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66. Blue Morpho Academy Series: Tommy Linville
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The following is the debut episode in the Blue Morpho Academy Series. The Blue Morpho Academy is an academic institution focused on educating and accrediting plant medicine facilitators in safety protocols, superior methodologies, and the profound philosophy surrounding the healing and transformative aspects of the psychedelic experience. This series of interviews focuses on the inaugural students of the sitter/coach certification program—the pioneering class of 2023. We're kicking things off by spotlighting Tommy Linville, an exuberant and charismatic healer. Tommy's been a guiding light, providing unwavering support to his peers. With a rich and eventful past, he's a treasure trove of captivating stories waiting for us to explore and enjoy. If you want to know more about the Blue Morpho Academy or their world class retreat center visit bluemorphotours.com or bluemorphoacademy.com.
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bluemorphoacademy.com
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https://www.instagram.com/shamanhobbylobbytommy/
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Transcript
Introduction & Podcast Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to pursuit of infinity a podcast where we explore the depths of human consciousness and delve into the fascinating world of psychedelics
00:00:09
Speaker
The following is the debut episode in our Blue Morpho Academy series. Blue Morpho Academy is an academic institution focused on educating and accrediting plant medicine facilitators in safety protocols, superior methodologies, and the profound philosophy surrounding the healing and transformative aspects of the psychedelic experience.
00:00:31
Speaker
This series of interviews focuses on the inaugural students of the Sitter Coach certification program, the pioneering class of 2023.
Introducing Tommy Linville
00:00:41
Speaker
We're kicking things off by spotlighting Tommy Linville, an exuberant and charismatic healer. Tommy's been a guiding light providing unwavering support to his peers.
00:00:51
Speaker
With a rich and eventful past, he's a treasure trove of captivating stories waiting for us to explore and enjoy. If you want to know more about the Blue Morpho Academy or their world-class retreat center, visit blue morphotours.com or blue morphoacademy.com.
00:01:07
Speaker
But before we get to it, as always, you can visit our website, pursuitofinfinity.com, where you can not only listen to the podcast through our integrated media player, but find all the places you can follow us as well. If you enjoyed the podcast, please consider a sub, a five-star rating, or even a review, as these things play a crucial role in extending the reach of our discussions as widely as possible.
00:01:29
Speaker
If you're an avid listener and you want to show us some extra support, you can become a patron at patreon.com slash pursuit of infinity, and you'll get some great stuff in return. So head on over there for the details. Give us a follow on Instagram or at pursuit of infinity pod to keep up with news, episode drops, memes, and general musings.
00:01:49
Speaker
Also below, you'll find links to our Discord server and our YouTube channel, which is at youtube.com slash at pursuit of infinity. All of our episodes are always posted there in video format, as well as an array of shorts that we've been putting together on a regular basis. Now with all that out of the way, thank you so much for listening and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Tommy's Background & Psychedelic Journey
00:02:25
Speaker
Hey everybody. Welcome to Pursuit of Infinity. I'm your host, Josh. And today we have a very special series. We're kicking off our Blue Morpho Academy series. So, uh, you may or may not have heard on some of our previous episodes, some of my conversations with my brother, uh, that I've been attending this Blue Morpho Academy. Uh, and the program is to become a psychedelic sitter and coach.
00:02:48
Speaker
So what I decided to do was to go into our telegram group here and just throw out invites to anybody who wanted to come on the show, uh, just to talk about their story, to talk about whatever, uh, to, you know, discuss our progress and all of that throughout the course. Uh, and as it's coming to a close here, we have a few weeks left, uh, in the course, um, we're starting up the recordings now, hopefully to release them soon. And we're kicking it off today with Tommy Linville. Tommy, thank you so much for joining me.
00:03:17
Speaker
Oh man, thanks for having me. It's a pleasure being here. I like being the first one to break in the ice. We'll start strong. Oh yeah. We're going to start strong, man. Cause you have quite the story. So let's just get right into it, dude. Let's start from the very beginning. Yeah, man. So, um, like I was explaining to you a little bit earlier though, you know, uh, background's very diverse, man. I grew up with a separated parents divorced and, uh, you know, I was growing up between nice settings like this.
00:03:44
Speaker
for my vacations while being in pretty rural, poor conditions for all my school years down in North Carolina. So like trailer parks and mansions. Like if I had a bio or a biography, it would probably just be, that would be the title, title trailer parks and mansions. And I grew up with like a, going to a Christian private school that was really small, but also super advanced as far as education went.
00:04:08
Speaker
We were learning algebra in third grade. I was also the kid to get picked on because I was poor, so I weaponized my education as my strength. It was a very fascinating thing. Father was a difficult guy. He was a heavy drinker. My mom, she has a strong heart, so she had to separate to develop her situation to make sure to set her kids up for success.
00:04:30
Speaker
But yeah, man, like I was explaining to you about, you know, my dad was a lightning rod for just accidents. My earliest memory was about visiting him, or one of my earliest memories was visiting him in the hospital when he rolled his 1992 Camaro RS T-top, an estimated nine times, ripped up a bunch of his skin, it was Easter, it was wild. And then there was this progression of these events. And we wound up getting in an accident rear ended by a drunk semi-truck driver.
00:04:58
Speaker
He wasn't smart enough to settle the right way. We could have been set for life. So cool. It means like God's just like throwing your bones like, there you go. You can get out of all this stuff. And he's like, nah, that ain't good. And when I was about fifth or sixth grade, he got in this very intense car accident ready to use the jaws of life to get him out. And this is on the Carolina coast bordering Virginia. And so they took him to Elizabeth City.
00:05:22
Speaker
He had broken all of his ribs, punctured his lungs, faces destroyed. Both of his arms are broken. Everything was just dismantled. He might as well have got ran over by a steamroller type shit. And he flat-lined for four minutes. And the doctors didn't want to bring him back, but my stepmother was like, no, you got to. So when he came back, his first memories or his consciousness was him being a pirate, which was really wild. And then out of this coma, he had a brand new accent.
00:05:48
Speaker
And it's a Shakespearean age colonial period dialect called high tide. And there are still communities in the Carolina coast that maintain that accent, which is really wild. So he had that with him until the day that he died. But, you know, the point of me bringing up these things, I was established some other good context to like some other good stories. So, you know, like I was saying, I'm growing up between these two different environments. It's very tough, you know? It was weird being this really unique kid, you know, in this type of specific setting.
00:06:18
Speaker
But you know it provided me with a very beautiful unique perspective and appreciation for life You know no doubt those times were definitely tough and my father and I we got in some pretty fucking physical fights You know and that's eventually why I had to leave and there was lying and stuff going on, but I'm at peace with him I forgive him. I took care of him throughout his death too You know and that was that's a whole other wild story too man, but yeah, he was a lightning rod so
00:06:43
Speaker
My introduction to psychedelics though, it's pretty crazy. I was living in Wake Forest, North Carolina, and I didn't have a lot of freedoms when I was there. I was living in the middle of nowhere where I was treated in not the best way when it comes from a perspective of parenting where it was extremely strict control, but then when things weren't going perfect, they're like, why didn't you do this with all this supposed responsibilities that you were given?
00:07:08
Speaker
double-edged sword type shit non-stop. So I wound up taking driver's ed with one of my best friends. In fact, we are still best friends to this day. And his name is Derek. Derek's the man. I love him forever. So he'd already taken mushrooms before and we shared a bunch of classes. And so we're at driver's ed and it was a night course. And so I was allowed to stay at night in his house. And this is like fall.
00:07:31
Speaker
in North Carolina my sophomore year. So we're in our last class and I'm pretty excited. We bought a half ounce, so 14 grams of mushrooms. We're going to split that from our first trip. So we're in this class and there's like this poster on the wall about like anti-drug driving and it's like all like trippy looking and he's like, that's basically kind of what it's going to be like my type.
00:07:53
Speaker
So we wake up the next day, and we're carrying this half ounce with us, and we just go walk to a gas station. And we just buy some candy, and we just chomp the whole deck right there in the gas station curb. Now Wake Forest at the time, very small. I'm saying the population for the proper area might have been like 11,000 people. And the location is where the Theologian College originated at, and then Wake Forest University moved over to Winston-Salem.
00:08:22
Speaker
So that was also where our high school was. So it's old beautiful brick buildings, giant magnolia trees in a very quaint small town. Now the cool thing about small towns are when you know it, all the cops are the worst. So we eat all these mushrooms and they kick in pretty swiftly and we're hanging out like on the university campus and you know it's like we have this giant magnolia tree that's like legit just kind of like laughing and being beautiful checking out cars and
00:08:50
Speaker
Cars are at this intersection, just stretching out in the longest shapes. We're gut-busting, laughing hysterically, feeling so good and connected. We have this other friend. He picks us up. He's sober, well-ish. He's not tripping. This is a dude from California, and we're just driving around. We go out to the smoke spot we have out in the woods.
00:09:12
Speaker
My buddy Derek, he's not smoking at the time because he's worried about getting a drug test from his parents, which is hilarious because it's all hypocritical shit. Meanwhile, his parents are smoking and doing all this other stuff too. So I'm out there and you know, kids are, we're so smart sometimes, right? So this, this guy, this has got like a two foot bong with him ripping this thing out in the woods.
