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Twilight
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It's HOA HOA HOA season girlies! And this isn't your standard review of the 2008 masterpiece Twilight. This is an in depth look at how the Catherine Hardwick original personally tormented Katie's mind!!!! We spend a record amount of time discussing how this film became a cultural phenomenon and how the com can come from bad writing. HOA HOA HOA folks!!
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Transcript
Introduction and "Hump Day" Discussion
00:00:01
Speaker
You know what day it is. God damn it. Happy hump day. Happy hump day. Hump day. Hump. Humpity.
00:00:12
Speaker
Humpity. Humpity. Hump. Hump. I don't know. I was like, what's a hump day song? That's it. I think you found it. That's it. Yeah. Happy hump day. We're going have to watch the movie Hump Day at some point, aren't we?
00:00:23
Speaker
There's a hump day movie? We talked about it the first time you tortured me with this phrase. Yeah. Yes, there is a Hump Day movie. It's called Hump Day. It is a mumblecore comedy drama. Oh, yeah. Directed and written that by Lynn Shelton.
00:00:42
Speaker
um yeah the director, yeah. ah Starring Mark Duplass. Joshua Leonard and Alicia Delmore. Duplass. um I like how quickly you had that information at your fingertips.
00:00:57
Speaker
Well, I just, like I just Wikipedia'd. I just hit hump day movie and then it popped up. um Well, it seemed like you had it like on the ready for me to be like, what? ah It is about two heterosexual male friends ah who find themselves locked in a mutual dare situation engaging to make a gay pornographic film.
00:01:17
Speaker
Oh, yeah, we did talk about this. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Well, I hope that they fall in love. I also hope that, but it doesn't say romantic in the genre descriptions on Wikipedia, at least. So we'll see. Maybe they find a new appreciation for their ah friendship.
00:01:34
Speaker
Yeah, maybe. yeah Maybe they just, you know, talk in in small rooms in Chicago for an hour and a half and then they end it. And they go, mar, mar, mar, mar
00:01:49
Speaker
but you know it's not my it's not my thing although they are easy to make and it is a um i p chicago genre so we give it very much yeah way to go chicago you do you do something things great Yeah. Like Mumblecore.
00:02:05
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And being negative 20 degrees.
Chicago's Cultural Traits and Movies
00:02:09
Speaker
And being negative 20 degrees. And putting a big middle finger to fascism. That's true. That's true. Yeah. um ah We have ah done pretty well at that, I suppose. In terms of, you know- ah The governor, at the very least, and the mayor.
00:02:25
Speaker
Yeah. It does make me a little worried because um in Handmaid's Tale and also Civil War, the movie Civil War, ah there's like multiple mentions of like, oh, you know, things started going bad at the Battle of Chicago.
00:02:43
Speaker
Oh, sure. Yeah. ah Remember when Civil War used ai to make their posters and they um they got the the corn cobs completely wrong on the island of Chicago?
00:02:54
Speaker
Yeah. It was embarrassing for them. But also ah remember when they sort of ah predicted what the world would look like? I mean, i never saw that movie. I was angered by the directors talking about politics before it ever came out. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to skip it.
00:03:15
Speaker
But there's so many scenes that just I think about every day. oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's, there's one where they're in this like little, like super white suburb and they go into a little shop and, um, the guy's just like, everyone's just sort of like, what, why is this so, this is so weird. Cause everything, everyone's like acting like normal and just like, there's just like this like teenager at the, at the like counter and she's just like reading a magazine And he goes, hey, like, you know, there's like a massive civil war happening out there, right?
00:03:49
Speaker
And number one, they say, they say the name of the title of movie. And then number two, she goes, yeah, we try not to think about that here.
Music Box of Horror Event Recap
00:03:58
Speaker
i mean, that's true of every war ever, though.
00:04:02
Speaker
i mean, yeah you life does have to go on. And that's certainly true of, you know, the previous American Civil War and and World War II in Europe and stuff. Like, there there is like, People have to continue living yeah even in the midst of um all of that. sounds and Yeah, that's true.
00:04:20
Speaker
It's very true. um Tragedies. Yeah, but like this movie is a tragedy. What a great segue, Katie. Yeah. Yeah.
00:04:34
Speaker
I have more though. I have more. i wanted to talk you have more okay I wanted to talk about the music box of horror that I went to this past weekend. Yes. Talk about the music box of horror. I'm so sorry. I stayed all 24 hours this year. Way more than I could ever do.
00:04:50
Speaker
Yeah, it was, i got a little loopy. So yeah this, the, the, I think the lineup was maybe the best one I've, I've been there for. um and definitely better than last year's.
00:05:03
Speaker
There was only one movie like ozone. Um, it was worse than ozone though. It was with way, it was worse, way worse than ozone. oh no It was, it was so amateurish, amateurishly made.
00:05:18
Speaker
It was so like, You know, I think we talked about the 180 rule a couple of episodes ago on this. Like, just flagrant, like, complete. I mean, just they just don't know that rule. Like, when they made this. yeah but the the the camera setups and the lighting setups would change rapidly but on different angles on the same scene.
00:05:36
Speaker
You couldn't really understand what the actors were saying. There were long, long, long stretches of dialogue that just went on endlessly. Oh, God. The movie was like 75 minutes and it felt like it was two and a half hours long. Easy. i hate that. I can't. can't. And it was also, go it was also at like three in the morning. So that's that, you know, we're all in twilight sleep basically. yeah and um Yeah, there it was just, yeah, there was no, I mean, Ozone had cool special effects, like cool, homemade, like interesting special effects. I was like, were they cool or were they gross, Katie? they I mean, no, here's what the fact that they were made by people like in their backyard and not by professionals. That's true. think it was really impressive.
00:06:19
Speaker
This movie had a cool score and that's the only thing I can say about it.
00:06:24
Speaker
What was it called? It was called Silent Death. And it was, it apparently is the first slasher movie directed by a ah black person, which that's cool.
00:06:36
Speaker
Cool. um But it's, again, it's just these people, like complete amateurs, like just making it in their neighborhood. um And it's, ah it was really, really hard to watch.
00:06:47
Speaker
Really hard watch. And apparently they're talking about, they introduced it. They're like, you know, this movie, like it was a rumor for a while. Like it got passed around on tapes and, you know, we never thought we'd be able to get a film version of it.
00:07:01
Speaker
And then like, why would someone go through all this trouble for this? Right. Why, why, why, why? Do you have our like money in it? Horror nerds are like that this that. If there's something they haven't seen, they really want to see it.
00:07:13
Speaker
Yeah. but there's a lot of cool stuff. They played Paranormal Activity at 6 in the morning, which will wake you up. Yes, it will. That shot of adrenaline. That everyone needed it to stay. I would not have stayed all 24 hours if that hadn't been right there.
00:07:27
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Lots of cool stuff. Really great movie called Clear Cut, which is o not a horror movie in a traditional sense. I mean, like, it's a horror movie in, like, the horror of the human soul. Yeah. It is this Canadian movie. It's from 1991. It's a Canadian movie about a um a white lawyer who is representing some First Nations people in a lawsuit against a logging company that's like destroying oh the forest.
00:07:59
Speaker
And he's like this really well-meaning white guy, right? yay And he loses the the the the lawsuit and is starting to appeal. And he meets this this guy, this this native guy played by Graham Greene, who just just died a few weeks ago. Like really famous native actor. If you don't know who he is, if you think who's that native actor that's in everything, it's this guy.
00:08:23
Speaker
um Giving an incredible performance as this
00:08:30
Speaker
It's hard to explain. It's almost you like you're not even sure. At the end, it's kind of like we we kind of maybe he's not even really human. yeah He's like this force of nature. And he oh the lawyer jokingly says to him, it's a shame we can't like kidnap the the head of the company. And in kind of a strangers on a train way, he's like, OK, well, but we'll do that. And he like leads him into this like.
00:08:52
Speaker
Cycle of violence. The movie is very angry and bitter and really a fuck you to like white guilt and like liberalism and like the idea that, that, um, that nonviolence is a possible solution when faced with overwhelming odds.
00:09:16
Speaker
And it is, um, um It's really anti-pacifist. ah um Oh, and fuck. it It rules. it's really It's a very upsetting movie.
00:09:27
Speaker
um But it was it was great. um What was it called a again? like It's called Clear Cut. Clear Cut. that When they announced it, they were like, yeah, people were really angry when this movie came out. I was like, yeah, you think?
00:09:38
Speaker
and Yeah. In 1991? 1991. Yeah. Yeah. one yeah um But yeah, that was that that was great. Amazing. And then the silent movie was amazing too. Oh, yeah. about The silent movie was called The Bat, which is from, I think, 1926.
00:09:57
Speaker
And it is like, I've seen i've seen kind of a lot of silent movies, not like not like a huge amount, but I feel like seen more silent movies than, you know, the the The average person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And most of the silent movies I've seen are very simple plots.
00:10:11
Speaker
Like, it's usually one person, you know, but like moving through some kind of, you know, adventure of some kind, whether it's, you know, there Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, and Harold Lloyd, or then there's, you know...
00:10:25
Speaker
even the, the, you know, the non, you know, slapstick comedy stuff, like definitely still generally has like a, it's a very simple kind of straightforward plot. Even like the German expressionist stuff is generally focused on one person moving through something.
00:10:39
Speaker
But this, this was so complicated. There were like, five or six different subplots happening all at once. Oh, shit. It was based on a play, which totally makes sense. It's ah it's a mystery.
00:10:51
Speaker
um And it's all these people in a house running around. it's very It inspired Scooby-Doo, sure. More than anything, though, it inspired Batman. Because it's about this criminal called the Bat who dresses up like a bat and murders people.
00:11:08
Speaker
um And we're trying they're trying to figure out who is the Bat um is like the mystery of the of the thing. And he has like a signal that he, a flashlight that he shines. It's got a Bat symbol on it. He's got a utility belt. He's got yeah like the Batarang thing, everything.
