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A Resolution to Be Better
58 Plays5 years ago
There are some years that we may feel motivated to take on great challenges to overhaul various aspects of our lives - making a New Years Resolution is often the perfect time to make those changes! But there are other years when a complete 180 may not be what you're looking for. In this instance, Michelle and Lindsay propose and chat about their resolution for 2020 which is, simply, to take what they have been working on up to this point and just BE BETTER!
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Transcript
Introduction and New Year Resolution Theme
00:00:00
Speaker
But I always, um, I have conversations with my Fitbit. Wow. Do you want to go for a stroll? Because I've been sitting for too long and I say, no. And then I turn it off. So yours isn't just the dots. Like mine was just literally like, no, one dot in between. Okay. Yeah, that's good. That's good. They did get better and better.
00:00:31
Speaker
Welcome back to the Modern Lady podcast. You're listening to episode 53. Hi, I'm Michelle. And I'm Lindsay. And today we are talking about our shared resolution to be better this year. It's January and we are back with your New Year pep talk. We love New Year's. Goal setting, resolution making, introspective reflection. These are all totally up our alley. But after a few years of overhauling several areas of our own lives,
00:01:01
Speaker
We here at the Modern Lady Podcast would like to offer our mantra for 2020 for your consideration, which is simply be better. But first, if you are enjoying the Modern Lady Podcast, we would be so honored if you could take a minute to rate and review us on whatever platform you use to listen to podcasts. It only takes a minute, but it really helps our little podcast stand out. When you take the time to comment on our podcast, it truly makes our day.
00:01:27
Speaker
This week's shout out goes to Earl Grey Tuesday who left us a five-star review on Apple podcasts and said, quote, fun, approachable and inspiring conversations on homemaking and living a life of faith. Highly recommend. End quote.
00:01:44
Speaker
Thank you Earl Grey Tuesday for your review and your recommendation. It means so much to us to have you tuning in each week.
Tips and Reflections on Goal Setting
00:01:51
Speaker
And if you would like to leave us a comment you can do so on our website www.themodernlady1950.wordpress.com or you can leave us a comment on Facebook or Instagram where you can find us at the Modern Lady podcast.
00:02:11
Speaker
But before we get into today's chat, Lindsay has our modern lady tip of the week.
00:02:17
Speaker
We were very blessed to have a house filled with company over the Christmas season and many dinners were enjoyed and many desserts were served. This got me thinking, when is the proper time to serve dessert? According to the website eHow.com, it is customary to wait 15 to 30 minutes after dinner. This is because we often tend to make a more luxurious meal when we host people for dinner, you know, meals that are richer than normal. And we tend to eat a little bit more when we are with other people.
00:02:44
Speaker
Serving dessert too quickly could also make it feel like you're rushing your guests out. If your company has a small group of close friends or family, you can just ask them when they prefer to eat dessert. Or another thing that you can do is just set up a dessert table and let your guests know that dessert has been set out and that they're free to grab something whenever they're ready.
00:03:03
Speaker
One of the things that we enjoy is serving dessert in another location in our home. It is nice to get everyone up and moving and switch the location of the dinner party from the dining room into the living room. Or if the weather's nice, dreaming of the summer, right? Perhaps taking coffee and dessert outside. Getting everybody up and moved into another spot is the perfect way to give your guests ample time to relax before you serve them more delicious food.
00:03:28
Speaker
This is a great tip. I actually struggle with the opposite problem, which is I get so distracted. And this is actually, our family does this too for family gatherings and stuff. After a while, we all kind of start thinking, should we eat dessert now?
00:03:44
Speaker
Well, we have a big family too. So most of our big event dinners are potluck style. Yeah. Right? So yeah, it's a little bit different than a formal dinner party. But yeah, when to serve dessert. That's really interesting. I didn't think there would be an actual tip on that, like a hard and fast rule. So that's interesting. Well, I'm the opposite. I'm a five year old. So in my head, I'm sitting there the whole time at somebody else's dessert. Am I going, when's dessert? When do we get to eat dessert?
