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Bad Mood Busters
225 Plays1 year ago
It’s an irksome reality, but true nonetheless: bad moods come for us all. We often talk here on the podcast about the benefits of cheerfulness and the necessity of joy, but… what to do on those inevitable days when we’re just stuck in a funk? We’ve all been there - but sometimes, as we know here on the podcast, knowing more about why we feel or think the way we do, and having some ready tools in our arsenal, can make all the difference!
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Transcript
Engaging with Emotions vs. Wallowing
00:00:00
Speaker
And then the third finding is that engaging in your emotions is the opposite of wallowing or brooding. She says, when one is waddling, waddling, waddling, waddling, wallowing.
Introduction to Episode 140
00:00:24
Speaker
Welcome back to the Modern Lady podcast. You're listening to episode 140. Hi, I'm Michelle. And I'm Lindsay, and today we are talking about bad mood busters.
Alleviating Sorrow: Sleep, Bath, and Wine
00:00:35
Speaker
In a quote often attributed to St. Thomas Aquinas, the great saint once said, quote, sorrow can be alleviated by good sleep, a bath and a glass of wine. End quote. Ah, tell us more, St. Thomas Aquinas.
00:00:50
Speaker
It's an irksome reality, but true nonetheless.
Handling Bad Moods
00:00:53
Speaker
Bad moods come for us all. We often talk here on the podcast about the benefits of cheerfulness and the necessity of joy, but what to do on those inevitable days when we're just stuck in a funk. Let's discuss. But first, the best way that you can support the Modern Lady podcast is by subscribing to our podcast on whatever app you use to listen to podcasts and by sharing us with your friends.
Dedication to Jessica Hannah
00:01:18
Speaker
This week's shoutout is a little bit different this week. Instead of a shoutout, we wanted to offer this episode up in prayer for the intention of a woman named Jessica Hannah who is fighting cancer and who can be found on Instagram at blessed underscore by underscore cancer.
00:01:35
Speaker
Her strength and testament to faith is such a gift to us and her followers who are blessed by her reminders of God's goodness and faithfulness.
Interaction with Listeners on Instagram
00:01:45
Speaker
And we wanted to lift her in our prayers, joined hopefully with yours, dear listeners, and by our work here on this week's podcast on her behalf.
00:01:54
Speaker
And if you would like to leave us a comment or message us about today's episode, the best way to get in touch with us is on Instagram, at The Modern Lady Podcast. But be sure to stay tuned to the end of the episode for other ways to connect, because we would love to hear from you.
Historical Childbirth Traditions
00:02:14
Speaker
But before we get into today's chat, Lindsay has our modern lady tip of the week. Welcome back to part two of our series on groaning. What's that you say? Well, last week we learned about groaning ale and it's keg tapping that happened when a woman was in labor. And this week we will dive into the groaning food on the groaning table.
00:02:36
Speaker
Let's start with the table or board as it was known because board is the word for table from the middle ages. A groaning table or groaning board meant a table so heavily laden with foods that the wood was actually groaning and all of the overconsumption would lead to a lot of groaning from the stuffed dinner guests too. But in the 16th century there was a special groaning food for people when a woman was in labour.
00:03:03
Speaker
specifically circle shaped foods like a wheel of groaning cheese or groaning cake. Now why a circle? It'll make more sense when you learn that traditionally the father cut and served the cake or cheese and he had to cut a circle out of the middle first and serve from there. If he cut it well then it was believed the baby would pass more easily
00:03:23
Speaker
through another circle shaped thing if you know what I mean. But the father must be super careful because if he cut himself his child could die within the year so no pressure at all. Also if you recall that the newborn babe was washed in the leftover groaning ale there is also a use for the leftover circular cheese rind too because remember the father cut it from the inside out so the rind is intact.
00:03:47
Speaker
The baby, perhaps still reeking of ale, will be passed through that cheese rind ring on baptism day, ensuring good luck for their entire life. The cheese wasn't just for eating, though. Pieces would go into the apron pockets of the midwife, and this would help the young and single women of the household dream of their future husbands. Or those young women could nibble the cheese a little bit and then place the rest under her pillow for a prophetic dream.
00:04:12
Speaker
This reminds me of the old custom of placing under your pillow the little piece of wedding cake that guests used to take home from weddings with the same hope of dreaming of a future spouse. Now if you're interested in serving groaning cheese and groaning cake during your labor and delivery, the typical groaning cheese is Cheshire and the cake is a spicy one made from gingerbread or plum.
Modern Practice of Old Rituals?
00:04:33
Speaker
You're welcome!
00:04:36
Speaker
I didn't know that labor could be so delicious. I feel like I've wasted all my labors up to this point. Yes. I am dying to know if one of our listeners is like, you know what? I want to serve grown cheese or grown cake. Like, please reach out and let us know if you do that in the future. Yes, please. We would love to see that happening in modern time.
00:05:03
Speaker
I do love that maybe because of the lack of science and modern technology and more maybe time on people's hands, they developed these rituals. I love that.
00:05:18
Speaker
But you can also see that because most of these people were Catholic, how Protestants started associating Catholicism with superstition, right? So the baptism is a real thing, but passing the baby through a hollowed out cheese rind for good luck on baptism day, that's not faith without Catholic, right? So you can, yeah, you can see how that would start to conflate in people's minds. Yeah, that's actually really true.
Understanding Bad Moods
00:05:43
Speaker
Sometimes there are days when it feels like we have our own personal rain cloud following us around, raining on our parade and making us feel glum and grumpy. We've all been there, but sometimes, as we know here on the podcast, knowing more about why we feel or think the way we do and having some ready tools in our arsenal can make all the difference. Right, Lindsay?
00:06:08
Speaker
Oh, that's right, Michelle. Oh, man, I was a total brat on the weekend. And let's just say that once again, it's like we're just exposing ourselves here for the sake of our audience, our public confession. That's right. That's what this is. And, you know, there wasn't any easily identifiable trigger. I was just a joy crushing Debbie Downer. And it was so sad because it was Jason's first day home, right? And like the two weeks he'd been working solid.
00:06:37
Speaker
And I was thrilled he was home and I just couldn't shake off the bad mood. And I'm like, oh man, do you know what I need? A list of bad mood busters, which I presented to you and you're like, oh yeah, we could do this. Yeah. And those moods.
