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EP 13: Feeding Baby
2.6k Plays2 years ago
Why doesn’t anyone tell you feeding your child is 80% of parenting? Or that your toddler is going to throw most of what you prepare on the ground? Or that the transition to solids can feel as overwhelming as giving birth itself? In this week's episode the moms lament the trials and tribulations of feeding the babes.
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Questions/comments/need to vent? Email us at momgroupchat@gmail.comow description for this one!
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Humor
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it.
00:00:12
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get into it. Hello, hungry mamas. I'm Shannon. I'm here with Candace and Whitney, and this is the mom group chat podcast.
Feeding Challenges for Babies and Toddlers
00:00:21
Speaker
And I said we were hungry because we were all wolfing down our lunches right before we started this conversation, but it's apropos because today's topic, which I'm really excited about and I think will be super relevant to the audience is.
00:00:37
Speaker
Feeding your baby, feeding your toddler. How's it going? Not well. It's not well. The mental load is too much, people. It's crazy. I'm really excited to dive into it. I think when we decided we were going to do this episode, at first I was like, I have nothing to say, but then I do. Candace started prefacing with some of the questions she prepared. I'm like, okay, this will be fun.
00:01:03
Speaker
This has been one of the episodes I've been looking forward to the most because I feel like Feeding Alice has been a constant struggle. I feel like it's in the top three things I've thought about the most while being a mom the whole time.
00:01:23
Speaker
It's not really something that I feel like talked about a lot. It's not like a dog that'll just eat whatever you give it. Yeah. And I feel like I know we're going to dive into it even more here in a sec, but I do feel like it's just a lot of like, here's some options to feed your baby. No one actually talks about like the actual nitty gritty of like getting them to eat something slash figuring out what to feed them slash
00:01:52
Speaker
How do you handle them throwing food in your face or always giving it to the dog? No one talks about that. Oh my God. I forgot about giving it to the dog. Oh, you're right.
Emotional and Physical Changes During Pregnancy
00:02:02
Speaker
I feel like this is one area where on social media, it just always works out for the influencers or the people that I follow. Like I'm only seeing success stories.
00:02:15
Speaker
And meanwhile, we're not having success in my kitchen, in our house. Am I the only one dealing with this? I'm excited to talk about it because it is an area where I feel vulnerable and I'm not doing enough. So it'll be interesting.
00:02:35
Speaker
Something I wanted to talk to you guys about before we dove into that is, um, this article, no, don't be nervous. It's kind of just like a, maybe a, it's not a current event, but I saw this article going around a lot yesterday from NPR and Candace. I think you shared it in our group chat, um, about, I think it was called like pregnancy is hard emotionally, physically and mentally. Um, and then it was like a cartoon of this.
00:03:06
Speaker
podcast that they had, but I really want to read the book after going through it. So it was this, the podcast is called life kit and the journalist that interviewed is called Chelsea Conaboy. Um, but she wrote a book on like the neurological effects of becoming pregnant and becoming a mother. And I thought this was so, well, first of all, everyone was sharing it around yesterday. So I was like, okay, everyone,
00:03:32
Speaker
is like on board for this conversation. Yeah. And it was relevant because I went to a wedding over the weekend with, it was really fun with a lot of my old coworkers that I was friends with when I was like 23 to 26 is when I was in this world. And it was just so funny, like.
00:03:52
Speaker
I hadn't seen them in a long time being like thrown back into that environment, but now we're all in our early thirties and just like seeing how much everybody has changed. A lot of people have become parents. So it was really fun to like be with the people I used to just like.
00:04:07
Speaker
black out with honestly all the time. And now we are all parents and like talking about this kind of thing. And it was just like, wow, look at us. But the concept that really hit home with me was matrescence. I don't know if you guys like double clicked into the article at all, but matrescence is
00:04:28
Speaker
Basically the, it's what happens to your brain chemically. And it's the same level of change that you go through during adolescence. And so when people are like, I don't know that I'll ever feel like myself again, this feels so long. I feel so different. It's the same chemical change is going through adolescence. And she's basically like, you won't really feel the same again. And it just was so validating to hear that. Cause I know that's something that we've all
00:04:58
Speaker
talked about and gone through before. And also Whitney was talking about some of the superpowers you get when you are pregnant. Everyone talks about pregnancy brain and being in a fog, which you definitely have those moments, but it's because your brain is growing and preparing and becoming more elastic so that when you become a parent,
00:05:20
Speaker
you are adaptable and you can just like move and change and be ready for this new life phase.
Transformation into Motherhood
00:05:28
Speaker
So I just thought it was so amazing and wanted to see if you guys had any major takeaways from it. One of my, that was actually my favorite part of the whole article was like, you know, them saying all these dramatic changes that happened to our hormones during pregnancy are priming the brain to be more plastic, more malleable, more changeable, and be ready to receive
00:05:50
Speaker
like all of these crazy changes that come with a baby. And hearing, I don't know if you guys feel this way, but hearing things like that, because pregnancy was not enjoyable for me. I was one of those girls that was like, I didn't love that. I'm gonna do it again, but I don't like it. And hearing things like that, like, I don't know, there's something about it that I'm like, okay, it was cooler than I am giving it credit for.
00:06:19
Speaker
And makes it all feel like, it does make you feel like, damn, I, my body really did some shit that is so cool. And that my brain literally remolded itself for parenthood. It's so crazy. And it really is like a superpower. It makes me feel like it was
00:06:40
Speaker
cooler than i remember you know i feel like my favorite part it showed a picture of the mom talking to an older son and it was saying like are you okay and he said yeah i'm fine mom and the mom having the sixth sense to know you're not fine and that was like a part of your brain that grows and i feel that's so hard with grayden like he was a part of me and i know every little thing that's wrong i know him so well now
00:07:08
Speaker
that it's like something's off. Like, is he sick? Is he this? Is he that? So I thought that that part was very interesting because I think I do that really well with Graydon. My mom compliments me on that all the time. She's like, you know him so well. You know what he's saying. Like, he talks gibberish, but I just know him. So I just thought that part was pretty interesting as well. Yeah.
