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31. Sedi Thato
51 Plays2 years ago
This week’s guest is Africa based life coach Sedi Thato. To be specific, Sedi works as a confidence coach, helping people to overcome their self limiting beliefs, and to carve a path forward to a better state of mental well-being. She is currently studying psychology, and is interested in mental health issues on both the individual, and community levels.
https://www.instagram.com/sedi_thato.s/
https://www.facebook.com/sedithato.ConfidenceCoach
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Music By Nathan Willis RIP
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Transcript
Introduction to Seti Tato and Her Mission
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Pursuit of Infinity. This week's guest is Africa-based life coach, Seti Tato. To be specific, Seti works as a confidence coach, helping people to overcome their self-limiting beliefs and carve a path forward to a better state of mental wellbeing. She's currently studying psychology and is interested in mental health issues on both the individual and community levels.
Support and Engagement for the Show
00:00:24
Speaker
But before we get to it, if you like what we do and you want to support the show, we really appreciate a follow or a sub as well as a five star rating and maybe even some kind words of encouragement in the form of a review. These things really help us to expand our reach and credibility, which is so much appreciated.
00:00:43
Speaker
If you really want to show us some next level love, you can become a patron at patreon.com slash pursuit of infinity, where you can donate as little as $2 a month to support what we do. Check us out on YouTube. The channel is up and all of our episodes are there. So if you prefer some visuals and to put some faces to the names, subscribe and keep up with us. We're also on Instagram at pursuit of infinity pod. So give us a follow and reach out because we'd love to hear from you.
00:01:10
Speaker
And without further delay, thank you so much for listening and I hope you enjoy this week's discussion.
Seti's Role in Boosting Self-Esteem and Acceptance
00:01:39
Speaker
Today we are here with Seti Tato. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Thank you for having me. So you are a life coach. Um, can you define what that is for us? Well, I am actually a, a confidence coach just to niche it down. So what I do is I help people who are not feeling so confident in themselves with lower self esteem. Some people are.
00:02:07
Speaker
people who have difficulty just being out there, you know, or just accepting themselves for who they are. So what I do is I help you fall in love with what you have right now so that you don't have to feel so stuck in trying to be something that you're not or trying to fit in other people's, maybe what they define you or what they want you to be type of thing. So that's what I do.
00:02:37
Speaker
So what do you think the common problem with people who come to you is? Like what are they usually experiencing? Like specifically in what ways are they lacking confidence?
Navigating Self-Imposed Limitations
00:02:49
Speaker
Most of the time it's people who basically have been taught to be limited and innocent, you know? So you know, when we are still growing up, sometimes it's our parents and they're not even aware of it.
00:03:04
Speaker
know that we just telling you to do certain things, but to a certain limit, you know, like you are, it's okay for you to try this, but they're just so afraid that you might fall or you might, so all the time you just leave on a limit. So you limit yourself in almost everything. Sometimes it's bullying that you get from school and then you just don't feel like you are adequate enough to be out there.
00:03:30
Speaker
So those are the common issues that people have, just not being able to fulfill their full potential. You know, too scared to be out there. Most of the time, it's just limiting beliefs. You know, just feeling like you're able to do something, but you're too scared to do something because you've always been limited, like since you were a kid or something. Sometimes it's bullying that has prevented you from feeling like you're
00:03:59
Speaker
to do certain things. So those are the most common problems that people have. Others it's socializing and even with socializing it has been from a childhood experience that has just prevented you from being vocal with yourself.
00:04:20
Speaker
That's a really good point. Yeah. A childhood experience. A lot of our minds seem to be shaped by the experiences that we've had, the preferences that we hold dear, um, and the traumas that we've endured. Um, and it seems that people have pretty much two options, uh, therapy and some
Therapy vs. Coaching: Understanding the Difference
00:04:42
Speaker
sort of coaching. So, uh, in your field, what's the difference between therapy and coaching?
00:04:49
Speaker
Well, with therapy, it's more professional, honestly. I would say with therapy, it's more also in depth with more detail to what happened in your class. And with coaching, it's rather than, okay, so after therapy, you go to a coach just to give you better steps on how to move forward from where you live therapy. So there's a difference between therapy and coaching.
