Transcript
Speaker: Hello, hello, it is Brittany Geneva. I am back with another episode of Geneva says thank you. Thank you all so much for listening. Thank you all for caring for inspiring me. I, this is my third, this is the third episode in a row, which for me is really good. And I appreciate the encouragement of people, you know, who you are, who have,
Speaker: been anything from tough love to like, some people were nice about it. Brittany, I'd love to see more. And some people were like, bitch, get on this podcast. And I appreciate all of the energy because I definitely needed it. There's some imposter syndrome there. So, you know, there's things that go on in the mind of a person like myself.
Speaker: that make it sometimes discouraging to create content like this on a regular basis and stay consistent with it. But I am getting back into a groove and I'm really proud of myself and I'm thankful to anybody who cares and to anybody who watches. And so I really, again, I appreciate the energy. I appreciate the support. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Anyways, again, this is Brittany Geneva.
Speaker: Welcome, if it's your first time. So, where do I begin? Okay, so this week, I kind of wanna, I'm not going as like pop culture as I normally do, but I just really am meditating, if you will, on the,
Speaker: concept of acceptance because I think if there's anything that I have learned in 2021 and something that is like a big like life shift and mind shift for me that has started and is still happening is the idea of acceptance like as simple
Speaker: as it may sound for those to whom this comes naturally, I have recently realized what it means to live in a place of acceptance of the world around me and more importantly of myself, which will actually allow me to be in a better place
Speaker: when it comes to the areas that I do want to improve or areas that I do want to change. It has to start first with accepting what's in front of me. And I think this really started with therapy. I've done a pod about my therapy journey.
Speaker: An update there is that my therapy ended in September because my amazing therapist, can I say who it is? Walter Stamp, he's not practicing right now, so it's fine. He is off getting his doctorate and being a scholar, and so he no longer has the bandwidth to see clients. So we had been doing this for 18 months. I was going to therapy
Speaker: For 18 months virtually, I have never met him in person. We have never seen each other face to face. It has only been on video chats, which is madness. But for 18 months, doing telehealth therapy with him. And when we ended, he said, you know, and I agree. He was like, I think you're in a good enough place that you don't need to like jump right back into more therapy like you can
Speaker: focus, you can, you know, implement the things that we've been talking about, and then revisit it from there. So 18 months, I did therapy like during this pandemic, and
Speaker: that really aligns, like the end of therapy really aligns with when I feel like I leveled up a little bit. I got my mojo back in some areas in life, doing the podcast, my ANC, I should do another podcast about like how ANC life has been going, TLDR, it's been hard. But I was discouraged there and I got my mojo back a little bit. So when therapy ended,
Speaker: And I felt armed with a lot of tools that were very helpful. I think that really helped me get back into life doing the stuff that I had been doing before. And one of the biggest things, really the biggest thing that I took away from everything that we did was that
Speaker: I went into therapy saying I need to fix certain things, you know, like I'm seeing issues in these areas in my life and I need to fix it and it's very much fixed and like the person I am, the type A that I am, the masculine energy that I have is very like logical and rational and action oriented and we are going to do the thing and accomplish the goal.
Speaker: And what I came out of it learning is that the biggest thing that you need to change is thinking that you need to fix. The biggest change you need to make is seeking change. Actually, what you need to do is become extremely comfortable and extremely accepting of what exactly is in front of you. The issue that I've had that has manifested in many different parts of my life
Speaker: is not being able to just accept what's in front of me. And I'm very like always thinking I can change something to be perfect. Always think to perfect, whatever that fucking means. Always sort of trying to get to a place instead of saying like, this is the place that you're currently at. First of all, just accept that and be okay with that and be content in that and be happy in that.
Speaker: And then from there, if there is a desire to move to a new place, it's not coming from a place of anxiety or, um,
Speaker: feeling incomplete or feeling like something's wrong. It's just a natural progression and evolution. This is kind of like a silly example or like a simple example, but I consider it like when I bought my house. I didn't hate where I lived before. I was not getting kicked out. There was nothing wrong. I just realized it was time to buy.
Speaker: I was ready for a bigger apartment. And I just knew my rent's going to get so high that it's like a mortgage. So maybe I should just have a mortgage. But if I hadn't been able to find a house, I was ready to renew that lease. It wasn't a problem. Whatever. And then I went out looking for homes and it was like I didn't have a vision of the home I wanted as much as I just knew I need more space and
Speaker: I wanted to be pretty, but I didn't have a perfect home in my mind, you know? And so it was very easy for me to find a house because I didn't really have one in mind. So all of the homes were good options. And then I found this one and I was like, cool, okay. And it was very chill. My realtor always tells me how I was like such a chill client compared to the others. But I'm like, I genuinely had no pressure on myself. I was not,
Speaker: unhappy with my previous situation and I did not go into the home search thinking that there was perfection or like this you know zenith that I had to attain it was just like if I find a nice house and it checks a few boxes and I'm gonna get the house and that's what happened and I'm trying to have that that
Speaker: sensibility in the rest of my life. And the biggest place where I need to make it happen is dating, where I have very much had too much of a desire to attain a perfection that does not exist, both in myself, in a partner, and in a relationship, and what the partnership actually looks like. And I'm really in this space of like,
Speaker: except who I am, like fully. There's nothing that needs to change. I just need to become extremely aware and comfortable with where I am today. And with another person, I need to do that same thing. And I think I just had a really good conversation with my best friend, Zara, who was like, I was telling her things that were on my list and she was like, a couple of things. She was like, you need to be more open to that, like evolving.
