movie is not going to be over till 11. So, okay. That's so funny. That's so funny that you said that because I literally had this experience. So I, we had a, had to get a babysitter for me to go. Cause Vinnie had just had his hernia surgery. So we had babysitters, his aunt and uncle here. And I don't know what I was thinking. The movie started at seven and I was like, I'll be home by nine 30.
00:12:55
Speaker
I'm sorry. What was I thinking? I don't know. So we got to the theater and I sat down and my brother who I was with was like, it's two hours and 50 minutes. And I was like, I started to do the math in my head and I was like, what the hell was I thinking? So I ended up having to text our babysitters and be like, I actually won't be home till like almost 11. And they were, luckily they were really cool and chill about it. Um, but I was like,
00:13:24
Speaker
I felt bad. Taylor continues to take from me and I just need to give her more. I'm excited. I feel like after the LA show, I had my depression that I usually have. I don't know if I talked about it here, but Candace knows whenever I go to live, it's mostly Broadway.
00:13:49
Speaker
or really good movies or concerts. I always have a depression period afterwards because I am so struck by the level of talent and the fact that these things can be created and the fact that I am not involved in any way.
00:14:08
Speaker
in these things. And I have just squandered my life not being in the arts, which then I get over a few days later. But it's like, after LA Taylor Swift being front row, I was just like,
00:14:23
Speaker
Fuck me. I was low after being so high, but I kind of didn't think about her for a while. Obviously, she's always in my algorithm and always in my head, but it was a bit of a lull period. And then she started dating Travis Kelsey. And it's been so fun.
00:14:49
Speaker
to watch her date him. I'm like, oh my God, I'm really obsessed. It's really reinvigorated why I love her so much. And I love them together. And I love that she's taking over the NFL. Everyone, if you have something bad to say, keep it to yourself, don't say it to me. Unsolicited comments.
00:15:14
Speaker
It's been so fun to watch. I love it. It is so fun. I love her and Travis so much so far from what I've seen. I also just, even before they started dating, I feel like I somehow ended up on like Travis Kelsey TikTok. So I always was seeing clips of him dancing. Before they started dating. Before they started dating. Like I have been a Travis fan, okay? Okay, so this was your doing.
00:15:43
Speaker
So I manifested this. Well, I mean, my friend Lane was telling me she's, she thinks that they've been dating for a while, like before we've known, which I was like, I mean, that makes sense. So maybe somebody knew at tick tock and infiltrated all of our brains before this even started to like prime us to like him.
00:16:10
Speaker
So I saw, I haven't watched the clip yet, but I saw a headline this morning and it was like Travis hints in their latest episode of the podcast of their podcast. I think it's called new Heights, something like that. Yeah. Um, but he, I think hinted at the first time they met or the first time they like went on a date and it's a lot earlier. I think it's like July. So, which I guess isn't that long ago, but I mean, we're in October now and things had just heated up a couple of weeks ago. So.
00:16:38
Speaker
Yeah, four months, you know, because yeah, yeah, four months in you could be like, like boyfriend girlfriend for real, for real. I think this is happening so fast, which like it is, but they're grown ass adults. They're not 20. Yeah, like 100%. You know, you like somebody, you know, and we know because
00:17:02
Speaker
It does something to my heart. First of all, look at him. It is so nice to see her with a man, you know, with like a big tall man. Like, I also just have been doing.
00:17:19
Speaker
She's been she's been messing around with the boys. OK. And now she has found herself a man. And I just maybe it's not like none of her past boyfriends. I mean, other than Harry Styles. But that's like so long ago. But like none of them are my type. They're not people I would I would date or I would choose. So this is the first time that I'm like, oh, yes. Yes. I love this. I love seeing them together.
00:17:47
Speaker
She can wear the highest heels and he is still like five inches taller than her. Like they look so hot. They are a hot ass American couple. And this is so good for our nation. Like so good. We need this healing in the, in these hard times. Like there's so much division and I feel like this is something we can all rally around and be like, it's going to bring our nation together.
00:18:13
Speaker
Yes, yes. I completely agree. They just seem like so hot for each other. And it makes me feel excited.
00:18:26
Speaker
Yeah, I'm like, okay, fires me up. Okay, have you seen the video or pictures of them when they got out of the car and you can see her red lipstick and his mustache and her lipstick is like a little smeared? It's giving partition.
