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Toxic Positivity
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What is "toxic positivity" and why can't people stand someone who is always trying to be positive. How does trying to be positive in the forum of education have to be a bad thing when so many people want to be around positive people. Does it involve more than validating people's feelings? Listen and follow along as you will benefit from engaging with the hosts discuss different ideas and viewpoints on all educational topics as they provide their insight and “perspective” in hopes of having a greater understanding of their profession. Join administrator Robert Hinchliffe and teacher Abigail Peterson as they examine different educational topics from various points of view. Take the challenge of looking at a topic from another side and see if your opinion may change. In the end, no matter what side you are on, it’s all about perspective. What’s yours?
In this episode:
- Do you work with someone that is exudes "toxic positivity"?
- Should "toxic positivity" even be a thing?
- Would you rather work with someone who is "toxically positive" or "toxically negative"?
- Why can't we just "what-if" the positives?
- How long should a principal or leader accept people being stuck in a rut due to their feelings?
Connect with Abbie and Robert
Instagram: www.instagram.com/ItsAllAboutPerspective2021
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Its-All-About-Perspective-102961565105781
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ItsAllAboutPer2
Abbie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kindergarten_chaos/’
Robert on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pryncypalwithay/
Robert on Twitter: https://twitter.com/RobertHCCS
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Published: Mar. 16, 2021 @ 1PM Edit
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Transcript
Content Warning: Personal Story of Loss
00:00:00
Speaker
Warning, this episode that you're about to listen to includes a personal story of a traumatic experience with the loss of a child. Listener discretion is advised.
00:00:19
Speaker
Welcome.
Introduction to 'It's All About Perspective'
00:00:20
Speaker
You are listening to It's All About Perspective with your hosts, Abigail Peterson from Kindergarten Chaos and Principal Robert Hinchliffe. Join us as we discuss education from various points of view. Take the challenge of listening to see if your opinion changes. But no matter where you stand on the issues, remember, it's all about perspective.
Coping with Daylight Savings and Fatigue
00:00:44
Speaker
Hello and welcome to It's All About Perspective.
00:00:48
Speaker
My name is Abigail Peterson from Kindergarten Chaos and my co-host. I am Robert Hinchliffe, principal of Tyron Thompson Elementary School in Las Vegas, Nevada. How is this week going, Robert? We had the time change on Sunday, and I don't know about you, but I am dragging this week. I think everybody's dragging. Before we get into our topic, I'm going to lead you down a path today.
00:01:13
Speaker
Here's a question for everybody. Does anybody find it ironic that the topic that 90% of Americans agree on is that daylight savings time is a bad thing, but yet the government can't pass that? I just find that funny. Just a random digression there. I find it funny too because I listen to another podcast.
00:01:33
Speaker
And they have been talking about it for years and they're like, why? Why can't we just be like Arizona and just keep the same time all year long instead? We got to change our clocks forward and backwards. Exactly. So anyways, I mean, this is a rough week for
Maintaining Teacher Morale
00:01:48
Speaker
teachers. You're getting up an extra hour early. We have all this going on. The hybrid model is just beating them up. They're tired. I'm tired.
00:01:58
Speaker
You worked with me for a long time. Just imagine if someone's... Just imagine this scenario. I always try to be happy. I do. I always try to have fun. There are times when I am not nice. There are times when I am not fun. 95% of the time, 96% of the time, I'm pretty happy. Pretty positive person.
00:02:20
Speaker
So I tend to do things that are funny. I made a video this week. Two teachers have a great sense of humor. They bought me a hat that says Emoka Police. Clark County teachers will know what that means. So of course, I can't just wear the Emoka Police hat. I got to make a video that basically shows me with the thermometer and stuff like that. So anyway,
00:02:44
Speaker
It's really hard this year to keep people's optimism and their positivity up. So I try to, I feel like my job this year is to just help teachers get through the year, not give them anything else. How can I help you? What can I do? And try to meet their needs.
Toxic Positivity vs. Negativity
00:03:01
Speaker
Doesn't always happen, but I had a teacher this week when I was like, I'm trying just to stay almost toxicly positive. And she was like, yeah, no, you can't do that anymore.
00:03:12
Speaker
And it kind of made me wonder, would you, Abby, rather work with someone who's toxically positive? Now I'm gonna give you the definition of toxically positive first. I looked it up, I looked it up. So as a teacher, would you rather work with someone toxically positive, which says, an overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state that results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of authentic human emotional experience.
