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From Self-Sabotage to Self-Leadership: How to Create Excellence in Relationships, Parenting & Business
30 Plays1 month ago
From Self-Sabotage to Self-Leadership: How to Create Excellence in Relationships, Parenting & Business
What’s really holding you back from the life you want? In this episode of The Habit of Possibility, hypnosis expert and coach Kristyn Livermore shares how she rewired subconscious patterns of self-sabotage and stepped into true self-leadership.
If you’re a purpose-driven person navigating life, building a business, or trying to show up more fully in your relationships, this conversation is a must-listen. Kristyn opens up about the mindset shifts that helped her break free from overwhelm, perfectionism, and fear of judgment—and how those changes transformed her marriage, parenting, and professional path.
🔑 You'll learn:
- How to recognize and shift self-sabotaging subconscious beliefs
- What self-leadership looks like in real life (especially when things are messy)
- Why feedback can be your greatest gift
- How personal growth impacts parenting and business success
- What it means to lead from clarity instead of fear
You can learn more about Kristyn here:
Hi! I'm Kristyn Livermore, the Director of Westend Hypnosis. You might be where I was when I first started Hypnosis, overwhelmed and completely stressed out. Over-thinking every decision and often hoping that food would make me feel better. I felt totally trapped and everything I tried made things worse … nothing was working. I was angry and resentful and it was affected my marriage, my parenting skills and pretty much all aspects of my life. I was 230 lbs and miserable.
Hypnosis teaches you how to utilize your unconscious mind to chase your goals and gravitate easily towards the actions that achieve them. Having an experience that gives you proof you can do it another way. Like the thousands of people who've used hypnosis to change their lives, it also helped me move my body during an emotional state instead of eating food, how to feel confidence (not just pretend to), how to find a pause before reacting and honestly, so much more. I personally lost 50 lbs and actually liked who I was.
On top of choosing a healthier life style, Hypnosis has helped me with parenting, my marriage, my friendships and my own self confidence. I amaze myself every day with what I can accomplish! Wearing the mom hat of two busy boys, I find time to take care of myself and put on my own oxygen mask on without guilt. I model for them that there is no end game in life. With an outcome, a purpose/mission and steps to what is next - the world is your oyster, with many options in front of you. It’s all a choice.
Facebook: https://www.instagram.com/westend_hypnosis/
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Linked-In: https://www.linkedin.com/company/82354953/admin/dashboard/
You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/@westendhypnosis
Website: https://westendhypnosis.ca/
You can connect with Robbie Spier Miller at https://www.hypnosistrainingcanada.com or @hypnosistrainingcanada.
Join our FREE 1 hour stress management workshop, either in person at our training facility in Burlington Ontario Canda, or online via Zoom. You can register here: https://www.hypnosistrainingcanada.com/stress-management-workshop
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Transcript
Navigating Emotional Differences in Marriage
00:00:00
Speaker
I'm married to a person who's very direct. We were polar opposites. So I was very emotional. There was a lot of frustration in the middle. I remember that feeling in my body when I finally felt safe. Wow, this doesn't feel like someone's attacking me. I can actually just take the feedback and see where it's relevant. And now I'm at a place where I can actually see like the golden nugget and I get excited.
Introduction to Kristen Livermore's Journey
00:00:59
Speaker
Hello, everybody. This is Robbie Spear-Miller, host of the Habit of Possibility podcast. And today we are going to be speaking with Kristen Livermore. Kristen has a really wonderful story of how she discovered how to interact with life and use her mind in ways that helps her have more possibilities in her life.
00:01:18
Speaker
So she's going to share her story with us today. So welcome, Kristen. Awesome. Thanks for having me. I'm really excited to share. my story and what I've been through to get to here. Yeah. Thanks for coming.
00:01:29
Speaker
Yeah. So start by telling us a little bit about when you first started learning here, what drove you to want to do this? What was, what were you struggling with? What were you looking for? Tell us a little bit about that.
Recognizing Personal Struggles and the Role of Accountability
00:01:41
Speaker
Yeah, it was interesting um because i remember meeting you for the first time and and I don't really remember actually knowing what I was struggling with or actually logically knowing what I was struggling with. I was in a lot of debate in myself.
00:01:54
Speaker
um I had played a victim for a really, really long time and got away with a lot. And you were really the first person to be like, oh, no, that's not going to work here. And I guess in hindsight, if I look back, I was looking for someone to keep me accountable and to actually um have a safe environment or a safe place for me to have the freedom to grow because I wasn't finding that anywhere else.
