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Night 9: Children of the Corn (1984) – This Corn is Cursed | 13 Nights of Halloween
22 Plays1 month ago
Tonight we wander into the whispering fields of Nebraska with Children of the Corn—Stephen King’s short story-turned-long movie that features killer kids, confusing theology, and some of the wildest child acting this side of a school play gone wrong. 🎙️ Join Tim, Johnathan and Rook as they battle through 1984’s Children of the Corn, a movie that asks, “What if the real horror… was organized child labor?” Okay, maybe not, but there is a lot of slow-walking and yelling “OUTLANDER!” We’ll score it using our Average Reviews system—breaking down story, scares, rewatchability, atmosphere, and originality. You can rate along with us using the templates on our Instagram! 🕯️ Highlights: • Why Isaac is an unsettling mix of demon child and cranky deacon • Malachai’s reign of red-headed terror • The wild tonal swings between horror, drama, and accidental comedy • “He Who Walks Behind the Rows” (a.k.a. the fog machine with bad VFX) 👇 LIKE the episode, COMMENT with your own score, and SUBSCRIBE as we count down to Halloween night! — ✨ Be part of the conversation! Submit your own score here: 👉 https://tr.ee/iGtZ-DpOO6 ⸻ 📚 Want more horror? Check out our books on Amazon: 👉 https://a.co/d/bUtniBd 🎧 Check out our friends at Zencastr and get 30% off your first 3 months of Zencastr Pro: 👉 https://zen.ai/theaveragereviews 📖 Enjoy $5.00 off your first purchase when you use Tim Umpleby’s code “TIMOTHYREADS” at checkout: 👉 https://pangobooks.com/TIMOTHYREADS #ChildrenOfTheCorn #StephenKing #FolkHorror #13NightsOfHalloween #HorrorPodcast #TheAverageReviews #80sHorror #Zencastr
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Transcript
Introduction and Movie Overview
00:00:34
Speaker
night nine of our 13 nights of Halloween folks. And well, we've officially hit the creamed corn portion of this buffet.
00:00:47
Speaker
Yep. Tonight we're chewing through 1984 children of the corn, the Stephen King in name only flick that proves you can in fact stretch a 20 page short story into 90 minutes of questionable choices.
00:01:00
Speaker
Picture it. A deserted Nebraska town where the adults are fertilizer, and the kids dress like they're auditioning for a community theater production of The Crucible, and the big bad is ah just he who walks behind the rose, which mostly looks like a screensaver made of orange jello.
00:01:22
Speaker
And let's not forget Isaac, a prophetic nine-year-old who sounds like your crankiest great-uncle and Malachi, the six-foot-two ginger psychopath who exists purely to yell, Outlander! Every five minutes.
00:01:35
Speaker
But hey, that's the charm, or is it? The acting is enthusiastically uneven, the effects are peak 80s cheese, and the plot holes are big enough to drive a combine through.
Guest Host Introduction
00:01:48
Speaker
Yet somehow, this is still a cult classic. Go figure. Also, tonight we'd like to welcome our guest host, my good buddy Rook from the Melpominy.
00:02:00
Speaker
Rook, what you got going on? Thank you. Not too much. I'm just hanging out. Thank you guys so much for having me here. I'm excited about this. ah You know, i I'm just hanging out, living life, trying to make that next move to to improve myself.
00:02:17
Speaker
Awesome. Right on. Awesome. he Rook's been wanting to be on the podcast for a while. So now that i finally got him on here, awesome. Yes. Excited to have you. All right.
00:02:27
Speaker
So tonight we'll roast, I mean rate, this corn fed nightmare using our average scoring system. Story, scares, atmosphere, rewatchability, the whole shebang.
00:02:39
Speaker
Grab the template on Instagram and let us know if you think it's a golden kernel or just a popcorn ceiling.
Critique of Film's Plot and Setup
00:02:44
Speaker
So buckle up, leave the kids at grandma's and remember, if a child in a black hat offers you a cup of homemade Kool-Aid, run.
00:02:53
Speaker
This is Children of the Corn and we're wondering if the real horror is spending 92 minutes in Gatlin. Nebraska. we are We are diving into the story. Who wants to be the lucky individual to begin the breakdown starting in the story category?
00:03:16
Speaker
I'm glad go ahead and that off for you. Man, this movie, it seems kind of like whatever. You got a doctor and his lady on the way to, I guess, to driving across country to Seattle where he's going to be at practice.
00:03:31
Speaker
And they go through little, you know, BFE nowhere in Nebraska, town of Gatlin, where seems like a weird child cult has risen up and they've slaughtered everybody and are being weird out in the cornfields without any supervision.
00:03:51
Speaker
And yeah, kind of messed up, man. it yeah that okay so this movie he spoils its central mystery in the very opening scene the opening scene is actually my favorite scene of the film i think the opening scene is the best of the movie it it happens so it happens so fast yes like there's credits and then all of a sudden something's happening and i'm like oh that started quickly there's no build-up like you have in movies today where there's you know 20 minutes of credits
00:04:23
Speaker
Yeah, but Isaac, Isaac peeps his head out that window and looks inside and it's like, yeah, spike that coffee with whatever that poison is and then start slashing throats.
00:04:34
Speaker
And to me, it's a jarring and decent opening. but there's nothing for the rest of the movie to ah make it worth staying for every time I watch this movie.
Discussion on Acting and Direction
00:04:49
Speaker
I watch that scene and I go, you know what? This might not be as bad as I remember. And 45 minutes later, I'm proven wrong.
00:04:59
Speaker
I'm proven wrong. yeah What I found really funny is when I first started watching it ah this time, I realized that that's Linda Hamilton. yeah and the whole time i kept waiting for this giant robot to come through looking for i was like please can we just have a giant robot crash through the scene sarah it would improve and it would make as much sense as the rest of this movie if if arnold showed up and was actually he who walks behind the rose that would be immense better film gets out of the corn bring your adults it's crazy too because this film came out in march of 84 then she was in
00:05:45
Speaker
in October of 84 in Terminator. So it's like, oh, that's where she gets her paranoia in Terminator from. Some crazy children middle nowhere. You can see the directing difference too, because whoever is directing them in Children of the Corn, I think it's like his first job. Even the producers are like, yeah, this is our first movie, Children of the Corn. Sounds great. Yeah.
00:06:06
Speaker
Oh, we we are going to get into that when we get to the direction. I have some thoughts for that. oh But the opening scene reveals the entire child uprising and Isaac's cult immediately.
00:06:20
Speaker
There's no slow buildup or creeping dread with it at all. The entire plot is just coincidence after coincidence of the couple's diversion into Gatlin happens via some confusingly switched road signs that I'm sitting there going like, it does not take the 35 minutes now that I've been watching this to drive the four miles that the sign has said to get to Gatlin.
00:06:51
Speaker
Dude, people who are from that area aren't going to be fooled by a wrong side. They're going to know what turns they're making if they're local to the area within at least a couple counties around, you know, start to figure. And what about vendors from outside who have to come and restock stuff for these businesses?
00:07:05
Speaker
Like they don't know where they're going, like they wouldn't find the town. Like, why is there not more going on? Like. There you go. Okay. we We didn't mention the thing that happens in text only, like during those opening credits.
00:07:18
Speaker
We see that beginning scene where we massacre the diner, and then what do the opening credits say? It's like three years later. oh yeah. what Yeah, it's a quick. I didn't realize it was that long after. Holy cow. I fear it was like months later or something. Yeah, three months would make more sense. Well, I mean, yeah, you can't just kill all the old people in one day. They'll they'll notice.
00:07:45
Speaker
They'll see like weird little children with blades coming after them. Someone might see what's going where yeah There's got to be some veterans around there. Someone's probably packing anyway because they're all country boys. Where's Fred and Joe and and Wilma and Betty? These people are just gone and no one ever, you know.
Analysis of Cultural Impact and Plot
00:08:02
Speaker
this This movie assumes that the entire town of Gatlin was in that diner um at that very moment. It's a sleepy little town. hit You don't say. Population of 10.
00:08:15
Speaker
Dude, it reminds me, frankly, of like where my grandpa's farm was out in in Fremont, Iowa, out in like southeast Iowa. Same kind of place. A lot of flatland out there, some hills, you know and just corn.
00:08:29
Speaker
And so like growing up as a little kid out there, when this movie came out, it's like, oh, creepy place still, kind of. But all right, whatever. so i i'm gonna i'm gonna touch on that kind of idea the fear of small towns and rural areas so that this movie does because i think that's part of its cultural impact and i think that's one of the biggest things this movie has going for it is its cultural element uh but man i i don't to be honest
00:09:02
Speaker
I don't understand what happens in this film. I don't. I don't. I've watched it a couple of times. This couple, after she performs a weird song and dance thing in the bedroom, they get in and they get in the car.