00:11:24
Speaker
The guy who created Batman saw this movie and completely lifted all of it when he wrote Batman. Yeah. It's like, what if what if he made the villain a billionaire and made him the good guy? Yeah. Basically, that's exactly that's exactly what it is. Yeah. It's just um the reverse of that. But yeah, it was – and the score, like, again, it had the um the guy, Max McGathey, who wrote a score and had the full band there playing it. That's amazing. That's one of my favorite things about – Yeah.
00:11:52
Speaker
Like, trying to watch this love the music box of horrors, the silent films. Yeah. with a different score would be totally, totally different. I can't even imagine that movie with like the little, <unk> ding, ding, ding, piano, you know? Cause it was like, it was like a synth heavy, like crazy drum score. It was just, it was incredible.
00:12:12
Speaker
Oh, cool. Oh my God. That sounds so cool. So it was a great time. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I remember fall of the house of usher was, um, Charlie, one of Charlie's and my favorite that in rec when we did music box of horror. Yeah.
00:12:25
Speaker
Yeah. Uh, and least favorite ozone. Yeah. Um, I don't even think ozone was the worst one that year. Actually. I think that was the year there was, there's another one. Cause they always play the worst one at like 3am because they know that we were long gone.
00:12:40
Speaker
Yeah. Um, Because Ozone was like early, right? It was. it was super early. It was like, oh God, I can't even remember. But I mean, there was like a whole Q&A and was like a whole thing. Oh, they had the director. That's what it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:12:56
Speaker
Okay, so you came in 2023? Yes. Yeah. Okay, let's see. Music Box of Horrors 23 tag on ah So yeah, I didn't stay the whole time, and but oh no no, no, no, no. Ozone was definitely the worst one that we watched at least. Yeah. Because I left at like 6 a.m. or something and Caitlin and Luke stayed the whole time that night that year and last year.
00:13:22
Speaker
Was that the year Casper was the like closing one? I think so. I don't know. It was either Casper or Ernest Scared Stupid. Casper might have been last year actually. um i didn't make it to either one.
00:13:32
Speaker
Yeah. feel it was Casper because I was like, ah, if I still lived in the city. Yeah. the um But ah yeah, and last year, Caitlin and Luke stayed all the way. And this video this year, all of us did.
00:13:47
Speaker
Look at you go. Congratulations. I'm so proud of you. And then I felt weird all day on Sunday. Yeah. No, you get your picture taken. and They take a big picture with the people who stayed the whole time. Yeah.
00:13:58
Speaker
That's so nice. But you don't get like a sticker. Yeah. I did get a barf bag though with my t-shirt that I bought. A barf bag? So i i um I pre-ordered my t-shirt, which, and the people the people who pre-order their t-shirts got a free barf bag.
00:14:15
Speaker
Oh, nice. That's really cool. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. What t-shirt did you get? and Just to meet the the the Music Box of Horror 25 t-shirt. Every year they have ah a t-shirt that's limited, you know, to that. Yeah. yeah With new art.
Transition to "Twilight" Discussion
00:14:34
Speaker
Fantastic. um i It may seem crazy, but a few of the things, the ah movies that you watched at Music Box of Horrors are excellent segues um for today's film.
00:14:47
Speaker
Yeah, um being amateurish amateurishly made, for example. Yeah. um You know, and and ah sort of the whitewashing of the um indigenous people and um and and bats.
00:15:07
Speaker
Because vampires... They play baseball and there's bats. there's Yeah, and there's there's there's baseball bats. Wait, do they turn into bats later? they don't. They never turn into bats.
00:15:19
Speaker
they never turn into bats. Well, I don't know. You're acting like that that's too silly for this series. so It's way too silly for this series. Okay, okay. Jesus, this is is a very, very intelligent...
00:15:35
Speaker
I can't even keep a straight face. It's not. That's right, guys. You guessed it. This is Go Get Your Girl. This is the podcast where Emma and Katie... Emma and by Katie do what?
00:15:50
Speaker
Emma and Katie are just... Two 16-year-old girls whose mom married a minor league baseball player. So they have to leave their home in Arizona and go live with their estranged father and Forks, Washington. They're clumsy and shy, but everyone tells them they're beautiful in every interaction they have with someone. And they meet this really, you know mysterious guy who for some reason and all of his family have freakishly pale skin
00:16:27
Speaker
you and he gives us a lot of red flags but we say fuck it because he's cute
00:16:35
Speaker
So we go for it and things get messy because he's a vampire. Yeah, that's right, guys. I'm Emma. And I'm Katie. And we are soft segueing from go Get Your Ghoul Month back into go Get Your Girl proper.
00:16:51
Speaker
Yep. With a ghoulish rom-drom that is unintentionally calm, I would say. yeah Yep, yep. yeah Charlie immediately asked. At one point in the movie, he was like, where's the comm?
00:17:06
Speaker
And I was like, it's in the writing. It's everywhere. It's everywhere. All around you. um We are watching Starlight from 2008. Directed by...
00:17:20
Speaker
Is that the score? That's the score. yeah I noticed the score was by Carter Burwell, which is crazy. Who's Carter Burwell? Carter Burwell is a very famous composer who has won met multiple Oscars. He does all the Coen brothers movies.
00:17:34
Speaker
Um, this, I felt like um i was like, this score is bad. And then I kept listening and I was like, it's not necessarily bad. It's just kind of used poorly. Yes.
00:17:48
Speaker
And there's, there's a lot of like pop songs that are also put in strange places. Yeah. Um, It's the music is, I think the the soundtrack, and it's not the soundtrack. So, but the, the score is deployed badly, like um sound editing wise and just like deciding where the score scored
"Twilight" Soundtrack and Creators
00:18:08
Speaker
moments will go. So that's on the director.
00:18:10
Speaker
But I mean, like the soundtrack slaps. The, the, the songs are good. yeah I mean, you got her more and iron and wine and radio head and muse radio and their, their,
00:18:24
Speaker
They're dark shadow muse.
00:18:30
Speaker
And um ah some other songs as well. i mean i remember I remember listening to the soundtrack when it came out, for sure. yeah. Because there were a bunch of indie artists that released exclusive songs on this. um For Twilight.
00:18:42
Speaker
This was a big deal. Yeah, the Paramore song was exclusive. All the Twilight soundtracks were, yeah. Yeah, all of the soundtracks were fantastic. but But this, and in particular, and New Moon are my two favorites.
00:18:53
Speaker
i And, and i mean...
00:18:58
Speaker
what's your what's your history with this movie hold on hold on i gotta do the director and writer first okay katherine hardwick yep um ah who had directed the movie 13 which i don't know if you saw oh oh i was obsessed with that movie yeah that figures yeah yeah yeah um lords of lords of dog town obsessed with that movie the nativity story she made those three movies before this and after this she made Not really much of anything. No. I think this tanked her career.
00:19:27
Speaker
It did. Well, she got fired off the series because this was so bad. She started as a production designer, however, and she was like she did a lot of production the design art direction for um some really big movies like Tombstone, Three Kings, Vanilla Sky, and transitioned into directing with 13, famously a movie written by 13-year-old.
00:19:52
Speaker
Yep. Yep. Who is in this movie? Is she? Yep. What's her name is in this? Yeah. it's ah She plays Rosalie. Oh, yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah. all right. Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:04
Speaker
Yeah. She wrote it based on her experience. Yeah. As a 13-year-old. Yeah. yeah quite a movie um yeah melissa rosenberg wrote this movie uh who was largely a tv writer um she wrote for party of five and the oc before this yes and afterwards she wrote a lot more she did um she also wrote the movie step up which we'll probably cover at some point yeah um and then she's continued to write for for tv after this she did write all i think she wrote all the star the twilight movies though did she really
00:20:37
Speaker
I'm not 100% sure. and Because, I mean, I'm not going to lie. The writing's not great. It's quite bad. um she is i think she is a bad writer. Because like when we were watching the Marvel show, um Jessica Jones, yeah um we were like, this is awful who wrote this. And we looked it up, and it was like, oh, Melissa Rosenberg wrote this, the writer of Twilight.
00:20:58
Speaker
Like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. and There's just so many lines that you're like, what? Yes, she wrote all of them She wrote all five of them. and And that's the only movie she's written. she Step Up and the five Twilight movies are the are her the movies and everything else is TV.
00:21:14
Speaker
I feel like she hasn't done on a new right anything since Jessica Jones. and Really? Well, that's still alive. Yes, she's still alive. Okay. Okay, cool, cool, cool.
00:21:25
Speaker
Thank God. Woof. I mean, ah the writing. The writing. So what's your what's your personal history with this, Katie? I remember everybody reading it. Yeah. So we kind of talked a lot about Twilight in the Train to Busan episode. I know. i That's what inspired me because I was editing at the time and I was like, ooh, we should do this. Yeah. Yeah.
00:21:51
Speaker
Um, so it is, uh, so yeah, i as I said, I am just a couple of years too old for Twilight. Um, and cause I'm two years older than you and you are, I guess just the right age.
00:22:03
Speaker
yeah Um, and I just, no, not any, it I wasn't going to do that. Um, I remember when the books came out, they were a big deal. I think I, I picked up a friend's copy of it and read a little bit of it. And I was like, this is the worst thing I've ever read.
00:22:18
Speaker
ah no, no. Nah, it was a gateway drug. i couldn't put it down. So you say. um
00:22:28
Speaker
It's just – I mean, the thing that struck me about it and the thing that strikes me in the movie about it is it's it's all so repressed and conservative and sexist. Like, it's very politically Mormon. It's fucking Mormon. yeah And, like, there – you know, i'm I'm sure there are plenty of – I mean, again, Mormons are super nice. That is –
00:22:50
Speaker
What we know about Mormons. I mean, it depends on the Mormon. You could go Book of Mormon Mormon, which are super nice Mormons, or you could go um whatever that Andrew Garfield um true crime series. Under Banner of Heaven. Under the Banner of Heaven Mormon. That's not nice Mormons. I read the book Under the Banner of Heaven in high school. ah Yeah.