00:07:32
Speaker
It's cool to take a step back and look at where we were three years ago, like before becoming moms, before even knowing we were going to become moms. And like, I love that version of myself and I love that girl, but it's nice every now and then to pat yourself on the back, give yourself a round of applause for the changes that you've gone through instead of missing the old you. I mean, it's important to mourn the parts of you that
00:08:00
Speaker
have changed, but it's also a great reminder that you've basically gained a whole entire new set of skills and also a new person in your life. It's so amazing.
00:08:13
Speaker
Yeah, I loved the, I think it's the last slide of that Instagram post where she says, and all those other pieces of you, they're all still a part of you, different cues of yourself that you can still tap into to make the portrait of this new stage of life brighter, richer, and uniquely yours.
Sharing Insights with Partners
00:08:32
Speaker
And I love that because it is true. You guys have heard me say on our postpartum thing, I don't feel like the same person. But I do know that the parts of that person exist within this new makeup somehow. And I am able to tap into that. And sometimes I do feel like, oh, I'm able to tap into that in a better way or in a more potent way.
00:08:57
Speaker
Just being a mom is fucking powerful. And it's so nice to have these conversations or see them in my Instagram feed and to have people share them. I always find it's very important for me to share things like this with the men in my life.
00:09:16
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I sent it to Andrew. Yeah, I sent it to Vinny and I was like, you need to read this because it's one thing for like, as women, we know that we can feel the changes. We read that and we like resonate with it. Sometimes I don't think men fully understand the full changes that go into becoming a mom and birthing a child and all of that. So if you are listening to this, send that article to a male in your life.
00:09:44
Speaker
Let's give them the facts. And the 1% of male listeners, hello. Who are you?
Humorous Anecdote on Relationships
00:09:52
Speaker
Yeah. What are you doing here? They're like, we just want to learn. They're probably our friends, honestly. It's like Mark Joseph, hello. Oh, Mark. I bet he's listened. He totally is. He t-text me last week for last week's episode. Can we tell this story really quick about my cousin thinking Mark and Mackenzie were a couple?
00:10:14
Speaker
Yeah. So Mark is one of my best friends from New York. And Mackenzie is also one of our really all of our best friends. And they both live in New York together. But Mark is a very gay man. OK.
00:10:32
Speaker
He's a beautiful man. Beautiful man. Oh, my gosh. Stunning. And so Mark and Mackenzie spend a lot of time together. They went to Taylor Swift with us. And so did Shannon's cousin, Kelsey. And Kelsey doesn't know Mark and Mackenzie. And Kelsey like fully thought that Mark and Mackenzie were a couple, which is because they started the group chat before we got to the concert.
00:10:55
Speaker
and Mark and Mackenzie live in New York and they were always hanging out together cause they're best friends. So they were like sending pictures of themselves together and like on the same flight coming in together. And it's, it is like Mark and Mackenzie were a little like set coming in from New York for whatever. But the way Mark was texting in this group chat was like, he's a girly. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a girly girl.
00:11:23
Speaker
Then eventually, weeks into this group chat, Mark said something really just like, gay. My cousin texted me on the side and she was like, are Mark and Mackenzie?
00:11:40
Speaker
married and I was like, no. And she was like, oh my God, I was getting so confused. And I was like, who's going to tell her that? Oh my God. She was like, I thought maybe he was just trying to like play it up like he's excited for the concert.
00:12:01
Speaker
Wow. What a good sport Mark. Thanks for doing it for the girls. That's funny. I thought it was going to be him showing up in his tube top at the concert that gave it away, but glad she figured it out before. Oh my gosh.
Toddlers and Mealtime Struggles
00:12:15
Speaker
So funny. Okay. So we're going to dive in to the topic feeding your toddlers. Let's just start by like shooting the shit around the frustrations and struggles with feeding your toddler. I know personally,
00:12:30
Speaker
Alice is in a, I throw everything to the floor or give it to the dog phase to the point at the end of every meal. I'm like, did you even consume anything? I genuinely have no idea. And I was so nervous going into her 15 month appointment because I was like, she's going to be in the one percentile for weight. She's a small little girl. And I was like, she's so light. Like she doesn't eat anything. I don't even know. Like.
00:12:58
Speaker
And then they ask they ask you all these questions that the doctor is like, does she eat in every food group? And I'm like, well, yeah, she'll put a berry in her mouth. But like, does she swallow it? I don't know. Like, I don't know. So I'm you. I treat meal time as like.
00:13:14
Speaker
This is you time. So I don't watch every single thing that's going in their mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I have found to I don't know if y'all feel like this. I feel like she eats better when I don't look at her. If I'm looking at her, it's going to the floor. Yeah, I feel that way with TJ. I feel like in general, he's becoming like.
00:13:35
Speaker
He wants to push boundaries, and one of the big ones is throwing food on the ground. I see a lot of people post what I offered my child versus what they ate, and I was like, how do you know? Are you watching them the entire time? I use that time to clean up the mess I made in the kitchen.
00:13:58
Speaker
whenever whenever I see those videos of like here's what I fed my toddler versus what he can like first what he consumed it's always like a perfect plate like a three-part plate and I'm like I I don't know about I can't give Alice a plate can you I can now I can now as if a couple months ago but they're the silicon like stick-on plate
00:14:19
Speaker
No, he'll keep a plate now. Okay, Alice will take a plate and throw it across the room like a frisbee. Yeah, that's a phase. And she's the none of the silicone ones with the suction cup work for me. They all come off. She always gets them off. Yeah.
