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12: New Decade, Who Dis?
59 Plays4 years ago
I fall victim to downplaying what I know and what I've accomplished and the knowledge I have. In this (slightly more explicit than usual) podcast, I talk about that ah-ha moment -- the realization that I don't need to make myself small anymore. Mindful Musings is now Geneva Says - more at brittanygeneva dot com.
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Transcript
Brittany's Commitment to Consistency
00:00:01
Speaker
What up, what up, what up? I'm back. Look, I told y'all I'm gonna do a better job. I'm gonna get that consistent with the podcast. I'm here. It's happening. So like,
Celebrating Organization and Consistency
00:00:21
Speaker
I mean, can I just get, you know, some credit for like maybe finally getting my life together? This is
Admiration for Washington DC
00:00:29
Speaker
Mindful Musings with Brittany Geneva and this
00:00:35
Speaker
episode, I want to talk about something I have thought about this so much. Like maybe over the past few months or maybe even years, like this is something that I have been like pondering on for a considerable amount of time. Um, and it came back to the forefront of my mind because I'm a person that lives in DC.
00:01:04
Speaker
I live in the district of Columbia and I spend time with young black professionals and people who work for congressmen and people who, you know, their resumes look real nice. Okay. Look real nice.
00:01:24
Speaker
And DC, I mean, I love it. Obviously I've been here almost three years. I bought a house, like clearly I moved here just because I wanted to, like not because I had to. So clearly there's something about this place, the city, these people that I love. Like I love the, sorry, I'm playing with the microphone so it might've sounded funky there. I love the black excellence here. I love the fact that people who are really doing it, they're not just,
00:01:53
Speaker
stunty, they actually like have things going on. And people here really want to change the world. I find that very inspiring. I feel like the people here really wake up with like a purpose and a cause. And they came to DC to try to like make that shit happen. So I'm very inspired.
The Dual Nature of DC's Culture
00:02:11
Speaker
I feel very inspired and uplifted by by the people here. And I find the DC culture to me, to be like
00:02:21
Speaker
uplifting like to me it like you know like iron sharpens iron I feel like being around people like this makes me want to be my best self I know so many people doing so many great things and that makes me want to like be on my shit more so for me I love that DC hustle grind take over the world culture
00:02:47
Speaker
but there is another side to DC culture that's like maybe a little bit more annoying. And I have heard a lot of people here speaking negatively about sort of the other side of what I'm saying, being too focused on sort of like sizing people up, too focused on image, too focused on like,
00:03:14
Speaker
You know, when you meet somebody, it's like, what do you do right off the bat? And even though I personally don't find that question offensive because I say, well, you know, if we're young professionals, that seems like an appropriate way to get to know somebody. But I know a lot of people that's like, uh, I feel like you're trying to size me up and they're probably right. They're probably are the DC people that go straight to what do you do? Probably are trying to like figure you out, size you up, whatever.
00:03:43
Speaker
So there's a big culture here alongside that hustle and grind and world changer attitude. That's also
Exaggeration and Perception in Professional Circles
00:03:51
Speaker
like, okay, trying to size you up. What do you do? Always trying to figure out how they can, I don't want to say use, but what's the benefit of being connected with you?
00:04:06
Speaker
instead of just, I like your vibe, I like your energy, we can be friends. It's like, well, how are we, you know, what exactly are we doing with this connection? So that's sort of a negative side, right? And since I have been here, you know, I see both sides and I particularly see a side that's very much like people whose resume is
00:04:33
Speaker
It's nice. I would say like this, the resume is nice. But they're trying to make their resume seem like, oh shit, I've been doing the things. Y'all might've heard about this young woman in the State Department, I believe her name was...
00:04:51
Speaker
Mina Chang and NBC did this whole thing about how like she made up her credentials from top to bottom. Like maybe she had like 2% of the actual credentials that she said. Like, yeah, she started a nonprofit, but then nonprofit ain't doing shit. But she made it seem like, oh, we out here, you know, feeding the homeless and hungry and humanitarian aid around the world and all this shit. And
00:05:20
Speaker
I feel like, you know, obviously she's a very extreme example. Like she just straight up made stuff up. She said she went to Harvard and not only did she not go to Harvard, she didn't even go to college. And not only did she not even go to college, she like went to some little like trade school that's like not even accredited. Like it was like, okay girl, you really stretched.
