Transcript
Speaker: Okay, what we need, Ritt, is some kind of an intro for our Wednesday night show, Humpty Ha Ha's. What would you do for an intro?
Speaker: Humpty Ha Ha's? I feel like...
Speaker: I don't know. What would you say to intro the show? What would you say to intro the show?
Speaker: Why are you putting me on the spot while you're recording me too, you motherfucker? Just it. Tell me the intro of the show. We need an intro for the show, Britt.
Speaker: And go.
Speaker: ah Welcome, everybody.
Speaker: can't do this with just you. Welcome, everybody, to what? and Welcome, everybody, to Hump Day Ha-Ha's. We're here for some laughter and fun times and chillax.
Speaker: Hope everybody's having a great night. Here with Michael and we got Brittany. Let's go. Let's have some fun with some comedy. Boom. I think that might work.
Speaker: Comedy. That's how you know the show's called. Comedy. Comedy.
Speaker: Not much. That one still kills me. My cheeks are hurting. In the beginning, it makes me laugh so hard. as like, I'll tell you right now. What would you do for an intro to the show? Just but like... I did not just hand you a Rubik's Cube. just Just start talking. Say something.
Speaker: Are you functioning? Well, I didn't realize you were recording. It's like... We were just like sitting there in silence for a second. You brought that up to me. I was like, dude, I don't know. what Well, sorry about last week. I took a little pot nap after feeding my face and I did not make the same mistake this week.
Speaker: I almost did. That was called.
Speaker: It's all good. What's new?
Speaker: Comedy. That's right. You've been around forever. um i don't know. Just chilling. Trying to get life together. I don't know what that's like.
Speaker: One of these days I'm going to be a grown up. One of these days. Sometime eventually. Maybe. Maybe. I looked at my boy Rob Coleman. He popped up on my Facebook today. That's something the dude is going to be featuring out California a couple of weeks.
Speaker: He's been everywhere. It's crazy. World Series of Comedy opens doors. Good for Rod. I reached out to him and I was like, dude, you're so cute. I love your freaking laugh. It's so contagious.
Speaker: I feel like that is one of the things about him and his comedy. His laugh just like makes you laugh.
Speaker: I dig it. I don't laugh much. I'm an awful person. and Yeah, you're just like... ah um sorry But it's funny. Oh my gosh. People didn't like the update to the Amish joke.
Speaker: Oh, the update is that kid's dead. People were ah I love that. I loved that i did too. it One of my favorite things I was going to say, then it fell fucking flat on its dick.
Speaker: I didn't. He still had laughter. That was just for the evil comedians, you and me. The Darklands. I don't know. What's going on tonight? Comedy.
Speaker: Comedy.
Speaker: Okay, so I have like a few questions. Great, I have few.
Speaker: So, speaking of the New Year's Eve show, what are some pointers you would have given me? Except for show up on time. early
Speaker: I'm walking through the mic and everything and where to hold it and shit. i was like, fuck, I just got to throw over the walls. We got no more time. It started late. Hurts. People are anxious to go. 30 show time. Where the fuck's the show? You know what mean? People are pissing on that one. A lot of people showed up a little late as well.
Speaker: A lot of people about about three tables, three small tables. those two people were fucking late as shit. And a lot of people were still in the fucking bar trying to get a goddamn drink.
Speaker: True. Yeah. That bitch. Getting understaffed on New Year's Eve of the Pact House really, really hurt us little bit. think that's another reason people were just getting aggravated. So they couldn't get their food, couldn't get their fucking, you know, drinks.
Speaker: It was out of my control. don't work there. I shouldn't have done that to you. But i'm still, I love, I did like that place. Me too. Just left a little bit of sour taste in her mouth. i don't know if I'll be going forward with those two.
Speaker: Excuse me. I drank that coffee too fast. so if um What kind of advice would do you give to a person that's like just wanting to start out? like They haven't done any open mics, nothing like that.
Speaker: Don't do it. Be ready when it comes to something like that. That's all. Have your minutes worked out. In front of people. Don't just run it the first time there. That was my fault.