00:05:18
Speaker
I see. So the coaching is like the practical angle of how to take, how to take the steps necessary to follow through on the goals that, uh, that the person has. Yes. So I would, when I started my coaching, I didn't know much of a difference between those two. Then I realized that I was actually helping people that were who actually needed therapy than coaching.
00:05:46
Speaker
And it was far more difficult because those people were more, they needed more intervention than people who are three times behind me or two times behind me. So it is not an easy journey. That's when I realized that actually the first way therapy should come in place. Because then you have a professional person who is more trained to help such people.
00:06:14
Speaker
And from there you get a more practical, like you mentioned, experience with the coach. Gotcha. That makes sense. That makes sense. Are there, um, so you, you said you were mostly a confidence life coach. So are there lots of other types of life coaches, like in specific areas? Yeah, they are abundance coaches. They are, okay. Even with confidence, it's actually, some people have actually reached it down.
00:06:43
Speaker
to a social coach, I'm not sure if that's what they call it, but like a social coach for people with anxiety and they have business coaches, you know, it's just so broad. And you're located in Africa, correct? Yes.
00:07:07
Speaker
So do you do like online sessions with people across the world or do you mostly focus in person, uh, where you live?
Benefits of Virtual Coaching Sessions
00:07:14
Speaker
In person, I've just had like one client cause and it was just like one of those one in once in a moment type of thing. But usually all my clients, like they would virtually, I prefer it that way. And do you feel your client, your clients prefer it that way too?
00:07:35
Speaker
I think with people with confidence, it's preferable in a sense because, you know, some people actually threaten by whole social media status and stuff. So going online, I think it's kind of makes more sense as well.
00:07:56
Speaker
And do you coach people on, uh, like how to use social media and how to use the internet in a way that will help them build and sustain confidence as opposed to lose confidence? No, no, I don't, I don't, I don't help them in that sense of being more confident showing up on social media and stuff like that. No.
Impact of Social Media on Self-Esteem
00:08:22
Speaker
it does feel to me like social media is like a breeding ground for like self esteem issues because people like to present like what they think is the best form of themselves, the best viewpoint. So what you're seeing on Facebook a lot of times isn't really what's real. And I think that people especially
00:08:41
Speaker
like adolescents like to, they think they have to live up to a certain social norm that is probably a little bit extreme and unnecessary. Yeah. So is that a problem that you often see? Yeah, that is true. But I haven't had it with any of my clients so far, but I've had it with
00:09:01
Speaker
friends, you know, I've seen it with friends. I've seen it with friends because like, when we're together, it's a totally different person than who they are on social media and how much they actually put in just to look the way they look on social media. And because I know this, I somehow I understand, I don't like judging people, I understand why they do this, but it's not healthy for people who look from the outside and they think,
00:09:30
Speaker
Oh, I have to have certain amount of money or dress a certain way so I can be preserved this type of way, you know? So it is a common issue actually with social media. It is.
00:09:48
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. And sort of goes along the same lines. People at work as well. Um, a lot of times you see different social groups at work and people don't really feel like they fit into them possibly. Um, so how does a person, how does a person begin a path like this? If they're not happy at their job, but they're not happy with their social life. What, what are some of the first steps that, uh, that you inform your clients on how to take.
Defining Happiness and Individuality
00:10:16
Speaker
Getting to understand why you're not happy on the first place. Because, you know, you're not happy because you're trying to fit in. Or you feel like you cannot fit in. What makes you think that you cannot fit in? Why do you feel like you have to look a certain way or dress a certain way for you to fit in?
00:10:34
Speaker
Or, you know, so I mostly look at you, like you try to figure out who you are outside that social group. And why don't people try to fit in with you instead of you trying to be with other people? So for me, it's always just like you getting to accept who you are and not just force yourself to be different or so that people can understand you, you know? So it's all about loving yourself, accepting yourself for who you are
00:11:04
Speaker
accepting those flaws of yours. And if people cannot love you for that, then it's their problem. You know? Absolutely. Yeah. Have you seen people that cut off?
00:11:21
Speaker
uh, friends and family and things like that when it comes to, uh, people treating them wrong. Do you think that cutting people off is like the wrong approach? Do you, do you think that maybe mending relationships is, is better? Or do you think that there are certain circumstances where you should just sort of cut people out of your lives, uh, who are, you know, filling you with negative energy?
