Introduction to War Rocket Ajax and Zencastr
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Speaker
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00:00:28
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Lightest, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?
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He's got War Rocket Ajax to bring back his body. Terminator XC!
00:00:52
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Hello everybody and welcome to War Rocket Ajax. This... is the internet's most explosive comic book and pop culture podcast, and we are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims.
Imagining RPG Scenarios with Outkast
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With me, as ever, is Matt Wilson. And Matt, last week, I asked you a question. You sure did. I asked you, what would be the battle theme of the Matt Wilson RPG?
00:01:18
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Right, right. Which led to you pitching an entire... rpg where you the party is you, big boy, and three stacks.
00:01:33
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ands baby occasionally u gk And and Youngbloods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A real Purple Ribbon PlayStation All-Stars. That's right, yeah.
00:01:49
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I expected a laugh. Didn't get one. That's fine. Well, i i just I just expect it. like i there's i to me the To me, Chris, that's not a joke.
00:02:02
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That's just how it is. Yeah. Well, Matt, my question for you this week is a sequel to that question, which is, if Bob's Over Baghdad, the classic power music electric revival,
00:02:20
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If that is the battle theme, what is the boss theme? Ooh. What plays while you're fighting the final boss? And don't know, who is the final boss, Matt?
00:02:33
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The final boss of the the RPG where I am in a party with Outkast? Yes.
00:02:41
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I mean... Well, okay. So, ah a long time ago... Ben Gully and i used to talk about how ah like I would write a comic about Outkast.
00:02:59
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The ATLians. And um it would be all about how they were from Atlanta and they fought people who weren't from Atlanta. Okay.
00:03:10
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I do want to point out, you notably, not from Atlanta. Yeah. But I think it would have to be like like, you might think that it would be like, I don't know, like some California or New York rapper.
00:03:32
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Like it would be some kind of rap beef thing. Mm-hmm. But I think it would just be some kind of... I think for Outkast it would need to be something more abstract than that.
00:03:42
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Okay. um I think it would need to be some kind of like abstract force that is the enemy of art. So like some kind of big computer.
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Okay. Okay. Yeah.
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That's what I'm thinking. Okay.
Patreon and Gimmick Street Humor
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and you And you want to know what the final boss music would be? Yes. Well, it would be an Outkast song, for sure. I'm trying to think of the Outkast song that has like the most final boss kind of sensibility about it.
00:04:21
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So all the music in the game is Outkast? Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. And and maybe some UGK and 85 by Youngbloods and some Slim Calhoun. You didn't think I was going bust that out, did you?
00:04:35
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Matt, I will say I'm surprised.
00:04:40
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It's right, girl. It's okay. ah Maybe the whole world. See, ah like I was wrong when I said this last week because i said that I initially didn't think Bombs Over Baghdad would be a a good boss fight or battle music. And I was wrong.
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I don't know. I think I was just thinking of the whole world. um For some reason, got my wires crossed. But Matt, the whole world is not good boss fight music.
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No, it's probably not. it It does have kind of like a like a spooky feel to it. Yeah, that's your like haunted house level music.
Chris's Surreal Mall Adventure
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That's like your haunted house level music. You're right.
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I, yeah, I can't, I'm not immediately thinking of an outcast song that would be great boss fight music. Like I thought of the art of storytelling, but I don't think that's correct.
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Morris Brown is too celebratory. Yeah.
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Do you have an answer for this? What's your final boss music for your game? My final boss music? Oh, of course I have an answer, Matt. Of course you do, yeah. Yeah. I don't bring these questions without having an answer.
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That's good. I'm glad. I'm glad. Do you want me to say what mine is? Yes, please. It's Run Away With Me by Carly Rae Jepsen. Oh, man. So not like not like really driving music.
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I mean, I guess it is. That's pretty driving. yeah it's See, for me, it's like it's like in Persona 5, how you have like the regular battle music, Last Surprise. But then like you get that big final boss, and it and it plays Life Will Change.
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And that, you know, it starts off that... been ten and and It's like, you gotta to get like the build. It builds to that crescendo of the final boss music.
00:06:43
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Oh, fuck. I know what the i know what the final boss song is. It's ghetto music. Yeah, that's a good one. It's ghetto music.
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From the love below. G-H-E-T-G-U-S-I-C-K Get Down. Yeah, yeah. O-U-T-K-A-S-D Yeah, it's ghetto And then course your closing credits music is Aquamini.
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Like the title track from Aquamini? Yes. I think it would be Two Dope Boys and a Cadillac. Matt, there's at least three dope boys in this game. ha ha.
00:07:21
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I'm trying to give you i'm trying to give you a like running home to to Marlene ending. Yeah. yeah
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We've got a great show for everybody this week. We're going to rate some swords in 1 to 10 of swords a little bit later. And also, there are no edits because ah I'm getting on an airplane on Saturday.
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So um enjoy all of that discussion that will not be edited at all. Chris, before we get to raiding swords, we do have some business to take care of here at the top of the show.
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The first piece of business is thanking our newest supporters on Patreon. That's right, Matt. Now, I was thinking about driving all the way down to 737 Gimmick Street.
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Because I need new patter. the The bit has adjusted.
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and i need that I need that time the to... in the car From where I live at 69 Gimmick Street. Of course, yeah. it the Adjust the wiki.
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No, that's that's actually canon. That's existing canon. Okay. live at 69 Gimmick Street. You live at 420 Gimmick Street. Okay, great. Okay, great.
00:08:39
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i Let me see if the wiki reflects that. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. But anyway, I need that time to think of the new gimmick. But you know what?
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The people listening to this, they don't need to drive down to 737
Patreon Benefits and Travel Plans
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Gimmick Street. Although they can, if they want to see what's there now. They can, however, drive on down to the... the to so No, I fucked it up.
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Matt, I fucked it up. I know there's no edits, but I fucked it up. You don't need no kettlebells. Go to patreon.com slash warrocketajax. Kick in as little as a dollar a month to keep the show going.
00:09:17
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Help me and Matt out. Help me keep lowballing people on eBay to get D&D miniatures, because that's what I've been doing. I'm like, oh, you want $80 for this dragon? How about a hot $10? Because sometimes it works.
00:09:33
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Okay, what we have is at 69 Gimmick Street is your childhood home. Yes. Like Smurf Strickland, I bought my childhood home. yeah And like Edmund Adam Page, you burned it down.
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At 420 Gimmick Street is my childhood home that is now an internet cafe.
00:09:54
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Can you maybe live above it? Maybe. um At 316 is the Hellyuck Instruction Company, which is where this podcast is recorded. That's weird that we would record there. You'd think that was very noisy. And 123 is Sean Waltman's house.
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that's That's what we have for for everything before 570 when we actually started. gotta say, if I'm at 69 Gimmick Street, you're at 420 Gimmick Street, and we record at 316, got a little bit of a longer commute than you.
00:10:27
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Well, you know, that's just how it goes. That's how that's how life is on Gimmick Street. Hey, if you're at the $15 level or higher on the Patreon, you get to join the Gimmick Street Preservation Society, and you get to determine what is at an address on Gimmick Street.
00:10:45
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And here is our latest member of the Gimmick Street Preservation Society, Chris. It's Lou Shoemaker. Lou Shoemaker. Friend of the show. lu Lou Shoemaker, who has decided that what is at 737 Gimmick Street is the Diet Coke and Cheez-Its store, the store that only sells Diet Coke and Cheez-Its.
00:11:10
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How doess that place stay in business? I'll tell you who would love that store. Marlene. So that... I just want to... I just want to point this out here.
00:11:23
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That store is right across from a statue of Sting from the Great American Bash 1992. and right next door to the New York City sewer system.
00:11:38
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Yeah. That's how it stays open. It's like... it It's not being muscled out by other businesses. Okay.
00:11:49
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Chris, our newest Patreon supporter is Martin Notano. Thank you, Martin. If you would like to be like Martin and help us out here on the show... You can head over to patreon.com slash warrocketajax and kick in as little as $1 per month to make sure that we do this show every week, that we do Every Story Ever specials monthly, that we do Comics Catch-Up monthly, that we do Movie Fighters and Snag Situation.
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All of those things are going to be made possible and are made possible by your support.
Comic Book Reviews
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on Patreon. ah We very much appreciate all our Patreon supporters.
00:12:25
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um And as a patron, you get every single one of those shows completely ad-free. I set up getting on a plane Saturday, and i have plans for that, including Marlene and I recording a snack situation.
00:12:40
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ah very special snack situation. ah That I think... you'll be You'll be happy to hear. um It is a Washington State-specific snack situation.
00:12:52
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And that's all I'll say for the moment. Not only can you get every episode of the show ad-free, but you can also get line-stepping privileges at the $10 level for our segments, which currently include One to Ten of Swords and Every Story Ever.
00:13:06
Speaker
You can get bonus content. um the If you go to the $5 level, you can get access to all the bonus content we've ever made which is quite a bit of stuff, um which includes outtakes from the show, special stuff we've recorded just for Patreon, stuff we've written for Patreon.
00:13:26
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There's there's a whole bunch of stuff over there on Patreon that the $5 level is how you get that. At the $15 level, you join the Gimmick Street Preservation Society.