00:09:32
Speaker
So like I was explaining, I had this difficult relationship with my father because I was at this period of becoming very aware of what's going on and seeing through bullshit. What we know it also, that's like when you're introduced to psychedelics, it clears out all that field immediately and you see things truly as they are. So there I am having beautiful epiphanies out in the woods about
00:09:55
Speaker
who we are as people, civilization, and like really having this tremendous understanding of like, yeah, I mean, just like how things are and how much manmade bullshit exists and what needs to be dropped. And so when you know it, I'm starting to peek, you know, so you get hit by these waves. So I'm out in the woods.
00:10:13
Speaker
dead leaves everywhere and the fallen leaves, all of a sudden they come together point to point and it looks like 2D stage props. And then the trees are flat and I have to call my dad and explain some things. I don't even remember what the conversation was but somehow I diffused and things are cool and I'm like, okay, way to go, awesome. So I tell my buds, I'm like, can we get out of here? I'm like, I think I'll have a bad time if we keep meditating on these things. So we're leaving and
00:10:41
Speaker
Man, it's just like I'm seeing like kind of like Windows 95 graphics for a video game type vision. It's not even like it's tight, but like it's kind of like a little bit weird and these trees are spiraling down at me. And that's all I'm going to kind of comprehend. And so the guy that we're with, what a genius, he decides to park behind like a CVS and
00:11:01
Speaker
Why would you park there, right? And I'm just in my own mind. And so get this also at the time, like I've got very long hair. I got a camo jacket on I'm wearing like a tie dye like doors t shirt. I got aviators on ripped up jeans and a bandana very similar.
00:11:17
Speaker
looking like, you know, a non-protester, you know, like fuck Nixon type vibes. And so we're sitting behind this CVS and it's got like cinder block just walling and the walls are just sliding down and every little crack is changing. Rapid neon rainbow colors. There's a metal box to the side that's covered in rust and it's just like bleeding all over the place. Ooh, it's boring.
00:11:41
Speaker
And then suddenly a cop shows up, of course. What are y'all doing over here? We got a report for some suspicious activities. Do you mind if I search the car? And then the driver, Mike, he's like, yeah. And we're like, dude, what?
00:11:55
Speaker
Would you say that? And then he's like, officer, do I have the right to deny that? Of course the cop ignores him. What does he do? He calls another unit. So we're sitting in the car and we're like, all right, Mike, you're probably gonna need to hide this weed somewhere deep on your body, if you know what I'm saying? And like, we got this, you're gonna get a paraphernalia charge anyways, dude, just eat that, that's better. He's like, no, I'm just gonna hide the weed under the seat. We're like, oh my God, dude, like we're younger than you and we're telling you all this, like the shit you should know not to do.
00:12:24
Speaker
So the cop asked me to get out of the car. He just like
Ayahuasca Experiences & Personal Growth
00:12:27
Speaker
slaps my pockets on me. He's like, what is that? Keys and change? I'm like, yeah. Doesn't even look at my pockets. And he's like, I go stand over there. So I'm standing off to the side, kind of leaning on the hood of this police car. I'm like, oh, Tommy, we're so fucked right now. I'm like, but you know what? Freaking out's not going to do any good. And I'm like, what's going to happen, bud? You're going to go hang out at the police department. Your parents are going to be so pissed. You'll be grounded for so long. But freaking out isn't going to do any fucking good.
00:12:53
Speaker
So I'm watching all this stuff unfold and then so the cops find something in the front seat. What they first find though is some salvia. Back then, you know, salvia was like, you could buy it at a gas station. What's this? He's got, oh, it's salvia, man. We'll make sure to keep it in the label of packaging next time. We're like, okay. And you know, I'm tripping very hard watching this shit unfold. And then suddenly the cops find the weed. Now,
00:13:16
Speaker
At this time, I was a part of a skateboarder clique. This was a very interesting vibe. It also described there's true racial tensions that were going on in my environment, especially at the high school. The skater group was right in between what was going on. We had just basically carte blanche to move flow and skater kids always have the coolest stuff going on. We had a very big network.
00:13:37
Speaker
And it was a crazy time also because it's actually built on the news. There was kids that were disappearing. And, you know, everybody saw flip phones, but, you know, social media really hadn't been developed quite just yet. Like Facebook at this time was like only for college folks. Anyways, what happened was kids got busted, set up cameras in their house and they started running this big sting operation and kids were just disappearing all over the place. And when you know it, all of like Wake County got very dry because we had an elaborate system between like us
00:14:04
Speaker
the college kids and us applying for like parents the whole community is crazy and I'm referring to like marijuana you know so anyways the cop finds this herb and like I was saying about our connections more we like know it's really great in fact it's not even like a hundred percent cured so
00:14:20
Speaker
I'm super fresh. So the cop pulls it out and he's like, huh, looks like it's kind of covered in some mold. We're like, oh no, this guy's a genius. He's an ex-narcotic eunuch. Wow. He's like, yeah, you know, this honestly doesn't have enough stem structure on it. Typically, like some of the more higher quality things are going to be having a little more seeds too. And we're like, oh my God, no.
00:14:43
Speaker
And he's like, we talked to one of your mothers. So we're just gonna have you guys destroy this. And yeah, we'll just, you guys just go directly home. And we're like, what do you mean destroy this? And he's like, we'll just have you stomp it out on the ground. And we're like, my God.
00:15:00
Speaker
They found weed and then they stopped searching the car. Usually when you find a little something, you're like, oh, we're going to rip everything up. Right. And we're like, oh my God, this is the wildest shit ever. So we're sitting there tripping hard, like using our feet, just like kind of stomping on the ground, looking at each other like there's.
00:15:16
Speaker
is this really going on right now? So we get done and we're getting ready to walk away and they're like, now if we catch it trying to scrape it up, we're going to find some problems. And we're like, okay, pal. And then we just left. And I'm like, you got to be shitting me with those explain the context of like the targeted stuff against the kids in our high school.
00:15:35
Speaker
like all that building up and it just blew my mind and like at that moment I was like dude Tommy like you are legit you're good to go to handle all of like the stresses associated and accompanied with the psychedelic realm like beyond like the what you're doing internally right so I'm sitting here being confronted with like thinking about like
00:15:55
Speaker
parent shit, the cops, all the implications that are going to go on there. I'm just like basically just sitting there stoic like, yeah, here we go. So that was, that was how I lost my virginity to psychedelics. And boy, man.
00:16:10
Speaker
I kept running with it from then on too. I've had a blast and it's been a very beautiful relationship. And I love where I'm going at with it. Now it's with much more targeted precision. And through these things, I've developed a lot of tremendous beliefs about my connection to universe and God. And I don't believe in God being like the rigid thing that we find.
00:16:34
Speaker
you know, in religious texts. I think God's, even beyond what we understand in our group, is so complex we'll never fully get to comprehend it, right? But we know that it is creation. It isn't us and everything. And when I find the more you work with it and communicate with it, the more it communicates back.
00:16:51
Speaker
you know, it's a beautiful thing. And I've used psychedelics from that point on, you know, to enhance and enrich my life big time, but also to treat other forms of my depression, you know, and like really curate and knock it out of the park, even when I've had like,
00:17:08
Speaker
specific, very specific problems, I would go and ingest quite a bit of very powerful LSD, and I would just sit alone in my house and be like, all right, what's the worst thing that could happen? I don't encourage that for the average person, but I'm like, I'm going to calculate every worst thing that could happen, and then come up with a solution to those problems and get rid of those out of my life. And it's worked like a charm for me, truly. And when we think about the term medicine,
00:17:35
Speaker
medicine in the dictionary, something loosely along the lines to treat disease and prevent disease, right? But so what is disease? Disease is like a disruption of your functionality with certain symptoms as being a human. Like, you know, I'm paraphrasing, of course, but
00:17:54
Speaker
If we shift what we apply the word disease to, and we're talking about disrupting your function, what if your dysfunction that is going on is the inability of you to have a good time to engage in fun or something like that, right? So I believe, yes, the ceremonial space, amazing. But I also believe that we can move ceremony around and we can topically treat things when adequately dosed with the right guide around you, you know? And when we start applying
00:18:21
Speaker
the scope of disease. Let's think about another disruption of our function. What's disrupting us sometimes is hunger and thirst. If you're sick, why wouldn't you choose the best medicine? Therefore, it's like the best contents to consume. That type of shift in my perspective drastically increased over the summer with doing some private ceremonies with Maestro Christian. That
00:18:47
Speaker
just every ceremony I do between Hamilton and Christian it just it keeps expanding so much more awareness in the most beautiful way and it's like the most tremendous snowball effect and I'm
00:19:03
Speaker
I'm so passionately invested into this that I know forever, forever this is a part of my life and I love that we are connected you and I with our community and with what I consider the best resources available to guide us and hone and sharpen our skills. I mean I've personally experienced
00:19:22
Speaker
what I'd consider maximum healing through them. You know, I went through this period as a reference of my father died under the craziest circumstances. I was also an evacuee from Hurricane Ida. While I'd be in an evacuee, I was hired as a beverage director for a company. So I'm remotely developing a high volume, like multimillion dollar bar in the French Quarter.
00:19:43
Speaker
Now at the same time, my wife is like secretly cheating on me. And I've been together with her for like eight years and I'm like, oh, like I don't see through this shit. And I had all these things that were very close to me as a part of my identity and my purpose for doing things.