00:06:53
Speaker
They're just those things that it just, it just happens. And it doesn't even come with a warning or anything, right? Like sometimes you can tell if something's looming on the horizon, you can like get things in order, you can prepare yourself mentally.
00:07:09
Speaker
But with a mood, that kind of comes out of nowhere. And I feel like that makes it even doubly Debbie Downer for us. Absolutely. And I was like, I'm being a brat. And I keep using that word brat.
00:07:25
Speaker
I think it's a funny word and when I call myself a brat, it actually lightens the mood a bit for me and I laugh, right? Because I can laugh in spite of myself. But you immediately think of like a child, right? With like a scrunched up face and arms folded and stomping around and I might not be showing that on my exterior because I'm a calm, cool and collected 40 something year old woman, but interiorly I am acting like that, right? Like that's what it feels like.
00:07:50
Speaker
And then it turns out I'm not alone. When I posted about that on the weekend of surprise, surprise, of course, I was flooded with messages from women who were like, I'm also being a brat this weekend. And I was like, OK, so we all want to know how to snap out of it.
Origins of the Word 'Brat'
00:08:05
Speaker
But first, I wanted to look into that word brat. OK, I'm like, where does this come from? And Michelle, where does it come from? Well, first of all, there's it's the old French word for the B word.
00:08:19
Speaker
the female dog. It's been modernized a bit. There's a different pronunciation, but that's part of the root. And then it also comes from the old Irish word for a cloak, describing a cloak made of rough material.
00:08:37
Speaker
And I already loved this image that was forming in my head, right? It's like you're in a bee mood, if you get what I'm saying. And then you're wearing a cloak of that mood, like it's scratchy and it's uncomfortable. And it does feel like you're wearing a bad mood and you need to somehow take it off, right? Now wait, it's not done yet, Michelle. Now, how does this word become associated with children?
00:09:03
Speaker
Well, that type of rough cloak that it describes was usually a specific type worn by children. But in its earliest usage, the word brat just referred to all children. And it wasn't in a pejorative way. It was just a way that you would describe children. And then in the dictionary in 1755, Samuel Johnson starts to associate it with, quote, child so called in contempt. So it starts to change then. And then for an even darker turn,
00:09:32
Speaker
The German version, I can't even, the German version is Seitensbraten. Seitensbraten. In which you hear the word brat, but the direct translation is Seitensrost. Like that child will, oh, you get the picture. Wasn't expecting that little journey when I looked up the word brat.
00:09:55
Speaker
No, and see something funny. I did wonder because when I hear brat besides this context, I think of like bratwurst. Yes. Sausages. So I was also thinking German for a completely different way.
Hacking Happiness Hormones
00:10:15
Speaker
But you could have never imagined. Never. Never. Satan's brought in. No. Oh, that's, oh, that's not good. Okay. And I just want to say we have an excellent episode on how to hack your happiness hormones. And I think we'd both highly recommend listening to that one, but that one's more sciency. Um, this one, it just seemed like we're going to talk about more tried and true methods to help you shake it off, shake it off.
00:10:41
Speaker
That was a little Taylor Swift there for you Swifties. I was gonna say, we are all so trendy. Look at us. We're in our podcasting era. Okay, though, back to bad moods. Let's bring it back down. Let's get miserable again. Got a little too, got a little too happy there.
Exploring Bad Mood Causes
00:11:06
Speaker
Well, I think first we should define Michelle, like what is a bad mood?
00:11:12
Speaker
Oh my goodness. I really found that there was like no real one definition for bad mood. Like there wasn't a definitive meaning for the word and that there are so many different
00:11:27
Speaker
sources for a bad mood. But I did find a really interesting article on wired.com. And it was talking about a theory behind why we may get bad moods and that it may be rooted in this psychological quirk called ego depletion. And ego depletion states that self-control and willpower are limited cognitive resources that we have.
00:11:56
Speaker
And that even to be positive in general takes mental energy, basically. So when we wear ourselves out in one area of our lives, we're draining our cognitive resources for other tasks. For example, when you've had a really busy day and those are the nights that you feel even more tempted to snack on junk food.
00:12:20
Speaker
even though you know it's not good for you, right? So this article on WIRED.com referenced a 2007 study where scientists asked subjects not to eat
00:12:32
Speaker
a donut and then insulted them. So the subjects who actually refrained from eating the donut were more likely to become aggressive over the insults.
00:12:52
Speaker
So they've taken this idea of ego depletion and they've applied it to our mood. So when we have overexerted ourselves in the positive,
00:13:03
Speaker
Moods and endeavors, we just simply run out of steam and it's the exhausted state, I guess, that kind of perpetuates this bad mood. But what I found interesting was they were saying there's a new link between this and anger and that overdoing self-control doesn't just make us more irritable.
00:13:24
Speaker
and angry and put us in that mood. It also gives us an appetite for it. So they were finding that people in this state, they were more interested in watching like anger themed movies, consuming anger themed information, looking at angry facial expressions. And so all of this to say, it's actually an ongoing psychological look into why we are in these funks.
00:13:55
Speaker
I think that's so fascinating because to me it's like the what came first chicken or the egg because so often we're told that watching angry things are consuming that type of media is what causes an angry mood but to have this research also show that it goes the other way around too that when we're already in that mood we seek out that kind of content
00:14:12
Speaker
And that's totally not a surprise to me ultimately because I shared, I don't know, a week or two ago on Instagram that I was deep into PMDD. And one of the things that when I'm feeling like that is I seek out content that is more serious. Let's just say not the jokey reels, not like I'm a lot more serious. And so I tend to watch things that, um,
00:14:31
Speaker
are slightly depressing. That get me a little bit riled up, like worse news stories. And I'm not actually finding it comforting kind of during like it's it is kind of nice to be like in the presence of those other moods are like that that mood right kind of around me. We'll talk more about that when we get into wallowing. But I thought that was really interesting the whole like, yeah, are we watching things that cause us to behave like that? Or are we seeking out those things? Already feeling like that. And it seems to be a little bit of both.
00:15:01
Speaker
And then I really loved how when they were talking about self-control, it was like self-control and willpower, right? Those are the two things that can get depleted.