Breaking Away from Negative Relationships
00:11:44
Speaker
Yeah, I think there are certain instances where you just have to cut people who are bringing you down negatively. But also with change, people just seem to walk out of your life naturally. You don't even have to put in much effort. Every time you try to change to be a better version of yourself, people walk away. Or you'll find people who will always try to bring you down.
00:12:09
Speaker
And in an instance like that, that's when I would just advise you to just walk away from what does not bring peace. But if it brings you peace and it's all whole, some people would just walk away without you even saying anything because they can see the change in you.
00:12:27
Speaker
Yeah, that's very true. And that has to be an uncomfortable situation sometimes for a person who, you know, just wants to mend a relationship or to connect with someone and then to have them, uh, like leave or criticize them. Um, so how do you convince people to leave their comfort zone and to accept, uh, the repercussions potentially of bettering themselves and figuring out who they really are?
Clarity and Goal Setting for Self-Growth
00:12:53
Speaker
You know, I've had a client who actually asked me if
00:12:56
Speaker
should they leave their friends, the type of friends that they have because it's not saving them peace. I don't like telling people what to do, but I'll always just say, if you feel it's a good thing to do, you know, if you feel it's something that's necessary to you, go for it.
00:13:17
Speaker
You know, whatever that you do, it'll make you feel good. Go for it. But if it'll make you feel some type of way, then maybe you should reevaluate your reasons. You know, check why you need to leave that group of friends and, you know, just always aim for your peace. So I don't like telling people what to do because it always backfires on you that you told me to do this and stuff like that. So yeah, no. Yeah, no. Yeah, it's got to be a difficult thing to balance. Yeah.
00:13:50
Speaker
So in terms of life coaching and advice, uh, so in my, in my view, I can see the issues that I have, uh, that I could, where I could benefit from, uh, from coaching. And the main thing that I see in myself is.
00:14:10
Speaker
that I know what I need to do a lot of times. I just feel like it's hard to acquire the tools to practice these things consistently. So what do you tell somebody who knows what to do? They know they have to take care of themselves. They know they have to figure out what's bringing them peace and what isn't, but they just can't seem to put this consistently into practice. What do you tell people in that situation?
00:14:40
Speaker
In a situation like that, you usually just need to find clarity. You need to find your why as well. You know, once you find your clarity and you understand why versus so important for you to do, and then you find measurable steps of goal setting as well. Setting goals for you to reach that level. And with goals, people usually go big on a first run, you know?
00:15:05
Speaker
And I don't believe in going big on the first run. You have to start small and from small, you start going bigger day by day. Just make it high, like leather, you know? So in an instance like that, we try to find your why. Why is this so important to you? And finally, clarity as well. And then we take, I'll give you like measurable steps that I think will work out for you.
00:15:33
Speaker
Yeah, it seems like those small measured steps are better definitely than jumping into a huge goal because also what happens when you complete even a small goal is you get this great feeling of euphoria and fulfillment that I think can definitely propel you to then go on to bigger and better goals. So yeah, I think that's a great approach doing little things. Consistently.
00:15:58
Speaker
Yes. Also like rewarding yourself, hey? You have to reward yourself for every small achievement that you do because every time you reward yourself, you get this gratitude of some point, you know, and you just want to keep on doing it. So also I would say rewarding yourself will also be helpful in the process.
Mindfulness Through Meditation
00:16:20
Speaker
Yeah. And having pride in what you're doing, you know, being proud of yourself, I think is a big thing as well. You know, people think, uh, especially in, in your particular, um, like life coach, um, medium being confidence. It seems that, you know, people.
00:16:39
Speaker
They don't know how to carry themselves in their life without constantly judging themselves. Um, you know, I've known people who, uh, they can't, they have a hard time even like talking, um, to others. And even when it comes to like work situations and things of that nature, they're a little bit timid. Um, so how do you start to solve a problem like that? That is just so far, um, beneath the surface where it sort of originates in their trauma.
00:17:10
Speaker
Well, you know, when you judge yourself, you have to look at the reasons of where it's actually all coming from, you know? Because most of the time you judge yourself because we feel like other people are also judging ourselves, are judging us, I mean, you know? And that judgment is most of the time not even accurate. So trying to reframe your thoughts every time you judge yourself is the best approach. So being kind to your thoughts as much as possible, being kind to yourself, because if you
00:17:40
Speaker
are not kind to yourself, cannot expect other people to be kind to you, you know? So always reframing your thoughts. So mindset work is such a priority in my practice, you know? Yeah, yeah. So what kind of mental work do you think practically people can do? Do you suggest meditation? Do you suggest like exercise? Meditation, being mindful, being mindful of your thoughts.
