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3 Radical Ways to Transform Your Year
1.1k Plays8 months ago
In every generation, there is a desire to be somewhat of a “radical”, to buck the current culture and trends, and to leave our own unique mark on the world. But what if there were radical things we could do, starting today, that had the potential to change our own hearts, strengthen our homes and relationships and that would leave a legacy in light of the eternal? This week, we're discussing three simple things we can do that may be counter-cultural according to the world's standards, but that have the potential to truly transform your new year!
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Transcript
Introduction and Radical Ideas for 2024
00:00:00
Speaker
the Modern Lady podcast. And if you can't... Oh, sorry. No, I'm just... I've been still, like, weird. I feel like I have, like, fluid in my lungs ever since I've been sick, but I'm not sick. I just have to clear my throat a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No problem. Clear away. Oh my goodness, I'm so fired up.
00:00:31
Speaker
Welcome back to the Modern Lady podcast. You're listening to episode 149. Hi, I'm Michelle. And I'm Lindsay. And today we are sharing three radical things you can do to transform your 2024.
00:00:45
Speaker
In every generation, there's a desire to be somewhat of a radical, to buck the current culture and trends and to leave our own unique mark on the world. But what if there were radical things that we could do starting today that had the potential to change our own hearts
00:01:02
Speaker
strengthen our homes and relationships, and that would leave a legacy in light of the eternal. Now that's radical on a whole new level.
Support and Patreon Introduction
00:01:11
Speaker
But first, the best way that you can support The Modern Lady is by subscribing to our podcast on whatever app you use to listen to podcasts and by sharing us with your friends.
00:01:22
Speaker
We also welcome you to join us over at Patreon where for just $5 a month you will get exclusive and extra content. We want to remind our listeners that we have now activated a free trial option on Patreon. So while you can just follow the page for free, if you actually sign up for a free trial you will have access to all of our extra content for seven days and then you can sign if you'd like to join us as a paid member.
00:01:47
Speaker
We want to welcome our latest Patreon supporters who are friends of the Modern Lady podcast. Connor, Monica, Crystal, Kelly, Elizabeth, and Christina. We had some others start following the podcast for free, but just remember that that doesn't give you access to anything. You need to sign up for the free trial.
00:02:04
Speaker
Find us at patreon.com forward slash The Modern Lady podcast. And if you can't join us on Patreon at this time, a free way to support our show is by leaving out a five star rating and review on Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. It's a chance to tell us what you love about the show and it helps others discover it too.
00:02:25
Speaker
This week's shout out goes to the Dynamic Women of Faith Conference and their fearless leader and our friend Dorothy Polarsky.
Dynamic Women of Faith Conference Announcement
00:02:33
Speaker
We are so excited to announce, if you haven't heard already, that we will be attending the Dynamic Women of Faith Conference on March 23rd, 2024 in Toronto, Ontario. We are thrilled to be a sponsor and a vendor there at this wonderful event and we'd love to see you there. Thank you for inviting us, Dorothy.
00:02:53
Speaker
You can find more information at dynamicwomenoffaith.com and we will include a link in the show notes. If you would like to leave us a comment or message us about today's episode, the best way to get in touch with us is on Instagram at the Modern Lady podcast. But be sure to stay tuned to the end of the episode for other ways to connect because we would love to hear from you.
Etiquette Post-COVID: New Norms
00:03:19
Speaker
But before we get into today's chat, Lindsay has our modern lady tip of the week.
00:03:25
Speaker
I was googling etiquette tips and found an interesting article from TheCut.com about etiquette after COVID. And while I skimmed over most of it because it seems most applicable for millennial Manhattanites, one tip did jump out at me, and that is, when you are having a conversation with someone, pause and ask yourself, when was the last time I asked this person a question about themselves?
00:03:47
Speaker
It points out that conversation doesn't have to be a tennis match hitting questions back and forth like a tennis ball, but we do need to be very aware of how long we are holding the floor for. This is something I try to be hyper aware of because clearly I can talk a lot. This is why I co-host a podcast and this is why I'm thankful for Michelle's editing skills and this is why I can actually reflect back over the years we've had this podcast and how it's taught me better communication skills because we talk semi-professionally now
00:04:16
Speaker
And I've learned a lot about picking up on communication cues like when Michelle is ready to interject or when I need to zip it. Upon digging further, I have been reminded that there are certain psychological conditions that can cause someone to talk excessively without considering the other person. Conditions like bipolar disorder, ADHD, and anxiety disorders may impact a person's ability to pick up on social cues.
00:04:39
Speaker
Here are some things that likely most of us could work on. Try listening more than you speak. Practice noticing the little details about what the person is saying. Pay attention to their voice. Be totally dialed in instead of figuring out what you are going to say next.
00:04:56
Speaker
Take your time and practice silence. Set a mental timer. Pay attention to the other person and see if what you are saying grabs their attention in the first seconds. That's usually all it takes. And if it doesn't, try to wrap up your thoughts in one minute tops and then move on to another topic.
00:05:13
Speaker
And finally, it's hard to hide body language when someone isn't engaged. Pay attention to the other person. Are they fidgeting? Are they discreetly trying to check their phone or watch? Are they looking around instead of at you? Wrap it up and then ask them a question. What if you aren't the chatty type, but you know you are about to get caught up in a conversation with someone who goes on and on? Put a time limit on it.
00:05:37
Speaker
Let them know that you only have 15 minutes to chat. You can also excuse yourself and head to the washroom in order to stop the flow of chatter.
00:05:44
Speaker
If there is someone that really chats your ear off and you need to spend time with them, consider planning a busy activity with them instead of going out to dinner or for a coffee. You'll both be kept busy, but you'll still be able to spend time together. Ah yes, a return to etiquette practices. This is like going back to our roots because like we know so much about like, nope.
00:06:08
Speaker
the flour and the sugar, right? Yep. I was just thinking, right? I was looking at my previous notes. I'm like, okay, I went a little deep into baking tips and maybe we'll go back to our roots. Yep. Oh my gosh. It reminds me of the Emily Post days when we talked about her, but this one is such a great tip.
