Transcript
Speaker: Our culture tells us to follow your bliss, but what happens when the bliss runs out? In this episode, we look at the happiness trap, the belief that calling is all about feeling good. We'll explore how deeper purpose and joy are found not just in what fills you up, but in what forms you.
Speaker: Hello, welcome back to Be Make Do, a Soulmakers podcast, where we explore what it takes to live out your call in the arts with spiritual wholeness and creative freedom. I'm your host, Lisa Smith, here with my producer, Dan ABH.
Speaker: Hello, everyone. And we are here to encourage you to become who you were created to be, make what you were created to make, and do what you were created to do. Now this season on the podcast, we are exploring what we call the vocation traps, sneaky mindset detours that can derail you from your sense of purpose.
Speaker: We are calling them things like the security trap, the happiness trap, the hero trap, and the chosen trap. And today we're exploring the roller coaster from hell I like to call the happiness trap.
Speaker: and how our pursuit of the perfectly curated life might actually be keeping us from living the meaningful life that God has for us. So today we're talking to all of us who worry about not being enough and spend too much time and energy trying to craft the ideal career and project the perfect life.
Speaker: Buckle up. Let's do it.
Speaker: You know, one of the coolest things about the Vocation Trap Tracker Tool is that in addition to these statements or questions that indicate that maybe we're stuck in a trap, it has some great ideas for pausing and reflecting.
Speaker: Because who needs just another trap, right? Who needs to know just another place where we're getting stuck? What we really need is to figure out how to get unstuck. And in this series, we're really exploring how to make a mindset shift so that we can bust through the traps and find our way to freedom.
Speaker: And sometimes it's just becoming aware and allowing ourselves to reflect and think in a different way. So be sure to check out the vocation trap tracker and download it on our website at soulmakers.org slash be make do or find the link in the show notes.
Speaker: Okay, so let's talk about the happiness trap. This is mistaking personal happiness for purpose. So we are starting each of these podcast episodes with a question. We're sort of naming the trap with a question.
Speaker: And in the happiness trap, our primary concern is, what do I want for my life? Or what am I called to do for me? The for me is kind of in in parentheses there, understood.
Speaker: Now this trap, the happiness trap is such a good one because almost all of us are on this roller coaster at some point in our lives. We hear it all the time in our culture. in this time, we have more choices and more options than ever to make ourselves happy and craft the perfect, meaningful life.
Speaker: And yet, somehow, we are more depressed, more anxious, more lonely than ever. And the quest for happiness is definitely a roller coaster from hell.
Speaker: And even though no one can escape the stomach-dropping terror with each inevitable fall, it still seems difficult to let go of that idea that someday I'm going to climb to the top and I'm going to stay there.
Speaker: But in the happiness trap, we're mistaking the quest for personal happiness with genuine purpose. So how can you tell if you're in the happiness trap?
Speaker: All right, so each of these vocation traps gets you stuck because of where it asks you to gaze. Like with the security trap, it's keeping one eye on the audience while you're doing your thing, which and is very uncomfortable and hard to hard to do.
Speaker: And in the happiness trap, it's it's asking you to look in the mirror. These traps are like siren songs that just mesmerize you with fear and worry disguised as promises. And in this happiness trap, you are invited to just constantly check in with yourself and ask, what will make me happy?
Speaker: It's all about me. So let's ask some questions to evaluate, see if this is a trap for you. Do you ever find yourself getting sucked in by these questions? How do I live my best life?
Speaker: I see that one on social media all the time. Like this is marketing 101, right? Yeah. Or how about how do I get what I want out of life?
Speaker: Or even how do I live life to the fullest? Okay, so maybe some of those questions feel too obvious, but this me focus can also take some really subtle forms.
Speaker: So let me try this. What about what does God want for my life? Or am I on track with God's plan for me? am I living inside God's will for me?
Speaker: Because it's that implied for me, that's the problem. So these questions might actually even seem good, but you have to ask yourself, what are you measuring?
Speaker: What's the criteria here when you're focused or distracted by the me and the my life instead of keeping an eye on the bigger story that we've been talking about and jumping in to improvise in it?
Speaker: That's the great thing about improvisation. You have to take the focus off yourself. If you're observing yourself, trying to make yourself look good, things don't work so well on stage. it's It's exactly the opposite. Things start to click and flow when each of the performers is tuned into the others and is working on making the other people look good by setting them up with great ideas and opportunities.