00:13:36
Speaker
And at the $20 level, you get a t-shirt, an annual t-shirt, um which I think... Pretty much everyone who got a t-shirt this year should have received theirs.
00:13:50
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um There's a couple people who I think ah and still need to give me their size. If you haven't gotten a t-shirt and you're at that level and you never sent me your t-shirt size, just send it to me.
00:14:01
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And I have a few more in every size that I can send you. Chris, you said you got your shirt. I got mine, and Matt, I love it. I love it. Yeah, it's hoot. Our buddy David Wynn did a bang-up job.
00:14:16
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there was a There was a detail that I was unaware of until I saw the shirt, and I am delighted. matt Can I say what it is, Matt?
00:14:28
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if If you wish, you can say what it is. I'll just say this. I don't think a lot of people have t-shirts with Kurt Fuller's face on it. Well, it's it's legally distinct from Kurt Fuller, but yes. It's a Kurt Fuller type.
00:14:41
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yeah Yeah. There was some discussion on the Discord of people having to explain these shirts to their spouses. I had to explain it to mine.
00:14:52
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Very funny. ah Marlene just ah me just accepted it. She was like, oh, i so you did some bullshit. ah Yeah, I gotcha. um As soon as the words Austin Butler left my mouth, AC was like, got it.
00:15:09
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All right, Chris, it's time for some checks and recs. Actually, before we get out of thanking Patreon supporters, I do want to say, if you're unable to help us monetarily, you can help us out in other ways. You can leave us a five-star review on the podcasting app that you use, whatever that may be.
00:15:24
Speaker
Or you can just spread the word about the show, tell your friends and family, and maybe get them to join the Patreon. um That would be a big help as well. All right, now, Chris, it's time for some checks and recs. What do you say?
00:15:39
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Chris, what would do you like to check in with this week? Matt, I went on an adventure this week. Oh, tell me all about it. Alright, I've got a friend who
00:15:53
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who collects not LaBooBoos but a similar product, Crybabies. Pound Puppies? No, Crybabies.
00:16:06
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It's a different thing. Uh, And they were informed, hey, the Maplewood Mall in Maplewood, Minnesota is chock-a-block with stores selling cribbabies.
00:16:25
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There are like five stores one would recognize, and then a bunch of weird dead mall stores that specialize in weird collectible stuff.
00:16:40
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Okay, Chris, before you go on, yeah i do I do have to ask. Yes. Are they called crybabies and you're just selling saying it funny? or are They're called crybabies.
00:16:53
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How was I saying it? You were saying crybabies. Crybabies. I'm saying it right. yeah The babies cry, they're crybabies. They could really be called that.
00:17:05
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So I wanted to be sure.
00:17:08
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they're They're made by Popmart, who I believe does also make Labubus, which I'm not really sure what those are. but they're little figures.
00:17:19
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This is not the point of the story. This is just what my friend was told. And so ah we were all on a text thread, and they were like, oh, I should go there and see what they've got. And I'm like, well, I like dumb Japanese collectible bullshit. Do they have any Gokus?
00:17:37
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Goku being my catch-all word for any Dragon Ball or anime action figure. sort which Now, Krabbebe, you understand what I'm saying.
00:17:49
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Calling everything Goku's does get me in a little bit of trouble.
00:17:55
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Because sometimes that's incorrect. ah So I was like, well, hey, let's go to the mall. So on Sunday, my friend and I... god I picked him up, and we drove a half hour over to Maplewood.
00:18:10
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And on the way, we're talking about this mall. And they go, yeah, they have kangaroos there.
00:18:19
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And I say, I'm sorry? Because you think they might be saying kangaroo like you say Goku. Yes. Yeah. Kangaroo.
00:18:32
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And they say, oh yeah, there's like a kangaroo petting zoo with kangaroos and capybaras at this mall. Okay, that's bananas. It's called Sustainable Safari, Matt, and it costs $16.50 to get in.
00:18:47
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Which means I did not go inside. There's no way that what they do is actually so sustainable. It doesn't seem like it, for sure. They're in a mall.
00:18:58
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They're in a mall. They're also on the second floor of the mall. Okay. Which means that they gotta somehow get kangaroos up to the second floor, I have to imagine, on the escalator.
00:19:11
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I would love to see that. I would love to see that happen. So, I pull up. There's also a JCPenney, which I was like, oh, wow, I didn't know but they had those up here. So I was very excited to see that. Didn't go into JCPenney.
00:19:25
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We go into this mall. I parked at the entrance closest to Sustainable Safari, just in case we wanted to go. we We didn't end up going in, because again, it was $16.50. And I can spend $16 to make myself sad in a variety of other ways.
00:19:45
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right Right, yeah. What we did consider was a A museum?
00:19:57
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the The Enchanted Fantasy Film Museum?
00:20:02
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Now, the Enchanted Fantasy Film Museum, Matt, was a storefront that led to what I will say is the worst gift shop I've ever seen in my life.
00:20:13
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oh um But this place was advertised as being a museum with actual costumes. From things like Game of Thrones, ah the Aragon movie.
00:20:31
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If you remember Aragon. I sure do. All kinds of stuff, but all that was blocked off. So in the lobby, because because it was a storefront, I mean, you've seen them all.
00:20:45
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It was a big empty storefront that they had manufactured some some blocking for.
Humor in Fist of the North Star
00:20:51
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So at the front of it was this gift shop that had what were very clearly a bunch of t-shirts and tote bags ordered from Redbubble.
00:21:01
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ah but So probably stolen art. They had two of each because they had a medium and large of everything.
00:21:10
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So it would be like Disney princesses and their cool catchphrases like, but daddy, I love him. So if you want to get a t-shirt with Ariel that says in big letters across the top, but daddy, i can take you there.
00:21:26
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ah They had one beat up copy of the first Twilight book. That's another movie that they claimed to have stuff from.
00:21:38
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As we're looking around this lobby, a person comes out and says, do you guys want to go into the museum? And i said, well, how much is it? And they say, $10 a head.
00:21:54
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In unison, my friend and I go, I think we're good. And his response is, your loss. Is it, though? I mean, he's he's got to do that. it's it's you know He's got to try to sell it. did Did this person think that I would be like, well, shit, I can't miss out on the Enchanted Fantasy Film Museum now.
00:22:25
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So, didn't go in there, ah unfortunately. We did have a lot of discussions about how that place came into existence and how it continued to exist.
00:22:40
Speaker
Well, i the malls are so strange now. ah Like, our local mall here, it still has some, like, chain stores, but more and more of the stores are just becoming, like,
00:22:56
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weird local stores, which I don't dislike.
Sword Ratings in Berserk
00:23:01
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i like I kind of like that more than an old-fashioned mall. You know what I'm saying?
00:23:07
Speaker
Yeah, no, that's the thing. is ah All these places are clearly like local businesses. But I do think a lot of those are... um fronts for money laundering.
00:23:19
Speaker
They certainly seem like it. Because nobody is buying anything at these places. Yeah. So, in the ah sort of center ah like atrium area of the mall, um there were a bunch of kiosks and also a bunch of bouncy houses.
00:23:42
Speaker
But that just So the soundtrack of this mall is children screaming. ah but as As is many malls, yeah. And the smellscape of this mall is cheaply produced bootleg action figures that seem like if you asked an AI to 3D print Mario.
00:24:06
Speaker
Right. And it would kind of get it wrong, and like the front would have like the snaps of the overalls, but also the back would have the snaps of the overalls, which for some reason freaked me right the fuck out. I did not like that.
00:24:22
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ah And Mario's and Luigi's colors, it's weird. I found a bootleg Sailor Moon ah keychain, unfortunately did not take a picture of it. I also did not buy it, because it was $10 American dollars.
00:24:38
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Instead, ah we went to the one actually really cool store at this mall that was called Fragmented Nostalgia ah that had a bunch of like imported Japanese stuff. They had, like weirdly enough, zero Dragon Ball.
00:24:51
Speaker
But if they had a ah two cases full of Sailor Moon stuff, Pokemon, Digimon, all kinds of stuff. They had a whole wall of Pokemon plush dolls arranged in it in a rainbow, so like all the red ones to all the violet ones.
00:25:05
Speaker
Beautiful. Enjoyed that place. Very friendly people. Their stuff was actually legit. One store did have a case labeled Legitimate Labuboos, and next to it was a case labeled Counterfeit Labuboos.
00:25:20
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There did not seem to be a difference in price. They also had one Nintendo 2 for store.
00:25:30
Speaker
this was not a video game store But it was at that store that I got my bootleg Goku keychain, because that was only $3, and that I will spend on a joke. So I have a i i have ah Foku, as I have named him.
00:25:46
Speaker
ah a A bootleg Goku that feels like it's going to fall apart at any minute. Now, there was also a sword store that I sent you a picture of, because they did have the Dragon Slayer on the wall. you had the Two versions of it.
00:26:03
Speaker
Yeah, and dude was trying to hustle me on at this. like He wanted that sale, because I was like, how much is that Dragon Slayer? And he was like, $3.79. three seventy nine And I was like, oh, that's pretty good. That's not a bad price. I've priced Dragon Slayers before. And he goes, but you know what? That's a display model, and I can order some more, so I'll tell you what.