00:09:16
Speaker
They drive. Are they going through Gatlin to Gatlin? I forgot. um And then they hit a kid and they stuff them in it. Do they stuff them in a suitcase?
00:09:31
Speaker
you You missed a part, a a medical professional strikes someone with a moving vehicle. They put him in the trunk though. And they checked his pulse on the back of his neck.
00:09:45
Speaker
it His first response was to look over at his girlfriend like, are you okay? yeah And she was like, yeah, we're He's like, I'm going have to back up to see what we hit. She's like, hope it was an animal.
00:09:56
Speaker
Yeah. And I just love he just pokes her head. Yeah, you're fine. You're fine. And then he checks the pulse of the struck child on the back of the neck, which my years of CPR certification and lifeguarding tells me that is not one of the two ideal places to check somebody's pulse here, here, but not on your spine where your neck connects to the back of your head.
00:10:28
Speaker
Definitely nobody here was a medical professional, but then they do that. They put the kid in the trunk. They take a suitcase. And then they tried to find Gatlin for the next 20 minutes in just meandering signage woes.
00:10:45
Speaker
Meanwhile, there's this Amish cult community led by Isaac that's like two kids want to break out. But i don't exactly understand what the cult is doing other than like we must sacrifice for he who walks behind the rose. But we killed all our parents. So who are we sacrificing now?
00:11:04
Speaker
And it's is it not for the crops to grow? but I don't know. I didn't see much machinery going on there. They didn't seem like they actually knew how to farm anything. So I'm confused on the motivations here.
00:11:20
Speaker
ah and then for i like 35 minutes, I don't know what happens. They just wander
Character and Cult Setup Analysis
00:11:28
Speaker
around. There's creepy kids following the two adults.
00:11:32
Speaker
They just stumble from place to place. Yeah. until yeah go ahead what you're just like that was convenient you know uh you know the he the doctor's out exploring the town because she's in this house with this little girl you know yeah oh we found a random little girl all by herself that's not creepy Nothing. yet no No real questions asked about this at all. How has this girl survived for three years?
00:12:04
Speaker
I also like while they are wandering through this abandoned town that the children have taken the time to decorate every building's interior with old corn.
00:12:17
Speaker
It really like the doors aren't open, the windows aren't broken. So these kids are in there stringing corn over everything. Country Martha Stewart. They're really leaning into... It's the children of the corn, in case we didn't know. There's corn in every scene.
00:12:34
Speaker
Corn, sons bitches. And then we... And then we stumble into the final act, which makes even less sense than all of the build-up, where Malachi overthrows ah Amish kid. What's his name? Isaac.
00:12:52
Speaker
With a shove. Yeah. It's like a high school... yeah go Get away. and i like All of the other kids just like...
00:13:04
Speaker
Isaac's like a FIFA soccer player. He's like nine years old. He's nine years old and like the leader of all these creepy freaking kids. Because his dad was a preacher. So, you know, he got he learned all that charisma from his father and just can start talking. But where does he who from but who walks by the Rose come from? How did he get how did Isaac get suckered into this thing? How do you get connected with this whole deal?
00:13:25
Speaker
I don't know. info on it. And it's like, oh, what you just asked is more interesting than what we got. ah read to I really feel like Isaac was the victim of a bait and switch.
00:13:37
Speaker
I mean, let's think about it. It's he who walks behind the rose and all i ever see is this burrowing thing. It should have been he who rolls behind the rose or burrows behind the rose.
00:13:47
Speaker
There was no walking. It was either burrowing or it was a a red spotlight weird effect. It was red or yellow depending on who was looking at it.
00:13:59
Speaker
So I don't know if I missed it maybe, but like when Isaac comes back, when he's possessed by the thing, by the whatever the Lord's from the Rose is, there's no resolution to that. Like he kills, tries to kill Malachi, he kills Malachi, but you don't see what happens to the rest of that.
00:14:16
Speaker
You know, you don't know if he's turned up in the field or... There's no power. That makes zero sense with everything that has been established to that point. They killed their parents to appease this he who walks behind the roads.
00:14:28
Speaker
But now Isaac is back as some kind of zombie possessed Isaac and goes, Malachi, he wants you. And like, guess who's back? Why?
Storytelling and Character Performance Critique
00:14:38
Speaker
That 19 year old kid. He's like, oh, yeah, I'm ready to sacrifice myself. I'm 19 now, bro. Let's do this. You fucking idiot. Why would into that shit? You think they would like want to get in the car and go meet some chicks, go to college or something, or get the hell out of country town. Not in Gatlin. Not in Gatlin.
00:14:58
Speaker
I guess not, bro. The first person to be like, guys, I think we need to change these rules a little bit. Can we, you know, can we? Not so much Logan's run this, please.
00:15:09
Speaker
Yeah. So, like, i think we've, I mean, I don't know if we've exhausted the story. I'm sure there's plenty of more holes that we can poke in it. But it's a cornfield so this story, no sense to me.
00:15:22
Speaker
I have to come in. this story makes no sense to me i i have to come in I'm surprised by the score. I gave it on the two after we've talked about it a little bit.
00:15:36
Speaker
I do think the reason I gave this a two when it comes to the story. Oh, yep. Is I think there's elements here that could have made a really interesting movie.
00:15:50
Speaker
And all those little elements, the children running their own kind of cult after killing off the parents, I think that's kind of terrifying on its own.
00:16:02
Speaker
It's just this movie does nothing with that to make it feel terrifying. and That idea of like every kid in the town suddenly rebelled against the adults. I think there's something to it.
00:16:14
Speaker
I think there's something to that. And leaning into, like Jonathan said, that small town isolation kind of leans into that. But this a movie, so that's why I give it a two. The story is okay.
00:16:26
Speaker
The movie drops the ball on everything else that could make this better. the from I'm surprised I haven't read the King story that's apparently just 20 pages long.
00:16:41
Speaker
but did Did you guys ever catch up with the body they put in the trunk? It's still in the trunk at the end of the movie. but there st man is there Is their next trip on the way to Vegas and they're going to eat some mushrooms with a body in the trunk or a brain in a jar? I don't know. but't know that At the very end, they're like, hey, we're just going to adopt these two kids. See ya.
00:17:05
Speaker
And didn't they walk away from their car? Well, the car is trashed because of the yeah festive decorations. It's got corn in it. Pretty sure they slashed the tires on the car too, maybe. i don't know. They're in the middle of nowhere. They're going to be walking for days on this secluded road.
00:17:22
Speaker
It's it sounds like 19 miles to whatever the next place was. So. they're They're walking for 19 miles and that sucks. and And he's got a stab wound and she's been you know tied up and crucified on crops.
00:17:37
Speaker
It's. Oh, my gosh. i Yeah. There's a lot of stuff. lot of stuff. lot of stuff A lot of stuff. The film. At the very end, I was like, what did they do with that body?
00:17:48
Speaker
There's no resolution. there There's a storyline that gets no resolution. Yeah. Is it? So now there's two bodies in the car. There's the one in the trunk and then the girl that attacked him from the backseat.
00:17:59
Speaker
yeah well yeah Well, she got knocked out cold. He didn't kill her. That's right. oh yeah He even stated, yeah, she's knocked out cold because I guess he felt the pulse on the back of her neck too. It's slow. She's out. She'll be back. She'll be back.
00:18:13
Speaker
Oh, my. I agree with your score. I'm a two as well. Two. Okay. i'm All around. Twos across the board. Across the board. There was a beginning, a middle, and an end. Yes. It succeeded to have the three elements.
00:18:28
Speaker
It does have three distinct acts. I'll give it that. Yep. Yep. It has the setup, the wandering around the corn for half an hour, and then the finale. And that that act three betrayal with that shove. Oh. For Isaac. Now.
00:18:42
Speaker
when When Malachi the Muscle is revealed to be plotting an uprising. So let's talk about those characters. Into our character arcs, we have and Vicky, who from the book, from what I could read online, they're reinvented for the film.
00:19:01
Speaker
In King's story, they were kind of insufferable jerks at odds with each other. you sure this, they're softened to be more... Yeah. They're softened to be more likable.
00:19:12
Speaker
However, we know there's nothing to like about them. They're just two random inserts on the road. ah So they're made a little bit more sympathetic than the story.
00:19:25
Speaker
But Bert, at the end, just mostly yells at the children and lectures the cult. We have Isaac, who is actually the only...
00:19:37
Speaker
character with a full arc he's kind of the leader the rise to power as a leader and then is overthrown by malachi and ultimately eaten by the corn god there is malachi who is the kind of the secondary face of the film isaac has that unforgettable the power behind the throne yeah uh He has a memorable presence.
