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Cheeky Christmas Special 2022 - The Fellowship of the Tabletop
118 Plays2 years ago
Happy festive times everyone. This years Christmas Special is a little bit cheeky. Cheeky in the fact its actually the christmas special from 2021, just re-edited into one UBER special.
Normal services will resume next Friday. Until then, MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Follow us on our Twitters - @FellowshipTable
Intro written and produced by Joseph McDade
Music kindly provided by Fesliyan Studios
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Transcript
Christmas Special Mix-up Explained
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey, remember Big Willy from last year Christmas special 2021? Well I'm back for Christmas special 2022 only we fuck up and we didn't record one this year. So instead our editor has had a master plan. He took the Christmas special from 2021 and joined it all together for one uber special Christmas 2022 which is technically
00:00:30
Speaker
2021, just... back for 2022. It's nice, you should still listen to it anyway, you have good time!
00:00:39
Speaker
So for those of you who are wondering what the hell that was, let me just explain. We usually record a Christmas special every year. Unfortunately this year, life has got in the way, so we didn't get time to record one. So rather than just kind of continue on with our normal fellowship stuff, what I thought I'd do is I'd take the Christmas special from 2021, which was actually split over four weeks, and I've edited together to make one succinct large bumper episode.
00:01:06
Speaker
We've had many new listeners over this year, 2022, so hopefully you haven't heard it. If you have, well, hopefully you'll enjoy it again. If not, don't worry, our normal services will resume next week. Merry Christmas, guys, and enjoy this one.
Introduction to D&D Podcast World
00:01:57
Speaker
Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of The Fellowship of the Tabletop. We are a live play 5e magical podcast, magical podcast. We are in the magical homebrood world of Gumpleton, also known as the town known as Christmas. Now, those of you who joined us last year will remember
00:02:24
Speaker
that actually nobody talks about what happened last year or at least nobody talks about the disappearing.
00:02:31
Speaker
The town of Gumperton, known as the town called Christmas, vanished one year ago on this night. Everybody, though, talks about what happened next. A group of heroes answered the Star of Bethlehem's call and rushed to the aid of the Christmasy Captain, Uncle Bill. At his behest, our brave heroes traversed the frozen wilderness of the Winterland Sea to find the last Star of Christmas.
00:03:00
Speaker
Known to Captain Bill he simply called this his navigation point and named it the North Pole. It turned out the star was stolen by a pair of winter trolls which somehow in stealing the star caused the entire town and its inhabitants to vanish. The heroes found the star and returned to the town, one of their heroes being the walking embodiment of the spirit of Christmas.
New Quest Begins at the Tavern
00:03:25
Speaker
And tonight
00:03:27
Speaker
Tonight as Gumpleton gets ready for another Christmas, some of these heroes, they're returning. The town itself from the Crow's perspective is shaped like a star, a host of festive streets, festively named after some of Christmas's most magical and wonderful experiences in moments decorate the town. Around the town are a surrounding set of mountains,
00:03:55
Speaker
And upon that now is set a deep train track that climbs up the various points and high points of the mountain and reaches a host of hotels and ski lodges that look down over the town as a light snow falls. Some travellers, adventurers, and just general townsfolk gather around the fires at the rustic tavern of Rudolf's Rest. There, as we begin our adventure, we find a single character waiting.
00:04:24
Speaker
A tall Goliath leaves the bar and makes their way through the patrons of his own pub. He makes his way over to the tables and says, well, since you're sat here at the VIP table, you must be part of the welcome committee. Well, run it by me, good old Rudolf, and just let me know who you are, fine adventurer. And with that, I would like to invite our guest Will, not the usual Will, but the new Will, to tell us who Rudolf
00:04:52
Speaker
the Goliath sea sat at the table. OK, so you would see a five foot tall tortle.
00:05:02
Speaker
relatively young looking obviously kind of green complexion going on they're not wearing too much obviously normal kind of turtle looking with a big old shell and a nice kind of
00:05:28
Speaker
I don't even know how I'm trying to describe this. It's really bad. He's got a neckerchief on. One of the features you notice about him is a black and white neckerchief around his neck that kind of ends up in a bit of a red and white twirl, almost like you'd expect to see at like a cubs or scouts, like a necker tie around their neck. You can see on their back, they're wearing a backpack with an exceptionally good looking female tortle.
00:05:57
Speaker
They've got big red lips, long eyelashes there. In one hand, you can see that they're holding a white wooden snowman lunchbox. They also actually notice around their waist, they've got a bum bag, but it looks homemade. And you can see, stitched into this bum bag, the figures of a halfling.
00:06:19
Speaker
A Goliath with a great axe, an angel with a lance, a wizard like dragonborn and an old man with a candy cane, and they're all joined together with a single zip that goes through the middle as well. You'd also see a collection of bracelets on one of the other wrists. That's what you'd see. Well, I see that you're quite a fan of the Heroes of Christmas. You are from the local scout group to come and meet them.
00:06:48
Speaker
Oh yes, I'm here from Gumbelton with, as you say, sent up by the Cubs and I'm really looking forward to hopefully meeting a few of them today. Oh well, we only have two of them coming back, but I'm sure it'll be quite magnificent.
Reunion with Last Year's Heroes
00:07:04
Speaker
They're coming in on the Star of Bethlehem now as we speak, although I'm expecting a few more people to greet them. Now let me look at you. I bet I can guess which street you live on. Are you from Candy Cane Lane?
00:07:16
Speaker
How did you know? Oh, I'm just very good. I'm very good at such things and I can always sense a good person and all the good people, myself included, where we live down on Candy Cane Lane. I'm sure you well know. Have you got yourself a drink? Oh, not yet actually. Have you got anything? I don't know. Maybe just a water?
00:07:36
Speaker
I could do a water, I could do you a hot chocolate, a warm milk. Oh, hot chocolate would be lovely. Here, I made this for you. And he'll hand over a little bracelet. Well, now, isn't this just the spirit of Christmas personified?
00:07:54
Speaker
You're not the spirit of Christmas, are you? Because someone's thrown that at me once before. Was he the one with the lance? Yeah, he was my favorite. Yes, yes, yes. I wish I could say I like this character a lot. Anyway, you wait right here. I'm just going to go back to the bar and get a get your drink while you're waiting. Actually, there's someone else here who's due to greet the heroes of Christmas. Why don't you come over and just introduce yourself there and
00:08:24
Speaker
As Rudolph says that, a character stood at the bar, turns around and begins to make their way over to the table.
Big Willy Joins the Adventure
00:08:32
Speaker
James, who's making their way over to the table? Well, they're not so much walking as they are slowly flying towards you will see a theory about four feet tall. Wearing a very colourful, red and green, very Christmassy looking salted dress.
00:08:50
Speaker
In her hand, she carries what appears to be two large candy cane style lollipops. She has the biggest grin on her face, a long flowing blonde hair filled with all manner of tinsel and sparkle wherever you look. She's going to come over and she's going to say,
00:09:10
Speaker
Well, thank you very much for inviting me. Oh, you're quite welcome. I understand you have earned your passage up the mountain side with our travellers by performing some great feat. Why don't you, as you can now see, the entire tavern is listening, and you now all of a sudden just hear all the chairs just turn and focus on you. Why don't you tell us of what magnificent thing you've done to earn your spot at this table? Oh, honestly, it wasn't anything that special.
00:09:38
Speaker
I just brought the meaning of Christmas to some people who didn't quite get it right away. But through sheer determination and the holiday spirit, I found that they were quite receiving God of it in the end. Well, that does sound quite magnificent. I'm not quite sure what to make of that. That sounds both quite threatening and quite... Well, what's the word I would use? Festive. Yes, well, it definitely sounds festive. Oh, most certainly festive.
00:10:09
Speaker
Yes, do you have a drink? Would you like one? If you have any sparkling sugar palm juice, I would happily have a drink. Let me go check out back. I don't have any at the bar because that's a made-up drink, but I will go and see if I can find something out back that would pass for that for you. You leave it to old Rudolph. What was your name again, young master total?
00:10:35
Speaker
Oh, I never actually gave it. My name's Noodle. Oh, I'm sorry. Noodle, that Noodle, I'm so sorry. In all the spirit of Christmas, I forgot to ask your name. It's as if I'm a terrible, terrible host. What about, and your name was Fairmaiden? Oh, my name is Fimble Snowdrop. Fimble Snowdrop? Well, isn't that magnificent? Noodle and Fimble Snowdrop. You leave old Rudolph, and I'll be back with your drinks shortly. Thank you. With that,
00:11:03
Speaker
Rudolph the Goliath makes his way back towards the bar, and you two are left. In the silence as the hustle and bustle of the pub resumes, sat at the table with each other. So, Noodle, was it? Yes. Those are some magnificent figures you've got in your, what do you call it, a fanny pack? Yeah, or a bum bag. It either works. Either sounds hilarious.
00:11:30
Speaker
OK, yeah, I'm really looking forward to meeting a few of them though. Oh, is the heroes? Yes, yeah, yeah, I know all of them. Well, I don't actually remember all of their names if I'm entirely honest, but I'm hoping that I'll meet the angel with the lance. Well, didn't he bring the spirit of Christmas to everybody and then return back to his home? Oh, oh yeah, I hadn't thought about that one. Well, hopefully I'll meet the dragonborn. Yes, I don't think you will.
00:12:00
Speaker
right um oh well i'll be glad to meet any of them i've made this for you and i'll hand over another little bracelet um you'll see him actually unzip the bum bag and fumble inside and pull out another little kind of string bracelet that's just been really badly knotted together oh a gift for me isn't that lovely oh happily accepted being a fairy she's quite small so rather than put it on her wrist she hangs it around her neck
00:12:33
Speaker
Where you are, kind. And as that happens, you hear the creak of the tavern door from the kitchen open
Arrival of the Star of Bethlehem Ship
00:12:41
Speaker
as Rudolf comes back in with two drinks. And he plikes them both down on front of you. And he goes, I'd be quite honest. I couldn't quite remember what you ordered. But here are two hot chocolates that you can drink to your heart's content. And they are, well, they're the best thing on the menu, frankly. Oh, thank you very much. With their marshmallows in them.
00:13:01
Speaker
He pulls off his belt, a marshmallow dispenser, which looks like a snowman. If you twist the snowman's hat, two marshmallows just come out the bottom of the snowman. I thought, actually, I should have been thinking more about this. Hello there. Hello, Fair Maiden. It's nice to see you. How are you? Oh, she has some gifts and food that wasn't bought in this tavern, but I'll allow it.
00:13:22
Speaker
I don't know, that's wonderful. All the chips in the bag and everything. She can't hear you at all. Oh, that's good. What are you doing? Am I going to edit this out? What the fuck? I mean, apparently there's a death fair maiden in this tavern. I don't know what that strange meta voice was saying. I didn't say you're going to have to. Why did this spit out? Darren's bullshit. You do that mate, there isn't going to be much of it. Are we good to go?
00:13:51
Speaker
It's your, it's your podcast, man. Thanks, man. Thanks. Um, yeah, as he turns that, you haven't introduced all the characters to this. This is now, this is now a turtle and the theory podcast. I haven't got there yet. And the, and the iconic line and with me tonight completely popped off the line. It's coming in the second episode. It's deliberate to introduce you all. I loved it. No, I loved it. I loved it.
00:14:19
Speaker
Anyway, as he twists, as he twists the snowman's hat, you see these little white droplets fall into your mouth. You know, nobody else actually bought many of these. I had all of these set out for last Christmas, but all it makes it look like is the snowman is taking a dump into your drink and not that many people were interested. Funny that. Would you like one? Oh, yes, please.
00:14:40
Speaker
And he goes into his own rucksack or bum bag on his hip, whatever you want to call it, and takes out a little snowman figurine and offers it to you. Oh, it's my favorite. A noodle will just take it and try and put it in the bum bag in the front. All right, you enjoy that. It's full of marshmallows. Thank you, Rudolph. This is the best day ever.
00:15:03
Speaker
Well, you're welcome in Rudolph's anytime. Well, aren't you both just magnificent? And as he says that, the door bursts open and you see a boy running excited and he just goes, it's the star of Bethlehem. The star of Bethlehem is here. And he bolts out back into the marketplace and Rudolph turns to you and says, well, I think your fellow guests are arriving. I think we'd better go outside and meet them, don't you?
00:15:30
Speaker
Yes, please. I couldn't agree more. Come on, doodle. As that happens, as you both agreed to go up outside, the entire tavern is all rushing for the tavern door at the same time. Is the other characters a Sesame Street on their way as well? If your druid is not in a rubbish bin when we meet him... Cookie!
00:15:59
Speaker
As you step out into the Market Square, you all of a sudden are reminded of just the sheer majesty of this town. As stood in the centre of this square is this 100 foot, maybe 200 foot tall Christmas tree. It is a sight to behold. A host of market stalls decorate the square and you can see the pathways leading off down all the various wonderful streets in this town.
00:16:26
Speaker
You can see Candy Cane Lane, Reindeer Road, Santa's Street, Tinseltown thoroughfare, polar bear path, all these wonderful streets that just lead off to houses filled with love and cheer as Christmas Eve approaches. As you do that, you turn your eye out to the frozen Winterland Sea, the only area of darkness and an otherwise wonderful
00:16:54
Speaker
communal area of light and you see a speck of light appear on the horizon and as it gets closer and closer you realize that this is the starship, the phantasmic star of Bethlehem and as it gets closer and closer you start to hear the trumpets, the violins and the pianos of Christmas music
00:17:17
Speaker
as this starship comes in to this massive dock which overlooks the serene darkness that lands below, the harrowing darkness where last year's adventure took place out in the sea of winter.
Comedic Exchanges and Group Dynamics
00:17:31
Speaker
And as the star of Bethlehem docks into this sky port, these two large
00:17:41
Speaker
What's the word for them? I should probably have written this down. You know, like, when people can walk off ships, what do they call those things? Ramps. Ramps, that would be. I think that's better than suicide divers. A door. A door. These two ramps come down off the deck of the ship and land on the port below. And you see a tall, elven figure dressed as flamboyantly as you would both remember. His uncle Bill steps up and goes,
00:18:10
Speaker
Hello, children. Uncle Bill has returned. And a roar goes up from down below. He goes, no, no, no, no, no. Normally, my arrival is what you're all here for. But I know that's not the case this year. For this year, I bring back, please, drummers. And the drummers on the deck of the ship start to... I give you.
00:18:38
Speaker
the heroes of christmas or at least two of them and as he turns and gestures and we see mark who do we see at the top of the ramp
00:18:51
Speaker
You see Prancer returneth for his second Christmas. You see this giant Goliath of a Goliath, stood tall, looking rather sheepish though. Bold head, tattoos all the way up over his face and over his open bed chest, over his chainmail armour.
00:19:09
Speaker
he is carrying with him a haughty large halberd but still remaining from his earlier encounter which he kept is a little bit of tinsel that he's wrapped around the top of it is looking very concerned at everything and his brow is furrowed as he looks from side to side looks down at Bill and looks at the crowd and just stands there awkwardly
00:19:31
Speaker
I can sense how happy you are and admit it. You can admit it to old Uncle Bill. Of all your companions from last year, you're glad that it was that one. And he points over his shoulder. Let's come back with you. Callum, who's he pointing at? You hear him, first and foremost, as always, the metal clanking onto the ramp as a glorious steel reindeer comes into view out of the ship.
00:20:00
Speaker
Straddled on him is a lovely ghost wise halfling. They are both addressing the finest of attire the Halfling now dressed in a red velvet draped jacket with green Tinsel just going down the lapels of it a red and green waistcoat has adorned the steel reindeer as well. Just dressing him up in his finest well clothes He
00:20:30
Speaker
opens up his hands just for a brief moment to try and shush the crowd slightly and then taking his one hand he's going to just touch the steel reindeer and cast cantrip of light onto the reindeer's nose just to make it glow red to embrace the cheer
00:20:50
Speaker
Make a persuasion check with advantage. Oh, right, okay. My persuasion is atrocious. I'll grant performance as well. Can I use the same role that I just did? Yeah, why not? Cool. Well, same regard as 19. Okay, as that happens, you hear an almighty roar from the crowd below. As on one of the ramps, you emerge next to on the other ramp the very stoic. Prancer.
00:21:18
Speaker
And as that happens, Uncle Bill just turns and says to you guys, and says, well, get down there. They're here for you. OK, but did I have to come back? I was happy in the snow. Oh, shut up, Prab, sir. You little prick.
00:21:45
Speaker
I've had enough of you on this damn Bethlehem. I'm just glad to be back. As you can see, as you can see, they're both firm friends. I'd be firm friends. He said they'd love you both. Asshole. Get. And a Merry Christmas to you. You're staying at the mountainside in the Mountain Express. And he points to like this novelty train station that appears to just be flickering with lights and goes, you want to go in there and it will take you up the mountain. Toodaloo.
00:22:14
Speaker
Okay, fine. I'm doing the star ceremony this evening. It's going to be fan bloody tastic Okay, and as you make your way down to the crowd uncle bill stood there still embracing But he doesn't realize someone else just seems to just start to happily follow you down the ramp
00:22:32
Speaker
Follow yours, did you say? Ian, who's following them down the ramp? La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
00:23:02
Speaker
As you say this at the top of the ramp, you realise that everyone is just swarming to the hero to Christmas down below. I said hi. I thought this was a grand ceremony. Why is no one paying attention to me? This is embarrassing.
00:23:19
Speaker
Bill! Uncle Bill! I'm here to help! I'm pulling out Bill's coat. Yes, yes, yes. I'm aware of where you are. Please stop touching me. I wanted a grand entrance like everyone else. Why are you not giving me one? Well, I'm perfectly honest and this is going to be a candid answer. I don't know who you are and I didn't know that you were here. I'm willing!
00:23:49
Speaker
Willy. Willy meet Billy. Get off my ship. Damn. Okay. So how do I help Christmas? Do I just go? Oh, hold on a second. You're here to help Christmas. Yeah. Well, that's, I think, that's, this ship is Christmas ship. So I just, I just come along and I stole away. No one see me. And now I'm here to save Christmas, yes? Well, that changes everything.
00:24:18
Speaker
Yes, no grand entrance for me, yes. He takes a staff... Can you call me Big Willy? He takes a staffing off his... Introduce me as Big Willy. Off his coat, an opposite to you and goes... Big Willy. If you earn it, if you earn it, I'll call you whatever you like. Not just you, everyone, yeah?
00:24:41
Speaker
i can't speak for everyone else but sure why not get down there you made big names out of big people i want a big name out to a small person like me and as you say that he just goes okay fair enough goodbye and he he seems to press something and the ramp becomes like an escalator and you just start to like very slowly just disappear down the ramp and into the town like you're on an escalator and he's now just waving back to everyone else
00:25:08
Speaker
Go on, sorry. I was just going to say, when he gets to the bottom of the ramp, Fimbul's going to be this. Oh, it's so wonderful to meet one of the heroes of Christmas. I'd for you to be taller. Are you talking to me? Yes. I am a hero of Christmas. My name is Willy. Big Willy to my friends and family. I am a hero. That sounds weird. No, it's not your weird. My name is Willy and I'm here to save Christmas. Point me in the direction of Christmas and what to save.
00:25:38
Speaker
Oh, well, my name's Fimbul Snowdrop. If you follow me, I'm sure we'll be able to bring about the most... Fimbul Snowdrop. Fimbul Snowdrop. Fimbul Snowdrop. Right, yes. But if you follow me... I remember your name. I'll introduce you to the turtle. You can... Sorry, what? I'll introduce you to the turtle. I thought you said turtle at first, so I just got confused.
00:26:03
Speaker
You're not the only one. Come this way. OK. OK, I follow you. We say Christmas. Yay. Name Willie. Big Willie. Vimble. Small. I'm a forest gnome. No one's asked you. I'm a tree. I'm a tree. Listen, spoiler alert, this character is getting transported to Eryth and will be in. Come on, decision made.