00:18:10
Speaker
Meditation is always there, you know? Also, meditation and mind reframing, reframing your thoughts. Yeah, meditation seems to be fantastic. What are some of the benefits that you think come from meditation directly? A piece of mind, being able to be aware of your surroundings, being aware of your thoughts, you know, being aware of your emotions.
00:18:38
Speaker
being aware of you at that moment in time, you know? And once you're aware of yourself, you know what's just next step. So if you find yourself in a situation whereby, okay, for example, you are, take, for example, a person who has social anxiety, okay? And they go to a group of friends, for example, and at that very moment,
00:19:07
Speaker
Your anxiety begins and you start meditating and bring your mind to the present moment. And once you're in a present moment, you have control of your next thoughts, you have control of your next feeling, you know? But it's all practice as well. Like the more you do it, the more, the better you'll be able to keep your mind here and not let it be out there and also judged by the world.
00:19:38
Speaker
Yeah, it's, it's difficult meditation for sure. Especially if you just try it one time, have issues with it and think that you're not doing it right. Uh, and then quit because a lot of times, uh, when you're meditating and you know, your eyes are closed, you're trying to focus on your breath.
00:19:54
Speaker
And you're noticing all these thoughts come up and everything's going and flowing in your mind. Uh, and you think that you're not doing it right because you can't quiet those thoughts. I think what people don't realize is that that is what meditation is. You are doing it right. If you can just identify that you're seeing those external thoughts and not clinging onto them, or even if you just notice that you are clinging onto them, that in itself is meditation and is a good practice of mindfulness.
00:20:22
Speaker
Yeah, and you'll be able to have like the next move. Like you'll be, you'll know, you know, you just know what to do next. You won't feel so lost in everything and the situation or the setting that you're at, you know? So I think the more you do it, the more, cause sometimes when you, it's really the first time, the first few times that you try it, your mind wanders a lot, you know? And then you just feel like,
00:20:48
Speaker
You just can't seem to bring your mind to the present moment. You just can't seem to bring your mind here, you know? And you give up. But the thing is like you just had to continue doing it. And then the more you do it, the more you will be able to be in the present moment.
00:21:09
Speaker
Yeah, and the breath, I think, is a very, very useful tool for getting yourself into the present moment. Whether you are closing your eyes and trying to do a traditional meditation, or if you're just doing the dishes or something, you know, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, if you can just focus on your breath, I think it's a nice sort of tool to reset your mind and to help you to achieve that present moment peacefulness.
00:21:34
Speaker
Yeah, even the breathing technique, it's also great when you're feeling anxious, you know, or feeling scared. When you're in a moment like that where you feel, especially those people who have to like, do public speaking and stuff like that, I feel I found it very helpful in my, in my journey, you know, actually going, doing some online videos on my Instagram when I started. That was
00:22:04
Speaker
a harder and better was something that I've always wanted to do as well. And I felt like it was so necessary for me to do. But breathing techniques are actually the best I found.
The Mental Reset of Cold Showers
00:22:18
Speaker
Yeah, they're fantastic. I mean, there's some really intense breath work exercises you can do to really get yourself charged and energized. You know what I found also really helps are cold showers in the morning. That is an amazing reset for people. So just little things like that, I think really helped. Yeah, it's true. But you know, I've never tried a cold shower before. I didn't think I would go that direction.
00:22:49
Speaker
It sucks while you're doing it. I'll tell you. I've heard that they are great. I've just heard that they've been very helpful for people.
00:23:04
Speaker
Yeah. It's just like a, like a solid way to reset your body and reset your mind, you know, cause it's like, you know, we, we carry all of these traumas and all of these, uh, attachments throughout the day, even that we have throughout the week, throughout the month, throughout the years. And any type of reset can really just help you to shed off all that stuff that you're all that baggage you're carrying with you.
00:23:26
Speaker
Because that stuff I think tends to like cloud your mind when you're trying to make judgment calls. And I'm sure the clients that you have really could use, like you said, clarity, a clear mind to help them with situations like you said, like going up on stage or something or recording yourself and putting your voice out there. So how do you convince people to begin to leave their comfort zone?