00:06:25
Speaker
Um, because I really think that it's, it's a practice. Cause when you're listing all those things off, immediately my mind is like, oh my goodness, there are so many things to think about while I'm trying to listen and think about what the other person's saying and pick up on cues. But.
00:06:44
Speaker
even if you just picked like one of those things, I feel like it would help so, so much to help the flow of the conversation. And that's something too, like I've been learning as well through the podcast how to be a good listener and how to
00:07:01
Speaker
Like volley, I'll say. Yes, we do practice that. Like rally with words back and forth. Yeah, to be able to like mirror back like a few words of what the other person said helps transition conversation really well. So all of those things that you said I think just can be wrapped up with considering ever more the person that you're supposed to be engaging with and
00:07:26
Speaker
even using that as an act of friendship and charity that you're an active listener. Yes, and when you and I do it without even seeing each other, so we've had to like psychically pick up on each other's physical cues. Because we made the executive decision not to look at each other. Which as I said here in my nightgown and my frizzy hair, I'm ever so thankful.
00:07:51
Speaker
Yes, yes, but that's good and that's also too the more you get to know somebody the easier it will get to pick up on those kinds of cues and it all just goes back to that art of conversation.
00:08:06
Speaker
So when we decided last minute to change the topic of this episode, this is our first episode back after Christmas, we actually joked about how we needed to continue our Be Better New
'Be Better' Episodes for New Year's
00:08:16
Speaker
Year's tradition. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, a few years ago, we started making New Year's episodes with Be Better as a theme, because that year we didn't feel like we needed to overhaul our lives, but rather just be better at what we were already doing.
00:08:30
Speaker
And then each subsequent year we kept adding an ER to the end. So it was be better, be better, be better. You get the picture. And we think we are hilarious. So this episode actually continues with this theme at attempting ultimately to be better at everything we do this upcoming year. And we do have three great suggestions for how to do this, but we aren't going to title it be better. I think we're at that point.
00:08:59
Speaker
Yeah, I was trying to count in my head. It might be like the fifth installment. It might be the fifth er that we're on. Year five ER. We started our own acronym for years. Oh my goodness.
00:09:18
Speaker
But yeah, I love starting the new year off in that tone though, right? Because, you know, we talk so much about loving the fresh start and we have, we kind of have two major ones, right? That we really love the September one and then like real new years, like the real new year starting. And yeah, being the first episode back, we were like, is February too late to talk about this? We think not.
00:09:44
Speaker
Especially, I actually think as we get into this episode, we'll see that mid winter was actually the best time for this. Yeah. Um, this episode. And, um, maybe once all of our new year's resolutions have kind of fallen into their settled place of priority in our lives, like once the fervor of new year has kind of tied, died down a little bit, that these are new things that will either compliment really well, some of our new year's resolutions from January.
00:10:15
Speaker
or if you need something else to redirect and refocus yourself on, these are things that you could start like today with minimal upheaval, we'll say. So I'm really excited about talking about these three things. Yes, so this isn't about treadmills, right? Or trying to get steps in or cutting back on bad foods. This isn't about that. And when we're being a little cheeky in using the word radical, I think it's a really kind of funny word to use in this.
00:10:43
Speaker
because none of these things are actually radical, but it's just funny to use that word. But we do believe these things are life-changing, and we do believe, like you were saying, Michelle, that you can start them today, right? That we can start to work on these things. And once again, it's things that you and I need to work on, and we're just sharing it transparently with all of you.
00:11:00
Speaker
Yes, yes, exactly. Because I guess when you think about our current culture and everything, as we go through each of these things, they are not what the world might recommend, you know, in order to make your 2024 great. And so in that sense, it is like cheekily radical.
00:11:21
Speaker
Yes, as we say. And so, yeah, I'm excited. Easy radical things that are going to be for the good, I'm in. So yeah, why don't we just start with the first thing?
Faith and Asking God for Big Things
00:11:35
Speaker
Okay, so the first thing that we suggest you do this year, and again, this is for us as well, is ask God to do great things in your life. And then I thought, what in the prosperity gospel is this? Well...
00:11:50
Speaker
That is a great thought, a great statement. Well, let me tell you, it's actually from St. Teresa of Avila, right? She lived from 1515 until 1582 and is a canonized saint.
00:12:06
Speaker
She is one of only four women who have been named a Doctor of the Church. She was a Carmelite nun, and her writings on the soul's journey to God are considered masterpieces. Now, what is a Catholic Doctor of the Church? Well, Wikipedia, our favorite, I guess, Catholic source.
00:12:24
Speaker
says that it is a title given by the Catholic Church to saints recognized as having made a significant contribution to theology or doctrine through their research, study, or writing. So St. Teresa's most well-known works are The Way of Perfection and Interior Castle. And then Michelle, I will confess, and I've said this before, but St. Teresa of Alvella is the most persistent saint that who stalked me, you know, the saint stalkers.
00:12:49
Speaker
We've talked about this before, but just for people who are unfamiliar, we have both experienced great saints basically stalking us, being like, read my work. You need it. Trust me. You need to hear what I say about this. And St. Teresa has been stalking me for about 10 years now, and I have yet to read those books, but I know that I will take myself when I finally read her.
00:13:10
Speaker
Yes, yes. The Saint Stockings, they just pop up in random places where you wouldn't think you're like, oh my gosh. All of a sudden, every school you passed is named Saint Teresa of Avila School. And the meeting you're supposed to go to for a board you sit on is at Saint Teresa of Avila Conference Centre. Yeah, they're pretty persistent when they need to be. So I think it's time that you read her works.
00:13:38
Speaker
She is great. She stalked me for a while when I was a young adult and I read her autobiography and and I love this idea from her and the the full quote is You pay God a great compliment when you ask him for great things And I love that you joked about the prosperity gospel. Yes
00:13:59
Speaker
Because I love the reciprocal nature of her quote. It's a relational thing that we go to God and not just go to God for small limiting things, but go to Him with abandon. I really love that.