00:19:59
Speaker
And I lost them all basically at the same time. And I found myself very much so fucking over this shit, you know, like living, I mean. And I had this beautiful relationship with my mother and she hadn't heard from me for a while. And this was the summer of last year. And so I don't even want to pick up the phone and, you know, we're so transparent. I've like, I've gotten like coat from her sister down and proven I'm like railing it in front of her to see me do ketamine.
00:20:24
Speaker
We talk about everything. We don't hide anything. It's great. Of course, we get in fights sometimes with family, but not having any of those barriers, it just relieves so much more. I like to always live my life as like
00:20:35
Speaker
the example, you know, of that like you can do these things and still be a great person and not be like, you know, detrimental to society of not hurting myself or anybody else and doing things responsibly, the exception to the rule, perhaps, you know, so she's calling me and all I say is like, Hello, she's like, Oh my god, what's going on with you. And she's got insane intuition she
00:21:00
Speaker
Several years ago, she called me from the Caribbean and I'm getting ready to go to work. She goes, hey, I think my sister's dead. Can you go check on her? Guess what? I rolled her a house, just sister's house. Sure, she's dead. And through those types of things, this is how she decided to find Hamilton.
00:21:18
Speaker
because she wanted to make sense of her spirituality and the strong intuition. She's always been the matriarch of her family. She's the only person I know that has a similar childhood to me, but it's like tenfold as far as intensities go. So yeah, when she heard about what was going on in my life, she's like, well, if you quit your job because everything was so terrible and you're done with your dad and shit's terrible with your marriage, she's like, just come home right now, bring your dog and go home.
00:21:45
Speaker
And she's like, you know what we have to do? I'm like, what? I'm like, I know what she's gonna say. She's like, we have to do ayahuasca. I was like, cool. I'm like, you know what? If I'm really thinking about this, like, or thinking about ending everything, you still try something else, you know what I mean? Like, and your mom's gonna pay for the trip. Fuck yeah. So what was really wild was the next day, one of my best friends ever.
00:22:06
Speaker
hits me up, he's going through a rough patch. This is a different guy from the original story or the one about the cops. And he's like, hey man, do you feel like going down to Peru and trying ayahuasca? He's like, I'm going through some shit. I'm like, that's so weird because we just booked the trip already.
00:22:23
Speaker
And the way that things unfolded was that my mother couldn't go, so we just had my buddy Harvey take her spot. We gifted it to him, and I arranged a really beautiful trip. Now, a couple months before I went down,
00:22:38
Speaker
I had a very, very fascinating dream. And so my dream state has been, since I was approximately six or seven years old, like lucid and clear. I remember this nightmare I had where it's like Harry Connick Jr. is trying to kill me while I'm cutting my grass in my front yard. The movie like Copycat, I guess I saw it. My parents let me watch anything when it was a child. Like, hey, yeah, just sit here. It's only going to scar you maybe or make you tougher.
00:23:03
Speaker
So I'm sitting here cutting the grass at my trailer park. Dad's gonna be mad if I don't cut the grass. Oh look, Harry Connick Jr's coming at me with a fucking knife to fucking, you know, kill me. And I was just like, no! Like, no! Like I got so much shit going on, not today. Blew him off. And then I had very many really, really beautiful and sane men.
00:23:22
Speaker
dreams since then like it truly is an architect designing things i mean like i met my wife in a dream before i ever met her before and she told me well we have sacred this is not some fantasy fucking thing and i've met other people i met christian maestro christian in my dreams before we ever connected in person and so you know you get the idea about these things now a little bit so
00:23:43
Speaker
A couple months before I went to the blue morpho retreat, I dreamt that I was already there at the lodge, hanging out by the river on one of their little picnic tables. And I'm hanging out with this woman. She passes me a little cup, drank it. And she's just like talking to me about the experiences, what we're gonna do. And the drink tasted just like Mezcal, you know? And so I'm like, huh, like, is this, is this ayahuasca? Like, it's kind of crazy. It tastes so much like Mezcal. She's like, no, no, no, no. She's like, this is something to prepare you for ayah.
00:24:12
Speaker
and so I'm chatting with her and I see in the the night sky just like digital ancient script like kind of like red alarm clock font but just some language I can't discern it was very weird and then so later in the dream actually I ingest ayahuasca and I'm at the blue morpho lodge and I'm like
00:24:28
Speaker
get out of town. I'm like, that's what this is. I'm like, this is great. And so I got to carry that with me when I went down there. And so my very first night, I was like, Tommy, dude, you've already done this. You're good to go. And so I slammed it down. And man, my first four nights there, or the first four ceremonies I did,
00:24:48
Speaker
All I had was like yawns as far as my purging was go. I'll impute one time and that was actually back in my room with my buddy Harvey who came with me. And I had some like medicated cream that I got there from a pharmacy. He's like, oh, is this your cream? I'm like, yeah, dog, putting on my face. And then approximately 10, 15 minutes later, I guess, you know, it's running through my system. And it was just like involuntary, like I'm going to hurl and
00:25:14
Speaker
sure shit it came out. That was like the medicine being like, ah, dumbass. Like I told you not to take anything, you know, but dude. And so with all that terrible depression I was telling you about within the very first night,
00:25:29
Speaker
All that was gone. In fact, we went through this list of intentions or build your intentions so my intentions were for understanding my connection to culture and civilization, my lineage, I want to understand things about my path. I want to understand things about my emotional state that was going on and things about my relationship.
00:25:49
Speaker
Fortunately, while I was being cheated on, I was being gaslit the whole time about my suspicions. That's really fun, right? Of course, right? But it's like, dude, look at me. I'm laughing today about this shit. Life's hilarious. It made me stronger. And I learned about taking ownership of these things and other realms about allowing things into my life that influenced me. That was me, really. But so how it started was I slammed Aya and
00:26:17
Speaker
First off, I mean, have you even just said ayahuasca, right? I haven't actually. Oh, wow. But you're very aware of the flavor being intense, right? So my background is heavily so in craft cocktails. That's what I was doing since like 2016. And I started very high volume in Washington, DC doing everything from scratch, running like a prep program. Every single time I've been in forms of bartending world, whether it's been a director or bartender, whatever.
00:26:45
Speaker
you know, very heavily flavor profiles. And my creative side of me really focuses on the cocktail craft of creation. So I drink this and I was just like, I can make this taste good in the cocktail guaranteed. I'm like, all this needs, like, you know, like it needs a little bit of pineapple in here. It's a good, powerful rum, a little bit of lime, you know, some orange up to almond syrup. I'm like, we'll be good to go. My first thoughts. And I sit down and within about like 15 minutes, you know, your body
00:27:10
Speaker
really start to radiate different temperatures. You're feeling like vibrations, like your body's like recalibrating to receive everything. And so then I'm like kind of in this plant realm. That's usually what I first kind of encounter is like this like plant world of spirits that are very vegetative and a little bit flowing and like, what's up, man? What do you want to do? What's your speed? Nice to meet you. And it's kind of mischievous a little bit. I'm like, all right, we're going to vibe. I get this.
00:27:38
Speaker
And then there's like these other spirits that kind of like doing some like doctor work on me and like kind of probe in a little bit. They're like, okay, cool. We see what's going on with you. We're going to get you through this. We're going to get you through this dog. And then, you know, I can see mama. I briefly, there she is beautiful. And so, you know, your brain is hyper, you're hyper lucid in your thought.
00:27:57
Speaker
In fact, I think your brain is, you know, it's working faster than ever. And so the next thing I know is like, I have this spectator view and I'm looking down and thriving Incan civilization. And I'm like, fascinating. The next thing I know I'm like seeing like stuff in like central America, you know, perhaps Aztec mind stuff. I'm just like, the fuck am I seeing this for? I was like, dude, you asked about your connection to civilization.
00:28:23
Speaker
And then I started seeing these things going on, like living thriving cultures like in North America too. I'm like, this is great. This is amazing. And I'm deeply passionate about history. And so this continues on to a progression of shamanic ceremonies throughout time and throughout all the Americas. And then it ended in Siberia. And
00:28:47
Speaker
Afterwards, I'm sitting in a rocking chair, by the way. So at Blue Morpho, there's mostly mats on the ground. And then there's this giant circular lodge. And there's bathrooms on the outside, showers if you need. And there's a front stage where Hamilton and other people will sit at. And my mom's like, you're going to love the rocking chair better. I'm like, my mom knows me. I'm definitely going to sit in the rocking chair. I'm glad I did. So I'm sitting in this rocking chair. And then my eyes close in the dark. And then I see
00:29:13
Speaker
this very tremendous massive spirit of like a shaman like i'm saying he's like stories tall and he's like outlined kind of like how you would like a constellation like you know blue light blue he's got like a bullhorn and the dude's muscular muscular and shit and the vibe was very much so to me was like welcome to the fucking show and so i'm sitting there just like grinning so hard i'm just like
00:29:39
Speaker
I'm like, man, I would be happy if I was in this state of altered consciousness for eternity. I was very comfortable in this. And then the next thing I got to see was like a new best three quarter turn to me. And he's like so far deep in outer space, like the deepest I could fathom. And he's outlined in like neon rapid changing colors. He's got a halo. And I'm just like, I knew all this shit was real in my heart, you know.