00:02:19
Speaker
And I felt like you were like my blessing in disguise that I met. And I didn't like you at first because I really didn't want to hear it. But when I look back, like I've made all of these changes because of that accountability and that freedom and that feeling safe,
00:02:35
Speaker
in that place. And I've just, I've proved to myself, I can do so much. Like i've I've even shocked myself a lot of the time. I'm like, really, you're doing this. Good for so So it's been amazing.
00:02:47
Speaker
Yeah. Awesome. Years ago, I had this client who was a young adult at the time. And she told me how when she was growing up, she was in a divorced household. So her parents lived in two different households with two different sets of rules.
00:03:00
Speaker
And her mother was very permissive and really anything goes. And her father was very strict. And And eventually, first she wanted to live with the mom because she saw she could do whatever she wanted. But eventually she chose on purpose to move in with the dad because she saw that she needed that, which was a very impressive thing for a teenager to realize.
00:03:20
Speaker
But I think that that's the realization you had from coming here. Yeah. So you were like my dad with the rules. Yeah, because both my parents, they they were so concerned about you know their own stuff um that i the only person I could trust was myself.
00:03:37
Speaker
And i had this alternate world in my head and it wasn't attached to reality. It was so far from reality. And that's where my frustration came from.
Rebellious Past and Seeking Grounding Through Marriage
00:03:45
Speaker
I got lonely. um It snowballed from there and it It really didn't change. It just continued to get worse until i found here.
00:03:55
Speaker
and And what are some examples of how it was impacting you? Oh, wow. So many examples. So, um you know, I used to ah used to look for like the bad boy when I was younger because I was looking for that adventure and that excitement.
00:04:10
Speaker
And I remember when I first met my husband, I was like, hmm, you're really not that fun.
00:04:17
Speaker
But similar to you, like I i saw something that I needed in my husband. and And I truly believe that my husband gives me that every day. gives me that groundingness where I didn't have growing up, that accountability, that push to stay moving forward.
Transformation After Motherhood: A Personal Narrative
00:04:33
Speaker
um Some other examples is, you know, I used to be very rebellious because I was looking for attention. i was looking for you know someone to pay attention to me. So I didn't feel so lonely.
00:04:44
Speaker
and then I also, when I had my children, I put on a hundred pounds and was just recently looking back at the pictures actually, and didn't even recognize myself. Like I was in, it was like, I ate myself. I was inside myself.
00:04:58
Speaker
And, you know, we talk about anchors all the time about how you can go right back there and feel all those feelings of how lonely it was and how sad and insecure and i had no options. I felt like I was totally stuck.
00:05:12
Speaker
man Yeah, and it can be very confusing because you don't really know any other way and you don't really know what's missing. You just know it's not the way you want it to be. Yeah. So it's like that frustration where you have no options, but you you don't like this.
00:05:26
Speaker
Yes. And, you know, it's so interesting, Kristen, because this is exactly why I started learning this and why i I'm so inspired to help other people because I needed this as well in my own way. Right. I know you had your version of this. I had my version of needing to um catch up in certain ways on things I'd missed growing up.
00:05:46
Speaker
And you can have the most loving, well-meaning parents and this can happen. And in many ways, I did have very loving, well-meaning parents who were not divorced. They were together. They're still together.
00:05:56
Speaker
um But there were things that were missing. And I think it's a very common experience. And sometimes if it's a more extreme situation, it can be obvious what's missing, right? If somebody goes through trauma or things like that, it it can be very clear where this confusion or um lack of of taking care of ourselves can come from.
00:06:16
Speaker
But when things are more subtle, sometimes we just wonder, is it us, right? Is there something wrong with us or are we just stuck? um So that's really what inspires me to do this work here is to help people.
00:06:30
Speaker
i look at it like if if there's the sun and there are clouds in front of the sun, that we hope those clouds drift away and the sun can shine through. and I think in your situation, it's very much been a case of that.
00:06:42
Speaker
Yes, very, very true. and and And that's what I love about being here is this is I thought i was the only person in the world who was going through this. And like like you just used that example, there's so many different variations of this, but it's the same pattern or strategy that we're going through. and And that's what I love. It doesn't feel so attached to me anymore. It's just like putting something on the table and being like, hey, do you want to keep that?
00:07:04
Speaker
Is that working for you? Or do you want to see other options? Yeah. Right, right. Yeah. And that discovery, learning how to interact with learning that way is so important. And I know when I started to learn this, I had this sense of shame if I made a mistake or if I was given feedback because I had i felt this pressure to to ah present a certain way.
00:07:27
Speaker
And I think that you had something similar where if there was like, it was a huge deal. to think that somebody was judging you. And sometimes you were imagining it was happening, even when it was just feedback to help you, you were imagining it was judgment, which is probably why you didn't like me when you first met me. right so Yeah. And that was one of my biggest first growths being here is being able to just come get comfortable with feedback.
