Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Escaping Self-Sabotage to Launch a Vibrant Life
64 Plays2 months ago
Learn how to free yourself from sabotage to live a vibrant life. We will explore:
- Why smart people struggle with stress and fear.
- Ways to escape overwhelm, sabotage and other negative patterns.
- How to create freedom and choices to build a better future.
Our podcast guest, Karen Goslin, gives us a sneak peak of her just published book, “Yellow Paint: Learning to Live Again”, which is part self-help/part memoir.
Karen shares: "The book is about my journey of self-discovery from rejections, unfinished endings, poor health and divorce to living my life from my best version of me. I believe that we all receive invitations to change from painful experiences. Some of us experience them as they come and do nothing with them, only to be hit harder by something more painful. Others see them and acknowledge them, but don’t know what to do with them. Still others answer the invitation by making real change in their lives. I had seven invitations to change before I finally woke up and did the work necessary to create a life I would never have dreamed possible."
Karen is passionate about guiding people toward important transformations, helping them process pain, addiction, chronic illness, loss and trauma as powerful invitations to change, to ultimately discover a glorious life.
Her work creates brave honest spaces that enable the straight talk necessary for accountability and healing. Now, Goslin is sharing her insights with a broader audience. She speaks to us with compassion and insight, developed from her personal and professional experience.
Karen Goslin has a Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto and in 1998, she founded KG & Associates.
You can connect with Karen Goslin, order her book and watch her podcast here:
https://linktr.ee/karengoslin.speaks
Social Media Handle: karengoslin.speaks
Learn more about how Robbie Spier Miller can help you build your business and personal success here:
https://www.mindlinkconsulting.com
https://www.hypnosistrainingcanada.com
Social Media Handles:
@hypnosistrainingcanada
@robbiespiermiller
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to the Habit of Possibility Podcast
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome to the Habit of Possibility podcast, the show about turning obstacles into opportunities. I'm your host, Robbie Spear-Miller.
Escaping Self-Sabotage and Living Vibrantly
00:00:16
Speaker
Today on the show, we'll be talking about how to escape self-sabotage and free yourself to live a vibrant life.
Karen Gosselin and 'Yellow Pains'
00:00:32
Speaker
Today, we're going to be interviewing Karen Gosselin. She has a new book coming out at the end of January called Yellow Pains. And i don't know a lot about the book, so we'll find out a little more here. I've purposely kept myself away from it because I want to discover it with you, Karen.
Zest for Life and Overcoming Challenges
00:00:49
Speaker
Right.
00:00:49
Speaker
um But knowing you over the last couple of years, I've always been inspired by your zest for living. Like you really know how to to kind of squeeze the juice out of life. And your attitude is amazing. And this podcast is about inspiring people to move through challenges in ways that that make their life better, even if in the moment it's not so great that they're working beyond that and using the challenges ah as um you know a crucible to grow themselves in or a catalyst to get to another place in their life.
00:01:21
Speaker
And so my outcome with with offering this to people is to give them lots of examples of where people have done this. And I think you are a great example of that. And your book is about that. Is that right?
00:01:34
Speaker
Right. Thank you so much for having me, Robbie. Yeah, that's a great ah introduction and a kind of great summary of like how I live. You're right.
Embracing Life's Turning Points
00:01:43
Speaker
um I have found I had a turning point in my life. And at that turning point, it's almost like that changed the trajectory of my entire rest of my life.
00:01:54
Speaker
And I firmly believe that what I did in those moments and days and months after that, really set me up for the kind of life I have now. And so it's fully embracing life um in all of its possibilities. And, you know, years ago, I never thought any of this would be possible. But I do live with a very high spirit of making the most out of every day, and just going for it just absolutely going for broke.
00:02:22
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, it's amazing. Very inspiring.
Understanding Self-Sabotage in Intelligent Individuals
00:02:26
Speaker
So tell me, you know, one of the questions you suggested asking you was about why do smart people get in their own way of making their life better or making it as good as it can be?