00:05:41
Speaker
You know, like you couldn't even make a plausible lie. You know, like, oh, I took a class at Harvard. No, bitch, you just made up a whole life. So that's extreme. But what
Struggles with Self-Promotion
00:05:51
Speaker
I have seen in D.C. is people taking things that are a an accomplishment. Like, I'm not trying to say like you wasn't doing shit, but, you know, it's one accomplishment, one award, you know, one nice sort of, you know,
00:06:12
Speaker
accolade or you know moment in their career and blow that shit up like I Am now the expert like they won the damn Pulitzer Prize And really they just got a little certificate to say that paper was nice, you know, like okay wait a second now wait now wait a second now and I realized DC is full of people who have like You know
00:06:36
Speaker
three months of experience with, you know, a class that they took in nonprofit management and they're going to go out with a full website and a full LinkedIn and a full business card talking about like, I'm an expert in nonprofit management and you should hire me to run like your million dollar nonprofit. And I'm just like, now wait a minute, you know,
00:07:05
Speaker
On the one hand, I'm like, you're doing a lot. You know, you may be exaggerating what you bring to the table, but on the other hand, I'm like, well, shit. Like if you can finesse and you have, you know, you have enough understanding to make people think you have even more understanding than maybe you could, you know, okay, I can't be mad at you. Right? Like.
00:07:33
Speaker
If there's some truth to what you're saying, by all means, like go for it. But what it's, the thought process that is causing me to have, and the thought process is causing me to revive for many years, is the fact that, you know, one thing about me is like, I do not put my dick on the table. That's what,
00:08:01
Speaker
Me and my friend Kelly shot to Kelly. We used to talk about this all the time about how like, if we wanted to
00:08:12
Speaker
we could put our dick on the table and like really show people some shit. Like we are not regular, like we are beyond regular. And the things that we've done in our lives and our career is so fucking outrageously amazing that if we actually whipped our full dick out, people would be like, whoa, like I'm not prepared. So that's how we used, I know that's vulgar, you know, but welcome to my podcast. Hi. But we used to talk about that all the time. What if I just put my dick on the table?
00:08:41
Speaker
Even when we're talking about dating men, we're like, I don't want to necessarily come out the gate and talk to them about career or success in certain arenas because this dude is just not ready for me to be whipping my dick out.
00:08:58
Speaker
I'm sorry, you guys. We used to talk about that a lot. I used to think about that a lot. I am naturally... I do believe I'm humble, but I won't even describe it as humble. I will just say that I'm an understated person. I'm the type of person that likes to let other people big me up.
00:09:19
Speaker
I don't talk about the things that I do. I let other people talk about the things that I do. You know, I had a friend just post on his Instagram about me and he was like, Brittany's a VP at the biggest, you know, PR firm in the world. Shout out to Britt. I know you don't like to talk about that, but I got a brag on you and I'm like, okay, thank you.
00:09:40
Speaker
You know, but I'm like, oh shit, my hair was looking good in that post. Like I don't even think about stuff like that or I don't like to focus on things like that because that's not how I define myself. I think that's like a big reason why I've never been on that wave because I'm like, I don't define myself as a VP at this comms firm. Like I have like a lot more to me than this job. And
Balancing Humility and Self-Advocacy
00:10:03
Speaker
a year ago, I didn't even have this job. So like, I'm still me, you know?
00:10:08
Speaker
But at the same time, it does make me be like, now, wait a minute. There are people out here with half the credentials I have, half if they're fucking lucky, a quarter of the credentials, 10% of the credentials out here making full lives and careers saying that they're experts in the things that I know.
00:10:33
Speaker
People who are out here making money, getting things done, knowing the things that I know, or less than the things that I know. People who have just touched the surface of the things that I've known, the places I've been, the experiences I've had. And they're out here like, they're talking like they're the expert. And I'm like, B, I'm at least twice as expert.
