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364 — Fluffernutter
26 Plays1 month ago
Ty & Eric discuss why footlong girth is better than footlong length, how to coach your Sandwich Artist, the New England marshmallow sandwich, flanking a flank steak, why you should write to your elected representatives about the $5 footlong, the made-to-order sandwich, and Subway’s FPMs (Pootlongs Per Minute).
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Transcript
Opening Banter and Audio Adjustments
00:00:07
Speaker
redhead Bread Bread heads. What's up, everybody? Ty and Eric back in the booth. Think fresh. Podcasts banging in your eardrums slightly louder as Eric adjusts the game. Or quieter. We don't know which way I turned it. Yeah, dude. You're always fiddling with the knobs.
00:00:25
Speaker
One would call me a knob-ed. A knob-ed. The knob goblin. That's right. The tweaker. The tweaker. The freaky tweaker. Freaky tweaker. What the fuck?
Merch Launch Announcement
00:00:39
Speaker
We are so back. It is a Tuesday and, um, Ty, we are... quite busy this week. We've been busy because we launched a merch merchandise website, which you can go ahead and shop. You're going to want to go to shop.thinkfreshpodcast.com to shop our merchandise. And if you want to use a little cheeky discount, a little cheeky discount, and you can go ahead and use the code breadhead for 10% off.
00:01:02
Speaker
that's all you are Those are all facts, Eric. He only he only preaches the truth to the breadheads. That's right. um The website just got a revamp, so it's looking really fresh as all things think. So definitely go give that a peruse. And I just also want to let the breadheads know this podcast and every all of our merch is all satire. Don't worry about it. No need to think about the implications of a lawsuit.
00:01:26
Speaker
Mm-hmm. There are no implications because we can't be sued. it We have no liability. For what we are doing, we cannot be sued. So don't even try. We're unsuitable. That's right. It's just satire.
00:01:39
Speaker
can't be managed or sued. No, it cannot be managed.
Invitation for Guest Appearances
00:01:44
Speaker
And if you want to be a guest on this show, go ahead and drop us an email. You can find the email on our various websites. Yeah, it turns out people want to be a guest. That's pretty exciting. Yeah, it is exciting. I don't blame them for wanting to come on the show. And, um you know, we probably will.
00:02:00
Speaker
start getting some more guests soon. I think it's about time. We've been busy BC in the underground or in the backend. We've been beasting in the backend. We were able to launch that site. We also redesigned our main site, which is quite fun. I gotta say you should go check it out. Thinkfreshpodcast.com.
00:02:16
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's looking really fresh there um Not like the avocado at Subway. I'll tell you that much. Oh my goodness, dude I haven't had the avocado from Subway in Probably four years. I don't even know if i maybe I've got it once on this podcast if I did I would have reported on it I don't think I've ever touched it and maybe I need to revisit it because <unk>re we're We're speaking a lot of smack on the elbow game there, and I know it's brown. I know it's creepy I know there's a fly on it, but we have we can't really critique whether it tastes good or not. That's right Ty. We've been doing a lot of lip smacking however we are not not able to actually review the avocado because we haven't ah smacked our lips on it if that makes sense.
00:03:02
Speaker
Yeah, 100% it makes sense. It's kind of like when preteen boys talk about their relationships and like they give advice to each other. you know They don't know anything. That's like us with the avocado.
00:03:18
Speaker
Exactly. It's like, you know, it's like asking your fat friend to be your personal trainer. It's like they don't know what they're not qualified for the job. And it's the same thing with the sandwich artists. They're not qualified. They're neither a sandwich nor an artist type. Yeah, I know. But I still feel like we're not.
00:03:35
Speaker
I think we need to, we need to train them, you know? Like, we are the sandwich artist's coach at the end of the day. And your sandwich artist is only, it's kinda like, you know when there's a bad dog? You see a bad dog at the dog park, where a dog is misbehaving. And you know what people say, Eric? They say, you can't blame the dog, you gotta blame the owner. It wasn't well trained. This makes way too much sense because at a dog show, who gets the medal? The owner. Yeah, the dog, if the dog's lucky, it gets a treat. Yeah.
