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10: What Is Parent Coaching?
39 Plays18 days ago
-You are safe
-You are loved
-You are called and capable
-You are responsible
Luisa and Jarrett Wendt are Certified Parent Coaches through Connected Families. They join us on this episode to talk about how their Parent Coaching ministry got started and what holy parenting looks like in practice.
Information and resources can be found here:
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Transcript
Introduction to Guests and Podcast
00:00:13
Speaker
Hello, my name is Father Jacob Rouse, and I am the pastor of Notre Dame Parish in Cresco, Iowa. And welcome to another episode of the DeBucharistic Revival podcast. Because that's the name we're going with.
00:00:26
Speaker
Thank you, Father Kevin. My co-host is joining me today, as he always does. um I'd like him to introduce himself. Father Kevin Earlywine, pastor of St. Patrick's in Hampton and St. Mary's in Ackley, and glad to be here with our next episode. And we have a couple of guests joining us today. So we have with us Jarrett and Louisa Wendt.
00:00:47
Speaker
So Jarrett, Louisa, if you'd introduce yourselves, say hello to
Background and Family Journey
00:00:50
Speaker
your audience. And yeah, a little about yourselves. Hello, hello. We're Jared and Louisa from Ames, Iowa. We um yeah we are parents and that's why we're here. Yeah, we thank you everybody for listening in.
00:01:08
Speaker
We're super excited to be part of this podcast today for the invitation. But yeah, a little bit about ourselves. We have a growing family. We've got three kiddos in heaven and three kiddos here on earth and one in my womb. So we are very excited. We are also an adoptive family.
00:01:29
Speaker
Our first two children after losing our first three were born into our family through adoption from Colombia. So that's also part of our story. And um yeah, but lots to talk about in there, but we'll let you take it from here. Yeah.
00:01:45
Speaker
Yeah. so everything
00:01:48
Speaker
Jarrett, are you going to add anything to that? Sure. yeah' Happy to be here. Yeah. Oh, I'm, I'm very happy to be here. Thank you for the
Founding Built on Rock Ministries
00:01:56
Speaker
invite. No, really. Um, God has just done so much in our lives, in our family over the last few years, uh, through probably through mostly through the hard things we've been through. Um, and so, yeah, that's what we're going to share a little bit about today.
00:02:12
Speaker
okay So we invited you to be on the podcast today because you have started a parenting ministry. i believe it's called Built on Rock Ministries. That's it which we'll be getting into what that is and what to do.
00:02:28
Speaker
um But I mean, as you already kind of alluded to, you've had quite the journey leading up to that, that kind of led you into parenting
Seminary Days and Family Dreams
00:02:35
Speaker
ministry. So ah yeah, so I want to invite you guys, if you would share a bit of your story, kind of leading you up into parent ministry, which certainly involved your process of um yeah, the ups and downs you've been through and hardships, as you just alluded to, you know, losing children and adopting children. And so so just share, we'll just invite you to kind of dig into your story and kind of the events and how God has worked that has led you up to this ministry.
00:03:01
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. So, I mean, first of all, full disclosure for the audience here, ah kevin and i Father Kevin and I have known each other for a long time and Louisa. We were back in seminary together and so so a rich background, some time in Honduras.
00:03:17
Speaker
um Yeah, and after after discerning out of seminary um and and starting to date Louisa and discerning marriage together, we got married and in Colombia And we had just really high hopes and dreams for our family to raise just a really beautiful, connected Catholic family, to be saints together and and really everything that that that we dreamed about.
00:03:49
Speaker
um
Adoption and Heartbreak
00:03:50
Speaker
And then our readings for mass were for wedding mass were being salt and light for the, for the world. Right. And so every night before going to bed, we would kneel down in front of our little altar that we have. It's grown quite a bit since we got married. It started with just a crucifix. And now we have a whole um communion of saints interceding for us. We would pray like, Lord, please make us saints and help us, help us live this life that we can be light for you. and But I always knew in my head, gosh, like saints, you know, they have a lot of suffering and they have a lot of sacrifices. And so far, my life is pretty easy. i mean, a pretty joyful person. I've had um my struggles, but nothing to be like compared to the life of the saints, you know, it's just very, very little. um And so I just felt, you know, well, maybe maybe one day I'll be a saint that is the the
00:04:46
Speaker
The non-suffering saint. oh But yeah, that didn't happen. So anyway, um when we were ready to conceive, we put it in God's hands and we received the joy of conceiving twins. Yeah.
