Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
13: Let Women Live
61 Plays4 years ago
Even at my big age of 30 years old, I am often still dumbfounded to learn about the many creative ways in which this world conspires to oppress women and Black people. My latest revelation -- men don’t want women to have friends. Mindful Musings is now Geneva Says - more at brittanygeneva dot com.
Recommended
Transcript
Brittany's Fiery Return
00:00:01
Speaker
Hi friends, it's Brittany Geneva. I am back finally with another podcast. You know, at this point I don't even bother to make excuses anymore. I got busy, okay? That's what happened.
00:00:17
Speaker
That's all I got. All right. But I am here now with another podcast and I'm just going to apologize ahead of time because I am angry. This situation made me angry. So that anger may come out in the form of lots of cursing
00:00:42
Speaker
and otherwise me getting worked up, okay? So I'm just telling you now so that you are not taken aback by the energy here because it could become a lot.
Origin of Galentine's Day
00:00:56
Speaker
It could become a lot. Let me take you all back.
00:01:01
Speaker
to now almost one month ago. It was a beautiful Thursday afternoon. Okay. Wasn't there actually, I don't even know if it was Thursday. I think it was, but it was a beautiful afternoon. Nonetheless, Galentine's day now.
00:01:20
Speaker
I'm not I thought that people knew what Galentine's Day was, but the situation showed me maybe not. So just as a little refresher for you all who may or may not know, Galentine's Day, first of all, was made up on a TV show. I can't remember. I think it's like Parks and Rec. One of the shows like in that vein, if it's not that one, it's one that's like very similar.
00:01:45
Speaker
And it was just a character just made it up. Like basically a character on the show said, there should be like a day before Valentine's day where you hang out with your girls. And that's called a Galentine's day. And then boom. And then it became a thing. Not even that long ago. I want to say like maybe 2014, like it's definitely hasn't been that long. Um, but I have heard people talk about it and it has sort of become a thing. Even one of my clients at work, like did like a little Galentine's day thing for like,
00:02:14
Speaker
the, you know, for the ladies or whatever. So to me, it's popular enough or common enough to like, you know, brands are talking about it. So it's something right. But to me, I think it's very comparable to friends giving like this idea that you have the real holiday, which would be Valentine's Day, of course. And but then you have this other moment where you're like, I don't want to
00:02:37
Speaker
forget about my friends who still matter to me in this moment. So I'm going to have like a second day just for them. So obviously Thanksgiving is about your family. Usually, you know, you're going home usually. And then so, okay, earlier November, we'll do friendsgiving so that, you know, I can have that, that fellowship with my friends and people who like live in my city. And then similarly, Valentine's day is about obviously your, you know, husband or wife or significant other.
00:03:07
Speaker
having that romantic time, but then Galentine's Day is this idea that you may, you know, you still have love obviously for your friends and for your girls. So you wanna have a minute to spend time with them too. So literally that's all it is, very lightweight. You know, there's no deep background behind what Galentine's Day came from, but you know, it's just, you know, it's just cute. It's just cute. And there's nothing wrong with something that's just fucking cute.
00:03:35
Speaker
So as I said, rewind back to Galentine's
Twitter Clash with Ebro
00:03:39
Speaker
day 2020, a beautiful day, which became somewhat of a dark day because I got into yet another, we can have that conversation later, Twitter back and forth with a semi celebrity. It's never real celebrities. It's like these people that like only a few people know, but a semi celebrity Twitter feud with
00:04:02
Speaker
Ebro in the morning, definitely someone that only like East Coast people know. I'm pretty sure anybody like west of the Mississippi is like Ebro in the what the fuck. So Ebro is a New York radio DJ on Hot 97. And he also has like a podcast or something that he does on Apple radio or B3. I don't know what it's called, but he also has that.
00:04:25
Speaker
I have followed him since I lived in New York. He's an attractive man. So I did enjoy seeing him pop up on my Instagram every once in a while. But it was nothing deep. I'm no Ebro fan. But it's just like, oh, OK. He's cool. I know who he is. I followed him. Whatever.
00:04:45
Speaker
So I'm scrolling through my timeline on a beautiful, non-descript day in February, and I see him tweet this, and I quote,
00:04:59
Speaker
WTF is hashtag Galentine's Day. Is this another dodging the reality that you are lonely on Valentine's Day, which is a made up day to spend more money and or time with someone you love, like, or want to fuck? Shit is out of hand. First of all, I might need to just recap that for you again, because like the sensibility of it is low on the scale of like
00:05:23
Speaker
makes sense to like what the fuck are you talking about? So basically he's saying is Galentine's day some made up shit and like it's getting out of hand that these types of things are being made up.
00:05:37
Speaker
And I was just like, wait, what? That would be like somebody saying friends giving is getting out of hand. You know what I mean? Like it's just, it's such an overreaction. And I, you know, I didn't really, I did not like the tone of the, of the tweet. And perhaps in that moment, I just fucking had time. I probably didn't. I never have time during my workday, but I made time for this. Cause this was definitely in the afternoon on a weekday.