Learning to Accept Constructive Feedback
00:07:52
Speaker
And I remember that feeling in my body when I i finally felt like safe, to get feedback. And I was like, wow, ah this doesn't feel like someone's attacking me. I can actually just like take the feedback and see where it's relevant. and And now I'm at a place where I can actually see like the golden nugget and I get excited because, you know, in every piece of feedback, even I'm married to a person who's very direct and puts it on the table very easily. And we were polar opposites.
00:08:20
Speaker
So I was very emotional and he was very direct. So, you know, there was there was a lot of frustration in the middle. And now with that growth and in myself and being able to take the feedback, I can see that everything he says has a golden nugget in it.
00:08:34
Speaker
So you're able to stay curious about where's the golden nugget, whereas before you were just reacting because you felt judged and you wanted at to debate it or argue or get back at the person.
00:08:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I remember like trying to defend my position or like fighting back. And yeah, it was a lot of that. Yeah. Yeah. Good. And so tell tell me more about like what else have you accomplished or how are your relationships different since you've started changing this?
00:09:07
Speaker
You know, it's funny because as I was kind of like checking in with myself to see how far things have come, um you know, we've talked about this too. And the wonderful thing about you, Robbie, is that you always plant a seed, which is most useful for the person sitting in front of you, which is really a beautiful thing because we don't ever take the time to look at it ourselves. Yeah.
00:09:28
Speaker
And so it's been able to teach me how far I've come and give myself a little bit of kudos because I wasn't very good at that before. um So one ah like some of the biggest changes I've made is i've I've started a business on my own, which in my head, that sounded wonderful.
00:09:43
Speaker
Even when I was a little kid, I remember being like, I'm going to be the CEO of, you know, mr whatever big company. And then I wanted to start companies and and I wasn't putting things into action. So wasn't actually doing anything. and And now, like, I own a company. I'm the director of West End Hypnosis. And i got out of teaching, which was a really safe, comfortable place. So um my purpose and my mission is more clear.
00:10:10
Speaker
um I take action much more clearly and and I have a plan to where I want to be and I have you know like Goldilocks and the three bears you have those little crumbs.
00:10:22
Speaker
Yeah, I play I put crumbs out and I visually look and put those crumbs to where I want to be and I and I actually feel comfortable doing it. I feel safe and secure doing it. So So whether that's in my relationship and sometimes,
Business Accomplishments and Personal Growth
00:10:36
Speaker
and I know you've taught me this a lot, is is meeting the person where they're at.
00:10:40
Speaker
Where before I used to be like come with me. i used to be very frustrated. and and now I'm much more settled than myself where I can meet my husband or even my kids. Everyone's going through their own version or own frustrations. and And I'm also realizing that it's never perfect.
00:10:57
Speaker
right It's just the reality of life. We're living from emotional state to emotional state and and really focusing on an outcome. So I've been able to start a business. My relationships have gotten way better. I've been able to even like choose the people that I want to be around me because before I used to be such a people pleaser that I would just be like, yeah, I just want to be liked.
00:11:18
Speaker
So the more the better. Right, so you weren't really paying attention to, is this a good person to be influencing my life? to Is there really a ah connection here?
00:11:31
Speaker
Because you all your awareness was focused on being light, so you couldn't even see what was actually happening. Yes. So when you talk about that sun and that clouds, like that really, really hits me hard because that's exactly like my clients, so many clouds.
00:11:44
Speaker
And now I fully see the sun and, you know, there's some days that I can't always see the sun as clearly, but, but I have a, a routine and you know, we've talked about this a couple of times or a lot of times about having and really cherishing that structure.
00:11:59
Speaker
And that frame. and And I think before I used to not give myself a space to do it. I wasn't didn't feel worthy enough. But now I truly feel like I have a ground bait, like a base, and I'm allowed to exist.
00:12:13
Speaker
You're allowed. Yes. We give you permission. Exactly. Yeah. And it feels like that inside. yeah And I think what you're describing is that, sure, we all have ups and downs, right? And we have good days and bad days. All of us do.
00:12:26
Speaker
But now you have you know how to follow those breadcrumbs to make it better, no matter what's going on. And before you, something wouldn't be going well and you would actually double down on the negative stuff and and sabotage it even more. so So it was like going down a rabbit hole of negative stuff.
00:12:44
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Oh yeah. I would make it 10 times worse. Or now I don't even like, I can't even imagine what that would look like in my life now. Yeah. Yeah. And when you were doing that, it was really for taking care of yourself, like your subconscious mind from an early age believe that if you defend yourself, that you're protecting yourself.