Lifestyle Changes and Willpower
00:15:10
Speaker
And that always makes me think back to Melissa Urban, who created the Whole 30 Diet, and she wrote a book called Food Freedom Forever. And she said something in there about willpower that has stuck with me all these years. And she talked about how
00:15:24
Speaker
We only have a finite amount of willpower in us that when we wake up in the morning, there's only a little bit that we have to get us through the day. And the thing is, from the second our alarm goes off, our willpower is called into play. So are you going to hit snooze or are you going to get right out, right? Are you going to go work out or are you going to sit down with a coffee? Are you going to wash your hair today or use dry shampoo? Pack a lunch or buy one later. By that point, and you haven't even left the house, it's depleted. You've used your willpower.
00:15:53
Speaker
And so it's like this whole message from her, and I think it's still applicable here, is that a healthy lifestyle, and so that can include your mood, can't be rooted in willpower, right? These things have to be habits formed through discipline. Ooh, oh my goodness. That is a great thought. That a mood.
00:16:11
Speaker
can even be an actionable item. Absolutely.
Mood Swings and Medical Assessment
00:16:15
Speaker
Okay. So mood can be an actionable item, but what about when it just comes out of nowhere, right? And we're talking about mood swings. So I started Googling obviously this, and it was funny because I kept using the words bad mood, but a lot of this, almost all the websites were using the terms low mood.
00:16:32
Speaker
Yeah, and they were and they were referring to like, yeah, different moods on a spectrum, I guess. So and then there's the mood swing and it's a roller coaster of feelings, right? You can take you from happiness to anger or irritability very quickly. And there might be an obvious trigger or there might not be.
00:16:49
Speaker
And I want to just talk about how dramatic mood swings can be the sign of an underlying medical concern and not just psychological. It's interesting that this came up because I was just standing and talking with a friend who's a police officer who works with Jason and she worked for years as a community resource officer, which means that she wasn't just responding to calls
00:17:10
Speaker
um like on patrol she was working really close with like vulnerable persons in our community and the homeless and um when she would be getting to know people if they were describing a sudden violent act or change of behavior or you know a big outburst of anger the police would always recommend take them to get assessed neurologically like go have a doctor actually look at them because
00:17:32
Speaker
These sudden mood swings can often be an early sign of dementia, of MS. There can be a symptom of diabetes, Parkinson's, thyroid disorders, or a brain tumor. I want to address that mood swings can sometimes come from nowhere, but that it's really important that if it's really happening out of nowhere for someone that's not typically like that, to really go and get it looked at.
00:17:56
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, that's a really good point. We talked also to, when we were developing this episode, how there's like a spectrum of bad moods, right? Yes. I would even say that that kind of concern, if it's someone who's having it constantly swinging back and forth, and it's not typical,
00:18:19
Speaker
Like, that's not even part of this bad mood spectrum that we're talking about. Yeah, so that's a really good point and I didn't even know that. Yeah, and then another place where we might see others having bad mood swings and go, okay, well, what's this? Is our pre-teens moving into teenage years, right? So let's talk about hormones just very briefly.
00:18:41
Speaker
It is one of the first places we see it in our kids is as they're entering into the pre-teen years. But it is a very normal part of their body and their brain and their psychological development. And so it's just our job to help guide them through those mood swings and to be their safe place to land. I would love to do a whole episode on teenagers another time, Michelle. Yes. Oh, I would too, because I want to hear all the wisdom.
00:19:10
Speaker
So much wisdom. We're like encroaching on it. Yeah, we're in the middle of it. So sometimes it is hard to step back and have that perspective. But I'm a couple years in now and I feel like I can share a few things. But yeah, and then in terms of hormones as well, again, I mentioned earlier that I have PMDD, which is premenstrual dysmorphic disorder, which means that for 10 to 14 days every month, I have a dramatic mood swing.
00:19:34
Speaker
That has many mood swings all within it But I'm very much not myself during that period and I it's like I'm floating above myself and I can see myself Acting in a certain way and I almost have no control over like snapping out of it And those happen, you know us women we go through so many hormonal changes right from when we first start getting our periods through a
00:19:56
Speaker
when they have our babies and postpartum and then right through into menopause, right? So we are on a long hormonal mood swing journey. Yeah, and you already referenced our episode that we did on the happy hormones. And one thing I remember from that is that like, you can do things to help your hormones.
00:20:17
Speaker
Um, but at the same time, it's part of your body makeup. Yeah. Right. So like when we're talking about, especially like you said, as women, we have so much going on with our hormones that it's really not something that we can micromanage within ourself.
Diet, Substances, and Mood
00:20:36
Speaker
Yes, yes, yes. And then the last thing that might be contributing to mood swings within yourself, for those around you, it's two things. It's diet and other things we consume. So, okay, with diet, so many moms will tell you that they cut back on sugar and food dyes. There's scientific stuff backing that up. And then there's a lot of anecdotal evidence.
00:20:57
Speaker
about children's energy. But yeah, we all know about sugar crashes and caffeine crashes and post-turkey dinner sleepy mood. We know hangry. So diet definitely has a big role to play in our mood swings. And the other one is substances. So they actually had substance abuse in the article I was reading, but I don't even want to use the word abuse because we know that even having your two glasses of wine after work
00:21:22
Speaker
Um, will affect your mood. You know, some people go out and smoke a joint. Um, that's illegal where we live. So it's everywhere we go now. Um, right. And so like there are mood enhancing substances, um, whether they're prescription or not, that people also take. So there is a lot at play here with mood swings.
00:21:43
Speaker
Then just for a little bit more information I asked our friends on Instagram what their triggers for bad their bad moods are and I had just four options on the pole and Stress came in as the biggest trigger with 35% of respondents choosing it exhaustion was a closed second with 31% and then hormones and the other one of not being heard or appreciated those tied at 17% each and
00:22:10
Speaker
And I jokingly added the comment, I know I'm going to get a lot of messages from you saying all of the above and truly it is all of the above, right? Or like all of us. But yeah, it does seem like those things get piled onto the snowball as it's picking up snow as it's rolling rapidly down the hill and it's about to like strike into our unsuspecting loved one.