00:05:05
Speaker
twin boys, Joseph and Matthew, and everything was going fabulous until week 21. And then I delivered babies and we gave them to God because they were very, very little and they couldn't survive. And so that was the beginning of a very long suffering journey. of grief. God, you know, opened our hearts widely. And he was so good, such a good companion, sustaining us through all that. And then we lost a baby girl at 12 weeks. And so again, it was like piercing of the heart, like more opens, like God, how What are you going to do with this? What are you going to do with this?
Learning Through Adoption
00:05:40
Speaker
Like you put this desire in our hearts to be good, loving parents and be light for the world. And how are you going to do this for us? Right. And then as we were giving our our daughter, Kiara, back to God, he just whispered, what about adoption? Both in Jared's ears and my ears. And we're like, adoption? i was like, I've never thought of, I mean, I i have heard of adoption. I know of adoption. never thought about adoption. What do you mean adoption? Yeah. And so he just like opened this world for us.
00:06:08
Speaker
um And through the adoption journey, he put us on this path of learning a lot about neuroscience and about attachment and about relationships and about the brain
Challenges with Adopted Children
00:06:19
Speaker
and about how to be the best parents. So when we received our twins, when we were matched with twins miraculously, were like, we're going to be the best parents ever. We were so ready for this. Yeah. Because a parent has more than 180 hours accredited to their training of parents, you know? And so I don't know ever, if you're listening to us, like if you've ever felt that way when you're like, I've prepared so much for this, I'm going to be victorious and I'm going to be a winner and there's nobody that's going to bring us down.
00:06:46
Speaker
so we're like, okay, this is how we're going to be salt and light for the earth, showing everybody how to do this thing well. we got it. And ah God, I'm sure, must have been like, oh, my little children. Yeah. Again, what we expected. ah God broke us open first through the loss of our children. And then through the adoption journey, it it was so much harder than we expected.
00:07:13
Speaker
For one, we were going from zero to two. That was a lot. For two, there were a lot of medical needs. But really, there was just really... There's a lot a lot to handle, a lot to handle that people would keep like comparing to their normal infancy stories. And we're like, no, this is this is very difficult. This is really hard. And so we
Finding Hope and Becoming Coaches
00:07:40
Speaker
were drowning.
00:07:42
Speaker
We were really struggling. a lot of difficulty to soothe, a lot of sleep struggles, a lot of... just really triggering behaviors that even in infancy and then going through year one, year two, year three, we were so not ready. Yeah. And then we were isolated too, because we felt like when we shared our struggles, people were like, you must be crazy. You must be doing something wrong. So that was really...
00:08:11
Speaker
isolating for us. but Didn't you just make them stop that? Yeah. Didn't you just tell them not to, you know, it's like, like, like usually the advice we got was a contrary to everything that we'd learned in the training and we backfired terribly, um, with our children. And so that was, that was usually pretty hard when we were already really down and then getting that kind of advice. Yeah. Yeah. But then ah the Lord, we kept praying, like, Lord, show us the way. how How do we do this? We really long to connect to our children, understand them. And God put on our path, an amazing podcast, talking about podcasts and how these can really lead people to healing and hope. It's before your podcast. Oh, okay. All right.
00:08:56
Speaker
Yeah. I'm sure it would have been. Yeah. It was an adoptive mom talking about her story and all her hopes and dreams in adoption and how every challenger she was meeting was just drowning her and just in a lot of despair and how she found hope through this four messages.
00:09:17
Speaker
that God speaks to us as parents and this framework and this organization called Connected Families. So I called my husband, I called you and I'm like, honey, I found this. Like they say that this, this changed her life. And the way she's speaking is like as if she's describing our life right now. So we got to get into this.
00:09:36
Speaker
So we dove in and so we learned these messages and we learned these framework and all these things. And long story short, we became certified parent coaches through this organization of connected families because transformed our life so deeply.