00:06:02
Speaker
But I responded to him and said, this is some toxic shit. Galentine's Day is basically the same as Friendsgiving. Either way, it doesn't concern you. So why you mad at old man, Eero, which is his name on Twitter. And this man continued to go back and forth with me for like a good probably seven tweets.
00:06:26
Speaker
And I you know, I will let you guys like go read the chain if you feel so inclined and judge for yourself but I will say that I definitely think like I gagged him because at the end like he definitely like
00:06:43
Speaker
didn't really come back with anything thoughtful. Because all I said to him was, why are you upset or even commenting on something that has nothing to do with you? Like the name Galentine's indicates that this is not a man's thing to be concerned about. So why are you even talking? I'm not even addressing like the point that you're trying to make if there is a point. I'm just saying, why are you even concerned? Like whatever it is, it's not about you, so what's good?
00:07:12
Speaker
And he was coming at me on some like...
00:07:15
Speaker
You women just don't know how to be alone. Why can't you just be alone? You always have to have people around. I said, what the fuck? I was like, nothing about Galentine's. It indicates a person can't be comfortable alone, but cool. And he was like, obviously you're triggered. I said, I sure am triggered by a man who won't let a woman live her life. That will trigger me every single time.
00:07:43
Speaker
But 100% trigger rate on a man who's trying to come into a woman's business and tell her what the fuck she needs to do and how she needs to live. So yes, absolutely. And so then, you know, just petty back and forth. And I just ended it. He said something about you're trying to spend what I'm saying. And I just ended it by saying, I don't need to spend it because you're actually doing a great job on your own looking petty and silly. So then he didn't write back.
Critique of Male Dismissiveness
00:08:12
Speaker
That was the end. Whatever.
00:08:13
Speaker
And I'm just like, wow. Like, wow. You know, obviously I didn't expect it to be all that in the amount of back and forth, but he's the fuck absolutely right. I am very triggered by somebody, by a man who has the audacity and nerve to comment on this day that was created sort of as a joke on a TV show, but women have embraced it and have seen it.
00:08:43
Speaker
a great time to spend time with their girlfriends Even if for some reason you could find negativity in that which I can't possibly but even if you could find negativity in that you a man for whom this holiday means nothing should Literally sit there and fucking eat your soup and shut the fuck up because this actually has nothing to do with you. I
00:09:09
Speaker
It is 0% related to your activity on this earth. So I'm very confused by the need to comment on it.
00:09:19
Speaker
So that was the first thing. That was the first thing on Gallantines Day 2020 that got my nerves a little worked up.
Debunking Friendship Myths
00:09:30
Speaker
And then in a totally separate and unrelated tweet that was actually from a few days earlier, but popped up on my timeline,
00:09:41
Speaker
on actual February 13th, this other man tweeted, believe it or not, a woman with less friends makes a good wife. And I'm just like, what?
00:09:57
Speaker
What? And so I proceeded to read the comments and there were an alarming number of men and some women. I have to do a whole separate podcast about how we participate in our own oppression. Can we please the fuck stop? But an alarming number of men, here's one, you're 100% correct. Use my wife as an example. She doesn't keep friends. All her friends,
00:10:27
Speaker
Wait, what? I think this is not English. All her friends are less than three since we are married. So I guess maybe less than three friends. Or this is a Twitter bot from Russia. I don't know. She mind her business and space. And our marriage has been blissful for years because nobody is messing up her mind with bad advice. I think they meant advice. This person might be a Russian bot. So perhaps it's not a good example.
00:10:58
Speaker
even a woman, a partner with less friends makes a good partner. I mean, I just, what the hell? Like to me, that is alarming. If anybody who's listened to my podcast with some regularity knows that I feel like
00:11:12
Speaker
I'm coming to like new revelation every day about like how terrible people are and like toxicity that exists in our world that I'm like, I didn't even know. Like I didn't even know that this was a thing. I don't think I realized that men don't want women to live and have friends.
Isolation as Abuse
00:11:29
Speaker
Like that is a relatively new revelation to me. But when I combine e-bros like
00:11:38
Speaker
dogged anger at a woman celebrating with other women. And this man and people agreeing with him in the comments saying, a woman is a better wife when she doesn't have friends. I'm just like, okay.
00:11:52
Speaker
Okay, like, what is this alternate universe? How do I get out? And perhaps this goes, this continues to explain why my ass is still single. Because if not having friends is what I have to do to become booed up, then I won't be booed up. Like, I don't know you. Like some man who comes along, I don't know you. All my current friends, I know them. So I'm not going to leave them for you. You know, that's just ridiculous. How can you say that a woman who is
00:12:22
Speaker
in the company of other women who are smart and uplifting and help her and give her companionship and partnership in a beautiful way, how can you say can't be with her if there's any other thing that you not wanting to have accountability and the fact that somebody's eye is on you so that if you fuck up, somebody's gonna actually call it out. Someone's actually gonna say to your girl,
00:12:50
Speaker
So like your man just did such and such and I actually just as a friend coming to you because I love you I'm concerned about that. That's what a nigga is trying to avoid when he doesn't want his woman to have friends.