00:04:06
Speaker
And if the sandwich artist is lucky, it gets a tip. Exactly. Which they, they're notoriously unlucky. They're very unlucky, yeah. The over-under on them getting a tip is atrocious. Totally.
Subway Sandwiches and Politics
00:04:19
Speaker
Um, I see a lot of comments about, you know, Subway will launch a footlong and they'll post a about it on Instagram, but they'll, um, they'll just have like a million comments being like, make it $5. And breadheads cut that shit out. we It's not happening, okay? It's not happening.
00:04:37
Speaker
we need We need to establish a new baseline because we we can't go back from here. there's no way it like You need to comment that on like the Federal Reserve's Instagram account, not Subway's. Because it's their fault that it doesn't cost $5. Drop the rates, Trudeau. We need those comments on ah on the Trudeau fan page. Yeah, exactly. give Trudeau, bring us back the $5 footlong. Totally. If we had a ah Prime Minister candidate who... I don't even know... though I talk about politics so infrequently, I don't know what it's called. But if they ran on Bring Make sandwiches $5 again, I think they would secure my vote.
00:05:21
Speaker
Yeah, 100%. A second best situation is make it longer. Like, maybe it's sandwich costs $10 now, but maybe the sandwich could, if it was 24 inches, I'd pay the, you know? There's like, there's two different approaches so you can get creative with it. Yeah. We don't have to go perfectly back. Yeah. I'm gonna give Subway some rare credit here, because I don't think we talk enough about the girth of the sandwich.
00:05:44
Speaker
We're all gung-ho about the 12 inches and the 6 inches, but if we're being honest, the girth has increased substantially from the days of, you know, the $5 foot long. Like, think about it. When you're a kid, it would just fit perfectly in your tiny little hands, but now it's like, I gotta, I'm a grown-ass man, I gotta two-hand it. You're two-handing it. When I was a kid even, I felt like I could plug that whole thing in my mouth. But now, I can't get my jaw around it. I have to come in from the side, take a bite, come in from the other, take a bite. It's the only way. You've got to attack that thing at multiple angles. You've got to set up a strategic invasion on it. Mm-hmm. Multiple front lines. Exactly. You've got to flank it.
00:06:32
Speaker
The flank steak is getting flank. Oh dude, the flank steak when it's just hanging out of the sub. um I'm flanking that. I'm um eating the little overhang all around and then I'm getting into the bun. Can I get a nibble?
00:06:47
Speaker
That's awesome, dude. so You're right, though. The girth has... It's not substantial, but it has slowly increased in the same way that every year a tree gets another layer of bark.
00:06:59
Speaker
it's moving out i It's growing at that pace, but over time you look back and you realize, wow, it's changed.
00:07:10
Speaker
Mm-hmm. It has changed high I think subway needs to do a better job of advertising this potentially You know just displaying a size chart on their menu. Just being like hey you can get the You can get the foot long, but just be aware it comes with a five inch circumference For your pleasure. exactly Yeah, Cross sections would be really helpful in the marketing material. It really helps you see, like especially if you overlay some measurements just to really get a sense of the scale. Yeah, totally. Ty, I just thought about something, but I think we should hit up a sandwich shop for lunch today. can
00:07:49
Speaker
I have my car. Why don't we go to Venny's subs? Should we do that today? I have some time. I know you're yeah you got a jet on out of here tomorrow. You're leaving the province. Oh yeah. Catching a red eye to the cursed 666 inch. That's right. To Toronto. And I will be dabbling in their local handhelds, you know, when in Rome.
00:08:11
Speaker
So it would be good to have one last sandwich before I skip town just so that I might have some, a bench line to compare to. Totally. Whenever someone goes on a flight, I think it is, it's customary in my family to treat them to a meal. You know what I mean? Whether you buy it for them or not, you gotta spend time with a person before they leave. You know, it could be the last time you see them. It's a send off. Exactly. It's a send off. Yeah. And when you arrive, you share a pint together. You're celebrating the long journey across the continent.