00:26:32
Speaker
Don't you want to see what I got? Like when you look at me, do you want to see what I look like? Maybe I can describe how I look. So when I'm just taking liberty, when Miss Bimble looks over at Willy, what she sees is a forefoot, so all within, you know, good height guidance here, forest gnome. It's blonde.
00:26:59
Speaker
bleach blonde hair, think like 90s NSYNC kind of bleached blonde hair, and also a really bad bleach job on his beard. The beard goes down to his midriff and it's plaited in about five plaits, counting through.
00:27:17
Speaker
in his plats are little red berries and holly leaves and then his long blonde hair is unwashed and unkempt so it's not just this flowing blonde it's this knotted mass of hair and if he was to like scrunch up his face with all his hair he'd just be a mass of hair in two two big white eyes
00:27:40
Speaker
that are blue. His clothes are red tunic and khaki pants and big boots that go all the way up just cupping his knee and then on his mid waist he wears this belt and it's a belt that's got bells all sewn into it so as he moves it's jinga jinga jinga jinga jingle
00:28:00
Speaker
as he's walking. Four gold. Stealth, okay. Oh no, stealth. And across his, he has this red tunic on and then there's this tartan scarf that kind of drapes over his shoulders all the way at the back and in the tartan scarf, if you were to look in the middle of it, is this big
00:28:23
Speaker
There's two bells and a candy cane. So you got one bell at the bottom of this candy cane, another bell at the bottom of this candy cane, and then the long candy cane rod kind of just kind of lifting out from the two bells.
Big Willy's Heroic Aspirations
00:28:37
Speaker
And that's, there you go. That's Willy.
00:28:41
Speaker
That doesn't sound like any Willy, I know. As this happened, Rudolf is just going to usher the two residents who are due to meet the heroes I've been to. And he's going to go, Mr. Prancer and Mr. Belzier, is it? I don't know by pronunciation. Balthazar. Balthazar, I'm sorry. I didn't know by pronounce that right. Anyway, I have two absolutely fine people here to meet you. We have Noodle and Fimble Snowdrop. They are two local heroes, one from the scouts, one for
00:29:11
Speaker
What was it you said you did again, he'll say to you, Fimbul. Oh, I just bring the spirit of Christmas to people, in more ways to make it more festive. That sounds strangely ominous, but okay. Who? Not many tall people from the heroes of Christmas, is there?
00:29:32
Speaker
Well, I don't want to say that. It's quite an awkward introduction. Noodle, do you have anything that you wish to give the Heroes of Christmas? Can I give him a hug? Well, I think that would be absolutely fine, wouldn't it? It's going to glance first at you, at Balthazar. He's going to glance at you. No, Balthazar will stay on his reindeer, but he will turn off and obviously open embraced arms.
00:30:01
Speaker
Pleasure to meet you. You're my hero. Well, thank you very much. You're my hero. It's true. Look, he's got you engraved onto his fanny pack and everything. Oh my, yes. But rather a good likeness, I have to say. Thank you. I'm still working on the reindeer. It's fine. He's only a steed anyway. Well, isn't that magnificent? Anyway,
00:30:29
Speaker
Have you met, uh... Doll, wait one minute. Stop right there, Goliath man. Where's my ag?
00:30:39
Speaker
You said we both got a hug and then all of a sudden the little doodle boy hugs the reindeer man and I don't know why we're shouting at each other it's a Goliath thing I think but he was coming to hug you next I presume you were going to hug him next but you are moving on with the conversation and I wanted no I was moving him to hug you you see can I get a hug
00:31:05
Speaker
I don't believe you. How can the dude be two voices? I hear high pitched and I hear quite annoying. Do you need a hook? Do you need a hook? What the fuck is happening? I'm going to pull out his halberd and just start kind of turning around like, where is this voice coming from? Blowing my mind.
00:31:34
Speaker
Just a Willy. That's I am Willy. Hi. Well, what is... Who is touching my Willy? What is going on? No one is touching your Willy. I am Willy. I am the Willy. You might have heard of me. I hear the voice now. What's that? Rudolph! Why is everyone so short?
00:31:53
Speaker
They are so small and so pathetic. What happened to real things in this world? It's quite funny because my nickname is Big Willy. So it's just a, it's a funny thing. Like I sell small, but hey, Big Willy, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Do we, Darren, do we see, um, Big Willy? Make a perception check. Make a perception check. It's not that small. There is a large crowd like literally gathering around you that's being held back. Make a perception check.
00:32:21
Speaker
I'm going to take three. You glance around and what you see is what you think is a tortle that's dressed as a boy scout that can throw its voice to sound like it's coming from somewhere else. He's going to walk up to tortle. Firstly, he's going to walk up to the tortle. Your name is Doodlya.
00:32:48
Speaker
It's noodle, but you can call me what you like. Your squeaky voice is good for summoning wolves, I think. I pitched. Come here and give a concert a hug. Oh, gladly. I think he's going to whisper in your ear, but not know how to whisper, so he's just going to like shout it in your ear. I think you are a sorcerer. You are good with throwing your voice. I think we just became best friends.
00:33:14
Speaker
And I'd like to try and put another friendship bracelet on him in some way. Get off me! Don't put that on me! A sleight of hand. Just slide it on without it going. On the end of his weapon. Well, that sounds a bit phallic, that. That's lovely. He's going to put his hand in and it's just going to go. I would maybe not do that. I wouldn't try and put that on him if he doesn't want it. He seems quite angry. Sorry.
00:33:44
Speaker
No, I bet I do reckon you might be able to convince him over the coming days to take such a wonderful guest. Coming days? I like you for one reason mainly. On your bomb bag you have put me in the middle as the leader of the group where I belong.
Journey to the Mountain Express
00:34:04
Speaker
So thank you for that. You're not the leader. You never were. Shut up, Balthazar!
00:34:10
Speaker
I swear to God, I will break you and your Rudolph looking... Not you, Rudolph. I'm sorry for bringing you into that. I hope I've not offended you. Not you, no. I mean the stupid mechanical thing here. I will slowly spit on it until it rusts in the snow. You understand me? I'm trying to lie.
00:34:29
Speaker
You and me. We had one good night together where we drank and we laughed and we joked about that fat man from last year with the beard and the candy cane. We made fun of him and it was fantastic. And then ever since then, you've been an ass.
00:34:46
Speaker
You're the one who's been threatening me, threatening everybody else. You've only got a festive spirit of Christmas, whatever the other time you just want to kill me. Yeah, well you have been threatening my authorities all the time, so how about fuck you? You have no authority, fuck you. Shut up. While this is happening, Uncle Bill is up on the ship going, yes, behold the here is a Christmas, marvel at their teamwork, marvel at their camaraderie, not paying any attention to what's happening below.
00:35:12
Speaker
As Rudolf comes over to you, Bovazar, and goes, have you named this creature Rudolf as well? No. No, his name's not Rudolf. Oh, that's what it was. His name's Finch. Oh. What kind of a Rudolf? What kind of a reindeer name is Finch? I'm just... Bitch? It's my reindeer. Not bitch! Shut up, Prem, sir. I thought you were insulting me again. Your voice is so small down there I need the snow. No, don't fuck yourself. Take your halberd and stick it somewhere.
00:35:43
Speaker
Not in me, actually. I'm going to rephrase that. OK. The crowd at this point, which has been in awe of you, has just fallen silent and is just looking at you both and is thinking, you two saved Christmas. Really? Do I notice that it's kind of gone a little bit quiet? Yeah, as you two glance up from this argument, you notice that the crowd has just fallen silent and is just watching you as if like, what is going on?
00:36:10
Speaker
Okay, I'm gonna bring back a little bit of testing spare I'm gonna use my magical tinkering ability and I'm going to pull out a couple of baubles And I'm basically gonna create I could do a six-second sound with them So it's basically gonna be sounded like a little bit of a Christmas song in each bauble and just throw them into the crowd Okay, yeah and the crowd as soon as they see that you're gonna start almost like a WWE event when someone throws their shirt in they're gonna start clambering to get one of the baubles and then
00:36:40
Speaker
as the Christmas music starts to take off again. Rudolf is going to turn to you all at this point and go, I think we better get you to... I don't know why I'm doing that voice. I sound cool, Bill. He's up on the ship. I'm down here with you. Another one who can saw their voice. I'm so confused. I know. But we better get you to the Mountain Express. Otherwise, you're not going to make it up the hill in time for the star ceremony. Am I thinking that this train is going to be annoyingly small and colorful?
00:37:06
Speaker
I sincerely hope so. You've seen it before, haven't you? We, Goliaths, know how to get around on public transport. At that point, Fimbul will fly around Princess Enderes. Did someone mention something small and colourful? Holy shit, why do I think this fairy is going to kill me? Hello?
00:37:32
Speaker
Oh, please, nothing quite like that. You seem like a very festive fellow and very tall. Why do I see chaos in your eyes? I'm so confused. You look so small and pathetic, but I think you'll more than likely be the death of me. Oh, he's my favorite already. Yes, yes. Rudolph is now just ushering you through the quarrel. He's going to turn to you, Willy, and just go,
00:38:00
Speaker
Well, hello. Are you coming with us? Are you part of this party? I don't know anymore. I wanted to be part of the party, but then everyone started talking and bitching and moaning. And you got the big one there. Looks like he's going to kill.
00:38:14
Speaker
all of them, and I just want to save Christmas. That's why I'm here. I start on board, big Billy ship, and I come to save Christmas, but apparently Christmas has already been saved. I stayed on the ship the entire time, last campaign, and I missed everything. I try not to miss again, but nobody's taken any notice of me.
00:38:36
Speaker
I try new nickname. I say I Big Willy. But still, no one take notice of me and I get lost in throng of crowd. Do you know what Big Willy, Rudolf will take notice of you. There you go. Rudolf acknowledges that you want to experience Christmas and I reckon... I want to experience a party. I've been alone so long. It's been 365 days of me on the ship alone in the engine compartment. That's absolutely terrible.
00:39:02
Speaker
I've been there for ages. That is absolutely terrible. Why don't you stick with these people and I reckon... I don't know if I want to stick with these people. These people don't even know me. No, but the total seems nice. The noodle, I would stick around. Who's total? Noodle, I'm just going to grab you to the back of the party that's moving towards. Noodle, you strike me as someone who is willing to embrace someone who wishes to enjoy Christmas. Noodle meets Willy.
00:39:29
Speaker
Something I never thought I'd say. Hi, Willy. Nudo, yes? Yes. Hi. I am Big Willy. You know, you heard of me. Yeah. I did. I heard you. I saw that when Prancer was kind of having a bit of a fight, I saw you in the background there saying the name Big Willy. Yeah, I saw some Big Bobbles being turned around. I get excited. I get confused. I like Big Bobbles. Do you want to be my friend?
00:39:58
Speaker
I like your fanny pack. I'll let you hold it if you want. Have you cut your necktie as well? That necktie looks very nice. I like your necktie. Do you like my backpack?
00:40:14
Speaker
I turn around, I can't see it. And yeah, Loodle will turn around and you see this beautiful female turtle with red lips and big long eyelashes. Ah, yes, very nice. I like this cut. Is she your girlfriend? Is she taken or is she available? No, that's Michelle. She's not taken. Does she want to meet Willy?
00:40:41
Speaker
You can say big wheelie if it would help. I am looking for mates as well. It's been 365 days alone on a ship. I am ready. Okay, I'm a bit nervous but here take my hand and we'll walk together.
00:40:56
Speaker
Ah, yes, I like Noodle. Thank you, Rudolph. Thank you. Oh, you're welcome. Taps your knee. Yes, Alva, they're all very kind. You're welcome. And as you were ushered towards the station, the crowd is just separated from you and seems to return to the station. We go now. We go to do what we gotta do. I am part of party, and we save something new. Everyone cheer. And you realize everyone's just too really celebrating. We're still almost out of the steps saying this to a crowd that's pretty much... It's not only being me, Noodle. What big willy.
00:41:25
Speaker
Fimbul's currently still brushing the shoulder of Prancer as she kind of looks at him with that weird look in her eyes. I'm alone right now. Ladies and gentlemen, if you've tuned in for expecting to hear a follow-up from last week's episode of First of the Time, so I'm really sorry that this is what we've got instead. This is hilarious. But anyway, as you make your way into this glass ornate, large,
00:41:55
Speaker
Collins train station. Think Hogwarts only it's made completely out of glass. What you see is an empty station though there are some pillars and pyres of fires just lit throughout and a single platform that says to the mountainside inns.
00:42:12
Speaker
There is also what looks like a reception kiosk that looks like it's made and held up on candy canes. And at the bottom of it is a button that looks like a Christmas pudding, and it says, press here for service. Rudolph will say to you, well, I'll leave you in the hands of Fuzzy Jumper when that tortle arrives.
00:42:37
Speaker
I hope you enjoy the star ceremony and I dare say I'll see you over the coming days. Merry Christmas to you all. I got a question. I got a question before you go. I can hear that voice again. What's going on? What are we doing here? The total has a puppet. Well, that is a good question. Are we celebrating? Are we saving? I'm I just I've been on this ship long time. I don't know what's going on in the world.
00:43:02
Speaker
Well, he's just going to turn to you and then look at the others and say... Just to me, don't talk to the others, it's nice to have a secret. I don't have secrets, I don't have friends. Me and your friends, you like Big Willy? Yes, we're both friends. Well, you and me, just between you and me, these fine people here... Good often, Big Willy, big friends. Yes, why not? Team. These fine people here... Do you like it when I interrupt you? No. I've been told that I'm quite annoying, I'm sorry. I've been by myself for 365 days, I don't get it.
00:43:31
Speaker
These fine people here. Fine or five? There's no five, it's four. Fine, F-I-N. Five including me! You're including me! High five! Yes, okay, big woody fifth. You're here to celebrate Christmas, they all know that, and now you do. You're going up to the mountainside inn to watch from the most majestic point Uncle Bill performed the Star Ceremony. That's all you need to know for now.
Chaotic Train Ride to the Inn
00:43:55
Speaker
That's it.
00:43:56
Speaker
But, of course they are. Christmas saved, there's nothing here, no adventure. Well, nothing yet, but you never know what can happen when you're up in the mountain path. So the whispers was right. They saved Christmas and it's everything's good. Did you not know? I've been in engine bay for 365 days. I don't understand what's going on. Two of these people here, they saved Christmas last year. So we're all good. We're here to have a wonderful time. Ah. Christmas saved already. But, but...
00:44:26
Speaker
You never know. You just never know. So I go up and watch Christmas celebration with new friends. That sounds like a good place to start, doesn't it? Is that the story?
00:44:40
Speaker
Well, do you want, I don't know what this story is. It's as if you're looking for some kind of meta answer here about something. No, I just didn't understand. There's a lot of conversation going on. I've been on my own for 365 days and I didn't understand what was going on. And I just wanted to see. So are we here for Christmas celebration? Nice. So here's a Christmas celebration. Ladies. I'm sure there will be ladies.
00:45:07
Speaker
We have plenty of ladies in this town, and there'll be men as well. I've been on my own so long. Lonely, very lonely. Ready, ready, I am ready. Rudolph is now just backing out the door. Don't back away. Well, I hope you have a very nice Christmas. And yes, I need help. Ah, the door's closing, I'm afraid.
00:45:29
Speaker
I mean, he's just got to point to his hand, I can't hear you anymore, but you can hear him, which probably means that. I can't hear you anymore. Yes, have a nice Christmas. Enjoy the ceremony, goodbye. And he disappears into the crowd. Leaving you on an empty train station with a flushing button that looks like a Christmas pudding on this kiosk that says press here for information. This Christmas pudding looks like a button we should press because it's flushing.
00:45:58
Speaker
You're the leader. I would agree. Right? As Willy looks up at the big alive. You're leader, yes. You saved Christmas last time. I thought your voice was coming from the turtle. No, I'm big Willy. I was a part of your trip last year, but no one talked to me. So I am part of group now. Yes. So you leader, I willy. Big Willy. I am very good. I'm very good in battle. I swear.
00:46:27
Speaker
Nice to meet you and he's going to leave a big old hand down, down, down, down to shake your hand. Yes, I, okay. And there's a tiny little hand coming up. Your hand would engulf the entire arm of Willy. So if you were to shake, you'd be lifting me up and down from the ground. He doesn't, he, he, he understands how tiny you are and just kind of just gives you a very slight kind of, yeah. You're very good to Willy. Thank you. Thank you. Very gentle to Willy. I appreciate that. I don't want to hurt you.
00:46:57
Speaker
Because you are so tiny and pathetic. Thank you. Alright, uh, big Willy. Or, uh, I don't know. I'm your friend, I'm your best friend. Best friend with this one. Actually, no, you're very annoying. Uh, listen, Doodle, do you want to press the button? Or should, uh, should we let the fairy do it or someone? I don't know. Uh, we could do it together. No. You should press it. Okay. Here we go. You're just trying to give out some democracy and you're being a...
00:47:27
Speaker
Never mind. I'm sorry. Who's going to smash the button? As the button seems to come to life and what happens is this total shell that's kind of like on its side pops up and you see a head pop out of the shell and it goes, hello there. My name is Fuzzyjumper. I am currently driving the mountain train and I will be 20 minutes. Do you have any questions?
00:47:56
Speaker
What's your favourite colour? I am programmed to only answer questions about the mountain train. I'll meet another question. Uh, I've got to put his hand up. Why isn't he answering and putting my hand up by being polite?
00:48:28
Speaker
The mountain train, as the head just turns and looks at you, is consistent of four carts at present, and there are approximately 16 wheels on the train, as it currently stands. Okay, okay, I get this game now, I understand the riddle. I can win this one. Listen, how heavy is each carriage in metric tons?
00:48:32
Speaker
Put the time back up.
00:48:58
Speaker
You could only answer questions about the terrain so I'm asking. You beat it. You beat it, Prancer. Well done. Impressive. Did it throw at me? Can I punch it now? I'm sorry. There appears to have been a malfunction in my ability to answer that. You broke it. What do we do now? I think you beat it, though. Well done. I don't know. Do you have to wait 20 minutes, then? Ferry, you can fly. You're flying around being a scary psychopath.
00:49:25
Speaker
Do you want to go see where the train is? Or I don't know... Well, I can certainly have a look around. Don't... Unless you don't fancy doing it, you know, it's fine, you can just float around because, you know, I wouldn't want you to kill me in my sleep or anything. No, but seriously, please don't. I wouldn't worry about that. You're so very festive and full of holiday cheer.
00:49:47
Speaker
Yeah, there is something fucking funny about that. I think she's going to kill me. I think she's going to kill me. I mean, I like her, but at the same time, I fear for my own existence and that of my family. I like her, too. She's very pretty and I've been on my own for so long. But still, I just get worried by her demeanor. She seemed like a serial killer. Yes. What do you mean she is meaner? demeanor. I think that's a big word. I don't understand what it means, but I hear it.
00:50:17
Speaker
Big words are for small people. A Big Willy. More importantly, I would never harm any cereal. I'm more into sugar treats. Only people who actually harm people would say they wouldn't harm people. Yeah, it's kind of like, you know, that's what they say, you know. I agree with Big Willy. I hate to call you that, but... Yet, but my name. So, you just got to wait here 20 minutes. Make time grow quicker!
00:50:45
Speaker
It didn't work, I don't know. I'm going to look for a train. As you fly off, as you start to fly around this train station, make a perception check. 18. OK, you can pretty much see that there is a
00:51:07
Speaker
Well, let me rephrase this. As you approach the mountains, as you approach the tracks up towards the mountains, you can see that there is effectively a rightward pointing arrow on the wall opposite the platform. And it says to the mountains. And you can see that there are two tunnels at either end of this train station. You would assume from that that the train is coming from the left hand side. And as you dart out towards that tunnel, do you want to fly down the tunnel to see what you find?
00:51:35
Speaker
Um, no. I'll turn around to the other... the other characters. And she'll just fly up. And when she flies, she has like a sparkle literally follow around, little like glistening sort of like sparkle. Oh, my new festive friends! I believe I found a tunnel. It's over there. If I inhale sparkle, I fly. Yes, I've seen this. Give me the sparkle. Shake your dust over me. I hear ready.
