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Ep. 194 - Not checking any boxes with Jolene Purdy
33 Plays6 days ago
Welcome to Get a Heck Yes!
Today’s guest is someone whose career has been as dynamic as it is inspiring: Jolene Purdy.
Jolene first captured attention with her breakout role in the cult classic Donnie Darko, and since then, she’s continued to impress audiences with memorable performances in Under the Dome, Orange Is the New Black, WandaVision, and The White Lotus. Most recently, she stars opposite Kevin Bacon in The Bondsman.
In this episode, Jolene shares her journey as a performer, the lessons she’s learned along the way, and what it means to keep evolving in an ever-changing industry.
If you’re a fan of authentic storytelling and behind-the-scenes insight, you won’t want to miss this conversation.
🎧 Tune in now and join us as we welcome the multitalented and endlessly inspiring Jolene Purdy!
https://www.instagram.com/jojopurdy
Connect with Carissa
https://instagram.com/carissawoo
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Transcript
Introduction and Sponsor Thanks
00:00:00
Speaker
Happy Woo Wednesdays everyone! Big shout out to my sponsors 17 Hats for sponsoring 194 episodes a day of Get a Heck Yes.
00:00:11
Speaker
Wow wow wow. Wedding pros, this summer I went to Yosemite for 5 days with my family and I was getting paid because 17 Hats automated my inquiries, my invoices, my contracts, my client communication and lets me have a life while being a photographer and wedding professional.
00:00:29
Speaker
Use code HECKYES to get 50% off the entire year and it comes out to like $30 a month, which is insane. And also, if you're loving my podcast, please leave me a a review. It helps me find superstar guests like this one today.
00:00:45
Speaker
So today's guest is extra special because I've known her since elementary school. Back then,
Jolene Purdy: Career Highlights and Identity
00:00:51
Speaker
Jolene Purdy was always a star in talent shows, shining bright with her incredible presence, and it's been surreal to see her take that same light all the way to our TV screens.
00:01:03
Speaker
You may know Jolene from White Lotus, Orange is the New Black, and her latest series, The Bondsman with Kevin Bacon, where she is the star. She is a powerhouse plus size actress. She's mixed and she's built a career by owning exactly who she is, even when Hollywood tried to put her in a box.
00:01:23
Speaker
In today's conversation, we go deep on what it's like to face bullying, to walk into casting rooms filled with perfect cutting cutter roles and to win the part simply by showing up as herself.
00:01:37
Speaker
Jolene's story is about resilience, authenticity, and redefining what means to belong. Let's dive in.
00:01:49
Speaker
Welcome to Get a Heck Yes with Carissa Wu. I'm your host Carissa and I've been a Los Angeles wedding photographer for over a decade. I've traveled the world, built my team, and seen it all.
00:01:59
Speaker
I now coach wedding photographers hit 10K a month and build a thriving business. In this podcast, we are going to deep dive into how top wedding creatives get that heck yes from their dream clients. We are not holding back on the struggles of the business and how to push through the noise. Some healthy hustle, mindset shifts, up-leveling your money story,
00:02:17
Speaker
Time hacks because I'm a mom of two, a little bit of woo-woo, and most importantly, self-love and confidence are just a few of the many things we will talk about. I want to give you a genuine thank you for following along my journey.
00:02:30
Speaker
i hope to inspire you every Woo Wednesday so that you say heck yes to listening to this podcast. See you guys soon.
00:02:40
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome
Jolene's Early Acting Journey
00:02:41
Speaker
back to Get a Heck Yes with your girl, Carissa I have my dear friend here today, Jolene Purdy. She has quite the resume, but i'm not gonna list everything. But she began her career with a standout performance in the cult classic, Donnie Darko.
00:02:55
Speaker
And since then, she lit up our screens and everything from Under the Dome and Orange is New Black. I loved you in that. The White Lotus, I loved you in that. And now opposite Kevin Bacon in The Bondsman.
00:03:07
Speaker
Please join me in welcoming Jolene Purdy. We've been friends since elementary school, Lincoln Elementary School. Oh my goodness. I know. That was like what? 10 years ago, right? You're Yep, yep. 10, 15 years ago, just about that time. And I know and our moms are used to make us sing at the talent shows and you kind of went on and became this big actress.