00:30:04
Speaker
I was providing concrete evidence about just other extra things. Then I got to learn about my emotions. This is really fascinating to me. I was always being told I have always anger problems, but I was justifiably angry with a lot of things that were going on in my life.
00:30:23
Speaker
I had my career job to be real. They screwed me pretty hard, but I still love them as an entity. I decided to separate myself because I wanted to preserve what friendship I have with them. I had my wife with all that stuff going on, and my father just died under complicated circumstances. Then when you're being gaslit and put in this corner and being constantly told you're wrong, and mind you also, my wife hadn't worked for three years. This is me working like 60, 70 hours a week.
00:30:49
Speaker
paying for everything so yeah I'm fucking pissed you know but I want to understand more about my anger so what was revealed to me it was a disruption of my confidence that was leading to anger you know and so to break that down a little bit more clearly you know it's like so think about this you know let's say that you and I
00:31:10
Speaker
We're walking down a sidewalk together. Easy enough task, but let's say the edge of the sidewalk is suddenly just a cliff that drops for like 10 miles, right? Let's say it's like that on both sides of the sidewalk. Suddenly we're like kind of quivering a little bit like, ooh, this is tough, but why? We're just as capable of walking on that sidewalk. You know, it was just because there's like this fear that's disrupting our confidence. And what I started to realize was that like, I was scared of losing my trophy life. You know what I mean? Like I was scared of being wrong about stuff. I was scared about making the wrong decision.
00:31:40
Speaker
And so I dropped all that shit, man. And then what I started to understand about my relationship was that I was shown that my wife and I, we were like an interwoven kind of double helix growing tree bearing fruit in a beautiful sunset. And it was told to me that we've always been together, like past life shit and we'll always be together. And so what I realized is like, it's okay for me to let go and that we're just done in this time, you know?
00:32:04
Speaker
and that was my first day dude and then I was like wow I think I just fixed everything in my life in day one and I still got three more nights and I remember just uh overhearing the next day at breakfast somebody's like fuck me I can't believe we got three more days in my mind I'm like we only got three more days but yeah it's fascinating and through all this stuff though
00:32:27
Speaker
you know I have so much gratitude and infinite love for Hamilton and all the family at Blue Morpho too because like Hamilton is the truth in the guide right but he also has like the people that live and stay with him they're also an infinite wealth of knowledge and what I find so great about the Blue Morpho community when you're there in person is
Community & Career Post-Ayahuasca
00:32:46
Speaker
that
00:32:46
Speaker
you're working together, learning with like also like the new team of people that show up. Plus you have the other people there that are hanging out with you nonstop. And so it's just like this continuous like volley of like great conversation, encouraging people, sharing your understanding and your wisdom. Cause also when you teach, you learn so much more too. It just goes back and forth. And when we're all working together, paddling in the same direction on that canoe, that's a super fun ride, you know? And then you're experiencing,
00:33:14
Speaker
the best healing you could ever get in your entire life, man.
00:33:18
Speaker
Amazing, amazing. Plus just the coolest shit ever, seriously. I guess one of my philosophies and viewpoints is we're doing serious work, right? But there's no reason serious work can't be seriously fun. And for me, I'm always like, let's turn on that fun, turn off that fear, enjoy this ride. Even in real life, I can't help but laugh at really absurd, crazy things. I'm like, of course that happened. I'll have a mental note to God. I'm like, fuck yeah, God.
00:33:46
Speaker
Like exactly. Thanks universe. Cool. I got to ask how, how similar was your first ayahuasca experience to the ayahuasca experience that you had in your dream?
00:34:00
Speaker
Oh, wow. So in the dream, it was me open eyed walking around. And actually, what was really crazy was I encountered my ex girlfriend from like high school and college, it was wild. It wasn't like anything weird. I was just like her, her and her family help cultivate and turn me into one of the best versions of myself in development. So they're always dear in my heart. Actually, I saw her recently.
00:34:22
Speaker
thing, September, you know, it's cool. We had a good, we're good friends. It's a good thing. It's a beautiful thing. So I ran into her while I was, you know, experiencing the eye wasking the dream. But honestly, the experience was very much so like eyes open, smoking DMT outside. That was for me, what it was like, the types of textures, even the body sensations. And in my dreams, like,
00:34:42
Speaker
I absolutely taste, I smell, I hear. I get full sensory. I critiqued a cocktail bar one time, my dreams. I was drinking at a Grunty. I'm like, oh my God, this is way too much sweet vermouth. Put it back. I'm pretty much there, man. The dream state during my dieto while I was here was absolutely profound too, every single day.
00:35:04
Speaker
Even last night, the part of the dieta is, I guess you may do a little rundown since maybe some of us are familiar a little bit. Sure. So a part of our shamanic practices to build this community with the plants and their spirits is we go kind of through a purification process. So physically, we're doing a detox.
00:35:26
Speaker
And what we're doing is we're allowing to get rid of anything that's going to be between us and these plants. So for me, I kind of perceive this union as like, let's say me and you are at a party. It's going to be harder for us to connect on this level. So let's, in my opinion, I want to have a limited amount of plants in me during that time so we can have this clear, direct line of really getting to know each other. So basically what you're going to do is you're going to only eat a very limited amount of food.
00:35:55
Speaker
every day for how long you decide to do your diet. Traditionally, I think it's usually going to be around nine days, sometimes more, sometimes a little less. You'll make a tea out of whatever plants, and there's sacred plants that we do this with. I believe there's seven of them done in Peru, but you can do it with any plant. Everything has spirit to it. I chose to use one sacred teacher plant.
00:36:14
Speaker
Mapacho, which is a variety in species of tobacco down in Peru, which I brought back with me from my last trip. And then I harvested a bit of this oak tree that's hundreds of years old that I meditate with frequently in New Orleans, which is really fascinating.
00:36:30
Speaker
So over this nine day stretch, it's a, you're abstaining sex, masturbation, no salt, no sugar, no drinking drugs. And I chose to take a pretty extreme route, three day water fast. Then I have six days of only having breakfast and lunch, which was just hard or soft boiled eggs, you know, no spices, anything with rice. And then the lunch was chicken thighs and rice. And so the first two days, great. Day three, you're kind of like, Oh man, this water fast.
00:36:59
Speaker
I don't know. Like I really don't know. And so what's going on is you're aligning your subconscious with your conscious and that really comes to play in your dream state. And so the spirits inside of you of the plants that you're going through with this, they're working with you, you're finding out your strengths, you're finding out your weaknesses and we're working on them. And then this is how we kind of figure out a little bit
00:37:20
Speaker
what intentions we're going to ask these spirits to help us navigate within our lives, you know, but you're essentially confronted with subtle and profound challenges along the way. I mean, it can be physical manifestations in your life, things that could trigger you, but the dream state for me was like the top-notch thing that was going down. So I remember that like I actually got to
00:37:44
Speaker
confront and interact with my ex. I mean, we're still technically married, we're going through divorce, but what was wild was I didn't realize it was gonna be a five-year anniversary while I was here. I also didn't realize that when I wrapped up my nine-day dietta on the 10th day, we were doing ceremonies virtually with Hamilton. I'm like, wow, stars really lining up. But what really tripped me out though was it was like the energies and the spirits of the plants allowed me a platform
00:38:09
Speaker
in my dream state to just say the last things I need to say and now I felt like the best ever regarding peace about everything there was like things I didn't realize that were still left like just like hiding out in corners of like my my psyche and I got to dig those out but like man
00:38:24
Speaker
You know, fun challenge was, though, my second day, I found myself in my dream state in the most elaborate wild strip club I've ever seen in my life, and it was ran by a cartel. And I'm just like, oh, boy, and this is me, like, getting my consciousness, being like, all right, this is, hmm. And I was like, all right, we got to get out of here, bud, because you want to preserve yourself, because it's about purity the whole way through. But I just remember exiting, and I was just like, man,
00:38:52
Speaker
whenever this dieta is done, I might be back here. But yeah, so I wrapped that up and things are beautiful. I'm very passionate about where life's going, you know, and, and like I was explaining all those difficult things I went through, right, so I survived those, right, and I triumphed over them.
00:39:15
Speaker
After I came back from that first ayahuasca retreat, this is when the concrete evidence came out regarding my wife. Without all the tools and wisdoms, I wouldn't have been able to handle it with so much maturity. In fact, I was in this home when I found out about everything. I've been a heavy drinker since I was like early teens. Now, my relationship with alcohol was never a dependent base. I just really love enhancing life, so to speak.
00:39:40
Speaker
And I mean, I used to drink enough to probably kill a couple people if they try to keep up with me, like real talk was in my body. But when I stopped drinking, I never felt like I'm a piece of shit. If I don't have alcohol, my system type thing, you know, but so.