00:02:37
Speaker
And I love that question because you would think that, hey, if you're a smart person, that you could figure that out. You could find a way. But I've seen with my clients many times that sometimes um having a lot of education or being very, very intelligent, that it's a muscle that that ah there's another set of muscles that needs to be developed to complement that. And sometimes people rely on those smarts too much.
00:03:05
Speaker
And they've seen a lot of um perceived value from them, or they they believe that's how they get through life, or they're proud of them. And so I'd love to hear about what your take is on that. Like, what is it that does get in the way of smart people?
Intellectualizing and Misunderstanding Triggers
00:03:19
Speaker
Right. Yeah, that is a great question. I mean, I use the word smart in that question. um And yes, some people will intellectualize their emotions or the situations that they're encountering, and it can easily take them off course. In the moment, they feel like they're making sense of what's happening.
00:03:37
Speaker
um And I do sometimes see people with above average intelligence even having a more frustrating time because they oftentimes can't make sense or the way they make sense of something is so different than what everybody else is thinking or responding to.
00:03:54
Speaker
But what was really behind that question was the fact that we are smart. Most of us are smart people and we want change and and we need change. And then we turn around and get in our own way.
The Short-term Relief of Fight or Flight
00:04:06
Speaker
I think it's a universal human condition for that. We're afraid of the change. And usually in a trigger moment where something from unresolved from our past is kind of right in our eyes, right in front of us.
00:04:21
Speaker
it creates a trigger reaction. That's what a trigger is because we can figure our out ourselves out of like, you know, some of the unexpected problems of the day.
00:04:33
Speaker
But in a trigger moment, when something thematically similar is happening in the moment, that is a reflection of something from our past that isn't resolved, it just packs a bigger punch.
00:04:44
Speaker
So usually it's not about intelligence. It's about being in that complete state of being overwhelmed by what's in front of us. And we will easily go into fight or flight mode.
00:04:56
Speaker
And that gives us almost like an immediate gratification of how to manage the moment. And usually we'll get a short term boost, whether we yell, whether we walk out, ah whether we go have a drink, whether we go for some cookies.
00:05:11
Speaker
We all have our go to's that also is shaped in our past. But it gives us that immediate gratification. like OK, great. Glad that's over with her. Glad I got my two cents out, you know.
00:05:23
Speaker
But we know that those trigger reactions of that fight or flight will set us up in the long run because it usually doesn't solve the problem long term and it leaves us more likely to encounter more trigger reactions.
00:05:39
Speaker
And so this gets to be forming a repeated pattern um because The theory is that we will almost invite into our life something that is asking us to be to master something.
00:05:54
Speaker
And until we master it, the universe kind of keeps delivering it to us. And we will easily mismanage that. So I don't know if that makes sense to
Mastery Through Recurring Challenges
00:06:04
Speaker
you. But that's kind of the theory. And that's definitely what I see with myself and in my client population.
00:06:10
Speaker
Yeah, completely. So tell me what, like, how did you do that when you were triggered and got into your head or using your smarts to try to solve it? Yeah.
00:06:21
Speaker
Yeah, so my, I was a fighter. um And that again, like whether we ride the passive side of the wound or the aggressive side, that's usually shaped in our early years as well.
00:06:33
Speaker
Whether somebody, you know, demonstrates fight motor flight mode or mode, sometimes we'll do the opposite to what we're shown. So we either replicate what we're shown or we will go to the opposite.
00:06:44
Speaker
um I grew up in ah in a loving family. ah They were highly disciplined, but ah and but we were they were all more fighters and I replicated that. And so um my wounds were around control and worthiness.
00:07:01
Speaker
And that came from a variety of places in my life. So when I got hit with a trigger that challenged how much control I had or how worthy I was, I would fight. And that meant I would work. I would sometimes overwork.
00:07:15
Speaker
um I would kind of fight back in situations. And I was going through that in cycles in my life, not even knowing or understanding at the time what was happening. So I would get increasingly more frustrated.