00:20:06
Speaker
I do. but Well, I'll talk about that in acting. ah He's kind of the main crux of the finale. Job and Sarah, who honestly are the most forgettable two children I've ever seen in a film.
00:20:18
Speaker
i they They played Napoli at one point. That's what I remember. And you got to ask why they called him Job. Is there some significance? Like, I don't feel like he was ever in the belly of the whale. He was in a basement with lots of supplies and you like he was never, I don't ever feel he was at risk except for the weird props he was hiding behind as he followed people around the town.
00:20:42
Speaker
i'm going to hide behind this big grub. And I always, I'm always struck in that beginning of the movie. It starts with this child's narration. And I'm always like, oh yeah, this, this, you know, I, every time I go into it's like, I've never seen it before. So I'm always like, yeah, this could be good. I like seeing this horror through a child's eyes. And then it it's over. The child's narration doesn't matter at all. And he is extremely unreliable.
00:21:11
Speaker
ah So he doesn't, they're totally forgettable.
00:21:19
Speaker
and completely. the The best thing about the little girl I remember is the creepy drawing she did. That's the best part. like That's the only reason I remember her because that's what sent Linda Hamilton over the edge. She's like, what is this? you know Drawing people dragging me off.
00:21:34
Speaker
Yeah. like She can see the future. Yeah. You're just like, okay.
00:21:42
Speaker
Yeah, man. These characters, dude, there's something else. It's like just the attitude between like Burt and his lady it's i don't know it kind of dumb to me ah you feel like they just met each other on whole relationship really they talked to each other's i don't know this is uh oh lots of weird children running around and just like that god don't even know what her name was that one character the the young teen woman who was in the church
00:22:16
Speaker
collecting the blood in the the corn cup for everybody to drink. She was the the one who got punched out in the car. Yeah. In the end. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. She was kind of really annoying.
00:22:27
Speaker
She's supposed to, guess, represent the devout priestess, I guess. Um, You know, i I kept trying to find tropes for these people that are in there. And the problem is, is like we're saying, they have characters in this film that don't follow a trope.
00:22:43
Speaker
They're just there. It's like, oh, these kids were on set that day. We needed kids. Yeah. And we'll give you some talking lines. Improv. I felt bad for for the old man at the gas station, though. Deal?
00:22:54
Speaker
Man, that guy. He's got his dog, man. Dude, seriously, no, he tried to call the dog back. I felt bad for the dog. I felt bad for him. And the way they're creeping around him, his guy stays, he's just trying to survive this whole thing.
00:23:07
Speaker
and it's like, but what do you do, man? he He does what he's supposed to. He tells Bert to go such and such way, you know, to direct him away. And they still kill him anyway. And it's like, man, that's bullshit. That guy could have more.
00:23:22
Speaker
It would cool to see him and have more involvement towards the end in like sabotaging and thwarting it if they hadn't killed him off. So the the question is, this gas station attendant, where has he been for the last three years?
00:23:38
Speaker
How did he survive the initial town massacre? Nobody's out there driving cars. they They kind of explain it. That's what I was trying to get into. So after they kill him,
00:23:49
Speaker
These kids have some, it starts like they sound like they're gonna have a talk about there was a plan because they're like, oh, now there's something about the gas and something else because they explained they've been leaving this old man alone because he controls the gasoline.
00:24:06
Speaker
Oh, because they need up for yeah need that for farm equipment. I guess, but you never see them running any. Like ever. yeah I don't see them reading the combine manual. I don't see them any, they don't do anything.
00:24:20
Speaker
And all the cars in town have been Martha stewarded. So it gas doesn't do them any good because there's corn in everything. Yeah, and it also just assumes that the gas station attendant is a one-dimensional character who only exists at that gas station to serve gas and never needs to go to the grocery store, never needs to eat at the diner over three years, never needs dog food for his precious dog.
00:24:50
Speaker
It's... yeah oh I mean, that's all script element. Think about this logically. They they poison all this all these people in this cafe. You know how hectic that cleanup's going to be? Someone's going to see that.
00:25:04
Speaker
you know i don't care if you're the best 10-year-old cleaner in town. um You walking out with multiple bodies, somebody somewhere is going to be like, what is my kid pretending to be today? Are they playing underworld?
00:25:17
Speaker
yeah so for three years little reapers nobody budy including this gas station attendant drove through town stop at any of these places nobody opened the door to that diner and was like hmm what's this smeared blood on the floor why is this nobody asked any questions oh we're back on all the holes in the story again
00:25:40
Speaker
it Yeah, so and these characters are nothing burgers for me. Isaac, if he didn't have that iconic look, would be totally forgotten.
00:25:51
Speaker
I feel every line the doctor has is dry. I don't feel like it's like the way he delivers. I feel like he was waiting for his line to be said. every single time just so none of his lines felt natural i'm a doctor and he's just like no you don't don't get not a really really shitty doctor what is what is that line he yells uh it's so it's so cheesy and i love it so much hold on i'm looking at it
00:26:26
Speaker
um
00:26:29
Speaker
It's something about like, i would never, don't ever come to my hospital or yeah. Don't ever show up in my emergency room, buddy.
00:26:39
Speaker
Like with that attitude, you know? Yeah. It's just so good. It's so good. ah Yeah. So when it comes to character arcs, I don't need to keep beating this dead horse.
00:26:51
Speaker
ah I'm a one on the character arcs. What did I forget? I got to look at it like, I gave them a one as well. i i I feel like maybe I've been too generous. I'm taking mine from a three down to a two.
00:27:07
Speaker
Okay. Tell us what you saw, Jonathan. Tell us. i'm not saying I'm not saying you're wrong. We all watch movies differently. If you had if you saw an arc in here, I want to hear it.
00:27:18
Speaker
I want to hear it Okay, so Malachi, he's just been a follower this whole time. Following, following, order, order, order. And he's been doing this shit for three fucking years under this little fucking kid. You don't think there's some resentment building up throughout all that time?
00:27:33
Speaker
Of course there is. Okay. He's the old-ass teenager. He's big, he's strong. He's the one doing a lot of the muscle work and directing everybody by his orders, by the by the orders of a fucking nine-year-old. Like, What kind of stubborn-ass ginger son of a bitch is going want to do that? I wouldn't. yeah What the hell, man? well And three years ago, they were being led by a six-year-old.
00:27:52
Speaker
Yeah, i know. So freaking weird. Even though he doesn't look like he was six years old in the Diner Slaughter scene. None of them age today. more More flaws. Anyway.
Sound and Special Effects Evaluation
00:28:01
Speaker
But for all that, you know Malachi, in this whole situation, he's trying to chase Burt down. He's getting a little pissed off, getting tired of the bullshit.
00:28:08
Speaker
And he's ready to just fucking slash. No trying to like take anybody hostage. Let's just like that's just to be done with it. And he finally overthrows Isaac. He does his his mutiny. And I was like, fuck, thank you. Yes. Awesome. Like, do some shit.
00:28:22
Speaker
Mess somebody up. Do something about this guy, Isaac. And of course, it bites him back in the ass. So he he had his come. He had his little bit of is his time in the sun for a minute there and then got crushed by the undead Isaac, which I was like, yes, take this son of a bitch out.
00:28:38
Speaker
So I do see some arc in him coming up and then boom, just dashing everything for him. So I do appreciate that in it. um The two weird kids.
00:28:49
Speaker
I can do that. The two weird kids like it's amazing that they. Yes, Sarah. They they survive all this through the bunker, the secret room, whatever, in their family's basement.
00:29:01
Speaker
Like, how did nobody ever find all that shit? you know and already raid all of it. like There's another question, though. So they're hiding down there, right? From the other children of the Corps. and But when they were attacking Linda Hamilton's character in the house, they knew Sarah was there.
00:29:21
Speaker
And they left her alone. Yeah, because she's still technically part of that community in one of them. So but it's like why are they hiding then? And I know that we need trouble for helping them. Yeah, I know they were supposed to be looking for Joe because it's supposed to be that one kid's sacrifice or whatever, but why didn't they ever look at Sarah and be like, where's your brother, Sarah? Like, no, no. I mean.
00:29:44
Speaker
well And we also have why throughout the film are the two of them playing games and listening to the record when they have that bunker to hide in?
00:29:56
Speaker
Lighting candles Alito. Yeah. yeah Well, somehow they were smart enough to know not to give that position away by playing music down there, I guess. Okay. That's, that's, that's true. All right.
00:30:08
Speaker
right Finish, finish your thought. Sorry. Oh, uh, was that it? Yeah, that's it. Okay. Okay. So yeah, from a three to a two. Yeah. I can give you that on, I do think the, our, our villains here have the most interesting storyline of the film.