00:39:53
Speaker
When I found out I got, I drank with my brother just as like a sense of like bonding, and then after that I chose not to drink for a month and a half, I was like, I'm going to confront these issues with grace. And then I chose to go back home or home we shared, and I'm like, we're going to sit right here we're going to do the work and we're gonna get through this. And, you know, I've been a very
00:40:13
Speaker
Intense party or for my whole life man. And so it's really cool to see my progress. I'm really proud of myself since June 22nd I basically have cut out everything out of my life that like was routine and I've dropped perhaps maybe like 45 pounds man feeling good feeling happy and Hamilton talks about this notion of It's not saying no it's saying yes. And so it's like me saying yes to me saying hell yes, actually to everything that's amazing in life and
00:40:42
Speaker
And what this practice does has been yielding for me the most amazing results. And the other thing I wanted to include was that, like, you know, so all those crazy things that were happening, I was like, why the fuck is this happening? And then suddenly I realized this was life clearing out all the bullshit that was standing in between me and what I'm about to receive. And since then,
00:41:04
Speaker
Man, immediately when I switched that perspective, I got invited to go to Patagonia for a work trip to go hiking deep in nature on a 12,000 year old trail for work. Who the hell gets invited to do that for work? And now I'm getting ready to run and operate a company I've always looked up to. It just suddenly presented itself. I was feeling hurt and lost about certain areas I thought my career was going towards that I was getting shut out of for no reason, apparently. And that was another thing, realizing that this was life being like, nah, nah, nah, nah.
00:41:34
Speaker
No, no, no, no, no. This right here is coming for you. And yeah, this guy announced for his company that he's going to retire. And if he doesn't find the right buyer, done forever. And I'm like, this is a 10 minute old post. I'm like getting my phone like, hey, I'd be interested. Next thing I know we're DMing. Next thing I know we're on email. Next thing I know I got attorney. Next thing I know I'm on Zoom. Next thing I know he says, you're the guy I want to sell to. And so I've been wrapping that deal up here.
00:42:01
Speaker
It's a company that makes tools for craft bartending and it's deeply embedded in esotericism and imagery. And so with me practicing all this shamanic stuff on the side, I'm thrilled about
00:42:17
Speaker
putting my very real positive intentions into these tools that bartenders are going to use. So it's like me putting light and positiveness into a field that's extremely dark with a really good message. So whether they know it or not, when all the liquid's pouring through these tools, you're getting some of me there that's going to be a really positive vibe. And I'm living in a cocktail capital of the world.
00:42:41
Speaker
And so, yeah, I'm just thrilled. It's like my past is coming together in a really cool way, because I used to make jewelry back in the day. So I'm like jewelry, this beverage scene, my life is clean of all this bullshit. I'm the happiest I've ever been, man. It's wonderful. It's a blessing for real.
00:42:59
Speaker
Yeah, man, these tools are amazing technologies for healing.
Virtual Ceremonies & Spiritual Insights
00:43:03
Speaker
And I mean, not just healing in the traditional sense that we define it as in like a, you know, a first world country. I mean, there's healing in every single type of way, physical, mental, psychological, all of it. It's amazing, man. And, uh, you bring up the, uh, the ceremonies that we had. So, um, as part of the blue morpho Academy, uh, Hamilton, our instructor,
00:43:25
Speaker
He hosted two, I don't know if there's gonna be a third. I really hope there's gonna be a third. I hope so. They were amazing. He hosted these ceremonies where the very first one, there were two so far. So the first one he hosted the night of an ayahuasca ceremony. So we were virtually brought into a live ayahuasca ceremony. And I mean, you're hearing people vomit in the back and his ikuros are just slapping. And I mean, it was amazing.
00:43:54
Speaker
Yeah, and honestly, it was no, well, the differences were not there in person, but you're getting the same healing through the technology. I mean, the one that we just did on Sunday, at the end of it, I had like a very tremendous like deep guttural purge. And I'm like radiating all this heat. I'm like listening to it on my speaker, like on the bathroom, like, Oh, man, I can't wait for this to get out of me. Hell yeah.
00:44:21
Speaker
So what did you consume for the first one and the second one so for me? Oh boy I took two and a half grams of mushrooms for the first one and then the second one I took just a tiny little bit of psilocybin and then and I I vaporized moon rocks. Oh nice. It was amazing dude I mean I wasn't expecting it to be as strong and as powerful as it was but it worked man. It was great
00:44:45
Speaker
So, um, oh man, I got a funny one. You know, I've got a certain style to me. I'm a little bit wild. I like, I realized for a long time ago, like I wasn't competing with anybody with what I was doing, except myself. I'm like, where are we going, Tommy? Where else can we push these things? You know? I mean, I had some fun role models growing up. Like my, my calling to psychedelics was very much so.
00:45:07
Speaker
My father introduced to me like the dark side of Oz when I was probably like seven years old. He's like, we're going to synchronize, you know, a dark side of the moon, a wizard of Oz. I'm like, no wonder I'm me, dude. Like, although we had problems, he was very cool with music and culture and stuff like that.
00:45:22
Speaker
And he put me onto the doors in Pink Floyd and all that stuff when I was like very young. So I was already like, I know I'm getting into psychedelics. I can't wait for it. Right. So then Jim Morrison was it was a bit of a role model for me when I was young. I'm like, let's see how far we can go. What is that pursuit of the unknown? You know, like I do want to know. I'm curious. I've always been searching in life. Sometimes I tap into shit. That's just like truly spiritual. Like before I got this honed in craft through blue morpho, like just wild. But so the
00:45:51
Speaker
The first ceremony, man, I got like this jaguar skull with me, like a legit one that I got from Akitos. And so anyways, I think I had like, I had three grams of these mushrooms. They're a Thrasher Melmax, which are like, so there's penis envies. And then what they noticed was there were certain strains or certain ones that would grow that were a little bit more potent. So those were Thrashers and then they had the Melmax. And then somebody's like, well, we should just grow those together. And Crossbreed, my buddy, he was doing those. And so these are very potent, man.
00:46:21
Speaker
So I had those for the first one, and I'm just doing all this ketamine as well. Since we're in a shared video, I'm like, yeah, Tommy, you're ridiculous. Why not? So I'm taking this jaguar skull bone and using that as basically my spoon to ingest this ketamine.
00:46:37
Speaker
What I got to experience on that setting was wild, like very good. So this is what I would describe. I truly felt maximum healing was during this virtual ceremony, which makes it that much more profound and being able to demonstrate how we can connect in these real ways without having to physically be there in person.
00:46:55
Speaker
So I'm laying on my couch and I feel myself completely melt in a liquid state with all dimensionality, with all the physical stuff that's around me. And I felt like I was on a stage, a shared stage with every bit of existence to watch me cleanse myself and then come back and materialize. It was the true state of oneness and God-consciousness working around. It was beautiful, very, very beautiful, man. And for me, I came back and I was like,
00:47:24
Speaker
I felt kind of wet on my body. With me and my experiences with ketamine, I've basically had it just as tremendous, if not sometimes more tremendous than what I've experienced with ayahuasca. That's a bold statement to make, but I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that I've already had it in my system.
00:47:43
Speaker
it works together. So with Maestro Christian, we did a ceremony, we did two ceremonies together at my mother's house. And, you know, he's just calling on basically all the medicines that have been living inside of our bodies. And like in real time, he's like, MDMA on. And I'm like, no way, I'm about to be rolling. He's like, LSD vision on. I was like, yes. And he goes, ketamine vision on. I'm like, oh, okay, cool. And he's just pulling out and he's like, ayahuasca on and boom.
00:48:12
Speaker
And so when I work through my personal ceremonies, I absolutely always talk to Mama Haya all the time. And so I think that has a very, very big significant role into what I'm going through with my ketamine journeys. And so with those, I'm
00:48:29
Speaker
I don't like, you know, I don't pussyfoot around that I go far. And so, I mean, I'll literally in just a gram at a time, and my goals are to see where, where I'm going, how far I can go. And so I found myself getting back into these same dimensions or realms.
00:48:46
Speaker
and mapping them out and I'm like encountering the same spirits and it was really really profound and I've I've had one-on-ones with God I've had my body like like in Toy Story remember when the aliens are in the the claw thing I was I did some cam getting ready to do a ceremony and um
00:49:03
Speaker
I'm actually leaning over my coffee table and not exactly in a comfortable position. And I'm pulled out of my body. And I had some concerns going on about certain things like in my heart, somebody I'm like, what's going on between me and another person type thing. And just really thinking about it. And we have a really unique, beautiful relationship, but I'm respectful about everything.
00:49:26
Speaker
And anyway, so like God pulls me out of my body. I'm on like in the edge of the universe, just him and his infinite white light. And then me just staring off and I'm just getting blasted by everything. I'm like, whoa, whoa. And the experience was like, know me, man. Know that everything's okay. You're fine. Like ease your mind. Everything is chill.
00:49:44
Speaker
And then I come back into my state and I'm still in the same position looming over my coffee table. And, you know, academy is a dissociative. So it usually takes a period, maybe like 30 minutes, even sometimes an hour for you to regain and like pull back all of your senses, your faculties.
00:50:00
Speaker
I come back to the state immediately with the most hyper lucid mind, with my body feeling the strongest and the best it's ever been. To me, it was just like a divine interaction out of nowhere. I've got a really fun, beautiful relationship with ketamine, but I also know to pump the brakes sometimes, we all need rust on our bodies.
00:50:21
Speaker
this recent ceremony, you know, they were doing San Pedro down there, which I can't wait to try a Hamilton San Pedro ceremony. That's got to be magical. But, you know, so for here, it was seven in the morning for me. I just ended nine days of a strict diet. And so I get up. And so the first thing I eat that was not my diet of regimen.
00:50:44
Speaker
was, uh, it was 3.13 grams of these really potent mushrooms that I lemon tech. Oh boy. That was, that was quite the morning. I would say, yeah, I am saying it was, it was fantastic, but that's a, that's a hell of a way to start. You know, I had a blast. Yeah, man. Do you lemon tech often?