00:23:09
Speaker
So I had a bit of a prejudice against against Mormons, I would say. I did have friends in in in high school who were Mormon. One of my very close friends in in in high school was Mormon.
00:23:21
Speaker
um and we're We're still friends. we We're Instagram friends now. She is ah a lesbian and no longer Mormon. yeah um Because you're not allowed to be. um But it's a very, very conservative um religion that emphasizes...
00:23:40
Speaker
ah subser female subservience to men. It emphasizes an eternal family where when you die, you will be reunited with your immediate family and live together in a physical, not spiritual, physically perfect body that will last forever. um So there's definitely some parallels. Oh, so your skin will shine bright like a diamond? Mm-hmm.
00:24:06
Speaker
Shine bright like a diamond! I mean, I don't know if that's specific to Mormonism, but um but yeah, i mean, definitely yeah the the physical body is ah is a big thing because like in a lot of segments of Christianity, you you have ah a spiritual body, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. After after you die. And in um ah in Mormonism, and I'm sure other sects, it's a physical body um because you do get a planet to live on.
00:24:37
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah you get your own planet. Yeah.
00:24:40
Speaker
But ah yes, so...
00:24:46
Speaker
Again, like I don't want to and don't want to upset anybody, but um the problems that I... Again, I think people should be allowed to to believe whatever they want to believe, and that's fine. But the political ramifications of of all of that and the way that it it has inspired lawmakers to pass laws in Utah and...
00:25:07
Speaker
largely other areas of of the country is ah is a problem, I think. And I think that this movie propagates the um regressive politics of that um religion in a way that is damaging to children.
00:25:32
Speaker
So, you know, I don't feel strongly about it anything. Yeah. So you're saying that um Twilight is one of the reasons that we still have sexism in America?
Debating "Twilight's" Themes and Impacts
00:25:45
Speaker
ah no um Well, I mean, I guess one of. ah There's the hundreds and hundreds of reasons why we still have sexism in America. I guess we could call it one of those. But i do think that it I do think that it definitely inspired a generation of girls to to um accept sexism.
00:26:03
Speaker
um bad relationships and to ignore red flags. I think that's true. and I think that it also says a lot about the people that were team Jacob like myself.
00:26:13
Speaker
like myself Okay, okay. Well, I didn't get to that. I know. When we get to new movies. Should we make this an annual event?
00:26:23
Speaker
should we Should we watch a Twilight movie ah the first week of November every I think we should. I mean, it's ha-ha-ha season. I don't know what that means.
00:26:34
Speaker
Five years from now. Okay.
00:26:40
Speaker
Five years from now, we'll finally be finished. Oh my god. Yeah, five years from now, we'll finally be finished. If we're still alive. Oh man, now now I feel like we gotta remix the the theme song with the Hoa Hoa We're gonna have to. We're gonna have to. The Hoa Hoa Hoa.
00:27:09
Speaker
art Wait, what's a good play on words? This is our Twilight dance, our Twilight Twinkle Toes. Our Twinkle Toe Twilight. I mean, a Twilight Sparkle is the My Little Pony character that I identify with.
00:27:26
Speaker
Twilight Sparkle. um This is our Twilight interlude into... Twilight interlude is pretty good. That's good. That's good. In between go get your ghoul and go get your girl. Yeah.
00:27:37
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And go get your ho-ho-hos. And go get your ho-ho-hos. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So we need something to sort of like, you know, bring us in there. So I think Twilight is an excellent interlude. And I agree.
00:27:50
Speaker
and um And this will actually be- ah five years yeah we're goingnna have Five years from now, we're going to have a different theme for every month. I know.
00:28:01
Speaker
We got to keep it snappy. We're, you know, a few years in. Snappy is one thing this podcast is not. i will I will draw your attention to the time clock.
00:28:14
Speaker
We have not even begun to talk about the movie. Well, I mean, I feel like there's a lot to unpack with, like, the repercussions of what Twilight did to us as a society.
00:28:25
Speaker
And think that... Oh God, this is going to be the longest episode ever. You do make some excellent points there, Katie. um I will say, as a Team Jacob girl, I remember reading the book, and I will say I read it in college.
00:28:40
Speaker
I was a sophomore in college, but I was still in college. And... um I remember reading it and being like, wow, Jacob's a way better fit for Bella than Edward ever was. Why is she so upset that Edward's gone? Jacob's obviously better for her.
00:28:57
Speaker
Da-doy. Number one, he has a beating heart. Number two. Important in a boyfriend, I think. He's nice. Because, I mean, let's not get too graphic, but um ah how does he get hard if He doesn't have a beating heart.
00:29:15
Speaker
That's an excellent question for every single piece of vampire lore, but apparently it's, it's not a problem. In fact, well in, in there, I mean, in some them vampires, their hearts do beat.
00:29:28
Speaker
Oh, like who? I feel like vampire diaries. They have beating hearts. Don't they? I never got through vampire diaries. Oh my Vampire diaries is so superior to twilight in every way.
00:29:41
Speaker
Excusez-moi.
00:29:45
Speaker
But Twilight have... While I was watching this, i was like, God, I wish I was watching Vampire Diaries. Vampire Diaries doesn't have the cultural implant on our society that this movie did. I mean, this movie is a time capsule of 2008. Oh, it certainly is. you You're like, what a fucking cultural phenomenon this movie was.
00:30:07
Speaker
And... How insane that this was a cultural phenomenon. and And also i just kept thinking there's this excellent SNL sketch that they did that year called um Firelight with Taylor Swift.
00:30:20
Speaker
And she played Kirsten Stewart in As Bella. And it was instead of a vampire, it was about a Frankenstein. Oh, I've seen that actually. Yeah. It's so good. He says, say it. and she says, Frankenstein. you're Frankenstein. Frankenstein.
00:30:36
Speaker
You're afraid of fire. his green. It's great. It's so dumb. It's so, so dumb. But um but it was just like such like a cultural phenomenon. And it continued to be so much so that... Everybody was reading that book in college.
00:30:53
Speaker
Yeah. And everybody was obsessed with Kirsten Stewart and Robert Pattinson's relationship. And it it like even so much so that it became a thing that he who shall not be named like Voldemort...
00:31:06
Speaker
tweeted about it and got real aggressive at Kirsten Stewart about. Oh, that's right. I do remember that. Yeah. Yeah. um What a loser that person is. What a loser. So the book came out in 2005. So. Okay. I didn't read it in 2005. I read it in 2008. No, I don't know if anybody did. i think that.
00:31:23
Speaker
How did it get popular? Like what was it? That's question. Yeah. It's 2005 young adult vampire romance novel. It's received lukewarm reviews.
00:31:34
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. uh no it it was no it became popular in 2005 yeah it's just i mean i guess maybe with kids and then like the adults picked it up later because like again i was we were both in college right yeah it was yeah like it was three years later after the book had come out that my friend jesse came up to me she was like you have to read this book i remember people reading the book before at least a year before the movie came out but yeah but not in 2005 yeah I read it before the movie came out because I remember I went to see the movie with my friend Jesse and I went to see um the second movie with my friend Jesse and then I went to see the third movie.
00:32:12
Speaker
I think I saw it with my mom um and then I started to teeter off because they really sort of went away from the books in a way. well I remember asking because Caitlin read them and I was asking her like, you know, so what happens? Because like i we loved Harry Potter. Like that's my thing. Like I was the perfect age for Harry Potter. Obviously that was a mistake.
00:32:32
Speaker
yeah um Neither of us did well in the test of time. In terms of like ah horrible people who made art, I was into all of it like all of like When I was 18 years old, all of my favorite things were made by the worst fucking people in the world.
00:32:52
Speaker
Yep. um what ah When did the last one come out? Yeah. did did didta did did-ta did It doesn't say. New movie breaking dawn. Oh, 2008. All of them were out by the time the first movie came out. The last book came out in conjunction with the first movie.
00:33:08
Speaker
I remember waiting for the last book to come out. Yeah. And being mad about it. Cause it was only, it was, they did the Harry Potter thing again, it the Harry Potter fact where they took four books and they made them into five movies because they make more money that way.
00:33:24
Speaker
Exactly. Because exactly that. And I remember being like, they didn't need, they don't need to do that with this book. They really don't need and And then they did it with the Hobbit and it completely did not work. Um, And then they tried to do it with ah the Divergent series, and then they just never even made the last one because it did so poorly. Yeah, because it did so bad. I read those books too, and those books were great.
00:33:44
Speaker
I read the first one. I don't think I read the other two, but I did see the author on the on the on the um the l one time. Yeah, because she's she's Chicago lady. She's a Chicago lady. And I remember them filming filming the um Divergent series because they were filming it on the weekend um around the corner from my office where I was a receptionist because it was at the Chase building. Yeah.
00:34:13
Speaker
I digress. Anyways, that wasn't Twilight. Twilight. Twilight, Twilight, Twilight. Yes. um I will start off with a little bit of Charlie's Corner. Sure. Charlie's Corner.
00:34:24
Speaker
Charlie's Corner. Charlie's Corner. Hi, governor. i chart This is the, I think, third time I've made Charlie watch his movie. He never remembers it because he never pays attention.
00:34:38
Speaker
This time he actually paid attention. He's on his dang phone. He's on his dang phone. But he was on his dang phone again. But he did. He was looking up the actual plot. And he was looking up because he had questions.
00:34:51
Speaker
Okay. And at one point he turns to me and he goes, did you know that Twilight would never have happened? If 9-11 didn't happen.
00:35:02
Speaker
And I went, I'm sorry, what? And he went, yes. Famous internet fact. Yeah. yeah Yeah. Twilight would have, would not have happened if had it not been for 9-11 because nine eleven happened.
00:35:14
Speaker
Gerard Way saw the Twin Towers falling when he was, um, interning at Cartoon Network And it inspired him to quit interning and go start that darn dang band with his brother in New Jersey. That became My Chemical Romance.
00:35:31
Speaker
My Chemical Romance made some albums about vampires, which inspired, partially inspired. She was more inspired by Muse in the first book. Second book is more um My Chem.