Speaker: and the person you meet not having it when you meet them because things are always evolving. You're not gonna find the perfection off the shelf. And so it's a process. It's a process that I'm still in.
Speaker: that I'm trying to get to a place where I can accept. I'm doing it with my physical body. I have been trying to lose weight for a hundred years and I'm not losing any weight and I'm gaining weight because of I like to eat. So I'm not there. I do need to like eat better.
Speaker: But that's what I need to do. I need to eat better. I'm trying to tell myself it's not about weight loss. It's about health and I need to eat better. And if I end up losing weight, that's great. But I'm also looking at myself in the mirror like I have been hesitant to buy clothes for a really long time because I'm like, no, I need to lose weight first. You know what? Fuck that. I said I'm going to accept what the fuck is here and buy these big ass clothes. And you know what?
Speaker: Let me tell y 'all. I saw a video on Instagram that spoke to me so much. Like in that moment, it was like a little TikTok or real. And it just, it hit me. She said, sis, you're fat. You're fat, sis. Wear the dress. Wear the dress that you haven't been wanting to wear because guess what? You'll be fat still whether or not you wear it. And I said, dang, you're right.
Speaker: You're right. You're right. Trying to not buy clothes is not going to change my size. My size is what it is, and now I'm just not wearing the best clothes for my size. Fuck is that? So I said, fuck it. So I bought big clothes, and guess what? I look better. I look better in clothes that fit. Shock. And I bought, look, I've been wearing crop tops. Look at my Instagram. I've been wearing crop tops.
Speaker: because I said, I'm fat, I'm still gonna be fat, but I wanna try a crop top. And guess what? I look good. Shit. So I'm about to, I'm accepting things. I am accepting. I am accepting things. And I know, again, for people for whom this is not a problem, they're probably like, Brittany, this is a whole lot for like, accepting, you know, like, duh. But for me, I swear y 'all like,
Speaker: I've just been in this place of trying to attain perfection. Now don't get me started on where that came from. But I'm there, I got there. And I've been in this place of trying to attain perfection and believing that perfection is attainable and therefore not functioning well in my perceived imperfection and believing that the current state is not a good enough state.
Speaker: So that is where I am constantly evolving. It's happening at work. And this is also what causes people to be people pleasers because they want everything to be perfect. So they want everybody to like them. They want everybody and even though, like,
Speaker: I have moments, I certainly don't take shit from people, but deep inside, I am a little bit of a people pleaser. I may not necessarily act that out, but it really upsets me. It really hurts me when I know someone doesn't fuck with me, or when I know someone has a problem with me. I'm like, why? What did I do? You know? Because I want things to be perfect. And I'm like, we gotta start accepting. And that's what I'm doing with work.
Speaker: I have, y 'all know I've had a hundred thousand jobs. I'm in the hundred thousandth job now. And I got feedback on my review, but some people think I'm unapproachable. Now y 'all niggas have never met me.
Speaker: I have only worked in that job virtually, but somehow via Slack and Google Meet, I'm unapproachable. Okay. And I lied. I've met, I've met folks once. I did go to New York and I met my team one time. Okay. And it was a great time. Whatever. So now I interact with a lot of people.
Speaker: you know, virtually at my job, this feedback only got mentioned by a couple of people and like one person in particular that kind of like hammered, excuse me, that like really hammered in on it. And I'm like not supposed to know who that was, but it's like obvious who it was. So I got into a little bit of my feelings like, what the heck? Like I like this person. I thought me and this person were working together really well. Like,
Speaker: What the fuck? But then I took a step back and I said, Brittany, think about every job you've had since your first fucking job out of college. I have never, never had a job where there wasn't one or two, usually women, usually white women. I'm sorry. These are the facts of the case.
Speaker: one or two white women who particularly say something about me to the effect of I'm unapproachable, they feel like it's difficult to work with me, they feel like I'm not following directions, something along those lines, something that basically says I'm not putting my head down and submitting to everything they want me to do. And I just have to accept that.