00:07:28
Speaker
um ah People who ride the aggressive side who are trying to control too much, like will defeat themselves. They'll actually feel less in control. They'll push people away like I did, you know, and they get, we get lonely, right? Because in the moment we're thinking, okay, we're fighting on this, but it doesn't really work.
00:07:47
Speaker
So I had repeated experiences based on those early wounds around control and self-worth. And as it is for everyone, they oh up the experiences we get that mirror our wound will get increasingly more serious.
00:08:05
Speaker
So once I hit my bottom, That was my moment to actually make more sense of how I got there.
00:08:16
Speaker
And I think this is a shared experience.
Importance of Mastering Personal Challenges
00:08:18
Speaker
I think we all have increasingly more painful experiences over our life that are shining a light on what we need to master.
00:08:27
Speaker
And some of us figure it out and some of it
Emotional Intelligence and True Change
00:08:30
Speaker
don't. Some of us don't. But I i did. and I'm proud of that. And I was complete i was interested in how I figured it out. but um So it's interesting. Even the term figuring it out is a term that smart people use because they're trying to use their rational mind.
00:08:47
Speaker
right to the problem and so what you're sharing is interesting to me and with the work i do with hypnosis because i see a lot of people who um are very intelligent who get in their own way and if we look at it and cross-reference that will be our flight we can look at um if they're very good at rationalizing things or thinking right through then if their reaction is to fight they're going to rationalize something that will justify the fight and That's right. And if their way to cope is to freeze or fawn or flee, they're going to rationalize why they should do those things, and they'll believe
Effects of Overwhelm on Core Beliefs
00:09:26
Speaker
it.
00:09:26
Speaker
And it looks smart. And so it it digs them further into a hole because they're they're looking for evidence that matches whatever story they rationally made up in their minds. And because they've been showing in life in general that their mind works well, and they've had success, they they trust it too much.
00:09:47
Speaker
And so it it can lead to having a bigger problem. Absolutely. And that's what I was meaning by the fact that, like, we will try to fit our fight or flight reaction into the narrative that we believe.
00:10:03
Speaker
um But the narrative, in my language, this narrative comes from our wounded self, right? That's looking for that immediate gratification. As humans, we're not, like, we're not comfortable with dissonance.
00:10:15
Speaker
but We don't like it when things don't fit. The brain is in a very uncomfortable state at that point. But when we're in trigger reactions where we're either overwhelmed or afraid or confused, right?
00:10:29
Speaker
When we try to correct that dissonance to create, you know, to to clarify it for ourselves, we're The fact that we're in those states of overwhelm or confusion and fear, the way we make it fit is kind of like, quote, unquote, wrong.
00:10:42
Speaker
It's inaccurate. And this is, in my opinion and experience, what is most important because what I'm talking about in my book are about these invitations to change.
00:10:56
Speaker
So when we make it fit inaccurately, we would, and it and it's a big event that's really, you know, shaken us up. The way we make it fit will usually change our core beliefs.
00:11:10
Speaker
And those are the beliefs about those narratives we're talking about, about what we believe about ourself, other people, life, and love. So we don't like the dissonance, but yet we're in this overwhelmed state.
00:11:24
Speaker
So we make it fit, but because we're overwhelmed, we make it fit inaccurately. And the way we make it fit shapes our core beliefs. And then if that wasn't enough, we take those core beliefs with us and it shapes how we see ourselves and other people in life and love in many, many other situations.
00:11:46
Speaker
It's a complete setup.
Reshaping Core Beliefs
00:11:48
Speaker
So it's not the rationalization, it's the emotional intelligence of being able to sink into a much deeper place just to look at your life, to understand what the similar themes are between all of these experiences that are throwing us off and what the deeper message is.
00:12:07
Speaker
Because until we, um I wanna say correct, but I don't even know if that's the right word, but until we shift those core beliefs everything we see in our life will come from those inaccurate beliefs.
Reaching Rock Bottom and Transformation
00:12:22
Speaker
do And that really throws us off. For sure. Yeah. So Karen, I'm so curious, what was like, what happened that made you discover how to free yourself from all of this? What was was there like a specific situation? Was there an era of your life? Like, how did you come to this realization? Right.