00:14:35
Speaker
I don't think we used plates until a little bit past where Alice is. It's only been a few months. That makes me feel better. Yeah. It wasn't until kind of recently, probably Shannon's TJ's age when he stopped. That makes me feel better because I think one of my biggest struggles with feeding is just seeing all of the content around feeding your toddler online and it all looking
00:14:59
Speaker
so easy and like successful and I am constantly seeking some sort of like community around like is your toddler a nightmare when they eat or is it just mine because I'm just seeing all these toddlers eat full plates of food and you know I I don't have that experience and
00:15:23
Speaker
I'm in that phase where Graden is eating everything, but it's because I'm in my, I give up. I don't give a fuck what I'm giving you. I know he'll eat it because it's a tried and true food. And we went through a phase where we were feeding him all kinds of stuff and we're like, we're organic and cool. And now it's just like, you're eating dino nugs for dinner because I know he will or whatever.
00:15:47
Speaker
Can we like just remind the audience how old the babies are? I think it's like important. Yeah. So Graydon's, um, he's about to be 21 months on July 1st. So yeah, him, um, he's eating everything. He eats a ton, but it's definitely something I know he will eat. Yeah. Okay. What about 18 months? And he is eating like so little right now. He still seems pretty chunky.
00:16:17
Speaker
but I've told the girls, like I still give him bottles, two bottles a day. Like I'm still relying on milk, I feel like for a lot of calories and it's also just like day by day. I won't go into all the details right now, but I'll just say like feeding him meals is probably my least favorite part of parenting him.
00:16:35
Speaker
That is the hardest thing. It's like, I don't put this much effort in my own life and now I'm having to do it for someone else. I'm like, no. Absolutely not. Okay, and Alice. Alice is 15 months and I think I've made it very clear it's a nightmare. It's not fun.
00:16:56
Speaker
I'm not having fun. We are also still, we're pretty much still on three bottles, which I have tried so hard to get rid of that in the middle of the day bottle. But like I said, I feel like she's not eating anything and it's just, it's a crutch for me and I know that. And at her 15 month appointment on Tuesday,
00:17:19
Speaker
The doctor was like, you got to start, you know, get rid of the bottles. Really? Yeah. She was like, you need to start disassociating them with bedtime. I also got a lecture about teeth brushing, which I'm not even going to talk about right now. That's another trigger. One thing at a time.
00:17:41
Speaker
Wait till her teeth rot out and then tell me. I can't even deal with teeth brushing. It's so hard. I don't want to talk about it either. We'll save that for another episode. We'll push that into the back of my brain. I had all these ideas of what I thought making food for her would be like.
00:18:08
Speaker
and what I thought feeding her would be like. And it is so far from that in my reality. And I'm not saying like she's not, the thing is she's not picky. Like she eats vegetables from time to time. It's just that.
00:18:23
Speaker
it's so inconsistent like she could like do really well with one thing one day and then the next day or for the next week it's on the floor yeah and then i'll try again a week later and it's she'll eat it again it's like i feel like i can't keep up yeah i think i just get so pissed at him like i get really angry and
00:18:46
Speaker
I try not to show him because everyone will tell you like toddlers can be picky and it's okay. Emily Oster, my girly, every Wednesday people are asking her like, is it okay? And she's like, yes, kids are picky. Like this is normal. But when I, it's the worst when you actually decide, okay, my kid needs to eat something nutritional.
00:19:09
Speaker
and not just Annie's mac and cheese or yogurt for dinner. Yeah. And you go through the effort of making something that you think they're going to like, and then they throw it on the floor. I feel so personally attacked. Oh, yeah.
00:19:25
Speaker
By him, and depending on how that day went for me otherwise, I will be crying. I will be crying. I will be upset. Never do I feel like I need a cocktail more than like, it's already the end of the day and you got to feed the monster. And he's like, there's a 90% chance I'm going to say fuck you to all of this food. And I'm just like, why? How dare you hide vegetables in my noodles? It's a struggle.
00:19:53
Speaker
And then the audacity he has sometimes he'll throw the food all over the ground. And then I'm like, fine, dinner's over. Take him down.
00:20:02
Speaker
he starts eating it off the ground. Have you ever seen that? Oh my God, Alex does it all the time. And guess what? I let her. Me too. I'm like, enjoy your dog hair and fuse. Broccoli bites. Honestly, I'm like, listen, if you're going to eat it, just eat it off the floor then. I don't care. I can't tell you how many times I have just, I like give up. Like I just like, I take her out of the high chair.
00:20:29
Speaker
She, and it's funny because my mom tells me all the time that I was exactly like this as a kid. I did not like being like tied down in my high chair or in a chair. I ate so much better when I was running around and like, I would have a plate at the table. My mom would not let me take the plate from the table, but I would get up and do cartwheels and run around the house and like keep myself busy. And I'd come back and take a bite and like my mom,
00:20:57
Speaker
Yeah. My mom would just let me. She used to say, I used to just have to be like, sure. So I would get up and do a cartwheel and take a bite. And now I'm living that reality. And you know what? I turned out pretty okay. So this is another thing I struggle with is going back and forth of
00:21:19
Speaker
letting them live their truth with eating and letting them do it the way they want to do it or sticking with structure and sticking with creating good habits and I'm making big serious air quotes there because I feel like I don't know what is the right thing. Which way am I fucking her up worse?
00:21:42
Speaker
I feel like I'm trying to be strict because all I can think about is me in public. And I'm like, I don't want them doing cartwheels in public. Yeah, that's so true. So it's like, I try so hard to be like strict at home and it's just still a struggle. I don't know.