Spiritual Foundation of Ministry
00:09:50
Speaker
And something so beautiful about this journey is Connected Families is an amazing Christian organization um that didn't have yet any Catholic parent coaches. So when we came in, we were like, oh my gosh, we need this in our church. Is it okay that we're Catholic? Can we do this? yeah Yes, it's okay. You can do it. Because we find that in our beautiful tradition, um there is a big gap in parenting because we started far and wide. a lot of good help and genuine
00:10:22
Speaker
authentic good help but nothing that could combine the neuroscience with the tradition with um the brain with attachment and this is just like a whole shebang of things you know and so we need this in our church we need this in our people so after becoming certified parent coaches we were like okay lord lead this. And Jared had a dream and he's like, honey, let's name ourselves as built on rock because you know, the house that is built on rock will not fall. Yeah. Here's how that happened. We were, we were in the thick of another struggle and we were going through coaching again.
00:11:02
Speaker
and and we, We were talking to our coaches and telling them, nothing's working. Like all the tools, all the tools that that you've taught us, all the tools that Connected Families taught us, all the tools that we learned in our adoption training, none of them are working for this situation.
00:11:19
Speaker
They're like, okay, we get it Yes, um and they they empathize and they've affirmed us and and everything. They were great listeners. And then they asked, what do you think Jesus is trying to say to you right then in that moment?
00:11:37
Speaker
And that really, that question in that moment is the seed of our entire ministry. Because what it is, is that in that moment, Jesus is trying to tell us the same messages that we're trying to tell our kids.
00:11:52
Speaker
He's trying to tell us, Jarrett, you are safe with me. oof Jarrett, you are loved no matter what. Oh gosh, Jarrett, you are called and capable.
00:12:05
Speaker
and Jarrett, you are responsible. Like these four messages.
Applying Four Messages in Parenting
00:12:09
Speaker
And what we realized is we've been trying to speak these messages to our kids, but what we really needed was to hear these messages from God.
00:12:18
Speaker
And that opened the floodgates. And that's why we're called built on rock because God is our foundation. When we hear these messages from him, everything changes in our parenting.
00:12:29
Speaker
Everything. He is the rock. and And so, yeah, we have a lot of tools and we teach parents tools and that's that's all great. Tools are good. But the core of all of this is that God has ah message for us, four messages. Yeah.
00:12:43
Speaker
um and his word, it comes down from heaven, right? And it has effect and it changes us. and then And then we can share that with our kids and it changes them.
00:12:58
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, and and this is all throughout scripture. So like, if you think about the Annunciation and how God sends the angel, oh, you told this story, you're the theologian, you can tell story. Yeah, I mean, we have a couple...
00:13:14
Speaker
There's so many stories where this is, but one of us is when God wants to talk to Mary about his big plan, right? He doesn't show up in, in majesty and might and, and overwhelming, but he sends the angel, right? He sends the angel to her.
00:13:29
Speaker
You are safe. Right. And an angel is still pretty terrifying. So the angel has to say, do not be afraid, Mary. Right. For you have found favor with God. You're loved. And then you're called and capable. He, uh,
00:13:42
Speaker
unveils this plan that God has for her and that nothing is impossible for God. And then he waits. You are responsible. It's for Mary's response.
00:13:54
Speaker
Right. And we see the same four messages, the same pattern in the story of the rich young ruler and the prodigal son and and so many, the colony of the apostles all over scripture, Moses and the burning bush.
00:14:05
Speaker
um And so there's lots of ways that God speaks, but there's, this is kind of like a, like a shortcut or like a kind of meta process of how God speaks. So anyway, let's pause a little bit.
00:14:23
Speaker
Let's repeat those four things. You are safe, you are loved, yes you are called incapable, and you are responsible. That's right.
00:14:34
Speaker
All right, great. Just reiterating those for our listeners. All right. That's our podcast. Thank you very much. I need to journal about that and pray a rosary about it. Goodness. You might have stumbled on here like another little way. I mean, i i can't wait to go crack open ah scripture and and see this ah this template on all sorts of prophet calls.
00:14:56
Speaker
who That's incredible. ah It is. And if you think about your own vocation journey, you know, like whether you're a priest, whether you are a mom or a dad or whatever God has set you on this earth for, you'll notice that the way you receive that message from God was the same. Like God never made you. He didn't say like, Father Jacob, if you don't become a priest for me, you know, i will set the world on fire and not the type of fire that, you know, St. Catherine Lotea talks about.