00:03:42
Speaker
Again, a toxically positive person who apparently is just too positive for some people and doesn't validate people's feelings. Would you rather work with someone toxically positive or toxically negative? Well, I think the answer is pretty clear if you know me, that I would rather work with somebody toxically positive than toxically negative.
00:04:06
Speaker
In with the definition, I do think that there's a balance. There's a balance between toxic positivity and toxic negativity. Okay, what I mean by that is I too am an optimistic, very positive person and I choose
00:04:26
Speaker
to be happy, but I don't invalidate people's feelings. So I would hope that I would recognize, you know, if someone's having a bad day or if they're upset about a situation that I can validate and say, yes, I understand how you're feeling. Okay, let's acknowledge that. But now what are we going to do about it? Okay, we can't change it. All right. So what can we change? So I feel like there's this balance.
00:04:54
Speaker
I can agree with that. And I feel like I do a good job of validating everybody's feelings for the most part. As a principal, you're going to make people upset. It just comes with the territory.
Resilience and Leadership Metaphors
00:05:07
Speaker
I thought about, it's actually a line from Rocky Balboa, I don't know if it's Creed or not, but he says, basically, it's not about how hard you get hit, it's about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward. That is the principalship right there, because you're gonna get hit, but can you keep moving forward?
00:05:23
Speaker
So I get hit for being too positive. Okay. I feel like I do a good job of validating people's feelings and saying teachers out there this year is bad. It's rough. It's hard on you.
00:05:37
Speaker
But where is the line? How long do I let people wallow in their misery? And that's a rough word. That's probably a little bit too harsh. But as a leader, do you want someone to be like, yeah, just stay there and wallow in your misery or Hey, I know it stinks, but you know, how can I help you? What can I do now? I don't know where the line is to where it becomes toxic.
00:06:00
Speaker
Well, I think that depends who you're talking to because if you're talking to a toxically negative person, anything positive is going to be toxically positive. I don't think there's an answer because I truly believe that somebody who wants to wallow in their misery and is a perpetual eeyore is not going to come out of their negativity or pessimism because you say, be happy or smile more, or what can I do to help you? They are just a perpetual
00:06:30
Speaker
negative Eeyore that chooses to live in
Personal Story: Coping with Loss
00:06:36
Speaker
that. Now again, can you acknowledge and say, yes, this really stinks. I wish we didn't have to do this. I know that the mandates are coming down and we have to fill out this paperwork or you have to, you know, speaking of the
00:06:51
Speaker
the new system that the school district has put out there for teachers, this health rating system, this is something that you didn't develop. Mrs. Smith across the way didn't develop. This is something that the district developed and mandated. And so you can't change it. So yes, we can all commiserate and we can say, this is terrible. We hate it. This is the stupidest plan we've ever seen. But that's it. Move on now.
00:07:18
Speaker
Move on now. Some people can't move on. And that's what I struggle with because I want everybody to move on. I stink in some areas as a principal. I can admit that. But one thing I do well is I guard teachers as much as I can from the mandates that don't make sense.
00:07:35
Speaker
So on that note, like, I can only do so much. And and for me, as a principal, I'll try to stay positive, but I have a breaking point as well. I have like, I'm just going to what if the positives?
00:07:51
Speaker
Let's just what if the positives? My boss came, she's like, can we just what if the positives? I'm like, that's a great statement. What if the positives? What if schools open back up? What if we don't have a kid go to the sick room? What if all the parents are happy? Why can't we just what if the positives?
00:08:08
Speaker
Well, okay, so I understand why people don't want to do that because right now it's not what if right now we are living in in the state of okay, somebody sent their kid to school sick and now I have to deal with it. And so we can't what if the future on you know, but what we can choose to do is say, okay, I can't do anything about it. So
00:08:33
Speaker
What can I do? Can I do a virtual game for my kids? What can I do to make myself feel better instead of the what ifs? Because I understand what you're saying. I just don't think in reality that is kind of a toxic positivity of, you know, well, let's think about, you know, 10 months down the line. Well, that's hard when you're in the middle of it.
00:08:58
Speaker
Right, right. So, you know, you get that too. Being a principal is the best job in the world 95% of the time.
