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How to cope with anxiety - Robyn Graham
237 Plays3 years ago
Happy Woo Wednesdays!
Wedding photographers and pros? Do you struggle with anxiety? I do. Robyn is going to help us today.
Robyn is a former photographer and now
✝️ Business & Mindset Coach
Entrepreneur
Passionately helping women live their purpose & scale their business with a positive mindset. Author: “You, Me, & Anxiety”🎤I love her podcast, The Robyn Graham Show.
Robyn's Woo Factor is that she brings mindset, strategy, and tech and processes to the table in addition to creativity…both sides of my brain are always on duty.
Connect with Robyn
https://www.instagram.com/therobyngraham/
Https://www.therobyngraham.com/resources
https://www.instagram.com/therobyngraham/
Connect with Carissa
https://www.instagram.com/carissawoo/
https://www.instagram.com/carissawoophotography/
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey guys, welcome back to Get a Heck Yes with me, your host, Carissa Wu. If you're loving this podcast, please share with a wedding creative friend and leave me a review. It's going to help me so much. Also go to my website, heckyesmedia.co, and download my free guide on how to generate constant leads from brides. So I have Robin Graham in the house. She really challenges us today to challenge our minds, our negative thoughts,
00:00:26
Speaker
and our imposter syndrome. She challenges us to flip the switch so we could truly have what we are meant to have. So if you are a high performer, a go-getter, but often feeling anxious, you're going to truly resonate with this episode. Enjoy!
Carissa's Photography Journey and Coaching Transition
00:00:45
Speaker
Welcome to Get a Heck Yes with Carissa Wu. I'm your host, Carissa, and I've been a Los Angeles wedding photographer for over a decade. I've traveled the world, built my team, and seen it all. I now coach wedding photographers hit 10K a month and build a thriving business. In this podcast, we are going to deep dive into how top wedding creatives get that heck yes from their dream clients. We are not holding back on the struggles of the business and how to push through the noise. Some healthy hustle, mindset shifts, up-leveling your money story,
00:01:14
Speaker
Time hacks because I'm a mom of two, a little bit of woo woo, and most importantly, self-love and confidence are just a few of the many things we will talk about. I want to give you a genuine thank you for following along my journey. I hope to inspire you every Woo Wednesday so that you say heck yes to listening to this podcast. See you guys soon.
Robin's Career and Personal Transformation
00:01:37
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome back to Get a Heck Yes with me, your host, Carissa Woo. I'm so excited. I have a very special guest.
00:01:43
Speaker
I found her. Her name is Robin Graham and she is a retired headshot and brand photographer. And now she's a business and mindset coach. She is passionate about helping high achieving, anxious woman talking to myself, find clarity around their purpose so they can build personal brands and strong foundations. I love her podcast, the Robin Graham show. I could literally like binge listen to it all day.
00:02:08
Speaker
She is the author of you, me and anxiety, take action over anxiety to enjoy being you. And she's a wife and mom to three kiddos and a woman of faith. Welcome Robin. Thanks, Chris. I'm so happy to be here. Yes, yes, I found you through another podcast. I think she was like a coach for coaches. And I really love your message. And I just loved you. So I started listening to your podcast.
00:02:34
Speaker
And I've been listening like all week. And I love the last podcast episode with about story brand. That was really cool. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, that the last one I think was with DP DP. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta listen to that one too. So I guess just to give everyone context. You are a former photographer. So I'm sure we have a lot to relate on. But
00:03:02
Speaker
Just give me like your background story and like kind of how you got started and where you are now today and like who you serve.
00:03:09
Speaker
Okay, so I'm going to give you just the nutshell version. But out of high school, I went to pharmacy school. I achieved a doctorate degree. I was in corporate for many, many years. And about almost 12 years ago, my son started showing signs and symptoms of anxiety. And because I had always lived with anxiety, I did not want him to have a similar journey to me. I wanted to be able to be present with him.
00:03:34
Speaker
to decrease the anxiety level in our home because my husband was traveling globally 50% of the time we had no family here i was traveling and working a lot and we just got decided that it wasn't worth it to risk the mental health of our family right so
00:03:51
Speaker
I had been doing photography my whole life. It's always been a passion, a hobby. And so my husband said to me, Rob, why don't you do something with your photography? And of course, imposter syndrome set in immediately. And I thought, oh my gosh, I can't do that. Everybody would think I'm crazy. And I don't have the skills yet and whatever. But I decided to do it. And I put a blog up. And within six weeks, I had my first paying client. It was a branding client. And I thought, this is what I want to do. And I fell in love with it.