00:15:25
Speaker
um But it was very, I'm sure you felt overwhelming peace and an expansion of your heart. And like, this is the route, right? And you could have said no, but you chose to say yes. You're my beloved son.
00:15:38
Speaker
yes a big part of my, actually, I was going to bring that up. I'm glad you did. The big part of my seminary call, my the reason I joined seminary was because the Lord spoke to me in St. Stephen, the Witness Student Center and said, i want you to try seminary.
00:15:53
Speaker
He didn't say, go be a priest. He said, I want you to try a seminary. Yeah. And he knew he could get me with that. If he said, go be a priest, would be a no deal. but And I love how you, in your story, I think, Louisa, you said the Lord was whispering something to you. What about adoption? Like, I love it how it's it's a gentle suggestion. It's not always a command. It's an invitation. It's a romantic calling, you know? That's that's awesome.
00:16:21
Speaker
Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, we feel like we discovered these messages through parenting and through connected families who've done this in parenting, but then it started to go everywhere else
Seminary Discernment
00:16:32
Speaker
in our life. like it's It's transformed our marriage. hey you know How we talk to each other and how we approach each other and how we correct each other or don't correct each other.
00:16:43
Speaker
ah It's transformed how I look at ministry or parish relationships. Yeah, it's it's how we... read it to our own parents and friends and family. Yeah.
00:16:58
Speaker
And one final ah before we move on, one final thing you also said, Jared, is that you discerned out of seminary. And i just want to highlight that, that um if if a man is dating and he breaks up with his girlfriend, he's not quitting.
00:17:12
Speaker
um but We trust and hope and believe that that is ah a discernment and a decision process. So ah just for the sake of our listeners, too, when a man leaves seminary, it's not always that he's quitting or getting
Practical Parenting Methods
00:17:24
Speaker
kicked out. It's that he has discerned fully. And that's obviously from your language and your confidence in your vocation. Now that's what you, you did. So it's, it's, it's a discernment and it's a journey. So I appreciate that. Yeah. It was a very difficult time. But I've seen God's, God's hand and fruit through all of it. So,
00:17:47
Speaker
So for our parents that are listening out there, could you, so those are four beautiful ideas and they sound great, but could you give a couple of practical examples, maybe like how that applies, and not just how it applies to parenting, but just like practical tools drawing from those four foundational ideas, maybe some some things that's been helpful for you as a parent of like how you've concretely lived that out in your parenting.
00:18:15
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. So one thing that comes to mind is bedtime. Bedtime is a very perennial struggle for parents. And we've definitely had a lot of struggles with that ourself. I can say now bedtime is one of my favorite things as a dad. And and other I'll get to that.
00:18:38
Speaker
So often we get so frustrated with our kids when we're like, all right, it's time for bed. Get ready. and Take your shower, spend on your clothes, whatever it is. And and what do they do?
00:18:48
Speaker
Not that. Not that. Not that, right? And that's where it starts. Like, okay, all right, where am I at? What's going on in me when that happens?
00:18:59
Speaker
okay Because chances are, I'm not very safe right now. If I'm feeling frustrated, if I'm having these negative beliefs, feelings about them, or maybe about myself, I'm not in a safe place. right So how can i in the moment and also out of the moment, process that and say, okay, all right, God, help me. Call on the Holy Spirit a little bit.
00:19:34
Speaker
hear the Lord say, hey, you're safe with me. It's going to be OK. All right. And then I can step into that moment, hopefully with a little bit more peace. yeah is one of the One of the really cool turns of phrase we have you know is that Jesus says to the apostles at the Last Supper, my peace I give to you.
00:19:53
Speaker
right And so what when we as parents can hear that, From Jesus. He gives us his peace. His peace is not like everything is good. His peace is like you have peace in ah in the struggle.
00:20:11
Speaker
When I can receive that from Jesus, I can give that to my kids. right so So can I say to myself, can can I say to my kids, my peace I give to you?