00:09:05
Speaker
But you try to plan as much as you can. You try to be prepared. You can't be prepared for everything. So I'm very impromptu these days. I'll deal with it today. I'll plan what I can. I'll help you when I can. I do my email at night for the most part. I plan it most. I try. But I struggle personally. So here's another thing is looking up toxic positivity.
00:09:33
Speaker
One of the things not to say is, well, it could be worse. Well, I'm sorry, you and I remember the day that we had a teacher die in the front office. Yes, I was there. I was there that day. Everyone listening, it could be worse. It has been worse. Abby, do you remember your worst day as a teacher on the playground? Yes, I do.
00:09:52
Speaker
So it could be worse, couldn't it? Can you explain to them why it could be worse? One of the worst days that I ever had in education was I had a student in my classroom who happened to be the granddaughter of our office manager and the daughter of our PE aide. So the extension on this was far reaching because we care about every single student. But when you also have two employees in your building,
00:10:21
Speaker
that also work with you. It just the feelings are a little bit more sensitive and
00:10:30
Speaker
We were out on the playground and there were four teachers. So four kindergarten teachers and we all had about 20 kids. So there's about 80 kids out on the playground and it's in a contained kindergarten specific playground. So the kids are all running around. And as I said, there's four teachers out there where we're watching. And one of the teachers says to me, she says, look at little
00:10:56
Speaker
I'm just going to say Abby. So she says, look at little Abby over there. And so I look over there and little Abby is laying face first on the ground. And so we all thought she was playing because she was that kind of a spunky little girl. So I start walking over to her. Well, as I'm walking,
00:11:18
Speaker
I see her having a seizure. Like I see her body physically jolting and moving. So of course I freak out and I start screaming and I run over and I've turned her over. Now, don't be a hater. I am not a person that we want to be in the middle of a crazy situation with. My husband tells me that all the time because I panic. I do not think
00:11:44
Speaker
I panic and so I so don't come for me because I probably did this wrong. I'm sure I did but I've turned her over because she was face first and I turned her over and her eyes are open but they're rolled up and she's foaming at the mouth and blood is coming out and I like I'm instantly
00:12:05
Speaker
I thought she was dying. I thought she died or was dying. And I know if you're a rational person that you're probably like, she wasn't. My husband goes, why didn't you take her pulse? And I was like, I wasn't thinking. But I literally thought she was dying. Now, quick little backstory.
00:12:24
Speaker
My husband and I lost three children. All were born, all were in the neonatal unit. So I have my own personal trauma with death, okay? And with children dying. We can talk about that later on in the episode, but I, if you want to call it post-traumatic stress, if you want to call it whatever you want to call it. So when I saw that,
00:12:49
Speaker
Immediately, my mind was like, how am I going to tell this mama her baby died here at school on my watch? And I couldn't tell if she was breathing or not. So I started doing CPR on her. And it was so traumatic. I have to say it was so traumatic. And so I'm screaming and I'm yelling. And of course, one of the teachers calls 911. And one of the teachers calls the front office to get the grandma. And then people start running.
00:13:17
Speaker
it took her a little bit by the time the mom and the grandma got out there and the nurse got out there she was starting to come to a little bit but it was traumatic it was a very traumatic and that was what i would say it would have to be the worst day that i ever had an education was thinking that one of my babies that i was in charge of
00:13:38
Speaker
I thought had died, which she didn't. Thank God it was a febrile seizure induced by a fever that just came on really quickly. But that was my worst day ever. Yeah. And so I don't know if, again, I'm not trying to invalidate teachers feelings. I fully have admitted many times on this podcast and in person, this year's hard. But what do we get from
00:14:04
Speaker
Just staying in that moment. It's hard, but you know what? You have a brain. You have talent. You're a professional. You can do this. You have the tools. You have technology. You have the ability. So again, why can't we look at the positives? I looked up at something else too. Everybody, you know, you look up positive quotes, right? So this is just Kobe Bryant. Great things come from hard work and perseverance. No excuses. Well, is Kobe toxically positive? Because no excuses.
00:14:33
Speaker
No, no, no, no. Well, okay, so let's take apart this, dissect this. Well, I would say 95% of people or 98% of people would say, oh, absolutely not. He is a great person, one because he's gone and the other because he's not your boss. He's not your boss. Great point.
00:14:56
Speaker
Great point. It's always easy to look at these people who are the great quote people. But now that they've gone on and they're no longer around, suddenly they had great points. But if they were your boss or they were your coworker, they would have been toxically positive. Right. That's right. I came up with a statement this week. I've been developing it this year.