00:04:21
Speaker
And that's what I did for many, many years. But as a mom and helping my kids navigate, because then we saw different challenges with my other two kids as well with some levels of anxiety and stuff. And so the more I dove into mental health and anxiety and saw a therapist for myself and all of that, I realized that I have a story to tell and I have now navigated anxiety from
00:04:50
Speaker
my own perspective, but also as a parent. And so I can help other people start navigating anxiety in a healthy way so that they can live a life, a purposeful, joyful life and experiencing, experience the things that their peers are experiencing. And so last year I wrote the book and then it published March 15th of this year and
00:05:13
Speaker
Now I retired from photography because between the podcast and the book and coaching, it was just so much and I thought something has to give. And so I stepped away from photography professionally. I still do it and have fun, but I stepped away from taking clients and I'm just coaching.
00:05:33
Speaker
helping entrepreneurs build those businesses of their dreams. I have clients that range from photographers to holistic physicians to home stegers. I mean, it's just running the gamut and it's so much fun. It's so exciting to see these people grow and come into their own and help them navigate those
00:05:56
Speaker
negative mindset barriers that have been holding them back from scaling their business, whether they're just starting and have been sitting in that place of fear of starting something new or changing basically their entire career identity or who are wanting to scale that they've been stuck spinning in circles and don't know what to do to get away from that.
00:06:19
Speaker
That's me in a nutshell. That's a beautiful story.
Understanding and Managing Anxiety
00:06:23
Speaker
It's kind of funny, but I'm just so excited to talk about anxiety.
00:06:28
Speaker
This is like a really hot topic. Yeah, it is. And when I listened to your, you're on someone else's podcast, it just really like touched my heart because I didn't get anxiety till after I had my first child, I struggled with a lot of like postpartum depression. When people said the word anxiety, I actually didn't even know what they meant. But can you explain like some of the symptoms that your son have that you had kind of seen in him that he was getting? And you kind of was like, Oh,
00:06:57
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. So the first thing I want to do is kind of dispel some of the confusion around anxiety. So we hear that phrase a lot nowadays, and there is a difference between anxiety and worry and being nervous. And so
00:07:13
Speaker
You know, true anxiety is this abnormal apprehension, this abnormal fear around an experience, a person, or different things, but it can be almost debilitating or preventative. And your brain just continues to go with these what ifs and these negative thoughts and these negative scenarios.
00:07:35
Speaker
When we talk about being nervous, you may have some of the same symptoms as anxiety, but when the situation is over, the nervousness dissipates. It kind of goes away. You don't have this continuous flow of what if thought, what if I didn't do that right? What if they didn't like me?
00:07:54
Speaker
What if I mess that up? What if they hate me? Well, what if nobody likes that? All these what-if thoughts that are negative. Worrying is something that people, I believe, choose to do. It is constantly thinking about the future and negative things that could happen, whereas it's almost like this
00:08:17
Speaker
It's something that you can control versus anxiety a lot of times is not something that you can control. It actually takes medical intervention or therapy or holistic measures to navigate it because our brain basically gets stuck in that negative cycle. So some of the signs and symptoms that people may experience when they have anxiety are
00:08:39
Speaker
racing heart, heart rate, difficulty breathing, slowness of breath, rapid breathing, panic attacks where you can't catch your breath, headaches, inability to sleep, so fatigue, irritability, outbursts of anger, change in eating habits. So there's, there's a lot of signs and symptoms that can occur and oftentimes they are
00:09:02
Speaker
physical in nature. For me, it was always stomach pain since I was a little girl. But medically, there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. My stomach, my GI tract, everything's fine. But my anxiety manifests in my belly. And so for me, and I know that when I have this sort of feeling in my belly, that, okay,
00:09:26
Speaker
I have to stop and I have to recognize the trigger. What is happening in my life? Was it an interaction I had with a person? Is it an upcoming speaking engagement? Is it a project that I want to excel on or a launch or what is coming down the pipe that
00:09:43
Speaker
Could it be travel? Could it be a visit by a relative or a friend? What is triggering this in me? Once I identify that trigger, then I can start navigating what is happening in my life. And so it's really important to be able to recognize that mind-body-soul connection, I like to say, because that will help you catch what's happening sooner than later before a lot of those other symptoms start manifesting.
00:10:14
Speaker
I know I was listening to that episode and what you were saying right now. And in that episode, I was like, Oh, wow. So it's interesting that if you're aware of it, then you could actually help or prevent that because I feel like I have my group coaching calls every Wednesday.
00:10:29
Speaker
And I just feel like this like tenseness like the night before, like my shoulders get really tight, I hold a lot of like my stress and my neck and my shoulders. And then you're saying that on the episode, I was like, Okay, so if I know that this event, or this group coaching is coming up, and I have like, I feel like I have a lot to to give and I have a lot of pressure on me, like, how would I go about like, kind of preventing this anxious or stressfulness?
