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17: Fix My Life
59 Plays4 years ago
Even with all the false starts it's been important for me to find a good therapist because I believe in the value of mental health -- and I don't want to turn my friends into unofficial therapists (well except for one, you know who you are). Here's hoping my journey inspires anyone else struggling to find the right match. More at brittanygeneva dot com.
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Transcript
Introduction and Rebranding
00:00:14
Speaker
Hey, y'all. Look at me. I got my snazzy new music. You know what I'm saying? I'm not just going to start out talking, you know? Let me set the mood a little bit with some music, because why not? This is Brittany Geneva. This is my same podcast, but a little bit of a new look, a new feel, new music, new name, because I, you know,
00:00:40
Speaker
I actually put a lot of thought into my previous name for my blog and my podcast. There's definitely meaning there for me, but at the end of the day, after some consultation
00:00:56
Speaker
and some, you know, just different thinking and reflection. It occurred to me that I should just go back to my name, you know, Brittany Geneva. That's what 90% of people who know me call me anyway. And really, you know, all of my stuff, my blog, my podcast is just about what I think and what I feel and what I'm going through. So it's really about me. So why not have it named after
Content Focus and Therapy Advocacy
00:01:22
Speaker
me? So
00:01:23
Speaker
Now my blog is just at britneyjaneva.com. My podcast Geneva says on iTunes. So you know, I just why not. So I am back now with my
00:01:38
Speaker
newly rebranded podcast, but nothing else is different. I mean, it's still just going to be me talking for 20 minutes. But now the name, the intro music, the feel might be a little bit to me up leveled, a little bit more, you know, professional, maybe I don't know, it was never professional anyways. So today, my podcast is
00:02:02
Speaker
gonna be about fixing my life because I'm still trying to do that, TBD on if I ever get it done. But one of the things that has happened for me this year that I'm super excited about is that I found a therapist that I really love. Like, he is getting my life in order. And I just wanted to tell you guys about that because anybody who knows me knows that I've always been a big fan of therapy, a big
00:02:31
Speaker
proponent of people going to a therapist the same way you go to any doctor, the same way you go to your eye doctor, your dentist, your lady doctor, your man doctor, whoever you go to once a year to make sure things are acting right. Why not also go to the therapist? But that does need to be more than once a year, I think. But why not make sure your brain and your emotions and your mind is right?
Finding the Right Therapist
00:02:56
Speaker
So I've always been a big fan of it. But my dirty little secret is that
00:03:01
Speaker
I could never keep a therapist. I could never find a therapist that I actually liked. I've been to 127 different people and I literally never went back to anybody for more than maybe two or three sessions because I just always had an issue. Like either they were not professional. I went to one woman who was eating chicken wings during our session
00:03:31
Speaker
It's a no from me. Okay. Or they couldn't relate to me, right? Like they couldn't relate to the issues that I was telling them about. And it seemed like I was talking to my mom, you know, I'm like, no. And they, or it was, they were actually too in demand and it was really, really hard to get on their schedule. I found, um, a woman,
00:03:59
Speaker
in the earlier part of the year who I really liked. And I actually felt like she was helping me, you know, after just a couple sessions, but it would literally be like, you know, when you go to a therapist, it should be like, Okay, what is the recurrence of this? Are we going to do this every week, every two weeks, it's gonna be Wednesday, Thursday, whatever. She you could never do that, because
00:04:22
Speaker
there was no guarantee that even the week later that same spot would be available. And it might be like two months. I'm like, what the fuck? Like if you're, if you have that much, you need to stop accepting new clients because how can you really help anybody if you, if they can't come back to you with a regular cadence that is more than two months apart. So that's why I stopped going to her. But, um,
00:04:46
Speaker
I just was like having so many issues and I was like, I pretty much was about to give up on it, but I was, you know, really, really feeling like I needed to, you know, have a professional that can help me work through some stuff. So I tried.
00:05:03
Speaker
One more time, I went back to someone who, or back to a practice that I had reached out to last year. And I can't even remember why, but the emails just stopped. I think it was my fault. Like I just stopped responding. Um, so I went back to them and I was like, hi, me again, do you have anybody? And actually they had someone who was somewhat new to the practice and put me on his rotation. And it has been like such a lifesaver. Like he's just so great.