00:12:43
Speaker
Right. Well, good question. Thank you. So it's a personal story. okay um The book Yellow Paint Learning to Live Again is half memoir, half self-help. And everybody in my life is saying, what is this yellow paint? Right. And I'm not going to answer that today. i want people to read the book to discover it.
00:13:01
Speaker
But what I can tell you is that I had these negative experiences that were happening throughout my life, but I wasn't really living consciously. I wasn't going to that deep level you and I were just talking about.
00:13:13
Speaker
until I was in a complete rock bottom state. For me, that was a couple of months after my marital separation. And there had been a lot of you know issues for me getting to that place.
00:13:29
Speaker
um I had had lots of rejections. I had unfinished endings. um I had betrayals. I had major, major health problems.
00:13:39
Speaker
um My ex-husband had given me a sexually transmitted illness, and I had vicarious trauma from working in the area of sexual abuse intensely for 10 years.
00:13:51
Speaker
And the you know the last straw, so to speak, was when my husband left, me and my daughter. And um it was it was just a devastation to me.
00:14:05
Speaker
um And the yellow paint moment came for me when I was at rock bottom and I wanted to do nothing more than just give up. Like I i felt so alone at that moment.
00:14:18
Speaker
And every it felt like everything I had
Deeper Work and Reshaping Beliefs
00:14:21
Speaker
done wrong in my life, like landed me on that place. And I could not find my way out. And I was in this place of like, okay, this is this is unbearable. Like I really believed it was unbearable.
00:14:35
Speaker
And yellow paint saved me, but it wasn't so much about the paint moment. It was about what I did after that. Yellow paint offered me and a knee-jerk reaction to do something different instead of giving up.
00:14:52
Speaker
But what I did after that was I went back and did all of my deeper work. And the deeper work had me drop into what was what I had been fighting with my entire life and what the common themes were among all of my problems.
00:15:09
Speaker
And I realized at that point, my core beliefs of what I had attached to all that pain was just not working for me. They weren't valid and it wasn't working. So I think, you know, what had to happen is I had to get to that point. And I think that's true for a lot of us.
00:15:28
Speaker
I know we change when things go well. I know we change even more when things are going badly. There is some power about working through that pain that takes us to an incredibly powerful, enlightened place.
00:15:44
Speaker
And that's where we launch from. blue And that's what I did. Like I am honestly, it was about wanting to give up and then not giving up that honestly created all of the energy you see in me today when when we talk to each other.
00:16:00
Speaker
well yeah Yeah, amazing. And so you couldn't use your old tools anymore. You were at a place where they just weren't working and you had to bust through that and and respond in a new way. Yeah.
00:16:15
Speaker
Well, I could have. I mean, I could have given up, right? I
Therapy and Addressing Underlying Issues
00:16:18
Speaker
could have given up. I could have just not woken up. I call it the you know the wake up, right? And sadly, a lot of people don't know what to do with those places.
00:16:28
Speaker
And that's where I come in in my therapy practice because 99% of the time when people show up at my door, they have pushed on and pushed down many times. Like for me, I had seven invitations, but it's those moments where everything is kind of breaking loose and we don't know what to do. So not everybody ah figures it out, but we're using emotional intelligence, not cerebral intelligence. But yeah, I i did figure it out.
00:16:56
Speaker
um And it was about facing that pain and what to do with that, that launched me. Yeah, um yeah. So when we have clients come for hypnosis, it's really amazing to see how when we're communicating directly with the subconscious, it can really help people have these types of discoveries.
Subconscious Interactions and Realizations
00:17:18
Speaker
And often they come because they're stuck, right? We have people who maybe theyre they've hit a wall in their relationship or with their career or with their health or something.
00:17:30
Speaker
um And helping them discover a new way to interact with it that's you their rational mind or the old way they used to cope because some people will distract themselves with whatever right it could be drugs or alcohol or food or um social escape or we could we could have a whole long list When people do that, then they're they're actually getting themselves out of the pain enough that they don't do something about it, but it's still there.