00:51:06
Speaker
So honestly, I got into that, um, doing ceremonies with Christian. I was like, why not? You know, um, in the past, I would just chomp them, man. Never was a big deal to me. I never really got to worry about the flavor and especially the older I've gotten. Like I was explaining, like my background in the beverage world, it's like, we're,
00:51:24
Speaker
We're kind of masochists for really wild flavor profiles, because if you keep tasting the same types of basic things, it's like loose, it's like interesting factors. So we're like, oh, what's this obscure bitter, bitter amaro or Italian aperitif?
00:51:39
Speaker
So for me, I'm like, I've destroyed my palate, or at least I've calloused it, so to speak in a way. So like flavors don't really bother me that much, like at all at this point, you know, like, Ooh, that's an interesting note. Wow. Put that one in the memory bank. But yeah, I find lemon tech's great though. I'll probably always do it. What I, what I personally like to do though, instead of fresh citrus, I have like organic citric acid at home. Just mix that with purified water, sprinkle that in there, fresh it up, stir it, let it sit, slam it. Good to go.
00:52:07
Speaker
Perfect. Yeah. And for anybody who doesn't know what lemon teching is, um, you essentially inject or you, you pour over, um, like grind it up, fine mushrooms, uh, citrus juice, lemon juice. Um, what I usually try to do is like get fresh lemons, chop them in half and like squeeze them in there. Um, as opposed to like, just grabbing some orange juice or some lemon juice. And supposedly it's supposed to, uh, pre-convert the psilocybin into solosin, which is.
00:52:33
Speaker
actually what's uh what's causing the hallucinations quote unquote and uh you know the psychedelic experience so it's said to uh shorten the trip but also uh shorten the onset and in some certain some circumstances uh makes it more powerful um yeah i have
00:52:53
Speaker
I haven't really experienced it being more powerful, but I have experienced like the shortening of the come up, the shortening of the trip overall. Uh, but to me, I mean, it doesn't matter, man. If you ingest the psilocybin mushrooms, it's going to be powerful regardless. Sure. I mean, I remember the like, uh, are we about the same age? I'm 34. I'm 34. Oh, cool. We are exactly the same age. When's your birthday? Actually, uh, July 21st. Okay. Cool. Was that make you a cancer? Yeah.
00:53:21
Speaker
Cool. I'm an Aquarian on day after Valentine's Day, February 15th. Cool, man. That's awesome. Kindred spirits. I love that stuff. But I'm sure, well, so for me and my early interactions with the psychedelic world too, I grew up a skater, man. So it's like, we were already crazy to begin with. We're going to push ourselves through. And
00:53:41
Speaker
Oh man, I got a million stories, but let's keep it a little bit more honed in. I'm unscripted, but I don't know if you've ever been around though is like when we're younger, people are like, oh yeah, let's slam the orange juice like you're mentioning while you're eating the mushrooms because supposedly to enhance it and all that stuff. I remember just like, we're even slamming orange soda, just like, yeah, hell yeah, I think this will do something. I'm sure it barely did, other than it just tasted awesome.
00:54:04
Speaker
I do find though there's like in my past at least with ingestion that there's a similar vibe to like if you were to make a mushroom tea as far as like onset being shorter and the duration of your trip being shorter you know but I guess for me my precaution about tea is that I feel like you could also perhaps damage some stuff so like I'd rather just raw dog it or just do the lemon tech you know.
00:54:28
Speaker
I'm with you, man. Because yeah, like you said, I mean, a lot of times it's suggested that you drink the tea and then you eat the mushrooms anyway that are at the bottom of the tea because you don't want to leave any psilocybin behind. And yeah, I'm with you. I just, I just eat them. You know, in the beginning, I loved the taste.
00:54:45
Speaker
I was like, hell yeah, I like mushrooms. This is good. You know, the taste is fine. And then after I started to become a little more experienced and started to do some more like really high dose trips, uh, the taste in, it's, it got unbearable. And even now to this day, the taste of mushrooms to me is like almost unbearable. And I vomit.
00:55:05
Speaker
almost every time but I did not I haven't vomited from a single ceremony that we've done out of our two ceremonies with Hamilton no vomiting but before that it's guaranteed it's like the way it works for me is I'll eat the mushrooms and
00:55:22
Speaker
almost immediately i'm feeling nauseous you know and my my mind is connected to my my stomach biome it must be you know they say there's a bunch of neurons in your stomach so i feel like my mind is it's centered around my nausea
00:55:38
Speaker
And I try to hold that nausea for at least 30, 40 minutes because I don't want to lose any of the psilocybin. So at a certain point, you know, I mean, during the come up, I'm just so stressed about the nausea that I eventually vomit and it's like this beautiful purge. I mean, it feels so good. I mean, I hate vomiting in general, but it felt, it feels amazing. And then after the vomit, the trip just becomes beautiful and I can finally sort of like let go of what I was holding onto. It feels like.
00:56:08
Speaker
absolutely and i i think it's also worth noting though too right because there's there's two distinctions between vomiting and purging right because like one of them is like we know we're getting rid of some like blockages whether it's like other physical ailments or some mental stuff that's going on right you know because so both of my retreats down to blue morpho of my night fours
00:56:28
Speaker
Those are the only times that I got nauseous just from the taste. Now, as we gather a little bit, I like to push things a little bit, see where we're going. The recent trip I went on to, I'm doing multiple rounds a night. I'm doing bigger cups too.
00:56:45
Speaker
And I should see people just their looks on their face when they're watching me drink like, oh my God, that just looks so awful. And they're like, boy, we'll see you next year. But I'm like, no, I'll be back. Don't worry. So with Hamilton, I cracked a joke. I didn't even realize that he had a background in golf. But so it was like my, I think it was my third night first.
00:57:04
Speaker
retreat down there, he had two different varieties. He had what he was called the OG, which is like a blend of like 25 different plants into the brew of ayahuasca. So ayahuasca is the vine, but it's also the name for the tea. And he had another one that he called Ayalite, not because of diet, but because of light vision. And that one was like 10 plants. So I had each of those and I was like,
00:57:26
Speaker
What's up with an Arnold Palmer? He's like, what? So he's like doing these half and halfs for me. And so he's like, hell yeah, man. But I remember my last night on the first retreat, it was the most badass thing I've ever experienced in my life, hands down.
00:57:44
Speaker
But what I was explaining, though, was it was the first time that I felt something nauseous immediately. And I was like, Tommy, this isn't the purge, nausea. Your body's like, that was gross. And I was like, if you puke, bud, you've got to go back up there and do that same round again. I'm like, we're going to hold this together, dog. And that was the most beautiful ceremony I've seen in my life. And there were certain things that were going on. There was turbulent settings in the sense of there were still people going through a lot. And I was trying to go as deep as I could. And I was finding some distractions. And then I was really learning
00:58:14
Speaker
accept that we're all one and then start working on my energies to try to put people at ease and I'm like Tommy drop judgment man like we are all one be excited for this person be helpful encouraging for that person you know what I mean like we're all in this shit together and once I started doing that it really really learning to love myself and accept it it was beautiful and now this noise is going on I was just like man
00:58:37
Speaker
I wish I just had some type of white noise situation for me to dive deep. And when you know it, it starts to rain. It starts to rain intensely. And suddenly it's like, and there's also a lot of smoke going on. I was a little bit annoyed with that, but I was like, Tommy, you never vocalize with other people that the smoking was intense. I'm like, they're just doing them. You can't be mad at that, man. You allowed this to go. But I'm like, take ownership and responsibility for what you signed up for. So it's a lot of learning and maturing.
00:59:02
Speaker
so the rain just kind of clears everything out and suddenly I just smell like rich earth just being like just like providing nourishment and it covers up all the noise and I'm just like felt like I'm covered in this electrical blanket and I'm just diving deep and when you get this good flow state of breath work it feels like a jet stream of air is being provided directly to you like as if you have just like really powerful powerful like oxygen tubes coming to you and it's just like you feel life force it's fantastic so anyways
00:59:32
Speaker
It gets so loud you can barely hear anything at all. You can't even hear Hamilton. And he just yells across the room and it's starting to storm.
00:59:41
Speaker
thunder gods hold the space and then it's just like lightning crashes boom and i was like this guy's working with nature what and i'm like this is the most badass concert of my life so we're sitting there and then like things start to calm down and so before the ceremony we established that we're gonna go at a faster pace he's like okay more egros yeah we're gonna do this shit so it's like everything's rapid fire i'm like
01:00:08
Speaker
yes yes do it faster let's go let's go let's go and so i remember it was like the conditions kind of calmed down and then he goes nature this volume for this long and i'm like holy shit he is maestro of this but everything else going on like this put like
01:00:26
Speaker
I mean like I already respected this man so much from the second of my first ceremony to this I'm like oh my god infinite possibilities truly and I always had a very strong beautiful connection with nature my whole life I couldn't explain and now to see it
01:00:41
Speaker
Really being like in a beautiful artistry being worked with to I was it was fascinating It was mind-blowing and he called on for us to be healed everything We didn't know that we needed to be healed and everything we truly did what I didn't share with you guys yet, though
01:00:59
Speaker
is that since I was approximately 13 or 14, I've also suffered from cluster headaches. Now, cluster headaches colloquially were referred to as a suicide headache. You know why? Because people would hurl themselves off of buildings because they were so bad. Women who have gone through child labor without any pain management, who also suffer from cluster headaches, consistently and unanimously agreed that the headache's worse than that. So they're called clusters because it'll happen every day in a rhythmic pattern.