00:18:47
Speaker
It's giving partition and it is also like you know how everyone says like if you want to spice up your marriage like read romance novels like I think Taylor and Travis being together might spice up my marriage because I'm like thousand percent they're making out in the back of a car and smearing her red lipstick. Like I want that feeling again. I haven't experienced that in years at this point. Like Andrew, have you considered becoming a professional athlete in order to
00:19:16
Speaker
spice this thing up and he's like, have you considered becoming an international pop star? Like, yeah, I've, I actually have. And it's not happening right now, but it's so like, it's, it's everything we love in a couple. It's the hot, they're so hot. They're clearly like,
00:19:38
Speaker
hooking up and just like loving it. They're in those like early romance stages. Yeah. So they're like, they've got all like the hot sexy part. And then they also have like the really sweet wholesome like high school relationship part where she's like wearing his number on a bracelet and she's sitting with his mom. And like I read something today that I guess his dad
00:19:58
Speaker
said some stuff about how she was cleaning up the trash in the suite. And I was like, we love her. She is a humble queen. Obsessed. Yeah, you know, it's like she's trying to put her best foot forward. I mean, I think she's like genuinely a good person who would like do something like that. But she's trying to like show that she's like a nice person to his family and friends. And she's like being nice to Brittany Mahomes, which is really nice of her to do.
00:20:31
Speaker
She's not above anybody, you know, it's just like the thirstiest, the thirstiest people in the world. She's not above it.
00:20:41
Speaker
I don't even dislike Brittany Mahomes that much. She just looks to me like 07 prom. Everything that she wears, how she does her makeup, how she does her hair is 07 prom. And Taylor doesn't hate her for it. Taylor's like, it's fine. We'll have a handshake.
00:21:04
Speaker
Our boyfriends are our friends on the team together. So like we're going to be friends. And I do like you pointed that out, Candace, when I was bitching about Bernie in my home, she was like, you said, well, I think it's just awesome that Taylor is not like snooty. She's not above befriending the other like team wives and stuff. And I was like, you're right.
00:21:27
Speaker
You're right. I just know that she's a good person. I don't know how to explain it. I just know that she is. If she wasn't, we would know by now. Word travels so fast, people are always showing videos and texts and receipts of things. I'm sorry, but if she was a bad person, we would know by now. She's not. Did you see that Howard Stern interview where Howard Stern tried to talk shit about her to post Malone?
00:21:54
Speaker
Not necessarily talk shit, but tried to lead the conversation of a certain way. With Post Malone? Yeah, I forgot how they got there. And then Post Malone was like, you know what? I have hung out with her. I've met her multiple times. She is truly one of the nicest, most down-to-earth, most talented, most genius people ever. I can't say enough good things about her.
00:22:20
Speaker
He went on and on about how amazing she is and how sweet and down to earth she is. And I was like, see, even if alone.
00:22:29
Speaker
Post Malone going on my favorite rappers list. I've always thought he was sweet for some reason. I think he likes the Olive Garden or something. Yes, he does. He does like Olive Garden. He's like teddy bear energy. I feel like a very stinky teddy bear, but a teddy bear. It does make me wonder, though, about Olivia Rodrigo. When I think about the industry, she's the only person I can think of that has
00:23:00
Speaker
proclaimed kind of beef. I guess like Justin Bieber, but we all know what that's about. Yeah. And he's like such a weird person. But yeah, like what happened with Olivia Rodrigo? And like, why haven't you tried to make amends?
00:23:17
Speaker
I don't know. Part of me thinks that they have. And Olivia is, this is what I would like to believe. I think that they have. I think they've talked. I think that they've made amends. But Olivia is just too young. I mean, she's like 19. She is so young. I think she's too young to like,
00:23:39
Speaker
get over it completely and I don't know. I think I kind of feel like it's just one of those things that's like they're not not friends and they're not friends and the media's made it into something but I don't know. I just feel like it's like it's one of those situations where it's like it is what it is, you know?
00:23:57
Speaker
I like Olivia Rodrigo. I think her music is really good. But I mean, I'm such a Swifty that like every time I listen to her, I'm just like. Yeah. And they happen.
Experiences with Unsolicited Parenting Advice
00:24:08
Speaker
They seem like they would be like the same brand, not necessarily like music wise or whatever. But what I'm saying is like if you're a fan of Taylor, you're probably going to like Olivia Rodrigo because of her songwriting and her talent. Like I feel like they share fans, which is interesting that they
00:24:27
Speaker
I don't know. Don't get along or I don't know. I don't know that we'll ever know, to be honest. We may never know, but.
00:24:38
Speaker
Trailer I think that's what they're calling them Mm-hmm trailer I am very much here for it and it also makes like football so much more fun. So oh, yeah every It's funny though Vinnie gets mad at me when I ask if the Chiefs are playing I'm like do the Chiefs play today and he's like, why do you even care? I'm like, you know why I care sweetheart, you know, he's just be happy that you care and
00:25:02
Speaker
I know. He should be happy that I'm like, but he gets mad when I'm like way more into the Chiefs game than I am the Bucks game. But you know what? It's just how it is right now.
00:25:15
Speaker
It's just how it is right now. Yeah. Let's make a prediction. Do you think this is the real deal? Do you think they're going to get married and have kids? OK, my gut tells me yes. Like, I really do think this is the real deal. I think they're both at a really good age. They're both at a really good place in their careers. I think they both love the I don't want to say attention. That makes it sound bad. But I think that they like they're comfortable with it.