00:23:56
Speaker
See, the catch thoughts there actually, because most of the time people be like, I want to change on something different for myself, blah, blah, blah, you know? But they never put in the work to do so. And honestly, I don't want to work with people who are not really into putting the work.
Commitment in the Coaching Process
00:24:14
Speaker
I am very cheesy in that sense because I remember I think it was my first client. I had to chase that person.
00:24:23
Speaker
You know, I had to chase them and I feel like, and okay, at that time it was even free, you know? So I just felt like, no, this is just not for me. I don't want to be chasing people who say they need help. If you need help, you get up and you put in the work. I put in the work, you know, it's okay to just like, I'm not saying you have to be consistent because I mean, we need you and you first start, you know, you won't always be so consistent, you know?
00:24:51
Speaker
But show initiative, show that you really want this for yourself. I cannot want this for you. I cannot want change for yourself, for you. So it's all about what you want for yourself. If you are willing to put in the work, then I am worried. And it's in the contract. It's in my contract that you have to do this. That's a good move, putting in the contract. Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:20
Speaker
That's how I do it. That's how I do it.
00:25:24
Speaker
Yeah. Cause a lot of people seem to want everything sort of given to them. They just want to, they want a one quick fix pill. And I think that's another problem with our society is that we've pushed this notion that you can take a pill or get a pharmaceutical or see a doctor and all of a sudden they're just going to cure you in one day or something. And I think that's a big issue. People don't like to think that they have to put in the work and that probably, uh,
00:25:53
Speaker
That's probably where some of these smaller goals come into play, where if you just can prove to yourself that you can accomplish these small goals, then maybe you can look big. But yeah, I think maybe convincing people that, you know, limit your goals to something that's achievable and then build off of that. Yes. Instead of just like going bigger in the first run, you know? So I think that.
00:26:20
Speaker
That is, that's how it is. Society has just made it so easy. And I remember when I started, I had people who were, okay, well, it was not my clients though, but like it was just me going online and just doing my research on people. And I saw that a lot of people were taking anti-depresent, I'm not sure if that's how you pronounce it, but yeah.
00:26:45
Speaker
Yeah, for anxiety and a lot of people just like complaining about it, you know, I don't know. I just never believed in that for my mental state. You know, I just never believed that I had to go to that extent. So I've always wanted something different for myself. You know, I've always told myself that I don't want to see myself taking medication just to fix my mental state. If it's been given to me by God,
00:27:14
Speaker
then it better be fixed naturally. It better be fixed naturally. If I had to cut out some certain food, maybe I'll do so. If I had to exercise daily, I'll do so. Whatever it takes for me to be on a healthy mindset, I'm just going to do it, but not on medication, not through medication. Absolutely. I'm right there with you.
Natural Methods for Mental Well-Being Over Medication
00:27:40
Speaker
I think that
00:27:42
Speaker
The fact that there's so much medication just pushed out and pushed out and pushed out, it seems to me that there's this chemical imbalance theory that if you have something wrong in your mind or you're feeling unhappy, then there's some kind of chemical imbalance in your brain.
00:28:03
Speaker
Yeah. And I think that is absolutely incorrect. And if you look at the most modern research, it shows that the chemical unbalanced theory is just non-existent. Yeah. Do you find a lot of people that come to you are on psychotropic drugs or is that just random? No, that was just random. I've never, you know, like when I mentioned that when I started,
00:28:31
Speaker
I first started helping people who were people who had social anxiety. So I realized that those people actually needed therapy and not just a life coach, you know? And that's when I found out that most of most of those people are taking anti-deprisants and that was something I could not like try to get somebody out of.
00:28:58
Speaker
You know, I felt like that is actually just not my place to do that. So I have not worked with anybody in that condition.
00:29:10
Speaker
Yeah, it's tough because there are a lot of dangers involved with getting off certain medications. Um, people have psychotic breaks. Um, people just can't function because your brain becomes so used to the balance of that extra chemical being introduced. Um, that it brings you to like a new different level of baseline. Um, so yeah, a lot of times you see those psychotropic drugs doing more harm than good.
00:29:38
Speaker
Yeah, that's true. That's true.