00:35:44
Speaker
Uh, but, uh, it was inspired by My Chemical Romance to write Twilight. Stephanie Meyer wrote this because of My Chemical Romance, who were formed because of Yeah. Yeah.
00:35:55
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Um, and yeah that is, I don't get a lot of My Chemical Romance in this, uh, in this, but in this movie.
00:36:06
Speaker
Their first album was a lot about vampires. That makes sense. There's a lot of vampire stuff and a lot of like, I love you. Sure. Yeah. It's generally emo, I suppose. um Yeah.
00:36:20
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So...
Deep Dive into "Twilight's" Characters and Plot
00:36:23
Speaker
Twilight. Oh, i like out but yes. So I will also say he didn't enjoy it the third time.
00:36:30
Speaker
How can you? he He very much did not enjoy it. However, he did say in the car yesterday that he's really mad because after watching the first Twilight, he's like, well, now I feel like we have to watch all of them.
00:36:44
Speaker
And I hate that. I don't feel that at all. So I watched this the first time. I want to say it was 2020 or maybe 2021. Yeah. Because i I think I told, we talked previously about how like it was pandemic.
00:36:56
Speaker
We were watching a lot of movies, watching a lot series and movies. I watched all the Fast and Furious movies, um which again, better than this movie. hey um And ah just to to just to mark them off because we had lots of free time.
00:37:11
Speaker
And um so we I was like, let's watch ah but's let's watch Twilight. So we watched the first Twilight and I was like, yeah, I'm definitely not watching any more of these. There's no way. No, no. The plan was to watch all five of them, and it was immediately aborted after watching the first one.
00:37:28
Speaker
But the second one's so much better. You know, people say that. I guess we'll find out. The third one's not. The fourth one, I i didn't even finish.
00:37:39
Speaker
But I have never even seen the fifth one. But, like... Find out in 2030. We'll try find out in 2030. um
00:37:51
Speaker
But yeah, so ah so we start off. 2029, sorry. 2029, cool. um Well, maybe we'll split that movie in half so that it is 2030.
00:38:03
Speaker
That's actually a funny bit.
00:38:07
Speaker
so We will definitely not remember to do that, but that would be a funny bit. If we did if we split the the second part of the two-part movie into two parts, separated by a year. Right? Because there's a lot to unpack in that. They go off the rails. They they jump the shark, some might say. There's a baby involved.
00:38:27
Speaker
There's a baby involved. There's a robot baby that's supposed to be a real baby, but it looks real weird. um i'm saying I've seen pictures of it. Yeah, it's terrifying.
00:38:38
Speaker
um but ah But yeah, so we start off in Arizona. yeah Well, no, actually, that's a lie. We start off in the woods of Washington. Washington State.
00:38:50
Speaker
We're going to be this detailed. Well, you got to start off with that first shot. we We start off with like some like moody shots of trees and fog and rain. And we hear Kristen Stewart doing a ah voiceover saying she never thought that much about dying or how she was going to die um or something like that. I can't remember. and Yeah, I never thought too much about dying, but I suppose dying in place of the one you love is the way to go is what she says.
00:39:22
Speaker
You might say that you're not a Twilight girly, but you just quoted Twilight. Because I wrote it down because it was stupid.
00:39:33
Speaker
but and so, and as she's saying this voiceover, we're following poor little deer who's running through the woods, tromping along, being hunted by something.
00:39:44
Speaker
We can't see because it's so fast. And it, and like the last final shot is something attacking said deer. I mean, it's person. You can definitely tell it's a person. We don't know, Katie. We don't know.
00:39:55
Speaker
okay Jesus. However, if you've read the books, then you'll know that it's the Cullens because they're quote unquote vegetarians. um That's not what that word means.
00:40:08
Speaker
You know, there's a word for for like for not eating people. That's just like regular. That's just regular. You can just say I'm not a cannibal. You don't need to call yourself a vegetarian because you don't eat humans. Jesus.
00:40:22
Speaker
It's like when I tell people I'm a vegetarian, they're like, do you eat fish? I'm like, no. That's a pescatarian. Yeah. I mean, like, no. That's why I said vegetarian. and So you eat chicken?
00:40:36
Speaker
No, don't. That's what vegetarian means. Words have to mean things, Collins. Yep. It's very, um, my big fat Greek wedding, uh, coded.
00:40:48
Speaker
Or he goes, I'm a vegetarian. So lamb. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. ah Thank you, Andrew Martin, for your service.
00:40:59
Speaker
and Anyways, so so yeah so we smash cut to um Arizona, and Bella supposedly just unplanted a cactus to plant in a little planter because she's got a teeny tiny cactus in a little thingy, and she's got a little like shovel thing.
00:41:20
Speaker
No one has ever looked less like a Phoenix girly than Kristen Stewart.
00:41:27
Speaker
ah So true. ah But yeah, so she's got a, she we don't get a lot of details, just that my mom's new boyfriend, Charlie, or ah my mom's with Charlie now.
00:41:39
Speaker
And, or no, no, Charlie her Charlie is her dad. Charlie is her dad. Yeah. I don't remember her stepdad's name. Yeah, I can't remember her stepdad's name. But she was like, they're going on the road for a while. So I'm going to stay with my dad.
00:41:50
Speaker
And it's just like very like nonchalant. Like somebody just telling you, I'm going to go stay with my dad. Her mom is like, there's a whole conversation to be had about her mom. And I assume like it get that we get more about it in the in the sequels. But um her mom is very absent.
00:42:06
Speaker
Yep. And which leads me to believe that that is why she is so independent. And she is um like. acts like an adult yeah because her mother is like a child.
00:42:17
Speaker
Yep. That is exactly why. We're just going to go like run across the country and my boyfriend is a, or her husband minor league baseball player. Minor league baseball player. Yeah. How old is he? Is he like 10 to 15 years younger than her? because like he looks like it.
00:42:33
Speaker
Minor league baseball players are like in their 20s usually. mean, we watch Bull Durham. Yeah. I mean, i get yeah yeah right I guess Kevin Costner is is like, I think he's supposed to be 40 in that, but he's, but he's already been to the majors and come back in that.
00:42:49
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And he's washed up and supposedly like the, what's his name is just making Cause they're just, they're going, they're doing around. I don't know how old Sarah Clark, the actress is in this movie. um But um you know, if she, if Bella is supposed to be 16, then, you know, she, ah Sarah Clark could be like,
00:43:11
Speaker
36 or maybe even like 34. And then he could be like, you know, 25. That's still kind of a big age gap. Yeah. But I mean, like what you get in the books is that her mom is a little bit of a hippy, dippy, crunchy, absent baby mom.
00:43:26
Speaker
So like she, she's very much into sort of like, it's a reason, she's the reason that Bella's a vegetarian and also isn't that Bella's so independent is like, she's just sort of like, um la, la, la, la. la Um, and, and so, yeah, why Bella chose to live with her instead of her dad, who's obviously very much likes rules and yeah structure.
00:43:51
Speaker
Well, I mean, he doesn't really though. I mean, here's another one of this, these, like this, this, this conservatism thing, like Bella had, and again, I'm sure this is not true of the book, but in this movie, she has no interests at all.
00:44:06
Speaker
None. She has no ah dreams or ambitions or drive other than this boy. She has nothing in her life. and in And in fact, no female characters do.
00:44:19
Speaker
Every female character in this movie is defined by wanting to be in a relationship with a man. and Having and and being a housewife, honestly, like, I mean, Bella is already a housewife. She's a housewife to her dad. She yeah moves into that mode immediately. yeah She, and she talks to him in a in a maternalistic way. She's like the mother wife figure for her own father instantly. As soon as she arrives, she's doing dishes. She's doing chores.
00:44:52
Speaker
She's not going out and hanging out with the friends that she immediately makes, except for on one occasion, And where they go to La Push. They go to La Push.
00:45:03
Speaker
la push Which seems like a very dreary place to serve. Well, it's Washington State. But again, her and her ambition is to be a housewife. Her mother has no dream or ambition.
00:45:17
Speaker
Her friends have none. her um i suppose what's her name is the photographer for the yearbook. But really, she just did that to want to be closer to the obviously gay Eric, who she does end up with in the end.
00:45:32
Speaker
This is the year of metrosexuals. He's metrosexual. That boy is gay. we know nothing about. um But presumably, like, I mean, she is a housewife. We don't say anything, we learn anything about that. And the other girls all masquerade as high schoolers. Like, there's no, there's there's nothing to any of these characters. And it's just, it's really frustrating. Yeah.
00:45:58
Speaker
You get more of it in the book. Her friends do have dreams and aspirations. I assume so. Yeah. um Because ah little Anna Kendrick's character is like, ah she wants to be valedictorian class president. Like, you know, that person she's in charge, like the planner. And then um other chick with the glasses. I can't remember her name, but she's the one who's like really into the newspaper and like photography and stuff like that. Right, right, right, right. You get a little bit more, and it's it's a lot more sad in the books because, like, she talks about how they have all these dreams and aspirations.
00:46:32
Speaker
And, like, supposedly she's supposed to have some sort of drive in the beginning, but Edward just sucks all of that out of her until there's nothing left. And so she's so sad and depressed and she's just like, I just wish that I wanted what they had, ah normal life.
00:46:48
Speaker
But no, I want to be a vampire with my super old vampire boyfriend who deathlights me. Yeah. Not even to mention the fact that it's, uh, that there's a, um, like a 90 year age gap here. yeah Angela is the, is the, is that character? Angela.
00:47:08
Speaker
Yeah. Angela's super into being a journalist yeah and stuff like that. Um, but yeah, no. And I mean like the, that, I think that's one of the things that was then a huge issue with the movie is that they, Bella doesn't have a lot on paper in the books But she has something. There's no doubt to any of these characters.
00:47:26
Speaker
There's something in the books. There's at least something. Yeah. And they took that little nugget. There has be. It's a book. It's like 500 pages long. Yeah. Yeah. It's first person narrated, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:38
Speaker
Exactly. yeah um And then they took those nuggets and they threw them away. Yeah. Well, I mean, to a certain degree, i mean, you have to, you're making a two hour movie out of a 500 page book and you have to cut something. But, um, I think it's, it again, having not read the book, there's no way this was adapted well.