00:25:45
Speaker
Yeah, they're comfortable with the power couple-ness of it. I feel like this is top of mind because of the documentary that came out, but I feel like they could be
00:26:00
Speaker
The Beckham. Yeah. Like it's that energy to where they just like they loved each other from the beginning and like that's it. Like they are both hot. They both want families. Like I don't know. I feel like it could work. Dude, I was one of the reasons I was so sad about the Joe breakup is because I thought they were going to after the tour have kids like
00:26:27
Speaker
Obviously I want Taylor to have kids because I want to hear songs about having kids. I want her to have kids because that's the journey I'm on. And I like have felt like we've always been on a journey together. So, you know, everyone can do what they want. And obviously I'm going to be obsessed with her no matter what, but I personally am excited for her to have a family. I don't, I think she wants a family. Like she's about it in her songs. Like her family is so tight. So.
00:26:56
Speaker
I'm hoping that this is, this is it. Yeah. I saw a clip of her. Um, I think it was from the beginning, like during red era promo and someone asked her in 10 years, where do you hope to see yourself? And she like was hesitant to say something. She was like, I don't like to jinx anything. Like what if the world is tired of me in 10 years, which like, we're not.
00:27:19
Speaker
Girl, we've never wanted more of you ever, but she said her answer was not about her career at all. It was, I hope to know the timeline of when I can have a family. That's what she said. Like she didn't even say like, I want a family in 10 years. She was like, I just hope to know. Like, I hope that I can see it in the future. And I feel like it's.
00:27:46
Speaker
now like I feel like I don't know and also like Travis's brother and his three girls and his wife are so cute and funny and like I don't know I just I can't say enough great things I truly am obsessed it makes her even more like
00:28:05
Speaker
attainable. Obviously she's not. Like she is so fucking powerful and rich and famous. Although this is just a straight up Taylor Swift episode. I know. I'm like, we gotta flip it, but I can't stop. But she always writes songs as if you could be her. And now it's like, the Kelsey's also a family that's like,
00:28:29
Speaker
No one fucking has that many talented athletes in their family something about them seems like so down home in American and like Just you could hang out with them that I'm like if they got married and had kid had kids I feel like I could invite them over for a barbecue and we'd all like hang out and have a nice time 100%
00:28:50
Speaker
So yeah, we're almost getting to vision board season, which is for me, like December, when I start to really like think about the next year and I always make a vision board for the new year. And I think I'm going to add some more Taylor and Travis to my vision board. Not necessarily like, I mean, obviously I would love for that to keep going and happen, but it's just like, I like that energy. I want that energy in 2024.
00:29:19
Speaker
I want that energy for me too. Rich, hot, tall, spicy, powerful, spicy, fun people. More of that for me, it would be great. Yeah.
00:29:37
Speaker
All right. So anyways. Ending our Taylor Swift podcast. The other thing is if she becomes a mom, then she can be on our podcast. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's like the dream is she has. I don't think Taylor's ever gone on a podcast, but maybe we'll be the first stepping stone. We get Kylie Kelsey on here. OK.
00:30:05
Speaker
She's the ultimate girl mom too. She's got three little girls. Brittany Mahomes.
00:30:12
Speaker
How do you get your ringlets so tight, girl? Teach us. Now that's an unsolicited opinion. Okay, here we go. All right. So we're both pregnant as hail. And let's just start there. What kind of unsolicited comments have you enjoyed as a pregnant lady?
00:30:36
Speaker
Enjoyed? That is a very strong word. Well, one specific scenario comes to mind, and I don't know if you remember it because it was with you. No, I remember this.
00:30:48
Speaker
Okay, so we were at my mother-in-law's boutique. This was when we were pregnant with Alice and TJ. You were three months ahead of me. I can't remember where we were in the journeys, whatever. It was for my baby shower. Okay, so it was around Thanksgiving. It was November.
00:31:08
Speaker
32-ish weeks pregnant. Yeah. Okay. So we go to my mother-in-law's boutique and we were talking to like a random ass lady, like old lady in the store. And she mentioned, or she told, I think she told you, like, you look great, like blah, blah, blah. And she was like, and you must be having a boy.
00:31:31
Speaker
And then, yeah. And she was like, yeah, how'd you know? And then she looked at me and she said, and you must be having a girl. And I was like, yeah. And I remember us asking like, oh, how did you know? And she was like, well, I can just tell by the way that you're carrying. And she made a comment about, she was like, do you see?
00:31:52
Speaker
She was like, do you see? And she pointed to Shannon's body and she was like, do you see how there's space in between her boobs and her belly? And then she was like, and with you, there's no space between like your boobs are on your belly. And I was like.