00:52:05
Speaker
Uh, no. I don't think that's how it works. Okay, collect dust. I snort it. Up nose. No, that's deadly. I wouldn't do that either. Dust is deadly. See, I told you, I told you, she had to kill. Don't breathe dust. Don't breathe dust. Inhale, die. Automatic timeout. If that happens, you hear the turtle voice go, automatic timeout. And the turtle's head just goes back in the shell. Oh no, the turtle's gone. I'm still here.
00:52:36
Speaker
Oh yeah, there's a real one there. We don't need the fake one. Do you think he knows the weight of the carriages? What's your name? Jubal, what is the weight of the car... Do you know anything about trains? We weren't actually taught it in cubs, so no. Well, it's a shame you don't have your cub badge or anything for a train badge or something from that. It's not one of the ones that we usually get, no, but I've got my cooking badge.
00:53:05
Speaker
Well, that's good. What can you cook? Can you name three different dishes you can cook? Would you like a brussel sprout? A noodle will kind of sit down and open up his lunchbox. That looks like the only brussel sprout you have. I'm not going to take your only brussel sprout. That's very harsh. I've got eight of them. It's okay. Oh, I obviously cannot count. I have dump stat on intelligence. He says that out loud as well, right?
00:53:35
Speaker
No you keep, sorry. That's okay and as we assume that these wonderful
Festive Inn and Star Ceremony
00:53:40
Speaker
conversations could go on for another 20 minutes, we will instead just assume that 20 minutes pass and all of a sudden you hear this rumbling start to approach and the tracks on the platform start to shake and the lights that appear to be hanging around the platform's edge start to flicker as this large express train
00:54:01
Speaker
steam bellowing out the front of it rolls into the station and as it comes to a stop the cabin door at the front of the train opens and this total shell just rolls out of it donk donk donk donk donk donk and lands on the platform and then opens hello there i'm fuzzy jumper yay that was very good i enjoy your show that good oh well thank you very much you must be jack frost one of the heroes of christmas
00:54:30
Speaker
No, really, I don't know Jack Frost. He parted the party last year. I was meant to be there, but I was left in engine bay by myself. I've been there 365 days. Very lonely. What's your name? He leaves in awkward silence at that and then goes, and then turns to you, Noodle, and goes, you must be Jack Frost, one of the heroes of Christmas. Oh, no. Jack Frost couldn't make it.
00:54:58
Speaker
He turns to Yebel with iron goes, you must be Prancer, one of the heroes of Christmas. No, I'm Balthazar. Christ almighty. Why did everybody go to Prancer first? He's not the leader. Is Prancer here? He's over there. I don't got to point to the Goliath. Oh, that makes sense. I was told he was a Goliath, but in all my excitement, I forgot to check which one of you was the Goliath. Truth be told, I thought the Goliath was quite small and therefore I went for that one. Who is this one again?
00:55:29
Speaker
He smacks the train door, left the cabin nearest the front of the train and the steps just fold out onto the platform. Steer up on board!
00:55:47
Speaker
Everyone else come with me. I buy myself again. I'd be trapped like this before. Oh, no. Everyone else is coming with you. At least I hope you are. I don't want to go on first. Sorry. Made mistake. Been alone 365 days. I don't want to go first. You're coming. I get it. I get it, little Willie. Don't worry. Big, big, little Willie. Big, big Willie. Big, little, big Willie. I promise I will go on first. And you won't get locked in engine room 365 day. But before we get so on, Francis is going to try and lift the train.
00:56:25
Speaker
are you humping it? he's getting a low hunker down to don't lift it and just lift the side of it just to see if... yeah yeah yeah make an athletics check make an athletics check big hump
00:56:36
Speaker
I'm sorry, Darren. 24. As you do that, the train just seems to lift off the... Holy shit, Trax! Damn! And all of a sudden, you just feel a tortoise hand just come out and just give you a slap on the back and the train just boom back down to the deck. Please don't lift up the train!
00:56:56
Speaker
Uh, sorry, I just had a weird inclination. I wanted to know how heavy it was. He's going to awkwardly look at Big Willy. That's very, very, very impressive. That was huge. Big limit.
00:57:09
Speaker
Yeah, big PB. And he's going to... What? And he's going to get up onto the train and mutter his way in. Probably lowering his head to get into the doorway. Taking his halberd. Probably gets the halberd stuck. And has to angle it in to get it in properly. And then get some board the train first.
00:57:27
Speaker
Willy's gonna very excitedly start to shuffle after him. You hear the bells jingling around him as he jumps up onto one step, jumps up on the other step, and just kind of then tries to suck the air in his chest as he's invited in to make himself look bigger as he's seen Prancer having to crouch down to get in. Big Willy's gonna try and make himself as big as possible, stand on his tippy toes, grab all the breath in his air and try and act like he's squeezing in to the... Yes, that's very, very tight for all of us, yeah?
00:57:57
Speaker
and walks in. Yeah, Noodle will follow along and he'll probably offer up a sprout to Fuzzy on the way in. Well, thank you, Jack Frost, Hero of Christmas. Oh, dear. And I'll just kind of pass on by and get onto the train with my head held low.
00:58:21
Speaker
Thimble will follow after, not stepping on the steps, which is like slowly floating inside going, oh, this looks so marvellous and festive. Balthazar's going to kind of look around for a brief moment and just think, this is some weird ass shit that's probably happened in the last kind of hour. And he's just going to bumble to himself. If this is what they do for Christmas, I can't wait to see what they do for New Year's. And then he's going to walk on.
00:58:52
Speaker
Well isn't this just wonderful? And Fuzzy Bear's just going to climb into the front cockpit and he's going to just lean out the window and just look back at you all and says
00:59:02
Speaker
Now, if you look to your right, you will see incoming. And the window opens and this Christmas tree just flies in and lands in the center of your cabin. Your cabin, by the way, is kind of like the Hogwarts Express. You have two sofas on either side. And then this little pit within which a Christmas tree has now just landed. It would mean that if you were sat on the opposite side from someone, you would now have to do this very awkward, just kind of glancing around the tree to see them. There are little lanterns hanging from the ceiling that are lit with a rhomic
00:59:32
Speaker
candles that seem to smell like, well, they smell like a host of things that you would associate with Christmas. You can smell what appears to be like a roast turkey dinner and nut roast, freshly cooked candy canes. It smells really wonderful in here. And as the front window opens, you will just see Fuzzy Jumper's head come in and he will just go, so how quickly do you need to get up the mountain?
01:00:03
Speaker
When does the party start? Oh, you want to be up there for the star party? Star? We are the stars. We saved Christmas. Well, not me. I was trapped. But still, these guys saved Christmas and apparently Bill, Big Bill, Billy, Big Billy Bill, he make party and we need to be there. So what time party start?
01:00:25
Speaker
You all need to be there in about two minutes. Hold on. And he presses the button and the window shuts. And then all of a sudden you hear the train just start to make this rumble as it then takes off at the speed that you couldn't even imagine. I need everyone to make dexterity saving phrase please. I just realized my voice sound like nice guy.
01:00:53
Speaker
in my head I'm like I've heard this voice I don't know where it's come from and then I think it's because when we started James went nice guy and then I think also it's because he's just a such a canon figure of the fellowship now he's you know
01:01:10
Speaker
No, your accent is more consistent than nice guy, so it's funny. If Ola, a nice guy, had a child, it would be different. What am I doing? I'll man it, I'll laugh in a gremlin. I have no Dex. This would be funny. Oh yeah, I got... not your one. He falls out of the tree. He's dead. Okay, that's the one where he wants everyone else got. Well, I rolled an eight.
01:01:38
Speaker
Okay, eight. I got 16. Yep. Okay. 10 for Noodle. And Prancer got three. Three for Prancer. What happens if the train seems to take off? Balthazar, only you seem to notice that this is happening, and you notice that there's a seatbelt around you, and you just very calmly just...
01:01:59
Speaker
Clock on the seatbelt. What happens to the rest of you, however, is as follows. All of a sudden, as the train leech forward, as the lightest person on the train, Big Willy, you take off from the front of your cabin and just head straight towards the back of it. And you're heading straight towards, you're heading straight towards Prancer, who isn't the way that you're coming. Prancer catch me, catch Big Willy, I'm flying. And what happens is Prancer is just going to
01:02:25
Speaker
put out his arms to catch you and what happened is you're just going to go head first into his chest and then all of a sudden are just now just resting on his lap as you try to regain your balance. Oh, this big chest like big pillow. Oh, this is nice. I haven't had human contact in so long.
01:02:46
Speaker
Well, luckily I'm not a human, but I understand your sentiment. I know what you mean. You've been locked away for 365 days. As you're saying this, you realise that Noodle has also, as well, lost their balance. And it's going to come from flying down the train to waltz-y boat. My willy, get big. Arms and legs are going to be retracted into the shell. As this shell happens, can you roll a d6 for me, please? I have evidence, yeah. Sure.
01:03:16
Speaker
God! I've got a big hard thing coming for us. That's a two. Prancer and Willy, you both take two points of bludgeoning damage. It's this sort of shell that'll just crack you into you.
01:03:29
Speaker
Ow. I don't have much fucking health. That's not good. And Jeff, if you think this is over, the train lurches to the right. And this time, what you see coming towards you is this floating fairy that just seems to be upside down in the air, and it just comes down the train. And it's now upside down, kind of like the Spider-Man kiss. And it's just coming directly towards you, Prancer. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
01:03:56
Speaker
And as that happens, you see yourself very slowly just floating towards like Homer when he's heading towards the ant farm when he's in space. What do you do?
01:04:14
Speaker
Oh, and here's me without any mistletoe. I can help you with that one. You just hear from the thing and all of a sudden you just hear this hatch open in the roof and this mistletoe just starts to come down over Prancer, who now has Willy embedded on his chest. This total show is just crashed into him and it's crashed onto the floor. Thimble will give him the hands on both sides of his cheeks to pause for a second, even though his eyes say no.
01:04:42
Speaker
Hashtag me too. Hashtag me too. I'm going to bait and switch. You take Willy and you just hold him up. Yeah, she keeps going. And she gives him the biggest like, like, you know, the biggest kiss on his lips.
01:05:03
Speaker
I taste garlic. It's nice I haven't kissed someone in so long. Why won't you eat and why garlic? Well, it can't be sweet all the time. Is that a bit of... She pulls a bit of his beard out of it. Yes, I have no chance to shave. I did not expect a kiss so soon. Understandable. I am Big Willy and you are attracted to me.
01:05:30
Speaker
That's lovely. I like that. That was lovely.
Troll Attack and Battle
01:05:34
Speaker
Thank you, machine, for mistletoe.
01:05:37
Speaker
Kiss again, question. As Big Willy says this, Balthazar, you're just sat there with your seatbelt on, along with your reindeer next to you, that also had the wherewithal to put its seatbelt on, and they're just glancing at each other as you see this unfold down the other end of the cabin. I think you'll also see him somehow just kind of reaching into his pocket and he's just going to pull out a mince pie, and he's going to have this mince pie watching this whole thing go down at the back, shaking.
01:06:05
Speaker
And then all of a sudden you just hear an automated voice goes, you are arriving at the mountainside inn and the train just screeches to a halt as you have raced your way up the mountain. As that happens, you are shown through fuzzy jumper comes out and opens the door.
01:06:22
Speaker
and you will one by one step out into this beautiful log cabin. And as you come in, you see a host of things. You see a majestic dining table with candelabras decorated on it. Tinsel is hanging from the rafters. Ball balls just seem to swing and fly around the air, almost as if there's no gravity. You see a giant bronze statue of Santa.
01:06:47
Speaker
a great marvelous Christmas tree, this wonderful sofa area that looks over a fire pit. And then next to it are five doors that seem to decorate the room. And you notice as you come through that on each of the doors, your name, as if prepared for you, is on the door, along with a miniature of Santa on one door, a miniature of Rudolph on another one, a Christmas elf on one. And then what you see beyond that are these giant balcony doors that open.
01:07:17
Speaker
And as you step out onto the balcony, Fuzzyjumper effes you through to the balcony. And he says to you all, as you glance down, and you can see the town below, one of the great things about this mountainside inn is that you are actually only now about level with the top of this 200-foot tree. And what happens is you see the sky ship take off. And Fuzzyjumper turns to you all and says, well, you're here just in time. Have I said you would be?
01:07:46
Speaker
and this sky ship flies up to the top of the tree and you see this plank come out and you see Uncle Bill step forward onto this plank with a twinkle in his step and with his cane he taps the top of the tree and he says well I think this is going to be the best Christmas yet and with that fireworks explode from the tree and all seems well however
01:08:16
Speaker
in another part of town, at the end of polar bear path, stands the Grinch's Gulag, a prison.
01:08:27
Speaker
And what we see are two people descending these steps. We see a gnome. And the Goliath that we've recognized as the camera pans in through the prison doors. And this gnome is showing the Goliath that you recognize Rudolf down into the depths of this prison. And the gnome goes, oh, will you please hurry? Please hurry, Rudolf. Something terrible has happened. And Rudolf is going, well, it's all right now, Mabel. You'll just calm down. Tell Rudolf what's happened.
01:08:52
Speaker
and she points to this big cell that is giant and clearly used to hold something quite big and there is this dripping water where the ice of the prison cell has started to melt and she says they've escaped! The trolls that stole Christmas have escaped! As Christmas Eve's morning arrives on the party there is a commotion happening in the reception
01:09:18
Speaker
of the mountainside inn. But who hears it? Well, that, listeners, comes down to the fate of them dices. Can I ask everyone to roll the perception check, please? Oh, yeah. My perception nugget. Can I do a will and just use my passive? 20,000. And then lie and say it's 28. Is that OK?
01:09:40
Speaker
Not you Guest will which we're talking about of course. Yeah right now he's like will not be joining us for season two Things in here for his character and he left and I'm upset about it
01:10:04
Speaker
The man is here! And you are digging further into this. You're doubling down. I'm in respect for that, man. Like, well done. I got it. I got an A. I would like to point out that Mark started the SAS by referencing the passive perceptions. Yeah, but that was just referencing the podcast. That's the job of the character. Yes, true. Put the claws where he missed the claws. I'm sorry, Will. Stop doing bait and switch with Mark right now. It doesn't work like that. Anyway, what's the perception roles?
01:10:33
Speaker
Christmas is tomorrow, I put the claws away. I got... I got an eight. An eight, thank you, Prancer. What about you, Belvoir? What about you, Belvoir? 21, thank you, Belvoir. What about you, Snowdrop? I got a 15. 15, thank you, Noodle. It was a 15 for me. And Big Willy.
01:11:01
Speaker
Big Willy Will also got eight. Two eights and 15 in the 20 plus. Well, anyway, Belvizar adds the 20 plus. What you hear is this commotion. You can hear it. Oh, my God. Don't hurt me. Please put me. Ow, ow, ow. Oh, that bong. And you can just hear what sounds like the reception bell just dinging. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. What do you want to do?
01:11:25
Speaker
Um, it's Christmas. Oh no, it's Christmas time. There's no need to.
01:11:32
Speaker
Would I recognize there's some kind of threat of peril? Would it be able to be a certain tone in the voice that sounds like it's in peril? Yes, absolutely. Wasting no time, I would fling on my finest velour jacket once again, mount my mighty reindeer steed and basically start running down towards where the noise is. I wouldn't even bother opening doors. I am smashing through the doors.
01:11:58
Speaker
so many sexual windows in one sentence. You're going to be flinging, mounting and smashing. That's an important afternoon for me. Actually, I take it back. We'll come back, please. We'll come back and replace me. I think that's what Darren's saying. This is what happens when I have alcohol. Belvazar, as you crash through the door, what you see is poor fuzzy turtle being suspended by his
01:12:28
Speaker
right leg and just being dipped onto his bell that sounds terrible bouncing on the reception bell and what you see are two large trolls a brown troll holding his leg and just dropping him repeatedly onto the bell and you can see the blue troll is just leaning down and just gnawing at me it's going
01:12:55
Speaker
You're going to pay for what you did to him, you little schmuck and schmuck. And as that happens, the blue troll's going to turn as you crash through the door and sees you. And they're both just going to turn and look at you. And the brown troll is just going to drop Fuzzyjumper. It's the kid! Get him! And can you roll initiative, please? Yeah, sure.
01:13:30
Speaker
So that would be shit, but there we go. Okay. How this is going to happen is that there's gonna be
01:13:40
Speaker
a turn and then everyone who's still asleep is going to make a perception roll and the DC is lowering as the commotion gets worse and we'll see as and when you join the fight. The way you wake up will be the way you slot into the initiative order from here on in. Perception, was it that, Darren? It will be perception, yeah.
01:14:05
Speaker
But before we get to that, what happens is that the blue troll, having said, get him! Marv, will you drop the tunnel? Is just going to storm over to the Christmas tree. He's about approximately 15 feet from you at this point. And what he's going to do, the blue troll, is he's going to pick up the Christmas tree and he's going to lob it at you. Jesus Christ. That's the sound of the bells.
01:14:31
Speaker
That's an 18 to hit. Yeah, that hits. Okay. 58 points of bludgeoning damage. These magical dragon's teeth appear and start to swirl. Anyway, no, but what happens if the Christmas tree is just lobbed at you and you don't see it coming until quite late? How do I not see it coming?
01:14:51
Speaker
You don't have the AC for it. What you take is 10 points of bludgeoning damage as this tree clashes into you. The other troll, Marv, is just going to make a wisdom save to see if he does anything other than roll on the floor and laugh at you. No, he does not. He's going to fall backwards. Good one, Harry.
01:15:13
Speaker
As this Christmas tree crashes into you, it is your turn. Bell with that. You were also, actually before it's your turn, can you make a strength saving throw, please? Yes, I can. It does not bode well, but okay. Ten. This Christmas tree knocks you prone. Ah, son of a bitch. Shit. You were prone and on the floor, you can hear the brown troll laughing at you. The blue troll has just lobbed this Christmas tree at you and is snarling and laughing at you. What do you want to do?
01:15:44
Speaker
Even though I'm on the floor, I'm going to use half my movement to stand up. I'm basically going to reach into my jacket, pull out my red and green velour crossbow. It's had some upgrades since last time. And I'm just going to, the one that threw the tree at me, which I think was the blue one, I was going to try and fire a very, very festive kind of arrow into his face. Roll the hit.
01:16:15
Speaker
That would be a 17 to hit. That hits. Roll damage. 11 points of piercing damage. Nice. Okay, as you stand up, you point this crossbow assuredly at this one that's snarling at you. As this festively decorated crossbow bolt pierces into the shoulder blade of this creature. It won't be the shoulder blade, it'd be the clavicle as you're hitting it from the front.
01:16:42
Speaker
Can I ask everyone else to make perception checks if this commotion kicks off, please? I got seven again. Oh, I only got eight. You just got a 10. Oh, my God, I'm going to die. Seventeen. Yes, go on, Prancer. Come on, my fellow hero of Christmas. Next up and joining the fight, then, all of a sudden, Prancer, you hear this commotion and you come to. It is your turn. You were currently in your room. It's only about five feet to the door.
01:17:14
Speaker
You don't have to use half movement as you're only prone at bed height. I'll say you have the means to spring up. And what do you want to do? Without even taking a breath, or even fully opening his eyes, he hears the sound of commotion. And instantly, halberd in hand,
01:17:35
Speaker
hammer on waste, it was never removed. I like to think he was cuddling the halberd in his sleep up and literally in a similar fashion to that Balthazar earlier, just breaks through the door so there's a Goliath cut in the door, perfect outline of him with the halberd as well.
01:17:52
Speaker
bank quickly to the left and sprinting down the corridor. I'm assuming down this corridor I can see I think I was in the doorway. The way your door goes, so I'm going to say you were on the opposite side of the room, you come out and you're behind the snarling blue troll that doesn't seem aware of you, but you do notice near the reception desk, the brown troll notices you wide eyes and just points at you and starts going,
01:18:13
Speaker
Harry! From his rolling on the floor laughing. The blue troll hasn't reacted yet because it's not his turn. What do you want to do? I'm going to hit him in the face! Okay, go for it. So he's going to turn as you arrive and just see your glaive coming down towards his face. Roll to hit. Thirteen.