00:18:01
Speaker
And what you're describing is that it got to the point where you couldn't do that anymore. It was impossible to do that.
The Power of Not Fighting
00:18:08
Speaker
anymore. Yeah. I mean, I do think, as I said earlier, we have a lot of immediate gratifiers that get us out of like going to that deeper place. And I love to hear what you're doing because yes, the subconscious or the and living unconsciously is kind of running in the background and it's almost hidden to us if we don't have a discovery or don't look at it or consider it.
00:18:32
Speaker
So living unconsciously, we're just, we're in a media gratification mode. So the discoveries are, yes, those aha moments that like, that's what this is about. And at this point for me as a fighter, I could drop my boxing gloves and go, not because I lost the fight.
00:18:49
Speaker
I was already losing the fight by fighting. As soon as I made that discovery that the fighting actually wasn't going to work for me anymore, and I dropped the boxing gloves, I would had a better chance of actually winning the fight, if you want to kind of follow that metaphor. But it was about figuring out how I would gain more for myself by not fighting anymore.
00:19:10
Speaker
really Yeah. But so those discoveries, I call those the liquid gold, right? Those gold nuggets of like the ahas, where you make that very important discovery.
00:19:21
Speaker
I don't think we can really get out of our own way without that discovery.
Reframing Narratives for Growth
00:19:26
Speaker
but's no Yeah, and sometimes when you're in the bottle, you can't read the label on the bottle.
00:19:32
Speaker
So sometimes somebody else showing you what's happening can help. um And as it we're talking, it reminds me of this client I saw many years ago who was coming for weight loss, and she was she had gained quite a bit of weight. She had, I'm going to say in the neighborhood of 100 pounds to lose, so we had to get a doctor's permission and all of that.
00:19:53
Speaker
um But the real thing that was going on behind it all is that she had lost a child when her child was three or four years old to cancer. And this happened, I'm guessing, 20, 30 years before I met her. and So it was way over.
00:20:10
Speaker
um But she was... um still in that pattern because when she was grieving the loss of that child, of course, everybody around her felt for her and wanted to support her and take care of her and be there for her.
00:20:26
Speaker
And so it was kind of a blank check for her to hurt herself and get away with all kinds of things because she had been through that. And so it really changed her when I showed her this because she didn't consciously realize she was using the overeating and the ah the freedom to do whatever she wanted because everybody was tiptoeing around her.
00:20:51
Speaker
to and it was hurting her, right? She didn't realize that she was doing that and using this horrible tragedy that happened as a way to get away with not really living her life.
00:21:04
Speaker
Right. So it's really interesting how if you can show people that, then they start to have choices and they can be willing to agree to learn how to let go of it on their own.
00:21:15
Speaker
So I really see that as a lot of my role as a hypnotist for other people. And I'm sure you've done this for your clients as a psychotherapist, too. Right. What a poignant story. yeah Losing your child. I think, you know, the old psychiatric community would rank that as the highest um stressful event of life.
00:21:35
Speaker
And then what they did at that point, they also designated divorce as number two. It's kind of old style what they used for diagnosis or looking at the amount of stress somebody was facing. But I often rely on that.
00:21:48
Speaker
um And, you know, losing a child is is is the most devastating or what they for most people are. But divorce is number two. And I always put that out there to the clients I see who are about to go through or having gone or went through a divorce.
00:22:03
Speaker
um to kind of normalize the upheaval that creates. But absolutely, like, um that's why I think when we started today, it was like, well, why would we keep getting in our way?
00:22:16
Speaker
And it's that that temptation to do what feels good But it is coming from that unconscious place, right, where we're not really facing what's really going on. We're too afraid.
00:22:29
Speaker
Most of my work, I see a fear-based wound that it makes it too hard for us to face what's really going on. But when we do, it um as you see in your own work, it makes all the difference. Right.
00:22:45
Speaker
In the work that I do, we go through circuits of healing, and the circuits include that exploration and discovery that you're talking about. And then I work on reframing those narratives.