01:01:27
Speaker
So the theory is that there's something to do with an irregularity with your hypothalamus. So imagine having an alarm clock every day, providing you with the worst type of pain ever that will make you pass out.
01:01:40
Speaker
In the ceremony, you know, this was one of my big intentions. I get surrounded by these ethereal beings. These were like white, bright, kind of alien-like figures that was also angelic. And they're just performing surgery. I had some damages to my arms from like years of like chronic bartending, shaking a bunch of tins, working really hard, jolting stuff. And they just open up my arms and they reconfigure all the muscle tissue and it felt
01:02:07
Speaker
amazing and then they come up to the top and they lift my cranium i'm just sitting here just like watching like oh hey angel uh aliens uh thank you and they're reassembling all this shit in my brain and they put it back together man it was beyond fascinating and i like knew that i was good to go now
01:02:25
Speaker
I did screw up after this first retreat. I didn't respect the protocol for decompression and letting the medicine absorb. What's very critical about this though is your prep when you go into it is like you're getting off of eating red meats, pork, drugs, sex, that purity really matters. Then the afterwards actually matters more.
01:02:49
Speaker
And so I had started drinking like a day or two after that, and I had some fun. And then when you know it around this last spring, the headaches came back like worse than ever. And I was exploring ketamine in the middle of a cluster headache on a trip, and it was like a biblical warfare thing. And I'm like real time in an ancient setting of like good versus evil. I text my mom like, mom, there's some biblical shit going on. She's like, she's in Paris. She's like, I know, son, I'm working on you right now.
01:03:18
Speaker
I'm like, how do you even know this stuff? So with the second retreat, though, I had talked with one of the other people that stayed with Hamilton, Vivian. She's a wonderful human being, wealth of knowledge. She provided me a lot of guidance that's helped me out that I still practice to this day, just good perspectives about what we're doing. And she was like, I saw you drink after that first retreat. She's like, you're lucky all you got back was your headaches.
01:03:47
Speaker
I was going through a very brutal patch of them. And then on my third night, the recent retreat, I was in a state of God consciousness working on everything. And I was having a blast this retreat way better than the first time. My very first ceremony there, all the spirits that I saw before, they're all like high fiving
Healing Experiences & Personal Reflections
01:04:02
Speaker
me. They're like, welcome back, bud. So good to see you. I'm like, yes, hell yeah. And I was like, I was having the best like laughing fits. I was laughing so hard. The entire room started laughing at me laughing at certain things. I'm like, oh, hell yeah.
01:04:15
Speaker
I felt like a really great advancement in myself and my growth and what I could contribute to the group and encourage people and participate in. But on my third night after a ceremony of that intense giggle fit, Hamilton was like, you good? I'm like, man, you're my dog for life, Hamilton. I love you so much. I'm so blessed to know you. But so I decided, I'm like, all right, Tommy. So in this laughing fit, by the way, I'm purging and then like,
01:04:41
Speaker
Which kind of people are usually like, oh no, you know, or something type stuff. And so the ceremony's over and I'm still insanely high. Like I said, this second retreat, I went to multiple of the plastic cups now at night. So I'm like, all right, Tommy, let's go to the bathroom.
01:04:57
Speaker
And I'm like, let's settle some shit, dude. And I was like, look here, Tommy, you've been a master of fun your entire life. I'm like, we're here to fix everything that's wrong with you right now. We are here to get all the guidance and the wisdom that we need to set us up for the rest of our life. I'm like, so right now we kind of need to cut the shit, bud. So I go to the bathroom.
01:05:18
Speaker
in the lodge, the ceremony room, and it's like pitch black. So I go in there and I just sit down and I'm so high I brought my bucket of puke with me, even though there's already fresh buckets there. So I'm in this bathroom. I got two buckets. I'm like, cool way to go. I'm like, at least we got backups. So I'm sitting there. It's in the dark. And mind you, this whole thing's screened in, but bugs still get in. Amazon don't give a shit, dude. So I'm sitting in there. My body's the hottest I've ever been.
01:05:44
Speaker
I'm nauseous. I feel like I have to shit too as well. I'm getting swarmed by mosquitoes. I would describe this as perhaps one of the worst settings I've been in while the highest I've ever been in my life. I'd go, Tommy, you can't leave this bathroom until you feel the best you ever have in your entire life and we fix everything. I'm like, we're making this agreement right now, bud. We're cutting the shit literally. I'm sitting in there and I was like,
01:06:09
Speaker
What I've learned from Hamilton was like this great communication with yourself. And this is what's like I carry with me everywhere though. Talking to your body, talking to your mind, talking to your heart, talking to your spirit, balancing these things out. Nobody taught us growing up that we should do that or we can do that. This is the answer to carrying a lot of our basic problems. So I'm sitting here being like, body, relax.
01:06:33
Speaker
There you go, bud. And so the other thing is that we just tell us to talk to the elements. And so I've been working on this shit, man. One of my goals was like, I'm getting fucking rid of these mosquitoes. So I'm like, in my mind, you know, kind of the formula for how we're working and communing with any spirit or like in ceremony, I mean, example, I'll be like, you know, Mama Aya, you know, my intentions are for X, Y and Z, gratitude, love, you know, and the more you mean it, the more authentic it is. I feel like everything's on the table.
01:07:03
Speaker
So here I am in the bathroom, getting swarmed by the mosquitoes. I'm like in their nature spirits. Clear the vicinity of mosquitoes. Infinite love, infinite gratitude. They're gone. I'm like, sweet. First problem. Because you don't want to try and take out all problems at once. Like Hamilton related to us, he's like, think about it as low hanging fruit. Get them easy fruit first. Then get used to that. And then what's left? The next round of fruit. So I'm like, cool. Mosquito is gone. And I was like, nature.
01:07:31
Speaker
I'm really, really hot. Please hit me with a gust of wind. Gratitude. Little bits of wind come down. I'm like, body, cool down. Body's cooling down. Excellent. And I'm like, I'm ayahuasca. I'm asking to purge all debts in this life and all debts in all of my past lives. Oh, gratitude. That's a tall order, I will say. So as you can imagine, that's like coming out every way possible.
01:07:57
Speaker
So cool, now I'm starting to feel a little bit better. I'm here in the toilet, in the dark, and now I'm sitting in here feeling the best I have. Now I'm ready to start doing that work. I'm like, Tommy, now we're going to work and fix everything in your life. Worked on the headaches. I started asking about my path and acquiring the skills for running this new company that I'm gonna have. I see that in real time, you know? And then I start seeing things about me regarding like,
01:08:20
Speaker
different realms, angelic realms, things about shamanism. And then it's me realizing that I'm gonna have this beautiful, interwoven thing going on with my life forever. And then I start doing some selfless stuff. I start letting my wife know that I forgive her, like Hamilton related, like, yeah, you don't have to just work on yourself and you can do remote work from here.
01:08:36
Speaker
I'm working on things with my family. I'm asking for my wife to fucking be okay. She also suffered from brain aneurysm and a couple of other brain surgeries that plagued her and gave her a lot of anxiety. I'm letting her know that things are okay, sending my spirit and true love regarding everything that I still love her no matter what and so always will. I went through this long list of intentions banging him out and you're seeing everything with precise lucid vision. I'm like, all right, dude, we
01:09:03
Speaker
You did it, you did it, Tommy. And I let out the most intense, beautiful cry of just being proud of myself and conquering all these things and really maturing and setting myself up for life. So I'm like, we can get out of here, bud. So I finally turn on this flashlight. My pants are all twisted up. I'm like in the dark. I'm like, all right, maybe we ain't done yet. I'm like, Mama Ayahuasca, grant me infinite awareness and infinite night vision. I'm like, I'm not going to get no night vision, doc. I'm like, super high.
01:09:29
Speaker
so I collect my pants and I get out and I realize everybody's asleep in the ceremony room like oh no I'm like I guess we're gonna stand here tonight man so I don't even turn on my light I'm just like crawling on the ground like military style a little bit bump into an empty bucket I'm like oh thank god excellent slide this off to the side find a map
01:09:48
Speaker
And the most beautiful piece and serenity I've ever encountered in my life to date at that moment and then like 30 minutes go by and here's somebody leaving like, oh, I can get the fuck out of here. So I get out and it's the day before the supermoon clear sky and you know, the moon just seems closer than ever.
01:10:04
Speaker
and I just let out like this one last beautiful tear that was like thick and gelatinous cold and hot at the same time and it dispersed like a million liquid diamonds across my cheek and I just felt like it was very symbolic of like I'm done with this chapter in my life and we're amazing man we can just keep moving forward man like I can't encourage enough what your experience can be and what you can get out of being with Hamilton and the whole team and the whole vibe there it's
01:10:34
Speaker
I look forward to that to more than my own birthday, to Christmas, to anything else. I know that I'm personally going to be doing annual trips probably every June and July, something like that. My goals are to hunt everybody around me. I've seen ripples around me in my community and they're like, what the fuck's going on with Tommy? Why is he so much better than he's ever been his entire life? How has he stopped doing an eight ball of Coke every two days?