01:18:35
Speaker
13 hits they have shite a fee. So yes 13 hits. This is great news for me that is going to be ah Max damage 13 points of slashing damage And then I'm going to use instantly swing that the how the background and use my bonus attack pole arm
01:18:58
Speaker
master and I'm going to button with the butt end of it right in the butting face opposite of my weapon same modifier as my primary attack okay so I just roll that again 17 22 to hit yeah that hits he takes two points of bludgeoning damage as I twat him in the nose you not get to add your modifier to that
01:19:24
Speaker
Or is it just a d4? I don't think you do get your modifier. It says it has the same ability modifier as the primary attack and has a damage die of 1d4 bludgeoning. So it's just a d4, yep, thank you. So it's just a 2 for that. And that is all I'm going to do. I'm just stand there looking pensive and...
01:19:43
Speaker
Yeah, so you know in Home Alone 2 when literally like when Marv gropes that woman and Harry turns to see her and she just smacks him. What happens is he points to her, he just turns and looks at you and sees this glaive coming in which craps him and then as he rescinds he goes, ow! You just bump him with the back end and hits him on the nose. He goes, ow! That is the end of your turn. It is the trolls turn.
01:20:11
Speaker
And what they are going to do is, well, Harry is now engaged with you, Prancer, so he's going to take a swing at you. He's going to reach through his back and pull off this bam bam style club and just take a swing at you. Four, 12 to hit. That does not hit, unfortunately.
01:20:36
Speaker
Okay, yeah, as he goes to hit you, you just hold the glaive in place and just bonk, back it away. And he's now looking slightly irritated at that. He's then... Repost! Go for it. Sorry. I'm gonna repost him. I'm gonna use that. I have these things. It's one of my thingy thingies, I've done one of those. And I can attack. If I hit, I have my superiority die. So the damage, right. Shit, that's a seven. To hit. Yeah. That misses.
01:21:06
Speaker
Okay, with that, as you go for the riposte, he's going to back away and you do not get an attack of opportunity. Because I've worried about my riposte. And he's going to just say to Marv, get the kid and point towards you, Belvazar. And what Marv is going to do is stop laughing, go, get up and they'll pick up the shell of Fuzzyjumper and lob that at you. Oh, God.
01:21:30
Speaker
That is a natural one. So what you hear coming towards you is, make way for Fuzzy! And you're able to see that the shell just crashes into the Santa statue behind you and knocks the Santa statue over.
Battle with Trolls Intensifies
01:21:44
Speaker
Because it's caused that massive horrific noise and they roll the natural one, it's going to be a mid-round perception check to see if anyone else wakes up now. So everyone else who's still asleep, please make your perception rolls. The DC's getting lower.
01:22:02
Speaker
Well, I got an unnatural 20. Thank you, James. I got 17. Thank you, Ian. I got 11. It's a really nice dream, though. What happens as this Santa statue dongs and falls over is that both Willy and Snowdrop
01:22:27
Speaker
you come to and you wake up and all of a sudden you hear, and you're able to wake and go, hold on, that sounds like a Santa statue falling over. And as you both climb out of bed, can I have dexterity modifiers to see who goes first? Mine is a plus two. Plus two? 13. Oh, zero. Zero.
01:22:53
Speaker
That's a big change. That's a big modifier. I'm not sure. You guys, you fucking have. You just wanted actual number, not role. I needed your modifier. That's it. But I got you. Zero. Okay. What I will say is that you both emerge through your doors that are next to each other at the same time. And you just see this commotion and we'll pick that up when we come to your turn in the initiative order. But for now, Belves are, you've just had this total lobbed at you and you've been able to get out of the way of this one. What do you want to do?
01:23:24
Speaker
I'm going to kind of back up a little bit. Just look at the portal that's just been thrown at me again. I'm sorry, Fuzzy. And I'm going to cast Catapult on the portal shell to fling it back at the troll that threw it at me. Like the brown troll. Okay, roll the hit. That's a spell attack to hit, isn't it, Catapult? Well, you've got a Dexterity saving throw to make.
01:23:51
Speaker
thinking okay well because the dexterity modifies minus one good ten you fail and he takes oh that's a nice one 16 points of bludgeoning damage this total shell goes doing straight onto the eye I like to visit landing on the news yeah don't it's back bangs on the back and you see him kind of like just crack his nose with his eyes kind of
01:24:17
Speaker
just seem to get absolutely distracted as if one's going one way and one's going the other. And then you hear this. Ow! Do you got anything else? I could, but I'm not. No. OK. Prancer. Harry the blue troll is backing away from you. What do you want to do? I'm going to smash it with a hammer. And I'm going to hit him. Go for it. Roll to hit.
01:24:47
Speaker
really hard though okay so i'll roll my that's a 17 to hit that hits and i'm going to uh commit to completing some slashing damage against him there's 11 points of slashing damage yep and then with my bonus attack i'm going to hit him with my butt
01:25:11
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I'm rolling really well at the moment, 21. That hits. And he's going to take three points of bludgeoning damage as I dock him again, right on the nose in the same place. Okay, yeah, as you hit him, he then all of a sudden, you see he's still up, and it's like, go down, naughty boy, and you just smack him again on the nose with the back end, and again, he just goes, ow! And that at the end of your turn? Yes, I'm going to hold back everything else. Yep, cool, that's me, thank you. Okay, Fimbul Snowdrop.
01:25:40
Speaker
You see this commotion and you come to your senses quicker than Willie and all of a sudden you see these two trolls are just ransacking the hotel and attacking your peers. What do you want to do? Well, first thing Thimble does is just kind of floating on the spot, looking around. She sees the Christmas tree on the floor, disheveled, bits and pieces of all the different tints or the baubles broken on the floor. She looks to the left, she sees the tortoise.
01:26:09
Speaker
flying between the two guys, broken the floor, she says, well, this isn't very festive. And she'll use her bonus action to rage. Oh, nice. I've been waiting for this. Amazing. It's a wild surge rage. Do you need to roll? This is a wild surge rage. Roll your d8 then. God, I want to see what he gets. What do you want to get?
01:26:38
Speaker
I rolled an eight, which... Okay, what does that do, James? He's going to tell you in a moment. Thank you for the active commentary. I was going to say, like, was that a pop view? He's currently scrolling down his laptop to see. Okay, so the wild surge for eight. A bolt of light shoots from your chest. Another creature of your choice that you can see within 30 feet of you must succeed on a constitution saving throw or take 1d6 radiant damage and be blinded until the start of your next turn. Amazing.
01:27:08
Speaker
And until the rage ends, I can use that again as a bonus section. Whoa. Nice. OK, pick a troll for a little brown. I'm going to go for... Is it brown that Balavasar just shot the turtle at? Yes. Yeah, that's the one she'll aim her light at. But first thing you do is you just see this kind of like almost
01:27:35
Speaker
red and green fire in her eyes and she takes out the two lollipop shaped weapons if you will smashes them onto the ground to form crude hand axes and she looks and goes like that's not very festive at all! As his blinding light shoots out of her and he has to make a constitution saving throw. He rolled a six. That is a fail. Firstly he takes
01:28:04
Speaker
Four points of radiant damage and he's now blind. Nice. As this light goes towards me, you say, ah, Tommy, I can't see. And we're going to follow that with the actual attack as this rage-induced fairy zooms right up to him and is going to whack him as hard as you can with her hand axe. So we're going to roll. Yeah, roll the hits.
01:28:35
Speaker
15. Now that hits. I assume you have advantage because it's blinded as well. I don't know how blinded works. I should know that actually. Yeah let's check. A blinded creature can't see and automatically fails any ability check that requires sight. Attack rolls against the creature have advantage and the creature's attack rolls have disadvantage. Go for the crit James. Unfortunately I didn't roll the crit but I will take the 50. Roll damage then. It's an extra two bits of damage for barbarian rage isn't it.
01:29:06
Speaker
Yeah. At level four, yes. So... You won't get an offhand because you had to use your bonus to rage. That's fair, that's fair. Thimble hits him with 11 points of slashing damage. Nice. Or Mack damage. On the lollipop weapons. And with that then...
01:29:33
Speaker
What you have just seen, Willy, is just this bolt of lightning followed by this small fairy just rushed past you as it goes into the fray of this fight. What do you want to do, Willy? Oh, that's very great. Very good.
01:29:51
Speaker
Do I see, what's the current situation with Harry and Marv? You see Marv is now just glancing his eyes like that and has this fairy floating around in front of him. Harry... Who's the closest to me? I would say from where you are, it's Marv, the brown one, the one who's just... How far? You would need to take about 15 feet of your movement to get to him.
01:30:11
Speaker
Okay, easy. I do this. I help. This is what I train for in the darkness of 365 days. Big Willy! And I run towards, which one's the closest, did you say? Marv. I've run towards Marv and you just see Willy launch himself and he's going to try and grab the face of Marv. What the hell? Jump up and grab.
01:30:34
Speaker
Okay, you're going to try and grapple him. Nice. Not grapple. I've got, if I connect, I'm going to cast Frostbite on him. Okay. Do you need to roll an attack? I'm literally jumping into the air, so I don't know if you want me to do an athletics before I actually hit the attack. Well, let's do contested then. Let's do your athletics versus athletics or acrobatics, your choice, versus his dexterity saving throw, which he will do at disadvantage because he is blinded.
01:31:00
Speaker
I do a natural 20. Yeah, you've connected. Okay, so I land on his face and I grip around the back of his head and like a her kirana style WWE, my crotch big Willie in his face and my hands grabbing the back of his head pulling his hair and I cast frostbite on him.
01:31:23
Speaker
Okay, yeah, what do you need me to do? What do you need to do, Frostbite? I don't know, I'm going to read now. You cause numbing Frost to form on one creature that you can see within range, so you don't need to touch him, but I touch him. The target must make a constitution saving throw on a fail save. The target takes 1d6 of code damage and has disadvantage on next weapon attack roll it makes before end of next turn.
01:31:51
Speaker
I like to think that Big Willy genuinely says they're all out lied on his turn. He's got it written down on his arm and he's been just waiting for this moment for so long and as he's trying to move around the head he's just, yes, I can see it on my arm, stop moving. Okay. Make Constitution saving throw you imbecile. I've done quite well, 19. He automatically fails, he automatically fails, blinded. A blinded creature cannot see an automatic fails, any ability check requires sight, ignore me.
01:32:21
Speaker
Sorry, I keep going. I just done his head now. That's all right. It's the DM sentence. So that fails, unfortunately, but you are on his face.
01:32:31
Speaker
It's probably a good thing to neglect. You don't like it. I just hear that going on and on constantly throughout this round. You do now all of a sudden, Noodle, we're going to bring you in here at the bottom of the round. You hear outside your door. I'm on your face. From outside your door. And as you open your door, you just see this giant troll with Willy just grappled on its face about five feet from you. What do you want to do? Excellent. So waking up from the bed, hearing that, I'm going to thrust my hand into Michelle.
01:33:05
Speaker
I'm going to pull out a shoe. I'm going to pull out a white trainer, and I'm going to say, oh no, um, Buzz, looks like it's time for you. And I'm going to rush out into the doorway. I'll see Big Willy on the troll's face, and I'll go get him, Buzz. And I would like to use my wild-shaped action to summon my wild, fast spirit. And you kind of hear this
01:33:30
Speaker
from inside the shoe and this explosion as this kind of about, I don't know, three, four centimeter wide, not very big at all. Coal just erupts into flame behind one of the trolls. Ideally, I'd have this so that it didn't affect Willy, but I don't know whether it will. It's a 10 foot. If you go for the one that's engaged with
01:33:57
Speaker
Willy, you will hit Willy as well. If you glance over Willy's shoulder and go for the one that's backing away from Prancer, the blue one, you won't hurt. You won't hit anyone else. It would make more sense. I don't think I'd want to hurt Willy. I don't want to beat Willy. I'll have it erupt, if you like, on the one that's behind. It needs to make a Dex saving throw. Or a Dex save from Harry.
01:34:18
Speaker
I've rolled really well there. Sorry. I mean, it might not work because it's a minus one. It's 16. I rolled a 17. No, that still passes. Yeah, still passes. So it takes absolutely no damage. But what it will do is I'll use my bonus action. This kind of coal erupts into fire behind, doing no damage, speeds away from the troll that it was at. And I'd like it to get close to Willy. And I believe what it can do, let's just quickly have a look at the action. Sorry, I had this in front of me.
01:34:47
Speaker
Here it is, fiery teleportation. The spirit and each willing creature of your choice within five feet of it can teleport 15 feet to an unoccupied space. So I want to try and have it to kind of pull the off. Well, first things first there Will. Willy, are you going to try and pull off the Willy? Willy, you have to pull it off.
01:35:16
Speaker
I feel strange tugging motion I go with, I go with you. Excellent, what happens is it will teleport me, it will teleport you 15 feet back down the corridor towards us, pull you off its face and in its wake it will leave behind a small explosion. I need a deck save from the one whose face was
01:35:38
Speaker
which Marv had a disadvantage on. No, he doesn't because it's not sight. Sorry. I explode in his face. I'm really sorry, buddy. I roll really well again from 18 to 7. That's OK. No, it fails. Does absolutely nothing. But Willy is teleported 15 feet away from the creature off its face. So I've made the situation worse. Sorry. That's good. You're good, Noda. Thank you. Thank you.
01:36:00
Speaker
You'll get me out. I appreciate it. Okay, as Willy is pulled off, it's the top of the round and it's the troll's turn. James, does Marv get to shake off the blindness or is Marv permanently blind? That's a very good question, really. First attack in your podcast career, you're pulling off a Willy. I'm so sorry. I twisted Michelle and I pulled off a Willy.
01:36:30
Speaker
The answer is that he remains blinded until the start of my next turn. Okay, so he's blinded. He's just going to swing wildly, aiming for you then in front. He's going to do it with disadvantage because he's blind, but he is going to try and swing at you nonetheless. Okay. And roll a six to hit, which he's probably going to miss. That is going to miss.
01:36:50
Speaker
Yeah, so this troll just swings wildly trying to hit you and obviously that completely just widers the task and misses completely. Harry is all of a sudden realizing that things are in danger. He's just felt this fire go up behind him and he's going to just take a swing with the fist at you, Prancer. You want a toil? A 16 to hit? Mids to beats, yep.
01:37:19
Speaker
Okay, you take... nine points of bludgeoning damage as this club just crashes into you. Oh, Darren. You're not down, are you? No. No, no. It would be normal for me to dump on something important, but now I've actually got a character that works in this campaign. Yeah, so this club crashes into you this time. That is the trolls go. Belvazar, it's your turn.
01:37:49
Speaker
I'm gonna use some of my movement just to climb down from my reindeer finch I'm just gonna fire another festive arrow towards the I think it's the brown troll the one I've been hitting most of my arrows into currently blinded as well okay go for it oh that was shit
01:38:21
Speaker
13 to hit. 13 hits, they've got an AC of 11. So, yep, 13 hits. And are you going for Marv here? Just checking the brown one. The one at the front that I think, the one that is not engaged with Prancer, the one that's just had big bloody in his face. Yeah, Harry's engaged with Prancer.
01:38:41
Speaker
God that was terrible seven points of piercing damage. Okay, it all counts. It's still up as this crossbow bolt pierces into it And as a bonus action, I'm gonna say Finch kill I'm gonna send Finch in to basically run and charge at The Brown troll again with his antlers. Okay, go for it
01:39:11
Speaker
That's actually another 14. That's another 14 to hit. Yeah, that hits. Nine points of force damage. Ooh. Okay. As this force damage hits it, ah! As the cry goes up from Marv once more, he is still up. It is Prancer's turn. I presume that's the end of your turn. Yeah, yeah, that's the end of my turn. Okay, great. Thank you, Belvatar. Prancer, you're up.
01:39:40
Speaker
I'm going to hit him with a halberd for a grand total of 12 against his AC. That hits. I'm going to do some slashing damage and whilst the dice slowly rolls, Kharka rolled the lowest it possibly could. That's great. That's four points of slashing damage. And then I'm going to use my final of the three maneuvers I have. I'm going to use the trip attack and the troll needs to make a strength saving throw. Six.
01:40:09
Speaker
Oh, good, it fails. Nice, that's great. So on a failure, I've knocked the target prone. It's now prone on the floor. And then I'm going to hit it in the face with my fucking butt end. Yeah, Harry falls backwards. And as his eyes come to, he just sees this butt end of this pole coming towards him. It's 11. Oh, of course it is. That is 22. Yeah, that hits.
01:40:37
Speaker
One point you're bludgeoning damage right in the forehead. Okay, both of these trolls now are looking a little disheveled. It is Fimbul Snowdrop's turn. You still have this troll all of a sudden shakes off the blindness and is just looking at you with rage. What do you want to do? Well, she looks directly back at him with rage, gritted teeth. As she looks at him goes, I am going to pull your eyes out and turn them into baubles.
01:41:09
Speaker
Brilliant. And first thing we're going to do is she's going to hit him with the hand axe. Okay. Ooh, natural one. That's going to miss, unfortunately. That's okay. You break a lollipop. No, she's then going to use the bonus action to just make an attack with her secondary weapon.
01:41:32
Speaker
Oof, horrible rolls. That's only a eight to hit. Both miss, I'm afraid. As you swing with these axes, just furiously, you realise that you're just kind of doing that. That this hand is just on front of you and kind of like scrappy doing, you're just... This roll is just flocking you with a hand. Very bad! Is that the end of your turn? No, what she'll do is use the last part of her movement to zoom up as high as you can into the air using her 40 feet of movement.
01:42:02
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. Oh, the hand, he, the hand loses you as you just take off towards the ceiling. You're only going to get about 20 feet up because that's how high the ceiling is. That's okay. And she's basically kind of like circling around him as a vulture would. Okay. When you see something dying in the desert. Oh God. And as this troll, as this troll that's distracted by what's going on above, it is Willie's turn.
01:42:23
Speaker
Willy, you've just teleported 15 feet across the room. What do you want to do? And Klaus is Marv or Harry. Which one, Klaus? Well, Marv is 15 feet away because that's the list you've teleported. OK, no. You'll probably get to them both. If you wanted Harry, he's prone and on the floor about 20 feet away. No, I look towards Nuda. I say, thanks. Pull him here. Appreciate it. And then as he's doing that,
Aftermath of Troll Battle
01:42:41
Speaker
he's digging into his beard and he pulls out one of the aforementioned holly leaves with the berries on.
01:42:48
Speaker
He goes, okay, I got idea now. And he takes the holly leaves, and he goes, boom! And he claps his hand together, and out of this holly comes a big, long whip. And it's all spiky and thorny, and he's going to use Thorn Whip, which is 30 feet range against the one closest to him. Go for it. And he goes, whoop-ah! I didn't even say that. Had to be done. Had to be done.
01:43:15
Speaker
Okay, so that's natural one to hit with a forward target. That was such a lovely build up. All of a sudden, what you see is the troll ducks, and instead what you see is this really nice Christmas ornament on the shelf behind just getting destroyed. I hope not expensive. This is embarrassing. Sorry to be that guy. Sorry to be Will Smith. Yes, rules lawyer. One of them is blinded. One of them is prone.
01:43:42
Speaker
No, neither is blind. He's not blinded anymore. Of course, it's the end of his turn. Ignore me then. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Rubbish will. I know. Well, come back with you. I take it all back. Sincerely take it all back now. I don't know the rules. What do you think? Take it for a DOD player? Just a DM of over 100 plus episodes, you know.
01:44:05
Speaker
I know, man. That's ridiculous. Yeah, but you never know when to rule. That's why we have Will. Anyway... It's almost like he was... I mean, he rolled or something. I mean... My description stands and the ornament is smashed. Noodle, you see this ornament get smashed by this witch. Noodle, I have... I smashed things. Oh, it's okay. I can fix it. Okay. Is there anyone between me and Prancer, Logan?