00:26:21
Speaker
ah I can give it to you for $3.29, and also, it's buy one, get one 50% off. I saw you looking at the Master Sword, And was like, how much does the Master Sword? And he was like, $279, but I can do $220 on it.
00:26:38
Speaker
Wow. know he is you That's how you hustle. He's really trying to get you, yeah. That's how you do it. You don't say, your loss. You entice me. You create the demand.
00:26:51
Speaker
Now, which which of the two Dragon Slayers was it? The good one or the small one? The big one. Matt, come on. Matt, come on. Matt. come on um
00:27:03
Speaker
i Look, i'm not saying i'm not I'm not saying that's a judgment on you. I'm saying that's a judgment on the guy. Yeah, but which one would I ask for, Matt? That's true. ah I also went by the Airsoft store, and since I didn't actually buy anything and nobody had any Dragon Ball action figures and I was kind of saving my my little treat-myself money, I did pay $20 for $300. Actually, The clip for $200.
00:27:26
Speaker
the teenager working the counter threw in an extra clip of 400 shots from an airsoft gun at their little shooting range. That was fun. That was nice. Then he told us how to game the system to get a free membership to the ah to the ah airsoft club.
00:27:52
Speaker
That really is an adventure.
00:27:59
Speaker
Kangaroos, Matt. Kangaroos them all.
00:28:04
Speaker
ah What did you do this past week? Well, ah this check is not about what I have done, but what I will do. As I mentioned, I will be getting on a plane on Saturday, so by the time you hear this, ah well, depending on whether you're on our Patreon or the regular feed, because i'm going to put this on Patreon Saturday morning before I leave.
00:28:29
Speaker
Uh, but the regular feed will go on, on Monday as normal. Um, but I'm getting on a plane Saturday to fly into Seattle where I'll be for a few days, uh, to hang out and do vacation stuff. And then after that, we'll Marlene and I are going to drive down to Portland and do some vacation stuff in Portland for a while. And then, I will be at Rose city comic-con, uh, from that Friday to the Sunday.
00:28:56
Speaker
Um, we don't have any like major, major concrete plans. We have ideas of some stuff we want to do in both places. Um, but there is one thing for sure we're going to do in Seattle.
00:29:07
Speaker
And this ties into the, uh, the snack situation that I mentioned. And that's where we're going to go to the, we're going to go to the Twin Peaks diner.
00:29:19
Speaker
Oh, that's exciting. We're going to get some of that cherry pie. i should hope. and And probably other things as well, but, uh, i When we went to Emerald City Comic Con however many years ago, we just did not have access to a car. And so and you know we were just there for the con.
00:29:42
Speaker
And so we didn't have time to go do that stuff. um But like all of that stuff is just outside of Seattle. So um um I'm going to do some Twin Peaks tourism ah Right at the start of my trip. and then And then we're going to do some other fun stuff beyond that ah on the trip. So that's what I got coming up. I'm sure you'll hear a lot more about it when we come back week after next.
00:30:10
Speaker
And just to note, there won't be an episode next week because I will be in the Pacific Northwest all week next week. so Now, Matt, you know when you go to that Twin Peaks Center, you are going to have to get a hot cup of coffee.
00:30:23
Speaker
Yes. um i can I can do that. i can I can have a hot cup of coffee. I just want you to start like preparing yourself now. Yeah, so I can drink it and say, damn good coffee. I know gotta do it.
00:30:37
Speaker
And they'll ring they'll ring a bell and you will be the one millionth person. Yeah.
00:30:46
Speaker
Damn fine coffee, I believe, is what Cooper actually says. um Alright, time for some recommendations. Chris, what do you have to recommend? You know, Matt, you... You're the one going to the Twin Peaks Diner and drinking a coffee and eating a piece of pie.
00:31:00
Speaker
I'm the one who gets himself a little treat every day. I'm living that lifestyle. Right, yeah. I'm keeping it in my heart year-round.
00:31:11
Speaker
That's all I'm saying. ah Matt, I'm going to recommend something that I know that you've been enjoying as well lately. And that is ah kind of the the newest thing that I've been doing.
00:31:24
Speaker
Which is ah playing the Pips game on the the old New York Times puzzle app. Which is a game where you have to put dominoes in a specific way.
00:31:40
Speaker
Right. that There are... It'll give you a layout and a certain set of dominoes. And some of the dominoes have to be equal and in a little box.
00:31:52
Speaker
Or some of the you know halves of the dominoes have to be equal in a little box. Some of them have to add up to a certain number. ah Some of them have to be less than or greater than a certain number.
00:32:04
Speaker
um And you have to arrange them correctly. ah I think of it as kind of like good Sudoku. It is essentially the same as Sudoku, but there's fewer numbers to worry about, and there's something about like having like the physical shapes to arrange that makes it a little more like Tetris.
00:32:24
Speaker
Yeah. I am not a fan of Sudoku, but I enjoy Pips. i enjoy playing Pips. Yeah, same. Now, I'm almost certain it this will be... I stopped doing Wordle because it ceased to spark joy.
00:32:41
Speaker
Okay, yeah. oh But I feel like this one will ah cease to spark joy at some point if I get frustrated enough. But for now, I'm very much enjoying it, and I will say, you have been ah Pip's King.
00:32:56
Speaker
You've been Gladys Knight. Well, it some days. i did have my first case of... Just totally biffing ah Pips where like i i thought I was putting stuff in the right place and then I realized that everything was in the wrong place.
00:33:12
Speaker
And so I just had to like clear it out and start over. Which by far took me the longest of any puzzle that we that I've done so far. But aside from that, I did click with it pretty quickly.
00:33:26
Speaker
yeah and yeah But I will say on the day that we were recording this, ah of the of the puzzle boys, which is you, me, and Benito, I fucking smoked you two today.
00:33:38
Speaker
You did. You did great today. I obliterated you two, and I'm very proud of myself.
00:33:45
Speaker
matt What would you like to recommend? ah Chris, my recommendation is that if you live in the Pacific Northwest, come to Rose City Comic Con and please come to my booth and buy something. I am going to this convention at great personal expense.
00:34:01
Speaker
perfect And you know part of it is a vacation, so I can justify it that way. But I really do hope and want the convention to go well. I know that there are several people on the Discord who have said that they're going to come and and are excited to see me there.
00:34:20
Speaker
um At this point, I may or may not have my con banner with me. I have done everything I can think of to try to get that con banner with. so like It won't fit in my suitcase, which has all my books and stuff in it.
00:34:36
Speaker
i I took it to the UPS store today to try to ship it, and the shipping was like $160. I isn i guess I could try to take it on the plane as like my personal item, but I don't know if that's going go over too well.
00:34:53
Speaker
i don't A con banner? I don't think so, man. Mine was too big for that. I suppose I could just check it. You could check it. But, like, God, that's expensive.
00:35:07
Speaker
um I do think after this, I'm i'm trashing that kind con banner and getting a new one. um but I briefly attempted to design a new one that I was going to have shipped to Portland and that I could use there.
00:35:24
Speaker
um But I gave up on that idea, too. but because matt Maybe that's why it's at such personal expense, because you keep getting a new con banner and having it shipped to the destination every time.
00:35:37
Speaker
no, no. And that's like, when that's Seattle, okay, but like you do cons in Charlotte. I don't do it every time, and I didn't do it this time. um So, ah look, what I'm saying is, I may or may not have a con banner when I'm there.
00:35:52
Speaker
ah So, you just have to come find me. ah I was told what my table number is, but I was also told not to share that information. Because it could change, I guess.
00:36:04
Speaker
So... ah but it'll be it I'll be easy to find, I think, I hope. um And once I'm actually there, ah i I'm sure I can let people know what my table number is.
00:36:18
Speaker
um But it has been a weirdly strange headache to figure out how to get my con banner to Portland.
00:36:30
Speaker
So what I'm saying is... Make it worth it for me, folks. Please. Matt, you said it was ah partially a vacation, so you could justify it that way. But folks, don't you want Matt to have a nice vacation? i do.
00:36:48
Speaker
but Yes. I i mean, i I'm sure it'll be a nice vacation outside of the con days, but it would be great if it was a nice vacation the three days that I'm going to be quote-unquote working, that those were nice as well. So...
00:37:03
Speaker
ah Yeah, come see me. Come see me at the at the show. All right, Chris, those are our Checks and Recs. It's time to talk about some comics. Let's do it.
00:37:16
Speaker
There are no Texture Choice winners for this week, ah because, Chris, you let me know a little while ago that you have did not have time to read anything this week, which I can sympathize with that I've had weeks like that in the recent past.
00:37:32
Speaker
um But I'll tell you what the the texture choice winner would have been, i think. Okay. It would have been ah The Mortal Thor No. 1. Okay. um This is by Al Ewing and Pasquale Ferry.
00:37:48
Speaker
And it is um all about Thor, who is now a mortal human being. ah Sigurd Jarlson.
00:37:59
Speaker
as as we know from from back from the Simonson run, um he's just living on Earth. He doesn't remember that he's Thor at all. Everybody who's around him is constantly talking about Norse mythology, though.
00:38:14
Speaker
I mean, look, that's that's true to my life. Yeah. um People think that he's... ah People think that he is Swedish, but he's Norwegian. And he's like living in kind of a shitty apartment, and...