00:08:41
Speaker
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Well, once we get, once I get over to Toronto, Eric, they're like, these costs does have strong sandwich game. I feel like Boston's got like a lot of sandwich, New York, obviously sandwich hub. Um, I was learning about like a local sandwich to new England that isn't too far from the greater Toronto area. So I don't know if I'm going to come across it. I don't know if you've heard of it, but apparently this is like a delicacy in new England.
New England Culinary Delights
00:09:07
Speaker
It's called it's okay. I'll tell you what's in it. I can already picture it without you telling me about it. What do you think it is? I think it's gonna be sloppy. Like I honestly think it's like a fucking plain hoagie with like chowder inside. That's literally what I'm picturing. Like seafood falling out of it.
00:09:24
Speaker
See, you're following it falling into the stereotypes of a New Englander. There's this is Think Fresh podcast at the end of the day. We perpetuate all stereotypes. That's right. So it's not quite that. It's more ah to revisit the term lip smacker. This sandwich is more about the chewing than it is about the ingredients because Well, I'll talk through the ingredients and then you'll understand. Two slices of white bread, untoasted, nice and soft. A layer of peanut butter, and then a layer of ooey marshmallows.
00:10:00
Speaker
Oh yeah, this car. Wow, that's a cool car. We just watched a pool of ass Mercedes. Older than Eretz just drove by. What do you think the mileage metal is on that thing? Mine is 4Matic. Okay. Anyways, Ty, two pieces of bread. What's in between them? Peanut butter. Oh god. Marshmallows. I hate this so much. This is like a treat for your like weird east coaster.
00:10:22
Speaker
Dude, if you put marshmallows on anything other than a stick, like that is the fucking worst thing ever. It turns out they're like really into marshmallows over there um because I guess somewhere around Maine that was where the marshmallow was invented. So they even have a festival every year called What the Fluff and it's like a marshmallow themed festival and these sandwiches are really popular there but they're also just a common treat for children and adults alike. This is all hearsay. I have no idea. If you are from New England, sound off in the chat. Let us know if you've ever had one of these sandwiches. Do you want to know the name of the mirin? The name of the sandwich? Yeah, it has a name. As many things do. When you say them, what do you mean? Is it non-binary sandwich?
00:11:08
Speaker
Well, how would you gender a sandwich? I wouldn't gender it. It's an inanimate object. Precisely them. It. It? How would you name it? Well, how would you name it? Makes sense to me. Okay, well, it is plural because more than one exists.
00:11:23
Speaker
Oh it's there's more than one type of marshmallow peanut butter monstrosity. Oh no there's only one type but there's many individual units. You can assume that more than one has been produced in this world. I feel like zero exists at a time unless you're actively eating one. Made to order? Yeah they're made to order kind of like our merch. Wow that's crazy all Subway sandwiches are made to order too which is insane when you think about it. Yeah like in this exact moment there is not that many if zero, if not zero full Subway sandwiches.
The Existential Subway Sandwich Theory
00:11:53
Speaker
You're right. Like they're either de deconstructed completely or they have a bite taken out of them. I think we have this, we have the facts on how many sandwiches are made a minute, right?
00:12:05
Speaker
Yep, I just pulled up the fact here, it turns out every single minute, 2,800 sandwiches are produced. 2,800 era. Every minute. Every minute. So can we assume that it takes one minute to navigate from the checkout to a desk, to a like a table to eat the sandwich?
00:12:26
Speaker
Yeah, I can assume that it's about one minute to find a seat. Few people take it to go. A few people don't even get it wrapped. They're just taking it wrong, eating it on the way out the door. Well, it's very possible that there's roughly 2,800 sandwiches in existence right now. That's kind of, it seems low. Like perfect, i like un unbitten, a beautiful peer foot long. That is low. 3,000 at any given time. Yeah. Huh. That's pretty cool actually.