00:13:03
Speaker
Because there's no other sensible explanation. Literally, the definition, one of the things that defines an abusive relationship is isolation. A man who abuses his significant other, typically a hallmark of that is by isolating her. Suddenly, she never sees her family anymore. Suddenly, the community, whatever community she did have of family and friends,
00:13:32
Speaker
people who she spent time with has all gone so that her whole life is wrapped up in him and she feels so alone and therefore more dependent on him. So that is the characteristic of abuse.
00:13:46
Speaker
And you were just like happily saying on Twitter that you think it's the key to a good marriage. I'm concerned. That is concerning to me. So I really have to understand why there's so much disdain or dislike from a man toward a woman who wants to be in the company of other people.
00:14:08
Speaker
women friends because celebrating Galentine's day and having some girlfriends around neither hurts nor affects you really in any way. So why you met? And that's the question that I'm trying to get underneath because I'm like, if that's the case, like I always assume rightfully or not, that when I see these sort of takes and there are people who have
00:14:37
Speaker
You know, this is on Twitter, so people who have liked it, people who have replied to it. There's some level of consensus. There's some level of people being like, mm-hmm, that's right. You know, yep, it is better when she doesn't have friends. Yep, Galentine's Day is ridiculous and like is embraced by women who don't know how to be alone or some shit, whatever he was trying to say. I don't know. But when I see that there's likes and there's retweets and there's like people who have tacitly endorsed
00:15:07
Speaker
the idea. It sort of makes me realize like so this isn't like just a ridiculous hot take like somebody does agree somebody does sort of like see the point that he's making somebody does sort of like agree with the underlying premise and that scares the shit out of me because that means that there's men potentially in my life in my orbit in my universe right now who are like yeah I'd prefer my woman not to have friends in which case like well
00:15:34
Speaker
Again, that's why I'm single because I'm never like it will never happen. Like I love my friends. They are a deep core part of my life. I will never give them up for a man like ever. I don't care who the man is. I don't care. I mean, I genuinely don't care. I will never do it. So I can't even fathom being asked or being implied that I should do it. I mean, it's just madness. What does it matter? Obviously,
00:16:03
Speaker
you don't want your significant other, no matter who it is, like man, woman, whatever, to have toxic friends or friends who are, you know, negative influences over them. But that's a separate conversation. That's not what these people are saying. They're saying the woman should be home alone. And I'm her only friend, me and Jesus. And I'm just like, you know,
00:16:27
Speaker
It's a no from me on that. There's there's no way in which that's going to work for me. But you do you because some women, I guess, are totally fine with
Women's Agency in Relationships
00:16:40
Speaker
it. For me, it's a matter of agency. It's a matter of, again, to me, that feels a little that feels like a stepbrother to an abusive sort of thought process. Isolating your woman is not
00:16:56
Speaker
something that can ever possibly be a positive thing. So for me, I just, it's a no. It's an absolute no. And I just, I really now have to add this to my list. I'm like, shit, this list is getting long as fuck. List of things to look out for. I meet a guy. He seems nice. He seems cool. All of a sudden I find out he'd rather me sitting home alone, not have any friends on Friday night. Okay.
00:17:23
Speaker
All right, so now I have to be on the lookout for that as well it's becoming overwhelming the amount of red flags, I have to look out for, but it continues to seem to grow, because these men are so insecure and.
00:17:39
Speaker
afraid of any type of accountability that they'd rather just have their woman isolated and alone and having no friends than actually having to perhaps answer a difficult question about something you've done that isn't actually a good thing. Anyways, so that, you know, I those things happened
Reflection on Anger and Society
00:18:02
Speaker
It took me this long to actually do a podcast about it. I was literally like, I don't even know if I was gonna be like coherent. If I had done it the day that it happened, I was so upset and annoyed, but it just really goes to show that like, there are men out here who really don't wanna let a woman live, don't wanna let her have agency over her life, over her relationships, over what she does and where she goes. And I just can't even fathom being with someone like that.
00:18:31
Speaker
Um, but again, it's always a learning process for me to just see what is out there. Like people actually think this. I just, I can't. Um, but anyways, that I'm almost at 20 minutes. You see, I told you, I was like going to go off on this rant and who knows how long it was going to last. But, um,
00:18:52
Speaker
That's the end of this week's episode. I definitely would love to hear from you guys to see what do you think about this? Have you experienced this as a woman, as a man? Is there a point that I'm missing in terms of some positive side to this? I'll try to be open, I guess, if you have.
00:19:13
Speaker
comment to offer. But I'm on social media if you want to chat about it, Britney underscore Geneva. But thank you so much for listening. And I'll talk to you next time.