00:10:58
Speaker
kind of time in my week. So the one, this is what I love to recommend, and this is really kind of the premise of my book, and it's based on cognitive behavioral therapy. But I like to refer to it as my rag method with the five C's of journaling. So you recognize what's happening, you recognize what's going on. So when you start recognizing, okay, I'm experiencing this, you know, my shoulders are tucked up to my ears because they're so tense, and I'm so anxious.
00:11:28
Speaker
And then you, so you catch these thoughts, you catch those thoughts and you catch those feelings to understand, okay, what's happening.
00:11:38
Speaker
So once you catch them, you can address them by challenging them. So when you're feeling this way about something that's coming up, you can actually challenge those thoughts. If you're questioning, am I worthy to do this? Do I have enough knowledge to share? Is anybody going to show up? All of those what if questions that are coming into play, challenge them. Once you challenge them, change them.
00:12:05
Speaker
So if you're thinking, I don't have enough to offer, I'm not worthy, change those thoughts too. I have years of experience. I have so much knowledge to offer. I know that I can serve everyone that shows up tomorrow because of my life's journey and the experiences I've had to become an expert at what I do. So the more you catch those thoughts, challenge them, change them, get rid of them,
00:12:34
Speaker
that's the G in the rag, then the more control you're gonna have over those thoughts. So you're going to be able to catch them faster, challenge them faster, change them faster. You'll have more control over the thoughts. And then with that, you'll become more confident. So then the next time, or five times down the road, you may not experience any of these symptoms at all because now you've done this model enough that you're catching those thoughts soon enough
00:13:00
Speaker
that now you're confident. You have changed those thoughts. You now believe in yourself more. You have more confidence, and now you can do this without feeling so overwhelmed, afraid, doubting all of those negative thoughts and feelings that often go along with anxiety. Robin, I think in three minutes you changed my life.
00:13:24
Speaker
I think I needed to hear that, especially because I'm a coach. Yeah, it really is life transformative. The key is that to recognize that it sounds simple, but it's not easy. And this is something you have to do on a daily basis. So you know, you create habits, you know, we know that a 1% change in behavior can
00:13:49
Speaker
transform our lives long term. So it becomes that in the morning when you get up, instead of looking at social media, instead of immediately going into work, give yourself that time to dump everything out of your brain onto paper. Some people will recommend meditation. I personally am not good at meditation and I don't enjoy meditating.
00:14:14
Speaker
But what I do love to do is write. And so for me to take everything that's in my brain and put it on paper just gives me a clean slate every single morning. And it becomes an empowering tool to take what's in the brain and write that what if thought and then challenge it on paper and change it on paper. And that mind-body connection between our brain and our hands writing
00:14:42
Speaker
can change those neural pathways in our brain so that they're not sitting in that place of negativity bias. You're actually changing them to think in a more positive way.
00:14:52
Speaker
Oh, I love that. I actually, I recently had like a spiritual awakening. I did some like psychedelics and it kind of opened my eyes to a lot of things, but I did start meditating every morning and been listening to like Jim Quick and, you know, morning routines and stuff. And I've been listening,
Spiritual Awakening and Therapy's Role
00:15:11
Speaker
caring about this for over, you know, 15 years, but I finally started doing it because I know how important it is, but you really inspired me to start journaling. So I'm going to add that to my list.
00:15:22
Speaker
I just, I find it, and it's also fun to go back and look at where you were and where you've become, you know, when I date every page. So it almost becomes a documentation of your journey. And it's a legacy that you can even, you know, share later in life if you were to choose to that, okay, here's where I was, but look how far I've become.
00:15:44
Speaker
Oh, that's so good. Yeah, I started actually I have this journal app and I actually wrote down my dreams. So right in the morning this morning, I actually had a dream about my grandmother. And it was something like we had made her this little like artwork of her and like a Chinese dress and
00:16:03
Speaker
we gave it to her and then she just had like this really like big like smiling look in her face and it was such a happy memory and I think because she had like dementia and it was like a really hard death and really hard on us I think I blocked out like a lot of the happy memories and so they always say like try to remember your dreams because they're so powerful and then in that dream I was like oh my god I got my happy memory back of her yeah oh that's so beautiful yeah
00:16:30
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Okay, I want to go back to kind of like dig deeper to your past. When did you kind of realize you had anxiety? And like, how did you cope with it as because I know you helped teens. So how, how old were you? And how, how did you cope with this, like, in your younger years? So my earliest memories associated with anxiety were sitting on my parents front porch and crying because my stomach hurt. So I couldn't go to school.