00:22:58
Speaker
Because if we go back and correct those core beliefs, right, that reframing stage becomes very important. And most of us have those aha moments of not only like what affected us from a deeper way, but it's incredibly powerful to go back and rewrite those scripts of the core beliefs.
00:23:20
Speaker
So for example, I had the core belief of like, I wasn't good enough. I had gone through enough of those situations and that's what I determined. So when my husband left, I'm like, of course he did. Like, I'm still not good enough.
00:23:34
Speaker
I'm still be alone. Others leave me. That was my two of my core beliefs. I'm not good enough. Others leave me. um the third state of the The third step of the circuit is about what those discoveries and reframes, how that helps you in your life moving forward.
00:23:52
Speaker
So I'm a big believer in the accountable therapy that I use with clients, that we have to visit the past, explore and discover, but reframe those narratives and core beliefs that we inaccurately attached to those painful experiences.
00:24:08
Speaker
And then have a go-to moment.
Reinforcing Positive Perspectives
00:24:10
Speaker
I think somewhere in your literature, I read something about the habits, right? The habits of possibility. I'm a huge believer in what we're doing for our mental health every day.
00:24:22
Speaker
Because when we visit the past and we make sense of it at a deeper level, there's catharsis with that. There's release with that. But in my mind, the therapy has to go one step further, which is now what?
00:24:36
Speaker
What are you going to do now? Now that you have, so I discovered I am enough. And not everybody is going to leave me, right? So once i read I corrected all of that, And I made sense of what actually happened and that what actually happened in my life had nothing to do with me not being good enough.
00:24:53
Speaker
That's the freedom. So what we do for our brain health and our heart every day makes a big difference because we have to capitalize on what we've learned and discovered.
00:25:06
Speaker
So I always say to my clients, I want you to know what you're going to be doing differently when you wake up tomorrow morning. Moving on. So we have lots of different exercises for clients to do every day um so that they can really launch from those new discoveries and those shifts.
00:25:24
Speaker
hello Yeah,
Healing Patterns and Lasting Change
00:25:25
Speaker
awesome. does that make sense? Oh, completely. Yes, we are we are on the same page here. Yeah, yeah. So it's interesting what you're sharing is if we take this example of this client who, you know, came and ah she had this realization that made it so much easier for her to her to lose weight. And I was in touch with her doctor and he was amazed because here for that she had been very overweight, right? And all of a sudden she was able to let go of the weight.
00:25:51
Speaker
um function better in her life, be happier and have better relationships and all of that. But the the pattern that she had that that hi was that created the situation in the first place was actually there before this tragedy with her son Hubbard.
00:26:08
Speaker
She was in already in a habit of um protect self-protection and doing what's comfortable in the moment and getting away with things. And something that I find really interesting about this work is that we don't even need to know what happened as long as we see the pattern and we're able to help the person up so that they can have new choices, then it's all good.
00:26:34
Speaker
So sometimes when we try too much to understand or know what happened, it can create a harder ah a deeper hole move to to get ourselves out of.
00:26:45
Speaker
or in neuroscience terms, if we're reliving an old experience, we're going to reinforce the neural pathway. So with the work we do here, we very much look at the patterns instead of the story and help them heal up the pattern piece. Because, for example, when you were saying that for you this came from feeling not good enough or that people leave, um that probably happened where that started. You probably don't even remember the first time that started. Yeah.
00:27:14
Speaker
right Well, yes and no I mean, ah what what I notice is the pattern.
Personal Core Wounds and Self-Worth
00:27:23
Speaker
And from my work, I usually can track it back to some core experiences or what I call the core wound.
00:27:32
Speaker
um And so for me, as silly as this might sound, at the time that I was growing up, I had two older brothers that were close in age to each other. And all I knew is that I was like the third wheel, like they didn't want anything to do with me.
00:27:46
Speaker
And that was my earliest memory of, of others leaving me and me not being good enough. I just internalized that. um And, but I do, you know, so I do believe that there are patterns in these invitations of change that I call it.
00:28:04
Speaker
And, and Old school psychotherapy said we should do the first, the worst and the last event. You know, um that's kind of the psychotherapy lingo or theory.