00:32:10
Speaker
I actually don't remember that part. Yeah. And I remember thinking to myself, like, lady, I have had double D boobs since way before I was pregnant. Like, my body is just built differently regardless of having a boy or girl. If I was having a boy, my boobs would still sit.
00:32:29
Speaker
on my belly. That's because you have huge boobs and I have mosquito bites. That's what's happening. But people love when you're pregnant to try to justify wives' tale things. Do you know what I mean? They love to be like, oh, I can tell that your hips are... I don't freaking know whatever it is. I hated
00:32:54
Speaker
those comments when I was pregnant about anything related to how my pregnant body looked because I can't control anything here, dude. I'm just surviving. I already hate my body being pregnant. I don't love being pregnant. So any comment you make, I'm like, please fuck off. Kindly fuck off. I know. I know.
00:33:14
Speaker
Um, that was crazy. I can't believe she said that. The other thing is a lot of these comments come from old people. Yeah. It's like old people do better. It's hard because I don't know if it's like,
00:33:35
Speaker
I don't know what it's like to be old, so I guess I can't really speak from a place of experience, but it's like, what is it about being old so that they're just like, I've earned the right to just say whatever the fuck. And they have no problem saying whatever. This happened
00:33:54
Speaker
I think this happened in the same day I had the good experience too. I love my car wash place I go to here. It's like a beautiful family run operation. They do a great job. And it's like the kind where, you know, you drop it off and then you get it like 10 minutes later. Right. Right. So I've been there. I probably go like once a month. So the mom of the owner is this like very sweet old lady, but she's seen me there pregnant multiple times. And this has happened like three months in a row where she's like,
00:34:24
Speaker
Oh, you're pregnant. And then I'm like, yeah, she's like, when are you due? And then I say end of December. And she's like, are you sure? Are you going to make it that long? That's like a classic one that everybody loves. Like, are you going to make it? And it's just like,
00:34:39
Speaker
What am, yeah, I'm going to make it. Like that's my due date. I don't know what else to tell you. And she's done that every time I've been there. And I'm like, she must forget that she's doing that. And when I was there this week, I was like, Oh my gosh, that's so funny. You've said that to me before. I was like, yeah, I've been here a few times and you have said that every time. And she's like, I don't think you're going to make it to December. And I was like, everyone loves to say things like that.
00:35:07
Speaker
Oh, like, oh, I think you're going to come early. There's no way you're going to make it till then. I remember at my baby shower, which was February 6th, February 5th, and I had Alice March 26th, like every one of my baby shower was like, oh, you're not making it to March. Like everyone, even people my age, they were like, oh, like people would in the same sentence tell me I looked beautiful because it's my baby shower. That's like what they're supposed to do. But in the same sentence would also say like,
00:35:36
Speaker
Oh, you're you're not going to make it like you're already there. Like they in which it has a pregnant woman to me is basically you telling me I look huge. Like that's it. Yeah. It's it's like I already now that we've been through it a couple of times and we've been saying with the second one, it really does feel like you get bigger or faster. Totally.
00:36:01
Speaker
When you talk about it with other moms, they're often like, and it's also like, it's never a woman who's like our age who says any of this stuff. Yeah. Usually I haven't really had that experience because they're like, I know how fucking annoying that is. Um, and then they're always like, Oh yeah, same thing happened to me. Like, you know, you blow up so much with your second one, but it's like, I'm already thinking about how large I feel and how large I think I look 24 seven.
00:36:29
Speaker
like, I don't need someone else telling me that I look big. And also, it's, it's like, I don't want to have my baby that early. Like, that's not a good way. You want, you want to go to the end of the term. So when people are like, Are you gonna make it? I'm just like, Yeah, there's really no other option than to make it. It's just an annoying way to go about saying and
00:36:55
Speaker
Another side of the coin is for someone who maybe hasn't had a full term baby. They know the risks or they know how scary it is to have an early term baby. That can sometimes trigger anxiety or catastrophic thinking around having your baby early.
00:37:12
Speaker
And that's a scary thing too. Like, I know a cousin of mine just had her baby at 31 and a half weeks and they just went home literally last week. They were in the NICU for like over three weeks, which is crazy. He's fine and they're great, but like very scary to have your baby that early. And sometimes those like, I don't know if you've had that experience, it could trigger that, which is a shitty thing to trigger someone on, you know?
00:37:41
Speaker
Yes. I had a, this woman I used to work with, she had four kids and they all came early and she, like I didn't talk to her about this directly, but I know that she was very open about her experience. Like she just knew her kids were going to come premature. And it was like, I'm sure, like if people said that to her, I'm sure she was like, literally shut up. Like I don't want to talk about that because she dealt with it many times over. I don't know if it was like some kind of condition that
00:38:11
Speaker
that happened. But I remember with her fourth pregnancy, she was just kind of like, No, I know I'm going to go into labor like early. So that's very anxiety inducing. But yeah, what as the on the flip side, when I see a really pregnant girl, I get excited for them because I love a mom. So like, what do you do you have something that you usually say to pregnant people? Or like, do you just avoid it?