00:11:00
Speaker
at this than you. And I'm just like, is it time for me to put my dick on the table? Like, is it time for me to get my shit together and start really like big upping myself? Like I said, I let other people big me up, but is it time for me to actually like,
00:11:25
Speaker
Is it time for me to actually do something that's more focused on my experience? I have been a lot of places. I've seen a lot of things. I've had some really interesting experiences. I've worked for major worldwide corporations. I've had two different careers, but within each of those,
00:11:53
Speaker
many different experiences like I've done shit that if on paper you just read like some woman did this shit people would be like, wow, that's amazing. And I'm like, do I need to be like more forthcoming with that shit? Like, do I need to like
00:12:12
Speaker
say more, do more. It's just not who I am. Like, y'all know I am, you know, on this podcast, because I know all you can do is listen to me talk. So I have to like
00:12:25
Speaker
have some energy and some fucking life. But people who know me know that I'm like monotone as fuck. I don't even emote when I talk. I'm very chill and I'm extremely laid back. I've had people be like, Brittany, how are you as laid back as you are? Because I just don't even feel the need to get worked up about most things. There's only one area of my life that gets me worked up. We won't talk about that.
00:12:54
Speaker
But I'm a chill person. I'm laid back. I'm Understated like I don't do a lot. I don't flaunt what I have You know, I think people would be very I mean obviously like now y'all know I have a house that I bought in DC so that maybe it says something about me
Imposter Syndrome and Self-Worth
00:13:12
Speaker
but like I'm really not like I'm just I don't have that character to be like I
00:13:19
Speaker
look at me and look at all the things that I've done. But I'm like thinking more and more, I have to find, you know, the middle ground between like, yes, my character is very understated. But there might be opportunities out there if I would be a little bit more focused on like, or a little bit more forthcoming and maybe a little bit more vocal about what I have done. Because people are getting hired of having like,
00:13:49
Speaker
one percent of the experience that I have in certain areas. And I'm like, wait a minute, like, wait a fucking minute. Like, wait, I could I could do something if I like merchandise this experience into something that really tells the story. I don't even got to exaggerate. I just got to say it right. You know, I even remember like. I have a friend, one of my very oldest friends, like.
00:14:18
Speaker
He has known me for a very long time when I was like young and innocent and a totally different person than I am now. And he's seen the growth. He's seen me through a lot of different things that I've done in places I've been. And I saw him recently.
00:14:34
Speaker
And I can't even remember all the details of the conversation, but we got to talking and during the conversation, I said something like, but you know, I don't let people know about that. I don't talk about that. It's just something that basically is what I'm telling y'all now. Like I really don't focus on the things I've done. And he was like, girl,
00:14:53
Speaker
Fuck that. Like he was like, you better talk your shit. He was like, he almost like low key got mad at me. Like you better talk your shit and let, you know, feel no shame about talking about, you know, what you've accomplished and what you've done and where you've been. And I'm like, I mean, okay, like, all right, I will. But like, will I? Like that's just, it feels very,
00:15:23
Speaker
unnatural to me. I think part of the reason why like if we really want to get real is because I do have like a surprisingly bad case of imposter syndrome. I definitely often I think I think the most accomplished people who like truly have the truest credentials have the worst case of imposter syndrome. It's hilarious.
00:15:45
Speaker
And people who absolutely should have imposter syndrome think they're the shit. So I don't, I don't understand what, what that means in life, but I feel like that's so common that people who really can talk their shit and back it up, have imposter syndrome and be like, well, I don't know. Like, did I get here by mistake or like, do I really belong here? Uh, my imposter syndrome is less about, do I really belong here? And more about the feeling like I constantly have to prove myself.