00:38:28
Speaker
like It starts with him and his neighbor kind of having a conversation, establishing what his whole deal is. And he knows that he's he's got some kind of amnesia. and so But he knows that he used to be a construction worker because he's got a hammer.
00:38:41
Speaker
So he goes to try to get a construction job, but learns that if that this job that he'd be taking would be scabbing. So he doesn't do it. And he gives this whole speech about how... like What good would we be doing if we're taking work away from others?
00:39:02
Speaker
ah He says, when our turn comes, what will what will we be told? what are ah That we are weak for wishing safety, fair money for fair work? Is it too weak to wish for dignity?
00:39:13
Speaker
ah So like every all the the the like guy who leads the work site yells at him, but he gets other workers to leave too, other potential scabs to leave too. Matt, you said he had a hammer. Sounds like he might also have a sickle.
00:39:27
Speaker
That's right. But some of the like people who were going to lead the scabs end up attacking him in the street afterward. And look, he's mortal now.
00:39:40
Speaker
But one, it seems like he can still summon lightning. Or either just this thunderstorm has great timing.
00:39:50
Speaker
And two, k Chris, did you ever see the movie Super? I don't believe so. With Rainn Wilson? I did not see it. it's ah It's a James Gunn movie?
00:40:04
Speaker
ah One ah thing about that movie is that Rainn Wilson's superhero is just a dude in a red costume.
00:40:15
Speaker
And um what he does to fight crime is, if I remember right, he hits people with a hammer. Okay. i think he I think he uses other weapons too, but I i distinctly remember one scene where he hits somebody with a hammer.
00:40:31
Speaker
That's what the Mortal Thor does. He hits these dudes right in the face with a hammer. like ah like ah Like a regular hammer? Well, it's it's not just a regular hammer. It's like kind of got a design. It's not Mjolnir, but it's like, you know...
00:40:49
Speaker
A big hammer. But is it like a claw hammer I would get at ah at it's at my local hardware store? It's not a claw hammer. It looks it looks more like a sledgehammer. Oh, so he's like Triple H. But with a shorter handle.
00:41:03
Speaker
it It looks sort of like a small Mjolnir, I guess. A smjolnir? Yeah. But like the violence with which him hitting these people in the face with the hammer was so unexpected for me.
00:41:19
Speaker
like he smashes one dude's face completely in. so So Mortal Thor is about Thor, or Sigurd Jarlson, becoming a vigilante who hits dudes in the face with a hammer.
00:41:38
Speaker
It's pretty good. ah Sounds like it. Yeah. ah So that's Mortal Thor number one. Chris, I think you're going to enjoy that one. Alright, I'm excited about Comrade Thor.
00:41:51
Speaker
yeah ah Next up, I wanted to talk about Superman number 29, which is part two of the Legion of Darkseid story. This is by Joshua Williamson and Dan Mora.
00:42:03
Speaker
And um look, I'm not a huge Legion guy, so there's a lot of Legion stuff in here that kind of maybe went over my head. But here's what here's what I know about this story.
00:42:16
Speaker
One, It's about Superman teaming up with Superboy Prime, who is back. Okay. Who thinks that he knows how this story is going to go, and then immediately it doesn't go that way.
00:42:32
Speaker
Okay. And ah there is a they're looking for Booster Gold, because they need Booster Gold to help them save the future from Darkseid. But this future has also been taken over by...
00:42:47
Speaker
um a legion that has been affected by Darkseid and like the anti-life equation. And so there's like an evil legion that they're fighting.
00:42:59
Speaker
Superman and Superboy Prime are fighting together initially. um But then ah immediately by the end of the issue, Superboy Prime does a heel turn. You don't say.
00:43:11
Speaker
You don't say. Like, i look, Joshua Williamson is being very self-aware about how he's writing Superboy Prime in this. I mean, generally, we've talked about this before, I generally like ah Joshua Williamson's comics a lot, and I think his stuff on Superman has been really, really fun.
00:43:33
Speaker
Superboy Prime, I find exhausting just to hear you say his name. I could tell.
00:43:43
Speaker
It's like, that is a character, that well was poisoned. That is not a place of honor. No great deed is commemorated there.
00:43:54
Speaker
Fair enough. Fair enough. So it's it's it's difficult. it's ah It's a hard sell for me, specifically. but That is a character that never should have been seen again after 1987. Yeah.
00:44:10
Speaker
ah Finally, i read Ultimate Spider-Man number 20 by Jonathan Hickman. And ah who is the artist on this issue? It is not Marco Cicchetta.
00:44:24
Speaker
Oh, it's David Messina, whose art reminds me a lot of ah Terry Dodson in this. In a good way. um But...
00:44:39
Speaker
Look, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with two issues out of 20 being about Peter and Mary Jane and Harry Osborne and Gwen Stacy having dinner.
00:44:51
Speaker
But it's weird that it happened twice. yeah but And that's what most of this issue is. It's them getting together again to talk about how like Mary Jane is the odd one out among them.
00:45:09
Speaker
uh, with the revelation that Gwen Stacy is Mysterio. And, uh, it ends in a surprising and interesting way in which MJ, um, sort of takes out her frustrations on Gwen.
00:45:26
Speaker
Uh, and that is very fun. Um, there's also like Mr. Negative stuff going on in this that is very enjoyable. It has been going on for the last few s issues. And, um,
00:45:38
Speaker
the continuing story of, uh, Peter's son, who, what's his name? I forget the son's name. Um, but, um, like dealing with his own superhero stuff.
00:45:53
Speaker
Uh, I do enjoy that. Uh, so, uh, good stuff in, uh, ultimate Spider-Man. If, if I had a complaint about it, it's Richard, his son's name is Richard.
00:46:06
Speaker
Um, If I had a complaint about it, it's that I feel like this series has moved a little too slow for me. And with the idea that this Ultimate Universe is going to wrap it all up in the next few months, it feels like it could have sped things up a little bit.
00:46:26
Speaker
But I don't know that that was Hickman's plan, was for it all to to be wrapping up as soon as it is.
00:46:37
Speaker
I've liked the book so far, but it it it has been very talky for the whole run. I don't know, mixed feelings about it.
00:46:51
Speaker
Anyway, Chris, that's it for our comics reviews, which means let's rate some swords. I am excited. All right, Chris, here's our first sword.
00:47:03
Speaker
all right chris here's our first sword okay um Steve Lee, who says, lesson learned. Because Steve submitted Wolverine's Claws a while back.
00:47:14
Speaker
You knew, Steve. You knew. The second submission from Steve is the star metal sword from the cartoon Conan the Adventurer, which can banish serpent men to the prison dimension, holding the snake god set, and most importantly, never cut a person.
00:47:34
Speaker
um Matt, I think you just said it. i think you identified the problem.
00:47:44
Speaker
i will I will never understand how Conan the Adventurer happened. All he does is kill and fuck. I mean, it's, as we've observed many times, it is part of a weird trend from that specific period in the late 80s, early 90s of R-rated movies becoming cartoons.
00:48:14
Speaker
I mean, Conan wasn't even R-rated, but, like, he kills people. He sure kills people, yeah. He kills... so like it's Did they not read a single Conan story? Because I guarantee he killed or fucked.
00:48:31
Speaker
Wait, was Conan the Barbarian not R-rated? Surely not. I thought it was. Let's see. I could be wrong. No, it was rated R. Oh, was it?
00:48:42
Speaker
Yeah. I thought... oh Okay. I thought that was... Alright. I was wrong.
00:48:52
Speaker
So it it was part of that trend of R-rated movies becoming cartoons. Like Rambo. like Rambo in the Force of Freedom, where Rambo has a full magical girl transformation sequence.
00:49:06
Speaker
Yes. Like Robocop, which got made into a cartoon. Like Highlander, which got made into a cartoon.
00:49:14
Speaker
There was a Highlander cartoon? Oh, there's a Highlander cartoon, my dude. I did not know there was a Highlander cartoon. There was a Toxic Avenger cartoon, which is bananas. There was. there was ah Highlander, the animated series, 1994, set in the 27th century.
00:49:33
Speaker
That's wild on a number of levels. Uh-huh. Yeah, why would you make a... Look, here's the thing.
00:49:45
Speaker
Kids are going to like Conan. Because Conan kicks ass. But you made a Conan that doesn't kick ass. You made a Conan that sucks. I mean, the thing is that there was already ah essentially a Conan cartoon. like a It took all the Conan stuff and sanded off the numbers the serial numbers and put it on a different planet, and that was He-Man.
00:50:12
Speaker
Yeah. That was what if Conan was the fourth world. That was it absolutely that, yes. Yeah. Yes. Like, but Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt.
00:50:28
Speaker
You said it yourself, the sword can't fucking cut people. Right, it just banishes Snake Man to the prison dimension. Which he doesn't even hit him with him, he just like waves it at him. Right.
00:50:39
Speaker
What's the point? i mean the first of all is First of all, I don't fuck with Conan and the carceral state.
00:50:52
Speaker
i mean, Conan didn't before that. He just killed people. Correct. Yeah. I mean, did look, is one of those better than the other i don't know. All I know is that I got a laugh out of you, and so my work here is done.
00:51:06
Speaker
Yes. But, like, they're evil snake men. from the From the snake dimension. that's That has to be... There has to have been so much negotiation.