00:13:05
Speaker
And you did survive, literally. So there was this belief in your subconscious that that was a good thing. And so you're seeing, huh, there are better ways to do this, because you don't want to just survive, you want to make the most of your life.
00:13:18
Speaker
You want to build your dreams. Yeah, it's short. Like it goes by quickly. Even having two young kids, I've noticed the the power of taking care of myself and actually living my own life to the fullest of, you know, there's that old saying, it don't say as Don't do as I say.
00:13:36
Speaker
do as Oh, do as I say. Don't do as I do. Yes. Right. that that I felt like that was really ingrained in me as a kid because my parents never took care of themselves. Right. They were so focused on like the frustration and the anger. So I'm i'm seeing a huge difference as I take care of myself and my kids have more freedom to explore and to make mistakes and to see what they want to do and have fun. Mm-hmm.
00:13:58
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. And kids absorb all this like little sponges. So now that you're functioning in this new way, they're eating and sleeping and breathing this as they're growing up. And so to them, it's just going to become like the way it is, which is wonderful be able to pass that on.
00:14:16
Speaker
Yeah. And i remember saying in one of like the first courses that I've taken, I took with you and I've taken a lot of courses because I love to learn and always find that there's something new to learn. And every time I take a course, um but I remember one of the first courses I took with you, I'd said, how, what does it look like if I signed my kids up for this?
00:14:34
Speaker
And you're like, Kristen, you live like this and you won't need to sign your kids up. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. And I find I get a lot of clients like that who will come in and be like blaming their husbands and being like, it's all his fault.
00:14:45
Speaker
And I'm like, you know what? If you come and take care of yourself, it's like a a domino effect. For sure, it is. It is. And it may not be perfect. You know, my husband and I joke that if our kids need help as they grow up, they can always come and learn this. Not for me, because they're my kids, but they can they can learn what we do here. And once you're an adult, it's your responsibility to to change it, right? So, and that can be a wonderful, important growing
Embracing the Learning Process and Overcoming Defensiveness
00:15:10
Speaker
experience. Like, I wish I knew this stuff when I was a teenager. That would have made the future of my life completely different.
00:15:17
Speaker
Me too. Yeah. ah Yeah. Or even if it was in schools, like, and and that's where all of this, this stuff that we've all been through is, is it taken me so much further now. It's like, okay, so how can it, what does it look like when it's in schools? What does it look like when it's, you know, just like a doctor or a lawyer and it's in that job criteria as well?
00:15:37
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Well, I'm not sure if it will ever happen, but Kristen, you are a teacher and you connections to the school board. and So if you can get them to teach this in the schools, that would be fabulous.
00:15:50
Speaker
It would really change people's lives in amazing ways. So who knows, maybe that's in your future. Yeah. I was actually talking to someone this morning about a business deal and like, I lost my dad pretty young when I was in high school. He was in a motorcycle accident accident when I was 17. Yeah.
00:16:04
Speaker
And my uncle stepped in as my dad, just as a ah male influence in my life. And I remember him always telling me that a business deal is when two people are somewhat satisfied. It's not it's not one or the other. It's when two people are walking away satisfied.
00:16:21
Speaker
And that's what I hope for. You know, the school board can see that there's this need in this as well. Yeah, yes. Yeah, well, you know, we can look forward to that. I'll have to put some more breadcrumbs down. Yeah, yeah, you need breadcrumbs in that direction because that's why we do what we do, right? Like for me, because I've seen how much it's helped me, i just want to help as many people as possible discover what's possible for them with us.
00:16:47
Speaker
Because it's really brutal. Like when I was stuck, i would I would write in my journal, I should do this and I should do that. And why can't I be like this person or that person? I just get pissed at myself and also feel the shame. And when that happens, it's very hard to learn or change because we're automatically in defensive mode.
00:17:04
Speaker
So one of the first things a lot of our students and clients need to discover, and it doesn't matter why they're coming for help, it could be weight loss or stop smoking or stress management or whatever they're coming for help with, or it could be building a business.
00:17:18
Speaker
It's being really at peace with the process of learning. Just like you described that it's not a judgment of you. It's simply like, oh, interesting. How else could we do this? What might work better? So it becomes outcome focused.
00:17:33
Speaker
But for both you and me early on, we our outcome was survival. And we we thought of survival as self-protection. And so the instinct was either to fight or flee or fawn, right? Like when you were trying to get liked, you were fawning over other people, right? And you've had times where youve you've been a fighter, as have I, right?