00:16:59
Speaker
And I would not get in the carpool to go to school. Birthday parties were a source of major stress and anxiety. I didn't want to go. I was so worried or afraid, just all those negative emotions. And I always had a stomachache. And my mom would take me to doctors and they couldn't find anything wrong with me. So my anxiety started very young. There was also a genetic component for me. There is a genetic component for a lot of people, not everyone.
00:17:28
Speaker
There are environmental triggers that can stimulate anxiety. People who have gone through trauma can have anxiety. There's a lot of different ways that anxiety may come about or manifest. So when you think about it, I had it my entire life. When I got to the point of being in high school, that is when an eating disorder started. And I went in and out of eating disorders through
00:17:57
Speaker
my early twenties. And for me that, that was how I controlled my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts was I could control food. I could control how far I ran or how much I ran. I couldn't control anything else in my life.
00:18:12
Speaker
I couldn't control how other people treated me. I couldn't control, you know, what assignments I was given. I couldn't control how well I did outside of all the hard work I put into it. So that was how I, how I navigated my anxiety was I had an eating disorder. I did not know what I had taken so many psychology classes. So I kind of was self diagnosed with anxiety, but I didn't have,
00:18:40
Speaker
Therapy my mom and did not understand what was happening with me and my parents didn't understand what was happening with me so therapy I had never had therapy until I was an adult and You know that I think probably delayed a lot of my progress with navigating anxiety so it wasn't until as an adult and going through the journey with my children that I Really dove deep into therapy really dove deep in my mindfulness mindset work
00:19:09
Speaker
So I don't know, it was the grace of God that I survived the eating disorder. It never got so bad that I had to be hospitalized. I say it's because my mom prayed all the time. But it still can be a crutch for me when things are crazy. And it's something that over the years, I just have had to practice.
00:19:33
Speaker
being mindful, knowing what's happening in my mind and body and that connection so that I can address things upfront versus let them get out of control. That's so good. We have to talk later like after the episode, but I have a five year old daughter and she's pretty anxious too. And she doesn't like to eat. So I see all these red flags with her already. So I kind of want to like nip into the bud. So we'll talk later about that.
00:20:02
Speaker
You know, I am a firm believer in therapy. So if anyone is experiencing any like noticing any of these signs or symptoms that I mentioned earlier with your children,
00:20:13
Speaker
If there's nothing physically being found or discovered for a medical diagnosis, think about maybe it is anxiety because it does start early. We know that. And over the course of the past two years, especially because of COVID, the prevalence of anxiety has increased by 25%.
00:20:32
Speaker
So with that being said, the prevalence is mostly or its highest in women and youth. So if you can get your child into a pediatric therapist sooner than later, you will save them and you a lot of emotional stress and turmoil when they get to those teen years.
00:20:55
Speaker
Wow. Okay. Okay. Thank you for that. I want to dive more deep into like who you work with. You work with high achieving, anxious woman. Why do you think high achieving like goes along with anxiousness and woman? And women? Yeah, that's a really good question. And you know, when when you have anxiety, a lot of times there's an high achieving people tend to
00:21:25
Speaker
push themselves so hard and perfectionism becomes a crutch. It's something that we depend on. And anxiety goes hand in hand with that. People who have anxiety want perfection. They think everything has to be perfect. And when something isn't perfect, that's when everything comes crashing. And so for me,
00:21:50
Speaker
Here's why I say high achieving. One, I like to work with people who don't make excuses. They're going to take constructive criticism or take advice or take a recommendation and they're going to do the work without making excuses. And so that kind of defines high achieving for me. They have big goals, big aspirations. They want to succeed. And so they're willing to
00:22:14
Speaker
Do the work whether it's mindset work whether it's writing blog post whether it's you know creating an email marketing strategy whatever it is that we work on together they're gonna take action in between the times that the hours that we're together week to week and
00:22:30
Speaker
When we talk about anxiety, a lot of times it's just that pressure that comes with being a high achiever, the deadlines, the goals. Am I good enough? Am I achieving enough? And when we're really driven people, those questions come into play more frequently. We're not the people that are going to just be sitting on the couch letting everything roll off our shoulders.
00:22:54
Speaker
We're driven and want more. And so that puts more pressure on. And so that pressure a lot of times comes or manifests in the form of anxiety and thinking, well, am I good enough? If someone else is doing this, is there even space in the market for me? And all of those questions that come into play. So working with those people, those women, my clients, it's navigating that doubt when imposter syndrome kicks in, when
00:23:24
Speaker
comparison kicks in, really identifying, okay, what is the root of that? And how can we navigate it so that you can take action in a way that is going to move you forward, and that you're not going to stay stuck? We know that based on cognitive behavioral therapy, are we all are born with, you know, basically a belief system, right? And we're kind of groomed in that belief system as we grow. So whether we're talking about, you know, faith, belief in ourselves, whatever our belief systems are,
00:23:53
Speaker
that influences our thoughts. The more in our thoughts, if whatever thoughts we're having will influence our emotions and feelings, our emotions and feelings and influence our actions and behaviors.