00:15:20
Speaker
Everybody likes 100% of the statements, the rules, the decisions, or the plans that they agree with. After that, it shows your character. So, there's no way at all for a principal to be right 100% of the time.
00:15:38
Speaker
Well, I think that's gonna be, I think that's just gonna be a boss in general. And I know that you don't like that word, but anybody who's in charge, even a parent, you know, if you're a parent, your kid is not gonna like you 100% of the time, because as soon as you say, no, you cannot do that, or yes, you have to eat this, or no, you cannot play on the PlayStation, then your kid is not gonna be happy with you. But why? Because you're the person in charge.
00:16:06
Speaker
You're the person in charge and it's easy to come for the person who's making the decisions. That's true. And that's what you accept when you take this job that you are the bad guy at times. But it's also just I find it just so interesting. Yes, I know I have to make Abby mad at me sometimes I get that.
00:16:29
Speaker
But why do we focus on the negatives more than the positives? Is it because that's society? Is it because the news always points out the negative all the time? They don't run positive time? Is that like brainwashing of the society to where we have to look at negativity all the time? And that's what gets the reaction?
00:16:46
Speaker
Personally, I think it's a reflection of yourself. I think it's a reflection of who you are as a person. Because if you're a person that, you know, my husband grew up in a very toxic situation, household, and things that happen that shouldn't happen to children, and
00:17:07
Speaker
He is an amazing father, an amazing husband, because he chooses to. He chooses not to follow the patterns that was instilled in him. So it's because it's a choice. Now, I know that when I was, you know, reading a little bit about toxic positivity, people say, oh, well, just telling people to be happy, just telling people
00:17:30
Speaker
you know, to get over it isn't helpful. Or is it? Because you have to be able to look at it and you have to be able to say, okay, am I going to choose to continue being furious or upset or mad about the situation? Or I can say, you know what? I don't understand this. I don't necessarily agree with it. But I'm going to go back to my classroom and I'm going to have an amazing day with my kids.
00:17:55
Speaker
Or are you going to go back and kick rocks and yell at your kids and be upset for the rest of the day? What's your choice? You make the choice. You have the power. And I know that this is where people get upset. But to me, you do. Each individual has the power to
00:18:13
Speaker
You know, I worked with another principal before you that at the end of the morning announcements, he would always say, make it a great day or not. The choice is yours. And it's like, yeah, if I'm on my way home and I'm like, I'm going to have a great day and somebody rear ends me and or I get in a car accident. Yeah, that's somebody else's fault. But I can look at it and say, well, thank goodness my kids weren't in the car or thank goodness it was just temporary.
00:18:41
Speaker
I'm going to stop right here. I know that you're ready to speak, but I'm going to go ahead and give people a little glimpse into my personal life. And I already said it before.
00:18:53
Speaker
But my husband and I got married very young. I was 18. My husband was 19. And we got married really young. And I got pregnant very quickly, had a miscarriage. Well, if you look at the statistics, miscarriages are very common in the first pregnancy, okay? So I got pregnant again.
00:19:16
Speaker
I went through my whole pregnancy, went to all of my appointments. I was 19 and 20 years old. Went through my whole pregnancy, all my appointments, all my doctor's visits, did everything I was supposed to do.
00:19:32
Speaker
The only thing that I had was major sickness throughout my whole pregnancy, but that can be common, right? So I went past my due date, and we were told it was going to be a girl. This would have been in the year 2000. And they tried to induce me. I could not be induced. And so I went to have an emergency C-section. And when I went to have an emergency C-section,
00:19:56
Speaker
our little girl that we thought we were having ended up being a boy and so when he said it's a boy I was totally shocked and I was like in shock but then I realized that the whole delivery room operating room was just dead silent there was nothing there was no cry there was nobody talking it was dead silent
00:20:18
Speaker
And shortly after that, I had no idea what was going on, because I was having a C-section, obviously. My husband could see that they were working on the baby, and they were trying to get him to breathe. And they quickly brought him over to me and said, here's your baby. And then they took him away. Well, make a long story short, our baby, whose name was Marcus, was born full term, but he was born with Trisomy 18, which is an extra chromosome on number 18.