Balancing Playfulness and Responsibility
00:20:20
Speaker
If I don't have peace, I can't give it. So how can i cultivate you know with God, from him, it's all from him, that sense of peace? How can I receive peace more and more so that I can walk into this bedtime situation with peace? right Okay, and then that's safety. So I walk in with some more patience, more gentleness.
00:20:45
Speaker
Next step, you are loved. Okay, how do i communicate love to my kids? Well, one of those side you want to jump in go ahead yeah one of the fastest ways for your kids to learn that they're loved is play.
00:20:59
Speaker
They love playing, right? So if there's any way to insert that playfulness there, um that will help. really help any parent a whole lot.
00:21:10
Speaker
And one of the things is that play comes out of this piece out of this lightheartedness, because nobody can play when they're in anger mode, right? You cannot be lighthearted if you're feeling frustrated. And so out of that piece comes playfulness. And then the playfulness is like, okay, so who's going to get in the shower first? Can daddy run faster than you to get and then get thinking this on? Who's going to brush your teeth faster, you know, and like, how can you involve playing that and ah i hear a tiger coming yeah watch out kids yeah a house is a zoo at that time like oh no they're running and all these things so they're delighted in right like that's huge it's like i love you no matter what and it's like then the one is like hiding under the blankets and how can you get them out of the blanket and a playful way like oh
00:21:55
Speaker
no, the tiger is going to get you and I'm going to tickle you and all the things. Right. So then the next one is you're called incapable. And so instead of like as parents, we tend to tell the kids exactly what we want them to do and expect immediate obedience. Like you need to brush your teeth. You need to put your PJs on. You need to, um you know, do this and that and that. But what if instead we ask questions?
00:22:16
Speaker
Hey, what do we usually do at this time of night? Hey, what what is it that comes after bath time? Oh, yeah. Hey, do we put this or do we put that on? And so then their brain is like, oh, problem solving, right? We're calling out their capability. And then we're like, yeah, that's awesome. You're a rock star, son. You're a rock star. And so again, you're like lavish. We label all those really good things about them. They're they're good qualities and and they're good character traits.
00:22:43
Speaker
You are so... um You're such a go-getter, right? Or you're so responsible. We label these things that they believe
Catholic Perspective in Parenting
00:22:51
Speaker
more and more. And and you can see. You can see their their posture change when you do that. And then in the you're responsible, it's like there's usually for us a goal at bedtime. So the goal in our household is they get to read stories with Jared. That's why it's my favorite. I want to read stories with Jared.
00:23:09
Speaker
What's that? I want to read stories with Jared. That sounds funny. Actually, you do. Because it's...
00:23:16
Speaker
Because we read Father Kevin's most amazing and creative literature at bedtime. thank you. The kids love it. Whether it's Nibback and Nibble and Oakdum and Mabelopheles, or whether it's the Children of the Kingdom, and their adventures up in heaven and on earth is amazing. And sometimes it makes sense of Shakespeare, some King Arthur and the the sword and the stone or, or the Bible, of course, all over the place. walt Yeah.
00:23:43
Speaker
I'm honored that my, my children's stories have written our place next to Shakespeare. so you our household They might be above Shakespeare. Yeah. so what's wonderful about that is like, okay, so we start bedtime, there's this playfulness, and then there's this goal that the kids have to be in bed by seven so that daddy can have enough time to read for 30 or 45 minutes, right? The faster we go, the more time we have. And then if they are responsible, right? And so then at the end, if they don't make that deadline per se, was like, shoot, kiddos, we only get 15 minutes today. And so then they feel the weight of their choices, right? Like, ah, no, we lost three books or three chapters or three stories because I was, you know, doing whatever thing else. Right. And so when that happens, it's not like we told you so, and this is why you're thinking like, it's all right. Like,
00:24:35
Speaker
We're going to get a new chance tomorrow to practice this skill. And we believe in you. And so then that feels so much lighter, right? Instead of like this really heartbreaking punishment that we've all received at some point in our lives. Right.
00:24:49
Speaker
And so that's, That's how it works. That's how bedtime works. And by the time, honestly, one of the hardest things about bedtime for anybody that has children is that our goals from adults to children are very different. The goal for a parent is to put their kids to sleep so they can have independence and be like, I'm done for the day. i get to sit down in my couch, drink my tea, read my book. But for kids, that's the moment when they're most afraid because they're like, the lights are going to go out.