Speaker: I did the same thing. I ran a bunch of new stuff and it just wasn't up to snuff yet. I thought I hadn't worked already and you saw that I did not. I missed two beats. It would have really helped.
Speaker: You still got laughs. That's the thing. Maybe there could be tweaks and whatever. Well, I have no video of it. It's not even... no The problem is I'm in a small market area. I don't have a lot of chances to ah get out there and hit mics and stuff. ti spark What else? What's that? Spork.
Speaker: Spork. Spork. Very different things.
Speaker: Reading is fun. I don't read so good. I'm not a good reader. Words are hot.
Speaker: ah Jesus. Jesus. ah So, yeah I've been talking to a lot of people that might want to join me, and it's going to be there, like, first times.
Speaker: I'm like, I don't really write much. I was like, well, you better fucking get started. okay Some people go up there and wing it. It very suddenly works out. If you don't only have stuff, spare material to work on,
Speaker: You can't just expect to out there and kill it. Being funny at a party, being funny with your friends, very different. Being funny at work, very fucking different than putting on a show for a crowd. it's It's not the same animal at all, not even close.
Speaker: Not at all, for sure. Were you the class clown? Not sure what info you're thanking us for.
Speaker: Yes, I was. Always goofball. Yeah. but Someday I'm going grow up, but I doubt it. I always had like teachers like a help me with pranks and stuff because like I got picked on, so I was kind of like a teacher's pet, but also the class clown at the same time. used to go up to disarm the bullies.
Speaker: Yeah, basically. Yeah.
Speaker: but yeah we would like even pull pranks on like other teachers too it was awesome we were in a very pranky school we just fought each other all the time where i grew up the streets of champion very cruel school very closely
Speaker: love like i was in a lot of different clips you know what i mean i crossed over all the bounds but nobody really boxed me in i was an athlete a math Nerd and chat.
Speaker: I feel like that really helped with like making me funnier as well.
Speaker: I don't care about you're funny or not. I just want to be blurting shit out all the time. I don didn't like to shut up. but get
Speaker: I enjoyed it. though <unk> I don't know. Sure, I need to drink some more coffee. So, oh, okay.
Speaker: There's another question. If you could compare yourself to have another comedian, who would you compare yourself to?
Speaker: There's lots of storytellers out there, but I do it my way. Yeah. and mean I mean, don't write. Like I said, I just i tell stories from my life. i mean, everything's based at some point along the ride, directly from my life usually.
Speaker: i really don't write like if there's anything i wrote it's just uh exaggerate or just punch up the actual story we talked about this before some of stories are 100 accurate a lot of them are about 80 the 20 that's just funny is not real at all which there's no they're wrong with that that's all comedians my story i'll tell it how i won't exactly I could dump the not Jeff.
Speaker: That's 100% the way it happened. That's not embellished. That's the way it went down. I smacked that dude on his ass and said, hey, Jeff, what's going on? And then a dude who was not Jeff at all turned around to look at me, and I said, hey, nice hustle.
Speaker: I love that one. We laughed our asses off and had a shot. Jeff wasn't even in the bar that night at all. yeah
Speaker: other people Other people saw it happen. The next day he called He like, so I heard that ah you and me were having a drink last night, huh? That's awesome.
Speaker: That one gets me every time. I've heard it like I don't know how many times and it still gets me. How's it going? It's real. That's what makes it funny. It's relatable. Like anyone who's made it ask themselves, everybody has.
Speaker: I just happen to do it all the time. Have you ever like and gone out in public. Well, obviously, like, on stage, but, like, tested your jokes out and strangers, just... No.
Speaker: ye That's not the situation for it.
Speaker: I do it sometimes. Like, if something pops up in my head. a lot of people do. Yeah. Generally, if I'm telling it for the very first time, it's going to be on stage somewhere.
Speaker: I don't run it by anybody. Sue doesn't hear my new stuff until she hears it on stage. I mean, that's kind of how I was before the show. I just... ah I bombed.