00:22:34
Speaker
Oh my goodness, yes, like a snowball fight they did not sign up for. And also too, you know what, all of that being considered, sometimes we just have bad days, right? And that it's normal. It's normal to have bad moods.
Society's Pursuit of Happiness
00:22:53
Speaker
I think our society, it's so indulgent compared to the rest of history. It's luxurious. It's made life pretty easy, pretty streamlined for the most part, and very pleasure centric. I think we've all just gotten used to feeling good. And so when reality isn't as kind as we think it should be,
00:23:18
Speaker
We're kind of offended by it. And we take it harder than we probably should. And this point just reminds me that, you know, constant perpetual happiness
00:23:29
Speaker
is only promised to us in heaven. Like that's not for here. So we will need to just kind of expect for sometimes we're just going to have a bad day. That's right. And sometimes we want to lean into that bad day. There are sometimes we don't want to shake it off where it can kind of feel good. And we wanted to look into that as well.
00:23:53
Speaker
Sometimes you just want to surrender to the grumpiness, and depending on your temperament, it might be your baseline to actually just surrender to the grumpiness. In fact, three of the four temperaments aren't really happy ones, right? Those three are melancholic, phlegmatic, and choleric, meaning sad or passive, emotionally neutral, which means you're not too happy or too sad.
00:24:15
Speaker
angry are those ones so if you're one of those temperaments you're obviously not alone because it's 75% of them yeah unless you're just like the rare total sanguine type which you're just happy now we did again a deep dive into the temperaments back in January of 2020 you can look up our episode the four temperaments 101 and have a listen to it because it's temperaments are fascinating in and of themselves mm-hmm
00:24:41
Speaker
And then I have a particularly bad habit that kind of piggybacks on my mood swings.
Joy Crushers and Negative Company
00:24:45
Speaker
And this is my tendency to become a joy crusher. That's all I can think of. That's all I can like the only way I can describe it. Like if Jason tries to make things better by like suggesting something fun, I.
00:24:56
Speaker
stay so negative. I like shoot that down instead of being open and willing to kind of take on that joy, right? And I was trying to think of a way to like Google what that, like how do you Google husband tries to suggest nice dinner out, but I'm feeling grumpy. So I said, no, like what, what is that?
00:25:13
Speaker
Joy crusher. So I asked you and you figured it's kind of like the whole like misery loves company thing, right Michelle? Yes. Yeah, that's what I kept thinking of too, because I've experienced that as well. Like when I'm in a bad mood, I don't.
00:25:28
Speaker
I don't actually want to be rescued from it, if that makes sense. And so I was Googling that I was Googling like this misery loves company. And it also kind of draws drew for me a connection to last week's episode when you talked about emotional contagion.
00:25:47
Speaker
Right. We were talking about last week about how in a positive way you can influence people for good just by yourself trying to be better, but it can happen in reverse as well. And so I was wondering why. Well, we were wondering why.
00:26:07
Speaker
And I found one possibility could come from author Brene Brown, and she suggests that it could be that what you're looking for when you're in a bad mood is empathy, not necessarily sympathy or pity, right?
Seeking Empathy Over Sympathy
00:26:26
Speaker
So you're just looking for someone who can sit with you in it because they're also there.
00:26:32
Speaker
And you're just both feeling the same thing. And so if someone's coming and trying to help you out of the bad mood, they're not where you're at, emotionally. And so it's like, not really to your taste, to want to hang out with that person, perhaps.
00:26:50
Speaker
And I was thinking, I'm like, you know, while it may make sense that this may be a possibility, it's actually maybe not the most helpful acknowledgement because you can't really do much about that. Like, you can't make someone else feel like you. And we probably shouldn't.
00:27:09
Speaker
It's better not to bring them down to our level. You might not be able to go up to their level, but it is probably not best to drag them down with you. And our husbands, bless them. Bless our sweetest husbands. They're fixers, right? We know this. Men are fixers by nature. They want to swoop in. They hate seeing us like that. Not just because they don't want to be around a grumpy person. They actually love us and they want to help pull us out of it. And so they do suggest
00:27:33
Speaker
Like actionable items to try to make it better But like you're saying sometimes you just need somebody to come and be like, I'll be sad with you Which actually I read in a meme I was like a little cartoon of like two little beasts sitting beside each other and the monkey was like I'm sad and the other one's like I'll stay with you and I'll be sad with you as long as you need to be sad and I do that with my kids now I don't try to fix it with them, right? We do talk about some positives and all those things but I'm also like but if you need to be sad I will sit here and just be sad with you as long as you need
00:28:01
Speaker
Oh, I like that. I like that because there was something else on an article on medium.com.
The Art of Wallowing
00:28:08
Speaker
I saw where the author suggested that when you're in a bad mood, you just may feel more comfortable to be with people who are either feeling similarly to you or who will let you just feel low or down. And it's because it's just more likely that the person isn't going to try to bring you out of
00:28:27
Speaker
the mood. And so it affords you the time to wallow in it. And that's why you may be more inclined to hang out with someone who's going to give that to you than someone who's trying to cheer you up. Okay, yes, I came across that article too. And it is a tantalizingly great article, but most of it's hidden behind a paywall on medium.com, right? Actually, actually, it's just you have to sign up for their free newsletter.
00:28:54
Speaker
Oh, okay. Well, I did not do that. So I only read a few sentences, but I liked what I read and it has the most beautiful photo, doesn't it? Our image. I don't know if it's of a, uh, and it's like a woman laying on what looks like water with water lilies floating around her and she's in a Philly dress and her pretty head is thrown back in despair and it's just beautiful. And, um, this article is called the necessity of wallowing and the author is Robin Eanen and she says,
00:29:24
Speaker
Adolescents experience the full spectrum of adult feelings while at the same time holding on to the childlike belief that the entire world revolves around them. And that's why I love them. They allow themselves to have all the feels and linger in each one. In other words, they are experts in wallowing.
00:29:42
Speaker
end quote. Now this just hit me with such a tenderness towards the teenage wallowing expert that was Lindsay. And in some ways, right, you get to like just sit with yourself then and sit, right, and just kind of even it's nostalgic almost to wallow and feel like a teenager again. And when you only had to worry about yourself, which is so contrary to everything we also talk about in the faith,
00:30:07
Speaker
But it's just like this little period where you can just go, I'm going to wallow in this for a little bit and have that tenderness towards yourself.