00:16:15
Speaker
I constantly feel like I have to continue to prove why I got here, why I have this job, why I have this title, why I deserve this. And so I never feel like I can take a break or
00:16:28
Speaker
you know, take it easy
Reflecting on Early Accomplishments
00:16:29
Speaker
or calm down or like, put my foot, come off the gas at all you know, but at the same time I'm like, actually if I'm already here and have already shown what I can do I don't need to continue to try to prove it I just need to like
00:16:45
Speaker
continue to do what I've already done. But there's this part of me that's like, no, you have to keep doing more in order to keep maintaining the image that you deserve this and that you're here for a reason. I think part of it is my age. I've always been younger than everyone around me just because of the life I've lived again.
00:17:06
Speaker
I skipped a grade, I graduated from high school when I was 16 and I was already a sophomore in college. These are things I don't talk about because to me it just sounds like I'm bragging about something that happened 10 years ago, so who cares?
00:17:21
Speaker
I entered life very young but very accomplished, so that has brought me now to a place where I am younger than most of my peers. I'm younger than my direct reports. I'm younger than people I manage, than people I oversee.
00:17:38
Speaker
So that puts me in a place of very much feeling like I have to prove myself all the time. So because of that, I feel less like I want to brag on myself and more like, well, I have to keep proving myself and I and recently I'm just starting to really get to this point of like, girl, you don't need to prove yourself anymore. You need to like,
Packaging and Leveraging Experience
00:18:03
Speaker
level up like you now have
00:18:07
Speaker
10 fucking solid ass years of professional experience and then add that to like three or four years of like internships and apprenticeships and shit I did in college. And it's like, girl, you know more than the fuck enough to really come out here and be an expert in certain topics and in certain arenas.
00:18:29
Speaker
And I really have been thinking a lot about how do I package up what I've done? How do I package up where I've been? How do I package up the work that I've accomplished?
00:18:41
Speaker
everything, awards I've won. I have awards. I have a rising star PR, rising stars under 30. I have awards from when I was at CNN for things that I helped produce. These are things that I don't ever talk about. I don't even... I mean, I don't even reference them ever in
00:19:03
Speaker
even like in interviews and stuff, but it's just like, okay, maybe there's something I need to be doing with this that I'm not doing. I see people who have done so much less, but seem to be making more of that experience. So maybe someone who's actually done a lot, I need to really make a lot of it.
00:19:24
Speaker
So this is where like out of all
Seeking Advice on Self-Promotion
00:19:26
Speaker
the podcasts I've done, this one is probably the most like I have, I do not have the answer. Like I'm literally talking to y'all like, can you help me figure out what I need to do? And can you help give me some encouragement to feel confident enough to go ahead and like really, you know, big myself up because I just feel so uncomfortable doing it. But it seems like,
00:19:52
Speaker
I'm missing out on an opportunity if I don't, you know, and if my friend was talking to me the same way I'm talking to y'all now, I would say, girl, you better go like, what? Give me if you have that six months of experience, I'll spin it into gold. I do PR, you know, I mean, that's what I do. So I would be telling somebody else to take that experience and make it work for them. But I'm like having a real hard time getting it myself, you know,
00:20:23
Speaker
So I'm already at 20 minutes. That's supposed to be my max, so I better shut it up. But hopefully, maybe this is the beginning of a chapter. I have some things in mind, some plans that I need to attack, and I really want to
00:20:45
Speaker
go to a different level of my career and just of my life by leveraging the experience I've already had. And I feel like maybe I'm finally ready. I finally maybe have overcome the imposter syndrome that has previously made me feel like I'm not ready to do that. And now feeling like maybe this is the time.
00:21:10
Speaker
Basically, this is just me working that out in my head and y'all coming along for the ride. But thank you for listening. This has been a long one, so I appreciate you hanging in there.
00:21:21
Speaker
Again, this is Mindful Musings. This is Brittany Geneva. Follow me
Engaging Listeners on Social Media
00:21:27
Speaker
online. Talk to me. Let me know what you think. Let me know if you've gone through the same thing and you figured out how to navigate it. Brittany underscore Geneva on the social medias. I really was, I genuinely, I say this at the end of every episode, but genuinely now
00:21:44
Speaker
would love to hear people's perspective on this and their experiences with this. So thank you. I appreciate y'all. I will be back in two weeks with another episode. And thanks so much.