00:14:16
Speaker
And I will say though, I do think it is, in this case, asking for things for ourselves. I'll go into that a bit more, but it's always in a way that glorifies God, right? Versus just getting money and, oh, I need a private jet and all that kind of stuff. Because I was really reflecting on this and I'm actually terrible at doing this. I came into the church later in my life, as you know, I was 30.
00:14:37
Speaker
And a lot of my initial relationship from my side with God was just about wanting to make reparation for my sins, like truly wanting to just seek forgiveness. And it wasn't about being ready to receive his love or to receive blessings. Even I didn't know how to do that. I just felt so bad about my past life. And so I got better as I grew about asking for good things for the people in my life, right? I'll pray for things for you. I'll pray for things for Jason. I'll pray for things for my kids.
00:15:04
Speaker
But I couldn't quite wrap my head around asking for good things for myself. I didn't know what that looked like, right? And so it's actually crazy to not consider this because you look through the entire Bible from the Old Testament to the New Testament about people asking God for miraculous things. They ask for great things, right? They grab at Jesus and they ask for miracles and they ask for healing and they ask for their family member to be brought back from the dead.
00:15:29
Speaker
What's holding me back? I had to question this within myself. I think for some people, maybe it's a fear of God saying no. That's not it for me. I'm so willing to accept his will, but I think that in learning over the years how to surrender myself to his will has become a type of spiritual laziness for me because then I don't ask for anything. I just think, well, whatever happens, I accept it. But God's like, no, I need you to participate more on your side.
00:15:58
Speaker
Interesting. Yes. It's so funny you say that because that was one of the things that I was thinking of too, like what holds me up in asking God for big things? And for me, I was starting to link this quote of St. Teresa of Avila and my like hesitancy to do it in somewhat of a lack of trust, right? And not in like an unbelieving way. Yep.
00:16:22
Speaker
But like a fearful kind of way, like what you're saying. I know God can do things. There's a great clip from a Catholic speaker, Chris Stefanik, where he talks about this quote and he's like, our God is a God of
00:16:40
Speaker
splitting seas and raising people from the dead. Like he's not a God of just getting by, right? The little things. But I think for me, it was like this wondering of, but why would he do that for me though? Like not for me, I'm not worth that. Like I don't have that kind of need or I don't deserve that kind of grandness. It just, why would he bother to do those great things for me?
00:17:07
Speaker
But then it was like going back to what St. Teresa of Avila says, like that second part of the quote with the compliment aspect of it, that when we ask him for great things, it's not like affirming him because God doesn't need us to do that. It's like, I believe you can do this, Lord. So I'm going to ask for it. He's like, well, thank you. I already know I can do this, but thank you for your vote of confidence.
00:17:32
Speaker
But maybe the compliment that we pay God is recognizing that we are worth the question. We are worth asking.
00:17:42
Speaker
not downplaying ourselves, if that makes sense. I was just thinking, what just popped in my head is this is Mary's magnificat, right? It's her glorifying the Lord. When we're doing this, when we're realizing that when we're asking of him these things, it is us shining back on him, his own Lord. We're recognizing it. We're seeing God for who he is, right? It's an exercise of faith.
00:18:08
Speaker
Yeah, it's like an admission of our knowledge of who God is. And then to want to, like you said, want to participate in it is a great compliment to God as any parent enjoys their kids coming up alongside them and participating in what they're doing.
00:18:27
Speaker
And to recognize, I think, the power and grace of God, what truth, beauty, and goodness could be brought to the world if I was totally open to that, totally in the state of cooperation with Him, and collaborating on a small level with Him. How exciting, how amazing life would be, and what a
00:18:50
Speaker
What a compliment to God, our Creator, to see His creation realizing how incredible all of this truly is. I think that may be part of the crux of this quote of asking God for great things and how it's such a compliment to Him.
00:19:07
Speaker
So then I was like, okay, so what good things could I ask for for myself, right? This is not something I'm in the habit of doing. This is something I'm really reflecting on myself now for 2024. And I thought, well, it's anything that helps me be the best I can be in my vocation, right, as wife and mother. This is what God wants when we ask him for great things. Again, not a private jet.
00:19:25
Speaker
This is not the prosperity gospel. I'm asking, I'm thinking, okay, what is good for me? So this means physical health. This means financial security, not necessarily wealth, right? Being able to feed the children. This means a life with an adequate amount of beauty and comfort. The amount that God thinks I need to see him reflected in this world. This means a good and healthy relationship with those around me and support from people.
00:19:50
Speaker
This means a loving and fulfilling marriage. And this means being given the opportunities to use the gifts and the talents that God gave me, right? And having healthy and happy children. And I think these are the things I can ask for for myself that I've never asked for in a concrete way, right? I'm always like, keep my kids healthy and safe this week. But I've never thought about it about how it can transform me when I ask for these good things in my life to see God better and that he wants to make these things
00:20:19
Speaker
better in my life, but he's waiting. He is waiting for me to ask. That's true. That's true. The questions you're saying are actually, um, they go with the examples that Christophonic mentions in his video clip too. He's like, um, and I'm paraphrasing here, so I might be getting some of them wrong, but the gist of it was like,
00:20:39
Speaker
don't just pray for getting by. So like, instead of praying like, oh, you know, God help me, and they're good prayers, they're good prayers. It's like, instead of saying like, oh God, fix my marriage, pray, God help me to sweep my wife off of her feet again. Or like, instead of just praying like, oh Lord, protect me from prejudice in this board meeting, pray, God,
00:21:07
Speaker
make me a beacon, a fire for your truth. It's just this bursting. When I heard those examples and listening to you and what you're praying for too, there are prayers that almost burst with that faith and with that love and with that fire of the Spirit. And maybe too, when we ask for those big things,
00:21:32
Speaker
we ignite within ourselves the faith we need to to be good collaborators in our life with God and participants. I love that and you're really helping me understand like this this it's almost a subtle shift in the language and and it makes such a huge difference right that the marriage one really stood out to me instead of just saying hey lord like not hey lord you know bro
00:21:58
Speaker
as the kids call us. Okay. So it's like, instead of saying, Lord, you know, yeah, I'm really struggling in my marriage. Just help us get through another week. And so, yeah. And so saying, Lord, make me be like the most beautiful wife to my husband this week. Like, let me just shine so that he falls deeply in love with me. That's a very different prayer. And so different, right? So if we change, if we just shift all of the ways that we were praying before to direct asking for it to be a greater thing,
00:22:25
Speaker
I think that's a radical thing for 2024. And you were already mentioning this as parents. Again, the way that I have understood theology is through my own motherhood and through watching Jason be a father. And we've said this so many times, but I just can't imagine Jason not wanting to grant his kids the greatest things when they come to him, right? With pure hearts being like, dad, can you help me with this? I would love this. Big or small, right? His fatherly power is fully realized when he can grant the wishes of his children.