00:04:12
Speaker
We're like, when we had you in Fillover, I'm like, can I make a second dessert on this spot? I don't know if there's an etiquette tip for that, but we had our first dessert, right? As you'll recall. That's right. And then I spent another 40 minutes making a second dessert with our company there. That's right. We were like that Hobbit meme or the Lord of the Rings meme. We've had first dessert, yes. But what about second
Challenges and Successes in Self-Improvement
00:04:36
Speaker
dessert? And I'm sure Emily Post wouldn't have agreed with that. But I mean, who isn't happy with two desserts?
00:04:45
Speaker
Sometimes we recognize a need to make some changes in our lives. The new year is often the perfect time to try out something new. But what if you're more or less happy with the road you're on?
00:04:57
Speaker
then it can be a time to keep running with it and just be better. Right, Lindsay? Yeah, that's right. And you know what? For the last six months or so, I heard a voice whispering, be better. And it was either my own brain or maybe the Holy Spirit, or perhaps it was Jason, my husband, standing behind me.
00:05:15
Speaker
Or perhaps it was just indigestion. I don't know. But regardless, the message is stuck. And I adopted that motto as my motto for 2020. And you were all on board for it, too. You know, you and I have kind of been on a similar journey, especially as our friendship has progressed over the last couple of years, where we motivate each other to keep being better. And we kind of helped each other establish new habits and new practices over the last couple of years, right? And now we're kind of settled into that in this stage in our lives.
00:05:44
Speaker
Yeah, it's been such an interesting journey of intensity, I'm going to say. I feel like I've been more intentionally intense for the last couple of years. And so when I was doing my usual reflection in between Christmas and New Year, I was trying to think, OK, what changes do I want to make? And I was like, I actually don't really want to make any changes. I can't think of anything I would want to do differently. But I do want to improve.
00:06:12
Speaker
So that's kind of, and then you started talking on Instagram a lot about this be better mantra. And I was like, I think that's it. And I think maybe a lot of us, if we've been on similar paths of really changing things over the last few years, we can relate to that.
00:06:28
Speaker
Yeah. Because you know what, we have years where everything falls apart and we do have to start from scratch again. And we can admit that sometimes we have years where we're like, yeah, we kind of nailed it. Like things are going okay. And that's okay too. There are going to be those years, especially if you are the type of person who tries to have that outlook on life, right? Where we have a more positive outlook going, you know what, these things all really worked for me. So I'm going to just be better at those things. And you and I talk all the time about also fessing up to all the things that we're not doing well. So it's not like we're
00:06:58
Speaker
putting our fingers in our ears and ignoring the things we don't need to work on. Um, we're just saying that we've worked very hard, both of us individually to like really change up our lives. And so it's a good time to settle into that and to just be better at those things. And you know what you were saying earlier about how you're having trouble kind of switching back into your new routine, right? The kids are back in school. So what have you been feeling?
00:07:22
Speaker
Oh, man. Yeah, just like I caught between wanting to feel motivated, but actually feeling motivated. And so I yeah, and and I was kind of sitting there this morning. And usually I edit the podcast in the morning. But this is our first day back recording. So I haven't had anything to work on in the morning.
00:07:44
Speaker
And I've just been feeling like I've been lazy, but at the same time that I've been constantly moving. And so I was thinking to myself, you know, it probably isn't so much that I'm slacking off because I'm actually really afraid of stopping the momentum of all this good change and getting better. I'm nervous about that. And so I think that was causing me a bit of anxiety and stress, thinking that I'm letting the ball drop a little bit.
00:08:10
Speaker
But I think upon further reflection, it's really just that there are certain phases and times of the year that are busier. And January is not a busy time for us, usually compared to November,
Perseverance and Character Building
00:08:23
Speaker
December. So I'm trying really hard to ease back into things, but the keyword being easing back into it, right? So not just letting it slide.
00:08:34
Speaker
I love January, and like you're saying, it is a quieter month for most people. I actually looked up when most people give up on their New Year's resolutions. Do you know what the date is? There is a date. I think I do.
00:08:46
Speaker
Is it January 15th? No, the 12th, I think, unless we had different articles, but same, same day off, right? Right. Yeah. So around there. So this was, um, and maybe different companies have come up with different dates, but I thought it was fascinating because it was a fitness tracker and they could see right on their tracker, like how many people were working out from like January 1st. And then by the 12th on their tracker, people were done. No more information being logged.