00:25:19
Speaker
My dad is going to leave me. My mom is going to leave me. I'm going to be by myself in this room when I've been with everybody else all day long. Right. So they seek connection and we seek a break. So how do we mix those things so that they come together in this sweet symphony, right, of connection? And by the time they fall asleep, they're like,
00:25:41
Speaker
I'm well, I'm good in my father's hands and I'm good in my dad's hands and I'm good in my mom's hands. And tomorrow's going to be a brand new day and we're going to repeat all this again. So hopefully that's helpful for our listeners. That is beautiful. yeah i like I like how you said that you affirmed their victories. One, the I don't know what it's called. i always assert this when I'm talking to parents or children is um we will let's say,
00:26:09
Speaker
When do you use their middle name? It's always seems to be when they're in trouble. Anthony Dominic, get upstairs. Like, what if we said the middle name, Anthony Dominic, I'm so proud of you. Like, what if we use middle name when they did something good instead? So it's not associated with ah shame and punishment. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I just thought. Yeah. yeah yeah Yeah, we we'd say, Connected Family says, focus is fertilizer. So what we focus on and the words we pour out, that's what grows.
00:26:39
Speaker
Yeah. How much time are we spending fertilizing those negative things or labeling those things where we can really focus the positive and and grow that?
Offerings of Built on Rock Ministries
00:26:49
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:26:51
Speaker
Thank you. That's beautiful and very practical. Thank you for sharing. so It just makes sure you sign up for Father Kevin's stories. That's the... oh Yeah, you can get a taste of those on my ah YouTube channel. He's recorded them and started it. So, yeah. so um It sounds like there is... Well, I like how...
00:27:12
Speaker
whether it's seminary or parenting, you can learn every book and every class and pass with all A's, 4.0, you're still not prepared. You are not ready because it's not, this isn't a science or ah or ah a job. this is This is a vocation, you know, parent and priesthood. And um so you can learn lots of things.
00:27:34
Speaker
um And is is it just more like making your toolbox more diverse? Is that kind of what your your goal is? Because you really can't, as you you received advice that was completely opposite, is that really kind of the goal is just making a more diverse toolbox?
00:27:49
Speaker
Yeah, so tools are are wonderful and great. um Parenting as well as priesthood, as well as most of what we're trying to do as Christians, right, is a work of the spirit, right? Jesus says, i am the vine and you are the branches.
00:28:04
Speaker
Without me, you can do nothing. nothing Nothing. Right? Nothing. The Christian life is not a life of acquiring virtue and and building ourselves up.
00:28:15
Speaker
It's a life of emptying ourselves out and Christ living in us. His virtue is infused in us. And so the heart of parenting, because we're baptized Christians, because we're living the life of Christ in us, the heart of parenting isn't self-improvement.
00:28:36
Speaker
It's not education. The heart of parenting is, you guys have the theological words for this, right? Self, like, like, gnosis, right? Like, like abandonment.
00:28:50
Speaker
um Jesus living, Christ lives in us, right? So that's, that's what our ministry is all about is helping parents through those four messages to receive Christ really deeply and powerfully into themselves a through those ways, you know, and yes, um definitely through the sacraments, right? Definitely through the word, all that. And especially like even the sacraments, like how does God say you are safe with me in the sacraments? You are loved no matter what.
00:29:22
Speaker
So anyway, that's the heart of it. um Yes, strategy is great. and We do work on that. But the heart is Christ in us. Mm-hmm. ah Along those the theological lines, um and you started touching on this just now, but if you would speak a little more, I know you kind of said there's not a lot of disconnected ministries was a Christian ministry, but not specifically Catholic. And that's kind of ah a space you're kind of kind of stepping into, is particularly being from fully from your Catholic faith, specifically offering this parenting. because So could you just say a little more about the—
00:30:00
Speaker
how they particularly Catholic peace kind of fits into all of this. i mean, obviously this all fits very much in the Christian message, but like just connect some of those dots for us.
00:30:13
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah. First of all, we love connected families. We love our friends there. They are such good friends and mentors to us. And we have nothing bad to say about them.