Speaker: That's my process. You really didn't bomb, though.
Speaker: When they could hear you, you did all right. You were just but less than enthusiastic. Your energy level was too low. And weren't taking your time with your soul. You were just kind of shoving it through.
Speaker: what I mean? You don't have chances to get live moments in for lap breaks and stuff like that. You had to film it in real time for the first time. That's difficult for a green person.
Speaker: so and i feel like I would practice at home and tie myself. so but like It's totally different when you actually get up there. Absolutely. That's what I kept telling you.
Speaker: right I haven't been timed like that. There's one in Baltimore. if Fucking drive to Baltimore to do a mic.
Speaker: That's what you gotta do. There's no mics here. I had to fucking drive to Canton, Akron, fucking Cleveland an hour one way for free to do open mics to fucking run material work shit.
Speaker: I did that for a couple years and fucking blows. But if you want to get good, every minute you spend on stage is more important than college. You gotta a fucking work the minutes. If you're not on stage working the minutes, you're not doing the work.
Speaker: I'm not coming ah down on you or talking bad at you. I'm just saying that's the only way to work the material. You have to put it to work. I've been looking and then I have another friend in New York who's also looking in as well. farm banks of new york Just be careful. You go up there with something really good, someone in New York is going to take it and they make it make their thing.
Speaker: True. Well, it's not New York City. It's somewhere up there.
Speaker: don't know Oh my gosh, have heartburn.
Speaker: Pile of second. OTC. Yeah, I'm getting to that age. Oh, did you watch that Dave Chappelle special?
Speaker: The new one on Netflix. I don't think so.
Speaker: It's not worth i it. Dave's hit or miss these days. It's not worth it. When they become a philosopher, and Dave is definitely becoming a philosopher. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. It's basically like... Is he still going to go down as one the great jobs of fucking Luton? Oh, yeah. I'm not saying Dave's the end of his career. I'm just saying... Carlton's last three specials versus his first eight, very fucking different.
Speaker: Yeah, it's basically like about history and... I don't know. That was not good. I hear him. I didn't hear him.
Speaker: I didn't, ah I don't know, after Equanimity or something like that was one of the ones he did for Netflix. After that one, I stopped watching Dave Chappelle's specials. yeah like There was a couple like
Speaker: punchlines that kind of landed, but other than that, it kind of just annoyed me. Well, again, not everybody's for everybody. yeah He doesn't just goof off now. He's trying to really talk about the world and what's happening and use his celebrity status as a you know sounding board or whatever.
Speaker: Try to be an educator. It's not why guys this show I don't want to be educated. I want to be entertained. All right. it There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not saying that. I'm just like... It's not for you? Yeah. Not for me either. That's why i quit listening to Dave.
Speaker: I don't like what he's doing now. Bill Burr, one of my favorites. Yeah. I don't listen to him anymore. Yeah. Because just he's got an ego. It's not even that. He's just... Gold digging horns. Gold digging horns. Gold digging horns. Over and over and over again. I'm just tired of hearing it. Dude, beat on a different drum once in a while, guy. Come on.
Speaker: There's so much more in the world to talk about.
Speaker: You're not wrong. I love that. Because I do get tired of hearing that shit, too. yeah It's just like Amy Schumer with her vagina. third man She was funny in her way, but it's like, eh, she kind of just was a dude.
Speaker: You know what mean? She was just doing... it just wanted kind of like turks I don't know. And I can relate to that, but there's still a point where it's like, come on in.
Speaker: I think Nikki Glaser's way better at it than she is. Oh, yeah, for sure. I do, too. Infinitely better. More original, way funnier. Eliza Schlesinger. Hilarious. You don't like Eliza?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: um probably dady Black hair.
Speaker: Whatever. I forget her name.
Speaker: What do you think of Eliza? I don't remember her name. I don't know. But then, oh, also, what's-her-face? I'm doing great, guys. Also, there's what's-her-face. Oh, Chelsea Handler.