00:03:32
Speaker
So it worked. I don't know how it happened. It just kind of snowballed and I don't know what else I would do. Yeah, you you are amazing at it. And then we are going to talk about later, like ah what it's like to be plus size, a mixed race, Asian, all the things being different and still making in making it in the industry. But before that, tell the Heck Yes listeners who you are in a nutshell.
00:03:59
Speaker
hi I'm Jolene Purdy. I am an actress, like Carissa said, in some of some amazing projects that I've been lucky enough to be a part of. um I grew up doing musical theater in the South Bay, Torrance, Redondo area.
00:04:16
Speaker
um And I am a mom. I have an eight-year-old. And um yeah, just kind of surviving and thriving when I can. Yeah.
Breaking Stereotypes and Typecasting
00:04:26
Speaker
Yeah. A very tall, beautiful eight-year-old. Oh my goodness. She's so tall. So tall. And she's so tan. I'm so jealous. Oh my goodness. She's so tan. And she has like blonde highlights and ah she's just, she's amazing. Yeah. She has gorgeous eyes and she's going to be all the things.
00:04:45
Speaker
know. She has all the things. What was it like growing up in musical theater? I know I was in like PSA, AYE, all the acronyms and like just performing. um What was it like for you?
00:04:57
Speaker
I feel like so my mom tells me when I was three, I got up on this little rocking chair I had and I pointed to the TV and said, I wanted to do that. I want to do that. i want to do that. And my mom was a single mom.
00:05:09
Speaker
And so she couldn't really take me on auditions or really kind of do any of that. And then in second grade, there was a little thing in the newspaper that said, oh, come do Annie.
00:05:20
Speaker
And it was on Sunday's rehearsals. So she could take me. And the first show I did was Annie at the Norris Theater in Palos Verdes. And I was hooked. Like playing a dirty orphan was the best thing that ever happened to me. Like, it's ridiculous. But but yeah. And then my grandparents gave me singing lessons. And I think that's where like we did PSA together. Um, yeah.
00:05:46
Speaker
And I just kind of grew up loving a theater and stories and being able to have emotions in a safe place on display, which doesn't seem safe, but at the time it felt it.
00:05:59
Speaker
um Yeah. I just, yeah, I know. I just watched Annie play last year like the Torrance Civic Center and like the Annie was Asian and I like, dang.
00:06:13
Speaker
i It has changed so, so much. I don't know. i think it was it was a PSA. I don't know if it you were in that class. But I remember them doing this like mock audition situation. yeah And they told me like, oh, your eyes are big enough as an Asian, you'll probably work. And then there was a girl who had tighter eyes.
00:06:35
Speaker
And they're like, you probably won't work that much. Oh, crazy. you imagine people saying that nowadays? There's no way. Yeah. They would say that to us. Like we, I was in the Annie one and the Sound of Music one and they're just like, you'll never like get in, but you can be like here to practice.
00:06:53
Speaker
They're like, you're too white for the King and I, and you're too Asian for the Sound of Music. So you can go do Evita. I'm like, so I could play Hispanic, but like, christine yeah. ah So how did you get into like acting roles and actually like auditioning for these real roles?
00:07:10
Speaker
It's so, gosh, I feel like I've, um, my path has just been like block after block after block and some kind of like weird freak thing happening that gets me into it.
00:07:22
Speaker
I was
Commitment to Acting
00:07:23
Speaker
doing, Grease in high school and there were kids, actually, you know them, um, that, bullied me in in the theater and you know, in one blackout said, get off the stage. You're going to embarrass yourself. You don't belong here. And I remember crying during the show, like doing the hand jive and like, I know.
00:07:49
Speaker
I know. It's ridiculous. And growing up, my mom always said, when it's not fun, we're done. Like this is supposed to be fun. And I remember walking off stage after that number, finding my mom who volunteered and saying, it's not fun, it's not fun, I'm done.
00:08:04
Speaker
And she supported me, handed over everything because she was a big volunteer there, and said, your theater company fosters bullying, I'm no longer a part of it. And we walked. And i i that was the moment I was like, 16, 15, 15.
00:08:16
Speaker
ah was sixteen fifteen fifteen I was like, I am never doing this again. I'm done. And then I went to London, and I won a singing competition for the US.
00:08:28
Speaker
And then... And the year prior, I had done a musical theater workshop with a woman who became a manager for TV and film. And I asked her if she would represent me. And she told me, you're too fat, you're too Asian, you'll never work.