00:30:25
Speaker
There's nothing heretical or anything going on there. It's it's really solid theologically. And yet we know that many Catholics feel a little discomfort learning from people outside the Catholic church and wondering if this is fully Catholic.
00:30:46
Speaker
and And we also know that there are there is more depth and beauty that can be brought into this. Right. So we're doing both of those things. One, we're saying, Hey, we're a fully Catholic voice sharing this message from Catholics to Catholics within the church.
00:31:02
Speaker
And two, we're bringing in more of the depth. We, we have different coaching groups. And one of the groups that we've been going with for a few months called legacy makers We've been breaking open Jacques Philippe's book, Searching for and Maintaining Interior Peace.
00:31:20
Speaker
And many listeners might already know that book. It's very, very popular. Yes. Can I just say, I'm so glad you mentioned that because earlier you were talking about, oh, receiving Christ's peace, you know, like I need ah my peace I give you. And I was literally, and I didn't want to interrupt you because you were going great, but I was literally thinking of that book, Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Father Jacques Philippe, which is precisely, i mean, that's his premise is,
00:31:43
Speaker
Um, we have to bring Christ's peace in the situations. And if we don't have Christ's peace, we're just bringing our own chaos. Just like you said, with parenting, like my own negative torment, you know, uh,
00:31:54
Speaker
kind of stuff inside and just bringing that and it just makes the situation more chaotic. But if we have this piece, so I was literally thinking of that thesis and I was going to bring it up. So anyways, just want to say we'rere were and we're tracking here. Yes. And that's that's because we've been reading that with other parents and breaking it open together. And and we're growing through that.
00:32:12
Speaker
Really, I mean, Again, Connected Families has this message solidly in the Bible, um but they don't know about the spiritual theology of the church. They don't know about the doctors and the mystics. And there's so, so much there that just...
00:32:31
Speaker
Oh, it just enriches the message so much. and And we're excited to keep diving into and integrating all that together for us and for for those that are walking with us. And when we're talking about saints, one of the things that I love about getting to serve parents is when you become a parent, and maybe you listeners can ah attest to this, but everybody wants to see your children, which is all good and beautiful. But sometimes it's like, I want to be seen as a mom too. Or I want to be seen as a dad too,
Concluding Insights on Parenting
00:33:02
Speaker
you know? And so I'm like, oh my gosh, I get the opportunity to lavish these parents with a lot of love. And so when I'm reading saints and I'm like, find these beautiful quotes or something, I'm like, I'm going make it into a postcard and I'm going to send it in the mail. And it's going to be like cheering your motherhood on for you, right? So like precisely for moms and dads and to build them up and all from the Catholic perspective. So like the saints or like parts of mass or like really solid Catholic books that speak all these messages so that us parents in this world can receive again those messages, right? So it's like the fullness of our faith, um speaking it to each other.
00:33:44
Speaker
um what is the, if... If a parent were to come on board and be a client, like be trained by you what are they? Clients? And you're the moderate mentors? I'm not sure what the proper terminology is. What does it look like? Like classes, like online coaching or or video series? Or can you describe a little bit about what that looks like?
00:34:05
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. First of all, we we're building out different levels of support. um The first very easy one is just to go to builtonrock.org and then download our starter kit. We have a bunch of different free resources there, like Mass with Kids. We have a whole bunch of, that's my favorite one because there's so many truth phrases in there that that really ah reinforce us and encourage us as we as we do this. um Other ones about consequences or about what to do when your child says no. Yeah. We have bunch of of ah free kind of giveaways there just to give you a taste and and ah a boost.
00:34:44
Speaker
But yeah, the the majority of our work um is coaching. So whether it's one-on-one coaching or group coaching, we found the best time for parents is about 8.30 at night, right after bedtime.
00:34:58
Speaker
um Sometimes one of the parents has to lag a little bit, even between us. But yeah, we just log into Zoom. We spend an hour, hour and a half together as a group and and break open different sessions, different lessons from connected families, working through Jacques Philippe, different courses Zoom.
00:35:24
Speaker
anger or on peace process, which is for sibling conflict or marriage conflict. It works for that too. There are a lot of different things that we do with that. And if you want to find out more about that, it would be on builtonrockpairingcoaching.org.