00:51:22
Speaker
Like, so much back and forth in the process of making Conan the Adventurer. Where it's like, well, he can't kill people. And they're like, okay, well, they can't be robots like on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And they can't be...
00:51:37
Speaker
like battle android troopers, because that wouldn't exist. So what if they're just snake men? And they're like, yeah, yeah, you can make the bad guys snake men. then they make the bad guys they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. But you can't stab them with a sword.
00:51:51
Speaker
Right. You still can't kill them. This is for babies. Because we can't show blood or anything. So they have to just like be banished. Yeah.
00:52:03
Speaker
Like, it's it's ah it's yeah it's a lot of working backwards from, okay, he's Conan, but what can we do on a children's cartoon? Yeah, man.
00:52:15
Speaker
As I recall, the Highlander cartoon had the same problem. Yeah, the the Highlander, the movie that's entirely about cutting motherfuckers' heads off? Yeah. Yeah.
00:52:29
Speaker
i don't know how like I don't know how any of this shit happens. I will say this. the The guy from Conan... i mean i'm Not Conan. Highlander. You mean Conan?
00:52:41
Speaker
No, I mean the guy from Highlander. The McCloud in the cartoon, who was Quentin McCloud, did have a cool sword.
00:52:56
Speaker
I'll have to remind myself of like what he could do with it, because I know he wasn't cutting anybody's head off. Yeah, he probably wasn't cutting anybody's head off after watching Michael PSA's perform. It was like a solid gold sword, though, which was cool looking.
00:53:09
Speaker
Well, Matt, that would be prohibitively heavy and also weak. And also, yes, it would break very easily. But i it was... i don't know if it was actually gold, but it was that gold-colored sword.
00:53:23
Speaker
if nothing else. I will say this. Aesthetically, the Star Metal Sword is just a sword. I mean, it looks it just looks like Conan's sword, more or less. i mean I mean, it's a little different, but... It doesn't, though, because we... I mean, it kind of looks like Conan's sword, but we know what Conan's sword looks like, because it's also on this list.
00:53:44
Speaker
Right. it's It is a little different from the movie sword, at least. Yeah, the the Atlantean sword. Yeah. um But also... it is Look, it is undeniably a sword. It is referred to as a sword. It is a sword in appearance.
00:53:59
Speaker
It cannot, will not, and does not perform the function of a sword. It's not called 0 to 10 of swords, so I think I have to give this 1. Alright, 1 it is. Unbelievable. Not...
00:54:15
Speaker
one it is and unbelievable not not one Not the submission, just the nature of this sword. The submission's fine. the submit It's fine to have a bottom chopper.
00:54:28
Speaker
It's fine to send in a bottom chopper, yeah. ah Which, I believe this is our lowest rated sword. Do we not have any other... We have another one. We have another one.
00:54:39
Speaker
It was the Broken Straight Sword. The Broken Straight Sword, yeah. From Dark Souls, yeah. i But, I mean, you can at least stab dudes with that. Kind of, yeah. it's it it Okay, somebody made the point, and it is true, that you could do more damage with a punch than you can with the broken straight sword.
00:54:59
Speaker
Well, yeah, Matt. Yeah. i mean, ah you played a D&D campaign where I played a monk. You know that that's true.
00:55:09
Speaker
I miss Meadow every day of my life. Oh, yeah. Meadow was great. Also, one one lingering note about Soul Taker.
00:55:20
Speaker
we we were just like, oh, but Katana wasn't killing anybody as a member of Batman and the Outsiders. Apparently she was, because that Mike Barron version of Batman did not give a fuck. Mike W. Barr, please. ah right knight Mike W. Barr, not Mike Barron. Sorry.
00:55:37
Speaker
Sorry. I'm so sorry.
00:55:41
Speaker
I got my mics mixed up. Yeah, ah Mike Tobey Bars' Batman was a little bit looser on that particular rule. yeah But I don't think she was like, don't know, it's been a long time to suffer at Batman and the Outsiders, but I don't think she was like constantly murdering people, surely. Yeah, I i don't think it was super often, but it did happen a couple of times, I guess. I think Batman would probably be like, hey, ixnay with the Ord murder, say. All right.
00:56:12
Speaker
next Our next submission is from Deez Knotts.
00:56:18
Speaker
And they say, the video game Bloodborne contains many weapons. Many of those weapons are swords. For example, Ludwig's Holy Blade is a big sword with a small sword inside of it.
00:56:29
Speaker
That's true. i I would love to rate Ludwig's Holy Blade. Okay, but that's's what we're that's not what we're doing? No. That's a sword that um the sheath is also a sword.
00:56:42
Speaker
Damn, that's cool. Yeah. um That would be a great submission. So, of course, I will not be submitting it. My submission is the Kirkhammer sword. Now, of course, the Kirkhammer is a hammer and not a sword.
00:56:54
Speaker
But the silver sword inside the Kirkhammer is not a hammer. It is a sword. Included is a joint photographic experts group, JPEG, of the sword next to the Kirkhammer. Yeah.
00:57:08
Speaker
I quite enjoy this sword is as it is often overlooked in favor of the hammer it can go inside and the other weapon with a small sword inside. ah Some have reported that the sword inside the Kirkhammer is identical to the Holy Blade's inner sword. However, this is untrue.
00:57:24
Speaker
I look forward to your unbiased takes on the Kirkhammer's inner silver sword and appreciate your continued efforts to show us swords and tell us how good they are on a scale from 1 to 10. um'm I'm looking at this thing right now.
00:57:36
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, In what what I am currently told is a JPEG. But I bet that's a fucking lie.
00:57:47
Speaker
I can send you the the photo that D's not sent us. um Which shows both it versions of the Kirkhammer sword and the Kirkhammer.
00:58:00
Speaker
ah It actually is a JPEG. It actually is a JPEG. Unbelievable. like That alone... And I will say, that's a cool-ass sword. And I also like that it it's basically like if you pulled the sword and the stone so hard that the stone came out.
00:58:20
Speaker
And you could use the stone as a weapon, too. Yeah. yeah so So the whole idea of the Hammer is sword. that one handed it's a sword And two-handed, it's a big fucking hammer.
00:58:33
Speaker
Nice. And so the what you did the trick of the trick weapon is that, yeah, you use the sword one-handed, and then you put it in its sheath, and its sheath is a huge, like, big rock hammer that you then wield two-handed and can use as, like, a big strength weapon.
00:58:53
Speaker
It is one of the best strength weapons in the whole game of Bloodborne. um And the hammer looks cool as hell, too, even though we're not writing the hammer. um But it's got like a bunch of text on it because it's a holy weapon. Well, yeah. Kirk means church.
00:59:09
Speaker
Right. Kirk means church. So like it's got like like an incantation engraved on it. um It's cool as shit. Yeah, I mean, it looks it it sounds like it is as cool as it looks, which is pretty cool.
00:59:26
Speaker
Yeah, ah I love it ah Here's the Kirkhammer description from the game. A trick weapon typically used by healing church hunters. On one side, an easily handled silver sword.
00:59:38
Speaker
On the other, a giant obtuse stone weapon, characterized by a blunt strike and extreme force of impact. The church takes a heavy-handed, merciless stance toward the plague of beasts, an irony not lost upon the wielders of this most symbolic weapon.
00:59:55
Speaker
Pretty dope. Pretty good. ah It's also considered a a righteous weapon, ah so enemies that are vulnerable to righteous weapons ah take extra damage from it.
01:00:07
Speaker
Nice. Love that for love that for you. Yeah. um I will say, just like reflexively, I think a sword where the sheath is a bigger sword is cooler Yes, Ludwig's Holy Blade is cooler than this. like but the I think there is an upper limit.
01:00:29
Speaker
But I also think this thing is pretty cool. Well, okay, so we rated the Moonlight Greatsword, and it's a 10. Yeah, I think it's pretty shit. No, no, it's a 9. It's a 9, yeah. It's a 9.
01:00:44
Speaker
That's cooler than Ludwig's Holy Blade, which is cooler than this. which I think means that this has to be a seven. All right. A hot seven. That puts it along the same lines as ah as Squall's Gunblade.
01:01:04
Speaker
I think that's right on point. Which I will i will i will stand up for that one. Le Fleur de Mal. And ah Conan's Goodsword. Yeah, that sounds about right to me. I will say, um what I really like about the Kirkhammer sword...
01:01:18
Speaker
is that the Kirkhammer as a weapon scales to strength. And so like when you're swinging around the big hammer, obviously that scales to strength, right?
01:01:34
Speaker
But the sword inside is a one-handed weapon that's pretty fast that you can use as a strength-built character, which is one of the few...
01:01:46
Speaker
fast weapons that you can use effectively with a strength build.
01:01:53
Speaker
I played a lot of Bloodborne, my man.
01:01:58
Speaker
Now, do is our ranking inclusive of this sword also being a hammer? I think it has to be. i mean, I... The fact that it is also a hammer is cool, in the same way that the fact that Squall's Gunblade is also a gun is cool.
01:02:13
Speaker
Yeah, I... I think it's a seven just as a sword, but inclusive of it being a hammer, I think, you know, that's icing on the cake.
01:02:24
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Deez Knots, for sending that. that was That was fun to talk about, and I like that sword.