00:38:37
Speaker
I feel like my go-to is just, you look great. Honestly, you look amazing. And that's just because that's what I would want to hear. Even if I look like a garbage person, just tell me I look amazing because I am pregnant and I deserve that comment. But it's funny that you ask, what do you say? Because I think part, obviously being pregnant, especially when you get to 20 weeks or further,
00:39:06
Speaker
It's very obvious that you're pregnant most of the time, you know? And I think people just use it. It's kind of like talking about the weather. It's like, I'm going to mention it as like just filler talk. And sometimes those comments, those unsolicited comments like come out in that like filler talk, like, Oh, are you going to make it? When are you do blah, blah, blah? Yeah. I don't think it's always like from a malicious, a malicious place.
00:39:33
Speaker
And really, we just need to release this. This episode should be, minus all the Taylor Swift stuff, should be for people that are not moms, because that's really who this episode is for. Just tell pregnant women, if you want to fill the space, all you have to do is say, you look great. You're doing a great job. You look amazing. Honestly, just ask, how do you feel? That's it. That's all.
00:40:01
Speaker
And I'm probably going to congratulations. You're looking great. Yeah, that's it. Like, that's all you have to say. And then if the person wants to talk about it, they'll be open to talking about it. Like, you know, I've chatted with women at the park or just like people I've, you know, that have seen me now I'm like super pregnant. If the vibe is right, I'll chat about it. If I'm feeling.
00:40:31
Speaker
excited about it or I'm feeling chatty, but not if like the first thing you say is like, are you going to make it? Whoa, you look very large. Like that doesn't make me want to like share.
00:40:46
Speaker
this joy with you. No, I feel like I usually do like an awkward if someone does say something like that to me, I usually just give an awkward giggle and a smile and like try to move on either like move away physically or just move on with the conversation somewhere else. I just I like don't even want to put any like energy into it, which like maybe I should just stand up for myself at some point and be like,
00:41:13
Speaker
You know, that makes me feel like crap when you say that. But it's like, is it even worth that conversation? You know, exactly. I mean, that's why nobody gets. That's why it's like happens all the time, I think, because nobody. To your point, I often I don't think it is malicious either. It's just like, yeah.
00:41:32
Speaker
old people being like kind of dumb and like not knowing what to say. So it's like, do I want to like bring them down? Like, do I let them know that that's like annoying? Like I often just let it roll off. But what does get under my skin is the parenting stuff. Like, yeah, the pregnancy stuff. I'm like, I don't know. I think it's pretty harmless. I'll be it. Sometimes it's
00:41:58
Speaker
annoying but the parenting stuff really I'm just like no I that is actually like very hurtful sometimes yeah I was gonna say we should transition to like postpartum slash like either the parenting stuff um
00:42:16
Speaker
There's also like we had, we had the, um, yeah, I definitely want to go through what our, uh, Instagram followers submitted because they had me laughing so hard slash my job was on the floor being like the things that people say. I just, people are so unhinged.
00:42:34
Speaker
I can't believe that some of these things come out of people's mouth. It's insane. I know we talked about body comments during pregnancy, but one of the comments that annoys me the most, specifically from family members, is postpartum when my baby is a month old or a couple weeks old.
00:42:53
Speaker
the older generation of women telling me about their experience postpartum and how quickly they lost the baby weight or making comments about how quickly I could bounce back if I do X, Y, and Z. That is
00:43:09
Speaker
Probably my least favorite unsolicited opinion is people making comments about that postpartum like part and being like oh well when I had my third I lost you know twenty pounds within the first six weeks I'm like who cares Cheryl honestly like
00:43:28
Speaker
I don't care what your experience was. Your body is different than mine. Your life is different than mine. I hate those comments so much. Do you think it's in an effort to be encouraging?
00:43:44
Speaker
Or is it just like, I wanna share something about me? Ooh, good question. I think it could be, I think depends on the person. I think some people are just like, I wanna talk about myself. And then other people, I think mean it to be like motivational in that like, this is possible type thing. And it's like, I don't care if it's possible. I don't wanna hear about it. And I don't want you to tell me that.
00:44:10
Speaker
I'm just like, I don't know that I've like put this quite together yet, but it's like, sometimes you do want advice from your family sometimes, but like you always ask for it. And you know, I think like after like second and third kids, you're probably not looking for as much advice. Um, but really what you want in the newborn phase is support. And I feel like kind of, this happens in everyday conversation where people are just kind of like waiting to talk about themselves.