00:30:28
Speaker
So I can give you that. I can give you that. Which takes us to the, this, this is going to be nice and short ah music and sound design category of this one.
00:30:44
Speaker
I gave it a three okay It's got traditional horror movie sounds that have since become iconic. ah you know and And the music is of such a quality that it gives itself its own nostalgic feel.
00:31:03
Speaker
ah There's just something about when you close your eyes and you're listening to the movie because you've got to close your eyes because you're like, i can't watch any more of this insanity. But the music hits you and you're just like, you know, the music is convincing me that there's more trouble going on here than what's being acted out.
00:31:19
Speaker
And I think the the music pulled a lot of weight and the sound effects pulled a lot of weight when it came to try to convince you there was something going on. And so for its hard work, I gave it a three.
00:31:33
Speaker
i I can't argue with you there. I do think the score is by Jonathan Elias. It is one of the better parts of the film. The children's choir theme is yeah It's pretty iconic. I've heard it many times over the years.
00:31:52
Speaker
It's unsettling. i But kind of like you said, the movie fails to live up to what the music is doing. I also just, I don't know.
00:32:02
Speaker
I was laughing out loud at the scene where ah that the kid who gets hit by the car is running through the corn and the music is so dramatic while he's running through the corn and then you cut to the couple in the car and it's just an abrupt like the music stops couple in the car and then right back to it. And it picks up immediately like where I left off.
00:32:30
Speaker
Like it did not flow. It's almost like they were trying to attempt that sudden break to give you a um like a competing thought like this is all frenzy and the next minute it's calm.
00:32:44
Speaker
But they failed that blend because it is such a it's a dry cut. You're right. It's it goes abruptly right into it. Yeah. And you know, it might have worked. In today's time, they might've found a way to find sounds that came together enough that went from panic to calm and could work with the transition. This is so abrupt. You're supposed to like, are you trying to confuse me? And that's the scary part, but you know, is he gonna run into this car through the cornfield?
00:33:16
Speaker
That's what it kind of gives you the feel because it's panicky, panicky calm. And I kept waiting for a scene where he exits the cornfield out on the street and gets hit. Yeah, that would have made more sense than what happened.
00:33:28
Speaker
Yep.
00:33:31
Speaker
I'm just like kind of middle of the road with it. It didn't really have much of an impact on me. Everything just kind of blended into the background because I was so spent so much focus on waiting for something good to happen, something cool, something crazy.
00:33:44
Speaker
when it's just a lot of running around trying to figure shit out. So I didn't really pay much attention to the music. Like even the children's choir thing barely registered to me in the back of my head when you even mentioned it.
00:33:56
Speaker
Like it was hard to even recall that um sound design was okay. You know, boom explosion, wh blah, blah. You know, the sound of getting stabbed, you know, in the chest, stuff like that. it That's fine.
00:34:07
Speaker
I have no complaints about it. So but yeah, I get, I give it a two. i give it an okay.
00:34:17
Speaker
That is all right. I feel it was pulling over time. but yeah All right. So, yeah, I guess that takes us now into editing and special effects.
00:34:29
Speaker
Who wants to tackle that one first? This is a fun one. I went first last time. Okay. Jonathan, I think you're up first now. Okay. So...
00:34:43
Speaker
the blood stuff was fine the blood stuff did what it was supposed to do it looked like blood nothing crazy as far as that goes but it's it's that stuff we see at the end yeah know the the yellow grady gritty whatever thing that's like crawling up isaac before it consumes him and then shoots him off like a fucking bottle rocket into the sky for whatever reason i don't know it's like roger rabbit had better animation like It's the same idea.
00:35:14
Speaker
There were some other good – there were some decent stuff going on with special effects in the early noticed there were a lot of good sci-fi films from that time. So it's like why was this so rough? Yeah. We just watched The Gate. The Gate had vastly superior special effects. Dude. For sure. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. The Gate had a lot of stop motion in it, didn't it? Yeah.
00:35:36
Speaker
There were some of that. Yeah. were some of that in some games. That was wonderful, man. Yeah. Yeah. The gate, yeah. And then like our weird demon cloud thing. it the same guy? Is there a red and a yellow team? are there points? Does somebody get a power up from adults or don't their children? Who knows?
00:36:00
Speaker
And like the when the cloud is going up to like into like whatever dissolve, burn, blow up kind of thing it's doing, the face that's kind of drawn on there kind of looks like a scrunched up butthole for a minute before you see it kind of come into a face.
00:36:15
Speaker
I thought it kind of looked like kiss makeup.
00:36:20
Speaker
So out like get that whole thing i that just it just I wasn't really pleased with those. The explosions were great. Those were explosions. That was some fire. you gave what was supposed to look like it's supposed to. For all the budget. versus Right.
00:36:35
Speaker
Yeah. the Pyrotechnics part. shiing I don't know, man. i just didn't really get a sense of anything for he who walks behind the rose. And like you said earlier, Rook, the thing burrowing under trying to go after joe Job and like whatever that is. yeah like That was a great effect. Is it supposed to roots or something? Or is that a creature beholden to? I don't know.
00:36:58
Speaker
Look at the effects they had for the burrowing thing. those Those were cool. it really was. It really did look like there was something burrowing under there because, you know, I i don't know how to do that with film editing or anything else. The blobby stuff I can do on accident all day long.
00:37:16
Speaker
But they someone put a lot of work into that thing burrowing underground or it was a really good practical effect. But I don't see that that that had to have been digitally added.
00:37:27
Speaker
I think practical. as um You could have a track in there in the ground. cover with dirt have a thing that you just drag through on a line to yeah kind of do that. That's a good point. That's a good point.
00:37:38
Speaker
I just, it seems like how i would do it if i practicalle effect it just seems like that would weigh so much. Dirt is so heavy. And it's because because it's dead weight. And then it slides and Anybody who's moved dirt knows what moving dirt feels like. And it's just, yeah I'm not pulling a sled all day. Okay. If for enough money, I would pull a sled of dirt to make it look, okay, nevermind. If the money's there. look
Script and Dialogue Critique
00:38:04
Speaker
What is it? ah Ernie Hudson and Ghostbusters said, if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe it.
00:38:10
Speaker
All right. the Even so you mentioned like the blood effects, they're there, but we get out. There's like one kill on screen in the beginning.
00:38:24
Speaker
So this movie even massively fails at being a slasher, which was super popular. Then it is edited down so much that it almost looks. There are times I'm watching this going.
00:38:36
Speaker
Was this edited for TV? Is that the version I'm watching? Is this TV edited? Because it's a lot of... I'm all for the artsy, fartsy kills of like, we don't actually see it, but we see like the hand laying in the blood puddle like the like the gas guy.
00:38:53
Speaker
But it just... It lacks the way it is edited and put together. It lacks all tension. No tension in it. Yeah, there's there's no video storytelling.
00:39:05
Speaker
No. Like with the hand... The chase scenes feel like an eternity. Just constant. it's It's the Star Wars chase. The whole movie's a chase.
00:39:17
Speaker
yeah It is. It is. the Yeah, everything just cuts away. we mentioned the cartoonish effects. It's like they never even fully thought out what He Who Walks Behind the Rose was going to be.
00:39:35
Speaker
Nothing. Just, just like not even, yeah, not even some cool, like corn creature. Like I was expecting some, somebody put a lot of time into creativity into like this, like troll, corn troll mix.
00:39:48
Speaker
Like I was waiting for, you know, fires its enemy cause it's corn and it pops. And I was waiting. its yeah I don't know, but you know that there's no monster. There's nothing.
00:40:01
Speaker
Yeah, like that the animated cloud thing that we see at the end, man, it it now starts to make me kind of like reminds me of like some early Ralph Bakshi animation kind of thing.
00:40:12
Speaker
Because the way done, don't know, like really gritty, rough.
00:40:17
Speaker
this is one of those that i watched the effect at the end and from what i was able to read i'm ashamed that i haven't read the king story it's based on but probably because i didn't like the movie the first time i watched it um but apparently it ends with more of a lovecraftian monster So he who walks behind the roses more of a Lovecraftian creature, which I'm like, you can 100% do with practical effects in 1984. Terminator came out the same year.
00:40:51
Speaker
And I get we're not talking Terminator budget. We're not James Cameron budget for this thing. But you the okay, the is it the police officer, the scarecrow that's hanging there? That was definitely a body at one time. that The blue man.
00:41:06
Speaker
Yes. He's creepy looking. Yeah, and and amazingly well put together for a skeleton to remain up there like that. Yes. And it's it's honestly the scariest part of the film is the way that thing looks and the a hanging portrait inside one of the offices of the blue man.