00:08:40
Speaker
oh And a year later, i got a call from her saying, hey, there's this role, you might be right for it. If you book it you can use me as your reps. And it was Donnie Darko. yeah So it was my first audition ever. i had no idea, you know, musical theater, you're playing to the balcony film TV, you're playing to that lens and it's so much tighter um And, it you know, like, just so different. But first audition, they were wonderful.
00:09:08
Speaker
Getting to be on set with Jake Gyllenhaal, Drew Barrymore, Patrick Swayze, Mary McDonnell. And, like, a full circle moment I just had when I did The Bondsman. Beth Grant was in Donnie Darko. And I just worked with her again after, what, 25 years or something ridiculous. um And she's just as lovely now as she was then. I just got to really...
00:09:30
Speaker
get to know her as an adult now, which was so nice. She's God, she's a beautiful person. Um, yeah, so I did, I did that and I performed in, you know, high school doing the musicals. And then after graduation, i wanted to go to a theater art school and I didn't get accepted anywhere.
00:09:50
Speaker
And I was like, I'm going to go to a community college and and and I'll be a teacher. It'll be great. And then i ended up booking a job singing at Disney. And I was the opening cast of Aladdin at Disney's California Adventure as ah the narrator, as like an 18-year-old lead.
00:10:09
Speaker
And um I stayed there. Yeah.
Adapting to Industry Challenges
00:10:14
Speaker
this audition my first pilot audition for a fox show that ended up going to series so again and i was going to quit i had just applied i had just gotten enough credits at the community college to go to cal state long beach i got accepted into the teachers program and i had to quit that to do this tv show I met a manager who's changed the trajectory of my career and just kind of have kept kept on, you know? Damn. Yeah. Donnie Darko, like me and my husband always talk about it. We're like, shut up.
00:10:49
Speaker
Shut up. Like, that's my friend. um Yeah, people still talk about like the ending and yada, ya yada, yada.
00:11:00
Speaker
But that's so crazy. Yeah. What was it like? Like, like, okay, so after that high school experience, you got bullied. um And then you just like being shattered and then being like, I quit. But then someone like kind of gives you the opportunity. Did you kind of hesitate and like, Oh, no I said I was gonna not do this anymore. or what was your feeling like of getting these new gigs all of a sudden? and
00:11:27
Speaker
You know, I really like to do things that make me, that that scare me. So, yeah, I think that's where growth comes in. It's challenging. It's terrifying. It's, you know, panic attack inducing. But the high that you get when you've kind of conquered it, you know, is is great. And you can you can fail. That's kind of something I'm i'm working on with my my kid You know, I think growing up Asian, like, you can't fail.
00:11:56
Speaker
Are you kidding me? no Like, but really, you learn so much when you fail, as long as you frame it that way. And so in my career, I think I've really grown it by failing.
00:12:11
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I love that. I know. I think I tried out for dance team and at West High like three times before I made it. And they're like, damn, you keep coming back.
00:12:22
Speaker
Like you crazy.
00:12:25
Speaker
And as long as it's fun, right? Like we spend so much of our life like doing things that we don't enjoy to make ends meet to just appease other people, but like find the joy in it. Sometimes it's hard, but you have to choose the joy, right?
00:12:39
Speaker
So it's scary, but like, what am I going to get in the end? You know? Yeah. I mean, the first time I've been like, you know, watching you ever since like, you know, singing them from the talent show and like different little plays and stuff. But then like seeing you on Orange is the New Black. And by the way, Piper is named after Piper.
00:12:59
Speaker
way. Yeah. So that was like our show. And then to see you on it, I was like, oh, shit, she made it. I was like, Jolene made That's so crazy.
00:13:10
Speaker
what was it like to be on that show? Yeah. I loved the show. Like, the first two seasons, I was mega fan. And I got the call to do the fourth season while the third season was airing.
00:13:22
Speaker
So I remember going to set the first day. And, like, being a total stalker creeper and, like, just wanting to look at the sets. And, like, it just, it was so fun. And most of the actors are theater actors. And so there's just a community that comes along with theater actors.
00:13:40
Speaker
And, know like, being run by women to watch camera ops, usually it's men, to watch grips who are carrying the heavy things be women. These strong women leading it was just...
00:13:52
Speaker
ah So eye-opening. I've worked on projects since that have had more of a female presence, but that was the first one where I was like, oh, women are badass.