00:44:38
Speaker
You know, like they're waiting for some kind of comment or connection point to be like, Oh, I have this connection point. And now I get to talk about like my experience with XYZ for women, older women. Oh my God. Like it's just an open door for them to be like, I was a mother once too. And just like talk and talk and like talk about when they were moms and it's like,
00:45:05
Speaker
Maybe you could glean some wisdom from these things, but it would be great if it was like in the context for me asking for this. Yeah. Instead of just like. It's funny that you say that about the old women because, or older women who just like to talk about, talk about their experience as a mom. I feel like I got a lot of like, Oh, well you're so lucky these days. You have all these gadgets and gizmos and like.
00:45:30
Speaker
I got this in gizmos aplenty, but like, you know, like, Oh, you have this new and this, like all the stuff they come up with these days. I can't believe it. You have it so much easier. And it's like, I don't know what to tell you. Like it's still not easy. Even with my snoo that my daughter hates, you know, that cost the most like money ever. Like.
00:45:52
Speaker
You know what I mean? It doesn't mean that I have it easier necessarily just because I have some crazy tech. Also, it's not like I like what do you want me to do? Go live on a prairie to where like I don't have these things. Do you know what I mean? Yes. And they had their own crutches. Like every generation has their situation.
00:46:14
Speaker
I think it's just like, this is one of those things I need to jot down in my notes, which random sidebar I was telling you, I was asking Andrew yesterday, like, are we just going to keep our Google drives for the next 50 years? That's where all my notes are. Like, how am I going to find all my notes? But anyways, um, I feel like I have a little note section that's like things to not do when I'm old and go ahead and file that under there. Like, just don't.
00:46:43
Speaker
It is as hard as it will be to resist the urge or to not do this, just like resist the urge to shit on the young generation. Yeah. Yeah. That's just what everybody does. I know. Speaking of shitting on on the young generation, let's talk about the the unsolicited parenting comments that we get when we're out at the park or in public or at a restaurant.
Dealing with Public Reactions to Children's Behavior
00:47:10
Speaker
Being toddler moms, I feel like this is the one that we're going to deal with the most consistently from now until for the next six, seven years. Because pregnancy is nine months. It sucks to hear those things, whatever. But our kids are going to be little for a long time. And we're going to be out in public with them. Yeah. This is just a general cultural note.
00:47:41
Speaker
Nothing bothers me more than when older people seem annoyed that there's children around. And granted, there are places where you probably shouldn't have your kids, but like I'm going to bring my kid to the grocery store. I'm going to need to bring my kid to run errands. He's going to be with me in the parking lot. He might be with me at a restaurant every now and then he's going to be with me in the line to order coffee. Like these are public places.
00:48:09
Speaker
And when I get like looks or an old person feels or not even just an old person, but it often feels like it is older people are made uncomfortable because he's, cause my son is acting like a normal ass toddler. Yeah. I'm just like, can you give me a little grace here? Like I feel like in other countries,
00:48:36
Speaker
there is a culture of like embracing the family unit and going out of your way to make things easier for moms and make sure that moms of like babies and toddlers are feeling supported and make things easier for them. But the amount of times that like somebody has just like grabbed a shopping cart, like cut in front of me to like grab a shopping cart before I can get one in. I'm like about to put TJ into it or just like no regard for the juggling and like struggle that is
00:49:05
Speaker
handling kids, I don't know. Maybe that's me having like victim mentality, but I'm just like, where's the support? No, it's so true. It is so true. And it's like- The airport, airplanes, I'm like, just fucking get over it. Like, we're allowed to fly with our kids. Also, my thought is always like,
00:49:29
Speaker
I don't know. I think ultimately a lot of the problem with our society is we just lack empathy and people are unable to empathize and unable to put themselves in other people's positions. It's like, can't you look at me and what I'm dealing with and this toddler that's maybe having a meltdown or whatever and just be like,
00:49:49
Speaker
Damn, that's really hard. Like my comment would not Make her feel any I don't know. It's just like to me empathy comes easy for me Thanks. I feel like that's thank you to my parents or whatever Yeah, people lack empathy and it's like they can't look at other people and think damn they're having a hard time I'm gonna keep my mouth shut or I'm gonna
00:50:12
Speaker
Ask for if they need anything like if the door needs to be opened while I'm trying to get the stroller out or whatever. I feel like people don't like hop to it to help these days. I don't know. Yeah. But then on the flip side, like nothing makes I am always
00:50:30
Speaker
warmed in the heart when it doesn't bother me when like a grandparent like sees me with TJ or like sees me pregnant and it's like, those are the best days. Like, you know, like, yeah, they just are like happy.
00:50:48
Speaker
to see there, it just seems like they're very like pro family and they're kind of like saluting you and where you're at in your life. So that's always very welcome. So I'm not saying that like all old people and all childless, childless people are unempathetic, but I have, I do feel like
00:51:10
Speaker
Um, it's not necessarily a comment, but like an attitude towards little kids. That's like negative. I just, I'm like, why? What happened to you that you're like so uncomfortable around a child? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and then I, I was thinking of some of the specific comments about behavior, like,
00:51:34
Speaker
I know one that we get a lot is like, oh, wow, she's so busy. Which people, I don't know that they mean it in a negative way, but the way that they say it is in a negative way. Like, oh, wow, you have your hands full. She's busy. She's so busy. As in, she's got her hands in everything. Control your child. Like, I don't know. Yes, for TJ, he's energetic.