00:22:01
Speaker
Yeah and I flip flop back and forth too of being like we I think someone I think what you might have mentioned this a couple minutes ago of just being like well if he's if he's hungry he's gonna eat like kids will eat what they need like you know you I hear that all the time from the doctor or from you know well when they're when they're hungry they'll eat they'll let you know
00:22:21
Speaker
So I flip flop back and forth of being like, okay, well, she didn't eat anything. So I guess it's fine. Like she would eat it if she needed to, or being like, do I force her to eat this? Cause she, I don't know what she's eating today. So yeah, I remember that too. I'm like, okay, he's going to eat if he wants to eat.
00:22:41
Speaker
but he is at that point now where he'll ask for food. He does his sign for eating, and then he still won't be eating, or he'll thrash all of his food off of his tray, and then he'll say more. And I'm just like, this is frustrating. I know he's frustrated too, because he's trying to say, more bananas, you dumb whore.
00:23:04
Speaker
Put that on a t-shirt, Shannon. He's like, I didn't say more applesauce. Read my mind. So it's just so frustrating. I feel like what you were saying, Whitney, about being able to read Graydon's mind earlier when we were talking about the matresence thing.
00:23:26
Speaker
This isn't an area with parenting TJ where I'm like, I don't feel like we're aligned. And it kind of like makes me feel like a bad mom. I feel like I don't know what he wants. I don't know what he even needs. I ended up like caving and oftentimes just feeding him yogurt or bananas. Because I know he'll eat it. And then I'm like another day where he ate yogurt, bananas and snacks.
00:23:56
Speaker
Yeah, exclusively. Yeah. I've gotten to where we feed him one thing at a time. Like I'll give him a little bit of this and then if he wants more, he'll say more. And then if he doesn't eat a lot of that, I'll try something else. So it's like little by little. So it doesn't overwhelm him because sometimes.
00:24:15
Speaker
He just won't at all eat something, but he's getting pretty communicative at this point. So he will tell me and I'll say, do you want more? And he'll go, okay. You know, so it's just like, yeah, super cute. But yeah, he'd be feeding my dog. I have a Dachshund. I'm sure she weighs the same as Graydon does. I'm not kidding. He is a sausage loaf. Yeah. Remy's a thick girl.
00:24:45
Speaker
she's always been big but it's just like exponentially yeah yeah yeah actually Harvey went to the vet our dog Harvey and the vet was like she needs to lose weight and I was like this is 1000% her eating all of
00:25:01
Speaker
TJ's food that I let her eat every day. We've gotten that since birth for her. So I was like, I just have a big baby. Like Remy's just always been a big girl. She's big boned. Yeah. Um, we started to, we literally in the past week or two just started to put away the dogs while she eats because she is so obsessed with feeding them and she'll just lean down and hand them things that she thinks it's funny. And like,
00:25:27
Speaker
They are so distracting to her. So we've just started to put them away and guess what? Nothing's changed. Nothing's changed. Every time we do that with Remy, she goes berserk. Yeah. Finn yells the whole time he's in his crate. But I'll take that over or it's actually funny. When Finn is yelling in his crate, she'll look at me, Alice will look at me and go, Oh.
00:25:54
Speaker
She's like Alice is so communicative
00:25:59
Speaker
She's got some, her vocabulary is big. Yeah. She's smart. She is smarty pants. There's all these things that I have like in my notes app or something of like things I want to try. Like I keep seeing things like take their tray of their high chair up and pull them up to the table. And like, I've seen that kids can do better when they're, they're not like the floor isn't so open to them. Like they're up against a table instead of having a tray.
00:26:27
Speaker
And I find myself saving all of this stuff on Instagram, all of these like tips and tricks. But then when it comes time to the actual like routine of feeding, I just fall back into what's comfortable and I just suffer through it. And I think I get overwhelmed in the moment of like change. And like, so I don't know why I'm saying this other than like a reminder to myself that I need to maybe switch it up and try some new things and
00:26:57
Speaker
I know we do. Graydon's at that age where he's, I think he started at a daycare where they started eating at the table with friends. And I remember thinking like, how's he doing that? Like he would never do that here. He'd be doing cartwheels, running around. But I think we're at that age where we honestly should sit down together as a family and start eating together because he can sit and he will eat.
Family Meals and Toddler Routines
00:27:21
Speaker
or I mean, we've been in a high chair still or does he sit in a high chair, but we've been talking for months about getting him his own personal table that comes with like two chairs or whatever from Walmart or something just because we know he can he can do it.
00:27:38
Speaker
We just haven't pulled the fucking trigger. And I don't know why. We're just like, it's expensive when honestly, we probably should just sit down as a family and eat together. Yeah. Wait, but how would that work? If he's at a, is he at a little mini table? Yeah. Like we need to buy a mini table and chair. Does everybody sit at the mini table? No, no, no. I'm picturing like elf. Yeah, that's exactly what I picture. Chris would haunt the table. Chris's knees are at his ears. It's just like,
00:28:07
Speaker
This is great lasagna, hun. No, I think just having it as an option for him to eat hair by himself and then use it for coloring like he needs one. Him and Margot could have cute little breakfast dates there later. Oh, yeah. She'll be serving him tea, I'm sure, one day.
00:28:25
Speaker
Okay. That's sweet. That's really sweet. But yeah, I think that's just something we need to buy. Like I don't know what's keeping us from it. I'm like, are we going to buy it at a fricking yard sale? Like what's going to, it's just going to appear in front of us. Like it's just one of those like motherhood mental load things where you're like,
00:28:43
Speaker
Add it to the list that never fucking ends. It's like when you take a look at that list, it's like buying that mini table is probably so low. It's like, oh, that's a job for another day and then it never happens. Yeah. I mean, it's been in our cart forever.