00:14:02
Speaker
Yeah. ah we can do these things if they let us. And I can see that they're like from theater, like crazy eyes and like, it kind of all makes sense.
00:14:13
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. we really like did't Like the red, it it did seem like theatrical and I loved it. and Well, we would sit like, you know, when you do theater, like you sit in the hallways and you sing songs and you like do music.
00:14:25
Speaker
dumb things together. That's how it was there. But usually on a TV film set, like you have your trailers. Yeah, you'll interact with your cast a little bit, but it's not as, um you're not as accessible with one another. It's not as community, like the feel that you get from theater.
00:14:43
Speaker
Yeah, interesting. What was a time where you're kind of like, oh, I want to do this full time and not even have to maybe like go to corporate and I'm just like going to put all your eggs in one basket? Oh, look, I'm not there. i don't feel like I'm there yet.
00:14:58
Speaker
Are you kidding me? I'm like, can I do something full time though? Huh? You're like, you have like a main role. I know. But that's the thing is like, you're only as good as your last role.
00:15:09
Speaker
And so my biggest job, like my kid is always like, would people ask her, what does your mom do for work? She's like, Oh, she auditions. I don't, I don't, I'm not an actress. I'm an auditioner.
00:15:22
Speaker
Yeah. So funny. guess that's like wedding
Personal Growth and Resilience
00:15:26
Speaker
pros too. We're always just like auditioning for new gigs. Exactly. Yeah. It's a hustle. We stop making like bookie weddings and we have no income.
00:15:35
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. That freelance life, right? Yeah. Okay. This is a good question for you because I usually have like wedding pros on here, but I have an actress on here today, which is awesome. I like to change it up.
00:15:46
Speaker
But like, how do you get your best or what's like your best heck yes technique?
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Speaker
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00:18:19
Speaker
Oh, my goodness. I make sure that I am so prepped with the material that I have um that I'm able to pivot to any kind of um direction that the team wants to go.
00:18:33
Speaker
so i i see what the job looks like and I'm like, oh, but if they want a flare of this or a flare of that. I know how to pivot it to give them the package that they want.
00:18:45
Speaker
So it's being flexible. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. And then because, you know, you're kind of like ethnically ambiguous that you can go different routes. You could go like Asian or white or Hispanic, like you said, Hawaiian. or Yeah. Do they want a broader tone? Do they want comedy forward? Do they, is it a horror movie?
00:19:05
Speaker
Do I need to have that single tear down my left cheek? Like what, where do we want to take it? And ah as long as you have a mindset of play, you know, and adaptability, anything's possible.
00:19:18
Speaker
ah Interesting. Yeah, that's a good good answer. And like for me, seeing you White Lotus, that was huge for me because i was I was already a huge fan of White Lotus. And when you're in like the opening scene,
00:19:29
Speaker
I was like, damn, I told you she made it again. She made it again. I mean, I see you in other things too, but like my favorite, favorite, favorite show ever. um What was experience on um being on White Lotus?
00:19:42
Speaker
Oh my goodness. So 2020, the world shut down and the, they capitalized on it by having the brilliant Mike White create this resort show. and yeah they shut down the four seasons and we swam with sea turtles while making this freaking amazing project, you know, hung out with Jennifer Coolidge, Molly Shannon, like Steve Zahn, um, just so many funny, beautiful people.
00:20:12
Speaker
The hardest part was being away from my daughter because pandemic stuff. Um, but what an amazing experience. Um, I had no idea what I was going on. Like they made us quarantine and they forgot to tell me I could come out of quarantine.
00:20:28
Speaker
So they're like, Hey, you're supposed to be on set. And I'm like, I know, but like I'm quarantined. They're like, no, get down to wardrobe right now. Literally put my clothes on. They'd already been shooting for a week. I walked in Murray Bartlett who played Armand like that. I have my scenes with is just a genius and so quick and so smart and so talented.
00:20:47
Speaker
And I was just like jumping in like, okay, here we go. Like the ability to just, Jump in yeah. yeah Yeah. That's really cool. How long were you there for?
00:20:58
Speaker
Two months. Damn. That's, yeah, that's a long time to be away from your daughter. it is. Yeah. I took Sundays and I cried in the dark, but then I enjoyed the rest of the six days that week. Yeah. so Okay. We're ready to go into hot topic. What is your hot topic today, Jolene? And why is it so near and dear to your heart?