00:17:53
Speaker
And then there's the the freeze times where you just don't know what to do. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I bet the eating had a lot to do with that as well. Yes. Yeah, totally. And I even remember it was either you or Scott that had mentioned to me that like, I'm so outcome focused, but I didn't know how to get there.
00:18:10
Speaker
Mm hmm. So like, and you've really taught me how to put those breadcrumbs down and how to attach to my outcome. Where like before it was like, yeah, it's somewhere over there. you know, the outcome's over there somewhere. Yeah, well, and it's such a common problem. I talk to so many business owners and many of whom I help that they build their businesses and often they have this amazing vision of what they want to build.
00:18:31
Speaker
but they don't know how to attach the actions they're taking on an everyday basis and the way they're interacting with the world to the vision. So a big part of what we do is help people learn how to do that because there's nothing more frustrating than having this beautiful vision of what you want to create and then being disappointed that you can't do it. And that it's not that you can't do it, it's just learning how to do it.
00:18:56
Speaker
So you know we want to attach dreams to auctions And be confident doing that.
Persistence in Life and Business
00:19:03
Speaker
You can't possibly build a business and have everything go perfectly. It does not happen.
00:19:08
Speaker
And I was talking to one of our students the other day, and she was looking to rent a space. She's just starting her hypnosis clinic. So she was looking around at spaces, and she sent me some info about a space she wanted to rent, and it looked great, but I...
00:19:21
Speaker
In the meantime, somebody else rented it. And she said, you know, I took that as a sign that made maybe this isn't the direction I want to go. And I was like, if you really want to do this, you're going to keep going and you'll find a space, right? So we don't want to look for signs in things that don't go our way. we want to decide what's going to happen.
00:19:39
Speaker
And we might need to come at it from a lot of angles. But the people who really achieve things our willingness stay with that through the ups and downs. And, you know, I think a lot of people who believe in, you know, the universe is telling me something can take that way too far because there's a place for intuition, right? There is a place for that.
00:19:56
Speaker
But I think sometimes we look for signs when really we're fearful and we're using the sign as an excuse to indulge the fear. and Yeah. And I can see so many examples in my own life when I've indulged that fear and then I haven't actually, you know,
00:20:11
Speaker
seen all the other things that are telling me to go that way. So yeah I've blocked it out, right? Like I've had those, those blockers on fresh in my relationship or even with my kids. I'm like, you know, kids, they can be a dice roll sometimes. And if I focus on all of the things that aren't going well, i miss all the other stuff.
00:20:29
Speaker
That's right. Yeah. And also you're focused on the things that aren't going well, which will create more of them. Yes. So i my experience with raising my kids is that I focus on what where i where I see them going.
00:20:42
Speaker
So for example, my son when he was younger, he wouldn't eat with a fork and knife, he'd eat with a fork and a finger. And I saw that I was like, okay, he's got to learn how to eat with fork and knife because I'm picturing him, you know, at a business dinner or on a date or something yeah using his fork and finger.
00:20:58
Speaker
And so, you know, every morning we would have breakfast together and I'd keep saying, use your knife. And we would joke about it he would blow it off and make fun of me. But eventually he was using his knife and I just knew that would happen.
00:21:11
Speaker
And I think that being able to stay with it, this took years. This one little thing did take years. One of the things I learned from being a parent is that the has to be okay. And you still have to keep your eye on where that child was going and just expect them to do it.
00:21:25
Speaker
You don't know exactly when or how, or but you've got to keep on it and and trust eventually they'll get there. Even if it's years and years later, even if you never see it, you might never see them get it, but trust that they'll get it.
00:21:39
Speaker
hu Yeah. And I love that you, you know, continuously remind us of that is like, you know, focus on where it's going to go. Because that really, it gives you that North Star, or that light when you're, you know, at tongue um sometimes in those tough times, especially with parenthood.
00:21:53
Speaker
That's right. And, you know, in in terms of your subconscious mind, if you say to somebody, don't trip over that log, because they're more likely to trip on that log. right yeah so if you're focused on the things you don't want about your kids or yourself you're going to create more of those things so we really want to be readjusting right so we can acknowledge what is happening right now but we need to look to where we need to go so for example with weight loss we have our clients really create a powerful image of themselves being slim and fit and we have them take the actions now even though they're still overweight we have them take the actions now
00:22:29
Speaker
that match that vision of how they want things to be. And by doing that, they get there. And that's, that's the, you know, that's the path to making change. oh Yeah.
00:22:42
Speaker
That's so interesting. I love it. Yeah. Awesome. All right. yeah Are there other things that you think people would benefit from knowing about your experience? Oh, so many things.