00:30:14
Speaker
Well, the whole wallow thing, that was the twist I never saw coming because when I started looking into wallowing, I really expected for it to be negative. And most of the articles that came up were positive about wallowing. So then I was starting to wonder about that. I'm sorry, Michelle. Now I'm thinking, here we go. Well, wallowing. What's that? What is that Christmas song? A wallowing. A wallowing.
00:30:43
Speaker
You're saying it, and I'm just in my head, I'm now singing it, and so I'm sorry, I can tell you. That's okay. It sounds like a different kind of Christmas than what the Carolers liked. Our listeners could be ready for our CD of the songs, our hymns that we create. Yeah, mixed up Christmas songs, the companion to our board game that we're gonna come out with. Mixed up quotes.
00:31:11
Speaker
Yes, yes, but truly it was the twist I never saw coming because yeah, like I was saying, I was expecting for the feedback to be negative about wallowing. It was mostly positive and I was really kind of, I was trying to think around
00:31:28
Speaker
like what you're saying, how that reconciles with what our faith often tells us about things like self-pity and sadness and things like that. But then I just had a thought, and I don't even know if I have an answer to this, so I'll just put the question to you and to our listeners. Do you think there's a difference then between sulking and wallowing? Ooh, yes, I do, I do. Sulking, I think you put out there onto other people.
00:31:57
Speaker
And wallowing is more of a retreat, and you can do it without harming others. I think when you're sulking, you inflict bitterness and some pain, and that's on the people around you. That's what I was wondering, too. Sulking seems to be more of an emotional response, like a knee-jerk response, whereas wallowing seems a little bit more intentional. You're sitting with something for a little while.
00:32:24
Speaker
And that I could get behind. That I was like, okay, that's interesting. So maybe when we talk about these bad moods and like the joy snatcher kind of mentality, um, maybe, maybe it's not wallowing so much as sulking. Right. Cause maybe if we were to actually wallow properly, it won't turn into a sulk if we let ourselves wallow.
00:32:49
Speaker
Well, I think you're going to get even more behind wallowing when I share with you the definition of wallowing. Did you happen to actually Google it? Yes. Did you? I did. But you must say it anyways. Okay. Okay. Well, we'll start off easy. So I'll just share that one of the definitions, right, is that it's to indulge in an unrestrained way in something that creates a pleasurable sensation.
00:33:12
Speaker
And the example given is I was wallowing in the luxury of the hotel. And let me just say that caught me off guard because I've never associated wallowing with something that feels good in that way, right? You can feel good in a bad, yeah. It's like you feel good during the bad mood. Like there's that goodness there, but it's not feeling good about a good thing. And, but then, then this is where it gets so much better.
00:33:34
Speaker
So the chief purpose of the word wallow is for large mammals and it means to roll about or lie relaxed in mud or water, especially to keep cool and avoid fighting insects. And now, oh man, I'm just picturing me and all my hippopotamus grandeur rolling in the muddy waters of my grumpy mood. And maybe, maybe, just maybe we can think like when we're wallowing like that, when we are
00:33:59
Speaker
kind of just laying there, letting it all hang out. And it says to keep the biting insects at bay. I'm like, maybe that's all of the little irritations, right? And it might be, we love them, our children at that moment or our spouse or worker, all those little things. We're actually just, when we're actually wallowing, we kind of keep those things away from us during that period and just roll in the mud, man. You're just rolling in the mud.
00:34:22
Speaker
I love how you turn that around. But I'm right with you though, because I was wondering the same thing when I was thinking of wallowing. Merriam-Webster, by the way, adds the amazing word ungainly to the rolling in mud.
00:34:42
Speaker
It's better. Definitely ungainly, yeah. So, but I hear what you're saying, and I was wondering the same thing, like there's kind of a metaphor here. Yeah. Or this could have been like an origin of a word, like if someone knew how mammals, large mammals, wallowed to keep cool, and they noticed that someone was struggling with something,
00:35:05
Speaker
Maybe it was a way of saying, you know, or we can just invent it right now ourselves, of just being like, you need to keep cool. You need to put yourself in a situation where you can kind of just lay and lay low somewhere where you're
00:35:22
Speaker
you know, you're going to keep cool. It's going to keep off the annoyances, the tedious bits of the day for a while so that you can just sit. Yes. And so hilarious, but also insightful. Now, finally, I came across an article based on a study from the University of Toronto. Did you happen to come across this one, Michelle? No, I haven't.
Acceptance of Emotions
00:35:45
Speaker
Okay, so it was a little bit more about science, so the science of wallowing versus I felt like the other ones that were like, go ahead and wallow were more like just fun opinion pieces. This one, they actually did a big scientific study on it. And it was led by Brett Ford. She's an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Toronto. And her research shows that it's better if people treat their bad feelings like, quote, passing clouds, which means don't bury them, but don't dwell on them either.
00:36:11
Speaker
And there was four takeaways I'll share very briefly from her study, which was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. And the first is that acceptance of your feelings helps over the long term. They studied the diaries, the daily diaries of multiple participants and just saw that when you accept your feelings in the long term, when you look at a diary, you start to do much better.
00:36:31
Speaker
The second is that accepting those negative feelings doesn't actually lessen whatever positive feelings you might be feeling at the same time. I think there's a temptation for people to believe that if they give in to the negative feelings and just accept them or feel them at that moment, that they will somehow erase whatever good or like you're kind of scared it'll take away the good things that happen that day because you're going to get too negative.
00:36:54
Speaker
But they found that in their research, that doesn't actually happen. You can hold both the both and negative and positive emotions at the same time. And then the third finding is that engaging in your emotions is the opposite of wallowing or brooding. She says when one is wallowing,
00:37:10
Speaker
that there's a process of judgment that goes on during wallowing. Now this goes, this to me is just too, it's too deep, but okay, we'll go with this. That when you're wallowing, you're judging, you're feeling it out to say like, am I worthy of feeling this right now? Or is it worse? Instead of just when you just accept it, you're skipping that she says unnecessary step of having to judge it at all. Just go, I accept it. This is what I'm feeling. No need to wallow.