00:24:06
Speaker
So if you're sitting in a place with negative thoughts all the time and doubtful thoughts, you're going to have negative emotions and those negative emotions are going to put you into that procrastination cycle where ultimately you become paralyzed. You're not taking action. Therefore you're not seeing results. So it's really important that, you know, like I, when I showed or shared my model, you know, the rag and the five C's adrenaline method,
00:24:32
Speaker
to really address those negative thoughts earlier in that cycle so that we don't have so many negative feelings and emotions so that we will take positive intentional action. Oh, wow. That was like a book right there. Sorry, I get really geeky when I talk about brain. I'm gonna have to look into this about four times. I think every single time something different is gonna hit. It's so powerful. It's so deep. I was gonna say something about like,
00:25:01
Speaker
I feel like when I had the babies, I...
00:25:07
Speaker
I just started like really trying so hard, like trying harder than I ever had, which is really weird because you would think it would be opposite. And I felt like I wanted to just show the world I had all together, like my social media, all the parties, cool friends, the cute outfits. But then I realized like at one little comment or one little negative comment from my husband or social media or a friend, I would kind of like super snap.
00:25:35
Speaker
And I was just like, like, I don't want to be this like miserable person. Like, why is this happening? And that's kind of when I went to like started doing therapy every other week and really going down like the woo woo spiritual journey. And I realized that I
00:25:55
Speaker
I'm kind of was never good enough for myself so therefore nothing was good enough for me like not enough clothes not enough booking and I'm kinda like. Well I have these students but.
00:26:10
Speaker
Why is it not enough? And I think the reason why was I was just like not good enough for myself. And that was like my little, my spiritual awakening thing, which is so, it sounds so simple, but it's so powerful for me. And that's when I started meditating. I got in the last like two or three days, 18 inquiries.
00:26:32
Speaker
What the heck? Hey guys, you all know me. I'm Carissa Wu and I'm a coach for wedding photographers. I've also been a wedding photographer for over a decade so I've been through it all. I was a shy, awkward girl and I've come so far. I'm now beyond passionate about helping wedding photographers not struggle how I did for so many years.
00:26:54
Speaker
It was six years into my business and I was so tired of being ghosted, nickel undimed, and hearing the dreaded words, we went a different direction. I also knew I needed to find a way to not rely on referrals or paying $350 a month for the knot to get my leads. I didn't want to have anxiety about when my next payday was going to come and I wanted to scale my business.
00:27:16
Speaker
Fast forward to now, I created my very own stack system to help wedding photographers get constant leads and master the dreaded sales call, and get a heck yes in 24 hours or less. And charge more than 4, 5, 6K. No more waiting around, guys. This is our livelihood, our artistry, and our passion, and we deserve to be respected, valued, and paid for what we are worth. I've helped so many wedding photographers.
00:27:41
Speaker
Watch my 20 minute masterclass all about lead generation and closing the sale. The link is in the bio. You don't want to miss out on the wedding boom and you don't want to miss out on booking your calendar for 2022. It's engagement season guys, so you don't want to miss this. See you guys soon!
00:27:59
Speaker
And it's really important to realize that a lot of times, especially if you just innately have anxiety, a lot of times all of those negative thoughts will make you feel abnormal. They make you feel like you're not worthy. You're not as good as someone else. And so you do seek other things to make you happy. But at the end of the day, it's that inner self that we have to recognize as
00:28:24
Speaker
beautiful and lovable and love ourselves so that we can then in turn love other people. Yeah, it's it's crazy. It's like it everything comes down to self love like just that funnel. But it's like you really have to truly
00:28:42
Speaker
dig deep, you can't just say, Oh, love yourself, you know, we're on a shirt, we're in on a bracelet, tattoo it on your arm, like, it's so much deeper than that, like, you really have to do the work. And I used to hate when people said do the work, do the work, I was like, what does that mean? You know, but it's almost like you have to you do have to go through some struggles. And then really kind of, you know, think about like, how do you want to feel every day, like,
00:29:04
Speaker
Do you want to feel shitty? Do you want to feel awesome? What does that mean to you to feel good? Do you have to wake up and meditate to journal, to exercise, to do all these things? Or do you want to just look good on social or look good in front of your friends? Does that make you happy? So you really have to ask yourself that powerful question. And if you don't like how things are going,
00:29:30
Speaker
don't stay in the status quo. If you want things to change, you have to create the change. And that is taking action. And that's why my book is called You, Me, and Anxiety. Take action over anxiety to enjoy being you, because you can be irritable. And I know a lot of moms who have experienced this, where we snap at our kids
00:29:50
Speaker
And then we're like, oh my gosh, I shouldn't have done that. Why did I react that way? That was so bad of me. And then you feel guilty, and you feel shame. And so many times with anxiety, shame comes into play. And if you think about it, we tend to, as humans, judge other people. But we also judge ourselves very critically. And so instead of judging, get curious.