00:22:55
Speaker
Yeah. um I think one of the the biggest things is ah trusting the path, like trusting
Trusting the Process and Embracing Discomfort
00:23:05
Speaker
and sticking with it. Because I remember when I first came here, I would distract myself or be like, nope, this is too uncomfortable. I'm out.
00:23:13
Speaker
I'd run. um And it wasn't useful for me. And once I actually noticed that I could breathe through a situation or I could ride the wave and the wave actually got smaller or um I could actually feel safer in the wave knowing that like if I surrendered, I'd be okay.
00:23:31
Speaker
um and And we've talked about snowboarding before, but it's really, really common with skiing or snowboarding. If if you actually tense up when you fall, you hurt yourself more. But if you just like let go and fall, you tend to hurt yourself less.
00:23:45
Speaker
So it's interesting. and the The fall is much smoother. So that's been a huge growth for me is is trusting the process and and staying with the uncomfortable to know that there's light at the other side.
00:23:57
Speaker
And the first skill of skier or snowboard is knowing how to get up if you fall. yeah and That's an important skill here too, right? yeah Because before when you used to fall, you would just think I'm stuck here forever, right? And you'd be pissed about it yeah instead of finding a way or learning how to get up. And and so I think metaphorically, that that's really what a lot of us need to learn how to do.
00:24:20
Speaker
who Yeah. And I, and I love, and you know, it's been so important for me to have a mentor, to have you in my life, because without you, i would just kind of be coasting in the dark.
00:24:33
Speaker
um and And we often say like, you know, the, the person's inside the bottle and you're reading the label, but it's so much more. It's giving you that outside perspective of someone who's been there, done it, who can see the bigger picture and, and help you frame something.
00:24:48
Speaker
and in in genuine love. love and curiosity. So it's it's and you just having you. And I always joke with you that I'm never, ever leaving you. And you know, so who knew to come that we started, I started by not liking you and I really needed you in my life.
00:25:04
Speaker
So, and and that's where it's picking yourself back up and knowing that it's it's just a moment in time and it continues on. Yeah. And Kristen, of all the people who've been here as students, I would say at the beginning, you were the one who tested the boundaries the most, right? Like, because, you know, part of what we do here is we do meet with each student or client to see if it's a good fit.
00:25:26
Speaker
And part of that is seeing, hey, is this person willing to take feedback and follow instructions or are they going to try to find a way around it? And you were really, really, true you were pissed that I wouldn't let you find a way around it. You were like, what's going on here? What's the big deal? Yeah. So, yeah. So you were really good at that.
00:25:43
Speaker
And I couldn't see beyond that moment. In that moment, I could not see beyond that moment. And and that's how I lived at that point. And i I'm so happy to say that's not how I live anymore. Like I have so much more freedom and I thought then I had freedom, which I didn't really.
00:25:59
Speaker
Well, you had the junk food kind of freedom yeah that time, right? So it can be illusionary in terms of in the moment being free to you know, blow things off or go eat whatever you want, ah whatever junk food you want to eat or do whatever you feel like doing, but it's not actually satisfying over time.
00:26:17
Speaker
So you you were kind of, you know, it's kind of like being in high school and the parents go away for the weekend and the kid invites everybody over for a party. I was definitely that person. Yeah. Literally and figuratively. Yes.
00:26:29
Speaker
Yeah. And I'm noticing how many layers there are of this. So I'm even noticing that pattern, you know, in my own weight loss journey, like I still am on this weight loss journey to, to have a healthier lifestyle and it it's, it's not a one and done.
00:26:43
Speaker
it's It's really intertwining it into my whole whole life. And every time I do the weight loss program myself, I'm learning something new and I'm excited and and I'm seeing that pattern pop up in different areas. And I'm like, oh, Kristen.
00:26:57
Speaker
Yeah, there are layers of discovery and we think we've... accomplished one area and then something else pops up in our lives. and And so we really embrace that. It's like ah ah making friends with that process as a lifestyle.
00:27:11
Speaker
But because we do, we can make our lives better and more rewarding and we have more choices. So it's really worth it to stay on that path. Yes, it's very worth it. yeah Yeah, because what happens, you know, if somebody is eating junk food all the time and sitting on the couch and, you know, watching movies all the time, their body is going to start screaming at them that it's hurting them.
00:27:36
Speaker
And if they don't mind that, right, so they're they're not minding authority, the authority of nature, when that happens, they're going to keep hurting themselves. Right? And you were in that kind of situation when I met you and you were super good.
00:27:51
Speaker
in your head and making up a story about why you should stay on the couch and keep eating junk food and watching movies. And I mean that metaphorically, yeah whatever you're doing in your life, yeah yeah um you you were really digging your heels in with the, you know, the right to do that um and defending it and not realizing how much you were hurting yourself.