00:37:35
Speaker
And then finally, and this one is awesome, accepting our emotions isn't the same as accepting the situation. And she points out that the AA phrase of accept the things we cannot change is can be a double edged sword because it can help you understand what you do and don't have control over, but it can also create a type of passive resignation, which isn't always a good thing. So this type of acceptance is nonjudgmental and it's a total and quick embracing of what one is feeling in that moment.
00:38:03
Speaker
So, okay, U of T, I hear you. But I don't think that's the final say. I really loved the vast majority of other articles that were like, no, no, you can wallow. Yeah. I do like one thing she said there. I think it was her third point where she talks about the judgment attached to it.
00:38:23
Speaker
Yes. I do wonder, to her point, if feeling like we shouldn't be in a bad mood is making us feel worse. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As opposed to what she's saying, just being like, OK, I'm in this place for the day. Is there something going on? Maybe a reason why I'm here? Is there something I can do about it? Or do I just need to feel sad, like what we were talking about, right? And let it kind of ride itself out.
00:38:52
Speaker
But often when I'm in a bad mood, I'm angry at myself for being in a bad mood and for bringing down other people, like my family around me. And so I'm like, I'm judgy towards myself. So yeah, perhaps that is a good point. And maybe again, maybe this is where we're kind of exploring this idea of sulking versus wallowing.
00:39:19
Speaker
Yeah, maybe, maybe it is a bit of a sulk that comes into the wallowing and that's, that's where you start to feel like a bit of a judgment towards yourself, which could also just work as a bit of a self check as well of like, yeah, what is actually going on here. And you know, this brings me perfectly into
00:39:39
Speaker
the final section. You've all been waiting for the bad mood
Strategies for Overcoming Bad Moods
00:39:42
Speaker
busters. That's what I was waiting for. So what do we do? Okay. We've wallowed. We have so wallowed. Um, and the first one that most people responded to, because again, I threw this out in a question box on my Instagram and overwhelmingly, and this just could be my audience, but it totally makes sense to me that, um, actually it kind of split in two things.
00:40:03
Speaker
The overwhelming response to the question of what is your tried and true bad mood buster was either exercise and fresh air or prayer and going to church, right? Prayer, scripture, adoration, those types of things. And it's like that makes total sense because God created us body and soul. So if we're taking care of both of those things, right, it only makes sense that we would feel better.
00:40:25
Speaker
Oh my goodness. That's so true. I, I always feel better almost instantly the moment I step outside. Right. And it's, I know I've talked about this before about just that feeling of smallness. Right. In a good way. Like the world is not on my shoulders. Um, and then also too, I know we, and I think we've talked about too, about the benefits of light and fresh air.
00:40:52
Speaker
we were made for those things. And so, so much of our lives is spent indoors that it has a negative, can have a negative impact for sure. And then in terms of the sacramentals and about going to church and prayer and everything like that, I know I was in a huge rut for a while leading up to my last confession, which was about a couple of weeks ago. And since then it has been a night and day difference for my mood.
00:41:21
Speaker
Like it really is an actual weight lifted from your shoulders, from your mind, but also it is this infusion of grace, right? And so it's like a two for one when you go to confession to help your mood. And God is so good, right? He not only takes the heaviness from you, he gives you his life, which is grace in you. And that, I mean, there's nothing lighter than God's grace.
00:41:51
Speaker
Absolutely. Oh my goodness. Confession is like top of my list. We almost have like an unspoken motto in our house, which is like confession first. Whenever something feels like it's spinning out of control, confession first. We go as a family and there is nothing I'm telling you right now.
00:42:08
Speaker
There's nothing that can break that feeling of distance between you and your husband or irritation than going into confession together. Now, just so people are clear, you don't actually go into the confessional together. But it's this humbling feeling of going, hey, you want to go to confession? And then you're both in the car and then you're in line beside each other and then one of you goes into the confessional first. And it's private. It's between the person and the confessor.
00:42:34
Speaker
And then as Catholics, I want to point out that we don't believe that it's Father so-and-so behind the screen. And we believe that there's a few instances within a priest's life where he is in persona Christe. You are speaking with Jesus on the other side of that confessional, which as a side note is one of the many reasons I believe in the old style confessionals for the screen. To me, I realize it's not to protect you, like the priest doesn't see you ultimately. It's so that you don't see him. You know you're speaking with Jesus then.
00:43:00
Speaker
And let me just share a little story about that, just to really praise confession. So one time I was in there confessing a bad mood and being irritable with my husband, like nothing horrible, but just like confessing these things that I felt genuinely sorry about and I wanted to do better. And the priest, he was so gentle. And, oh, I mean, sorry, Jesus, right? Ahem, Jesus. He gently interrupted me and he quietly asked, do you love your husband?
00:43:27
Speaker
Whoa, whoa. And I was like, yes, I like melted in that moment. And I was like, oh, yes, with my whole heart. And he said, good, now do this, blah, blah, blah. And then I told this to Jason after and he's like, he asked the same thing of me and that realization that that wasn't the priest asking us that that was Jesus saying, do you love your husband?
00:43:47
Speaker
What a powerful moment in the confessional. I firmly believe there's no way a contrite heart, so a heart that's truly sorry, and a person that has done a proper examination of conscience can go into that confessional and not come out a changed person.
00:44:02
Speaker
And then the beauty of confession, there's so many rewards, like you said, with grace, but you want to extend that mercy and forgiveness to the others in your life when it's been given to you. So if you see someone else being irritable or in a bad mood or whatever, and you remember that you've just been forgiven for that way higher likelihood, you're going to extend that same grace to others. Oh, absolutely. I noticed some big difference.
00:44:27
Speaker
We'll try to go as a family. It will end up most likely being on Saturday afternoons for us. And those Saturday evenings where we've been to confession altogether are like my happiest moments. Like honestly, it just feels like once you get home after being in confession, everything feels like it's going to be okay. Like there might still be the exact same situation.
00:44:54
Speaker
uh, situations that we're working through or challenges or, um, anything, but somehow, um, everything seems lightened and like someone else is in control, which God is. So yeah, highly recommend confession. I love your family motto of confession first. I'm just going to adopt that. Perfect.