01:02:37
Speaker
Our next submission is from Ryan Bielek. who is submitting the Blade of Disaster, 9th level spell from Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition.
01:02:48
Speaker
you can You create a blade-shaped planar rift. Basically, do you do quick cool wizard shit and tear a hole in reality to make a sword with it. You can attack with it twice. It crits on an 18 to a 20, and it does a bunch of extra damage when you do.
01:03:04
Speaker
You don't even have to hold the sword. Is this a sword, Chris? That's not a sword! That's a spell! It's a sword-shaped spell.
01:03:16
Speaker
It's a sword-shaped spell. But it is a spell. A spell is not a sword. A sword can be magic, but magic can't be a sword. Even Giga Slash from Dragon Quest XI can't be a sword.
01:03:31
Speaker
Even though that spell is a sword that comes down from the sky. it's it's not ah it's a spell! You said it in the email. It's a spell.
01:03:47
Speaker
So wait, if you what is the what is the the spell that you could do that makes a big sword like up appear and slash enemies?
01:03:59
Speaker
Because that's in that's that's a spell in D&D, right? I mean, there's a lot of spells that that do that. Okay, but the but the sword that you conjure, you would say, is not a sword?
01:04:11
Speaker
No! It's a blade-shaped planar rift about three feet long. ah In an unoccupied space. In this one? Yes. But what about the ones that conjure an actual sword? I'm saying two-slaming blades is not a sword.
01:04:23
Speaker
I'm saying booming blade is not a sword. I'm saying those aren't swords. They're spells. Okay. Alright. Although this shit does do...
01:04:36
Speaker
8d12 additional force damage on a critical hit for a total of 12d12. That's a lot of damage. But it's force damage, not slashing damage. Yeah. Yeah.
01:04:48
Speaker
I mean, look, is Blade of Disaster a kick-ass spell? Yes, absolutely it is. Should a wizard learn this spell? Because it's cool and shaped like a sword?
01:05:00
Speaker
Yeah. It's a ninth level spell. It's a ninth level spell. Holy shit. Hey, I to X of spells? it's It's going at the top.
01:05:11
Speaker
I'm going to say, it's up there fucking Meteor Swarm and Flamestrike and Magic Missile. What level do you have to be at to be doing ninth level spells? You have to be level 17. Oh, really? Only 17? Okay. Yeah. Okay.
01:05:25
Speaker
Because it's when you are... ah it's It's half your level... And the.5 is the only thing in D&D that rounds up for spells.
01:05:38
Speaker
Like, you can cast first-level spells at level 1, you can cast second at level 3, etc. okay oh I was going to say, i don't think I've ever been a character that could cast 9th-level spells, but surely I've gotten to level 17 before.
01:05:52
Speaker
don't think we got that high. I don't think I've ever run a campaign where everybody got to level 17. Maybe not. Maybe I haven't.
01:06:03
Speaker
What I'm saying is, Blade of Disaster is great spell, but it's us it's a 9th level conjuration spell. It is not a sword. It's on the spell list, not the item list.
01:06:16
Speaker
Alright, so disqualified. Disqualified. Blade-shaped planar rift. Just because something is blade-shaped doesn't make it a sword. I know that I said that that Conan's star metal sword had the appearance of a sword,
01:06:32
Speaker
but did not perform the function, but it is identified as a sword. Blade of Disaster is identified as a spell. i i'm getting matt I'm legitimately getting mad. Alright, let's move on then. Let's move on. this People keep trying to game the system, and there's so many swords we haven't talked about.
01:06:50
Speaker
It is a hobby of our listenership. We have not talked about Glamdring. We have not talked about the... the the The white ah sword from The Legend of Zelda.
01:07:05
Speaker
We have not talked about... We've barely talked about katanas at all. We haven't talked about grasscutter. We haven't talked about willow branch. We haven't talked about the alucard sword.
01:07:17
Speaker
There's so many swords we haven't talked about, Matt. look And people keep trying to be like, what about this thing that's not a sword? People want to push the boundaries. they want to They want to know what the edges are of submitability.
01:07:36
Speaker
And ah hopefully this can be a teaching moment.
01:07:44
Speaker
Here's a submission that is definitely a sword from Ashley Buchanan.
01:07:51
Speaker
Dear Chris and Matt, I was so heated about the debut submission being claws on a swords gimmick that I bumped up my tier. I want to know what y'all think about the unnamed sword from Fist of the North Star that's so big, three goons have to wield it, and they are killed all killed by Shu one page later.
01:08:11
Speaker
um that i will say I will say this. I cannot say this about the sword, but I will say this about that scene. Fucking rules. Okay, so it's three guys.
01:08:25
Speaker
They go, well, how about this? We'll cut you in into And they all three pick up this one giant sword. It is one giant sword that is so big that three dudes are like bear hugging the handle.
01:08:39
Speaker
They swing it and it goes boom. But Shu like does a backflip and just jumps over it As they swing it. So it must be going very slow.
01:08:51
Speaker
I mean, first of all, Matt, you're really downplaying the abilities of, I believe, Nento Sagan. yeah ah But also, yes. i mean's like imagine Imagine you, me, and Benito tried to pick up a telephone pole and swing it at somebody. That's basically what's happening.
01:09:13
Speaker
It is that big, yeah. And probably heavier than a telephone pole because it is a sword. um So they're swinging it. Shoe does backflip, jumps over it.
01:09:23
Speaker
The guys all go, shit. And then um he kicks them in the head. he kicks all three of them in the head and breaks their necks.
01:09:33
Speaker
Yeah, that fucking whips. It's like the third funniest thing that happens in Fist of the North Star, and that might not seem like much until you know that like there's a scene where Kenshiro makes a noise on one side of a stone wall, and a guy's like, what was that? And he like leans on the stone wall, and then he knocks a brick out, and that knocks that dude's fucking head off.
01:10:02
Speaker
If this is the North Star, it's fucking hilarious.
01:10:06
Speaker
ah I think I've asked you this before, but do you think it's funny on purpose? It has to be. Matt, there's three dudes holding this sword.
01:10:19
Speaker
I mean, this is it is a hilarious visual. like This is such an unuseful sword.
01:10:31
Speaker
like I guess there are giants in Fist of the North Star, right? Yeah, occasionally there will just be a dude who's 12 feet tall for no reason. So i guess I guess that could be a sword for one of those guys.
01:10:41
Speaker
But like these are regular-sized guys, so it takes three of them to pick it up and swing it.
01:10:49
Speaker
like i think that inherently makes it a bad sword. if like Because the handle's way too big for ah a person to hold. Yeah, but it would be proportionally...
01:11:02
Speaker
if you're ah If you're like ah like a 20-foot tall dude. yeah Yeah, it would be sword for a giant. Like a big giant. Yeah, which again, there are giant dudes running around in Fist of the North Star.
01:11:15
Speaker
But that sword's even too big for someone who's 12 feet tall. like Yeah, but there's like dudes that are even bigger than that. Okay, yeah. There's one dude who rides a giant horse, and Kinshiro punches that horse in the face.
01:11:31
Speaker
ah Like, this sword's even too big for guts. I describe Fist of the North Star as what if Looney Tunes could bleed. yeah Yes, yes. I think that is very accurate.
01:11:43
Speaker
I fucking love Fist of the North Star. Fist the North Star might be the second best comic of all time.
01:11:56
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think it's the sword's fault. Like, this sword is useless. but yeah But for everyone but Guts, the dragon slayer is useless.
01:12:08
Speaker
True. But we don't see it. Here's the thing about it. We don't see it get used by people who for whom it is useful. Correct. We only see it get used by these three idiots.
01:12:22
Speaker
They really thought they had him. They really thought they had that. they They thought they had Shu. he's the Also, he can't see at the time. No, his eyes are all yeah fucked up.
01:12:35
Speaker
and you know why? Because it's not with sight or sound that he senses his enemies. He senses their presence with his heart. That's right.
01:12:46
Speaker
fucking hilarious. The sound effect when he kicks these guys in the head is so funny. it's One of them is just snap. The other one is grr.
01:12:57
Speaker
ah I mean, that's you know in the English translation and i for sure, but um it's very good. I believe that this same sequence ah where Shu and Kenshiro are fighting these guys is is where I found the most correct person in comics.
01:13:18
Speaker
ah Which is, the the wrongest person in comics is the guy who says he can't take us all, he's just one Mangy Ronan. That guy's always very wrong. Every time, yeah. This is a guy who, shortly before his head explodes, says, we picked a fight with the wrong dudes!
01:13:37
Speaker
And then the next panel, his head explodes. Like, yep, you nailed it, bud. You are you are right. You realized it too late, but you're right.
01:13:53
Speaker
um Yeah, i I gotta go. i I haven't read all of Fist for the North Star. I should do that. I really ought to do that. It's so fucking good. It's like you start it and you think like this it this is just gonna be silly and like take itself too seriously.
01:14:11
Speaker
And then it's like Then a bunch of dogs attack Kenshiro, and he gives them a mean look, and all the dogs get scared and run away. So that Kenshiro doesn't have to fight dogs.
01:14:24
Speaker
and And, like... Yeah, the the the assumption that it's going to take itself too seriously. because i like I feel like if you've read, or if you've seen like the Fist of the North Star cartoon, it does kind of take itself too seriously.