00:29:00
Speaker
Yeah. Maybe Amazon Prime or something. I'll buy one. So I have a logistical question for you guys because right now Alice goes to bed at six thirty and we have we eat after she goes to bed. And we've toyed. We've done it a couple of times where we try to eat early and eat with her and sit down.
00:29:22
Speaker
sit down as a family. And y'all know I sent this in our group chat. We had a hard time with this last Sunday or whenever it was. We tried to eat early and sit down as a family. She screamed and threw everything on the floor, the whole dinner. So I ended up pulling her out of her high chair and sitting her in my lap.
00:29:42
Speaker
while we ate and I tried to distract her and I literally looked away for 0.3 seconds and she flipped my entire plate of Asian food onto the floor, onto the carpet. That you cooked. That I cooked. It was not takeout. I made dinner for everyone and then I didn't even get any at the end because she flipped my plate onto the floor. The way I would have cried. I'm emotional right now. I'm living this.
00:30:11
Speaker
cried and I was so frustrated and it was just one of those things that was like, okay, this is why we eat without her. So my question is, since you all are a little bit ahead of us time-wise, do you eat before they go to bed, after they go to bed, what time are they going to bed right now? That might be a stupid question, but I genuinely don't know.
00:30:32
Speaker
No, you actually bring up a good point. Like maybe one of the reasons we're not eating with him is because our food isn't ready yet. Yeah. And I think a lot of it has to do with Graydon getting home from daycare. All he wants is like our attention because we haven't been with them all day. Yeah. So if we even.
00:30:51
Speaker
glimpse at cooking or anything, he goes berserk. He does not want us in the kitchen, chopping, cooking at the stove. It drives him nuts. He wants our attention. He wants to read with us or play with us. It's like I either have to meal prep if we want to eat together or we're waiting till after he goes to bed. He goes to bed around 7.15 every night. Okay.
00:31:15
Speaker
I think I mean, yeah, yeah, the other thing we struggle with is like in the same vein still in the same topic, but Like dinner is is one of the only times Vinnie and I have yeah to like really be able to talk and to connect and if we eat with Alice It's like that's not happening. We barely look at each other. We're focused on her and
00:31:38
Speaker
And it's like, so I weigh the pros and cons of like, you know, I should be eating with Alice. It's good for her to see us sitting down and to eat together. But then now I'm missing this one time during the day that I have with my husband. And it's like, it's, it feels like there's pros and cons of each side. And again, it's like one of those mental load things. That's like, Oh, I feel guilty either way. It's like, it's all so exhausting.
00:32:04
Speaker
I had this conversation with Andrew this week because, yeah, I was saying the exact same thing. Right now, we kind of play it day by day. TJ goes down at 730. I like to eat earlier.
00:32:19
Speaker
but it's not fun to eat with him. And maybe we just need to, I don't know, like you said, like, should we just like, yeah, just like eat it and like have kind of a bad time at dinner because that's like how TJ is going to learn that we do family meals. Oh, that's what I was freaking out about. I was like,
00:32:41
Speaker
I want to have family dinners in our family. I want that to be part of our family culture. Yeah, same. Do I need to start now? Is it going to mess him up? Is that why he's not eating? Because we're just not eating when he's eating. What's going on? Just really spiraling about it. I think we have time. We need to eat when he eats. Yeah. But whenever we do that, I'm really sad. And I also eat so fast because I'm just like, yeah.
00:33:10
Speaker
I have to eat this and also be feeding him so I'm taking huge bites. I'm not enjoying my food. It's just like
00:33:17
Speaker
It's a lot. Pros and cons. I feel like we definitely have time to instill the family dinner situation.
Dining Out with Toddlers
00:33:25
Speaker
It's just this toddler phase is wild. Yeah. Because if he's not sitting in his chair, he's going to be running around. And he'll grab and go and snack and whatever. And some nights, that's fine. And some nights, I'm like, you sit there. I made a big mess making you dinner. I'm going to clean. And that's the only time I have to myself at home.
00:33:45
Speaker
Win and lose. Yeah. I know we've all written off restaurants as well, obviously. I'm inching back, guys. Really? We're in the depths. We will not be there. I've had two decent experiences in a row.
00:34:02
Speaker
And I'm still scared. I have PTSD. This is embarrassing, but he'll watch my phone now. And we're not at the restaurant too long. It's usually him being bored and he'll like scream out loud because he's just very excitable.
00:34:19
Speaker
And he'll scream and that's when people turn their head like, what's happening? But he's been watching my phone, like I'll let him eat or whatever. And then when it gets that point where he's ready to run around the restaurant, I'll just turn that sucker on. And he's been good the past two times. And I'm like, oh. Like, I don't want to make that a habit of doing that. But if it comes to it, it was a nice like, OK, we can manage a restaurant.
00:34:47
Speaker
Yeah. So we're definitely not at that phase where we're in the depths of restaurants are my least favorite place with her. She's like pulling things off the table and like she can't she you know she's I feel like we're just at that phase where she is walking everywhere like almost running. She's like fully choosing to walk now instead of crawl. You know before there's like that period of like they're walking but it's like
00:35:14
Speaker
You know, fully walking and running and she wants to be moving and walking and running. Pray to be lines for the kitchen. Like he'll be like, I want to see the cooks. And you're like, he's gone. Please sit down, you crazy animal.
00:35:33
Speaker
Oh my God. Hold on. Just this quick side tangent, we have to post that video of Graydon checking out the waiter. Oh yes. Yeah, that'll be good for this episode. That is one of my favorite videos. It is so funny. Yeah. He was like, I clock a hottie. Bam.