00:41:28
Speaker
It looks like it's Jesus. And then they painted the blue man's face on top of it. It's a creepy looking painting. I'm not even sure i noticed that. If I saw that in a thrift store, i would crap my pants. Like it's, it's creepy. I'm like, that is good.
00:41:42
Speaker
But they didn't have that. Apparently there was a and an entire scene filmed with this blue man and cut. I don't know that it probably would have just made the movie even more confusing, but I'm also like, it was the best effect in the film.
00:41:58
Speaker
So, It's rough and the editing is rough and all of it. ah of them i'll give it here Compared to what they have in the film, I would, I would maybe like to see what they thought didn't deserve to be in the film during editing. Like what is, where are your standards?
00:42:17
Speaker
Considering what made it let's see the director's cut. Where's the ruler on this?
00:42:26
Speaker
Yeah, so editing and special effects, I am a solid one on this one. I gave them a zero. oh shit. I gave it a two.
00:42:37
Speaker
It was just bad for me. Two. I just... Because at the time, they didn't know that the grainy effect that they were filming in would be something that made it nostalgic.
00:42:50
Speaker
Back then, it was just part of the times, and it's just bad. It's just... It's one of those things that I watch and I said, this is a perfect example of just because we can doesn't mean we should. Exactly.
00:43:05
Speaker
And yeah, it just looks like someone ah brand new to editing. They're like, hey, you know, we couldn't afford to pay this pro editor. So we taught Malachi over here how to, but you know, we gave him a crash course over three days and let him have added afterward.
00:43:23
Speaker
Yeah. me everything red you know it's yellow blob and
00:43:33
Speaker
it's I can't even we can't even actually i don't think we can verbally explain how bad it is if you have not seen this movie you just need to see the effect it's it's a it is incredible in its own right in its own right uh so for the script open This adaptation is by George Goldsmith, and it's really only faithful in name.
00:44:00
Speaker
King's book was much more Old Testament biblical.
00:44:06
Speaker
And this just flattens everything to vague cult speak. We mentioned a lot of just mistakes in the structure of the movie.
00:44:19
Speaker
The narrator spoils things before they happen. the protagonists are given insider help removing any element of survival horror.
00:44:33
Speaker
like oh, we got an insight. We're good. ah There's next to no dread when friendly little kids explain everything to you. Yep. I mean, what ah what a concept.
00:44:46
Speaker
You know, they're they're explaining these big adult concepts and they seem to have a grasp of it. And these said adults are like, okay. you know so Makes sense to me.
00:44:58
Speaker
ah The dialogue is so expository, it's redundant, and oftentimes it's downright cringeworthy, like we mentioned the don't come into my emergency room.
00:45:11
Speaker
ah like would like I would just stab you to death. I wouldn't help you. No, didn't take an oath as a doctor. I love at the end when he tries to debate theology with children.
00:45:31
Speaker
And the true horror for me of the film is just what they get away with. what What the main characters get away with. They get away rolling into this town, murdering a child. They they don't ever feel compelled to go tell anyone anything.
00:45:48
Speaker
Ever. They don't... no we got the creeps at a town we don't belong in after running over somebody we're not finding help our car hasn't been sabotaged yet we should go ahead and just move on to the next town because we can't find adults in 15 20 minutes and they've got a map they don't know how to use to get to the right place to do the right turns like come on bro if you look closely they're not even looking at the right state in a couple of shots Right? You're just, oh my goodness. It's like in X-Files when they put mountains and behind Texas. You're like, no, there's no mountains that close to Dallas because I live there.
00:46:23
Speaker
you know ah yeah I agree with you. I think they took some... Stephen King is a profound writer. A lot of the stuff he writes has depth. You have to look into it. He, like a poet, he uses words and phrases to enact metaphors in your mind, and you're kind of supposed to drive them yourself. And when you read, that's where the horror comes from. You're kind of scaring yourself because he's just trying to generate topics in your mind.
00:46:51
Speaker
And it doesn't translate apparently to anybody with a little bit of creativity to screen. It looks like they tried to get some of these deeper points, but the, whoever was the storyboard director for the film just couldn't find the time to include the depth to explore any of them.
00:47:10
Speaker
And then how do you have children actors trying to portray these in-depth story issues? Yeah. And it's not gonna ever translate into real life.
00:47:26
Speaker
ah Maybe in today's time, now that we've we've explored and we acting has grown and things like that, but back then, i this film feels like they just put out a call for actors and these people just showed up.
00:47:42
Speaker
Yeah. ah because you know i mean i'm no know I've answered a few of those myself. They don't tell you anything, barely. they'll They'll occasionally get a megaphone, tell you it's supposed to be doing and you're fine. And then, you know, an hour later, that's the day you go home and all you get to credit in the film. It's fun.
00:47:57
Speaker
yeah They're trying to, like I said, they're trying to capture the magic of, of an author who writes galaxies in three or four strokes of a pen.
00:48:09
Speaker
And they're trying to convey that message with children and these actors that are very robotic, very, you know, they have a cardboard understanding of what's going on. And clearly, because that's what we get from the director, that's what we get from the producers that allowed the film to take on this, this similitude.
00:48:30
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:48:34
Speaker
I don't think I can, so I don't think I have anything to add to that.
00:48:40
Speaker
As far as script goes, it it's okay. I mean, most of the dialogue that we get in it, you know, that some of the best parts are between Isaac and Malachi when they're fighting versus anything else you hear out of Bert and Vicky or, you know, Job and Sarah, you know, most of the tense, most of the tension in, in the script is between those two and everyone else just like following or Bert and Vicky panicking and running around.
00:49:11
Speaker
yeah
00:49:14
Speaker
Yeah. so I just like some of these lines, even if you go to IMDb and you just read the quote section there, they're not even bad in the quote section. It's just that they're so poorly timed in the movie or in this situation that it makes them worse than they actually are on their own.
00:49:39
Speaker
So it's just, like Like you said, the script completely fails to convey any depth that this story could have had.
00:49:50
Speaker
It just drops the ball entirely. It's dry like a popcorn fart. um No butter on that at all. No butter on that.
00:50:04
Speaker
no butter For some reason, i did i did I said it was just okay at a two. I said it was okay. Oh, I think I gave it a one.
00:50:17
Speaker
Yep. I'm at you, Tim. I'm at a two as well. All right. I hate bashing on them. I genuinely don't like bashing on movies. I genuinely don't.
00:50:27
Speaker
But every now and then a movie like this comes across our list. And I try. It's also like loving bashing, though, because we are we're taking a film out of its time and looking at it with a 21st century retrospect. You what I mean? We're looking back at all the stuff we're spoiled on now.
00:50:46
Speaker
Yeah. And re-watching the film and grading it. with all the knowledge we have now, but that's what kind of makes it fun. yeah it's It's great to see how much we've grown in the film industry and how much we've come in talent and the things that we as consumers expect out of people producing these things.
00:51:07
Speaker
ah And I love it when an audience can tell a director that we're not going to sit idly by and let you destroy our stories. ah Sonic is a perfect example of that in recent memory when they released.
00:51:22
Speaker
I have never seen a Sonic movie, but I saw when they released the first one and everybody was like, what the hell have you done to our Sonic? And then they changed it and now it's a massive children's franchise.
00:51:34
Speaker
So exactly. They they're listening. They're listening. i so Next category. This is where we get to have some fun with the acting.
00:51:50
Speaker
let's see here oh before we get into that one uh interesting thing i just saw when i was talking earlier about how it reminded me like the farming community in fremont in southeast iowa yeah this movie was filmed in sioux city iowa okay which isn't too far from there yeah that was like yeah that It was a lot like that.
00:52:11
Speaker
It checks out. So for acting, it's actually like we mentioned already. It's got Linda Hamilton pre Terminator. She does her best with some very thin material.
00:52:25
Speaker
ah Unfortunately, most of the movie she's screaming at the end and not a whole lot of depth to that. Peter Horton, who honestly, i i couldn't tell you if I've ever seen him in anything.
00:52:37
Speaker
and I have no idea. There are times in this movie when he's walking around, especially like when he's leaving the house, right when he leaves
Cultural Impact and Legacy Exploration
00:52:47
Speaker
Linda Hamilton's character with Sarah, he's walking around.
00:52:51
Speaker
He has such a Brad feel from Rocky Horror Picture Show oh and lanky and the way he's moving in the film i was like this is giving me rocky horror vibes he just seems so brad it's like you're such a goofball you're such a failure at everything you do he the whole movie he never succeeds at anything he does no even checking someone's pulse he feels mean he barely made it to town hall yeah uh so i don't think okay he did do some real he did split image a real film before this one fade to black another horror film uh serial he was in eight is enough on tv she he did a lot of tv movies maybe that's why it was giving me tv movie vibes uh the person that i noticed the most
00:53:47
Speaker
is Courtney Gaines Malachi because he's in one of my favorite movies of all time. He's in the burbs. Yeah. Oh shit. That's why he looks familiar. like He plays that little redhead in the creepy house across the street.