01:14:43
Speaker
The manga's not like that. You know how, like, every now and then in Berserk, like, it'll be funny? like Yeah. Like, Puck will be Chestnut Puck, and and, like, something goofy as shit will happen?
01:15:00
Speaker
Fist of the North Star is like that. Except, like, the action is also, like, once you realize how funny it is that he will punch a person and that person's entire skeleton will jump out of their body...
01:15:14
Speaker
It's the funniest shit of all time. I love Fist of the North Star. This sword is... It sucks. it's I don't think it sucks.
01:15:26
Speaker
Well, it's it it has potential, but we do not see that potential realized. I don't think it's i don't think it's below a four. It's a big cutlass, is like what it is. We ranked Exor at four precisely because Exor's too big.
01:15:44
Speaker
I think this is the exact same situation, except it's just funnier, so it might be a five. I think it's a four. I think, I mean, like, it could be a good weapon, but it isn't.
01:15:56
Speaker
wet Like, we do not see it used as a good weapon. we We will need more... We'll need to see more of it being put to good use two to to to raise that ranking, that rating.
01:16:14
Speaker
That's what I think. I think four is exactly where it goes. all right I would even said three, but if if you say four is the lowest, then four. um Okay.
01:16:29
Speaker
The next submission is from Jesse Witham. um It's a sword we've already rated. It's Shatterstar's classic double-bladed swords. ah For some reason, ranked really low, despite the fact that it actually owns...
01:16:42
Speaker
I did not take responsibility for that. Jesse submitted that as a bottom shooter that's our bottom chopper, saying it was a bottom chopper. Unbelievable. um but It's two swords!
01:16:54
Speaker
In one sword! I don't...
01:16:59
Speaker
I will say, Benito sent us ah the trailer for the new... um
01:17:07
Speaker
but it's It's a remake of an old Roger roger Corman movie. Deathstalker. The new Deathstalker movie. And that that trailer ends with Deathstalker with a sword that looks like it's five swords. so Matt, I wish you could have seen the way my eyes just lit up.
01:17:26
Speaker
You gotta watch that trailer. gotta watch that trailer. Just to see the the the sword that looks like it's five swords at the end.
01:17:36
Speaker
Okay. Next, we have another submission that we've already gotten. It's from Tim Maytom, and it was Beacon.
01:17:46
Speaker
We have already ranked Beacon the Talking Sword. Yes. Beacon has been rated. It was rated at? It was a six. A six.
01:17:58
Speaker
It was supposed to sound like Tim Curry.
01:18:05
Speaker
Greg Woods. Man, I'm gonna... I'm just looking at all my screenshots of when I've been reading Fist of the North Star. I'm just gonna send you this one real quick. Because this dude is about 20 feet tall.
01:18:18
Speaker
Okay. So he could wield this sword, potentially. Well, not after this. Oh, alright. This is a real say the line sequence.
01:18:33
Speaker
Alright, let's see it.
01:18:39
Speaker
Okay, let's just give the whole page here. The guy goes, whoomp! He drops down behind Kinshiro.
01:18:51
Speaker
Yeah, and if Kinshiro is about six feet tall, this guy is about 18 feet
01:19:00
Speaker
About three times his height, at minimum. At minimum. Because we only really see him crouching. Also, it looks like he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt, which I think that's meant to be camouflage.
01:19:11
Speaker
I think you're right, but that is what it looks like. He says, you dumb son of a bitch, did you really think you could spare me and walk out of here alive? And Kinshira says, seems like you haven't realized that you're already dead.
01:19:25
Speaker
And the guy goes, what? What? What are you talking about? And then his stomach explodes. His entire torso. And the sound effect is boof.
01:19:38
Speaker
It is boof. And then the next panel is guy who looks like Nappa from Dragon Ball. He does look like Nappa. Looking down at this gaping hole in his torso and going, YAAAHH!
01:19:54
Speaker
I think the way that you know that Fist of the North Star is intentionally funny is the sound effects. Because you wouldn't make that sound effect boof if you weren't trying to be funny.
01:20:08
Speaker
man. God, it's fucking funny.
01:20:13
Speaker
Fist of the North Star owns. It's all I ever want to read. I mean, he's Daffy Duck. This is Daffy Duck. Yeah. Yeah. If Looney Tunes could bleed, it would be Fist of the North Star.
01:20:24
Speaker
Yeah, this is Daffy Duck getting his beak turned around with a shotgun blast. Alright. Here's a submission from Greg Woods. My submission is the sword made of behalots that the Skull Knight pulls out of his own mouth in Berserk.
01:20:40
Speaker
I'm not sure how highly this will rank, but the moment was just so absurd and memorable I had to submit it. Greg? That shit's a 10. 10.
01:20:51
Speaker
That sword rules so much.
01:20:55
Speaker
Oh my God. That thing is, that thing is weird. I love it. That shit. love it. Is. As Sir Mix-a-Lot would say, that shit is swass.
01:21:11
Speaker
That's some weird ass, silly shit. The sword of actuation. It's the sword of actuation. Yeah. Um, Now, it can kind of change in appearance.
01:21:25
Speaker
Because sometimes it looks like it's made a bunch of behalots, and sometimes it just looks like a sword.
01:21:33
Speaker
Like a sort of like... The hilt is always kind of jaggedy, I guess. But the sword itself is just like a cool-ass sword.
01:21:43
Speaker
That's the sword that he uses when he breaks through the eclipse and attempts to stab Void in the head. And then the void makes like a portal that makes it come back and try to stab Skull Knight, which then he has to block with his shield.
01:22:05
Speaker
All of that is in one panel.
01:22:08
Speaker
Yeah, man. But yeah, there's the normal version of the Sword of Actuation, and then there's the transformed version Where it just looks like a bunch of behalots.
01:22:20
Speaker
Yeah, where it has a bunch of eyes noses and mouths. Yeah. And you can tell I'm a little freaked out because I did say eyes. Eyes and noses and mouths. But yes, he does keep it inside his body and pull it out of his own mouth when he needs it.
01:22:37
Speaker
Yeah, hey, you know who kicks ass? The Skull Knight? The Skull Knight. Yeah, man.
01:22:53
Speaker
Here's what's great about that sword. Is that every fucking time that the Skull Knight uses it as a weapon, he's trying to kill members of the God Hand.
01:23:10
Speaker
Yes. Because he made the sword by killing apostles. Yes, yes, yes. That's โ somehow โ I mean, this isn't explicitly stated, but I think it's heavily implied.
01:23:28
Speaker
When he kills an apostle, which is what the demons in Berserk are called, when he kills an apostle, he takes their behalot, which is the thing that they use to become an apostle.
01:23:46
Speaker
And then it becomes part of his sword inside of his body. Yes.
01:23:59
Speaker
I love that. Yeah, man. Skull Knight is... wild. Yeah.
01:24:11
Speaker
I would like to just read the Berserk wiki page about Skull Knight's sword, a.k.a. the Sword of Actuation. I was going to ask, because I couldn't remember. Is this different from the Sword of Thorns?
01:24:26
Speaker
Or is it the same? It's the same sword. Again, the Sword of Thorns is what it looks like when it's normal. When it's transformed, it looks like a bunch of behalots all chunked together.
01:24:42
Speaker
The Skull Knight sword is a thorn sword wielded by the Skull Knight against Inhumans, namely Impostles and God Hand members. The Skull Knight is capable of coating the sword in a molten mass of ingested behalots stored within him, forming the sword of behalots.
01:24:56
Speaker
So, okay, so it transforms like a bloodborne sword.
01:25:01
Speaker
Sure. So the one-handed version is the thorn sword. The trick version, the two-handed version, is the Sword of Mahalans. But literally in Japanese, it's the Sword of Pump Priming.
01:25:15
Speaker
It's because he's getting ready. Yeah. The sword is intended to entomb the God Hand in the Vortex of the Abyss.
01:25:27
Speaker
Oh, yeah, of course. So a lot like Conan's sword. Yeah. Story. The Skull Knight is forced to unveil his sword following Slan's abrupt disappearance in Kilpoth.
01:25:40
Speaker
He uses it to tear open a portal as the place starts to cave in, escaping with guts and returning the swordsman to his companion's. Yeah.
01:26:10
Speaker
That sentence is the most incomprehensible and also extremely fucking metal shit of all time. Yes, instead of killing Femto with it, he kills Ganishka instead.
01:26:22
Speaker
I posted on Blue Sky about this. If you don't already know what's happening in Berserk, then the...
01:26:29
Speaker
The previously in Berserk pages are meaningless. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Because it's like, this is Griffith. He's also Femto of the God Hand, which he became during the eclipse of the Crimson Behelit.
01:26:46
Speaker
Abilities. In its normal form, the Skull Knight Sword has considerable cutting power. With it, he is able to cleave through and dismember multiple monstrous enemies in his path. The sword is evidently sufficient for the Skull Knight to match it even best to transform Nosferatu Zod in combat.
01:27:04
Speaker
By virtue of being comprised of numerous molten behairats, the sword is capable of reaching into the deepest depths of the astral world due to the ability of behailats to cut through dimensions.
01:27:15
Speaker
The sword can be used to cut open astral portals, leaving to other locations in the physical world, allowing for nigh-instant travel. A space-distorting sword stroked by the sword of Behala splintered Ganishka's twice-reenguardated form and brought about the great wave of the astral world.