00:22:55
Speaker
And if that is so in a limited human level, how much greater is it when we ask God to grant us the greatest things? And if they are for our good and everything is ordered towards our good and God wants us to have a life of abundance. He wants us to strive for perfection, right? Perfection is greatness. He will grant those things if they are ordered for our good.
00:23:19
Speaker
And I think I just keep going back to that word compliment, that if God's whole creation was bold like that in what we're asking for and in all these ways to be as perfect as we can be within His will, the whole world would be such a
00:23:42
Speaker
Such an amazing offering to give back to God, right? What a compliment we give him and for us to in our personal lives. It makes us robust Like it helps life have so much Zest and purpose, you know, you know those people who are filled with faith But you would describe them as being like, oh they're a force and
00:24:05
Speaker
Yeah, right. And you're just like, what is that? What is that force? I think they might be people who ask God for great things.
The Role of Humor and Lightness in Life
00:24:14
Speaker
So the second radical thing that we think we should all do in 2024 is lighten up. This one is funny because we also planned on coming back to the podcast after Christmas with an episode that we had called Let's Live, Love, Laugh Our Way into 2024.
00:24:31
Speaker
Because we thought that the whole wall quote of love, love, laugh is due for a comeback around as a trend again, because it's been so maligned all of these years. And we're like, let's bring it back. So yeah, we really have this intention of like, and we've done an episode on humor, but this was just something that we're really seeing that we need to really spark again in our own lives and that we just see that can have such a positive impact on people.
00:24:56
Speaker
So, Michelle, I forget the circumstances, but you recommended that I look into St. Philip Miry, and I went to my usual source of census fidelium on YouTube, and I found a great homily on him. So, St. Philip Miry was born the same year as St. Teresa of Avila. Did you know that? Like, what? I actually have that. Hold up. Yeah, record scratch. What? What a kwinky dank. It's crazy. He was born in 1515. And he lived until 1595.
00:25:26
Speaker
He is the patron saint of Rome of the US special forces and humor. I just, I cannot believe that we are part of a church that has a patron saint of humor. That made me so happy. And now St. Philip was a cheerful little boy and this made me laugh too because I thought about your Phil and his nickname was Good Little Phil. That's what they called him, Good Little Phil.
00:25:50
Speaker
You could even handle this. That's going to stick. That's going to stick. Yeah. And as he grew, he developed a special talent for bringing out the best in people. And this is in such contrast to the very life he lived behind the scenes. He spent a lot of his time alone as solitary and in prayer. He ate a very bland diet of bread and water and vegetables. And he gave up a couple offers of business and wealth as he was moving in towards the priesthood.
00:26:19
Speaker
His favorite two books were the Bible and a joke book. So thank you, Michelle, for introducing me. I forget what it was. You can remind me of why you were like, you know who you need? Some Saint Philip Neary. Oh, I don't remember the exact circumstances, but I had not really heard of Saint Philip Neary until maybe two summers ago. And he just kind of
00:26:44
Speaker
blasted onto the scene for me too, kind of like the Kool-Aid guy busting through the wall. And I instantly, as well, I instantly fell in love with him. And this saint of cheerfulness, this saint of good humor, I really resonated with because I'm like, yes, that's what we need right now in the world to lighten up. And here is a patron saint for our cause.
00:27:11
Speaker
So he has a couple of great quotes, but there isn't a whole lot written about him, which is something I'm really sad about. I wish there were more books or more documentaries or podcasts to learn more about him, but he does have some quotes that we attribute to him. And one of the good ones for our topic today would be, quote, cheerfulness strengthens the heart and helps us to persevere.
00:27:38
Speaker
A servant of God ought to always be in good spirits. Charity and cheerfulness or charity and humility should be our motto." And then the other thought though that was really striking to me was that he also once said that excessive sadness seldom springs from any other source than pride.
00:27:59
Speaker
Yep, yep, end quote. And so with lighten up, then it started getting me think again, I'm like, oh my goodness, it's the key to that is humility. And Saint Philip Neri would have had such a handle on humility because of all those secret hours or private hours that he spent in prayer talking to God.
00:28:21
Speaker
knowing, remember our three-part episode on humility, not easily forgettable, but just knowing who God is and knowing who we truly are in light of that. That's what humility is. And I'm just ruminating on that, that if you spend a lot of time asking for humility,
00:28:45
Speaker
trying to grow in humility. And it truly is like a lifelong endeavor because pride is so deeply rooted in so many of our souls. But if we have a real desire to strive for that, it's almost like an unburdening of our own ego, right? And when you don't have as much of an ego,
00:29:07
Speaker
you're first of all you're lighter like metaphorically you're lighter and also too you can joke like you're not so high up on a pedestal that you're afraid of falling off of it you know self-deprecation is often one of the most relatable forms of humor but you can't be self-deprecating if you think so highly of yourself
00:29:32
Speaker
It's a roadblock to humor. It's a roadblock to cheerfulness and being a light-hearted person is this pride and that is something St. Philip Neary really models for us. The thing I loved about the homily on census fidelium about him is the priest said the devil can't take a joke
00:29:51
Speaker
And I'm like, that stopped me in my tracks, right? The last thing the devil wants you to do is laugh at something that's happening in your life to find a lightness of being right in the midst of our everyday suffering and things that we're going through. And I thought the devil can't take a joke. That is going to stay with me for a long time.