Speaker: And there's this freedom that comes from not needing to protect yourself or worry about what you look like and just trusting the environment of the story to just carry you along.
Speaker: And that's why the happiness trap gets you stuck because it asks you to take your eyes off of trusting God and literally look out for yourself. And the moment that you do that, all play just stops.
Speaker: It's an ironic loss of freedom, really. I don't want to be the person to say, I don't really fall into this trap, but I don't fall into this trap very often. Like, yeah I just don't.
Speaker: I fall into some other traps pretty hard. But I really love the improv example that you gave and you being an actress. Could you tell us a story or a time that you have observed working with other creatives where it was all about self-focus on stage and like, how did that like set back the flow or that freedom that you're talking about?
Speaker: Yeah, totally. and And I would agree with you that this is probably not a trap that you are as as susceptible to. And i would say that I probably would think that I'm not as susceptible to this, except that I am.
Speaker: Because of that, like, constantly checking myself out, like, am i looking the way that I want to look? am i not Not necessarily, like, appearance-wise, but like, am I presenting myself? Am i you know, living out the life that I, you know, envisioned for myself, that kind of thing?
Speaker: And it is a real it's like a real problem that actually even does actually play out on stage as an actress. Like when I was in acting school and we had classes, whether it was improv or something about being present and trying to do scene work or something else um where you kind of had to be focused on the rhythm of things.
Speaker: I sucked at those. It was terrible because i would be so fixated on, am I getting it right? am I doing the right thing? am i looking like i'm I'm looking at myself the whole time and the whole exercise was to not look at yourself and be present with other people.
Speaker: and so I couldn't be present because I'm so preoccupied on my inability to be present. you know It's just like this loop. and so like Doing improv and feeling like, oh, I have to be funny.
Speaker: Oh, no, I can't think of anything to say. Or I have to be smart. I can't think of anything to say. I need to think of a good line. What are you know what are they going to think if I say, blah, blah, blah. All those thoughts take you out of the moment. The interesting thing is, so I thought, okay, I suck at improv. I can't do this.
Speaker: I hate it. Years later, i was in a place where I was teaching theater to young people and I taught improv because I thought, i started to find out how great improv is for so many things. I teach it in churches. I do i use it for all kinds of stuff.
Speaker: And so I started teaching people improv and in that space, it was totally easy. I was having fun. i wasn't thinking about myself at all because i was focused on communicating something to the students and helping them gain confidence.
Speaker: So I wasn't thinking about myself. So all of a sudden, because I didn't care whether I look stupid or you know I was actually trying to look as stupid as i you know I could, I just was trying to do anything I could to help the other people be engaged and play with me.
Speaker: All of a sudden, I was amazing at improv. So it's really wild how that like focusing on yourself and trying to control, you know, how you look or or what the experience is going to be like actually robs you of the experience.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Again, i that's such a good example. Yeah. Not that I'm going to go up and do improv by myself right now because I can slip right back into it. But it's something I have to remind myself of all the time. Like if I'm focused on enjoying the experience and being present with other people and playing and inviting other people into to real relationship and play with me, then i can be present.
Speaker: But as soon as I'm worried about where's this going, what are they going to expect of me, what do I, you know, how am I going to do whatever, then I get in my head. You know, i took an improv class a long time ago. Oh, yeah, you did. i did. it was it was It was at your church. I wasn't even a member of the church yet. And I yeah took an improv class and I positively hated it.
Speaker: Yeah. I hated it. It was scary. And I think like back then i maybe was susceptible to that trap because i I definitely was like, how do I be funny? Because I'm usually funny. So let me be funny. And I was not funny. But also like how uncomfortable, i thought it taught me a lot about the things that I was scared of, like to focus on. Like one of the things that I was scared to do was accents.
Speaker: Like I could not do an accent at all. And I hate it making like animal noises or anything that like wasn't me because it took me so out of my comfort zone. Right. Yeah.
Speaker: ah This has to do with building this persona of how we want to be seen and who we want to be seen as in the world, which is why this is a trap. This isn't about actually being happy.
Speaker: You're not stuck because you're so deliriously happy. That's not the happiness trap. The happiness trap is that we start building these frameworks because we tell ourselves, if we look this way, if our lives are are arranged in this way, if we have these things, if we do these things,
Speaker: then we will be happy. This is what happiness means. And so we're we're pursuing these external things, and ironically looking in the mirror at the same time. Okay, so just to clarify, it isn't that me doesn't matter.