00:47:56
Speaker
No, it was not. It was not, but I still love it. I still love The thing that ah you mentioned Anna Kendrick. ah yeah We love Anna Kendrick because she's charming in and completely impossible to dislike in any movie. um I can't think of any movie where she's an unlikable character.
00:48:16
Speaker
I just like her in every movie. Yeah, because she's great. um She and the character Alice are the only characters that I like in the entire movie. Everybody else ah is fucking boring or stupid or...
00:48:34
Speaker
or Or like manipulative and and evil. um like Yeah. All the vampire boys are are are guilty of that. The vampire boys.
00:48:45
Speaker
Those boys. What is Carlisle's deal? Okay, let's get into it. Let's get into the Cullen family. Okay, the Cullen family. Here's the things that I'm interested in. Okay, on. And this are these are things that the movie is not interested in. Edward says, we all have a special power.
00:49:00
Speaker
My power is I can read people's minds. Like, that is a major power. That's a big power. Alice's power is that she can see the future. Big power. Yes. What are the rest of the family's powers?
00:49:13
Speaker
They're not interested in that. Emmett is super strong. Like super, super, super strong. Which Emmett? I didn't know there was an Emmett. Oh, Emmett's the big bulky guy. Is that, that, is that the, is that the mean ones? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also the siblings are all dating each other. We should point out.
00:49:30
Speaker
Yes. Okay. Let's the Cullen family. So you don't even know, like you read these books. ah i mean I was also not interested in it. I want to tell you in specific.
00:49:43
Speaker
ah Jasper, um Jasper can sense and manipulate emotions. Okay. So he can manipulate your money emotions. is ah he Not everyone has superpowers.
00:49:56
Speaker
Okay? That... They don't have superpowers. They don't have... that That's... a see that's just lazy writing. If you say... Carlisle's compassionate. If you start a... a um Like... Why would some of them have powers and some of them not? Like that... And then there's...
00:50:14
Speaker
I hate that. I hate that so much. Rosalie is just beautiful. Emmett is just super strong and Rosalie is beautiful. I hate that. I hate that. So Alice, Jasper, and Edward are the only ones that have like super duper powers. And then Bella later on, she's got, she gets a super duper power, but, um, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie don't.
00:50:37
Speaker
Why? Why would half of them have powers and the other half not? Yeah. Because you have to be super special. There has to be something weird about you and cool. There's no mythology. There's no world building in this. That's what it is. There's no world building in this. That is what I don't like.
00:50:53
Speaker
Like, this is a supernatural world. Like, it's all an afterthought to yeah this possessive, controlling relationship that she finds herself in. That is the hook.
00:51:05
Speaker
That's what she's interested in. It's 500 pages long and they don't talk about the other characters' powers. I hate that. I'm so mad.
00:51:15
Speaker
I mean, they do in the book. They do in the book. That's what you just said. they don't They don't. Four of them don't have powers. Do they explain why they don't have powers? Is there a reason why they don't have powers? There's a reason because like there's like not everybody special, Katie.
00:51:28
Speaker
yeah And so like if you have like something in in your life as like a person and then you become a vampire, that can sometimes be amplified. So like Alice was like a little cuckoo cocoa bananas.
00:51:44
Speaker
Okay. Great. And so when she got turned into ah vampire, at it that turned into where she can see the future. So Edward could hear really well and that got turned into reading people's minds? really good to at reading people.
00:52:02
Speaker
oh my god. No, this is worse. I thought it was better and it's worse. Let me ask you, so is it is that in the book or are you making this up? No, that's actually in the book.
00:52:13
Speaker
That's actually in the book.
00:52:19
Speaker
Oh, man. Oh, man. ah Boy, oh, boy. Um...
00:52:26
Speaker
So like's go but let's put this against like, okay, so Vampire Diaries you haven't seen, but you have seen True Blood. Like True Blood, the vampires have like a large, um you know, bureaucracy. They have have um they have government. They have laws and rules.
00:52:42
Speaker
Not in this movie. They don't. There's not a ah shred of it. Well, that's because the Cullens live outside of that because they're vegetarians. Okay. That's not what that word means. They go. um So it gets. So in the next movies, they go into like vampire culture and stuff. Okay. Exactly. The, the Vulturi.
00:53:00
Speaker
ah Okay. Was it Michael Sheen, one of them? Yep. Michael Sheen is the head of the Love Sheen. um And their basis is in Italy and it's a whole thing. There's there's like there's there's rules, there's things.
00:53:13
Speaker
it's and all right So there's vampire shenanigans and mythology in later movies is what you're saying? Yes, exactly. all this is right In this movie, we have to get to the core of what makes...
00:53:24
Speaker
Bella supposedly attracted to Edward. here's my next criticism. and We don't get any of that. And I'm sure maybe we we do in the books, but not in this. but This movie does this trick at least twice. I was, I may have done it a third time that I wasn't paying attention where they have a conversation where the audio is drowned out by music.
00:53:47
Speaker
So it's like, And here's where they're talking to each other and like falling in love. And it's like, that's why we're watching the movie. like that's what rom-coms are about. That's what we want to see yeah We want to, that's what romance novels are about. we want to see them interact with each other as more than just physical attraction. Like, especially in a book where there is no physical attraction. Like you can describe somebody as being hot, but especially in a book,
00:54:12
Speaker
You have to build the character in a way that makes them attractive as a person and not just say, well, he was really hot and that's why they like each other. You know? i mean, yes. And they allied all of that in this movie. They did. They completely. And it's funny because they specifically have the scenes in there and have the music drown it out.
00:54:33
Speaker
Like when they're weirdly just laying in the meadow. Yeah. What are they talking about? Like, they don't have any deep conversations. All their conversations are, I got to stay away from you because I'm dangerous. And she's like, I really want you to fuck me so hard.
00:54:50
Speaker
Yeah. Because, okay. So basically, long of story short, Bella goes to school. There's this family called the Cullens. They're vampires. We haven't about the flies. see She goes, but like nobody knows that. They're like all foster kids. It is also like a weird arrangement of like their cover story. It's not a good cover story. They don't eat. They sit in the cafeteria and don't eat. And no one thinks that's suspicious.
00:55:15
Speaker
They don't eat. They don't sleep. It's like boring ass vampires. Like yeah what is the point? Like I always just claim that I want the. Shines like diamonds.
00:55:27
Speaker
It sure does. looks so stupid. Shine bright like a diamond. they they They claim, you know, I always claim that I want the dark gift, right? But this is these vampires are the most boring, like, no, like, I mean, I guess maybe you get a power, but maybe not.
00:55:45
Speaker
You can move super fast. Well, yeah yeah, but it looks so dumb. You can play baseball to muse. But you can't eat or or um or sleep or or or, I mean, presumably fuck. I mean, I guess they fuck. I don't know. They do.
00:56:02
Speaker
And it, they do. Okay. Well, I don't know how.
00:56:10
Speaker
um But like he's they're just impossibly strong and possibly fast. I mean, these are direct lines from the film. um Special effects related to any time they do something like super super like the superpowers just looks so cringe and like lame.
00:56:31
Speaker
Like they do this like slow motion, like blurring effect and yeah pulling him on the wires, but it looks like he's just on wires. Like it doesn't, there's no force behind his jumps. It looks like he's, mean, it looks like he's flying more than jumping or, or moving.
00:56:47
Speaker
Um, and when he's she's on his back and he's like running up the mountain, it just looks so bad. Are you talking about, um the hold on tight? Yep.
00:56:58
Speaker
The legendary hold on tight spider monkey, which that line comes out of nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. So does he call her that in the book or something? oh That's why they, that's not even in the book.
00:57:10
Speaker
Not even in the book. It's complete, there's another thing, like, there's a lot of scenes in this movie, there's another scene where they're in, um they're going to his house for the first time, and crap, I i didn't write it down, don't remember what it is, but there's like these little lame attempts at witty dialogue.
00:57:25
Speaker
And it's just so, it's yeah it's very it's all very lame and cringe is the best way to that I can describe it. Because it's it's attempts to be like witty banter, but it's not witty. And it's not even banter. It's just.
00:57:42
Speaker
It's just, yep. It's awkward and weird. And we haven't even gotten into the performances of these two yet. The perform, oh, like the acting performances of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.
00:57:54
Speaker
Yeah. so You guys should see Katie, your face. You feel so defeated by Twilight.
00:58:04
Speaker
didn't care for this movie. I can tell. But like, here's the thing. Here's the thing. um Is it a fun watch? Yes.
00:58:15
Speaker
I didn't have any fun. i'm not having any fun, Emma. I'm quoting this movie constantly going, this is the skin of a killer Bella. This is the skin of a killer Bella is funny. I mean, I did laugh.
00:58:28
Speaker
Yes. That's where the calm come in, comes in. And, and hi Bella, we made Italiano for you. Yeah. Oh my God.
00:58:40
Speaker
It's,
00:58:42
Speaker
yeah is Yeah, it's like camp without being fun. Yeah. like no Because nobody's in on the joke. like Nobody is having fun. It doesn't look like anybody had fun making this movie.
00:58:53
Speaker
And apparently maybe that'll change because I think it was a nightmare on set. And again, there's a reason why um she yeah Katherine Hardwick wasn't wasn't asked back. Yeah. Which is a shame because like this movie was written and directed by women. And yeah I love that. It's a shame. It's one of the like more misogynist movies we've watched on this podcast. One of the most terrible things.
00:59:14
Speaker
um Yeah. ah But yeah. So also we should mention. So like the Cullens are vegetarians. And. not what it means. And there are some regular vampires come to town.
00:59:28
Speaker
They're not cannibals. No, you're right. Actually, no, you're right. I'm sorry. I take it back because they're not human. So it's not cannibalism. It's not cannibalism. You're not cannibalism. They're vampire vegetarian. They don't eat people.