00:30:08
Speaker
And then one of the other things I loved about St. Philip Neary is that he wasn't just all about cheerfulness all the time. What drew so many people to him, like in crowds would follow him, right? They form around him, was his ability to meet people where they were at emotionally. So he would be happy and cheerful with people who were in that mood and who were celebrating. And then he could turn a sympathetic ear and like tear up with people who were sad. He just knew how to connect with people and be at where they needed him to be at emotionally.
00:30:37
Speaker
and he was 100% genuine in those interactions. And that authentic love made him a great evangelizer of the gospel.
00:30:47
Speaker
Oh my goodness, to be attuned to other people, right? And this actually, it's interesting, this ties into something I remember about Venerable Fulton Sheen. Maybe you remember he loved to have comedians over for dinner, right? And he said it was one of the reasons was because they saw the world the way no one else
00:31:12
Speaker
did, like they had a special insight. And I feel like that's, that kind of goes with what you're saying about St. Philip Neary, where he had this special insight to see things how they really were, the humility. He could see how things really were and that gave way to be able to not only be in good spirits, but also like you were saying, to be able to connect with people wherever they were.
00:31:42
Speaker
as you were saying, and that really springs from that insight, that humility, that prayer life that he had interiorly. Yes, it's actually funny because I have a whole section on Fulton Sheen here because he is somebody I deeply admire and his sense of humor is a big part of that. So he is considered a servant of God in the church, and we're talking about Archbishop Fulton Sheen, and he absolutely loved humor.
00:32:07
Speaker
You only have to watch him speak, right? And there are countless hours on YouTube and you hear him opening almost every episode of his show. Life is worth living with a joke. Most of the jokes stand up today. Some of them are little knee slapper eye rollers from the 1950s, but I laugh a lot. And then so he won an Emmy for he actually won two Emmys for his show and he thanked his writers, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. There you get a little taste of his on the drums of his humor.
00:32:34
Speaker
But yeah, I have fear that his dinner parties were often filled with religious men and comedians because he felt like those two aspects of life really revealed the human experience and the human side and God and bringing those two together. There's a little, there's a great article about his humor and the National Catholic Register and it shares this story. So I'm just going to share it from there. So it says, giving a lecture in upstate New York, Sheen went into the town's barbershop for a haircut.
00:33:01
Speaker
The barber did not recognize me, and he said, are you going to that lecture tonight by Archbishop Sheen? And I said, yes. He said, do you have a ticket? I said, no, I don't. He said, well, all the tickets have been sold, so you'll probably have to stand the whole talk. I said, you know, it's a peculiar thing that every time I go hear him speak, I always have to stand. Because it's him doing the talk. Because it's him. Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:28
Speaker
And this reminded me then in a totally secular way of a reel that I shared this week of a woman who was talking about the common trait that she's noticed in people who really love parenting, like really enjoy the actual day to day experience of parenting.
00:33:45
Speaker
And she said that she's noticed that's usually people who can find something funny in anything, right? Who can find something to laugh at when life gets hard. And I thought, oh my goodness, I couldn't agree more. Humor has truly been the linchpin in my marriage. And we have gone through a lot. And we, Jason and I always laugh. We laugh our way through so many things. So anyways, St. Philip Neri,
00:34:10
Speaker
He laughed when laughter was called for and he cried when tears were needed, right? And I think that after years of what seems like just more sadness and anger and suspicion and anxiety That I think more than we've experienced as kind of a collective whole and a very long time I think maybe we need to be the first ones to lighten up tell a joke start the laughter and I think others will follow
00:34:33
Speaker
Yes, yeah and you bring a good point because always we want to know how we can bring like these things from an interior knowledge into our real life and I think about those times you're talking about like when things
00:34:48
Speaker
when you're having bad days. Everyone has bad days, down days. I had one a couple of days ago and it was just a bad mood, a pull, I guess, settled over. And I just think, I'm like, why is it so hard for me then to draw into that humor? I know mentally that it would help, but I don't want to. You know what that feeling? Yeah. But I don't want to.
00:35:15
Speaker
bring lightness to this. And I think it's just that I want to hold on to that sullenness, the moodiness, the melancholy, the misery, weirdly. I feel entitled to it. I want pity, maybe. You want to just simmer in it. It feels good sometimes. Yeah. It does. And just in this whole talk that we've been talking about, Fulton Sheen.
00:35:42
Speaker
St. Philip Neary and humility of heart and everything like that. I think it's because it's very me centric when I'm standing at that sink fuming and holding on to the fuming, right? And so it really does begin like,
00:36:00
Speaker
You can tell jokes, people can tell jokes, but I think what we're getting at when we say lighten up is that it's truly a conversion of heart first towards thinking of ourself less. That's what we're going for.
00:36:16
Speaker
Oh, there's so much there that I want to say because I think that will address again how St. Philip Neary, it wasn't just this false cheerfulness all the time, right? This toxic positivity. It's not that. He felt the cheerfulness when it was called for and he led the way in that, but he cried with the people that needed to cry.
00:36:33
Speaker
So I think feeling our authentic emotions in those moments is fine. It's not stewing in it. It's trying to be like, okay, I acknowledge that I'm feeling this right now. And when we model this for our children and for other adults, frankly, we're doing such a good thing when we model that it's okay to feel what you're feeling. I say this all the time to my kids. I pull them onto my lap and I'm like, there is nothing wrong with feeling mad or frustrated or sad right now. And I will sit with you as you're feeling that. And then we're gonna move on past it.
00:37:02
Speaker
So let's feel it, right? I think that when we try to not feel it, we actually get worse. And then sometimes, and this is where it helps to have a spouse of a complimentary nature that works well with yours. So I can't tell you how many times Jason does that fake walking down the steps when there's no steps there.
00:37:21
Speaker
behind our island and our kitchen and suddenly he's gone. And I can't do it. I fall over. Where'd you go? Where'd you go? He's gone. And I crack up. And so that gift of humor that he gives me in those moments is such a joy. And yeah, I can't always receive it, right? Like I'll shoot back fire daggers out of my eyes sometimes.