Seti's Personal Journey Overcoming Social Anxiety
00:29:41
Speaker
And you know, like when I started, the reason why I went for people with social anxiety was because it is something that I suffered from, you know? And with me, it was meditation that helped me. Meditating and exercising has
00:29:59
Speaker
was what helped me, you know, and people did that. I guess also me being an optimistic person, just like always striving for a positive side of everything was what made it easier for me to get out of that situation. It was not easy, but I mean like, you know, just not to look for the second option of taking medication, you know, but some people they just get so
00:30:27
Speaker
Okay, it's like they want to be out of that situation, but they don't want to be out of that situation. I don't know if that makes sense. But yeah, you know, so I found that a lot of people are stuck between that. So that is why I just could not work with those people anymore.
00:30:46
Speaker
Yeah, that's one interesting aspect of digging yourself a hole is that when, when you're in that hole, it's like comfortable in there and, um, misery loves company as well. So a lot of people, they find themselves a group.
00:31:02
Speaker
and they identify with that group and then they can all be miserable together. And that to me is just a recipe for disaster. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, I don't understand that why, you know, because I mean, you cannot be friends or somebody close with somebody you suffer with the same thing, especially when it comes to depression and anxiety, mental states, you know, I feel like if you're a
00:31:29
Speaker
In that condition, you need somebody on a more positive side of life to throw that positivity at you, you know? So, but hey, people differ. Yeah. Or at least somebody who's in the same circumstance that is trying to get out just like you are. Yeah. Someone who is supporting you in your growth.
00:31:53
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Not somebody who's like trying to give you tools on how you can stay in that misery, you know? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. That is so true. How long have you been, been doing this life coaching thing?
Transition to Coaching and Community Awareness
00:32:11
Speaker
How long has it been? It's actually just been six months, five to six months. So what made you transition and what were you doing before this?
00:32:21
Speaker
Before this, I was studying psychology. I'm still studying though, but I just finished my BA. So next year I'm going for my honors. And what made me go towards life coaching was actually my background story with confidence and social anxiety, you know? And I just felt the need to help people overcome that, you know?
00:32:49
Speaker
A lot of things that just happened to me in my past and how I've always been able to overcome the hardships. And it's just something that I want to help people with. Yeah, for sure. While you were and still are studying psychology, are there any psychological frameworks that inspire you? So fun.
00:33:17
Speaker
So far, actually, my studies have not been that deep because it's still my BA, you know? But I find all this mental health issues fascinating to me. I find mental health issues more fascinating and for me to work as well.
00:33:46
Speaker
So yeah, I'm still deciding as well on either I will go towards the community side of it or the mental health side of it. What kind of options lie in the community realm? In the community realm, it's more like giving back to the community, just being there for the community, understanding the people around you.
00:34:12
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's so important. Being able to understand the real struggles that exist within your community. You see this in America with police. Any people who have authority over a large group,
00:34:30
Speaker
tend to be sort of distant and in a hierarchical, higher position than the rest of the community. And I think if you're going to have any sort of position of authority, you really have to be down with the people who are in the community and you have to understand them and their struggles, their joys as well. Yeah, that is so true. That is so true. When I started my studies, I think it was my second year.
00:34:59
Speaker
I had to be involved, like I had to get involved in one of the community work or something, you know, like one of the NGO organizations. So I decided to work for a home for abused women and kids. Honestly, that was just such an amazing experience for me, you know, like having to assist those people. I mean, you know, when you are
00:35:29
Speaker
When you're just like doing your own thing and not paying attention to what is happening in your community and you decide to get involved, you realize there's actually so much going on in there, you know? And having to see those women was just like so heartbreaking knowing that such things are actually happening around, you know? But also in that sense, I felt some sort of relief because it was something that I related with, you know, with those women.
00:35:59
Speaker
So also the knowing that you're not alone when you're going through certain things, you know, is also just like, I don't know what's the term, but it's like, some sort of relief in a way, knowing that you can speak up, be like an advocate for those women, you know. So yeah, I, so I want to do more of that as well now.
00:36:24
Speaker
Yeah, it does seem that that that harmful self talk has a really, uh, consistent way of putting you in a place where you think you are the only one that's experiencing this and that you're different from everyone else and that you're bad and everyone else is good and you just want to be okay like them. But I think it's super important to realize that none of us are okay. We are.
00:36:47
Speaker
all in the same boat here. We all have our own traumas. We all have our own things that are holding us back. So how do you go about showing someone how to identify and then get past what is holding them back? Well, in a situation like the one that I had with those women, it was more of me telling them my story.