00:21:17
Speaker
My hot topic is not being in the Hollywood box, you know? yeah I create my own box to be checked and I'm for you or I'm not.
00:21:32
Speaker
And that's okay. Wow. let's take so you think of, you think of Hollywood actors as being like thin, beautiful, potentially white. I know the world has changed and we're more diverse people.
00:21:45
Speaker
in in our entertainment now than ever before. But there's still definite hints of, you know, um being that model entertainment superstar look, right?
00:21:58
Speaker
Yeah. I'm not. I'm never going to be. I can't change my ethnicity. I can't change, you know, who I am and the way that I create characters.
00:22:10
Speaker
Yeah. But I'm not going to let anybody put me into this box of you can only play the fat character. Why can't I be a love interest?
00:22:20
Speaker
ah Why can't i you know, be all of these other potential things? I can. That's what acting is. And it's, um I've been really lucky to get an opportunity to work with casting and producers and creators that have imagination, that have the ability to see the character that I'm bringing and not just the exterior.
00:22:41
Speaker
Wow. Was there ever a time like um were you like what age was it where you kind of like came to this epiphany because you're like you're OG you know back the day it wasn't about like being diverse and being different you know it was being like in the mold and being like clear danes or like super thin or whatever are this and this and this like where when did you come to realization like hey that doesn't have to be me?
00:23:06
Speaker
I feel like it was a process, and it started when I was working at Disney. There was a more experienced veteran actor that kind of gave me the whole box talk, if you will. Like, you are not going to check their boxes. You create your own damn box.
00:23:21
Speaker
And i ah I held on to that, and i was I didn't feel secure in in myself enough to, like, yeah, I'm my own, But over time and working with the manager that I have now that I've worked with for almost 20 years, um he helped me. i would go in for auditions for a love interest and it would be these tall, model, blonde, beautiful women and me sitting in a waiting room. And I would call my rep and be like, look, I'm not getting this. I do not belong here.
00:23:54
Speaker
And he simply said, you don't have to do anything to stand out. They all look the same. You bring the character you bring. And then I would go into Asian-specific auditions, and I'm like, oh, gosh, they're all super thin, and, like, guys this is not this isn't me. And he's like, again, you don't have to do anything to stand out. So I think as I had experiences and I saw, like, fruit from those auditions, yeah I am now the out-of-the-box choice for so many things. Casting will call me in.
00:24:28
Speaker
to show producers another flavor that that character can be. Whoa. Yeah. And I like it. I like the challenge now. Again, things I'm afraid of. Right?
00:24:40
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, you just have to be you. Exactly. But I think it takes a maturity to A, know who you are, and B, be okay with who you are. Flaws and all, right?
00:24:53
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, this goes into anything, not just like acting. Even goes to like being ah want the go-to choice for wedding photographers or whatever. Like people think you have to look a certain way or be something like – have the same like like camera strap or like have the same outfit but i feel like it's not for everyone and you could just show up like as you and like own it and that's like your brand like I seen this wedding photographer and she just comes in like her like um those like loafers or just like I don't know um like whatever dressing and people hire her like crazy because she's just like hippie style like whatever but they they want that
00:25:40
Speaker
Yeah, because you're going to be for some people and you're going to fit perfectly for them and what they're looking for. And you know what? You're not going to be for some people. And that's okay, because guess what? You don't want to be there.
00:25:51
Speaker
You're going to be trying to be this thing that you're never going to be able to be for them. Let them find who they want, you know? Yeah. What was like the first role that maybe you felt like the casting directors weren't going to pick like Jolene as a, as you as an outside the box. And then you just kind of like really impressed them and got picked.
00:26:15
Speaker
Every job I've ever done. Every job I'm like, I'm not right for this, but I would say, i would say unseen, which was a Blumhouse movie that I did. I remember doing my self tape. I was shooting Firefly Lane up in Vancouver and I had to shoot a self tape on the fly in the hotel room, like sitting on a, it was crazy trying to get some footage, but shot it and my manager came back and was like, you need to reshoot it. Here's some notes.
00:26:40
Speaker
And I was like, they're not going to cast me anyway. They're going cast like a little white girl. And he was like, Jolene, you need to get it together. the director specifically asked for you.