00:54:03
Speaker
Question. You know who he looks like too? And we need to see if he's the same guy. Is he the bully in a Christmas story? Is that a younger version of him? No. I don't know. I don't think that. That jaw, man. Maybe it's a redhead thing.
00:54:18
Speaker
anyway Yeah, he's just that. His top listed roles are he's Dixon in Back to the Future, Kenneth Werman in Can't Buy Me Love, Hans Klopek in The Burbs, and Malik.
00:54:35
Speaker
Yep. He's so good in that role. He's i he's perfect in that role. I love that movie so much. It's one of it's one of the few movies I think is nearly perfect.
00:54:46
Speaker
ah But yeah, he's the one that stands out to me. John Franklin plays Isaac, who was 24. twenty four Wow. When playing this part. twenty 24, which is I think I actually think he has. Yeah.
00:55:03
Speaker
He's got a condition. Yes. Yep. which makes him look much younger. But he actually is not bad if it wasn't just a god awful script.
00:55:16
Speaker
i The child actors, sarah and Joe, they're serviceable. They're serviceable, I guess. They're the director's kids. see Yeah.
00:55:27
Speaker
I think most of these kids are like, hey, Jeff from Lighting, can we get your kid in this scene? Like, yes. but is The general call, people responded to this. Yeah, well, the gas station attendant deal, like RG Armstrong, I've seen him in like a lot of like other side role characters in a lot of stuff. So i was familiar with him.
00:55:49
Speaker
And the guy that played Bert, Peter Horton, for a while there, i kept for some reason, like in certain scenes and certain angles, he reminded me of ah the actor Stephen Weber from that TV show Wings. Oh, yeah.
00:56:00
Speaker
Yeah. don't remember what else he's in, but I just remember from that TV show. like Every time I look at Bert, I'm like, what? He kind of looks like that dude. Yeah.
00:56:09
Speaker
Yeah, the ah the the biggest problem here and this this goes directly into direction, which is next. But I also got to lay it on the actors for this. Most of the time, it seems like this cast is wandering into the scene, reading their lines phonetically and then wandering out.
00:56:31
Speaker
That's it. it's It's really bad when Malachi approaches... i think it's our first like interaction with Malachi and Isaac.
00:56:44
Speaker
It is just flatline delivery, flatline delivery, no no real... acting It's I'm reading the line.
00:56:54
Speaker
You read the line. i read the line and then that's the same. you You don't get any idea that there's been a power struggle in this little cult because, you know, clearly Malachi's had the time to turn the faith of the others toward him because they they support him.
00:57:08
Speaker
But we don't ever get to see any of that. So when when the two pillars of the faith clash, ah we have no idea what's going on. It's just... I was blindsided.
00:57:19
Speaker
Yeah, I'm right. No, I'm right. Shove. it
00:57:25
Speaker
I was completely blindsided by it. i i didn't even... He only talks to me, Malachi. No, I don't think you're right. Have you been hearing voices, Malachi? Maybe you should say something. Prove that he's talking to you.
00:57:41
Speaker
You know, you're just the guy that's going off going, I think we should kill the gas station attendant today. ah Why? Yes. Yeah, man. Yeah. so I, pardon of me. I just feel bad for Linda Hamilton.
00:57:56
Speaker
i Maybe i don't because she followed this up with Terminator and she was set for life. So. yeah It's like her agent apologized. It's like, I got you.
Entertainment Value and Final Thoughts
00:58:08
Speaker
Terminator. Yeah. Well, before before this movie, she'd only been in like a handful of stuff of like some TV shows and some TV movies. So I think this was like one of the first big films that she was in, I guess, before really kind of blowing up The Terminator.
00:58:24
Speaker
What was she in prior? I mean, all of her top... ah she She had a decent career. she's She's done quite a bit, even well from voice acting...
00:58:40
Speaker
To bunch of TV show roles. ah Dante's Peak. Yes, that's what I was just looking at. Dante's Peak. She did, yeah, TV movies before this.
00:58:52
Speaker
Yeah, this was... Her breakout? Yeah, there was Night Flowers in... that just sounds bad. Yeah, it does. It was in 1979. And then it was just TV show after TV show after TV show until Vicki and Children of the Corn in 84.
00:59:15
Speaker
And then she was also in the Stone Boy in 84 and then the Terminator. So she had three movies in 84. Good for her. What what a good agent. Yeah, i didn't even realize that she was in King Kong Lives, and now I want to get my hands on that movie. I didn't either.
00:59:33
Speaker
in the movies you see her in, you're like, I know exactly who that is. But naming them outside, like you're just like, Dante's Peak, I completely forgot she was in that. Yeah, i want I want to go back and see you some more of these. But, man, I don't know if I should feel bad for her because her career took, like,
00:59:51
Speaker
James Cameron must have cast her before he saw this movie. he had to have. He had to have cast her before this came out. I gave the acting a two.
01:00:04
Speaker
Oh, yeah. this I gave the acting a two as well. Considering... the Sorry. Go ahead. They managed to tell a story. Like I said, there was a beginning, a middle, and an end. as as As bad as it was, I can't blame the actors ultimately for what I think a director and or a producer should ultimately be responsible for.
01:00:28
Speaker
Exactly. So the the actors, or maybe... the actors are so bad and what we're getting are the best performances of these people. And we don't know because we can't see that B-roll, you know, it's gone. It's on the floor somewhere.
01:00:44
Speaker
For me, ah it was serviceable for the most part. You got to take some consideration of that because you're dealing with some child actors mixed in there. And then just unlike no name teens who are just kind of background fillers as part of the crowd to kind of give some kind of body to the cast.
01:01:00
Speaker
um Bert, Kind of didn't really do much for me as far as his acting. um He's kind of hacky. And Linda Hamilton is kind of hamstrung by the role to not really be able to give as much.
01:01:12
Speaker
R.G. Armstrong, his deal was cool. And whatever, teen fights, bullshit, whatever. It was just okay for me. i just gave it three. No big deal. Yeah. So on to then – The direction.
01:01:27
Speaker
The direction of this movie. It is directed by Fritz Kirsch. If I said that right. He was a first time director whose background everything's going to fall into place right now.
01:01:43
Speaker
Background was in commercials. And his shows. The scenes are static.
01:01:52
Speaker
there're the scenes are static Overlit and devoid of emotion entirely. He failed to balance tone, which is probably this overall. There's a lot of crimes in this film.
01:02:10
Speaker
The failure to balance tone is the one that bothers me the most. ah Between religious allegory film, is it a monster movie? Is it a cut for TV a horror movie? Is None of them. It goes into all out.
01:02:28
Speaker
It kind of dips its toes into everything, even that little bit of slasher element in it. And it fails at everything. And there's the biggest crime of him.
01:02:40
Speaker
um Somebody can direct a commercial and then direct a good movie. Yes. Yes. His biggest crime is it's just shot like a commercial. It's not visually appealing.
01:02:52
Speaker
There's no really interesting shots. There's no rule of thirds or anything.
01:03:00
Speaker
Right. It's rough. Yeah. And it feels like now that you say that he is, his history is in commercials.
01:03:11
Speaker
If you look at the scenes that do kind of work for you throughout the movie, they are 30 45 seconds long.
01:03:19
Speaker
And those are the parts you're going to remember, you know, him walking, our ah Malachi running around screaming. And the only thing that makes that memorable for me is that kid's mouth opens impossibly wide while he's screaming. And then he cuts Linda Hamilton's face.
01:03:31
Speaker
That whole scene might have been 45 seconds and feels like a commercial a little bit. I mean, even the way it zooms out and you see the parking lot and they're standing there and he's pushing her around the parking lot after that as they fan out. That felt like the end of a commercial. Yeah.
01:03:46
Speaker
Want sharp knives? I don't know. Well, and that's probably why that opening breakfast scene works, because it's pretty short. It's longer than a commercial, but it's a self-contained story that is very short.
01:04:02
Speaker
And it's got that one movement, like you feel like it's going to start following something. So there's a point where it zooms in, where the kid is secretly locking the front door. um I would have wanted more secret scenes of a camera of them doing something, more secret scenes of them pulling out these weapons rather than them just like, okay, the door's locked and they're just brandishing sickles.
01:04:26
Speaker
i It would have made it scarier if there if I would have seen more care, less of the weapons, like a peek, let me know what's going on. Don't let me see it. Let me imagine these weapons these kids may have invented.