00:37:13
Speaker
And you know, when you see somebody who has actually overcame the story, the same path that you are going through, and you see somebody who's overcame that, it gives you some sort of relief knowing that, okay? If she can do this, then I'll be okay as well, you know? So that's what it was with them. And then I started telling them my story and what I did that helped me to reach the level that I was
00:37:42
Speaker
I was at right now to be able to come forward and actually start talking about it and actually say that I've forgiven this person. You know? Also the forgiveness part which is like so so important and people don't want to do it. You know? But once you tell them and you give them those steps that you have to do this and that and you see and they see that it actually worked for you so it's probably going to help them as well. It's a relief.
00:38:11
Speaker
It's a guide as well. I love that you brought up forgiveness because I think that is one of the most crucial parts of getting over any sort of a trauma because it seems that most trauma is caused by people.
Healing Through Forgiveness
00:38:27
Speaker
The same thing as most joy and fulfillment is directly related to people in your life. And that forgiveness aspect of it
00:38:36
Speaker
because you can't get over a trauma inflicted on you by someone without first forgiving yourself and forgiving that person as well. Yeah. You know, when you're talking about forgiving yourself, I remember I told one of the ladies that you have to forgive yourself and you have to forgive that person. And then that lady was like, why do I have to forgive myself for something that another person has done to me?
00:39:04
Speaker
Wow. At that moment, I was like so blanked out, you know? But I knew that I had to forgive myself because I kept on blaming myself, you know? Because I knew that I was so smart. I was smarter than what I just put myself into, you know? But also you tend to blame yourself because it's like, at that very point in time, how could you be so stupid? How could you be so blind? How could you just let another person do this to you? And that's when the forgiving yourself has to come in place.
00:39:34
Speaker
You know, for pinpointing and trying to accuse yourself of something you were not even aware of. So that's when you have to forgive yourself. You have to forgive yourself for being so mean to yourself, you know? And it's okay to be blinded. It's okay to be blinded sometimes. It happens. It happens. So that's when the forgiving yourself, I believe, has to be the main point as well.
00:40:05
Speaker
Yeah, I totally agree. And there are some situations even where like, uh, people, again, they'll ask, like you just said, why should I forgive myself for something someone else did? And I think an important part of, of that is identifying, uh, like the motives and the reasons that somebody would do something to you like that, that somebody would inflict trauma on you and identifying yourself with them as well. So you can understand their position.
00:40:33
Speaker
Uh, because you know, again, we're all, we're all dealing with trauma, including the people who are bullies and who are inflicting trauma on others. Yeah. That is so true. That is so true. I mean, that's the reason why people are influencing those traumas is because they have their own trauma, you know, and there's nothing else. Like I always tell myself that this guy didn't know it any better as well. It didn't know another way than what he was treating me, you know?
00:41:00
Speaker
because probably that is why he was taught in his childhood or it's something that he saw in his childhood or it's something that he just, you know, and it looks so normal to him. So I cannot keep on pinpointing and accusing him of hurting me and stuff like that. That's why forgiving that person is such the best thing that you can do for yourself.
00:41:23
Speaker
You may not, it doesn't mean you have to be friends with that person or you have to keep them company, but you just have to do it for your own peace. It brings you so much peace, having to forgive you, the other person, honestly. Definitely. Having compassion for a person who inflicted some sort of harm on you is, it's such a next level mindfulness type of, uh,
00:41:50
Speaker
type of practice. And I think it's so, so valuable. And part of my, you know, my spiritual work and my spiritual path is centered around compassion, you know, compassion for myself, compassion for everyone else around me, compassion for people who I don't understand.
Incorporate Spirituality in Coaching
00:42:10
Speaker
So do you, do you involve any sort of spirituality in your, in your practice with coaching? Yeah, I actually do because I am, I am a Christian.
00:42:21
Speaker
So a lot of my work, even with my meditation, I do my meditation through Bible scriptures. I find that when you use God's promises on you, it has honestly helped. You feel some sort of relief as well. So I do put on some Bible verses there that I found will be helpful. And you do find as well, I remember my third triumph
00:42:50
Speaker
he was muslim so i did not try to inflict my beliefs on him with Christianity instead of so it is more of like what is your religion what would your religion be in an instance like this what would your meditation be you know like what are the promises that you thought would be helpful to you through religion you know through your own religion so yeah i believe that having it that higher
00:43:19
Speaker
that higher power or higher source for the spiritual well-being is important when it comes to your development as a person.