01:44:27
Speaker
No, you can make a beeline for Prancer from where you are. Yeah, I'll shuffle it up and I'll still probably say, excuse me, and I'll kind of rummage into my bum bag. I'll pull out some stuffing as in like food stuffing and I'll quickly try and climb up and rub it in his face and cast Cure Wounds on him for how much? Oh, that's pretty good. That's a max, that's a 12 points of healing.
01:44:53
Speaker
Oh, wow. Nice towards Prancer. And whilst I'm doing this, my little fire spirit will kind of come up, land on my shoulder. And is they both prone or is one of them? No, just the blue one. Just the one that prances here. OK, so the one that isn't prone, I'd like my wildfire spirit to take a ranged shot at. So let's just quickly see. Yeah, it's a plus six to hit.
Hans Uber's Threat Unveiled
01:45:19
Speaker
Go for it. OK. That one.
01:45:24
Speaker
Ooh, yeah, that's 18. That hits, roll damage. Awesome stuff. And it will take... Oh, four points of fire damage. Okay, yep, it's still up, but it is really now looking slightly perturbed and not very healthy as this fire hits into it. It starts trying to pop the fire out. It is the troll's turn. The blue one...
01:45:49
Speaker
Harry is going to get up and instead is going to take a swing. It's not going to go for prancer, it's going to see you noodle. You're far too cute and you're far too Christmassy for this mean old Grinchy troll. So instead it's going to swing its club at you for a 24 to hit. Yes, it does. Bait and switch. That was a reaction. That's my first question.
01:46:17
Speaker
Um, when I'm in the five of the creature, uh, on your turn, you can, Oh, sorry. Um, Robin, and I don't think you could use it in the reaction. I'm thinking of the other one, the, um, the shield, the kind of, uh, defense of the cost thing. You jump in and defensive dualist, which are they feet now as in to help someone else. Um, it's, it's another five to one interception. That's what I was thinking. No, I don't. So ignore me.
01:46:47
Speaker
Okay. He didn't roll that well on damage. You only take seven points of bludgeoning damage as this club smacks into you. I feel mean. But yeah, that's how it goes.
01:47:00
Speaker
Marv, not blinded now, is going to see your out of reach and instead is going to smack the reindeer that is in front of you. The reindeer is going to use his reaction, deflect attack to give you disadvantage.
01:47:18
Speaker
Well, it's a good job you did that because it's a 24 or a 12. 12 misses. It's going to dong off the shell and then just hold its fist and go, ow! And that is the end of the troll's turn. Belvizar, you're up. OK, yeah, that was a big mistake on that. He's going to...
01:47:47
Speaker
No, I really can't do anything else. I'm just going to fire another festive arrow at him. But Balthazar's going to be like, you leave Finchelone! Oh, you son of a... Oh, no, that's 11 to hit. Meet some beats, as you say, C. Oh, for fuck sake. Seven points of piercing damage. It is still up, but this troll now, all of a sudden... But for the skin of its teeth, this troll is still up.
01:48:17
Speaker
And with that, I'm going to give a last order to Finch and say, this is my bonus action, by the way. Finch, finish him. Okay, go for it. So Finch is going to roll for another head book with his mighty antlers.
01:48:33
Speaker
Oh, and I get a natural one. Oh, no. It goes to... What happens is it backs up, but it slips on a couple of the baubles and charges forward and instead just goes head first into the reception desk. Can you make a strength saving throw, please? Oh, God. For Finch. Finch is stat. 21.
01:48:57
Speaker
Okay, it looks like the antlers are jarred into the reception desk, but Finch is eventually able to pull them back out, and there are now these two antler-shaped holes in the reception desk. That is the end of your go? Yeah, I can't do it. Okay, feeling slightly pleased for himself that he's missed the reindeer, the troll's just gonna, probably not realising that death is about to rain down from above. Simbles, no-drop it, it's your turn.
01:49:26
Speaker
That's pretty much exactly what's going to happen. If you can imagine like, sort of like the zooming down, almost like you're hearing those, like Jericho's trumpet style airplane noises, like she charges down. And yeah, she is going to try and hit him again with the hand axe, hopefully with a bit more luck this time. Come on, finish. Well, that's not a great start. Eat to hit. Eat to hit. Sees you coming and ducks out of the way the first attack. And she is going to try and use her second hand weapon now.
01:49:59
Speaker
As a 12 to hit. That hits. Now, you do have to roll because you don't get to add your modifier to the offhand. No, just a D6. You do have to roll to see if you can do this. One point of slashing damage. Still up. The troll is still up. You hit it with this one point of slashing damage. It is still up. But you do most. Ah! Hit the troll. I'll cut my finger. Once again, any leftover movement.
01:50:27
Speaker
She will use to do a little flourish around him and move out of hand. Does this creature not get an attack of opportunity? No. Part of the mobile feat is that if I make an attack against a creature, it cannot have an opportunity attack. Fair enough. Willy! Bring in some long-range things there, DM. A chance for Hero with him. You can see that this brown troll is on its last legs.
01:50:52
Speaker
if you wish to go for it. The blue troll is still engaged. You've just seen the blue troll. How far is Brown troll? How far is Marv? Marv is still about 15 feet from you because you've not moved. Harry is about 25 feet from you. I'm going for Marv. Big Willy. And again, Willy's going to rush forward and try and grab an ankle this time and cast... Big Willy kills this thing. I'm going to be so happy. Cast Frostbite against it. Can you make Constitution saving throw please? 11.
01:51:22
Speaker
roll the six. Yeah. 1d6 code damage. It's got one hit point down.
01:51:31
Speaker
for the brown one. The brown one is down. How do you want to do this, Willy? So I grab onto Willy, he runs forward, big Willy, and he grabs onto his ankle and he's just holding onto him as he wraps his legs and his arms around it and he just thinks cold thoughts. I've been lone 365 days and I cast Frostbite and it slowly
01:51:52
Speaker
ice starts to form up his leg and it then goes all the way to his buttocks and then down the other leg and then up the body and then eventually to his stupid face and he freezes with a dumb look on his face and he stands there like an ice giant sculpture. Merry Christmas motherfucker.
01:52:10
Speaker
Yep, this troll just freezes into this twisted and contorted position. Marve it down. Let it help, let it help. I'm stuck. Yeah, you're stuck to his ankle. Let it help. Noodle, while this is happening, you've just been smacked by Harry. What do you want to do? Ouch! How close is Harry to me? Well, you wouldn't even gauge, so about five feet. OK, I can use my bonus action first, can't I? Yes. Is Prancer within five feet with me? He is, isn't he? Yes.
01:52:40
Speaker
If can I can I kind of go around this enemy so I can get myself at least five feet away from If you want to disengage Without you want to get to the opposite side you can because you can get out without disengaging So yes, okay, I'll keep eyes on him and I'll back my way around him at this point my Coal is gonna be on my shoulder and I'll just say
01:53:06
Speaker
and I'll use my bonus action to get him to transport me 15 feet away, and I'm going to need him to make a deck save. Four. Excellent stuff. He is going to take 1d6 plus two, which is... three. Three points of fire damage, and I'm going to teleport myself 15 feet away with buff, and I'm going to turn around and I'll say, Beth, can I have some fire, please?
01:53:34
Speaker
and you'll see this little spark fly off of both land in my hand for produce flame and I'm going to lob it at the troll for a 21 to hit. That hits. Awesome stuff. And he takes six points of fire damage. Okay. Yep. He is still up as he set on fire. He gets, he's, it's now the troll's turn. I've seen it she ended your turn.
01:54:03
Speaker
And the troll is going to turn around as he does that and see Marv and go, Marv! And it turns to see Willie and goes, I'm going to get you, you're going to... I scoped you, motherfucker. And he's going to ignore the two he's engaged with. So both Noodle and Prance are going to get attack of opportunity. Noodle's moved away. Noodle's not pranced. He's going to get an attack of opportunity. That's 22. That hits for damage.
01:54:36
Speaker
Sorry, I pressed the wrong button there. Yeah, I'm gonna get it right in his back. And that is going to be nine points of slashing damage. And then I'm going to chuck on a trip attack on that as well when I hit with the weapon attack. Don't bother, he's down, he's down. Don't bother, he's down. Yeah, good. Fuck off. Okay, so what happens is, if this troll turns and starts to storm towards Willy, just donk as it's hit, and you just see his eyes go, and then like a down I go.
01:55:02
Speaker
Shit, shit, shit. As this troll falls to the floor. Combat is over. As the dust settles, what do you want to do? Get me out. Someone unstuck ice. Then we'll go straight down to wind and she's like, that's amazing. Come on, let's turn him into strawberry snow cone. Someone get me unstuck. I stuck on ice clothes. Stupid idea I grabbed on. Finch, go help.
01:55:26
Speaker
uh just one of you please and my clothes are stuck to ice it's like when you lick ice it's stuck someone it's been a while since i did a battle finches antlers just in between the no no shop no no shops the antlers aren't sharp
01:55:45
Speaker
You stupid fucking radio. They're dull, but they're strong. Get the fuck away. Where did this extra person come from? I think you're going to walk away at that, fuck you. Where did this other person, Callum, appear in our game all of a sudden? I hear his voice and I hear Callum, what is going on here? What are you talking about? Suck, I'm just... Are you around? You pull me off, pull me off again. I couldn't pull you off, but I've got fire, I can melt it.
01:56:08
Speaker
Yeah, use the fire much better. Burn the big wheelie. Burn me, burn me, burn it. Burn it, burn it. I think you need to calm down there. Okay. And I'll come round and I'll grab onto the back of you and I'll get my wildfire spirit buff to kind of hover near you, hopefully using some of his heat to melt.
01:56:33
Speaker
where your hands and probably face are stuck to this creature and I'll pull you off ah ah thank you thank you much better much better twice you pull me off twice I give you thanks that's good okay anytime maybe it's been a while since I did a battle that was stupid stupid I shouldn't grab onto something and turn it into ice I get stuck like super glue stupid stupid no you did well little big really
01:56:57
Speaker
I killed it, though, did you see? I saw a very horrific ice sculpture with a mouthful. Very good. Shall we break this? Do you want to break it now? Shall I smash this fucker? You'll smash that fucker. Break it. Break it. I'm not strong. You break it. You break it. I'm going to swing the halberd right here to smash it into a billion pieces. That's the aim. You should all look the other way. You're very strong. So as you go to ice that guy, co-in the phrase,
01:57:30
Speaker
I got a natural 20. As this old sculpture just bursts into pieces. As that happens, you hear a little head pop out from a shell and go, is it over? Yes, yes, it's over now. You can go out of your shell.
Planning Against Hans Uber
01:57:49
Speaker
Thimble's quite literally dancing on all these shard pieces of what was once a shell going,
01:57:56
Speaker
You nearly went to the electrical there. Don't be, don't be horrified. And Willy's gonna collect some of the shards of the dead Marv and stick it in his pocket.
01:58:08
Speaker
Oh, I think that's a wonderful idea. I'm not going to ask. I am not going. I don't want to know. It helped. It helped later. Trust me. In answer to your question, Total Man, yes, the battle is won. We are victorious again. Prancer leads the group to victory once again. No, they don't. Well, Big Willy did more than you. It appears. Well, that's magnificent. Are you
01:58:34
Speaker
I thought they were going to kill me and you guys have saved Christmas. I saved you. I got here first. Question. Question. Fuzzy first jumper guy. How is Belle? Oh, the Belle on the desk. That is very good. Your Belle. My Belle is fine. How's your Willy?
01:58:54
Speaker
What the fuck is this? What is happening? It makes no sense. My name Willie. Oh, sorry. Oh, I see. Well, Willie, you are now a hero of Christmas. What? You are a hero of Christmas. Say that again. You, Willie, are a hero of Christmas. Merry Christmas.
01:59:14
Speaker
I hear a Christmas, I save Christmas single-handedly. No, with group, my friends, family, we are family, stronger than family, closer than blood. These guys are with me forever. I'm never alone again in engine room, so happy. Come here, come here. Follow me, follow me, follow me. And he's going to go out to the balcony and go, come on, come on. Yeah, come on, guys.
01:59:39
Speaker
Okay, I guess we are going out. But listen, big Willy, little big Willy. You know, I don't know you that well. We are not close as own family. Not yet. So I'm a lone stone. No, you're with us. No, no, no, no. Shut up. Shut up. You did well. Let me give you a compliment. You are a good fighter. Sorry, a lot of tingles over my head. I understand fairly well. That is because you are small.
02:00:07
Speaker
That was joke implied. Stupid man. And so are you. You are halfling, you idiot. I'm on my reindeer. Shut up. I'm not small. I'm tall. Stupid reindeer. Gonna slice me in half. I have assistance to be tall. I'm going to piss on that reindeer and make it rust slowly. Stupid reindeer. It'll stick it at your rear end. It did one time and I almost threw it off Star of Bethlehem.
02:00:35
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's best anything to do with any any of anything you we have done for the last two episodes Maybe just don't tell the scout leaders about yes safeguarding question and lots of problems How is Fanny pack
02:00:59
Speaker
oh no it's fine thank you i just like i got a bit of uh stuffing out to you know feed it to prance so it's feeling a bit better now yes i was very thankful i am feeling much better you are good good very good yes okay as this happens you turn and you see that fuzzy jumper
02:01:21
Speaker
and what you see is a large image of the sky and it's just you lot projected and you realize that your image and everything you've just said has been projected into the sky, it could have found down below or and you can see as you peek over the edge of the balcony you can just see the inhabitants of Gumpleton looking up at you and Fuzzy Jumper just goes ahem or these guys have a once again saved Christmas and you just hear this way from the
02:01:51
Speaker
uh town below and as that celebration is happening all of a sudden something happens to the image and it starts to flicker and you see a figure step forward onto the image like they've intercepted your feed and what you hear is this well well well if it isn't my former friends of Gumpleton
02:02:14
Speaker
Ever since you built that shit-stained mountain train, you decided that you didn't need me, and my Uber cars were no longer required. Due to the knack of Gumpleton's legacy of greed in handling the transportation system of these mountains, this town on New Year's Eve is going to be taught a lesson in real use of power.
02:02:42
Speaker
those of you who claim to be the heroes of Christmas, you will climb to the top of the tree on New Year's Eve. Sorry, I can't hear you. Can you speak up, please? And you will bear. Still can't hear you. Can you speak up? Sorry, Christmas man who's dangerous. Can you just talk to me a bit louder? The image cuts off and Fuzzyjumper goes, my God, that's Hans Uber. And
02:03:11
Speaker
He's just threatened New Year's Eve. Would you come back? Would you stay with us for New Year's Eve?
02:03:20
Speaker
A week has passed since Christmas Eve, and as the residents of Gumpleton get ready for a fantastic New Year's ceremony, as the Christmas tree of this year prepares to serve its final function, as the fireworks platform is attached to the top of this tree, we find our adventurers not wishing to ruin the spirits of the town, gathered around the fire in Rudolph's Rest. Everyone else in the town blissfully unaware
02:03:50
Speaker
of the danger of Hanzoobah. They sit there with their drinks and they contemplate a host of things.
Journey to Face Hans Uber
02:04:04
Speaker
You glance and you look up at each other. And the big question is, who's going to break the silence? Why are you looking up, you big?
02:04:21
Speaker
I have some questions. Some that I don't understand. My first one being Hans Uber. He announced that in the sky. How come no one else heard it except for us?
02:04:39
Speaker
That is a good question. Hmm, funny one. Anyway, I'm going to suspend my disbelief anyway. And as you say that, what happens is Fuzzy Jumper just pushes on with another round of drinks onto the table. I believe you could answer that one. When you were talking to the town and I set the video feed over, he was able to switch the video feed so only us at the top of the mountain could hear it. Quite terrible though, what he wants to do, wouldn't you say?
02:05:04
Speaker
It's quite convenient as well. It's as if the DM really didn't put that much thought into it. I know, I'm picking your brains. It's nice to turn the table and to make the DM sweat once in a while that isn't me. Anyway, Mr. Total Jumperman, did you get a double Rudolph special for me? Oh, I certainly did. And he just pushes it over to you. No, it's the one that looks like a martini. That's the one, that one, thank you.
02:05:32
Speaker
As you don't bother to stop this glass if it falls off the table. My nog! You've just broken my nog! He's going to send the next one over. Oh, I didn't catch that one. Sorry, I'll pay for the damages. Okay then. So, what are we going to do about hands? Simple. We crush his skull.
02:05:59
Speaker
I like it. We crushed skull. Well, he crushed skull. I can't go when you freeze you freeze him and I crushed the frozen skull Okay, I like it better idea. I grab him somewhere and freeze him and you crush skull Yeah, what about the others that feel like we could do this just us? No
02:06:20
Speaker
No, we need the turtle. It's a very good thing for healing us. And the fire is very powerful, and he jumps and makes a jumping powerful telescoping around. And Balthazar, I guess, should come along because, fuck, who knows? The deer is handy.
02:06:40
Speaker
Yeah, whatever. I'll still piss on it later. I keep cleaning that off. Would you please stop doing that? I hate to interrupt, but your dear did create quite a bit of a doozy in my reception. I apologize for the damage to the reception. What does doozy mean? Oh, when you go to the toilet and you don't take a number one, but instead you take a number two. Excuse me, Mr. Total Man. Didn't we just save your life? Be grateful!
02:07:10
Speaker
I mean I took a literal doozy in the kitchen that day so it's not a problem because I was actually really scared of those trolls and I'm really grateful for what you did. Good and I also want to just add that I think we should let the fairy do whatever it wants.
02:07:24
Speaker
Yes, agreed. Yes, you're terrified. Okay, so we all have plan. I freeze, you bash and... Very smash. Oh, very good. I see what you do. A symbol at the moment has come down from her rage. And one of the fun side effects of her coming down... What's been a witch fell with hope? A witch has come down from her rage. Is she gets some sugar cravings. So her drink is quite literally a cup of sugar syrup. Amazing. And she's just kind of there shaking and just like go put it down.
02:07:56
Speaker
Yes, I think that's a great idea. Bring more festive cheer to that awful Hans Uber. There's some things that you need to know about Hans Uber. He used to be the main way of getting up the mountain to the old hotel up there, but unfortunately my trainer put him out of business. And he swore revenge on the town and he said he would bring
02:08:23
Speaker
What he said, he would bring our happiness crashing down. There's no, I don't know what that means. Wait, one minute, one minute. Are you saying you bad guy? Because you stole his business. No, not at all. I just wanted to put in a system where people could get up to the top of the mountain and not have carbon emissions. I think that's a pretty normal. Ah, so you're green.
02:08:44
Speaker
All right, that's me. Green is Michelle. Did you let Hans Uber know your plan? Not Michelle, not back. Did you let Hans know your plan? What my plan? I went to Mabel, who was able to put in place the paperwork. And we told Hans that we could work together. And he instead said that I would hurt his profits. And he said that he would, quote unquote,
02:09:15
Speaker
come back and bring our joy crashing down on us. So you thought good idea to go ahead with stupid plan, and now you bring doom of Hans Uber on all of us. Expect us to sort it out. I see you. I see that you understand things perfectly. Yes, that's exactly what happened. Long time to think. Was alone for a long time. Oh, there you go. 365 days.
02:09:40
Speaker
at this, Francis taking his glasses off and going, come on, big Willie, don't you understand corporate capitalist neoliberalism? Of course, it's the Denny company that takes the biased profit. Fuck. Why do we kill this guy? And of course, what brings more festive cheer than commercialism? Absolutely.
02:10:02
Speaker
As you can see, well let's not get too political here. This party is above board and within the restrictions and there's nothing going on here. Did you have party last Christmas? Nope, last Christmas I was magically vanished along with the rest of the town. You had no party, okay. I have no problem with you then. Then how come I saw a video with Rudolf laughing?