00:12:55
Speaker
It's kind of interesting. I do prefer my theory where none exist. I think the world is a better place when there's no Subway sandwiches on Earth. um you You also have to acknowledge though like the concept of like a perfect, complete sandwich. It's just a projection. you know It is never going to be that, because like the minute it's wrapped, you know even in the package of black olives falling out, it's already been sacrificed. Or compromised, I should say. It's a compromised footlong.
00:13:25
Speaker
Yeah. This guy looks like he works at ALD. Yeah, a little bit. We're in a ah weird weird area to record this podcast. ah Do you want to know what the sandwich is called, though, Eric? Yeah, sure. What is this person doing?
00:13:42
Speaker
Wow, we're we're trying to record in a car today as we sometimes do and we're just getting bombarded from all sides by pedestrians. This is how speed feels whenever he goes anywhere. I should have gave her the finger wag like I did last episode. um But yeah, we just had someone pull up asking for our parking spot. No, ma'am. No, ma'am. We're posted. Can they tell we're locked in?
00:14:06
Speaker
How stupid of was that? Like she drove by like six or seven times and then on the eighth time she's gonna ask. Like obviously say I'm here to stay. You gotta give give it up for like her like being brave enough to ask. She could have just accepted that. We're not moving, but you don't know unless you shoot your shot. Yeah.
00:14:27
Speaker
As I was saying, you don't know if you shoot your shot. Yeah, time just glitched. Yeah, shoot your shot. Apologies, redheads. Shoot your shot. But um how do you feel about, like, in general, car owners kind of like playing the the secret game of, like, if you mess with me, I will slash your tires without you knowing. how How do you feel about this? Obviously impossible to do with a Tesla because they will catch you on on video.
00:14:54
Speaker
um But I've had this encounter recently where I've had a little parking dispute. Whose spot is it? You know what I mean? It sounds like a game show, but I've had to argue my way into a spot worrying the whole time that I'm going to come back to less of a car than I came here with. It's kind of crazy when you think about it. Cars are the original avatars.
00:15:17
Speaker
fuck talking about Hear me out. You go online. You join a ah message board. You are anonymous. You can say you're doing anything. But the minute you get in a car, you are just ah driver a driver. You're anonymous. A crazy theory. you It's kind of the original internet in that sense. You're just kind of surfing around, causing trouble. And then if anything arises, you just disappear. You just drive away.
00:15:42
Speaker
yeah you draw this tab I'm in my like invincibility cocoon here where like I can do anything as long as I'm inside the car I can do anything I want and get away with it except for Run from the police speed Run a stop sign all the traffic all of that stuff But there's something definitely that's like kind of dehumanizing about the car driver the automobile driver occupant and like not just you it's every single one of them you all just becoming like you're not you're no longer a human you're just another automobile operator mm-hmm just another user and an NPC but I think is where the the term NPC probably comes from in our modern society because
00:16:22
Speaker
When I'm stuck in rush hour and I'm driving home, you know, cursing the powers that be for hybrid, I'm thinking about, wow, I'm one of these, like, idiots who's clogging up the traffic right now. Like, I'm no better than anyone else here.
00:16:38
Speaker
Dude, nothing makes me feel more like a loser in all senses of the word than being in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Oh, dude, I feel completely useless. Yeah. This is why I always pull over, have a couple pints. I wait it out. Dude, yeah, I've done that way too many times. I would way rather wait out rush hour than push through. Yeah, totally. And it's not that long. It's like everyone tries to go home in the same hour window. If you just, you know, have a couple brews with your bro, yeah you will bypass that one hour and then driving home a little bit tipsy is just enough to get you through the day, you know? Either way, you're just going home to your smelly wife who made you some slop for dinner. It's gonna go over easier if you have a pint in you. 100%. Oh,
00:17:25
Speaker
dude. I would happily sit, you yeah actually sure you got a point, I would happily sit in bumper to bumper traffic to just have five minutes to myself die. Yeah. and There's people that sit in the parking of my building and they're just like on their phones in the driver's seat and they'll sit there for half an hour, an hour. You know, they're just trying to get away from it all. From the ball and chain. Yeah, the kids. i I've witnessed this as well. like Everywhere I've lived I've seen this people would come home and then don't get out of their car for like 15 minutes And then sometimes I'll even hear like a podcast like blaring inside the car Wow, unbelievable. Shout out to think fresh. Yeah, dude
00:18:06
Speaker
um I just feel like that's what ah the toilet's for. ah do you need a this it' like Why do you need a second safe space? It's a sanctuary. Although the lock on my bathroom door doesn't really work, so there's a good chance that bay will just come on in. Storm in. Storm in while I'm storming one out. Sit on your lap. While I'm storming the capital.