00:20:46
Speaker
98% of the time fatal, most of the time you do not carry him to full term. So it was a miracle, if you want to say, that he made it as far along as full term. And so there's so many anomalies and things that were wrong with him. He had an AVM in his brain, which was the biggest problem, which is an arterioventricular malformation, and there was no way to repair that.
00:21:13
Speaker
We had to see a geneticist in the three days that he was alive. And so they said the best thing would be to remove him from life support and see how he does. And so as a 20 year old newly married young lady and my husband, who was 21, we had to remove our first child from life support.
00:21:33
Speaker
And so he lived for 45 hours. That's tragic. It's very tragic. And I have had post-traumatic stress, if you want to call it, or from hospitals. And when my other children were born, the fear of the silence in the delivery room, they would have to play music because it was just traumatizing. And that's something
00:21:59
Speaker
Very tragic, very traumatizing. And it could have made me go one of two ways. I could have chosen to go the route of life is terrible. Why did this happen to me? Because we saw geneticists afterwards and he did our whole family tree and we did all this blood work and we did everything. And he said, this is what we call a fluke of nature. He's like, there's nothing wrong with you or your husband. There's no rhyme or reason. We don't understand why this happens. It just happens sometimes.
00:22:28
Speaker
And so I could have chosen to say, I'm never going to get pregnant again because this is something bad that happens. And I don't ever want to deal with this again. And life is horrible. And, you know, why me? Poor me. And this is terrible. Or I could say, you know what?
00:22:45
Speaker
I don't know why this happened, but it did. And thank goodness that I didn't know, now this is me, this is my story. I was grateful that I didn't know that there was anything wrong with him, that I went my whole pregnancy and I enjoyed my pregnancy and I didn't have fears or anything. And so I chose to be grateful for the nine months that I had with him and that I felt like was a happy time. I went on and I got pregnant a couple months later
00:23:15
Speaker
And I had our oldest son Chandler, who's going to be 20 in a couple of weeks. But the story doesn't stop there.
Choosing Positivity After Tragedy
00:23:22
Speaker
Okay. So after Chandler was born, when he was three, my mom, who I was very close to, my mom and dad were just married short of 40 years. And my mom was having severe pain. She was 57 years old, having severe pain in her
00:23:37
Speaker
in her midsection. And my dad said, we were getting ready to go out of town. And my dad said, well, she's not feeling very good. Do you want to take her to the hospital? We think it might be gallstones. And I said, sure. So I picked my mom up and took her to the hospital because we didn't think it was going to be a big deal. We were there all day long, ran test after test. They kept coming and asking questions.
00:24:00
Speaker
The end of the night, another doctor comes in and he starts asking my mom the same questions that I've already been asked. And at this time I'm frustrated. And he says, I'm sorry to tell you, but you have liver cancer. Have a good weekend. Go to your primary on Monday.
00:24:17
Speaker
And it was devastating. It was absolutely devastating. It was December 24 of 2004. And my mom passed away three and a half months later on April 9 of 2005. Like I said, she was 57 years old, which is very young. My mom and dad were just short of 40 years of marriage. And again,
00:24:37
Speaker
There was nothing that we could have done. And so you choose your reaction on it. I could have thrown up my hands. I could have screamed and yelled. And yes, I did at times. But I have other people around me that need love and that need me. And they don't need me to walk around with a negative attitude, kicking rocks and thinking that life
00:24:58
Speaker
is terrible. And so I'm just going to add this final piece because this is a long story and I don't need to take it long, but this is why I'm toxically positive.
00:25:09
Speaker
A month after my mom passed away, we found out we were pregnant, which we were very excited because we were like, this is the rainbow to our storm of my mom passing away. And I found out I was pregnant with twins, which is also exciting. Not one blessing, but two blessings. And when I was 14 weeks along, my water broke on just one baby.
00:25:32
Speaker
And at that time in 2005, they had no idea why. I went through MRIs. I went through four different experimental amniocentesis. They did not know why. They ended up growing concordantly. They were like, we don't understand this. I went all the way to 28 weeks with a broken water sack on one baby. And I ended up getting an infection.