Speaker: When we're asking, what is it that God wants for my life? I'm not saying there shouldn't be a my in that equation. Of course there is, but it's about where the focus is. Okay.
Speaker: The trap, the danger here is that we're when we're deluded into thinking that happiness and fulfillment and purpose come from focusing too much on our desires and forget that our personal story really only experiences its full relevance, its full meaning and purpose within the context of this much bigger God story.
Speaker: And when we get stuck in that trap, it can lead to real unproductive setbacks and mistakes caused by self-interest and self-absorption and self-doubt and self-righteousness.
Speaker: And I mean, we can see all kinds of examples of this in the arts and entertainment industry. People who get too famous too fast or start to get opportunities and just start grasping, grasping, grasping for the next thing, trying to feel that sense of fulfillment from building, building, building this idea of of the successful life.
Speaker: But I think this is something that creatives on all levels of the scale have to come to terms with. Like, I know, i know that we have all had that experience where you feel just amazing and great when people come to see your show and they say good things and they clap or they come and they have comments about how it affects their life and then you just feel so amazing.
Speaker: And then feel like a complete failure when there's only three people in the audience. Same show, same performance, same level of effort, same intention, just the response on that given night is different.
Speaker: Or maybe like you can feel like God is totally blessing you and you are just on the right track You are following your call. You are in the zone when all the pieces are falling into place and you feel like you are just right in the center of everything your life was meant to be about.
Speaker: And then the next week or even the next day, you just want to stay in bed and rethink everything because some plans fall through or somebody disappoints you or you just aren't feeling it anymore.
Speaker: But the problem is if we allow these feelings to guide our decisions and actions, then we can make some really bad choices because we start chasing alleviating the pain or discomfort of this moment, which can keep us from persevering when we really need to like giving up right when we should have pushed through.
Speaker: And just like focusing too much on what feels good or what we think will make us happy in the moment can lead us into those periods of selfishness or laziness that's going to create barriers to ultimately fulfilling our calling.
Speaker: So again, we we get stuck in the happiness trap when we're distracted from right focus. And that distraction, this is why it's important. This is why we're talking about it because this distraction can lead to years of setback and pain.
Speaker: And we're on that up and down ride, just chasing self-interest and ultimately plummeting into self-doubt and self-loathing. It's just a bad place to be.
Speaker: Yeah, that reminds me of this one time that I joined this band. And I did it because exactly what you were saying. I thought it would make me happy. Everybody wanted me to be in the band. Everybody was really stoked about it.
Speaker: And I also did it because I was like, oh, it's kind of not... I would say low hanging fruit, like it was kind of basic and, you know, it would also kind of, you know, just like maybe help me practice a little bit or try different instruments or whatever, whatever the reason was.
Speaker: But I do remember like being in that band, And basically realizing that it wasn't helping me like refine my skill and then becoming resentful for being in the band.
Speaker: And that decision basically out of happiness completely backfired on me, which really led to turmoil within the members of the band and myself. So what I thought was making me happy and others happy, which the whole decision to join this band um without looking, really looking at like what what would be the best thing for my creative endeavor.
Speaker: I did it because of myself and I did it because of other people. yeah And that basically had the exact opposite effect ah because I was basically in this trap that we're talking about. yeah And um yeah, it was pretty it was pretty brutal.
Speaker: Yeah. You know, to to climb back out of that. Yeah. That's so hard when you feel like you see opportunity. And I've been in this too, where you see opportunities. Like if I do that, that would be I don't know, like that would look really good or that might lead to this great opportunity or it just somehow it looks good on paper.
Speaker: Like it looks like the next thing in the resume somehow. And yet it isn't really the thing. You're only doing it for that reason yeah that, yeah, then you get yourself into that situation where you're like, oh, I cannot sustain this.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. And it definitely creates burnout super fast. The happiness trap will put you in the burnout section pretty fast. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: Because it's it's one of those things where like the security trap is sort of like, well I'm helping others. I'm doing others. So you're kind of staying it. you know You're just doing it. And you're sort of, well, I don't really like doing this, but at least it's helping this person. But the happiness trap is sort of like,
Speaker: oh man, this sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did I do this to myself? Hey, Lisa. Yeah. Can i ask you a question?