02:10:31
Speaker
I had the mountain side in along with Ben. No, you don't understand. There was no party even though the golf was quiet. I was completely unaware of what was happening below. Anyway. That makes sense, doesn't it? Uber.
02:10:50
Speaker
How do we kill him? Let's get off whatever rabbit hole we were going down. You are very dated. I believe he said that he would be at the top of the tree. Get to the top of the tree. Noodle, you can teleport. Can you just teleport us up there and we will be there now?
02:11:12
Speaker
And Noodle's just kind of licking the top of an envelope of a letter he's just been writing, folding it up and just kind of heads over to Fuzzy and says, can you just send this down to my mum, please? I need to get to know I'm going to be away for another night. I can't teleport very far. It's just about, well, about 15 feet. Really, that's how far Buff gets me.
02:11:30
Speaker
It's about 200 feet up to the top of the tree. I'm sure our very friend could just fly us most of the way. Well, you were of a much taller stature than me, especially you, Panzer.
02:11:46
Speaker
Wait, aren't we on train? Like, can't you fuzzy man take us up there? Isn't that why you built this thing in the first place? Well, I can take you to the top of the mountain, but won't take you to the top of the tree. I can't! Where is tree? Where is top mountain? Well now, allow me just to point out of the window. As you can see, we have a town square, and in the middle of the town square is the giant tree. If you look beyond the tree, you will see the mountain wherein you were staying.
02:12:12
Speaker
So he said, meet at top of tree. Make no sense. Why not meet at bottom tree where we can stand? Well, I don't think he's doing this to be civil from the sounds of it. He did threaten to burn up the town. Yes, not very festive at all. However, if you do recall,
02:12:32
Speaker
Old Uncle Bill's ship will get you up to the top of that tree. Look at this split. How big is tree? This must be big tree. 200 foot. Oh, wow. Me only four foot. That's like 196 foot taller. If I didn't know any better, Willie, I would say you haven't been paying attention.
02:13:00
Speaker
For someone whose life we just saved, you are very, very bitchy at the moment. Oh, I know. I know. I'm sorry.
02:13:11
Speaker
Yes, I'm just... It's having Ian in a podcast, I know, I know exactly how that feels. Yes, this Ian is a right dick. So, Mr. Shellman, we had to meet Hans Uber at the top of the tree. 200 foot tree. 200 foot tree. At the centre of town. At midnight?
02:13:33
Speaker
I'll turn the hour before midnight, I believe is what he said. So 11 o'clock. Well, obviously, yes, that's the hour before midnight. I get confused easily, you have to speak. And we can take the ship. Well, you'd have to ask old Uncle Bill about that. We will take the ship. We will not tell Uncle Bill, we will just take the ship. By force! I know of a way onto ship that nobody knows. We don't have to tell Bill anything, I know how to get on.
02:14:00
Speaker
Maybe we just go and ask Bill, because I think that might take longer than one episode to get on the ship if we steal it. My whole backstory is under, under whole assumption I made it on the ship from the tech. Backstory, a little bit silly. Backstory. He made this up, listeners. Five minutes into that episode. Not even five minutes. It was during the introduction of the first episode.
02:14:28
Speaker
Sorry, let us go find Bill. Sir. Absolutely. To Bill. Let's go to Bill. Oh, should I tell everyone? Sorry, Noodle. Do we need to evacuate the town or should I just let them know that everything's fine and that you're doing? Oh no, wouldn't want to ruin their Christmas. It's New Year. It's New Year, exactly. Yeah, we're sorted. Thank you.
02:14:52
Speaker
Let them party on. It'd be a big explosion in the sky. It'd be fine. Big firework. Okay, sounds good. He's here picking his drink up. Have a good time. How we reach Belle, you guys know him. I do not. He did not like me. Well, we just go to the ship and say hello, I assume.
Confrontation at the Christmas Tree
02:15:17
Speaker
Where is ship? Well, we left it. Still on the sky, love.
02:15:22
Speaker
I think the ship is still on the skydock. There's the town. The skydock's here. You're in the tavern here. Right, listeners, we are hell-chitty, bap.
02:15:33
Speaker
We won't put that on Twitter. It looks a lot like a map from Among Us, if I'm being honest. Anyway, as you exit the tavern and into the New Year's Eve crisp air, you can see the sky ship parked on the sky dock. And you can just hear what sounds like a party is clearly just kicking off on the dock.
02:15:56
Speaker
I knew there were a party. Let's go. Let's avoid the political comments and let's just go to the damn ship. Noodle, you got on well with Bill. What was his name? His name was Bill.
02:16:16
Speaker
If you were to listen three weeks ago, you'd probably find out. I don't think we actually exchanged words, but never mind. I've got a better chance, Prensa. We are the heroes of Christmas. I thought you knew him. Yeah, but I don't like him, though. I just won a competition. I just came into the heroes. I won that golden ticket, too. This explains a lot.
02:16:42
Speaker
The fame is going to my head. Yeah, maybe we talk to him. I just wanted to stop talking, but okay. I'm sounding like a nice guy now. Oh my god.
02:16:54
Speaker
Hey brother, you're a hit too. We said Christmas together, me and you, nice guy, yes. Gobble of jammin'! No, um, okay, sorry, uh, you know, let's go save, uh, where is Bill? Awesome banger, Jesus. We have played the two halves of a game, you know.
02:17:15
Speaker
So anyway, French listeners, we apologize. I wasn't making fun of French people. I was making fun of us in Venga, actually. It's very different. If you've made it this far, thank you, and somehow, I don't know how, but congratulations. Anyway, our erstwhile heroes make it onto the deck of the Star of Bethlehem. And what they find is a host of elves, and Goliath, and Tortles, and Gnomes, and the residents of the town just having a little boogie on the deck. And what's happening is that, as before,
02:17:44
Speaker
When are they boogying to us this time? They are boogying to what appears to be some form of dubstep version of Old Lang Syne over and over. Can you do an example for Is? Yeah, because I can't imagine it. I can't imagine it. So I need to do a dubstep version of Old Lang Syne. You will be pleased and probably surprised to hear that I cannot do an example of a dubstep Old Lang Syne. Listeners, if you would like to send it to your best... Don't use listeners for your shitty thing here.
02:18:15
Speaker
Anyway, Bill comes over to you and goes, are you here for the party heroes of Christmas? Are you about to become the party goers of New Year's Eve and all the elves and the furniture and everything else that are still bobbling around? I'm afraid we're in dire need of help, Bill. Oh? Do tell. You see, there is a horrible man
02:18:41
Speaker
Absolutely the exact opposite of festiveness. Who's planning to blow up the town? His name is Hans Buber. Oh. I don't know it isn't. Oh gosh, that sounds absolutely terrible. It's absolutely ghastly.
02:19:08
Speaker
And how am I- what am I supposed to- How am I supposed to- We need the ship! Yes, we need the ship! What he said! Because it's very simple, Bill, and Brides is gonna reach into his pouch and pull out a crumpled piece of paper and very slowly unravel it. And very slowly, and as he's saying it, because if we do not do this, and he unravels it and holds it up a piece of paper, it just says the word fucked on it. New Year's is fucked.
02:19:38
Speaker
Well, we can't have that. You've held onto that for a year. Yes, it was a very important thing to me.
02:19:45
Speaker
How is it not like with all the way you have to rehear? No, yes, of course. Well, if I can't have that now, then can we? No, because otherwise we're fucked. I hear a line from Bill, please, can you say we fucked? Because that was very good. Oh. New Year fucked. I see. Well, if you don't... Where do you need to go? What do you need to do? No, you say New Year's fucked if we don't do anything. I'll get to that. Set me up, you simpleton. Okay, Bill, New Year is fucked. What do you think?
02:20:15
Speaker
I'll ask, I'll ask again where you need to go and what do you need? Bill, we need to go to the top of the Christmas tree, the 200th Christmas tree to meet Hans Ube. If we don't meet him, the whole time will explode. Well, frankly, if we don't get you to the top of that tree, New Year's will be fucked. Yeah. Everyone who does the catchphrase, very good, very good, very good. He said it.
02:20:40
Speaker
It was totally natural. It was not set up at all. Very good. No scripting here. First try. Bill, could we go, please? I'm just distracted by the dubstep that's taking place.
02:21:04
Speaker
Yes, can we use the old Land's Eye? But what do you mean there's the old Land's Eye? Just for now, they're not fans. They're not fans. I don't... Is everyone coming on ship or are we dropping these? Everyone off. Everyone off. Everyone off. We're off. Sorry. Sorry. You two, stop kissing you. You'll be party soon. We save New Year now. That's our gig.
02:21:29
Speaker
Well then. Remember Big Willy saved New Year. We saved Easter soon. And as the residents of the Star of Bethlehem make their way off the ship, Bill goes, shall we? And runs up the steps to the top of the ship and jumps on the wheel. And with that, the sky ship lurches into the sky. And as you come to the top of the Christmas tree, you realize that there is this semi-circular justed out
02:21:59
Speaker
platform that sits at the top of the tree and what Bill does is he knows the plank out towards it, he pulls up alongside it and goes well it was only a week ago that I was here and he nods to the top of the tree igniting the Christmas star ceremony and yet well here we are again indebted to you fine heroes and he gestures to the plank which is now connected to the platform and says
02:22:25
Speaker
Well, good luck. A big question, please.
02:22:29
Speaker
and go for it. Do you have anything to give us for big battle ahead? Wink. Question. Smile. Tell you what. Yes. One of old Bill's special potions, eh? And he's going to hold, open up his jacket and you'll see a load of vials of all sorts of mixed colors inside his jacket. There's red, there's a glowing green one, a glowing blue one, and a glowing purple one. Which one would you like?
02:22:58
Speaker
Oh, I pick. Oh, cool. Glowing blue, please. For me, for you. He's going to hold it out to you. And what he is giving you is a potion of greater healing. It will do 2d4 plus 8 healing. Awesome.
02:23:16
Speaker
Many thanks. This is great. I don't drink now, but we might do later. Thank you. What about my friends? They need, they need stuff too. And you got more potions and frankly, you don't need them. We do know to save new year. Can we take all of them? Well, smile. Okay. Of course. He's going to take out the free remaining potions and go, who wants them? Is it alcoholic? Not this one. Oh good. I'll have that one. Thank you. Wouldn't drink it though.
02:23:47
Speaker
And what he gives you is a potion. And he looks at you and says, point and throw. He's giving you a potion of flaming hands. When you open up this potion, you can cast a spell flaming hands with it. Fuck, I choose the wrong one.
02:24:13
Speaker
I kind of want the purple one now. All right, purple or green, who wants it? Oh, green is very festive. I'll happily take that one. OK, he's going to Gibworth, not that festive, and I certainly wouldn't want to smell it. And he gives you a potion. In this potion is a 10 foot radius poison cloud. Any creature that starts its turn in the cloud has to make a DC 15 saving throw or be poisoned until they step outside of the fog.
02:24:45
Speaker
And last but not least, he says holding out the purple one. I will take it then. Balthazar will look at Prancer for a moment and stir and look at his face and fuck that. And yeah, I'll take the purple one. Fair enough. And what he gives you is a much smaller vial, almost a test tube style. Sizes and everything. And offers it to you and says,
02:25:15
Speaker
This one is particularly useful on things that you don't want to hear. And he just nods towards Willie. What I'm giving you is a potion of a 15 foot circumference. When you lob it, it will cast a silent spell. Excellent. I feel like I got one person. Where's, where, yeah, nevermind. Fuck you, Bill. So you picked the blue one. Anyway.
02:25:44
Speaker
As you step off the deck, the sky ship disappears and you can still hear the sounds of party ringing out below.
Battle with Nothic and Countdown
02:25:51
Speaker
All of a sudden, you hear the clock chimes of the houses and the town spires down below as the clock strikes, bong, bong, 11 times. And what you see is a portal open at the very centre.
02:26:09
Speaker
underneath the tower of this tree just underneath the star and this figure in black robe steps out along with this creature this disgusting creature with one fixed piercing eye looking at you and it just says to you well well well I see you have come here to witness my power and to bear witness to my revenge it doesn't mean anything personal to me to kill you
02:26:40
Speaker
but however since these simpletons below love Christmas so much what better way to celebrate the new year than killing all of you and as he steps to one side this creature in front of him steps to the other side and you can just see a number appear on this what appears to be this black box at the very heart of the tree that he has mounted to the tree itself and it just flows
02:27:09
Speaker
and glows, boom, six. I need everyone to roll initiative. Oh my god, this is so good. Oh yeah, bastard. Yeah, I feel the same way. I rolled really well. I should have saved that for an attack roll. My initiative is zero, I shit. I rolled six though. I don't add anything.
02:27:37
Speaker
I rolled a five. Really did not do well on stats. It's a 14 random character generator. I'm going to ask your numbers in a second, but just for now, what I want to show you is the creature that has appeared and has just threatened you. So you get a sense of what it looks like. Hans Uber is a mage in Dark Roads. The creature that's appeared with him looks like that.
02:28:05
Speaker
It's actually an image of a nofic listeners in the official Dungeons and Dragons monster manual. What page? What page? What page? There you go. Turn to page 236, that monster we fight. Looks like giant Willy, big one eye. Anyway, you will be tested later. 20 plus. Yes, Alphas R. Yes, go for it.
02:28:30
Speaker
I got a natural 20. Shut up. Why would you get it now? Why don't you wait? I wanted to get it later! Okay, 15 to 20. Agree. You're on your own again, Balthazar. Yep, just me. 10 to 15. 14.
02:28:57
Speaker
5 out 10 from... Oh, so I got 10. I got 10. Yeah, I can see the 10. Thank you, Prancer. 5 to 10. 5. I got 6. 6 for... 6 for Big Willy. Willy. Big Willy. And then, Fimbul Snowdrop brings up the rear. Okay.
02:29:22
Speaker
As Hanbuba finishes saying this and the six flashes on this device that he's strapped to the tree, what do you want to do Balza? Balza is going to be a little bit thrown back by this.
02:29:38
Speaker
wasn't expecting the countdown. How close is Hans Uber and this horrendous one-eyed creature? How close are they together? Are they next to each other or? So I've got four starting points for the party on the tree. As the person drawing fast blood, can you draw a d4 and I'll tell you please how far away he is. You put this down to chance. Two. Two. Okay, he is approximately 35 feet away.
02:30:08
Speaker
Okay, the two enemies, are they... The Nothic however is 30 feet away. The Nothic has stood five feet down from him. Okay, what I'm going to do then is he's going to load a special bauble into his crossbow.
02:30:26
Speaker
and it's going to fire this bauble over, and it's going to land on the ground just in front of them. And as it does, it's going to splash out with a special liquid that is going to go down past both of them. I'm casting Grease, and I want you to make a dexterity saving throw for both of them. I have a 10-foot range on Grease. Okay. A 10-foot range on Grease, a dexterity saving throw for both. Hands rolled a 17. Nah, boo.
02:30:55
Speaker
the nophic however rather 10. Yay! That one failed. So the nophic basically falls prune. You just hear this horrible kind of low rumble from this creature and all of a sudden it goes and it falls over. Hans Uber though just seems to stumble slightly but just stoically just remains just staring at you on his feet. Is that the end of your turn?
02:31:24
Speaker
Yes, it is, actually. I'm not going to do anything yet. OK, so as this Mexican stand-off, Mexican showdown happens between you and Hans Uber, it is Hans Uber's turn. And what Hans Uber is going to do is... He's going to disappear. What? Son of a bitch. And that is the end of Hans Uber's turn. He went to Janssena, Anas.
02:31:53
Speaker
I can't see him. Up next is the Nothic, because you all rolled so terribly. What the Nothic is going to do is it's going to get up from the grease at you and it's just going to launch itself in your direction. It's going to dash and end its turn directly in front of you, Bulbazar. That's all it can do, though, because it had to take the dash action to get to you. Noodle, your turn.
02:32:23
Speaker
Oh no! Noodle's going to reach into... Noodle is going to reach into Michelle. He's going to pull out. Oh god. Reach into Michelle and pull out a... Never. I have really bad images of this. I canna say that you would see containing lots of beautiful glitter, both gold and silver, and he is just going to lob it.
02:32:51
Speaker
Ideally, I'd like to lob it about 19 feet behind the Nothic. And effectively what I'm doing is casting Fairy Fire, which has a 20 foot radius cube. So the intention is to still get the Nothic in, but also ideally if Mr. Badman's in there as well, catch him. Don't know if I will or not. It's a deck saving throw. Okay.
02:33:17
Speaker
Unfortunately, Hans-Eber, as you now glance down at the grease, even though he's invisible, you can see his footprints have now started to move away from that area. So you won't get hands. However, you will get them off it. And what does it need to do? Deck save. I've just realised it's a 20 foot cube, just 10 feet behind them. I'll be throwing it. So roll a natural two. So that's going to fail. Awesome. It's going to be outlined in beautiful, festive
02:33:41
Speaker
I'll go with gold and light, even though it technically doesn't say on the thing, and it's advantage on attack rolls against him until I lose concentration for a minute. Okay, yep, this nothing then starts to glow and it realises it. It shrieks now in your direction as it looks over Balbavar's shoulder and at you. It is... Noodle's turn. No, she's had Noodle. It is France's turn.
02:34:11
Speaker
Without a moment to pause, Halberd Hand turns and runs directly towards the Nothic, this one-eyed bucker. And first thing he's going to do is he gets close, he's going to switch to Halberd into the left hand, which is his offhand. He's going to reach and grab a hold of the head of Balthazar, and I'm going to try and do bait and switch. You're basically going to move him behind me, and then I'm going to take a swing at it. So I have to get within five feet, and then Balthazar has to be willing. Are you willing to be baited and switched?
02:34:41
Speaker
Oh, fuck it. This thing hits me. I'm probably dead. Hell yeah. You therefore, you pop behind me, you don't provoke an opportunity attack and I get you add. Oh, glorious. Until the start of my next turn, you can add six to your AC. And then I'm going to smash it in the face.
02:35:03
Speaker
We're fairy-fied, is it now subject to advantage? I thought fairy-fied would give the next person. I think it is. It's advantage, yeah. It's just a continuous advantage, isn't it? For anybody who... Yeah, until I lose concentration. It's like a glitter bomb's just got off. He's coated in golden glitter and he's a nice easy target. Glitter, the herpes of the craft world. I rolled 19 plus 5, 24. 24, thank you.
02:35:29
Speaker
Yeah, that hit. I thought so. I was about to say. That's five points of slashing damage. And then unnatural 20 for the pummel end for a bonus attack. Yeah, that also will hit. That's two points of bludgeoning damage. And then I'm going to stand there and say... No, I've got a few... I'm going to hold those lines. I'm just going to stare at it and go... That's what I'm going to do for now.
02:35:54
Speaker
Nice. So as you're now staring face to face with this gold glowing nofic, it comes to Willy's turn. Okay, so I, from my pocket, I see what's going on. So from my pocket, I take out, if you remember from last episode, I took ice of Marv. And throughout the week, I've been using my frost magic to keep it icy. So I take out what looks like the little pinky of Marv. And I, I then
02:36:24
Speaker
use both hands and to see this shard elongate in between my hands into a massive frost shard, almost like an ice knife. And then it hovers above my head as I hold it above there with both my hands and all my might I swing back and then I swing really far forward and I thrust both hands out and to see this shard flying towards the nothing. And then I need to read what happens next. Need to make a dexterity saving throw.
02:36:54
Speaker
It's gonna fail so roll the five so I'm not even gonna bother looking at his modifier because that will okay It would be an eight for fidelity, which I'm sure is a fail So it takes Okay, so you take one d10 damage. Oh Damn That's 18 damage in total
02:37:19
Speaker
No, you can't have done that because it needs to make a save, doesn't it, for the... Well, I thought it failed save because it failed dexterity first time round. Does it have to make two saves? I don't know. I assume it would because the first one is the... Well, the first one was on a dex save, was it? I'm pretty sure you rolled a hit first and then it does a dex save.