00:25:55
Speaker
And one of my baby that had his name was Landon, the baby that had the first water sack. He had sepsis. And so they were born by emergency C-section at 28 weeks. And we lost them both because of brain bleeds. So I've not lost not one, not two, but three babies. And this was in six months of my mom. Now,
00:26:19
Speaker
The toxic positivity is that I went on and had my daughter, and I went on and had my youngest son. And so I choose to look at things and say, you know what? Even though bad things have happened, and even though there are bad days, and even though there are hard days, there are good things to look forward to. And there's always rainbows among the storms. And I choose. It's a personal choice. I'm sharing my story today only because
00:26:45
Speaker
It is how you look at things. Are you a glass half full? Are you a glass half empty? Or are you I hate water and I hate the glass altogether? Or, you know, like, thank you for sharing your story. Or, you know, are you the person that says, well, your glass can be refilled?
00:27:01
Speaker
You know, like, anybody listening right now is going to validate your feelings towards this. But then you said, but I remain toxicly positive. Instantaneously, someone out there is like, well, I'm not good with it now.
00:27:16
Speaker
Yeah. And I struggle with that so much. At what point in time do we no longer have to validate someone's negative feelings? We used to talk about a person we know who could be negative all the time. And you tried so hard to make this person positive. I know you did. I watched you one day. Yes. But how long? How long do we validate that life sucks sometimes?
00:27:44
Speaker
Because life does suck sometimes. It does. I acknowledge that. I mean, I just shared very personal experiences of very tragic things that have happened, but not every day is bad. Not every day is bad. And if you only focus in on the negative and you only focus in on the bad,
00:28:05
Speaker
To me, it's like your heart and your soul is like the Grinch. It becomes black, like cold. And it's like, what do you have to offer? And what do you have to look forward to? And I don't really want to sit next to you in a meeting if you're just going to be all negative and you're just going to tear down. Now, have I been that person that's like, oh,
00:28:28
Speaker
This is ridiculous. I hate this. Why is he up there speaking? Why did he ask her to do this? Have I been that person? Yes. Yes. Have my co-workers and my teacher friends been like, yeah, girl, we agree. Yes. Yes. But do I live in that state? No. So that's my struggle is
00:28:51
Speaker
I can validate your feelings, but I can only do it for so long. And nobody ever validates my feelings as the principal. Well, that's because you're the boss. And the very first thing that's going to be said is, well, you make a boss's wage. Oh, yeah, I get all the time. You make the big bucks. No, I make the medium bucks. High school principals make the big bucks.
00:29:13
Speaker
Again, I don't need my feelings validated. I know I'm doing what I think is right. I have a small circle. I ask for their guidance. I don't need my feelings validated like some people do. But again, it is so hard running a school full of negative people.
00:29:31
Speaker
I don't want to do that. So how do you turn negative people around in your opinion? Well, if you go toxically positive, apparently that makes them more negative. Well, you asked me before, I can't remember now. Now I forgot the question that you asked me, but my thought process
00:29:50
Speaker
was that it's people reflecting on themselves. And I think the difference between somebody who's habitually negative and somebody who can be turned to become more positive is looking inward and saying, yeah, you're right.
00:30:07
Speaker
You're right. You're right about that. It could be worse. Yeah, you're right. I could have 52 students. Now, does that, does that devaluate what their, what their problem is for the
Encouraging Positivity in the Workplace
00:30:19
Speaker
moment? No, it doesn't, but it does give them perspective to say, okay, yeah, I'm going to be upset about it today, but tomorrow's going to be a new day. At what point in time,
00:30:33
Speaker
Like if a teacher complains every day about a student and just complains, yes, I know that student's difficult. Yes, I know. Oh, look, he's having a great day today. Oh, well, you just don't see this. You try to turn things around to a positive
00:30:52
Speaker
But my struggle is how long do I validate people's negative feelings because I just can't live like that. And then when I react as the admin, then I'm the bad guy, which is fine. It's what I signed up for. People love to hate me.
00:31:08
Speaker
But again, if you are needing constant validation of your negativity, unfortunately, I get to be the bad guy because most colleagues won't do it. How long do I let that go? Because it eats at a culture at the school.
00:31:27
Speaker
So it's just such a struggle with it. I think you know this from being an admin for the years that you've been an admin. I think there comes a point as a teacher and as an admin where you have to look at it and evaluate it and say, OK, Robert is too toxically positive for me.
00:31:49
Speaker
I want to be at a school where nobody's happy, everybody complains, we can all sit around and instead of singing Kumbaya, we're going to complain. So if that's how you are and that's what you choose to do, then go find a school that you can do that with.