01:04:39
Speaker
you know with Lord knows what they're finding all over this town to kill people with. Yep. yep but i
01:04:49
Speaker
Sorry. I go back. like We talked about the dirt hump in the effects. I think that's one of the best things he does in the movie. The opening scene and that I think are the strongest things here.
01:05:06
Speaker
I was kind of annoyed with like the kid that was on the roof of the one building that like calls out Bert at that one time. It's like, how long has that kid been up there? Has been up there the whole time? If he has, why has he called him out earlier in earlier parts of the movie when he's running around town? And instead of just, while like Joe was creeping around following him, like how is nobody else on any other roof, like pointing out people and seeing the shit when they know there's somebody running around town already? Like it didn't make sense to me. Yeah. It gives them kind of a,
01:05:33
Speaker
ah direction to go as it were in that scene when they're trying to find him but don't know I just didn't like that part of it right that's yeah that's rough but why was there more like more bum rushing Bert with all the kids around him versus them just kind of standing in a circle I would have liked to see them like actually do something and maybe Bert fight and punch the shit out of some of those teens right he's these background kids do nothing the entire film wussies what What they need here is a good Anakin Skywalker moment. They need someone to just wade into that cornfield and just start chopping kids down.
01:06:11
Speaker
please I'm sorry. A teenage kid coming at me with a knife is getting his ass beat. Not the younglings. Right. Exactly. Not the younglings.
01:06:26
Speaker
Ultimately, I usually go for direction as how well the director pieces together all of the elements of the film. How does he execute a vision? he or she, uh, this case, he is the vision executed.
01:06:44
Speaker
Is it edited? Consistently and coherently. Is it shot interestingly? Does it make sense? Does he pull the acting in the script and the story and all of that together to create a cohesive vision?
01:06:59
Speaker
No. Clifhanger. Not in this film. Not in this film. but so I had to score the directing on this one.
01:07:13
Speaker
i gave it
01:07:17
Speaker
i I gave it a zero. I think it's awful. Oh, shit. i think like this is I thought I was being harsh. This direction is right there with me on Troll 2.
01:07:30
Speaker
And Troll 2 is a far more enjoyable film. Okay, Troll 2.
01:07:39
Speaker
Shit, man. but I thought I was being harsh. I don't think I've ever heard you score a zero like that before on the direction. and I don't think I have. I don't think I have. This is a This is just, I think the zero. zero It's just so incompetently made.
01:07:59
Speaker
I gave it a two. I gave it a two and I thought I was being harsh. And I thought about direction real real hard because I was like... and it for me, I gave it a two just because I could confidently say, once again, there was a beginning, middle, and end.
01:08:16
Speaker
And it was carried. It was carried. it It was shot consistently, poorly consistently, but at least... That's fair. Yeah, it was... ah It didn't... it didn't You know, once it set its pace, it didn't surprise me. And, you know, that's okay.
01:08:33
Speaker
ah Like you said, it could have used a little bit more in direction, but I thought two was harsh. I really do. i just, I don't know. And did you give it a zero and and I'm just like, wow.
01:08:45
Speaker
But, you know, I think somebody somewhere tried. I think, you know, that they they get they listened to some talent agents, somebody somewhere. And for whatever reason, ah they helped the director score in that. Somebody helped the director somewhere.
01:09:01
Speaker
And i I just gave it to you because I could follow it.
01:09:06
Speaker
I'll give you that. I think I just ultimately like he is responsible for all of the final decisions in the film is what I think. It could have been producers and I could be unfairly giving that to the director.
01:09:18
Speaker
I could, but yeah, I don't know. Jonathan. Well, you know me, how I feel about direction. Yep. It's your favorite category. I do feel like,
01:09:30
Speaker
Maybe because anytime I just don't really care about direction, I'm just going to score middle ground at a three. But with your talking points, I'm more convinced to change that score. and So I'm going to bring myself down to a two.
01:09:45
Speaker
Okay. don't care about that anymore.
01:09:50
Speaker
Don't. Don't. All right. This this one's going to surprise you guys. the The it factor, the cultural significance of this film. i'll i'll I'll kick it off after my zero of the direction.
01:10:04
Speaker
i am a five on the cultural significance and it factor for this film. Damn. No, you're okay with that. I'm okay with that. This spawned 10 plus s sequels and reboots.
01:10:20
Speaker
None of them are great. But what other horror franchise? I mean, Friday the 13th, yes. Freddy had his fair share of films.
01:10:32
Speaker
Saw had its fair share of films. Who else has reached that number? Right. Ten plus is insane. Puppet Master.
01:10:43
Speaker
True, true. it is the It's the Fast and Furious of Evil Children. Hellraiser. Oh yeah, Hellraiser. couple of Hellraisers are good.
01:10:55
Speaker
ah I think it endures for all the wrong reasons. um The Outlander has become a meme at this point. It's as popular to me as Warriors come out and play. hey It's got that same feel.
01:11:15
Speaker
yeah it does. Yeah. i Stephen King thinks it's one of the worst adaptions adaptations of his work. But it's... It's kind of a train wreck that fans love for some reason.
01:11:34
Speaker
ah It is a major opportunity missed opportunity, I think, for a great film. But... The number of sequels is insane. And I have to say, being born and raised in Indiana amidst the cornfields of Indiana, I heard of this movie my entire life.
01:11:54
Speaker
People talked about this movie growing up all the time about like driving through small towns like Jonathan would say and be like, oh, this is Children of the Corn vibes or whatever.
01:12:06
Speaker
It has been part of the cultural lexicon of my childhood and adult life for 35 years now.
01:12:17
Speaker
It's still something that's brought up about like, all it's like that kid from Children of the Corn. So even though I think this movie is not a great movie, I think it has some serious significance culturally.
01:12:32
Speaker
I think it's still out there. I agree. I gave it a four, ah which is why I loved your five. I gave it a four. felt I was actually being fair. ah Thinking about this, yesterday i turned 50. So, ah yeah, I've been watching movies for a while and I grew up scaring the heck out of myself on horror movies, which is why I love them so much today. And i do, i look back on watching Children of the Corn then and watching it now.
01:13:00
Speaker
And like I was saying before, the way it's filmed, like the the grittiness, the way it feels is it feels good to go back and watch it and go, man it does feel like childhood. And it does feel like something that might have scared me when I was a kid.
01:13:15
Speaker
And I didn't have all the answers I have today that let my imagination go wild. And somewhere in this world, there are farms taken over. by kids, maybe individuals like-minded like me that just want kind of throw overthrow the the parental government and, you know, pick for lives for ourselves in the cornfields.
01:13:35
Speaker
ah So it did, it it stirred up all that in me. And ah Linda Hamilton, of course, is endearing. It makes you, knowing that she's such a success today, you have to look back on her works with fondness and realize where she came from.
01:13:48
Speaker
And so that makes it great. And, you know, she's a good memory. So for nostalgia and all that, I can definitely understand Wild Children of the Corn is a cult classic. It's got all the things, the the cliche one-liner things and the awkwardness that it's awkward, but it works because it's a horror movie. And sometimes awkward is scary, but they didn't know what they were doing at the time. So you're like, good on you guys. you know i I really enjoyed ultimately the way I the feel like it from the movie.
01:14:19
Speaker
Leaves me feeling pretty good. i don't really feel like the good guys won, but I don't really feel like the bad guys, you know. Yeah. One either. It's just great. It's like everybody loses. The kid in the drunk the trunk loses.
01:14:35
Speaker
he doesn't even know what the viewer loses. Actually, someone's going to find that car, find his registration, find the dead body, and be like, yo, what the hell, bro? That's a sequel.
01:14:46
Speaker
That's a sequel right there. Some psychic detective needs to hunt them down. maybe ah Maybe someone from ah from a hotel with The Shining should. It's called Coltrane. Get him out there.
01:14:57
Speaker
there you go. um For me, it it was good enough that people were interested enough to make sequels and trying to continue to carry it on to to such an extent that it is.
01:15:12
Speaker
um I think one of the most impactful things about it, though, from the film, it's best aside so aside from the film, is the actual movie poster itself. I think the movie poster was far more impactful out of anything.
01:15:26
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you brought that up. it has killer posters. Absolutely. And it's kind of cool to see like other iterations of that same kind of format of just black silhouette, solid color background with that red. You know, we see it copied in a lot of different things over the years since.
01:15:46
Speaker
ah Probably was something you've seen in like movies before that even. But just like that that image of that hand, the cornrows, and then that hand scythe. you know right it just it it has a certain impact to it because impending doom something shit is about to go down something brutal it's ter yeah guess yeah yeah the way he's holding it imparts action like that thing so you can see it's an arm up ready to strike right exactly score one for the marketing team oh it is it is vhs rental night gold you see that on on the cover
01:16:20
Speaker
13-year-old you is like, I'm taking that movie home. scaring myself yeah I'm not i'm out sleeping with the light on tonight. you know My backyard suddenly spread some cornrows. Hell yeah. so that for For all of that, um I'm not sure what other impact it really has aside from that.