00:26:51
Speaker
You are the prototype for this character. And I was like, wait, what? well um Yeah. And she, the director, Yoko Okamura, who's a brilliant director, if anyone gets a chance to work with her, writer, director.
00:27:05
Speaker
Her mind is incredible. She is so creative. um The lens that she sees film through is just amazing. And she's a beautiful person. um wow She's now a really good friend of mine. And it's funny looking back on that. Even Bondsman that I just did, right? yeah I wanted that role so bad. And I didn't even think about if I was right for it ethnically or whatever.
00:27:31
Speaker
But once I did audition for it and I took a completely different spin, I took liberties on that script and made it my own and they loved it. And then they sent out, I i didn't hear back for like two weeks and I thought I didn't get it. I loved that role. I didn't get it. Darn it.
00:27:48
Speaker
And then I saw this Instagram post and the breakdown for the character was me And I was like, what the hell? I want this. Why won't they give it to me?
00:27:59
Speaker
I talked to the showrunner later and he's like, no, we were just trying to find someone to go like against you because we we wanted to work with you. like You changed our minds about it. Shut up, Jolie. That's yeah crazy.
00:28:12
Speaker
Yeah. So again, when it's for you, it's for you. yeah And so when it's not, you just got to let it go because it's not it's not where you're supposed to be.
00:28:23
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, just we just me and you chat at church, but it just I would never realize like chatting with you. You're like this big star. I see all these like trailers. I was like, shit, she's on the bus. What is it like? um Talk about that show a little bit. And um what's it like being on that show and your role?
00:28:45
Speaker
So um Kevin Bacon is a bounty hunter that is killed and goes to hell. And the devil brings him back to hunt demons on earth and send them back to hell.
00:28:56
Speaker
And I'm basically his boss. I manage him. I'm the liaison between the devil and Kevin Bacon's character, Hubb. And I also volunteer at the PTA. I'm a deacon at the church.
00:29:12
Speaker
I own my own artisanal cookie company. And I'm a a mom. And so there were just so many things that resonated with me, right in in just the structure of of that character.
00:29:26
Speaker
ah Yeah, absolutely. That is cool. I'm glad you got it. Me too. And episode five was a backstory that got to show how I started working for the devil, which, you know, i get spoiler, I mean, it's been out for a minute, so i can can I spoil? Yeah.
00:29:44
Speaker
So my kid, at like before my kid is even one, gets um cancer. And so to save my son, i sell my soul to the devil to work for him. Oh, damn.
00:29:56
Speaker
Yeah. And so now my job is to recruit people to also sell their soul to the devil so that my kid doesn't die. Oh, crazy. So it's, you know, my, my, for me personally, as Jolene, like my word, my life word is love. Like I want to love well, and I'm not going to, but I'm going to always try and I'm going to always try and lead in it.
00:30:16
Speaker
And this character, her, you know, her word is also love. She sacrificed her life as a mother for love. um And love is just so powerful, I think.
00:30:30
Speaker
That role is perfect for you. it was. Wow. Talk about being um having this manager like for so long and the relationship you guys have and like how it's grown.
00:30:42
Speaker
Oh my goodness. I did a podcast and I talked about how amazing he is and he keeps getting people asking if they'll represent him. um He's not taking on new clients, so I have to preface it.
00:30:53
Speaker
But, you know, on your team, you want to have people that believe in you more than you can even believe in yourself, that they know your capabilities beyond what you think your capabilities are so that you will continuously grow and learn.
00:31:09
Speaker
And they also you also have this foundation of like love and respect with them so that when they do call you out on things you could be doing better, that you don't.
00:31:22
Speaker
let your ego, you know, take over because it's about the work. It's about your livelihood. You know, i need to provide. And, um, and yeah, sometimes I give him kickback on some things and he takes it well too. And we have that relationship, but yeah like, uh, we love each other as friends, as like family, like he's kind of like family.
00:31:42
Speaker
um and right now i actually have two managers. I don't even have an agent. I'm going against entertainment, like structure and have two managers, no agent. And my other manager, is brilliant and I love him and You know, he comes over to my house and we have dinner and hang out and we go see theater together and like text each other and send each other Instagram DMs that are super inappropriate.
00:32:08
Speaker
You know, and then at the same time, like when he calls me for something, you know, I'm like, hey, is this work or friends? And he's like, oh, it's work. And we'll talk work. And then he's like, oh, but girl, this happened. So it's just, yeah again, I want everything to be fun. If it's not fun, you're done. Like find the fun or find, you know, find something else.