02:37:40
Speaker
Oh, I didn't roll to hit, did I? I just said, give me a dexterity 7 throw. I'm going to have to do this all again. Very embarrassing, I'm so sorry. With advantage. With advantage. He's floating. He's blowing. It's still glowing. It's glowing, so you've got my own attack roll. What embarrassment, this is. Okay, this is why I don't do magic.
02:38:04
Speaker
Oh shit, 13 tech. 13 to hit. 13 to hit. That misses, unfortunately. Ha, that's very funny. So you see the shard go over his head and I haven't done spell in 365 days. But can he then still make a dexterity saving throw and anyone within five feet of him also make dexterity saving throws? 11. Well, please. 12 for the nofic. Okay, he succeeded. 14.
02:38:33
Speaker
He's 62. Awesome. No damage by anyone, by me. I'm very sheepish. Oh, big Willy. You just see Marv Pinky explode. Not hit anyone. I like that at the moment it explodes and you just hear the wind ruffling through the air. Everyone looks at you for a second before the fight resumes.
02:39:03
Speaker
It is now Fimbul. Fimbul Snowdrop. Bottom of the round. Go for it. Yeah, as the combat starts, she just takes a second. Pulls out one of those little straw packets of sherbet. And she just gobbles it down, rubs her face, and just rages up again for the bonus action. Roll your D8. D8 for Wild Magic. Go, go, go. It's 8 again. I know what that is.
02:39:33
Speaker
That's the blinding beam of light. Oh my god. There's a constitution saving throw. Yes, a constitution saving throw for the the nofic. It rolled an 18. That's a pass. Sorry, buddy. That's all right. That's all right. We still then follow up with thimble then
02:39:54
Speaker
flying straight at the nothic and trying to hit it with its hand with her and axe. As you do the blinding thing you see the green eye just seems to be able to flinch for a second but then just hone in on you as this beady eye that is dashing between the things that hit it focuses on you. As you dash in you will be able to get into flanking with prancer should you wish. Yes that makes sense I'll go into flanking Medua. Okay yep so you have advantage on the attack you had that anyway because of the glow but you
02:40:23
Speaker
Have advantage now, anyway. Thanks for the reminder, though. That is a 24 to hit. Yeah, that hits. Roll damage. Yes, sir. That's six points of slashing damage. OK. And you crash into this Nothic creature and hit it from behind. And all of a sudden, the eye turns around and glances at you. Is that the end of your turn? Yes. In this case, I'll hang around. OK. Great. Top of the round, Balthazar.
02:40:53
Speaker
You've now seen these Nothic rush towards you. You've been pulled out of the way. You've got Prancer in front of you. You've still got often behind you. Noodle and Willy. And you've just seen Fimble. Hello. Fimble make her way behind the Nothic. What do you want to do?
02:41:14
Speaker
As my bonus action, I'm going to tell my Finch reindeer just to approach the creature, nothing on the left hand side. So obviously you've got one behind, one in front and then one just to the left. I'm going to use my actual movement and just back off as much as what I can. And I'm going to fire a crossbow, a festive arrow. Yeah, still with advantage because it's still glowing and it's full on surrounded. Aiming for this eye.
02:41:43
Speaker
26 to hit. Yeah, that hits. 13 points of piercing damage. Nice. Okay, yeah, this crossbow bolt crashes into this creature and all of a sudden it all of a sudden stops making noises now and just seems to have
02:42:05
Speaker
developed as the eye just continues to gauge around looking for something. It's getting more and more menacing with every damage, every piece of damage it takes. Is that the end of your turn? No, I'm going to have my steel defender just headbutt it with the antlers as well. Just for the hell of it. 21 to hit. Yeah, that hits.
02:42:30
Speaker
This fairy fire is fucking up, there's nothing. Yeah, actually I didn't roll with advantage for that. I will go for crit.
02:42:43
Speaker
Really embarrassing. I also did not row for advantage. Oh my god. For LOLs, I will row now and see what I get. Eight. Never mind. Fair enough. I did three points of force damage. Okay, yeah.
02:43:03
Speaker
As you crash into the Nothic, you all of a sudden feel the gaze, bounce to the still defender, realise that's a construct, and then come round to you. Is that the end of your turn? Yeah, that's the end of my turn. OK. From out of nowhere, this weapon is going to appear, this axe, and it's going to come hurtling in down towards you, Noodle. As you see this axe materialise out of the darkness and come crashing towards you,
02:43:31
Speaker
As we've gone the top of the round, can everyone make a perception check, please? Before this act hits towards Noodle. Balthazar rolled an 8. Fimbul also rolled an 8. Okay. 19. Willy rolled 11. 11 for Willy. 21 for Prancer. Prancer. Apologies, 19 for Noodle.
02:43:57
Speaker
Okay, Noodle and Prancer, you all of a sudden can see over your shoulder the glowing red number on the front of this device. Clunk. Six turns to five. Oh, shit. The axe, meanwhile, is coming hurtling towards you, Noodle, and it's going to be an 18 to hit. It doesn't hit as I raise my lunchbox up. My shield would plant it into the lunchbox instead, I'm afraid.
02:44:28
Speaker
Okay, but you do realize that this acts almost like it's a theory or spiritual could even be a spiritual weapon you could say appears to be just hovering around you menacingly. That was wherever and what you do see on the far side about 60 feet away from you on the very far side as you see this figure
02:44:52
Speaker
reappear as it breaks its invisibility by casting an attack at you. You see the figure of Han's Uber appear. And he's then going to say... He's going to take in a breath actually. And what happens? We'll have to wait until his next turn. The Nothic now, its eye is going to gaze around the four of you who have surrounded it. And on a d4 it's going to pick which one it's going to launch its rotting gaze onto.
02:45:21
Speaker
So one is going to be, one's going to be you Belvazar. And what it's going to do is need you to make a constitution saving throw please. Oh, I got a natural one. Wait, hang on. Is that a halfling? Do I have lucky? Use a spell slot.
02:45:45
Speaker
No, the half thing you do have, Lucky, you can reroll naturally. Well, you have natural points. You can reroll naturally. Yeah, I have natural Lucky, so when I roll a one... Seriously, that's the best race thing in the game, the half thing one. Yeah, I can reroll. Oh, wait, no, I'm doing that all wrong. 19. You've just saved yourself taking some big damage. Thank you, Lucky. You feel this eye land on you and...
02:46:16
Speaker
As it does that, you feel your heart start to beat with adrenaline. It's like this always piercing into your soul, but all of a sudden you're able to shake it off. And as it does that, it's going to at you. And what it's going to do is it's going to then take a claw attack. Can it actually, can it? No, they're both actions. The nofic is just going to then growl at you. And that is all it can do.
02:46:47
Speaker
These bosses are bloody rubbish so far. Anyway, Noodle, it's your turn. It would have worked really well if I didn't have a lookie. As you say, I've just seen this number tick over. I'll use a free action just to go. Oh, the numbers counting down. And how far away from me is it? If you dash, you can get over to it.
02:47:10
Speaker
Uh, I'm not going to dash. No, I am going to run towards it though. Probably straight past the nothing. I probably wouldn't think to get far on that. So, so it's about 40 feet away from you. So if you use your full movement, you'll be about 10 feet away from it. Awesome. Is, um, is, um, but is he visible again? Yeah. He's visible by the time you get to that, he will then be circumference wise. He will be about 35 feet from me. Okay. Uh, so what I'm going to do.
02:47:42
Speaker
This is a really weird question. What's he wearing? Just dark robes at the minute. Just dark robes. I thought you can tell from where you are with your passing effect. Yeah, of course. That's all right. Not a problem. What I will do then is I'll use my action to get Boof back out. I'll have him summoned at Hans Ubers feet with a massive Boof. So I need him to make a deck save for me. Yep. That's 20, not natural.
02:48:10
Speaker
Yep, that succeeds. So no damage taken whatsoever then. And how far away is he from me, sorry? About 35 feet. Okay, I'll have, as my bonus action, then I'll have the spirit teleport 15 feet closer towards me. And by doing so, I need him to make another deck save. That's better of four.
02:48:40
Speaker
Excellent stuff. So, yeah, my little Cole appears next to him with the big explosion, does nothing, disappears and appears 15 feet closer towards me. He's going to take this much fire damage. Seven points of fire damage. OK, yeah. And my concentration is still up, I think. Seven points of fire damage. Thank you. As you do that, you do seem to notice the fire goes into him and he starts to glow.
02:49:11
Speaker
There we go. Okay, at the end of your turn? Yes, thank you very much. Great. Prancer, you still have this knock in front of you. Yep, I'm going to twat it in the face again. 17 to hit. Yeah, that hits. And 11 points of slashing damage. I've already done the advantage here. And then I'm going to use the butt air with my bonus action. 13 to hit. Misses.
02:49:40
Speaker
Okay, however, when I hit with a weapon attack, I can expend one superior to die to try and trip the creature. Could it please make a strength saving throw? Are you doing that on your first attack then? Could it say when you hit to the creature just as a... Oh yeah, sorry. Technically, I should have done it before. Sorry, apologies. Thank you.
02:50:02
Speaker
No, no, no. It's fine. That passes so the creature is not prone. I just got to trip it and they're like, whoop, there's a little hop over it like a kid in the playground jumping over a skip. And that allows it to then jump out of the way of the second strike as well. Okay. At the end of your turn? Yeah, that's all I can do. Thanks. Okay. Willie.
02:50:21
Speaker
Okay. Okay. Embarrassed self last time. Do better this time. I take both hands and I clap them together and I start to rub them and I go, okay, here we go. This is the roll of the dice. Um, I'm going to roll a D four. So I'm going to take wild shape and I have two, cause I'm only level four. I have two creatures that I can wild shape it. I'm going to roll a D four on the odds. It's one of them on the even is the other one. One's so good. One, not so good. Okay.
02:50:49
Speaker
I really hope it's a not so good one. I've written down what I've put. It's an odd. Okay, okay. So you see, you see Big Willy clap his hands together and he shakes and then this smoke starts to come from his hands and it incases his whole body and the smoke gets bigger and bigger and bigger and then eventually it disperses and in its place you see a snow bunny.
02:51:17
Speaker
I picked the wrong one. That's unfortunate the other one was going to be flying reindeer. Are you a circle of the moon, Druid?
02:51:28
Speaker
Hey, no. Then that's your action as well. You see a really white fluffy snow bunny. Real sharp teeth though. And a mean look in his eye. The shit is about to go down.
02:51:49
Speaker
You still have movement and a bonus action if you have anything. He's gonna lop towards one-eye monster. Lop. What the fuck would you say a bunny does? Hop. Hop. It doesn't lop, it hops. I lop towards the one-eye creature. What's a lop? Okay. As you said, how much movement do you have with a bunny, do you know? Yes, I do.
02:52:16
Speaker
35 foot okay you can you can you can now this creature is now fully surrounded as this bunny completes the bunny looking up at it one eye with two eyes so i better i have one more eye well thank you willy for that uh fimble your turn complete fuck up that that was brilliant
02:52:42
Speaker
First thing we're going to do is we're going to use the bonus action in an attempt to try and blind the nothic again with the beam of light. So I must ask it to make a constitution save. Natural one. That is a fail. He takes four points of radiant damage and he's now blind until the start of my next attempt.
02:53:02
Speaker
Okay, as you blind this creature, what you see happen is that the radiant damage doesn't actually just blind it, it causes the pupil to explode. And this nothing just collapses.
02:53:19
Speaker
As the Nothic slumps to the floor, it is still your turn, because I believe that was only your bonus action. That was only the bonus action. I exploded if it was a case that, you know, bits of Nothic were thrown into the air and like a little bit of a blood rain. Fimbels just there, they're just like...
02:53:40
Speaker
as turn, eye turns towards Uber, right behind her. And she then just like does like a full 360 and flies directly towards him in an attempt to do the action and hit him with the axe. You'll have to throw an axe because that is 40 feet away from you from where you are. Okay, I can do that. Yeah, I'll fly as close as I can and then with one of her axes. And then you've got 40 feet worth of movement. I do have 40 feet worth of movement.
02:54:11
Speaker
Okay, go for it. Oh, good ranged attack. He does have 40 feet worth of movement. He's got mobile, so he gives him an extra. Oh, you can reach. You can reach. Thank you. You don't need to take an Uber to reach Hans Uber. That is a 16 to hit.
02:54:36
Speaker
16 as you do that what's going to happen is Hans Eber is going to use his reaction to cast shield and that unfortunately is going to miss as the shield just causes the axe to reflect off is that the end your turn yep now I've used up all my movement that will finish my turn okay thank you top of the round Balthazar everyone
Countdown Crisis Averted
02:54:59
Speaker
make perception checks please with the exception of the rabbit
02:55:04
Speaker
note with the exception of uh noodle okay this will be interesting it's not good okay not good the words are big really in rabbit c eight new calum seven new james ten nope march
02:55:35
Speaker
It's muted. We have no idea. Prancer, you're muted. You're silly ass. You're silly fool. I didn't have to draw away from the attention. I got a nine. It appears even you, Prancer, who noticed this before, doesn't notice this this time, but Noodle, you do notice clock goes down to four. Okay. Top of the round, Balbazar, your turn.
02:56:05
Speaker
Balthazar's attention is going to, first of all, be drawn slightly to the Snow Bunny, and he's going to... whatever. And then he's going to go back to Harn's Uber. He's going to use his bonus action to tell Finch to rush Harn's Uber, and I am going to attempt to hit him with my crossbow.
02:56:31
Speaker
OK, how much movement does your render have? 40 feet. Because you were on the other side. I was on the left-hand side, so if I zoom in on the right, I might just get shy of. If it dashes, can it dash as an action or can it only use its movement? It can dash.
02:56:50
Speaker
As part of your bonus, it can get to Han Zuba. It can use its own action to dash, so I'll have it do that on its turn. Okay, it can get to Han Zuba, and then what are you doing with your action? My action is just to shoot Hans with my crossbow. Go for it. Shoot! 17 to hit.
02:57:14
Speaker
that it can't use no well its shield would still be active wouldn't it because it lasts until his oh does it yeah yeah sorry buddy that oh no 17 meets and beats with the ac so 17 will hit oh okay with shields that meets and beats that's 12 points of piercing damage okay as as this arrow crashes into Hans Huber
02:57:42
Speaker
Okay, thank you. Where have I put Hans's hit points there? Great, thank you. It is now Hans Ubers turn and what Hans is going to do is Hans is going to reach out and instead it's just going to rest its hand on your reindeer. Is Hans getting Hans on? And can you please, if I was to attack,
02:58:12
Speaker
It's a crit. Against my reindeer. Yep. You son of a bitch. Oh god, this is going to be 60-10, I'm sorry. It's free, and he's just critted. If Inflict Wounds. If Inflict Wounds, correct. Least did not. I'm seeing if I can do anything right now. I don't really think there is. Fuck off, Folly.
02:58:36
Speaker
Your shit don't work here. I can't fool my falling shit. Your jurisdiction means shit here. Your reindeer takes 38 points of necrotic damage. Wow! Jesus. That is dead. Jesus. D.O.A. My reindeer stands there and he takes this massive amount of damage before he basically falls apart in front of Hans Uber.
02:59:04
Speaker
You have a very distraught Balthazar who will literally drop to his knees and go, no! I mean, you've done James a favour there because that was going to be fimble if it was that the reindeer didn't engage.
02:59:24
Speaker
That was a crit on a second level in Flick Ruins. Sorry. My reindeer, my poor reindeer. Balthazar. With that, hands is then going to go, come to me.
02:59:41
Speaker
And what's going to happen is around all of you, these creatures are going to emerge out of nowhere. There's disgusting, direct like creatures. There is one near the group that's in the middle. One is going to appear next to you, Fimbul. Another one's going to appear on the back of Prancer.
03:00:06
Speaker
and one's going to appear near the Snow Bunny. And what they're all going to do is immediately just start to seep out this poisonous gas. And what that gas does will pick up on your turns. However, that is Hans Uber's turn. The Dretches have also just been, because they're coming in to replace the Nothic, because he can summon them once the Nothic is down.
03:00:31
Speaker
noodle it's your turn you're the only one not currently enveloped in this poison gas. Darren just checking are these creatures that are formed are we going to sorry to kind of meta this late are we going to fight them because i've got if it's just something for effect for the gas that's cool but i've got like a my polar master thing that i do because it's entered it's a bit around me no no no no maybe something you're going to fight them
03:00:55
Speaker
I use the opportunity attack I get for the Pole Arm Master, which means that when a creature enters my space, I can attack it. Use your reaction. Yep, go for it. So the one that's behind me on my back, I'm going to swing around and twat it with my halberd. That's 24 to hit. That hits. And that is going to be 1-2, 10 plus 3, martial heavy, two-handed reach.
03:01:16
Speaker
Ah, max damage, 13 points of slashing damage. This one just explodes and is absolutely decimated in one clean swing. Can you make a dexterity saving throw however? Yes I can, 19. You take 4, rounded down to 2 points of poison damage.
03:01:41
Speaker
I'm going to do a backflip to get away from this explosion and then turn directly to Hans and say, the ball is about to drop Hans. And as you do that, you do notice that the poison gas near you is just dissipating as well. So there's no poison gas near you anymore. And that was your reaction. We're back to noodle. OK.
03:02:04
Speaker
seeing the reindeer get destroyed, Noodle's gonna panic a little bit. And he's just gonna shout out to everyone, hopefully that's nearby him and say, if you get hurt, take a bite. And he's going to cast Healing Spirit with his bonus action. And you will see a gingerbread man around the size of Noodle right in the center of this kind of fight that's going on. So hopefully as I can cast it up to 60 feet away,
03:02:33
Speaker
I'm going to look over my shoulder and try and place it roughly in the middle of where people are. Not necessarily right next to people, but I know that there's some people at the front, some people at the back. So just somewhere where people can get close to it. I can let you know what that does if you want. It's basically it occupies its own space. It's a tangible spirit that appears in a five foot cube.
03:02:50
Speaker
until the spell ends, it's concentration based. Whenever you or a creature you can see moves into the spirit space for the first time or starts its turn there, you can cause the spirit to restore 1d6 hit points to that creature, no action required. So the spirit, it can't heal constructs or undead, and it can be used equal to 1 plus my spellcasting ability modifier, aka 5 times overall, after healing that many times it disappears. So basically,
03:03:18
Speaker
if people run in take a bite out like gingerbread man i can give them 1d6 hit points back um not that everyone would know that but that's what i'm gonna be shouting out behind me um as my action i'm gonna move the remaining movement up to this black box with the number uh four on it can i make an investigation check on it and try and work out what on earth's going on yes make an investigation check awesome stuff uh
03:03:48
Speaker
Let's see. Oh dear. Nine? You're panicking at this turn. You're starting to glance at it. You do notice that what appeared to be a series of contractions and wires that appear to be attached to this thing.
03:04:06
Speaker
You start to make sense of it, but you're going to take another turn where the DC will be lower, because unfortunately with that glance, you're just not quite figuring it out. That's the end of your turn? Yeah, it's the end of my turn. My fire spirit will stay exactly where it is because I can't move it or anything. OK. Prancer, you notice as you glance around, the creature that you've just destroyed looks like that.
03:04:33
Speaker
Which one? There are two creatures on the page. The one that looks like a morbid dog. They both look a bit dog-like. What page on Monster Manual for listeners that can't see? Page 57, and it is the dretch, which is this speller here. Ooh, on the right. Big, muscular, ape-like dog. Looks like dogs from Ghostbusters. You've noticed as you hit yours that it's mostly made of gas, as it just exploded. There's no gas near you, so you're fine.
03:05:03
Speaker
What do you want to do? There's now, you can now see one near the snow bunny. You can see one has materialized over near Hans and Thimble. And you can see that there is one next to Balthazar. Hansa is going to ignore all of them and run straight to Uber.
03:05:25
Speaker
Kate, you will probably have to dash to get there this turn. No. How far away is he? No. So you were on the south. Yeah, it's about 40 feet from you. I have 10 feet reach with my halberd and I have 30 feet. Yes, you do. Yeah. Yes, you do. Go for it. I'm going to run up to him and I'm going to whisper in his ear quietly. Uber eats my ass and I'm going to hit him with my halberd.