00:59:39
Speaker
They don't eat people. They eat animals. They're humanitarians. And you can tell who's a vampire vegetarian and who's not by their eyes. So when they get really hungry, their eyes get really dark. But when they're like just been fed, it's like a honey brown color. Yeah. But unless they eat- They don't explicitly say that in this movie, but they don't. She doesn't mention it, that his eyes change color. Yeah.
01:00:02
Speaker
And um if you drink if you eat humans, your eyes are red, which is why the three baddies, all of their eyes are red. Yeah.
01:00:13
Speaker
so uh you can tell like who drinks people and who doesn't and so our three baddies are in town they don't know about the cullens and they're just one like whom gotta point out is is eddie gatheggi um who i love uh who is on one of my favorite tv shows uh for all mankind and he was in the superman movie this year oh And he was fucking great in the Superman movie. He played Mr. Terrific. Super fun, like star making role, I hope for him because was it he's like- Is he Laurent or was he James? He's Laurent.
01:00:45
Speaker
Laurent? Oh, fabulous. Cause he's, he's the best. We love Laurent. Laurent doesn't want to shake- Not evil. Yeah. Not evil. I mean, yes, he, he eats people, but he's a vampire.
01:00:58
Speaker
Right. Get past it. And, ah but like, ro he doesn't grow up. He doesn't want to like shake any tail feathers or, you know, yeah he was like, okay, we'll, we'll leave. No problem. He just wanted to play baseball.
01:01:12
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. He just wanted to play baseball. James and Victoria, they want to fuck shit up. And that goes into more detail in the book because James used to hunt Alice and they had to turn out. Alice has get turned so that she, he couldn't like hunt her and kill her.
01:01:27
Speaker
So that's like a they have They don't mention that in the movie at all. They don't mention that in the movie at all. And I'd completely forgotten that part until Charlie was like, um he had read the plot online and he was like, let me tell you why. he was like, because I was confused.
01:01:40
Speaker
Well, he has a superpower too. Because he has like super tracking power. Yeah, because hunter. and he loves it. He loves it. There's a certain thing, like if if powers are only going to come to some, it needs to be more rare than it is.
01:01:53
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Like fully half of the people. It seems like it's just lazy writing. I don't know. I couldn't think of anything for, for Carlisle. Well, Carlisle, Carlisle. Weirdest looking people. It's so So basically what ends up happening is how Bella starts like catching on that, that something's not right with the Cullens.
01:02:20
Speaker
very obvious. Is that um she, well, first Edward is like her lab partner in biology and he's real weird about it, but then he's like fine. And then he's like covering a boner basically, except it's his mouth. of ah His mouth,
01:02:36
Speaker
Because she smells so rude. Yeah, and he's like covering his nose and like, she's like, do I smell bad? Like he's gonna, he looks like he's gonna vomit, but I assume he's covering like his fangs or whatever. Which, we don't see any fangs in this movie. There's no fangs in the Twilight universe.
01:02:53
Speaker
So they just like gnaw on you with like human teeth? They're really strong. That's stupid as fuck.
01:03:03
Speaker
Fangs are a symbol
01:03:07
Speaker
Of a penis. Like, I feel like that's pretty common vampire shit. Yeah, but this is Mormonism. Oh, for God's sake.
01:03:20
Speaker
i'm finding out more about this and everything you tell me, it's like, hate this. So,
Casting and Cultural Critiques in "Twilight"
01:03:26
Speaker
yeah. So, basically, Edward sees Bella across the parking lot and she's got this old beat-her-up truck. And he's got this fancy, I don't know.
01:03:37
Speaker
ah it's a Volvo. Volvo, which also was a sponsor of this movie. Volvo.
01:03:44
Speaker
Not Vulva. Volvo. said Volvo. vol it sounded like Volvo the first time, swear. Volvo? Volvo. ba out i mean...
01:03:57
Speaker
blah blah uh and he sees her and then one of her little classmates uh because it's so icy and cold in forks washington um because we are almost to the canadian border and uh it's like march that she gets there it's not the start of the school year Yeah, it's in March.
01:04:16
Speaker
And so her friend is pulling into the school parking lot and his car starts to hydroplane and he is turning and turning and oh my God, it looks like he's going to kill Bella with his car.
01:04:28
Speaker
But no, Edward's there and he smushes the car with his hand. And they have this very intense stare at each other. And Bella's like, what? One of a couple of scenes that works in this movie. I will give it that. Yep. Yep. It is iconic. Yes.
01:04:42
Speaker
It is iconic. And then um she's at the hospital. And this is where we meet Carlisle. And Carlisle walks in. And there's a whole room of just normal people. And then there's Carlisle. And you're like, what? Fucking powder walking into the room. Like,
01:04:56
Speaker
They all look so bad. He's blonde, which doesn't yeah help. Nope. But he is, he looks albino. Yep. Which, again, people are albino.
01:05:07
Speaker
That's yeah fine. That's a thing. But it is noticeable. And everyone is acting like he and his whole family are normal. And it's, a again, I mean, do they fix the makeup? Do they fix them? Because it's a makeup problem.
01:05:21
Speaker
It is a makeup problem. It gets worse. It's a makeup decision then. So it's not a problem. It's a it's a makeup decision. Yeah. And I'm going to be honest. They make Alice's even worse because they change her hair. oh yeah. That's a shame. Yeah.
01:05:34
Speaker
They give her a full on pixie. like Her little fuck ass bob in this is is pretty cute. It's pretty cute. And it fits for the character. They take all of her hair away. Interesting.
01:05:46
Speaker
And it just like it does something to the character. And I'm like, you don't seem whimsical anymore. Yeah. Anyways. um But, but yes.
01:05:58
Speaker
So so her dad her dad is like, Oh God. Her dad's great. No, he sucks.
01:06:07
Speaker
He, okay, we'll get to it later, but at this but point, like, he is just so not present. And because also there's, like, murders happening. It's like, it must be an an animal attack. Like, I think we're in a vampire movie.
01:06:19
Speaker
An animal? And um so he's never there. And she just, again, like, operates on her own as his housewife, ah basically.
01:06:31
Speaker
but is so blase about the things that are obviously happening to her is, is not involved in her life at all. Um, like he asked her question and she's like, going talk about boys? And he's like, you're right. I don't talk about anything.
01:06:45
Speaker
Um, also he's in the restaurant and like gives away like confidential police information to everybody in the restaurant for some reason.
01:06:55
Speaker
Yeah. ah come on, Charlie. Yeah. Oh, man, he's not a good cop, but he is. And he's not a good dad. um But he is the hot. the come He is hot. And he is the comedic relief of this movie.
01:07:09
Speaker
One of my favorite things is when she's going to go play baseball with the Cullens. Unknown to me. That's a surprise to me that he was a comic relief in this movie. It's very funny. It's a funny moment when he's cleaning his gun with a beer. There is because he always has a beer in his hand.
01:07:27
Speaker
In every scene. An alcoholic? No. They were like, how can we make Charlie relatable? Give him a beer. Yeah, it's a lot of beers. Yeah, because when the when Jacob's dad comes over, there's they've got a twig for the two of them, which is a lot of beer.
01:07:42
Speaker
Six each. I mean, again, Mormons don't know how much beer people drink, so that's probably part of it. And it could be like Utah beer, which has less alcohol content. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're in Washington.
01:07:55
Speaker
Yeah, so, ah no, they don't have that. And he drank 26 beers, or however many is normal. And he was tipsy. um ah We should talk about the ginormous um indigenous elephant in the room, which is Jacob Black.
01:08:14
Speaker
Jacob Black. Which is ah Taylor Lautner, who is famously not Native American. Nope. And also a child. Yep. but um he's supposed to be He's supposed to be a year younger than Bella.
01:08:27
Speaker
So he's supposed to be younger. is 15. She is 17. And what's his name is 21. Robert Pattinson is 21. Kristen Stewart is 17. And Taylor Lautner is 15 when they shot this.
01:08:39
Speaker
Yeah. um and But like. So did they start dating when he was 21 and she was 17? I think they waited to make it public until she was 18. Okay. Yikes.
01:08:51
Speaker
Yeah. um But yeah. So, ah so, so Jacob played by Taylor Lautner, who um he is a lot of different ethnicities, all of them European, none of them indigenous, including, ah but he has said in interviews that there is something.
01:09:13
Speaker
What? There's some indigenous heritage way back. Way back. That doesn't fucking matter.
01:09:23
Speaker
But when I will say 23 and me, it was like he was like a surprising amount Ethiopian. It was like seven or eight percent Ethiopian. But like that doesn't mean anything. You can't go around like can't play a black person because you've got seven percent.
01:09:41
Speaker
So um that's not great. We don't like that. And so then they tried to course correct um with every other character who is ah indigenous in this film is actually played by an indigenous actor. And that is true of the rest of the series.
01:09:55
Speaker
So just not him, just not the main character. um His dad actually is a very famous indigenous actor. Yeah, I know. Yeah. ah Yeah, his dad, whose name his last name is Birmingham.
01:10:09
Speaker
I don't know his first name. I should know this. I've got the list here, but he's what? Gil Birmingham. Gil Birmingham. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's in stuff. Yeah. He's he's a very famous um indigenous actor.
01:10:21
Speaker
And um that you meet more of the Wolfie boys in the second movie, and they're all played, all the Wolfie boys and girls are played by indigenous actors. um it just It would have been nice.
01:10:35
Speaker
if Jacob was also indigenous yeah oh my god Graham Greene is in the actor who I was talking about in Clear Cut he's in New Moon is he really is he is Harry Clearwater if that means oh he's Harry shit okay okay there you go see so um so yeah I would like for them this is Emma's petitioning for them to remake Twilight course correct of these things It could be better.
01:11:04
Speaker
could be better. They could make it into a mini series like what they're doing Harry Potter. no, no, no, no. um Yeah, they don't need to do that either. I mean, they don't need to do the thing with Harry Potter because that's fruit of the poison tree. But I believe it's a legal term. Charlie, check me on that.