00:32:27
Speaker
Wow. That's so special. Those two relationships. Let's talk about rejection. um I know being an actress, there's a lot of that and they're no what are you pro yeah probably more, even more than wedding pros.
00:32:40
Speaker
So how do you like go about that? What's your mindset? How, how do you overcome it? Um, even though I've been wedding photographer for 15 years, you know, still hard sometimes.
00:32:52
Speaker
Um, but do you have any like advice for anyone? Gosh, you know, again, it's like for every audition, that the ah goal isn't to get the job. Sure, I want the job, right? Because I want to provide.
00:33:06
Speaker
But did I do good work? I did. Did they enjoy it? They did. Did I not get it? i didn't. I wasn't right. And it ah goes back to when it's for you, it's for you. When it's not, it's not.
00:33:19
Speaker
And it's not about you. It's about the project. And so there's a lot of times I don't even remember what I've auditioned for. I'll watch a show and I'll go, why do I know these words? Because I auditioned for it.
00:33:31
Speaker
But it wasn't for me. And I see who they cast. I'm like, oh, that is not me. Right? So I think the rejection, maybe it's even protection because that's not where you were supposed to be. Yeah.
00:33:43
Speaker
Yeah. I think it's a journey. I like what you said about doing good work. It's like if you really truly know you... put in your all, like if I put on my all for the sales call and I like, I really try to connect and like, I, you know, I feel like I did connect and I didn't get it. And that's, I could just say I did the best I could.
00:34:00
Speaker
Yeah. But it's, hard it's hard. It's still is hard. Like there's a project I want right now that I'm like, dang, I don't think I'm going to get it. I wanted that one. But at the core, I know I gave a great performance.
00:34:14
Speaker
Yeah, I love that. Let's talk about like um being moms and just going back to the hot topic, like not fitting into that box.
00:34:25
Speaker
um What do you like teach your daughter like about not being, not trying to fit in and like just being who you are and um being confident about yourself?
00:34:39
Speaker
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00:34:52
Speaker
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00:35:02
Speaker
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00:35:21
Speaker
Gosh, I think she's the one teaching me, you know, my daughter is authentically who she is. She doesn't know any different and the world will break her and she will learn. And that's heartbreaking for me.
00:35:32
Speaker
But my job as her mom is to celebrate her and her weirdness. Like I've always let her dress dress herself. That's her art. That's her, you know, just showing the world who she is rain boots, tutu and leopard print shirt with Mickey Mouse ears, like all at once.
00:35:49
Speaker
You know, think she's living her best life. And that's what I want. And the other thing that I really want to give her is we make mistakes. She says this to me sometimes when I do something and I apologize.
00:36:00
Speaker
She goes, it's okay, mommy, we make mistakes, right? But what did we learn? And so that's kind of how I frame it is I don't want her to get that. Like, especially I think in the Asian culture, when you make a mistake, it's like, you just want to self punish because how dare I like not be the best. And for her, like, no, we make mistakes. What are we going to do about it?
00:36:21
Speaker
Yeah. Because it's the pivot. She says it to you. She says it to me. She says so many things to me that I'm like, you should not know these things. Like, these are things I should be saying to you. But she is...
00:36:34
Speaker
brilliant and you know I let her be herself I let her have her emotions you know I think it's so therapeutic having a kid and like the things that you didn't get as a kid and it's not any fault of your parents or whatever it's just things that you notice that you missed that may have served you that you've learned through therapy I'm, you know, giving myself therapy and giving those to my daughter.
00:37:00
Speaker
Right. So she has big emotions. My kid is emotional. She might be an actor. i hope not, but she might. ah She loves theater, by the way. She's doing theater now in the South Bay. I'm a little bit nervous, ah but i let her have her emotions, you know,
00:37:18
Speaker
And she'll say now, she's like, mommy, i'm I'm having big emotions. I think I need to go think about it. And she'll go to her room and she'll have big emotions and I'll come in and I'm like, hey, let's talk about it. What happened?
00:37:31
Speaker
um Now, it doesn't sound as calm as that all the time, but if that's like the model of kind of how we're dealing with our emotions. Yeah, I felt like as a kid, like um my parents didn't let me have emotions very much. And I see that when they parent the grandkids like because every time they cry, they're like, oh, no, you know.