00:30:17
Speaker
when you can navigate that world of shame by accepting yourself, forgiving yourself, giving yourself the grace that you would give someone else. And then get curious instead of judging, not only about the world outside of you, but curious about yourself. Why do I feel this way?
00:30:38
Speaker
And if you look back in time, chances are someone said something to you, someone made you feel a certain way. You cannot control what other people think, say or feel about you in the past, you can't control what
00:30:53
Speaker
You know, things that had happened with your parents or your siblings or your friends or your teachers or all of those people that have been in your path. You can't control that. You can't control the people that are there now. But what you can do is control how you react to that. And that starts with taking action so that you can have a positive mindset and then take positive action for yourself to grow and to
00:31:20
Speaker
to change that, that perspective of yourself so that you can be better. So say like you have this negative thought, like someone said something that kind of hurt you and you're, you're kind of in your head like, Oh, I'm not like that. And they did this. And how do you kind of navigate that to turn that around to something positive or not have those negative thoughts?
00:31:42
Speaker
I love this question. So Brooke Castell is a life coach and she has a model called it's CTFAR. And so the C stands for circumstance. This is very similar to my five C's of journaling method. So that the circumstance is what just happened, what, and then so say someone said something to you and let's just say for something that's not too harsh, but let's just say that they don't like the way you're wearing your makeup.
00:32:09
Speaker
So maybe you start thinking, oh my gosh, I'm ugly. Like I don't know how to apply makeup and they think I'm ugly and they think I failed at my makeup and they don't like, you know, maybe it's the brand of my makeup and you just start cycling. Then that's going to make you feel unworthy. It's going to make you feel
00:32:30
Speaker
ugly, it's going to make you feel disheartened and maybe frustrated, annoyed, maybe angry, irritated. So those feelings are going to cause you to behave a certain way or act a certain way. So you may then snap at them. You may get angry at them. You may walk away from them. You may shut them out of your life.
00:32:51
Speaker
anything could happen as far as the results are going to be negative, right? That person, your relationship with that person will be altered. You won't have positive results because now you're in a place of taking negative action versus positive action. So anything resulting from that interaction is going to be negative. If you flip the switch to that of, well, she doesn't like the way I wear my makeup, but my makeup doesn't have anything to do with her. I like the way I apply my makeup.
00:33:20
Speaker
The way I apply my makeup, I feel pretty. I feel confident. I feel strong. I feel successful. And so changing those thoughts to the positive, then how is that going to make you feel? That's going to make you feel confident, positive, happy, joyful, all of those positive words. So then that action that you're going to take is
00:33:41
Speaker
Well, that's okay that you don't like my, my makeup. I like my makeup and I like my makeup because so-and-so is a makeup expert and she taught me how to do my makeup, but you're going to, you know, take different action. And then the results will be you've maintained that relationship despite the fact that person hurt your feelings. You are now able to move forward.
00:34:04
Speaker
Continue doing your makeup however you want to do your makeup, but you're in a place of confidence. So any action you take is going to produce results that are positive. I love that. I love, um, I think the title of this podcast or episode will be flip the switch. It's super cute. That's good. I, that's actually really, you know, simple, but it could change your whole life in a nutshell.
00:34:35
Speaker
I'm guessing a lot of your audience is probably photographers and you can employ that method to any of your clients. I mean, how many times as a photographer do you have a client that is, well, can you remove all of my wrinkles? Can you make me look 10 pounds lighter? Nobody's ever satisfied with themselves in front of the camera.
00:34:54
Speaker
Or people are afraid to be in front of the camera. But when someone comes back to you and says, well, I don't like this picture. It's not about the picture. It's not about the image you created. It's not about your art. It's about their feelings of themselves. So when people come to you and then they don't like what you have given them,
00:35:14
Speaker
You know, evaluate that like how confident are you in your work? But do that model. Nope. This person told me, can I remove wrinkles? Can I do 10 pounds lighter? It's not about my work. It's about their view of themselves. So instead of getting down and then not, not working or not taking on clients or not putting yourself out there and sharing your work because you're afraid other people don't like it.
00:35:39
Speaker
which means if you're not sharing it, you're not visible, so you're not front of mind, so you're not attracting clients. So switch those thoughts to...