01:10:56
Speaker
and not drinking an entire bottle of tequila every day and doing all this other stuff. I was functioning very great. I was very successful at work while doing these things, but obviously it's not healthy. I had no appearance that I would ever stop this lifestyle. When I came back from Peru, it was inspiring to a lot of friends of mine. It's been cool that this positive ripple
Future Aspirations & Shamanic Practices
01:11:21
Speaker
and the impacts that we do with the world around us, you know, from what's going on from that real healing that you get to experience with Hamilton, you know, is the best. So cool. Yeah, man, it feels like we're in like the center of the eye of the storm or something, you know, like we're we're here trying to promote peace, trying to promote love and healing. And man, this community really feels like just a great environment for that.
01:11:49
Speaker
Um, as the last question, as we begin to, uh, you know, hit an hour here and wrap up, uh, where do you see yourself going with the blue morpho Academy with the stuff you've learned? Like, do you want to facilitate? Are you trying to do this stuff professionally? Like, where do you see yourself going in the future from here?
01:12:08
Speaker
perfect timing because this is exactly the direction I was loving and hoping to actually go into synchronicity, my man. So when I had mentioned my very first ayahuasca experience about seeing that progression of shamanic ceremonies, that was the one thing that wasn't exactly clear to me when I asked about my path.
01:12:30
Speaker
And so what I've been experiencing also in my private ceremonies is there's very much so. Like remember I mentioned I said the vibe from the shamanic spirits or the shamanic spirit was like welcome to the show.
01:12:43
Speaker
Now when I'm doing these other things in my private ceremonies, like alone, the vibe is kind of turned into welcome back. And so I kind of perceive in the notion of past lives, what I experienced was those were either my past lives or it was something that was integral to my past lives, right? And so
01:13:03
Speaker
With my youth and my growing up, and even in the beverage world, man, so think about this, I've always had a very innate role as in a guide for a setting and an experience. I've very much so been somebody that's like, hey guys, we're going to take these things, I'm going to introduce them to you, and I've got everything mapped out.
01:13:20
Speaker
We're going to go out in nature and do this, or we're going to go in this really insane setting, because I know all you can handle is shit. We're going to have fun. I'm going to be a conductor. And the bar is no different. I'm like, here you go. Here's your cocktail. I'm actually having a little bit too, so you're not alone in this. Let me guide the setting for you. Something that's just very, very natural. And within these deep realms of the psychonaut life that I live, I feel insane comfort.
01:13:49
Speaker
I very much so feel absolutely my goals are to continuously go down master facilitator, like 100%. And so when I was with Christian, I explained to him like this kind of just fork in the road a little bit. I got like this cool job and get ready to have, but I truly feel a very strong calling. And it's like in my ceremony state,
01:14:11
Speaker
they're all like hey guys or hey Tommy come on come on down here you're gonna be so great at this and they're like here's your here's some gifts back dude like here's this ikuro and i'm like cool so like i've been learning like kind of humming with my voice and whistling and things are just coming out of nowhere and when i practice this alone it's like my vision lights up and there's like a orchestra of other spirits like hey man check it out you want this one too or try this tape you know it's high five it's cool but yeah so what christian had said was
01:14:39
Speaker
Why not treat it as a hobby? You know, it's like shamanism isn't going anywhere. He's like, you still have your life and your regular thing. And I kind of perceive, you know, or it took from that, I'm like, yeah, I don't need to alienate myself from this really big, elaborate, beautiful network I've already fostered and contribute to. Right. You know, and this can be a beautiful accent and like, you know, subtle base note.
01:15:00
Speaker
with everything going on in my life and so with my own personal ceremonies that i conduct with friends i don't charge them anything especially because you know i'm still learning and they're going to trust me with some stuff and have beautiful amazing results and i'm really proud of my artistry and how i apply myself like i'm definitely like
01:15:17
Speaker
guinea pigging myself and almost like, and I always have been in an evil, canable way. Imagine a wet noodle, evil, canable, flying off a ramp. Sometimes that's gonna stick, sometimes it's gonna drop, and then I just laugh it off, pick myself back up, get on that insane dirt, but I can keep cruising, man. But yeah, 100%, I'm so fascinated by it, and I imagine that sometimes I will, I'll probably spend extensive periods down in the Amazon, maybe even a year at a clip, but I'm not trying to get
01:15:47
Speaker
to stuck into a rigid timeline and make myself having to be just restricted to whatever periods or time stamps. Take it as it comes, go with the flow, listen to my intuition. I feel like the more that I do that, everything is easier and easier. Doors just open up at the right time. Forcing things, you'll know when you're forcing it because it can only get so far or you're gonna stumble or something. But yeah, those are my goals. What about you with the whole course?
01:16:18
Speaker
Man, I, I'm not sure yet, you know, uh, I've, I've taken courses before in like psychedelic assisted therapy training. Uh, actually the reason this podcast is even a thing is because, um, I took a course through psychedelics today. It was there, uh, it was called, um, navigating psychedelics for clinicians and therapists and then integration and self-care.
01:16:38
Speaker
And actually as the course was wrapping up, there was a, they called it an integration project. So it was like your final project, your final like test, basically. And you had to use all of the things you've learned, you know, all of whatever you've learned on your journey previously as well, and sort of map out what your future is going to be, create some sort of a structure or create a piece of art. Some people made music and stuff like that and actually played it live for us on zoom, which was pretty cool.
01:17:09
Speaker
But for me, I decided I'm just gonna structure this podcast. And me and my brother had been talking about doing a podcast anyway, because we talk about this stuff all the time. He's a psycho, not as well. So I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna structure everything out, plan it all out, use this as an opportunity to actually start the thing instead of just talking about
Podcast Origins & Cultural Perspectives
01:17:30
Speaker
it. And it's just been history from there. So I mean,
01:17:33
Speaker
Man, and I discovered the Blue Morph Academy through interviewing Barrett. Uh, as we had talked about before, you know, her and as an interviewing Hamilton, you know, he told me during our podcast about the Blue Morph Academy. And I was like, man, this sounds like a great opportunity. So the podcast itself has just given me so much. I mean, so many connections with people and just random stuff here and there, you know, it's like that butterfly effect.
01:17:58
Speaker
Truly. So I ask for, well, I love the name of your podcast first off. So the concept of infinity is huge for me. So like on my hand, you know, so on my thumb, infinity symbol, right? But the other things are my, they're like my consistent pursuits search for infinite love, light, knowledge, and wisdom.
01:18:15
Speaker
So like so my process for the ceremony I established my sanctuary and then I'm like my intentions are for these blanket ones and I work for other ones though but when I ask for infinite resource and things like that it's situations like this and it all comes together people just pop up and like the things that you need they really materialize so it's not even just like our beautiful like metaphysical aspects of their mind and that type of consciousness healing it's like everything does come together truly when you work
01:18:42
Speaker
with things, they work with you too. It's not like you work for me, I work for you. We're working together. When we work together, I think everything's possible. Infinite possibilities is my thing too. When you ask me about am I going to be a facilitator, it's like, I don't see why not because I'm not going to limit myself to a ceiling of what I can and cannot do. I'm just going to keep exploring and know that everything's possible. It's a beautiful way to look at life.
01:19:04
Speaker
you'll find out if like I believe that obstacles and challenges or lessons they're there for you to find out how far you're willing to go that's all that is you know and if you're happy with where you're at cool I respect everybody's path you know for me like this is the best stuff and I love to be a part of this community for us to share and encourage and uplift and elevate each other it's wonderful it's very wonderful
01:19:26
Speaker
Yeah, man, it's, it's really been a beautiful experience having gone through this course and having just been able to commune with everybody here. Uh, it's just been such a blessing, man. And this is why I wanted to share all of you guys with my audience because you guys, such beautiful humans, dude. And you're beautiful too, though. Thanks man. Thank you. I just, I really appreciate you coming on, man, being so open, sharing your stories. It's just been, it's been both entertaining and, uh,
01:19:55
Speaker
just amazing. So just thank you. Thank you. Thank you, man. Well, you know, I like to provide like some good context because you know, some people out there, they probably just believe, oh, Westerners tinkering around with, you know, medicine or whatever, because there's definitely like a whole trend of people playing around with these things, especially the United States, you know, like,
01:20:14
Speaker
you know kind of like this like west coast hippie vibe sort of thing right we're like oh we're all just using these labels and whatever i know some of it's legit some of it isn't but there's quackery in all fields of like professional western medicine and also the spiritual stuff too right but it's nice to i guess for me to share
01:20:31
Speaker
some of the tremendous difficulties I went through and how I was able to survive those through a very legit means with the greatest professionals for me and my life through blue morpho in our community and plant medicine when used appropriately. You know, dude, I'm happy to share it. I'd, I'd love to keep having some fun times with you, Josh. Absolutely. It's been a pleasure being on here. I'm thankful that you even, uh, put this up for us and for real. Thank you.
01:20:53
Speaker
It's my pleasure, dude. I'd love to continue connecting with you guys. You know, however many people want to come on, I'm going to keep posting up in the, in the telegram. See if anybody else wants to come on. It's just, it's amazing, dude. Excellent, man. Excellent. Yeah, brother.
01:22:14
Speaker
you