01:11:22
Speaker
oh
01:11:25
Speaker
I believe the legal term is fruit of the poison tree. Mm-hmm. We don't want to have anything to do with that because the because the author is a ah horrible person who deserves nothing.
01:11:38
Speaker
yeah Yeah, exactly. And we don't need to be giving her any more money. Yeah. But yeah, so Jacob Black is ah Charlie, Bella's dad's best friend's son.
01:11:50
Speaker
And they on the reservation. Yeah, and she lived there when she was baby. So Jacob knows her. They grew up together when they were kids. Yeah, exactly. But if she was four, how does he remember? Because he would have been three if he's younger than her.
01:12:02
Speaker
i don't know. Maybe his dad's constantly like, that chick, you're going to get with Charlie's girl. Hoo boy. Sure. And, uh, and yeah. And so he's there and he sort of like acts in this movie as the, you know, the legend behind what the Cullens are.
01:12:24
Speaker
Cause he's like, well, he shows up at La Push when they go to La Push. And, i should say La Push is a beach. Yes. I don't think you mentioned that. A very wet, cold beach. It's a gray, depressing, rainy beach where they're surfing.
01:12:40
Speaker
you know you gotta make use of what you got and um so him and his friends show up because lapush is on their reservation and um uh all of bella's friends are like oh you guys should keep her company her date bailed because she asked edward if he would come and he goes no no i'm busy um he said it'd be too crowded and they smash cut to a completely desolate empty Beach, which is another one of the things I'll give this movie. That's funny. Yes.
01:13:08
Speaker
Yes. And the reason is because they can't go on, go to La Push. The Cullens can't go to La Push because of a a treaty that they made. It's on the reservation. Yeah. With the um the tribe that lives there.
01:13:20
Speaker
And ah basically, Jacob tells Bella this and he goes, you know, um we wouldn't reveal what they are if they, you know, didn't hunt on our land. And she goes, what do you mean? What are they?
01:13:33
Speaker
And he goes, the cold faces ah ah are the cold ones. Oh, no, wait. He doesn't say the cold ones. He says we won't reveal who they are to the pale faces. And then she goes, I thought they just moved here. And he goes, or just moved back.
01:13:51
Speaker
And then she goes on Google and she Googles it. She Googles it, and there's this very hilarious like Google ah montage of her landing on vampire, which is like just... it's It's almost as if they don't know the word vampire in this universe. like There's no movies about vampires, which is always the hard thing when you're doing a vampire movie or TV show. It's like, does the movie Dracula exist in this universe or not? like That's true. Are vampires...
01:14:16
Speaker
like a common cultural touchstone in this universe or not. And we don't ever answer that question because she seems to, it takes her a while to figure out he's a vampire. Because she what is it in this country? What it is what is it in Ecuador? What is it in Iceland?
01:14:33
Speaker
Yeah. um So the Native Americans in this are the, the Q, the Q. Yeah, Quilute. um i'm not I'm probably not pronouncing that correctly. I'm so sorry.
01:14:47
Speaker
um Now, they are that's a real Native American tribe, which maybe wasn't the best idea to use a real tribe ah in your your um science fiction. but Not to mention in fact making them all werewolves, which I yeah can only assume didn't go over great with those with those people in real life. yeah Woof.
Analyzing Toxic Relationships in "Twilight"
01:15:17
Speaker
So she figures out he's a vampire. he tells her. he gives her clues. Out loud. yeah So dramatic where she's not looking at him and he's behind her and he's like, know what you are there Out loud.
01:15:32
Speaker
um And charlie Charlie made some excellent points and he goes, just none of these scenes are compelling. none of None of these scenes I want to continue to watch what's happening. And like it gets to that scene where she just starts walking off into the woods and expects Edward to follow her so she can reveal that she knows what he is.
01:15:50
Speaker
and um And he goes, why is she doing that? And I was like, because she knows. He's always watching. oh God. Yeah, he watches her sleep. He's like, yeah, I've been watching you sleep for months. And she's like, oh, that's normal. Like no reaction. Like yeah she doesn't stand up for herself at any point in this movie.
01:16:09
Speaker
Nope. Nope. Not even when she's about to get raped. No, she does whatever he tells her to do constantly. i a And sacrifices that's a relationship with her father um ah ah for him. Like it's, oh my God.
01:16:27
Speaker
um let's talk about her performance real quick i know that kristen stewart is a good actor i think that christian i think and robert pattinson is a good actor too i think again they are two maybe two of our finest actors as you know in their 30s right now yeah um but even as a child she was a good actor because she was in panic room have you seen panic room she was good she's so good in panic room oh good um And, but she is doing something, which I assume we have to blame on the director, um, in addition to, to her, um, a little bit. It's just, it's a bad choice. Like. Yeah. She has chosen to internalize her so much that she comes off as wooden and unresponsive yeah and blank. Boring.
01:17:15
Speaker
Like completely. I mean, and she does have a blankness to her that she utilizes in other movies. Like Personal Shopper is a good example of that, where that like blankness and kind of um lack of – of of um she can she can weaponize that kind of like lack of, the look that she has of ah being a lack of a person, I guess is what I'm yeah trying to say.
01:17:40
Speaker
um But that's intentional and she she does it on purpose and she can also, you know, be present as well. um But this is, it's such a bad choice for this movie because she's the protagonist and you're supposed to like her.
01:17:58
Speaker
And it gives us no reason to. And her reactions to everything are so dull. It's like she's underwater. Yeah. she Nothing affects her. She doesn't care.
01:18:10
Speaker
and But she's supposed to, this is an emotional movie. Like you're supposed to care a lot. And I don't believe her that she does. yeah yeah yeah And he's do doing a weird performance as well. i mean He's doing real weird stuff. He does a lot of weird performances. yeah um Yeah. But his, the thing in this movie, he, I mean, I guess the thing he's doing is that he's supposed to be like kind of all over the place based on how hungry he is and how like, and how much he's like repressing and stuff. So sometimes yeah he's like,
01:18:46
Speaker
super outgoing and, like, friendly and then immediately starts brooding. um But it doesn't kind of... Because that's his character is he's giving her emotional whiplash. Yes, yes, yes. a A common male manipulator move. Yes, yeah.
01:19:00
Speaker
But, like, and again, not that Damon Salvatore is not a male manipulator, but... He and the Vampire Diaries. I'm just yeah saying the character is better written, first of all. And second of all, he just seems like he's having so much more fun playing a vampire. Nobody seems like they're having fun in this movie except maybe Anna Kendrick.
01:19:19
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Everybody else. that's probably because she only had like a week on set, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So and she constantly forgets that she's in this movie. Yeah.
01:19:31
Speaker
I've seen that. Yeah. She's in all five of them, isn't she? a little bit. Yeah. yeah I mean, the I think the first, the first three and then, and then we stop with the human people and it's just all vampire people. That makes sense.
01:19:45
Speaker
So yeah, so Bella discovers that they're vampires and then, um and Edward's like, you know, I really like this relationship. This is going great. And it's all fantastic and everyone's happy. But then people keep dying and um he's just like, come play baseball with my family. And she's like, okay. have talk about the baseball scene. there The baseball scene is very important. Can't battle the baseball scene for a second.
01:20:09
Speaker
Yes. um ah Something else that is okay. So something that's intentionally funny in this movie is the baseball scene. Yes. Where how did they not sit make the make the joke vampire bats? Like, I just don't understand how anybody who wrote this wouldn't have said something about vampire bats. Like.
01:20:29
Speaker
First major major oversight. like I mean, it's another thing that's defending the fact that maybe vampires don't exist in this universe. No, they do. Cause she Googles it. Damn it. Yes.
01:20:41
Speaker
Um, but it's like, it also comes up with like folklore pages. doesn't show like Bela Lugosi or something, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, uh, Yeah, so they go up to play baseball. They're like, when it thunderstorms, we can play baseball because it's so loud. Because it's so loud and we hit the ball so hard.
01:21:01
Speaker
that's Whatever, man. And we run so fast. um So they play baseball to Muse's supermassive black hole. Yes. And we've got Alice as the pitcher doing weird dance pitching.
01:21:15
Speaker
yeah she is. She does like a high kick. Yeah. Yeah. Every time she pitches. Who taught her how to pitch? um i hello i mean, i ah presumably Carlisle. I don't know. It's not good. um and And yeah, and they run around and they go very, very fast.
01:21:36
Speaker
And they, you know, jump up and they they hit each other by accident. And everybody's having a good time and laughing. Bella is the umpire. Yeah. Yeah. And it should be said, Rosalie does not like Bella.
01:21:48
Speaker
Rosalie hates her. um We don't know exactly why, but she doesn't like an outsider coming into their like family. And so she's just like, this is not great. And she's real upset about
Vampire Backstories and Final Showdown
01:21:59
Speaker
it.
01:21:59
Speaker
And I think we should mention is Carlisle. So Edward says that Carlisle made them all vampires, but only to save their lives. And we know that he had the Spanish flu 1918 or whatever.
01:22:11
Speaker
eighteen or whatever Yeah. yeah And he saved his life. And then he also saved the life of his wife, Esme. Esme, yeah. But then that's all we know. We don't get any backstory about any of the rest of it.
01:22:22
Speaker
Because you get them in the other books. In the other movies or just the books? In the other movies, you definitely get um more of Rosalie's.
01:22:35
Speaker
Because Rosalie's is a big sort of thing. let me ask you a quick question. Are all of the female vampires defined by their relationship to a man?
01:22:48
Speaker
No. Okay. All right. No. I look forward to that then. No. You look unsure. because there's a whole reason why Rosalie gets turned. and Okay.
01:23:02
Speaker
Okay. And it's not about a man? I mean, technically, yes. There it is
01:23:10
Speaker
And Esme, when she gets turned, is it because of a man? i actually don't remember how she gets turned. Okay. Okay. Um, let's find out. How does Esme become a vampire? Um, after Dr. Carlisle found her on her deathbed following a suicide attempt.