00:37:42
Speaker
but he tries. And so it's remembering that it's, it's good to try to lighten the mood, but also to not just try to ignore what somebody that you're loving is feeling. So sit with them on what they're feeling, help within yourself, learn to process those feelings and feel what you're feeling and then go, okay, I felt it because yet it is taking yourself far too seriously to make it all of you that day and stew in it. There's a difference between feeling it and stewing in it. And then there's that lesson you and I really latched onto a couple of years ago.
00:38:11
Speaker
that's worth repeating and it's the let little things be little and let big things be big. When I heard this blogger say that, I was like, whoa, this is a game changer. Because again, we're putting things into perspective and we're trying to look at things with God's eyes and little things are little and you can laugh at them and move on past it. Big things take a different processing process or processing process. Yeah, there's no other way to say that.
00:38:36
Speaker
And, um, and so feel what you're feeling, but then yeah, it is an act of the will, um, to go, I'm going to decide to move on past this right now and then find something funny and laugh at yourself. What a great practice for a spiritual life. Okay. And one of the things that I think helps with this and this gift of perspective that I'm talking about is aging is getting older.
00:39:00
Speaker
Um, I think that you go one of two ways as you're getting older, you become a grumpy old man. And I'm saying that because there's that movie with grumpy old men. So you can become a grumpy old lady too, but it's a whole thing to be a grumpy old man. It's a thing. Um, you can become rigid.
00:39:15
Speaker
and you can become grumpy or you can lighten up as you're getting older because you've been able to step back and look at your life and be like, you know what, things have been rough, but they always seem to pan out, right? Like for the most part, you land on your feet. And this takes us into the number one thing that we think is a radical thing that you can do in 2024, which is becoming more flexible.
Flexibility and Openness with Monsignor Fred Dolan
00:39:36
Speaker
Okay, so this one entered my mind after listening to an excellent and I mean excellent there every episode is excellent on this podcast Episode of the st Jose Maria Institute podcast and this episode was called God has dreams for our life It's just so applicable to everything we're talking about
00:39:53
Speaker
And in it, Monsignor Fred Dolan said something that really struck me. And he said that a lot of people become very rigid as they grow older, stuck in their ways, the whole, you can't teach an old dog new tricks thing. But he said, this is not the way of the Christian. The Christianists become more flexible, more open, more tender. He used the word that St. Josemaria escruva used, which was more fluid as they grow older and hopefully holier.
00:40:22
Speaker
Yeah, I remember listening to it. You sent it to me and I listened to it and then you sent it to me again a couple days ago and so I listened to it again. I'm very obedient. Listen to this. Okay. You're very flexible. I'm very flexible. I'm like easygoing.
00:40:41
Speaker
But I loved that episode too. The thing that jumped out at me from the podcast episode was when the priest was talking about Dietrich von Hildebrand, who is a great Catholic philosopher and theologian, and how he likened the potential to grow rigid as we get older to a petrification. And not like in the scared way, he was quick to point out.
00:41:09
Speaker
Like in the becoming rock way, like to become petrified. And he said the linchpin, the word we're using, the linchpin to that is do you have or are you fostering a supernatural vision for life? Are you trying to look at your life the way God sees it? Because I think if you do, if you do practice that,
00:41:36
Speaker
then you're naturally going to be a bit more flexible or grow in flexibility because you realize that your will is not necessarily God's, but you're keen on God's will happening, right? And so this priest was saying, you know, as we grow in our spiritual life, that we're going to get better at focusing on what really matters if we have this supernatural vision active.
00:42:01
Speaker
The opposite of that is that we become petrified or we become like rocks and we become stony. But if we grow in the spiritual life, those accidental concerns, the complications that come up, they'll just kind of fade into the background, he says.
00:42:17
Speaker
And then the great decisive, this is a quote, I should say, quote, the great decisive aspects of life become more clearly accentuated and a steady orientation towards the essential and decisive becomes dominant, end quote, in our life. To me, this says simplicity. Like all those episodes we've talked about what the current culture talks about in terms of the simple life.
00:42:43
Speaker
To me that's what it is, is having the most important things of God forefront in our minds and asking God to take the rest away. What I think is so interesting too with the culture, and this is where I got caught up, is this idea of petrification.
00:43:01
Speaker
To me, you seem like a good thing. You become more solid like rock. You get more like this becoming more solid as you grow older. And I'm going to say this because this is something I found myself mistakenly championing in a way. There's this feeling among women in their mid 40s that I am now in my mid 40s.
00:43:19
Speaker
you know, we kind of pride ourselves on becoming our more authentic selves, more true to ourselves, more unapologetically rooted in our ways as we enter into our 40s. And this is a really real thing. And in some ways, there's a goodness to that and becoming kind of detached from what the world thinks of you. That really is a gift that comes with age. And this is especially true for women who I think are so dominated by what people think of us in our 20s and our 30s in a way that just doesn't affect men.
00:43:48
Speaker
And so I'm like, yes, I'm in my 40s now. Like I'm really rooted in who I am. And I thought of this as a good thing. And while there are good aspects to that, I see that that petrification becomes you are completely inflexible and unwilling to bend.
00:44:03
Speaker
And I could see that that could continue on into my late 40s, into my 50s, into my 60s. And before I know it, right, it is a hardness of heart. And thinking, I am finished growing. I'm finished changing. I've become a complete person by my 40s. And I think we kind of believe that, and that the culture says that.
00:44:22
Speaker
And this is not what God desires for us as we age. I see people in my life and that I love becoming more stubborn, less open to discussion, not willing to try new things as they grow older. And yeah, this is not what God wants for our hearts. I was thinking about this, that our hearts should grow softer alongside the softening of our bodies. And with the gift of time, we should grow more empathetic to those around us because we ourselves have suffered. The older you get, the more you've endured.
00:44:52
Speaker
And then thanks to perspective again I want to do an entire episode on perspective perspective is one of these things that just keeps popping up in my mind And I think that it's something I want to dig further into but like, you know Thanks to perspective and and again knowing that we can survive things that we've gone through through 45 years and things that we thought maybe would break us but we can step back and like no I that actually made life better like I learned a lot through that that helps us trust God more as we grow therefore becoming more flexible and
00:45:20
Speaker
And we've seen how God has worked through our lives for good. So these are the things that when we reflect back on it properly, in a properly ordered way, we should soften, we should become flexible. And I see that that's what he means there. So this hard thing, I thought hardening was a sign of strength, right? I keep getting caught up on that. That's something that keeps fooling me, fool me once and throughout my life. But yeah, I'm realizing that again, softening is a sign of strength.