00:32:08
Speaker
The funny part is you're saying that the funny part is when everybody interviews and we are always happy in the interview, no matter how bad it's going. And I always joke and laugh. The vast majority of the people that come like this year, one person who interviewed, she's like, I just want to be somewhere positive and happy. And then they get there. And for some reason, they seem to forget.
00:32:30
Speaker
their past of where they've been, and they go right back into the rabbit hole. I'm not saying this teacher's gonna do that. And in their defense, and I have no idea who you're talking about, but I'm just saying, in their defense though, some people
00:32:45
Speaker
And I'm even gonna say this about myself. Some people do not know how to handle stress. They don't know how to decompress. And so for me, people can look at me and say, well, I mean, I've had people say this. I don't know how you lived through that. I don't know how you lived through that. Well, I didn't have a choice.
00:33:04
Speaker
I didn't have a choice. And when we lost our twins, I I had my son who was three and a half, four years old. And so it was like, what was I going to do crawl up in a ball in the, you know, in the closet? No, he still had to have food. So I was able to, you know, to just handle it. Did I have bad days? Yes, absolutely. Did I have an internal discourse in my brain with myself? Yes. Yes. So but there are people that just cannot, when stress comes, and when tough situations come, they
00:33:34
Speaker
struggle handling it. They do. And Sarah has had mentioned in a previous podcast how she, you know, sought out counseling. And I think that if you're one of those people that you struggle, maybe you should talk to somebody, maybe you should, you know, or maybe if the principal asks, how can I help you? You could actually just say, just listen to me for 20 minutes and don't say a word. I'll sit down and I'll listen to you for 20 minutes and I won't say a word.
00:34:03
Speaker
It stinks this year. Hybrid teaching's horrible. It's hard. I validate your feelings. However, we cannot stay in this rut forever.
00:34:19
Speaker
agreed. I agree. I'm not I don't you know anybody from Thompson or anybody knows me is listening to this. I'm not trying to make it more negative or be toxicly positive. I just don't understand and that's the whole point is it's my perspective.
00:34:35
Speaker
I don't understand why we have to just stay in the rut. And I can guarantee you that a lot of your colleagues get tired of it as well. Do we all do it? Yes. Do you have to stay in it? That's the choice.
00:34:51
Speaker
Agreed, agreed. And as you're speaking, I'm just thinking about, okay, so the big complaint right now is distance learning and hybrid learning and temperature checks and all of that. Okay, so let's fast forward. Let's fast forward to August when, let's just say it's all gone. We don't have to deal with it. Guess what? Those people that are complaining, it's going to be something else. It's going to be something else.
00:35:15
Speaker
Promise you. Yes, there is always always something. I acknowledge that I do. But again, going back to it, it's never as bad as our worst day. So again, I'm toxicly positive right there. It could be worse. It could be. It could be.
00:35:36
Speaker
It could be. It's just a struggle for me. Now, there's Avon out there that are not toxically positive. They are toxically negative. Or they're just toxic. Or they're just toxic. Maybe they play Britney Spears toxic when they walk in the building for her. I don't know.
00:35:54
Speaker
Again, would you rather work with or for someone who tends to look at things on the positive side and try to pump you up and say, we can do this. We got this. Or would you rather work for someone that's like, this stinks. We can't do this. It's not going to work. You guys can't handle this. I have a perfect example. We have worked with somebody who
00:36:17
Speaker
She was one of the most amazing people and she still is and I worked with her. I've known her since 2006 and you've known her since you came to you went to our last school.
00:36:33
Speaker
But she was so amazing and she was always positive. She was always positive, always had kind things to say. She's the teacher that sends a thank you note because you left a candy bar on her desk, a written thank you note.
00:36:50
Speaker
You know, I don't think I ever heard anybody say she's toxically positive, but she, I mean, she was, she was amazing in the fact that I remember there were times that I was frustrated and she would validate those frustrations. She'd be like, yeah, I know I don't understand it. I'm so overworked.
00:37:07
Speaker
And she would say those things, but I felt like she didn't live in that. And I hope that people could say the same thing about me because I don't want to live in the mud pit. I've been there. Trust me, I have. I've been there academically, personally, spiritually, every kind of way. I've been in the mud pit, but I pulled myself out.