00:35:52
Speaker
It was so funny. He was pretty good eating out there too. I'm just scared of once again being the one like, cause Chris will get really frustrated. We both get very frustrated at restaurants and we both look at each other like, who's going to take them? Cause I don't want to. I would love to enjoy my meal right now.
00:36:13
Speaker
And so when we went out on Father's Day, I was like, I guess I have to do it. And I was like quiet the whole meal because I was so nervous about Graydon. And he's like, you're not talking a lot. I'm like, I'm in an anxiety bubble right now. Yeah, I've been that way at restaurants. And we've gone out with family where we're sitting at a table with multiple family members.
00:36:36
Speaker
And I feel like I can't even be a part of the conversation because I am so zeroed in on her and what she's grabbing, what she's looking at, what she's eating. They're talking to me and it's literally like hearing the wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
00:36:54
Speaker
because I just can't focus on that and this. It is actually being out at a restaurant with a toddler to me is like the definition of sensory overload. There's so much noise. There is so much happening. I'm just overstimulated. When I get home from restaurants when we're with her, I genuinely tell Vinny, I'm like, I got to go lay down alone. I can't. Yeah.
Future Family Planning and Advice Seeking
00:37:20
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like being on a plane for an hour and a half. Yeah. You know, it's like the same level. You are just fully hands on with this person. Yeah. It's kind of even harder because like you said, there's more variables. Yeah. There's like other people's drinks. How many times have like has TJ or another toddler that I'm with like poured a drink on somebody. It's like at least going to be out here with all these like non sippy cups just on the table. Yeah. No, we're not there. You leave the knives out on the phone.
00:37:50
Speaker
But yeah, I mean, it does. I feel like we're getting to that stage where it's getting better. Is my solution amazing? No, but like we're easing into it. I think this is this is one of those times where I would love to have a mom of like 10 year olds and older or something. Come on and just give me a pep talk about how it gets better or even like maybe a three year old like
00:38:16
Speaker
What was the transition or something? I feel like I was really tuned in to the transition of starting solids and that sort of thing. I feel like I know nothing about the transitions moving forward, to be honest. When do they sit at the table? When is that the right time? Is me forcing her to sit at a family dinner now? Is that even the wrong time? Should I not even try that until she's X age? I don't know.
00:38:44
Speaker
And I don't know who's the expert on this. I don't know if it's a parent, coach or a, I don't even know. I don't know. So that's why I feel like actually the expert on this is just other moms. Like I'm going to post a poll on to the future. Most moms, we should legit get a mom on here who's like five years older than us whose youngest kid is four. Yeah. His oldest kid is eight, something like that. And just be like,
00:39:12
Speaker
How has it gone? How are you mentally right now? What's going to happen to me? If you fit that description, send us a message because we would like to speak with you. Yeah, really. Speaking of this, I was thinking of this the other day. Andrew wants a football team. He's just like... That's cute. He wants the kiddos. Well, you make beautiful children, so I see why. Oh my gosh. Thank you. We love TJ. Yes.
00:39:42
Speaker
I'm like, let's say we have three. How am I going to feed three kids? I'm going to be at Costco every other day, and we're going to be eating frozen beef tenderloins. That is going to be our life. Grow another arm, first of all. That's my number one tip. I'm like, when we remodel the kitchen, which supposedly is happening,
00:40:06
Speaker
two dishwashers, two ovens, like how do we make this happen? And this is only three kids. I have saved a couple of videos cause our ultimate plan for this house, which like may not be for like 10 years from now, I don't know, is to knock down this house and like build our dream home on this lot. And I do see a bunch of like,
00:40:25
Speaker
you know how people will give you tours of their kitchen or something? And it's like, here are the things we built into our kitchen to make feeding our kids easier. Have you ever seen those? And it's like drawers where they can access their own, if they're about to eat breakfast, they can access their own bowls and spoons. And then fridges that are low that have only the kids stuff so that they can get in and get things themselves.
00:40:53
Speaker
And it's all these things that build autonomy with eating. I'm like, I need to remember these. Find somebody who builds specifications for little people. Yeah. Just be like, can you do this for my house, for my children? And then our kids get to be like 14 and 16. And they're like, come on guys, come over to my tiny fridge and let's get a Coca-Cola out.
00:41:18
Speaker
They all have back problems in their teens. Yeah, they're bending over. That's so funny. Oh my gosh, three kids sounds wild. I mean, we'll see after two. But that's always been I'm like, I would like three. Three sounds good. Yeah. We're all one of three. That's interesting. No, Shannon's one of two. Oh, I knew that. Yeah. Yeah. And it always felt like I love my sister so much, I wish I had another sibling.
00:41:47
Speaker
I know it's gonna be absolute chaos having more than two, well, having more than one when they're little, but I'm like, it's four when they're older. That's why we're doing this. I do think there's a balance with three. I'm one of three. I just feel like it's balanced. I wonder how you would have done with a sister. I know. I think it would have been hard for me. I was the star. You were enough women for that family. You and Karen, you're enough women for that family.
00:42:17
Speaker
I love having a sister. It's kind of weird. I'm like, Graydon and Margo will just have each other. I don't know. Someone was talking about my brother the other day and they, um, they asked him like, Oh yeah. Like which sister? And I was like, whoa, he has two sisters. I've like never really thought about it that way. Cause for Ash and I were like, we have a brother and sister, but with Hunter, I'm like, whoa, two sisters. That sucks. I'm sorry, Hunter.
00:42:43
Speaker
Well, that's when I think about four would be fun, but it's so hard to get this correct, to have two boys and two girls, because then everybody gets a brother and everybody gets a sister. And I think that's nice. My parents wanted me to have a sibling so bad, or my mom did. And my dad was like, I'm getting cut. Because I was 10 years after my sister and brother. You were to oopsie. Yeah, but it was the best thing that ever happened to them. Yeah, obviously.