00:43:31
Speaker
Yeah. And also identifying, like you were saying, the similarities in religions, you know, uh, the, each, I mean, each religion has different sects and different, uh, very, you know, specific belief systems. And, but I really do think that all religions and all spiritual practice are ultimately heading in the same direction. You know, it's like, we're all trying to fill that same void that's empty within us. Yeah. Yeah. And that is so true. That is so, so true. You know,
00:44:00
Speaker
As a Christian, when I speak to other Christians and I say something like this, you know, it's going to be like so weird, you know? But that is what I truly, truly believe as well. That is why I respect other people's religions as well. You know, I feel like as long as you have that higher belief, you believe that there's somebody above you and that you're not here for your own being, you know?
00:44:25
Speaker
That's what it matters because at the end of the day, we are all just trying to belong. We are all just trying to feel what is within us, that empty void like you just said. Just do whatever works for you. Do what works for you. It gives you some settled values as well. It does, yes.
00:44:47
Speaker
If you are sort of ignoring the spiritual aspect of your own growth as a person, it's almost like you're ignoring like half of what it means to be human. And for me, I used to be an atheist wholeheartedly. I used to love to argue with people who were religious and prove that I was right and they were wrong.
00:45:09
Speaker
You know it was horrible and then psychedelics came into my life and and opened my mind and opened me up to what spirituality and religion means and what it is and ever since then it's
00:45:22
Speaker
There's been this level of fulfillment that my life has had that I couldn't even have imagined before I had begun to fill the void because the void is still there because I still don't know, you know, the secrets of the universe. But, uh, I feel that I'm starting to work toward that. And I do feel that it's very beneficial for people to at least open up that door and just peek behind it and see what's in there. Yeah. Yeah. That is so true.
00:45:50
Speaker
it is so true so that is why and I also not I don't want to be that Christian that tries to you know enforce my own beliefs on people you know so but I do believe that people should have that level of I'm spiritually you know be under spiritual realm somehow like believe in something you know believe in something because you're not here for yourself you know so
00:46:20
Speaker
Yeah.
Nature as a Tool for Mental Peace
00:46:21
Speaker
And at the very least, you know, back to what we were saying earlier, at least meditate so you can have some sort of a broader view of where you exist within the framework of the universe. And it's not just this centralized first-person thing that is you, you know, the world is huge and, you know, nature is beautiful and it's everywhere. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Nature is beautiful even. Wow.
00:46:50
Speaker
Yeah. Nature is a, is a great healer for people who are going through mental anguish as well. Yeah. Like also, you know, when you're just like, um, feeling depressed or something, and you just go for a walk, some way really quiet, where you can just like have your own piece of mind. It's just so helpful. Even if it's just like, say where there's, I'm in a beach or something, just listen to
00:47:17
Speaker
the waves of the waters, or you go outside and you've got anything, just stop hunting some stuff. You know, just nature is very helpful. It is very helpful as well. Yeah, definitely. What is your favorite part of
The Joy of Client Progress and Gratitude
00:47:38
Speaker
your job? What do you love the most about coaching people? I love the thank yous.
00:47:45
Speaker
I love having people just say, thank you, you've helped me. And, you know, the funny thing is that all the time it happens, it's like something new, you know, it's like, I don't know, it's just like so new. You know, so I love seeing people, I love seeing progress in those people. So that's my favorite part, like having to see the progress that people are making, seeing one person like
00:48:15
Speaker
three months later becoming a totally different person than the wires when we first started, you know? So yeah, I love seeing that. Seeing those impactful transformations. Yeah, that's got to be so fulfilling and knowing that, you know, you were just a part of this process for that person. Yeah, that's got to be beautiful. Yeah. And then it's really.
00:48:43
Speaker
Seti, thank you so much for coming on the show today. I really, really appreciate your time. And I really appreciate what you do and your perspective. Um, can you tell people where to find you? All right. Um, I am on Instagram as city and the school title dot S and I'm also on Facebook as city title dots.
00:49:11
Speaker
So, yeah, I'm thinking if I can unfold those social ads. And thank you for having me, Josh.
00:51:51
Speaker
you