00:05:33
Speaker
And I think the biggest of course, he's a gay man, I should have known that that was going to be like, where I found, you know, my true help, because obviously we have a connection. But I think the biggest difference between him and any of the other people that I tried, is that he's young, like all of I kept really being focused on wanting a black woman.
00:05:55
Speaker
But all the black women I could find were like 40 plus. And that's no shade to 40 plus black women. But you can't really relate to my struggles. You know, so he is the exact same age as me. Like we talked about it last week. I think he's literally like two months older than me or something.
00:06:14
Speaker
And so he's, you know, he lives in DC. He's very like, he is somebody who I think we would be friends, you know, like if we just hadn't met randomly. And I think that is why it works out because when I tell him stuff, he immediately understands. Yep.
00:06:31
Speaker
seen it. Yep. My homegirl does the exact same thing you do. Yeah, you know, like, it's not this. Oh, explain that to me. It's like, yes, I immediately get it because this is my life and you're just like my friends, you know.
Virtual Therapy Transition
00:06:45
Speaker
So it's been really good. I've been
00:06:50
Speaker
I was about to say going to him, but actually we've only ever done telehealth because it started in March. So it was after everything closed down. So I have been seeing him virtually every week since like the third week of March. And it's been really awesome because
00:07:09
Speaker
One of the biggest things that showed me is that things in my life that I thought were unrelated actually all connect together. And I know that sounds really like, duh, what do you mean, Brittany? But I would sort of be like, well, this area over here with dating, I'm having issues there. And then this area over here with work, I'm having issues there. And I just felt like those were two separate issues to be worked out.
00:07:38
Speaker
But we have realized that the same, I guess, problems are underlying both and which is why both of those areas of my life tend to be the struggling is because I, you know, I have actually a common thread that ties those things together. So, you know,
Therapy Discoveries and Challenges
00:08:04
Speaker
to be
00:08:04
Speaker
To be a little bit transparent, I will talk a little bit about what we have uncovered and a little bit about what has been revealed. But I think anybody who knows me probably wouldn't be too surprised to hear any of these things. But one of the biggest, well, I'll say the sort of the headline
00:08:31
Speaker
is that while I am a confident person and while I certainly have like high self-esteem, there are still a lot of areas of self-doubt in my life and just areas of insecurity. So what this has sort of revealed to me is that underneath it all,
00:08:57
Speaker
there are areas where I'm still very like, I'm not sure I can do that. I'm not sure I'm good enough for that. I'm not sure I can succeed in that. Right. And so because of those areas of insecurity, the way that I make up for that is seeking validation. So there are certain areas and certain places and certain things where
00:09:25
Speaker
I need people to tell me I'm good at this or I'm good enough for this or yes, this is something that I'm capable of. It's like I don't believe it on my own or I'm not sure about it on my own. I need somebody to tell me and to like, so that I can make sure. So that is sort of
00:09:49
Speaker
And I won't get into all the nitty gritty details of how that pops up, but it pops up the most when it comes to dating and when it comes to work and just different
00:10:02
Speaker
goals that I have outside of my job that I've been very hesitant or slow to really pursue because turns out, I'm afraid I'm going to fail shock. So I, you know, there's a sphere of failure, there's a self doubt, there's this sort of need for validation that has all been playing together and sort of fucking me up in a lot of different ways.
00:10:28
Speaker
Um, so it's been really good to uncover this with him because it has definitely, you know, like, it's kind of like the movies, like there are specific, um, sessions that we've had where I'm like, Oh shit. Like.
00:10:43
Speaker
this was a legit ass like breakthrough like i really feel like like my life is changing right now and the most frustrating thing is that because of covid i can't even really go out and like test it you know like i feel different i feel like i'm better i feel like we're making such good progress in these areas but then
00:11:01
Speaker
I can't sort of go test the hypothesis and be out and meet somebody new and see if I'm acting different in this interaction or other areas where it's like I need to be able to be living my regular life to know if I actually have changed or turned over a new leaf.