00:28:17
Speaker
um I don't generally follow that. But I think we're aligned in that idea that there's a pattern that's not working for us. And I meant to jump on this earlier because I heard you use the word choice.
00:28:29
Speaker
And that is like, that is our liquid goal. That is the point we want to get to. The unconscious, those immediate gratifiers, we will feel like we're choosing. We're choosing food. We're choosing alcohol. We're choosing the fight. We're choosing the shutting down. We're choosing going to bed.
00:28:47
Speaker
But we're talking about real choices, healthy choices based on those discoveries. We've talked about a lot of important things today. And I think i think the the message to leave your listeners with is that it's possible.
Developing New Habits for Progress
00:29:01
Speaker
It's possible to kind of outwit the symptoms or the temptations in your life that are not serving you. we can We can find freedom in recognizing the things that we're doing that are sabotaging ourselves.
00:29:18
Speaker
And when we can make those recognitions and discoveries and then create new habits for our mental health every day, whether it's changing our thoughts or finding more mindfulness, affirming ourselves, feeling more compassionate towards ourselves, there's key tools and strategies that can help.
00:29:39
Speaker
We are afraid to let go before we have something new to do. That's part of the attachment. So the choices as we're kind of wrapping up on this on this theme about choices is um is really important because even if we have new wisdom about the patterns, it's really hard to take something away and not replace it with something.
00:30:03
Speaker
So knowing that we can use those to launch to something better um is key because otherwise, as we will do, we will just revert back.
00:30:14
Speaker
but So wherever we're going to next in our mind or our emotions or our decision-making, we have to start banking those positive experiences because you're right. Then from the neuroscience or the neural pathways, just like the brain goes, oh, where where are you going with this?
00:30:33
Speaker
okay. oh, this is actually creating longer term joy or glory or empowerment. We want to almost confuse the brain a little bit and say, oh, yeah, actually, Karen actually didn't give up. Where is she going with this?
00:30:48
Speaker
What do you mean she's going to buy out the house? What do you mean she's going to revamp her therapy programs? So we we have to feel like we're correcting and letting go of something, but replacing it with something that is so much better for us.
00:31:04
Speaker
Yeah. So to sum it up, how I look at this is instead of saying, well, why can't I do this?
Creating New Life Directions
00:31:10
Speaker
Right. Why can't I let go of the weight? Why does this same relationship pattern happen over and over again? Why do people always leave me or whatever it is?
00:31:18
Speaker
we're We're going to, hey, how can i build my future in a new direction? How can I do this a new way? What's possible Yeah. That's right. Right. And we can't, in my opinion, we can't do one without the other.
00:31:31
Speaker
We can't truly land somewhere better until we've made sense of the piece over there. you know And once we've done that, though, we don't just stop there. We have to say, okay, what does that mean for my life now?
00:31:43
Speaker
So it's ah we need both parts, in my opinion. Yeah. Awesome. All right. Great. Well, thank you so much, Karen. This was really an interesting conversation and very interesting to see, you know, the psychotherapy point of view and the hypnosis point of view and how they dovetail with each other.
00:32:01
Speaker
Absolutely. yeah Yeah. And I'm really looking forward to reading your book. Great, thanks so much for having me and yes again, probably by the end of January, Yellow Paint Learning to Live Again um breaks it down in a lot more detail and invites the reader to look at their own um invitations for change and gives them some exercises or deep reflections to think about um to create their own Yellow Paint.
00:32:29
Speaker
Awesome. Thank you. Let us know what you think of the show. Reach out to us at mindlinkconsulting.com. And if you like the show, please rate and review us so other people can find us too.
00:32:43
Speaker
Thanks so much for tuning in. I'm Robbie Spearmiller, the host of the Habit of Possibility podcast. Tune in next time to learn more about how you can turn obstacles into opportunities and make the most of your life and career.
00:32:57
Speaker
If you're interested in learning more about personal and business coaching, consulting, and training opportunities, go to mindlinkconsulting.com and schedule your free consultation.