00:52:05
Speaker
And I think that's also, it's, it's not great when it comes from another parent. Um, cause I'm like, well, you just don't have an energetic child then I guess, but when it comes from other people, I'm just like, you just don't understand or you forgotten that this is a, this is a toddler. Like they're going to be curious and they're going to run around and it's not my job to.
00:52:26
Speaker
Yeah. Because he's wild. He's wild. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:52:34
Speaker
Like as long as they're acting, I think a normal toddler behavior, obviously there's things that we're not going to let our kids do, but it's like, it's not my job to make them perfect for you because I don't know you and you're a stranger. So like.
00:52:48
Speaker
I don't really care about how you are perceiving him, I'm sorry. Yeah, so true. Should we go through some of the... Yes, because I've gotten a lot of these, so we could like rapid fire go through them. Okay, this one is very pertinent to my life right now. I hope that one's a girl slash boy, just any gender comments based on the child you already have.
00:53:13
Speaker
100%. For me, now that we're having another girl, almost always the immediate question is, oh, well, you're going to have a third right to try and have a boy. I'm like, fuck off. You have no idea about my life or anything. Yeah. Yeah. And then this one is related underneath. Are you done? Are you done after this one? It's like, I don't need to tell you you're not breastfeeding. Why wouldn't you give your kid the best?
00:53:40
Speaker
Oh, breastfeeding comments. Don't need to hear them. I actually just interviewed this morning a postpartum doula because I started to get nervous. Honestly, because of our mom group chat, because of Whitney's, she's going through it. Um, and we don't have our mom, our grandmother's here. So I was interviewing this postpartum doula and I was like, honestly, I do not need to be pushed into breastfeeding. Like, yeah.
00:54:05
Speaker
Is that okay with you? And she was, I mean, she was like, yeah, she was actually very good vibes. So I'm excited about it, but I made sure that I was like, we're not like forcing that on. Yeah. Like if it's not working, it's not working 100%. Another just like random comment on unsolicited feedback is the fact that it's so easy to do on social media and.
Social Media and Parenting Judgments
00:54:29
Speaker
A lot of us, I mean, we're not influencers in any way really. So like, yeah, people aren't like trolling us, but it is like you watch other people get trolled. So like you might be following somebody who's made a comment about like switching to formula and that's what you've done. And then you look at all the trolls who are just like so eager to comment.
00:54:53
Speaker
unsolicited because they feel like they can because it's an influencer and then you feel attacked.
00:55:00
Speaker
Totally. So it's interesting. You know Dani Austin, the influencer? Yeah. I listened to an episode of her podcast where she talked about who she gets the most hate from. And what made me really sad is she said that moms, that she gets the most hate and mom shaming from other moms. And I was like, come on, moms. We got to do better.
00:55:24
Speaker
We can't do that to each other. As moms, we should understand that everyone's journey is their own journey. Everyone's experience is their own experience. Can't we all just love each other and respect each other's decisions and journeys? Whatever's best for them and their family is what's going to happen. We're not going to be mom haters. Leave it to the boomers. Let them judge us. Right. Let them burn it down. My God. Okay.
00:55:50
Speaker
It won't last long or the just wait comments. We get that a lot because Alice is a pretty good baby and a good toddler and she sleeps really well right now. We just put her down in her bed and she's great. Almost everyone is like, you just wait. That second one, she's not going to be as good. You got too lucky with the first.
00:56:12
Speaker
I'm like, oh yeah. I was getting a pedicure one time and I was like stuck there in the chair and the woman next to me started talking about how her second child was just like a complete fucking crazy girl. And to me it sounded like they needed to do some emotional healing, the two of them together. This girl is now a grown adult and they don't have the best relationship it sounds like, but she was just going on and on. And I was just like,
00:56:37
Speaker
I don't think that's, I hope that's not my experience, but like what are you trying to do here? I was stuck.
00:56:44
Speaker
Oh, I hate that. The nail salon is not a fun place. Like, can we just agree on that? It is not fun. OK, his feet must be so cold. No socks. I'm only saying this because this is a universal grandparent, like my grandparents. What is with them in the socks and the feet there? I mean, every time Alice did not have socks on and as a baby, they would mention.
00:57:09
Speaker
how cold her feet are. There must have been some kind of like scare campaign in the 40s that was like your children's toes are going to fall off if you don't put socks on them. Yeah, there must be.
00:57:24
Speaker
It was like the don't do drugs of the eighties. It was like, don't let your kids go sockless. Yeah. It's trickling down. Okay. These are also like feeding related hunger queue comments, particularly from your mother or mother-in-law when you just got done nursing.