01:16:41
Speaker
um Aside from maybe inspiring some other weird little the and middle nowhere town cult films. I feel three is comfortable. yeah i i'm Yeah. You're good there?
01:16:56
Speaker
so are In increasing order, it was what of ah ah a 5, 4, and 3. The gradual countdown. Okay. Do we have... ah Rook, I have your final score. Jonathan, you have yours? Yeah, are we going to do the entertained portion? Oh, yeah. i skipped that. My bad.
01:17:17
Speaker
The entertainment factor. Okay. You're keeping me on track. For me, um with as much time as I spent waiting for something to happen and the lack of what I thought was going to be some interesting violence throughout, um i um I'm a six on this one.
01:17:40
Speaker
Yeah. A sixer. I landed at a six as well because i it made me laugh. And if I'm laughing, I'm entertained. yeah i you know Every time I saw something, a story went on in my head. I tried to make excuses for this film to be good.
01:18:03
Speaker
And it it's endearing. So I give it a six for that reason. So I think mine is very different. um I think every time I watch this movie, which is not a whole lot,
01:18:16
Speaker
I just growing up, I hear all those people talking about Children of the Corn. And so every time I watch it, I try to find this great movie inside of it. And I don't.
01:18:28
Speaker
And so I'm very frustrated by my watch. I'm very frustrated. and And I think this is finally the watch that made me realize, like, The best way to experience Children of the Corn is with a couple drinks and a couple friends and just chilling out laughing and having a good time watching this movie.
01:18:53
Speaker
That's the best way. But because every time I have watched this prior, I've been looking for the movie that was whispered about growing up in the cornfields.
01:19:04
Speaker
I don't see it. So it's it's a three for me right now. i have I was going to ask you that question. I was going to ask you, ah is these other people mentioned the film and then you start thinking about it. And for some reason in your head, ah you do a better job of retelling the movie in your mind. Once you got, you get back and you go, I don't remember it being this bad.
01:19:30
Speaker
Yes, I think that is the case. Most of these people saw this movie when they were 13 14.
01:19:37
Speaker
you know And it probably freaked him out then. yeah And that is, I do think it's one of those, I mean, recently Jonathan and I talked about The Gate and we talked about how that was an excellent gateway horror movie for kids.
01:19:51
Speaker
Some genuine scares in there, some great effects, just a well-made movie. This is another movie that I think is totally safe to show children and will probably freak some kids out But I'm not worried about this, like traumatizing them for years because it's there's nothing traumatic about this film.
01:20:13
Speaker
Yeah, nothing. and Unless they go into movie business themselves, there's nothing to be afraid of. Yeah, it's kind of like I said, i was checking to see if it was edited for TV. It's kind of just a safe TV horror film.
01:20:28
Speaker
Nothing extremely graphic is seen. Everything's off camera. Even his stab wound when he gets stabbed in the pec. And he goes in and he takes a shirt off for these kids when they're in this basement and he lets that little girl just do whatever.
01:20:44
Speaker
And she does, she has like the Barbie patchwork moment. She, you go back and look at the way she dresses his wound. He's the doctor. ah know. and And he's wrapped up like a, he's wrapped up like a Christmas present.
01:20:58
Speaker
It goes all the way around his back. It goes over and you're just like, what is happening here? And like she has this womanly knowledge at her age to just know how to dress wounds. And you're like, how mentally old is this child? And where was this child three years ago?
01:21:20
Speaker
Oh, see background yeah if that little girl was younger three years ago, who was taking care of her? What were those parents like then? What was going on? We know she had that fit in the fever and all, but she looks the same age. Yes.
01:21:34
Speaker
They all, none of these children aged a day in three years. It's part of the, part of the magic that I thought would be explained by this. He who walks behind the, he who walks behind the rows.
01:21:45
Speaker
You also don't age as long as you're sacrificing to him. And that would be an interesting effect, though. That would be a kind of like a a vampiric quality. Yeah. They wouldn't have sacrifice any of the kids because they would stay the same age.
01:21:59
Speaker
These eternal or children?
Discussion on 2020 Remake and Ratings
01:22:01
Speaker
That's freaky. Yeah, they're they're using human energy to refuel their human energy. It makes sense. I can make a better movie right now.
01:22:11
Speaker
I know it. Gettable corn. Yeah. Apparently, guys, there was a remake of this Was it 2020?
01:22:23
Speaker
earlier than that, think. No. earlier Yep, it is 2020. Wow. yep it is twenty twenty wow And it was... 2020 is even worse. What?
01:22:36
Speaker
No. No. the children of the corn remake from twenty twenty is even worse
01:22:46
Speaker
I will, I will hear it. Wow. Let me see if I can, oops. Let me see if I can share that screen.
01:22:59
Speaker
that's That's crazy to hear. i mean, I'm glad they remade it, but you would figure with, with like I said, all of our skills in in today's time, Wow. Children of the corn from 2020 rated R. It is sitting at a 3.8 on I mean, honestly, it at least looks a little bit more thematic, but everything I've seen about this is just
01:23:30
Speaker
one star, one star, absolutely awful. Apparently the version we saw is the best children of the corn. So, I like the movie master for it.
01:23:41
Speaker
Yep. please kind of Yeah. I mean, this this is the franchise that does not die. So our totals all together.
01:23:53
Speaker
Totals all together. Rook, I have yours at 21. I'm 25. 25. sitting. I'm sitting 18. 18.
01:24:01
Speaker
twenty five and i am sitting
01:24:06
Speaker
i'm sitting at eighteen
01:24:10
Speaker
This is going your lowest score film yet. It might be. So the average for that puts at a 21.3, which would be 21. So that is 2 out of 5 stars. And I'm pretty comfortable with that.
01:24:23
Speaker
too. who out of five stars and i'm pretty comfortable with that mean oh I do think ultimately our goal is to kind of guide you in films that work well in social settings. If you're having friends company over.
01:24:42
Speaker
And I do think two out of five is pretty good representation of how well this would go over with the audience. Yeah. You don't go over that well into days.
01:24:55
Speaker
Huh? You could probably turn it into a pretty good ah drinking film. Every time he says Outlander, take a shot. That is how I think this movie succeeds, is in that situation. and It's not a movie that you're looking for a scary movie. Let's pop this one on. In fact, if you're looking for a scary movie in that crowd Halloween party, this is a bad choice unless you're making it a drinking game, hanging out, joking. If that's the crowd you're with, this is probably solid gold.
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
01:25:27
Speaker
Solid gold. If you're in a crowd that's looking for something genuine, no, skip this one. Skip this one. Yeah. Yeah. yeah See centers instead.
01:25:41
Speaker
It's on my list. It's, it's coming to max soon. I can't wait. Baby. oh get Or if you want to be prof deeply disturbed, bring her back. Hit streaming.
01:25:55
Speaker
Bring her back was the most upsetting movie I've seen this year. and But so is that all we have to say about this final thoughts, everybody? as It's enough ripping on them. yeah yeah Make sure you have plenty of popcorn.
01:26:11
Speaker
yes Plenty of butter. Plenty of butter.
01:26:18
Speaker
All right. And that's a wrap on night nine of our 13 nights of Halloween series. We made it out of Gatlin. No corn god converts.
01:26:30
Speaker
No child run tribunals. Just a mild headache and a healthy fear of farm towns. Children of the Corn might not be the scariest or the sharpest blade in the barn, but it's got charm, chaos, and just enough creepy kid energy to keep its cult classic status.
01:26:48
Speaker
Barely. Huge thanks Rook for joining us. Thanks for having me guys. It's been fun. Yeah. It was a lot of fun having you and a huge thing to everybody listening along during our 13 nights of Halloween.
01:27:03
Speaker
We're in the final stretch now. So if you've missed any episodes, go back and check them out from the witch to pumpkin head, which is coming up. Pumpkin head was earlier. There's plenty of horror to harvest.
01:27:17
Speaker
And don't forget, you can rate every movie along with us using the templates on our Instagram. Tell us if you think Children of the Corn is underrated 80s horror or just a field of missed potential. Like the episode, drop your score in the comments, and subscribe so you don't miss the last few nights. Things are only getting weirder from here.
01:27:37
Speaker
Speaking of strange, tomorrow we hop across the pond to a little island with big secrets. Pack your hymnal and leave your logic behind because we're visiting Summer Isle. Until then, stay spooky, stay safe, and keep an eye on the corn.
01:27:55
Speaker
Yep, and if you ever join a corn army, make sure you're a colonel. yeah Nice. oh We'll see you tomorrow.