00:09:15
Speaker
I've had fairly good success sticking to new habits over the last couple of years. And we've talked about this before, how success breeds success. And specifically with doing fasting, you and I both love fasting. And when I learned how to conquer my appetite through fasting, I learned how to conquer other parts of my life.
00:09:36
Speaker
And so it just, you know, that kind of starts to snowball in a good way. Things can snowball in a bad way, i.e. carbs and sugar over Christmas and that kind of thing. But when we start to build on success, that can continue. And so I think that January things don't have to just stop on January 12th or 15th when people give up on their resolutions. If you're not
00:09:59
Speaker
um, trying to completely revolutionize your life starting at the stroke of midnight on January 1st. And you have an actual plan to kind of work with what you already have to become a better person. Um, I think it can actually absolutely happen. Right. It's kind of like what we were talking about in terms of Advent and also in Lent that it's supposed to be a process, right? Like you're not supposed to start on Ash Wednesday at the degree of perfection that you're trying to work up to, right?
00:10:28
Speaker
And the same I think can be said about January. The problem is, is that there's so much hype around it. It gets so easy to get swept up. Ask me how I know.
00:10:38
Speaker
You're right, just learning more about goal setting in particular over these last few years. The key of being consistent in small things versus the grand gesture can be a deal breaker in a lot of these resolutions and in persevering past that January 12th cutoff date for all the goodwill.
00:11:00
Speaker
That's what takes the hardest amount of work is persevering and staying committed in the everyday. And so that's I think how we're going to tie it into being better because we want to take that, the little things that we've already worked on and just do a better job at it. And I'm excited by that. I feel totally motivated as you were saying in the opening, you and I both get really excited about new beginnings.
00:11:26
Speaker
We just take every chance that we can to make it a new beginning, right? So Mondays, Wednesdays, a Friday morning. We're like, it's a new beginning. And so I just actually want to spread that cheer and have you guys know that you can do the same thing. Like just even if you didn't make resolutions for January 1st, and I firmly believe in resolutions. I know a lot of people brush them off, but you can start it tomorrow, right? The day after listening to this, you can start it that afternoon. Oh, sure. I generally don't even start.
00:11:56
Speaker
Really actively working on my resolutions stuff maybe this is actually my problem this year is that i want to wait for my planner to go on sale yeah yeah so i don't know if i love my planner and that actually is very motivating for me to keep up with this consistency and so i usually order it after new year's.
00:12:16
Speaker
And then I kind of wait around until it mails to me from the States. That takes a while. Yeah. Yeah. But just this idea of being better. Just one final note before we move on to the next portion of the show is just this idea that it's actually a really good thing, I think, to every once in a while have a year where you're just going to keep working on the other resolutions that you've set. Because the chances are that none of us have reached excellence or perfection in it.
00:12:45
Speaker
I know that for myself. I have set health goals and while I can recognize and acknowledge that I'm doing well, the truth is that I know that there is so much more work to be done. So not to be discouraged if you can't come up with anything brand new.
00:13:04
Speaker
where you just kind of want to sit here for a while. I think that's actually really healthy. That's absolutely right, Michelle. I know you and I talked about this quote we saw from Cardinal Serra when he was talking about the devastating fire at Notre Dame. And he just recently said in homily about the fact that we need to rebuild the cathedral. Now, in all honesty, you and I read a lot of headlines. We don't always click on the full.
00:13:26
Speaker
So he might have said a lot more but I mean I was already struck by that because it's a message of we need to rebuild the Cathedral He said like not build a new church and I was like, whoa Whoa, that is a metaphor for every part of my life Like I don't need to build a new life or a new me from scratch You know that this point my life there were times where I had to do that, but this year I don't and that's okay and so um
00:13:54
Speaker
It's about, you know, I was talking to my kids and Jason about it. I was kind of picturing my life and our family and the way I run our home, like a dusty, old, dark cathedral. And it's about like doing the painstaking little details, right? It's about like trying to mend the stained glass and like down on your hands and knees, clearing out the cobwebs under the pews. The cathedral's already there. It just needs to be really cleaned up this year. And that's me.