00:18:29
Speaker
Via your avatar online. Exactly. Very cool. Well, before we round out this episode, Eric, I really need to tell you the name. Oh, sorry. Marshmallow and peanut butter sandwich. I completely derailed that conversation. That line of thinking. I want to make sure we got back there before this episode concluded. The name of this sandwich is the Fluffer Nutter. Oh, no.
00:18:57
Speaker
Oh yeah. no The fluffer nutter. The fluffer nutter. Sounds like ah my furry gamer tag. yeah That's also Eric's PS5 account name. Dude, what a crazy fursona. Fursona, yeah it is. Wow. I can't top that pud. Nutter butter? Fluffer nutter. Fluffer nutter. You've had you've had nutter butter, I'm sure. Yeah, I've had nutter butter. Dude, nut butter?
00:19:29
Speaker
All butters that are nuts, very good. Dude, peanut butter is the craziest name for any food. Why? Because it's got the word pea, nut, and butt in it. I think that's awesome. That is awesome. Dude, shout out to Jiffy. Yeah. They're like, wow. They're good for them for like operating in an environment with such a funny word. Pea, nut, butt.
00:19:59
Speaker
peanut butter but i hardly know her
00:20:04
Speaker
um ti have you ever had fatso the almond butter brand yeah I have I don't mind it it's a little too thick it is quite thick yeah so that's the biggest problem with nut, natural nut butters because the first half is nice and creamy. All the oil kind of like navigates to the top of the jar. So like the first like five to 10 sandwiches you make are excellent. After that you're, it's like you're scraping cement onto your, onto your sandwich.
00:20:34
Speaker
You're absolutely right. It's insane, like, the difference between the top of the natty peanut jar and the bottom. There are they're completely different species of nut butt. Nut butt butt. But what about this nut theory here? Do you think that means the non... The jiffies of the grocery store? Yeah, sorry. The ah the preservative ones are actually bad for you.
00:21:00
Speaker
I just don't think there's any butter in it. I think it's just all canola oil. Oh, okay. That makes sense. They can via some sort of like electron shocking, you know, they stimulate the atoms so that they behave in a way that's thicker. Right, right, right, right. That's my theory. I don't think there's a single, I think it's peanut free. Right. So they run an industrial size Hitachi vibrator on there just to loosen up the fibers, if you will. Yeah. And then they supplement it with some soy and then you got peanut, then you got Jiffy, you know,
00:21:29
Speaker
Mm Well, speaking of JiffyTire, I think this episode has been over in a Jiffy. So let's round this one out and send the bright heads off to shop our site. Bright heads, you know what to do. Head over to shop.thinkfresh.podcast.com. I don't even know our domain. It's OK. We're working on getting a better one. I don't need it to be shorter. .podcast-hmm should be a domain extension. It really should be. That'd be cool. It should be cheaper than ours. It would be Justin Timberlake is going to say ditch the podcast. It's just think fresh. Or Jay-Z. Jay-Z might say that too. Or Jay as I like to call him. We just call him Jay.
00:22:15
Speaker
Or Kanye. All rappers like to just get rid of her. They're constantly in a state of reductivism. Like Prince, he used to be The Prince. Wasn't Lil Wayne something else? um Little, ah I think it was Little, the full word maybe? This has been an episode of Think Fresh podcast. Thanks for listening. Cheers.