00:35:41
Speaker
So for the free content builtonrock.org. And for all the things that we offer is builtonrockparentcoaching.org. Either way, because if you download that starter kit, you'll get our welcome email and that'll shoot you around to all the things we have to offer. We'll put that in the description of this episode.
00:35:58
Speaker
Great. Wonderful. Thank you. Beautiful. We also do workshops. We travel around to different parishes. um So yeah, if if you're interested in that, it's also on our website.
00:36:14
Speaker
We offer things in Spanish and we offer things in English. and We just did a free online parenting masterclass. We'll probably bring it back again in May. That was an hour and a half right at that perfect sweet spot. And we did a really deep dive into these these messages. And we had we were overwhelmed. We had over 700 people register.
00:36:37
Speaker
Wow. Yeah. Yeah. We had 190 up live and then 360 total with the the replays. It was God's all over it. So we're really, really astounded by that.
00:36:50
Speaker
really humble yeah But we'll we'll be opening up another coaching group probably in May again. We're just starting one here with Lent rolling around. So we'll have a Lent in coaching group. yeah That's beautiful.
00:37:04
Speaker
So if you could leave one sort of ah kind of final nugget of wisdom for our listeners or for our parents, ah what what might might you say to them?
00:37:17
Speaker
I will say...
00:37:21
Speaker
The best piece of wisdom that I can share with you is lean into the Holy Spirit. Just lean into him. In your messiest moments, in your hardest moments when you feel like you've got nothing,
00:37:37
Speaker
lean into him, but also in your most joyful moments, lean into him. And it it looks something like, come Holy Spirit, help me see my children with your eyes. Come Holy Spirit, help me know how to handle this mess. Come Holy Spirit.
00:37:53
Speaker
All my plans just went out the door because my transitions just fell apart. Come Holy Spirit. And I have not been disappointed by this.
00:38:06
Speaker
I have not been disappointed. If you're talking about tools, quote unquote, that's my greatest quote unquote tool, you know, like the Holy Spirit is not a tool, but the practical thing you can do is call on the Holy Spirit. He will never disappoint you.
00:38:22
Speaker
Mine would be similar to that is in those really, really hard moments. What is God saying? What is the Holy Spirit saying? And often I process that afterwards in a journaling. adoration, prayer.
00:38:34
Speaker
But Father, what are you really saying to me? Because I have these messages in my head that are maybe pretty toxic, right? What are you really saying to me about me or about my children?
00:38:46
Speaker
ah what is What's really the truth? and And when I can write that down, what God is actually saying to me, then I can hear it and I can receive it. And it's his word.
00:38:59
Speaker
It's his word that changes us. Mm-hmm. Amen. Allowing his true voice to speak through those toxic voices. Yeah.
Closing and Gratitude
00:39:08
Speaker
Yes. That's beautiful. Yeah. That's a lot of that. that's That's incredible. I mean, I can think of all all sorts of ways this can apply to um a parish or a ministry situation, even in the office. You know, i'm um I want to communicate that you person in standing in front of me are loved and safe.
00:39:30
Speaker
And are called. Oh, I also like the responsible part because when I hear the word responsible and responsibility, I think, oh oh, that's an opportunity for me, an anxious person to fail. Great. But I like how you you said that Mary's response, and I'm going to look at the etymology of that as well, that.
00:39:48
Speaker
Oh, it's not that you're responsible that you you have a a duty or or a big task. It's that I'm going to leave it up to you. You know, is that is that? Yeah. pretty it what Wow.
00:40:02
Speaker
And God does that. He doesn't micromanage us. Mm hmm.
00:40:10
Speaker
Amen. Oh, this is tasty. Jarrett and Louisa, thank you so much for being on here, being on our podcast, The Dubuque History Revival. And and again, that's those four things, you are ah safe, you are loved, you are called and capable, and you are responsible.
00:40:32
Speaker
And to learn more about how to incorporate this into your parenting life, you can visit BuiltOnRock.com. master built thatro dot org Check the description. It'll be in there. open on rock dot or yep There you go. Amen. Thank you so much. Thank you very much.
00:40:49
Speaker
And to all our listeners, happy parenting. And I will see you in the Eucharist. Amen. Thank you.