Speaker: Absolutely. It's for a friend. It's for a friend. As an artist or creative in the daily practices and decision making, how does one emulate faithfulness in the little things, even when things don't go right or you don't immediately see it or see the fun in it or the benefit?
Speaker: Yeah, well, this is, again, going back to some of the principles that we explore with soulmakers in, first of all, those spiritual disciplines and staying focused in the habits and the rhythms that keep us connected to and abiding in God and and discernment, building that wisdom and knowledge and understanding.
Speaker: asking for those things, and so keeping ourselves rooted and grounded, our identity rooted and grounded in Christ. And then the other piece is also being faithful to make what we were created to make, which is paying attention to developing proficiency in our craft, doing that daily, showing up to the page, showing up to the practice room, showing up to do the things that that we need to do with joy and faithfulness and trusting that that is taking us somewhere, but also in our relationships and in the, you know, whatever is in front of us. So not getting distracted by the circumstances that, you know, one day I'll be able to do X because I'll have this much money or I'll be living in this location or I'll have these people to help me.
Speaker: um Not that striving to get somewhere else, but to say, okay, today, Where I am, wherever I show up, how do I show up in a way that reflects the goodness and the glory of God?
Speaker: How do I love what I'm creating and doing and find joy in this act of just practicing or of sharing it with one other person? i think that those are some of the ways to to kind of think about that faithfulness, like where you can be faithful and how do you be faithful in every single act that you do?
Speaker: yeah And for me, I think of like patience with with all of that, you know, the approach and the daily practices and all that, you know, because you don't see the immediate benefit. And I i i think, again, it's for my friend.
Speaker: i think they need ah to understand patience a little bit more too. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, i find that in the times when things are most difficult and I i start to feel this like, oh my gosh, where is my, like, I am not on track. This is not where I thought I was going. This is not what it doesn't feel right and I want out.
Speaker: the more i focus on me how i feel what i thought i wanted what i did want what went wrong what do i need to the more i start to spiral right but if i can shift my focus to who is god and and just naming the attributes of god or going to the psalms and reading and and thinking about and looking at the bible god's faithfulness where he's answered he's he's fulfilled his promises or even where he's been faithful to me to remember that that's the truth.
Speaker: And so then in this moment right now, i need to get my focus off of those things and say, okay, well, what I need to do right now, what I can do right now is go turn on the computer.
Speaker: and do the assignment that I had for myself. Like I can write that paragraph that I said I was going to write and I can, instead of getting lost in the, this book will never get written and nobody's ever going to read it and I'm not going to, you know, I'm not the amazing whatever I think that I am.
Speaker: ah just need to write, focus on writing the paragraph. You know, it's that practical being faithful to the daily task. Yeah. and Developing that patience, like you said. and So as as we've kind of been alluding to, what's really underneath all of this is fear, just like all the other traps.
Speaker: it's So it's really important to get underneath and find out what is behind it so we can make a mindset shift, like I was just saying, and get off that roller coaster. Because we've got this just whole heap of crippling fears preventing us from activating our full potential and living out God's will in the world.
Speaker: I think of the happiness trap in the back of our minds, what we're really afraid of is that we're going to get it wrong. And it might be life. you know We're going to get life wrong and we're going to miss out. We're not going to have that perfect, that life script that we thought we had. It's not going to turn out the way we hoped.
Speaker: Somehow that we're going to find confirmation that we're not good enough. Like we're going to get that life report card that was like, you blew it. Mm-hmm. And we're going to get confirmation that, we yeah, we you do. You do look stupid.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, you are unattractive. Or maybe, worst of all, we're going to be revealed that we're not actually all that talented or all that special after all. Like, those are deep fears. I don't know about you.
Speaker: I don't know about any of you. But, like, those are deep fears. Those are real fears. Like, maybe I'm not all that special after all. So when we're thinking about, I need to be special, I need to be talented, I need to be smart, then we start chasing after something that's going to tell us, yeah, you're okay.
Speaker: Yeah, you measure up. And we start crafting these images and these opportunities that support a narrative that we think we needs to be true in order for our lives to have value.
Speaker: But that whole script is the problem. Right. Right. But the truth is our abilities and our talents and our gifts and our opportunities actually shrink when they're inwardly focused and they grow when they're outwardly focused.
Speaker: We're not concerned about being special, but concerned about playing and improvising and being a part of the bigger story. Yes, but how do you overcome that crippling fear and trust that the principle of our gifts will grow when we are in that outward focus? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: So that that's the crux of it. And it it is, again, once again, a mindset shift. There's a quote from a piece called Trading Self-Worth for Awe that that I really love.