00:35:47
Speaker
my work is so beautiful, list out all the clients that have raved about your work, read your testimonials, make sure that you're staying positive about your work, your skills, your creativity, and the level of product that you're producing, instead of letting someone else's view of themselves dictate what you feel about you. Ah, that's so good. Yeah, because one little like comment like that from a client could
00:36:18
Speaker
really trigger me and my students because I hear it all the time and they just go into this, oh, I got ghosted, like what's wrong with me? My business sucks, I suck. And it's just that mindset.
High Achievers and Social Media's Impact on Anxiety
00:36:32
Speaker
I wanted to talk about social media because me and you talked about it for about 10 minutes before we started recording, but why does social media make us so anxious? And how do we kind of stop that?
00:36:49
Speaker
Oh, that's a great question. And it's one that I talk a lot about because it's very easy to compare ourselves with other people that we see online. So it becomes the question of, is this person inspiring you to be better or is this person making you feel negative because they look so perfect and you don't feel worthy or that you can achieve their level of success?
00:37:16
Speaker
If it's the latter, don't follow them. Don't consume their content. And that's a choice we have. If you don't want someone to know you're no longer following them, just mute them. They don't have to know you're not following them. There are ways around that.
00:37:32
Speaker
If there is anyone is making you feel negative or anxious you have the choice that's not a healthy place to be in that's not using social media for the intended purpose the purpose of social media is just that to engage socially to build connection and relationships.
00:37:49
Speaker
the more relationships we build, the more trust that people will have in us. So when we build trust, then trust determines buying practices and that's how we're going to grow and scale our businesses. So if there are people out there that you're watching and maybe you're commenting on all their stuff, but they're not commenting back on your stuff and engaging with you and respecting you and shedding light on you,
00:38:13
Speaker
then you don't have to follow them. And that's just a hard and fast rule that you have control over for your life and your use of social media. Obviously, I am a big fan of doing social media holidays, and I think it just kind of cleanses you. We all tend to go to our phones picking up
00:38:31
Speaker
Pick it up. You know, it's just a distraction if we're struggling to focus we can go we'll go and scroll and that's when we can then Almost demolish our creativity because we're comparing ourselves with someone else So if you're experiencing any of those things then you can one step away to stop following those people or mute them that are making you feel that way and the other thing that is just so incredibly important it is doing the mindset work around imposter syndrome and
00:39:03
Speaker
Do, you know, catch those thoughts, catch those feelings that you're experiencing when you see content or when you see something someone else has put out there and then challenge it. Challenge that feeling or that thought that you're experiencing. Is it valid? Could this negative thought about yourself because of what you saw be proven in the court of law? Would your best friend who you love and respect and trust, would they be feeling the same way if they saw the same content?
00:39:29
Speaker
If it's not valid, if it's not rational, if it's not realistic, then change that thought. Get rid of it. And then that's gonna help you have more control when you go on to social media. Not allowing yourself to succumb to what you're seeing, but actively changing those feelings and emotions and thoughts that you're, or I guess those thoughts that you're experiencing that are influencing your emotions and then actions based on
00:39:57
Speaker
how those posts or those people are making you feel. I'm gonna do a little audit on my Instagram after this episode and just delete, delete, delete, unfollow, unfollow, unfollow, and just start following the people that inspire me. So that's a great tip. I know you're a former photographer, amazing photographer. Now you're a coach.
Building Genuine Relationships and Business Strategies
00:40:21
Speaker
What is your biggest, heck yes, sales unique? How do you get a heck yes from your dream client?
00:40:28
Speaker
For me, it's always been relationship building. It's building that trust. It's being authentically and genuinely me. I don't do or say anything just to please. I am me. And when people connect with me, they get, they know, they know that I'm not selling them because I've already built that relationship and the trust. So I have now told them how I can help them, how I can serve them, how I'm unique.
00:40:58
Speaker
that I can solve the problem for them because I understand them and I understand their problem so I can help them fix their problem. I love that. And you do a good job of building that trust with the podcast and with your Instagram and you are very relatable. So I feel like, yeah, someone did hop on a Zoom call with you and, you know, they already read your resources and your website, they would just
00:41:28
Speaker
already be like instantly like, okay, just you know, tell me what to do. Sign me up. And you know what the other thing I'm going to say is that not only is it being authentic and genuine, but if you address objections,
00:41:43
Speaker
ahead of time through your content and then have the have the skill to when they say, Oh, well that's too expensive. That's more than I had had planned. And I think photographers get this a lot of, Oh gosh, well so and so was only going to be this much and you're this much.
00:42:00
Speaker
If you have differentiated yourself as a personal brand, then people are going to recognize the immense value you provide and what makes you unique and why you're the one that they should hire. When you handle those objections or address those objections upfront, then you're more likely to get a heck yes, because people understand before you even open your mouth why you're the best. That's the best feeling ever.