00:14:21
Speaker
And the problem is that that's such a less glamorous job than building the new church, right? Like who wants to be the one cleaning cobwebs under the pews? But you're right. In order to have those splendid, glorious churches, someone has to do that hard work, the nitty gritty. The maintenance.
00:14:41
Speaker
The maintenance has to happen and that's what this is, right? It isn't always restoration work and it is not always rebuilding. And so I guess maybe the word maintenance is another way of looking at it. But if we maintain these structures or these old beautiful things in the right way, we are making them better as they get older, right? We're adding value to it. So, Michelle, do you remember there was, I shared a post a little while ago and it's okay if you don't remember, but it was kind of,
00:15:12
Speaker
It was one that really struck me and it was just capital letters and it said, it all matters. And you know, in my head I heard boom, boom, boom. And I'm like, okay, it all matters. Oh, that's terrifying. Yeah. It's also incredibly positive.
00:15:30
Speaker
And so I guess depending on our mood, and we've talked about this before, do you remember when we talked about the elevator in an apartment building or something? Yes. Right? And depending on which floor you get out on, it's all the same view on the same side of that apartment building, you're just going to see it differently on the ground level, maybe then on the 10th floor or on the 20th floor. So this idea that it all matters.
00:15:52
Speaker
I think in my opinion for 2020 with our motto of being better is that this is a good thing is the little things matter. So if you just want to make sure you hang up your bath towel every single time, that's going to matter. It's going to make a difference on how many wet bath towels are on the floor or if it is just washing your face every night or saving a few dollars off every paycheck.
00:16:14
Speaker
all matters and these little things add up. And so you start there, right? So really stepping back. I'm a big fan of the five minute tidy. We talk about this all the time on Instagram. So setting these tiny goals in your life and again, not huge
00:16:33
Speaker
renovation things, just little goals and seeing if you can be better at those little things. Right. And even if you have a bigger goal in mind, right, like you have a number or you have a distance you want to run or something like that, to break it up into those little pieces that you can practice consistency in. Actually, maybe the whole purpose of that exercise really is to build yourself tools and resources of character
00:17:01
Speaker
That's going to help you not only in that goal, but in other goals too, right? Like, if you can develop a character of perseverance and someone who has grit, like, can stick it out, even when the tough get going, what is it? The going gets tough. The going gets tough, yeah.
00:17:20
Speaker
But if you can develop a character that withstands that kind of a struggle and has endurance, then then you're more likely to reach your goal. So perhaps the breaking it down, the process of breaking things down into small, sizable chunks is more of a character building exercise than a goal setting one. You're totally right. I think that that is what be better means. I think it's developing this spirit of perseverance, developing that as a virtue.
Community and Personal Growth
00:17:47
Speaker
And that is something that I never thought I could do before because I was a quitter. I always wanted this pillow. I might've told you before where it said, I never finished things that I stuff and it was just ST and then dot, dot, dot.
00:18:04
Speaker
I never finish things that I start in case people aren't catching on, right? Yes I wanted that pillow because that was me and we all used to laugh about it But then that same girl lost those 50 pounds and then that same girl said she was gonna start a podcast with her friend And here we are how many episodes 53 you said? So it's in and and that same girl said she was gonna homeschool her kids and she did for four years And I started to realize I'm like wait a sec. I'm not that girl anymore. I am sticking with stuff
00:18:30
Speaker
And so this idea of growing and the skill of perseverance, you have to learn that, like you're saying. It's a muscle that has to be exercised. And so all of these little things that we're being better at this year is ultimately changing our character, like what you said.
00:18:47
Speaker
Right. And it also sets you up too. If it's something small, like you always want to hang up your bath towel, for example. I love that image just because it is so small. But think of how clean our bathrooms would be if everyone just did it. And like everybody in our houses has six people, right? Like there's wet bath towels every day. And we only own eight bath towels. So if everyone hung those things up, maybe this is a personal rant, but I wouldn't have to be washing bath towels at midnight every night.
00:19:12
Speaker
Okay, I'm sorry to lead you down that path. Over where I was going with that was, this kind of goes along with a video I refer to often now by Jaco Willink, our favorite Navy SEAL.