Resources for Managing Mealtime Anxiety
00:43:09
Speaker
Obviously. Obviously.
00:43:12
Speaker
Okay, to wrap this up, I thought maybe, I know I feel like I've poo-pooed some of the resources we've seen online, just making it seem so easy, but there definitely are some feeding resources that have helped me. Do you guys have some things that come to mind that maybe we could share that have helped you when you're feeding your toddler journey?
00:43:37
Speaker
Yeah, this is going back a little ways, but this is when we were transitioning to solids period. I was terrified TJ was going to joke. Absolutely terrified.
00:43:50
Speaker
Like it was debilitating. It took me a long time to get over it. So I just bought three of those de-choker machines. I don't know if you've ever seen them. The ones that suck. Yes. You place it over their mouth and then you like pull. Those videos are terrifying. Terrifying. The kid in the pancake house, like the mom has to run out. I got targeted so much, obviously, cause I was constantly Googling, like, is my kid joking?
00:44:17
Speaker
Um, and they were like here by this de choker and I did. And it was just like the mental load of knowing that if he did choke, I had something that I could like access and I put one in my car and I put one right next to his, um, high chair and then I put one in Andrew's car. So we always had one near us and I've never used it. And like now I barely think about it, but it got me.
00:44:41
Speaker
over the hump of starting to feed him solids. Cause I was truly like, I was like shaking, trying to like put a piece of chicken in his mouth. I was like, don't die. Maybe that's why we don't watch our kids eat anymore. We were trauma. We're like, we're like, we know they won't choke. Like thank God. I don't have to watch you eat. Um, I'm sure I won't have that with number two, but if you're on number one and you're like anxious about transitioning to solids, I think we've seen a few DMS about this. Like.
00:45:11
Speaker
getting that de-choker put my mind at ease and allowed me to actually start. So that's my recommendation. And learning CPRs. Yeah, that's what I was going to say was for me, I am CPR certified from when I was a nanny, so I know what to do if a toddler starts to choke. My thing was I knew Vinny didn't, and I knew my mom didn't, and my mom is the one who watches her.
00:45:37
Speaker
So I made all of them like sit down and I was like, sit down right now, especially Vinny, because he's like very distracted. You know, I could show him a video and he'll watch 30 seconds of it and say he watched it. You know, I like was like, you need to watch this right now, because if our child chokes on your watch, I'll never forgive you. Yeah. So yeah. Um, I guess it's not like a about.
00:46:05
Speaker
them transitioning to solids. It was more of the mental load when Graydon was still at home.
00:46:14
Speaker
and having to make lunch as well. I don't have to do that anymore. Cause he's at daycare. So that was kind of taken off my plate, but we did the little spoon meals for a while. Um, and he liked them for a while, but we ended up canceling it because he got to like that kind of picky stage where they just weren't his favorite anymore. But that worked for a good amount of time and they hide a lot of vegetables and stuff in the food. So,
00:46:39
Speaker
I teach him way more vegetables when he was still eating a lot of purees. Maybe I just need to go back and start feeding him purees again. We transitioned. Oh, he does drink smoothies. That's like one of the hacks. I guess I should say is he'll drink a smoothie. So whenever I make a smoothie for myself, I make a little one for him too. But when we transitioned to the little spoon meals, he was just like, no.
00:47:05
Speaker
I love, yeah, I loved Little Spoon for purees. Like that helped me introduce her to things and just took the pressure off of like making a bunch
Meal Planning and Toddler Nutrition
00:47:15
Speaker
of purees. I was not one of those, I thought I would be, but I was not one of those people that had time or like, it just wasn't in the cards for me. So I loved Little Spoon. And I mentioned this in a previous episode, but I love the 100 Foods Before One app.
00:47:33
Speaker
They give you meal plans. I say if you are like me and are stretched for time, my goal for a while, I feel like I've kind of fallen off on this in the past couple of weeks in all honesty, but for a while I was trying to make one recipe from a cookbook or from that app a week.
00:47:51
Speaker
And that was my one thing that made me feel like I was putting effort in and giving her something new. I would choose a recipe and I would make that and we would eat it throughout the week or try and eat it throughout the week. And some of those were successful and some of them were crash and burn.
00:48:10
Speaker
It made me feel like I was trying at least a little bit and like made me feel less guilty about just like feeding her in general. So I, some of the cookbooks I love, I'll post the links because I just realized I don't have the list up here.
00:48:28
Speaker
I'll post on our Instagram some of the cookbooks, the kids cookbooks that I love. And honestly, some of those recipes are delicious and Vinny and I end up eating them throughout the week. They're quite good. And then of course, we all know about Solid Starts. That's such a great app when you are making that transition to solids to kind of understand. I love the chart of which
00:48:53
Speaker
month they are and how to serve it to them that was so I still look at that like now that she's 15 months like if there's something she hasn't had I'll like look it up to be like what's the best way for me to serve this to her right now and that's it's it's been good
00:49:09
Speaker
I love solid starts. That and my de-choker really got me through some hard times. I mean, I still don't think having, I mean, I feel like having that would be amazing because we looked at getting one for a while too, just never did it. I always kind of felt comfortable with Chris, but if it was just me, I would a hundred percent wish I had that with me.
00:49:31
Speaker
Okay. One more rapid fire thing. Okay. It is what are your food go tos? Like for your kids, what are their 100? What are their guarantees that they're going to eat? I'm embarrassed. No, minor, minor embarrassing too. For sure. All carbs. Yeah. He loves Annie's mac and cheese, which I feel like
00:49:55
Speaker
I've talked about a million times. Yep. That's on my list as well. The dino nugs. He loves, um, he'll eat like nor pasta sides. He likes any kind of pasta. He loves red sauce. Um, he'll eat Turkey meatballs. He's really not that big into meat grilled cheese. Cheesy guy. Yeah. Those are all like guarantees are also my guarantees. Yeah. He'll eat some pizza too. So.