00:11:24
Speaker
That's been the really most frustrating part is that I am not able to actually put any of this into practice the way that I would normally.
Professional Help vs. Friend Advice
00:11:39
Speaker
But I think because of COVID, that's why I've been able to really spend so much time and dig in.
00:11:46
Speaker
So it's sort of a, you know, double-edged sword, but I think, um, I still think it's been really helpful. I'm really glad that I didn't give up because I really was feeling like, fuck it. I guess there are no.
00:12:03
Speaker
more available black therapists that are good, you know, like if they are, their schedule is too busy. So I'm really glad that I found one and we're making progress and maybe one day, you know, in 2022, I can actually test it out and see if I'm a better person. But, you know, I just want to encourage
00:12:23
Speaker
anybody that if you have been just having any issues like it doesn't even have to be something quote unquote like super serious like any just anything that you wish you could talk to somebody about and they could give you some good advice like you should you should definitely have a therapist because it's one thing to talk to your friends your friends don't know shit guys none of us know
00:12:50
Speaker
anything like we're all just the blind leading the blind. So we really need to have professionals who can look at this from a more clinical perspective and help to connect the dots and give you strategies and activities like one of the biggest things that
00:13:09
Speaker
And this goes back to, unfortunately, I haven't been able to test things out. One of the biggest things that we arrived at pretty early is that one of the ways that I can fight my fear of failure is simply to take more risks, which, again, seems pretty intuitive, but I did need the therapist to tell me.
00:13:33
Speaker
Taking more risks means doing things I wouldn't normally do. So whatever would be my normal course of action, do the opposite and just see how that turns out. But I haven't really had a chance to put that into practice because what, you know, what am I doing other than getting up and walking to my home
Investing in Therapy's Value
00:13:52
Speaker
office? You know, so I'm trying to figure out how to implement that. But really, I don't think I'm going to be able to implement it until I'm back like in the streets.
00:14:02
Speaker
Um, but that's like one example of how if you have a therapist, they could actually give you some legit practical things you can implement to see, you know, to figure out how to address whatever it is, is happening. So that's one of the very like practical areas that I will be working on, you know?
00:14:27
Speaker
Get a professional because talking to your friends is bullshit. Nobody can help anybody. We all are fucked up. So I think you should have somebody who doesn't know you, who has a background in being able to recognize what certain things mean and who can give you practical tips
00:14:46
Speaker
for you.
00:15:03
Speaker
for the copay every time we meet so you know that's a hundred dollars a month if we meet weekly i mean that's really not that bad you spend a hundred dollars a month on way less valuable stuff than someone helping you get your life together so i think. It's a worthwhile investment you can find good people with your insurance you.
00:15:25
Speaker
really don't have anything to lose like I don't really know why anybody wouldn't do therapy and I'm always confused as to why as to why anybody would would fight it I just don't see a downside other than the time it may take to find a good one or at least you know one that's good for you um but otherwise like why not I mean really why not so
00:15:55
Speaker
Do it. Ask me. If you have any questions, I'd
Encouraging Professional Help
00:15:59
Speaker
be happy to tell you more about my experience. I'd be happy to send you the information for my guy. His name is Walter Stamp. He is great. You can Google him.
00:16:10
Speaker
And there are other people within that same practice, all black therapists, all relatively young. So I think, you know, there are other people who are also good who like work in that same office or whatever. So I can definitely send you guys that information. I'm not saying it now because I can't remember, honestly, but follow up with me and I'll definitely find the information. But yeah, I think, you know,
00:16:38
Speaker
I think why not is going to be the moral of the story. Why not get you a therapist and fix your life. We're all fucked up. Coronavirus is making it even worse. So talk to somebody who's a professional. Okay. This is Brittany Geneva, my new podcast. Geneva says new and name only. Everything else is the exact same. Um, and thank you guys so much for listening. I'm on social media. Brittany underscore Geneva.
00:17:07
Speaker
on all of the teens. And that's it. I'll talk to you guys soon.