00:45:19
Speaker
and then okay another thing our bodies need is sleep right that came up over and over and over again and then um but i'm not a napper um so i started trying out and you and i were talking about this the nsdr which is the i think it's the non-sleep deep rest protocol that was created by a doctor i think he created it
00:45:36
Speaker
Dr. Andrew Huberman, and he has a video on YouTube where he kind of talks to you as you're doing this 10 minute non-sleep deep relaxation where you picture the different parts of your body relaxing. Some of this, actually, I don't think he did create it. Some of it might be rooted in some Eastern traditions and Eastern religious
00:45:55
Speaker
tradition. So just if you're a Christian, just be careful about what you're looking at. But yeah, there's some wonderful techniques to just kind of relax your body. There's a lot to be said that even if you're not going to be asleep, crawling into your bed midday, closing those curtains. And it just it can be so nice to even just kind of step away from the world for those 20 minutes. Yeah, absolutely. I have noticed too for myself, I used to be a huge napper.
00:46:21
Speaker
um more when my kids were napping as well i'd be like woohoo me too and i would put myself to bed but now not so much but what i've come to understand about myself is that sometimes i need to be horizontal
00:46:36
Speaker
in the middle of the day. It does get too much vertical. Yeah, it is. And I don't know a prettier way to describe that. But sometimes if I have a moment's rest, I do feel way more rejuvenated. Even if I don't sleep, just lying down horizontally, then I would like even sitting up to relax is what I'm trying to say. So yeah, I'm like all about sleeping.
00:47:04
Speaker
All about the lay down, right? And horizontalness. Yes. Okay. So we got so many answers from our listeners about so many great things that they do. And we've touched on a lot of that already with taking care of your soul, taking care of your spirit, right? Getting in touch with God, right? Reading your Bible. Those things are great. Taking care of your body. So running, dancing, eating good foods. Those are all great things, including my favorite of scrubbing and exfoliating every inch of my skin.
00:47:32
Speaker
moisturizing it. There's something about that physical removal of that layer. It just, oh, that helps so much. But finally for me, my biggest bad mood buster is cleaning. So it's the actual getting your heart rate up, just getting your happy hormones moving. And then it's being able to relax in the clean house. You get the action, which is beneficial, and you get the reward, which is incredibly beneficial.
00:47:59
Speaker
Yeah, I was just going to say you're kind of like doing two busters in one. A double buster. Yeah, the exercise and you have a clutter free home. That's amazing. All right, so one of the things that I thought of too is crying. Oh, yes. Letting yourself have a good cry, right? I know we all know that it feels therapeutic to do that.
00:48:28
Speaker
But I was actually interested to see what it does to you hormonally. So like going back to our hormones, crying actually releases in your brains, the happy hormones, the feel good hormones. It releases oxytocin in your body endorphins. So it can actually help relieve physical and emotional pain hormonally. And there's a theory out there actually that tears contain stress hormone.
00:48:57
Speaker
in them. So when you're crying, you're actually detoxing the body of your stress hormones, like cortisol, like it's leaving your physical body. That's still being studied. But I thought that was a great thought and a great theory. And then of course, when you cry, your stress lowers, so you're going to be able to sleep better, which is going to help your mood, we were saying.
00:49:22
Speaker
Crying activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which helps you digest food, which is, we talked about nutrition being a key factor in helping balance your moods. So crying, having a good cry, letting yourself cry is
00:49:39
Speaker
more beneficial than you think. And that just touches on something I was looking into because I was looking into you know music having such a great positive impact like happy music makes you happy okay so like that's pretty clear but I was reading a thing where there's a study on sad music and sad music doesn't just make you sad it actually gives you a whole bunch of different feelings there's that longing there's nostalgia there's like a romantic feeling
00:50:01
Speaker
There's like a whole, so sad music can really help you just like really sink into those feelings, especially if you want to have a good wallow, a good wallow and cry. A few songs to have on standby, right? That just like take you into that place. I feel like that can actually be incredibly cleansing. Hmm. Yes. That's a great point.
00:50:20
Speaker
I want to give a shout out to listener at vio easy on Instagram, because when I asked for your tried and true bad mood busters, she had the winning answer. People didn't know this was a competition, but she won. She said, honestly, listening to the modern lady, especially an episode fitting to the situation or problem. So we are glad to help with that.
00:50:41
Speaker
Oh, thank you so much, Fire Easy. That is so nice. I'm also so glad that our podcast can help lift people's moods. That's awesome. And I just have one more point, and this is something my mom always told me when I was feeling low growing up, and even into my adulthood now, is that when I'm feeling
00:51:03
Speaker
Like I'm in a bad mood, I need something to look forward to. I love that. Right? And sometimes that would mean that she and I, we would plan an outing or a get together in the next few days just to get out of the house or change a scenery. Often it looks like trying to find a new TV show or a book that I'm excited to get back to every evening when the kids are in bed.
00:51:26
Speaker
or a podcast that I just I would love to binge but can't so I'm just looking forward to the next time I can listen and it turns out this is a legit thing that multiple sources online we're talking about it being a pleasant distraction from your current mood that it reduces stress that it makes you feel optimistic about the future
00:51:49
Speaker
And the Michael Garen Hospital Foundation released an article on this in 2020 called Mental Health Moment, Looking Forward. And they say that it gives our minds a positive view of what's to come and it helps motivate us to follow through then on the things that we may find less appealing because we want to make it to that reward.
00:52:11
Speaker
they call it positive anticipation. And it's kind of the antithesis to anticipatory grief, which we also did an episode on as well about that same time a couple of years ago. And so, you know what, some tips on how to pick one of those future positives for you to look forward to yourself, pick something fun, pick something that is accomplishable. I feel like that's a key thing to remember.
00:52:39
Speaker
Yeah, you're not like a Paris. Yeah, I'll be happier when I get to Paris. That's right. That might be too far into the future. But you can, the article said, pick something big and small. So one for now and a big one for later. I love it. And then actually put it on the schedule for it to happen. Something to look forward to.
00:53:01
Speaker
Bad moods, we all get them. It's unavoidable, but like the dark clouds and the rain can end up clearing the pent-up air pressure. And once they've poured out everything they've got, leave us with the most beautiful clear skies and rainbow, our moods aren't something that we need to be ashamed of. Whether you want to wallow in it that day or you feel the desire to shake it off and move on, we hope you find comfort in the knowledge that your mood doesn't define who you are and a bad day does not a bad life make.