00:45:50
Speaker
Yes. Well, I actually, I came across something yesterday in my reading that might help a little bit with perspective on this whole thing about strength versus softness or strength and softness because we're both and faith. But I was reading, want to throw it back to Fulton Sheen again. I was reading Fulton Sheen yesterday and he was talking about meekness.
00:46:17
Speaker
And it was such a striking point to me. Now he was talking in terms of like, when is it that we're as Christians to be angry? And how does that tie into meekness? Or when are we supposed to be strong? And he was talking about how like when it comes to people,
00:46:39
Speaker
We're to, for lack of better word and paraphrasing, we're to let anything that comes from people kind of roll off our back. We're to turn the other cheek when it comes to another person, another soul that we're interacting with.
00:46:56
Speaker
On the other hand, we're to be strong and firm and unmoving maybe when it comes to principle. Yeah. That's when we stand up and we're strong and we say, no, we're firm. This is where we are. We will not be moved. But meekness is knowing the difference, right? So yes, as we grow older, maybe that's the key too. We grow more in our understanding of what is
00:47:20
Speaker
what we were saying, what is important and what isn't important, what is not essential. And we get better at telling the difference between when we have to stand up and plant our feet firmly and be strong and be more a little bit like a rock, like it even says in the Bible when Jesus set his face like flint.
00:47:40
Speaker
towards Jerusalem. That was a principal thing, right? But he turned the other cheek whenever there were insults directed at him, particularly during his passion and crucifixion and things like that, right? When it was the people, but the important things, the eternal things, that's where we're strong. That's where we almost want to petrify in terms of our faith.
00:48:08
Speaker
being rooted to the principles of our faith and our love for God and what that means for us in our lives we grow stronger in. But in everything else, we become softer because we realize that once those important things are solid, the rest truly is in the hands and the will of God. And we can kind of let go a little bit and roll with the punches. Be flexible.
00:48:34
Speaker
Yeah. And that just reminded me too, that I was thinking about how if I were to be firm with anyone, be firm with myself, like stick to my own, right? Like be firm with myself. I can have a different standard for myself, but be flexible with everyone around me. And that's kind of what you're saying too. Like our relationships with people is where we need to be flexible and soft. And I was thinking about this in terms of motherhood. And I have to say, so while I'm very
00:48:59
Speaker
petrified and inflexible and a lot of exteriors in my life. I've always been really flexible as a mom. And some of that was out of necessity because of the nature of Jason's job and him being called out at crazy times. And I've kind of, it's been kind of forced upon me because I had like, then what I'd break, right? Like I would have broken under the weight of motherhood, which happens to a lot of women. So flexibility within our vocation as mothers, I think is just as important as laughter.
00:49:26
Speaker
So I think that when I step back and I look at these three things in terms of my vocation, all three of them are just gonna help me do so much better as a mom and as a wife, right? So asking for God for great things in my vocation and then laughing things off and becoming even more flexible as a mom. This flexibility, yeah, when you think of it as like a reed blowing in the wind, right? It doesn't break. You wanna bend so that you don't break ultimately.
00:49:54
Speaker
which you're always on the risk of being broken in this world. Yeah, and that reminds me of a quote by St. Josemaría Escriva, and that was his podcast. Not his podcast, but his Institute's podcast that we were getting so much of this source from.
00:50:14
Speaker
He himself has said, quote, sanctity is not rigid like cardboard. It knows how to smile, to give way to others and to hope. It is life, a supernatural life, end quote. And to me, that sums up those three things too, right? And how it relates to us in our everyday calling and in our everyday lives is that we can't be rigid like cardboard. We need to know how to be flexible and to bend.
00:50:44
Speaker
When you do that, it knows how to smile, lighten up, right? Give to others, hope, smile, lighten up. And if that seems insurmountable, then ask God for the big things. Ask God to not only help me to get through this day, just get me through another day. Let's ask God to make us into a force, a force of His will, of His joy, of His cheerfulness.
00:51:14
Speaker
For ourselves, for our families, and for the world, let us ask him for the big things and those three things going into 2024. Like, what a great resolution to have.
00:51:26
Speaker
And I just want to point out one thing about St. Jose Maria Escriva, if you guys aren't familiar with who he is. He was a priest during the Spanish Civil War where they were hunting down and killing priests, like shooting them dead in the streets. And he is the most joyful little dude ever. Like if you ever watch him speaking and he speaks in Spanish, right? And there's subtitles at the bottom, but you can actually turn like the subtitles off. And if you don't speak Spanish, you just see this man glowing on the screen.
00:51:55
Speaker
Was such joy and he is a man who endured so much watching his fellow brother priests Be killed and murdered in front of him his own life threatened They would have to hide him and he would say don't hide me and the way he took care of the people who lived with them just an absolute shining beacon of flexibility and joy and and laughter and humility what an absolute saint for our times and
00:52:19
Speaker
Now, I kept writing the word radical in my notes in all caps because I felt like it's sardonic to use that word. And sardonic means disdainfully or skeptically humorous. What a great word. Radical. Like, what? On the surface, these things aren't radical. But that's because we have been force fed this idea that making radical changes in your life involves leaving your husband and heading to Rome and finding the perfect pizza and then ending up in Bali.
00:52:48
Speaker
if anyone's catching that eat, pray, love reference there. But really think about it. These things are radical, especially in the world that we inhabit today. We are asking you and pushing ourselves to pray daily, asking God for a better life for ourselves and having the faith to believe that that prayer will be answered by our loving God. We are asking ourselves to laugh more and to not take everything so darn seriously.
00:53:16
Speaker
We are asking ourselves to not dig our feet so far into the sand that we become so entrenched that we aren't able to be moved by the Holy Spirit and by the hearts of our brothers and sisters. Have faith, laugh more, and be flexible. Seems pretty simple, doesn't it? We think that these things can be life-changing, relationship-enhancing, healing, and inspirational to others. In other words, radical.