00:42:30
Speaker
That's where you want to be. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Every time. Yeah. Cool. Okay. So fun questions. Robin, what do you like to do for fun? I love to hang with my family. The ocean is my like solace. I swear I'm a mermaid. So for me being in Florida at our house in Florida and being on the ocean is my like happy, happy, happy place. Oh, I love that. That sounds so like tranquil and peaceful.
00:42:59
Speaker
Let's see, question, a little coachy question, but if you haven't had a magic wand, where would you see your business in three months? 90 days. Oh, in three months. Hmm. Well, in three months, I will have signed one new coaching client every week. So that will give me what is that 12 weeks, I'll have 12 new clients on my roster.
00:43:25
Speaker
Holy moly, amazing, you could do it. I know you're a techie girl, so what's your biggest tech marketing trick? Leave comments or email sentences or in a nutshell. I would say,
00:43:48
Speaker
I would say it has to be email marketing. I am not a big fan of these like funnels and systems you buy. I am a fan of email marketing and educating, entertaining, enlightening, and building trust through my email marketing campaigns. Yeah, girl. Although you know what though, I almost have to say my podcast. That's really ultimately my favorite thing in the world is my podcast. Just for personal reasons, how
00:44:18
Speaker
Do you promote your podcasts through your email list and social? Do you have any tips for me that I could apply today?
00:44:26
Speaker
Sure. So several things. One is I talk about it all the time. And I think this is just a general policy that people should have is asking your guests, which if I haven't already, I will definitely be leaving you a review. That's just a courtesy that I believe any guests should do for a host that is on their show.
00:44:49
Speaker
But incorporate that into your information when people apply to be a guest on your show that you appreciate reviews. After the episode, send them a thank you note and remind them to leave you a rating and review. Then when you send them the assets, remind them to leave you a rating and review. Ratings and reviews are ultimately what help you scale your podcast.
00:45:12
Speaker
They're being very selective with who you have on your show. Being selective with your content makes a big difference. And I would say sending out an email reminder is great for just boosting listens or downloads.
00:45:32
Speaker
Sharing on social media is great. I also share my episodes on LinkedIn Okay, and then I'll do a monthly roundup and I think that monthly roundup is is a great little way to You know, hey if you're curious about XYZ we covered these topics this month and so that just gives them the opportunity to have everything in one place versus seeing it hit and miss the other thing is video and
00:46:00
Speaker
To me, I think probably the most strategic thing that I've done is instead of just downloading and transcribing the episodes as show notes, I actually do an SEO blog. So when I'm creating that blog, I'm very strategic with the search engine optimization for that specific post so that it can be found. So like if someone were to Google a topic that I've covered on the podcast, it's more likely to show up.
00:46:27
Speaker
Oh, you're so next level. That's so cool. I left you a review today and the headline was I can live on here. Oh my gosh, you have no idea that like warms my heart. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Resources and Contact Information
00:46:44
Speaker
Yeah, tell everyone where to find you and just maybe your top free resource and how to work with you.
00:46:51
Speaker
Absolutely. So the best place to find me is listening to the podcast, The Robin Graham Show, or going to my website. You subscribe to my email list. There's so much value. I do a Monday morning drop every single week where I have a journaling prompt and affirmation for the week. So that's pretty cool. People love that. And then I have resources on my website. Two, I have a couple of different eBooks. One is on alleviating
00:47:19
Speaker
anxiety by developing healthy habits for a healthy mind. And then I also have an ebook on the, um, my purpose to results method, which is based on my success equation and discovering your purpose and all that good stuff. And that's a free ebook as well. So the Robin Graham.com it's Robin with a Y and Graham is GRA. So the Robin Graham.com forward slash resources is a great way to get started with, um,
00:47:44
Speaker
learning about what I do, how I do it and how I work with my clients. So and of course, if anybody is interested, I do a free consult. So you can just go to my website and book a free consult as well. I would love to connect with your listeners. And if I can help in any way, shape or form, then please don't hesitate to email me either. And that's Robin at Robin Graham dot com. I love this conversation, Robin. And I think the biggest takeaway for me today was I'm really going to challenge my mind
00:48:13
Speaker
because our minds are so powerful. So I just feel like that's something that all our viewers and listeners could do today is just challenge your thoughts because you do have control over them. And thank you so much for being on my podcast. This is great. Thank you so much. I'm honored to be here and happy to serve you and your listeners. So if there's anything more I can do, don't hesitate to reach out.
00:48:41
Speaker
Thanks for joining me this week on Get a Heck Yes with Carissa Wu. Make sure to follow, subscribe, leave a review, or tell a friend about the show. Take a screenshot and post to IG. Tag me. Also, don't forget to download my free guide on how to become a lead generating machine. See you next time, wedding pros.