03:05:57
Speaker
That's an Uber Eats reference as well, you see. That is a 23 against his armor class. Yes. As you run through the gas of the creature that has materialized near Noodle, you do hit, but I do need you as well to make a Constitution saving throw, please. Can I get advantage? No. I thought I'd ask.
03:06:26
Speaker
That is 13.
03:06:29
Speaker
Oh, that passes. You are not poisoned. Hey, awesome. That's good. Cause I would have. Um, so I'm passed. I'm through that. I hit with my 20, whatever the fuck it was. Um, 10 points of slashing damage to Hans Uber. Yeah. And then I'm going to use my salmon. Have you used two of them? I'm going to use my next trip attack and I'll try and trip. Mr. Uber. I'm going to make Uber take a trip.
03:06:57
Speaker
Okay, and depending on how this goes, you could be about to do something pretty spectacular here without even realising it. Go for it. Oh, I have to make a save, don't I? Yeah, your strength saving throw, please. 12. It was a DC 13, so he fails, so he is now not prone. As he falls backwards, because he was on the ledge, you just... I didn't realise it was on the edge.
03:07:24
Speaker
disappears and just starts to disappear and you just hear this scream as he starts to fall.
03:07:48
Speaker
I promise you, listeners, that I have not railroaded that. That is circumstances exactly what has just happened. Wow. You know what? I genuinely was looking up. I was looking up, just now, shove, because I thought it was in the middle of the platform. I didn't realise it was on the edge because I definitely wanted your shoulder barged in. Yeah. I was looking up, shove, and I wanted to throw him across and off the edge to replicate that, but I genuinely didn't realise it was right by the edge. It was right on the edge. Holy shit. Absolutely. We're talking, we're 200 feet up.
03:08:15
Speaker
Yeah, he's not going to do the falling damage. He still has five hit points as he's falling, but he's not going to survive that.
03:08:28
Speaker
I promise I will just, if you will allow, if the damn will permit me. I'm just going to take my little hammer off my waist, the, you know, the kind of the Thor esque hammer. And he's just going to drop that kind of head down, drop that down in his direction afterwards, just to, just to make sure. Sure. Okay. Uh, good turn. Um, no, that, that wasn't a hostage. Okay. Um, bunny rabbit over to you.
03:09:00
Speaker
There is now one of these disgusting, like, direct creature in front of you. Like, it's bigger than you, and it's just looking down at you, and it's just screaming. It's the start of your turn, so you need to make a consave, please, because you're surrounded by the gap. Oh, no. That's not good. Consave as a rabbit. Yeah. Oh, no. It's a minus two. Okay. Form straight away. Yeah. Oh, no. Bear with. Do math. Not good at.
03:09:29
Speaker
Oh shit, that was a critical. You were void being poisoned. It's still your turn. Okay, I turn round, I bite this motherfucker with my big sharp razor snow bunny teeth. Roll to hit. Okay, motherfucker.
03:09:48
Speaker
I'm picturing Monty Python, holy grail. No word of a line. I got a natural one. Oh no. Undamaged though, isn't it? Not if you're all a natural one, it's not, no. No, I thought you'd, I thought, oh no, you'd have the wrong trick with your constitution for that word. No, I like bite something, but what do I bite? It's a rabbit, not fancy dragon's teeth. Jesus.
03:10:17
Speaker
Anyway, I've seen that's the end of your turn. You've got movement, if you want to use it. You're still in this poison gas. I know, I'll get the fuck out of there. Okay, as you do that, it will take an attack of opportunity. Ah, fuck it. I go towards the clock. Is there a clock? There's some sort of ticking boom thing, yeah? I will say by now that, yeah, you can start moving in the direction of Noodle, but it is going to take an attack of opportunity against you, rather than 19 to hit.
03:10:44
Speaker
My armor class is 11, surprisingly high, but yes, that hits. Okay. You do take... Well, it doesn't matter. You're going to be... You're being knocked out of... You take five points of bludgeoning, a piercing damage, as all of a sudden, as this rabbit's running towards you, you all of a sudden feel this pain, you will take three points of that damage. How much hit points does the rabbit have?
03:11:07
Speaker
then you take four points of that piercing damage yourself and as you break out of this rabbit form it's now you sprinting towards noodle no i take hit and because i transform i stop dead okay yep that's fine you stop i just on ground splayed out just like what the fuck that was not the right animal
03:11:29
Speaker
Blade up the ground. This is bullshit. Embarrassing in front of my new friends. Okay. Thimble, it's your turn. Fuck New Year. Thimble, can you make a con say please if you're still in this poison gas? I can. New Year, always shit. That's an 11. Meets and beats, you also avoid being poisoned.
03:11:54
Speaker
You've just watched Hans Eva go flying over the edge. You do have this disgusting Drex-like creature behind you. Well, she just turns around very slowly with just like the evilest-looking grin on her face. And she's going to reckless attack. Go for it. That's an unnatural 20. That hits. Eight points of slacking damage. Okay, yeah, that one is still alive. We're gonna go for the second attack. Go for it. Still on reckless.
03:12:27
Speaker
That's a 21. That hits. That's a straight up G6. Ooh, six. Dead. As you then hit this one axe, two axes, this creature just turns to poisonous jelly in front of you. You and Prancer need to make dexterity saving throws as this creature dies. At eight, five. You both fail, but they only roll the one on the damage, so you both take one point of poison damage.
03:12:58
Speaker
Okay, that's not too bad. Not too bad. Good killing there, James. Is that the end of your turn, Thimble? Thimble used the last of her movement to move over to the last... What did you call him again, sir? You've still got two more. You've got one hot on the tail of the bunny and one next to Balbazar. Ain't that bunny anymore, asshole? Wait, one on the tail of Willy.
03:13:20
Speaker
Tainate, alive! We're on the willy. Yeah, Thimble will use the last of her movement to head over to the one next to Willy. Okay, end of the turn. The rest of you, everyone who's not noodle please, make protection checks. Seven. Nope. Ten. Nope. Fucking dice. 22. Okay.
03:13:48
Speaker
17. Okay, Balbazar and, in fact, you're in the poison cloud, Balbazar. Yours has to be at disadvantage, sorry. Okay. Perception check-in too, I'm gonna do it. Nudu has been shouting about the clock thing, though. Hasn't... I did, on the way over, yeah. It's a very... softly voiced tortle. And there's been a lot of stuff happening. It's a lovely voice. Eight. The only decision, Nudu. Eight. Okay.
03:14:17
Speaker
Noodle, you're aware that the clock now... I forgot what number it was on on that time. It's on three now, I think it was on four before. No, it's on 12 now. I think it's on 18. Down to three, OK? Fimble, as you're running over, you glance this at the corner of your eye and you notice this as well. OK, Balvazar, your turn. You're in this poison cloud. Constitution saving throw, please. With great pleasure.
03:14:48
Speaker
becomes great responsibility. Natural 20. Roll to hit. That was for constitution savings. Oh yeah, of course. Roll to hit on your constitution savings. Yeah, you're fine. You're not poignant. Excellent. Lovely. What I am going to do is I am running towards my poor little reindeer.
03:15:09
Speaker
It's going to take us that opportunity. It can do. Let it. Roll for 13. Miss. Okay, yep. You sprint away from this creature.
03:15:20
Speaker
You can dash over to your reindeer. I'm just using normal movements at the moment. What I'm going to quickly do, I'm going to feel like this breeze come behind me of this creature trying to swing at me. And just as I get a bit of a range, I'm going to quickly do a 360 to fire off me crossbow at it. Go for it. 118, 118. I'm sorry, yeah. I'm doing a 180 no scope right now. 360 means you shoot. I'll turn around and try and shoot my reindeer again.
03:15:49
Speaker
18 to hit that hits roll damage roll that damage Nine points of piercing it's still alive, but it's not looking healthy Now I can't do anything else so I'll leave my turn there, okay
03:16:11
Speaker
Hanzuba is dead. It is now the Dretcher's turn. The Dretcher that was on you, Balbazar, is going to turn over and see Noodle having a look at this weapon and is going to dash towards Noodle. Noodle, you are now in a poison cloud, unfortunately. That's all it can do. But however, Prancer, you are still watching where Hanzuba was. It's your turn. What do you want to do?
03:16:40
Speaker
He's going to swing around and just look around. He's trying to look for the next important thing, basically, in the situation from his current location. From your perspective, the one that you can get to is the dretch that is on the tail of Willy. Have I got a line of sight on Noodle? Not anymore. Can I see where Noodle is? You can see a poison cloud appears to have just enveloped at the base of the tower.
03:17:12
Speaker
Right. I'm going to head towards the, cause that's where I last remember noodle being. I'm going to head towards noodle cause noodle is our, is our health monster and stuff stuffing in Francis face, which is a good thing. Uh, so I'm going to go, I'm going to, I'm going to head. I was going to say you will be able to pass the gingerbread man on the way to noodle. I'm good. I'm good for health. I'm on good. I'll take the action. I want to get over there ASAP. So, um, I don't know how far away I am. Can I do it in a turn or would I need to use my dash? How much movement do you have?
03:17:41
Speaker
30 feet in 10 foot range with Albert. You can get within 10 feet of the creature if that's what you're looking to do. That's just arrived at Noodle.
03:17:52
Speaker
Ideally, yes, if possible. Yep, you can do that. So you'll still be 10 feet away, but you'll be within range for your... Yeah, I'll be using the range of my halberd. Yeah, I'll sprint over and switch the halberd once or twice over to kind of warm my hands up, and then we're running and taking a long, low, sweeping swing at this creature, aiming to kind of take it out, kind of pirouetting on the right foot, down low with this hulking, huge halberd. That is a... Go for it. 18 to hit. Hit.
03:18:21
Speaker
and that's going to be a lovely, juicy five points of smashing slashing damage. Already damaged by the crossbow bolt. This one's dead. You don't need to waste anything else on it. Already damaged by the crossbow bolt. You finish this off. Okay. Cool. I'm just going to look at Noodle.
03:18:45
Speaker
I'm going to say is it really obvious the box is there? You're now aware of the countdown on this box. You have a number on this box. And I just look at the box, look at Noodle, look at the box, look at Noodle. What the fuck? And that's all I'm going to do. Okay. Willie, the one remaining creature is on your tail. What do you want to do? Has Noodle been skipped this round?
03:19:20
Speaker
So as my bonus action, Gingerbread Man is going to run over to Willy and say, eat me, and kind of lie on the floor next to him.
03:19:36
Speaker
Uh, that's just what he's going to do. Uh, as my action, I'm going to seeing the new number three and having Prancer just come over and kind of say that I'll be like, Oh, I think it's something bad. And I'd like to make my second investigation check. Make a roll. Okay. Pressure's on noodle. Don't let me down. Come on noodle. It's a plus one. So that's a.
03:20:07
Speaker
Okay, this time you glance at the wires and you think there is a blue one and a red one. You're quietly confident one of these is going to disarm the bomb. The other one is quite bad. You haven't yet been able to ascertain which, but however, you have made it down to one of two options here.
03:20:33
Speaker
You still have the ability of six seconds of dialogue if you want it. Oh, but there's, there's wires and, um, I'll prance to hold me. Okay. Um, I love the image of me. You're turning around. I love just seeing this total and Goliath embracing a bug. Uh, Willie, it's your turn. The one remaining direction is on your tail with a gingerbread man.
03:21:01
Speaker
flat on the floor in front of you question eating gingerbread does that give like take action or no eat and run free action you just have to move into a space technically yeah okay i will eat gingerbread and then run towards the ticking time boom it will take your back opportunity as you do that yeah fuck that i'm not bunny anymore i had
03:21:23
Speaker
Okay, it's a 20, not natural. Not that hard, that hit. What do I get from the- Can I just quickly ask, what is your AC there, Ian, just out of curiosity? 10. I actually had more as a bunny. I rolled a one on the healing. It's not going well. Okay, what damage do I take from fuck back over here? Seven points of piercing damage.
03:21:48
Speaker
this is not not good for me okay okay but i still run and uh i want to get to ticky boom okay yep you make it okay i i want to step five foot away from ticky boom and i will uh i will then
03:22:04
Speaker
get down on one knee and I will pull out of my pocket a battery and then as I take this battery you start seeing electricity flow from one tip a finger through battery another little tip a finger and I will cast thunder wave at the ticky boom okay yeah cast thunder wave at the ticky boom
03:22:31
Speaker
Constitution saving folk please object it fails um oh he's gonna kill us isn't he yeah yeah ten points of lightning damage but the rows were really shit it's a five one and a four okay it hits this device and that's everyone takes a breath
03:23:01
Speaker
The clock, instead of waiting to the end of the round, seems to flicker and drop immediately down to two. I'm on the spot. Okay, big idea, bad idea. Sorry, I fuck up. I thought I could short it, freeze it out or something. Electric. I don't know. This is another embarrassing move. Please move on.
03:23:24
Speaker
You can still see this creature and then you can see the rest of your companions and how we'd be expecting a Balthazar. I mean, how do you follow that really? Literally just walk and you do a better move than I just did. Just for style. We're going for style over substance. The idea of this creature following after Willy.
03:23:49
Speaker
Thimble will activate Reckler's attack again. And she's going to throw the two hand axes she's got at the creature. These two flying axes going through the air and hitting each other. So I'm going to try and hit it. Yeah. I'll say you'd be able to get in with your movement within range that you wouldn't be doing that with disadvantage. Go for it. 17 to hit for the first one. Hit. That's seven points of slashing damage. Okay, yeah.
03:24:24
Speaker
17 to hit again. We have just one point of slashing damage. Still alive, unfortunately. As these two axes crash into it, almost like Legolas style at two towers, where you want to bring this creature down, but it's still moving. Got anything else? Using the last of her movement,
03:24:52
Speaker
goes behind Willy and goes, what the hell was that? I don't make a tickle, boo, mate, fuck up. I know electrician, I try. Fuck off. OK. Ass. Balbazar, your turn. Couple around. Oh, actually, you're all now acutely aware of this with the exception of Balbazar. Donk. One. Oh, my God. Guys, it go down. Ass.
03:25:21
Speaker
I'm not aware of the ticky ticky boom. I'm going to continue running towards my reindeer. I'm going to use the last move movement to get towards my reindeer. I'm going to quickly
03:25:37
Speaker
swing open my velour jacket, take out a set of tools and I'm going to use my action and a spell slot to basically infuse magic back into my reindeer. Which at the moment does nothing but it hopefully will do in
03:26:01
Speaker
about a minute. Okay. Thank you, Balbazar. It is the Dretsch's turn. It's going to get as far as, in fact, it's now going to get as far as Fimbul and it's going to take an attack at you. That's a 21 to hit. That hits. You take four points of piercing damage. It bites you. Do I reduce that with rage? Yes. Down to two. Thank you. Nice.
03:26:29
Speaker
Um, you want now surrounded. In fact, no, it doesn't get to bring the gas with it. Oh, yes, it does. Yeah. You're now in this poisonous gas. Okay. Um, that's the end of the dretches turn noodle. Okay.
03:26:45
Speaker
This is going to be an if the DM may permit me moment. I am going to kind of shaking, drop my concentration on my gingerbread man. I am going to fumble around in my bum bag, quickly pull out just a stick from, or basically like a twig from a fern tree, like a Christmas tree. And I'm going to go ahead and cast Locate Object.
03:27:14
Speaker
And I want to locate the, which is like, what's the term I want to use for this? The type of wire. It's not going to be like a diffuse or like a trip. I want to locate cast locate object on a trip wire. So I'll kind of go and kind of point my.
03:27:36
Speaker
my tweak dividing stick yeah very fire glow that you cast earlier starts to show around the blue wire leading into the back of the always call is the blue does that mean it's the right one to cut what's a trip wire oh you wanted the trip wire you know that's what it's found because locate object would give you that so excellent stuff awesome awesome that's my action so I'll just quickly call that out and say it's the trip someone do something and I'll faint
03:28:06
Speaker
It comes to Prancer. It comes to Prancer. What does... Does that mean the blue one is the... The tripwire is the one that fucks it, so cut the red wire. Mate, that's... What... Fuck it, I'm just gonna roll a d20. Okay. Prancer was nothing but confused. And I was just, watch this turtle. I thought I'd imagine just roll onto his back, legs in the air.
03:28:36
Speaker
totally, totally unconscious, just drooling a little bit with one of the wires that was glowing and said, do something, I'm fainting, and then noodles passed out. Prancer is starting to sweat and is going to take the tip of his halberd, which is a point of top, and hover it over the glowing, it was the blue wire that was glowing, wasn't it? Okay, hover over that blue wire. Double think, move it to the red wire.
03:29:07
Speaker
Move it back to the blue wire. Oh god. And then move it back to the red wire and then just slip it down and cut the red wire. Oh my god. And the display things to go off. Oh fucking hell. The trip wire to me. I don't know what trip wire means. I didn't know either. I shouldn't have asked.
03:29:32
Speaker
I mean, I'm guessing it's the one that trips you up. You're absolutely right. The one, the trip-wise, the one that would definitely trip the explosive, yeah, yeah, but... Francis Lane literally going to fall onto his back as well and join, and join Noodle, laying on his back, just lying there in the panting, in the snow, just sweating and breathing heavy. Okay. Willie, it's your turn. This display has just gone off. There is this creature still behind you. What do you want to do?
03:30:01
Speaker
Okay. So device looks safe. Question. Yeah. Fuck. Okay. Let's do this again. I turn around. I don't have thunder wave. I used all my spells like a dick. And I tried to be an animal. I turned into a bunny.
03:30:34
Speaker
Be nice, guy. Kill me. I turn around, I take some holly from my beard and put it in between hands and smush hands. And then as my hands grow apart, you see thorny holly whip. And I turn around and I whoop at the nearest creature. And I aim to attack with my whip for 17. Hit. Yeah. You've done something I'm like too well. Come on, Big Willie.
03:30:55
Speaker
Nice guy, kill me now.
03:31:05
Speaker
Four points of damage, piercing. Well, I'm going to describe this from Fimbul's perspective. Fimbul, you see this creature coming towards you and then all of a sudden this whip hits it and you just see this creature explode. Fimbul, you need to make a dexterity saving throw. Yeah, get down, bitch. Sixteen. You pass and therefore only take
03:31:30
Speaker
So you take four points reduced again to two points. No, it's poison damage. You take four points to poison damage. However,
Celebratory Conclusion
03:31:38
Speaker
what you see is the poison dissipates and you cough and splutter. It's almost like a wild west gunman. It's just this tiny little gnome holding this whip that has just caused this creature to explode. Voice gnome. Ass. And with that... Suck it!
03:31:56
Speaker
I am so good. You see that? He looks around. You see that? You see what I just did? Last enemy, guys. Last enemy. Me. I made it my bitch. It would say Big Willy killed me if it could, but it can't. It's dead. Dung, dung, dung, dung. Killed it with my dung. Dung, dung, dung, dung. Big dung. Dung. And that rings out 12 times, and this fireworks and cheers go up from down below.
03:32:26
Speaker
The residents of Gumpleton have no idea how close they came to destruction this New Year's Eve, saved by the heroes of Christmas. And as the pan of the cameras this surround you all stood on top of this platform overlooking the city below. That is where we will end this New Year's Eve edition.
03:32:50
Speaker
There we go, guys, a very kind of new and special 2022 Christmas special from the fellowship. Hopefully, those of you who have joined us this year on the podcast, this is new. And you know what? Even if you listened to it last year and you tuned in again and stayed with us for this extra like three hours, well, Merry Christmas and thank you very much. Hope you enjoyed it twice as much.
03:33:14
Speaker
All that's left for me to say is this year's been quite successful for us. Our audience has grown and it just seems to keep on growing. So that's really cool. Thank you everyone who's joined us and thank you to our long time listeners as well. Really means a lot to us. Merry Christmas everyone. Happy New Year. Hope you spend it with those that you love and we'll see you well next week because we keep the content going. So next Friday. Peace.