00:28:10
Speaker
man Yeah. I didn't realize how much pain I was in. And, and, you know, even being on this podcast has given me permission to go back and really see how far I've come. and really see how much further i can go to but but also just being proud in the moment yeah like it's it's it's pretty beautiful yeah to see yeah and it's it's what I see with you is that it's like the all this these uh really wonderful talks and skills and um the way that you show up in the world there's so many great things about it and what I see is that you're able to
00:28:45
Speaker
ah give so much more and show yourself what you can do because of this, that it's like a flower blossoming and it keeps blossoming more and more. Yes. Yeah. Cause I had all those skills before, but I was living in this fear.
00:28:58
Speaker
So I really couldn't blossom in that fear because I often like self model myself. Cause I, I, I did all this, but I was a nervous wreck the entire time.
00:29:09
Speaker
Yeah. Now I have the freedom to actually do it and feel like it's real. and her so what you're showing us here is you used to be, because you were in so much fear, when any of us is in a lot of fear, we're going to be wanting to keep ourselves safe and protect ourselves, right? And different people respond to different levels of fear.
00:29:29
Speaker
But your general tendency was that you had that fear reaction. and And because that was happening, you couldn't get to a place of possibility because you were in defensive survival mode a lot. And you would create situations that made that, they just um you know expanded that. It magnified it more and more and more.
00:29:49
Speaker
And so with what you've learned here, it's helped you settle that down because a lot of it wasn't real. You created the fear, right? And the defensiveness. in your imagination and in the way you were reacting to life.
00:30:02
Speaker
And now that that's not happening anymore, you you are freed up to be about possibility and create opportunities and experiences and all of that. Yeah. And some of this is an energetic thing where you're you're giving off that energy where before i wasn't getting the same response from the outside world.
00:30:21
Speaker
And now like, ah you know, one of my biggest growths as well is I always have been a really good public speaker. I've always been able to put on, you know, to put it on and get it together. yeah But now I truly can step into it. And um I had an example a couple weeks ago as I went to the Burlington Chamber of Commerce and I stood at the podium And Robbie, I would have never done that the first time I went to the breakfast. Never.
00:30:42
Speaker
So I went up on the podium and, you know, I've spoken in front of groups before and I actually felt confident. I had the butterflies, but like you say, we have them in formation and and i had ah I had an outcome.
00:30:54
Speaker
Yeah. And I had those jot notes of what I wanted to say. And even though I had rehearsed them and didn't need to reflect back to them, I knew what I was talking about. And I knew the message I wanted to get across. And I got 15 clients just from that.
00:31:05
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So it was very authentic and you weren't doing it to get attention. Like before in the past, when you were good at public speaking or you enjoyed it, you enjoyed it because you wanted attention and that was your way of getting it But that also put you in a situation of being worried about being judged.
00:31:22
Speaker
Yeah. Yes. And now that you are more outcome focused and you're focused on where you're going and the message and you let go of that need to be liked, that you're freed up to connect in ah in a much more profound way with people.
00:31:37
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And in the visual that's coming to me is is I've gotten myself out of the way. I've like pushed myself over. I'm still here, but I'm observing now. Yeah. And it has nothing to do with me.
00:31:48
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So it's much more freeing and and it way safer. I feel way better operating this way. And I'm i'm actually getting where I want to be. yeah Which is most important.
00:31:58
Speaker
I see that. Yeah. Awesome. ah Share with us a little bit about how this has improved your
Improving Communication in Marriage
00:32:04
Speaker
marriage. Yeah. Yeah. So. um um I remember when I first met my husband, like I said, we were were very different. And I remember meeting his friends and his friends saying to me, wow, he's really nice to you.
00:32:17
Speaker
and I was like, well, is he not normally nice to everyone? But we were kind of in this this ah this ah show for each other. So he didn't know i was an emotional rollercoaster and, and I didn't know he was quite harsh with his words. So when we got married and had kids, you know, your, your true authentic self comes out a little bit more, or your patterns come a little bit more on the table. Yeah. You can't hide anything. about a point Exactly. You know, a lot of it enough sleep deprivation. All bets are off. Everything's on the table. Yes, exactly.
00:32:47
Speaker
So, and, and that's where I really was getting really frustrated and, it, Not to say that his words were the ones that his he he truly means this in a in a beautiful way.
00:32:59
Speaker
And he's very honest and direct. But I was beating the crap out of myself based on that. um Oh, that's exciting. Zoom is celebrating with you. Amazing. You get a thumbs up too.