00:53:29
Speaker
We will end with the words from Psalm 30, where his anchor is but a moment, weeping may last for the night but his shout of joy comes in the morning.
Current Favorites Discussion
00:53:49
Speaker
Okay it's time for our What We're Loving This Week segment of the show. So Lindsay what have you been loving this week? Okay well this time I'm sharing something I read and enjoyed about three weeks ago because my current read is being shared over on our Patreon account which we are excited to get back to in the near future. But the book that I want to share today is Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert.
00:54:11
Speaker
and it was published in 1856. And it's actually quite shocking that it was published in the mid 1800s when you read it and find it far more daring than most novels of that time, which explains why Flaubert ended up on trial being charged with obscenity, which yeah, he was acquitted though. So it was definitely not a book that I think would have been recommended by like the Vatican and all those things at that time. But I do want to talk about that. So
00:54:39
Speaker
It isn't surprising that that trial then catapulted this book into being a huge bestseller. Writer Henry James, who wrote Portrait of a Lady, which I also read this year, called it a perfect work of fiction. And this also makes sense because Flaubert was obsessed with finding what he called le motte joust, which is the right word. You can tell in every sentence, and I don't even think I read the best translation, that it is
00:55:05
Speaker
perfectly constructed. It feels so modern, not just because of the romantic content that it shares, but also its expression and its style. Proust, who I've also read, called it grammatical purity. And Nabokov, and yep, I've read him too, said stylistically, it is prose doing what poetry is supposed to do.
00:55:27
Speaker
So there's so much I'd like to say about this book But I'll admit that I was hesitant to read it just like I was with Anna Karenina Right based because I don't like when adultery is made to look enticing But just like Tolstoy's Anna Karenina Flaubert is saying a lot more than just look at the passion between these illicit lovers it really is a commentary on a misunderstanding of romantic love and
00:55:50
Speaker
and commitment and marriage and it shows how selfish adultery is and the ripple effect and consequences of thinking with your reproductive organs instead of your head. So I wasn't expecting to love it as much as I did and it is one of the few I'm moving over to a list of I will read this again in the near future.
00:56:10
Speaker
Well, that sounds good. This is another one of the classics that is very, like the title is said a lot in pop culture, right? Even if you have never read or you don't plan to read Madame Bovary, I feel like you may have heard it, right? Talked about in TV shows or movies or what have you. So I'm really interested to read it because you're right. I'm finding that these books that were touted as sensational
00:56:39
Speaker
or still touted as sensational, maybe sensational because of the time period they were written. And it was back at that time, but for us in our modern culture, we find it maybe more so a really accurate commentary on the human condition. And Michelle, what have you been loving this week? So last year I shared about a couple of podcasts that I was loving from the BBC. That was the documentary and The Bomb.
00:57:06
Speaker
And so now I have another podcast to recommend that kind of follows the same style, and that is the History This Week podcast produced by the History Channel. And the common reason why I think I love all of these podcasts is because of the docudrama style that they are produced in. So not only are they informative, but they're also exciting and a delight to listen to.
00:57:33
Speaker
So in this weekly podcast, it's hosted by a woman named Sally Helm and her team. They explore interesting moments of history and they try to pick events that line up with the release date's current week. So it's like a this week in history sort of a thing.
00:57:51
Speaker
The production value is really well done. The history is presented in an interesting way, like I said, often dramatized while being narrated by Helm. And my favorite episodes that I've listened to so far were Chasing Utopia about the Transcendentalist movement featuring my good old friend, Ralph Waldo Emerson, who I can now say his name.
00:58:18
Speaker
That's amazing. I laughed when I made that connection typing these notes. The episode on Bonnie and Clyde's final ride was really good, and the episode on the Great Boston Molasses Flood. Oh, I'm a huge fan of the Great Boston Molasses Flood.
00:58:34
Speaker
It's so fun. It's so interesting. It's so interesting. But I mean, there are so many to listen to. I've barely scratched the surface. And so I was looking through the list about the next episodes I'm most keen to listen to, and it would have to either be the one on the Ballad of Blackbeard or the Anatomy of a Campus Heist.
00:58:57
Speaker
But for you, Lindsay, I know you'll be especially interested to check out their episode called Fire in the Triangle Should We Use Factory. You said this is your Roman Empire, the thing you think about all the time.
00:59:14
Speaker
And I was actually going to joke about that because the Boston Molasses Flood is another of my Roman Empire things. Both things I watched documentaries on when I was a teenager. So we're talking 30 years ago and I think about them monthly. It's insane.
00:59:29
Speaker
Amazing. So maybe if we all also listen to these things, they will become a wider spread Roman Empire. The new TikTok trend will be men asking women, how often do you think about the great Boston molasses flood? And I won't be a weirdo at parties anymore when I'm like, so that Boston molasses flood, do you want to talk about the beds floating down the streets covered in molasses?
00:59:55
Speaker
We're here for you Lindsay. Oh, thank you guys. Join me. Join me. Oh, that's amazing. As you know, I'm always looking for a new podcast and I do find like it's really hard sorting through, like there's some I have great hopes for, right? And you click on it and you look at the list and I'm like, nope, it's just not hitting that spot.
01:00:10
Speaker
and this sounds like it will. As a total side note, I want to talk about BBC ones briefly because the other day I realized you can just like look up BBC right on Spotify and there's so many and there's nothing that just warms the cockles of my heart than the opening of all those ones like this is the BBC and I'm like oh I suddenly feel all patriotic like it's World War II and I'm like go BBC. We're all British when you hear that opening and I'm here for it.
01:00:40
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. That's going to do it for us this week. If you want to get in touch and chat with us about our topic today, you can find us on our website, www.themodernlady1950.wordpress.com or leave us a comment on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube at the Modern Lady podcast.
01:01:05
Speaker
I'm Michelle Sacks and you can find me on Instagram at mmsacks. And I'm Lindsay Murray and you can find me on Instagram at Lindsay Homemaker. Thank you so much for listening. Have a great week and we will see you next time.