Speaker: I just have to accept that, how I move, especially at this time in my career. I am more than a decade into my career. I'm a vice president now at a PR agency. I expect to become a senior vice president sooner than later. I'm putting that out there. Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus. And at this point in my career, how I move is how I move. I'm not even trying to be hard -headed or say that I can't evolve, but I'm also saying,
Speaker: After this amount of time, there are just some things about me that are what they are and the ways that I am at work. I'm very, very, and this is another conversation about like, you know, is do I need to always be in such a team structure? I don't know, but here we are.
Speaker: But I'm very independent at work. I don't need a lot of oversight. And that is not pride. That is just experience. And I know I have to do a thing. I know how to get the thing done. And so I don't have a big inclination to check in with a lot of people or make it a big collaborative process when some things are straightforward.
Speaker: And 99 % of the time people appreciate that about me because it takes work off of their plate. I'm not asking them to jump in with something with me that I can do myself. And again, a lot of people actually are like, thank you, because I have enough on my own plate. But for the people who I don't do that with, a couple of instances always happen where they get offended by that. How dare you move without checking in with me? How dare, and I'm like, girl,
Speaker: Okay. Like I just have to be in, I have to accept that some folks are just not going to like that. That's my working style. And that is my style and I'm sticking to it. And if I were to end up in a place where nobody liked it, then I would dip because that is like, I'm that I'm accepting it that much.
Speaker: You know, like I can't, I can't keep being bothered trying to make, trying to understand why things don't go the way I want them to go. And there are some people who I think because I'm like that, because I move so confidently and so freely sometimes, and I do it so quickly. Like I, I learned things quickly. So when I come to a new job, I don't need a lot of time for onboarding. I don't need a lot of time to like shadow, like, Oh, I get it. Okay.
Speaker: And again, 99 % of the people are like, this is amazing. Ooh, let me just hand you the work so I can go on about my day. But a couple of people, they mad. Well, when I got here, it took me months to figure this out. Well, girl, okay. You know, like, and I'm not shitting on you for that. If that's what happened, then that's what happened. That's not the case with me.
Speaker: I don't need all of this transition time. I'm ready to go. And quite frankly, I'm ready, if I fuck it up, then I'm ready to take on that accountability myself.
Speaker: That's the other thing too. If I go about it too independently and I fuck some shit up, then that's also on me to own. And I'm not afraid of that as an outcome. That is how I have to learn. So I think that just that confidence and that self assurance, again, for the vast majority of people, they love it.
Speaker: And for a handful of people, you know, I don't want to use the I word. I never liked to use that word, but y 'all know what I'm, y 'all know what I'm about to say. It might be a little intimidating and it might be a little, it might, it might expose some of the insecurity that they feel within themselves. And to that I say, I'm sorry that that's happening to you, but I'm not going to change nothing. I'm not, I'm not going to change nothing. I'm not going to change. So sorry, but also not.
Speaker: Hmm. Anyways, acceptance. That's what I'm doing. Acceptance. And that is not, and I'm saying this to myself now, that is not stagnation. That is not complete complacency. That is not settling. You know, I think in the past I have misconstrued
Speaker: Accepting what's in front of me as somehow settling like no you can there can be more there can be better But it's not about saying I don't want anything else. It's just about Reframing my my mind to say where I'm at is fine where I'm at is okay where I'm at is good and even if I want to be somewhere else that does not take away from where I am now and so
Speaker: That's just, that's something I really wanted to share just in case it helps anybody else, but also just because it's really been like this. I promise you that has been the biggest like evolution that I've made this year. And that is how I was able to overcome.
Speaker: some mental health challenges that I was having earlier in the year where I was just feeling like really depressed and really down. And I think I was really strongly in a place of not accepting. And then when I started to be able to accept
Speaker: and look at things as they are and say, this is what this is, and it's okay, and it's fine, and it's good, and it's not something to feel like I have to change. That's when my mental health shifted, and that's when I was able to get out of this funk that I had been in for months.
Speaker: Anyways, I hope again that that was helpful for like anybody if one person was like yes girl I appreciate you sharing that then it was worth sharing But yeah, like let's keep talking follow me on social media Brittany underscore Geneva like
Speaker: Let's talk about this. I always want to talk about mental health. I'm very like, I'm big on talking about mental health. I love talking about therapy. I love talking about shit that I was struggling with because we have to normalize that these are the things that are happening all the time. And I especially, I want to normalize it with myself because I think
Speaker: Because of how I move, people might feel like everything is always fine with me and I'm like, it's not. I'd be struggling like a lot. So I also want to be more vulnerable and more open about my shit because I don't want to give an impression that like nothing is ever going wrong or nothing's ever happening with me.
Speaker: um so anyways thank you guys so much for listening i forgot i wanted to also share this sweatshirt it's old now but it just says black excellence matches my headband um you know i i love my y 'all see i'd be wearing these sweatshirts like
Speaker: Week in and week out. This is also what I wear to work like this is something I would wear to work. So I Love these sweatshirts. So I just be wanting to share them anyways. Okay. Thank you all for listening Geneva says I will be back with a new episode soon. Okay. Thanks. Bye