01:23:24
Speaker
Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Wait, so, wait, wait, wait, hold on. So she committed, she tried to commit suicide and he made her a vampire instead? Yeah. Taking away the agency of her and making that decision for her?
01:23:40
Speaker
For fuck's sake. Yeah. How Alice become a vampire? um Alice was turned to a vampire by an unknown vampire who worked at the mental asylum where she was institutionalized.
01:23:54
Speaker
This was done to protect her from tracker vampire James who was hunting her. Okay. Okay. Yeah. so Yes. Related to a man. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Anyways. So while they're playing baseball, they attract the attention of the three other vampires who have been killing people in the yeah town. yeah Laurent, which is Eddie Gathegi, and a redheaded lady, and um an anonymous man. Yes. Yes.
01:24:22
Speaker
Their names are James and Victoria. James and Victoria. And they're they're a couple. And Laurent is just like their bestie and just like hanging out. And they're like, whatever. Also gay. Laurent is gay. Laurent is super gay.
01:24:36
Speaker
Super, super gay. And yeah. and so you get, um they're like, hey, can we play baseball with you? And they go, sure. Some people were just leaving because everybody's freaking out that they're going to smell Bella.
01:24:50
Speaker
Because Bella's human. and And also oh the most beautiful ah human to ever exist. like And everybody wants her. And all the all the high school boys want her too. She goes to the high school and literally everybody's falling over themselves telling her how beautiful she is.
01:25:07
Speaker
And she's like, oh, I'm so shy. Weird and awkward. Don't worry. onward Look at me. I'm just a normal girl. Disgusting. Disgusting. And so, uh, so yeah. uh, unfortunately they're like, cool. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds great. And then just as they're about to like get into position to do this baseball thing, Edward and and Bella are going to go leave, but Bella turns and the wind comes down wind and it blows her scent to James who loves tracking things. And he goes, Ooh, you brought a snack and everybody gets real possessive of Bella real fast.
01:25:44
Speaker
And so, uh, It's just like what we do in the shadows. Everybody just starts snarling at each other. That's because what we do in the shadows is making fun of Twilight. Of course.
01:25:58
Speaker
But yeah. And Eddie Gathegi is like, okay, all right, no worries. well'll We'll leave. It's not a big deal. He's reasonable. Yeah. But um yeah, James and Victoria can't do that because James fucking loves the hunt. And he's been told he can't have something, so he wants it more.
01:26:13
Speaker
And so um he starts hunting Bella. And Edward knows this Not all that different from Edward, really, to be fair. No. I mean, the only difference is that he wants to kill her and Edward wants to fuck her and maybe kill her also.
01:26:24
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so he's like, um you we have to take you away. you can't go home because James is going to hunt you and kill you and he's going to destroy everything. Why wouldn't he just kill her dad? Like, there's no reason why he wouldn't go and kill her dad.
01:26:38
Speaker
You know who would kill her dad? Damon Salvatore. Okay. Well, you know. Anyways, so they're like, we we've got to take you far away, Bella. And she goes, no, no, no, I've got i've got to save my dad, who she calls Charlie all the time.
01:26:54
Speaker
She's just like, I've got to go tell Charlie. I've got to go tell tell Charlie. um And so they come up with this little scheme of where they're going to pretend to break up. so that she can get emotional and pull the teen card and fly home to see her mom and get away from James and like, you know, that'll buy them some time.
01:27:15
Speaker
But her mom is not in Phoenix. She's going to go to Phoenix. To presumably, so it seems like their house is still there. Yeah. I don't know. sell the house. I mean, I guess they're going to find a new house in Jacksonville. Like her mom doesn't work.
01:27:29
Speaker
And he's a minor league baseball player. And I just don't know how they're going to have two mortgages. But okay. Neither here nor there. I don't know. I don't know. Anyways.
01:27:41
Speaker
Anyways, um so they go so then Jasper and Alice take Bella and they're like, you go, we'll try and throw James off the hunt. And so they go down to Phoenix because sunshine, because vampires and sunshine. It's not a good mix. Oh, is that why?
01:27:57
Speaker
but Yeah. And the only reason is because people would know what they are because they're circle. No, they wouldn't. First of all.
01:28:08
Speaker
Little Foundation would go a long way in general for everyone involved, including Bella.
01:28:16
Speaker
But, like, surely they could just, like, cover the sparkle, right? Like... They can't. it's not Their skin is too hard like a diamond, Katie. It is too hard like a diamond. It's so fucking stupid. It's so fucking stupid.
01:28:37
Speaker
Anyways, so they get there and then Alice is having a premonition. She's drawing and she's like Bella's like, oh yeah, that's my old dance studio. She goes, what? And this clumsy girl apparently used to take ballet and remembers what her old dance studio looks like.
01:28:51
Speaker
and um And so then she gets a call from her mom and But it's not her mom. It's James in her house. Well, it's a video of her mom talking to her, which, again, her mom doesn't respond to her and so just says her name a bunch of times. yeah Bella!
01:29:08
Speaker
Bella! Yeah. And he's like, you got to come here. Don't bring any of your your friends. ah Otherwise, going to kill your mom. And Bella's like, okay. Like a fucking moron.
01:29:20
Speaker
Like, what do you think you're going to do, Bella? Do you think he's not going to kill your mom? Like, what how are you going to stop him? didn't really think it through. It's so frustrating. Yeah, she didn't really think it through.
01:29:35
Speaker
Anyways, so yeah, so then um James is there, and that but then Edward's there because they had realized that James wasn't buying the, like, getting grown off the scent anymore.
01:29:46
Speaker
And so James and Rosalie and Emmett are there, and they're... Robert or um Edward and James are fighting, but then James bites Bella and then Edward and James are fighting some more. But then Bella's she's got the virus. She's got the venom.
01:30:07
Speaker
Oh, no, because she got bit by a vampire. The mythology in this universe is that if you get bitten and not killed, you'll turn into a vampire. But it's very hard for vampires to not drain you completely when they kill you, which is very different from a lot of other vampire mythologies.
01:30:24
Speaker
Yeah. So they could have just seen the left her get turned into a vampire. Yeah. But he won't allow that to happen. Oh, he kills he kills um James. He bites him, which i vampires biting each other.
01:30:36
Speaker
Yeah, I know. And the only way to kill a vampire is to rip them apart and burn the body. Yes. So that's what they do. That's what the, that's what Alice and, um, um, whatever his name is are doing in the background.
01:30:49
Speaker
And, uh, he has to suck the vampire poison out of her, but also not drain her, which is like, but he's also a vampire. So isn't he injecting venom into her when he bites her too? Like shouldn't, it doesn't make any sense.
01:31:04
Speaker
Yeah. So the question is whether he can contain himself, much like good Mormon boys have to contain themselves against the docile women who don't get a choice in these matters.
01:31:21
Speaker
So, yeah. And he manages to do it. And Bella's fine. as She's got a broken leg. Her mom finally shows up. Oh, yeah. Hold on. Hold the fuck on. Her mom comes up to the hospital. And she's like, so...
01:31:35
Speaker
You ran away from home after having a fight with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend went to Phoenix, brought you back with a broken leg and a lot of blood loss and scarring on your arms, said that you fell down the stairs.
01:31:48
Speaker
Fell down the stairs?
01:31:53
Speaker
Like the most, the most, like the the cliche example of of ah domestic abuse. yeah yeah And her father's like, oh, that sounds right. She sure is clumsy. What the fuck, y'all? Come And then she's like, no, I want to move back to Forks. And everyone's like, okay.
01:32:13
Speaker
Whatever. Let's go to prom. go to prom. And then she goes to prom. She does prom with a boot. and they And Iron and Wine plays and they dance in a gazebo to um ah Flightless Bird, American Mouth.
01:32:32
Speaker
Twilight. And he puts his American Mouth on hers. The end. Oh, and then the redhead is there. Yeah. Be-be-ba.
01:32:43
Speaker
Anyways.
Conclusion and Tease for Next Episode
01:32:45
Speaker
yeah I found this movie frustrating. found this movie frustrating.
01:32:52
Speaker
The girls are like, okay, Bella, when he shows up. Yeah. He drives her to school. And, like, I do – do you remember, like, showing off a new relationship in, like, high school and college and stuff? Oh, for sure. It so fun. She's like, okay. Yeah. She's, like, really cool. Because it's different from, like, meet this person that I'm dating.
01:33:12
Speaker
Yeah. But, it like, where you go somewhere – and I guess you could do it at work if you could start dating somebody at work, where you go somewhere where both people know you, but now you're together. Like, that is – it's it that's a fantastic It's a power move. Yeah. yeah That's a flex.
01:33:27
Speaker
Anyways, what movie are we doing next week? She's a bad friend. They go from shopping and she's not paying any attention to them. And she's like, Anna Kendrick's like, does this dress look cute? And she's like, yeah, it looks great. And no, it does not.
01:33:39
Speaker
Anna. I mean, it was 2008. It was 2008. It's not 1978. it was two thousand eight it's not nineteen seventy eight
01:33:46
Speaker
What are we watching next week? Next week, where I wish I had picked a better movie. We're watching some 90s trash next week. We are watching the get ready ah for Get Ready to Go to the Swimming Pool because it is David Schwimmer in ah The Pallbearer.
01:34:06
Speaker
One of the one of the that the Friends attempt to make movies in the 90s. Oh, Jesus Christ. And I believe it's, I think it's Gwyneth Paltrow, actually. It is Gwyneth Paltrow, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have not seen it.
01:34:18
Speaker
i am sure it is terrible. um But that is what we're watching for next week. So excited. Shall we outro? Let's do it. Thank you for listening to Go Get Your Girl. If you like us, tell your friends and please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
01:34:35
Speaker
It helps out a lot and we would really appreciate it. Thanks to Andrew Milliken and Nick Svoboda for our theme music and Elena Henderson for our artwork. You can follow us on Instagram at gogetyourgirlpod or email us at gogetyourgirlpod at gmail.com. You can follow me and only me on social media at emilympizza.
01:34:54
Speaker
Until next time, we're just two girls. Standing in front of the internet. Asking it to so love us. Good night.