00:37:31
Speaker
Yes, and the person you're talking to, she is a wonderful lady, always 99% of the time positive. And when she wasn't, then I needed to listen because something was wrong. And everybody loves that person. She listens to this. She knows who we're talking about. She's a wonderful person. She's positive now. She's been retired for years. We all could strive to be more like her. Unfortunately, in 2021,
00:37:59
Speaker
This wonderful person could be deemed toxicly positive just because of her outlook on life. I just don't understand how we can devalue someone for being a positive, happy person. I had never even heard of toxic positivity until a few months ago. And so to me, it's ironic that I found about toxic positivity at the same time that I started recognizing cancel culture.
00:38:27
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I don't, you know, that's a whole different road to go down. You know, I think unfortunately at times right now, I'm gonna say something controversial. Everybody needs their feelings validated right now. Everybody, even if you disagree, I'll even go with this. If you disagree with their feelings, you're the bad person. Why are your feelings more valuable than mine?
00:38:57
Speaker
That's one of the problems of the United States, in my opinion, is that somehow we have made other people's opinions more valid and more valuable than mine. Now, there are some opinions out there that are just moronic. We can all agree on that. But the Constitution gives us all the right to have our opinion, and we have now made it so that some people's opinions are more important. And that's not okay.
Cancel Culture and Positivity Perception
00:39:23
Speaker
or deemed not important both ways more important and your your opinion doesn't matter there's both right and so i don't understand that why that's what this whole show is about it's all about perspective my perspective is that lady is one of the nicest most positive people anybody that knows her will agree with that
00:39:44
Speaker
Other people's perspectives would be, she's toxicly positive. I just can't be around someone like that. She's just too happy all the time. She doesn't validate my feelings.
00:39:55
Speaker
Or one thing that happens a lot is that's like, oh, well, we don't, you know, we don't really know maybe, maybe, you know, they want to put a negative spin on it. Maybe, you know, when she goes home, like, maybe it's a bad, you know, they want to create some some negative scenario that she is only this way at school or only this way, you know, and and I think that's
00:40:17
Speaker
I think that's toxic when you come up with your own narrative for people. And it's true. We don't know what goes on behind the screen. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors. You don't. So somebody could be, you know, we consider them having a bad day or a bad, you know, man, this person is so negative. And maybe there is something just like we say about kids. Maybe their mom or dad was diagnosed with something. But
00:40:45
Speaker
And it's okay because my first inclination is we'll say that, say that because then people, when you speak up and you share, then people can like empathize or sympathize with you and say, okay, we're going to take care of this person. We're going to kind of coddle this person because we know this person is going through our times. And I would love to say everybody just speak up and just share. But the reality is, is that some people are private.
00:41:08
Speaker
You know, a lot of people don't want to share for whatever reason it is. But when you don't share, when you're having a bad day, it causes other people to think, man, what's wrong with them? Like, why are they always? Yeah, it's always that it goes back to the whole thing. You know, don't judge me by the different sins I do or don't judge me until you walk a mile in my shoes, things like that. But unfortunately, we have gotten really quick.
00:41:34
Speaker
judging people either for being toxically positive or for saying this or saying that or for being this political affiliation or this one. People out there pump the brakes a little bit and just just look at the good in life and and just hey how about this just try to be toxic toxically positive just once give it a try.
00:42:01
Speaker
I don't think everything has to be puppy dogs and chocolate bars. Everything doesn't have to be toxically positive, but I think that the same things that we try to instill in our students of being kind and saying nice things and getting along
00:42:20
Speaker
I think that goes for adults as well. We've said it time and time again, the things that we teach the kids and we don't do it ourselves. Absolutely right. Absolutely right. And I just, again, I understand how some people could not like it, but my big debate in leadership right now is how long can I let it roll? You know, how long can I let this, this little scab keep getting picked? So the big question today is, are you toxically positive?
Are You Toxically Positive or Negative?
00:42:49
Speaker
or are you toxically negative? Think about that. Or are you somewhere in the middle? Somewhere in the middle. Absolutely. Think about that and let us know. You can find us on Instagram at it'sallaboutperspective2021 or you can DM Robert who is principal with a Y or you can message me at kindergarten underscore chaos on Instagram because we'd love to hear your perspective and your thoughts on it. Thank you for joining us today and see you next week. Have a good week.
00:43:28
Speaker
Thanks for listening to today's podcast. We would love to hear your perspective on this episode. Head over to our Instagram page. It's all about Perspective 2021 or our Facebook and Twitter page and share your opinion. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review on whatever platform you're listening to this podcast. And one last thing. Remember, it's all about perspective.