Speaker: Oh, Chelsea Handler, yeah. Sue's a huge fan. I think there's books. They're funny. Are you there, Vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Yeah, that one.
Speaker: Sue has that in the hardback. yeah She loves ah full loveves Chelsea Handler. I think she's funny. I think she's pretty original. And I thought her show on Netflix was cool as fuck.
Speaker: ah I hated it. It got canceled. i thought it was interesting and fun. And she wasn't conformist. I liked it. She's very herself. That's for sure. And she has like that resting bitch face sort of.
Speaker: I feel like sure you and her are kind of similar in a way. Yeah. but no, now that I think about it, just because you're just like deadpan like jokes and then you have a random smile laugh here and there.
Speaker: That's funny. I never thought of that. I always did. nice Cool. Uh, ah but the long true I think it's that I've never said it before. can't remember her damn name.
Speaker: She's got red hair. She's fucking hilarious. She's from Minnesota. Sue, are you listening? Tell me who I'm thinking about. Sue. I'm going to be mad when I look it up.
Speaker: I'm just thinking about it. I don't know. I'm doing great.
Speaker: don't believe she's not in these fucking lists here. Hey, everybody. while we're looking, don't forget to like, share, and subscribe. We're not all here. No, they need these fucking lists. She's hilarious. ah Shitballs.
Speaker: Did you look up female comedians? Yeah, now I'm looking at female comedians with red hair. Kathleen fucking Madigan, thank you very much. Oh, okay. Angry.
Speaker: um ah Whitney Cummings is kind of funny. Allie Wong, I love her. I don't know, can't get into her. I don't know what it is.
Speaker: I know what it is.
Speaker: I should have put Wanda Sykes on my death thing.
Speaker: Oh, I have to fart. Did I just say that out loud?
Speaker: Yes. Sarah Silverman is who I was thinking. Oh, yeah. She's fucking funny.
Speaker: Hi, Chris. Technician the house. Sorry about female comedians.
Speaker: sorry about full female greets That's where we always end up going. It tends to go that direction. Sorry.
Speaker: No, I don't give a shit. Females are funny. a lot of people they say, oh, females are funny. Yeah, they are. don't have a fucking sense of humor. It's funny. It's just fucking hilarious. and Susie really likes ah Fortune Feimster.
Speaker: She's all right to me. I don't love her. She's more of a funny comedic actor than moon comedian in my opinion. I like her comedic acting way better than a stand-up.
Speaker: ah yeah so I was writing in my book. It has Grogu on it. and i wrote I feel like the Grogu to Yoda. Like you're Yoda. I'm good.
Speaker: Get out of here with that. It's not even close to accurate. If I'm your Yoda, you're fucked. We're awful fucked.
Speaker: Aren't I already? think we can make this short one. God damn it. Yeah, while the cat's been still away, that's not a bad idea. was just looking around for us. I was like, oh, motherfucker's got to be creeping soon.
Speaker: Cat's in fucking heat. Everybody's been no yeah man i'm trying to fucking bang my legs and shit. Creep. Poor little thing. Don't get fixed. up day Not for the cat, brother. Not for the cat. She ain't fixed yet.
Speaker: That's funny. and I'm not feeling too well anyways, but I figured we'd put up a video. yeah That's right. We put up some shit. Good enough for you. Go fuck yourself.
Speaker: Don't forget we're not having fun and you're not doing it right. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Mike Mowenbaker.
Speaker: go. I got married five weeks ago today. To that fantastic punky North Carolina. I don't trust the judgment, but this song goes out to my baby.
Speaker: If I had a hammer.
Speaker: If I had the poet's man, I'd write a verse, you would be. If I had the painter's touch on canvas, you would be.
Speaker: But don't have a hand, and I don't have a ship. So I can't build you a house, but I cannot take the trip.
Speaker: I'll never have a poet's name. Never will I have your fingers raised. I will not break your verse, nor will I moralize your face.
Speaker: And also, you almost certainly
Speaker: Thank you.