00:37:51
Speaker
And I'm like, dude, like just they're kids, you know, like let them cry. Like, yeah, dad and like, yeah, rub their tummy or something. It's just like can't handle the emotions.
00:38:04
Speaker
Tell me one like your ethnicity and the kind of like, like, I know your ethnicity, but like, tell them what it was like to grow up like mixed. oh my goodness, you were there for me growing up mixed. And I i think everybody has a different experience. um So I'm half Japanese, half white.
00:38:21
Speaker
Growing up in the South Bay, you know you were either Asian or you weren't, or you were white. yeah And there was like a little other box, right? So I was in the other box. And there were some people who are mixed, same mix as me, that got accepted by the Asian culture, like the Asian kids.
00:38:37
Speaker
But I didn't because I'm plus size, because I'm louder, because i you know, ah moat more, whatever it was. Um, I just couldn't get in with the Asian kids and I just kind of got in with the white kids, but it was just, I didn't have a place, you know, yeah it felt, um,
00:39:02
Speaker
And that was hard. It wasn't until, honestly, I went to Hawaii and I saw people and I was like, those are my people! what um And I have some, like, Hawaiian roots, so, like, it makes sense for me that... And South Bay is so very, like, influenced by that, especially, like, the Japanese-Hawaiian kind of thing. Yep, yep. But...
00:39:21
Speaker
Yeah, I, it was, it was hard. it was hard. That's why when I went to middle school and I really, really struggled with my identity and being accepted because I think I've always just authentically been myself and I tried to dim my light.
00:39:37
Speaker
to fit in in middle school so much. And i yeah I just, I told my mom, i can't do it anymore. I cannot go to school with these kids anymore. i i can't. Like, I felt like I was dying. I was also, like, hormonal and going through, like, you know, puberty, but I was like, I'll die.
00:39:54
Speaker
ah So that's why I ended up going to Redondo High School. And um it was a little bit more diverse. And I got kind of to start over and recreate who I wanted to be yeah more authentically. And yeah.
00:40:11
Speaker
Wow. I didn't know all that. and yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds like such a journey. But I'm glad that you transferred out and had people make you feel better at a different school.
00:40:24
Speaker
But you had to go through all that. That's that's really that's must be really hard for you and your family. Yeah, my sisters, um they look, they're my half-sisters, so they're a little more Japanese than I am.
00:40:38
Speaker
But they were totally, like, in the Japanese basketball leagues. And, like, they didn't have the same story. But they're also 10 years younger, different kind of generation, more mixed kids now.
00:40:49
Speaker
So more accepted. Yeah. Yeah. They have it good. No, I don't think anybody really has it good. Middle school is not good for anyone. Like high school, if you paid me, I'd go through it again. Middle school, you couldn't afford to pay me enough. That's so funny.
00:41:07
Speaker
Yeah. ah Well, speaking of Hawaii, i I'm going to just poke you right now to beat the – Lunch crowd. The line has been crazy this weekend, like literally from like morning to night. But um last question, tell everyone just some advice from Jolene Purdy. um You're speaking to wedding pros and creatives just about like maybe if someone's feeling like crap and not making it and not like they want their dreams to come true, but it just doesn't feel like it could happen. What would you tell them?
00:41:39
Speaker
You have to find... The joy in the now. When you're content with what you have, you'll appreciate when you have more. yeah And so instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on the thing that you do. Gratitude for where you are. yeah And when you have a life outside of your career, your career is so much richer.
00:42:01
Speaker
Ooh, that's so deep. I love that. Tell everyone where everyone could find you, Jolene. i'm ah I'm terrible at social media, but on Instagram, I'm at Jojo Purdy.
00:42:12
Speaker
And I think I'm on TikTok, but I don't remember. Well, you're all over the internet, the world wide web. so Yeah. yeah Well, thank you, Jolene. This is such an inspirational conversation and I look forward to hanging out with you soon.
00:42:27
Speaker
Yay. Thank you.
00:42:34
Speaker
Thanks for joining me this week on Get a Heck Yes with Carissa Wu. Make sure to follow, subscribe, leave a review, or tell a friend about the show. Take a screenshot and post to IG. Tag me. Also, don't forget to download my free guide on how to become a lead generating machine.
00:42:49
Speaker
See you next time, wedding pros.