00:33:18
Speaker
So in that place, I was i was running from fear. I was and trying to distract myself. That's where I was binge eating by myself on the couch at the end of the night. I was in this this deserving place where when I had a break or had some time to myself, I'd watch a show and binge eat.
00:33:34
Speaker
It was a really, really lonely time in my marriage. And and that's when i reached out for hypnosis, when i when I truly was in that pain of the problem. And now it's it's funny. I would describe it as where my husband, we're still very different people, which is awesome because we're the yin and the yang to each other. and And I truly see us as more of a whole.
00:33:58
Speaker
And that we compliment each other, even and when we're in social situations. You know, he talks for a living. He's a commercial real estate agent and he he doesn't want to talk by the end of the day. and And sometimes I have more energy to talk. So so we we dance better.
00:34:12
Speaker
Our vibration is way better. um We can problem solve and put a problem in the middle of us and tackle the problem. And and something that's really helped that you've taught me is is having a container conversation.
00:34:24
Speaker
for everyone's emotions and the space for everything. Where before i would just be like, nope, be quiet. Nope, my emotion is too big here. It takes up the whole container. Nobody else is allowed to feel anything. Yes. Yeah, this is all that can happen right now.
00:34:40
Speaker
Yeah, so yeah me giving my husband that permission to have space for his emotion and space for what he wants too. Because realistically, I'm not going to agree with everything and that's okay.
00:34:51
Speaker
Yeah. um But having that space, we can focus on where we want to be and what we actually want to do and what makes us happy. So we have way more fun than we used to. and And, you know, sometimes we go for dinner or go for a walk and check in to see how things are going.
00:35:06
Speaker
And it's it's really important, just like this, where we're checking in and I'm giving myself did that like, wow, you've done a great job. That's what I do in my marriage now, too. We have these checkpoints and we're like, OK, so how are things going?
00:35:17
Speaker
yeah And it's really awesome and beautiful to see how far we've come and how much our our jive is better. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. and And what you're describing is a very natural thing that happens to just about every couple where when you first meet and fall in love, you're you're in this early kind of passionate phase and everybody's on their best behavior And so the other person doesn't really see you, but we tend to be attracted to people for subconscious reasons.
00:35:45
Speaker
So usually the person we pick also has this huge ability to push whatever our buttons are. yeah So once you had the kids and you were sleep deprived and the pressure was on, right? All the buttons were pushed on both ends.
00:35:57
Speaker
And so that the key to developing a really beautiful long-term relationship is to be able to grow through those buttons because sometimes what happens is people, their buttons get pushed and then they, they,
00:36:11
Speaker
go into fight or flight or freeze or fawn, and the whole relationship falls apart because they're not really authentically with the person. They're caught up in blaming or distracting or something along the way um so that they're not really engaging directly with the person and then people grow apart or there's so much anger that they and resentment that they can't connect anymore.
00:36:37
Speaker
But this is really a often a very natural part of a relationship. And if we see it that way and we know we need to go through it, then it changes things. Yeah. and And it's great that you say that because I see so many moms on like Facebook groups reaching out saying like, you know, their marriage is not where they want it to be. and And just knowing that it is a natural thing and there is options.
00:36:58
Speaker
Yeah. There's so many modalities. There's so many options nowadays. We're really lucky. Yes. Yeah. You have to be willing to seek it out. Yes. Is the key. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, great.
Conclusion: Seeking Feedback and Accountability
00:37:10
Speaker
All right, well, Krista, I think that this that you shared so many important things for people. I think there'll be a lot of insights people will take away from this. So I'm hoping this inspires people to see where you might have some blind spots or need some feedback and accountability. um And if that's true, i would strongly recommend you seek it out somehow.
00:37:31
Speaker
um You know, if you want more help and feedback, Kristen, you can share your info. So go ahead. Yeah, um it's West End Hypnosis. So I'm the director of West End Hypnosis and it's info at westendhypnosis.ca or you can give me a shout at four one six six six six one four five seven Yeah, and Kristen sees clients one-on-one for hypnosis to make these types of changes.
00:37:55
Speaker
Here we do a lot of group experiences and the one-on-one you get a really wonderful customized program that's just for you. When we do a group experience, you get that and you also get to learn from a lot of the other people in the class.
00:38:08
Speaker
It gives you a lot of insight into ah other people and dynamics. And sometimes when we see something in somebody else, we start to notice it in ourselves. So, you know, people come for personal growth. They come for professional growth, like growing businesses, as we talked about today.
00:38:26
Speaker
um and So if you want to learn more, you can get in touch with Kristen or you can contact me at hypnosistrainingcanada.com or mindlinkconsulting.com.