00:50:24
Speaker
I mean, I'm good. Yeah. Bad, bad, bad. No, it's fine. Pizza's touch and go for us. Honestly, he loves the red. He likes red sauce. If I put it on ice cream, he'd eat it. I swear to God. Don't try that. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah. He'd eat ice cream too, but you know. Yeah.
00:50:45
Speaker
All right, Shannon, bananas, eggs, the smoothie that I forgot to mention. I've been doing smoothies so that he gets like some spinach or calm in there. He loves it. Um, strawberries, berries. He loves berries, Mac and cheese.
00:51:07
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Graydon likes all that too. I just, I went straight into the dumps of see, he doesn't even like, he's not even guaranteed to eat chicken nuggets or pizza or any of that. It's like really a limited list of what he will definitely eat right now. Like, like berries. I keep seeing all these, you know, funny Instagram videos of like parents going broke to like buy their kids the amount of berries they eat. Alice will not touch a berry. Like she will.
00:51:34
Speaker
Just recently, I learned that if I take blueberries and dip them in vanilla yogurt and put them on her thing, she'll eat the blueberries then. So that's been my go-to, that's like a go-to snack of ours recently is I will dip blueberries and vanilla yogurt and put them on her thing and she'll eat those. That's my way to get her to eat blueberry. Um, but our go-tos like guarantees are watermelon. The girl can house some watermelon, let me tell you. Um, Annie's mac and cheese.
00:52:03
Speaker
Those like, I don't know the brand. Oh, I think it's Earth's Best. You know that brand? Those like oatmeal breakfast bars.
00:52:13
Speaker
She wakes up. She wakes up every morning and says bar bar bar. I'm trying to get a drink, Candace. She is my child. Take me to the bar, mom. Those bear chicken nuggets, those are goat like she'll eat those. What else are and then yogurt like the girl won't like bananas. She won't. Those are not a guarantee for us.
00:52:42
Speaker
That's his favorite. Oh, I've had to take the bananas like away. Like, I can't visually have them out because he'll just look at his food and be like, not this. No, bananas. And like, oh, wait, one thing that is good that she eats and this is like my saving grace. And the only thing I'm even remotely saying about what she eats is there is a specific bag of mixed vegetables from Publix that's like corn.
00:53:12
Speaker
Carrots, green beans, and peas. Loves that stuff. She will eat. And I just pour it straight onto her high chair and she'll eat it. And I'm like, thank God for that. Oh, that's amazing. If that ever goes away, I don't know, because those are the only vegetables she eats. I would fall over if Graydon ate that. That's my dream. Whoa.
00:53:32
Speaker
I've definitely tried those soup vegetables before, but maybe it's time to give it another whirl. It's funny because they care. They'll tell you what they feed them at lunch and he'll like, I mean, they're the ones trying all the new stuff for me and I'll see something that he eats. I'm like, how's he eating that there? And we'll cook it at home and he won't touch it. So I'm like, are you lying to me? Is he really not like,
00:53:54
Speaker
that's so interesting so i when i was a nanny i felt like there was a couple kids who like whose parents like really catered to like
00:54:08
Speaker
them and only giving them what they like and like only, you know what I mean? Like they would, you know, like when the toddlers are older, like I'm talking three or four, they would be like, okay, do you want your dino nugs? Do you want blah, blah, blah? And they would give them like four or five options. And those kids were typically like quite picky. And the kids I noticed whose parents were like, this is what's for dinner. And it's kind of like goes back to the daycare thing of like daycare is like, this is what's for lunch. Yeah. Like they'll eat it.
00:54:37
Speaker
Take it or leave it. But it's so hard as a mom when you don't know what they're eating to not just be like, OK, I'll just give you what I know you're going to eat. Exactly. So like I'm like, should I? Because what ends up happening is he doesn't eat what I've given him. And then I'm like, OK, I'm going to give you yogurt because I don't want you to go to bed hungry. And I'm like, is that wrong? Am I teaching him that like no matter what, he's going to get yogurt. So he's just.
Closing Calls for Expert Advice
00:55:06
Speaker
waiting for me to bust out the yogurt because my sister-in-law her thing is the parents decide what's going to be eaten and the kids decide how much and that's like their rule so they don't force the kids to eat more than they want to and they're allowed to eat as much as they want
00:55:24
Speaker
but they're also like kids. So I'm like, when do I start doing that versus like 18 months? Yeah. The one question I think is. We need to get an expert on here. We're going to have a party where we're like, tell us what the fuck is going on. It's the people that make dinner as a family and your kids going to eat whatever you make. Like how has that been? If they don't eat, tell me. That's what I want to know. That's what we need an expert to tell us. Like, when does that start?
00:55:50
Speaker
or just someone that does that in their day-to-day life, just tell me, are they starving when they wake up? Do they wake up in the night hungry? I think that's my fear. It's like, I'm putting them to bed hungry or whatever. So just what's the outcome?
00:56:06
Speaker
Awesome. All right. Well, this has been fun. I hope that you feel seen. Mama, if you are listening and dinnertime or meals, mealtime makes you want to cry. I hope this makes you feel less alone because I just needed to hear from other moms that they also are struggling with mealtime. So.
00:56:27
Speaker
We're going to have a part two where we have some sort of food expert or future us moms that can tell us about these future transitions and how we actually get our kids to like sit down with us and all of those things. So stay tuned for that. We got to figure out who that is and what that looks like. Yeah. In the meantime, no, you're not alone. Yeah. Bye guys. Love you. Love you. Love you. Bye.
00:56:52
Speaker
Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right, gotta go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.