01:27:32
Speaker
I'm gonna say this. I feel like it's at least worth two points on this list if a sword has ever created a vortex.
01:27:43
Speaker
This is like Conan's cartoon sword if it was cool. If it kicked ass, yeah. And also was like Definitely used for killing people.
01:27:55
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Killing monsters at a minimum, yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, man. Apostles are both people and monsters. Yeah.
01:28:07
Speaker
Now, you said right off the bat it's a 10. Yeah, I think it is. I'm not going argue with you on that. But right now, the 10s we have are the Master Sword, the Dragon Slayer, and the Crosagrim.
01:28:22
Speaker
So you think this sword is as cool as the Dragon Slayer? Absolutely. Alright. Like... Two number ones on the list, and five number tens.
01:28:39
Speaker
Yeah. Look, there's some really good swords. No, swords are good. That's the whole point. Like... Like... Is it maybe unfair to have two swords that are tens from the same comic?
01:28:56
Speaker
Maybe. don't think so. But I can't help it that Kentaro Amura created two absolutely top-tier swords. Look, Berserk has a lot of swords in it.
01:29:11
Speaker
Yeah. I'm going to go ahead and say There aren't any other tens in Berserk. But those two are...
01:29:21
Speaker
Are there other named swords in Berserk that I'm forgetting? I don't think so. There are... Casca's sword doesn't have a name. Griffith's sword doesn't have a name. No.
01:29:33
Speaker
None of Guts' other swords have names. Yeah.
01:29:39
Speaker
But Guts has some distinctive swords before he gets the Dragon Slayer. You got that one big sword? And then Nosferatu Zod has two big swords.
01:29:51
Speaker
I don't think they're ever named either. Which is wild, because Nosferatu Zod can turn into a giant monster. You wouldn't think he would need swords.
01:30:03
Speaker
Yeah, but he's a sporting type. I guess. Zod loves a fight. He loves a challenge. And...
01:30:16
Speaker
His whole deal is that he wants to be challenged. Which is what's good about him. I love that dude. That's true. That's very true. Alright,
01:30:30
Speaker
Matt. That moment where he and the Skull Knight kind of face each other down outside of the vortex of the eclipse. Unbelievable. Unbelievable how good that is.
01:30:43
Speaker
Yeah. Hey, Berserk? Pretty good. Yeah. All right. Are we ready for the next one? Yes.
Star Trek Lower Decks Sword Discussion
01:30:51
Speaker
This is from Isabel,
01:30:56
Speaker
who sent us the Sword of the Winter Constellation.
01:31:04
Speaker
This is Tendi's sword from Star Trek Lower Decks. Yeah, I know. Yeah. You didn't have to say, I know who the Mistress the Winter Constellations is.
01:31:16
Speaker
Yeah. Isabel says, we all know that the guard is incredibly stupid, but that black blade and those weird circuit traces, come on, that's just neat. The best thing about it is how it symbolizes the sisters' bond while also doing cool Star Trek world building.
01:31:32
Speaker
Now, here's what's weird about that guard, is that it's backwards. Yeah. And that is... I mean, that is bad.
01:31:47
Speaker
I know that, Isabel, I know that you tried to head that off, but it's bad.
01:31:55
Speaker
It's a real goof-em-up. It's bad blade, cool, or no, other way around. Bad hilt, cool blade. Cool blade.
01:32:06
Speaker
would say, generally, cool swords.
01:32:20
Speaker
it does follow the Star Trek tradition of having swords that don't function well. That don't make functional sense, yeah.
01:32:32
Speaker
Yeah, like the Bathleth. I think this is better than the Bathleth, because at least there's room where you can hold it lower the
01:32:42
Speaker
And not just poke yourself in the wrist with it. And a very cool blade. Yeah, I have to say, this scratches my itch for swords that have non-traditional colored blades.
01:33:03
Speaker
Like, a black blade on a sword? Cool. You do like a black blade. Yeah. Black blades? You like the Black Blade Stormbringer more than you like the Ebony Blade, though.
01:33:35
Speaker
It's got to be a good sort, too. I like the designs, because we talked about this with the Emperor's Sword from Warhammer, how it's got those little techno-active lines on it that I like so much.
01:33:50
Speaker
That's how you know it's from the future. That's how it's from the future. This very much has the same thing, but also it fits the aesthetic of it being a sword of constellations, because they're like stars.
01:34:02
Speaker
It's very cool. They're like stars, but they also look like... you know, a microchip.
01:34:13
Speaker
Kind of. You know what mean? Yeah. It's techno-active. It's techno-active, for sure. Yeah. I like the Sword of the Winter Constellations. The handle design is... All you have to do is turn it around.
01:34:29
Speaker
It's the worst thing about it. It's the worst thing about it, yeah. It's trying to be too different. Yeah. Orions are just green. They don't have weird hands. Right, yeah.
01:34:41
Speaker
Like, if they had backwards hands, sure. But they don't. It's a clear design thing to try to be
01:34:57
Speaker
different from other swords. To be unique. But functionally, like, The whole reason for that
01:35:10
Speaker
bit sticking out would be to guard your hand, but it doesn't. Nope, it just would poke the wrist. Now I will say, I believe this is the third, arguably fourth sword on the list, that does also, is character development as sword.
01:35:31
Speaker
Very much true, yes. We have the Green Hill Sword from Mortaristic, which is only a 5. We have Sokka's Sword from Avatar The Last Airbender, which is a 9 on the list, because that is character development as sword.
01:35:46
Speaker
I don't know if the sword is as symbolic of a character development as drastic as either of those.
01:36:00
Speaker
But it does represent a character growth and an acceptance that Tendi has. This is a sword that represents a relationship.
01:36:14
Speaker
Which is a little different, but it's a character element, for sure.
01:36:22
Speaker
I think it's between those two. Yeah, I like it. I think due to the design...
01:36:31
Speaker
The almost... It's almost... It's a sin to be almost perfect. If it didn't have that guard, it would probably be like an 8.
01:36:44
Speaker
I'm thinking it's like a 6. I would not want to swing this sword around.
01:36:51
Speaker
That, I think, is the ultimate test. Would you want to swing this thing around?
01:36:56
Speaker
I mean, I would pick it up. If I saw it, I would want to pick it up. Matt, if it was here, I'd swing it around.
01:37:05
Speaker
But I wouldn't go out of my way to swing it around when I've got, you know, other swords.
01:37:10
Speaker
My first blush thought was a seven.
01:37:16
Speaker
But I'm fine with a six, I think. I think it's six. I think it's a six.
Closing and Social Media Links
01:37:21
Speaker
All right, we'll six.
01:37:26
Speaker
Cool looking sword. It's got that one thing. It's got that one thing. Love that blade. Love that blade. The blade is hot. How are we doing on time?
01:37:39
Speaker
Oh, we're out of time. Which, the next submission is from someone who's already submitted on this episode, so...
01:37:47
Speaker
I hope it's a sword. It is a sword. It is one you specifically suggested just moments ago. Okay, good. Is it Glam during the Foehammer?
01:37:59
Speaker
No. If you would like to submit a sword for one to ten of swords... Perhaps Glam during the Foehammer? You can do it at our email address, which is warrocketpodcast at gmail.com.
01:38:11
Speaker
You have to be almost definitely a line stepper on our Patreon to get your submission read. But hey, do that. Become a line stepper on our Patreon.
01:38:22
Speaker
We would love that.
01:38:25
Speaker
You can also send us emails there if you want sponsor the show or drop us a line about anything else that you want to drop us a line about.
01:38:34
Speaker
We're on Tumblr, warrocketpodcast.tumblr.com. We're on Blue Sky, warrocketajax.com is where we are on Blue Sky. If you would like to join our Discord, which you should, it is where I just put up a poll for our next Comics Catch-Up.
01:38:51
Speaker
And I guess if we do polls for Comics Catch-Up, that'll be the place that they happen. So if you want to vote in those, you have to join our Discord. Ask us nicely for an invitation on any of the places I just mentioned.
01:39:03
Speaker
And we will get you one. We will send you that invitation. You can join over there. Our website is warrocketajax.com. It has every episode of the show we've ever done. Warrocketwiki.com has all the information you could want or need about this show, Warrocket Ajax.
01:39:16
Speaker
I used it earlier in this episode to find out if our houses truly were at 69 and 420 Gimmick Street, which they are.
01:39:27
Speaker
you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net to find links to my comics, my books, my other podcasts, and my social medias. Chris, where can people find you? Everybody can find me by going to the-isb.com.
01:39:39
Speaker
That is my website. It's got links to all kinds of stuff. So go click on them and enjoy them.
01:39:46
Speaker
Thanks for listening, everybody. We will take next week off because I will be at Rose City Comic Con. If you're in Pacific Northwest, come see me.
01:39:59
Speaker
But then we'll be back the week after that for another episode. Could be more Hick Mania, could be a guest, could be listener questions. Time will tell.
01:40:14
Speaker
Until then, do not forget that Black Lives Matter. Trans rights are human rights. As are abortion rights. Drag is not a crime. And cops aren't your friends.
01:40:26
Speaker
Free Palestine, and we love you. We love you.