00:19:33
Speaker
And when he has this short YouTube video about what to do when you don't feel like getting up or what to do on the days you don't feel like it, right? And he talks about, so you do it anyway, you go through the motions. And I think what's small, easy to manage habits
00:19:52
Speaker
do for you is they have motions for you to go through. And in that way, it helps keep you consistent and on track, right? So if it's too big, then you can't just go through the motions. If it's something too new and too big, that's not a motion. That's an Everest. And so I really love that because
00:20:13
Speaker
Lately, I really feel like even though I've lacked motivation, more or less, we have been able to keep on some semblance of our routine. And I think it's just because I'm going through the motions and that's, it's okay.
00:20:29
Speaker
I have to say another Jocko thing. This, he's amazing. So he really got me all pumped up because he started the new year and he put a post of his chin up bar and he said, the count is zero. You know, referring to how many times he can pull himself up. He said, after math, I did a lot of pull ups last year, last decade, last quarter century, but I woke up this morning. The count was the same as when I wake up every single day with everything I do. The count is zero.
00:20:56
Speaker
No laurels to rest on or slack to be given. The count is zero. Go and earn it. Wow. Yeah.
00:21:05
Speaker
Wow. I did read that. I did see that one. And then I thought, that is so great, Jaco. And then I was like, still sitting on my couch. Like that, sipping your coffee. That is a great message. I totally agree with you. Look at this. Phil, come here. Look at this. Isn't this great? So I think
00:21:31
Speaker
that what is really important is who we look to for inspiration. Right? And so we have talked about this before and we'll talk about this again. Do not be crushed under the weight of the perfect Instagram life. Be inspired by it. If somebody's really making you feel bad about yourself, then don't follow it.
00:21:51
Speaker
But if you're feeling bad about it because you've kind of dropped the ball and you maybe know you could be doing those things as well, then try doing those things. Like that's the other side of it. And, and there was one other quote I shared this week that just really got me pumped up and it's about, um, who you surround yourself with. So the quote is, I go to work every day with people smarter than me who are better at what they do than me. I go to the gym every day and work out with people who are stronger and faster than me.
00:22:19
Speaker
I spend my spare time with friends and family whose values and quality of character I aspire to reflect. For all of these reasons, I get better every day.
00:22:30
Speaker
That's like the quote, I know she was quoting someone else, but I can't remember, but Candace Owen says, right? You become the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Oh man, yes. Right? Yes. That's totally what it is. That is so true. And you can use social media for that. So rather than comparing and being crushed, like you said, by people you follow and you think I could never be like that, build your own virtual tribe and they may not even know you're there.
00:22:59
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Right. But you can in an effort to build up your motivation and endurance build this little bubble, for lack of a better term, that eggs you on in your specific goal. Yeah. We can be better. Like I just want to keep saying be better, be better, be better. It's like this incredible mantra that's in my head. Every little thing I do, if I'm going to wipe out the kitchen sink, I'm going to wipe it out well. If I'm going to get dressed that day, I'm going to dress up a little bit nicer.
00:23:28
Speaker
Like I'm going to be better at every little thing I do. And I'm going to demand this of my children as well. Not in a harsh way, but a way about forming within them these virtues of perseverance and of doing the proper amount of work to the duty that you're supposed to do. And so when they clean their rooms, if it's not good enough, I'm going to say, do better. Like, you know, that's it. You have to go do that too. And we can all.
00:23:53
Speaker
strive to be better and I just think it's such a great way to if you have that those two words in your head every time you're doing something it's just really important to just have that voice in your head again maybe it's your husband whispering it maybe it's the holy spirit let's just hope it's you saying it to yourself to be better because I know I could be better and it's that's there's nothing else that I really think I should be working towards this year
00:24:19
Speaker
So Michelle and I want to ask you guys to join us in this challenge So we want you to use our first ever hashtag and so we want you to hashtag be better 2020 and It's already out there as a hashtag, but we will check them We want to see you guys doing that in your regular lives too and we can just all work on this together and encourage each other and be that
00:24:41
Speaker
group of people that you talked about and then we become an average of that.
Personal Recommendations
00:24:45
Speaker
So hashtag be better 2020 and I hope it's the voice in your head too after today's episode.