00:57:39
Speaker
In the newborn phase, I feel like there's a lot of like, oh, he's hungry. I know he's hungry or she's hungry. And it's like, no, we actually just got done eating. Just let mom's mom, you know? Oh, you don't want any more kids? You don't mean that. You'll change your mind. Who is saying this? I mean, people say that because Vinnie and I are not sure if we're done or not. And anytime we say like we don't know or we think we might not, like people push us immediately. It's like,
00:58:09
Speaker
Sorry guys, like you're not in our lives. Um, do you want to give us some money for real? It's like a lot has to change financially for us to have a third. Um, I saw one in there that was like the mother-in-law was monitoring the caffeine intake of a pregnant, her pregnant daughter-in-law. And I had a little conversation with my mom about this with my, with my first one.
00:58:38
Speaker
I just like, don't watch what I'm eating. Don't watch what I'm drinking. Like, no. No comments on my diet. Yeah, not allowed. Oh my God, this one's crazy. My son had red hair and a total stranger blurted out, red hair, that's God's warning sign. That he's gonna be a big balla? Okay. Yeah, like what? People are unhinged. Yeah.
00:59:06
Speaker
I wasn't as big as you when I was that far along. Why? Why do you feel the need to say that? One of my takeaways was, well, from the other day, I was mentioning this. So the woman at the car wash mentioned again that she didn't think I was going to make it to December.
00:59:25
Speaker
I actually feel like I look okay right now. I'm not thinking that I am a ginormous pregnant person. I think I've looked the same for the past six weeks. It's kind of catching up, you know? Right. So I was just like, okay, come on. I'm feeling a little bit better about myself. But then I was at Whole Foods and I actually emailed the Whole Foods customer service line after this.
00:59:51
Speaker
because this woman who was helping with the bagging was offering to take my groceries out for me, which I didn't really need help taking my groceries out, I could do it. But just the fact that she offered, she was like, are you sure you don't need help? You're gonna be able to lift these? And I was like, yeah, I'm good. And I was kind of in a, I don't know, I just wasn't feeling very happy in the moment. And then as I was leaving, she was like, by the way, you look fabulous. And I was just like,
01:00:20
Speaker
I literally was like, thank you. And then as I was walking away, I was like tearing up.
01:00:24
Speaker
Oh, because I was just like, Oh my God. Like I just really needed somebody to tell me that unsolicited. I don't know. It was just, yeah, really nice. And it felt super genuine. Like something about it just was a super nice comment and it made my day and I was compelled to email customer service. I was like thinking about going back and being like, um, you just made me feel so happy. Like, thank you so much for being kind and like saying a nice thing.
01:00:55
Speaker
Yeah. So I was like, I need to pay it forward and just remember that unsolicited kind comments are always welcomed. They can change someone's day. Like when someone makes an unsolicited comment, like kind, nice comment about me, I'm like, it will change my whole day.
01:01:15
Speaker
So you, people need to think about that on the flip side. If you think, say something that's like not necessarily amazing and kind, how that can also change my day for the negative. You know what I mean? Yes. I was, I'm reminded of this time. I was also getting lunch with TJ somewhere and he was like climbing on this like planter thing. You know, it was like an outdoor, they have those like brick planters.
01:01:40
Speaker
Right. He was climbing on it. And this older woman was like, I can tell that's going to be a really confident boy. Like you're teaching him how to be confident. And I was like, thank you so much for not saying he's like crazy. Yeah.
01:01:56
Speaker
It's really, really nice to hear those types of comments as well. So this is your reminder to just give someone an unsolicited kind comment today, whether they're pregnant or a mom, or just a regular human being, like give them a nice comment because it can change someone's day for real.
01:02:15
Speaker
And just the negative ones, just let them, let them go. Cause clearly we're all getting the same stuff. There's just some kind of like playbook somewhere that everybody reads that is like, this is what you say to pregnant people. This is what you say to moms with newborns. And does it, it's not, it makes me think like when I'm 50 and my daughter is pregnant or like whatever, hopefully she's not pregnant. It's 20 years old. Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking.
01:02:43
Speaker
It's because you think you're 22, but we're not. We're 32. Sadly.
01:02:49
Speaker
Um, I, I hope when I'm older, like I remember these and I don't like, I, part of me is like, when it comes to like the older generation making those comments, I'm like, is it just like something switches when you hit a certain age and you like that you just make those comments and you don't even realize you're doing it. Like, I just want to be conscious of that as I get older. Well, let's just be partners in that because I do think that that's what happens. Like they just, it just happens.
01:03:17
Speaker
So we're going to take our fish oil supplements. We're going to do the crosswords. We're going to stay sharp.
01:03:24
Speaker
stay on TikTok, stay connected to the young folks and maybe we'll be spared. Yeah. Okay. Well, I love you. This was so fun. Love you. See you next week. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday and don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.