Speaker: And she says, our primary problem is not that we lack self-worth, it's that we lack awe.
Speaker: So all of these fears and stuff like that, when we start exploring all those fears that we just kind of went over, we think, oh, we just we need ah we need to build our self-esteem. We need to build our sense of self. We need to um have a ah greater confidence in ourself. But that that is not actually the problem.
Speaker: It's not that our self-worth is lacking. It's that we lack awe. Because the invitation of God isn't to understand yourself better, although self-understanding is good and important, but really the invitation is to see God more clearly.
Speaker: Because when we truly see God, the beauty, the goodness, the mercy, the majesty, the generosity, the faithfulness of God, it's through that lens that everything else comes into perspective.
Speaker: when we're really able to focus on and be in awe of who God really is, we can let go of all of those needs. We can find our identity and our true worth within God.
Speaker: There's this incredible poem. It's one of my favorites, and I probably used it like six times already in the podcast, but Mary Oliver's poem, Instructions for Living a Life. It's pay attention, be astonished, and tell about it.
Speaker: And I think that's a much better map for vocation than just like Follow your heart. Follow your bliss. you know Pay attention to the world.
Speaker: Pay attention to what God is doing. Pay attention and be present. It's that improv, like be present with other people and what is. Not with your own insecurities and what you're trying to get, but just be present.
Speaker: And then let it blow your mind. Be astonished at who God is and and the the the glory and the majesty of what He's created and the silliness and wonderfulness of of other people, even as they are so frustrating and irritating sometimes, just as we are.
Speaker: But to allow ourselves to be astonished by the beauty of what God's created. And then to tell about it. So this goes in again, like be, make, and do our calling, like our telling about it through our art, our life, our relationships, our creation, what we do comes out of allowing ourselves to be shaped and transformed by the reality of who God is.
Speaker: And I come back to this again and again because there's so much freedom and joy found in this self-forgetfulness and awe mindset or way of working. I really believe that this is at the heart of what God invites artists and creatives into because what we create can so naturally invite others into this as well.
Speaker: What we are steeped in becomes what we create and what we invite others into.
Speaker: So here's the bottom line for today and the happiness trap. Personal happiness is a gift. It's a wonderful thing, and I'm not saying you should walk around being miserable all the time.
Speaker: Go, be happy, that's good. But it's not your purpose. I think this is a tough one, and I almost felt a little awkward even talking about it because happiness and the pursuit of happiness is so important to our culture and society.
Speaker: But staying stuck in that happiness trap roller coaster can keep you from activating your full potential, and that is what we are fighting against. We are called to trust God to provide for us and commit ourselves to a search for joy, which is different than happiness.
Speaker: So searching for joy beyond and outside of material and circumstantial happiness. Ultimately, again, our story only makes sense within the larger narrative of God's story.
Speaker: And that's what's so great. So many people walk around feeling like I'm not enough. And you know there's lots of different conversations about, but i you know you are enough. Tell yourself you are enough.
Speaker: I don't buy that because I'm not enough. I know any number of circumstances where I show up and I am not enough. And being able to let go of the need to be enough, like being able to say, I'm not enough and I don't have to be.
Speaker: Nobody needs me to be enough because I've got everything that I need be. when I trust that God is, because God is enough. And so that's where I'm resting and trusting.
Speaker: And the more you do that, the more you make that conscious decision, I'm not enough to face the situation, but I know you are God, so I'm gonna do it anyway. Help me, help is one of my favorite prayers.
Speaker: God help, it's a great one. And then every time he comes through, which he always does, then that builds the trust and the security for the next time. Okay, so we've explored the security trap and the happiness trap.
Speaker: Next time, we'll dig into the hero trap. We'll explore what happens when vocation becomes inflated with a sense of pressure, fix it and help them energy and find how to reclaim a grounded, joyful sense of calling.
Speaker: If what we're talking about resonates with you, share it with a friend, leave a review, subscribe or just come back next time. Thanks for listening. Before you go, if you're ready to take these concepts from listening to doing, head over to soulmakers.org backslash be make do and join the soulmakers newsletter.
Speaker: You can download our vocation trap tracker, take the artist archetype quiz and receive inspiration that we don't share anywhere else. That's soulmakers.org backslash be make do.
Speaker: All links for this episode are in our show notes.