00:24:57
Speaker
Okay, it's time for our What We're Loving This Week segment of the show. So Lindsay, what have you been loving this week? I got a Christmas gift that is perfectly in line with our topic today that is going to help me be better. So Jason got me the new Fitbit Versa Lite and it wasn't in our budget, but he had somebody at work. They have like a little work, buy and sell group.
00:25:19
Speaker
And so somebody had one one and they already owned one. And so he got a bit of a deal on it. So it was a nice surprise because I wanted one, but I did not think we'd be able to get I'd be able to get one this year. And I had the really, really old Fitbit that just shows a few dots on a little thing like it. It was terrible. But it helped me for years. But then I know this sounds stupid, Michelle, but I mean, I think like what's the point of walking if I'm not being tracked?
00:25:46
Speaker
Oh, I'm the same way. If it's charging, I think, well, I guess I can go for a walk today. I'm like, I guess I'll just sit on the couch today. So I know how stupid that sounds, but I don't think I'm alone in that. And so the Fitbit really does get me up and moving. And so this new one, I was shocked. Maybe it's because I'm almost 40, maybe younger people are used to technology. But when I woke up the first day, you know, it turns on and you turn your wrist and like the time comes up and the time looks really, really cool.
00:26:13
Speaker
and then you could like swipe it and you see like how well you slept and your heart rate and all this stuff and then you can swipe it the other way and you can check the weather and then I can play on the calculator and I actually said out loud I'm in the future.
00:26:27
Speaker
I said that and it's synced to my iPhone and because it's not an Apple watch you can't respond but I get all my texts and notifications right to my Fitbit and so this is so much fun and yeah I don't know exactly what they cost but it's something to maybe save up for for people who've been on the fence with a Fitbit and go like that is it really worth it yeah it's totally worth it because this new one also will buzz you and tell you that you've been sitting for too long which the other ones didn't
00:26:53
Speaker
And so you write like it'll buzz me because it knows my hourly goal and it will say like 19 steps left for your hourly goal. And so you get up and you get moving. So what are you loving this week? So I'm actually reading a novel that I'm only about halfway through. And I'm not sure if you've ever actually recommended it on the show, but I know it's one of your favorites and I've been meaning to get to it for months.
00:27:14
Speaker
I'm reading Rebecca by Daphne Des Moines. Okay, you did. I read that like three times. Oh, I love that book. Okay, and I'm really loving it too. I think it's really well written and it's hot. I don't know how to describe it. High language, but not hard to read. Right. So it's really good. So it's a sort of strange what I'm loving because to be honest, I'm kind of loving how confused it's making me.
00:27:44
Speaker
I'm a little bit confused. I find myself kind of being able to see where the story is going, but it's written so well in such a way that I'm hesitant to peg the plot line at what it is. I don't know if it's a supernatural type of book or if it's psychological. I didn't read much about the book before I read it, so I'm going in a bit blind. Oh, I'm so excited.
00:28:07
Speaker
I'll have to update. And I don't know if Daphne Du Maurier meant to do this or not, or if you found it the same, but I'm finding it kind of hard to like the main character. Oh, yeah. Well, a little bit. My heart goes out to her, truly. Like, she's in a very unique situation.
00:28:26
Speaker
But just Mrs. Danvers and oh, well, I don't like the husband like it's hard really hard. No But yeah, just oh my goodness It's so good and just to add as soon as you're done on YouTube Alfred Hitchcock's Rebecca movie is on YouTube for free Oh, I didn't even know there was a movie. Oh, yes with Lawrence Olivier as the husband and I've heard who plays the wife But it is my kids watched it with us. It was so good. Oh
00:28:54
Speaker
Okay, that's going to do it for us this week. If you want to get in touch and chat with us about our topic today, you can find us on our website, www.themodernlady1950.wordpress.com or leave us a comment on Facebook or Instagram at The Modern Lady Podcast. I'm Michelle Sacks and you can find me on Instagram at mmsacks.
00:29:17
Speaker
And I'm Lindsay Murray and you can find me on Instagram at Lindsay Homemaker. Thank you so much for listening. Have a great week and we will see you next time.