Classic Film Recommendation: 'In the Heat of the Night'
00:53:51
Speaker
Okay, it's time for our What We're Loving This Week segment of the show. So Lindsay, what have you been loving this week? You know, I love lists. My like read all the classics list, my best record albums of all time list, my best movies of all time list. Well, I've been working my way through movies as I was forced to rest in January due to my dental surgery and then COVID. So movies it is. I finally watched something that I've been wanting to watch for a long time and it is the movie In the Heat of the Night.
00:54:19
Speaker
from 1967 and it stars Sidney Poitier and Rod Steiger. Do you know this movie? No, I've heard about it though, but I don't know much about it. And you might be familiar because they did a TV show from 1988, I believe, to 95. That was really popular.
00:54:35
Speaker
Um, and so it was, maybe it's more familiar to us from the TV show. Um, so my goodness, what a movie. Um, I will say that it opens with a scene that has a nearly naked woman, but it is brief and it's the only really inappropriate part in the whole film. So it does set the tone also. And you're like, Oh, whoa, but it's, it's just get past that. Um, the film has a 96% rating on rotten tomatoes and was nominated for seven Academy awards. And it won five of them, including best actor for Rod Steiger and best picture.
00:55:04
Speaker
So I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but it takes place in the Deep South just after the Jim Crow laws for racial segregation were ended. But lots of deep prejudices remained. So Sidney Poité, I think everyone knows who he is, but he's a black man. And in the film, he's wrongly arrested at the beginning of the film. And everyone at the police station is stunned when they find out that he's actually the best homicide detective from Philadelphia, who just happened to be visiting his mother in Mississippi.
00:55:32
Speaker
So the small-town police chief played by Rod Steiger who is what now one of my all-time favorite characters Has a murder to solve and they end up needing the help of Poitiers who is not welcomed by anyone in that town It is tense. It has moments that are really hard to watch but it takes you into the minds and hearts of people in the late 1960s in the south and
00:55:54
Speaker
There's brilliant acting, great cinematography. It's well directed by Canadian filmmaker, Norman Jewison, who just died last month. So watch it in honor of him. And there's a scene in there. Okay, there's two scenes in there that
00:56:09
Speaker
You've got to Google it after because I don't want to spoil it. But like there's some there's a scene that Sidney Poitier agreed to do the movie. If he's like it, the scene cannot be taken out. Even when it's shown in the South, you must keep it in there. And then he and Rod, who are good friends, longtime friends, and it always wanted to work together, they would sneak into movie theaters to watch it and they would hide and they would see people's reactions.
00:56:30
Speaker
Oh. And there's a line in it where he says, they call me Mr. or yeah, Mr. Tibbs. They call me Mr. Tibbs. Yes. I know that. I know that quote. Yes. That quote has been registered as one of the most important lines ever said that is like in this American Journal of History. So anyways, I clearly can't recommend it enough. So in the heat of the night, I believe it's available for free on the Tubi, T-U-B-I TV channel.
00:56:56
Speaker
Oh my goodness. Well, yeah, you really could not sell that any better.
00:57:03
Speaker
Yeah, I'm really gonna have to check it out. I'm a big fan of Sydney Porto as an actor, but I haven't seen this movie, so I'll have to add it to my repertoire. There is a part two and part three. Part two is actually called They Call Me Mr. Tibbs. Not as good. And also opens with The Naked Woman. I guess that's the theme of them. And I have not seen number three. I might not, but yeah, it's fantastic. So what have you been loving this week, Michelle?
Netflix Recommendation: 'The Parisian Agency'
00:57:30
Speaker
Okay. Well, I was trying to think of what I've been loving because once again, I find myself in the middle of long things that are taking me a long time to get, um, through. So this was something actually that you were loving a couple of years ago, Lindsay, and I, we were talking about it yesterday, but right now Phil and I are really loving watching the Parisian agency again on Netflix. L'Agence, as we call it. The agency.
00:58:00
Speaker
And I'm so glad you recommended it back then because it was then and is now the perfect light winding down show. You know, you just have evenings where you don't want to get into anything too heavy. So this show is great for that. If you missed Lindsay's recommendation from a couple of years ago, the Parisian Agency is a French reality show.
00:58:23
Speaker
revolving around the Kretz family. So they have Dad, Olivier, Mom, Sandrine, and their four sons, their four grown sons, Martin, Valentin, Valentin, Louis, and Raphael, along with their grandmother, fondly known as Majo.
00:58:42
Speaker
The parents started a luxury real estate agency in France and one by one, their sons have been joining the family business. This new season, their youngest has finally joined the family business. They were hoping he would, but you know, they weren't going to force them to. So now they're all so excited. He decided on his own to join them.
00:59:00
Speaker
And the show follows them in their work. They appraise the most incredible properties and they show them to their clients. They take us along for the ride. And the show just released its third season on Netflix a little while ago. So that's what we've been enjoying these long winter nights and living vicariously through this family as they tour fascinating houses in France and now beyond.
00:59:25
Speaker
Um, but as always, and I know you said this too, Lindsay, when you first recommended it, I think it's the relationship though, between the brothers and between them and their parents and their grandmother that really remain the highlight. Like it's, it really is their camaraderie, uh, and very apparent love for one another that makes us really like
00:59:47
Speaker
root for them, like we want them to be successful in life and in work. It's just, it's hard not to love them and to therefore love the show. So if you haven't checked out La Jeans yet on Lindsay's previous recommendation, go and check it out now on mine too and enjoy three whole seasons of this wonderful family and their life within La Jeans.
01:00:16
Speaker
Okay, that's going to do it for us this week. If you want to get in touch and chat with us about our topic today, you can find us on our website, www.themodernlady1950.wordpress.com, or leave us a comment on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube at The Modern Lady Podcast. I'm Michelle Sacks, and you can find me on Instagram at mmsacks. And I'm Lindsay Murray, and you can find me on Instagram at Lindsay Homemaker.
01:00:43
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening, have a great week, and we will see you next time.